The Many Crimes of Will Ferrell, featuring Will Ferrell

Summary

CrimeLess Podcast: "The Many Crimes of Will Ferrell" (ft. Will Ferrell)

Release Date: May 13, 2026
Hosts: Josh Dean & Rory Scoville
Guest: Will Ferrell

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Episode Overview

In this playful and irreverent episode, comedian Will Ferrell joins the CrimeLess team—Josh Dean and Rory Scoville—to investigate an absurdly niche question: “What crimes have been committed by people named Will Ferrell?” Blending true crime, improv, historical oddities, and comedic banter, the trio explores a range of criminal acts (petty and peculiar, old and recent) attributed to real-life Will Ferrells. Listeners can expect wild anecdotes, running jokes, silly historical reenactments, and a game segment, all delivered in the show's signature silly but clever style.

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Key Themes and Segments

1. Welcoming Will Ferrell: From Parrot to Podcast Royalty

[02:30 – 06:10]

• Will is welcomed as the show's "first human guest" (after a parrot in a previous episode), sparking a riff about showbiz jealousy and animal fame.
• Will lavishes Rory with praise about his stand-up special:

  "Rory. It's one of the funniest sets of comedy I've seen in a long time." – Will Ferrell [04:19]

• Will expresses his discomfort with podcasts being filmed, humorously insisting on wearing a sleep mask for the episode.

Memorable moment:

"Whenever I used to record back in the day, I’d wear my sleep mask." – Will Ferrell [05:33]

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2. Will Ferrell's "Crime" Confession: The Monopoly Heist

[06:14 – 08:47]

• Josh asks Will if he’s ever committed a crime; Will admits to shoplifting Monopoly money as a child:

  "I stole fake money." – Will Ferrell [07:47]

• He whistled as he walked out to seem innocent—because he “learned from TV” that's what you do to avoid suspicion.
• The hosts joke about the statute of limitations and cold cases in Irvine, California.

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3. Myths & Rumors: Will Ferrell's Jury Duty Mix-Up

[08:53 – 13:24]

• Josh debunks a 2016 rumor: Will Ferrell was NOT summoned for jury duty in Washington State, though some fans hoped to see him there.
• Will shares an anecdote about wanting to serve on a jury and describes performing sketch comedy for the sequestered O.J. Simpson trial jury—one of the episode’s standout stories:

“So we performed in the courtroom... in bad fluorescent lighting. We killed. Sorry. Guilty.” – Will Ferrell [12:49]

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4. The Many Historical "Crimes" of Will Ferrells

a) The Butcher Cart Trick – 1884

[14:24 – 20:54]

• Josh retells a true New York robbery perpetrated by a William Farrell and an accomplice, the “butcher cart trick.”
• Will playfully claims past-life involvement as a 19th-century horseshoe smuggler.
• The hosts read florid crime reporting, role-play the chase, and riff on period weaponry (“nippers,” “blackjack”).
• Quote:

  “That's where that old, old saying comes from. Watch out for the butcher cart. The butcher cart you can avoid on a Tuesday will lead to your salvation on a Wednesday.” – Will Ferrell [20:39]

b) Name Game – 1925

[21:25 – 23:41]

• Another William Farrell beats a speeding charge in traffic court because the judge shares his name.
• The crew riffs on turn-of-the-century car speeds, moonshine, and death statistics.
• Will debuts his random Manhattan population factoid (“Did I already tell you, though, seriously...?”) to running mockery from Rory.

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5. Modern-Day Namesakes: Crimes Great and Small

a) The Winchester Horse Fugitive Case – 2014 Kentucky

[28:32 – 33:44]

• A Will Ferrell in Kentucky hides his fugitive girlfriend and her daughter in a bunker under a mobile home. He blunders by running at police with two guns (“like two flintlocks”), who eventually find the hidden duo.
• Quote:

  “I really want to talk to them, though. I just want to meet these cops... I want to show them the bunker, actually.” – Will Ferrell [33:31]

b) Nashua Clambake & Suntan Lotion Assault – 2013 New Hampshire

[34:24 – 38:26]

• Another William Farrell gets into a road rage spat, ultimately stopping to squirt suntan lotion into a woman’s car.
• Quote:

  "How mad could you be about this? Suntan lotion." – Will Ferrell [38:18]

• The hosts riff about naming a salad dressing “Simple Assault.”

c) The Sheriff and the D.A.R.E Fund – Missouri

[39:00 – 42:50]

• “Bill” Ferrell, a former sheriff, is indicted for stealing from a children’s anti-drug fund, lamely claiming it was his own money he had donated.
• Quotes and riffs on production budgets, frugal shoots, and “no snacks on a Bill Ferrell shoot.”

d) Quickfire: More Wild Wills

[43:52 – 45:16]

• Connecticut Willie Farrell: caught in a sexual act with a prostitute on police property.
• Irish “Liam” Farrell: attacks a priest and a church sacristan, blames “bad spirits.”
• The hosts riff on international nicknames and the “dark web.”

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6. Lane’s Game: Sports Movie Plot Improv

[49:02 – 61:40]

• Producer Lane Rose (joining from France) hosts the recurring segment where the group invents (hilariously inaccurate) plots based on real, obscure sports movie titles.
• Movies include Ladybugs, The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh, The Slugger’s Wife, and Amazing Grace and Chuck.
• Quote:

  “Imagine if, when you went to pitch a movie, they had to guess what they thought the movie was about.” – Rory Scoville [57:50]

Memorable banter and running gags:

• Will wears his sleep mask for “theater of the mind.”
• Rory’s repeated Manhattan population fact.
• A strong run of “crimes” riffing on people with the same name.
• Frequent callbacks about Shamrock the parrot and animal guests.

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Notable Quotes by Timestamp

• "[On stealing Monopoly money] I stole fake money." – Will Ferrell [07:47]
• "We performed sketch comedy for the OJ Jury in the courtroom." – Will Ferrell [12:01]
• "That's where that old, old saying comes from. Watch out for the butcher cart..." – Will Ferrell [20:39]
• "When I finally just, like, call it. Call it. I’m gonna move to Lexington." – Will Ferrell [29:03]
• "You know what? If I went, I would wear a fancy woman's hat." – Will Ferrell [29:34]
• "I really want to talk to them, though. ... I want to show them the bunker, actually." – Will Ferrell [33:31]
• "How mad could you be about this? Suntan lotion." – Will Ferrell [38:18]
• "On a Bill Ferrell shoot, no craft service. There's no snacks." – Will Ferrell [41:38]
• "Imagine if, when you went to pitch a movie, they had to guess what they thought the movie was about." – Rory Scoville [57:50]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment/Story | Timestamp (approx.) | |---------------------------------------------------|-------------------------| | Welcome & Sleep Mask Bit | 02:30 – 06:10 | | Will's Childhood Monopoly Crime | 06:14 – 08:47 | | Jury Duty Rumor & OJ Trial Anecdote | 09:01 – 13:24 | | 1884 Butcher Cart Heist | 14:24 – 20:54 | | 1925 Speeding Case ("Same Name" Defense) | 21:25 – 23:41 | | The Kentucky Bunker/Horse Fugitive (2014) | 28:32 – 33:44 | | Nashua Suntan Lotion Assault (2013) | 34:24 – 38:26 | | Missouri Sheriff & D.A.R.E. Fund Theft | 39:00 – 42:50 | | Quickfire: The Rest of the Will/Liam Farrells | 43:52 – 45:16 | | Lane’s Game: Sports Movie Plot Improv | 49:02 – 61:40 |

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Episode Tone and Language

• Playful banter: The trio riff on crime, history, and trivia with comedic improvisation, often breaking into bits and callbacks.
• Accessible & silly: Even true crime details are filtered through a playful, irreverent tone: e.g., parsing 19th-century newspaper language, pitching fake horse fugitive stories.
• Occasional semi-serious moments around the nature of crime, but always quickly undercut by jokes or absurd scenarios.

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Why Listen? (For Newcomers)

• You’ll learn something about weird, little-known crimes—all perpetrated by people with the same name (!) as a famous comedian.
• The hosts’ dynamic is full of inside jokes, improv bits, and mutual support (with Will’s recurring “wisdom” factoids poked fun at by Rory).
• The episode provides both comic history lessons and a glimpse of Will Ferrell’s real personality, through stories, confessions, and playful game participation.

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Final Thoughts

If you enjoy true crime, improv, or just watching a comedy legend riff on the weirdness of sharing a name with a series of petty criminals, this is pure comfort food for your earbuds. And remember: “Watch out for the butcher cart you can avoid on a Tuesday; it will lead to your salvation on a Wednesday.”

Transcript

[Podcast Announcer]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Will Ferrell]

Guaranteed Human.

[Josh Dean]

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[Rory Scoville]

Amazon Health AI presents painful thoughts why

[Will Ferrell]

did I search the Internet for answers to my cold sore problem? Now I'm stuck down a rabbit hole

[Advertisement Voice]

filled with images of alarmingly graphic sores

[Will Ferrell]

in various stages of ooze. I can clear my search history, but I can never unsee that.

[Rory Scoville]

Don't go down the rabbit hole. Amazon Health AI gets you the right care fast. Healthcare just got less painful.

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[Rory Scoville]

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[Advertisement Voice]

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[Will Ferrell]

This is Will's mic. Go for Will. Will's mic. I won't start till I get a thumbs up from the auto booth. Yep. Okay, good. Campsite Media smart.

[Josh Dean]

Rory, it's a very special day here at Crimlyss. Okay, We've only had a guest one time and do you remember who that guest was?

[Rory Scoville]

Is it right now?

[Ray Porter]

Today?

[Josh Dean]

It was the parrot.

[Rory Scoville]

That's right. That's right. We did. We had a parrot. This is our first human guest.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, we had Shamrock. The parrot was our first guest.

[Will Ferrell]

And was that a parrot that spoke back to you?

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, they live streamed in. They, like, zoomed with us or something.

[Josh Dean]

Shamrock the parrot.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Amazonian yellow thing.

[Rory Scoville]

This is quite a leap.

[Josh Dean]

It is a big leap, evolutionarily.

[Will Ferrell]

Well, wait till you're done with the podcast.

[Rory Scoville]

Pretty famous parrot.

[Josh Dean]

You want to tell the people at home who's joining us?

[Rory Scoville]

Ladies and gentlemen, we are joined by none other than the wonderful Mr. Will Ferrell.

[Will Ferrell]

Once again, though, I don't know if I have the same level of fame like in the. In the world of bird lovers.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Shamrock the parrot.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah. Doesn't get much better.

[Rory Scoville]

Yes.

[Will Ferrell]

I don't think I could be in the same room as Shamrock the parrot. I'd be too nervous.

[Rory Scoville]

You'd be too nervous. And also, you're not getting any eyes. They're all going to Shamrock.

[Will Ferrell]

They're all going to Shamrock.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

And I. I would. I'd be afraid. I would cause bodily harm to that bird out of my. My pure jealousy of its level of notoriety.

[Rory Scoville]

That's right.

[Will Ferrell]

Let's cut the. For a second.

[Rory Scoville]

All right.

[Will Ferrell]

This has nothing to do with Krimos, but I just want to get. I just want these. These listeners and viewers to know about how funny Rory Scoville's Netflix special is going to be. Did I not tell you, run, don't walk whenever this thing. Because I saw your last show at Largo. If you're listening, something special is happening. There's a connection being made. Something special is happening. If you're listening at home, light that up in post. I'm not going to describe what's happening, but Rory. It's one of the funniest sets of comedy I've seen in a long time.

[Rory Scoville]

I told you.

[Josh Dean]

I can't wait to.

[Rory Scoville]

I said, if you book Will, he's gonna go on and on about my special. That was the whole idea, and that's why I was.

[Will Ferrell]

Rory has gone from someone you'd walk out on in the first, like, 30 seconds to a real master of his craft. A real master of his show.

[Rory Scoville]

Did you.

[Will Ferrell]

I've watched a lot of your shows without you. No, no. But that shit was so funny. Subversive funny. And your move of, like, calling out a certain group of whatever and then completely bailing on it.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Is such a funny move. Okay.

[Rory Scoville]

I love that. Thank you.

[Will Ferrell]

That was my psa.

[Josh Dean]

All right.

[Rory Scoville]

I needed that.

[Josh Dean]

Everyone listening to me.

[Rory Scoville]

Josh never does that. Also, too.

[Josh Dean]

I don't.

[Rory Scoville]

It's true.

[Will Ferrell]

I don't know how I feel about, like, the World of podcasts. They all have to be filmed now.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah. It's not for you.

[Will Ferrell]

It's not for me. Yeah. And it eliminates theater of the mind. If I'm going to be totally honest. When I did podcast, I wear my sleep mask.

[Josh Dean]

So I like where this is going.

[Will Ferrell]

So if you guys will indulge me, of course, this will make me feel.

[Rory Scoville]

This makes it easier for us.

[Will Ferrell]

More at ease.

[Rory Scoville]

This makes it much more comfortable.

[Will Ferrell]

Because whenever I used to record back in the day.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

I'd wear my sleep mask.

[Rory Scoville]

And I'll tell you what, you're a fool. You're a fool if you don't think Shamrock did the same thing.

[Josh Dean]

It's true.

[Rory Scoville]

Shamrock, little falcon thing, that little hat

[Josh Dean]

that comes down to the Falconer Zoo.

[Will Ferrell]

So, once again, for the listeners at home, I'm wearing a sleep mask right now.

[Rory Scoville]

That's right.

[Josh Dean]

This is going to be very helpful. All right, so we're going to initiate you into the Crimeless Family, which. Here's what I do. At the start of every episode with Rory, I ask him a very tough question.

[Rory Scoville]

Go on.

[Josh Dean]

And there's one question.

[Rory Scoville]

Don't be distracted, Josh. You got this.

[Josh Dean]

Are you ready?

[Rory Scoville]

Stay focused.

[Josh Dean]

All right. Are you ready?

[Rory Scoville]

Yes.

[Josh Dean]

Will Ferrell, have you ever committed a crime?

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, interesting question.

[Will Ferrell]

What? Yeah, I have.

[Rory Scoville]

No, you haven't.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, I have.

[Rory Scoville]

No, you're about it.

[Will Ferrell]

Shoplifting.

[Rory Scoville]

What age?

[Will Ferrell]

This is a good one. Pro. I'm going to say grade school. Okay. The local Danber Drugs in Irvine, California. I was an avid Monopoly player as a kid.

[Rory Scoville]

Okay.

[Will Ferrell]

Like a weirdo. Like, I'd play by myself. I play against myself.

[Rory Scoville]

Is that real?

[Will Ferrell]

Yes.

[Rory Scoville]

Have you ever shared that? This is.

[Will Ferrell]

Not a bit.

[Rory Scoville]

This is.

[Will Ferrell]

This is the first time breaking news.

[Rory Scoville]

This is prime list.

[Will Ferrell]

We are breaking news. And one of the things that I don't know. I don't know if they've augmented this. I don't know if you buy a Monopoly set. Now, they figured this out, but back in the old days, they didn't have enough five hundreds. You go through the five hundreds really quick.

[Rory Scoville]

Real quick.

[Will Ferrell]

So local Danber drugs, they had a little toy section, and they were selling individual stacks of Monopoly money to be bought on the side to augment your current bank of Monopoly money. So isn't that a weird thing to sell?

[Rory Scoville]

I think what you're about to say is weirder.

[Will Ferrell]

When I saw that they were selling individually wrapped stacks of 500, 150s, 20s.

[Rory Scoville]

Okay.

[Will Ferrell]

And I saw that I wouldn't run out of $500.

[Rory Scoville]

Bills. Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

And I just put that in my pocket.

[Rory Scoville]

Stole fake money.

[Will Ferrell]

I stole fake money.

[Josh Dean]

Tens of thousands of dollars from.

[Will Ferrell]

From a. From a damper. Drugs. And I walked out.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, you didn't get caught.

[Will Ferrell]

I didn't get caught. You know why?

[Rory Scoville]

Because.

[Will Ferrell]

Because I'd seen in film and television that if you don't want to be suspected of anything, you whistle as you walk.

[Rory Scoville]

And that's what you did.

[Will Ferrell]

That's what I did as a little kid. I walked 10 and I whistled to myself to show I was carefree.

[Rory Scoville]

And I'm just like, nothing to see here.

[Will Ferrell]

Nothing to see here. But I was like. And then it was like walking rich walk. And sprint.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, Sprint all the way back home.

[Will Ferrell]

I unwrapped my.

[Rory Scoville]

Did your parents ever find out?

[Will Ferrell]

Never found out until they did this perfect crime.

[Josh Dean]

Are we outside the statute of limitations?

[Rory Scoville]

I think so.

[Will Ferrell]

I think so.

[Rory Scoville]

Cold case solved.

[Josh Dean]

Cold case. Yeah. One of the most famous cold cases in Irvine history. That's right.

[Will Ferrell]

Still talk about it?

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Now gotten hot.

[Rory Scoville]

We did inventory the other night. We're missing fake money.

[Will Ferrell]

All right, that was one crime.

[Josh Dean]

Well, the way this works is every week I find crimes to tell Rory about, and there's always a theme. Yeah, and this week is crimes committed by people named Will Ferrell.

[Will Ferrell]

Other Will Ferrell's out there.

[Josh Dean]

Okay, I'm going to reveal most of them, but not all, because there are a lot of crimes committed by Will Ferrell. Wow. But first we need to address one rumor. The rumor is from back in 2016, and it involves jury duty. Do you know what I'm about to ask you? Do you remember a rumor from 2016 involving you and jury duty?

[Will Ferrell]

20. Wait. Oh, 2016. I've got another jury duty study, but no 2016. I don't know.

[Josh Dean]

In Franklin County, Washington, a group of people showed up for jury duty on a murder case expecting to see you.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay.

[Josh Dean]

Why? According to the local paper, never heard an online news report with zero attribution claimed the actor and comedian had been selected for jury duty and was, quote, required to attend a criminal trial that is scheduled to last three weeks.

[Will Ferrell]

Wow.

[Josh Dean]

So people showed up specifically to be on a jury, and it was a bit of an uproar because they thought you were skipping out on jury duty.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

In fact, you didn't live in Washington state. You don't own property in Washington state. No, it was a prank.

[Will Ferrell]

It was a total prank.

[Rory Scoville]

One of the greatest jury pools of all time.

[Josh Dean]

Though people showed up.

[Rory Scoville]

Still, all of them had in common that they wanted to meet you.

[Will Ferrell]

And they probably showed up in costume. They did character cosplay. Characters from my movie.

[Rory Scoville]

So many Burgundies, so many elves, so many adorable buddy.

[Will Ferrell]

The elves. So many.

[Rory Scoville]

That jury pool looked ridiculous.

[Will Ferrell]

Mugatus.

[Rory Scoville]

For the murder. For the murder trial.

[Will Ferrell]

This is serious business. I have served on. No, I've gotten jury duty. I'd be fascinated to serve on a jury.

[Rory Scoville]

I think I know what you mean. I know what you mean because there's something in it where you're like, I'm never over here.

[Will Ferrell]

Right.

[Rory Scoville]

What is it?

[Josh Dean]

Like?

[Will Ferrell]

It's a civic duty. Yeah. Feels like you're helping out, being part of the. Part of the justice system and people think I'm crazy. That I would love. I'd love to get.

[Josh Dean]

Have you not been called?

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, but every time I've. Either the number wasn't called or the closest I got was. I told the judge I actually had a vacation plan during the time, which was true. But what I was surprised about was the judge laid out the terms of the trial. It's probably going to be a two to three week trial. Please come and approach the bench if you have any reason why you don't think you. And I thought, well, I'm going to walk up and he's going to go, oh, yeah, hey, how you doing?

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, get out of here.

[Will Ferrell]

All he said was like, I think I recognize you. And I was like, and no, you

[Rory Scoville]

missed jury duty in Washington State,

[Will Ferrell]

by the way. I was waiting for you dressed as one of the cheerleaders.

[Josh Dean]

I got myself transferred to la.

[Will Ferrell]

You ruined my weekend. I planned my family trip to. Sir, but he just said he wasn't gonna dismiss me based on any sort of notoriety. Yeah, but sorry, Josh.

[Josh Dean]

Yes.

[Will Ferrell]

I thought what you were gonna bring up was that.

[Josh Dean]

Not that story.

[Will Ferrell]

That's not that. I thought you were gonna bring up the fact that when I was a member of the Groundlings comedy troupe here in Los Angeles, we performed for the OJ Jury in the courtroom. What? We did sketch comedy in a courtroom because if you recall, that jury was sequestered for the longest time. And prior to the verdict, everyone felt really bad for this group of people who were.

[Josh Dean]

They brought in entertainment three months because they weren't allowed to watch tv.

[Will Ferrell]

So we reached out. Our director in the theater was like, these poor people. They're just like in a straight line from a bad hotel room to the court courtroom without any.

[Rory Scoville]

And they can't watch TV or anything.

[Will Ferrell]

They can't watch tv. They can't do anything.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Shouldn't we do a show. So we performed in the courtroom.

[Rory Scoville]

That's amazing.

[Will Ferrell]

I don't know if it was the courtroom, but a courtroom. And they lined it all up and there we were, you know, in bad fluorescent lighting.

[Rory Scoville]

Scale of this lighting, how did it go?

[Will Ferrell]

We killed. Sorry. Guilty. Hold on. Did not. Oh, that was such a cool pun. No, for some reason, for a non theater setting.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

We got a lot of laughs.

[Rory Scoville]

We got a fair amount of laughs. Maybe the perfect audience. When they literally have no other option.

[Josh Dean]

They've seen no entertainment for weeks, only their thoughts.

[Will Ferrell]

They gave us a standing ovation just out of like, thank you for breaking up the day.

[Josh Dean]

The monotony of you were there.

[Will Ferrell]

That's what I thought you were going to bring up.

[Josh Dean]

No, I'm so glad that I asked.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

I assume that did make the news at the time.

[Will Ferrell]

It didn't. Oh, it wouldn't. Maybe it did, but none of us were. You know what? It might have. It might have been like KTLA, Channel 5 Local News Pod exclusive. Have you done Crime scrimmage by Rory Scoville.

[Josh Dean]

Unfortunately, there aren't very many

[Rory Scoville]

do wish.

[Will Ferrell]

What about Patches the parrot? What was the parrot? Shamrock. Shamrock Crimes made by Shamrock.

[Josh Dean]

Shamrock. Squeaky clean record.

[Will Ferrell]

By the way. Shamrock hates patches. They're such a rival. There's friction.

[Rory Scoville]

There's friction because the alliteration. The alliteration is already kind of a head start.

[Will Ferrell]

I love that I turned Shamrock into patches.

[Josh Dean]

This week, the many crimes committed by people named Will Ferrell. Featuring Will Ferrell. Welcome to Crimeless. I'm Josh Dean.

[Rory Scoville]

And I'm Murray Scoville. And our guest today is Mr. Will Ferrell.

[Josh Dean]

This week we're not here to talk about Rory's crimes or my crimes. We're here to put Will Ferrell under the microscope. Yeah. And for our first crime, we're gonna hop into the time machine and go all the way back to 1884. Would you have us believe that you were not alive or living in New York City in 1884?

[Will Ferrell]

I mean, I do believe in past lives and I may say yes, but I was a shopkeeper in 1884.

[Rory Scoville]

What was what?

[Josh Dean]

What was your shop? What kind of shop?

[Will Ferrell]

I. I sold horseshoes. I was. I was a smithy, but I also had a shop.

[Josh Dean]

I made horseshoes and then sold them.

[Will Ferrell]

But then I sold them. But I also sold other things in the front of the shop. Soap, candles.

[Rory Scoville]

So you're doing horseshoes in the back, little on the side. Illegal. You weren't licensed for that.

[Will Ferrell]

I Was. Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Here's the start of the New York Daily News story about this particular crime in 1884. 1884.

[Rory Scoville]

Okay.

[Josh Dean]

James Titterington and William Farrell, who assaulted and robbed Luther Church in New York City by the quote, butcher cart trick, are nabbed by detectives. Detective Sergeants Thomas Adams and Frank Mangin of New York. Saw the fruition of their schemes and work of the past 10 days in the capture in the city last night of two of the most desperate burglars and highwaymen in the country. The capture was made in a saloon in the neighborhood of 7th and South Streets shortly after 10:00'. Clock.

[Will Ferrell]

Titterton. Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

These two crooks, also referred to as desperados Will Ferrell and James T T had long rap sheets, but the cops were looking for them because of their butcher cart trick.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, the old butcher cart.

[Rory Scoville]

Butcher cart trick.

[Josh Dean]

Any guess of what that could be?

[Rory Scoville]

No.

[Josh Dean]

Well, Will obviously knows. I'm not going to ask him. Y the shopkeeper. I'm gonna set this up for you.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

So Luther Church has a very old timey job. He's the superintendent of a soda water factory. This is our victim.

[Rory Scoville]

Okay.

[Josh Dean]

Pays his employees every two weeks to do this, he takes a check for 2,300 to the bank and gets cash, hops on the train back uptown, gets out at 111th Street. As he's exiting the station, he sees a guy that looks like a janitor with a broom. And then a second guy. Not janitors, but Hitterington and Farrell. Yeah, Rory, I want you to read the next section to us in a bit of a 19th century voice. This first passage.

[Rory Scoville]

As long as you don't put me

[Josh Dean]

on the spot, Eddie, do any accent.

[Rory Scoville]

As he was about to pass the second workman, the latter turned and dealt him a stunning blow in the face. Mr. Church was staggered, but was not so badly stunned but that he felt the bundle of greenback snatched from under his arm. He instantly recovered and grasped his assailant by the throat.

[Josh Dean]

So Luther Church puts up quite a fight. But those two blows to the head knock him down, let the robbers escape. When he shakes it off, he sees what they hit him with. A lead pipe. Just like Clue.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, right.

[Josh Dean]

So Luther runs upstairs and sees the two attackers, along with a third man, escape in a butcher's cart. Which is kind of what it sounds like, a cart for carrying meat. So I guess the butcher's cart trick is just escaping, getting away in a butcher.

[Will Ferrell]

It's a getaway car.

[Rory Scoville]

It's just a getaway.

[Josh Dean]

It's just A cart?

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah. Okay.

[Will Ferrell]

So much of a trick.

[Rory Scoville]

We're talking about 1884. Like, we're talking max speed of fast walk.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, yeah, wait, we're going to get to that.

[Rory Scoville]

Okay, gotcha.

[Josh Dean]

Luther wasn't having it. He goes Jason Bourne. If Jason Vaughan wore a monocle and wore uncomfortable leather shoes, I would watch that. He secures a sleigh at a neighboring stable and starts in pursuit. So we've got a butcher cart, so

[Will Ferrell]

it must be wintertime. He's on a sleigh, I guess.

[Josh Dean]

Do sleighs have wheels in the summer? I don't know.

[Rory Scoville]

Do you think sleighs have wheels in the winter?

[Josh Dean]

No.

[Lane Rose]

It doesn't matter.

[Josh Dean]

This thrilling horse chase lasted for 30 blocks. He reports the theft. He loses them eventually, and then Rory will pick up the story special.

[Rory Scoville]

Slater, who was a man of powerful build, grappled with the nearest burglar and threw him against the wall. Sergeant Mangan. Mangan Mangin. Sergeant Mangin sees the second desperado. And although there is a difference of about two feet in their height and a proportionate disparity in their strength, the little officer succeeded in forcing him against the barn, holding him for a moment while he called to his fellow officer for the nippers.

[Will Ferrell]

What are the Nippers?

[Josh Dean]

Very good question. No idea.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, maybe handcuffs.

[Josh Dean]

That would be my guess. Incredible visual of this, like, short king officer, they say two feet shorter. So you, the towering Will Ferrell and this tiny detective.

[Will Ferrell]

And I'm in nippers now.

[Josh Dean]

And I are in Nippers. Just when you think you are one more section. Rory.

[Rory Scoville]

At this instant, the cornered burglar succeeded in drawing their revolver simultaneously, and for an instant the two weapons gleamed in the air. Over the officers the hammer of one clicked. But before dece, a stunning blow from Adams's blackjack staggered the would be homicide. And an instant later the handcuffs were on his wrists. A similar treatment with his companion was equally effective, and the two men were disarmed and marched off to police headquarters. They were searched and considerable money was found on them.

[Josh Dean]

In Your defense, Will, Mr. Titterington sounds like the ringleader. He was described as fine looking and well dressed. Will Ferrell, on the other hand, a little more raggedy or agony.

[Will Ferrell]

So. So Will Ferrell. It was just like the muscle, I think.

[Josh Dean]

So the dumb guy pulled a revolver on the wrong cop, ended up in Nippers.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, my God.

[Josh Dean]

Farrell was sobbing in his cell soon after being locked up, but whether from pain or fear or anger, he refused to say they were Both rather severely thumped by the officer's blackjack.

[Rory Scoville]

What's an officer? What is a blackjack?

[Josh Dean]

I think it might be that little club they carry. That little nasty club.

[Will Ferrell]

Short club.

[Josh Dean]

Gangs of New York.

[Rory Scoville]

You guys really know your weapons.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, yeah. I collect blackjacks and nippers.

[Rory Scoville]

That's your thing.

[Josh Dean]

He sold them in the store.

[Will Ferrell]

Remember?

[Josh Dean]

He was making horseshoes in the back. He sold nippers.

[Rory Scoville]

I would love an interview where someone's like, Mr. Farrell, what do you do with all the money?

[Will Ferrell]

I collect old nippers, antique nippers and blackjacks.

[Josh Dean]

Would you?

[Will Ferrell]

I'd love to show them off. I have over a thousand. Now, this one's a Henderson blackjack.

[Josh Dean]

There's one final detail that I was amused by. That Luther Church, the victim, said that he had always held a fear of butcher carts. His wife and the police had warned him against them and had always watched for them when on his way to the factory on paydays. That seems like a lie to me.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, well, that. That's where that old, old saying comes from. Watch out for the butcher cart. The butcher cart you can avoid on a Tuesday will lead to your salvation on a Wednesday. Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Yep, I forgot about that.

[Rory Scoville]

I grew up. My grandmother had that over the.

[Josh Dean]

It was macrame or.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, and we always read it.

[Josh Dean]

Okay, for our next crime, Kuna by Will Ferrell, we're going to jump ahead to September 10, 1925. This article begins when William Farrell of Newkirk Ave. Jamaica, Queens, in this case, was baptized. His parents could not foresee that his name would have saved him from a sentence as a speeder in Manhattan traffic court, but it did. How did Will Ferrell's name save him

[Rory Scoville]

from a sentence as a speeder in 1925?

[Josh Dean]

You have a theory?

[Rory Scoville]

I do not. Were you looking for one?

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, I was.

[Rory Scoville]

I was.

[Josh Dean]

I was looking for one. The judge's name was also William Farrell.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, whoa. So the guy was like, hey, I'm gonna let you go cause we got the same name.

[Josh Dean]

He said, quote, there was virtue in the name he possessed as he spared him from jail and gave him a suspended nar sentence instead.

[Rory Scoville]

I know.

[Will Ferrell]

Horrible nar. What?

[Rory Scoville]

Like you are special because we are the same. I am special.

[Josh Dean]

Special, Therefore.

[Rory Scoville]

Therefore, you're special.

[Will Ferrell]

I like the cut of your jib.

[Rory Scoville]

We are free to go.

[Will Ferrell]

Case dismissed.

[Josh Dean]

On the COVID of that, I was like, I found the actual clipping of this old timey newspaper. On the COVID there was this weird graphic of a clock right next to the story that Was called hands of Death. The biggest hand pointing to the number 347, which was the number of deaths measured that year by moonshine guns and autos in all boroughs of New York City. Only three categories mentioned.

[Rory Scoville]

Huh?

[Josh Dean]

347 by September.

[Rory Scoville]

That seemed like good numbers.

[Josh Dean]

It does seem pretty low. Yeah.

[Rory Scoville]

What year?

[Will Ferrell]

Three.

[Rory Scoville]

1925. 1925 seems great.

[Josh Dean]

Moonshine guns and autos. I don't know why those are the

[Will Ferrell]

only for the entire year.

[Josh Dean]

September. From January 1st to September 10th.

[Rory Scoville]

How fast are these cars going in 1925?

[Josh Dean]

Not very fast.

[Rory Scoville]

And yet it's killing enough people.

[Josh Dean]

Could have been the guns in moonshine, though.

[Rory Scoville]

It's going to be more guns. It's going to be the guns.

[Will Ferrell]

Maybe people's reaction times were much slower back then. Is that a horse? That's carriage coming towards me? What? No, I don't think.

[Rory Scoville]

Do I have time to.

[Will Ferrell]

Is it going to. Is it.

[Rory Scoville]

Do I have time to look at my pocket watch?

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, no, it's about to hit me. Hey. Bang. Do you know that at the turn of the century, there were something like 2 million people in lower Manhattan? And today, with the size of Manhattan right now, there's only 1.8.

[Josh Dean]

What?

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, yes. It was so dense and so crazy down there.

[Josh Dean]

And the buildings have gotten taller. You would think there would be more people.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, well, my job is done.

[Rory Scoville]

Will's wisdom. You're listening to cameras.

[Will Ferrell]

Will's wisdom. I'm not gonna say anything more. I'm not gonna say anything better than that.

[Rory Scoville]

I did another podcast with you and you said that same fact.

[Will Ferrell]

Did I repeat my facts?

[Rory Scoville]

You're always doing that one thing, but you gotta get other facts. And you got it from Snapple.

[Will Ferrell]

Yep. I knew this would catch up to me. Yeah, it usually works.

[Josh Dean]

Well, I've heard it before. I mean, the context was perfect this time.

[Will Ferrell]

Did I already tell you, though, seriously, about how populated lower Manhattan was at the.

[Josh Dean]

No.

[Rory Scoville]

When. At the turn.

[Will Ferrell]

Did it already say the fact? Okay, just did it. Oh, my God. We.

[Rory Scoville]

When Will and I have shot things together day one, he always gets on the mic and says that fact. It doesn't relate to the movie. It doesn't relate to any of the

[Will Ferrell]

characters, but it's a great icebreaker.

[Rory Scoville]

It does get the extras dropping their shoulders and going like, okay, just be here.

[Will Ferrell]

Because you're not. You're not thinking. You're not thinking about the movie or the project or like, oh, you're saying, oh, I didn't know.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, action.

[Will Ferrell]

And will always cause action

[Josh Dean]

after the break More Crimes committed by Will Ferrell

[Kal Penn]

hey everyone, it's Kal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary Massive Sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I could caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it.

[Rory Scoville]

I was like, no.

[Ray Porter]

At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah dude, me too.

[Kal Penn]

Listen to Irsay the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

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[Rory Scoville]

How's that?

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[Will Ferrell]

This is crimeless.

[Rory Scoville]

You're good for 300 crimes.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah.

[Rory Scoville]

We got two.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm ready to go right up to present day.

[Josh Dean]

All right, Here we go.

[Rory Scoville]

1926. Here we go. Manhattan. Still 2 million, by the way.

[Will Ferrell]

It gives me so many other times I mentioned my Manhattan facts.

[Josh Dean]

We're definitely gonna run out of time before we run out of crimes committed by Will Ferrell. In fact, I think we only have time for a few more. Okay. We're gonna leap ahead.

[Will Ferrell]

Great.

[Josh Dean]

To 2014. 2014 in Kentucky.

[Rory Scoville]

So this could be.

[Will Ferrell]

This is back to the thing originally.

[Josh Dean]

Have you lived in Kentucky, Will?

[Will Ferrell]

I have. I went to the University of Kentucky. And now.

[Rory Scoville]

Did you play basketball?

[Will Ferrell]

I played basketball. I won three national championships for Pitino. Also Calipari and Calipari.

[Rory Scoville]

Both.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

No, I've never lived in Kentucky.

[Josh Dean]

Okay.

[Will Ferrell]

I've always wanted to, though. That's my bucket list.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, I know. Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

When I finally just, like, call it. Call it. I'm gonna move to Lexington.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah.

[Lane Rose]

Yeah.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah. Have you ever been to a derby?

[Will Ferrell]

I haven't.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Have you?

[Rory Scoville]

Have you? I've never been. I don't know if I'd like it.

[Will Ferrell]

I would be intrigued.

[Rory Scoville]

I'd go.

[Will Ferrell]

I'd go. I'd go. But I have to. It'd be fun to dress up. I'd go with someone like you.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah. You gotta dress up. Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

And I think you have to go with some people where you can have a good time and then turn to each other and go, what do we do? What do we do?

[Rory Scoville]

And then. Cheers. Your mint juleps.

[Josh Dean]

Yep.

[Will Ferrell]

You know what? If I went, I would wear a fancy woman's hat.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, naturally.

[Rory Scoville]

Same.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Do you have A fact about Kentucky.

[Will Ferrell]

Let me see. Do you know that there are more horses than people in Kentucky? No, this is. No, I'm being serious.

[Rory Scoville]

I believe him. I believe you.

[Josh Dean]

Only in the lower part of Kentucky. Right?

[Rory Scoville]

Lower. Densely. Kentucky. There's more horses now There are today

[Josh Dean]

than there were back then.

[Will Ferrell]

Yes, but then they were back then. Now they're triple the number.

[Josh Dean]

Our headline for this story is Winchester man accused of hiding fugitive horses.

[Will Ferrell]

By the way, horses in Kentucky. I'm sorry, Josh.

[Josh Dean]

No, it's okay.

[Will Ferrell]

Ruin your flow. But the way in India, cows are sacred. Yes. Horses get to roam wherever they want. In Kentucky.

[Rory Scoville]

It's free spirits.

[Will Ferrell]

They're on the roads, freeways, overpass, through airports. And you leave them alone. You let them do their thing.

[Rory Scoville]

If they get on the plane,

[Will Ferrell]

if they shut down the tarmac, they shut down the tarmac.

[Rory Scoville]

Shut down the tarmac, and that's the

[Will Ferrell]

day they roam everywhere.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Thoroughbreds.

[Rory Scoville]

All right, Winchester man.

[Josh Dean]

What was the accused accused of? Hiding fugitive in bunker? William Farrell. 40. In this case. 40 and 2014.

[Rory Scoville]

Okay.

[Josh Dean]

Indicted on one count of unlawfully harboring or concealing April Huntspiller, who was wanted on a charge of fleeing to avoid prosecution in a child custody case. April was Will's girlfriend. And according to the FBI, someone reported that she might beat her boyfriend's mobile home.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay, wait, wait. I'm confused. April is Will's girlfriend? Yep. He's accused of hiding her.

[Josh Dean]

Yep.

[Will Ferrell]

From who? Oh, from the authorities.

[Josh Dean]

Authorities.

[Will Ferrell]

She was. She did, apparently.

[Josh Dean]

No, she. She kept the kid. She's. She obviously got an ex who kept the kid. She takes off with kid. She goes to a boyfriend's house. Will. Will's house. She goes to Will's house. When cop arrived to investigate, Will Ferrell ran out of the woods carrying two guns, which seems like one too many.

[Will Ferrell]

We ran out of the woods or ran into the woods.

[Josh Dean]

Out of the woods. So he was hiding in the woods. Oh, she's hiding somewhere in the mobile home.

[Lane Rose]

Home.

[Josh Dean]

Okay.

[Rory Scoville]

Okay.

[Josh Dean]

This is the scene. He's in the woods.

[Rory Scoville]

Could have stayed in the woods. He could have stayed in the clear.

[Josh Dean]

Arguably a better decision. Yeah, than running at the police with two guns. Okay, I'm here.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm here.

[Rory Scoville]

What kind of guns? I don't know, but it seems, I hope wildly cumbersome.

[Josh Dean]

Like.

[Rory Scoville]

Like we're running muskets.

[Josh Dean]

Two flintlocks.

[Will Ferrell]

Two muskets.

[Rory Scoville]

He was carrying two. Just straight up.

[Josh Dean]

Like, he stopped and he stuffed the musket ball.

[Will Ferrell]

Old Gatling gun.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, yeah. Two of them.

[Josh Dean]

Two of Them, he put it on the ground, and he stuffed a little ball in there. He put the powder. And the cops quickly confiscated those guns. No shots fired.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay, okay.

[Josh Dean]

They told Will they were looking for April, and he said, she's definitely not in the trailer. When cops asked who then was making noise.

[Rory Scoville]

If you're trying to throw the scent

[Josh Dean]

off the trail, it could be worse.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Of course, the police then said, then who's making noise in the trailer? He said, no one's hurt.

[Rory Scoville]

Not April.

[Josh Dean]

My girlfriend's definitely not in there.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, Will. Is he blowing it?

[Josh Dean]

Here's the twist. When the cops searched, there was no one in the trailer.

[Rory Scoville]

Whoa.

[Josh Dean]

This did not amuse the cops, by the way.

[Will Ferrell]

Normally, the cops are amused, but this

[Rory Scoville]

did not amuse the cops this time. Not amused.

[Will Ferrell]

Yes.

[Josh Dean]

They find a trap door in the floor of the bedroom, which leads under the trailer, but they don't see the woman there either.

[Will Ferrell]

Sneaky dog.

[Josh Dean]

Then the officers move some pieces of siding on the ground under the trailer, and they found his underground bunker.

[Will Ferrell]

Wow.

[Josh Dean]

April and her daughter were hiding inside all along.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah. Having the best time.

[Josh Dean]

He goes to jail, she goes to jail.

[Rory Scoville]

Now what's fun to think about is that if Will doesn't run out of the woods with the guns, they never find anything. Everyone's fine.

[Josh Dean]

That is his mistake in the debrief. Later, when he's thinking about what went

[Will Ferrell]

wrong, Will's hanging out in the forest, just going, they're not gonna catch me. They're not gonna catch me.

[Rory Scoville]

And then the last thing that in his head was like.

[Will Ferrell]

Was like, it. No one in there.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah. Best place to hide.

[Will Ferrell]

There's no one in there.

[Rory Scoville]

Best place to hide out in the open. You just remember that, for God.

[Will Ferrell]

I really want to talk to them, though. I just want to meet these cops.

[Rory Scoville]

I want to be one.

[Will Ferrell]

I just want to. Just want to try to fool them. I want to. I want to show them the bunker, actually. I really want to show off the bunker.

[Josh Dean]

Very proud.

[Rory Scoville]

They're going to love my bunker.

[Will Ferrell]

They're going to be amused if I know these guys. They're going to love my bunker.

[Rory Scoville]

If I can get them in the house, they're going to be amused.

[Will Ferrell]

Years. She's probably gone by now.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Definitely not in there, by the way.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

You guys want to see the bunker?

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

I forgot.

[Rory Scoville]

As soon as they saw her. That's right. Ah, that's right. You're in here.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, you're right. And he just chilled out. Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

And she kept quiet.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Rory Scoville]

Gosh.

[Will Ferrell]

But they Heard noise. She was rattling around.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, or maybe it was the kid.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, probably a kid doesn't get it.

[Josh Dean]

Anyway, no injuries, no one shot.

[Rory Scoville]

All right.

[Will Ferrell]

Both went to jail.

[Josh Dean]

Both went to jail. Presumably the dad gets custody after that. Oh, sure. Yeah.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Okay, next one. Will, is it possible you were in Nashua, New Hampshire, on May 3, 2013,

[Rory Scoville]

and it would behoove you to tell the truth?

[Will Ferrell]

It is possible, yes.

[Rory Scoville]

Okay.

[Josh Dean]

That's the day with someone named William Farrell was arrested in a road rage incident.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, I was in Nashua for the. What month? Does it say?

[Rory Scoville]

What.

[Will Ferrell]

What time of year?

[Josh Dean]

May or third.

[Will Ferrell]

Yep. That's when the clam festival is.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, that's right.

[Will Ferrell]

The Nashua Clambake. I think it's on the celebrity judge every May 3rd.

[Josh Dean]

Right. Hold on.

[Rory Scoville]

Any other celebrities? Just you or a panel of.

[Will Ferrell]

It was a panel of local dignitaries.

[Rory Scoville]

So you had like, news anchor.

[Will Ferrell]

News anchor. Local news anchor. Like the coach of, like, the high school team.

[Josh Dean]

They won the single A volleyball, the mayor and me.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Rory Scoville]

Okay.

[Will Ferrell]

That.

[Rory Scoville]

They see it. I see it.

[Will Ferrell]

Judging a clambake.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, The Nashua.

[Will Ferrell]

The Nashua.

[Rory Scoville]

What year was it?

[Josh Dean]

2013.

[Will Ferrell]

2013 always takes place in May. It's the entire month of May.

[Rory Scoville]

And you were there for. On the third.

[Will Ferrell]

I was there on the third.

[Rory Scoville]

Right away.

[Will Ferrell]

They got you in right out of the gate.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Before I go on, Rory, should we tell. Remember our other road rage story, the one from Delco?

[Rory Scoville]

Was that the shitting on the cars? Of course I remember it. There was a woman who would. On cars. I know you can't believe it.

[Josh Dean]

There was a woman who got so upset, she would.

[Rory Scoville]

She got so upset, she would go up to a car that's just like. They're like, what are you doing? And then she just. On the hood of the car.

[Will Ferrell]

So that means actually climbing up, pulling her pants down.

[Rory Scoville]

She would just go to the front of the car.

[Will Ferrell]

By the way, talk about bowel control. That's the most impressive.

[Rory Scoville]

So impressive.

[Josh Dean]

She actually didn't climb on. She projects it on.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, she projects it on.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, she can.

[Will Ferrell]

So she can adjust her pelvis in such a way and then project on.

[Rory Scoville]

Just push launch.

[Josh Dean]

Launch. And she went to jail. And we found out later, opened in OnlyFans, I believe. Right. Yeah. Which is the natural should.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah. I mean, there's a good chance she's going to be a judge next year.

[Will Ferrell]

Was listening. If Nashua listens to this.

[Rory Scoville]

Nashua is like, 13 years ago.

[Will Ferrell]

They got her. They got her on her Short list.

[Josh Dean]

So this, this one pales a bit in comparison, but still pretty good.

[Will Ferrell]

Do you know how I deal with road rage?

[Rory Scoville]

How?

[Will Ferrell]

Because I live in an area where the streets are really narrow and the speed limits, you just got to go slow. Yeah, it's got to go slow. And inevitably, someone's on my tail. And whenever they get to the point to pass me, they are ready to give me the finger. And I time it. Just when they look at me and they are about to give me holy hell. And I just go, hi. Just wave at them.

[Rory Scoville]

And they're like Nashua Clamber. I was there that year. You were right. Carol's was the best.

[Will Ferrell]

Carol's was the best. That little bit of pepper jack cheese,

[Rory Scoville]

it made the difference.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm not mad at you for driving slow.

[Josh Dean]

Funny you should tell that story, because William Farrell was. A woman was stuck behind you at a light in Nashua. She honked her horn. He got a little pissed when he started moving. He then stops abruptly. And for the next few blocks, he goes a little bit and stops abruptly. You can imagine this scene. She's getting hotter and hotter. He's matter and matter. Finally, he stops at one light, gets out of his car, storms to her window and squirts suntan lotion onto her hair and face through the open window.

[Rory Scoville]

I, I, I'm a fan of that move. I like that.

[Josh Dean]

It could have been a lot worse, right?

[Rory Scoville]

Could have been a lot worse. Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

You didn't know where I was gonna go with that.

[Rory Scoville]

The sunscreen is like, you need that.

[Josh Dean]

She might have just been a weird, funny day.

[Rory Scoville]

Maybe. It doesn't matter. You need that no matter what.

[Josh Dean]

Ma', am. You have fair skin hand.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

So?

[Will Ferrell]

You have some moles that need to be checked, I hope.

[Josh Dean]

That's the case his lawyer made in court, right?

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Will Feral. He turned himself in to face charges of simple assault. Released on bail. But I feel like the lawyer had a case.

[Rory Scoville]

Simple assault. It's not.

[Will Ferrell]

I don't.

[Josh Dean]

How mad could you be about this? Suntan lotion.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm gonna grab this bottle of suntan lotion. Show this lady. Besides, it's only simple assault.

[Rory Scoville]

Do you mean to tell me we haven't all committed a little simple assault here and there?

[Will Ferrell]

No, I was thinking, would that be a good name for, like, a salad dressing? Simple assault. And it's a play on words. Salt. Maybe not.

[Rory Scoville]

I say we invest and we see. There's only one way to know.

[Josh Dean]

You pronounce it with an Italian accent, right? It's simple assault.

[Will Ferrell]

Simple assault.

[Rory Scoville]

I'd like to be series A.

[Will Ferrell]

You know, I could.

[Josh Dean]

If we go all in, our next story takes us to Benton, Missouri, where we're.

[Rory Scoville]

How many stories do you have?

[Will Ferrell]

What year?

[Josh Dean]

This actually is the last story.

[Rory Scoville]

This is closing on Benton, Missouri.

[Josh Dean]

Well, there are a few bonuses.

[Will Ferrell]

Wait, not Bentonville.

[Josh Dean]

Not Bentonville, Arkansas, Missouri. Benton, Missouri, because Bentonville, Arkansas. Where. Go ahead, William Farrell.

[Rory Scoville]

I get your code in this case.

[Josh Dean]

Bill.

[Rory Scoville]

Okay.

[Josh Dean]

Bill Farrell made waves after an arrest.

[Rory Scoville]

Were you ever a Bill? Did you ever get Bill?

[Will Ferrell]

Sometimes the very funny actor David Koechner would always call me Bill. Bill. Yeah. Hey, Bill. That's about it.

[Josh Dean]

All right, well, this Bill makes waves after an arrest because of who he used to be. Local TV station said a former sheriff finds himself spending time in the very jail he helped build. On Friday, a Scott county grand jury indicted Bill Ferrell on one count of felony stealing. Following a state audit, investigators found missing money from a county DARE fund.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay.

[Josh Dean]

Which is the kids Anti drug.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, Yeah. I dare you to keep kids off drugs.

[Will Ferrell]

I dare you to take drugs.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Reverse psychology.

[Rory Scoville]

Exactly. Yeah. And kids are like, well, I'm not.

[Will Ferrell]

No way. Hey, I dare you.

[Josh Dean]

He was charged with a class C felony. Okay. Which covers theft of more than 500, but less than 25,000, which feels like quite a broad.

[Rory Scoville]

That is such a gap.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah. Big gap. All right.

[Will Ferrell]

Big, bad Bill Ferrell. Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

You want to guess what his excuse was for? Why he stole the money from the dare fund?

[Rory Scoville]

He needed to buy drugs.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, that's a good one.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, that would have been a good one. I wish that was so. Not that.

[Rory Scoville]

So now I know it's not that.

[Josh Dean]

He put the money there himself. He said so. It's, quote, my personal money. Oh. Which, if I'm understanding correctly, means he personally donated to dare, which gives him the right to take it back, I guess. Is that true? I mean, again, apparently not, because he's charged with a crime.

[Rory Scoville]

Right.

[Josh Dean]

He also may have just lied and said that that's what he had done.

[Will Ferrell]

I think probably.

[Rory Scoville]

That's probably Occam's Razor, Right? The whole thing that seems.

[Will Ferrell]

I put my own money. Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

So, yeah, he's charged. He was the former sheriff. He wasn't the active sheriff. Stole from the kids.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay. Maybe he thought the kids had enough. Kids got enough money.

[Rory Scoville]

How much do the kids need? Yeah. Why do the kids need any money?

[Josh Dean]

Actually, it's just for the commercials. It's not even for the kids.

[Rory Scoville]

It's for the commercials. I'm actually on Billy Farrell's team.

[Will Ferrell]

I bet you Bill saw the production costs and were like, they don't need that much money for these commercials because he.

[Rory Scoville]

Before he was sheriff, he was a line producer.

[Will Ferrell]

He was a line producer. Very effective.

[Rory Scoville]

And he knew.

[Will Ferrell]

He knew how to cut corners.

[Josh Dean]

I'm gonna take somewhere between 501 and 24,999 dol get this shoot done all in for 9k.

[Rory Scoville]

Yes.

[Will Ferrell]

We don't need 500 grand. I'm Billy.

[Rory Scoville]

Catering. Catering.

[Will Ferrell]

Hey, I'm Bill Ferrell.

[Rory Scoville]

Crafty. It's a one hour shoot. So crafty.

[Will Ferrell]

By the way, on a Bill Ferrell shoot, no craft service. There's no snacks.

[Rory Scoville]

No, no, no, no, no. That's one of his main moves.

[Will Ferrell]

There's a thermos of Folgers coffee and that's it. Yeah. No cups even.

[Rory Scoville]

There was one day they were.

[Will Ferrell]

Bring your own mug.

[Rory Scoville]

They go, before we start safety meeting, he goes, time is money. Skip it. And they skipped it. They immediately skipped it.

[Will Ferrell]

Here's a safety meeting. You stay out of Bill Ferrell's way.

[Rory Scoville]

You'll be safe. Stay out of my way.

[Will Ferrell]

Have a good day.

[Rory Scoville]

Get the shot. Have fun.

[Will Ferrell]

Have fun. Get the shot. Stay out of my way. Safety meeting done.

[Rory Scoville]

Get the shot. Because if you're in my way, stay loose. Stay loose. Do a fun run. Do a fun run. At the end, get the scripted.

[Will Ferrell]

Get it scripted. Then do one for yourself. Have fun with it.

[Rory Scoville]

Have fun. Don't lock up.

[Will Ferrell]

Don't lock. Yeah.

[Rory Scoville]

Stay out of my fucking way.

[Will Ferrell]

Stay out of my fucking way. But let's have fun with it. God, Bill, he ran. He ruled with an iron fist. He ruled it.

[Rory Scoville]

He shot a lot of commercials.

[Will Ferrell]

He shot a lot of commercials in Benton.

[Rory Scoville]

What was Missouri.

[Josh Dean]

Missouri.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah. He shot most of the commercials in Benton.

[Josh Dean]

Before we move on to our game,

[Will Ferrell]

Bill gets to hear this.

[Rory Scoville]

I would love. I mean, Bill writes you back.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, my God.

[Will Ferrell]

Yes.

[Josh Dean]

We have to.

[Rory Scoville]

I'm the Bill.

[Will Ferrell]

Bring me back. Yeah, bring me back.

[Rory Scoville]

Bill Ferrell.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, for sure.

[Rory Scoville]

The four of us.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, we'll bring him back.

[Rory Scoville]

And the whole time he's like, I'm not really a line producer. Ah, come on, tell us.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay, so. But give us more stories about your shoots in Benton. All the commercial shoots you did and you did. I understand you did a made for television movie.

[Rory Scoville]

Billy.

[Josh Dean]

Billy F. We'll bring sunscreen. Will too. Okay, Bring them all.

[Will Ferrell]

We'll bring all the wills who respond. Okay. Yeah, that'll be okay. I'll come back for that. You guys are Gonna have to come back out to la.

[Rory Scoville]

All right, fine. If Billy's flying in, we're flying in.

[Josh Dean]

He's driving.

[Will Ferrell]

It's gonna be exciting. Billy's probably gonna drive.

[Josh Dean]

Billy's gonna drive. He loves a road trip.

[Will Ferrell]

He loves the urban road.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Dean]

He's got a Lincoln Continental.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Like a 97.

[Rory Scoville]

A little cheaper to drive. Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

So before we move on to our game segment, because Lane probably wants to go to sleep.

[Rory Scoville]

That's right.

[Josh Dean]

She's in France. Our producer's in France.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh.

[Josh Dean]

We will be meeting her shortly.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

We unfortunately don't have time for the story of Willie Farrell in Connecticut, who was discovered by state police in a car with a prostitute engaging in a sex act on state police property.

[Rory Scoville]

Brazen.

[Josh Dean]

Brazen.

[Rory Scoville]

What a gear shift in the crimes right there at the end.

[Josh Dean]

I mean, it was just the one.

[Rory Scoville]

We don't have time for.

[Josh Dean]

It was just, you know, to adult two, consenting.

[Will Ferrell]

I've been called Willie more than I've ever been called Bill.

[Josh Dean]

Oh.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Well, my parents thought I was going to be a Willy.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Mom was going to call me Willie.

[Rory Scoville]

Willie Farrell.

[Josh Dean]

Well, this is what would have happened had. Had you been.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah. Thank God.

[Josh Dean]

Alternate paths. And then we also don't have time for Liam Farrell, which I believe is what the Irish call wills

[Rory Scoville]

pass or stay.

[Josh Dean]

I've been told Liam.

[Will Ferrell]

No, Liam's its own name. It's not short for William.

[Josh Dean]

I looked it up.

[Rory Scoville]

Really?

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Where? The Internet.

[Rory Scoville]

Irish nicknames.

[Will Ferrell]

Dot com.

[Rory Scoville]

There's your first mistake. Using a resource we all use, the Dark Web.

[Josh Dean]

I looked it up on the Dark Web.

[Will Ferrell]

The dark web.

[Josh Dean]

Liam Farrell, 56, attacked a priest in his church with a chalice before trying to gouge out the eyes of a sacristan. I don't know what that is. He also attacked a man who was sitting with his wife outside the church. Just so I don't leave you hanging, this Will Ferrell. Liam had said that bad spirits caused him to do it, which could be.

[Rory Scoville]

The ones we didn't have time for were the more R rated.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, yeah, we bad spirits. Could be ghosts or whiskey.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay.

[Josh Dean]

And after the break, Lane's game. We play a game.

[Will Ferrell]

And do I put my sleep mask back on?

[Josh Dean]

You can put your sleep mask back on.

[Rory Scoville]

All right. If you want to stay focused.

[Kal Penn]

Hey, everyone, It's Kal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections. And it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it.

[Rory Scoville]

I was like, no.

[Ray Porter]

At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too.

[Kal Penn]

Listen to Irsay the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

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[Rory Scoville]

Savings vary, check one through two. Lane, is that you? Can you hear me, Layne? Coming through.

[Lane Rose]

Bonjour.

[Rory Scoville]

Lane, you're in. You're in France.

[Lane Rose]

I am in France. Today we ordered just like raw radishes with a side of butter.

[Will Ferrell]

Done.

[Josh Dean]

It was good.

[Lane Rose]

It was really good.

[Will Ferrell]

The best. A little bit of salt, right?

[Lane Rose]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Rory Scoville]

Simple, simple, simple assault.

[Josh Dean]

Are you ready, Lane?

[Lane Rose]

Yeah, I'm ready.

[Will Ferrell]

All right. Sleep mask down.

[Josh Dean]

Hello, and welcome back to Crimeless Rory. What time is it?

[Rory Scoville]

It's time for Lane's game.

[Josh Dean]

Can you explain to Will what happens here?

[Rory Scoville]

So, Will, we play a game that Lane has designed. It can be anything. It could be anything. It's just. It is a game. We might three be competing. We might all be on the same team.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay.

[Josh Dean]

It wants. It was vice presidential trivia once.

[Rory Scoville]

It could be. It can be anything.

[Josh Dean]

Lane, what is it today?

[Lane Rose]

So we're going to do kind of a revamp of a game we did before that we really loved.

[Rory Scoville]

Love A Revamp.

[Lane Rose]

I'm going to give you a title of a movie, and it's going to be a sports film in honor of Will being the guest, since he's the king of sports comedies. And you just have to tell me what that movie's about. You gotta give me a plot line.

[Rory Scoville]

Okay. Love this.

[Lane Rose]

If you know the movie, you have to tell me. That's the one rule. Because I'll skip to the next one.

[Josh Dean]

Okay, well, if or if one of us knows it, we should pass to someone who doesn't know. Right?

[Rory Scoville]

So the three of us. The three of us are concocting what we think this movie is about. Together. All right, so we're.

[Will Ferrell]

Only one of us knows it.

[Rory Scoville]

Yes, that's right.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay. Then you can't participate.

[Josh Dean]

So we're working collectively. Okay.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay.

[Lane Rose]

Yep.

[Josh Dean]

Okay.

[Rory Scoville]

Okay.

[Lane Rose]

The first one's called ladybug. It's from 1990.

[Rory Scoville]

We all know that one. We all know that one. I'm gonna Speak for the group. Wait, do you not know it?

[Josh Dean]

I don't know it.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, then you should guess. I definitely do know it.

[Josh Dean]

You do?

[Rory Scoville]

Yes.

[Josh Dean]

Will. Do you know it?

[Will Ferrell]

Well, if I guess, I might give it away, though.

[Josh Dean]

Is it an anime?

[Rory Scoville]

You know it. You know it. Look in your heart. Have you looked there yet?

[Will Ferrell]

But my heart's so dark. It's gotta be little girls playing soccer.

[Josh Dean]

Soccer.

[Will Ferrell]

And they're the Ladybugs. And they come from. They're like. They come from nowhere. And they go on to win the championship.

[Rory Scoville]

Not bad. Not bad.

[Lane Rose]

Yeah.

[Rory Scoville]

Do you want a clue?

[Josh Dean]

So she's okay. Yeah. Kill a clue.

[Rory Scoville]

The coach is played by Rodney Dangerfield.

[Lane Rose]

Tells you a lot about the plot. Just the.

[Josh Dean]

That was very helpful.

[Rory Scoville]

I meant Jugs.

[Will Ferrell]

And he can't deal with the girls. The girls are dry. But they go from annoying him to. By the end of the movie, he loves them. He loves them and they love him.

[Josh Dean]

Irrepressible. And they win the championship. But one of them.

[Will Ferrell]

No, no, no. But they lose the final game.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, but he doesn't get mad. They expect him to throw a fit. In fact, he says it's okay. The real lesson here is learning to play together.

[Will Ferrell]

But he's. He's dealing a little bit of cocaine on the side.

[Rory Scoville]

All right, so I already know we lose a point.

[Josh Dean]

Okay.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Rory Scoville]

Rory. What?

[Josh Dean]

Rory, what is the actual plot of this movie?

[Lane Rose]

Yeah, Rory, you reveal it.

[Rory Scoville]

The team isn't any good. And is it Jonathan Silver. What's his name?

[Will Ferrell]

Silverback? Silverstone.

[Rory Scoville]

Anyways, he. He dresses as a girl to join the team.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, they have a.

[Rory Scoville]

But then in the championship, he.

[Will Ferrell]

I feel like this is not. I feel like we're not coming.

[Rory Scoville]

Well, because we didn't get it. And anyways, they.

[Will Ferrell]

They.

[Rory Scoville]

In the championship, they go on to win it without his cheating.

[Josh Dean]

They didn't need him.

[Rory Scoville]

They didn't need him.

[Will Ferrell]

They came together and. Was this Rodney Dangerfield's tomfoolery that forced the kid to. Okay.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

So did the kid.

[Rory Scoville]

It's like his stepson, I think.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay.

[Rory Scoville]

I love that movie. I love it.

[Josh Dean]

All right, what's our second movie?

[Lane Rose]

The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh.

[Rory Scoville]

Okay, now we got this. I'm gonna go with. I'm gonna assume it's swimming.

[Josh Dean]

Yep, it's swimming.

[Rory Scoville]

And they put it on the football team. A dolphin is on the football team.

[Josh Dean]

They realize that there's a loophole that. So they. It's the best swimmin of all the Pittsburgh high schools. But there's one team that they can Never beat. Because there's this girl who's really fast and they realize there's a loophole. It never says dolphins can't be on your team, so they recruit a dolphin.

[Rory Scoville]

Any thoughts? I like. I kind of like what we're getting here.

[Will Ferrell]

I actually. I actually know the movie, so I'm.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, you do know it.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm abstaining.

[Josh Dean]

Are we close?

[Will Ferrell]

So not close.

[Rory Scoville]

Does it involve swimming?

[Will Ferrell]

Ah.

[Josh Dean]

So, Will, what is it?

[Will Ferrell]

It is a movie about basketball, naturally stars Gabe Kaplan from welcome Back Cotter fame. He is, I think, the coach of. And I think it's loosely tied to the old aba. And it's about a team in Pittsburgh. Like, they have to. The team kind of once again comes from nowhere to, like, either save Pittsburgh or do something. I don't know.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah. What are the stakes? Why is Pittsburgh in trouble?

[Lane Rose]

So the basketball team is called the Pittsburgh Pythons and they just really suck. They lack talent and everyone hates them. So the ball boy has an idea. He brings in an astrologer and they devised the perfect concept. The whole team is going to be redrafted and be all Pisces.

[Rory Scoville]

Wow.

[Lane Rose]

And they work. It works. They're all the same sign.

[Josh Dean]

So an astrologer picks the team.

[Will Ferrell]

By the way, footnote on Gabe Kaplan of welcome Back Cotter fame, if anyone remembers that show.

[Josh Dean]

Yes, I do.

[Will Ferrell]

It's one of my hardest bombing sketches ever on Saturday Night Live that I wrote where I was someone who worked at an office hoping to meet Gabe Kaplan. Dress who I dress and look like Gabe Kaplan. Because I know he freakings our insurance company. He's a client of our insurance company. And it's the day in the break room where he came and went, but no one got me. No one told me.

[Josh Dean]

And I'm pissed at everyone who plays Gabe.

[Will Ferrell]

No one. You never see. You don't see him, but I look exactly like him from welcome Back Carter.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

And I'm admonishing my fellow, like, you guys. Yeah. I only work here because I want to meet him.

[Rory Scoville]

And it's just tanking.

[Will Ferrell]

And you never. And it's tanking so hard.

[Josh Dean]

Does it get to air? It makes it.

[Will Ferrell]

No, it got cut at just like. No, no, it was. We used to watch it on repeat because we laughed. I'd have tear and palms so bad. It was so bad. So that's fun.

[Josh Dean]

All right, third movie.

[Rory Scoville]

All right.

[Lane Rose]

How about the Slugger's Wife?

[Rory Scoville]

Baseball?

[Will Ferrell]

Anybody?

[Rory Scoville]

It's going to be baseball.

[Will Ferrell]

It's going to be baseball.

[Rory Scoville]

It's going to be baseball.

[Josh Dean]

So something happens to the slugger.

[Lane Rose]

He and his wife.

[Will Ferrell]

Maybe the wife. She's tired. She's tired?

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

She's tired of. She's tired of.

[Rory Scoville]

She's tired of it.

[Will Ferrell]

She's tired of it. He's on the road, she's on the road.

[Rory Scoville]

Too many games every season.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm going to take control of my life.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

What about me? Yeah. And she goes back to dental school. She wants to be a dental hygienist.

[Rory Scoville]

Yes. Yes. And with her barely see the slugger. Yeah. With her gone, he can't. He got. Isn't back the same. His numbers are tanks. He goes into a slump. Yeah. He needs her at the games, but she's too busy at dental school, so he quits.

[Josh Dean]

He quits and supports her career. Yes, as the dental. Yes, as the greatest dental hygienist us

[Will Ferrell]

that until the team suffers a very significant injury toward. Towards the pennant run. They call him back into action. He's like, honey, is it okay? I'll only go if you want me to. She's like, go, do what you were put on earth to do.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah. And she has lost so many patients. She's not good. She's not good. So many bodies are piling up.

[Lane Rose]

Hygienist, too. Like that's.

[Rory Scoville]

And she's just doing hygiene. She's doing hygiene.

[Will Ferrell]

She does not have the Midas touch. She's got the opposite. The Midas touch.

[Rory Scoville]

Lane, how close?

[Lane Rose]

You have, like, one plot point.

[Will Ferrell]

So it's which one? That's it. Which one?

[Lane Rose]

Atlanta Braves outfielder falls in love with a Debbie. She's a nightclub singer, not a hygienist. No, sorry. He begins hitting home runs whenever the singer is in the stands. And soon they're married. So. So he needs her there. But it scares her. It really scares her. So she wants to focus on her own career and she is.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, there we go.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Lane Rose]

See?

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

And he slumps when she goes away. He slumps, Right?

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Rory Scoville]

I think we got it. I think that's a point that feels

[Lane Rose]

like a point that feels like a pretty good point.

[Will Ferrell]

All right.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

One more.

[Lane Rose]

Amazing Grace and Chuck.

[Rory Scoville]

Amazing Grace and Chuck.

[Josh Dean]

So it's about Grace and Chuck, and there's a religious aspect. What's the.

[Rory Scoville]

What sport? Pigeon shooting, probably.

[Josh Dean]

But it's probably pigeon shooting.

[Will Ferrell]

Not at all.

[Rory Scoville]

Ultimate Frisbee.

[Will Ferrell]

That's such a big sport like that.

[Josh Dean]

Yeah.

[Rory Scoville]

It's not going to be that big.

[Lane Rose]

Too amazing.

[Rory Scoville]

You're right.

[Will Ferrell]

Ultimate Frisbee's not amazing. Chuck and Grace. I'm going to say it's basketball again.

[Josh Dean]

Okay.

[Rory Scoville]

Private school.

[Josh Dean]

Is there a nun?

[Rory Scoville]

There's a nun.

[Will Ferrell]

Yep, Yep, yep.

[Rory Scoville]

Okay.

[Will Ferrell]

Grace. Grace is the nun.

[Josh Dean]

Grace is the nun. Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Yep. Amazing Chuck.

[Rory Scoville]

Imagine if. If when you went to pitch a movie, they had to guess what they thought. The movie.

[Will Ferrell]

The writer's going, nope, nope, nope.

[Rory Scoville]

Not even close. Proudly.

[Will Ferrell]

Imagine if the students were like, don't tell us, don't tell us. Don't tell us.

[Rory Scoville]

Is there a nun?

[Will Ferrell]

Is there a nun making Chuck and Grace. Is there not?

[Rory Scoville]

No, no, no.

[Will Ferrell]

Maybe Amazing Chuck is a boxer. He's a fighter.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, okay.

[Josh Dean]

I like this.

[Will Ferrell]

And he's a single dad.

[Rory Scoville]

And Grace is the kid.

[Will Ferrell]

Grace is the kid. Oh, right. And he's in a slump. He doesn't know what to do. Just lost his wife.

[Rory Scoville]

Yep.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah. And he's just like. He won't give up the dream. Yeah. And Grace says, come on, dad, let's do for mom. And she becomes his cut man. His cut man.

[Rory Scoville]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

Grace.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Josh Dean]

But she needs a stool. Like a.

[Rory Scoville]

Of course. And the stool was carved by his wife.

[Will Ferrell]

Yes. Cuz she was an ex.

[Rory Scoville]

Girl woodworker maybe has powers. I don't know. I don't know if that's the kind of movie you're trying to.

[Will Ferrell]

I do know. I do know.

[Josh Dean]

And when the daughter stands on the stool, he sees his wife.

[Will Ferrell]

Yes.

[Rory Scoville]

I don't know if I love that. I don't know.

[Will Ferrell]

I don't know if I love that. Is it like a ghost thing?

[Josh Dean]

Yeah, like a ghost.

[Will Ferrell]

Like ghost. Yeah. Like the movie Ghosts. Yeah, exactly.

[Josh Dean]

You see the superimposed over the stone?

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah. Right. No, really? Oh, we lost. I don't think so.

[Rory Scoville]

I don't think so. I'm gonna ding.

[Will Ferrell]

You're tapped out. I'm out. Okay. How close were we.

[Lane Rose]

You got. There's a kid in it, so that's a point.

[Rory Scoville]

Not bad. Not bad.

[Lane Rose]

Okay, so Chuck is just an average kid who goes on a field trip to a nuclear weapons fac.

[Will Ferrell]

And.

[Lane Rose]

And there he learns about the destructive power that sits with the military.

[Will Ferrell]

Sure.

[Lane Rose]

So after he figures this out, he decides he's not pitching anymore until the nuclear weapons are disarmed.

[Rory Scoville]

Can't believe we didn't go.

[Will Ferrell]

He doesn't want to play baseball anymore.

[Josh Dean]

Little League until nuclear disarmament. Okay, so he rededicates himself from baseball to nuclear disarm.

[Will Ferrell]

He's.

[Rory Scoville]

And he's held

[Lane Rose]

middle school.

[Will Ferrell]

So it's kind of like the classic movie War Games.

[Rory Scoville]

Matthew. Brad.

[Will Ferrell]

But nowhere near as good.

[Rory Scoville]

But baseball but baseball.

[Will Ferrell]

Baseball. But Little League.

[Rory Scoville]

That's how you pitch it. It's war games, baseball.

[Will Ferrell]

And you mic drop and you walk

[Rory Scoville]

out and studios are like, give him 120. I know he asked for 100.

[Will Ferrell]

Give him 100. Give him 120. I don't want to lose him. Who started, who started this movie? I want to buy. We got to get that script. I think we can get it for 100. 120. 120 or Iharwa

[Lane Rose]

NBA star Alex English plays amazing Alex ing former Denver nugget.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, yeah, right.

[Rory Scoville]

Oh, all right. Yeah.

[Lane Rose]

And he decides to get in on the boycott too. And it carries this like whole trend.

[Josh Dean]

So it's an anti war movie.

[Rory Scoville]

What year is this movie?

[Lane Rose]

1987.

[Josh Dean]

Oh, height of the cult.

[Rory Scoville]

Such a year for it. For it, you know.

[Josh Dean]

Well, so we got. Got all of them correct.

[Will Ferrell]

Right.

[Lane Rose]

Really successful round.

[Rory Scoville]

Thank you, Lane.

[Josh Dean]

I feel like.

[Lane Rose]

Yeah, thank you.

[Rory Scoville]

All right, enjoy. Enjoy France, you guys. Lane was joining us from France today as the wall.

[Josh Dean]

We can see by the wallpaper.

[Rory Scoville]

Yes.

[Lane Rose]

Tropical.

[Will Ferrell]

Go say hi to the dock workers in Marseille. I know. It's a port city. Yeah, yeah.

[Lane Rose]

Walk down there right now.

[Will Ferrell]

Go right down there.

[Rory Scoville]

Go now.

[Lane Rose]

By myself?

[Rory Scoville]

Yep.

[Will Ferrell]

11pm Just wait till 1 in the morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lane Rose]

Oh, yeah. That's fair. That's when they're most active.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah. All right, Lane.

[Rory Scoville]

All right, Lane. Get some sleep.

[Josh Dean]

Bon nuit.

[Lane Rose]

Bon nuit.

[Will Ferrell]

Bon nuit.

[Rory Scoville]

And to our listeners out there, we want to thank Mr. William Farrell for being here today.

[Josh Dean]

Our second guest, power down.

[Rory Scoville]

Our second guest, which if you're following our pattern, you know our next one will be an animal.

[Josh Dean]

Will. We've lost Will.

[Rory Scoville]

AI robot. Will Ferrell was here to this video. Yes.

[Will Ferrell]

I sure enjoyed my time with you. What a pleasant experience. I hope to talk to you soon again. Is there anything I could do better the next time we have a talk?

[Rory Scoville]

No, no, no, no, no, no. You got it.

[Will Ferrell]

Thank you.

[Rory Scoville]

I do want you to see Ladybugs, though.

[Will Ferrell]

I sure enjoyed my time with you. I have ladybugs on my list. That's first up on my list to watch Ladybugs followed by Amazing Grace and Chuck. Or is it the other way? I guess I'll have to find out.

[Rory Scoville]

Amazing Chuck and Grace.

[Will Ferrell]

Amazing Chuck and Grace. I think.

[Josh Dean]

I think you stuck the software's glitch.

[Will Ferrell]

Amazing Chuck and Grace.

[Rory Scoville]

That's all right.

[Will Ferrell]

Amazing Chuck and Grace.

[Rory Scoville]

That'll be our fade out.

[Will Ferrell]

Amazing chuck and grace. Amazing chuck and grace. Amazing chuck and grace. Amazing chuck and grace.

[Josh Dean]

Crimeless is a production of Smartless Media, Campside Media and Big Money Players in partnership with iHeart podcasts. It's hosted by Rory Scoville and me, Josh Dean. Our senior producer is Lane Rose. Emma Siminoff is our Associate producer. This episode was written by Lane Rose and me, Josh Dean. We're sound, designed and engineered by Blake Brook with support from Ewan lytram. Ewan Mark McAdam composed our theme song. The executive producers at Campside Media are Vanessa Gregoriadas, Matt Sher and me, Josh Dean. The executive producers for iHeart Podcast and Big Money Players are Jack O', Brien, Lindsey Hoffman and Matt Abodaka. For Smartless Media, the executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and Richard Corson. Bernie Kaminski is head of Production. The Associate producer is Matty McCann. A special thanks to our operations team, Ashley Warren and Sabina Mara. Do you have a question, comment or confession for the Crimless team? Email [e-mail] and if you enjoyed Crimeless, please rate and review the show wherever you get your podcasts. It helps people find the show and also makes us feel validated. Unless you're mean, in which case keep it to yourself. We'll see you next week. Crimeless Nation.

[Podcast Announcer]

This is Sophia Donner from OK Storytime this summer. Find your next obsession on Prime Video and listen. We're not saying you need another obsession, but there could be a lot worse one. Steamy romance, addictive love stories, and the book to screen favorites you've already read twice, so why not watch them a third time off campus? Elle the Love Hypothesis and More Slow Burns Second Chances chemistry you can feel through the screen and it makes you wish you were actually in that movie. We've got binge worthy series can't miss movies, perfect for when you're ignoring your own problems or procrastinating as one does. Your next obsession is waiting. Watch only on Prime Time.

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[Rory Scoville]

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[Podcast Announcer]

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[Will Ferrell]

Guaranteed human.