A (1:41)

What's the deal with electric cars? I don't know, but I feel like that worked in like old Buicks and Lincolns. I think now it's computers. I mean, there aren't even keys anymore, right?

G (1:50)

No, it's all phones. It's all smartphones.

A (1:52)

Our cars are run by doodads.

G (1:54)

Yeah, that's a good way to look at it. Have you had the new doodad? Have you test drove the new doodad? 2025.

A (2:02)

So yes, there's no keys. And yet 850,700 cars were stolen in 2024. That's 2,330.7 cars a day. Which seems like a lot.

G (2:12)

Yeah.

A (2:13)

Until you realize that more than a million were stolen in 2022. So progress.

G (2:17)

Oh, all right.

H (2:18)

Yeah.

G (2:18)

Yeah, that's crazy because the news definitely told me crime was up. Huh? All right.

A (2:23)

Same news that told me that the New York subway is the most dangerous ride I will ever experience. And yet I take it every day,

G (2:30)

and yet it's fine. Not to jinx anything, but it's fine.

A (2:33)

Any idea what the type of car that's most stolen?

G (2:35)

Great question. I'm going to go Kia Rio. Wow.

A (2:40)

Very specific. Is that even a car?

G (2:43)

That is a car, but it's probably so outdated that's it's probably not a car anymore.

A (2:47)

So the most commonly stolen car of the past decade is the Honda Accord.

G (2:52)

Oh, is that because there's just so many of them?

A (2:55)

I think so. Number two, Honda Civic.

G (2:57)

Honda. What's going on here?

A (2:59)

I mean, car thieves are some basic bitches. That's what I have to say.

G (3:02)

This is good to know. In the event that, you know, we ever need to steal a car, we can go, all right, look for a Honda.

A (3:07)

Yeah, I think it has to do. They're so common. The parts are the most valuable, but also maybe they're the easiest to steal. All right, so the issue we're chewing on this week on Crimeless, is it just too easy to steal a car? That's a question that popped into my head when I read one of my all time favorite headlines from a 2019 story. Florida dog steals car and drives in circle until police come.

G (3:30)

Why did I know it would be Florida?

A (3:32)

Like, why did.

G (3:33)

Why did we all know that this could be.

A (3:36)

Like, we can't even do a Florida theme week. Cause we did just. It's always Florida theme.

G (3:40)

Because it's just. The show should honestly just go Florida. Stuff that happened in Florida.

A (3:45)

Do I have your attention, Rory?

G (3:46)

Yes.

A (3:47)

That's good. Because after the break, we are going hard on America's dastardly swarm of canine car thieves. Also kids, and in at least one case, a monkey. It's a plague, Rory. We'll get into it after the break. Hello and welcome back to Crimeless, the podcast that celebrates the amazing creativity of the world's dumbest criminals, human and otherwise. So we like to call them man's best friend, Rory. But are they just pretending to like us in order to steal our cars?

G (4:21)

You know, I used to think that. I used to think they just gave us kisses to lick the salt off our skin. But I think, I think we are truly. There's a connection. There's a best friendship.

A (4:31)

That's a question cops in Port St. Lucie, Florida were asking back in 2019 after a Labrador retriever named Max stole a 2003 Mercury Sable, which I have to say is an extremely on brand model for Florida. And color silver Mercury Sable for an old guy to be driving around Florida, right?

G (4:46)

Yep.

A (4:47)

It's where most Mercury Sables go to retire. Yep. So here's what happened. Late November 2019, cops respond to a report of a dog locked in a 2013 mercury stable circling the cul de sac while in reverse.

G (4:59)

Wow. Like, long enough to where it wasn't hitting anything.

A (5:02)

Amazing. He's a very talented driver, that dog.

G (5:04)

Just think that dog was on a ride that was never ending. Like, that poor dog's also already. A dog's interpretation of time is longer than ours. It's already, like, how long have I been in this car? Does it mention the speed? Does it mention how fast he was going?

A (5:21)

I did. I don't have the speed. I'm gonna guess very slowly. So here's what happened. The dog's owner, not named in the police blotter report port that brought the story to light. Perhaps because the cops are kind and wanted to save him embarrassment. He took a wrong turn on his way home, and for reasons not disclosed, stopped on a cul de sac and got out. I don't know why he had to get out to assess his surroundings, but he did. Yep. That's when this fluffy scoundrel, Max, leaps into action. He apparently hits the shifter and begins circling the cul de sac at a very slow pace, which probably is a thing that happens a lot in Florida, even when dogs aren't driving.

G (5:53)

Yeah. No matter who's driving, it occurs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

H (5:57)

I have the video.

G (5:58)

Oh, yes.

A (5:59)

Let's see it.

G (6:00)

Oh, my God. Yes.

I (6:02)

Live in this Port St. Lucie neighborhood. Say, it's pretty quiet here, but imagine this. At 8:30 this morning, they walked outside and saw this.

H (6:11)

This is.

G (6:12)

Look at the. Look at the debris.

I (6:14)

But if you look closely, you can see a driver. Well, sort of.

G (6:18)

That poor dog. I really feel like the pace, the speed of that car, you could jump on it and break a window and not hurt the dog. Yeah, the poor dog.

A (6:30)

How long? We don't know how long it was going around.

G (6:32)

Also, what is causing the accelerator to keep going? Like, why is it still moving?

A (6:38)

He had it floored. No. I don't know. Good question. Some questions will never be answered.

G (6:42)

These Mercury Sables, you know what I mean? They're just. They have a mind of their own.

A (6:45)

That's why they had to stop production. I don't even think Mercury as a brand exists anymore.

G (6:49)

This is why it doesn't, this story.

A (6:51)

So here's how the cops summed it up in their statement. The dog named Max accidentally hit the shifter into reverse, causing the car to circle the cul De sac, leaving the owner locked out of the car. As the car circled the cul de sac, it struck and damaged a mailbox.

G (7:03)

At least it only hit a mailbox. He's very lucky.

A (7:06)

That dog is extreme. He should count his blessings. That dog, Max.

G (7:09)

That dog was on the slowest Gravitron ride. Remember that? Remember that ride? Yes.

A (7:15)

No charges filed against Max or his owner, who promised to pay for the damage to the mailbox. The dog is happy and fine, said the local police spokeswoman. So actually not a crime. I know I've been too hard on Max and dogs. They are our friends, after all.

G (7:29)

I think it is a crime the dog doesn't have a license. It's definitely not supposed to be driving. I think you're being a little too lenient just because you like dogs, Josh. And look, I'm not a cat person. I just love the law.

A (7:40)

I mean, you make a good point.

G (7:41)

Yep.

A (7:42)

Why should we just let him off? Because he's cute. Yeah. Throw the book at Max.

G (7:45)

I will tell you, it will bother me to never know why the guy got out of the car when he realized he was lost. Like, he must. Like, what did he hit the mailbox?

A (7:58)

Oh, and concocted a whole story.

G (8:00)

Guys. There you go. Stuff I Can't Prove you're listening to Stuff I Can't Prove with Rory Scoville. It's a subs. It's a subreddit inside this podcast in

A (8:11)

which we accuse people of crimes we cannot.

G (8:13)

I Can't Prove accusations.

A (8:15)

Only our legal team is thrilled by this, their favorite part of the episode.

H (8:19)

Yeah.

A (8:20)

Max isn't even the only animal implicated in a Florida car theft today. Rory, Because I'd like to pause here and play another video for you.

G (8:27)

Yes.

A (8:27)

And you can tell the people listening at home what you're seeing here if those people who are listening and not watching.

G (8:31)

Yep.

A (8:32)

What do you see here?

G (8:34)

So this is a guy who's handcuffed. He's getting out of a car, and a monkey is holding onto him for dear life. The guy's super casual. Grab the leash. Or is it still the monkey has a leash? So, bud, the deal is.

A (8:52)

I think I've seen enough. You got the gist. So, yes.

G (8:57)

I mean, for anyone not watching, just so you know, the headline was man arrested for auto theft with. With pet monkey. That poor monkey. And also the monkey hat on a diaper. I can't believe I didn't say that right away when you said Rory, describe it.

A (9:11)

I didn't.

G (9:11)

Even for some reason, that felt so Normal to me. On a leash with a diaper.

A (9:18)

So this June 2018 video comes to us courtesy of the Pasco, Florida Sheriff's Department, posted on their YouTube channel with the title that Rory just said, a man arrested for auto theft has pet monkey with him. And if you missed it, what the cop said was, how's it going, Cody? To the man as he stepped out of the cruiser cuff with his hands cuffed and a tiny, adorable monkey in a diaper clinging to a shirt, clinging

G (9:37)

to his, like, waist.

A (9:39)

Cody says, shitty. And the cop says, I hear that. So.

G (9:43)

So they have a. They have a history, it seems so.

A (9:47)

Cody. Cody Blake Keshen is his full name. He's having a pretty shitty day because he's apparently stolen a car from a St. Petersburg woman's driveway after finding keys on the floorboard. He then drove the car into Pasco county, drove into a ditch, and ran from cops who caught and arrested him. The car's owner, a woman, makes an audio only cameo in that video, by the way, showing up and accusing Cody of stealing his car. An accusation for the record that he denies. He did later plead not guilty and claimed the keys were given to him. Oh, but the monkey. To make matters worse, to add insult to injury, whatever phrase you like, the arresting officers called in backup, Florida Fish and Wildlife. And they had some additional bad news for Cody. He had to relinquish the monkey, a capuchin, which is like Marcel and Friends, I believe. Okay. Ross's pet monkey for friends stands out there. So basically the video goes on to show these officers confronting him, and they say they're going to have to take the monkey away to a sanctuary. So Cody, he's bummed, and you can hear him in the video, Cody tells the officers that he's had Monk, the monkey's name for three years, and he got the monkey in South Carolina, where you don't need a permit, which maybe you knew.

G (10:52)

Well, I know that I couldn't tell you what order people are going to be experiencing these episodes knowing that people could jump around all they want. But I do believe South Carolina was the state where all those monkeys did escape.

A (11:05)

You are correct.

G (11:07)

And so this could be one of those monkeys.

A (11:11)

Oh, it's like a sequel.

G (11:13)

Yeah. You're building a whole universe here. This is a cinematic universe.

A (11:18)

So Carolina, apparently you don't need a permit to own a monkey, but in

G (11:21)

Florida you do, which is absurd. But Florida, as Florida's like, look, do whatever you want. You cannot own a monkey without a permit. Without a permit.

A (11:33)

Literally, anything Else is fine.

G (11:35)

All things go. All things go.

A (11:38)

It's actually, it's a misdemeanor offense to own a Class 3 wild animal like a monkey without a permit. I gotta say, the cops in this video are really nice. They let Cody say goodbye to his little monkey, which gives him a hug.

G (11:49)

I mean, the monkey should be put in the sanctuary to live with other monkeys who definitely aren't hijacking. You know, they're experiencing grand theft auto. Are we all gonna cry, Josh? Is that what this is about?

A (12:01)

Might be.

G (12:02)

Oh, I'm already a little teary eyed knowing that. I mean, the monkey. Just for everyone who can't see it, the monkey is fully stretched out across the shoulders, the back of Cody's head, his neck, diaper still intact, feet dangling. Honestly, kind of a comfortable. It's almost like you have a legal fur scarf is what it looks like Cody's wearing. And the monkey loves him. They're hugging. The monkey loves him. All the authoritative figures are being respectful of Cody's time and allowing him and Monk the time to say goodbye to each other.

A (12:40)

I gotta say, it's like, it's touching.

G (12:43)

This is maybe our most touching episode. Josh, are you okay?

A (12:48)

Yeah, that was moving.

G (12:49)

You all right, Josh?

A (12:52)

I think I'm gonna make it.

G (12:55)

Josh, just. Josh, in our. In our video chat, Josh just said he has sinus issues, but he's definitely crying.

A (13:03)

I can't just watch cops come between a man and his monkey.

G (13:06)

I gotta say, you don't really care much about Cody, but the fact that the monkey hugs him. Or do you think the monkey's like, hey, let me get. Let me send this guy off with a good hug. I'm going to go live with other monkeys. I fucking hate this life. Why are we stealing shitty cars?

A (13:24)

Actually, you might be. He's like, I'm going to pretend to be upset, but I'm kind of psyched. I'm going off to a monkey sanctuary.

G (13:29)

I'm super psyched about my new digs. I'm going to actually eat food that monkeys are supposed to eat.

A (13:35)

I can take the stupid diaper off.

G (13:37)

Yeah, I don't even go to the bathroom as often as this makes everyone think I do. This makes everyone think I have uncontrollable fucking bladder issues. And I don't.

A (13:47)

So Orlando's Fox 35 managed to talk to one of those deputies who had this to say about his first ever encounter with a monkey during an arrest. First thing is, how is this monkey going to react to me? The other one was like, Well, I kind of want to pet the monkey.

G (14:00)

Both. Both statements are correct.

E (14:02)

Yeah.

A (14:02)

Very reasonable.

G (14:03)

You got to be on guard. But also, of course, you want to, like, hold it. You're like, ah, when do I ever get to do this with a monkey?

A (14:09)

Cody was charged with car theft, personal possession of wildlife without a permit, and a violation of Florida laws on keeping a pet monkey. The car theft charge was later dropped, but Cody was found guilty on the misdemeanor charge of unlawful animal possession. Yeah, I feel like that's not going to haunt him.

G (14:24)

Really.

A (14:24)

I wish I could confirm that he and Monk were indeed reunited, but the case file only lists the matter as closed.

G (14:30)

They weren't reunited. There's no chance. Yeah.

A (14:32)

That monkey wasn't coming back.

G (14:33)

That monkey didn't want to come back.

A (14:35)

Cody, get your shit together.

G (14:37)

Yeah, Cody, you're young. You got a whole life ahead of you. How did you get this monkey and why? I don't even care about the car anymore. I don't care about this woman and her possessions that were stolen or, according

A (14:48)

to Cody, given to him lawfully.

G (14:50)

Yeah. This woman he's never met.

A (14:52)

Here, take my car. Yeah. After the break, some real criminals go under the microscope.

F (15:02)

What if mind control is real?

C (15:04)

If you could control the behavior of anybody around you, what kind of life would you have?

F (15:07)

Can you hypnotically persuade someone to buy a car?

D (15:11)

When you look at your car, you're going to become overwhelmed with such a good feelings.

F (15:15)

Can you hypnotize someone into sleeping with you?

E (15:18)

I gave her some suggestions to be sexually aroused.

F (15:21)

Can you get someone to join your cult? NLP was used on me to access my subconscious. Nlp, AKA Neuro linguistic programming, is a blend of hypnosis, linguistics and psychology. Fans say it's like finally getting a user manual for your brain.

E (15:38)

It's about engineering consciousness.

F (15:40)

Mind games is the story of nlp, its crazy cast of disciples, and the fake doctor who invented it at a new age commune and sold it to guys in suits. He stood trial for murder and got acquitted. The biggest mind game of all, nlp, might actually work.

H (15:57)

This is wild.

F (15:58)

Listen to mind Games on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

E (16:05)

Spring is calling weddings, patio sessions, barbecues. And you want that drink vibe without sacrificing tomor. That's RK zero proof. As the world's first zero proof spirits brand, RK created the warm molecule, giving you the smooth kick of whiskey or tequila with zero alcohol, zero calories, zero sugar, and all the peace of mind you need to enjoy every moment. Step into the zero proof season at rk0proof.com.

A (16:38)

Welcome back to Crimeless, where even dogs and monkeys can't escape the long arm of justice.

G (16:43)

Yep.

A (16:43)

I think we can declare both Max and Monk not guilty. Cody got off too. So you may be asking, will anyone on this week's episode actually be guilty of stealing a car?

G (16:52)

Yep.

A (16:53)

Absolutely. Yes.

G (16:54)

Yes.

A (16:55)

In fact, guilty of stealing tens of thousands of cars.

G (16:59)

Jesus.

A (17:00)

And the perpetrators, Teens.

G (17:02)

That's incredible.

A (17:03)

More specifically, the so called Kia Boys. You familiar?

G (17:07)

Hey. Huh? It was in the air. That's why I said Kia Rio, the Kia Boys.

A (17:12)

So the Kia boys were unaffiliated gang of teenagers, mostly under the driving age, mostly in Milwaukee and Columbus, Ohio, who like so many of us, got bored during the pandemic and were seeking new hobbies.

G (17:22)

Yep.

A (17:23)

Pickleball took off. Some people took up quilting. For these kids, the new hobby was stealing two car brands in particular. Kia's and Hyundai's.

G (17:31)

They're honestly, their hobby is definitely the most interesting. All these other people are boring.

A (17:35)

Not surprisingly, stealing and then bragging on TikTok.

G (17:38)

Oh, never mind. Not smart.

A (17:39)

Do you drive either of these brand?

G (17:41)

I do not. But I gotta tell you, the Kia makes a new, you know, a pretty good electric car. There you go. Maybe they want to sponsor us.

A (17:48)

So the numbers here are pretty wild. In 2019, Columbus, Ohio had a total of 3,500 car thefts. The next year, more than 4,000 had been stolen by June. And during the peak of the Kia Boys phenomenon, during a three week period over July and August, an average of 17 Kias and Hyundai's were stolen every day in Columbus.

G (18:06)

That's insane.

A (18:07)

Car thefts in Milwaukee jumped from 3,500 in 2019, with 6% of those being Kias and Hyundais to 10,500 with 67% being Kias and Hyundais.

G (18:18)

Jesus.

A (18:19)

Any idea why these brands, I mean,

G (18:21)

they must be so easy to break into. I guess. Or they don't have no alarm system. I have no idea. That seems insane.

A (18:28)

Basically, to go back to the question at the start of the show, they're just really easy to steal. So Kia is made between 2011 and 2021 and Hyundais from 2015 to 2021 lacked a critical security feature. You could ind indeed do that thing basically I talked about at the top of the show where you crack the steering wheel. Steering wheel and twist some wires. Yeah, or something like that. The most common tools used are a screwdriver and a USB cable because the Metal at the end of the USB fits almost perfectly in a car's ignition slot.

G (18:55)

Oh, my God.

A (18:56)

In most cars, this kind of DIY theft isn't possible and hasn't been for years. Because the vast majority of modern cars have an electronic disable function. They simply won't start if the key's not there. That's probably your car.

G (19:06)

Mine?

H (19:07)

Yeah.

G (19:07)

Yeah, Right.

A (19:08)

But the Kia Boys discovered this flaw in a bunch of Korean cars and went absolutely ham love that. Many of their thefts were filmed and put on TikTok were videos of masked men taking joyrides, often jumping curbs, drifting around corners and running into and over things. Generally just beating the shit out of these stolen cars. Were posted over 2020 and 2021. Here's what a detective in Columbus told a writer from the Verge who wrote perhaps the definitive piece on the Kia boys trend in 2023. The Kia Boys are more about stealing a car and they'll drive it around and crash it, or they'll drive it around a few days or a few weeks and dump it and steal another car. So it's just stealing for sport.

G (19:43)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's something I appreciate about that. It's like, right. It's like catching a fish and throwing it back, only you've definitely killed the fish and then you threw it back. It's. There's a gentlemanly conduct catching a fish

A (19:55)

and smashing it into trees and mailboxes,

G (19:58)

smashed it against a rock and then threw it back in the water. There's something gentlemanly about this style of theft.

A (20:04)

So the definitive work on the Kia boys is a YouTube video from a creator named Tommy G. The title is Kia Boys documentary and as of this writing, it been viewed more than 8.5 million times. Here's a little sample for you. Let me share my screen.

G (20:17)

Oh, I'll be viewing this in full today. I'm going boots on the ground. Cover a notorious group of kids, the Kia Boys. These kids are legendary for the amount

A (20:25)

of cars they are stealing in Milwaukee.

G (20:26)

Let's roll the tape so I can

A (20:28)

show you what they. Look at these dumbass Kia Boys.

G (20:38)

Kia Boys.

A (20:39)

Oh my God. That's the aftermath.

G (20:43)

What the. So like dead. Like, did they die?

A (20:49)

That one. That one looked not great. That looked like a pretty serious accident, right?

G (20:52)

Man.

A (20:53)

The trend got so big that hip hop artists started to write it into songs.

G (21:01)

Oh, look, there you go.

A (21:03)

Hold on.

I (21:03)

Kia Boys 2022, we took your.

A (21:06)

How do you feel about the. The Kia Boys? Hip hop. Not bad.

G (21:08)

I mean, I'm probably gonna. That's gonna be my new walkout music at my shows when I get introduced.

A (21:14)

I have one more for you. This is maybe the biggest one, Shake Ya Nae Nae, which opens with this line back to the videotape.

G (21:21)

And we are using actual videotape if anyone is curious.

A (21:24)

If I see a kid, then I'm

H (21:25)

taking y' all shit. One card, Assid.

A (21:27)

We're talking full on cultural phenomenon. We got hip hop songs.

G (21:30)

Yeah.

A (21:31)

So eventually car owners fought back. They installed anti theft devices and then some of them boasted about it on TikTok too. Yes. Here's where we go back to the videotape. Once again, I'm rewinding the actual video tape.

G (21:44)

I wonder if there's any rap songs about that.

A (21:46)

All right, here we go. This is called a message to them Kia Boys.

I (21:50)

Check me out, check me out. This is the message to the Kia Boys. This vehicle equipped with KIA anti theft logic. Guess who got the last laugh now the enemy thought he had me but Jesus said, you are mine.

A (22:04)

I like that lady.

G (22:05)

I mean, she's stoked. Is she a past victim? Is she?

A (22:10)

Yes.

G (22:11)

She's entering the ring hard right there.

A (22:13)

Or yeah, she either. If she wasn't a victim, she's just like, come and steal my shit. Try.

G (22:17)

Yeah, she's definitely broadcasting that she owns the car also. What was her anti theft thing? Just that sticker. I don't know if that's going to be enough to stop them.

A (22:26)

Seems they're like, we were going to steal this, but they got the sticker.

G (22:30)

Yeah.

A (22:31)

So the officials don't just blame the kids, they go hard on the manufacturers. Here's what Columbus city attorney said in a statement. For years, Kia and Hyundai cut corners and sold vehicles they knew were so unsafe they could be stolen with ease by a teenager with access to simple tools and a TikTok account. Kia and Hyundai's negligence in pursuit of corporate profit is unconscionable.

G (22:50)

I gotta say, that lawyer is a lunatic to think that that's any kind of an argument. Clearly had their car stolen and that's where this is coming from. But I love that Hyundai didn't get to get advertised like Hyundai boys like Kia boys definitely makes the most sense. But Hyundai didn't get the advertising that. That maybe they. Maybe they're happy with that.

A (23:12)

I'm. I'm guessing they're pretty happy about that.

G (23:14)

Yeah. Leave my name out of it.

A (23:15)

So the companies at first tried to shrug it off that once owners learned that the thefts could have been prevented that it was a security flaw. They banded together and filed a class action lawsuit against Kia and Hyundai that the carmakers pretty quickly settled, agreeing to pay 200 million to owners whose cars were stolen or damaged. They also offered to retroactively fix the flaw by installing a software patch. They even offered steering wheel locks for owners of cars that were too old for software upgrades. You remember that thing?

G (23:40)

Yep.

A (23:41)

Used to stick in the steering wheel

G (23:42)

back in the 90s, I think, when, like the arm. Something about the arm. I can't remember what was called, but

A (23:46)

yeah, you like, screw it and extend it and it basically makes the steering wheel so that you can't turn it. So you got one of those. Anyway, so, yes, our story ends with justice being served to, I guess, the owners by getting. Not insignificant. I think it's like three to six thousand bucks from Hyundai or Kia if you, if you join the class action lawsuit.

G (24:05)

Yeah.

A (24:05)

And the Kia Boys got lots of engagement hip hop songs. Had the time and they, they had the great pandemic summer.

G (24:11)

Yeah. How many total? Like, who's in this gang? How many total?

A (24:15)

Loosely affiliated. So it's not actually a gang, it's just like a bunch of like, kids who thought it would be fun and posted things with the hashtag Kia Boys.

G (24:23)

Oh, I got it. So you just kind of could like, you and I could be Kia Boys.

A (24:26)

We could be. We could. It's not too late.

G (24:27)

All right, There you go. Well, now we know what cars to look for. I'll be on the lookout.

A (24:31)

Just watch the stickers.

G (24:33)

Yeah.

A (24:34)

So, speaking of social media, I have one final car theft story to share. Right in your own backyard.

G (24:39)

Got it.

A (24:40)

On May 6, 2024, the Boulder, Colorado police posted this on their Facebook page. Not a standard recommendation for car theft prevention, the post begins. But this past Friday, a stick shift kept a thief from getting far in a stolen car. It was just after 4:30 when officers were called to Airport Boulevard for a report of a truck that had crashed into a fire hydrant. Officers spoke to witnesses and quickly took the female suspect into custody. Oh, so this woman, it turns out, had just been released from jail for Rory. Wanna guess?

G (25:11)

Car theft?

A (25:12)

Ding, ding, ding, ding. That's right. So she'd stolen a car the day before, and she gets out. She's newly out of jail. She stumbles into probably what seemed to her like a gift, a pickup truck just sitting there with the keys in the ignition. Yeah, may as well have steal me written on the side of it, Right? So our perp hops in, turns the truck on and then realizes it's a stick shift. Yep. And she can't drive a stick, but still.

G (25:34)

Still tries it sounds like.

A (25:36)

Yeah, well, she already started, I think. So she jumps out the car, the truck is running, and it smashes into a fire hydrant.

G (25:42)

Nice. Did a little duck and roll.

A (25:45)

Yep. So she's charged with felony 2nd degree motor vehicle theft with enhanced circumstance. Probably means, like, you literally got out of jail just yesterday for stealing a car and today you stole another one, so fudge you. Yeah, I think that's that. It's the legal definition, I believe.

G (25:59)

And that's in Colorado, folks, just to clear it up, you know, it's not always Florida, you know, benefit of the doubt, but it's a Florida action that took place in Colorado.

A (26:07)

That is right. Also got careless driving, driving without a valid license, and striking an unattended vehicle or other property. And I also found a good joke in the comments under the story that maybe could become a slogan for crimeless.

G (26:19)

Yeah.

A (26:20)

What do you call a stupid criminal, Rory?

G (26:22)

I don't know.

A (26:23)

A convict.

G (26:24)

Smart.

A (26:24)

We should get that on T shirts.

G (26:26)

It's actually super smart.

A (26:28)

Lane, put it on our T shirt list. Bumper stickers. That'll be on our Kia Boys bumper sticker.

G (26:34)

That's right, Kia Boys.

A (26:35)

And with that, our stories of car thefts come to an end. After the break, producer Lane, who can capably handle any sort of transmission, takes over. Rory, what's ahead?

G (26:46)

We got Lane's game coming at ya.

F (26:54)

What if mind control is real?

C (26:57)

If you could control the behavior of anybody around you, what kind of life would you have?

F (27:00)

Can you hip, hypnotically persuade someone to buy a car?

D (27:03)

When you look at your car, you're going to become overwhelmed with such good feelings.

F (27:07)

Can you hypnotize someone into sleeping with you?

E (27:10)

I gave her some suggestions to be sexually aroused.

F (27:14)

Can you get someone to join your cult? NLP was used on me to access my subconscious. Nlp, AKA Neuro Linguistic programming, is a blend of hypnosis, linguistics, and psychology. Fans. Fans say it's like finally getting a user manual for your brain.

E (27:30)

It's about engineering consciousness.

F (27:32)

Mind Games is the story of nlp, its crazy cast of disciples and the fake doctor who invented it at a new age commune and sold it to guys in suits. He stood trial for murder and got acquitted. The biggest mind game of all, nlp, might actually work.

H (27:50)

This is wild.

F (27:51)

Listen to Mind Games Games on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

A (28:02)

Okay, it's that time in our show when producer Lane takes over for Rory Lane's game. I believe Lane jumped that time. I did. Lane, what do you have for us this week?

H (28:14)

A quiz. The first question is, do you remember the Kia Soul commercials?

G (28:18)

So there's no way to get this first question in the quiz wrong?

H (28:21)

No, this is context for the quiz.

G (28:24)

Oh, okay.

A (28:26)

Yes, I do remember. Wrong.

G (28:28)

I. Yeah, I don't think I do. I don't think I do remember.

A (28:32)

I don't think I do either, but maybe you will jog my memory.

H (28:35)

Okay, so I remember them because they featured hamsters.

G (28:40)

Yes.

A (28:41)

Oh, yes.

H (28:42)

Driving around in the Kia Soul, jamming out to party rock anthem, among other things.

A (28:53)

You have jogged. Memory has been jogged.

H (28:54)

Yes. Great commercial. Very cute hamsters. So in honor of Kia and the cute hamsters, I have questions about other hamsters in popular culture. So nice little hamster quiz for you.

A (29:06)

All right, let's do it.

H (29:07)

First one, the Hamster Dance, if you remember, is one of the earliest Internet memes. Created in 1997, it features four animated gifs of cartoon hamsters dancing to a song from a 1973 Disney movie. What Disney movie is it?

A (29:25)

73 Bambi?

G (29:27)

Beauty and the Beast?

H (29:28)

No, it's Robin Hood. It's the whistles. Stop.

A (29:31)

Robin Hood.

G (29:40)

Come on.

H (29:41)

Sorry. You got a couple more opportunities for a right answer.

A (29:44)

All right, all right.

H (29:45)

Hamtaro is a TV show in manga that follows the adventures of Hamtaro, a golden hamster, and all of his friends. How many characters across the Hamtaro franchise are there?

A (29:57)

Jesus. I'm gonna go seven.

G (30:01)

I'm gonna go 15.

H (30:03)

Oh, no, not close at all. 324, according to the Hamtaro Wiki fandom page.

G (30:09)

Technically closer. Technically closer.

A (30:11)

Technically, Rory gets the point.

H (30:13)

Another hamster pop culture icon. Snowball. He's a genetically altered Hamster from the 1995 series Pinky and the Brain.

G (30:22)

I swear, I change my ways. How sad we never got what we wanted out of life.

H (30:27)

What British American actor voices him?

A (30:30)

British American. Choose one, Lane. British or American?

H (30:34)

I'll give you a hint.

G (30:35)

Hugh Laurie.

H (30:38)

No, that's not the hint. The hint is he was an answer in a different game that we played. Ones.

G (30:42)

Oh, that's great, Lane.

A (30:44)

Thanks.

H (30:46)

Another hit from the monkey episode.

A (30:48)

Oh, Jesus. Neither Rory or I. I don't know.

G (30:53)

I don't know.

A (30:53)

I'm gonna go Benedict Cumberbatch.

G (30:59)

Nice.

H (31:00)

All right, Rory, any other guesses?

G (31:02)

I got it.

H (31:02)

Did you already say Hugh? Lori? Okay, it's Roddy McDowell.

A (31:05)

Oh, God. That's a deep cut, Lane.

H (31:07)

Yeah, that was a Deep cut. All right, Two more questions. Mrs. Hamster is a minor character in Peppa Pig. What's her profession?

G (31:15)

This is Hamster minor character. Peppa Pig. Should know this.

A (31:18)

I also should know this, but your kid's younger than mine, so you know more than I should know it. Yeah, teacher. I like it. I like that answer.

H (31:25)

Now, I would have accepted Dr. Because her name's Dr. Hamster or veterinarian. That's what she technically is. Would have also accepted pilot because it's revealed she's a pilot in one episode.

A (31:35)

What a. What an icon.

G (31:36)

Yeah, I meant teach, like, teaches other pilots. So I feel like. Well, I don't know. I'll let you decide.

H (31:43)

All right, last one. The Redemption. Zhu Zhu Pets are robotic hamsters first introduced in 2009. The franchise first feature film, Quest for Zoo, was released straight to DVD in 2011. Give me any detail about this movie's plot. Tell me about it.

G (32:01)

It's two hamsters trying to have a baby.

A (32:05)

One of them owns a cookie shop.

G (32:07)

Yeah, one owns a cookie shop. And the other one has a broken train. I honestly have no idea. They're trying to steal the secret diamonds from the cavern.

A (32:18)

Yeah, their gang of thieves.

G (32:19)

Secret cavern.

A (32:20)

It's Ocean's Eleven, but with hamsters.

G (32:23)

Yes, I like that. But there is a cavern. There is a cavern.

H (32:26)

I would like some ideas about names of characters.

G (32:31)

Zondo,

A (32:33)

Trevor, Ryan Anderson.

G (32:35)

Ryan Anderson for sure is in there. Probably the owner.

H (32:39)

I am surnamed Ryan Anderson.

G (32:41)

Sort of the Dave of the Chipmunks.

A (32:44)

Really? Maybe Gene Smart.

G (32:46)

Yeah, Gene Smart makes a cameo as Gene Smart.

A (32:49)

These jokes will make much more sense to people depending on when this episode is aired.

H (32:53)

We'll release this one right after the Christmas episode.

G (32:56)

You have to connect these things. That's why they say we're the Dan Brown of podcasts.

H (33:01)

Oh, you know, no, none of this. Those names are right. But I like where your head's at. The movie. After an argument with her owner, Katie, Pipsqueak is transported to the Zooniverse, where she meets Mr. Squiggles, Chunk, and Num Nums. Together with them, she sets out to find Zufu, the ruler of Zoo, and return home. To do so, they must defeat Missoula, an evil snake sorceress who is captured. Zufu.

A (33:32)

What the hell?

G (33:33)

Yeah, I can't believe we didn't get any of that.

H (33:36)

Yeah, I think you guys are 0 for 5 on this one.

A (33:39)

Yep.

G (33:40)

I mean, I did get that one point because I was closer than Josh. So if we have to have a winner like if we have to have.

H (33:45)

Yeah, the Hamtaro one.

A (33:47)

Your prize is a hamster. Two hamsters, which will turn into like a hundred.

G (33:52)

Yay.

H (33:53)

Check your front door. Oh, she's there.

G (33:55)

Oh, wow.

A (33:58)

It's one of those, like, you hear a knock and you open the door and there's no one there. But there's a tiny little hamstring down there.

G (34:03)

Jesus, what is that?

A (34:07)

And then your dog kills it.

H (34:09)

Thanks for playing. Thank you.

A (34:12)

We'll see you next week, people for hamster crimes. Crimeless is a production of Smartless Media, Campside Media and big money players in partnership with iHeart podcasts. It's hosted by Rory Scovel and me, Josh Dean. Our senior producer is Lane Rose. Emma Siminoff is our associate producer. We're sound designed and engineered by Blake Brook with support from Ewan Leitramuin. Mark McAdam composed our theme song. The executive producers at Campside Media are Vanessa Gregoriadis, Matt Sher and me, Josh Dean. The executive producers for iHeart Podcast and Big Money Players are Jack O', Brien, Lindsey Hoffman and Matt Apodaca. For Smartlands Media, the executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and Richard Corson. Bernie Kaminski is head of production. The associate producer is Maddy McCann. A special thanks to our operations team, Ashley Warren and Sabina Mara. Do you have a question, comment or confession for the Crimless team? Email us at crimeless@campside media.com and if you enjoyed Crimeless, please rate and review the show wherever you get your podcasts. It helps people find the show and also makes us feel validated. Unless you're mean, in which case keep it to yourself. We'll see you next week. Crimeless Nation.

B (35:47)

What if mind control is real?

C (35:48)

If you could control the behavior of anybody around you, what kind of life would you have?

B (35:51)

Can you hypnotically persuade someone to buy a car?

D (35:55)

When you look at your car, you're going to become overwhelmed with such good feelings.

B (35:59)

Can you hypnotize someone into sleeping with you?

E (36:02)

I gave her some suggestions to be sexually aroused.

B (36:05)

Can you get someone to join your cult?

F (36:07)

NLP was used on me to access

B (36:09)

my subconscious mind games. A new podcast, exploring NLP be, AKA Neuro linguistic programming. Is it a self help miracle, a shady hypnosis scam? Or both? Listen to mind Games on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.