Podcast Summary: Culture Apothecary with Alex Clark

Episode: Why He Ghosted But Still Watches Your IG Stories | Patti Stanger
Date: November 29, 2025
Host: Alex Clark
Guest: Patti Stanger (Millionaire Matchmaker, CEO of Millionaires Club)

Overview

In this lively, unfiltered conversation, Alex Clark welcomes the renowned matchmaker Patti Stanger for a no-holds-barred deep dive into the chaos of modern dating. Covering everything from ghosting and Instagram “lurkers” to old-school gender roles, masculine/feminine energy, and practical dating tips, Patti brings her signature directness, humor, and deeply rooted advice. The episode also features a rapid-fire “Red/Green/Beige Flag” segment, offering priceless clarity for those navigating the confusing world of dating apps and real-life encounters.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Gender Roles & Masculine/Feminine Energy

• Women Texting First & Initiative in Dating

  • Patti is adamant that “masculine energy knows I want that chick. I’m going for it. Get out of my way.” (00:05, 21:57)
  • Both agree it’s best for men to pursue—women texting first often signals masculine energy, which they believe disrupts natural attraction.

• Modern Dating Reverses Gender Roles

  • Patti laments: “Men have switched to feminine. You chase me…women are…calling the shots…The men are sitting on the couch…women are becoming the men.” (03:49)
  • She emphasizes biology and old-fashioned courtship, describing a societal “hunter/provider” crisis. (04:04)

• Effects of Social Shifts

  • Timeline from the 60s to now: birth control, shifting sexual norms, and tech have changed the landscape, but “the biology hasn’t changed, just the technology.” (04:47)

The Modern Dating Marketplace: Apps, Meeting IRL, and Stats

• Dating App Ratio

  • Patti recommends only 10-25% of dating energy go into apps: “Use social media, but get out in the real world!” (05:28–05:42)
  • The rest should be divided between meeting people through friends, being open to chance encounters (“the magic”), and real-life activities.

• Best Places to Meet Singles (besides bars)

  • Suggestions for women: golf courses, sporting events, pickleball clubs, running/hiking clubs, and mocktail bars. Men are advised to explore Pilates/yoga for environments where women outnumber men. (07:13–09:27)

• Practical IRL Meeting Example

  • “Pretend you don’t know how to golf…someone’s going to come over and help you.” (07:13)
  • For men: “Look for no ring. Say, ‘Can I ask you a question? You’re really beautiful, are you single?’” (55:55)

Ghosting, Communication, and Emotional Safety

• Ghosting Explained

  • Ghosting is rampant; reasons include juggling multiple women, inability to communicate honestly, or being “dismissive/avoidant.” (38:07–39:33)
  • “A real man would say, ‘I just thought about it, Alex, I don’t think we’re right for each other.’” (38:36)

• Instagram Lurkers

  • “If he always watches your Instagram stories, but never texts, you are on the back burner. He’s created you as an option…Block him.” (61:30)

• Attachment Styles

  • Ghosters often have “dismissive-avoidant” attachment and avoid confrontation. (39:33)

Standards, Red Flags, and Navigating Dating Uncertainty

• High Standards vs. Picky

  • Limit must-haves to five; being “picky” with endless criteria is a trap, especially in a “dating drought.” (12:25)

• Dating Men Over 36, Living With Mom, Credit Cards

  • Men never married over 36: “Not necessarily [a red flag] if he’s a millionaire…if past 40, you have a problem.” (13:45, 59:15)
  • “If a grown man tells you his favorite hobby is video games” = beige flag unless it’s excessive. (57:32)
  • Living with mom (past early 20s) or no credit card = “red flag.” (58:32, 63:16)

• Indicators Someone Will Cheat

  • Past cheating, possible “cheater gene,” and lack of family/relationship track record. (12:00–12:03)

The “Red, Green, Beige Flag” Game Highlights

(Paraphrased key calls from the rapid-fire segment, see timestamps for full detail)

• Grown man’s hobby is video games: Beige (57:32)
• Lives with mom, “saving for a house”: Red (58:32)
• 40, never married, “focusing on self”: Red – narcissist (59:22)
• “Doesn’t believe in labels”: Red (59:59)
• Never posts you on social media: Red (64:01)
• Super close with a female “best friend”: Beige to red—she better be married or ‘hideous.’ (64:34)
• Refuses to discuss past relationships: Red—likely dismissive-avoidant (65:10)
• Watches stories, but doesn’t text: Red—option (61:25)
• Communicates only via Snapchat (especially over 30): Red (62:44)
• No credit card because “debt is evil”: Red (63:16)

Memorable game exchange:

Patti: “If he always watches your Instagram stories but doesn’t text you…you are an option. Block him.” – (61:33)

Relationship Progression & Exclusivity

• How Long Until You Know?

  • “Men know within ten minutes if they’ll marry you—if they’re in masculine energy.” (10:07)
  • “If a guy hasn’t made you exclusive in three months, you have a problem.” (51:21)
  • Ghosting or lack of initiatives to move the relationship forward are major red flags. (43:18)

• Sex, Monogamy, and Commitment

  • Patti’s rule: “No sex before monogamy.” Sleeping with a man too quickly may not yield commitment. (17:27, 56:39)

Feminine Energy & “Husband Material” Traits

• Husband Material
  • “Man with a plan is the sexiest man on the street. Man with no plan—not sexy.”
  • “Check his social media, LinkedIn…is he family-oriented? Talks about the future? That’s a man.” (25:21–28:13)
• Women’s Role
  • Patti: “You will end up being his mother…and men do not want to f**k their mothers.” (17:21)
  • Women can “grow into” love, men “scan and know” early on. (43:33)

Social Change, Hopelessness & Spiritual Advice

• Why Are Some Women Single Late Into Life?

  • Not always their “fault”—women need to be asked out; don’t buy into “cat lady” shaming. (13:45)
  • “Stop blaming women…A lot has to do with men.” (15:21)

• Working On Yourself, Holding Standards

  • “Stop dating down. Do not date potential. Date what they have now, because that’s all you’re getting.” (12:59)
  • “The cleaner you make your field, the quicker you’re going to level up to better men.” (50:30)

• Healing Culture Spiritually

  • Patti, emotionally: “Give it to God. Let go.” (71:39)
  • She shares how being single is often unfairly stigmatized and how faith/spirituality and prayer have kept her centered. (71:47)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Where there’s meat, there’s men.” (03:05)
• “If you get into a relationship with a man and he expects you to do everything, you will end up being his mother—and men do not want to f**k their mothers.” (17:21)
• “No sex before monogamy…Close your legs.” (17:27)
• “If he always watches your Instagram stories but doesn’t text you…you are an option. Block him.” (61:33)
• “Man with a plan is the sexiest man on the street. Man with no plan—not sexy.” (25:56)
• “Limit your list to five non-negotiables.” (12:28)
• “Ghosting has got to stop. It’s even happening at work, by the way.” (39:00)
• “The cleaner you make your field, the quicker you’re going to level up to better men. It might be a longer wait, but you always get better.” (50:30)
• “Give it to God. Let go.” (71:39)

Noteworthy Timestamps

• Texting First, Gender Roles: 00:00–05:00, 18:43, 21:57, 18:50
• App vs. IRL Meeting Ratios/Advice: 05:28–09:27
• Men, Marriage, and Knowing Quickly: 10:07–11:29, 28:24
• Red, Green, Beige Flag Game: 57:08–66:03
• Ghosting and Modern Emotional Games: 38:04–40:16
• Advice for the Chronically Single: 67:49–71:33
• Spiritual Healing—Final Remedy: 71:33–72:26

Conclusion: The Culture Cure

As the episode wraps, Patti’s central remedy for “healing a sick dating culture” is a fusion of self-work, strong boundaries, feminine energy—but above all, surrendering the pressure and timeline to God. Both women offer pragmatic steps and witty insight wrapped in tough love, with memorable takeaways on standing firm in values, rooting out red flags, and not settling for less than genuine partnership.

Listener takeaway: This episode is both a wakeup call and a guidebook for singles tired of mixed messages, low effort, and unmet expectations—delivered with humor, candor, and a dash of hope.