Podcast Summary: Culture Apothecary with Alex Clark

Episode: Why Record Amounts Of Young People Are Saying No To Marriage AND Sex

Guest: Dr. Debra Soh, PhD
Date: March 3, 2026
Main Theme:
A deep dive into why today’s young people are opting out of both marriage and sex at unprecedented rates — exploring the cultural, technological, biological, and psychological factors driving a modern “sex recession,” and discussing what it means for the future of intimacy and connection.

Key Sections & Insights

1. The New Age of Sexlessness

[02:57 – 05:10]

• Trend Data: Young people today—especially millennials and Gen Z—are having less sex than previous generations, with approximately one in three men and one in five women reporting no sex in the past year.
• Not Just the U.S.: This trend is global, spanning both the West and the East, often along lines of developed nations.
• Connection Lost: Sex is discussed as a “proxy for connection, intimacy, and community”—the drop signals deeper issues of social and emotional disconnection.
• Major Insight (Dr. Soh):

  "If we're not interested in connecting in that way, what is taking its place?"
  [04:20]

2. Redefining Relationships: From “Love” to “Situationships”

[05:10 – 08:37]

• Generational Shifts:
  • Millennials grew up idealizing love but increasingly normalized casual sex.
  • Gen Z prefers “situationships”—ambiguous, emotionally entangled arrangements that lack labels or traditional boundaries.
• Emotional Costs: These arrangements often result in wasted time and unfulfilled desires for real connection.
• Alex Clark:

  "They see that as different than a casual one night stand...But we're not official. We're not even in a talking stage. Like a situationship is even different than that." [07:09]

• Gen X Perspective: Utter confusion—this new dynamic is alien to older generations.

3. Gender Gaps in Marriage & Sex

[08:37 – 14:07]

• Men Want Marriage More: For the first time in history, younger men are more interested in marriage than young women. Women increasingly view marriage as an “outdated tradition” due to economic independence and shifting priorities.
• Statistics:
  • "One in three men is not having sex vs. one in five women over the last 12 months." [11:58]
  • Successful men have more access to partners, while less successful men are left out.
• Rise of Hypergamy: Women generally seek partners who are as successful, or more so, than themselves—making “pairing up” harder amid educational and economic advances for women.

4. Technology, Pornography & Declining Desire

[14:07 – 18:50]

• Pornography: While porn provides a convenient outlet, it reduces motivation for real-life sexual and romantic pursuits—particularly for young men.
• Low Testosterone & Endocrine Disruptors: Both men and women are experiencing hormonal changes due to environmental factors (chemicals, plastics, pharmaceuticals), lowering libido and vitality.
• SSRIs & Mental Health:
  • 1 in 5 college students is on antidepressants, drugs which can substantially dampen sex drive, mood, and motivation.
  • Dr. Soh warns about “post-SSRI sexual dysfunction,” which can be permanent even after drug discontinuation.
• Alex Clark:

  "Being on an SSRI for as little as a week, you can develop this disorder which completely numbs your genitals... There is no cure and people are not warned of this." [22:45]

5. Cultural Shifts: Feminism, DEI, and the Changing Value of Men

[08:43 – 11:50, 23:41 – 25:14]

• DEI Drives Wedge: Dr. Soh contends progressive DEI (Diversity, Equity, Inclusion) policies, while well-intentioned, can create systemic obstacles for young men—leaving them demotivated and disengaged.
• Women’s Success, Men’s Decline: As women excel, men feel marginalized, and are less likely to pursue improving their status, compounding the gap.

6. Birth Control and Pharmaceutical Influence

[32:27 – 37:19]

• Hormonal Birth Control: Alters women’s sexual signals, potentially reduces their attraction to masculinity, and may contribute to diminished desire for both sex and relationships.
• Environmental Contamination: Hormones and drugs are now ubiquitous in the water supply, potentially affecting everyone, not just those who take them directly.

7. Choking, Violence, and Porn-Driven Sexual Norms

[42:33 – 49:03]

• Normalizing Violence: Sexual practices like choking, once rare and non-consensual, are now normalized and requested by young women—likely due to early exposure to violent pornography.
• Dr. Soh on Trends:

  “Gen Z women are more inclined to say that they like it or even ask for it. They grew up watching porn from a very young age...” [00:16, 44:08]

• Consequences: Increased trauma, risk of serious injury, and distorted perceptions of intimacy—especially among the youngest generations.
• Heartbreaking Data:

  “I’ve heard cases of kids seeing porn at age four…even as young as seven, being exposed to aggressive sexual acts at school” [47:46–47:56]

8. Reproductive Technology: Egg Freezing & IVF

[49:04 – 55:01]

• Egg Freezing: Marketed as a way to “buy time,” but procedures are expensive, painful, and not guaranteed to result in live births.
• Clinic Conflicts: Dr. Soh cautions that some clinics may have a conflict of interest in not being transparent about real success rates (“mid-30s to late-30s is best, declines rapidly after 35”).
• IVF: Considered a band-aid, not a solution, as it doesn’t address underlying health or societal factors leading to fertility decline.

9. The Role of Social Media in Relationship Breakdown

[62:42 – 64:59]

• Disconnect & Manipulation: Social platforms create unrealistic expectations and fuel discontent, directly influencing major life decisions like divorce.
• Dr. Soh's Advice:

  “No social media. Get off social media entirely… Don’t compare yourself or your relationship to anybody else’s on social media. It’s so toxic.” [62:45]

10. The Artificial Future: AI Partners, Plastic Surgery, and Sex Robots

[65:52 – 68:31]

• AI Boyfriends/Girlfriends: Dr. Soh describes the rise of ultra-realistic AI companions and sex robots, emphasizing their scary realism and potential to replace human intimacy.
• Other Trends: Looksmapping, plastic surgery among both genders, the normalization of selling nudes, and the false “empowerment” of sex work.

11. Remedies & Hope for the Future

[69:39 – 71:35]

• Dr. Soh’s Remedy:

  “Get off your phones in public… Everyone is craving connection. Anyone who existed before the Internet wants us to go back to that time.” [69:39]

• For Gen Alpha: Kids need to be kept off screens, as excessive use is linked to impaired brain development, emotional regulation issues, and future social disconnection.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Part of my interest in sexual inactivity is because I used to study sex scientifically… but now I want to see what is taking the place of sex because it is a proxy for connection, intimacy.” — Dr. Soh [04:10]
• “The only thing worse than being where you are now is being in the exact same place 20, 30 years from now.” — Dr. Soh [00:25 & 62:27]
• “If you do want a future with a partner, who are you going to settle down with? Because women are hypergamous, they’re not likely to marry or date someone who is lower in status…” — Dr. Soh [09:05]
• “I think there is something going on with all these college students being on SSRIs and hormonal birth control... We need more research to know for sure, but I do think there’s something going on.” — Dr. Soh [35:34]
• “Egg freezing is marketed as buying time. But it’s not 100% guaranteed, and the procedures are painful, time-consuming, and expensive.” — Dr. Soh [49:10]
• “Social media… has just made everyone have such a bizarre set of expectations in terms of what they think they deserve or what people should look like.” — Dr. Soh [62:45]
• “Put more emphasis on in-person connection… in terms of dating, meeting people in real life. Don’t use dating apps.” — Dr. Soh [69:39]

Important Timestamps

• 02:57 – Dr. Soh on the reality of falling rates of sex
• 05:10 – Generational differences in relationship expectations
• 08:43 – Data on men vs women wanting marriage/sex
• 11:58 – Why more men are “sexless”
• 14:07 – Tech, porn, and pharmaceutical effects on desire/motivation
• 22:45 – SSRIs and their unadvertised sexual side effects
• 32:27 – Hormonal birth control's impact on relationships and attraction
• 42:33 – The rise and normalization of sexual choking/violence
• 49:04 – The reality vs promise of egg freezing & IVF
• 62:45 – Social media as a driver of relationship anxiety and dissolution
• 65:52 – Introduction of AI partners and sex robots
• 69:39 – Dr. Soh’s “remedy” for a sick culture

Takeaways for Listeners

• Sex & Marriage Are Changing: The rise of sexlessness and aversion to marriage among the young is a complex blend of cultural, technological, psychological, and biological drivers.
• Technology Is Both Cause and Symptom: From porn to social robots and dating apps, tech is displacing traditional avenues for connection and distorting expectations.
• Environmental & Pharmaceutical Factors Matter: The unexamined role of drugs and endocrine disruptors may be undercutting the ability or even the will to form intimate bonds.
• Mirrored Extremes: Both left and right may be getting it wrong in defining women’s and men’s roles, and the real solution may require moving away from polarized scripts.
• Healing Begins Offline: Dr. Soh recommends a return to real-life, in-person connection, reducing screen time, and a more realistic, honest approach to relationships and health.

To Heal a Sick Culture:
“Get off your phones in public, put more emphasis on in-person connection… and just talk to people—even strangers. Everyone is craving connection.”—Dr. Debra Soh [69:39]