Podcast Summary: "Why Your Wife Won’t Submit | Biblical Leadership with Owen Strachan"

Culture Apothecary with Alex Clark (Turning Point USA)
November 7, 2025 | Guest: Dr. Owen Strachan

Overview

This episode tackles the nuances of biblical leadership in marriage, focusing on the difference between loving headship and harmful patriarchy, why men often struggle to lead, what faithful submission means for women, and how both spouses can grow into their God-given roles. Dr. Owen Strachan, theologian and author of The War on Men, joins Alex Clark to break down modern challenges facing Christian couples, practical steps to spiritual leadership, and how to confront both cultural distortions and church overcorrections around gender, authority, and marriage.

Main Themes and Purpose

• Restoring a gospel-centered model of marriage and family leadership
• Unpacking "biblical headship" vs. cultural caricatures of patriarchy
• Addressing obstacles men and women face in embodying these callings
• Practical advice for daily family, church, and relational dynamics
• Encouragement for marriages both struggling and thriving

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Do Men Struggle to Lead Biblically?

Timestamp: 03:06 – 03:51

• Cultural and internal factors: Dr. Strachan attributes male reluctance to lead to cultural messaging (feminism, secular ideas) and “indwelling sin.”

  “If you act in a traditionally masculine way in a lot of contexts, you’re in the penalty box...a lot of men today are just down and out and don’t know how to find their way back.” — Dr. Owen Strachan (03:35)

• Local church's role: Strong churches breed strong, godly men by calling and training them to spiritual maturity.

2. Loving Headship vs. Domineering Patriarchy

Timestamp: 07:11 – 09:24

• Biblical headship defined:

  “…a godly Christlike head does lead. He has authority in the home...But there’s back and forth, conversation…a godly head in the Bible views his wife as his helper...Helper in scripture means you are bringing strength to the table that other people don’t have.” — Owen (08:42)

• Domination rejected: Patriarchy that silences a wife is unbiblical; leadership means initiative, not authoritarian rule.

3. Leading at Home in the Hard Moments

Timestamp: 09:24 – 12:02

• Real-life chaos: When coming home tired to a messy house, Strachan says—pray before entering, bring warmth and calm, serve where needed.

  “I’m fundamentally coming in not like the king…I'm trying to come in in a servant minded posture.” — Owen (11:16)

• Servant leadership: Distinguishes between servant leadership that abdicates responsibility and one that loves with gentle strength.

4. Training Sons (and Daughters) for Godly Leadership

Timestamp: 12:28 – 14:22

• Formal: Structured discipleship—reading and discussing Christian books together.
• Informal: Bonding during daily life (car rides, sports, casual talks).

  “With all three of my kids, I want to fill up the enjoyment tank with them as much as I can…to give them a joyful home.” — Owen (13:56)

5. Marriage Self-Assessment for Husbands

Timestamp: 14:24 – 15:53

• Ask: Am I leading myself? Providing, protecting, and leading my family spiritually?
• Importance of serving, discipling, and putting family above self.

6. Should Women Always Stay Home?

Timestamp: 16:03 – 21:08

• Nuanced take: Not a sin for wives to work, but priority should be home and children during formative years, as much as circumstances allow.

  “It does mean that you’re watching that and always trying to rebalance...so your priorities...as a mother, [should be] going to your kids.” — Owen (16:49)

• Gifting not denied: Gifted, intelligent women are not told to hide their talents.

7. Navigating Christian Disagreements and Online Discourse

Timestamp: 17:27 – 21:08

• Women’s conferences: Not prohibited, but priority for women should be church discipleship, under male elders. Good to have “freedom in gray areas.”
• Rejecting legalism; focusing on heart and gospel priorities.

8. Making Marriage Endure: Communication, Grace, and Forgiveness

Timestamp: 24:29 – 28:02

• Private research: “Radical honesty” yields higher divorce; grace and prudent discretion foster stronger marriages.

  “You have to do so much picking and choosing when you live so closely with a fellow sinner...You have to do a lot of forgiving, you have to do a lot of zipping your lip.” — Owen (26:43, 28:02)

• Marriage is “anchored in grace, divine grace that flows into your union.”

9. Secular Marital Advice: Use Caution, Apply Wisdom

Timestamp: 29:16 – 31:15

• There’s “common sense wisdom” but filter everything through scripture, especially at the spiritual/theological level.

10. Transactional Marriage vs. Covenant

Timestamp: 31:19 – 34:42

• Social media and “perfect marriages” are fake—real marriage is sacrificial and long-term.

  “Covenantal marriage…‘till death do us part.’ …Satan hates marriage almost more than anything.” — Owen (33:42)

11. Repentance, Counseling, and When to Seek Help

Timestamp: 34:42 – 45:21

• Repenting first to God, then to spouse.
• Best conversations happen outside the heat of arguments.
• Men often resist help and see counseling as a loss; they must reframe it as strength.

  “Owning our sin and us recognizing that our marriage…needs work, is not a loss. It’s a win.” — Owen (38:55)

12. Marriage as a Gospel Issue

Timestamp: 39:14 – 40:17

• Earthly marriage points to Christ and the church (Ephesians 5).

  “Every husband…is a little living image of Jesus. And every wife…a little living picture of the church.” — Owen (39:21)

13. When Only One Spouse Wants Growth or Help

Timestamp: 42:42 – 46:16

• For wives in particular: Pray, seek wise counsel, realize you cannot “fix” your spouse but can pray and invite support from the church.
• The local church is key—real community demands involvement, not just attendance.

14. Men’s Need for Respect

Timestamp: 62:29 – 66:33

• Culturally, men are often belittled—wives can combat this at home by expressing appreciation.

  “A wife can take her husband seriously, can respect him, can honor him…thank him if he is out there leading, protecting, and providing.” — Owen (63:27)

• Encourages women to “dial up affirmation” even when it takes self-control not to nitpick.

15. Submission, Sin, and When Not to Follow

Timestamp: 59:09 – 60:11

• Biblical submission: Not following a husband into sin, but involves trusting even amid disagreement.

  “Paul doesn't mean…a woman is never going to disagree...He doesn't mean that a woman is to follow her husband into sin. She is not.” — Owen (59:56)

16. Growing as a Spiritual Leader—Starting Small

Timestamp: 66:33 – 69:20

• Many men are intimidated but should just “do the basics”—pray, read scripture with family, seek mentors.

  “Spiritual leadership actually isn’t that complicated…all you need to really do is pray together as a family.” — Owen (66:48)

17. Sex, Pornography, and Unrealistic Expectations

Timestamp: 69:20 – 74:36

• Rejects the claim that wives are their husbands’ “porn firewalls.”

  “That is completely unfair to say to a woman. Like…you can never say no?” — Owen (70:44)

• Real marital intimacy is mutual, respectful, flexible, and marked by self-control from both sides.

• Warns men to “grow up” and not treat marriage or sex in a transactional or entitled way.

18. Patriarchy Surge & Spiritual Abuse Concerns

Timestamp: 53:28 – 59:02

• There is a resurgence of “patriarchy” in some circles, but Owen is strongly critical of its harsh, domineering form.

  “I've had men say to me…'Godly marriage for me isn't feminism. It looks like me dominating my wife.' And I'm like...we have driven right into the other [ditch]...” — Owen (54:55)

• Condemns uses of the Bible to justify abuse (e.g. “spanking wives”):

  “That stuff is of the devil...Just because you are reacting to feminism with ‘return to the Bible’...does not mean what you are doing is good.” — Owen (56:41)

19. Singleness: Self-Driven vs. Godly

Timestamp: 74:36 – 76:34

• Marriage is God's plan for most, but singleness “ordered to God” is honored.

  “The Bible holds out singleness that is ordered to God…” — Owen (75:31)

20. Bible Study and Healthy Churches

Timestamp: 76:34 – 78:51

• Everyone needs Bible study—it's not just for women.
• Signs of a healthy study or church: focus on scripture, the gospel, and community growth, not just theological posturing.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “A godly head in the Bible views his wife...as his helper… putting a crown on her head.” — Owen (08:43)
• “You have to do so much picking and choosing when you live so closely with a fellow sinner... you have to do a lot of forgiving, zipping your lip.” — Owen (28:02)
• “Men have to say, ‘we’re going to be okay, honey.’ It’s going to be okay. Nine times out of 10, it is going to be okay… But there are times when...we should pull over and talk honestly.” — Owen (37:30)
• “Every husband, whether he knows it or not, is a little living image of Jesus. And every wife...is a little living picture of the church.” — Owen (39:21)
• “Patriarchy garbage on the far end where husbands are spanking wives and treating them like children. That’s the problem...I believe that stuff is of the devil.” — Owen (56:41, 58:14)
• “Spiritual leadership actually isn’t that complicated…all you need to really do is pray together as a family.” — Owen (66:48)

Episode Structure with Timestamps

• [03:06] Why Men Lack Leadership Confidence
• [07:11] Sacrificial Headship vs. Domineering Patriarchy
• [09:24] Entering the Chaos at Home as a Servant
• [12:28] Raising Godly Sons (Discipleship at Home)
• [14:24] Self-Assessment for Husbands
• [16:03] Should Wives Always Stay Home?
• [17:27] Women’s Roles, Conferences, and Online Discourse
• [24:29] What Makes Marriage Last? Grace vs. Over-Communication
• [29:16] Is Secular Marriage Advice Useful?
• [31:19] Transactional vs. Covenantal Marriage
• [34:42] Repentance and When to Get Help
• [39:14] Marriage as a Gospel Picture
• [42:42] When Only One Spouse Is Willing to Get Help
• [46:16] The Church as a Marriage Support System
• [53:28] The Surge of Patriarchy—Warning Signs
• [62:29] Men, Love, and Respect
• [66:33] How Men Should Start Spiritual Leadership
• [69:20] Sex, Porn, and Marital Reality
• [74:36] Self-Driven vs. Godly Singleness
• [76:34] Who Is Bible Study For? What Is a Healthy Church?

Tone and Final Thoughts

The episode is candid, deeply practical, and both gentle and direct—meant for real-life couples, not idealized ones. Owen Strachan is forthright about spiritual principles while urging listeners to reject legalism, harsh patriarchy, and cultural fads. Alex Clark keeps the conversation grounded in relatable, everyday marriage struggles and church life. The overall call: lean into your church, lead and love sacrificially, and build a home on faith, humility, and unity, not rules or overreactions.

Resources & Further Information

• Owen Strachan: [X (Twitter) @OSTRACHAN, Instagram @Profstran, YouTube], Substack: To Re-enchant the World
• Book: The War on Men (Salem, 2023)

This summary provides a detailed guide for anyone wanting to understand the central arguments, practical tips, and encouragements on biblical marriage leadership as presented by Alex Clark and Dr. Owen Strachan in this episode.