Boundaries are simply what I say hell yea to.

A good man will function well within your tolerable region without issue. And when he bumps up against your boundary, he’ll identify it, acknowledge, make good on the violation, and move on with a clearer understanding.

But all of that is built on being clear about boundaries and that clarity, for most of us, comes long before we start dating anyone in particular.

So tonight, we’re reacting to one tiktoker who breaks down boundaries, rules, and expectations in a way that we can apply to our dating lives.

I want to know are we the drama with our ambiguous boundaries, or if niggas are just disrespectful because they ain’t s**t no way.

Words like “boundaries” and “expectations” come up all throughout our dating life. A lot of the gworls think boundaries work and expectations just make room for disappointment.

While that can be true, neither of those work unless we’re clear on our boundaries are, how we communicate them, and how we enforce them with love and grace.

So tonight, Dr. Raquel Martin has got over a million-and-a-half views on TikTok, teaching us about boundaries. We’re reacting to this to see if there’s some Black gay wisdom we can take from the conversation.

Chapters

0:00:00 - The Road to Clear Boundaries

0:01:50 - Boundaries, Rules, & Expectations: A Dating Guide

0:02:53 - 4 Tips for Cuffing Season

0:05:36 - The Private Party: Celebrating Jai's 40th

0:08:22 - The Difference Between a Boundary, Rule, and a Standard

0:14:38 - The Legacy of Tevin Campbell

0:26:04 - Standards for Friends & The "Fence" Analogy

0:41:43 - Why Black Gay Men Struggle with Intimacy

0:52:49 - Disagreement vs. Argument: The Difference

1:04:45 - Self-Knowledge vs. Self-Awareness

1:13:04 - Listener Q&A: The Pain of Growth

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How To Set HEALTHY Dating Boundaries