While I haven’t bottomed in a long time, most of my exes have been versatile.

The irony, though, is that most of the problems and successes we faced in relationships stemmed from everything aside from what happens in the bedroom.

Being verse, just like being top or bottom, can be limited to just dicks and asses, but I’ve found that for most of us, sexual position has some spill over into emotions, how we express our queerness, and how we’d like to be received by our partners.

So tonight, let’s assume for a quick moment that there are two kinds of versatile. There’s sexual versatility and emotional versatility.

I want to know if these two things exist. And if they both do, then how do we connect (1) connect with men that are the kind of vers that works with us, and (2) how do we steer clear of vers men that don’t.

Dear Black Gay Men’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Chapters

1. Introduction: Unpacking Versatility (00:00:01) The host, Jai The Gentleman, introduces the episode's topic: exploring versatility beyond just sexual positions.

2. The Four Types of Verse (00:05:09) Jai explains the four types of versatile men based on his experience.

3. Community and Criticism (00:08:14)

4. Assumptions and Follow-Up Questions (00:13:52) The host poses a question to the audience: What is the first thing that comes to mind when a person says they are "verse"?

5. "Total" vs. "Verse" (00:36:25) Jai explains his preference for dating versatile men over "total" tops or bottoms.

He finds that people who use the word "total" to describe their position often have insecurities and focus on reinforcing boundaries he already respects15He feels that these individuals bring their insecurities into the bedroom, making the sexual experience about "f*****g parts and not people"He also criticizes tops who refuse to engage in oral sex, calling them "useless"17

6. Sexual Baggage and Vulnerability (00:41:22) The host discusses the baggage and insecurities some gay men carry, especially those who identify as masculine or "trade."

7. Intentionality in Kink Spaces

(00:58:43) Jai and a commenter discuss the lack of intentionality some Black men bring to kink spaces. He explains that since many in the community are "unaware of kink behavior," they don't know how to follow the "rules and regulations" of spaces like dark rooms20He gives examples of people using their phones with flashlights or turning on lights in a dark room, violating the intended purpose of the space21Jai advocates for more intentionality in how Black men explore their sexuality, so they can create more safe spaces for exploration.

8. A Brooklyn Caller's Perspective (01:05:41) A caller named Donnie from Brooklyn, New York, joins the show.

9. A Verse Caller’s Perspective (01:10:06) Nicholas and Jai discuss the parallels between sexual versatility and emotional intelligence.

10. The Power of Versatile Men

(01:14:42) Jai concludes the show by stating that he believes men who practice versatility are more emotionally aware and can teach the broader community how to balance masculine and feminine energy. He says that many Black men have a hard time being vulnerable and allowing themselves to be cared for, which is a skill that versatile men can help master. He believes that versatile men are meant to help the gay community evolve into a "better group of people".

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dearblackgaymen.substack.com/subscribe