Ep. 415: Meeting Black Men Who Don’t Date Black Women (Ft. Lex P)

Summary

Episode Summary: Decisions, Decisions – Ep. 415: Meeting Black Men Who Don’t Date Black Women (Ft. Lex P)

Introduction

In Episode 415 of Decisions, Decisions, hosted by Mandii B and WeezyWTF from The Black Effect and iHeartPodcasts, the conversation centers around the intricate dynamics of Black women dating Black men who may not prioritize such relationships. Featuring guest Lex P, the episode delves into personal experiences, societal pressures, and the evolving landscape of modern relationships. Through candid discussions, humor, and vulnerability, the hosts challenge traditional patriarchal norms and explore non-traditional relationship structures.

Personal Relationship Dynamics

The episode kicks off with Mandii B and Shay (Love Lex P) sharing their personal relationship statuses, highlighting the complexities of maintaining connections while pursuing individual growth. Mandii discusses her experience navigating a non-monogamous relationship, emphasizing the importance of self-sufficiency and setting personal boundaries.

Mandii B [09:03]: "When you are a C-suite woman or a woman with a nine to five or multiple jobs, the last thing you need a man to do is to come in and not be your peace."

Shay echoes similar sentiments, expressing the challenges of balancing work, personal life, and relationships without compromising her own well-being.

Shay [07:10]: "If we work out, cool. If we don't, cool. I feel like I'm here because God has guided me down such a good path."

Societal Expectations and Patriarchal Norms

The hosts discuss how traditional patriarchal structures have historically dictated relationship norms, often placing undue pressure on women to conform. They contrast this with the modern woman's pursuit of independence and the ability to define her own relationship terms.

Mandii B [07:50]: "When women back in the day couldn't have jobs or be entrepreneurs, their whole lives were dictated by patriarchy and finding a man to provide and take care of."

Andrea adds a layer of complexity by addressing the privilege associated with financial independence, which affords women more control over their relationship choices.

Andrea [08:11]: "Making more money kind of gave me a privilege... independence makes you have a different viewpoint."

Ethical Non-Monogamy: Definitions and Debates

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to unpacking the concept of ethical non-monogamy. The hosts explore its various forms, such as polyamory and polygamy, and discuss the misconceptions and societal judgments surrounding these relationship structures.

Mandii B [43:01]: "Non-monogamy can absolutely be customizable. It could be what you and your partner make it."

Shay critiques the portrayal of non-monogamy in popular culture, particularly highlighting instances where it is misrepresented or exploited without genuine ethical considerations.

Shay [42:14]: "American men want to adopt what these West African men are doing with polygamy, but it's not about structure—it's just about wanting to 'fuck around.'"

Hypothetical Scenarios and Real-Life Applications

Lex P introduces hypothetical scenarios to navigate real-life relationship challenges, prompting the hosts to offer their perspectives and solutions. These scenarios serve as practical illustrations of the broader themes discussed.

Mandii B [25:10]: "Your date picks an expensive restaurant but conveniently forgets their wallet. How do you respond? You can cash out."

Through these discussions, the hosts emphasize the importance of communication, setting boundaries, and maintaining personal integrity in relationships.

Cultural Expectations and Stereotypes in Interracial Relationships

The conversation shifts to address the stereotypes and cultural expectations that Black women face in interracial relationships, particularly with Black men dating outside their race. The hosts share anecdotes about racial biases, societal judgments, and the internal conflicts that arise from these dynamics.

Andrea [31:24]: "I remember a guy telling me I acted like a dark-skinned girl... I've had another man tell me, 'Oh, like you're real hair.'"

Mandii and Shay further discuss how societal pressures and internalized stereotypes influence relationship choices and self-perception.

Mandii B [33:28]: "I have never personally had the experience of any man saying, 'You're just blocking out.'"

The Role of Independence and Self-Sufficiency

A recurring theme is the significance of financial independence and self-sufficiency in empowering women to make autonomous relationship decisions. The hosts argue that financial stability allows women to disengage from unhealthy relationships and seek partners who respect their boundaries and values.

Mandii B [52:03]: "We're in the modern girl era where we make our own money and can demand what works for us in our relationships."

Conclusion: Redefining Happiness and Relationship Structures

As the episode draws to a close, Mandii and Shay advocate for redefining happiness and relationship success beyond societal expectations. They encourage listeners to prioritize personal fulfillment, set clear boundaries, and embrace authentic connections that align with their values and desires.

Mandii B [52:20]: "Don't lean into society's comments or what they think looks like happiness. If you enjoy a relationship where your man has multiple girlfriends, stay and enjoy your life. If not, move on because there are plenty of fish in the sea."

Notable Quotes

• Mandii B [09:03]: "When you are a C-suite woman or a woman with a nine to five or multiple jobs, the last thing you need a man to do is to come in and not be your peace."
• Shay [07:10]: "If we work out, cool. If we don't, cool. I feel like I'm here because God has guided me down such a good path."
• Mandii B [43:01]: "Non-monogamy can absolutely be customizable. It could be what you and your partner make it."
• Shay [42:14]: "American men want to adopt what these West African men are doing with polygamy, but it's not about structure—it's just about wanting to 'fuck around.'"
• Mandii B [52:20]: "Don't lean into society's comments or what they think looks like happiness. If you enjoy a relationship where your man has multiple girlfriends, stay and enjoy your life."

Final Thoughts

Episode 415 of Decisions, Decisions offers a profound exploration of the challenges and triumphs faced by Black women in contemporary relationships. Through honest dialogue and shared experiences, Mandii B and Shay shed light on the nuances of dating Black men who may not prioritize relationships with Black women. The episode serves as a compelling narrative on autonomy, societal pressures, and the quest for authentic love in a rapidly evolving social landscape.

Transcript

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[Mandy B]

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[Gilbert King]

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[Charlamagne Tha God]

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[Gilbert King]

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[Charlamagne Tha God]

At the end of the day, I'm literally A son of a killer.

[Gilbert King]

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[Mandy B]

Peace to the planet.

[Weezy]

I go by the name of Charlamagne Tha God. And guess what? I can't wait to see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival.

[Mandy B]

That's right.

[Weezy]

We're coming back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April 26th at Pullman Yards. And it's hosted by none other than Decisions, Decisions. Mandy B. And Weezy. Okay, we got the R and B Money podcast with Tank and Jay Valentine. We got the Woman of All podcast with Sarah Jake Roberts. We got Good Moms, Bad Choices. Carrie Champion will be there with her Neck in Sports podcast. And the Trap Nerds podcast with more to be announced. And of course, it's bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with black owned businesses, plus the food truck court to keep you fed while you visit us. All right, listen, you don't want to miss this. Tap in and grab your Tickets [e-mail] podcast festival.

[Andrea]

Welcome to Decisions Decisions.

[Mandy B]

I don't think you should say decisions. It sounded like you was talking in cursing.

[Andrea]

You definitely say the welcome.

[Mandy B]

Welcome to the new podcast.

[Andrea]

All right, you want to say it together?

[Mandy B]

Decisions, Decisions. Welcome, guys, to another episode of Decisions, Decisions. And I'm singing. Cause our guest today. But it's your girl, Mandy B. Okay, bitch, go ahead and give us some buckles. Cause you could sing, bitch. So go ahead, give us some buckles, bitch. It's your girl.

[Shay]

I said, oh, no. It's your girl. Let's be in the building.

[Andrea]

Yeah. I'm not gonna lie. I feel like I'll get worse. That was good.

[Mandy B]

No, no. Shay really sing. She can really sing.

[Shay]

I can hold that tune now, Weezy.

[Andrea]

I've heard you do it, but you know what? People fake sing.

[Mandy B]

No, no, no. She go. She. She sounds like Toni Braxton.

[Andrea]

Bring back the joy of my love.

[Mandy B]

So if you sound like Tony Braxton, I will tell you now I sound like Cher. Okay, don't do that. When do you believe in life after love?

[Andrea]

They are.

[Mandy B]

I'm not mad at that. They are here.

[Andrea]

Excuse me, y'all. N couldn't have done this on the Patreon. The.

[Mandy B]

Anyways, guys, really, really excited. We got a girl, Lex P in the building for the P is for that girl.

[Shay]

The queen.

[Mandy B]

There's no P not that girl.

[Shay]

It's all of it. The next P stands for I'm that girl.

[Mandy B]

I Thought it meant pot. That's all of it.

[Andrea]

It can.

[Shay]

It can be that, too.

[Andrea]

I like it to hear I can that.

[Mandy B]

You know what I'm saying? So, normally we start off with a quick catch up of what Weezy and I got going on. However, I thought we could start this off really cute because we've all been podcasters for years now. We're not new to this. We're true to this.

[Andrea]

We had o. I was like, this.

[Mandy B]

May be the first time the three of us have all been on a mic with boyfriends.

[Shay]

No, it ain't.

[Mandy B]

Oh, you okay? Gotcha, gotcha. No, Kim. Oh, yeah.

[Shay]

This.

[Mandy B]

Is this.

[Andrea]

On display?

[Mandy B]

No. First of all, I. I had them be delivered.

[Shay]

Okay.

[Mandy B]

Y'all know we recording this episode the same as whatever episode you heard ago. We.

[Shay]

We.

[Mandy B]

We. We both record these hoes. Pl. Y'all gonna see these flowers, period. Wait a second. So you're Mandy gonna get a wedding.

[Andrea]

Ring and be like, single now? Wait, a ring, man. You're gonna be just like this. Put it right on top. Hello, welcome. That's with you. As you know, no one wants you.

[Mandy B]

My married me. I can't believe it because. So, Lex, you are very my man. My man. My man. I am to where I. I get sick of it. So I thought we could actually just all be really annoying.

[Shay]

So, you know, I'm always like that in the beginning. I think it's like the beginning honeymoon stage. The beginning.

[Mandy B]

It was for the last year and a half on my timeline.

[Shay]

He's an amazing guy. Like, he's an amazing man. We have an amazing relationship. We still talk every day, you know, it's not like a bad girl that.

[Mandy B]

Is still fucking up.

[Shay]

Well. Well, no, it's not. We're not in a relationship.

[Mandy B]

How can you talk to a guy every day, still fuck him, Work and that not be on me at the time.

[Andrea]

Okay, wait, I've done that.

[Shay]

Well, I think it's just because it's just we have a lot going on individually that we need to work on, and I can recognize that, you know, So I have a lot of growing I need to do, and he does as well. So it's not like weird and bad blood and we hate. It's not none of that. It's just like, we trying to figure it out. If it works out and we get back together, Cool. And if it don't, cool.

[Mandy B]

Are y'all both seeing other people?

[Shay]

I'm not. I mean, I don't. I mean, I don't think he is. I don't know, but I don't. I'm not in that space right now, to be honest. Like, I have so much going on. I know it sounds so cliche.

[Mandy B]

No, it don't.

[Shay]

I have so much going on work wise. I don't even have time to, like, worry about that and be concerned about it. It was like a point in time. I was like, oh, my gosh, if he moves on and dates somebody, I'm gonna jump off a bridge. But I'm like, you know what? I feel like if we work out, cool. If we don't, cool. I feel like I'm here because God has guided me down such a good path. So instead of doubting what's gonna happen all the time, I just have to have faith that it'll work out. My favorite cause you sound like every.

[Mandy B]

Bit of the modern day woman. Yeah, because I think, like, when women back in the day, when I say back in the day, maybe your mamas or whatever, like when they couldn't really have jobs or they couldn't be entrepreneurs and their whole lives were dictated on patriarchy and finding a man or a husband to provide and take care and all those things, a woman had to be like. I gotta say what you.

[Andrea]

Yeah. I will say this, though. There is a weird privilege that making more money kind of gave me. Oh, facts.

[Shay]

Oh, for sure.

[Andrea]

Period. Even though I had more niggas when I was broke and I was going.

[Mandy B]

Yeah, because they like to save bitches.

[Andrea]

But at the same time, there's something internally that, like that little bit of, I mean, like, independence. I don't know what it is. It just makes you have this different viewpoint. It's almost like you think your options are bigger. But I do think it has to do with being busy.

[Shay]

Yeah, being busy definitely has saved me. Like, I'm not the type of girl, like, if I go through a breakup, I'm like, don't get me wrong, I'm gonna be in the house for a little bit and go through my emotions to go through my feelings, but I gotta go to work, so, you know, I have stuff to do, so I can't. And then it's like the way my podcast is, it's like, I gotta be funny and I gotta be vibrant, so I don't got time for all that. I gotta keep it pushing.

[Mandy B]

I mean, I think that's my thing. When you are a C suite woman or a woman with a nine to five or multiple jobs or running your own businesses, like, the last thing you need a man to do is to come in and not be your piece.

[Shay]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mandy B]

So if you're not gonna make my life easier while I'm not. Because work is never easy. Let's be very clear. Right, Right. Even though you get to come and show up and be funny and do the live shows and travel all over the world and do the things, like when that still becomes exhausting and draining on our body and we're dealing with a lot of people.

[Andrea]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

So when I finally get free time, nigga, the last thing I want to do is argue with you. Right?

[Shay]

Right.

[Andrea]

Now, tell me this. So you said that you feel like you have to always come and show up for me, I think whenever I want a backseat. We're so lucky we have a guest. Tell me how when you've had a tough day with your partner. What's that conversation with you, Andre? Like, were you like, bitch, have you had a day where you're like, romantic wise, not family stuff romantic wise? You're like, I'm fucking having a bad day. I like, I can't do it.

[Shay]

I let her know we be having conversations, but I don't know what, I hate to say this, but I know how to turn that shit on, period. Like that camera presses record, all that goes out the window. Because at the end of the day, it's people out there who have worse days than me, who watch poor minds to put them in a good mood or watch love Lexp to put them in a good mood. I'm crying. I'm upset over a nigga. It's not the end of the world.

[Andrea]

A few months ago, I was crying in a car, not over a nigga, but just stressed. Right. And I had listened to this podcast, I shared it on, you Got Decisions, where basically it says, watch how you talk to yourself. I'm in the car. I had a good cry in the parking garage. That's the best place some cars be going. By some lady getting groceries off. I'm still crying. So I'm in the car and I'm crying and I'm like, fuck, this shit sucks. And then I said, but I'm crying in my car. That's paid off though. Hey. And this is a problem that I had like this. There's always a bright side. I know that's weird, but everything be feeling like boom.

[Mandy B]

And what is it? When it rained, it poured.

[Shay]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrea]

There's been days where I've cried in my house. Even this morning, I had a little spit. I Woke up at 5:30, I was fucking tired and I was like, bro, I work for myself, right? I could have been getting up for a corporate job today. I have friends who hate their job. They can't find another way, right? Like, I have a lot of outlets. I can enjoy free time. Like, I almost had to start saying it out loud.

[Shay]

Oh, I said I talk to myself. I say it also. I'd be like, girl, look at you. Body tee, face card never declines, period. You know, you got a lot of money.

[Andrea]

You.

[Shay]

You know what I'm saying? God fearing woman, you got a blessed job. You get to work with your best friend. You know, I launch my YouTube. It's so many good things.

[Andrea]

Okay, tell us about Love lexp.

[Shay]

Yeah. So Love Lexp is my solo show that I have now. And it's so weird. I don't want to say I want to gossip with integrity because you can't gossip with integrity. There's no way. Right? But I do think that the gossip Hot Topics thing has gotten so ugly. We are in a space now where everybody wants to go viral. Oh, I'm finna read her her rights and break her down. What happened when we had like Giuliana Rancic and Joan Rivers being fun and funny and cute on E. News, Joan.

[Andrea]

Only called you ugly.

[Mandy B]

But then I was gonna say Joan Rogers. B.

[Shay]

But what I'm saying is it was all in good hearted fun because when she would see you, it would still.

[Mandy B]

Be like, you know what's crazy about you? We can say things in jest, in wholehearted fun. You never know how someone's gonna receive something, right? So to me, even if you and I just had this conversation with Lou Will, I was on the Underground lounge with him and Spank and you know, I used to be a blogger on sports specifically. So I was talking to Lou Will and he was like, yeah, man, but sometimes we don't want nobody talking about our business. And as human beings, sometimes it don't matter if you put on something that you like, if someone says it's ugly, they're going to receive it back. So unfortunately, like, I don't think that's possible. Only because the way people receive anybody talking about them in any capacity, depending on the day.

[Andrea]

You can be Tasha K, though.

[Shay]

Well, exactly. No, you know, and the thing with me, first of all, I feel like the way I branded myself, everybody knows I play all day long. And then with love, ladies, I'm not reporting on serious topics and serious things. Like for example, like with the Meg shooting, like if that would have happened while my show was going, that's not something I'M reporting on. It's light hearted fun. We cracking jokes. I'm not posting people. Kids, you know, we're talking about fun things. We're doing Real Housewives of Atlanta reviews.

[Andrea]

How does it feel to talk for 40 minutes by yourself?

[Shay]

I love it.

[Andrea]

Really?

[Shay]

Because I.

[Mandy B]

She could go.

[Shay]

Because you know what it is with four minds? I gotta. I be interrupting. Dre a lie. I'm so bad with that.

[Andrea]

Sorry.

[Shay]

Dre, my girl. I'm working, girl.

[Mandy B]

We all do.

[Shay]

But no, I'm really bad with it. I've gotten better with it, but now I can just go play no parts. I'll be having to stop myself.

[Andrea]

Let me just get an outlet.

[Shay]

Yes, somebody wrote a letter. So y'all know we. We do the letters at the end of the episode. The pour your heart out segment. Somebody was like reading, asking the advice. And they was like, andrea, please answer. And don't let Lex say nothing. I said, well, bitch, you ain't getting no advice anyway.

[Mandy B]

Well, you want to know what's crazy?

[Andrea]

Did you give it you.

[Shay]

Hell no.

[Mandy B]

That's not you. Listen.

[Shay]

No, bitch, I wouldn't be. No, that's not me. Listen. But honestly, I give great advice and where I'm at in life, I really have something good to say. But you don't deserve it.

[Mandy B]

You don't deserve it. It's funny because we had our homie at the very end of horrible decisions, we now got a whole little Every Wednesday you've got decisions. Because we weren't getting to answer our fans. I'm like, I think still allowing them to come in and talk and tell you to shut the fuck up sometimes is needed. Not that it's needed, but we like to have our audience, when they say.

[Andrea]

Shit, sometimes they be like, lol. Just kidding. Love you, Mandy. Love you.

[Mandy B]

Easy.

[Andrea]

I need. Bitch, you better soften it up.

[Shay]

Soften it up.

[Andrea]

I was just gonna say, keep it cute, man. You know what I always thought was the most lighthearted gossip and one of the biggest viral moments when Desus and Mero. Everybody knows I'm a huge fan. Yeah. Made a joke about Envy and they said, you knew them. DJ Envy checks up now. I'm just playing. Desus literally said, I'm just playing.

[Shay]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrea]

Envy.

[Shay]

That whole thing, he was mad.

[Andrea]

And so it was making me think about it when you said, you never know how somebody will receive it, right?

[Mandy B]

No, no. Y'all was just playing. You and Alex was just playing when you were saying I was. I lost pounds cause he fucked me. I didn't care how much. That was a joke.

[Andrea]

I remember. Yeah.

[Mandy B]

So it depends. I don't care if you put a LOL at the end of that motherfucking shit.

[Shay]

But like I said, I think it's how you deliver it too, now.

[Andrea]

Well, not Alex.

[Mandy B]

No, no. It doesn't matter. The delivery. Someone will always receive me. The delivery does not matter.

[Shay]

Okay, okay.

[Andrea]

That's not true.

[Molly]

The delivery.

[Mandy B]

Don't. No, no, no, no. I know tone matters. And the way you deliver some things do. You could say something and say, ha, ha, ha, bitch. Just joking. If it's not something that. If someone's receiving it and feels offensive, that's not for us to say. They can't.

[Shay]

And then I'm like. I'm also the type of person where if I'm wrong, I don't mind saying, look, girl, my bad. I didn't mean to make you feel that way, But I feel like too, I'm in a space where I'm not a comedian, but people like to put me in that category.

[Mandy B]

So you said I'm a fall on the sword, that I'm a comedian, but.

[Andrea]

I'm gonna be real with you. There does need to be a middle, and I think there's a few people that are popular that are comedians that I really think should be in the middle. Yeah, I think content creators are becoming so popular that they're switching to comedian. I don't really think that's necessary. A lot of the girls, A lot of the, like, people are getting on stage. Tr not saying that he shouldn't be a comedian. I'm just saying the big words is funny to me.

[Mandy B]

I laugh.

[Andrea]

T I said was actually funny that I think about a lot because I'm like, damn, you saw somebody take a second career. However, TI Was a fucking actor, right? Bitch, you had a good TikTok.

[Mandy B]

Rapper, actor, producer, writer, all the things you on stage.

[Andrea]

It's a little. What? So I think sometimes when we do things for the virality of it, it's the problem of someone guessing you. Daniel Rollins told me, oh, just go on stage and do this. Cause you could, you know, you.

[Shay]

And that's. And I. And I actually agree with you on that because I feel like that's why a lot of people are in the lane in lanes that they really not supposed to be in. Girl, I never. I think that's why Poor Minds is so successful. We don't look for viral moments when we have guests that come on. We just talking if something happens to go viral. Cool. I'm not looking for a moment to read somebody down.

[Andrea]

That is the worst part of podcasting.

[Shay]

Yeah.

[Andrea]

Like, I don't listen to podcasts. I listen to, like, clips and some good. If There's a good 10 minute YouTube. I loved the saucy 10 minute clip I got.

[Shay]

Yeah.

[Andrea]

And it's not that I don't want to support. I just sometimes feel like it's an overload for me because a lot of it is a little too much guest. Like, it's too much hyping something up. Sometimes it doesn't feel original. I love hearing two friends just chill and talk back. But much like y'all love the solo episodes, sometimes I do too.

[Shay]

Yeah.

[Andrea]

I can't handle what a guest will bring out of you. It sometimes could feel like podcasters are so desperate and pulling that guest to give them something.

[Mandy B]

I mean, that's why I. I listen to pods that don't normally have guests.

[Shay]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Like, I love brilliant idiots. I love the read. I love mess with Sid and Reezy.

[Andrea]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Like, I know we. We convolute with guests, but I love just when it's. Girl, I've been working.

[Andrea]

Ask a guest, I'll be fighting.

[Shay]

Are you asking for real?

[Mandy B]

I'm asking.

[Shay]

Oh, no. Me and Dre don't fight.

[Andrea]

I believe you.

[Shay]

You know what's crazy? In the beginning, we did. We don't got nothing to fight about. Life is good. Like, that's my girl.

[Andrea]

Like, fights turn into. With a solid friendship conversation.

[Shay]

Yeah. No, she'll call me and be like, friend. I don't like that. I'll be like, oh, girl, my bad. We move on.

[Mandy B]

It's a real friendship. Like, I have friends for over a decade. We've never fought.

[Andrea]

I've never fought with me.

[Mandy B]

Like. Like, me and my best friend Krystal have been friends for, I think we're 13 years now. And when my boyfriend just came to Atlanta, I told him the one time I thought we had an argument, and what's crazy? Shout out to my friend Jazz. She was there to. We were in Miami. She was there to, like, mediate. We sat down and I said. I said, ask Crystal. When we fought. And she said, at the same time. We've lived together for four years. We traveled the world together. I see her so much, and one argument. I don't argue. I don't fight with my friends.

[Andrea]

Her things just become to be sisters, though. Yeah.

[Shay]

And that's. Dre is my sister.

[Andrea]

And when at this point, I got.

[Mandy B]

A sister, I don't talk to.

[Andrea]

So once Every few years, Vinny will give me. And, you know, you do this, boo.

[Shay]

I like.

[Andrea]

I do too. He was on tour, and he looks at me and he goes, I just need these moments from you. And sometimes you don't act like you need them with me, not either with you. I need you to prioritize having moments like this with me. And I'm like, yo. And I think when you're so close with somebody, it's like, it's so hard to check them. Sometimes it can be for an awkwardness. Some people don't know.

[Mandy B]

For someone who can't maybe receive criticism. But when you know a friend, you know, again, how to deliver it to them and how to come with them with love. So it's not about you checking them. It's you telling them how they maybe made you feel or how their actions are not.

[Andrea]

I think my friends want to save awkward moments.

[Shay]

Now, see, I'm more so like that. But Draya isn't. So a lot of times when, like, I don't want to talk about something, she'll be like, friend, what's up? What happened? Like, so it's a balance, though, because I feel like sometimes you have two people who are confrontational. That's kind of where this starts. Or two people who don't want to talk about it.

[Andrea]

Get the software.

[Shay]

I am. I'm very, very, extremely sensitive.

[Andrea]

I don't know well, but you know what? She's so. Both of you have such the same exterior. So sweet, so warm. I feel like all your fans would say that. It's interesting. I picture you in my brain as someone that's more assertive.

[Shay]

That's crazy that you said that. Cause I am. I'm a bitch. I am a sensitive bitch. Draya is way nicer than me. Like, when it comes to work, talking to people, like, when we out in public, they be like, hey, y'all. I'd be like, hey. And I go sit in the car because I get anxiety a little bit. And I'm just like, hold on. It's ten of y'all.

[Andrea]

Okay.

[Mandy B]

Andrea's like, hey, oh, my God, y'all.

[Shay]

Watch the pot. And I'm just like, oh, my God.

[Andrea]

Mandy, do me.

[Mandy B]

Bye, guys. We need to be out of now. Quick as fuck. We need to go run away and be like, I need a nap. I have to go.

[Shay]

Yeah, I don't feel good. I like to go to sleep. That is way nicer.

[Andrea]

I like physical overload.

[Mandy B]

So she'll be like, let me know. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, like, I could tell like anxiety.

[Molly]

Some people get a wild haircut or book a spontaneous trip when life throws them a curveball. But Molly? Well, she dove headfirst into a world of no strings attached sex, secret rendezvous, forbidden affairs and unforgettable adventures. And together we tell every juicy detail and die in for sex. Wondry's award winning podcast that's now streaming on a TV near you starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate. And to top it off, we're dropping brand new bonus episodes where I sit down with the cast to spill all the spicy secrets, desire, friendship, self discovery and the ultimate bucket list of pleasure. This is a story that had everyone talking, listen to the original Dying for sex and brand new episodes on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge the original series before anyone else and completely ad free on Wondry.

[Lex P]

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[Mandy B]

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[Ryan]

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[Lex P]

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[Ryan]

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[Lex P]

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[Shay]

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[Mandy B]

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[Shay]

Visit chambaccasino.com no purchase necessary vgw group.

[Gilbert King]

Void where prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply Something unexpected happened after Jeremy Scott confessed to killing Michelle Schofield in Bone Valley Season one.

[Shay]

I just knew him as a kid.

[Gilbert King]

Long silent voices from his past came.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Forward and he was just staring at me.

[Gilbert King]

And they had secrets of their own to share.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Gilbert King I'm the son of Jeremy Lynn Scott.

[Gilbert King]

I was no longer just telling the story. I was part of it.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Every time I hear about my dad is, oh, he's a killer. He's just straight evil.

[Gilbert King]

I was becoming the bridge between a killer and the son he'd never known.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

If the cops and everything would have done their job properly, my dad would have been in jail. I would have never existed.

[Gilbert King]

I never expected to find myself in this place. Now I need to tell you how I got here.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

At the end of the day, I'm literally a son of a killer.

[Gilbert King]

Bone Valley Season 2 Jeremy Jeremy, I.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Want to tell you something.

[Gilbert King]

Listen to new episodes of bone Valley Season 2 starting April 9 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to hear the entire new new season ad free with exclusive content starting April 9th. Subscribe to Lava for Good plus on Apple Podcasts.

[Mandy B]

But I want to get to our hypothetically speaking.

[Shay]

Okay.

[Mandy B]

Because, bitch, now that you're single, I can't wait to hear what you would do if this happened while you dating. Okay, so hypothetically speaking, this week is brought to you by our producer, Billy B. Of the Needs to Be Studied podcast. Thank you for sending this in. If you guys want to be a producer on the show, join us on Patreon. Get the top tier, and we could.

[Andrea]

Be produced by a. Hey, podcaster. This would be a great opportunity. Billie's been a fan of Horrible for a long time, and the need to Be Study podcast.

[Mandy B]

Yes.

[Andrea]

Is his show and he's producing this segment. So go and join us.

[Shay]

I love that.

[Mandy B]

So these are his scenarios for hypothetically speaking.

[Shay]

Okay, so here we go.

[Mandy B]

Let's answer these. Now. Your date picks an expensive restaurant but conveniently forgets their wallet. How do you respond? You can cash out. That's an easy one.

[Shay]

That's easy.

[Mandy B]

You know what's crazy? My mind didn't even go there. But I'm an old. I remember when I used to have to get Western Union from.

[Shay]

Okay, Western Union is wild.

[Mandy B]

We aging ourselves. You call yourself the auntie.

[Shay]

I am.

[Mandy B]

From Western.

[Andrea]

Dating a Jamaican, and he having Western Union him money that another nigga dropped off. And I remember when I came to one of my homegirls, I was like, I do this every week. And she was like, bitch, you're investing. Like, this is money. Oh, my God.

[Mandy B]

Do you know the last experience that I have with Western Union? Ooh. Just talking about these niggas. So I had one nigga bring me to Qatar. So I was all the way out in fucking the Middle East.

[Andrea]

I didn't want to Bitch. Pronounce it correct.

[Mandy B]

It is correct. It's not Qatar. It's Qatar.

[Andrea]

Well, we don't let. The hell I'm saying.

[Mandy B]

Cute. I'm glad you said that because I.

[Shay]

Said, who is Cutter, baby?

[Mandy B]

Now who is that? Qatar. So I'm out of guitar. I'm with one of my old. My old thing things. So I get out there, and the team didn't pay him. So bitch. But I'm also out there, and n. I'm broke. I ain't got no money. I.

[Andrea]

The team didn't pay him.

[Mandy B]

No, the team didn't. So when you play on them overseas teams, them teams be playing with your money.

[Shay]

Had a C Lister, bitch.

[Mandy B]

He was first off overseas is like a bitch, bitch. He's an elemental Pee Lister. Fuck you mean elemental, B? So he over there playing in the Middle east and the team didn't give him his money. So here we go. How we had to do this. I called my homegirl, shout out to Lena, love you for life. So I hit my homegirl up. Like, I got BLEEP sending me money through Western Union. I'mma have it sent to your name. Can you pick it up and then deposit it into my account? Because this is back when Chase allowed you to do cash deposits. So out of. I had him send me $1,000. Because back then, bitch, $1,000 meant something.

[Shay]

Yeah, that.

[Mandy B]

I ain't asking no 1,000 no more. So I had my other nigga, I called him, I said, yo, I'm all the way out in the Middle East. This nigga ain't get paid.

[Andrea]

My dress is tight. Hell.

[Mandy B]

And my friend, my friend picked up the Western Union and deposited into my account. Okay, so now that's an easy fix nowadays. Here we go. Next hypothetical. Thank you, Billy, for this one. Scenario two, you're on a date. This is a good one. Scenario two, you're on a date. And he mentions he's never dated a black girl, but yet he's currently on a date with you. What do you respond to a man who says that he's never dated a black woman?

[Shay]

Is this a black man?

[Mandy B]

It's whatever color man it is that you allowed to take you on a date.

[Shay]

Right? So. But it depends on his race.

[Mandy B]

So how do you respond to a white man saying it? And how do you respond to a black man saying it?

[Shay]

You never dated a black girl?

[Mandy B]

Oh, my God. Is it still a white man?

[Shay]

It's still a white man.

[Mandy B]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrea]

It depends.

[Mandy B]

I feel like we can make it work. Wait, you. I don't care. It's wolf out here. The fuck you think I'm finna leave? So you. You're cool with being a white man's first black woman?

[Andrea]

Yes. Cause assuming that the white man is love. Correct.

[Shay]

He bear me.

[Mandy B]

Wait.

[Shay]

Bare you.

[Mandy B]

He might be.

[Shay]

If you're a white man and you're not rich, you did not do life right. Like, what are you doing?

[Andrea]

How are we the ones?

[Shay]

Like, if you're white and a man and you're not rich, you fucking suck.

[Andrea]

You had all the sense. The guidebook and the last.

[Shay]

Literally privilege.

[Andrea]

You're American on top of this, bruh.

[Shay]

You just don't give a fuck.

[Andrea]

You watching Paradise? You watch In Paradise? Yeah, there's a scene, my nigga Got mad just watching it when the grandfather said our last name alone will get you elected. He watching me talking about, look at this shit. He ain't lying.

[Mandy B]

He not lying.

[Shay]

He not lying. Hey, what's their last name?

[Andrea]

Brad.

[Mandy B]

Brad Bradford. It is some like it was.

[Andrea]

You know what really pisses me off? With a Jewish father. Oh, how am I not rich?

[Shay]

I'm telling you.

[Mandy B]

I mean, you are, you are.

[Shay]

He ain't doing right.

[Mandy B]

What are you talking about?

[Andrea]

I like. Bro, do you know what Jewish kids have?

[Mandy B]

Are you kidding? The Jews be. Can we calm down with this segment? Okay, now what if it was a black man?

[Shay]

If it was a black man?

[Mandy B]

Yeah.

[Shay]

Check please. I ain't doing that.

[Mandy B]

Wait, you'll allow a white man to speak?

[Shay]

You know why? Because I have dated a black guy before who didn't date black people.

[Andrea]

Tell us more. And was he a football player?

[Shay]

He was a basketball player.

[Andrea]

Wow.

[Shay]

And it was just like he would say things that he would think was a compliment. Like, like, you know, oh, you don't act like you know. And it was given. Like you're black. You are N I G G hard er. Cause you.

[Andrea]

Hold on, Mr. G. Yes, yes, yes.

[Mandy B]

Wait, like what other things is that?

[Shay]

That was the main thing he would say. Like, oh, you don't act like you know and you don't.

[Mandy B]

Stereotypes.

[Andrea]

What was he dating? Latinas?

[Shay]

No, like he likes.

[Andrea]

Oh, white. Got it.

[Shay]

I'm not talking about a little bit of. A little flavor.

[Mandy B]

You know how you say that? White then.

[Shay]

Yes.

[Mandy B]

White?

[Shay]

Yes. Like it wasn't. No. Hispanic? No. He likes em real.

[Andrea]

You know what I learned at a young age and I'm glad I did. I was gonna say maybe. I don't know. I had seeing my mom growing up who was dating with a white man. Not dating, they're married. But there was a lot that made me feel like sometimes she would imply. And maybe it was just a small insecurity that black men didn't always find her beautiful. And I'd never heard her say that outwardly, but I would always feel like she'd be surprised when black men would hit on her. So whatever the case may be, a lot of black women, I'm sure, have felt like that in their life. Yeah. So when I was on a date once, maybe young, I remember a guy telling me I acted like a dark skinned girl. Maybe I was. I don't remember how I was talking or whatever, but I've had another man tell me, oh, like you're real hair. Like I thought you're Gonna have mixed girl hair. You got black girl hair.

[Shay]

Oh, no.

[Andrea]

They said.

[Shay]

Oh my God.

[Andrea]

Crazy thing that I started to learn as a biracial girl is, oh, the niggas I'm dating just like girls that look like this. This is just black enough. Yeah. And so that wasn't a weird thing for me too. But I didn't know it until I got older.

[Shay]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrea]

Okay. You like them like you want to flat. You want to say nigga with me, but y'all want to date?

[Shay]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrea]

Those are the things that I. Light skinned women and mixed girls never really understand.

[Shay]

Right, Right.

[Andrea]

So you are dating one of them niggas, right? Because he realizes like, oh, I could say I'm with a black woman.

[Shay]

Right? And say like, oh, I love black women. They can pander down.

[Mandy B]

Yes. I'll be honest with you. Maybe because the bitches the way I am, but also I feel like my body type, I've never.

[Shay]

Oh, you a nigga.

[Mandy B]

It's straight.

[Shay]

It's not getting straight through and through, baby.

[Mandy B]

Straight through and through.

[Andrea]

Are you always the first mixed girl?

[Mandy B]

No, no, bitch. First of all, what do you mean to my niggas? The bitch ain't mixed? I'm black. I got a bit big ass, got thighs.

[Andrea]

That's not true.

[Mandy B]

I'm telling you for any time. I'm telling you right now, for any time. All my athletes, my whole 20s, for what I've dated, I've never dated a guy who oftentimes dates white women or thinks I'm just black enough. I also date a lot of what people were attracted to me for was my body type. I have a black body type so much too. To where? If y'all listen to the past episodes, anytime a white man would even approach me, they would approach me as. You only date black guys.

[Andrea]

Yeah. But thinking light skin is still a type.

[Shay]

No. Cool.

[Mandy B]

It could be a type, but I have the black body. So the men that are attracted to me date black women. And whether they're light skinned black women, let's be very clear, if I go through also, and this is gonna sound fucked up as fuck, for all the niggas that I was a side bitch to all the married niggas that I fucked, all black, curvy, bodacious or dark skinned, thin women, but all black women.

[Shay]

But you cannot say as a light skinned black woman that men will.

[Mandy B]

I'm light skinned.

[Shay]

So cool. For.

[Mandy B]

For any black man who holds those fucking biases wants a light skinned bitch with nice hair.

[Shay]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mandy B]

A bitch been Bald for five years. And before that I wore it in a fucking bun because I have thin ass hair. I'm not going to take away the privilege of me being light skinned.

[Shay]

Right?

[Mandy B]

But I've never personally had the experience of any man saying, you're just blocking out.

[Andrea]

You ain't under said that.

[Mandy B]

Say it out loud.

[Andrea]

Just say it.

[Mandy B]

But I've never been put into that group of, if I look at the other women, you probably don't feel that way.

[Andrea]

But I'm telling you, I don't think you're.

[Shay]

You are you, like, you're not. I think what Weezy is trying to say is you not necessarily like, nobody's gonna look at you and be like, oh, she's just black enough. Like, you're a black woman, right? As a light skinned black woman, there are things that you have access to.

[Mandy B]

And I'm not even talking about talking. The men that I've only specifically dated, they like black women. I'm a black woman.

[Shay]

But a lot of them probably was like, it's a fetish. They. And they don't want a dark skin. They probably didn't tell you that.

[Andrea]

I think that's the thing. You really don't know.

[Shay]

You never know. You never know, you never know.

[Mandy B]

And honestly speaking, but I've also fucked them with a lot of other bitches. Bitches be all shades and colors.

[Andrea]

Yeah. Like, no, but women like black women. I've had two men in my life make the comment that I'm the outlier, it's the partner I have now and a few before that. And that's when I knew, like, oh, you actually really do like black.

[Shay]

Right, right, right.

[Andrea]

Like that nigga. I remember saying to me, the first dude that ever said it, it almost made me feel a little embarrassed. He was like, I don't know, bro. We going out in the sun, who knows what's gonna happen to you, you know, black blank.

[Shay]

And I was like, oh, I think for me. And even though I made the joke about the white man, I don't. I'm not attracted to white men for real like that.

[Mandy B]

Me neither.

[Shay]

But I love black men, especially black men who love black women. You know what I'm saying? Like, all shapes and sizes, all colors.

[Andrea]

Telling her, getting up, you know what I'm saying? You could be having the other wife who's in that interview talking about his favorite food is chicken. Fried chicken.

[Shay]

He loves fried chicken. Oh, my God. I know that's his favorite watermelon.

[Andrea]

It's not collard greens, but you know what's crazy to you? And I know we've talked about it.

[Mandy B]

Every time I see a video of.

[Andrea]

His daddy, I'm like, you came from.

[Shay]

Bro, that motherfucker be lit, bruh. He be drunk. Then that mother.

[Mandy B]

And that's the problem. He was raised by his white mama. Oh, I love it. Because his black daddy wasn't around.

[Shay]

Look, I know about to mix people with that.

[Mandy B]

Cause my mama make a collard green bitch. She make a oxtail. My mama throw down. My mama throws the fuck down.

[Shay]

Cooking don't got nothing to do with her being.

[Mandy B]

That's fine.

[Andrea]

She's not.

[Mandy B]

She's quite. She's quite. That's why your ass. But my mama black as hell. Have you seen the.

[Andrea]

There's a TikTok. Okay, so they're like, all right, not all mixed girls or mixed people with white mamas are the same. What is it that makes some of them different? And this one girl said, I feel like I've had a different experience than other mixed women with white mothers because my mom's community and friends were black women.

[Mandy B]

Yeah.

[Shay]

And so that does make a little difference for sure.

[Andrea]

My mother a little bit. I mean, and I get it, because it's just like, okay, your aunties, the friends. You're kind of surrounding yourself. But there is something a little bit different to me with white people raised in a black neighborhood. And they be like. But I like that.

[Shay]

Yeah.

[Andrea]

That shit be kind of weird, too.

[Shay]

So I think it's a thin line. It is.

[Andrea]

Yeah. And it's tough because with me, I remember watching Dr. Umar talk about confusion with mixed kids. Oh, 100%. I think when you're a mixed kid, like the PWI girls.

[Shay]

Yeah.

[Andrea]

You throw a black girl in a white school and they get real. What? Oh, that happened to me. My mom fucking picked me up from the project because I lied about sleeping over a friend's house. She was like, what the fuck are you doing over here?

[Mandy B]

She was in the hood. And I was like.

[Andrea]

Because I made friends at the after school.

[Mandy B]

I used to call her Nunu growing up.

[Shay]

Nunu is.

[Mandy B]

She drew a gag at a movie theater. But bitch, we would be in the hood with our girls and drawstring ponytail.

[Andrea]

It's crazy because when you're a fucking mixed kid, you're like, which? Where do I go? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I really gotta say, today I am so glad to see people embracing their natural hair. I think even the perm complex me up there is so much I learned after 30, 25 and 30. That I was like, okay. Dr. Imar is like, we don't need to no more milk.

[Shay]

Yeah, for me.

[Gilbert King]

I need.

[Andrea]

The buck needs to stop with me and Mandy.

[Shay]

I'm serious. I'm weak enough.

[Molly]

Some people get a wild haircut or book a spontaneous trip when life throws them a curveball. But Molly, well, she dove headfirst into a world of no strings attached sex, secret rendezvous, forbidden affairs and unforgettable adventures. And together we tell every juicy detail in Dying for Sex Wondries award winning podcast that's now streaming on a TV near you starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate. And to top it off, we're dropping brand new bonus episodes where I sit down with the cast to spill all the spicy secrets, desire, friendship, self discovery and the ultimate bucket list of pleasure. This is a story that had everyone to talking. Listen to the original Dying for Sex and brand new episodes on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge the original series before anyone else and completely ad free on Wonder plus.

[Gilbert King]

Something unexpected happened after Jeremy Scott confessed to killing Michelle Schofield in Bone Valley Season one.

[Shay]

I just knew him as a kid.

[Gilbert King]

Long silent voices from his past came.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Forward and he was just staring at me.

[Gilbert King]

And they had secrets of their own to share.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Gilbert King I'm the son of Jeremy Lynn Scott.

[Gilbert King]

I was no longer just telling the story. I was part of it.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Every time I hear about my dad is, oh, he's a killer. He's just straight evil.

[Gilbert King]

I was becoming the bridge between a killer and the son he'd never known.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

If the cops and everything would have done the job properly, my dad would have been in jail. I would have never existed.

[Gilbert King]

I never expected to find myself in this place. Now I need to tell you how I got here.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

At the end of the day, I'm literally a son of a killer.

[Gilbert King]

Bone Valley Season 2 Jeremy.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Jeremy, I want to tell you something.

[Gilbert King]

Listen to new episodes of bone Valley Season 2 starting April 9 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. And to hear the entire new season ad free with exclusive content starting April 9th. Subscribe to Lava for Good plus on Apple Podcasts.

[Mandy B]

Reactionary Real quick, okay, Because I want to get into the topic that everybody is fucking talking about, okay? And I know because you a monogamous hoe that we could have this conversation. I want to play a clip. Omarion sat down recently.

[Shay]

Oh God.

[Mandy B]

This is what he had to say about Kofi's comments on non monogamy.

[Andrea]

Kofi could be Non monogamy.

[Shay]

I'm talking about in my chair for Hot Topics about actor Kofi Sarabo. And he says that he practices ethical non monogamy. Okay. Do you think that's a good idea, Ethical non monogamy?

[J]

Well, I will say I'm in agreeance. You know, I don't know all of the backstory of those words, but I.

[Mandy B]

Would say ethical non monogamy.

[J]

Being open is important. And also, you know, the women just truly outnumber the men.

[Shay]

You know, I mean, is this like an all you can eat buffet over here?

[Mandy B]

No, let me.

[Shay]

Okay, don't explain.

[Mandy B]

I'm not jumping on you.

[J]

Let me just say it's only a few good men. It's only a few good men, right? You know, and whether or not it's full of. Whether or not it's a physical thing, you know, we end up fostering the next generation as well. So why not have our queens? Cause I was raised by all women.

[Shay]

Okay, let me bring this down.

[J]

Align with that. That. It takes a village. It's not going to just be one man. You know, you.

[Mandy B]

You even.

[J]

You could get married. That man still ain't gonna be just your man. He's gonna be, you know, there for his daughter. He's gonna be there for his mom, his grandmother.

[Shay]

You know what?

[Andrea]

It's always a negative dip.

[J]

The concept isn't really foreign. It's just a little old, you know, and it's meant to be upgraded. And I love this conversation because I think when honest, that they don't want to have just this one thing for the rest of their life. It gives a woman an opportunity to choose.

[Mandy B]

Lex.

[Shay]

It's crazy because I just had a conversation with Jessie Wu about this yesterday. So I think the problem with his views on that is a lot of times American men want to adopt what these African. The West African men are doing in their homes with polygamy and having multiple wives. But y'all don't realize that it is a structure, though. They are in one home. They have a community. They're paying the bills. It's not. I got a kid in la. I got a kid in New York. I got a kid in Houston. Y'all are not. There are still rules and structure to polygamy. You just want to fuck around, period. And that's not what it is.

[Andrea]

And the P is for professionals. Hello.

[Mandy B]

Hello.

[Shay]

Now, don't get me on my Dr. Umar.

[Andrea]

Do it.

[Shay]

You know what I'm saying? You're right.

[Mandy B]

You're right.

[Shay]

No.

[Andrea]

Sucks.

[Shay]

As somebody who is I am like, I'm monogamous. I only want to be with one person. But I don't have a problem with people who are poly couples. Because everybody's mad at Neo right now. Why I don't he's living in his truth. Because if he was always living in his truth, he wouldn't have drug Monetta and Crystal through what he did. So I do believe that men can identify as poly, but Neo also takes care of all of his girlfriends. You know what I'm saying? I think there's structure to that that y'all don't want to do. Y'all can't even take care of lil day.

[Mandy B]

I think so how do you. But also what? What it's so my issue with Omarion's response is he says women outnumber men as if that's the reason that men should have multiple partners. There's only a few good men.

[Andrea]

Now I will say this. I believe that. But women, there are an abundant amount of women that are accepting this lifestyle and aren't fucking non monogamous. The thing that I think makes the Neo situation strange is for example, if you asked me today if I could be in a monogamous relationship, I've already been tested and it didn't work for me with someone who was monogamous. It was a hospital dick. For those listening. It wouldn't work for me today. However, I think if you gave any of Neo's girlfriend the option to be the only one, they would say yes. And I think a lot of women accept situations that they aren't really happy in. I don't know if ethical non monogamy is something that women are allowed to do on their own. I really don't know any girls other than Mandy and I that I've been living this life for this long.

[Mandy B]

I will say who I know one of Neo's girlfriends and I've known her since I lived in Miami. She is very much her. I think she the main one. Ariel, I don't know but I've known her since Miami. I'm not saying that she's with Neo because this is what she has to put up with. She's very much living in her life and her truth. Do you think that I think that.

[Shay]

Main one loves it down?

[Mandy B]

No, probably the one I'm talking about and I've known her since Miami. I also know one of the baby moms. I know a lot of women and maybe because I am more in the lifestyle, I do know so many women that really vibe for this Shit that they love being with, with men and women and when they can do it together and it's honest and it's fun, they're like, this is the best fucking shit ever. They have a fucking black.

[Andrea]

Where are they?

[Mandy B]

I'm telling you, like the right.

[Andrea]

I'm saying we don't see that, Mandy. We see a lot of celebrity men.

[Mandy B]

In the forefront now and everyone's judging them, saying they can't be happy. Like, I don't think we're the only ones truthfully loving non monogamy as much as like a lot of people that I know are like, so glad that they don't have to lean into societal's norms of a lifestyle that hasn't worked for them, or they've been betrayed or they haven't.

[Andrea]

I really, I'm being honest with you. I'm in the same field and world that you're into. Right. I really don't believe there are women that choose this. I don't see it. More times than none. I see many non monogamous relationships fail because women want to change it at some point. All of the girls that I know that married a ball player or got with one and was having fun doing the threesomes, they're tired of it.

[Shay]

Like, yeah, Well, I will say I do hear those stories. A lot of women sleeping with other women with their man just to make him happy. Yeah. Now I will say, because now we're getting into another topic because a lot of these women are doing these things because rent due, you know what I'm saying? But what I'm saying is, no, I don't mean literally like sex work. They're agreeing because they're like, okay, well at least I don't have to go to work and he gonna pay my bills. You know what I'm saying?

[Mandy B]

The patriarchy. There's a lot of women that have an advantage by leaning into the patriarchy and that's what it has afforded us. It is a man providing and you kind of turning a blind eye because you actually are in need of something not from him. We talked about this in a previous episode. Like, even with my ex, once I became self sufficient, I loved that I could love a man without needing anything more than who he was as a man. Like, I don't need you for provision. I don't need you to pay my bills. I can now take the blinders. I could take the blinders off and now I can exist as a woman who can choose a partner because I'm happy.

[Shay]

Right.

[Mandy B]

And to me and you don't identify with being a lifestyler. A lot of my friends, the couples, the sex club owners, the dungeon owners, a lot of my friends right now are lifestylers who choose this life.

[Andrea]

I know this Mandy. I'm saying we don't.

[Mandy B]

I'm saying I know them and I hear it well.

[Shay]

I think what she's saying is they're still the minority though, like in women.

[Mandy B]

And we have, we have couples out. But then I think, let's be very clear, if a woman comes out and says, yeah, I let my man have sex with other women, the everyone on the Internet in the comments are going to be like, huh, she must can't pay her rent. She got to do that. She's not happy. There's also a lot of projection on people just assuming that this isn't the life we choose.

[Andrea]

Right.

[Mandy B]

We fought it for the last eight years of this podcast where they thought that maybe we were leaning into an insecurity or oh, she must feel like she has to do this to keep a man. I just feel like, and maybe I'm blessed. I'll say it's a privilege to know so many women who have genuinely been able to exist in a relationship where their man having sex with someone else isn't a hindrance. And as a woman who's bisexual, they now get to have fun with a whole bunch of women with they nigga.

[Shay]

Now.

[Andrea]

Kudos to you other part of the relationship. Yes, they can fuck girls with a man. They can have sex with women too. Do we see women having other relationships with men? No. And that's what I mean about you watch these niggas on these clips talk about non monogamy, ethical this, this, that. The true language around non monogamy to me is everybody's engaging. You're either doing it together in a place or you're both dating.

[Mandy B]

Right.

[Andrea]

I'll tell you right now, I don't believe Neo's girlfriends have other niggas. To me, this is a one sided situation that is not real non monogamy. Okay? You talk about the, the porn star that you know whose husband filmed her, like that is lifestyle. We not talking about lifestyle here. But not 10 girlfriends.

[Shay]

But this is just too much porn in terms of Dungeons and Sex. This is a lie.

[Mandy B]

That's fine. But not only that, let's be clear about non monogamy being an umbrella. You have polygamy, you have polyamory, you have the other one, which is the woman one. But y'all are whatever. So to me, in my last relationship. I genuinely didn't feel like I needed other men. So to me, I don't think you're just fully non monogamous. If both of y'all are willing to date. I'm a non, non monogamous person who doesn't think that my partner should date anyone. And I can't. But we could have sex with someone else unemotionally attached. Non monogamy can absolutely be customizable. It could be what you and your partner make it. Which is why maybe we didn't understand the will and Jada, which is why maybe we don't understand why Rip Vanessa Bryant chose to stay with Kobe. Cause that white woman in Denver probably wasn't the first one. It's probably why. And I know nothing of this to be true. Allegedly, Savannah's still rocking with LeBron. So not my key. Okay, we complete that black American. Not my key.

[Andrea]

These who are lying on it.

[Mandy B]

That white lady.

[Shay]

Non monogamy. Dr. Umar said no ice, no rice.

[Mandy B]

What I'm saying is we would be completely irresponsible with this platform to say that non monogamy looks one way. It doesn't. And we don't know the inner workings of everyone's relationships. They may be able to have sex with other people, but can't date other people. They can't embarrass Neo publicly. So maybe they can have sex with other men. But don't let it get messy. Like a lot of us are allowing our partners to maybe step out. Don't bring the mess home. Don't get another bitch pregnant. Wrap up. If you step out, there's a lot of people that have those boundaries set up. That to me, just because you can or cannot as a woman date another man, that doesn't make you non monogamous or not.

[Andrea]

Maybe you don't know. Maybe Savannah got a note on there.

[Shay]

I don't like that, though, because I feel like if you're dating a man and he gets to do everything and you can't do nothing, sometimes you can't.

[Mandy B]

It depends on what you agree to. And as a woman, if you.

[Shay]

But I'm telling you the thing about this bitch.

[Mandy B]

If you want to go suck another dick and your niggas, then that ain't the nigga for you. Break up.

[Andrea]

The point is that these men with money and power are literally coming to women, you know, going through the motions, playing the whole role, vacation this, this, that. Oh, you know, I think I'm ready for a relationship. Well, you know, I'm. I'm out all the time. I'm traveling a lot. I like to fuck other women. Now, if you wouldn't mind being one of my girlfriends, I'm gonna take care of you.

[Mandy B]

And you ready? Her peasant ass need a roof over her head. So she's like, okay, daddy.

[Shay]

But that's what I'm saying. It's not that, but that's what we were saying. A lot of women that really enjoy this lifestyle, they're outnumbered by the men who want the lifestyle. I think that's what you were trying to say because you were like 80% of men.

[Mandy B]

Let's hold the women accountable who are staying in relationships that aren't fully fulfilling because they need to eat.

[Andrea]

Oh, yeah.

[Mandy B]

But luckily, we're in the modern girl era where we do make our own money, and we're able to now hold some footing ground in our household and in our relationships to demand that either. This is what works for me. This is what I like. This is my boundary, and if you cross it, I don't have to stay. I don't have to be here.

[Shay]

But we're getting a little to the other side now, because now you have women with money who are dealing with it because they don't want to be lonely. So 100%, it's a lot of successful women who are dealing with.

[Mandy B]

That's why this is not a gender thing, right?

[Shay]

It's definitely not a gender thing.

[Andrea]

I think the problem, too, with women that are putting up with it is men are really being vocal about needing this. And we are seeing this uptick in women saying, I won't accept this. Like, I'll be alone. And dudes being like, fine, I'll just take. There's a lot of women. I can't believe Omarion said that. That was his response, right? You could tell that slipped out.

[Mandy B]

Omarion's saying, we're out.

[Andrea]

Is there I only fuck one bitch to eat.

[Shay]

I owe it to the world justice.

[Mandy B]

To see all the queens. Like, what? All the queen's horses. All the queens.

[Shay]

Men.

[Andrea]

Yeah.

[Shay]

But like I said, I think there is a little responsibility, like you said, in structure, and you have to have rules for yourself. And I think they just kind of want to do whatever, and I think that's bullsh.

[Mandy B]

I agree. I do think that we would love y'all to jump into the comments on this one specifically because we've been talking about non monogamy from horrible decisions to decisions. Decisions so much. And clearly now with it being a buzzword now with people hopping in and out of these relationships or Choosing to be single. We had an episode on choosing to be single as well. Like, I think you as women and I will only want to speak to the women because we know y'all are 90%. Our demo. You have the voice to say in something that serves you or that doesn't. But what I want you to not lean into is society's comments and views or what they think looks like happiness. Because if you allow your nigga to have multiple girlfriends and that is fun for you, stay in that motherfucking relationship and enjoy your life and kind of block out the noise. But if you're a woman. If you're a woman that doesn't align with that and you're with a partner that is like, hey, babe, I want to step out, but don't want you to. If that doesn't work for you, feel free to sit here and move on because there is plenty of fish in the motherfucker.

[Andrea]

Yes. What? Crying in the bins, bitch. Go buy one.

[Shay]

Okay, hello. Now you're talking my language. Now release it. All right now, by the way, I.

[Mandy B]

Know that we are gonna get the comments. Like these bitches and their outlines. They couldn't have bought another hour of studio time? We want more.

[Shay]

Lex Speed. You broke bitches.

[Mandy B]

Y'all talking like y'all got money and couldn't afford a goddamn studio. Honey, they are going to cuss us out.

[Shay]

So you know what?

[Mandy B]

But we'll be back in April, so we may have to have a part two. Bring Dr. On here. Maybe we come on the Poor Mind.

[Shay]

Yes. We got to do another one.

[Mandy B]

We have to do another round studio. We haven't done y'all studio. Y'all have.

[Shay]

We have to do official.

[Mandy B]

Another official crossover after we. We did our. Our rebrand. Y'all got a coming out, and we can't complete.

[Shay]

Yeah, we got to.

[Mandy B]

Well, y'all have a book also, if you can go ahead and go all the good stuff.

[Shay]

So we have an ebook. So if you want to start a podcast, you know, go to poor minds.com cop that. Love Lex P. That promoting right now. That's why y'all see me here solo. Poor Minds is not going nowhere. Every Friday, 7pm Me and my girl have a huge announcement coming up. It's super exciting. There we go. But yeah, Pon every Friday, 7pm Love Lex P. On Mondays, 10am and I got Muse Beauty on my lips. Shout out to Drea her makeup line.

[Andrea]

It's very popping.

[Shay]

Yes. Muse Beauty Collection.com. so you drop that. Yeah, everything.

[Andrea]

What else?

[Shay]

I think that's it.

[Mandy B]

Y'all knows Bar the dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power is available now for pre order. Make sure y'all help us become a New York Times bestseller. Love it because we cannot do it without you. And we want to show how strong the motherfucking whore hive is. So go wherever your independent bookstores Simon and shoes to Amazon wherever the fuck you need to buy right now. No holes barred. Again, make sure link is in the bio in the description of this episode. Also bonus episodes. That's right, every week patreon.com backslash horrible decisions. No, I got this. Also if we gonna keep going before we get out of here. Also selective ignorance every Tuesday that drops. And I said everything for us. Said it to me. Wheezy, drop yours and let's get out of here.

[Andrea]

Go to Trap house.

[Mandy B]

Bye bye guys. See you guys next week. This has been another episode of this is the Own Decision.

[Gilbert King]

Something unexpected happened after Jeremy Scott confessed to killing Michelle Schofield in Bone Valley season one.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

Every time I hear about my dad is, oh, he's a killer. He's just straight evil.

[Gilbert King]

I was becoming the bridge between Jeremy Scott and the son he'd never known.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

At the end of the day, I'm literally a son of a kid.

[Gilbert King]

Hillary Listen to new episodes of bone Valley Season 2, starting April 9 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.