EP 419: Matchmaking for High Achieving Women (Ft. Alison Wellington)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Decisions, Decisions – EP 419: Matchmaking for High Achieving Women (Ft. Alison Wellington)
Release Date: May 5, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode 419 of Decisions, Decisions, hosts Mandii B and WeezyWTF welcome Alison Wellington, a certified dating and relationship coach specializing in helping single, high-achieving women find secure and fulfilling relationships. The conversation delves into the unique challenges faced by professional women in the dating scene, emphasizing the importance of compatibility in various aspects of life.

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Guest Introduction: Alison Wellington

Alison Wellington introduces herself as a certified dating and relationship coach dedicated to assisting busy, successful women in navigating the complexities of modern dating. She focuses on helping her clients find committed relationships with partners who align with their professional and personal aspirations.

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Challenges for High-Achieving Women in Dating

Mandii and Weezy discuss the difficulties high-achieving women encounter when dating, primarily due to their demanding schedules. Alison emphasizes the frustration of swiping through countless profiles and engaging in time-consuming conversations that often lead to mismatched relationships.

Alison Wellington [04:06]: "I teach you how to navigate dating both online and offline. I teach you what questions to ask, how to vet, how to discern, how to stick to your standards."

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Importance of Financial and Professional Alignment

A significant portion of the discussion centers around the necessity for financial and professional compatibility between partners. Alison advises that high-achieving women benefit from dating men who are equally successful and understand the demands of their careers.

Alison Wellington [10:12]: "A high achieving professional woman is a woman who is doing well for herself financially... They are financially sound."

The hosts reflect on personal experiences, highlighting how financial discrepancies can lead to conflicts and misunderstandings in relationships.

WeezyWTF [19:00]: "I wouldn't recommend dating someone who is making significantly less... It causes a lot of conflict from either side."

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Marriage as a Partnership

Alison discusses the role of marriage beyond traditional norms, viewing it as a tool for building wealth and providing emotional support. She shares personal anecdotes about how marriage has facilitated financial stability and mutual support in her own life.

Alison Wellington [24:35]: "Busy, professional women don't need men to function in society... But it's still an amazing wealth-building tool."

Mandii and Weezy further explore the societal shifts regarding marriage, acknowledging differing perspectives but reinforcing the benefits of a committed partnership.

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Religious and Political Compatibility

The conversation shifts to the importance of shared religious and political beliefs in sustaining relationships. Alison strongly advises against dating individuals with fundamentally different religious or political views unless one is willing to convert, underscoring the potential conflicts that such differences can introduce.

Alison Wellington [48:04]: "I don't recommend dating people of a different religion unless you are prepared to convert."

Mandii shares personal experiences about navigating religious differences, emphasizing the challenges they pose to relationship longevity.

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Fidelity and Infidelity

Alison addresses the sensitive topic of infidelity, asserting that cheating is a series of conscious choices rather than mere mistakes. She advocates for personal accountability and underscores the possibility of change, stating that individuals can choose to alter their behavior patterns.

Alison Wellington [63:02]: "I think that people decide to change their lives every single day. They can absolutely choose not to be a cheater anymore."

The hosts discuss varying perspectives on forgiveness and the feasibility of rebuilding trust after infidelity, acknowledging the complexity of such situations.

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Conclusion and Guest Information

As the episode wraps up, Alison provides listeners with information on how to connect with her for coaching sessions. The hosts encourage their audience to take proactive steps in improving their dating lives by seeking professional guidance.

Alison Wellington [66:04]: "You can find me at alignwithalison.com, and align with Alison on every major platform."

Mandii and Weezy remind listeners to pre-order their upcoming book, No Holds Barred: A Dual Manifesto of Sexual Exploration and Power, set to release on June 24th, and direct them to their Patreon for bonus content.

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Key Takeaways

• Time Efficiency: High-achieving women benefit from streamlined dating processes tailored to their busy lives.
• Financial Compatibility: Aligning financial statuses and professional goals with partners reduces potential conflicts.
• Committed Partnerships: Viewing marriage as a partnership enhances both emotional and financial stability.
• Shared Beliefs: Religious and political compatibilities are crucial for long-term relationship success.
• Accountability in Relationships: Addressing personal behaviors and fostering accountability can strengthen relationships and prevent issues like infidelity.

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Notable Quotes

• Alison Wellington [04:06]: "I teach you how to navigate dating both online and offline. I teach you what questions to ask, how to vet, how to discern, how to stick to your standards."
• WeezyWTF [19:00]: "I wouldn't recommend dating someone who is making significantly less... It causes a lot of conflict from either side."
• Alison Wellington [24:35]: "Busy, professional women don't need men to function in society... But it's still an amazing wealth-building tool."
• Alison Wellington [48:04]: "I don't recommend dating people of a different religion unless you are prepared to convert."
• Alison Wellington [63:02]: "I think that people decide to change their lives every single day. They can absolutely choose not to be a cheater anymore."

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For more insights and personalized coaching, listeners can reach out to Alison Wellington through her website alignwithalison.com or follow her on social media platforms.

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Note: This summary excludes advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections as per the podcast guidelines.

Transcript

[Mandy B]

All right, guys, we're taking a break from this week's episode of Decisions Decisions to put you on game. All right? Inspired by Judy Blume's groundbreaking 1975 novel Forever Watch, the reimagined coming of age series about young love by Mara Brock Akil, the iconic creator of Girlfriends, this epic love story follows two black teens, Keisha and Justin, as they explore romance and their identities through the awkward journey of being each other's first watch forever. Premiering May 8th only on Netflix, it.

[Weezy]

Is Ryan here and I have a question for you.

[Alison Wellington]

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[Unknown]

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[Weezy]

By law 21/ terms and conditions apply.

[Alison Wellington]

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[Unknown]

Welcome to Decisions Decisions.

[Mandy B]

I don't think you should say decisions. It sounded like you was talking to cursing.

[Unknown]

You definitely say the welcome.

[Mandy B]

Welcome to the new podcast.

[Unknown]

Oh wait, you want to say it together. Decisions, Decisions.

[Mandy B]

Welcome everybody to another episode of Decisions Decisions. I'm your girl Mandy B. AKA that beach.

[Unknown]

I'm your girl Weezy. And we're back with another episode with another guest. We are going to try to let speak.

[Mandy B]

No, she going to speak. She going to put y'all onto some things. She going maybe put us onto some things. I'm excited. But before we start this week's episode, if you haven't yet make sure you pre order our book, no Holds Barred, A dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power.

[Unknown]

So good.

[Mandy B]

That's right. It's coming out June 24th and we need your help to become New York Times bestsellers. And we can only do that if you guys assist with pre ordering our book. So make sure you go wherever you purchase books or wherever you listen to books now and pre order our book. And now, baby, for the introduction of ze guest. Look at me with the accent. I don't even know what accents I am doing, hon. We have align with Allison, who is a certified dating and relationship coach, a wife, a new mom, and congratulations. Congrats. She focuses on single women and helping them find successful relationships with secure partners that they deserve. Specifically, yes, high achieving women. And what is it? Busy ass women.

[Weezy]

Yeah, basically busy ass women.

[Mandy B]

Busy ass women who don't have the time maybe to go on the speed dates, the blind dates, the dates. Dating becomes hard when you're working.

[Weezy]

Extremely time consuming and extremely frustrating when you're dating the wrong people.

[Mandy B]

Swiping becomes frustrating. Like there's been times like where we've either been on tour or just recording and I'm like, swiping is a job. Talking to these motherfuckers in the DMs is a job. And then setting up dates like, ooh, when am I going to have a break?

[Unknown]

Now, wait, sorry. You're a matchmaker. Dating coach. What's, what's the exact title?

[Weezy]

Yes, Dating coach.

[Unknown]

Dating coach, yes. So when's your, what's your ideal client? Is it when they have someone of interest? Is it when they're just starting?

[Weezy]

That's an excellent question. So ideally I like to work with single as a dollar bill.

[Mandy B]

Single as a dollar bill.

[Weezy]

Single as a dollar bill. So this is a person who's not trying to heal from heartbreak. They've moved on from the last relationship that they were involved in. They desire commitment, potentially marriage, potentially children, if that's in their vision. But they believe in a committed relationship. They believe in the institution of marriage and that's what they want for themselves.

[Unknown]

Why is the needing to believe in marriage important for hiring a coach?

[Weezy]

Yeah, that's an excellent question. Again, so if you are serious about getting into a committed relationship, you are serious about being dedicated to this person. I believe in the institution of marriage. A lot of the language that I use is going to be around marriage. Now, my client doesn't need to be legally married or desire it, but they have to desire committed relationships because that's what I Teach. I teach you how to navigate dating both online and offline. I teach you what questions to ask, how to vet, how to discern, how to, how to stick to your standards.

[Mandy B]

How do you define a committed relationship? Like, how do you define that? Because. So say someone comes to you and maybe a committed relationship doesn't end in marriage for them, would you then not take that person?

[Weezy]

Oh, no, absolutely. I would still work with them.

[Unknown]

Right?

[Mandy B]

You would still work with them.

[Weezy]

That's what I'm saying.

[Unknown]

But does it mean like living together? Does it mean monogamous? What's committed?

[Weezy]

Yes. So committed relationship means that we are not seeing anyone else and we are exclusively seeing each other with the intention of being together for a very long time, if not till we die.

[Mandy B]

So you wouldn't have a non monogamous person?

[Weezy]

I would not.

[Mandy B]

Okay, probably not.

[Unknown]

Tell me, what if there was someone? Cause a lot of men are non monogamous right now.

[Weezy]

You mean dishonestly or honestly?

[Unknown]

I mean, I know that there's a lot of dishonest ones, but a lot of women are defining themselves as ethically non monogamous as well. If they were looking for a man like that to. Do you think you could coach them or do you think it would require a different skill set? Because, for example, I would assume if you're looking for, if you're generally coaching people that are monogamous, it's probably difficult to help them ask questions to lead into finding the right ethically non monogamous partner. Yeah. So tell me, what if that person was like, I don't need a monogamous man. I also am open.

[Weezy]

Yeah. So really what it boils down to is I help. I help people find folks who want what they want.

[Mandy B]

Okay.

[Weezy]

It's just been in my experience and with my audience that what my audience wants is a monogamous relationship.

[Mandy B]

Oh, they don't want to share they niggas. Right.

[Weezy]

So in that case, I can help you figure out what you want and I can help you find someone who wants the same things as you. So in theory, yes, I could help someone who wanted the same thing as their partner. I just haven't had that experience.

[Unknown]

We had a really interesting conversation with Lex Pull a few weeks ago where we were talking about Neo and Mandy Said and we were disagreeing. I don't believe the women he's dating want to be one of five. I believe they want to be monogamous. I think especially after watching his conversation, I can't remember what show he was on, but he was like These are my rules. And if they don't like it, you know, they can go, this is what they have to do. I agree. I don't think most women want ethically non monogamous relationships mainly because they can't fuck another man. The rule always goes, you can be with another woman and I think they settle. Do you find in your experience that if you've had any women in previous non monogamous relationships, that was the case?

[Weezy]

I don't think most women want to share. I think that you're absolutely right. I think that those women want a come up and so they see Neo as a come up and so they're going to accept whatever his rules and regulations are, because that's what they. I don't even think that they're legitimately interested in him romantically. So I'm not even confident that a relationship with him would last very long. I don't even know what if they would even define this thing as a true relationship. I think that women in those particular instances, the one that you just mentioned, are taking what they can get.

[Unknown]

Do you think that's what I agree with Neo's girlfriends?

[Mandy B]

I only because. And if I have to reiterate myself, y'all could go back. I'm gonna say the same thing I said from that conversation. I think that with the platform we've curated, with the relationships we've shared specifically on this platform with the. And mind you, I know his girlfriends and there's a friendship there, they're friends with each other. So I hate even just keep bringing them up because I do have a personal relationship with them. But I think it's unfair to assume that a woman who does share is settling or just doing so to be happy because that's all she can get. When we've sat here and expressed that we enjoy sharing our partners, we enjoy threesomes, I enjoy going to the sex club, I enjoy these things. And we also talk about how in ethically non monogamous relationships they're customizable. Everyone's boundaries are different. There's not an umbrella term. So because you don't focus on that, I don't want to lean too far into that as much as I want to lean into talking about how to date as a successful woman.

[Weezy]

Yes.

[Mandy B]

With you not being someone who caters to an ethically non monogamous and for us being a platform that champions non traditional relationships, I don't want to continue at this point to throw out the narrative that people are settling or want to be monogamous. When they're choosing as well to be ethically non monogamous.

[Unknown]

Also be honest about. We can be breaking barriers and stigmas and we can be the women that enjoy sharing partners and also know that the rest of, let's just say American women that listen to this show, it's.

[Weezy]

Not the norm for many people and I understand it's not my area of expertise. So let's get to my area of expertise.

[Unknown]

You know what I mean?

[Weezy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mandy B]

It's like we could sit here and debate it, but you don't really lean into that. And I. So then I want to get into. Because I know our demo is this, whether they're monogamous or not.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Our audience, our demo is high achieving ass fucking women.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

So how do you define that? Like how do you. And I don't want to Kevin Samuels this shit out, but what would be considered a high achieving woman?

[Weezy]

Yeah. So a high achieving professional woman is a woman who is doing well for herself financially. Like now that's gonna depend on where she is in the country. Right. But someone who is established, who would define themselves as established, they are doing well for themselves. They are able to not only pay their bills, they're able to travel, they're able to save, they're able to live life the way that they see fit financially. They are financially sound.

[Mandy B]

Okay. Oh, that's our audience.

[Unknown]

Now. When it comes to women that are doing well, a lot of the conversation is that women that are in high power jobs or whatever, or financially independent are always like, I don't need a nigger for shit. Da da da, da. You always hear men saying, these are why those women are single. How do you make sure to coach correctly? Make sure we are feeling validated by our money, feeling like accomplished, but also not being so submissive. How do you coach for that?

[Weezy]

Right. So I'm gonna go back and say that's what they say. And the theys are the ones who can't afford that lifestyle anyway. So I don't listen to the theys. Right. So the men who have the time to argue in the comments are the ones who aren't busy working, they're not financial, they don't tend to be financially sound or financially secure. Right. So I'm not too concerned about them. But it doesn't mean that they're not being heard. So I'll still address it. What I find is that busy professional women don't tend to be assholes. They don't tend to be extremely difficult or lack submission or any of those things, the issue is, is that they are not going to follow foolishness. They're not gonna follow any old person, any old where or how, because they are intelligent enough to realize and recognize that that plan is unreasonable that can't be executed. I have a better plan. Follow along with my idea and let's do this thing together. So that's where the real issue comes along. I want busy professional women to recognize that listening to the folks online is a waste of your time. There are plenty of professional, polished, reasonable men who exist who are more than happy to date someone and be in a relationship with someone who is their equal.

[Unknown]

I'm glad to hear you say there's plenty because, you know, we talk shit a lot and joke on the spot and act like the pool is so scarce and it feels good to hear someone say that. It isn't.

[Weezy]

It isn't. It isn't. It's a scarcity mindset. And again, going back to that original point, there's a lot of conversation that talks about, you know, marriage is terrible. Relationships are so hard, right? Who are the people who are saying that? It tends to be the people who are either not married or they are actually unhappy in their marriage or the. So the thing is, is that the happy married people are too busy being happily married to. To be on somebody's Internet to be arguing. The men who are professional, the men who are working hard, the men who have a plan, the men who are executing are too busy to be on the Internet to be arguing. Hey, I actually like a busy professional.

[Unknown]

I like the Internet power. What if it is conversation that girls are having with their other girlfriends about how marriage sucks or relationship sucks? Do you think we're kind of infecting each other with that?

[Weezy]

Oh, yes, absolutely. And again, the happy people are too busy being happy. I think it's fab. Who said like happy hoes ain't hating and hating hoes ain't happy? Like when you are so busy being upset, right? Like mad random Brooklyn shit, right? So when you're so busy being overwhelmed, upset, frustrated, you're gonna wanna share that. And then many times when you're happy, you're too busy being happy. I mean, of course you'll share something. Hey, my husband bought me some flowers. That was so nice. But I'm not gonna talk to you for 25 minutes about how beautiful these flowers are. If he pissed me off, that's an hour long voice note conversation, right?

[Mandy B]

I mean, I think that's the. There's discernment in what you Share with your homegirls. And a lot of times you want to vent about things that bother you or things. So unfortunately, instead of like boasting about all the great things, especially if your friends aren't in healthy relationships or are single, you go to them to vent just when things are going bad. So that again, I guess creates this idea that everything sucks and everything's bad.

[Weezy]

You know, the other side of it too is that those men are literally busy. So not they're too busy to be on the Internet. Right. But they also are literally building their empire. They're working 50, 60 hours a week. They're looking at investments. They don't have the time to be socializing as much. So that might mean that the guys who are in the club every Friday, that ain't shit. Yeah, you're gonna meet them frequently if you're in those places.

[Mandy B]

Can I ask you a question though? Does it make sense for a woman who, say, is at a C suite level or who's very busy and all these specifically professionally, do you actually feel like her match is an equally busy, equally successful man?

[Weezy]

Many times. Really many times. And I'm going to tell you why. Really many times.

[Mandy B]

Okay.

[Weezy]

Number one, that gentleman is going to understand and appreciate her struggle. So I remember there was a couple of years ago where there was a conversation online about entrepreneurs only dating entrepreneurs and not wanting to date the 9 to 5 man.

[Mandy B]

V. Simone said, yeah, she didn't want to date a 9 to 5 and.

[Weezy]

And even though that wasn't received well because maybe the messaging was off or the tone was off, it is a reasonable conclusion. Now, I'm not saying that you only date the C suite, you only date the entrepreneur, you only date the investor. But they can have an appreciation for your schedule, for your hustle like no one else can. It doesn't mean the 9 to 5 man can't be supportive and can't see and value it. But it's a lot easier with someone who's literally doing the work that you do. Right.

[Mandy B]

Even though there may be a lack of time that the two actors.

[Unknown]

Nine to five incorporate two different things.

[Weezy]

Oh, yes. Oh, sorry. Yes.

[Mandy B]

Oh, sorry.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

A nine to five person is different than a person who runs their state, partner and staff.

[Unknown]

I call corporate and 9 to 5 the same thing. So I guess two things here. Like, I'm just thinking about my last relationship. Although it wasn't successful, he was very understanding of work. My relationship wasn't successful. He was. He was high up in a. In a bank, tech level. And Was working virtually so he could support me, travel with me, whatever. I found that dating that nine to five person, which I considered him to be, was successful even though I was on my entrepreneurial journey, because he still had the language to be able to talk business with me.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Now my partner is in real estate. He's an investor. So he's got way more time on his hands because he's not doing something every single day. Same amount of money, good money. But yeah, I don't know, for me, I think it's the time. So that's why when Mandy made that comment, we've been talking a lot about our relationship. He's like, yo, if I was still a 9 to 5 guy, I don't know how successful our relationship could be. Because he's traveling with me so much to be on set, to do different things and support me. And so it's like, how much I don't know. Is there any way where the high powered woman could date? Now? My man isn't making less, but he isn't in the office like I am.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Is there a chance that someone could be?

[Weezy]

Oh, yes, absolutely. Absolutely.

[Unknown]

So could you ever recommend that these high powered women not date down, but maybe aren't shooting for the stars, like where they're at?

[Mandy B]

Is there advice with that too? Like, do you say. Do you speak to a woman and be like, actually, maybe you should consider the guy who works at Target? Is that ever advice?

[Unknown]

I don't know about Target.

[Mandy B]

Okay, first off, we gotta go. We could shit on Target right now. Cause they removed dei, so fuck Target. But also, like, do you recommend, like Weezy said, saying, okay, maybe just getting someone who makes just enough.

[Unknown]

Like, I dated a bartender right before this, before these two men were successful in what they do and there was a big gap.

[Mandy B]

Yeah, you hated that shit.

[Unknown]

It was very.

[Mandy B]

She was like, bleep out what he does.

[Unknown]

It was really difficult. Like, he loved his wife.

[Weezy]

Difficult for who?

[Unknown]

I feel like both of us. And I'll say why. There were times where I wanted to maybe go on vacation somewhere. And I knew it may not be as feasible. Yeah, I was uncomfortable with making recommendations. I felt like he had something in his head with keeping up. He would constantly remind me that he was happy with his life, as if he was almost fearful that I wanted him to be more ambitious. Yeah, I felt like there was a bit of a clash there.

[Weezy]

Yes.

[Unknown]

So that's why I'm curious what that looks like. And he was a confident man in himself. But I do think it can Get a little bit weird when the person you're dating is doing a lot more.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So I would ask then for those women that may pass by the good guy or the great guy, and he was a very good man, loyal. It just didn't work out.

[Weezy]

Right.

[Unknown]

Can it work?

[Weezy]

So I don't recommend dating someone who is making significantly less. As a woman. I don't recommend significantly less. And so one may define significant. Let's 15k, 20k, 30k. Okay. Right. Or 30k, depending on how much they have. Right.

[Mandy B]

Oh, yeah. No, to be significant would be half.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Weezy]

Right. So it depends on how much you make. Right. But I wouldn't recommend it. And for the exact reason that you said a lot of the conversation is, well, the woman is going to not respect the gentleman, and she's gonna speak down to him, and he's also gonna give her a hell of a show. And sometimes that hell of a show looks like, okay, big money, or, well, you have the money, so you do. And this constant trying to prove yourself or constantly trying to. Well, I don't think that's a good idea. And you should.

[Mandy B]

Right.

[Weezy]

Like, it causes a lot of conflict from either side. This is not a woman's issue or a men's issue. It becomes. It can be problematic on either side. So I say stay away from someone who makes significantly less. And that's starting at like a 20.

[Unknown]

And you know what?

[Mandy B]

$30,000 difference.

[Weezy]

Right. Or. And again, if we're talking.

[Mandy B]

Which makes a lot of sense, if we even say the woman makes 100k, a man making 70k with taxes, or say he has other children, which is a case, especially if you're dating in your 30s. And I talked about this on another episode. A lot of men have other children. There's child support. There's their own bills. There's a lot of things coming out of that.

[Unknown]

I mean, there was something a friend told me recently that I liked. She makes more than her partner.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I don't know by how much, but she said, I always wanted my household income to be this amount.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And now it is. So I'm not gonna complain about him making less than me when total, we can afford this thing. And I really like that mindset. Let's just say the number is she's making, I don't know, 200 and he's making 125. Right. Right now their household's at 300. They can get whatever type of vacations, et cetera.

[Weezy]

This is her man, her husband.

[Unknown]

I think they're engaged Now. Okay. But I like that she said that because it gave me a lot of insight as to like how people see finances when they're in a unit. And I can appreciate that. And I know a lot of women kind of feel like they're getting taken when that happens, you know? So beyond that conversation of money, you brought up Anwar earlier. He was. The last time we had a dating coach on. Was there anything you championed and kind of were like, from his episode where you were like, yes, he's right.

[Weezy]

Yeah. So the deadlines, the timelines I'm on par with in terms of how long it should take a gentleman to ask a woman out on a date, how long it should take to get into a committed relationship. How long. And again, we're talking about 30s and older. How long it should take someone to decide whether or not they want to commit to you. How. Right. All of those timelines, I think, are reasonable. An issue I have in the general dating and relationship space for certified people who actually have degrees and they do the work. Not people who create content and talk shit just for the sake of talking shit. Right. One of the issues I have with the general dating space, and it's hard, but there are sometimes huge generalizations. Huge generalization. And we just made a whole bunch of them, but we just did generalizations. So, you know, Nigerian men function like this, and Black American men.

[Unknown]

Oh, what are you talking about? The Black king thing.

[Weezy]

Right. And so I like that. And so there's a lot of conversation that just groups millions of people together, and it's really hard for you to be able to do that. And that's the important thing about coaching. Right. So we're here in a conversation that's going to be an hour and change. When you're working with someone, we're working with them for eight weeks to six months. So the specificity of their life is going to impact their results. So that's the beautiful thing about coaching. But overall, it's really hard for me to listen and engage in conversations that make such sweeping indictments of millions of people.

[Unknown]

What about the thing about dating in different cities? How did you feel about that? What do you think about that? Swiping in different cities to.

[Weezy]

I think that there's some. There's some legitimacy to that. But I will say this. I believe that there is more than one soulmate. Soulmate, Yes. I think there's more than one. I don't believe that there's only one person. I just don't believe, like, God would do that to you. That if you blink too long, you miss the guy who just walked past.

[Unknown]

You and advised you of your life. I mean, I've dated an amazing woman. There was nothing wrong with her. We were just at two different places and amazing men. So I feel like, yeah, I would agree with you.

[Weezy]

Yeah. So for that reason, I shy away from can't date in Atlanta, Ain't nobody here. Can't date in Houston. Nobody here, like every woman that I see online says that about their city. So then how come last year There were over 3 million weddings in the United States if they ain't nobody good in la, Miami, New York, like Hawaii, Nobody said how come there's over 3 million weddings last year? Clearly two people decided that this is worthy and that's just weddings. Forget about long term, committed relationships, engagements and all the things.

[Unknown]

Why do you think the marital numbers are going down in the United States?

[Weezy]

Oh, for the same reason why we're here today. Because women don't need the protection and the provision of men in order to function in society. We don't need it anymore. Right. And so you can talk about like 1974, where that was when women needed, up until the point women needed permission to have a credit card or open a bank account. Right. Like we don't need men to function in society. And so there's no pressure to have to do it now. We do it if we see fit.

[Mandy B]

I love that.

[Unknown]

Why do you encourage.

[Weezy]

And I love that. And I think that's the way it should be.

[Mandy B]

Yeah. If you guys. I don't know if it's, it's probably out by now. We had a talk on selective ignorance about where marriage sits in modern day era. And you allowed me to give my thoughts on marriage and you came with some really like facts on, on why the union is still very important. And we still. I agree to disagree by the end of it because, you know, it takes a lot to convince me.

[Weezy]

But have you ever been, have you ever been convinced?

[Mandy B]

No, not a bunch.

[Unknown]

You're right.

[Mandy B]

You're right.

[Unknown]

But yeah, yeah. Tell us why. I would love to know the value.

[Weezy]

Of the institution of marriage.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that's what I was going to ask you.

[Weezy]

Okay. So again, busy, professional women don't need men. Like literally we do not need men to function in society. Okay. But it's still an amazing wealth building tool. So the opportunity for you to be able to execute and to create goals and to be able to achieve those goals is so much faster and easier and better when you have someone to do it with. So like the actual literal financial benefits. So I'm just going to lead with that because that's okay.

[Unknown]

Just like my friend said, right now, my household is so right.

[Weezy]

So I can purchase. All right, Perfect example. I was looking to purchase a home in 2018. I'm from Brooklyn. I don't want to leave New York City just yet. Right? I could not afford a home in any of the five boroughs by myself. So at that time, with my little stinky W2, all I could do is get the closest to New York as possible, which was Yonkers, right? And I was looking at a house in Yonkers. I'm talking to my mom, and she says, well, you know, you're dating this guy who's not my husband. You dating this guy Andrew. You want to ask him if y'all want to put your money together? I said, mommy, you gonna let me buy a house with a man who's not my husband? She said, I mean, an old school, traditional West Indian woman. I mean, if you could put the funds together and you can live where you want to live and be where you want to be, it's something to consider. So I said, hey, babe, do you want to buy a house together? He said, sure. He wasn't going to push me. He wasn't going to pressure me. He wasn't going to make me do anything I didn't want to do. Eventually, we got engaged. We got married. We ended up closing on the house, like, a month after we got married in Brooklyn.

[Mandy B]

Couldn't you just walk seven blocks away from my mama, form an LLC with somebody like it? To me, that's. I think that is my problem also with the idea of marriage, again, with my trauma and PTSD from actually going through the end of a business relationship and having to go through the divorce, of splitting assets if it's just a money business.

[Weezy]

That's just the first point.

[Unknown]

But.

[Mandy B]

Yes, but I'm saying, to me, even that idea, and there's religious reasons and there are financial reasons, and to me, for the financial reasons that leans into it could just be a partnership on paper. Y'all could open an llc.

[Weezy]

You absolutely. You absolutely could. And then the breakup is just as stressful and just as overwhelming, right? But. But then with the partnership with the LLC per se, now we're going into the emotional support, the emotional stability, the accountability of this other person. I just had a baby four and a half months ago, okay? I risked my life. I am not risking my life for any old body who can't, at the minimum, say, Alison My intention is to be with you for the rest of our lives. Alison. Here's a big ass rock to prove it. Alison, I'm gonna profess this in front of all of our friends and family. Gonna get this legally documented so that I can have the comfort to say, okay, well, since you've promised these things to me and you've given me these tokens to prove that you are serious, then I'm prepared to risk it all. I'm not.

[Unknown]

I agree with you. And take that away. You have two men in a relationship that are single moms today, and we could say he'll fuck you over if you're married, whatever. However, for me, I make jokes a lot. It's very Dr. Umar Ish. But I really do think we're kind of wiping out a lot of black families, a lot of black children. I like to joke about how the buck stops here with me as the mix kid. But black families being married, black families building generational wealth. I'm not trying to put another black little boy or girl into the system with figuring out through documents who's gonna get em for two weeks, who's gonna do this. I want them to be having my husband's last name. I want them to be built into a family that's married. And I think it really is important. We just sat with Les Alford from She's so Lucky Used to be Balanced Black Girl podcast, and when she said her parents were still married, it was mind blowing to me because I don't hear it that often anymore. Like, I think it's very special. And I think when someone can honor their relationship and their love that way and their child, I really do believe it's more commitment. I think that I would love to see more of us championing that because I have so many friends that are doing well and because they are, they're taking the backseat on wanting love or family dynamics.

[Mandy B]

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[Mandy B]

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[Unknown]

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[Mandy B]

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[Weezy]

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[Mandy B]

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[Mandy B]

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[Weezy]

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[Mandy B]

I do want to lean into because we're still talking high achieving women. I want to get back to marriage and all those things. But I have a hypothetical that I think can lean us into also distinguishing what our desires end up really being as high achieving women looking to date. So here's our hypothetical. I want y'all to play along too. If you're sitting at your desk or in your car, all the things. So here we go. You finally believe you've met the man of your dreams and he just proposed to you. However, he has a once in a lifetime opportunity that requires him to move overseas for a year while he wants you to join him. You feel it's a crucial time for your own career advancement. You must choose between supporting his ambitions and or potentially jeopardizing your own career progression. What would you as a coach advise someone to do in this situation?

[Weezy]

That's an excellent question. I would advise the gentleman to go overseas.

[Mandy B]

Okay.

[Weezy]

Please pursue whatever your dreams are. Get it done. I'm staying my black ass here, okay? I'm gonna continue to do what I've been doing. It's a year. That is a joke. In the comparison of the lifelong partnership that we intend on having. What is one year out of 40 plus more that we could have together? You go do your thing. I'm gonna stay here. We'll fly every other month.

[Mandy B]

It'll work.

[Weezy]

It's not a big deal.

[Mandy B]

Now, what if it is to him and there's an ultimatum? Like, that's where the question says, like, do you stay for your own career?

[Weezy]

It's an ultimatum.

[Mandy B]

It's a, I want you to be with me. And if you don't come with me for this year, maybe that year's a lot. Mind you, Wolf said it takes him a year to even know if he likes a bitch. You know what I mean?

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

So don't be shaking your head, laughing over there. To me, one year is a lot. If I look at where I was just one year ago, so many things have changed. Again. Having a friend who woke up and had breast cancer one day, like, seeing my friend literally go, my friend Deondra, we had Thanksgiving. This next Thanksgiving, she had a whole baby. Like, there's all of these things that realistically, though, happen within the year of time. So if this man is saying, yeah, this is a long time for me not to be with my partner, and you're choosing your job to stay here, I don't know if he's going to.

[Weezy]

And he's choosing his job to go overseas. Right, right. And so that's why that goes back to the conversation of making sure that the people that you're dating understand and appreciate the work that you do. So that a gentleman, ideally a gentleman like that, would not put you in that position. But let me answer your question. Cause I hate when people give hypotheticals and don't answer, and they give the other option. So what I would say is I don't think that they are appropriately yoked. I don't think that they make a. Because that's why I said ultimatum.

[Mandy B]

Okay.

[Weezy]

We're not even. We're not married. We don't have children.

[Mandy B]

He just proposed.

[Weezy]

Right? He proposed. And we're already setting up for ultimatums for things that are practical, like things that we can work through. I know you said that one year is three, but come on.

[Unknown]

I kind of agree.

[Weezy]

In the grand scheme of things, it's one year. And you're telling me that if I don't put my career on hold to traipse around the world with you for your career, not, you know, I need to care for my mom like this. My job for your job.

[Mandy B]

Can I ask you a real question then? Just because to me, it's a long time. To a lot of our listeners, it's a long time. Okay. I may not be able to get away from my job because I'm a high achieving woman more than maybe three or four times throughout the year because I'm a busy person. Right. Is there then the conversation around sexual. Now I know you, you deal with monogamy.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Is it realistic to also expect a partner to hold out for a year or months on end because you don't have the ability to be in the same city or same country even? That's what this hypothetical is giving. Like what then becomes the conversation about my needs sexually?

[Weezy]

Yeah. Wait, especially. Oh, and right. If we're talking about more traditional relationship, we're talking about childbearing age.

[Mandy B]

Right.

[Weezy]

There are going to be seasons that are sexless medically. Right. Energetically. So what you're telling me is you can't wait two months. But guess the doctor told me I had to wait two months to f you regardless. Right. There's gonna be times where we cannot do this thing for whatever reason. So you're telling me you can't wait three months?

[Unknown]

Here's the problem.

[Weezy]

Outrageous.

[Unknown]

What we're talking about though, sexual needs to imply that someone is so thirsty they're going outside of your initial rules or like the model of your relationship. That's fucked up. Like what fucking weak ass nigga can't wait two months? That's insane.

[Weezy]

Right?

[Mandy B]

That's why I said a year.

[Unknown]

No, no, no, no, no. My man maybe not be able to wait two months. And I probably can't wait two months. Cause that's what the fuck we do. But if. Let's just say we talk about all the time closing our relationship during pregnancy. Let's just say I'm sick or something like that. And he had to get pussy that bad. What a fucking slap in the face to me.

[Weezy]

Absolutely.

[Unknown]

I really think a lot of the times when we think about time, we need to spend away the fear of someone being with someone else just because we're unavailable due to work and goals. Hell no. When you were reading this, I was gonna say the word ultimatum. I don't agree with ultimatums. For someone who loves me. Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Ultimatums.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I don't like when someone won't compromise for me. I don't believe you should ever sacrifice. But knowing you can't make a compromise for me lets me know you don't give a fuck.

[Weezy]

I agree.

[Unknown]

So I'm good?

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

If there's ever like deal with it, break up with me. That type of talk that's that manipulative, narcissistic, like I'm good on you. Right. So I think a year in the grand scheme is small if you're comparing it to 40 years. And I've also had successful long distance relationships where I was comfortable and happy. But I know that's also finances too, being able to leave.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I'm gonna tell you right now though, if I didn't really like my job too much, I'd be like, okay, baby, I'll go live in Dubai. I would.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I'll practice being a housewife. Guess what else I would do? I'll practice doing my side hustle. Every high powered woman I know, even if they're in corporate, they've got a dream about some side thing they want to do.

[Weezy]

Right.

[Unknown]

I would then say, hey, if I move there, I want you to support me and this side venture. And that's where the extra money goes into. I think there's a lot of ways, however, I do understand women feel like they have to sacrifice for a man a lot.

[Mandy B]

I would choose in my career. I'm staying too. Like you said.

[Weezy]

Yeah, I would stay. And my.

[Unknown]

If I loved my career, I would.

[Mandy B]

If there's an ultimatum, then like you said, he's just not the one for you.

[Weezy]

Right. And you're setting yourself up for a shit show of a life. If this is just your fiance and now the expectations that I have to give up everything to chase your dreams, this is only gonna become more problematic.

[Unknown]

Yo, that's why I agree a lot of the men today that are quote unquote, high value. I used to kind of joke about how they really don't date women that got shit going on.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

But now I kind of see why.

[Weezy]

Yeah, of course.

[Unknown]

Because you really, really do need someone who can be available to you every single second. You know what I mean?

[Mandy B]

I mean, they want that.

[Weezy]

They want that, right?

[Mandy B]

They do.

[Weezy]

But a woman probably would not be attracted to a gentleman who could just drop anything and everything unless he works remotely. Right. Like, I don't think most women would be attracted to a gentleman who could just traipse around the world following them.

[Unknown]

Of course.

[Weezy]

Yeah. Like that would be.

[Unknown]

You want to know, like, damn, what the fuck? Do you have your own life?

[Mandy B]

Yeah, I don't want that.

[Weezy]

Yeah. But then. But also on the same token, there's a lot of conversation about these, again, high achieving men, that they would want someone who can easily just travel, who could easily just. But then sometimes they also want someone that they can have intellectual conversation who understands and appreciates the nature of the game you were sharing. Like, even though your partner works, quote, unquote, a 9 to 5. He understands business. He understands.

[Unknown]

Oh, yes, my exact.

[Weezy]

Or the real estate gentleman. He understands what it looks like to invest. He understands what it's like to double down, how to make sure that you are scaling your business. He understands the language. And he's excited. Right. He wants to go to conferences. He wants to know what's going on. So, again, we talked about generalizations. You're finding your guy. It's about you finding your person. And that's why hiring a coach is ideal, because I don't want you wasting the time you don't have dating people who are just inappropriate matches, not bad people. Right. The bartender wasn't a bad guy. He wasn't an appropriate match for you.

[Mandy B]

I want to get into our reactionary. I'm going to play a clip, and I want to know how you would navigate this conversation with someone that you coach.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Let me get my thoughts together.

[Weezy]

Yeah. What?

[Unknown]

Can you repeat that?

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

How heavy has it been for people trying to critique.

[Weezy]

Is this real?

[Mandy B]

Is this for show?

[Unknown]

It was never fake. My encounterment with God was real. Yeah. I was just really just in a space where I was dating somebody. And I'm not going to say any names, but. And I'm thankful for this person because it was never that. I never believed in God. I just wasn't really close to him. And it was somebody that was in my life that had an influence. And, you know, I was so focused on being a wife and being loved on and being wanted that I was like, okay, well, I have to change who I am in order for this person to accept me.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And I was more so focused on that versus my walk with God. I was doing it more for what that person wanted, you know? So I'm like, okay, well, maybe if I change my image on Instagram or I change how I am, then I'll be his wife or I'll do this. So it was more so like, okay, Alexis, are you ready for this? But I really wasn't ready, you know? And it's not saying that I wasn't ready to walk with God. It's just I wasn't doing it the right way. I was more so doing it for somebody else. And so it just happened overnight. So next thing you know, I'm on the Internet telling the world, like, I stopped doing this, I stopped doing that. I stopped doing that. But this is who Alexis really was, you know, and I was changing myself for somebody else and not for me.

[Mandy B]

So I wanted to ask, basically, she went on a podcast and admitted to changing her religious beliefs and becoming a Christian in order to appear more as a wife for this specific person that she was dating. And he still ended up leaving her. So at the end of this, she says, I did all of this. I changed all the ways, everything he said he wanted, I felt like I became. And he still left me. And so I want to know the conversation that you have with anyone that you're coaching and if they're currently or if they start dating someone, and maybe there's a difference in religious beliefs, a difference in political values, a difference in morals. Do you feel as though those people with differences in those places can be together? Do you feel like a woman can convert or can change those and become a wife for a man and that that's a healthy way to do it? What would be your advice with that?

[Weezy]

Yeah, absolutely not.

[Mandy B]

Absolutely not.

[Weezy]

Absolutely not.

[Unknown]

To everything you just said, do not.

[Mandy B]

Change nothing about yourself.

[Weezy]

So for somebody else. Okay, Absolutely not. So through my coaching process, the first thing that we go through is getting clear on what are some of the behaviors and traits that you exhibit that you love, and then what are some of the behaviors and traits that you exhibit that you don't love so much?

[Mandy B]

How often are women able to give you that second part?

[Weezy]

Oh, do we know they're. Oh, yes.

[Mandy B]

They're able to stand what their bad things are.

[Weezy]

Oh, yes.

[Mandy B]

For the women that you talk to, what are maybe some of the most common traits that women are able to address about themselves?

[Weezy]

Argumentative. Okay, argumentative. I come from that background of being a very argumentative person. I should have been a lawyer. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. My dad told me that when I was 10.

[Unknown]

Argumentative.

[Weezy]

So, yes. All right. So being argumentative. And I'm still working on it. That's one thing. Especially we're talking about people who are like, lawyers and in government. So that's one issue that they work on, that they're actively working on with me and through therapy. Another issue, which is ironic, would be poor spending habits. Like, you can make a shit ton of money and have poor spending habits, and that makes being in a relationship more difficult than what it should be. And so that's how I frame it. What are some of the behaviors and traits that you exhibit that makes being in a relationship with you more difficult than what it should be?

[Unknown]

Ooh, good for you.

[Weezy]

So poor spending. Yeah, poor spending habits. Being argumentative, and then for some folks, being needy. Right. Like, it could be mother wounds. It could Be daddy issues. But there's something about this person that makes them realize and they've been actively told that you rely on me too much.

[Unknown]

I'm really thinking of mine right now.

[Weezy]

I'd love to know, like an unhealthy attachment style.

[Mandy B]

Unhealthy attachment style.

[Unknown]

You know yours. I'm definitely too emotional. Sometimes I can't get logical. Cause I'm sorry. Upset by something. I think I'm very unavailable. Like, I know that that's not a characteristic, but it's very hard for me to show up for things because of my time. I'm definitely too emotional.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

I would say my placement on importance of other people, like, in terms of being in a relationship. I think people question constantly where they stand. But I think it comes from the unhealthy placement of a relationship or a partner. Like, so for me, my friends are always gonna come first. My family then is second. A romantic partner will come third. And so I think being able to still have them feel as though they have importance in my life or that I do care about them because these other people come first. Outside of that, I would also say, I mean only. Cause it was just talked about in a conversation and it felt like the room felt like it was a bad thing. I still don't my need for space. I'm actually way more detached. I'm not a needy person. I don't need to be up under a man. I don't want them under me. I don't want to feel like they have to consume my whole life. And so for most men, I think a lot of women show up that way. They want to be around. They want the men around. They want the man to show up with everything. They want the man always to be around on dates and all this. I don't want that at all. And that's the conversation I'm currently having with my partner now. Like, damn, babe, can I have more time with you and me? I know I need a lot of alone time to recharge. And it doesn't. I can't recharge with a person. I have to recharge by myself. That's how I've learned. And I've learned that through therapy. So for me, those would be my two things. Is really having a person feel important in my life when they are. But I don't know if I have a good way to show that.

[Weezy]

Right. So that's the first thing we need to identify. What are some of the behaviors and traits. That's not too great. Right. Once they've identified those things. They recognize it's a problem. It's not a gentleman who's coming to them that they love so much and they want to be with so badly and has identified this is your problem and you need to fix it. They already know that coming into the game, which goes back to the original question, who I like to work with single as a dollar bill. So this is not. We're not conforming and we're not changing and we're not transforming who we are for a particular person. We're doing the work first, recognizing that there's a behavior that's undesirable and changing that behavior. Therefore, once we've done that work and we continue to do it, it doesn't end. We continue to do that work. Once we start dating, we're finding people who are an appropriate match who's equally yoked, meaning they have the same or similar morals and values. Right. And either you can match how that person presents in the world or you can compliment it. So what does that mean? My husband is a social. Socialite. He is outside. He loves to be outside with his friends. He loves to go out. He loves to drink. All the things I like to be in my house. So that would be an opposite behavior.

[Mandy B]

So those are opposite behaviors.

[Weezy]

Right.

[Mandy B]

But, Alison, what about a Christian and a Muslim, a Republican and a Democrat?

[Weezy]

Right.

[Mandy B]

Those are like, really staunch differences that lean into political. The church, all those things.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Mandy B]

Can people on those opposite ends.

[Weezy]

I don't recommend it.

[Mandy B]

You don't recommend it?

[Weezy]

I literally had a client text me and say, text me a profile of a gentleman, ask me some questions. I'm scrolling. I said, it says, he's Buddhist. And, you know, that's a. No, no, not Buddhism, but a different religion. I don't recommend it.

[Unknown]

That's so crazy. Buddhism is the easiest. I'm not Buddhist to convert to. No, it's the easiest to align yourself with because it's not another God, but not if you're. It's a way of life.

[Mandy B]

Jewish or Christian.

[Unknown]

By the way, my mom. I meant to speak when we were talking about Alexis. My parents have been married 35 years. My mom converted to be with my father. And I remember when we had a conversation about it, she started going back to church. My dad's Jewish. She started going back to church, like, when I was a teenager. I was like, is Daddy going to be mad? Like, what are we. Are we doing something bad? And she's like, you know, your father wanted me to convert because he really wanted to Have a Jewish wedding.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

He wanted you to be Jewish. This was something that was important to him, and I didn't really care.

[Weezy]

And Judaism goes through the mom's line, so she had it to be a Jew in order for you. Okay.

[Unknown]

But she was like, but it didn't really matter to me. I just loved him, wanted to be with him. So I actually think it could, if only one person's very religious.

[Weezy]

So that's what I was just about to get to. Right. So my recommendation is not to date people of a different religion unless you are prepared to convert. Now, I know you think, Allison, just saying that because I said that.

[Unknown]

I don't promise you.

[Weezy]

No, I don't. Unless you are prepared to convert. And many times, like you mentioned with your dad, he may have not been, like, extraly passionate about Judaism in itself, but maybe sometimes it comes with parental pressures. Maybe it comes with the style of wedding. Maybe it comes to where you can be buried. Right. It is how the child is gonna be raised. And so unless you are prepared to convert, which means give up your identity, your religious identity, don't do it. Because the individual may not have a problem, but they mama and them do. And then now the relationship is over because the family has become important.

[Unknown]

And also, if, you know, it's kind of like Sex and the City is the way that we can look at it, if anyone's ever seen it. I know I bring up Sex and the City a lot, but literally, I think they were dating and falling in love. He goes, ugh, you're, like, perfect, but, you know, I have to marry a Jewish girl. When people start saying things like that off rip, then I know.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I actually went on a few dates with a guy who was praying before most meals.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Which didn't bother me at all. Well, actually, a lot of my close friends are religious. However, I only could think to myself, this is something I know you want to share with someone. I know my homegirls that pray with their partner feel so whole. I'm going to make you feel empty at some point. I really believe that.

[Weezy]

Did you let him go because of that?

[Mandy B]

Oh, I let a n go because he prayed before his meals, not the prayers. I was talking to this football player last year, and he knew the podcast. He knew everything. We were talking, we were dming each other, and I was like, ooh. I was already thinking because he was good looking. I was like, oh, we going to see da da da da. And I was like, so what are you looking for in a woman? And he Was like, oh, I want a woman of God. I said, well, I'm gonna go ahead and let you find her. Because the way in which if a woman says. If a man says that, I know you're looking for a woman that walks within the word and goes to church maybe on Sundays and does all the things that I do.

[Unknown]

But though your boyfriend wants marriage and kids and you don't, so it's like.

[Mandy B]

That'S different than my identity. Those are once through traditions and things, which I've also said, and I've talked about this on the pod. I'll take the ring. We could have the ceremony. He'll align with that.

[Weezy]

But the children part.

[Mandy B]

The children. We don't want it. And however that looks when we cross that road. He's not looking for kids until at least four or five more years. He's focused on his career. Right now he's. We're eight years different. What four years from now looks like for him will be completely not the same to me. I'm still kind of in my ways. If four years from now, he's a completely different person, we've enjoyed each other, and he can go have kids. Like, I don't want to keep. That's different.

[Unknown]

No, I just mean religious thing, you know, saying no to someone.

[Mandy B]

I know I'm not going to church. I've been trying to go with my friends. I feel like they all motivational speakers. I don't want to be in no cult. I don't want to be a religious person. I was raised in missions. I went to church. I had Christmases sponsored by the church growing up. My relationship to the church has changed, and I can't be that for someone else. So I'm very aware. And I chose to walk away. I didn't choose to stay. And my boyfriend right now, with him knowing how I feel about those things, he has every right to walk away from me, and I'll allow it.

[Weezy]

Yes, He's.

[Mandy B]

We are really, really. And I'm not gonna say the L word because we were not trying to say the L word. We are enjoying the shit out of each other.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

It's not for anyone else to understand but us.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Just wanted to say that.

[Weezy]

Yeah. So the religious part, don't. The religious part.

[Mandy B]

I'm not even.

[Weezy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unless the person is willing to convert. That's the only thing that I say.

[Mandy B]

All right, guys, we're taking a break from this week's episode of Decisions Decisions to put you on game. All right. Inspired by Judy Blume's groundbreaking 1975 novel Forever Watch, the reimagined coming of age series about young love by Mara Brock Akil, the iconic creator of Girlfriends. This epic love story follows two black teens, Keisha and Justin, as they explore romance and their identities through the awkward journey of being each other's first watch forever. Premiering May 8th only on Netflix.

[Alison Wellington]

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[Weezy]

So this is a good one. Pre Trump, I really didn't take political belief systems into account until recently. Well, until his first, until political parties, well, political affiliation, it wasn't a part of anything that I taught about or considered too much as being stringent. Right. Being stringent and thinking that you shouldn't date one person or shouldn't. Right. I didn't until 2016. And so I've now added political affiliation with the same. Actually worse or stronger. Right? Worse than religion. Because you would have converted. Like converted. You would have changed political parties. With everything that we've seen over the last nine years, you would have changed already if you wanted to change it.

[Mandy B]

Yeah.

[Weezy]

Religion is different. Maybe you just weren't introduced. Come to my church, come to my temple and you know, we. But nah, when it comes to political affiliation, the person needs to be within. And now when I say within, that can be like from liberal to moderate. But I need you to be very clear about who you vote for.

[Mandy B]

Oh yeah. Even in terms of friendships, that's me. Like, I'm not gonna hang with anyone who has a lot of the same ideologies that align with Trump. I'm just not. We can't even be friends, bro. What are we talking about? You don't care about my rights as a woman to my body. You want like immigrants and people to be sent back into their homes Mind you, my dad is here on a green card. Like there's just certain things that I literally cannot stand by and I don't even want affiliation, friendship wise to those people.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Damn sure don't want to open my legs to them.

[Weezy]

Right. So political affiliation these days has to do with morals and values.

[Mandy B]

Okay.

[Weezy]

It's not about, you know, how should the economy? Like, it ain't about that shit anymore. Like now it has to do with morals and values than ever before. So as a result, that person's not going to be aligned with you anyways. I don't know if you guys watch Love is Blind, girl, let me tell you.

[Mandy B]

Cause love is not blind.

[Unknown]

Love is blind, but longevity is not right. That's what we learned. I really do believe they're falling in love with each other over the phone or over the, you know, the wall, the pod. Yeah, I actually really do believe it. I think that is a very real thing. I think what happens is sustainability wise when you're having a tough time with someone. Physical connection and chemistry kind of fixes it.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I notice whenever I get a little annoyed with my boyfriend, he'll wink at me or touch me in a way and be like, why you playing? Like you mad at me? And it's like, now if I don't want to fuck you, how's that going to work?

[Weezy]

Right?

[Unknown]

Right. So with Love is Blind, what she's referencing is a really interesting moment. They were in the pods and this guy said to a white, there were two white people. She said, how do you feel about Black Lives Matter? And he said, I don't really know much about it. She's like, well, is that where you were going?

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Oh, I mean it was a big thing. And she's like, well, what's really there to know? Like it's human rights. He's like, I mean, I don't know all the facts. And you know, once they go there, uh huh.

[Weezy]

Once they use the other F word, facts.

[Unknown]

What's interesting about that is she ran to a black woman to have that discussion about how she couldn't deal with it, chose him out of the pods but didn't marry him and said it was because of that. And it was like, well, he told you on the first few dates, babe.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

When did you think it was also.

[Mandy B]

Religion too, if I'm not mistaken? There was another factor. She said, yeah, well, she said that.

[Weezy]

She would be willing to go to church on holidays.

[Unknown]

She did.

[Weezy]

And things like she did. And he said he was fine with it. Her Argument was, is that they've been out of the pods for two weeks and he didn't do any effort or research around those topics that matter, which I don't really know how much that is. But the point is, is that when someone is conservative in this day and age, that's already telling you what you need to know in regards to your compatibility. And so now I teach, I recommend, I suggest it's not a good match.

[Unknown]

Are there any other maybe. Can you tell us some uncommon matches? I know we're nearing the end of the episode. Uncommon matches that you've seen work. When I was reading Issa Rae's book years ago, she said something about how black women and Asian men were a great match. And I'm just curious, like, where have you seen some successful ties? Whether it be jobs, religion, just something age. Maybe older women and younger men. Have you seen some trends lately?

[Weezy]

Well, that one's an interesting. I thought you were gonna go the other direction. The more obvious direction. Older men, younger women. And by younger and again, depending on how old the person is. You know, I have a client who she is 46 and the gentleman that she's dating is 57.

[Unknown]

Okay, that seems on par.

[Weezy]

She is 11 years. I don't know. She was concerned about it is the point. She is very well to do. And so again, her dating someone who if she wants someone who's close to her in salary, who is as mature as she is, who doesn't? Well, I mean, men can have children pretty much any age, but tends to not have young children. I'm telling her you need to do around 10 years. Plus 10 years, which in this case he's plus 11. Now, there's other factors too, right? So it worked out. I need the fitness, I need to know his health. Because I also don't want you to be a caretaker at 55 years old to a 66 year old man. But point being, I think that large age gaps works well for busy professional women.

[Mandy B]

So I was gonna say in either direction.

[Weezy]

No, for older, older men. So busy professional women dating older men.

[Unknown]

But what about professional women when they date younger? Just, let's just say you have the money and you don't give a fuck about.

[Mandy B]

Indeed, I'm dating younger and we have some like, I mean, he's an actor, so I mean how we make money. And it's funny because we'll both sit here and be waiting on deposits the same way. Like, I mean, I've never dealt with a younger guy that was broke. I mean, clearly I had a 22 year old that played basketball, like, things like that. To me, there's also a trend in what we're seeing in very successful women dating younger. And it seems to also be working. I know that when I dated someone 17 years my senior and that is way over the age gap that you just gave. I understand. He almost didn't even understand because like my lifestyle or how I made money. He said I made money on the Internet. He had no clue what I was doing because he came from a completely different generation. And I think even the younger guy now has more of an understanding of what I'm doing. We see Cher dating younger. Don't want to bring up Draya, but there's Draya. There's a lot of successful women who have attached themselves to younger men as well.

[Weezy]

Yeah, I think it depends.

[Unknown]

I don't know. Draya's in that bucket, right?

[Mandy B]

Well, that's why I said we don't have to. She just came to mind because that's what everyone's been talking about. But even like a cherry.

[Weezy]

Yeah, you are right that there are busy professional women who don't care about because they're doing well for themselves. They don't care. However, like I said many times, it's still gonna come out later on with the slick comments and the, you know, you slept all day and it becomes an issue that it didn't need to be if you didn't pursue it. I don't rec. All right, let me take a step back. When you say dating, you mean having sex, having fun?

[Unknown]

No, I mean like.

[Weezy]

You mean committed relationship. I mean a partner, like marriage, potential children.

[Unknown]

Sure.

[Weezy]

I would not recommend it. It doesn' mean it cannot work. It doesn't mean it cannot work. I just wouldn't recommend it. Or the circumstances would have to be where the gentleman is younger. Yes. But he has proven he is so much more mature than men his age and he's so much more established than men his age. It would have to be some circumstances that would make this thing be something that I would co sign.

[Unknown]

Got it. Not willing. I will say this though, like just from the two recent dating coach, not to compare you to Anwar. It's just, you know, it's good to hear two differences. I like hearing that both of you are kind of on par with financial status matching. And I must say, even with friends at a moderate salary range, I'm seeing them being together, my married friends making around the same, whether it be less or a lot. And I get it because it really does help you One not feel that. And I don't believe love should have competition, but I can understand some men feeling emasculated.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And I think it really is helpful, like to be able to kind of have this even field.

[Weezy]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And then I think many times too, when you talk about women, very generally speaking, giving so much. So not only are we performing well professionally, but then we are also wanting to make sure that our house is in order, that we're cooking and cleaning if you're not hiring people to do so. But then we. Right, right. And then we're playing, planning everything, like every outing and every trip. So we give and give and give. And then, damn, you can't even meet me financially. I feel like the nature of women is that we give more than what we receive. So if I'm already giving you more to everyone.

[Unknown]

Not even a man, right?

[Weezy]

To everyone, Right. So if I'm already giving you more than I'm receiving and then you can't. And you're a man, and that's the traditional role of a man, is to provide. And you can't even meet me there, it's going to brew a lot of conflict. That then becomes bigger issues. Now there's less sex. Now there's a potential for infidelity. It becomes a big issue when the root of the problem is I'm mad cause you're not performing on my level professionally.

[Unknown]

I've got a final question for you about fidelity before I shut up. When you're seeing relationships budding or starting, let's just say someone is married and there is a moment of infidelity. Being that high powered, women don't need men. How do you feel about forgiveness? There was a clip we played on horrible recently of Dr. Umar. I know I brought him up saying, if it's a good man, if it was a mistake, if he wasn't abusive, if he's financially stable, forgive him. I've heard some of my male friends be like, some women are too, you know, hard down with mistakes. Other women are like, fuck you, I don't need you, I'm out. What would you say, like, if there was a woman who was dating someone, whether long term or getting married, and there was a mistake, he started texting someone, maybe from work, they fucked. It happened.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

What do you do?

[Mandy B]

So I'm gonna fallen into some pussy as a mistake is crazy.

[Weezy]

I was gonna say that. I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say some things that are contradictory. I'm gonna say some stuff that's contradictory. So the first thing I'm gonna say is, it's not a mistake. It ain't right. Like the process. Even if it was a whore, like a literal whore, right?

[Unknown]

You've gotta plan it out.

[Weezy]

Right? Come on. Like you still pulled up on Pennsylvania Avenue, right, in Brooklyn, and you picked up a whore.

[Unknown]

Premeditated.

[Weezy]

There's a process. You went to the at Premeditated pussy.

[Mandy B]

I like that. Come on.

[Weezy]

Right? So it's not a mistake. It's a series of choices and decisions. So I want to say that with that being said, I am not quick to say that you should end a relationship and definitely not end a marriage off of infidelity. Off of one instance of infidelity.

[Unknown]

But do you think cheaters can stop?

[Mandy B]

Yes, I do. You do? I don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater.

[Weezy]

Nope, I don't believe that.

[Mandy B]

Why?

[Weezy]

I think that people decide to change their lives every single day. They make a decision. You change your eating habits, you can change your sexual habits. People change elements of who they are and how they show up in the world every single day. You can absolutely choose not to be a cheater anymore. Absolutely.

[Mandy B]

Okay.

[Weezy]

I won't even blink on that.

[Mandy B]

That might be a part two.

[Unknown]

Well, I would never cheat again, so maybe that's fair.

[Weezy]

Okay, so once a cheater, not a cheater.

[Unknown]

I really wouldn't do that.

[Weezy]

Evidenced right here.

[Unknown]

I think I just didn't leave because it was a pandemic, I think. I don't know. I think I was being selfish. I think I was doing what hurt people do. Doing it back. But now, even if I wasn't this in love, I don't know if I could cheat. I've just got so much language around. If I really wanted to sleep with someone else, and if I really wanted other male attention, I think I would know what to say. But cheating seems so cheap to me now. My values of, like, honesty are different even from when I was younger. The things that I was honest about in a relationship or insecure about. I wouldn't say I don't think I could ever cheat again, actually. No.

[Weezy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do want to go back just a step and.

[Unknown]

But men are different, I think.

[Weezy]

No, I think people, men, women or women, can absolutely, like, literally wake up the next day. Like, not even hard. Like, I think eating habits, changing eating habits would be harder.

[Mandy B]

People that I know cheated. It's a part of them. Like, they are cheaters. Like, which is why my conversations with even my homegirls, which is why I Don't want to make this a man thing.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

For my homegirls who have cheated on all of their partners or multiple partners or whatever, it's. I'm trying to convince them that you are ethically non monogamous or not ethical at all. I think that it needs to be introduced that you are a non monogamous being because their reasons for cheating also didn't make sense. But there's a lot of women that cheat that just don't align with the fact that they're non monogamous beings. And again, it's maybe an unlearning, it's a rephrasing. But them hoes be cheating. And when I say they done cheated on one, they done cheated on all.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

It's like a thing.

[Weezy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But to go back to the video in regards to Alexis about changing who you are for somebody that's unsustainable, it's never gonna work. It's never.

[Mandy B]

That's a bar. Yeah, that's a bar, Alison.

[Unknown]

Never make it.

[Mandy B]

Where can our listeners book you for a session? Get coached by you? Where can they find you? Where can they follow you? Because you also put so much information on your Instagram.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

By the way, all of this information will be in the description of this episode.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

So go ahead and run it down, baby.

[Weezy]

Yes, absolutely. So again, my name is Alison Wellington, certified dating and relationship coach. And you can find me at alignwithalison, that's1l.com, and align with Alison on every major platform. Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, everting.

[Mandy B]

That's right. And if you guys want to hear the episode with me and Alison talking about the importance of marriage in today in modern world, check out my other podcast, Selective Ignorance. Also, if you guys want bonus episodes and all the things here, Horrible decisions ain't going nowhere. We just on Patreon, so go to patreon.com Horrible decisions. Also, we told you at the top of the episode, get your motherfucking book, ho. Get your motherfucking shit. No holds bar. A dual manifesto, sexual exploration and power. By the way, if you are my friend, if I know you and your birthday comes, this is what the fuck y'all all getting this year.

[Weezy]

That's right.

[Mandy B]

My motherfucking book. It's what's happening. Anyways, guys, Alison, thank you so much for joining us.

[Weezy]

Thank you for having me, y'all.

[Mandy B]

Thank. We thank you for tuning in to another episode of Decisions. See you next week.

[Alison Wellington]

Men. If you're ready to reclaim your edge, listen up. I used to be held back by constant bathroom trips with multiple wake ups during my sleep and looking for restrooms whenever I was out. Then I discovered Better Man. After just two months I started experiencing fewer trips to the bathroom, less urge to go, and I even slept through some nights. I feel a noticeable boost in my overall well being, even sexual stamina. It gives me the freedom and confidence to live life on my terms. Betterman is clinically tested and trusted by thousands of men over 25 years, ready to take back control. Go to be better now.com to order your supply today. That's bebetternow. Com. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Use this directed individual results may vary.