Ep. 422: Luck of Dating (Ft. Les Alfred)

Summary

Decisions, Decisions – Episode 422: Luck of Dating (Ft. Les Alfred)
Release Date: May 26, 2025
Hosts: Mandii B and WeezyWTF
Guest: Les Alfred

---

Introduction

In Episode 422 of "Decisions, Decisions," hosts Mandii B and WeezyWTF delve into the intricate landscape of modern dating, focusing on the role of luck, self-love, and the evolving ways individuals meet their partners. This episode features a special guest, Les Alfred, known for his previous podcast "Balance Black Girl," who shares insights on personal branding, relationship dynamics, and the challenges of balancing personal and professional lives.

---

Guest Background: Les Alfred and Rebranding

Les Alfred joins Mandii and Weezy to discuss his transition from "Balance Black Girl" to his newly rebranded platform "She's So Lucky."

• Les explains the reason for rebranding:
  "Part of it was I wanted a brand that had more room to grow... After so many years, I reached a point where it was like, this is hitting a limit." (04:15)

• Focus Shift:
  He shifted focus from wellness to featuring successful women, entrepreneurs, and founders, which resonated more with both his interests and audience.

• Les's Recent Success:
  "What you just went viral recently for sitting with Gabrielle Union... I love her book, by the way." (05:24)

---

Vulnerability and Relationship Dynamics

The conversation transitions to vulnerability in relationships through Les's interview with Gabrielle Union.

• Discussion Highlights:
  "I asked her about, okay, what is your relationship to vulnerability, like, now? What is asking for help for you, like, now?" (06:15)

• Insights on Trauma and Relationship Behavior:
  Les and the hosts explore how past traumas influence current relationship behaviors, referencing Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union's experiences.

---

Business Partnerships Within Relationships

A significant portion of the episode addresses the complexities of combining personal relationships with business ventures.

• Challenges Discussed:
  "I think for the average person, and probably average people, zero desire to ever... probably healthier to have a little bit more separation." (12:16)

• Examples and Advice:
  Les mentions successful couples like Emma Greed and Good American's founders, noting that while some couples make it work, it's not the norm.

• Listener Insights:
  Hosts share experiences and opinions on maintaining boundaries, managing finances, and ensuring mutual respect when partners collaborate professionally.

---

Safety, Consent, and Legality in BDSM

The episode takes a deeper dive into the realms of BDSM, consent, and the legal implications surrounding these practices.

• Case Study:
  A disturbing incident involving Michaela Reilersdam is discussed, where a client died during a BDSM session. Key points include:

  • "She allegedly wrapped her client up in Saran wrap... The cause of death was asphyxiation, and he ruled it a homicide." (28:15)
  • Consent Complexity:
    "You can't consent to someone assaulting you. That's not legal yet." (33:47)

• Expert Opinions:
  Hosts debate whether such incidents stem from inexperience or malicious intent, emphasizing the importance of clear communication and established safety measures in BDSM practices.

---

Evolution of How Couples Meet: From 1938 to 2024

Mandii and Weezy explore the drastic changes in how couples meet over the decades, highlighting the shift from traditional methods to online platforms.

• Historical Statistics:

  • "In 1938, 20% of couples met through family, 20% met at school, and 20% met through friends." (49:36)
  • "By 1999, 30% met through friends... By 2024, 60% of couples meet online." (50:06)

• Impact of Technology:
  The hosts discuss how dating apps have transformed relationship dynamics, with Mandii noting, "If you ain't in the streets, I'm gonna go get it." (51:03)

• Challenges with Online Dating:
  Issues such as location mismatches, superficial connections, and the financial burden of maintaining long-distance relationships are examined.

---

Modern Dating Challenges: Long-Distance, Co-Parenting, and Financial Constraints

The episode addresses several hurdles faced by contemporary daters, including:

• Long-Distance Relationships:
  "It's going to take two people willing to have that extra bit of funds to invest to see each other." (52:33)

• Co-Parenting Dynamics:
  The impact of shared custody on dating life is discussed, with Weezy sharing experiences of friends juggling bi-weekly custody schedules.

• Financial Pressures:
  Rising living costs and their influence on relationship stability and meeting potential partners are highlighted.

---

Self-Love vs. Luck in Finding Love

A central theme revolves around the balance between self-love and luck in the pursuit of romantic relationships.

• Self-Love Perspective:
  Mandii shares her realization that true self-contentment can diminish the drive to seek external validation, stating, "The least desire I have or the less desire I have to date or entertain anyone." (17:07)

• Les's Take on Luck:
  "Meeting people is all luck. It's a numbers game... it's being in the right place at the right time." (47:10)

• Hosts' Advice:
  Both Mandii and Weezy emphasize the importance of patience, active engagement in social settings, and maintaining a vibrant personal life to enhance the chances of meeting compatible partners.

---

Advice for Navigating Modern Dating

As the episode nears its conclusion, the hosts offer practical tips for listeners navigating the complexities of modern dating.

• Mandii's Recommendations:

  • Commit to going on a set number of dates per month to stay active in the dating scene.
  • Avoid bringing baggage from past relationships into new dates to maintain a fresh and positive environment.

• Weezy's Insights:

  • Emphasizes the importance of recognizing that finding a partner is often a matter of luck.
  • Encourages maintaining personal boundaries and not over-investing emotionally before establishing a genuine connection.

• Les's Perspective:

  • Suggests that building a robust social network and engaging in community activities can increase the likelihood of meeting like-minded individuals.

---

Conclusion

Episode 422 of "Decisions, Decisions" offers a comprehensive exploration of the modern dating scene, blending personal anecdotes with expert insights. Les Alfred's transition to focusing on successful women and his experiences interviewing notable personalities enrich the conversation, providing listeners with valuable perspectives on navigating love and relationships in today's world. The hosts underscore the interplay of luck, self-love, and proactive engagement as key elements in the journey to finding meaningful connections.

---

Notable Quotes:

• "Meeting people is all luck. It's a numbers game because how many people do you know who are with somebody where was like, oh, you loved yourself fully with this." – Les Alfred (47:10)

• "The least desire I have or the less desire I have to date or entertain anyone." – WeezyWTF (17:07)

• "My boyfriend and I were like, we know in two years, baby, you're going to be pregnant, so we should stay out tonight." – Mandii B (48:17)

• "You either gonna listen or you not." – WeezyWTF (03:36)

---

Join the Conversation:

Stay tuned for more candid discussions on "Decisions, Decisions," where Mandii B and WeezyWTF continue to challenge societal norms and explore the depths of modern relationships. Don’t forget to subscribe and join the conversation every Monday!

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

You're listening to an iHeart podcast.

Ryan Seacrest here. When you have a busy schedule, it's important to maximize your downtime. One of the best ways to do that is by going to chumbaccasino.com Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino games like spin slots, bingo and solitaire that you can play for free for a chance to redeem some serious prizes. So hop on to chumbacasino.com now and and live the Chumba Life sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Mandy B]

No purchase necessary VGW Group void We're prohibited by law 21/ terms and conditions apply.

[Les Alfred]

It's true that some things change as we get older. But if you're a woman over 40 and you're dealing with insomnia, brain fog, moodiness and weight gain, you don't have to accept it as just another part of aging. And with MitiHealth, you can get help and stop pushing through it alone. The experts at MITI understand that all these symptoms can be connected to the hormonal changes that happen around menopause. And MIDI can help you feel more like yourself again. Many healthcare providers aren't trained to treat or even recognize menopause symptoms. MIDI clinicians are menopause experts. They're dedicated to providing safe, effective, FDA approved solutions for dozens of hormonal symptoms, not just hot flashes. Most importantly, they're covered by insurance. 91% of midi patients get relief from symptoms within just two months. You deserve to feel great. Book your virtual visit [e-mail] that's join M I D I.com welcome to Decisions Decisions.

[Wheezy]

I don't think you should say Decisions Decisions. It sounded like you was talking. It cursed him.

[Mandy B]

You definitely say to welcome.

[Wheezy]

Welcome to the new podcast.

[Mandy B]

Oh wait, you want to say it together. Decisions, Decisions.

[Wheezy]

Welcome guys to another episode of Decisions Decisions. I'm your girl, your taken girl, your lover girl.

[Mandy B]

Mandy B. I'm Wheezy. I used to be the Pisces on this show but it's transferred.

[Wheezy]

Definitely not a Pisces Leave her gang all day girl. If you love a girl and if you haven't yet, make sure you pre order your copy of no Holes. Bart A dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power. Available now for Pre order releasing June 24th. Help your girls become New York Times bestseller, please.

[Mandy B]

We are so desperate. But hopefully we get lucky like our new rebranded girl on the couch. We're here with Les Alfred, who is previously the host of Valence Black Girl. And the story I wanted to tell.

[Wheezy]

Was balance Like a Libra scale.

[Les Alfred]

It was. I started Balance Black Girl during Libra season, not even realizing that. Like, I started it in a.

[Wheezy]

You better know what Libra season is.

[Les Alfred]

I'm a Leo.

[Mandy B]

Oh, my God.

[Wheezy]

Okay, okay, Just. Let's be very clear. Hate stars and moons. We're not gonna stars and moons this shit out. Hate it.

[Mandy B]

No. So I went on Balance Black Girl, and I was telling Liz that when I would see the name Balance Black Girl podcast, I had no idea. That or no. Cause your idea.

[Wheezy]

It was balanced.

[Les Alfred]

Less.

[Mandy B]

Balanced Less.

[Les Alfred]

Yes.

[Mandy B]

So I thought it was about a balanced lesbian and how a lesbian was balancing their life.

[Les Alfred]

Lesbians need balance, too.

[Mandy B]

I really thought that was it. So then I was seeing clips. I'm like, she doesn't really give gay. Then I kept digging. I swear to God, it's.

[Les Alfred]

Cause if someone wants to start the balanced lesbian show or platform, they should.

[Mandy B]

You need to bring two lesbians on. That's fighting and balancing my. Oh, wait. Sorry.

[Les Alfred]

I can't do it no more.

[Mandy B]

So she lucky, right?

[Wheezy]

I'm not balancing you hoes no more. She said.

[Mandy B]

She said.

[Wheezy]

I'm done telling y' all to journal. You either gonna listen or you not.

[Les Alfred]

I can't. I ran out of ways to say it. I said it as many ways as I could think of.

[Mandy B]

What's crazy is I feel like we probably haven't collabed because the two brands didn't necessarily match so well at the first. You know what I mean?

[Les Alfred]

What's funny, though, the episode where you came on the show, a lot of the comments are like, this was a crossover I didn't expect, but I liked it. And I'm like, y' all. Oh, they're gonna feel like, yeah, but why not?

[Mandy B]

Why did it rebrand? Because to me, we rebranded because we kind of had to. But your rebrand, your brand has always been clean and this and that. So, like, tell me about that. Because our rebrand was for a purpose of, like, we need to sell the motherfucking book. Yeah.

[Les Alfred]

I mean, part of it was I wanted a brand that had more room to grow. And I did feel like I had plateaued in terms of the people that I could reach. I love centering and catering to black women and having a platform that is explicitly named that. There's only so many of us, and there's also only so many that are gonna be interested in what I'm talking about. And so after so many years, I reached a point where it was like, this is. It's hitting a limit, and I'm Just not able to really get past it. So that was 1, 2. I don't really feel as compelled to talk about wellness anymore, which was pretty apparent in the show because it hadn't really been a wellness podcast in a while. That was how it started.

[Mandy B]

I thought it was right.

[Wheezy]

And it.

[Les Alfred]

I hadn't really talked about wellness probably for about two years now. It hasn't really been a wellness show. And so it felt like that didn't really make sense. And then the episodes that were really hitting both for me and for the audience were about successful women. They wanted to hear from entrepreneurs, they wanted to hear from founders, and they wanted to hear how successful women were doing things. And that was what was really hitting. That was also what I really liked too. So I thought, okay, maybe I can rebrand this to better match what it is that's resonating with me and the audience. And that's where she's so Lucky came from.

[Wheezy]

Which is crazy, because what you just went viral recently for sitting with Gabrielle Union, though, right? Yeah, bitch.

[Mandy B]

And that was. I was trying to rush over here.

[Wheezy]

That wasn't. I assume that wasn't about sex. I love that you got her to talk again about the 5050 conversation that at this point, is the fucking gift that keeps giving between her and Dwyane Wad. Because that's all they both talk about whenever they sit down.

[Mandy B]

But that's. That how. It's unviral, though. You phrase that question really well because that is all they talk about.

[Les Alfred]

I didn't even really ask about it. I mean, we were talking about vulnerability, and she brought that up as an example. I asked her about, okay, are you getting better at asking for help? And, like, how is that looking for you? Because we had talked about just previously how she never really would ask for help and was very hyper independent. So I asked, okay, what is your relationship to vulnerability, like, now? What is asking for help for you, like, now? And that was what she mentioned. So I didn't even. I didn't even ask.

[Wheezy]

Well, I like that it trickled into a clip from Dwayne Wade. And it's funny because we sometimes don't realize how our trauma shows up, especially in new relationships. And he was on the Shannon Sharpe show, and it came back, and he pretty much said they had gotten into whatever tit. And he was like, this is my house. And I guess because of previous relationships, that's where it first started. She was like, oh, no, you never gonna be able to say, this is your house. Only when I'm here. So when they moved to la, they went in on a house, because this is our house. I don't know about the co parent. The cohabitating thing. It's not something that I want to do. But it's interesting that she was able to acknowledge that's where that even came from. It was from the trauma response of feeling like, at any given point, you can kick me out, because she had actually done that to someone in her previous relationships. I love her book, by the way. Like, love her book down. But, yeah, that was so great. So your audience is just now able to grow because you're sitting with other founders, entrepreneurs, and now you feel like that's Elaine that.

[Les Alfred]

I just feel like it's expanding the topics that I can talk about because I'm really interested in understanding how successful women do things. Like, that's what I love talking about. I love talking to women who are doing cool shit and understanding how they do it. And that was what I really wanted to go all in on.

[Mandy B]

You're a good listener, too. Cause, like, I normally, when I do podcasts, they're so fun and loud and comedic. And at one point I said to Les, I feel like I'm talking a lot, and I'm like, oh, this is really how you get the money. You just shut up and let your guests talk. We don't. We haven't learned that we gonna try to be. But, you know, it's gorgeous because I think a lot of people, it's you. It's hard to introduce a guest that someone's going to care about, but you make them interesting somehow. You know what I mean?

[Les Alfred]

Thank you. That's such a nice compliment.

[Mandy B]

Because it's tough. Like, if we have a guest on someone's like, well, why? What sex thing are they going to say? Like, they're pressuring it. Right. And I think you have to make the audience care about your guests. I think you do a really good job at it. Thank you. That's something that a lot of podcasts don't. I have a lot of podcasts I listened to back in the day that I was like, if they have a guest, I won't click on it either. But, you know, finding the art of that. I'm really looking forward to seeing what guests you have. Who are your dream guests?

[Les Alfred]

Mm. Dream guests. Okay. I would love to interview Issa Rae. She's been like my dream guest from the beginning, because I think that she has such a unique blend of creative talents and business savvy.

[Mandy B]

No, the coffee shops alone have you heard about these?

[Les Alfred]

Yeah, I used to go all the time when I lived in la. I, I just want to lift up the hood and understand how she does things.

[Wheezy]

Like I want to radio, Blu Ray media.

[Les Alfred]

She has a whole empire.

[Mandy B]

She knows how to be private and shut the fuck up. That's a big business tip because like the fact that she even got married and people were like, you had a man.

[Les Alfred]

Right? You know, and we haven't seen him since. I love it and haven't.

[Mandy B]

Okay.

[Wheezy]

I'm working on it.

[Les Alfred]

Yeah. Issa, you know what? I would really love to interview. This is kind of a reach because I don't think she really does this, but Megan Sussex, I almost said Marco.

[Mandy B]

Really?

[Les Alfred]

Yes. Because I am so curious how she operates and manages to keep her head on straight with how much hate she gets.

[Wheezy]

Girl, she, they separated now too. That's what the last, the last I heard, the last I heard, they separated.

[Mandy B]

I think it was a Twitter rumor.

[Les Alfred]

No, I don't. That's not true.

[Wheezy]

No, literally, her day was separated.

[Mandy B]

A Twitter rumor. I thought this was true.

[Les Alfred]

I still want to understand how you get this today.

[Mandy B]

Cuz she talked to that white girl from what's her name, not so skinny but fat kind of dialogue recently that I saw and I'm like, oh, well, she should definitely go to you.

[Les Alfred]

I, I, if she ever wants to.

[Mandy B]

Throw wave talk more, wave the African American flag.

[Les Alfred]

I would love to. I would love to. Well, she has a podcast coming out too, so I feel like maybe she'll be more open to it.

[Wheezy]

One week ago, Prince Harry urged to keep professional separation from Meghan Markle after ill advised move why they can never get divorced. Come two days ago, confirmed major updates on Meghan Markle and Prince Harry's divorce. Like make there's, there's a, this is all within the last two to three weeks. Professional separation. I don't know what that means, but.

[Mandy B]

Yeah, that sounds like, interesting what we would do.

[Les Alfred]

I think it means like if she, if they have professional projects, they need to stay out of each other's projects, which I don't know.

[Mandy B]

Ooh, let's talk about that a little.

[Les Alfred]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

So I was recently on a vacation sitting next to a couple that became like tech millionaires. And I watched this movie called Fair Play. Don't know if anyone's seen it, but.

[Les Alfred]

I've heard of the book. There's like a book that comes with it, right?

[Mandy B]

I don't know.

[Wheezy]

Or maybe I'm thinking, no, I've never heard of it.

[Les Alfred]

Fairplay.

[Mandy B]

Okay.

[Les Alfred]

So let me put, like, division of labor.

[Mandy B]

No, no.

[Les Alfred]

In a household. Okay. Different book.

[Mandy B]

So sitting next to this couple.

[Wheezy]

And listen, I read.

[Mandy B]

Met at work, and they started this big company, and now she's a housewife. I'm like, oh, shit, did you just have a baby? What made you stop working? And she's like, well, we couldn't keep working together, right? But they built this company. 10 years. She's like, we had to save ourselves. Then I watched this movie called Fair Play. Great movie on Netflix. Check it out. It's about a couple that both work at a company. She gets promoted before him. She becomes his boss. They're in stocks and trading. She's got to delegate tasks. And it's a constant riff of him feeling like, you're beautiful. That's why you got promoted. You're not as smart as me. They want to fuck you. You think you're one of the boys. So you're doing this and, like, kind of knocking her down a lot. And my partner and I were talking, and there was a check. A scene where she got a check for 600k.

[Wheezy]

I did see this.

[Mandy B]

You did.

[Wheezy]

I did see this.

[Mandy B]

And he was like, this is the moment where they should have separated at work. And I agree, because she even said, hey, you go look for another job. I'll hold it down.

[Wheezy]

He was so insecure. Oh, he was so white. White people. I remember.

[Mandy B]

Do you think there's ever a way for couples to work together and it works?

[Les Alfred]

I think for most couples, it would probably be really hard. There's always probably going to be a unicorn couple that can make it work. But I think for most people, it's probably really hard and not that unicorn.

[Wheezy]

Guys.

[Mandy B]

Yeah, people. Yeah.

[Les Alfred]

Yeah. I don't think I'm that unicorn.

[Mandy B]

I'm on the wrong show.

[Les Alfred]

Yeah, no, no. But, like, I think. I think for most people, it's probably healthier to have a little bit more separation and to have your own identity in that own way.

[Mandy B]

I asked Adam, 22, and Leonard, the plug. I don't know if you know who they are. They're born people. Okay, but. And podcasters, but they really make a lot of money creating content together and building a huge brand and whatever. So I asked them, how do you guys make money together and never, like, how do you keep from fighting? And Adam said, well, now we have a rule when we're in the bed, we don't talk about work. And we didn't always honor it, but now it's like, no. And we schedule time on the Calendar to talk about work. Sounds ridiculous. Cause you're like, you got a kid, you're together, but are you really doing this? But it makes fucking sense. Like, even when friends start businesses together, you know, how do you have these boundaries? Is there anyone that you've interviewed yet that's in a business with their husband or.

[Les Alfred]

I'm trying to think. None that come to mind, actually. No. I mean, there are some people who I can think of just entrepreneurs that I look up to. Like Emma Greed, who I know her and her husband work really closely together. She's the one who is like, Co Founds Skims and like, Good American and all of those brands. And I know, like, her husband is also deeply involved in those business relationships, and they seem to make it work. I haven't interviewed her yet, but I would love to. Another person I'd love to interview. So I think there are some people who make it work. But I think for the average person, and probably average people, zero desire to ever. Yeah.

[Wheezy]

Like, create business with a friend or partners.

[Les Alfred]

Right.

[Wheezy]

Specifically a partner.

[Les Alfred]

Yeah.

[Wheezy]

I like the separation, but I do.

[Mandy B]

Think investing in your money together might bleed in at some point. Because when you think of a couple that are thinking, hey, what's next for our financial future? Something's gonna tie together at some point. Like, what are we gonna put our money into? A house is an investment together. Things like that. And so it makes me think, like, how do you make sure not to butt the fucking hits?

[Les Alfred]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Wheezy]

I think make your own investments, invest separately. Like, to me, even seeing. Seeing like, all of. Even the recent divorces, like, and breakups and things that, like splitting of assets and what all that entails, I think that doing that is literally going into business with a partner. And again, y' all gonna hate me because everything don't last forever. It's just like a. Well, maybe we should invest in our own separate things. So what's mine is mine, what's yours is yours. And you keep it that way outside of the relationship.

[Mandy B]

I wanna prenup with a copy eye.

[Les Alfred]

Yeah. Or it's like, there's yours, there's mine, and there's ours. So that, like, yes, we can build something together, but if we do need to split, neither of us is left high and dry. And I think that's okay.

[Wheezy]

Are you in a relationship?

[Les Alfred]

I'm not.

[Wheezy]

Do you want to be married?

[Les Alfred]

I think so.

[Wheezy]

You think so?

[Les Alfred]

But I'm not super pressed about it.

[Mandy B]

I know that's right, girl.

[Wheezy]

Okay. Why? What are your reasons?

[Les Alfred]

I think if I. If I found the right partner and we align and have the same values and want to create a life together, I would love to get married. But I've never been someone who felt like, oh, I can't wait to be a wife, or I can't wait to get married, or, like, I gotta. Gotta get married soon or feel bad about being a certain age.

[Mandy B]

Do you want kids?

[Les Alfred]

I don't think so.

[Mandy B]

I think answers like that.

[Wheezy]

I love this. It's so crazy because I just had a conversation on selective ignorance about reimagining the American dream. And what's crazy is for so many of us, it is. You know, you finish school, you go to college, you find your husband, you get your kids, you get your white. You get your big house with the white picket fence and the dog. And where we're at now, specifically as millennials and because of the economy and just where we have so much more autonomy, not really with abortions and stuff, because the government fucking is raggedy, but where we're able to create our own businesses, become C suite execs and all these things. Those ideals for so many women are not like, our. What we envisioned for our American dream looks so much different now, and it doesn't often include a man or kids. And I love that. I love that we're able to, like, even hold space to have these conversations to let, like, other women know that they're not alone, they're not weird. And also, like, in. In my case, I have a lot of friends who are battling with infertility, and we just had. If you guys go check out our Patreon. Patreon.com horribledecisions because it still exists. We had a conversation with Cinnamon Love, even about perimenopause and menopause. And there's all of these things around women. Oprah is doing, like, a whole menopause special, and I'm like, there's just so much about the woman's body that nobody knows. Doctors are still figuring out. And yet y' all really planted in our minds that all of us had to be moms, right? So I love that, like, we're in a place where there are women that could be like, yeah, maybe that's not.

[Mandy B]

For me to play devil's advocate, though it does kind of fuck us up a little bit, I think. One. I don't know. I want children. So that's why I think family and marriage has tied to it. But I've always wanted success more, which is probably why Finding love happened after 30 or whatever, you know. But something I realized is not wanting marriage like I thought I did when I was a teenager is simply because of the success rate of it and because I don't see enough examples of healthy marriage now. I have seen it. But the problem is that too many people feel like they don't need to commit to someone as long. I think loyalty looks different now. And so it kind of fucks up everything for people that are looking for a partnership because you're kind of just like, all right, well it doesn't exist, so why would I look for it? And it really. No, but it's true.

[Les Alfred]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Even when you think of like Japan with the focus on, you know, they have children later in life than anyone else. And because there's such a heavy focus on work. And I think the child thing is interesting because are we gonna pour into work or building the life that we want? And is the life that we want that directly tied to work?

[Wheezy]

Hell yeah. Cause the bill gonna always have to be paid. But is it though, how you gonna pay bills without the money? And unfortunately like things are like so expensive. I keep saying x $36 a one bedroom, $2,500. Like I think that's what. And why as millennials and even the gen zers like the amount of kids that are being had are less. Like it's becoming inherently visible to us that the cost of living is. Is not possible. I mean we talked about a couple months ago people literally getting into relationships so they. They could cohabitate to save money so that they could split rent together. You know what I mean? Like it's.

[Mandy B]

But this point is particularly about being a workhorse, not enjoying life.

[Les Alfred]

Something else that I recently saw too were just some statistics around birth rates. That is I think actually really good news. Is that another reason why the birth rates are lower is because teen pregnancy is like barely a thing at this point.

[Wheezy]

Really.

[Les Alfred]

Women are having their first child. Why is later.

[Mandy B]

I did see barely a thing.

[Les Alfred]

I think better sex ed. I think like things like access to birth control, I think they get earlier.

[Wheezy]

Well not. That's just also like being problematic.

[Les Alfred]

Younger generations are having as much sex as previous generations did because they don't.

[Mandy B]

They love them.

[Wheezy]

I think they're socially awkward. I think that the pandemic did a goddamn number on people. Yeah, it did. And I think with. With sex and porn and all of these things being in our face, I really maybe think self pleasure is on the rise even among them. Like I think younger, younger people are having awkward. It's also I don't know if you saw this. And this is the strangest thing. This is probably why they not have a sex anymore. Did you see that over 50% of Gen Z men said that they've never approached a woman or asked them on a date?

[Les Alfred]

No, but I believe it.

[Wheezy]

It's like so y' all really y' all out here saying we masculine. It's cuz we gotta approach y' all like it's like have you guys seen.

[Mandy B]

This video on the beach with the guy who said he thinks he's a six and a half but he was looking for the tin and a girl comes to talk to him. Has anyone seen this?

[Les Alfred]

Yes, I saw it but.

[Mandy B]

So it's a video of a guy who is very average looking who is looking at this other woman that they show him. Yeah, and she's hot. There's a girl who is also average looking who's like he's cute. Where is he? Goes up to him. They both she looked better than him but they both are very average. Let's just say that the way that he treated her head down body language just as if she wasn't good enough. It was so disappointing because it really shows what we think we can get based on whether it be the Internet or whatever it is. Instead of someone that actually likes you, that's interested, that's like into you. And the girl was so cute and flirty with him like oh what do you do? Do you live here? And he's just like, like it's a very weird thing to me that we are so grossed out by attention from someone and that's the problem. Women do it too though. Have a guy be interested in you.

[Wheezy]

Oh yeah, if you ugly. What you talking to? Go away.

[Mandy B]

Oh well, we're going to talk about.

[Les Alfred]

Luck and love and hope doesn't discourage that girl from shooting her shot in the future.

[Wheezy]

Me too because I keep all here. Like I think that's probably one of the very few things that if you go all the way back to the beginning of horrible decisions, I've always said shoot your shot, slide in them DMs. I used to always be like send this jif emoji. Like if you're like I've always sent drinks from across the bar to men and women.

[Mandy B]

Men think flirting is sexy.

[Wheezy]

Okay, I will let you know.

[Mandy B]

No, thirsting isn't sexy, but flirting is cute.

[Les Alfred]

But I think giving, giving a signal, giving a green light and showing interest isn't a bad thing.

[Mandy B]

How you giving a light shot at Somebody.

[Les Alfred]

No, I'm not as forward with it, but I will make eye contact with someone. I mean, smile. I will give them proceed. I will give them permission to proceed.

[Wheezy]

It's so funny because me and my boyfriend were on the phone and he. In his mind, I did all the work and slid into his DMs. I had to go all the way back to last summer. Like, no, sir, I did not slide in your DMs. You slid in my DMs first. And he was like, no, babe, it didn't happen like that. And I said, yeah, I did. I'm in our DMs like now. Yes. I liked all the pictures first. So I sent the smokescreen.

[Les Alfred]

Right.

[Wheezy]

But you slid in the DMs. Mutual. Interesting. And I had to be like, so online. Like, that's definitely how I do it. I'm a like, you know what's crazy?

[Mandy B]

I never. A guy would have never been able to get me from liking mad photos. I don't really look at that. I don't look at that. I don't really look at. I really.

[Les Alfred]

I'm like, it's different for them.

[Wheezy]

I do.

[Les Alfred]

And especially we get a lot more engagement.

[Mandy B]

Oh, you're right. You're right.

[Wheezy]

But not only that. Not only that. And we talked about, like, when. Okay, this is gonna sound. Y' all don't. When you have a blue check, you also stand out more than a guy without one.

[Mandy B]

That's true.

[Wheezy]

So I'm not gonna notice a guy without one, but one with one, you gonna. You gonna see it.

[Mandy B]

God, that sounds so.

[Wheezy]

Yeah, that sounds.

[Mandy B]

Let's be normal people.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hello, it is Ryan. And I was on a flight the other day playing one of my favorite social spin slot games on jumbacasino.com. i looked over the person sitting next to me and you know what they were doing? They were also playing Chumba Casino. Everybody's loving having fun with it. Chumba Casino is home to hundreds of casino style games that you can play for free anytime, anywhere. So sign up [e-mail] to claim your free welcome bonus. That's chumbacasino.com and live the Chumbalife.

[Mandy B]

Sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Ryan Seacrest]

No purchase necessary.

[Mandy B]

VGW Group Void. We're prohibited by law 21 plus terms and conditions apply. Hypothetical question. Now today is all about hypoth about luck and love. You told me that, you know, you've got some takes on that. So I've got a question for both of you. Would you rather. Let's Say you laid out your type on the table, what they had to look like, money and morals. If your family could arrange a marriage based on those three things to give you your type, would you rather end up with that person forever or remain single until you could possibly find that person that checks those boxes on your own?

[Wheezy]

Definitely the second one for me, I don't want any arranged marriage. I don't. First off, ain't nobody in my family really got the nigga they want. So what? I want them picking my phone. But like, y' all ain't got it right now what I realized too, yeah, looks cool. I mean, clearly I have a type. Like, I'm not going to lie again, I overshare. So my boyfriend knows a few of my ex partners and he has a problem with him being a part of my type. He hates that they all look the same, but I don't care. Whatever. Um, so looks is easy, I think for any of my friends. Money, that's subjective. And then morals, I think change over time essentially. I mean, there's a. You have your character, but depending on if you move how you view things, I think those things can change. To me, it's 100% energy and connection. And also the bedroom. So to me, those three things, what it just is. So those three things wouldn't even necessarily be just my top three family's.

[Mandy B]

Mom, you should have checked this.

[Les Alfred]

So when you were asking that question, my first thought was the second one. I would rather choose them myself because I thought about my parents. My parents are still together. Great, Love that. For them, they got together really young.

[Wheezy]

Okay.

[Les Alfred]

So they have never chosen a partner with an adult brain. They have chosen partners with like teenage brains and it worked out well for them. Right, but that's their only experience with it. Doing that back in the 80s versus choosing a partner for like a 30 something year old woman today. I just don't know if I trust it.

[Wheezy]

I think we're also different than a woman from in the 80s too.

[Les Alfred]

Like, just want to do it myself.

[Wheezy]

Well, yeah.

[Mandy B]

If someone is picking it based on the things that you want. Right. They don't know. That's literally.

[Wheezy]

Right. They don't know.

[Mandy B]

That's.

[Wheezy]

They don't know.

[Mandy B]

Let's just say you put he's got to make this much, he has to look like this and they actually got it. I think that still doesn't work because that's a dating app. When I swipe you right, it's because you already checked those boxes.

[Les Alfred]

It's also not accounting for like energy, connection.

[Mandy B]

I mean, I have a type too, but I don't always date them because sometimes energy just takes me a different place, right? Like, I have dated so many different looking men long term because they just superseded the vanity for me. Like, don't get me wrong, sure I want to fuck my man every day. And just looking at him, I get excited. But like, like, to me, the personality and the way he treats me is God tier. Like, I've been asking for something like that my whole life. And if it was just looks, I may not have gotten there. But definitely looks got the door open, right? But I think what's helped me, even in friendships, it's not always what it looks like. Like I recently said, damn, my friends do so many different things. Some are high up the corporate ladder, some are millionaires, some are still figuring it out. Like, I'm able to find what I like in that personality. And I think with relationships we've probably all become a little too shallow. Because when you're on the dating apps, are you swiping someone left because they don't look the exact way you need them to when they could have been fucking amazing? Because in person you vibe with someone a lot harder if they don't check everything. I mean, I'm sure we've all had that experience. Like, damn, I'm kind of surprised this worked out that way. But maybe he would have went left if on the app. And I think we're not giving people like enough chances. We're so used to that instant gratification. I wish I could have met someone in person. I hate that my story's from Hinge, but.

[Les Alfred]

But if it works, it works.

[Mandy B]

Yeah. And I recently found a stat that says 60% of people today meet online. We'll talk about that. So, okay, we have a segment where we go over a clip and basically react to it. This one from TikTok. I'm sure you guys may have seen it or heard about it, but I would love to dig in if this person's guilty or not.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This of model is in a heap of trouble after a fetish allegedly went horribly wrong. But was it really a fetish or was it a cold blooded murder? I'll let you guys be the judge. Now, this all took place in April of 2023. And the client, Dale, age 56, paid Michaela Reilers dam $11,000 to do this. She allegedly wrapped her client up in Saran wrap like a mummy, put adhesive in the guy's eyes to seal them shut, and then super glued Woman's boots onto his feet. But that's not the end of it. It gets even worse. He had duct tape over his mouth, saran wrap tightly around his neck, saran wrap over his head. The guy couldn't breathe at all. Now, the medical examiner ultimately determined that he had all this all over his face and couldn't breathe for eight freaking minutes. Okay? And the cause of death was asphyxiation, and he ruled it a homicide. To make things even worse, there was a video made during the time that this was all taking place of Michaela using a vibrator on herself while this guy was laying on the floor dying. Police eventually arrested Michaela in February, and she's being held without bond in San Diego County Jail. Michaela's gonna be back in court in April, and her lawyer is saying that she did not put the bag over her client's head. Sounds like a lot of bullshit to me. What do you guys think?

[Wheezy]

I wanna add also that she is married with kids.

[Les Alfred]

Ooh.

[Mandy B]

Right.

[Wheezy]

She is just a big platform. And she's an onlyfans girl that was hired by one of the men who I guess are on her onlyfans now.

[Mandy B]

11K is a lot, baby. That's how it is.

[Les Alfred]

A lot of money. But, like, we would have to know that, like, duct taping someone's mouth and wrapping them in plastic would mean disagreement.

[Wheezy]

However, that's the thing. I think that when you're new to bdsm, you assume that maybe this is something they've done before. I have two things on this. I do feel like she was inexperienced. However, a part of me feels like this also may have been someone that she actually was seeing that threatened to tell the husband. And I think this was in a bit of rage that maybe their affair was gonna get out. I think that this actually may be. She killed him on purpose. The eyes shut the mouth shut the bag over the head, the gluing of that. Like, I think that maybe.

[Mandy B]

No, no, no. She glued the shoes.

[Wheezy]

No, no. The glue and the eyes.

[Mandy B]

The eyes were taped.

[Wheezy]

No, she says they sealed him.

[Les Alfred]

Glued. He said he glued.

[Wheezy]

She glued his eyes shut, duct tape his mouth, put a bag over his head, glued women's shoes onto his feet. Like, the things that were even asked. I think that even in bdsm, right? Knowing that we've talked to people like Sir Marvelous and all of these different well trained BDSM people and the conversations that are normally had beforehand, a lot. You can't say no to something.

[Les Alfred]

A lot of that is a lot of Measures, Right?

[Wheezy]

There's measures.

[Les Alfred]

There's gotta be measures.

[Mandy B]

People use chloroform a lot during BDSM for kidnapping scenes. And it's super common to chloroform a client, I think. Miss me a dark.

[Les Alfred]

Wait, what is. What is chloroform?

[Mandy B]

Chloroform is mixing that up over someone. Oh, mother's instinct.

[Les Alfred]

Okay. No, but like, yeah.

[Wheezy]

Oh, yeah. You know that make you pass that.

[Mandy B]

So they use it a lot in bdsm. I hear it all the time for kidnapping scenes. Kidnapping is very popular between doms and subs. So when I'm first, you know, hearing about this, but now more details are coming out. I don't even know about the glue dies. But like, I'm like. I know it does get extreme because in most cases, someone wants to keep taking it up and up and up. If you watch Florida man, it's on hbo. First episode is really funny. It's a guy needing extra cash on Craigslist. And there was someone that wanted to pay him 6k to chop his toes off, fry them and eat them. And he signed a contract to say what he'd be doing to them. So 6k.

[Wheezy]

Not high enough to eat some toes and ain't. I don't care if it's fried. I don't care if it's cholula hot sauce on the side to put them things. What is we talking about? I'm not eating toes. Fried, boiled, sauteed onions and garlic. I'm not doing either. I'm not cutting or eating toes for no six grand. No shit on me, baby. I take the shit for the six grand.

[Mandy B]

I'd rather eat the toe than cut it.

[Wheezy]

I'm not. Or lose a toe.

[Mandy B]

I'm imagine you gotta, like, keep going with the knife. Cause it's. Think about when you're cutting a tough stick.

[Wheezy]

Nah, you get the machete, bitch, and just pop one thing. But either way, I'm basically no.

[Les Alfred]

That's terrible.

[Mandy B]

But what's interesting about the episode is that it really wasn't the guy wanting his toes cut. When you watch the scene, right when the knife lifts up, he goes, stop, stop, stop. So it's the thrill. And what I think is kind of hard for sex workers to figure out is how much is of this is the thrill and how much do you want to be scared. I also interviewed a dom who told me that she does contracts and consent forms, but she said, I don't.

[Wheezy]

I wonder if that holds up in court.

[Mandy B]

She said they actually don't really hold up. They're a little bit of a barrier for yourself, but they don't really work. She says they do them with every intense scene. But what's interesting is even if someone signs it, let's just say she spanks someone, they can call the police, take her to jail, because it's still assault.

[Wheezy]

It's assault.

[Mandy B]

You can never consent to someone assaulting you. That's not legal yet.

[Wheezy]

But neither is sex work. So if you're doing this as a sex act, paid well.

[Mandy B]

This type of.

[Les Alfred]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Or legal.

[Les Alfred]

Depends on where you do it, because.

[Mandy B]

This is considered acting in role play. This is an exchange of service for something else in court. If. If it's not penetrative sex or anything with genitals exposed, etc. This is legal, what she just did. That's why dungeons are legal. Sex itself is legal process. Prostitution in the United States, penetrative sex and oral sex. Exchanging money for that, that type of scene is not. Which is crazy when you think about it. But that's why dungeons are legal. It's considered like acting studios on some of their forms. I learned that on Sex Hills, but I thought it was crazy. The reason sex clubs are legal is because people are paying an entry fee to a space that's private.

[Wheezy]

It's not a public space. Yeah, it's not a public space either. It's considered private.

[Mandy B]

Yeah. But. Yeah. I'm not gonna hold you. I know about the glue on eyes, but I don't know if she killed him on purpose. I think she just was inexperienced.

[Wheezy]

I think both things can be true. I definitely don't.

[Mandy B]

No, no, I'm saying.

[Wheezy]

But a part of me feels like there maybe been some underlying malice or she was. Or she was inexperienced. One or the other. But a part of me, like hearing the details. To me, the mouth, the eyes. Like I get putting a plastic bag over someone's head. Even the gluing of women's shoes. Women boots to his feet. I don't know.

[Les Alfred]

But it's the video part, though. If she intended to kill him, why.

[Mandy B]

Would she make that?

[Les Alfred]

Good point.

[Wheezy]

Well, maybe she didn't look in the laws and thought that that was gonna save her. And maybe she could say he requested all of this. Maybe that was her maybe saving grace. Hail Mary.

[Mandy B]

In the video, though, if we ever see him being excited about what she's doing, it's a wrap. Because you will see consent from. Or her being like you've been bad or da, da, da, da. Like it's obvious to see if someone's turned on by it. Like, if he's a gimp. And do you know what that is?

[Les Alfred]

No.

[Mandy B]

A gimp.

[Les Alfred]

I'm learning so much.

[Mandy B]

Oh, it's getting horrible. You know when you see the guy in the latex and they're, like, not talking and maybe you haven't seen.

[Les Alfred]

No.

[Mandy B]

But this. Let me get a picture up for Liz.

[Wheezy]

You know. You know what this, though I would correlate it to. And why there's no saving grace in this matter. It reminds me of Rip, the instance that just happened with the fraternity and hazing, where that. Where that man lost his life from the hazing. If you join us, fraternity, sorority, there's normally an element of hazing, and it kind of is consensual because you're going into it. And still those two boys were charged with. One was charged with. I think they're both involuntary manslaughter or one is an accessory, but nonetheless, they're being charged.

[Mandy B]

But isn't it different than consensual bds?

[Wheezy]

No, it's. But it's consensual. It's a consensual act. And even though it's not sex at.

[Les Alfred]

All, consenting to something that could be dangerous because you're.

[Wheezy]

You know that hazing is a part of joining a fraternity or fraternity. He agreed to be. I think it was. He was being paddled or something. Right.

[Les Alfred]

I don't. I read that it was something like some sort of chest trauma, like getting.

[Wheezy]

Hit in the chest and his heart stopped and. Yeah, but, like, you know, you're. You're signing up essentially to be Hayes. It's a part of almost the ritual to go in. You're essentially also. Yes.

[Mandy B]

Hazing isn't always beating, though, Mandy. And it's.

[Wheezy]

No, it's not always.

[Mandy B]

But I'm saying, like, if you watch Drumline.

[Wheezy]

Yeah, I'm not saying it always. But he consented.

[Les Alfred]

It's like, you don't know that it's going to tail, but you know that's going to happen.

[Wheezy]

But he consented at the moment to what this act was, and both guys are charged. So, like, he could have said, no, I'm not down for this part of hazing. I'm not saying all hazing is at any part at all physical or traumatic or beating, but some of it is. And we're aware that that's the history that we've been told about the hazing rituals that's associated to fraternities and sororities, and so is sex work, which is what I was saying. Even if there's not this penetrative thing. She was engaging in a form of sex work. Which is why, too, when I had my foot page, they. They literally removed it.

[Mandy B]

Because you don't buy her services online legally, though. Like, that's what I'm saying. You can buy those services that she did as a dom. Legally. He's saying hazing is illegal. You're saying, sure, if it's penetrative. That's literally what makes it legal, though. Like, you actually have to account for that. If she was doing something illegal, that'd be the conversation. He's saying hazing is illegal. No, there isn't a caveat for, well, sex work, if it's penetrative or not. No, no. What she did was a legal exchange of money for that service she offered.

[Wheezy]

Yeah, but attempted murder can't, like, so even say. You know what I mean? Like, the fact that she's charged with the death of his. Imagine if someone said, hey, I want you to shoot me in here. You could still be charged, because even if a person asks to be shot, you can't do that. It's almost attempted murder.

[Mandy B]

But that's the thing about you can't consent to someone assaulting you.

[Wheezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

And I wonder if those laws. Because that's technically what you're saying about the hazing. I wonder if somewhere around the world that isn't illegal. Because you have to think, like, in Germany, where there's very loose. Or Netherlands, where very loose prostitution laws. Oh, damn, they tripped. It's law. But, like, I'm just thinking to myself, there has to be some kind of place where that comes up. Because if I'm saying to you, why won't you be spanking really hard? Do this. And then I go to the doctor and they see a little bruise. Don't take my husband to jail. We was having fun. Anyway, speaking of husbands and partners and love and things, we're gonna get into the history of luck with dating. And I have a bunch of things to read about how people meet. But tell us why you wanted to get into this conversation and what peaked in your brain.

[Les Alfred]

Yeah. Okay. So it was maybe like a month ago, over Valentine's Day. There was a lot of discourse on TikTok around the idea of, like, self love when it comes to, like, meeting somebody. There was somebody who had posted a video talking about basically, like, being sick of partnered people telling single people, just love yourself more, and then you'll meet somebody. You know, it's meant to happen. And it was like this whole Big thing that went on for like several days around Valentine's Day. It probably comes up every year. But when that happened, it got me to thinking about. About just that whole exchange and about how people will often say that self love is like the key to finding somebody or whatever. And I had a different perspective. My thought is meeting somebody often is luck. Self love is how you keep somebody around and don't self sabotage and fuck it up.

[Wheezy]

You know what else I want to add to that? Self love. And what I've realized is even within some of my friends, when you actually, as a woman, reach the point of peace, self love, enjoy your space, enjoy your friends. The least likely you care about getting in a relationship at all. I've been talking to my friends a lot who are at the age. And a lot of my friends are older than me. They're all like 38 to 40. And for the most part, they've gotten so content with living alone, paying their own bills, and just being able to exist without all the drama that comes with. And maybe too, because they're dating and men are fucking. Men suck. Let's be very clear that they're like, damn, the longer that I'm finding enjoyable time with myself, the more I like just lighting my candles and watching the shows I like, the least desire I have or the less desire I have to date or entertain anyone. And they're like, whoa, I didn't know actually enjoying being by myself was gonna make me not give a fuck if I had a man or not. Like, that's been the conversation is that once you're actually no longer seeking validation or waiting for a man to show up to bring whatever happiness is missing, the least likely you are to even put yourself out there to care to find someone else.

[Mandy B]

That's only easy though, when you don't want kids. To me, when you don't have that hunger for children, you're not against the clock. And when you have that biological clock ticking of like, damn, I gotta hurry this up, that's really what fucks it up.

[Wheezy]

I think that's the great thing about. I have three friends total now. Three all have gone through ivf. So all three of them have eggs frozen. And another one is actually looking now for either potentially her ex partner, or looking through possibly finding a partner to inseminate to form embryos. And knowing what Ebony Kay just did, she was like, at 40, if I'm not married yet, I want to be a mom. I think what's amazing now is because we're women of wealth status Creating our own, like, kind of lives for ourself. I'm really enjoying seeing my friends navigate deciding to still have motherhood without partnership.

[Mandy B]

Independence is good, but, like, even before I was about to freeze my eggs, there's a part of this conversation that's not. I don't want to be anti feminist, but to know that it's so hard to meet men, to have a great family dynamic with is kind of depressing.

[Les Alfred]

It is like, it's disheartening for sure.

[Mandy B]

That's. Yeah, we can cheer on our friends and ourselves for that. But, like, this shit sucks. I. I love that we can have autonomy to do that. And what Ebony did, especially at her age, is bomb. She was almost. Wasn't she engaged or something? Or dating someone then was like, it, I'm gonna do it. That's what made Ebony's story so great to me. But at 30 or 29, I was really about to freeze my eggs or freeze an embryo with my best friend. And I didn't want to have a fucking kid with my gay best friend. But at the same time, I felt that much pressure and that little of faith in love. So I think there's a few things that are happening with the self love conversation. One, the desperation surrounding relationships is what makes them, to me, impossible to find. Too fucking desperate. We all have a friend that every time they go out, they're like, you know what I mean? Like, God damn, bitch, can we just drink? Like, I've felt that energy from a friend. I was like, girl, you need to. This is just for us. Now when that starts to happen, I really think men just become completely, like, repulsed by it. Like, I've seen all of my homeboys tell me, like, yeah, bro, like, we're on date. One, two. Don't get me wrong, fine to talk about the things you want in life, but, like, are we in alignment? Like, bitch, chill. Do you know what movies he likes? Do you know any interests? Are you guys compatible? I think the other issue too, with how men are carrying on relationships is that because of all the ethical non monogamy talk, the polyamory, the more that we're on dating apps, it feels like you don't really need to pour into anyone anymore. And the more that you feel like that from the people that you date, the more you want to do this thing on your own. I don't really know how great it'll be when we're 60 and there's a bunch of kids that haven't met their dad or grew up with a single Mom. Because a lot of my friends that are single moms aren't happy about it. I can maybe name one if that. I don't really meet them.

[Wheezy]

That's why I don't want kids. The one thing I can control is not being a single mom if I don't have kids.

[Les Alfred]

Yeah, if I have kids. There's no way to guarantee the kids.

[Wheezy]

There's no way to guarantee it. There's literally no way. And growing.

[Mandy B]

I love you to death.

[Wheezy]

Growing up in a single parent household and then also having so many friends that are single moms. Probably the worst thing in the world. I'm sorry. Sorry for all the single moms out there. It's the most depressing role in life that I've been a product of, that I've witnessed, that I've partook in. And that now as an adult, I see it from an outside lens where my friends are calling me crying, and they're doing it all alone. Or they're showing me that since last November they've gotten $100 from the baby daddy through a cash app. You know what I mean? Or that their daughter has never met. Going on 17 years old, never really even met the dad.

[Mandy B]

It's scary about the freezing of the eggs and us getting so accepting of doing this alone. I really hope that, like, men encourage each other more. And I'm seeing a lot of content around it. Around it, but just celebrating being a family dynamic and unit. Like, I saw this clip of Dr. Umar and he was like, you know, I might have married one of my baby mamas if they just gave me more time. One of my daughter's mothers probably would have got a ring out of me if they just gave me more time. Because marriage is such a big decision. And I'm like, so is that a.

[Wheezy]

Baby ain't, but a baby ain't.

[Mandy B]

It's so crazy to watch because I really.

[Wheezy]

Oh, fucking brother.

[Mandy B]

That's what I think we need to start encouraging marriage before kids.

[Wheezy]

Oh, I think we need to start encouraging vasectomies. But who my all. I mean all of your above.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Period.

[Mandy B]

Okay, so with that conversation.

[Les Alfred]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Luck with meeting people. I want to.

[Les Alfred]

Meeting people is all luck. I think people make it sound like the minute you fully love yourself, somebody magically appears. And sure. When you are in a good space and you're putting out good energy. Yes.

[Wheezy]

That good energy comes back.

[Mandy B]

So many people.

[Les Alfred]

It is absolutely a numbers game because how many people do you know who are with somebody where was like, oh, you loved yourself fully with this Right. No, it's luck. It's being in the right place at the right time, swiping right at the right time. Like, valid ability.

[Wheezy]

Being in the right bar at the right time, having around, staying together.

[Les Alfred]

That's what's different now.

[Mandy B]

Getting out there, it's a lot of y' all. I'm talking to you, bitch, whoever you are. Every time you're in the house and you're like, oh, I'm such a good candidate to be a wife, because I don't do anything. Don't need. I don't care. Go outside, go with your girls, have fucking fun with your friends. And you don't have a community. You need to connect with one. Not having friends, not going out with those girls that are getting drinks on Fridays, like, that's not cute. You better start having your own life. Because when you meet someone and you don't have your own life, they're gonna be like, damn, why is she on my ass all the time?

[Les Alfred]

And if you're not, if you settle down, you have kids, whatever, the amount of time that you're gonna have for yourself to actually do what you want to do, girl, dwindle down. So you got to enjoy it while you have it.

[Mandy B]

Yeah, me and my man think we should go home. He goes, we know in two years, baby, you're going to be pregnant, so we should stay out tonight. We be saying shit like that. And it's genuinely my thought, even when I didn't have him in my life, I would make jokes of myself, like, let me go out, girl. Single and free and something I have in no holes bar. At a friend of mine, Rashida, I was crying to her at one of her birthday dinners because I was going through a breakup. And I was like, I feel so bad to be going through this. I'm so sad around you. She's like, why are you so sad? I was like, I can't believe I fucked up again. And she said, baby, this might be your last summer single. It might be. And you want to spend it in tears. And we've all been through that. I don't give a fuck what high horse you're on. Everybody has spent time they shouldn't have leaving a relationship.

[Les Alfred]

Yep.

[Mandy B]

I'm telling you, if you don't pick it right back up now, you're really being unlucky. Okay, so let's talk about how people met. Now. In 1938, 20% of couples met through family, 20% met at school, and 20% met through friends. By 1999, 30% met through friends. 15% met through coworkers, and the rest were at bars.

[Wheezy]

Mm. Which makes sense. They just said that the millennial generation, the most money, alcohol consumption and Gen Z, it's completely fell from there. But it's because they're all fucking eating Tide pods and on drugs now.

[Les Alfred]

24 casual in the club wasn't cheap casual.

[Wheezy]

They was dressing like you, but. But they had a little mini skirt.

[Les Alfred]

I had the peplum. So many peplum.

[Mandy B]

Now, 60% of couples in 2024, where do they meet online but show. It went from 30% of friends 20 years ago to 13%. And you know what's crazy? When I meet couples that are in their 40s or 50s and I just start to talk to them, they always talk about either how they met out at a party or a friend introduced them. And I kind of wish that my friends were more open to this. I don't know how y' all feel, but I've been out recently and done this twice in the last year. Seen someone fine and sent them my friend's Instagram, and my homegirls thought it was fucking crazy and weird. One of them went on like five dates with a guy they were vibing. But I feel like we should be doing this more. I made a comment when you did a vanilla shit of the girl holding up the profile, and I was like, that's crazy. But now I'm doing it because I really feel like a lot of my friends are so discouraged because they're unlucky in love right now. And I'm just like, if you ain't in the streets, I'm gonna go get it.

[Les Alfred]

Well, that was the initial premise of Hinge. I mean, I remember Hinge back in the day, where you had to be. You had to have mutuals with somebody. Everybody you saw was a mutual connection. Yeah. You had to have friends in common.

[Wheezy]

Oh, I didn't.

[Les Alfred]

That was why it was called Hinge. Like, there was a connecting point.

[Mandy B]

Oh, my God, bro.

[Wheezy]

It's definitely not that now.

[Les Alfred]

No.

[Wheezy]

My. My friend be on Hinge scrolling in Alabama. Like, I be like, girl, how you get all this?

[Les Alfred]

How can it help you?

[Wheezy]

Alabama D.C. but a lot of men, which y' all is weird on the dating apps, especially if you pay. And of course, they now make it to where most of the apps, Raya Hinge, all the things. In order to be able to see matches or have more access, you gotta pay. And apparently one of the benefits that they do is they allow you to put the location you want to be At Because Atlanta is such a fucking Mecca of so many women, so many successful black bomb ass, pretty ass women. Majority of the men on the dating apps do not even live in Atlanta.

[Mandy B]

Wow, that's interesting.

[Wheezy]

They're dc, they're Alabama, they're Jacksonville, they're Florida, they're the surrounding states. And literally my friend is like, bruh, none of these men even live here. They're all like, well I can come or you could come here. But she's meeting so many men on these dating apps that literally aren't even within.

[Mandy B]

So hold on, that's interesting you bring that up because Anwar White, I don't know if you know who he is.

[Les Alfred]

Yeah, I had Anwar on the show.

[Mandy B]

Love Anwar.

[Les Alfred]

He was on your show.

[Mandy B]

Yeah. So Anwar said on the show he put. Or you should put the passport on and you should start looking at other cities. I think that's not that bad.

[Wheezy]

The only thing is to me, and it's what I'm realizing even with my partner, like we've been lucky to now since January, see each other every two to three weeks. Um, but even with that long distance relationship costs money. It's an investment. And I think again going back to what we were talking about with the economy, it it's going to take two people willing to have that extra bit of funds to invest to see each other. So where my friend is currently looking for work that may even keep her Monday through Friday in her city. What's the reality of meeting someone else too that has the ability for y' all to coexist and then let's not even talk about the kid thing. I will say what I'm really noticing is the swapping with co parenting. I'm hearing of so many more men that are literally having custody of children every other week. So that's impacting how my friends date. My friends are damn near in bi weekly date relationships with these men because they have their kids every Thursday through Sunday and that's causing my friends not to be able to even be around. So it's really interesting to even see my friends navigating fathers who are actually active and how it's impacting how often they're even able to see my homegirls. It's really crazy as adults. The limitations of dating.

[Mandy B]

Not only just that's our age.

[Les Alfred]

A lot of factors.

[Mandy B]

Yeah.

[Wheezy]

Like it's a lot of factors like co parenting, jobs, money and. Yeah. And just logistics. Logistics of dating gets, you know, why.

[Mandy B]

The long distance thing, I mean you're in one now. And so I Was on oh for my birthday trip. My friend came to Tulum with her husband, and they're a great couple. Just left their wedding in Mexico City. So we are talking about how they met and connected and what they were doing, because they met during the pandemic and they were like, man, we was doing them virtual dates for the museums and doing this and doing that. And when they left, my boyfriend and I were like, they probably connected so hard on the phone and FaceTime because that was considered a date. Imagine if everybody had at least two to three phone conversations before they met someone in person. It made me think about you because you really connected with your partner on.

[Wheezy]

The phone for, like, eight months.

[Mandy B]

So he's like, you get so invested in that person that you're like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna see this through. And it made me think, how many times have I been on a date where I'm like, oh, he had one little ick. I'm okay with this now. Well, what if I really fucked with you on the phone? Whatever. On the other side, my friend Brianda's dating right now. And I'm like, thinking to myself, well, damn, you don't want to connect too much with someone if you don't vibe in person. But it's so difficult because, yes, you want to have some kind of connection before you meet a little bit. I had a rule. I gotta at least hear your voice. Voice. No, voice message. Phone call. I need that before we see each other in person. Curious to know for your dating online experiences, because 60% of people meet online, so we've got to expect the listeners, they're meeting their people online. Did you have any rules while dating online and do you have any now?

[Les Alfred]

I mean, I'm not dating online now and I haven't for a while, but I feel like when I did, I usually would do, like a phone call with people beforehand before meeting in person.

[Wheezy]

I mean, for me, it's not dating apps, it's Instagram that I'm finding people that are attractive. That's how I met my partner now. And before then my ex, I met on Zoom and I. If y' all been listening, there's been very little online dating for me. I don't like the element of swiping and just that it takes too long. And that's what I'm noticing. Even with my homegirl now, they'll literally be in your DMs for weeks. It's like, not set up a date, not do that. And to me, it's just like, does.

[Les Alfred]

It also feel like work to you. Because I was on apps, it felt the same as, like responding to my DMs.

[Wheezy]

It's a blank.

[Les Alfred]

It felt exactly.

[Mandy B]

It's the same.

[Les Alfred]

And I was like, I don't, I don't like this.

[Wheezy]

I didn't like it.

[Mandy B]

I think that the Bumble app, where women had to write first actually really, really hurt us. I swear to God, it let men.

[Wheezy]

Be like, they gonna come for us.

[Mandy B]

I'm good. We finna chill. It's like, in some ways it was great because we learned how to get that going. But nobody wants to make the first move anymore. Like, they really don't. Unless you're in a club and you just pulling somebody.

[Les Alfred]

Like, you gotta give some sort of like green, green light.

[Mandy B]

How do we fucking blindly get these Trader Joe's niggas? Let me tell you something. My homegirl said this and she's married too. She was in Trader Joe's downtown or Whole Foods downtown Los Angeles. She called me and was like, are you still single? Swear to God, this is a real phone conversation. I was like, no. She's like, bitch, tell somebody. Tell a goddamn friend. She's like, the Whole Foods downtown has so many good looking men. And I think that they're all in a group chat talking about, this is where you learn to find women. Like, this is where you go. This is the place. That's true.

[Les Alfred]

If you go to a Whole Food.

[Wheezy]

Not in Atlanta, baby. I probably go to a Whole Foods.

[Les Alfred]

Like hot bar at like 7pm on like a Friday night. This is very specific. I used to live next to a Whole Foods.

[Mandy B]

Which one?

[Les Alfred]

It was when I lived in la. It was in Playa Vista.

[Mandy B]

Okay.

[Les Alfred]

And it was right next to a gym. So all the cute dudes would work out at the gym. Right after, go to Whole Foods, go.

[Wheezy]

To the Hot Bar.

[Les Alfred]

Cause you know, they're not cooking food.

[Wheezy]

They're not cooking.

[Les Alfred]

I've met man at Whole Foods before.

[Wheezy]

Well, I went to, I went to Trader Joe's after walking the belt line in Atlanta. And I look over and I was like, girl, I follow him on Twitter. He bent the fuck over and he, oh, whole but like brawlic tall, like had his little braids. And I was like, bitch, I follow him on X. I be rubbing my pussy to that nigga. She said, oh my God. Because all the gays on X live in Atlanta. And so I was like, all the.

[Mandy B]

Gays live in Atlanta?

[Wheezy]

Well, that too, but that too. And I was like, oh my God. Now me just seeing Someone I, I, I want to say jack off too, but I don't check at the Trader Joe.

[Mandy B]

Well, we like a piece of advice. Since we're at the end of the episode, we may need to leave a piece of advice that worked for us while dating IRL or online. Cause it does feel like you're never gonna find him.

[Wheezy]

I mean, it's just luck. It is, it's just luck.

[Mandy B]

It is luck.

[Wheezy]

As much luck if you win the lottery as you finding a nigga.

[Mandy B]

I think you actually, my advice would be, I wasn't actively doing it for a relationship, but I will say at the time I met my partner, I was making a promise to myself. I'm going on at least three dates a month. That's what I was saying. I was like, bitch, I'm not gonna be sitting here mad about the other guy that did something or didn't text back as fast. Let me just keep myself busy and start like learning how to date again. Because I had a lot of PTSD and I was kind of doing the same, I don't know, song and dance on dates. I was bringing up my ex often on dates and bad relationships or things men did that I didn't like. And I was bringing a lot of weird ass energy to first dates. And I would recommend for no woman to do that. Why does he know my ex cheated on me?

[Les Alfred]

They don't need to know anything. Yeah, as far as they know, you've been treated amazingly by everybody forever. That's all they need to know until. Unless you actually establish something with them, they only need to know that you're used to being treated the best. Because then if you tell them how bad you've been treated before, they'll be like, oh, cool, the bar's down here.

[Mandy B]

Yup.

[Wheezy]

Yeah, I mean, don't give them nothing to work with. We talked eight months before getting together. And it's so interesting because just recently have we both started talking about our previous relationships essentially, and what things went wrong. Like, even in terms of how we talk, I was like, oh yeah, me and my ex never got on the phone. It's cause he was 20 minutes away. He always just came over. And now it's so different because in my relationship now, because it's long distance, we're on the phone every day and I'm like, this is different for me. And so I was like, damn. I realized I don't know how you existed in your previous relationships and we're just now talking about those things now.

[Mandy B]

Damn.

[Wheezy]

Yeah, it takes time because we got to learn each other from family. What we do and who we are is.

[Mandy B]

Nah, I'm crazy. I'm gonna go to the tag. I'm gonna find. Oh, what was your name? I'm a find a hoe. I'm a find her motherfucking grandma. I'm gonna find a mama. I'm Finn. I realized I said, I don't even.

[Wheezy]

Know what they look like.

[Mandy B]

Oh, yeah.

[Wheezy]

I literally was like, yeah.

[Mandy B]

Oh, yeah. I'm just gonna stop learning in real time.

[Les Alfred]

You know, I stalk a little bit, but.

[Mandy B]

I know you do. Every time I see a girl that just looks too sweet. Oh, bitch, I know you do.

[Les Alfred]

I'm t. First of all, it's called research.

[Mandy B]

Thank you.

[Les Alfred]

It's called preparation.

[Wheezy]

What are you researching?

[Les Alfred]

I just need to know what's going on. I need to know where they've been. I need to know. I just need to know whatever I can find.

[Wheezy]

Why don't you ask them what you want to know? Why don't you ask?

[Les Alfred]

I can. I will eventually.

[Wheezy]

You will eventually. But you gonna dig first. Just ask em. Not wolf. Laughing wolf is just chuckling like, ask do.

[Mandy B]

Yell a stalk before you do. You check on the ex.

[Wheezy]

Check on the ex. No, you look. Both men said no.

[Mandy B]

No, I didn't look at him.

[Les Alfred]

But I really usually when I am doing my, like, lurking, I'm looking for. Are there any signs that he is a weirdo? Has he said something weird? How is he moving? Like, that's usually lying. Let's.

[Mandy B]

For example. Oh, yeah, I went to Dr. On a solo trip. Some random.

[Les Alfred]

Is it lining up?

[Mandy B]

Was that bitch in Punta Cana too? I'm gonna find out. And then I'm gonna send it to you. And you'd be like, yo, that's crazy. I know. Don't give a damn. Anyway, let's tell them where they can find you.

[Les Alfred]

Yes, you can listen to she's so Lucky every Tuesday, wherever you get your podcast.

[Wheezy]

That's right. I know. That's right. She's so lucky. All right, well, guys, if you haven't yet, make sure you pre order and help us become New York Times bestsellers. No holds barred. A dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power. Available now, Amazon, any bookstore you go to make sure you cop that. And we are really excited because we have an announcement for you if we haven't announced it yet.

[Mandy B]

Okay, bye.

[Wheezy]

This has been another episode of Decisions, Decisions.

[Mandy B]

See you soon.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You're listening to an I Heart podcast.