Ep. 423: The Right Questions To Find Your Future Companion (Ft. MatchMaker Maria)

Summary

Podcast Title: Decisions, Decisions
Episode: Ep. 423: The Right Questions To Find Your Future Companion (Ft. MatchMaker Maria)
Release Date: June 2, 2025
Hosts: Mandii B and WeezyWTF
Guest: Maria, Fourth-Generation Matchmaker

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Introduction to Maria and Agape Match

In Episode 423 of Decisions, Decisions, hosts Mandii B and WeezyWTF welcome Maria, a seasoned matchmaker and the founder of Agape Match. Maria introduces herself as a fourth-generation matchmaker, emphasizing her deep-rooted expertise in the field. At [00:34], Mandy B mentions, “I have a course available when you pre-order this book with no holds barred,” highlighting the value Maria brings to their conversation.

The Evolution and History of Matchmaking

Maria delves into the rich history of matchmaking, particularly focusing on its roots in Greek culture. At [02:26], she shares, “My grandmother,’s matchmaking was handed off to the meddling best friend,” illustrating the transition from traditional, community-driven matchmaking to more modern, individualized approaches. She explains how cultural shifts in Greece, influenced by the arrival of Cosmopolitan magazine in 1978, led to the decline of traditional matchmakers by the 1980s. “Matchmaking went away from the matchmaker in your village... to love marriages,” Maria notes at [04:39], underscoring the societal changes that have redefined how relationships are formed.

Agape Match: Services and Methodology

Agape Match operates by setting up first and second dates for clients, differentiating itself from typical dating coaches. Maria explains the importance of not taking on clients without adequate matches or emotional bandwidth, stating at [07:28], “When someone applies, we have to interview them... It’s really personal.” She emphasizes quality over quantity, ensuring ethical matchmaking practices. Maria discusses the application criteria, highlighting traits like narcissism and lack of self-awareness as deterrents for potential clients ([08:16]).

Navigating Diversity: Race, Religion, and Socioeconomics in Matchmaking

The conversation shifts to the complexities of matching clients from diverse backgrounds. At [10:00], Maria addresses a critical review from Sierra Khan, a follower who misinterpreted her comments on privilege, revealing the delicate balance matchmakers must maintain when discussing race and socioeconomic status. Maria clarifies her stance on religious compatibility, explaining how Agape Match handles clients with specific religious preferences ([14:23]). She shares anecdotes about clients navigating religious differences, emphasizing the necessity of mutual respect and understanding in long-term compatibility ([15:25]).

Personality Typing and Compatibility

Maria introduces the concept of personality typing based on Dr. Helen Fisher’s inventory system, which categorizes personalities into four types: Director, Negotiator, Builder, and Explorer. At [46:14], she explains, “There’s four types... Director, negotiator, builder, and explorer,” detailing how these types influence relationship dynamics. Maria discusses how she uses these profiles to match clients effectively, ensuring compatibility beyond mere physical attraction ([49:56]). She emphasizes the human element in matchmaking, noting that personality typing helps in understanding and optimizing client interactions.

Challenges in the Matchmaking Industry

Maria candidly shares the difficulties of running a matchmaking business, noting that “99% of matchmakers launch will usually shut down within 18 months” due to the emotional toll and the complexity of servicing clients’ personal lives ([30:12]). She underscores the importance of having a robust methodology and emotional resilience to succeed in this competitive industry. The discussion touches on the high standards clients often have and how Maria navigates these expectations to maintain service quality ([12:51]).

High-End Services and Clientele

Agape Elite, Maria’s bespoke matching service, caters to clients with refined tastes and substantial financial means. At [57:14], Mandy B inquires about the nature of these services, leading Maria to describe Agape Elite as tailored for high-net-worth individuals seeking exclusive matches. She explains that “most of our clients tend to be guys who are making $200 to $500,000 a year,” highlighting the premium nature of her services and the personalized attention they receive ([62:05]).

Practical Relationship Advice and Personal Insights

The hosts and Maria engage in a lively discussion about relationship dynamics, independence, and the need for men to feel needed. At [52:50], Mandy B shares insights from her book, emphasizing the importance of showing vulnerability to attract and maintain relationships. Maria concurs, advising that “communication about what you expect from other people” is crucial for healthy relationships ([56:40]). The conversation includes relatable anecdotes from the hosts, illustrating the practical applications of Maria’s matchmaking principles.

Closing Thoughts and Resources

As the episode nears its conclusion, Maria promotes her book, Ask a Matchmaker: No Nonsense Guide to Finding Love, and her podcast, also titled Ask a Matchmaker. Mandy B and WeezyWTF encourage listeners to explore Maria’s resources for further dating advice and matchmaking insights. They wrap up the episode by reaffirming the value of expert guidance in navigating modern relationships, emphasizing the transformative potential of effective matchmaking.

Notable Quotes:

• Maria at [04:39]: “Matchmaking went away from the matchmaker in your village... to love marriages.”
• Maria at [10:00]: “This is why we need, like, critical race theory in schools because, you know, this is exactly what that conversation is.”
• Maria at [46:14]: “There’s four types... Director, negotiator, builder, and explorer.”
• Maria at [30:12]: “99% of matchmakers launch will usually shut down within 18 months.”
• Mandy B at [52:50]: “Where are we fucking up as independent women today?”

Conclusion

Episode 423 of Decisions, Decisions offers a deep dive into the art and science of matchmaking with expert insights from Maria. From historical perspectives to modern challenges, Maria provides a comprehensive look at what it takes to find and foster meaningful relationships in today’s complex social landscape. Listeners gain valuable knowledge on navigating personal preferences, understanding personality types, and the critical role of effective communication in building lasting connections.

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Find Maria and Her Services:

• Podcast: Ask a Matchmaker
• Book: Ask a Matchmaker: No Nonsense Guide to Finding Love
• Website: Agape Match
• Additional Resources: Maria’s ongoing coaching sessions and matchmaking services are available through her website and podcast.

Transcript

[Maria]

This is an Iheart podcast.

[Ryan]

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[Maria]

Void where prohibited by law 21+ terms and conditions apply.

[Mandy B]

Welcome to Decisions Decisions.

[Weezy]

I don't think you should say decisions, Decisions. It sounded like you was talking to cursing.

[Mandy B]

You definitely say the welcome.

[Weezy]

Welcome to the new podcast podcast.

[Mandy B]

Oh, wait, you want to say it together? Decisions, Decisions.

[Weezy]

Hey guys. Welcome to another episode of Decisions, Decisions. Hello, I'm your girl, Mandy B. I'm your girl, Weezy.

[Mandy B]

And if you don't already know yet, we have a course that is available when you pre order this book with no holds barred. I just got done sitting down with Maria matchmaker Aria, who's our guest today for the course. And it's definitely going to be different. It was all about like green flags, red flags. And it was so interesting to me because we've heard about you for a long time. I know you record here. Matchmaking, dating coach. We've had so many recently. And I was like, is this gonna be the same? And I realized no.

[Weezy]

Well, I, I honestly with the matchmakers or dating coaches, whatever they call themselves, everyone has been different. Like, let's be very clear, we had one that focused on high, high net worth women wanting to find love and get married. Then we had a black gay male telling black women how to date. Um, we've had.

[Maria]

That was a good episode.

[Mandy B]

Let's be shout. He's great. You have to be shaky.

[Weezy]

He could be great to everyone. I love that we all have different opinions. Um, I have my thoughts on him. So when knowing that you were coming on here, I'm really excited and not expecting the same conversation at all. I'm really excited to how you feel like someone could be successful in dating.

[Mandy B]

Well, honestly, I don't know if we've had a matchmaker. Right. So my conversation, I was. What I was trying to say was we've had dating coaches. When speaking to you, you gave great dating advice. But it seems like if I'm a listener of the show, I may be hearing the same thing. But matchmaking is truly different because you've got to pair people.

[Weezy]

Are you like millionaire matchmaker?

[Maria]

I'm a fourth generation matchmaker.

[Weezy]

What is fourth generation?

[Maria]

My grandmother, her mother and her grandmother were matchmakers.

[Weezy]

No way.

[Maria]

That Bo baby Maria. But I'm not. It's so difficult.

[Mandy B]

Your company Agape, like, what do you do?

[Maria]

So at Agape Match, we set people up for a living. We set up first and second dates. We coordinate them for our clients. Yeah, and. But it's very different. Like I say, Nepo baby in Jess. Because what my grandmother did, setting up people in a war torn country in Greece and getting paid in goats.

[Weezy]

Getting paid.

[Mandy B]

And we're digging into matchmaking in the history of it. And Greece came up.

[Maria]

Yeah, yeah. No, it's. It's interesting because I was actually at an event yesterday with a bunch of Greek people and they don't give a shit for that. I'm a fourth generation matchmaker. They're like, if you are, so am I. Because matchmaking was rampant. Like, you know, Americans love the matchmaking lore of like generational. But like, Greek people are like, okay, we. There's a matchmaker in every county or every village. And then it stopped in 1980.

[Mandy B]

Why?

[Weezy]

Yeah, why?

[Maria]

Because Cosmo came to shore. So Cosmopolitan, the magazine. This is my theory.

[Mandy B]

I was like, this a Greek God. Cosmopolitan magazine.

[Maria]

Wait, the magazine. The magazine came to shore. So, you know, Greece went through a dictatorship in the 60s and 70s and women had to be conservative, they had to wear certain things. There was curfews. Right.

[Weezy]

The ghetto.

[Maria]

And then we got democracy back 1974. And then, you know, a lot of reform started happening. And Cosmo comes to shore in 1978. And what happens in that period is that people are now reading from British and American writers how a woman can be empowered, how she can ask for sex, how she can date. And suddenly all of this new vocabulary that didn't exist before was in the lexicon. So then Fast forward to 1981. This, this, the one of the parties is running on women's reform, getting rid of dowries, making sure that women and men are paid equal, making sure women have full access to contraceptives. So women and men immediately get full rights in 1981. And also women stop changing their names because of this reform.

[Weezy]

Oh, wow.

[Mandy B]

Did it give arranged marriage? Is that why matchmaking?

[Maria]

No, it's just matchmaking went away from the matchmaker in your village, in your community, or your parental matchmaking in laws met in the 70s, so they had parental matchmaking at work, whereas my parents met in the 80s and now it's a love marriage. And what gave way was that matchmaking done by like my grandmother was handed off to the meddling best friend. So it's still to this day, when in Greece, when people date, they date. Like my parents dated, which is. Let's say you and I were dating. Let's say I'm. You're the woman, I'm the man. You are a woman. But let's say you're the woman, I'm the man. And we're dating. When we have a party at our house or it's your birthday and we're going out, you're going to invite all your girlfriends. I'm going to invite all my guy friends.

[Mandy B]

And.

[Weezy]

And they have to approve.

[Maria]

No, no, no. They're just, they're just mixing. We're all just co ed mingling. And essentially you would then tell your friend like, oh, I like this person or I like this person. That's what happens in the city.

[Mandy B]

Bring an ex.

[Maria]

Yeah, A friend of a friend. But no, but they're actually friends. Right. It's just your friends are pairing up with each other. And because of how we get married there, we have this concept of kubaria where the priest does not put the. You know, is not your official witness. You have an official witness who's part of your family. So hear me out for a second. We have this concept.

[Weezy]

I'm trying to follow, girl, I'm trying to follow.

[Maria]

So we have this concept of cubaria. So whoever introduces you.

[Mandy B]

I just want to say this bitch took my whole outline.

[Maria]

I'm so sorry.

[Mandy B]

No, no, no, I'm teasing you. You know, we dig into the history of stuff. Now this was in there.

[Weezy]

Kumbaria.

[Maria]

Yeah. So kumbaria is essentially, if you introduce me to my spouse, then you would be my official witness at the wedding. And because you introduced us, you'd be putting the rings on our fingers, not my husband. To me, you are putting the rings on my fingers.

[Weezy]

You're the accountability partner person from the church. No, like that does it, right? Oh, wait, I would put the ring on your finger. Not even my partner.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Weezy]

Oh, wow.

[Maria]

Right.

[Weezy]

So what happens if you and you and old girl fall out?

[Maria]

Well, so the church, our culture believes. Hold on. So because you're my cubata for life, right? So that, that means that even if you tired as think about now, if it's in the church, it's anointed by oil. Oil is thicker than blood. You are my chosen family. This is why Greek weddings are huge. Because when someone invites me, they got to invite my kubara. Then go and invite my other kubara, whoever is, you know, who are my kubari? Who are. This is my chosen family. And that has such a higher influence than your biological family.

[Mandy B]

Jesus.

[Maria]

Oh wow. Like you're. You would be a higher ranking than my own sister.

[Mandy B]

It's like a God mom out of baptism.

[Weezy]

Like, this isn't a religious thing.

[Maria]

That's someone baptized your kid. That's again now a new cubato. So again anointed by oil. That is my. Like I.

[Weezy]

This is the Greek culture. This is not religion.

[Maria]

This is like religion to write it into religion.

[Mandy B]

This is my. It's like cut it out already.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Okay, so question for you. I was digging on your website and I was like, apply.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Now one would think you gotta get on the dollars for this job. Like, why wouldn't you take a client? Why do people have to apply for matchmaking service? And like what's the criteria?

[Maria]

Well, your first match has to be with your matchmaker.

[Mandy B]

Okay. Like a therapist.

[Maria]

Possibly. Although I can't do things that therapists can do, just like they can do certain things that I can't do. Right. Therapists can't necessarily tell you, you know, break up with him. They have to get you to figure out your triggers and acknowledge the emotion that you're feeling. Whereas I can be a little no nonsense and be like, just break up with them. But with that being said, when someone applies I, we have to interview them. We have to figure out do we have matches for you. I don't want to be unethical and take someone on that I have no one for or if I don't have the emotional bandwidth to deal with their personality for the next six months. It's really personal.

[Weezy]

What are, what are three personality traits that would keep you from bringing someone on as a client?

[Maria]

Narcissism.

[Weezy]

Okay.

[Maria]

That has its own.

[Weezy]

But even though, do you find that.

[Mandy B]

Women have it too? Because I feel like it's such a buzzword. Like are you really seeing it more with them or is it pretty equal?

[Maria]

I see it more with men also. If like another reason why wouldn't we wouldn't take someone on is like they really lack the self awareness of what they can attract. Or we think that they're going to be unfair.

[Mandy B]

Hold on, let's stop there.

[Maria]

Hold on.

[Weezy]

Kevin Samuels.

[Mandy B]

They lack the self awareness on what they can attract.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

I would like to read this review I told you about. So I really want to dig into.

[Weezy]

This because this Is a review from where?

[Mandy B]

From Google Reviews.

[Maria]

Somebody reviewed my car. Somebody who did not hire me.

[Weezy]

Oh.

[Mandy B]

I mentioned this to Maria before she walked in because I didn't want to seem like I was coming at you. But this was a very interesting review to me by Sierra Khan. I was a follower of Maria, the CEO, a fan of her content, until she responded to a question from a follower. And the question was why men in general have certain traits in dating. She answered the question simply by saying when men are privileged. That question had nothing to do with race. It was offensive to me. Being someone who is white and has a white partner, I wouldn't want to sign up for dating advice from Maria. After seeing that post, the first thing I actually thought about was not race. When she said privilege in the message, I thought, oh, a guy with money.

[Weezy]

Well, the first thing I'm thinking is, as a white ass woman, the word privilege. Privilege triggers you because of how we associate white privilege. And I thought Maria was white and surprised.

[Maria]

No, I get there's a lot.

[Weezy]

You're spicy white, right?

[Maria]

I'm Greek, but I identify as Greek and Italian.

[Weezy]

We say those are spicy white.

[Maria]

Sure. But like, this is why we need, like, critical race theory in schools because, you know, this is exactly what that conversation is. But I want to talk to you about what she's commenting on.

[Mandy B]

Yeah, tell us.

[Maria]

The post was someone was asking me, why do so many men online say they like to. They've quit their jobs to go hiking across every national park or like, they like to go bungee. Like, you know, they're doing like risky adventure as like a flex. And I said, you only see these kinds of activities from predominantly white men because they have. They don't. They are trying to use, you know, they haven't. They have so much white privilege that they have not had access to suffering.

[Mandy B]

So they want to do. It's like Burning Man. Let's go be poor.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Now, in terms of what you can attract.

[Maria]

Yep.

[Mandy B]

How does someone know that they're a six or a seven? And how do you then cope with someone and what they can't attract? How do you basically tell someone you're not that you ugly as hell and.

[Weezy]

You need to lower your skin or.

[Mandy B]

Not even ugly, but more just like. Or your poor age. Like, like, well, if you're poor, you can't hire Maria.

[Weezy]

I mean, but like, I think that again, the way I mentioned this white woman leaving the comic clearly was triggered by the word privilege. Privilege. There's a lot of people triggered by the word mediocre. Or average or well and so and unfortunately there's a false sense of inflation sometimes to the ego of who someone is and realistically who they can get.

[Maria]

But also the realistic ness of like who I have access to. Like I have a client right now be with a billionaire. Okay. And he'll say like I want to date the COVID model that was on Vogue this week.

[Weezy]

Okay.

[Maria]

I'm like okay, how, how do I get access to that person? Like that person as like a.

[Mandy B]

Any guy she wants.

[Maria]

Like huh.

[Mandy B]

Like I see what you mean.

[Weezy]

Like well, no, just access to getting like communicating with her.

[Mandy B]

Yeah, yeah.

[Maria]

And I know it's my job to do that and I'll find every way to do that.

[Mandy B]

No little job to just get who they want.

[Maria]

No, no, no, no. But that is my job just to leave no stone unturned.

[Mandy B]

Okay.

[Maria]

But I'll ask more questions like well what do you like about her?

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Maria]

Like what exactly do you can't just be attraction. Like there's other elements to long term compatibility. So you know, let tell me more. You just find her attractive. You want me to discover if she's a fit for you based on your lifestyle and your communication and like patterns and all that stuff. So you know we have pickier clients. It's okay to. And I use, I don't use that term loosely. Picky. You know it's okay to have standards, but your standards are picky if you don't put yourself in opportunities to find the people that you're looking for.

[Weezy]

Explain more.

[Maria]

Like I will hear from women who say for instance I want to meet a Jewish man who is 6ft tall and makes this amount of money and then it's like okay, but where do you live? Oh, I live in Oklahoma. Well, you're in the wrong state.

[Weezy]

Yeah, but you better move to Brooklyn.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Let me ask you this. When it comes to self awareness on what you can attract, would you date a client that let's just say would only date one religion or race we all the time. So you don't mind if someone's like only want a Latino guy. Only want this like because we hear sometimes that that blocks us from love.

[Maria]

Or I will try. It's way less now. So when I started my business 16 years ago people were very like race specific and relig religion specific. I will tell you that the last three years that's not really common anymore.

[Mandy B]

Really in a trump there era.

[Maria]

I think that's why I think mostly liberal people but to me not race.

[Weezy]

But as a matchmaker then you would.

[Maria]

People are more older.

[Weezy]

You find it to be possible to find a match between two people that do have religious, different religious beliefs and backgrounds.

[Maria]

It depends on your participation of that faith.

[Weezy]

Okay, right.

[Maria]

So when we ask you how about faith, we actually have two separate questions. The first question is worded, what faith, if any, were you raised in?

[Weezy]

Okay.

[Mandy B]

Because Christian.

[Maria]

Right. And then the next question is, how important is that to you?

[Weezy]

Not at all.

[Maria]

And that is one of the options. Another one is like, it's just cultural. Like they celebrate Christmas or it's. I'm very serious. I'm somewhat serious.

[Weezy]

Right, got you.

[Maria]

So I. Having those two questions then allows us for. To have a conversation about religion. We talk about religion every single day. We meet about 40 people a week talking about religion. Because that is, you know, I'm not just setting you up on dates. I'm trying to set you up with potentially the future parent of your kid. And people will break up over religious future with that child. Like how they plan to raise it.

[Weezy]

Gotcha.

[Maria]

So I will ask, I want to give you an example really quick. I had a client who, he was Muslim and he said he was open to dating women that were not Muslim. And I'm like, okay, that's cool. Yep, Plenty of women want to date Muslim men. That's great. Tell me why you broke up. Well, let me tell you about, tell me why you broke up with your last girlfriend. And she's like, well, she was Mormon. And I'm like, okay. And she goes, and she didn't want to convert. Oh, well, now, so you can be. No, no, no. So I said, if you're going to hire me, you're only meeting Muslim women. I'm not in the business of trying to get people to convert religion.

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[Mandy B]

No, here's where I've got a question. Every week we do a reactionary on decisions decisions. Without playing this video, we can briefly chat a little bit about two celebrities, Alexis sky and Brittany Renner who changed. We are guessing Brittany Renner changed her religion for a man, whereas Alexis sky mentioned that she did. Now as far as changing religion, a lot of people say you shouldn't change yourself for somebody. However, if you just asked Mandy, how important is it to you? And she said not at all. If you found a match for Mandy, knowing that she doesn't really care but.

[Maria]

Someone else really cares, she's not a match for him.

[Mandy B]

She's not a match for him. Even if this person would be willing to convert, do you think that it would be okay if someone's open to whatever. Do you not want to find people that are doing that? We're just seeing it very often. My mom also converted to be with my father to marry.

[Maria]

That's great.

[Mandy B]

So that's olden times, right?

[Maria]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But a lot of people convert.

[Weezy]

Yeah. I have a friend recently, people tell us, right. Like, converted to being a Muslim because she was dating a guy who was Muslim. Yeah. And they ended up having a child together. They're no longer together. But I've literally been in witness of my friends who have converted. And to me, if religion is not something steeped into your family, your current lifestyle, I think converting becomes fairly simple in terms of religion being a way of life. Maybe now I have to add different practices into my life, but when you're not as spiritually grounded into whatever your religion was, I find it to be very simple for. And mostly because of historical ways women to convert for a man. That's common not only throughout history, but especially if a woman is not so rooted in her own religious beliefs, converting actually doesn't seem to be very difficult.

[Mandy B]

Has an example of a man converting. Actually, it's the only one I ever.

[Maria]

See is as someone who is Greek Orthodox.

[Mandy B]

Yeah.

[Maria]

I've mostly seen only men convert.

[Mandy B]

Really?

[Maria]

Yeah, that's really popular. They want the Greek anyway, so. No, it's a whole thing. But I just want to kind of finish the point that you were just making, Mandy, which is that I do ask everyone who signs up, what religions are you open to dating?

[Weezy]

Okay.

[Maria]

So that gentleman that I just talked about, you know, I did set him up with a lot of women that were not Muslim, but every single woman that I set him up with, she was open to dating a Muslim man.

[Weezy]

Okay.

[Maria]

And then when I asked her, would you open up? Because I would. That's in the conversation. Would you be open to converting? Oh, absolutely. So I think he met, like, four women that were not Muslim right now who were open to it.

[Weezy]

Did you end up matching him with someone yet?

[Maria]

Yeah, but they broke up, so I got to.

[Mandy B]

Oh.

[Maria]

Go back to the drawing board with him.

[Weezy]

Interesting.

[Mandy B]

How long were they dating?

[Maria]

I think, like, six months.

[Weezy]

Okay.

[Mandy B]

Long time. Now, let's go from a lot of sex. So I want to know, does sex come up. We've been talking about on this podcast for years, sexual compatibility. Is that a little too deep for a matchmaker to be discussing? Do clients bring it up with you?

[Maria]

I've had potential clients bring up sex. Like, kinks.

[Weezy]

I was going to say, do you have. And do you specify like a BDSM grader chart or thing like even going on dating apps. And I was on field. I know for me I would not be interested in a dom. A dom sub. All of these kind of conversations only come up with people who are comfortable talking about sex.

[Mandy B]

Right.

[Weezy]

So if they're hiring a matchmaker.

[Mandy B]

Right.

[Weezy]

Sex could be top on their list. It could be number five. But there are dynamics in sex that could make people incompatible.

[Mandy B]

But, like, what is even. What are those conversations like? Yeah, sexual conversation.

[Maria]

Oh, not on dates.

[Weezy]

Not on dates.

[Maria]

Not on. Like, I don't want you talking about sex on dates at all.

[Weezy]

But do you know.

[Maria]

I will ask. I always ask. Is there something I have not asked you that you think I should know?

[Mandy B]

What do you say when you hear that? What are people talking?

[Weezy]

Bitches?

[Maria]

Well, people tell me their trauma, but there was. I don't hear that much because at the end of the day, I'm just trying to facilitate a first and second date with matches. Because we coordinate your first and second date with a person, right. Like, because I'm not only do want you to go on a date, I want to cultivate that and get you on a second date. I don't want you waiting two weeks and we losing that momentum.

[Weezy]

When do you leave them to?

[Maria]

After the second date.

[Weezy]

After. So you, you match them. They go to the first date, they're like, I'm interested. You set up the second date and then you let them go until they come back and say it didn't work.

[Maria]

Yeah. How much do you sometimes I don't. They never come back. And then I'll read the New York Times spouse sections, and it's like they met through a friend and I'm like, say my name. Wait, it's happened nine times now.

[Weezy]

Shut up.

[Mandy B]

Do you feel like people do that because they're slightly ashamed of coming to you?

[Maria]

They used to be. Not anymore. Now it's. Everything has shifted the last two years. So now people are like, oh, I'm using matchmaker Maria. And I'm like, oh, like, it's so different. Like, I think people have now suffered enough dating fatigue online where it's like a flex to hire a matchmaker.

[Mandy B]

Yeah.

[Weezy]

Can I ask you. Can I ask you about. Like you said, in the last two years, there's been a different response to matchmaking. However, there was like a viral TikTok recently Where a woman seemed really shamed in the comments for spending $10,000 on a matchmaking.

[Maria]

I saw that for her guy. The guy that came. Anwar.

[Weezy]

He's not our. He's.

[Maria]

I mean, you know what I mean? Like, she used an.

[Weezy]

Yeah, she used him.

[Maria]

She didn't use a matchmaker. She used a dating coach.

[Mandy B]

Dating coach.

[Weezy]

A dating coach. But even though I know friends and most. A lot of our listeners, if they're on dating apps, the dating apps now have found ways to monetize. Like, you can't see certain likes or send messages without upping the tier. No one judges someone paying $20 a month for a dating app. But this girl seemed to be really.

[Maria]

I understand the judgment, because I don't. When I was reading it, I was following it with my sister, who happens to also be one of my matchmakers on my team. So she's also fourth generation. We're very different, though. But she and I were. We went through all those comments because we were trying to understand, like, where is this outreach coming?

[Mandy B]

Where is it coming from? The black community.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Where it's coming from the fact that $10,000 is a lot to some.

[Maria]

Okay.

[Mandy B]

And not to her. We are not having any discussion about the $20.240 a year.

[Maria]

But did you know it was all coming from a certain group of people?

[Mandy B]

No. I 100% think this is the value that people placed on it. $240 a year. I was 100% spending 20 bucks on hinge, not even knowing it. So that's 240 a year. Maybe I spent 10 bucks on Raya. I may have been spending somewhere upwards of $500 a year in subscribe prescriptions for dating. Not because I'm desperate, just because I'm like, I want to see tall. I want to see black. That was my thing. So if we don't have $10,000 to spend, it's much like when someone tells you they bought an expensive pair of shoes. Well, are they rich or do they.

[Maria]

Not have, well, accountability partners?

[Weezy]

To your point, though, there is a socioeconomic. I think. Yes. Relation to it. That did seem to be where we saw the outrage from. Yes. Was because it went viral, even on. On black Twitter, on spiritual word on all of the things. So, yes, probably a socioeconomic sense to what Weezy's point is. And your point is in terms of the people that seemed outraged. But also I would say within our culture, within our history, if we go back even to. And I don't want to take it all the way back to slavery or even when we think of, like, where our ancestors come from, there's not any history of people paying for. For matchmaking or relationships or things like that. It's just not. We either meet someone within, like, the reach of our. Of our family, or that's it. I would say more so white people or wealthy people within their history, they went and bought who they wanted to marry into the family. We don't have that within our culture. We don't.

[Maria]

Let me. Let me. I want to. I want to talk about what you're saying, because I think it's actually really important. Okay. The black community. And that's a subculture in itself, right?

[Weezy]

Yes.

[Maria]

The Indian American community, the Greek American community, the Lebanese American community, Taiwanese American community. Like, look at these subcultures. What these subcultures have in common is that they have their own little chamber of commerce events. They have their own parties. They have, like, you know, one group has a quinceanera, the other one has basa. These are all really social events where you might not need to hire a matchmaker or a dating coach. You already are meeting a lot of people. It's funny what you're talking about. I've experienced from the Greek side. So when people look at me, they're like, oh, you must have basically Greek clients. I only get like two or three Greek clients a year. Greek people are hypersocial. And they go, why would I ever hire a matchmaker? Why would I ever hire a dating coach? And that's a fair assessment when you come from a social subculture.

[Weezy]

Our culture is social.

[Mandy B]

I'm on it too. I actually think the reason that Anwar is important for the girls that go out all the time. All of the advice he was giving seemed like people that were unsuccessful with dating, they were going on dates and not getting to the finish line or getting stuck in the situationships. That felt like what his. And feels like what his content is tailored too, in my opinion. And I think hiring a coach to get the best out of dates is good too.

[Maria]

People hire our company. Me as a coach.

[Mandy B]

With the dating refresh.

[Maria]

Yeah, with everything. Right. We have the agape intensive. The.

[Mandy B]

Before we get to the tiers really quick. You mentioned your sister.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Matchmakers. What's the criteria? And do they need to be married.

[Weezy]

Before we get there, though? Wait, wait.

[Maria]

Okay, these are really good questions.

[Weezy]

I know. Before we get there. Only because I really liked where we were going with. We didn't speak solely to. Then you brought up Greek. And then. So why do you think then when you saw the comments, right? You saw us in the comments. I do want to put a bow tie on, maybe. Why we. Because this is our audience.

[Maria]

Because it's.

[Weezy]

So why our audience would be, like, matchmaking.

[Maria]

I saw myself in the outrage in the sense that, like, I have gotten this outrage from the Greek community.

[Weezy]

Okay.

[Maria]

I have had people from churches call my church and be like, how dare she charge something that she should be giving away for free.

[Mandy B]

Right?

[Maria]

And I think what the conversation needs to shift on is. And when people hire me as a coach is always what all I can do is hold your feet to the fire. What Anwar did and what I do is we make you accountable to the decision. I just had a woman tell me that, you know, she's about to get engaged. And the guy that she met, she met him a week after a situationship had ended. And she said, if I had not hired you and. And you didn't teach me, you know, why it didn't work with the last guy? I would have mourned that relationship for three to six months like I did every other situationship in my life. And frankly, I'm 35. I don't have time to be mourning that long. But because you gave me these tools and this vocabulary and how to work through why it didn't work, I was able to mourn it in a week, then put myself out there and then find my fiance. And I think that's what Anwar is doing. And I think, like, it's okay that some people are outraged because, you know, people get outreach over things.

[Weezy]

Everything.

[Mandy B]

Right.

[Maria]

I could put down that I like pancakes on threads. And then someone's like, you don't like waffles?

[Mandy B]

Yeah.

[Maria]

Like, okay.

[Weezy]

All the time.

[Maria]

Right. And I've gotten that outrage at that woman has gotten from the person that's providing the service. I didn't force anyone to sign me a check. Right. People. And that's. And that's okay. Like, I can only work with the people that pay me, period. And that's. That's okay. You know, everything else, the opinions don't matter. Now, should I answer her question? Yeah. Okay. So now how to become a matchmaker. There is an extremely low barrier to entry in my industry. And what that does and what I'm constantly telling. Cause I mentor a lot of. That was really loud. I mentor a lot of matchmakers. And for the last 16 years is I have learned that 99% of matchmakers. That launch will usually shut down within 18 months. And that is because it is very hard to service Someone, it's very easy to take someone's money. It's very hard to service. You're dealing with someone's most vulnerable state. You're dealing with their personal life and how they show up on dates. And if you don't have the methodology to recruit the right matches for that person, it's going to be very hard to service them and complete that contract. You get burnt out. The emotional bandwidth might not be there.

[Mandy B]

Do the people have to have like semi of a Rolodex then to work with you? You like, hey, I'm a matchmaker as well, Maria. I have this log of hot guys. I don't know.

[Maria]

Yeah. If you have, if you have a methodology of like trying to recruit certain people into your database. Like we have an extensive database of like 30,000 people that are inbound. That's. Yeah, that's another thing. So what's that mean? So there's in business, there's inbound marketing and outbound marketing. So outbound marketing as a matchmaker would be for me, if I were on the subway, I see someone cute and I'm like, here's my card, you know, I have a match for you.

[Weezy]

Wait, wait, by the way, I've never fucking done that. Okay. Cause all I gotta say, if you out here looking for good looking people, I ain't gonna hold you. Shout out to, to the sex club owners and things that I know. Like the people that I know shout.

[Maria]

Out to Dakota Johnson, who did it in the trailer for the Material.

[Weezy]

They will literally see good looking people and be like, hey, we have a party that we throw. Would love for you to come.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Weezy]

And just because they want to curate the room. I know, like even when we had street promoters, that was the way in which they got the pretty girls into the clubs on south beach or any city throughout America. That is the way they got.

[Maria]

I remember, I mean, I've seen.

[Weezy]

Because we want to link the ballers.

[Maria]

With the good looking people and so that.

[Weezy]

But you don't do that.

[Maria]

But no, we do not do that. That's actually a principle of my own company.

[Weezy]

Okay.

[Maria]

Not outbound marketing. No, no, outbound marketing. Because that's. Listen, what happens is when that person comes in from outbound, I have, they, they don't know who I am. They don't believe in the magic of matchmaking. They think they're just scratching my back and I'm like, I don't need you to scratch my back. I've got plenty of matches. Right. I might need someone at an event. I Was an event. Last night. I met a woman. She was like, I want to join your dad base. And I'm like, good, because I think I might have a match for you. Like, I let it be their idea. So what the inbound is, is I try to create content. I have a podcast, I have a book coming out. I want people to believe in me and my team. And then on their own, go to the website, Agape, Match.com, you join the database. It's free for a woman to join.

[Mandy B]

The database because I can't imagine.

[Maria]

I only take male clients. I have a partner, an affiliate partner who only takes female clients.

[Weezy]

Okay?

[Maria]

So if a woman joins our database and says, okay, Maria, I want to hire a matchmaker, we'll be like, let's have a conversation. So I can steer you to the right matchmaker. Because I. I need to match you with matchmaker. But we only take men. So for me, I don't.

[Mandy B]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Sorry. You only take men. What does that mean? Because I'm thinking you service men and women.

[Maria]

No, I service women more mainly for coaching because that has a higher success rate for me.

[Mandy B]

You only match men, so let me tell you.

[Maria]

But it's cross matching, so I will never set up a woman with a man that she's not enthusiastic to me.

[Weezy]

Okay?

[Maria]

I don't. I don't believe in throwing spaghetti on the wall to see if it sticks. I want, first of all, I need a woman to have a great dating experience through us. Because on the weekends, all women come together and they talk about the two Ds. They do dating and dieting.

[Weezy]

And when that dating shows up, was going to be in there.

[Maria]

I knew it.

[Weezy]

I'm in the room dieting. Girl, we don't be talking about no dieting.

[Maria]

Yes, that's because we got Ozempic now. Okay, so let's talk about the other two dicks. So two dating and talk about dating and dick. Okay, when they talk about dating, if they had a good date, they're gonna tell their friends. And those friends join a database if they don't have a good day. Let me tell you, there have been times where my clients are on. I'm like, why did you say that on the date? How did you do that? I'm sending, like, her, the woman, an Hermes scarf. Like, please, people. It's like, Like, I'm like, I just want to make sure she's like, I want to make sure women feel safe. I. I want to tell you the why. I typically only take Male men for matchmaking. I love spending my whole day talking to women.

[Weezy]

Okay.

[Maria]

I'm a girl's girl to my core. Okay. And as a result, if I have male clients, you know, then I get to spend my whole week and the rest of my team get to spend their whole week talking to women all day to match. Exactly. If I had female clients, you would.

[Weezy]

Have to talk to men.

[Maria]

I don't like most men.

[Mandy B]

Oh, I get it.

[Maria]

I don't like.

[Mandy B]

It must be easier to match men if you don't like most men.

[Weezy]

Why you don't do lesbians?

[Maria]

We used to do. We used to have the biggest LGBTQ matchmaking service, Copy Match. Used to own mixology. We sold it to. We have. We. We are now partners with the biggest gay matchmaking service and the biggest lesbian matchmaking service. So we send them the leads because.

[Mandy B]

I think, you know, so when somebody comes to you and you're like, I don't know if you like, what do.

[Weezy]

You do with the bisexuals?

[Maria]

We ask them. You have to. For matchmaking, you kind of have to pick a lane. You could do both. You could do both. But I have to take you to the right matchmaker.

[Weezy]

Okay.

[Maria]

Because to me, that sounds. I've taken by clients. I've taken gay clients. What's interesting is to go back. I want to circle back now to that social club, right? When we had gay men clients. The. That is a really social subgroup.

[Weezy]

They're very social.

[Maria]

So the only gay clients that we would attract were people who worked usually in energy, where they couldn't, you know, they traveled to countries where they could get killed.

[Mandy B]

I thought you were going to say under the COVID Like, under the COVID.

[Maria]

So, like, they would hire us because they want a date, but they can't be out.

[Weezy]

They can't.

[Maria]

Right?

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

It's so funny to talk about, like, things with people that are working with wealthy clients.

[Maria]

My lesbian clients were the best, dude. Within a month, I don't think I've ever had a success rate that high. It was great. But then I think it's like, I don't have enough. I have, you know, a lot of matchmakers in the last eight years have started to pick a lane because of emotional bandwidth. So what happened was when we decided in 2017, okay, let's just take straight men as clients, then we were able to just look for straight women before we had, at that time, lgbtq straight men, straight women, and it was like too many plates spinning. And you're. You have to change. You have to code switch Yep. You know, like when you're talking, for instance, to a gay man and he's over 50, you might have to talk about the trauma of losing their friends during the AIDS epidemic. Right. And you know, like, or like, are you on prep? Are you a top? Are you. You have all these other words, being.

[Weezy]

In the closet for so long.

[Maria]

Right.

[Mandy B]

Because now the sex is coming up.

[Maria]

And then like a minute later you have another meeting with a straight woman who's 38, desperate to have kids, and wants to only date in her religion, and he has to be a height.

[Weezy]

Ready to be a father.

[Maria]

Yeah. And it's like, I'm like, you know, and at some point, because I've been in business since like 2008, 2009. At some point, like, I had just had a kid in 2017, and I was like, something has to give. I can't. I can't take this home with me.

[Mandy B]

So you were in business before you were married?

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

I want to talk about this because it's very interesting to me that dating coaches are trusted when married. And this is why I was bringing it up, because I kind of agree, even if marriage wasn't the goal, because you're like, oh, you made it through this thing. It's almost like I never completed college.

[Maria]

Okay.

[Mandy B]

For me, at this point, I don't need a college degree for the things I would like to do. However, it's a great seal and stamp of approval for someone that wanted to hire me because they're like, oh, wow, you did this thing. You made this huge accomplishment. It is a very big accomplishment to complete college. I feel the same way about marriage and dating.

[Maria]

And there are a lot of matchmakers in poor marriages, though.

[Mandy B]

And I really am curious, what is it about when you started that people trusted? Did anyone never say, well, you're not married?

[Maria]

It's funny.

[Mandy B]

Where the fuck is her match?

[Maria]

So that's actually not the question I had. I started my business when I was 23. I was a baby. I. I'm very tall, so I've got tall girl privilege. So people always thought I was older.

[Weezy]

Because I wouldn't take no dating advice from no 23 year old.

[Maria]

No. Are you kidding? I met 23 year olds. So what I would tell people is I was 30, so I was already lying about my age. It's funny because when I turned 30, I was just like, who cares? I've been 30 for seven years. And then if anyone ever asked, I met my husband at 20. Like, we started dating when I was 28, but for five years I was a single matchmaker but I was always dating. There was never a period where I was like single for a really long time. I've always been like monogamous relationships or like in her twins is six month situationships with two men which. But what was interesting was I would tell people when they would ask, which was rare, I would say I'm dating. Like I am 30 years old and I'm dating. And that was enough. People weren't asking for more what they cared more about. When you're about to spend that money, you don't really care about your matchmaker's relationship status. You care more about their recruitment methodology. Like how are you this personality going to attract the woman that I'm looking for? So like for instance before I said, you know, your first match has to be with the matchmaker. So there will be men who might come to me or even women who might come to me and say I want to hire you and they might do Burning man, right? I'm not their matchmaker. There is a matchmaker. Wait, what does that niche? I do not attract a lot of women into my database that are would be into that sort of lifestyle.

[Mandy B]

I'm not so many women.

[Maria]

I mean I'm not talking about the hardcore. Not the one time I wanted Burner Burner.

[Mandy B]

Not the guy that took the helicopter.

[Maria]

No, no, no. I'm talking about I've had a lot. Most of my clients have done Burning Man. So don't, don't misunderstand what I'm saying here. Like the Burners like a little bit more on the hippie side. Super creatives. Like I'm not their matchmaker. My clients tend to be working in risk management. Blackrock, Goldman. Like I am dealing with. What about creators, engineers? There's another. I think there's other matchmakers that work better with creators.

[Weezy]

Same with non monogamy.

[Maria]

There's another matchmaker for that.

[Mandy B]

So with professionals. That's interesting. Like creatives and professionals. I want to know what you think about.

[Maria]

I attract a lot of creatives in my database.

[Mandy B]

Do you not think? Because I really like that convo. I used to date a man that worked for jp very high up in ladder.

[Maria]

That would have been a good match with you too. That would have been a great match between you two.

[Mandy B]

Well, we dated three years.

[Maria]

Read the book.

[Mandy B]

He was a lying piece of shit. But we did match, right? Like we were attracted to each other and I wonder if the creative. But then why are creatives getting a different.

[Maria]

So I just want to Say that it's not that you're creative, it's that you're entrepreneurial. And I think that entrepreneurs tend to make really poor matches with other entrepreneurs because you have a baby. This is your baby. Your podcast is your baby. Your studio is a baby. That's your baby. And if you're an entrepreneur, your baby takes precedence over his baby. And so if you're. And I'm. I'm so sorry, I don't know what your partners do, so I'm not trying to, like, offend you or give you a midlife crisis.

[Mandy B]

I'm a real estate investor. I'm not with entrepreneurship. Real estate investment. I know, in a way. But I was wondering recently, is my relationship working so well because of the flexibility with time and the schedules? This man I dated, someone with a 9 to 5, even though great money, now I have health insurance. Jump all over the world with me because his money's made on his phone, through his tenants, whatever. Like, maybe this is really a better fit, and maybe I should have been looking for people that didn't have such a demanding schedule, because I do.

[Maria]

I can't answer that question because I haven't temperamentally typed you yet. I would have to, like, be in the mode to, like, personality type. You know, I have a feeling you're an explorer, though, just based on the little that I know you. The fact that you just told me you didn't finish college, and I write about this in my book. It's in chapter two. But you seem to me like an explorer, and that means that your match is also someone who's an explorer who jumps with you. You seem like a builder, which is fun. If you are, that's a person who believes in, like, you can still be someone who likes to have fun. My sister's a builder. But, like, you like a certain order of things. You like a certain process of things. You like it when there's like a hierarchy or some sort of precedent and tradition to go on. I have a feeling. And I. I don't. I only just met you today.

[Mandy B]

Hello, psychic Maria.

[Maria]

But I have a feeling that I bet you two fight and knock heads. On. On. Let me.

[Mandy B]

No, no, no.

[Maria]

I'll tell you on what. Oh, shut up.

[Mandy B]

Welcome to the party, babe.

[Maria]

Hold on. No, no, no. Hold on. You can still be friends. Builder conference, Explorers. Don't get me wrong. I can tell you what you fight on. Because if I am correct, if you are an explorer and you're telling me about who you're dating, that totally makes sense. That you would both be like this. I have only spoken to mandy for literally 30 seconds before we started recording. And I was like, okay, she seems like a builder. So, like, watch your words talk in precedence. Don't. Don't surprise her. Like, this is what I do, right? I have to read personalities for a living. So the kind of fights that a builder explore, friendship or relationship would have is you have a certain order of how you like to do things. And she's constantly wiping the lines away of that. Let's be free. You are constantly thinking from your gut.

[Mandy B]

I love freedom.

[Maria]

Whereas you, exactly. You, you excel in freedom. You have a lot more vitality. You are always going to seem younger than Mandy because of that vitality. You are more traditional. And I'm not saying sexually.

[Mandy B]

I'm saying because you're attesting freedom to carefree, childlike.

[Maria]

She is Queen Elizabeth II and you are Princess Diana. Okay, like, do you understand what the difference is here?

[Mandy B]

No, no, no. I definitely appreciate what you're saying because I had no.

[Maria]

And this is not a bad no.

[Mandy B]

No, no, no.

[Maria]

Even. Even my sister's a builder.

[Weezy]

So, like, I mean, but even hearing what is making sense for her and her partner, like, that's not going to make sense for.

[Maria]

You need to build her.

[Weezy]

I just dated someone who was retired. And as soon as life picked back up for me, him doing nothing and being mad that I was busy was like, oh, get out of retirement.

[Mandy B]

But doing nothing looks different than no, the freedom.

[Weezy]

I didn't need someone.

[Maria]

Your match is a guy. Oh, he has a 9 to 5.

[Mandy B]

No.

[Maria]

No health insurance.

[Weezy]

Well, I have someone who's really busy right now. He's an actor. But like, I'm so happy. He's about to be on set like all summer.

[Maria]

Okay.

[Weezy]

So I'm like, oh, nigga, I'm busy. You busy? This is great. Like, I don't. Like, I didn't want my partner to be able to just be everywhere with me all the time because that's not what I want. In partnership.

[Maria]

You're not an explorer.

[Weezy]

And I remember it's so crazy because me and my ex actually got into an argument because in me waiting for the world to open up, at the time I was looking to invest in an 18 wheeler truck. My best friend ended up doing it and immediately I went to telling him, great, you could be the driver. And I immediately went to try to hire him to get him a job. And when I ended up opening my studio instead and didn't go that route, we ended up having an argument. Because he was like, I feel like you just want me to work for you or do this. And I was like, I want you to do something. You being retired wasn't fulfilling for me to be with someone who could just do and be there whenever I needed him.

[Maria]

You want someone who's school oriented.

[Weezy]

And I thought I wanted that at one point, but because I did want someone there when I said be there. But then it did start to be like.

[Mandy B]

I don't know if these personality types necessarily match goals though, because I'm not. I could be the furthest from a builder. Being rich in life to me is time.

[Maria]

Like, this is explorer speak.

[Mandy B]

I want money and my mother time. I hustle hard as fuck. I'm telling you right now.

[Maria]

Probably gets your secret outgoing types too. I think you're a builder director and I think you're an explorer negotiator, which is like wild because that is what is keeping your. This is what's keeping your friendship is your director and your negotiator is what's keeping you guys glued together. And that's like a good thing. And I think, I think you know, look, the point of personality typing is not like, okay, you're not a match. It's about you can, if you're a builder, you can date and explorer, but you have to set that expectation early on, communicate constantly. Here is what makes me feel less anxious. Here's what makes me feel confused.

[Mandy B]

Yes, I really appreciate you bringing it up.

[Maria]

I think that's. It's so, so much of what makes a relationship a poor relationship is because we are not communicating enough what we expect from other people, but also being self aware. If this expectation is like, also what.

[Mandy B]

Are some of the balance that we may not know. So Mandy's a builder, I'm an explorer.

[Maria]

There's four types. So this is actually from a past mentor of mine, Dr. Helen Fisher. Unfortunately, she passed away about six months ago.

[Mandy B]

Oh, wow.

[Maria]

Before reading my book. Damn it. But I talk about her in chapter two. She came up with the Helen Fisher inventory system, which resembles a lot of what my grandmother's personality typing system was. She used the Greek gods, right? Zeus, Artemis, Athena, era. And what an Aphrodite. And so there's four types. There's direct.

[Weezy]

Aphrodite.

[Maria]

She's Aphrodite. You're an era.

[Mandy B]

Aphrodite likes.

[Maria]

You are the queen. You're era. You are the queen of the gods.

[Weezy]

I am. Or yeah, that's me. Queen era.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Weezy]

So.

[Maria]

So what that means is like there's four types. And there's director, negotiator, builder, and explorer. So this is all from Helen Fisher's inventory.

[Mandy B]

Negotiator, builder, explorer. Right. So we learned explorer, builder.

[Maria]

Right.

[Weezy]

And she's just a director.

[Maria]

And so a director someone. So only 12% of women are directors. I actually am one of the. That that percentage, which can be a really hard life because you, you know, directors tend to be quite analytical. They tend to think very quickly, but not because they're coming from their gut like explorers. It's more because they think of their brain in constant contingency plan. If this happens, then I would do this. And if this happens, then I would do this. A lot of director women, you. As I'm telling you, that's something. Oh, my God. A lot of women directors might have, like, a to do list. Like, even in their shower, like a waterproof to do list. Or they'll be constantly, like, telling Siri, like, remind me to do this. Remind me to do this.

[Mandy B]

Oh, that's just my add.

[Maria]

Hey. And then you have, of course, the director men, the masters of their own universe. A lot of them, not all of them, but a lot of them can be narcissists. Because think about what makes a director woman and a man different as director women. We were socialized as young kids. Here's your baby doll. Care for something? Here's your kitchen set, tape something. So then you have someone like Hillary Clinton running for president, and they're calling her a policy wonk. And I'm like, she's a director. Of course she's going to have solutions. But you also have Donald Trump, who's also a director. And what does he say? I have the solution for this. Only I can fix this.

[Weezy]

And so he's literally showing us that, oh, y' all are so scared you're going to lose it. I'm going to save it for you. And extend.

[Maria]

He uses the language that's being said. Yep. Now, negotiators. My husband's a negotiator and director negotiators tend to be really good matches because directors think in haste. They're just trying to make everything quick, and I want to execute it.

[Mandy B]

And.

[Maria]

And negotiators, oh, Jesus, they are so charismatic. They're a little spineless from the charisma because they like to say yes to everyone. But there's someone's getting the no. Right.

[Mandy B]

I think that's me, too.

[Maria]

Well, I said before, you're an exploring negotiation. I could tell. So what I'm saying here, and you Put an elder sister energy in there and you're screwed. Now what happens is with negotiators, Bill Clinton is a negotiator. What happens with negotiators is that you have this sort of place where they like to. They love to take every variable. And then as a result, they're kind of slowing down the execution of things. I remember with my husband when I was asking him to plan a trip, because I'm always the planner, and I had to come to terms like, okay, I'm just gonna be the planner. Cause then I'll always be happy. He was taking every single variable into consideration. And I'm like, can you just exit? Can you just book it? You're like, what are you waiting 10 days for? You know what hotel we're gonna stay at? You know what transportation we're gonna take. But he's like, well, okay, but let's do this and let's do this. Stop. Select.

[Mandy B]

Now, in, in terms of all of these different types, you and the late Helen Fisher, when you're pairing people before you, she even created this. Did you see yourself kind of doing it based on these types? Because I feel like we hear versions of this, oh, you're type A or you're this, or you're this type of person. Right. Has this method helped you hear people?

[Maria]

I. Yes. So first of all, a lot of online dating sites, structures are based on this, on Helen Fisher's modeling. She's a, she's a major cultural anthropologist. A lot of match groups algorithm depends on her findings. And it's very similar to my grandmother's findings. Right? Like if someone was a Poseidon, that's her type of. Or an Aphrodite, which are explorer types. She's like, okay, I gotta find Poseidon's Aphrodite. Because they need to be entrepreneurial and explore and be vitality and be creative there. Like they, this person, this village is not going to hold them in. So what's interesting though is because there's also the human element, right? So it doesn't matter if Helen Fisher came up with all this, like really brilliant way of being able to type people into four things, by the way, right? Because Myers Briggs has 16 personality types, you're not going to remember all of them. It's too much.

[Weezy]

It is too much, right? It's too much.

[Maria]

I mean, people struggle knowing all the horoscopes. So like, you know, so when it's four, it makes a lot more cleaner for you to like, figure out quickly how to adjust your behavior to Optimize the experience. So when that came out, it was very interesting for me as a matchmaker to be like. Because this came out before I became a matchmaker, it was interesting for me to experience that and see it in my world and understand, like, who I'm dating.

[Mandy B]

Yeah.

[Maria]

Because I can also communicate. Look, with my personality type. For instance, I'm a director woman. I think I can do it all. I don't need anyone. But I had to teach myself that when I go on dates, I got to put the dick away. Because a lot of director women, we. We have a pe. Like, we come at all, right? And I would bring a bracelet with a clasp because I want. Like, no, the thing about men is they have fragile egos and then what? Not that kind of thorn. But, like, I. It would be. I would tell if I liked a guy on the first date. I would. Because I want to show that I still need a man. I would say, hey, can you. Can you help me with this? Like, I'm trying to show that I can also be vulnerable.

[Mandy B]

Let's dig this. Let's stop. We have a chapter in the book that Mandy writes about, why do you need me to need you? It's such a good chapter because it really shows how much men pull or want to be wanted from independent women now. Today's era of feminism. I agree. Sometimes that could feel like an insecurity. However, my mom's 74 years old. Last night, we go to a friend's birthday party. She's coming down with my friend's mother. They're Both in their 70s, cute little old ladies. My man's getting a car. I'm like, we'll walk with you. He's like, I just told you I'm bringing the car to the front. Wait with your mom. And my mom looked at me, and she goes, stop trying to let him not do things for you. Why do you do this? He's your man. He wants to do this for you. And she starts screaming at me in this lobby about how I'm not letting him be needed.

[Maria]

I agree.

[Mandy B]

Where are we fucking up as independent women today?

[Maria]

I don't think we're fucking up as independent women. You can be an independent woman. You, but you also have. Look, I know that most women can do it all. I'm aware of that. Right. And that's okay. But also, men have this need to, like, just want to feel needed, and then they will worship you. They believe that. Especially the kind of guys who know they're going out with an independent woman. And they're not trying to cage her. We got to. There's. There's a distinction between these two kinds of men. But there are men who, like, that's what they want. That's what they're attracted to. But then now they need a sign. Like, but you still need me, right? And it's small things. Like, I used to call it broken shower theory. So, like, essentially, I used to tell women. I still tell women, like, if you really like a guy and you're really independent, you want to show him on your third or fourth date, literally take down your shower thing and be like, hey, my shower fell. It's a two person job. Can you come up for a second so we can fix it? And then we'll go on our date, like, you know, break something, make them fix it. It's like these stupid things, but it actually makes a huge difference.

[Weezy]

It's so funny. I did that a couple weeks ago. My partner came to Atlanta, and I have, like, a lock system on my door, and it was dying, and I was literally hoping it did not die before he came, because as soon as he walked in, I said, babe, I talked to my landlord and the batteries need changed on the lock. And I remember I made sure I had the little. Cause the landlord said, all you need is a screwdriver to change the things. And I remember I was like, babe, I don't know how to do it.

[Maria]

Not a Mandy problem.

[Weezy]

I said, can you. I literally. Can you please change this for me? And I remember going upstairs and coming down, and I was like, did you change it? He's like, babe, it was so quick. I did it already. And I was like, oh, my God.

[Maria]

Can I tell you something?

[Weezy]

I said I was waiting just for you to do it. Because I was like, I didn't know what to do. It's technology. I couldn't. And I had to use a screwdriver. I hate tools. And I literally.

[Mandy B]

I love. Damn.

[Weezy]

My best friend was there, and it was just like, I have. I can tell he felt like, yeah.

[Maria]

I have lived in. We bought a house last year. We've been living in my house for a year. In our house. Excuse me. We've been living in our house.

[Mandy B]

Come on. Director. My house. 13 years, two kids, my fucking house.

[Maria]

You know, I don't know how to use the temperature control, and I'm not trying to learn it.

[Weezy]

And that's.

[Maria]

That's a. That's a George job.

[Weezy]

However, Kyle Richards on Housewives is currently going through a separation with Mauricio. She didn't even know how to use the remote control for the television.

[Maria]

I don't know how to use that at all.

[Mandy B]

Mauricio is so fine. I saw him at some restaurant in la me and my mom was like, he is fine.

[Weezy]

He worth $100 million. So literally like watching, watching her go through the separation and share with like the audience that she doesn't know how to do the basics in the house, I thought was funny.

[Maria]

I refuse. I. I've learned over the years that like, oh, this is a George thing. Maria doesn't need to learn this too. And, and, and it's interesting. Like what's funny is also is I had to teach his some of his my children's teachers. Like there's this one teacher who would constantly email me about my kids homework. Like my kids go to Greek school like every week.

[Weezy]

And you're like, not email.

[Maria]

And I was like, I'm not, I'm not my husband's secretary. Oh, you can add him to the emails too. And then I said that to the other moms too. And then they all demanded it as well. So now this teacher, she emails both parents. I'm not my husband's secretary. If the school has something to say to me, they could say to my husband too. Because he needs to be involved. I'm not gonna give him the update each week. Oh, you know, today's some spirit week at school. He can figure that out when he reads his email. But that's where it starts. Like you communicating your expectations of how someone shows up in a relationship. It's also environmental. Like you have to get your environment to also treat you equally.

[Mandy B]

She's that community. Sorry. We like Lorella. Okay, before we get out because you gave us the history, I'm on your website and I don't know, it's been fun. I really like dating antidotes. I like books. I like tips.

[Maria]

Oh, there's a ton of them.

[Mandy B]

I like numerical things. I like watching clips. I feel like I could be old and married and still enjoy this because trends. So you have all of these lists of the things that you offer. Matchmaking is number one. Number two is agape Elite. Is it? Do you pronounce it Agape?

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Bespoke matching service for clients with refined tastes.

[Maria]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Is this just rich? Like what does this mean when you are saying refined taste? What are you really saying?

[Weezy]

Don't order your chicken fried hard.

[Maria]

Do you want the marketing answer as a business owner or do you want.

[Weezy]

Don'T order your steak well done. This is not your pr, like, have been somewhere?

[Maria]

No, no, because there's a different reason for both. Right. So on the look, there are some clients who. They will seek out that sort of language in order to, like, I don't think you understand what I want. So I want this language. And I actually have to emulate my competitors to be, like, for refined taste. But chances are you're probably getting the same service.

[Weezy]

I just said something like that on one of these podcasts. I was like, I don't want a man whose sushi level palette is tempura. Tempura or California roll. I don't want them to order their steak a certain way. I want them to be excited about certain cultural things and to go out.

[Mandy B]

Like, the way that we get stuff.

[Maria]

There are some clients that need a lot of extra hand holding because they want the extra hand holding. Right. They're the kind of clients who. They have a private chef at home, they have a manager in their house, and they're the kind of clients are going to be a GOPI elite because they're going to take up more of our time.

[Mandy B]

Who's your richest guy?

[Maria]

What?

[Mandy B]

They got.

[Weezy]

Billionaire?

[Mandy B]

No, I mean, like, are they just got homes everywhere?

[Maria]

Like, tell us about yachts that they don't know where they are.

[Mandy B]

Jesus.

[Maria]

Like, what, what now?

[Mandy B]

When the client.

[Maria]

So that client would be a Gobi elite, because the kind of woman that that person can go out with, she has to be flexible with his schedule.

[Weezy]

Yep.

[Maria]

Like, you know, think about Lauren Sanchez, Jeff Bezos's fiance. Like, I've had a few of Jeff Bezos's friends as clients, and, you know, I'll give credit where it's due. Jeff Bezos is dating someone who's age appropriate.

[Mandy B]

Oh, I say this all the time. I love seeing an older woman next to him. I don't give a fuck what filler she put in. It is nice to see. She.

[Maria]

I bless, bless, bless them.

[Mandy B]

That, to me, is a great example of, like, all right, you divorced your wife. This whole thing happened. We didn't get to see you run around with some kid. Not that he's not a piece of shit, but that's one thing.

[Maria]

We're not talking about him like that. We're talking about.

[Weezy]

But what you said as well is where in the beginning of this podcast, I. I talked about dealing with athletes and thought that that would be literally what I ended up dating. As soon as my focus became on my career and making money and excelling in my own life, that is the last type of man that I could Date because they expect you when they want to see for you to drop everything and go.

[Maria]

And that's what my billionaire clients are like.

[Weezy]

And I'm not.

[Mandy B]

And I'm no longer minimum that can do that for the elite. Like, do they have to be of a certain status? Like, I mean, status.

[Maria]

Or we would. Regardless, no matter which page they use to sign up, we still have to have a conversation with them. And then we will price it accordingly. So most of our services start at 30,000 and we'll go up.

[Weezy]

You got a book now for the year, just for. To get you to two. Two dates. Okay. For six months.

[Maria]

And usually it's a minimum of six introductions in six months. Most of our clients will get anywhere between 10 and 15 matches. But a lot of our clients, especially the regular clients, which I know you might be thinking 30,000 is not regular, but you'd be surprised how many people are willing to save.

[Mandy B]

Do they also cover the fees of like. Let's just say you have a great match in New York. You've got a rich guy in Dubai.

[Maria]

I can't set up people in Dubai against the law.

[Mandy B]

Oh, well.

[Maria]

But whatever.

[Mandy B]

But you know what I mean. He's in London.

[Maria]

They will fly out or they'll fly the woman. They have to stay in a different hotel. But we are coordinating it. So we're just sending the invoice.

[Mandy B]

Oh, wow. Right.

[Maria]

And you can't have sex like we have. Very clear.

[Mandy B]

What do you mean?

[Maria]

Well, then I'm a different service. I gotta pay way more.

[Weezy]

That is a different service. I am not a man.

[Maria]

So if they do, my lawyer's gonna watch us and be like, maria, seriously.

[Mandy B]

Like, if they do have sex, I'm sure this mistake has happened.

[Maria]

I don't want to know.

[Weezy]

Yeah, I know.

[Mandy B]

That's right. You don't want to be involved.

[Maria]

I don't think it's ever happened in 16 years.

[Mandy B]

I don't think somebody's fine.

[Maria]

Maybe, but I don't. Let me. Let me believe, for legal reasons, it's never happened that they are just dating.

[Mandy B]

What serious question, though, being that this is all free for all.

[Maria]

Women are free, by the way.

[Mandy B]

Right. That's what I mean. As far as legal reasons, we know you're not hiring prostitutes.

[Maria]

No, I'm talking about my job would be so much easier.

[Mandy B]

What if it's just they vibe that hard?

[Maria]

I think when they know that after this date there's a feedback form or a text or phone call from me. Like, they all know. They all know the process. So Even if you're free, you still have to meet with me or my team. And then we talk about, like, we don't even have to talk about sex. We're like, after your date, you're going to get a feedback form from us. We're going to connect. If it goes well, we will help set up the second date. Like, we're good here.

[Weezy]

That's it. Yep.

[Maria]

And then, by the way, we're recording the dates, so we're not sending them to some sex dungeon. We're sending them for tapas in the West Village.

[Mandy B]

Now, what kind of mezcal they got over there? You'll know. This is a good.

[Maria]

You know, it's interesting, though, because we also, like, I've learned a lot. Like, you know, the other things that come with the service is like, we give you a photo shoot, but we also have a person who audits your house, audits your wardrobe. Always. If. Yeah, if you're a client of mine, you're getting a audit of your home, audit of your wardrobe and a photo shoot. And I've given makeovers to men all the time. And it's interesting when Nicholas, who. He does the house stuff. Like, he's like, oh, this person, he needs this or this person, you know, like, you. You can learn a lot about someone when you visit their home.

[Mandy B]

This is so interesting because, like.

[Maria]

But look, I just want to say one last thing. The people that tend to hire us tend to be guys who are making 200 to $500,000 a year. That's like 80% of my clients are in that range. And they're all just overworked. They don't have time to swipe. They've experienced a dating fatigue. And they're like, just, you do it. I'll go on the dates. And the thing is the best part about those kinds of clients, that 80%, where they're like, you do it. I trust you. Those are the guys we get into relationships with in two, three, four months. So, like, I had a client hire us exactly two weeks ago, and today he emailed us to say, pause the contract because there's a freeze in the contract. I, you know, I want to see what happens with this first match. And I'm like, oh, that's so healthy. Because I've had clients where I set them up with, like, the best match on the first try, and they're like, oh, what else you got? And I'm like, no, no, no, this is it.

[Mandy B]

So you gotta give them a little ugly first.

[Maria]

Some clients you have to Learn to like, not give them the best match for.

[Mandy B]

Well, speaking of the best, I'm. I'm sure you give the best advice in this book. It comes out this week. We're like really happy to have you on to celebrate this. Ask a matchmaker. No nonsense guide to finding Love, y' all. You can only buy it after you buy Noel's bar. Now, now that's true.

[Weezy]

Now that's true.

[Mandy B]

But this is really cool and honestly, just supporting your pod. I would love for people to get a dose of what they're going to hear every week. What's your podcast? Where can they find you?

[Maria]

My podcast is also called Ask a Matchmaker and that's where people can call in and ask questions. Dating questions. I've heard everything. I've answered over 8,000 dating questions on the pod, but also like online. And I have, you know, a different co host each month and it gets fun because you get different personalities. The co host is also telling you about their dating history.

[Mandy B]

I love it. Now if you guys want the actual dating advice, what we dig into for our course for that we're giving away for free with the pre order. Maria does give specific dating advice. It is a crash course, but it was really helpful. And even I was sitting there kind.

[Maria]

Of like she was reacting a lot.

[Mandy B]

How do I have a man? Cuz she reading me.

[Maria]

She's like, am I love bombing? And I'm like, yeah. Oh.

[Mandy B]

She was basically saying somebody that's like, oh my God, we should do this. Next month is a love bomber.

[Maria]

Yeah, you gotta talk in the present explorer.

[Mandy B]

We all go. Check us out on patreon.com Horrible decisions if you mix. Miss all the sex talk since Maria wouldn't let us have it or her lawyer and go to nhvtour.com to go and see us on tour.

[Weezy]

Thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Decisions Decision.

[Maria]

This is an I heart podcast.