Podcast Summary: "Decisions, Decisions" – EP 445: Let Me Get In Your Unruly Womb (ft. Shelah Marie)

Podcast: Decisions, Decisions
Hosts: Mandii B ("Baby B"), WeezyWTF ("Gila")
Guest: Shelah Marie – Author of Unruly, actress, founder of Curvy Curly Conscious, and host of the Unruly podcast
Release Date: November 3, 2025

Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode, Mandii B and WeezyWTF welcome wellness leader and author Shelah Marie to "Decisions, Decisions." The trio unpacks the complexities of self-worth, relationships, and liberation, while diving into personal stories about dating, healing from trauma, cultural expectations, and boundaries in love and sexuality. With trademark humor and vulnerability, the hosts and guest challenge mainstream narratives about what women "deserve," navigating identity, accountability, and the importance of softness and authenticity in modern relationships.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introducing Shelah Marie and Her Mission

(01:22–04:16)

• Mandii B expresses excitement at hosting Shelah Marie, a long-admired author and advocate.

• Shelah Marie introduces her movement, Curvy Curly Conscious, and her book Unruly—focusing on encouraging women, particularly Black women, to be their authentic selves against constant societal pressures.

  "We live in a world constantly trying to tell women what and who to be ... The best thing you could do is be more of who you are."
  — Shelah Marie (04:16)

2. Debating ‘Deserve’ in Relationships: Self-Worth or Victim-Blaming?

(06:06–19:09)

The Controversial Take

• Mandii B revisits a viral opinion she shared:

  "Everyone is with who they deserve. If you're with someone who isn't that great to you, it's because you don't believe you deserve better." (06:18)

Shelah's Response

• Shelah initially agreed, but after hearing the full context, she realized it risked victim-blaming—especially for survivors of abuse.

• She provides nuance:

  • Abuse often involves power dynamics, financial concerns, and deep psychological manipulation.
  • Leaving abusive situations is highly complex (UN study cited: "the most dangerous place for a woman globally is in her home" 10:04).
  • Abusers exploit those with low self-esteem; abuse is not simply a matter of self-worth or "allowing" mistreatment.

  "If you take it full stop, it can turn into victim blaming ... The most dangerous place for a woman globally is in her home."
  — Shelah Marie (09:41–10:04)

Host Reactions & Further Exploration

• Gila/WeezyWTF points out that therapy and healing require privilege and access.
• The group agrees on the need for accountability, but not at the cost of blaming victims or letting abusers off the hook.
• Mandii clarifies her point is about self-awareness and personal growth, especially as one matures.

3. Black Women, Softness, & Delivery of Advice

(20:06–23:26)

• Shelah expresses frustration over "harshness" in how advice is given to Black women—referencing viral moments (e.g., Crystal from "The Read"):

  "I hate that Black women feel like in order for us to get honest advice, it has to come off so harsh ... Black women really need softness badly from each other."
  — Shelah Marie (23:09)

• Gila discusses how criticism—even by other Black women—can be damaging, especially when regarding motherhood or life choices.

4. Truth or Dare: Sex, Marriage, and Picking Yourself

(26:06–33:45)

• Shelah reflects that her 20-year-old self would be shocked and pleased at how her sex and love life has evolved for the better.

• In her 20s, she felt pressure to center marriage and children; hindsight shows a desire for broader experiences and self-exploration.

• Admits to her own "pick-me" era rooted in low self-esteem, focused on being chosen by men rather than examining mutual value.

  "I was too focused on getting picked. It wasn't like, is this person good for me? ... It was like, how can I prove to this man that I'm worthy?"
  — Shelah Marie (43:07)

• Playful banter about thirst traps and communicating desire in marriage (e.g., using "Super Bowl" as code for sex).

5. Exploring Threesomes, Boundaries, and Sensuality

(33:46–41:16)

• Hosts and guest discuss being propositioned for threesomes—Shelah shares a story about being approached by a woman (“let me get in your womb”) and her discomfort with the aggressive approach.

• Shelah prefers strong boundaries; she isn’t interested in being approached, especially because she doesn’t want to dehumanize others or reduce them to props:

  "If I'm going to engage, I don’t want to consider you ... you would just be a prop to our sexual adventures and I'm not okay with it."
  — Shelah Marie (37:56)

• The group discusses the logistics and emotional difficulty of threesomes, with insights about communication, jealousy, and personal limits.

6. The "Pick-Me" Complex, Good Sex, and Growing Up

(41:31–46:26)

• Discussion on how low self-esteem and "pick-me" attitudes are fueled by cultural and personal factors (e.g., early experiences with “first fine guy,” “first guy with money,” or “good dick”).
• Multiple anecdotes about youthful self-sacrifice for male attention—emphasizing self-validation and boundary formation as women age.

7. Ayesha Curry, Michelle Obama, and Publicly Voicing Needs

(47:42–56:06)

• Group responds to a viral male podcaster criticizing Ayesha Curry for expressing insecurity and desire for validation.

• Shelah calls out society’s obsession with shaming women no matter their choices:

  "People who have internalized misogyny, no matter your gender, love shaming women. ... The whole game is, how do I shame women’s choices?"
  — Shelah Marie (50:17)

• The hosts argue for the importance of platforms for women to safely express relationship struggles, insisting that healthy relationships are built on openness and mutual understanding.

• Mandii and Sheila also discuss double standards around thirst traps and attention—from both sides of a partnership.

8. Nudes, Validation, and Playfulness in Modern Dating

(56:41–59:20)

• The group shares their approaches to sending nudes, flirting, and getting affirmation from partners and followers—sometimes with creative, tongue-in-cheek methods.
• Humor and honesty about negotiating sex and love in the digital age.

9. Unruly Retreats, Radical Self-Love, and Building Safe Spaces

(60:05–64:46)

• Shelah explains the origin of her Unruly retreats—a safe space for Black women to practice radical self-love, often in liberating settings like clothing-optional resorts (cue hilarious reveal that she didn't know what Hedonism was when first booking!).

  "We were so sad the last day to have to put clothes back on ... it was just so freeing."
  — Shelah Marie (61:17)

• The retreats emphasize community, acceptance, and joy—serving as a counterpoint to exclusion and trauma.

• Upcoming retreats in Ghana and Thailand are announced.

Notable Quotes

• On Deserve and Abuse:

  "Abusers don't typically go after people who have a lot [of] confidence, you have a lot of self-esteem. They go with people who already have these holes, ... and then break you down even further."
  — Shelah Marie (10:32)

• On Softness & Sisterhood:

  "Black women really need softness badly from each other."
  — Shelah Marie (23:09)

• On Picking Yourself:

  "At some point, when do you put you first? When do you stop chasing them and want the life that you should live? When do you find your power?"
  — Mandii B (19:29)

• On Being Approached for Threesomes:

  "I don't want to consider you ... you would just be a prop to our ... sexual adventures, and I'm not okay with it."
  — Shelah Marie (37:56)

• On Defying Criticism:

  "People who have internalized misogyny ... love shaming women. If she's dressed, if she's not ... has kids, doesn't ... is sexual, or not, ... you can find whatever tool you want. The whole game is, how do I shame women's choices?"
  — Shelah Marie (50:17)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [04:16] – Shelah Marie explains her movement and book
• [06:06–19:09] – "Deserve" in relationships and accountability vs. victim-blaming
• [20:06–23:09] – The call for more softness and gentleness among Black women
• [26:06–33:45] – Truth/Dare and the evolution from "pick-me" to self-prioritizing
• [33:46–41:16] – Navigating boundaries in non-traditional sex and threesomes
• [47:42–56:06] – Publicly voicing needs in relationships (Ayesha Curry, Michelle Obama discussions)
• [60:05–64:46] – Details about Unruly retreats and radical self-love

Memorable Moments

• The Super Bowl Code:
  Shelah and her husband use "Super Bowl" as a playful, discreet code word for wanting sex—especially with their teen stepdaughter in the house. (32:15)
• Horse Whispering:
  Shelah describes her quirky interests, including telepathic communication with horses. (27:49)
• Hedonism Mishap:
  Shelah realizes (after booking her first retreat) that Hedonism was more than just "clothing-optional." (60:14)
• Nudes as Art:
  Gila describes sending nudes that double as home décor showcases:

  "I'll hold my leg up ... and be like, do you like my new plant?" (58:12)

Tone & Style

The conversation is open, unfiltered, humorous, and sprinkled with playful banter. The podcast maintains an atmosphere of authenticity, mutual respect, and a commitment to challenging societal norms, with all speakers foregrounding the importance of truth-telling, personal joy, and community for Black women.

Resources & Plugs

• Find Shelah Marie: @theshelahmarie on Instagram
• Book: Unruly: A Guide for Black Women to Uncover Your Truest Story
• Retreats: Ghana (December), Thailand (March 2026); details on Shelah’s IG.
• Mandii and Weezy’s Book: No Holds Barred: A Dual Manifesto of Sexual Exploration and Power
• Patreon: patreon.com/horribledecisions for extended/NSFW discussions

This episode is a must-listen for anyone interested in the intersections of sex, self-worth, race, and liberation—especially for Black women navigating love and authenticity in a complicated world.