Ep. 462: Third Engagement’s The Charm Pt. 1 (feat. Sarah Fontenot)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Decisions, Decisions

Episode 462: Third Engagement’s The Charm Pt. 1 (feat. Sarah Fontenot)
Released: March 2, 2026
Host(s): Mandii B & WeezyWTF | Guest: Sarah Fontenot (host of It's Giving Podcast)

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Decisions, Decisions" focuses on the complexities of modern relationships, marriage, and personal boundaries, featuring an open and unfiltered conversation with guest Sarah Fontenot. The discussion ranges from celibacy and the role of sex before marriage, to the impact of personal histories and trauma, engagement and marriage expectations, infidelity, and controversial views on friendships across gender. The episode exemplifies the podcast’s trademark honest, raw, and humorous approach to dismantling traditional assumptions about love, sex, and partnership.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction & Context

• Sarah’s Recent Marriage: The hosts celebrate Sarah’s six-month marriage milestone, revealing she kept her marriage secret before a later wedding celebration.
  • “You kept it a secret, and then you celebrated and posted it online.” (01:53, Mandii)
• No Sex Before Marriage: It’s revealed that Sarah waited until marriage for sex, sparking disbelief and curiosity from the hosts.
  • “Like, I’m not marrying somebody without knowing what that dick do.” (03:27, Mandii)

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2. Cultural Background & Family Dynamics

• Canadian Upbringing & Mixed Identity: Sarah shares her experience growing up Black and Native American in Regina, Saskatchewan, and how that shaped her dating life and sense of identity.
  • “Not only am I Canadian, I’m from Saskatchewan. Regina. Saskatchewan, actually.” (08:03, Sarah)
• Parental Influence & Relationship Models: Sarah notes her parents’ “flawless” marriage (no fights in front of the kids) gave her unrealistic expectations about conflict in relationships.
  • “I never saw my parents fight my whole life. And because I never saw my parents fight, I thought that when I fought getting into relationships, I was broken...” (10:06, Sarah)

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3. Traumatic Relationship Experiences

• First Engagement & Abuse: Sarah recounts her first engagement at 18 to a Canadian football player, detailing a violent incident that ended both the relationship and her connection with a former friend.
  • “He almost paralyzed me. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He beat me up... it only happened one time.” (25:04, Sarah)
  • “I own it. Accountability. I own it. I should have never went there. I knew he had company... but also... I felt like that was God telling me, not him.” (30:41, Sarah)
• Mandii & Weezy On Surviving Abuse: Both hosts empathize, sharing their own experiences and reflecting on how trauma informs their approach to conflict and self-worth.
  • “The memory I had that really made me leave him was my mom begging him to not hit me anymore. It’s just something about her desperation.” (33:07, Weezy)

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4. Engagements, Marriage, and Societal Pressures

• Multiple Engagements & Value of ‘the Ring’: Sarah discusses how her previous engagements altered her view of relationships, leading to opting for marriage without an engagement in her current relationship.
  • “I feel like people put so much on fiancé, but a fiancé is a glorified girlfriend... there’s no safety inside a fiancé.” (13:11, Sarah)
  • “If you’re engaged for longer than two years, you probably ain’t gonna get married.” (14:51, Sarah)
• Marriage Backwards: Sarah and her current husband went from friends to married, then celebrated with a wedding later—a timeline she attributes to lessons learned from past relationships.

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5. Sexual Compatibility, Celibacy, and Dealbreakers

• Sex Before Marriage: The hosts challenge the wisdom of waiting until marriage for sex, exploring hypothetical dealbreakers like erectile dysfunction.
  • “What if your husband had ED and you ain’t know? Would you call off the wedding?” (16:04, Mandii)
  • “I’d be like... me and my husband getting a boyfriend. You are not making me pump your dick every time...” (17:21, Mandii)

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6. Infidelity and Integrity Debates

• Cheating: Who’s to Blame? Hot takes abound as the group discusses whether the “other woman” is ever at fault, with Weezy staunchly defending sex workers and side chicks, while Sarah emphasizes personal integrity.
  • “How can we blame this woman?... Men use women all the time... Men should be used.” (49:03, Weezy)
  • “You gave our resources to another female... Take him.” (46:42, Sarah)
  • “If you lie to me, you know what you’re doing. I will never be the same. Now, I don’t believe in divorce. He gonna have to divorce me if we ever got a divorce.” (38:51, Sarah)
• Reasons for Cheating: Mandii posits that cheating may sometimes be driven by a desire for power, especially among men who feel emasculated.
  • “If cheating made you feel powerful, I wonder how much power it gives a man to cheat...” (44:05, Mandii)

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7. Gender, Friendship, and Boundaries

• Men & Women as ‘Just Friends’: Contentious debate arises about whether men and women can maintain platonic friendships while in a committed relationship or marriage.
  • “Of the opposite sex? No.” (66:02, Sarah)
  • “I have a reflection on the person I’m dating that they could assume that opposite sex is nothing besides trouble to me. Like, that’s your insecurity.” (68:23, Weezy)
• Intimacy Outside Romantic Partnerships: Sarah and Weezy discuss where emotional intimacy should be drawn—Sarah insists close cross-gender friendships are inappropriate; Weezy reasserts her right to meaningful platonic relationships.
  • “There are certain things that I think create intimacy, which is not always sexual, by the way, but intimacy. And I don’t think that we as women should be spreading our intimate things with men. I just don’t think that.” (74:17, Sarah)
  • “To me, it is a bit inappropriate now. Have Andre and I ever shared a bed or a room? No, but I understand the intimacy that vacations are.” (71:05, Weezy)
  • “Cheating happens way before the act of sex. It’s accessible... dropping on a rock, same spot, over time will split the rock.” (71:22, Sarah)

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8. Self-Worth, Friendship, and Social Competition

• Relationships Among Women: The group reflects on the competitiveness and lack of solidarity among beautiful women, and the broader implications of validation and being “chosen.”
  • “A lot of beautiful people... imagine how it must feel when she sits down... her beauty is the only thing.” (62:24, Weezy)
  • “When I was fat, I used to bag all the ns ‘cause the girls in the room would be fine, but I come in and start making a n** laugh.” (63:07, Mandii)
  • “Ever meet a bad bitch? Is she funny and cool? Damn, bitch, what the fuck? And you’re like, you’d be surprised.” (63:29, Mandii)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On engagement periods and wedding urgency:
  “If you’re engaged for longer than two years, you probably ain’t gonna get married.”
  — Sarah (14:51)

• On sex before marriage:
  “Like, I’m not marrying somebody without knowing what that dick do.”
  — Mandii (03:27)

• On cheating and power:
  “I wonder if even knowing how you excelled during that relationship, financially and through business, if cheating for him was a power as well...”
  — Mandii (44:05)

• On friendship across genders:
  “Of the opposite sex? No.”
  — Sarah (66:02)
  “I have a reflection on the person I’m dating that they could assume that opposite sex is nothing besides trouble to me. Like, that’s your insecurity.”
  — Weezy (68:23)

• On survival, trauma, and moving forward:
  “I am grateful because I do also strongly feel like God has a way of keeping you where he wants you to be. And I know, like, I know, like, I know. I know we all have a calling on our life, but I know mine is big because he’s told me, like, I’m so 1000% crystal clear on that.”
  — Sarah (35:45)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:51 – Hosts Mandii & Weezy introduce Sarah Fontenot and the theme of the episode.
• 03:14 – Sarah reveals she didn’t have sex until marriage.
• 25:04–33:07 – Sarah recounts domestic violence with ex-fiancé; hosts reflect on trauma and self-worth.
• 38:51 – Sarah on integrity and her strict “no divorce” policy.
• 44:05 – Mandii discusses power and cheating.
• 49:03 – Debate about blame in infidelity and sex work.
• 65:00–73:00 – Extensive debate: Can men and women really be “just friends” when partnered?
• 74:39 – Sarah’s view: women shouldn’t share intimacy with men outside marriage.
• 80:37 – Episode concludes; tease for Part 2 focusing on the choice to wait until marriage for sex.

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Episode Tone & Dynamics

The conversation is lively, candid, and often humorous, despite touching on serious and sometimes painful topics like abuse, cheating, and trauma. The hosts and guest regularly challenge each other, playfully push back, and inject their very real experiences, making space for both vulnerability and humor. The tone remains conversational, direct, and without taboos—true to the podcast’s intent of breaking old norms and offering unfiltered dialogue about love, sex, and relationships.

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Next Episode Preview

The hosts tease a second part (Pt. 2) focusing more closely on Sarah’s decision to remain celibate until marriage, promising more deep dives and humor.

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For listeners craving honest, no-holds-barred talk about love, self-worth, trauma, and evolving boundaries in relationships, this episode is a gold mine—equally engaging and thought-provoking, whether or not you’re partnered, married, or somewhere in between.

Transcript

[A]

So when I was fat, I used to bag all the. Cause the girls in the room would be fine, but I come in and start making a laugh.

[B]

You feel me?

[A]

Hey, they was okay with my three necks. They did not. Yeah, they said, this bitch kind of funny. Let's keep having her around.

[B]

Everybody thought I was breaking up with him because we didn't. Did not care.

[A]

You broke up with him because you didn't get to see his.

[B]

I felt that he had issues in his own body. I'm crazy.

[A]

Yeah. I ain't gonna hold you.

[B]

Turning away from me. Not being able to me nudity is just so expressive and normal.

[A]

This is an I heart podcast. Guaranteed human. Decision Decisions.

[B]

Hey, guys.

[A]

Welcome to another episode. Episode of Decisions, Decisions. It's your girl, Mandy B, AKA Peg Thee Stallion, AKA Peggy Bundy, AKA that beach.

[B]

Hey, everybody, I'm Weezy. We're back with another threesome.

[A]

That is right. I don't know if she would actually join us, though. She would actually probably be like, uh, I don't do that, y'.

[C]

All.

[A]

Y' all gotta give me a ring first.

[B]

Can I. Can I tell you, Doc. So Mandy sent your page. I'm like, is this the one that wouldn't save her kids?

[C]

Yes. I would choose my husband. I wouldn't not save her kids.

[A]

No, no, you said you could only save one.

[C]

I'm. Excuse me. My husband, y'.

[A]

All. We are joined by the host of the It's Giving podcast, Sarah Fontenot's dad. Shorter period.

[C]

Period.

[A]

Go ahead and do bling bling.

[B]

Bling.

[A]

Bitches is mad. Congratulations.

[B]

So as we're filming this, how many days in of marriage?

[C]

Okay, so this is the thing. I don't know if y' all saw it, but we actually just hit our six month.

[A]

Okay, yeah.

[C]

Marriage anniversary.

[A]

You kept it. You. You kept it. You kept it a. A secret, and then you celebrated and posted it online.

[C]

But after the wedding, it's been one week. What day is it today? And three days. Ten days after the wedding.

[A]

Okay, ten days. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What made you guys get married and then choose the wedding six months later? I, um.

[C]

Oh, my gosh. Okay, this is interesting. Okay, so what made us get married immediately?

[A]

Hold on.

[C]

No, no, no.

[A]

You know what? We gotta wait. We gotta save this. We gotta save this. Cause we gotta get to it. We gotta get to it. So, y', all, we're gonna do kind of a journey through Sarah's dating history. Cause not only do I find it interesting. Let me tell y' all how much I hate her content and then I met her and I said, girl, I'm mad. I like you, yo. I did. I came up to her at tonight's conversation and was like, you really believe the shit you be saying?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And was like, you believe the shit you be saying, too? Because we're stark differences. And what I love, too, is that, like, as women with sometimes similar goals, surprisingly enough, sometimes we can all get to exactly what we want, which is happiness or the partner that we inevitably decide that we want.

[B]

But it is important to top the episode in letting people know that you did just get married.

[A]

Did just get married.

[B]

And that context of what I was saying is apparently. And I want you guys to know a little bit about our guest. You didn't have sex until marriage.

[A]

Wow. And here we are.

[B]

Horrible decisions, ak. Decisions, decisions. No holes barred behind her head there,

[A]

like, because I'm not gonna hold you. That's, like, probably the craziest thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I'm not marrying somebody without knowing what that dick do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I have questions further because I need to know, like, if we'll get to.

[B]

I think that the only thing that would have scared me. I don't know, maybe I would.

[A]

What if it was, like, a thumb?

[B]

But no, I'm sure you've seen it.

[C]

It was not a thumb, but.

[A]

Okay. So you did get to see it first.

[C]

I feel like you could kind of see.

[A]

No, girl, I bet you didn't see it.

[B]

You did. Let me tell you why I asked that. I'm actually not meaning it in a sexual way at all. Just, like, being around each other, nudity. Like, you're.

[C]

No, no. Also, he's a huge man.

[A]

That don't mean nothing.

[C]

Girl, I done had seven three quarters.

[A]

I done had big men chew huge.

[C]

Like, his whole hand could. He could literally palm from one side of my waist to the other.

[A]

I've had a seven footer with a little.

[B]

I still need to see it. Yeah. But I don't need to taste it. I just need to see it first.

[A]

Oh, I'm not gonna hold you. Or at least, like, y' all watching tv and you say, sorry for rubbing your coochie, Weezy, but you gotta get the field te.

[B]

So I actually had an issue with a man I dated that was celibate, and I totally respected it.

[A]

He was celibate?

[B]

Kinda. No. Well, he was celibate for a movie that he was writing. He hadn't completed it yet, and he was like, when I'm finished writing the script, like, I'm ready to have sex again. The One thing I actually didn't appreciate was that he wouldn't be naked around me. And so to me, I was totally fine with nothing penetrative, like, or nothing. But I thought that because he couldn't be comfortable around me, that's what I felt. I thought it was a comfort thing. I was like, oh, yeah, no, I can't do it. I've got to see every part of you. That was something that, in my head, felt like it made sense. So that's why I'm curious. That's not a question what I feel

[C]

like, but because men are so much. Usually the ones that are, like, initiating the physical, the nature.

[A]

I'm just saying.

[C]

But for most men. Right. More than women. And for me, I would be thinking, if I'm celibate, I wouldn't want to be around you naked if as a man. Because immediately those thoughts start to come up and it's like, that's what I want.

[B]

I guess I thought it was an uncomfortability he had. And the day that I realized it was intentional was we went to one of those, like, spa suites where they got the cold plunge and the sauna.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

Right. So I'm thinking you was gonna see the DA Change. He went and changed privately, and I was like, all right, that's too far for me.

[A]

That's too far that he won't let

[C]

you see his dick.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

Like, he could have just turned his body. I never saw him naked. And so basically, when it ended up breaking off, I was like, the sex is not the issue. Everybody thought I was breaking up with him because we didn't fuck. Did not care.

[A]

You broke up with him because you didn't get to see his dick.

[B]

I felt that he had issues in his own body. I'm crazy.

[A]

Yeah. I ain't gonna hold you.

[B]

Turning away from me, not being able. To me, nudity is just so expressive and normal.

[C]

Oh, I'm the opposite. You know, I'm the opposite.

[A]

I mean, I know nude beaches.

[C]

I feel like. I feel like with women, with women, I don't care. We all the same. But when it comes to, like, like, significant other, I'm not the friend that's like, oh, my God, let me change in front of you. When I have men friends, I will never change in front of you.

[B]

I'm not, of course.

[A]

Oh, yeah, no, I'm not going to.

[C]

Me.

[A]

I'm not changing in front of my male friend.

[C]

Yeah, it's not. It's not.

[A]

You don't get. Women is different I mean, my gay male friends. Yes.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Not even the gay male friends.

[C]

I don't know. Maybe. Yeah, probably. I don't know. I don't know.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[C]

Also, we're in show business, so there's also, like, if we're getting miked or, like, whatever. Like, I think that there are parameters,

[B]

I guess you could say.

[C]

But I don't know. I. And nude beaches. I feel like nude beaches is mostly like old people. I'm here for it.

[B]

Like, culturally speaking, too. Did you grow up in a naked house? Cause I did.

[C]

No. My mom. Yeah, I still.

[B]

Oh, yeah, That's a naked house.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Now you're Canadian.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

So do you have different. Is it different being a Canadian?

[B]

I know.

[A]

It's still like, North America. Yeah, but what, bruh?

[B]

Is it? You almost didn't say Canadian. You said, is it different being a Canadian?

[A]

Canadian, like you. Canadian, like, And Drake is kind of like us. We don't know. Apparently, he's not like us. He's kind of like us.

[B]

So.

[A]

But growing up in Canada, were there different ways in which you go about traditionally dating? What was your house like growing up?

[C]

Well, there aren't a lot of black people where I'm from because not only am I Canadian, I'm from Saskatchewan. Regina. Saskatchewan, actually.

[A]

Regina.

[C]

No, no. But I did Caribbean dance my whole life. Like, we definitely have a community there. But I'm Native American and black. That's the question.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

So it was completely different. And what I realized when I go back and I have conversations with young black women or nieces or whoever, they're like, we don't date black men because the black men that they have the choices of, there aren't, like, American black people in Canada. There are usually Africans or they are the same mix up as us. So I feel like growing up or being in America is probably very similar to how, like, a mixed kid would feel. How do I identify? Do I identify with the black side or the white side? I'm not saying that I'm mixed. I'm saying that I hear all the time when people say things like, oh, my God, you're so different. You're so different. And I don't know what that means because I have no reference point. I didn't grow up here. But even moving to Atlanta, I've seen weird, catty things that I haven't experienced since I was in high school. Like what? Oh, girls trying to talk bad about you, gossip about you, drag your name.

[A]

Wait, they don't gossip in Canada?

[C]

I don't know. I honestly, I don't know.

[B]

Wait, there's no fucking way.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

Not in my. Not in my group.

[B]

I didn't even know gossiping was. Until I became an adult. I was like, oh, white people do too. Yeah.

[A]

Wait, you thought gossiping was a black people thing?

[C]

I kind of. I grew up in Atlanta.

[B]

Grandma. We sitting outside. Neighbor walk by, of course we're talking shit about her. You thought it was literally, if I hear someone mumble, I think we're gossiping. I can't hear him without thinking, like, that's what we do.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

That is crazy.

[A]

That is crazy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's a little crazy, I think.

[C]

I think that's an observation, though. Like.

[A]

Like, was your mom and dad together in the household?

[C]

Yes. Okay. Even now, like. Like, so my. And my parents kind of ruined me a little bit, to be honest.

[A]

Oh, let's get into it.

[C]

Trauma. So it. Well, yes, but no and no, but yes. What I mean by that is I've never seen my parents fight my whole life. Never.

[B]

Not one time.

[C]

And because I never saw my parents fight, I thought that when I fought getting into relationships, I was broken, Something was wrong with me. Oh. Because I never saw them fight. I never experienced repair. I didn't know what it meant to fix a problem or an issue in a relationship. Because from my perspective at that young age, in that vantage point, they didn't. You don't. You don't fight. If you fight, you're broken. There's something wrong with you.

[B]

I don't know about broken, but I actually agree. I would never fight in front of my kids. My parents barely fought in front of me. I barely saw it. Yeah, I think it's appropriate. Like, kids don't need to be in. Have you seen those memes where it's like, we all experience this, and it's like parents walking in, like, come on, we're leaving your dad and da, da, da. And they like, tussle back and forth, and dad's like, go back to sleep. I'm like, no, I didn't experience that.

[C]

No, I didn't.

[A]

Oh, girl. My daddy went to jail for beating my mama. Then we. One of the boyfriends had to be gone, and she called my cousins over. They came over with pots and pans and was like, nikki, you got the guy. Like, we done chased my mama boyfriends out of the house before. Crazy, crazy times over here.

[B]

See, I feel like that almost shaped that. Relationships are bad.

[A]

I mean, to me, I've. And I think that that's why we've talked about, like, I've never grown up seeing a healthy relationship. I will say also, though, from the vantage point of view you both not seeing confrontation and resolve also gave you a false perception of a healthy relationship that may not have been healthy. And so you didn't have also the tools to see. Okay, well, I got to see my parents work through something. Literally, it wasn't visible for you.

[C]

It wasn't until I was an adult where I was like, mom, did you and dad ever fight? And my mom was like, we fought all the time. We just waited for y' all to go to sleep. Like, they never fought in front of us. They always fought behind closed doors. So I feel like now, if or when God sees fit to give us a child, I wanna be in the middle. Now I'm never gonna cuss. I don't even believe in speaking to my man a certain way. There's certain things that's just not on the table for me. Me, I'm. I'm not a yeller. I'm not gonna cuss him out. I'm not gonna call him out his name. That's not who I am. But if I'm really frustrated, my energy is really heavy. Like. Like, you could feel me down the block. That's how jacked up my energy could be. And that's good or bad, right? If I'm in a positive or negative, you gonna feel it, right? So I feel like what I get to learn is how to. Yes, it's okay for us to disagree. Yes, it's okay for us to passionately feel opposite. And I still love you. And I don't agree with you, but I can understand what you're saying. I can validate what you're saying. So now our children get to see mom and dad as. Oh, they're not perfect.

[A]

Right?

[C]

They have issues, they have problems, but they work them out.

[B]

Did you do premarital counseling?

[C]

Yeah, we did.

[B]

Did you find.

[C]

Well, actually, no. We were already married doing counseling because we literally went friend to marriage and we went. We went friend, married, engaged, engagement party, bridal shower, wedding.

[A]

That's crazy.

[C]

Yeah, we did everything backwards.

[A]

Can we now. You did everything backwards with this one. But this ain't your first ring.

[C]

No, no.

[A]

So can we get to. This is your third ring. Third time's the charm. That's what they say.

[C]

No, no, no. I've been engaged twice, and this time actually wasn't engaged. I was just married.

[A]

She said fucking engagement. That Thing is bad. Look, I don't feel.

[C]

I feel like when I tell you, I feel like people put stuff so much on fiance, but a fiance is a glorified girlfriend who. There's no safety inside a fiance. There's no.

[B]

I don't think that's.

[A]

No, that is true. Because both.

[C]

There's no real commitment.

[B]

I think that we just. We're so pessimistic about relationships sometimes.

[C]

I agree.

[B]

Like, me too. Like, literally, I've said the same thing. I'm like, he's still cheating. Like I'm saying that. But I think it does. It shows people that, like, hey, I'm ready to go that next mile. Right?

[C]

I think.

[B]

And marriage is expensive.

[C]

It doesn't have to be. I got married at the courthouse.

[B]

I would get married at the courthouse.

[C]

My man said, you deserve a wedding. And at first we were gonna get married in the backyard, and then he was like, nah, you deserve a wedding. So then. Then it turned into creating what we created, and we still didn't spend that much money. People be talking about, oh, my. My wedding was. Now, it looked like it was a lot of money, but your girl. I don't. I don't operate that way right. But I. I do think that why I say it's a glorified girlfriend is because there are so many people that get rings that never make. Or they just really. Some people are just giving their girls rings so they'll stop talking about it, so.

[A]

Or because they got a baby on the way, period. I done said, oh, God, man, you gotta get.

[B]

And he's got friends that are going through some trauma.

[A]

No, a lot of my friends. I ain't gonna hold you in 2026 if you about to have a baby and your man proposed to you. Just know he not gonna be there when the baby's six months. I'm telling you, it is. It's literally. It is a curse. It is a curse. Do not let your man or future baby daddy propose to you at the baby shower, because it is a curse and you will never get married, and you gonna be a single mama.

[C]

I think that if you're engaged for longer than two years, you probably ain't gonna get married.

[B]

Oh, I agree with that point.

[C]

Because engagement is the time in which you go from girlfriend and boyfriend to husband and wife. Why would you have a long engagement period? What is the point?

[B]

I guess it's because they want this elaborate wedding. But then the more, like, I talk to people that have been engaged for years, I was like, okay, well, what's the hold up? Well, we don't really know what we want to do.

[C]

And you don't like him, and she don't like you. Y' all don't like each other. You don't really want to get married. You just want to. And this is the thing, too. And look, I might get eaten alive. You know me, I have my.

[A]

You get eaten alive weekly.

[C]

It's okay.

[A]

It happens, period.

[C]

But I don't think. I think there are so many women that don't even like their man. They just. They just want to have one. They want to be able to tell,

[B]

girl, this ain't not.

[A]

Yeah, no, that's.

[C]

They gonna be like. They just want their women friends to know. Somebody chose me. I'm worth being chosen.

[A]

We say that all the time.

[C]

I'm in a relationship now. Look how good I am. Look. Oh, I'm gonna. It's all. It's all.

[B]

You know, I don't blame the women that feel that. I have a friend of mine that moved super fast into a relationship. Actually, it was making me think about what you were saying, because just found out the person has ed.

[A]

Has what?

[B]

Erectile dysfunction.

[A]

Like, what if your husband had ED and you ain't know? Would you call off the wedding? Would you get it annulled? Is Ed a deal breaker? She ain't find out she married. I got lucky. Okay, hold on. Hypothetical. Let's go. Since you talking about husband and kids falling into the ocean. So, hypothetical question. You wait to have sex until marriage.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You get married and you find out your now husband has erectile dysfunction.

[C]

How dysfunctional is the behavior?

[B]

You see what happened to Charlotte on Sex and the City?

[A]

Yeah, bruh. So do you work through the marriage and either open it up or get him an extender or. Or what? What do you do to stay in the marriage? Or do you annul the marriage because you cannot move forward because you need a working day.

[C]

You get a surgery, you could get that long.

[A]

You can't.

[C]

You.

[A]

There's no surgery for Ed.

[C]

No, there's a surgery that you could pump.

[A]

Oh, so you'll pump your dick every time. So you're pumping and you pump.

[C]

Pump that.

[A]

Pump it up Austin Powers style.

[B]

You know, stomping.

[A]

And the jam is pumping. I ain't going to hold you.

[B]

I'd be like, are you ready to.

[C]

Right? I would, too.

[A]

Me and my husband getting a boyfriend. You are not making me pump your dick every time I want to get fucked. Y' all already learned I like to get fucked for two hours. What if we got a pump in

[C]

between every two hours. Girl, what are you doing for girl, everything.

[A]

There is a lot to do.

[B]

I don't know how this bitch walked in here today with that two hour shit every two hours. What's the shit you said the other day when I said, this podcast will never end? You said, you gotta fuck me another day. Oh, yeah.

[A]

So I don't wanna fuck again.

[B]

She said, Cause I don't wanna have to call another dick.

[A]

Like, I wanna. I wanna fuck like, I literally want to fuck so hard. Then when we're done, I feel like, bitch, I don't need dick for another month.

[C]

Okay, so two hours and then you have a break?

[A]

Well, no, because if he's in town for a couple days, we're fucking two hours every time we fuck. But then when he's gone, I be

[C]

like, the wait for her.

[A]

I don't. Because I don't.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

Because then I could be around n and not. Not even see them.

[B]

That makes sense. I showed my man the clip of me, and he was like, how funny is that how they cut this clip? And he was watching it. And I was like, isn't she crazy? And he was like, no, I think I could do this too. And I'm like, what?

[A]

Y' all don't fuck for two hours.

[B]

She want to.

[A]

It's. I be running from the D anyway.

[C]

Running.

[A]

Oh, I don't.

[B]

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Oh, the girl with Ed. Okay.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Wait, wait, wait.

[B]

So close. Close friend of mine. And she literally was like, fuck, I cannot believe.

[A]

Don't say close.

[C]

Close.

[A]

You be letting people know that y' all know Ed and shit. Take one.

[B]

Fuck that bitch. So basically what happened was she's like, now I'm stuck in this thing where I moved too fast. I kind of thought the beginning stages was maybe we were, you know, going to dinner, having drinks. Maybe that's why. And I was like, this has to do with. Absolutely. You wanting a man that fucking bad. Because otherwise you wouldn't have ended up in this. You would have been able to pace yourself, have fun. The larger issue around this is you met a man that wants to introduce you to his family. You met a man that wants to take you on vacation. You met a man that's saying all the right things. All of this stuff feels so exciting to you because the feeling of being chosen is so intoxicating. That's it. And I really believe it's because it's not. And I said to her, it's not even your fault. How Society makes you feel.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

By being chosen.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I could even tell you right now, the way that my friends that are in couples. I've been dating my boyfriend three years. The way my friends are in couples have just. My homegirls that ended up getting a boyfriend while I was single, they've come back into my life in ways that I'm just like, damn, how did I start hanging with her again? And I'm like, oh, because now I'm comfortable for you to be around Crazy wheezy wasn't enough when I was, like, bouncing around and doing this or just living my life and enjoying my solo time. Now I'm acceptable for your nigga to let you hang around me. Like, I know what this is. I'm still doing the same shit with my man.

[A]

I don't like it because even when I had a boyfriend, my friends were still using me as the excuse when they was doing some bullshit. I was like, I got a man. Why am I still the old friend? I just never got it.

[C]

Wait, what do you mean? So when. When you say. You're saying now it's more acceptable for you.

[A]

For her friends to now, like, her friends are now back in the circle. Because when she was single, she was too much around her friends.

[C]

I think that with boyfriend, they didn't trust you around their men.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[A]

I mean, more so their men didn't trust her around the girls. And so when I tell you nothing's

[B]

changed about my life, Sarah, every single part of When I say Euro every summer, like, going to South Africa, bopping around, partying like I do, I do the exact same thing I did as when I was single. I just do it with my man now. But somehow there's a validation that women feel when someone else is in a relationship.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

I get invited to more, like, things in the house. So you couldn't invite me to you in your husband's house when I was single? No, because it's just their relationship is this stamp of approval for everybody. I see it in business, even. Yeah. Like, since I've started new businesses, just. Even the man in your life makes other people feel like you're a more serious person.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

How dare you be single? How dare you be enjoying having fun, being solo? Oh, look at her again, by herself at the bar. McK, whatever it might be.

[A]

I be having three boyfriends, and y' all don't think I'd be serious. I don't like that.

[B]

I think no matter what I mean, in relationship, it's just like, here she go again, y'.

[A]

All, I ain't been single in five years, so I don't know. I ain't been single since pre pandemic.

[B]

Bitch, you have three boyfriends. That's like having none.

[A]

No, bitch, you don't see them. I don't like.

[B]

Bitch, no one's gonna take it serious. I'm just.

[A]

Y' all with the seriousness. I have not been single since 2019.

[B]

Thank you. That is not a hot take. I really believe this. If you're single or in an ethically non monogamous relationship, people treat you the same. Like, oh, it's a phase. She'll get over it.

[A]

So you should still be getting treated the same.

[C]

Reggie, I just sold my car online.

[A]

Let's go, grandpa.

[B]

Wait, you did? Yep.

[A]

On Carvana.

[B]

Just put in the license plate, answered

[C]

a few questions, got an offer in minutes. Easier than setting up that new digital picture frame.

[B]

You don't say.

[A]

Yeah, they're even picking it up tomorrow. Talk about fast.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Way to go.

[A]

So about that picture frame. Ah, forget about it. Until Carvana makes one, I'm not interested.

[B]

Car selling made easy on Carvana. Pick up fees may apply.

[A]

I do want to ask. Getting back to your story, Sarah, you've had three rings.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

The first ring. Yeah, I want to go through that because maybe now that's why you went straight from friend to marriage, because of the PTSD of your last two engagements. But your first relationship, how old were you? Can you walk us through navigating that first engagement at a young age and also how you escaped the relationship?

[C]

Yes. So I was 18. We were together for two years. We were engaged in that two years. And he was a professional football player. I was a professional cheerleader. We were the dream team. We were so adorable. And also low key because the cheerleaders weren't allowed to date the. But the caveat is shout out to my mother. My mom used to invite a lot of the black players to our house and cook for them. Cause I had brothers. And so she was like, this is like an American. My mom is like, Auntie Pam. Everybody in the. Yeah, everybody in the community knew my mom. And we knew everybody. It was a very small. Almost all the black people knew each other. We were at the Caribbean club every weekend doing a performance. I was playing steel drums. I was in dance class and did all of these songs. It wasn't weird for us to have all these people over. And I actually used to have a thing. Cause my sister was. She's actually married to the MVP of the cfl. And he played in the league as well.

[B]

So what's cfl?

[A]

The Canadian Football League. Look at you.

[C]

So it's like Canada's NFL.

[B]

Got it.

[C]

And then he also played in the NFL, so his friends would come over with him to the house. And I used to be like, all these little whack football players think they somebody. Cause this is the thing, when you're back home, the Saskatchewan Rough Riders, they are. There's an air that they have. And women throw themselves like they running through women like water down a stream. Okay. It's nonstop, right? And so I was always like, never. Like, no, never, never, never, never, never. Anyway, not.

[A]

You was saying never at 16, 17. Cause you got with him at 18.

[C]

Yeah, I did, girl, I sure did. And then it was crazy because I think what you're referring to is he almost paralyzed me. Yeah. Oh yeah, he beat me up. And it only happened one time.

[A]

Really?

[C]

It only happened one time. And to be honest, how did it?

[A]

Only because men suck. Women suck, especially in the comments. And so men will be like, well, what did you do to make them do that? And women want to know, like, how did it get to that point? Especially because there were no signs, right? And luckily for you, you didn't stay after that one time. But what, how did you get there? How did that happen? What happened?

[C]

To this day, I still don't know. I think he snapped. That's what my mother says. But long story short, like an 18 year old immature woman, we were fighting and we had broke up. Put him out. You go do whatever you gonna do. Whatever, whatever. But we were still sleeping together. We were still dealing with each other. And so I used to work for this company that we got cars for. So I would teach kids traffic safety and show parents how to correctly install car seats. And so I'd travel all over the province in the work car with like stickers on it and show. Do that. So while I was gone, he would drive my car.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And so it's crazy because it was Saturday and he knew that on this Saturday I'm coming to pick up my car. And so I called and I said, hey, I'm on the way. And he's like, nah, don't come over right now. And I'm me being me.

[A]

First of all, you being a woman.

[C]

Yes, period.

[A]

Who you got over there?

[C]

I'm like, why do you have company? And he was like, no, I don't have company. So for me I'm like, that don't make no sense. Like, what are you Talking about I'm on the way. Like, I'm currently on the way to you. So, long story short, I get to the apartment. I go up on the stairs. Because you had to use the fob to get into the elevator. But at that time, you could still work the stairway. So I go up the stairs, and when I get there, he's talking to me on the phone in the hallway. And I'm like, why are you in the hallway? Let's go inside. So I go to open the door. The door's locked. And I'm like, what's going on? And when I tell you this, man, this was the first part of it happened. He, like, he snapped. He got in my face like I was some trick on the street that owed him money. Like it was crazy. And I used to do this thing with people where I would, like, touch their face and be like, oh, my God, like, you're so beautiful. Just look at. Like, I always used to have a thing. And I said his name, and I was like, hey. And he hit me in my face. When he hit me in my face, I saw black. All I saw was red. When I tell you. And I used to be suited and beauted. Heels on all the time, makeup done, hair done, everything. I took off my heels and I just started screaming. Now we're in the hallway, right? We're in the hallway.

[B]

So people could hear it.

[C]

Oh, I'm sure they had to. There's no way they couldn't. Because all I was screaming was, you're

[B]

gonna fucking hit me.

[C]

That's. I couldn't believe what was happening, right? So when I kind of came back to real life, I said, open this door. I'm taking my stuff. I cussed at the time. Cussed a lot at that time. I'm taking my stuff, and I'm going. And so he says, alicia, open the door now. Alicia now.

[A]

He called out another woman on the other side of the door, who was

[C]

my friend, by the way.

[B]

Oh, we got to kill that.

[A]

Yeah, wait a second.

[C]

Yeah, he was.

[A]

He had your friend in his house.

[C]

Yeah. So this is the thing. He said she was just twisting my hair. Cause he had dreads. So I'm like, oh, okay, bet. No problem. It's all good. It's all cool. Whatever. So I go inside, and it was a normal apartment. One bedroom apartment. You walk in, you know, the TV's on that side. The kitchen's right here. Bedroom is right there. I beeline straight to the bedroom because I know that the nightstand is probably where my keys Are at. When I go to get my keys off of the nightstand, there's Bangles.

[A]

Not her. Oh, now she took the jewelry off

[B]

when you were in the house.

[C]

She's sitting on the couch.

[B]

And she knows he hit you.

[A]

Wait, but the Bangles are in the bedroom.

[C]

But the Bangles are in the bedroom.

[A]

Oh, you know you can't.

[C]

I know. I already know, so I'm talking smack from the bedroom. Oh, what are these Bangles doing right here? If she was only doing your hair. If she just got here this morning. So this man comes into the room, and then he snapped again. Now he's a defensive. Defensive lineman I'm not great with.

[A]

This is not a sports podcast.

[C]

Yes. Okay, great. He's 250 pounds of solid muscle. He is strong. He's six foot. I don't know, probably two. And strong as hell. Straight. Just ripped everything tackles me onto the bed and starts like. Like, kind of with his arm on my neck, trying to rip the keys out of my hand. I still have scars on my hands to this day from where he was trying to get the keys out. Anyway, I end up doing all of this. Getting out, kicking him, falling off the back of the bed. This is where he grabs my legs. He mocked me like. Like, with my feet. Like, was throwing me up against everything in this moment. I finally, when he. He, like, slipped a leg, I kicked him in his face. Pretty sure I'm on the ground, he's on top of me. I kick him. Maybe I didn't get his face. I don't know what I kick.

[B]

I just kick right now.

[C]

This is the stupid part for me. And this is also where I got the most jacked up. That was the worst part of why my body is the way my body is today. But instead of running with the keys, what I did was. And Alicia is.

[A]

She's not even helping. She's not.

[C]

While I'm getting dragged and mopped on the floor, she comes and peeks in the room and goes back into the living room. So then instead of me leaving, which is where I went wrong, I own it. Accountability. I own it. I should have never went there. I knew he had company. I knew he had 20.

[A]

Yeah, you were young.

[C]

Yes, I was young. But also, I mean, I'm grateful because in my experience, I also felt like that was God telling me, not him. This ain't for you. This isn't for you. You know? So, long story short, I exit. I go into the living room. So now I'm in the living room, and he had a Big thing with electronics. He had a big TV right here. And now I'm on the opposite side, you know what I mean? So there's like a window behind me, couches right here, little couch right there, TV right here. And he had a big thing with electronics. And I said, if you take one, I pick up his computer and I'm like, there's blood dripping down my face. I'm jacked up. And I say, if you take one step towards me, I swear to God I'll smash it. And he bum rushes me. So I threw his computer on the ground. He picks me up, he throws me on the couch and he starts shaking me while I'm on the couch. He's on top of me and he's screaming, what the fuck? Like, over and over and over again. And finally Alicia, who is sitting right there while I'm right here on this couch, she says his name. And then. And then he like snapped out of it. And he like kind of sat a little bit on my legs, but not all the way. And he started crying in his hands. And I slunk off of the couch and I left. And I remember calling my mom. And I was so hysterical. I was like. Like, I don't. I don't even feel like this is a wound for me, but I feel like. Like I'm. I'm emotional about it. Cause I remember my mom's hysteria. Like, my mom was like, what is wrong? Like, what is. Like, I don't under. To this day, I don't even think my dad knows. Cause my dad would be in prison. He does not play about me, any of his kids. He does not play about me. And I made her swear to secrets. You can't. I just kept saying, you can't kill. I think she must have thought I was gonna say I killed someone. I. You know, whatever. But, yeah, that was. That was a lot. And then I didn't tell anybody. And shortly after, that's when I moved to la. I had gotten accepted into a conservatory for acting. And that was one of the reasons why I was like, I can't do it now when I tell you for months.

[A]

Did you talk to him after that?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I ain't spoken to him since. When I tell you it hurt to sleep, it hurt to lay down flat on my back. I went to the doctor, I told him I slipped and I fell down the stairs. Because at that time I didn't want to say, oh, my God, like me,

[B]

you getting emotional about your mom is taking me back. The only time a man Ever hit me was. Same age range, 18, 20. And the memory I had that really made me leave him was my mom begging him to not hit me anymore. It's just something about her desperation.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

That I was like, she also didn't know, so I never told her. He was throwing a party at his house, and whatever she saw in me, how fearful I looked, she pulled him in the laundry room, and she pulled me in there, too. And she was like. She got on her knees and was like, please, please, anything, please come. My mom knew I didn't want to come back home. My family was going through financial hardship at the time, and he was taking care of me. She was like, she'll never leave you. She's never going to leave you. Just please don't hit my daughter, please. She didn't grow up like this. Her father's a good man. She's never even seen anything like this. I grew up like this. And she was like, I can't. I can't watch it happen again. And my mom's crying, and he's like, get up. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And he's, like, talking to my mom crazy. And I'm getting scared because I'm scared. What if I say something? Is he gonna hit me in front of my mom? And shortly after that, I don't think I stayed with him a month after. But seeing and feeling your mom's love through a moment, where you're going through it, think about now we're adults, where we could have kids, right? And if we had a daughter or

[A]

y' all could have kids, y' all could have kids.

[B]

We could at this age.

[C]

Right.

[B]

But to know your daughter could call you and say, mommy, someone hit me.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It's just like, oh, it's unforgettable. Yeah. It's actually the reason, I think now when I get in an argument with men, oh, it's like complete shutdown. It's almost something I'd had to work through in therapy. I get nasty. What the fuck are you going to do to me? I do think shit like that.

[A]

I do think it's interesting that when you went to the hospital, as a woman, like, a lot of people assume, like, you don't want the man to get in trouble and all that, but you are embarrassed that you had that. That you had that experience.

[C]

I couldn't believe that that had happened to me. I literally, like, I don't come from that. I don't know anything about that. And, like, I got good grades. I got accepted into a conservatory, you know, Coming up in the. In like six months away, I had the opportunity to move to la. Like, in my mind, I was. Like, I was so sharp. Like, I was the kid in school that would go to my teacher before something was due and be like, is this an A? And if they told me no, I would fix it. Like, I was the person where I wasn't done dancing until my feet would bleed. Like, I had to get it right. So to, in my mind, 18, to

[A]

not get your man right? To not even see love right. Yeah.

[C]

And also, if you fight, you're broken. I also had that story because of my parents. So now I'm doing everything wrong. There's no way that I was about to claim how wrong I was. It was the most humiliating thing for me in the history of ever, you know? And so I am grateful because I do also strongly feel like God has a way of keeping you where he wants you to be. And I know, like, I know, like, I know. I know we all have a calling on our life, but I know mine is big because he's told me, like, I'm. I'm so 1000% crystal clear on that. And had I gone down this realm, I have literally helped thousands of people make six and seven figures. I have literally helped thousands of women get out of their own way and create their own transformation of actual self love. I have. There's so many things that I have done. An accolade. Who cares about an accolade? Who are you in real life?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

How are you? How do you treat people in real life? What's your heart like in real life? Like, when these cameras are off, how are you as a person in real life?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And those are the things about me that I take pride in. I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world. And when we were talking about Brock, you know what? He cheat this, that, and the other. I don't think Brock would cheat because I don't think Brock is a cheater. I think if Brock wanted to have another woman, he'd be like, baby, we gotta talk. And that's not cheating. That's a decision that we both could make together, potentially. I don't even think that that's gonna happen. Cause I think I'm a handful. I'm too serious.

[B]

You seem like such a nice lady. What is up with these fucking hot takes?

[A]

Is this the I'm a bitch I see online?

[C]

What you mean?

[A]

No, this is a hot. No. Yeah.

[B]

I know so many times where I've seen clips of you. I'd be like, is she fucking crazy?

[C]

Like.

[B]

And it's just funny because it really does show you. The Internet is the Internet. And I'm like, this is the same.

[A]

This is the same woman.

[C]

I don't get what is the hot take that you disagree with everything. Give me one.

[A]

To me. It's interesting with you being so traditional, with you being so, so open. You genuinely think that your partner, he sees something, if he wants another woman, that he's going to come to you first about it. I don't think and say, hey, I want. I want to do this.

[B]

Are you saying that's just your. Your partner? You believe?

[C]

Oh, I would believe. I know my partner would come to me.

[B]

I don't. I don't think that's crazy.

[C]

This is. And I don't think that it would be like, damn, that. That girl's bad. Like, Brock doesn't operate like that. He's strategic, he's logistical. Everything has to make sense for him. So he's not going to see some baddie on the street. That lady could have hiv. That's not happening.

[B]

But. But that thought that you have, though. Okay, my bad. I disagree. I think that at your highest peak of happiness, that's true. I think people change.

[C]

I agree.

[B]

And I think that sometimes men confuse love and lying, knowing that it could hurt you.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Now, this is the caveat to that. For me, my deepest core value, openness and honesty. So for you to.

[A]

I'll say that too, girl. No, no, you can't be.

[B]

No, no.

[C]

If you lie to me, you know what you're doing. I will never be the same. Now, I don't believe in divorce. He gonna have to divorce me if we ever got a divorce.

[A]

Really?

[C]

It's not on the table for me.

[B]

How young is not.

[C]

I'm 37. Be 38 in July.

[B]

And knowing that we've all dated pieces of shit. Pieces of shit, girl. We knew how deceitful men can be.

[A]

And we know that the hot take on the Internet is that a man will lie or deceive you because they love you so much, they don't want to hurt you, even if they know the actions that they're doing are going to hurt you.

[C]

That's a man with no integr. Integrity. I didn't choose a man with no integrity. And this is the thing, too. My man knows what he got. I have a unicorn. I'm very aware of that. I'm not saying most men don't cheat, because I think most men with options will absolutely cheat. I think There are girls right now so mad that we're married because he situation shipped. Everybody, Everybody. And I'm. I don't, I don't, I don't want to know.

[B]

It's hard to like debate this because I'm never going to say someone's like, yeah, that's what's hard to debate. It's very, to me nasty to be like, there's someone watching right now. That's like, she don't. And I actually disagree. Like, I. I think people do it to my boyfriend all the time. Yeah, right. But what I will say though is the way that you feel about him. I feel like I've seen it in another woman. And I don't know if integrity to me equates to sexuality. Like, I tell you what I think integrity is. To me, it's like the idea that he'd leave you when you're sick, down and out. Let's say you got in a horrible accident and you changed, your beauty changes and he would leave you or if you had children and he decided to not be the man that you thought he was. That to me is integrity. Sexuality is a moment.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's a moment. Interesting.

[A]

Really.

[B]

I believe that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I believe that the most loyal man

[A]

I believe we have can have a moment.

[C]

I do.

[B]

And that's why I can be.

[A]

I hate this feeling of some pussy. Not you saying you right now are giving, but you're saying sexuality is a moment and so a man can just fall into some pussy.

[B]

Sexuality is such a moment to me. That is why I don't care about sex with other people, because I don't care. Me neither.

[A]

But I still don't want you to lie to me about having sex with people.

[C]

So I think with you, I understand if you are single and you know who you chose and that's an integrity for you, then what you're saying makes sense. But for me and in our relationship, it is not in integrity to be deceptive to me knowing. It is not in integrity for you to betray me. It is not in integrity for you to sneak around and do whatever you were. Zero percent of that is in integrity.

[B]

But do you believe that people can actually like when they're cheating? I don't know if you've ever cheated on someone.

[C]

Never in my life.

[A]

You never cheated on nobody. Girl looks a little fun.

[C]

I'm just like, not interested.

[A]

I'm not a cheater.

[C]

I'm not a cheater. I'm not interested.

[A]

Have you cheated?

[B]

I cheated on old way, remember? Oh, you did I did.

[C]

You cheated on me for that?

[A]

Like, well, to you, you did it. Like, it was like, get back. He cheated on her.

[B]

Okay. But very toxic. And also, I felt powerful in my cheat. But really, which. Which was the worst part about my cheating, and it's because that's how much he hurt me. I don't even know if my cheating was a true desire. I think 75% of it was me just being like, fuck him. I just. I have, like, another man that's obsessed with me, that wants me. It was just this weird.

[A]

That's easy.

[B]

These niggas, I can't even tell you how that feels. Yeah, because in the moment when he hurt me, he cheated on me during COVID and we moved to Mexico, and I held that, and I was sitting there and I was like, fuck, now I'm stuck. What am I going to do? So when I would go to New York to record Horrible, I would cheat, and I would come home and be like, yeah, it was so much fun, and da, da, da. But I felt so powerful.

[C]

And you tell him.

[B]

I think in the end I did.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

But I don't know if he believed me. It was in a fight.

[A]

That's why I was fucking another nigga.

[B]

I don't think he believed it.

[A]

You felt powerful cheating. You know what's crazy about you saying that? I wonder if men do it as well. There's a lot of ways in which, especially when men are with a powerful woman, that they feel emasculated. And so I wonder if even knowing how you excelled during that relationship, financially and through business, if cheating for him was a power as well, because there was. I told you. My nigga felt powerful cheating on me with a homeless bitch because he felt like I wasn't. I didn't need him.

[B]

He's staying at a frame.

[A]

No, no, no. This bitch wasn't couch surfing. He had to fuck that bitch in Savior. When you say homeless. She was homeless.

[B]

It gives a cup outside shakiness.

[A]

She was couch surfing. She didn't have a home. She was unhoused. And we talked about it today because, like, not today, but we've talked about it since our breakup because we've mended the things. And when I asked him, like, why would you do that? He let me know, like, you made me feel like I. Like you didn't need me and so apart. Felt he liked that the bitch needed $50 to eat. I don't know. Like, he liked that shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was just like, that's crazy. So again, in Maybe the way that he showed up. If cheating made you feel powerful, I wonder how much power it gives a man to cheat. Especially in a relationship where there's. He feels either emasculated or unneeded or. And that's the thing too.

[B]

Men.

[A]

People say that men cheat for options. No. The same way they say women cheat emotionally. There's also some sort of emotional tie. I believe in a lot of senses as to why men cheat. Not to put the blame on the woman. Let me go ahead and make that clear.

[C]

Not to put the blame on the woman.

[A]

Wait, when a man cheats, you put the blame on a woman?

[C]

No, no. First of all, if a man cheats, a man's gonna cheat. But I am saying if a woman opts in to being the person that a man cheats with and you know, he's in a relationship.

[B]

Oh, wait, I thought we were blaming like the. The main.

[A]

Yeah, I thought we were blaming the main. No, girl, we know side chicks, they married men. I mean, they married men. Men with girlfriends.

[C]

But you know what? And I'm sure there's. I'm not even sure I know that there is trauma linked. Right? Like there's a part of like an avoidant that wants to. It's easier to just have this person that you can have a physical connection with.

[A]

Don't read me.

[B]

Yeah, I actually only give race in the scenarios that it's an exchange of money or gifts. And to me, I'm serious, I'm gonna tell you.

[A]

Wait a second.

[C]

It's okay for him to have a prostitute?

[B]

Look, here we go.

[C]

That's what you're saying?

[B]

That's a hot job. Hold on.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Let me hear this debate real quick.

[B]

I found out that this was human life. You got hurt by this person.

[A]

The hot take is why are we

[B]

blaming the woman when she's getting money out of a nigga?

[A]

So as long as you're a man,

[B]

then I deserve it.

[A]

And no, not.

[B]

Excuse me, I'm the. I'm the fucking fool. Like, what the fuck? I mean, not. You cheat on me, baby. The bitch deserve you too.

[A]

Wait a second, but you're okaying a man cheating with a prostitute over cheating with a woman that's just single.

[B]

I'm not okaying it. I'm just saying the woman that's engaging in this situation ain't wrong. She could get money out my nigga and she could get gifts. Bitch, you deserve him. If he could do that.

[A]

Take him.

[B]

Take them from me. I'm just saying.

[A]

Wait, the prostitute don't want your man. She just want the money. So I'm saying take the whole thing. Cause I don't want him no more.

[B]

But what I'm telling you is if you can get to the, like, if you're at the point where there's a married man, and I'm sorry, Sarah, and I want to be married too. And I literally believe it is the highest honor that I could give my love and my family. Yeah, but if there is a woman who is getting money out of my

[A]

man, you're not mad at her?

[C]

Take him.

[A]

She says she's not mad at me.

[B]

And I'll tell you why.

[C]

To me, if my man gives money to another female, wait, oh, no, you can have him. You can have him. You gave. You gave. You gave our resources to another female.

[A]

What?

[C]

For what? Like, for a moment of. For a moment of.

[B]

Now you feel like, take him, take him, take him.

[A]

Hold on.

[C]

I feel that way.

[B]

And let me tell you, he loved to eat in the morning. He likes sausages, pancakes, and his eggs scrambled.

[A]

And look at me, I'm the opposite.

[C]

No.

[A]

When I would much rather. It's just something like that. Like, you throw a couple hundred dollars, whatever.

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

Then you catch emotions for a woman. I don't want you.

[B]

Well, I have to. You have to choose.

[A]

I would much rather you better fuck the bitch.

[B]

One night in Vegas.

[A]

And that's it. And that was my thing. I was fine even with my partner. Having sex with a woman one time. Don't take her out to dinner. Don't get to know how many siblings she has. Don't know her middle name. Just have sex. See, like, don't get emotional. With my boyfriend and I had a dog, Serra Fax.

[B]

We had a little disagreement about this. He's like, I know you say shit, like, no dates, no dinner and shit, but like, what type of woman do you think I would meet? He's like, you do this whole scenario of, like, how you want it to look, right? What scraggly bitch do you think is going to meet me out and say yes right now in the car? He's like, this isn't even like a car.

[A]

Take me home.

[B]

But that's the thing. Like, decent women, like, if you're right, decent.

[A]

Let's don't use that word. We done have four. We done had one night stands before, and we're not scraggly, okay?

[B]

Anyway, all the way.

[A]

Niggas done picked us up from the club before. Stop sitting here and getting on your high horse. We have had one night stands. When they got sat at the end of the bed in Miami. I was 17. I'm 34 years old, scraggly.

[B]

You think I'm going to Dabala this weekend and be like, oh, yes, I

[A]

want to suck your dick right now. No, I want to eat.

[B]

Oh, the hot take I have. Yes. No woman is to blame if she is getting something out of a man, I believe. No, there's nowhere where a woman should be blamed.

[A]

Y' all know Wheezy on his high horse for sex workers right now. Let's let her cook.

[B]

No, but I just think that, like, it's not even like you're trying to take him from me. You're literally doing this because the man is funding something for you. What am I supposed to say?

[A]

Your face.

[B]

How can we blame this woman? It's her using men, which they should be used. Men use women all the time.

[A]

Men should be used. Shit. Okay, pause.

[B]

No, if you're a married man, you're telling me you're doing it cuz he's funny because you like him and he's cute. Bitch, if you're not getting paid, you're a joke. Bitch. That's a literal. You could quote me on that.

[A]

But also, men should be used. You said that too. Let's stay there.

[B]

The married one. Sorry. Listen, and this is someone I said that wants a successful marriage. I'm just saying I cannot blame a woman if a married man comes to you and says, I can give you X, Y, Z, I can help you pay your rent. I can give you all these things. How can we blame these women?

[C]

I mean, there's so many ways that we can blame these women. For one. Why are you so desperate for a means of survival that you rely on a man to duck out on his wife? Why are you even open to putting yourself into a space where you're going to allow yourself to be the demise of something, or the demise or the creation of or the betray. She is that he is if he. No, they both are.

[B]

There is no woman in the world. She has no loyalty to you.

[C]

That doesn't matter. That bond that you do you not have loyalty, period. Do you not have integrity that you

[B]

have to have to someone else's relationship, people?

[C]

No, no, wait, wait. Pause, Weezy. Cause that's like saying. That's like saying, what type of standard do I have to have to you? Look, I don't eat meat because I don't eat meat. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't drink often because I don't drink often. There's never going to be a space. I don't rob banks. I don't do heroin. There are certain things that are just not on the table for me. And this being from a woman. I had a man who is very ultra successful, wanted to have kids with me, $50,000 a month. He said. I.

[A]

Wait, girl, hold on. And you left that?

[C]

Yes. No, I want partnership.

[A]

This was the second engagement.

[C]

No, this is a different person. But no, no, hear me out. So what I'm saying is, if you are the way that you are, then be that. But don't try to make it like, oh, no, I have so much integrity, but I just don't owe her anything. No, you never had integrity to begin with.

[B]

So I think that your balance put on.

[A]

I know y' all probably watching this. Like, why the bitch that, like, being a side chick ain't talking. Cause I used to be a pride force. I know y' all bitches like, Mandy grew quiet when she was being the not integral bitch.

[C]

Okay, wait, pause. Were you really a side chick for real?

[A]

Was I bitch? I have a chapter in the book that says, do married men really treat you better?

[C]

I probably do.

[A]

Oh, and they did.

[C]

They probably.

[A]

But a part of me was delusional, and I do think that I wasn't open with the fact that I was insecure. I was in survival mode. I didn't feel like I could be someone's number one. So much so that 2, 3, 4, 5, don't come were your made men

[B]

relationship, like, was it for fun?

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Or was it for, oh, girl, some

[A]

of them ain't giving me money. Some of them I just thought was fine, and I didn't care that they was married. Like, not all of my side niggas became sugar daddies.

[B]

See, like, there's something different that's here and here. You got married. Want to get married? Wanted to get married. Excuse me. So do I. Mandy does not. So how can we expect the value that you have about the sanctity of marriage and loyalty contributing to the demise?

[A]

Why would she think you this Goddamn you with his goddamn fingernail. Well, your team.

[B]

I genuinely feel like the way that I value things, I can't expect for someone else. It's like, if I let you borrow a dress of mine, I can't expect you to treat it how I do. You gonna fucking treat it like, whatever. You know what I mean?

[C]

Like, that's why, if you know that somebody don't take care of their stuff, they don't take care of their stuff.

[B]

But I just don't believe that the person. We can't place blame on another person. We could get angry. We could look at their Instagram and be like, fuck her. She's this, she's that. But there is nothing I don't even think she needs. She deserves bad karma.

[C]

No, would I. I'm not gonna lie.

[A]

Going back to your other relationship, though, you should have whooped Alicia ass. Like, as soon as you went into that apartment, fuck, your keys. You actually. Because that was your friend. Yeah, I know what you trying to say. And, you know, it's both people.

[B]

Fuck. You should.

[A]

No, no, no, no.

[B]

That was.

[A]

You should have whooped Alicia ass.

[C]

I didn't care. I didn't. At that point, I feel like.

[A]

No, because you saw them Bangles and you cared.

[C]

Oh, at the time.

[A]

You should have whooped Alicia ass.

[B]

Oh, no, wait, wait. I'm not talking about someone that loves

[A]

you, cares about you, a friend.

[B]

I'm talking about a random woman you meet at a bar.

[C]

I mean, period. I feel. This is what I think. Cheating is weak. Good, bad, right, or wrong. It is what it is. It's weak. You going to allow the moment where you are not your strongest. And that's the thing, too. I also agree with you, Mandy, where I feel like every person has the ability to be a cheaper cheater. Right time, right access, right opportunity. You put me on a. On a. On a. On a. On a whatchamacallit for. Well, maybe not. Maybe not. Because I'm like, damn, if I was on an island for 30 years with one man that's not my husband, would something go down?

[A]

Girl, why do you do extreme? So 30 years. 30 years.

[C]

For 30 years. Now, this is the thing.

[A]

30 days of 45, I'm like, I

[B]

don't see no planes coming down.

[A]

Wait a second. You saying it would take you being stranded on an island for 30 years to see if you would consider cheating on your husband?

[C]

No, I think it just takes a conversation. That's what I think. Like, real talk. Like, real talk. Like, you know, take the extremes out the way. I personally feel like I'm not a cheater because I'm not a cheater. I don't. I don't want to give any man that type of power over my man. I would never do that. I would never have him in a room looking dumb, looking stupid, having other men be like, oh, yeah, and I tagged your girl. No, you didn't. That can't. And there's very few people that could even claim me. And I love that for him.

[B]

Same.

[A]

And as long as it's not All Star Weekend. Like, we are so we are. Like, I'll be in these rules that can't nobody say. You know what I mean? What? That's the only weekend. I'm sorry.

[B]

I feel like. I love that we could go in spots and, like, n ain't hit, but it definitely went on a date with your ass. They was on riot. You swiped him, right.

[A]

He's like, we can't walk down New

[B]

York City before you went on a date with him. I mean, I did.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But then after that first date, I was like, oh, no.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I was a serial dater. Yeah.

[A]

Now I'm curious, because I do want to make sure we get to it. You had a second engagement.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What happened there?

[C]

Ooh, child. So that guy.

[A]

Not so that guy. Sheesh.

[C]

So think of. This is where I was really caught up in perception. And perception was way more important to me than reality. The perception was black love, power couple, relationship, goals. We were dream team, you know, on Instagram. But in real life, it was actually very toxic. And at the time, this is when I was in the top, I think, 3% of a $9.8 billion company. And that man looked me dead in my face and said, sarah, you'll never make it. The only way you would make it is if you married someone who made it.

[B]

Ooh.

[C]

And at that time, I'm like, but I'm successful. But also, it did feel like a competition all the time. It did feel like you. Like, I almost had to fight for how dope of a partner I was. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like.

[B]

Was that the toxicity you're talking about? The competitiveness?

[C]

The competitiveness was super toxic. The. The hit. And his ego was so big. I will never forget this. Lives, like, the most mortifying moment of my life. Right. We were in Best Buy. Okay. You know, and we're old now. Older. But do you guys remember, like, the Best Buy rooms where there were Those big old TVs?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And, like, they were hella expensive. Like, $10,000, $14,000.

[A]

Ridiculous. Now you could get them for 245.

[C]

Exactly. So we are freaking going into one of these rooms in Best Buy, and one of the helpers, like, one of the workers comes in the room, and she's like, hey, you guys. You guys need any help with anything? And he was like. He was like, no, we're just looking around. Cause he knew we knew we weren't about to buy these TVs. Like, we were literally just looking at it and the girl said something along the lines of, yeah, because no one really buys these TVs. What he heard in his mind was,

[B]

you can't afford it.

[C]

You can't afford these TVs. So what he did at the time was he brought out his. His. His car key and he's like, what kind of car do you drive? And she said something like a Toyota Corolla or like a Camry or something. And he's like, oh, okay, yeah. Some people have Camry type lifestyles and other people have Nishoda's key, this type of lifestyle. And when I tell you I wish I could have disappeared, you know, the meme of Homer Simpson, a Maserati girl.

[A]

Okay, Not m'. Kay.

[C]

No, never.

[B]

No, no, no. I'm saying, okay, like, congratulations.

[C]

It's literally like, why? Like, why, why, why? If you have to put yourself above others to feel good, like, why?

[B]

The girl at Best Buy.

[C]

The girl at Best Buy. And you know what? I hope that that girl isn't haunted by that moment of just oozing of, you're not good enough. Like, imagine someone doing you like that publicly. For what?

[A]

Oh, I'm not gonna lie. If your man goes out of his way to make like, to talk down on you or make you feel like you're not good enough, that's. That's.

[C]

You gotta leave him.

[A]

Yeah, that's. You got us to go, girl.

[C]

It was. It was a wrap. It was literally that him telling me that statement. You'll never make it. The only way you'd make it is if you married someone who made it. Was. That was it. It wasn't the him being this super egotistical whatever. And in a weird way, he did have some good things about him. Honestly.

[A]

Yeah, he did. He did.

[C]

He had his moments.

[A]

I mean, he didn't have Ed. But I don't know. I don't know about what was really good about him.

[C]

What was the car ride home, quiet. I don't have nothing to say to you.

[B]

Was it because you were angry at him, or did you start to think inward? Like, how the fuck did I get here?

[C]

I think I just felt embarrassed that I was a part of humiliating another human. And it made me feel so small. It made me feel, like, dirty almost. You know, like I'm the type of person where I tell strangers they're beautiful. I.

[A]

But you be lying all the time.

[C]

No, I don't.

[A]

I'll be lying.

[C]

I love your eyelashes, girl. I Love your hair. I love that your hair is more blonde.

[A]

Now.

[C]

That's the truth. I don't say nothing.

[B]

Really.

[C]

The truth.

[A]

Oh, so when you don't give compliments, though, if you don't mean them.

[C]

Yeah, no, I'm just saying, like. But I'm intentional about trying to find something I like, like. Like to strangers. I do it all the time. Like in. In Brock, my.

[A]

My husband, he's probably like, girl, like them shoelaces. Thank you.

[B]

I had a guy I dated that told me once, I used to think you were phony about, like, how you would small talk people. And he's like. But I realized we are toward the end of our relationship. He said, you really are someone that wants to know the Starbucks lady, like, how her kids are. He's like, at first I was just like, would she shut the upper? And he's like, but you love connecting with people in that way. And it has been my biggest turnoff when people are nasty.

[C]

I hate it.

[A]

Yeah, no, that's not a good character.

[C]

It's a character.

[B]

I jump up, leave, had a great time. And I notice it especially when today, just like a small way I could see it. Nobody in my life really acts like this. When we go to a club and there's other bitches in the section, how do they all treat each other? How are the girls treating the other

[C]

girls there that don't know each other?

[B]

Yes. Because it is the easiest place to get territorial, to get jealous, and to just get mean and need to feel like you're more important. I'll show up sometimes, whether it be like an industry event or my homeboys pull up on this thing, whatever it is, and how the women look at me when they sit down, when they enter the room. Like, especially beautiful women. I'm always shocked at beautiful women being cunts.

[C]

Treacherous.

[B]

Excuse me. I know you don't curse, but I really mean cuss.

[A]

The cuss word.

[C]

Disgusting.

[B]

But I meant it when I say it.

[A]

See you next Tuesday.

[B]

Because that's how it feels when you meet someone beautiful and they're a bitch.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Are you Treachery. Let me tell you, there's one girl, and I'm never gonna say her name. And she better praise.

[A]

You should leap it out.

[B]

I can't wait to believe she needs

[C]

to thank God for the fact that I will never tell the truth about her. Even though this girl lies about me. Like, and I don't care it was

[A]

a bitch on the Internet. No, no, no.

[C]

But I'm gonna say this. She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life. Like, she is stunning. And at the same time, she is the ugliest human I have ever experienced in my. In my entire. I didn't even know they made him like this. This is like Jim Rohn says it. Jim Rohn says, in your lifetime, you'll probably really only meet ten truly terrible people.

[B]

Oh, I like that.

[C]

So once you get through your 10, you know, if you're 35 and you've made it to 4, you got 6 more. If you 20 and you're already at 8, you only got 2 more. Like, there's really only 10 truly terrible people that you run into in your life. She's one of my 10.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

She is one of my 10.

[A]

How many have you. How many do you think you've run into?

[C]

I think I've only had one, to be honest.

[A]

No, girl, the ex. I'm sorry, you gotta throw him.

[C]

I wouldn't even put them in there.

[B]

I'm saying maybe a good four or five that are confused. Confusing me with how nasty they are. Like, just not even like, you know, when you get an argument with someone like, that doesn't count. No to me.

[A]

Because that.

[B]

Then there's an excuse for your. Or maybe some anger is bringing a bad side of you. Just someone truly nasty. The one thing I will say, though, one of them was a very beautiful woman and she was a model. I remember complaining about her to another friend of mine. And he said, imagine your beauty is the only thing. Imagine how it must feel when she sits down. Cause we were associates. He's like, you know, when you come in a room, I'm one of those friends that everyone wants me to tell a story when I sit down. Oh, wait, he's all about, blah, blah, blah, blah. Or when I come into a room. Or I'm the party friend sometimes, right? People love me at a party. It's just the truth. He's like, how much it must bother her that the beauty stops. And now the attention shifts. A lot of beautiful people.

[A]

Oh, yeah. When I was fat, I used to bag all the n. Cause the girls in the room will be fine, but I come in and start making a nigga laugh.

[B]

You feel me?

[A]

Hey, they was okay with my three necks. They did not. Yeah, they said, this bitch kind of funny. Let's keep having her around. I'm telling you, when you're someone that

[B]

people want to be around. Yeah. Oh, let me tell you what I really can't stand. I mean, as a joke, you Ever

[A]

meet a bad bitch?

[B]

Is she funny and cool?

[A]

Like, damn, bitch, what the fuck? And you're like, you'd be surprised.

[C]

Yeah, you'd be surprised.

[B]

It's the best feeling because it really goes to show that, like. Nah, we can pivot past this. I feel like my whole life I was meant to think that hot people were rude. I always was.

[A]

I'm curious, in terms of pivoting, you and your husband. Now, to wrap this up, you and your husband were friends for how long? Before you said, you gotta marry me to get this coochie?

[B]

That's why you can't trust friends.

[A]

But you know what, though?

[C]

You can't trust friends. I say that all the time.

[B]

I.

[C]

You know. Oh, we didn't have a zone. He was my friend. I choose from my friends. Everybody I've ever dated, it has been a friend.

[A]

And so your. Your husband now can't. Wait. Your husband now can't have girls friends for what?

[B]

What about the women that were in his life before?

[C]

He don't have none.

[A]

He. Wait. All the women that were in his life before y' all got married.

[C]

What are y' all talking about? Wait.

[A]

He had to cut everybody off. You were.

[C]

I was a friend. I don't know any of his other friends.

[A]

Wait, and the ones now. He doesn't have any female friends.

[C]

He has women that he's cool with, and I know who they are.

[B]

That counts.

[C]

No, it doesn't. I feel like people be putting too much on friend, even for friend, to me means you show up to this person, you talk to them often, you'll hang out with them one on one. Those are friends.

[B]

Did any of the women that he's cool with show up at the wedding?

[A]

Yeah. So that's friend.

[C]

I wouldn't give that.

[A]

They came to the wedding.

[B]

People came to your wedding, Sarah.

[C]

100.

[B]

Nah, that's right.

[A]

He got friends. Look at you. You kind of living on a. That's a little delusional. If he was able to invite women to your wedding. Yes, those are his friends.

[B]

A hundred people.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's small.

[C]

That's a small wedding. You.

[A]

That's a small wedding.

[B]

That's a very small wedding.

[A]

It was.

[B]

It was. I'm saying, like, in the grand scheme of when people, like, do this big blowout thing of hundreds of people.

[C]

Big blowout.

[A]

Unless he know 80, I might invite 25, but I don't know, I ain't gonna have a wedding.

[C]

But look.

[A]

Look. Look at me talking.

[C]

This is what I'll say for Brock. I would never I don't have to tell Brock anything because I can't tell him anything. He is truly a man's man. And I think because he is quiet in nature, like he's an observer, he's a little mysterious. He don't have a lot to say to y'.

[A]

All.

[C]

If he don't know y', all, he ain't gonna sit and kick it and chat with. He's not. It's not how he. He's not. He's not a big talker. That's not who he is.

[A]

So for.

[C]

For our whole wait, I lost my train of thought. We're talking about friends.

[A]

Friends, yeah. Him being friends.

[B]

He was a friend. But you don't believe in friends.

[C]

No. Of the opposite sex? No. Now I feel like even my closest guy friends that I have, we're. We all are friends now. The girls that he has in his life, we all are friends now. When we had a whole get together at the house where the female friends that he has, they came to the house and we all already know each other.

[B]

My friends that have a strong relationship with God, I don't know what this is. All of my homegirls that are like this with Jesus believe men and women can't be friends. Don't know why. Don't know why. I don't think that's literally. Brianda said to me when she knew my man and I were talking about marriage, like, you're gonna have to get rid of your friends. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? No. Like what?

[C]

But what is their purpose?

[A]

Because, friends.

[C]

What do you do?

[A]

What do you do with her forever?

[C]

What do you do?

[A]

Are you mad?

[B]

Are you serious right now?

[C]

No, I'm. But you don't want to be married. Hold on.

[A]

We not gonna do that. I'll take a ring.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

Come on.

[A]

I'll be married. I'll take a ring. To me, even. So here's the thing. What y' all doing this marriage thing.

[C]

That's very cute.

[A]

But I still.

[B]

To think that I still believe, like, one of the opposite sex.

[A]

What I also don't like is that both of y' all keep saying you don't want to be married, because guess what? I still want to have a sanctified relationship that is serious, where we have boundaries, where he is my partner.

[C]

Fair.

[A]

I absolutely still want that. So I hate that because I don't want to get married. That the way I want to show up in relationships still has to be.

[C]

That's a fair statement removed from the conversation. If I Made you feel that way.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

No, I don't want to make you feel that way.

[A]

Lindsey already said I don't date seriously because I just multiple people and I don't.

[C]

I mean, from the viewpoint of society, I think is, yeah, society could suck

[A]

my dick from bed.

[B]

I mean, the recent niggas. You wasn't that serious.

[A]

I was serious with everyone. I don't. Okay, but wait. And so for me, this idea is so crazy because I absolutely. If a man came in and was like, hey, baby, like, da, da, da, da. We're getting serious now. I don't want you on the phone with Ish. I don't want you on the phone with a king. I don't want you on the phone with this nigga that nuh duh duh. I don't care how good the dick is, how much money he got. Deuces. Yeah, there's. I have genuine friendships with people that I love. That my group chat with the homies where clearly I don't know my dick a little big, but I have a group chat literally with Just Met that is completely different than my group chat with my homies.

[B]

I have a reflection on the person I'm dating that they could assume that opposite sex is nothing besides trouble to me. Like, that's your insecurity.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'm a grown ass woman. I own too many damn businesses not to have interactions with men. That's just the facts. Right.

[C]

That's getting extra.

[B]

Now, granted, that's a work relationship.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

However, she dropped out of college. This is how I make friends. Yeah.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Now, if I suddenly have to remove myself from those people because you feel like it's not appropriate for our relationship, I think we're in the wrong relationship. I think that there's a point of control and contention that you'll reach in a relationship where maybe certain friends gotta go. For example, I've got close friends that are definitely platonic. And then it was definitely some niggas that maybe would've fucked if I got. If they could have.

[A]

Oh, no, no. Let's be very clear. There's a lot of niggas that would fuck if you let them.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

They could still be your friend.

[B]

I don't think that it's fair to only build sisterhood.

[C]

So I hear what you're saying, and that is a vantage point, but this is my opposing view. Now, I have a friend right now. His name is Ad, One of my closest friends. We talk on the phone all the time. Brock knows him. We've had conversation so it's not that you can't have friends of the opposite sex. One of his girlfriends shout out to Asia, Asia came over to the house. Asia was at the wedding. Asia's like, I love what you guys have this. The three of us are now building our relationship. So what I'm saying is I don't think it's appropriate for people to have. Yes.

[B]

Oh, wait, hold on. I also don't think it's appropriate.

[C]

I also don't think it's appropriate for there to be one on one interactions with that person. Because why? Now, here's the caveat to that. Let's say that you want to go on a trip, go on vacation, go on. Why would you go with a friend instead of your husband or wife?

[B]

Okay, wait, wait, wait. Now you cook? Now I get it. But in terms of friendship, and we. So my partner had dated someone for nine years before me, and he was like, you got too many fucking homeboys, bitch. What the fuck? But I'm like, well, how? What is gonna make you comfortable? Cause I'm not gonna stop being friends with them. He's like, well, you can't go on trips with Andre anymore, just you and him. My friend's a dj, so I would jump on a trip. I'll come out there. He's like, that's weird to me that just you and him go on this trip. Yeah, that I understand. He's like, but I do understand that you and Andre might step out. I live between New York and la. Y' all partying in LA for a night. You go out, you have dinner, whatever. He's like, but, like, why would you and Andre go on a trip alone? Now that I'm in a serious relationship, I completely get that. To me, it is a bit inappropriate now. Have Andre and I ever shared a bed or a room? No, but I understand the intimacy that vacations are.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I don't necessarily think, like, it makes sense to go because, like, why would my man go on a triple one of his own? That's fucking insane.

[A]

Like, I get it.

[B]

But granted, we are all friends now.

[A]

Maybe they going to black ski week.

[C]

What'd you say?

[A]

Say maybe they go on a black ski week.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

No, but I don't know.

[C]

It's just inappropriate for me. And also, this is the thing. None of us are just perfect people. I'm not a perfect person. The thing that causes cheating, Cheating happens way before the act of sex. It's accessible. It's accessed again and again and again over time. It's like the Chinese proverb that says a drop of water dropping on a rock same spot over time will split the rock. It is the continuous accessor. Yeah, absolutely.

[A]

I don't think.

[C]

I don't think abs one drop of water again.

[B]

The only reason I don't know if I really believe it with friendship as I think someone at work could start a more of a budding relationship. Like, I think that at the end

[C]

of the day, why do you think they say work wives and work husbands? Of course it's inability.

[B]

I also think like, there has been.

[A]

So you better work with the same sex if we get together.

[C]

What you mean?

[A]

No, like, so now he gotta go work at Morehouse. He can't be around women. Like, that's the thing.

[C]

I just think. I'm not saying he can't be around women. I'm not saying that.

[B]

Wait, wait. You really think it's cool that, like, someone could be married and go on a vacation with a woman?

[A]

I don't think that that would happen. I just don't see where or why that would happen. Like, when you get married, like, you often out either you're with other friend groups like you. That wouldn't be a thing. Where if we're married and we're living together, that you're planning a vacation with another person. That wouldn't happen.

[B]

No, I agree. It shouldn't happen.

[A]

No, but it wouldn't happen. Like, that doesn't even make sense.

[B]

I'm saying that's like bro, the last three.

[A]

But that's why y' all are taking it to the extreme. Do I think that my husband or my partner can go and have lunch or dinner with just a woman, one on one?

[B]

Yes. Oh, I agree too. Yes.

[A]

She doesn't. That's what I'm saying. In him Cannot go and have dinner by themselves.

[C]

For what?

[A]

Like, we're taking it to the extreme with this vacation talk.

[C]

It's not cannot. But he also would not. That's the man I chose. I chose a man that sees the same inappropriate actions. The same that I see. Inappropriate actions.

[A]

That's not an inappropriate action to eat food with a friend.

[C]

Come to the house. I'll cook for you.

[B]

I get what you mean. But wait, wait, wait.

[A]

Girl, you can't look like roomie.

[B]

Maybe more something that makes sense. Yeah. He's out with the boys. Asia's at a bar. Come through. Let's have a drink.

[C]

That's not.

[B]

That's crazy for me.

[C]

Look. No, that's not crazy. He's already out with the boys. And she's at the same place.

[B]

Maybe he's gonna meet with the boys. I'm saying maybe he has plans that night, but right before he meets Asia to catch up.

[C]

No, that's weird.

[B]

See? So something I really need. For example, I'll bring this person up again. Now him and Andre hang out alone without me. Which, which is lovely. We've been on vacations together.

[C]

Cool.

[B]

I need my time with my friend privately. And it's not because I have some crazy.

[C]

That's weird. See, it's weird to me.

[A]

I, I've got to catch up.

[B]

Like, with my dog.

[A]

I want to talk, but why can't

[C]

you do that in front of your, your man?

[B]

But I also can't share every single lived experience. That's weird.

[A]

And that's. She, she thinks that that's weird.

[B]

I think that independence then becomes a thing. Right. So, yeah.

[C]

You got an agreement of your partner? No, I agree with that. Look, I'm here right now. Before this, I was at a laser hair removal appointment. Before that, Like, I'm not saying you have to be up under your man all the time. I'm saying that there are certain things that I think create intimacy, which is not always sexual, by the way, but intimacy. And I don't think that we as women should be spreading our intimate things with men. I just don't think that.

[B]

No, I, I, I don't. I think the intimacy looks different for me. Right. It's the bond that I share when I'm having a tough day. And I'm talking about the fragility of my parents being older. It could be maybe finance or work stress or whatever. But sometimes shooting the shit with a friend does look different with your partner. Maybe I need a vent for a second.

[C]

Where are your girlfriends?

[B]

They're there too.

[C]

Okay, so if you're already having those conversations with your girlfriends, why then do you also need to have those conversations with him? Why? Because there's a part of your intimate capacity that he is taking. So much so that if your partner were to say, I don't really, you know, I love them.

[A]

Intimate capacity?

[C]

Yeah, we have capacity.

[A]

We are humans.

[B]

I guess that that person is that important to me then.

[C]

So is that person more important? If your person were to come to you right now that you've been with for three years and say, you know what? I, I love the dynamic, but I don't want you guys to have a one on one.

[A]

My romantic. My romantic shouldn't be placed in a hierarchy with the other men because of gender.

[B]

So icked out. I would be so icked out that he.

[A]

And you're serious.

[C]

I'm dead ass.

[A]

This is what I be me. I know you.

[B]

And you know what's very difficult about it?

[C]

That is so profound? I love him.

[B]

Yeah. We've been friends longer than my relationship. Right. Wait, I probably would sacrifice him.

[C]

Whose friend?

[B]

Yeah. Because I'm that in love with my man at this point. Right. Which sucks. But what would end up happening is I'd be so resentful that my man controlled my life that much, it wouldn't work.

[C]

But is it control?

[B]

And that is just a true. It's absolute control.

[C]

Or is it respect? Because I don't think that's control.

[B]

That goddamn word in here.

[C]

No, this is what I'm saying.

[A]

If you respect me, if you love me, if you care about me, again the same way that cheating would hurt me, why does it go differently than you removing someone that I care about that would hurt me. For me to have to disagreement for respect.

[B]

For you and I are both different. No, no, no, we're not.

[A]

I'm not keeping it on respect. I'm talking about hurt. If cheating is something that would hurt you, why is it then okay for him to set this boundary that essentially would remove someone from your life that would hurt you? Why is there a hierarchy of hurt here for what's allowed and what's not allowed?

[C]

So this is what I think. I think that this is why it's so important, number one, for us to know ourselves. Right? Because for me, there's not a man on this planet that I would choose over my husband or you. I don't care. No, for sure. I'm choosing my husband. And this too, right?

[A]

You choosing everybody over that man, that man over everybody.

[B]

I am.

[A]

There we go.

[C]

Because this is your once in a lifetime platinum needle in a haystack. Swing for the fences. Best friend, confidant, lover, husband.

[A]

That's not true.

[C]

No. And that's the thing. You see it different. So what I'm saying is you got to choose a person that sees it the same way as you see it. I would never choose a man. Yes. I would never choose a man that felt like he needed to go out with his girlfriends all the time and then would try to play me like I'm insecure, non negro, I don't feel respected when you're out with a bunch of different women. So we have to choose the people that make the most sense for us. And on top of that, I feel like. Like, because when Y' all are saying the words that are coming out of your mouths. Like, this makes sense to me in my mind. And not to make a debate, but in my mind, I'm like, y' all don't want to be married. That's what my underlying voice says. Because ultimately, what you're saying is, there is another man that is more important than your man. And why would your man choose the

[B]

importance of going to a bar? Sarah, frankly, saying that. And I can only speak from wanting to be married.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

The commitment, the love.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

I want commitment and love, too.

[B]

Lifetime. They're children. I don't want children out of wedlock. I want to honor each other. Family. Each other's families. I love how blended we are now. I love how we take care of each other.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

There's no world where that friendship, sorry, Andre, I love you to death, means more than that.

[C]

But this is the thing.

[B]

I have the issue where he feels like I can't walk outside and go to a bar with him.

[C]

But Wheezy here, there's not a place

[B]

in his brain where he's going, like, and now she's gonna suck his dick at TGI Friday.

[C]

It's not about that. It's not about sexual actor. So let me say this so, because I'm glad that you said that. When you bring up your man and you're like, there's not a piece that would act that would make me choose. I'm choosing my man over Andre. Right, Right. But you also said over time, you would resent him so much that you would end up breaking up. Meaning. Wait, wait, let me finish.

[B]

Isolated from Andre. This is something that.

[C]

Wait, wait, wait. No, no, he didn't. Because that's the thing in marriage. Let me tell you. Let me tell you. Look, y'. All. And I'm not trying to be a preacher. I'm not a perfect person. I do not. I have not figured out marriage. I am not a couple's goal. I am not black excellence. I am just one person that is committed to my person and figuring this shit out. But what I can tell you is most men are terrified of marriage. Why? Because they fear divorce. If you are marrying a woman that ultimately, on a subconscious level, is telling you that she does not choose you all the way, that there are caveats or conditions on the way that she chooses you, or because you made her sacrifice something that meant something to her, you think that's going to be the only thing you sacrifice in marriage?

[B]

I will tell you this flat out. I am not scared to Lose a man. I am not scared to lose.

[C]

That's the problem.

[B]

And no, it's not.

[C]

That's the way I always choose myself. That's the problem.

[B]

I will choose, but not a man. Always first and then my kids and then God.

[A]

And I'm the only God come third.

[B]

Damn. Let me tell you. But here's where it is for me, right? Yeah, I'm listening. I would probably if you told me right now, my man needs my.

[A]

I ain't gonna hold you. I don't relate to nothing. I'm just over here listening to y'. All.

[B]

I believe.

[A]

This all sounds nuts to me. Everything out of both of y' all's mouth, I'm like, is this the married people debate? We done went over on time, bitch. We gotta do another episode. And I'm just listening to y' all

[C]

like, I didn't even get to wait until married.

[B]

I really want a part two about making.

[A]

Okay, so you know what? Hold on. Let's go ahead and do a part two.

[B]

Oh, can I say something?

[A]

No. So we'll do a part two.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Is that good for you, Sarah?

[A]

Okay, so, guys, we will get to how she held out on coochie to get married. Y' all make sure y' all tune into next week's episode. And luckily, I do have some stuff for us to have a little bit of fun with. Cause, goddamn, this is. I would like to be able to talk about how I like to fuck for two hours or something. Can we? Can. We'll make it fun. So, guys, make sure y' all check out next week when we also have Sarah Fontenot.

[C]

Slash shorter.

[A]

Shorter part two.

[B]

And our no friends haven't asked.

[A]

Thank you guys for tuning in again. Come join us next week. We got Sarah for a part 2 get. No hoes barred. Go on patreon. That's patreon.com Horrible decisions. We will see you next week. This is an I heart podcast. Guaranteed human.