EP. 463: Letting Go Of Your Boyfriend For Your Husband Pt. 2 (feat. Sarah Fontenot)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Decisions, Decisions EP. 463: Letting Go Of Your Boyfriend For Your Husband Pt. 2 (feat. Sarah Fontenot) Date: March 9, 2026
Hosts: Mandii B, WeezyWTF
Guest: Sarah Fontenot
Podcast Network: The Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartPodcasts

---

Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode, Mandii B and WeezyWTF continue their deep dive into the realities of non-traditional relationships, focusing particularly on the leap from boyfriend to husband, female autonomy, the meaning of marriage, and breaking societal norms. Joining them for Part 2 of this conversation is Sarah Fontenot, who unpacks her whirlwind marriage story and her strong convictions on boundaries, love, and why women shouldn’t “play house” before marriage. With sharp wit, vulnerability, and differing perspectives, the trio challenge each other's beliefs about love, marriage, security, and selfhood in modern relationships.

---

Major Discussion Themes & Key Points

1. Should You “Play House” Before Marriage?

• Sarah’s Stance: Sarah is unwavering: moving in or fully committing to "wife duties" before marriage is a mistake that sets women up for disappointment.

  "Why would he buy the cow if you gave him the milk for free?" (00:01, 04:11)

  • She insists cohabitation shouldn't happen before marriage, citing that many relationships end after two or three years, leading women to be vulnerable and uprooted unnecessarily. (05:23)
  • Sarah recounts her therapist advising, “You keep moving like a wife and you’re not his wife…Girlfriend and boyfriend is yours and mine. Husband and wife is ours.” (05:20)
• Mandii B’s & Weezy’s Counterpoints: They push back, questioning why happiness, memory-building, and intimacy need a legal or formal structure and point to the business-like risks of marriage after seeing high-profile splits and personal experiences with divorce. (07:49)

2. The Purpose & Peril of Marriage

• Personal Security and Autonomy: Mandii B discusses valuing her independence over the security of marriage, referencing financial risk and her own grandmother’s hardships post-divorce.

  "If I end up being a broke bitch down the line, then cool, I’ll get married...But as a woman with my own autonomy who has found complete happiness with the life I’ve created for myself, I don’t want to risk a man coming in...able to take anything that I’ve done." (08:05)

• Societal vs. Personal Desires: Conversation about how societal expectation can invalidate non-traditional choices about family and marriage, so that even in loving, long-term relationships, women like Mandii B feel judged for not wanting rings or children. (02:23)
• Sarah on the “Mirror” of Marriage: Sarah views marriage as a mirror for personal growth and believes partners inevitably disappoint each other. Instead of seeing heartbreak as failure, she sees it as part of loving someone flawed and human. (13:11)

  "I think in my marriage, Brock will break my heart...because he's human...sometimes learning that I am the problem and I am the drama—I break my own goddamn heart." (16:28)

3. Sarah’s Unconventional Love Story: Friendship to Marriage in Six Days

• The Timeline:
  • Friendship with Brock for 2 years
  • Romantic shift during a group trip to Costa Rica (28:09–29:08)
  • Mutual decision to stop seeing other people, then marry, all within the same week

    "August 12, he said, 'You need to let that man go.'...The very next day, I sent a message and I let that man know." (33:10) "August 18th, we got married." (34:18)

• No sex before commitment: Sarah shares she abstained from sex until after their courthouse wedding due to personal values and circumstances. (43:34)
• Trust and Transparency: They talk about boundaries with exes, mutual friends, and clear communication from the start. (25:03–25:41, 23:07)
• Responses from Friends and Society: Friends were supportive due to seeing the foundation, but online commentary has included skepticism and rudeness, which Sarah meets with nonchalance. (46:02, 41:41)

4. Gender Roles, Boundaries, and Non-Monogamy

• Mandii B's Non-Traditional Approach: Open about her non-monogamy, Mandii sets strict boundaries and parameters in her relationships. She distinguishes between being non-monogamous and boundary-less. (22:55)
• Sarah’s Traditional Leaning: Sarah strongly believes men and women can't be “just friends” (41:09) and views her marriage as a blend of friendship and traditional husband's roles.

5. The Marriage Debate: Security, Power Dynamics, Expectations

• High-Profile Relationships: The crew discusses public relationships (e.g., Cam and Jasmine), debates whether marriage brings real security, and the implications of choosing not to marry despite “doing all the things.”

  "Marriage does not secure that...A man could literally sit here, marry you guys [then]...are not being taken care of, are not in a secure place." (50:34)

• Power and Submissiveness: They dissect the power dynamics of submission, arguing that often the submissive holds more power. (55:47)
• Societal Pressure: Mandii rails against how patriarchal values still measure a woman's worth by marriage, even as women seek autonomy. (54:59)

6. Values Hierarchies: What's "First" in Life?

• Each shares their personal “hierarchy of values”:
  • Sarah: God → Spouse → Children → Everyone else (62:52)
  • Weezy: Herself → Partner → Children → Spirituality (63:14)
  • Mandii B: Friends → Herself → Legacy/Career, with romantic partners not in the top 5 (67:41)
• This section highlights their philosophical differences and what each seeks from partnership, friendship, and life generally (60:58–68:49).

7. Lasting Love: Realism or "Delusion"?

• Mandii B asserts that the expectations of permanent romantic love are “delusional,” preferring love that’s rooted in memory-making, autonomy, and acceptance that people change (71:33).
• Sarah and Weezy counter that their core beliefs—spiritual, familial, personal—inform how and why they seek lasting love, and that growth, communication, and aligned values can sustain marriage (61:00, 76:00).

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On giving too much too early:

  “Why would he buy the cow if you gave him the milk for free?”
  — Sarah (00:01, 04:11)

• On marriage and personal security:

  “My solitude is peace. My money, me being able to pay my own bills and not be dependent on anyone is peace.”
  — Mandii B (08:05)

• On the violence of legal commitment:

  “Marriage is not much different than a business...The person you marry is never the person you divorce.”
  — Mandii B (07:52)

• On heartbreak and expectations:

  “I think in my marriage, Brock will break my heart...I break my own goddamn heart.”
  — Sarah (16:28)

• On fast marriages:

  “August 18th, we got married. Wait, six days later.”
  — Sarah (34:18)

• On patriarchal perceptions:

  “This conversation reminds me of how patriarchy has us fucking brainwashed...Everyone will stop talking shit about her if he puts a ring on her finger.”
  — Mandii B (54:59)

• On what comes first in life:

  “Friends are first before you and God...then me, then my legacy. Men and love don’t make top 5.”
  — Mandii B (67:41)

• On differing values:

  “Yours may be more traditional textbook or biblical definition where mine is totally different and yours is...being together forever with a nice ring on my finger and no paper.”
  — Weezy (61:00)

• On the “delusion” of romance:

  “I think romantic love is delusional...the expectations we have on a human being...are delusional and not impossible, but it's unnatural.”
  — Mandii B (71:33)

---

Timestamps of Key Segments

• 00:01 – 05:56: Why women shouldn’t “play house” before marriage, boundaries, and autonomy.
• 05:56 – 13:11: The business of marriage, security vs. happiness, high-profile divorces.
• 13:11 – 18:03: Heartbreak, changing partners, boundaries around divorce.
• 21:26 – 35:06: Sarah’s marriage timeline—friendship, Costa Rica trip, decision, and marriage in six days.
• 41:41 – 46:02: Social judgment, online comments, and public vulnerability.
• 50:34 – 57:43: Marriage as security, public couples (Cam/Jasmine), submissiveness, and power dynamics.
• 62:29 – 71:33: Life priorities and values: God, self, friends, legacy, partners, and children.
• 71:33 – 77:34: The “delusion” of romantic love, choosing friendship, and giving permission to outgrow relationships.

---

Tone & Final Thoughts

The episode is honest, humorous, sometimes raw, and always open to debate. Each host brings passionate conviction and vulnerability, challenging listeners to consider what makes a relationship "valid"—whether by societal, personal, or spiritual standards. Sarah’s whirlwind story—marrying her longtime friend after just six days—serves as both a caution and celebration of setting boundaries, knowing what you want, and trusting your own process.

This episode is ideal for anyone exploring their own boundaries with love, questioning traditional norms, or seeking permission to define relationships on their own terms.

---

Find Sarah Fontenot:
Instagram: @ms.sarafontenot
Podcast: "It's Giving Podcast" (@its.giving.podcast)

Book: “No Holds Barred: A Dual Manifesto of Sexual Exploration and Power” by Mandii B & WeezyWTF

---

Note: All timestamps are in MM:SS format and correspond to the full episode as described in the transcript above.

Transcript

[A]

I feel like. I personally feel like, why are you gonna play house with a man? And that's why most women never become the wives they want to be. Oh, they want to marry a man. And I'm sure that they. Women are getting tired of trying to pressure that man into marrying them. You already gave him everything. Why would he buy the cow if you gave him the milk for free?

[B]

So moving in with a man first.

[A]

You think I should be a disaster? Really?

[B]

I will fold my man's clothes and spread his cheeks wide and lick it to the heavens. Just because I above and beyond to show how much I love my man doesn't mean I want to be a wife.

[C]

You can.

[B]

She may not want to be a wife.

[C]

You believe that, Mandy?

[B]

I believe that there are women that do not want to be a wife.

[A]

This is an I heart podcast.

[B]

Guaranteed human decisions, decisions. Welcome, everybody, to a part two. Not me holding up the three. Side note, Part two of Decisions, Decisions. It's your girl Mandy.

[C]

I'm Weezy. And for a week, we was like Mortal Kombat. Me and Sarah was holding like this,

[B]

getting ready for the next combo. And we have Sarah Fontenot Dash shorter still, back in the building. And if y' all see we got the same outfits on. If y' all are watching us on the YouTube, the conversation had to continue. We didn't even get to how she was out here. She told this nigga, you gotta marry me to get to coochie. She also believes that once you're with a man, you can't have the friends of the opposite sex. This was all. I've just been over here like, y' all ain't serious.

[C]

I feel like I'm about to go downstairs, see my boyfriend. He gonna be like, she's right.

[A]

She's right. I don't give a fuck about that bitch. I'm gonna fuck that bitch.

[B]

This is like. Okay. And this is the thing, y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

Y' all both mean what y' all are saying.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like, I've been over here. Like, I ain't even gonna hold y'. All. If you haven't yet, make sure you check out last week's episode. We're not gonna rehash it, but it was a lot going on. And we're back again with three people who do not agree. Oh, shit. Holy fuck. Was there anywhere specifically that y' all wanted to pick up from the last episode?

[C]

I kinda wanna get more into your marriage, and then we go back.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

This is an exciting thing. Let's start. Like, I don't know.

[B]

I love love.

[C]

I love when people like.

[B]

I love when I love love too, y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

Y' all don't get to understand.

[C]

Maybe so included.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I felt so like unincluded in conversations because as a woman who cool. Doesn't wanna get married, doesn't wanna have children. It's funny that we keep blaming society, but may our society. Because there's a level of not believing that my love is equal to Yalls love. Because I don't want to ring or don't want to go to a court.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

Yes, yes, yes, yes. You and Ed and told me you don't even get a serious relationship because you don't have. You don't have milestones to want to reach in relationships. So what. What do you do relationships for? Apparently creating memories wasn't a good answer, so I got to come up with another answer.

[C]

But for context, though, Mandy had made a comment about I don't want marriage, I don't want children, and I don't want to live together.

[B]

So if we do, we got to be big. There got to be wings.

[C]

That's fair. I understand not absolutely not wanting children. I get that. Totally get not wanting marriage. But for long term commitments, I at least think cohabitation.

[B]

So in the same city, he surprised

[C]

me and I was like, damn. Well, does it then feel like sometimes a relationship will have a ceiling if living together is to be more important to marriage sometimes, Right? You're like, damn, we're really in the weeds of this now.

[B]

You're really roommates.

[A]

I really don't think you should live with anyone before you marry them.

[B]

Okay. Oh, go. Why not?

[A]

Because.

[B]

Because I know Weezy's gonna disagree.

[A]

Well, I feel like if that's the case, get a roommate. I feel like. I personally feel like, why are you going to play house with a man? And that's why most women never become the wives they want to be. Oh, they want to marry a man. And I'm sure that they women are getting tired of trying to pressure that man into marrying them. You already gave him everything. Why would he buy the cow if you gave him the milk for free?

[B]

So moving in with a man first, you think?

[A]

Actually disaster. Really. I do. I think it's a mistake. And I get it. Right. Because now I just like what you

[B]

say because we see did all this shit. So I can't wait to.

[C]

I do.

[A]

I feel like it's. I feel like I don't. This is what I think. If you look at relationships, most relationships last Two to three years, they break up. Now you gotta move out when you could have just had a roommate for two or three years. And they gotta go their way. And they gotta go their way. But you get to stay in your house. You don't get to have the heartbreak and of, of changing your whole life and moving things around. And then somebody will say to you, well, don't you think that you should know how someone moves before you move in with them? No. How do you not know, you know if this person is nasty? Cause you over there all the time. I'm not saying don't spend the night. I'm not saying don't have time together. I'm not saying don't be their house. They be at your house. But you know what? I asked my therapist this a long time ago. He said, sarah, I was in a, I was in a relationship at the time. And he said, you keep moving like a wife and you're not his wife. And I said, what is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? This is not with my, my current relation, my, my husband, obviously. But he said, girlfriend and boyfriend is yours and mine.

[B]

What?

[A]

Husband and wife is ours. Is ours. This is our house. This is our car. This is our dog. No, when we're boyfriend, girlfriend, that's your house. This my house. That's your car. This my car. That's your cat. This my dog. This is separate. Because it's delusional to think that everything that we have and then we start saying it, oh, this is our place. Oh, this is our. This. No, it's not. This is a temporary roommate that you get to have sex with. That's what this is.

[C]

Do you think that there is. And I guess this is a curious thing for me as someone that you know now. Now, or maybe you, you may not believe it all the way, but maybe you believe I want Marri. So some right?

[A]

Yes, I believe you.

[C]

But would you believe. Because I feel like a lot of people did not believe me with this. I didn't really care about marriage before the living together. And I am a non traditional person. But I think I didn't care about it so much because to me I was like, I feel like I've seen a lot of friends move fast or move on a timeline that was an arbitrary number of this many months before sex, this many months before marriage. Xyz, whatever. I was never really scared that the living together would take away from possible marriage. That didn't really scare me. It didn't feel like this thing that was looming I know why somebody would think that way, but I really kind of felt like, if it'll happen to happen, I'm the girl that wants to get married in a fucking courthouse. And then, I don't know. Like, I don't have this baby doll dream of a certain thing for wedding xyz. But I wonder for you if the goal exists more than the person. Is that why you were like, I will not. Because marriage is the goal, not him?

[A]

No, marriage is not the goal for me. Happiness, peace, alignment, similar core values. Having a relationship that I'm excited to go home to.

[B]

Oh, my God, I said all these things.

[A]

Excited to take my clothes off for that is someone to grow older, someone to witness life with. Because in a fleeting world.

[B]

No, I'm laughing because when I said that, but without marriage, it sounded like butterflies and fucking unicorns. Very.

[A]

I said this.

[C]

I'm like, well, damn, you don't even want to live together.

[B]

What do you want? But I said, this is a fake memory. No, I said. So I said, I want a healthy relationship, someone I can have fun with, someone I can create memories with, someone I can travel with. I can still want to do all the things with this person. Yeah. Without the legality of us filing taxes together. And. And mind you, I've been in a business where I've had to divorce, right? It wasn't fine.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And so I've been through a divorce, Right.

[A]

Essentially.

[B]

Because to me, marriage is not much different than a business.

[A]

Yeah, essentially, it is a business.

[B]

You gotta bring assets together. And then also, the person you marry is never the person you divorce.

[C]

What's the hard. No. Then for marriage, I don't know if you've ever said it.

[B]

I will take a ring to me, and especially as to me, then it's no, no. You ready? And I say this too. Y' all could kill me for it. If, for whatever reason, my wealth crumbles, I'll marry for money to be supported. But as a woman who can provide for myself, who loves my friends, who. Who. Who actually really receives happiness from solitude and being able to just be alone and maybe just lay with my cat and not have to worry about fuck, someone else is in my home when I get off of work and I don't want to be. To me, my solitude is peace. My money, me being able to pay my own bills and not be dependent on anyone is peace. So for me, if I end up being a broke bitch down the line, then cool, I'll get married. Because then I'm gonna get married for Someone to come and take care of me. As a woman with my own autonomy who has found complete happiness with the life I've created for myself. I don't want to risk a man coming in, being tied to everything that I've made, and be able to take anything that I've done. And so for me, I've also seen women. My grandmother, she was a woman who my. My step granddad, whatever, paid for everything. And when he was done, she left with nothing and started over at 50 with nothing. For me, knowing what I've built up and seeing the Adeles, the Kelly Clarksons,

[C]

Mary J. Blige's make you feel secure

[B]

to me, humans are humans. So, no, the same way I don't trust our government. The same way a friend can come in and sleep with your man and say she was doing this. The same way the person I started a podcast with wasn't the person I ended it with. I believe that people change over time and in no way. And maybe it's the control word you always use with me. I want to feel like no one can come in and literally crumble my life.

[A]

So here's a question, and I don't want to ask it about you because I don't want to make it personal to you, but.

[B]

Oh, no, no, no, no, please do, because I ain't talking about you bitches. Like, that's another thing. When I talk, a lot of people be, like, thinking I'm generalizing or talking for someone. Yeah. When I say what I want, it's

[A]

because I just don't want to put your business out.

[B]

Oh, girl.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You wrote a book about your business.

[A]

I was about to say you're talking about that type of business, baby. Because for me, when I'm listening to you, because this is the thing, Mandy, I haven't known you long, but you are always high ass energy. You feel good, you're kind, you're yourself. And I've been apologetic. And you. No, I love that. Like, you just have. You have such a good vibe. And then also when I hear you talk, I hear wounds.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So for me, when I hear you, I. It's like a wounded lens. And if you. And it's all really based on, this person's gonna let me down, this person's gonna hurt me. I might get rejected, he might abandon me, she might abandon me, they might abandon me. That's. I'm hearing all of these things happening in everything that you're saying.

[B]

And do you know. You wanna know what that looks like to me?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Me living in reality, but, like, not the delusion. And I feel like that's the thing, right? The idea of the fairy tale life, the idea that someone's gonna be with you forever. So to me, that is someone living for this dream that I don't think is an obtainable one. At the end of that dream, it'll be a nightmare. So to me, the idea that you find this one person, you stay with them forever, and they're the best thing since sliced bread and all, to me, that's living in delusion.

[C]

But you know what? It's not, though. Mandy, you have amazing and beautiful friendships.

[B]

You ready again, too? Not only that, and when those friendships end, heaven forbid, I get to keep my home, my bank account. So that's my question. Like, so they don't get to take anything from me. When I built again, I've had a business that I was excited about, that flourished. That was a healthy relationship in the beginning that didn't end that way.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then things got taken from me. Yeah, I got that that person was someone that I didn't. I was like, wow, this is the same person. And so for me, having even experienced, to me, what is a divorce, having to go to court, having to deal with lawyers, having to deal with that, to me, that's what marriage is. And so for me, too, I believe that I also want the autonomy to be able to leave when I want to, when I can. Like to be honest with you, baby, me and Weezy done growing this thing. We married. And I say, this is our baby that stayed together. But there's been so many times, like, where I've wanted to leave, and I'm like, damn, I can't, because, oh, baby, lawyers gotta get involved, like. And I think there's a freedom that I want to always be able to have to just go and do what I wanna do. And so for me, the getting married, yeah, maybe it's cowardly to just be able to say, I wanna be able to leave when it gets hard. Maybe, I don't know. But nothing about being tied to a person. My assets being tied to a person, my livelihood being at risk of all the things feels healthy for me. And I want to be able for my partner to leave when he wants to leave.

[A]

So I, I, I hear everything that you're saying, and everything that you're saying is valid, and it's your experience, and I will never take that away from you. And at the same time, I think one of the most beautiful opportunities and blessings inside of love in marriage Is. It's all a mirror, right? People are going to hurt us. My person, I have never had my heart broken in my life. I have never. I have never cried over a man. I. I've. Is it the. What? No, girl.

[B]

Hey, girl.

[A]

No. Oh, my God. No. I've cried. Lifestyle changing.

[B]

I'll definitely cry. I ain't told a lie yet.

[C]

You ain't?

[B]

Girl, you never cry?

[A]

Hell no, I don't. I've never. I've never. I have, I guess. And to be honest, this is my first time because in my past, all of my relationships were me powerfully choosing. And I was like, I can build the love. This is the first time.

[B]

Oh, so you didn't love. You didn't go in loving them?

[A]

I. No, I built it.

[B]

You built love?

[A]

Yeah. In my mind. This is why I don't think I've ever been in love. Until Brock.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Cause Brock is the first man. As my friend, I was like, I ain't never talking to this man again. He pissed me off. I'm a cancer.

[B]

What makes you say yes to men proposing to you if you don't love them?

[A]

I love them. I said in love with them.

[B]

They did. Samantha, that's the reason I need to know.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no.

[B]

That's not Samantha.

[A]

No, no. And the only reason why I'm saying that is because I like when I walked away, it didn't. Nothing really changed for me.

[B]

So let me ask you, what does marriage then mean to you? If marriage means that you're in love with this person, you want to spend the rest of your life with them, what made you say yes to the previous two men knowing that you weren't in love with them? If marriage to you is a union of love?

[A]

Because marriage wasn't anything more than the thing that you check off in the past. It was all about doing what society says, get married, start a family, get married, start a family. It wasn't about the person. And that's the problem. If you're not after aligned core values, similar things, you know, just the way of being alignment. Like if you don't actually, if you're not in it with this person that believes in, on a core heart level what you believe, it's never going to work over time. So I agree with you in saying, oh, that person is going to leave. Oh, that person this or that person that. I can understand where that is. If you're not choosing the person that's in alignment for you.

[B]

But that's the other thing too. Are you the same person you were at 21.

[A]

Absolutely not. But this is the thing. But this is the thing.

[B]

So you're not going to be the same person right now. You're 37.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At 47.

[A]

You and Brock are not going to

[B]

be the same person.

[A]

And that's the beauty of it. It. This is what I'm saying. I think that in. In my life and some people are going to misconstrue this and they're going to make it mean whatever it means. I don't care, Brock. Because I've never experienced heartbreak. So I also should say that my meaning of heartbreak is severe disappointment is probably hurt.

[B]

Like betrayal.

[A]

Maybe not betrayal.

[C]

You've never been cheated on?

[A]

No, Actually, yeah, I did one time.

[B]

And you only got cheated on once. What must be.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I was a couple guys ago.

[B]

Actually. No, technically me too.

[A]

Yeah, I only got cheated on one time. And for me, I wasn't even mad cause he was weak. And I really only cheated treat. I only chose him because my dad was sick. And so now I was in a rush to get married. And he was like, let me marry you. Let me this. You're my dream girl, blah blah. So it was like, okay, this could be the person so that my dad can actually walk me down the aisle. So that was my own trauma bonding. Like I've really taken the time to sit with myself on why certain things have happened.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That wasn't even the guy that he asked my dad for permission to marry me. We never got. That was the two and a half times, right? When I say I've been engaged two and a half times. I was a half. Anyway, I say all that to say that if you remove betrayal. Right. Cause some people just get heartbroken because the person they love the most isn't giving them what they may need in that time or because it ends or whatever. Insert your word here. I think in my marriage, Brock will break my heart. I think that he will absolutely disappoint me because he's human. I think that he will absolutely let me down. Or things that I expected from him. Now I'm not talking about things as trivial as cheating because that's not who he is. I'm talking about on a core level, like just complete dichotomy of thought process. We are on the complete opposite ends of the spectrum. That is hurtful. Why is it hurtful? Because I don't feel safe when you think different from me. But what if the way that I was thinking isn't even the best way for me to go about things. What if his way is actually a better way? And sometimes learning that I am the problem and I am the drama I am, I break my own goddamn heart.

[B]

Can I ask you. Do you have a boundary set for yourself? You said in the last episode, you will never file for divorce.

[A]

I'm not filing for divorce. I get that.

[B]

And that's marriage. Yeah, but is there anything that he could do?

[A]

Oh, yeah, I've said that. If he starts whooping my ass, okay, but then I'm not divorced. I'm a widow.

[C]

You know what? Because one of the things I said was, I'm not scared to leave. I'll always choose myself first. And you were like. And that was when you were like, you don't really want to be married now. To me, I don't know how good of a partner we could be if we won't choose ourselves. I actually had this.

[B]

Come on, bro.

[C]

We had this conversation maybe a few months back where my partner and I talked about how much we love, that we want each other so bad, right? Like, the want, it's so intense, sometimes it does begin to feel like a need. And he's like, but I know in my heart, like, you could hurt me, and I would choose myself. And. And I do, too, like that. The mirror of that. And I wonder then if acknowledging that you could divorce maybe makes you feel like, oh, you're already setting up to fail. You're already saying, I'll give up. Is that what that sounds like?

[A]

No, I just. I don't. I. So when I think of title, right? The title of marriage or the title of supervisor or the title of teacher, it all has certain things that are necessary to happen. Now, the thing is, when you go into it, you usually know what that job requires. Marriage, on the other hand, they don't teach us. They don't teach us how to be married. They don't teach us how to be parents. They just. You just figure it out. Trial and error, right? So for us, we have already started to establish what is necessary for us to be happily married. And when those things start to change, those things start to change. The three things that I ask him all of the time are, are you happy? Do you feel desired? Do you feel appreciated? And the way that my man is so direct and blunt, he'll tell me.

[B]

He.

[A]

I'll be like, baby, I got a booty in these pants. And be like, nope. Like, he's. He is that he's not gonna sugarcoat anything. If I say, do you feel desired? And he's like, oh, I wanna try. He's gonna tell me whatever it. Whatever it is. So for me, because I understand what's necessary. The title is great, but really, it's the contents. These are the things that have to go in for you to earn this title. I don't believe I'm ever going to get divorced. Because we understand the requirements in order to stay happy. The. The desire to want to come home. And, like, actually, of the things I go up to when he's in the office, I'll go sit on his lap. And he's big, right? So his head can fit right here. And, like, you know, like his. Like, we just match. Like a. We just perfectly match. Like, we're literally just, like, right here. And he'll be holding my whole body, and then I squeeze him so tight, and I, like, look at him. You know, men try to act like they don't like all those things. They'd be like, stop. I'm like, you want me to stop? He's like, no. And then I'll, like, hug him some more, kiss him all over his face, like, I love my man.

[B]

I love.

[A]

And even. And that being said, we have had some very passionate disagreements. There's been times where, in these moments, I have to give it to God.

[C]

How long have you been together?

[A]

Six months.

[C]

Wait, wait, wait. No, no, not married.

[A]

Six months.

[B]

Six months, girl.

[C]

Mm. Hold on. Wait.

[A]

Six months.

[C]

This is not judgment, by the way. I was genuinely confused.

[B]

You know, when they say it's not judgment, it's a little judgment. It's judgment.

[A]

No, it's okay. Nah.

[C]

Cause, I mean, bro, the shit that I do, Sarah, I go on dates with bitches with my man, and we have threesomes all the time. And you could be judging me when you get home. This crazy.

[A]

I would never. I would judge you.

[C]

But I don't think six months is crazy, because you guys said you were friends first.

[A]

For two years.

[C]

So how long do you build that friendship? Let's get into that. Because that, to me, is the most interesting thing about this relationship. Because we got bitches, got a lot of friends. Go get them.

[A]

Okay, tell us. Yeah, what.

[C]

How does that happen?

[B]

How does it.

[C]

One day.

[B]

Yeah. How you go from friends to husband, wife.

[A]

It never switched. We have always loved each other, but we didn't trust each other with our hearts. And we always said that to each other. Like, we would talk about, like, do we want to do this? And he was like, I'm not ready to settle down. And I'm like, you ain't about to waste my time. I want marriage, so I am out here dating now. I believe in celibacy, right? Not celibacy, abstinence. I do not think that women should sleep with men until they are, like, officially together. Exclusively together.

[B]

I'm not gonna lie. I'm breaking up with a nigga if the dick is bad. Like, I don't understand how you get with somebody before.

[C]

Because to me, I still understand boyfriend, girlfriend.

[A]

Not boyfriend, girlfriend. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[B]

Oh, I've made a nigga my boyfriend right after. Like, okay, now we together.

[A]

But you can't make it. Men will be like, oh, okay. They don't mean it, though.

[B]

Ooh, I done told. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're my boyfriend, and you're gonna let everyone know that you have a girlfriend.

[A]

And did they do that?

[B]

And did.

[A]

And were they exclusive?

[B]

Well, I'm non monogamous, so to me, this exclusive. Like, does everyone know about me? Yeah, even the bitches in the sex club know who the fuck I was. Like, Like. Like, when you say exclusive, like, fakeness sound crazier.

[C]

The bitches in the sex club knew me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because that's how the bitches knew who the fuck I was. And so, like, to me, I'm non monogamous. Okay, but.

[A]

But you still have rules.

[C]

Of course.

[A]

You still have boundaries.

[B]

There's boundaries, there's conversations.

[A]

But you should know when you keep saying I'm non monogamous, it makes it sound like, this is one of my boyfriends, and we get to do what we do, but I also still get to do whatever I want to do, and he gets to do whatever he wants to do.

[B]

But that's the thing. Set the parameters with everybody. That's what I'm saying. Not everyone gets to just do it. You don't get to be out here just fucking bitches raw and all. Like, there's boundaries set forth for every person involved. Yeah, like. Like, and if you don't want to be here, I might be sad, but you don't have to be here. Yeah, like, there's a way that I show up where I'm honest. I make sure that you're happy. I check in. Like, is everything good? Am I. Am I what you need in your life as well? Yeah. And vice versa. Like, that's a conversation that's constantly had.

[A]

Yeah, well, then, so that's different. You. You. You're selective. You are exclusive. You're just exclusive to who you choose. It's not to one person 100% but

[B]

I don't see how exclusive to somebody before you know what the dick do I mean, because there's a level of. Are you. Would you consider yourself then maybe, like.

[A]

And maybe this sapiosexual.

[B]

Okay, but you're not asexual.

[A]

Like, I don't know, like a hyena.

[B]

Like, could you go without sex?

[C]

You don't need it.

[B]

Like, you don't need sex. You don't need sex.

[A]

No, I. No, if I have a person, I need sex. Like, I need sex with my person.

[B]

But you need the person to be your person before you have sex.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Okay, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, walk me through.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Friends.

[C]

So y' all are friends.

[A]

We're friends.

[C]

How does the ring randomly happen?

[A]

Okay, so this is what happened. We are the friends where all of our friends used to say, y' all just need to get married. We've always had energy. We've always, always. And we talked about it. And he. Tall, dark, handsome, rich, big house, crazy. He got. He's. Girls would do everything for this man for nothing. They just want to. They just want to take a picture by the pool, take a picture in the mirror. That's all these girls wanted. They just want to be. To say whatever so much. So this is how I'm. I'm known on all of his friends.

[B]

A lot of those women.

[A]

And he's talking. We talk about everything. There's nothing I don't know about this man. There's no woman that could come up to me and surprise me with shit. I already know people that come and Kiki in my face, like, dang, that's crazy. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. You love my podcast. Meanwhile, I already know, because he's gonna let me know. And if we're in a new space and there's women that he smashed, because women have a way of coming up and acting like, oh, my God, I love your podcast.

[B]

How quick do you want him to tell you if you in a room? And, like, how quick does he need to tell you, I fucked this many people in this room. How quick does it need to happen? Because we used to talk about.

[A]

I mean, it doesn't matter, but don't have her in my face.

[C]

It doesn't matter.

[A]

Like, he's probably gonna tell me while we're at the event. It doesn't have to be like, oh, my God, that one and then that one and that one and then that one. Like, it's like, as it comes up, it comes up. It's not. There's no rule to It. It's just, don't let these girls come play in my face. Like, don't do that. And he won't let these girls play in my face. So I say that to say that there was one party that we went to, and one of the girls that he used to deal with, she cried to me. She cried to me about how she does everything for him. She swings from the chandelier sexually, she wakes him up to head. She does this, she does. She cooks, she cleans, she does everything.

[C]

You should have put him to bed with him, girl.

[A]

She was like, I love him. I love him so much. And he just won't commit to me. And I told her, big sis at the time, I had no dog in the fight. This is my friend for real. I said, you need to raise your standards and set stronger boundaries because he's only treating you the way you let him. He's only taking what you offer. If somebody offers me a million dollars for free, I'm taking it. If someone offers me $10 for free, I'm taking it. And if there's no strings attached, all I gotta do is just say, oh, yeah, sure, I'll take that. I'm taking it. Why wouldn't a man wanna have a situationship? Why wouldn't a man wanna smash you and dash you? Why wouldn't a man take what it is that you. I don't understand. And then women say these things like, no, he acts like he's my boyfriend. No, he doesn't. Because he told you the words. He told you he never wanted anything. He told you he's not looking for anything right now. He told you he's just seeing how it goes. And you allowed that man to waste your time. And that's you looking like the female being Boo Boo the fool, not this man. So for me, I. I've always known that this man has been outside when I tell you he's been outside. And I love that for him. Get it out. And then he started slowing down, tapering off, still having, you know, the few that he picked from and whatever, whatever.

[C]

So was the shift for him. Then it was for both of us

[A]

because I was dating someone else. And what really flipped me upside down was Costa Rica. We went to Costa Rica for my birthday, me and a group of friends. Now, when we went to Costa Rica, I was supposed to be bringing a man on this trip. That was my man. Okay, that was over. So we're a month out from my Costa Rica trip, and he was supposed to be bringing a girl and as soon as I wasn't bringing my guy, my cousin and my sister called him and said, please don't bring no hoe on this trip. And he was like, nah, if Sarah don't want somebody to bring. Don't want me to bring somebody in, she needs to tell me herself. And I was like, I ain't saying nothing.

[C]

I ain't saying.

[A]

That was my ego, right? Like, if you wanna bring somebody, bring somebody. And then I was like, okay, please don't bring no meaningless hoe on this trip. So he was like, okay, I'm not going to bring anybody on this trip. When we were in Costa Rica, the

[C]

bishop was crying, man.

[B]

No, it wasn't.

[A]

He had several. He had options, you know. But when we were in Costa Rica, that was my man in Costa Rica. And not from a sense of like a. Like a sexual thing. Because we've always had. We've always had energy. Like everybody. The way he looks out for me, the way he takes care of me, I don't even really drink. But he. If he threw a kickback or we would go out, he's the one that will put me in an Uber and make sure that I get home. He's the one that is being like, okay. When we were in Costa Rica, we had this drink called the Serras, right? Cause I don't really drink, but it's like a Irish cream with a rum and Coca cola. It was so good. It was so good.

[B]

That sounds so good.

[C]

All right. Pina colada.

[B]

It was so good.

[C]

But I say that to say that

[A]

while we were out there, because we had a chef and we had a bartender and we had like, you know, all the whatchamacallit. What do they call the butler?

[C]

Oh, said Butler.

[A]

So we have the Butler. Cause we have like this three mansioned out separate parts villa in Costa Rica. It's incredible. And so he tells the bartender, don't put any more rum in her drinks. She's done. Just pour her the little Kahlua and Irish cream and the Coke. Cause I'm not a drinker. And I'm over here getting lit every day for my birthday. That's not even like me. And he took care of me every night. Not took advantage. He made sure that I was good. And so we were in sync on that trip that we were like, what are we gonna do when we get back home? This is July of this year, by the way. Or last year. Sorry, this was my birthday last year. And we're like, dang, like, I don't know. So we go back home, and when we get back home, he's doing what he's doing. I still have another person that I'm dating. So now I don't know where this

[C]

is about to go.

[A]

I'm over here. Like, I don't know what to do. This man is talking to me about marriage. And you want me to be your girlfriend? No, I'm not doing that. I wanna be a wife.

[B]

So that's.

[C]

Wait, who's talking about marriage?

[A]

The other guy that I was dating. Okay, girl, so Brock, that's July, August. We start having a conversation again. Like, well, what do you think about. This is August of last year.

[B]

Now he said, well, what are we. No, no, he said, I want to be a wife.

[A]

I want to be a wife. No, we start. We have the conversation of like, man, like. Like, where do we go from here? Because now, to be honest, I'm talking to somebody else, but I'm thinking about him. I had never experienced him like that before. You know, it's always like. I. Like, it's always been, you know, cat and mouse.

[C]

I know that person must think you're

[B]

crazy, because before even the dick, now you thinking about. Because he was nice to you.

[A]

No, not because he was nice. It's how in sync we were.

[B]

But y' all were friends for two years before this. But you had always been in sync, right?

[A]

Not like that. Okay. Not like that. We've always had energy, though. Like, for sure, but this was different.

[C]

So August comes, you're like, I want to be a wife.

[A]

No, August comes and we having a conversation again. And he's like, you gotta. I'm just gonna quote. Please bleep. You bleep out cuss words.

[B]

No, girl, we is not bleeping out your goddamn cursing.

[A]

Sir, if you don't curse your mother.

[B]

Oh, my God, this is.

[A]

And y' all see, this is a quote from my man, okay? So he says to me. Cause at the time, I'm dating a whole other person who is a great man, well off man, handsome man, a good man, a God fearing man.

[B]

You should give us his AT so we could give him.

[A]

He's such a girl. And he's like, he really was just a good man. And Brock told me, you need to let that nigga go.

[B]

And I said, wait, the curse word is nigga?

[A]

No, not yet. He ain't got that yet. We ain't got that.

[C]

I was like, God.

[A]

I don't say that either, though. Not on public platforms. But it is what it is. He said, you need to Let him go. I said, do you understand what you're trying to tell me to do? And he was like, I said what? I said. I said, I'm not letting go of nobody until you let go of folks. And so now it's a whole other week of conversation about letting people go. Well, we about to do this. And the other. I'm like, so then it's a real conversation. I'll never forget this. We in the theater room at the house. And he said, you need to let that man go. And this is on August 12th. Okay? This is going to be in my mind forever. August 12, he said, you need to let that man go. I said, I am not letting go of a marriage minded man to be your girlfriend. I love you, but if I'm not what you want, just be my friend. You know what I mean? Like, it's okay. You could be my friend.

[B]

We don't have to ruin this friendship.

[A]

Yeah, be my friend. Cause I know we can't. We locked in. I've already tried to get rid of you. One time I told him, he lowered my stock. He got mad. He's like, I'm never talking to her again. Like, she. This is why we were friends. We've been through it as friends. This is what I'm saying. Like, I know this man.

[B]

For real?

[A]

For real. Anyway, so August 12, he said, you need to let that man go. I said, do you get what you're telling me? Like, again, like, do you understand what you're telling me? He said, fuck that nigga. I said, excuse me? Like, do you understand what you're saying? Like you're saying, let go of a man that's marriage minded for you because you're ready for commitment. He said, like. I said, fuck that nigga. And I was like, oh, okay. So the very next day, I sent a message and I let that man know.

[B]

Wait, you cut the man off before you got the ring?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cause he sick. Oh, no, girl.

[A]

Oh, no. It gets crazier.

[C]

Did you guys have a kiss yet?

[A]

Yeah, well, we were in skits together, so we had already.

[B]

We were in skits together.

[A]

Girl, he's my love interest. In skits.

[B]

Girl, that don't count.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

No, no, no. A real life kiss, not an acting work kiss.

[A]

In Costa Rica, we kissed for sure.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

Yeah, in Costa Rica, we definitely.

[C]

So that's what kept him on your mind? Okay.

[B]

And you didn't rub the cross?

[C]

No.

[B]

You just. You didn't know.

[C]

I think she seen something.

[B]

She saw Brock's clock. So that was August 12th, I let

[A]

go of the dude. And then August 18th, we got married. Wait, six days later, August 18th, he called my dad somewhere in there, asked him for permission to marry me. My whole family knows him. All my friends know him. His mom. When he called his mom, he called his mom and said, mom, I'm getting married. She said, to who, Sarah? Everybody. Anybody that he told. Everybody was like, to Sarah. When I was like, I'm getting married, they were like, to who? Like, which one of them? You know, like. But I was like, to Brock. And when I tell you, my parents are so happy because Brock is like. He's like. He's a husband already. You know, he actually wants to be a husband. He wants to be a father. He wants to have a family. He wants to have, like.

[C]

Let me fix my face a little bit. Are you shocked?

[B]

I ain't gonna hold you. This sounds crazy.

[A]

It is crazy. Y' all want to say you not traditional. Me either.

[C]

So I will tell you this, Sarah. My face is stuck. Right? Yeah. My mom. My. My. My parents are still together. They've been married about 37 years. Yeah, she had a husband that she married the day she met him. Remember? And they were together eight years. Not saying that. You guys won't make it forever. I just meant to say, oh, you can last. The only reason I'm is because. So you're getting to know him, and I know you believe because on a

[A]

relational level, yes, it's different. It's learning him on a completely different. Completely different. And that in the past, has been a lot of our. A lot of our challenges. Now, I'll say this, too, because you don't have to tiptoe around me. I know who I chose. I know when he's grumpy. I know when he's irritated. I know when he's happy. I know when he's not saying anything, but I see his mind. I know this man.

[B]

These days, you guys, within those six days and before getting married, you're telling me there was, like, y' all got married six days?

[C]

No.

[B]

Prenup. Prenup conversation, kink conversation, fetish conversation. Like, there's still so many other layers.

[A]

Like, but also, I feel like even as far as, like, sex before. So when we would be on set, and it's really like a bunch of friends on set shooting at my condo, right? We would have. Have a lot of different types of conversations.

[B]

Conversations.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

We would have conversations about prenups, postnups. We would have conversations about kink confettishes. We would have. Because it was really just all of my closest friends in one place.

[B]

Yeah, I don't. My friends.

[A]

Yeah, we just. We just shooting the. Whatever.

[C]

Have you seen the clip? I think I shared it with you. A man.

[B]

A man.

[C]

Doesn't. I, by the way, do not believe

[A]

I already know what you're gonna say. A man doesn't choose who he loves the most. A man chooses.

[C]

That's when he's ready.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Now he's ready.

[B]

I believe that, too. It's all timing with Beth.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Does that make you feel.

[B]

Ooh, Good question. And where you going? Go ahead. Ooh, Weezy like the spice.

[A]

Cause I do spice it, baby.

[C]

I actually do believe you're in love with each other. I don't think it's just you. I think you're in love with each other.

[B]

But

[C]

does it make you feel. Feel. Maybe now? Because now we're in February, so now you feel it more. Did you not feel a little bit invalidated by August 18th of, like, he wants to get married to somebody. I'm a good woman. I'm a beautiful woman. I'm a smart woman. He's choosing me because I'm it. I'm who it is. No, because it's now, like, yeah, tell me how that made you feel. Because I'm very fairy tale dreamland of,

[A]

like, I want to feel it, I want to grow it, I want to be.

[C]

Yeah. Yours was like, boom.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

How does that make you feel? Cause that clip of that man that we all just referenced. A man doesn't marry the person he loves the most. He marries a woman who's there when he's ready.

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

Now, you were there when he was ready because he chose you as this person no matter how many women were dying and crying.

[A]

Yeah. I don't think he was all the way ready when he chose me. Firstly, I think that he was just

[B]

more scared to lose you, maybe.

[A]

Yes. That's what I. And that's what he says. He says, number one, the reason why he didn't dive into a relationship with me ahead of time was because he knew he was on his bullshit and he didn't want to mishandle me. And he told me that before. He was like, I've never wanted to mishandle you. Which was one of the reasons why. It was like, okay, we got energy, but also I'm dealing with this guy and this guy and this guy, and we both. We all. All of the things. Like, I don't. And then also, I'm not so naive. As to think that I'm any more special than other women. I think he and I make sense because we make sense. I think that he also was probably with other women that he could have chose if he wanted to. Get ready for him.

[C]

There is a woman watching this that's dated him at some point. That's seething.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And it's so interesting. Like, think about it. I'm not even trying to be funny and bring up other bitches. Yeah. I'm dead ass serious. She's just like, what the fuck?

[A]

Yeah. It's.

[C]

It's mind blowing. And it also. I think the thing I would feel the most insecure about, not that Brock would leave me, not that Brock would cheat on me, it's that, holy shit, it was that fast. The speed would scare me. Does the speed. Do you think anybody should do this? Do you think other people should do this? Do you think what you think it was?

[B]

I'm gonna come in tomorrow, married.

[A]

Why? I think. I don't know. I don't feel insecure about our timeline at all. Because he was already my friend. And I can honestly and with confidence say, because I reflect on everything. Where am I the drama? Where am I the problem? Where am good? Where am I bad? What's working? What's not? And I realized that for the first time in my adult life, this wasn't me powerfully choosing someone and building love. This was someone I already loved. That now I'm powerfully choosing, and that made all the difference. I love the hell out of this man. Now I just get to have sex with him as well. Now I just get to say I'm his wife as well. Now I just get to all of these different. Even. Even, like. Like, even if we were to get into, you know, start. Cause we're starting our own little, like, meet the shorters. Cause we're quirky, we're corny. Okay. I live a life. Corn on the cob, baby. And the funniest part to me is women will say, oh, I don't like him. He's corny. Not my man. But I don't like him. He's corny. He's a simp. He this, he that. What is that? A man that is thoughtful. A man that's compassionate. A man that thinks about you. A man that's not disrespecting you. That's why these women out here are single. Girl.

[C]

My man brings me flowers every Saturday. Right? And there was literally a bitch that said. And I remember it. I said it on another podcast. And she was like, so it really makes flowers not special.

[B]

Shut the up.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

So flowers aren't special because he gives them to me too much.

[B]

Are you high?

[A]

That's how they.

[B]

No, women are. Women are nuts.

[A]

Like, crazy.

[C]

Crazy to me.

[B]

Yeah, y'. All. Y' all been crazy to me. Sitting next to y', all, too. Like, women are just crazy.

[A]

Hold on, hold on.

[B]

She crazy.

[A]

I am.

[B]

You think I've been agreeing with you. I. I'm.

[A]

All I'm saying is I know I'm untraditional, but I feel confident in my choice. And I will also say, you know, honestly, like, I'm married to my best friend.

[C]

For real.

[A]

And that's also why I say guys and girls can't just be friends because.

[B]

Cause you done came out here. I see why you say that, babe. I see why you say that.

[A]

I see I haven't been in my friend zone. We had him as friends, even though

[B]

we were friends and the bitches he was fucking was coming to cry to me. They didn't have it.

[C]

Yeah. Everyone on your podcast knows your story, right? Yeah. Have you.

[A]

Wait, they didn't know we were already married?

[B]

Cause she kept that a secret.

[C]

How. What is some of the hurtful things you've seen thus far? Have you seen hurtful stuff from him? No, from just comments, people. Have you seen something hurtful?

[A]

Oh, my God. Yeah, we did a podcast episode. I wouldn't say hurtful because I don't give a damn. Like, I don't.

[C]

Rude.

[A]

What'd you say?

[C]

Rude? Someone being rude?

[A]

Oh, yeah, all the time, girl. On my wedding day, I had some woman send me a screenshot of a conversation that they had in the DMs from 2024. Hey, girl. You just seem like a really nice woman, and I just wanted to share this with you. She said we never met up or anything, but I just wanted you to know now in America, he like the

[B]

fuck that y' all was DMing on

[A]

my wedding day, bitch, I'm not gonna lie. On my wedding day.

[B]

We never met, but I just wanted you to know. Wanted me to know what? That y' all was DMing each other

[A]

and they never even hooked up.

[C]

Sarah, let me go follow you so I can see this mess, girl.

[A]

And not only not even that. I'm a follow back, too.

[C]

And by the mask, I mean, what's to come? Cause you know they coming.

[A]

Oh, no, I know they've been coming.

[B]

Wait, what else have they tried to do?

[A]

Oh, my God. I've got people.

[B]

And that's the crazy Thing. Y' all been just be acting like, ooh, black love. Y' all want to see a crumble?

[A]

They do.

[B]

Y' all do not really like to see people happy.

[C]

Oh, how cute.

[B]

That's.

[C]

Your friends look gorgeous. You look so happy.

[A]

This man. We did a dance. Like, our first dance. We did a dance at our wedding. Like, it was so special for me

[B]

because what was the song?

[A]

And then it turned into Usher. There Goes My Baby.

[C]

It was from Twilight.

[A]

It was like a classic.

[B]

Like vampires and werewolves.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Oh, that's your main girl?

[A]

Yes, Yes.

[B]

Y' all both like Twilight. You know what, though?

[A]

No, no, no, he doesn't. I chose a song. And that's another thing, too. Like, and sometimes it was frustrating, but

[B]

you chose it from Twilight.

[A]

Yes. It's so pretty. I can't play it because I don't want this to get demonetized, but sing it.

[B]

Sing it. Give me a Twilight song.

[A]

Music. It's like pianos. Cause we did, like, a. Like, a waltzy type of.

[C]

And you guys had already been having sex, and that still happened.

[A]

Wait, what?

[C]

Cause you guys had their wedding.

[B]

She said they ain't have sex.

[A]

No, no, we. We had sex after our wedding day. The only reason why we didn't have sex before our Wedding day was August 18th.

[B]

You wasn't fucking. You didn't fuck when he married you on the 18th?

[A]

No, I was.

[B]

Y' all didn't fuck after the courtroom?

[A]

I was on my cycle.

[B]

Oh, bitch. Y' all married now. He better fuck through that blood. Wait one motherfucking moment. How long until he. Y' all got married on August 18th? Yeah. When the fuck was the wedding?

[A]

February 15th.

[C]

Bitch.

[B]

Y' all waited.

[A]

You didn't know? We didn't wait till the wedding? I didn't say that.

[B]

That's what you said. That's what we heard. No, no, no, no. How long? Probably August 20th.

[A]

August 9th. As soon as my cycle was over.

[B]

You wouldn't even let your husband fuck you with blood.

[A]

I'm open. He don't do the. He's.

[B]

Oh, okay. Okay, okay.

[A]

Yeah, I'm. I'm. Look, this my.

[B]

Look. We was just like.

[A]

I would never do that. I would never do that.

[B]

So he still had to wait two days.

[C]

That's crazy. I know. Wait, wait, wait. Can you just walk me through?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The ring didn't exist yet either, right?

[A]

We. No, it didn't.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Wait.

[B]

He proposed to you August 12th?

[A]

Did you guys wake up that morning

[C]

and say, let's do it? Cuz you knew. You said, let's get married. I'm getting married, Mom. Blah, blah, blah. Was that the like. Like August 18th was just the day

[B]

that y' all went to the courthouse?

[A]

No, actually, because August 12th is when we made the decision that we. I liked the number 818.

[B]

Oh, girl, not you wanting to be Kylie Jenner.

[A]

I know. I felt like 818 when y' all moving to LA, right? Mine is three, by the way.

[C]

That's my parents wedding anniversary.

[B]

Kendall hers now, too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is the Kardashian to kill.

[A]

Okay, well, 818 is our anniversary or whatever. And yeah, I just wanted to. I wanted to have it on that day. So we actually ended up waiting until that day.

[B]

Wow. Girl, you don't like D. You crazy. I ain't gonna hold you. I'm not waiting to give a nigga some coochie foot to wait.

[A]

Ask him now.

[C]

So, okay, this makes less of it. Cause last week when we had Sarah on and out, we were waiting till marriage. It's not really waiting. No, but. So you wait till the 18th. It happens. You move in that night.

[A]

No, but I never really went back home, so. Okay, so I had a condo. I literally just got rid of my condo and started moving all my stuff into the house. And. Yeah.

[C]

Did any of your friends be like, bitch, you are crazy?

[A]

No, all of them were like, it's.

[B]

They were supporting.

[A]

Cause everybody, when I tell you, everybody.

[C]

I don't think that the propose that. Let's do. This is crazy. I think what would sound crazy to me is, like, the timeline. Because of the other person.

[A]

Yeah, I was. I. Yeah, I get it. It is crazy. It is absolutely bananas. And also, we figured it out. You know what I mean? It's willingness.

[C]

I wonder if age plays a part in it being more certain. Absolutely.

[B]

How old is he?

[A]

Same age. We're both 37. And that's the thing, too. It's so funny because someone actually commented the other day on one of my videos, and they were like, as if. Because they tried to say how Cam came on the podcast and said on the podcast that I bullied him into marrying me.

[B]

He did say that.

[A]

Yeah. I did not bully anyone. I said, this is my standard where

[C]

he was the bully. Cause you didn't wanna let the other guy go.

[B]

No, no. Basically saying, like, we're not gonna be together at all unless you marry me.

[A]

Right. But it wasn't that at all. It was this. I desire to be a wife. If you don't want to be a husband, just be my friend. And I don't have to lose you.

[C]

Maybe I lost something. Then it sounded like marriage was what you wanted, but it didn't sound like be my husband or nothing. Was that it?

[A]

No, it wasn't.

[C]

I didn't know that.

[B]

Well, Cam did because he did my podcast.

[C]

He also heard play Tony.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Maybe he got marriage at some point.

[C]

You know, actually, speaking of marriage and Cam, I watched, by the way, Lex, Andrea stars in that show. Fucking hilarious, Funny, silly, cheeky, Great job. And also breaking him down a little bit and letting him get comfortable. I was so embarrassed watching him talk about marriage. And Jasmine. And I like her.

[A]

I like her, too.

[C]

I like watching her clips. I think she's not the brightest person all the time for the things that she said about kids.

[A]

Him.

[C]

No, but I like her. Yeah. And watching him comment on their relationship and just kind of how it's whatever. And wants to be sure. How dare you. Oh, she literally went on Shan Booty's podcast and not only had the world laughing at her about how she takes care of him, which, by the way, she said something that I do. I'mma pack my man's bag. I'm gonna do all that little stuff.

[B]

I love.

[C]

I love the catering. I don't think it makes you a simple at all. Yeah, if you like that. You're just that type of person.

[A]

Pick me.

[C]

Pick me. Whatever. Don't care.

[A]

Got chosen also, by the way.

[C]

Huh?

[A]

Go ahead, keep going.

[C]

You said got chosen?

[A]

Yeah. You're chosen. She chosen. I do the same thing.

[B]

But you know what's crazy? I was mad when Kim came onto your show. I was mad. I was agreeing with him. Everything he said about marriage is what I believe in. Now. Do I believe that? Do I believe that he should have made three women baby mamas? No. But again, there are women that might not want marriage. Maybe Jaz isn't pressing him to be married.

[C]

Get the fuck out of here.

[B]

But that's what I'm saying. Not every woman wants marriage. So y' all are society right now.

[C]

No, no, no, no.

[B]

She may not want marriage.

[C]

The woman that made the comment about folding every little piece of I will. That woman wants marriage.

[B]

I will fold my man's clothes and spread his cheeks wide and lick it to the heavens. Just because I go above and beyond to show how much I love my man doesn't mean I want to be a wife.

[C]

You can be believe that means I

[B]

believe that there are women that do not want to be a wife. And if she. And he sat there and said she doesn't want for nothing, she's a mom. Do I think that maybe there's ways that he doesn't show up for her emotionally? Yes, because she also sat on a panel and talked about feeling exhausted, that she just had a baby and wasn't getting help.

[C]

Mandy, she's had how many children with him?

[B]

2.

[C]

And you think that she doesn't want.

[B]

A woman that has a baby with a kid doesn't necessarily mean they want to be the wife to Mindy.

[C]

She's got two, so.

[B]

And there's three. There's two other women who have three by him.

[C]

And can you imagine how that feels?

[B]

I can imagine, yes. But here's the thing, and that's where

[C]

not wanting marriage is believable. Not from her.

[B]

Well, and why. But you don't know her.

[C]

I'm literally telling you, I don't think this girl is a dumb, dumb.

[B]

I do believe that you just said she's not the brightest thing. She's not the brightest thing all the time.

[C]

But I think she's made comments that are. Let me just cut this. I don't think she's a dum dum. If you have two children by a man and wouldn't take marriage to secure your children, your future, your place in their life, and not literally, only, frankly, their livelihood, you are a dumb, dumb.

[B]

Marriage does not secure that.

[C]

That's saying that.

[B]

You take DJ Mustard's wife, for example. There are a lot of women who married, who had children by a man that at the end of that marriage are not being taken care of, are not in a secure place because they're no longer married. Marriage is not the solution to being secure forever. Whether you are a baby mom or not. A man could literally sit here, marry you guys in a state it's not.

[C]

Well, guess what? It's closer than what she got now.

[B]

But this idea of closeness, this idea of a hierarchy of a relationship.

[A]

Can I just say one thing, though? Because the only thing that I don't understand, and we got to it a little bit.

[B]

She don't get on enough podcasts. We gotta hear Jasmine.

[A]

I would love to hear Jasmine talk. Hell, she's got to do a, A, a, a group circle of, of trying to understand, and we have to be

[B]

able to believe her.

[A]

I'm trying to understand, like, the way

[B]

you believe that I don't want to be married because I have reasons.

[C]

But I know you said that, though, you.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

But also, I do think. Mandy, I think you're scared of marriage. I think you would be married.

[B]

No, I don't Want nobody taking my shit. Like, even that.

[A]

That's not marriage.

[B]

No, it is marriage when you combine

[A]

shit, like, somehow you've created. But that is not marriage. Marriage is a covenant under whatever God you believe in where you are committed to this person for those experiences to witness.

[B]

I can have all experiences without signing a piece of paper.

[A]

I mean, whether. Whether or not you sign a piece of paper or not. That's not. That's not my point. My.

[B]

My point is wearing a ring doesn't make it calling a. My hubby and I'm his wifey. Like, this idea. And that's the thing. Like, so as marriage is more security for families. But that's why I said that. But can I just sound like society? No, this idea.

[A]

This is my point. The only thing that I would say. I don't.

[B]

You.

[A]

Y' all know me. I'm not judging. I don't care what anybody does with their life. Y' all do you. I'm gonna do me. Look, I got married in six days. You know what I mean? Like, who am I to you Tell. Tell who to who or how to do what? What I will say is the thing that hurts my heart with this relationship, because I know you could tell Cam loves her, and I don't know her at all. I would assume that obviously she loves him. And the way that society is. I don't understand why, when we're all saying, did she want to be married? Does she want to be married? Because Cam said on my podcast, yeah, she probably does want to be married. Most women want to be married. So if he's saying that on the show, and we could probably equate that to she does also want to be married, then why. Why allow society to talk about her that way?

[B]

Oh, I'm not gonna lie. Just because this is a no kink shaming podcast. Yeah, they. She may have a humiliation kink. That's. Oh, I. What? I'm sticking up for her. She may have a humiliation kink.

[C]

Candy, that's not sticking up for her.

[B]

Yes, it is. He goes on the goddamn Internet every week and embarrasses. She might get off by that and suck his dick when he comes home. Oh, my God, they're talking so much shit about me. Fuck me now. Like, she might have. No, no, no. There could be a humiliation kink. This could be a thing where they joke about the Internet not getting them. This might be why she is no longer that voice that went on stage that created skits. She may be someone that likes to be like, y' all can say whatever y' all want. This man love me down. And to be fair, whether we think it's embarrassing or not, that man loves her down and has and tells it all like he's chosen her. She's good. She don't want all the things.

[C]

So we know that there's one place that he won't go with her, and it's marriage and his answer to it even.

[B]

But I just thought the fact that

[C]

Lex, Andrea can sit there and get. You stumbled about a woman you live with and have two children with, what was the stumbling?

[B]

Well, I.

[C]

You know what I mean, like maybe like it was just. Like it wasn't even just a clear. And also to that point of being embarrassing. Talking about being sure, how dare you put two children in me, make life with me, and then act as though you weren't sure if I could even have a paper from you.

[B]

What does the paper mean?

[C]

That's what we're talking about. I'm just making marriage basic in terms of paper. You love me, I'm this. I'm good enough to be here. I'm good enough to make your meals, fuck, Raise your children, fucking do everything for you. Yeah. Be that. Be your partner. But you're not sure about that. Yeah, that to me is a slap in the face.

[A]

That's tough. And for me, I'm not gonna say what's a slap in the face or what's humiliating. All I'm saying is the Internet goes in on her. And one way that that could drastically change is if he married the girl. Because if she really is, like he said on my podcast, the tip of the spear, no one's above her. She is the number one, then why continue to allow people to talk about her?

[B]

This conversation reminds me of how patriarchy has us fucking brainwashed. Because the fact that then you're saying everyone will stop talking shit about her if he puts a ring on her finger reminds me that because I've chosen not to be married, society is always gonna look at me as bitch you, boo boo the fool, bitch you less than bitch. Cause a man didn't put this on your finger. And y' all are infiltrating something that removes the autonom of women now not having to be just be wives and mothers.

[C]

If there's a power dynamic in that specific relationship that we could see like we see it. So to me, it's not patriarchal. There's a power dynamic. We watched her talk about submissiveness, so we already are creating the patriarchy in the way she described their relationship.

[B]

We talk about sub and dom even again from. Again. If. If I even go into the Houston humiliation kink. You've also said here, as someone who's more sub, the sub has more power than the dom. You've sat here and said, in my submissiveness, I hold the power. I get to run the shots. So if we've talked. If we've seen her talk about asking for sex, if we've sat here and talked and seen. We've talked about submissiveness as someone coming in to be the cleaner and like, there's so many ways to be submissive. And when she said, I packed that man's luggage if he wants me to turn on the light when he walks in the room. There's a submission thing. But we've talked about submissiveness, of actually being the more powerful one in the relationship. And so for me, we can't say that and then feel like there's this power dynamic that's not there because she doesn't have a ring.

[A]

I think she should just come out and say she doesn't want to be married. And I think if she just came out and said to get jobs from.

[B]

Stop talking shit.

[A]

No, if she doesn't want to be married, then all of this makes sense. And you're 1,000% right. But if she does desire to be married, then she. She is already moving like a wife. She's given him children. She cleans the house. She lives. She does the. This. She does. She does everything. And this goes back to why I don't think people should live together before they're married. Get a roommate. Get a girlfriend. Get. I'm not talking about sexual girlfriend. A female friend that lives in the house with you. Get a gay friend that lives in

[B]

the house with you.

[A]

Do not move in with the person that you're dating because why would you buy the cow if you get the milk for free? Now, there are exceptions to the rule. Most of us are not exceptions. Okay, Most of us. Does it happen every day? Sure. Is that the majority? No. Most people date for two or three years and then they break up. And it is what it is. And then you. You rinse, wash, and repeat. You did the same cycle just continues to go and go and go. Why? Because you don't have any boundaries. That's one thing. Let. Let the. The man will get in where he wants to fit in. If I said to Brock, because. Do you know how many. Two. Two. His two last Girlfriends.

[C]

Friends.

[A]

I'm pretty sure two. Anyway, I'm not gonna say which is which order, because I want them to figure it out. But there were two women that were like, I'm ready to be married. So if we're not going to be married, then we're going to break up. And he was like, okay, broke up both of them. Another one went overseas. I'm ready to be married. I don't have to take this job. I would love to be married. And he's not safe, light. You know what I mean? So a man will get in where he will fit in one, when he's ready. And two, if. If you fit the. Whatever it is that he needs in his mind to look like wife. What we know about that. And those two, they're moving like husband and wife. Everything they're doing is husband and wife. It screams husband and wife. Because I think the majority of people also are just married and will never experience what it is to be husband and wife. Husband and wife has staying power, has effective communication. You're willing to have the hard conversations. And also for. For women because the less regulated person. Right. Usually, oftentimes, in most cases, let me not say all are generalized, but I'm great at generalizing. We are. Like in my marriage, I have learned what to give to God because I can't change a man overnight. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to be triggered or bothered or upset or annoyed or any of. Or angry or whatever it could possibly be. But do any of those emotions, are those conducive at all to getting the change that I want? No go. So what do I do? I go in the closet, I pray, I cry, I give it to God, I let it go. If you're moving like a wife, and this is why I'm saying when we were having the conversation last week and we were talking about certain things you will be required to sacrifice in a marriage and if it makes you happy, resentment, or if it makes you. That's the stuff you gotta pray away.

[C]

But see, I do think that requirement is subjective to each person.

[A]

Of course.

[C]

Coconut, you're cuckoo to think right. But you and Brock would sit there, watch this back with me and be like, they're fucking crazy to me.

[B]

They both of us. Jesus.

[C]

I do believe it's only as happy, you're only as happy as the rules you set for each other. Yeah, we're in 20, 26. Relationships look so different. Dynamics are so different for everybody. I remember someone once told me when I was young, my mom is very loud and extroverted and my dad is very passive. He's a Middle Eastern guy, just kind of quiet. And she was like. My parents say, your. Your mom is running circles around him, and she's doing this and she's doing that. When I was younger and all I could think to myself is, and he

[A]

like it, and he likes it.

[C]

My dad will talk about my mom like my wife, she's crazy. She's always talking. She makes everybody laugh.

[A]

Da, da, da.

[C]

He watches her like he's watching tv.

[B]

He loves it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And someone else would think, how dare the wife speak first, introduce herself first. Do this. Come on. Give us your. Give me the checkbook, honey. That's my mom.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

My look is disrespectful. That's their thing, right? It's their. The way that they click.

[A]

So I just get it how you live it.

[C]

This connection and conversation we're having all together shows me how different we all think marriage is. Yours may be more traditional textbook or biblical definition where mine is totally different and yours is. My marriage would look like us being together forever with a nice ring on my finger and no paper.

[A]

Right. And Mars don't look like shit to me.

[B]

But yeah.

[A]

And that's why you gotta choose a person that's similar aligned core value use. Right. Like at our wedding in my vows. Have you guys seen the movie Wicked?

[B]

Of course. Both of them.

[A]

Oh, my God, it makes me so happy. You know the song Defying Gravity?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. I literally listen to this song all the time. We karaoke this song all the time. When I tell you I referenced freaking. I sang Gravity in my vows.

[B]

You know how to sing?

[C]

You sang in the vows?

[A]

Like, there's like this one part where it's like, unlimited.

[B]

Oh, you can sing. I wouldn't sound like that.

[C]

You're both theater kids.

[A]

He's not a theater kid. He just loves to say he loves, like, 90s R B. He loves all. Like, he's a R B. Smooth. You know what I mean? Like, I. I love the songs that he chooses to sing. They are fire. So we're like a karaoke. Like, that's one of our hobbies. We love to karaoke. I love to sing. I love to perform. I love to dance. I mean, I'm good. But the fact that I got to do that in our wedding vows and I didn't have a man being like, why are you so childish? Why would you do that? Why would you. You. He's not like, you got to find a person that lets you be you.

[B]

I'm curious because you put and before we wrap up, because this is what we left on last time.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And I wanted to make sure that we hit this again.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

Oh, yes. You clearly put your husband at number one. Oh, yeah. What are the. What are the three things that you value more than anything as a. Like. As like, clearly being a wife was one. But how do you. How do you list the three most important things in your life? What are they?

[A]

God.

[B]

Oh, God first. Okay.

[A]

Spouse, children. Everybody else.

[B]

Even before you have children. Children are there?

[A]

Yes. Right now I don't have children.

[B]

Right. So then what's in that third spot?

[A]

Everybody else.

[B]

Interesting. Not Job. Not friends.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

Well, clearly not friends. Well, everybody else.

[C]

F them hoes. I would agree with these, but mixed. Okay.

[B]

What are your top three?

[C]

I'm first.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

He's second.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Then children, which are in my family rap. But when it comes to, like, saving them on the boat, I feel like I've lived enough life already. You too, right? Let's let these babies live. But I will tell you, my man's African and he's traditional. And we've saw. We. I think we saw that clip or you know, that clip is a. It's a take that people ask quite a bit. Neither. And he's like, but we can make another one. What would I do in this world without you? And I'm like, raise the baby I made.

[B]

What's up? So yours is you, your partner, children,

[C]

religion and spirituality to me come forth. And it's really because there's no real tangible meaning of God for me. It's our spirituality. We share together. It's each other, it's the earth. For me, it's everything. Right. So I think if God was more traditional and I was in a more organized religion, it would be higher. But I was not always the woman to save me first, because I'm pick me girl. I'm male centered. That's why I have a podcast like this. Right. But, like, I got such a great guy because I just became so all about me. Like, I see it with my friends that are suffering. I see it with my friends in bad relationships. They don't choose themselves. It's fucking me, me, me.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I choose him on occasion before myself.

[A]

What does that look like? Because I feel like that could be misconstrued in understanding.

[B]

I think that looks. What, choosing you before anyone else.

[A]

Yeah. Like, what's an example?

[C]

That's a great.

[A]

Because people will say choosing me means I fix my plate before I fix his or I fix my plate before I Go to the door, then I'm not that girl, right? So that's what I'm saying. It's so easy to misconstrue that message. Or let's say I'm the girl.

[C]

I grew a bounce when I served the place there. But choosing me means I will never allow myself to be so delusional that I let someone ruin me. Taking control of me, take me of my innocence, hurt me. I have put myself second to men and relationships and work and ruined myself and been unhappy. I've seen men kind of mold me as to the way they want because I didn't put myself first. Because I am first. And I choose to put him first on occasion. Like I said, it will always be. And by that, I mean serving him first. I will never serve myself first. Why the fuck would I do that? That, to me, is ridiculous, right? Just like he opens that fucking door, he would. If there's a seat he ain't never sitting down before, it's me, right? My man chooses to put me first, too. But in this scenario that it comes to my own mind and the values I have for myself. When people hurt you, we allow them to do it twice. And that's why I say I'd have to put me at the top.

[A]

So how you see you is how I see God. Because if we are all wonderfully and perfectly made, if I really believe that my body is a temple, if I really stand biblically on the beliefs and the core values and the trust that I have in God, source, right, universe, whatever you want to call it, but God, there are certain things you won't even allow, right? Like, you would never, never allow someone to run up in your house and paint the walls in a color that you don't. You wouldn't allow. Like, it's not a. It's not even. It's not even on. Like I say all the time on the table.

[C]

And now I see why some of the opinions we have run the same. Yeah, because it's.

[B]

Because my list.

[A]

What's your list?

[B]

Yeah, my friends are first before you and God, my friends are so much first. I'm in therapy thinking about it. I. I will borrow money if my friend needs money, and I don't have it just to give it to them. So my therapist is working through this, and there's interest. Excuse me.

[A]

If you borrow money, do you have to pay interest?

[B]

Depends on the friend.

[A]

Do they. Like, like. No, I'm saying if you had to borrow, like, let's say someone's like, I need 100 grand.

[B]

And you're like, I get 100 grand for me. Okay, So I give you a couple 2,500 I got.

[A]

Okay, so if we have. Let's say you have to get $2,500. Are you going to borrow it from a place where you pay interest and they only pay you back 2,500?

[B]

No, they don't pay, like, okay, okay, okay. Nigga, I can get it from you.

[C]

Okay, okay, okay.

[B]

You know what I mean? Okay, so that.

[C]

Is that first?

[B]

No.

[C]

Okay, okay.

[B]

But friends are first. Okay. Then me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Then my legacy and what I'm leaving. So the book, my job, my career. That's third. I don't think. I don't think men and love make top five. And like, like, men are here, but this idea that, like, there's so many things that come before them. And I have had a partner feel that way, and I hated that he felt that way. But there were things that I knew would outlast that I don't live for, to be married or to, like, for those titles. And maybe that's why, also, things are different for me. The hierarchy of and the way I view my life happening. There's so many things that matter more to me than a man.

[C]

I wonder if your life's pleasures. Like, if you asked me the top three feelings in life.

[B]

Oh, even traveling.

[C]

Love is number one, Food is second, and travel's third.

[B]

I would say sushi probably comes before men for me. Oh, my God, I love sushi.

[C]

Mandy, you know how I don't believe that? Because you love to have sex. You love the company of a man.

[B]

Yeah, but.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And then I also love for them to go home. Like, my world is not centered around, like, I crave it sometimes. Cool. Like I crave sushi. And then it's like, I could be fine not being in the mix, but my friends. Like, my friends are. Are everything to me. That's the family.

[C]

I shows.

[B]

Family probably don't even make top 10 because of they ghetto. I got a ghetto ass family.

[A]

I have so many questions. My whole brain is, like, on fire right now.

[B]

And then, yeah, the universe, like, do you know what?

[C]

This is not me calling you a liar. I think you experienced a love so strong and heartbreaking that you, Mandy and I have a very tumultuous relationship. Right to where at one point, I didn't really. If Mandy had a bad day, I'd be like, I don't give a fuck. When you were going through your breakup, I was affected. That was how painful it was to know you had been through that. And that's how I knew when we went on that podcast one day and they were like, do you love each other? And I was like, no, I love it. Mandy, your breakup showed me how much I love you. Because I was really going through pain watching it. It actually makes me want to cry. And I think it's because you are someone that doesn't allow it to happen. So knowing that he really fucking did that to you is painful. No matter what opinion I could have of you, it was just completely undeserving for that to happen to you.

[B]

But it was for that to happen to me. It was nothing but a heartbreak.

[C]

But to me, that's what shapes these new opinions. These.

[B]

If you listen to the pod from day one, bro, men were never yes,

[C]

but now you've never been double down.

[B]

But I've never been male centered. Like, they come in, you got a bill to pay. The dick is good. Okay, we have fun, we go on a trip. But I've never been like, oh my God, I need this.

[C]

I've never desired that even in protecting yourself.

[B]

But it hasn't changed. We're almost 10 years in. I've never sat up here and said I wanted marriage. I never sat up here and said, I can't wait.

[C]

When you were in love, you were a totally different person.

[B]

When I was in love, we had. And guess what? He didn't feel like I needed him. He also came second to when I had trips with my friends, my friends came first. If I was out cause I had plays with my. You could show up, but my friends are here, hey, my friend has cancer. I gotta go down and fucking be with her. My friends came before my man. And then guess what else came before him that he let me my job, opening up the studio, this podcast, everything that I just said came before like it always did.

[A]

Is this the guy that cheated?

[B]

Yes. This was my. My first love. Absolutely. But all of those things he felt always came before him and it never changed. Even as much as I loved him, I think I as much as I showed I loved him.

[C]

I think love changes the perspective of what's important.

[B]

But we during our healthy love, he wasn't first.

[C]

What you feel with friendship, that real genuinity when a man is or a woman or romantic love is that good and pure and healthy, I think it would shift it.

[B]

I think romantic love is delusional. I think the expectations of your partner are delusional. I don't think it's natural for the things that we put or set forth for our partners to show up as. I think that it's none of its. And I think it's healthy for a little bit. But I think the expectations that we have on a human being when we have a romantic love is delusional and not impossible, but it's unnatural for the ways in which we expect partners to show up in romantic partnership.

[A]

I have a question. So do you. Okay.

[B]

So, by the way, y' all just fuck all of our things we got to go to. Huh? All of those things.

[C]

Okay, no, let's say.

[B]

No, no, no. Let's wrap it up with your question. Okay, so do you?

[A]

Do you? So, okay, so if you are saying that you don't believe in romantic love.

[B]

I do believe in it, but it's

[A]

delusional to have it.

[B]

I think that it lasts a little while. I think that the expectations that we put on the humans. Yes. Are delusional.

[A]

Okay, so is it possible that the rules in your mind that you have created for marriage are completely and stark different from the rules in your mind that you have for friends? Because in friendship, I'm guessing you get to show up freely as yourself. I'm guessing you're not feeling judged.

[B]

I'm guessing with my partners, I get to too.

[A]

So, okay, so the part of this that doesn't make any sense is you'll say, with my partners, it's the same, but it couldn't possibly be because you almost have a doom umbrella over love, but with your friends, you don't have that.

[B]

It's not a doom umbrella. But again, when you have certain boundaries come along in romantic partnerships, yes, that could feel suffocating. That could feel like. That could feel like you're someone's property. The fact that when we're married, it's kind of inappropriate to have male friendships. Like this idea that once we come together, that's me though.

[A]

But there's someone like Weezy that the same way as you.

[B]

Cause a lot of people, I don't

[C]

suffocate it at all.

[B]

But there's a lot of things to me about romantic partnership and boundaries and expectations that are possessive, that are suffocating, that are unrealistic.

[A]

That's an unhealthy love.

[B]

And I feel like majority of people even listening end up there or just have unhealthy love. Because again, like with children, like with love, guess what? We don't know how to show up in it. It's something that is different for everybody. It's like again, also, we change as human Beings. So the person that I fall in love with today might not be the same person 10 years from now because we're human and that happens. Like, we're allowed to end a friendship because we outgrow it. You saying I'll never get divorced, that's suffocating. The fact that even if you outgrow somebody, you stuck with me for life or you dying, I'm either. I'm either a widow or I'm married to me because I'm suffocating.

[A]

But what if. What if. What if it's not suffocating? What if you find a person? And this is why alignment and partner choice is the most important decision you'll ever make in your life life. What if you find a person that is also terrified of saying the word marriage forever? Maybe what they just. They don't want to say that divorce isn't on the table for them, whatever that is. And so. Because that also feels suffocating to them, but they still want a partner that they can witness life with forever.

[B]

Oh, my God. We maybe just described Jasmine and Cam, but fuck society because she doesn't have the ring. But. But that's the thing.

[A]

No, no, that's not the thing. And the only reason why it's not.

[B]

We don't know because we haven't heard Jasmine.

[A]

So that's what I'm saying.

[B]

So what I'm saying is fuck if I find that person, society, and everyone is going to assume whatever they want to assume because of this pressure that we've put on this word called marriage. And so how I choose to live and the things that I'm saying, I'm vocalizing. And it's because this idea of this forever land, this idea of marriage comes with a level of delusion that doesn't truly make sense to me in the grand scheme of it.

[C]

But there's this delusion, too, that love can be good. Exactly.

[B]

No, no.

[C]

You also have a delusion that relationships are all bad.

[B]

And I didn't say. I didn't say relationships are all bad. I believe in creating healthy memories with someone loving someone. Hold on. Loving someone.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And then we reaching a point because we're humans, that we change and it doesn't align anymore. So to me, I believe in experience love. I want to experience love. I want to be in a relationship with someone who gets me. And then when we don't get each other other, we get to let each other go and continue living life.

[A]

But why can't you just grow into the next version of yourselves? Like, why Is there this belief that you have to outgrow your person? Why is there the belief that they're gonna change and I'm not gonna like the version of them that they change into? It's like this damning dream.

[B]

It doesn't have to be. Oh, and there's friendships that I've that don't work for me. There's friendships where I've had to come to someone and be like. Who you are isn't really Crystal.

[C]

Through sickness and health, you've lived together. You've.

[B]

Yeah. No, no, no. Me, me and Chris. I tell Crystal all the time. Cause her choices of dating is questionable. I say bitch, when are we gonna buy our little house and just live together? She is like. I believe her to be my person. Non sexually. We are to. That's why anyone like I have niggas that be like Crystal coming my best friends for their birthday.

[A]

You ready?

[B]

I have a friend shout out to Jasmine.

[C]

That's so insane.

[B]

Jasmine is my best friend. Met Crystal through Jasmine. You ready for Jasmine's birthday? Because she wanted me to be there. She bought Crystal a flight. You and Crystal are coming. Diandra, who just had a baby and invited me to her gender reveal and baby shower. Crystal can come with you. Crystal is my person and we've never had sex. She is not gay at all. But that's my person. And so yes, I believe in healthy relationships. I believe in those things.

[C]

Crystal is a testimony that. That love and that loyalty.

[B]

It changes when you fuck people. No, you get a. It changes what you and thank you so much, please. You know what, Cyril? Where can people support you? Listen to you. We might have to do a part three.

[C]

Because Debbie, I think the three got to be on yours with us together. Let's go.

[B]

We can do that the next time she comes to town.

[A]

It's giving you here.

[B]

Oh no, she leaves tomorrow. She be in and out.

[C]

I leave Friday.

[B]

Oh, she barely gives me time for our own show. Girl, we got. We got a planet early on.

[A]

I'm here.

[B]

Yeah, okay.

[A]

We. We.

[B]

We going back.

[A]

We only shoot once a month.

[B]

Okay, well we'll, we'll align.

[A]

I think we shoot next Monday.

[B]

We will. No, she won't be here but we'll align it. She has to get back to a blizzard.

[C]

I'm going to be in my LA home that I share with my non traditional. Where do they find you?

[B]

Yeah, where can they find you?

[C]

Hey guys.

[A]

Ms. Serifanto. Well now Ms. Serifant.

[C]

No shorter period.

[A]

But my handle is Ms. Sarafont. No MSS A R A H F O N T E N O T That's on all platforms. And the it's giving podcast is is it's period giving period podcast, period. And pardon me golly, this whole thing.

[B]

I know, I know. We've been talking for a long time.

[C]

Well, y' all join us on Patreon.com backslash Horrible decisions for Sarah's handles. If you missed the letter, it's going to be in the description. You can copy and paste it and put it into.

[B]

And y' all been seeing it behind her head the whole time. If you are here and new, we are New York Times bestsellers, so make sure you get our book no Holds Barred, a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power. And you could probably hear a little bit more of my trauma. Inform the book as to why I think the way I think. Same with Wheezy. Is both of our stories in there as to how we think the way we think. So go ahead and get that wherever you get books. Thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Decisions, Decisions.

[C]

Bye Bye. This is an I heart podcast, guaranteed human.