EP 469: Forgiving Cheaters (feat. Brianda & Krystal)

Summary

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Decisions, Decisions – EP 469: Forgiving Cheaters (feat. Brianda & Krystal)

Podcast: Decisions, Decisions
Hosts: Mandii B & WeezyWTF
Guests: Brianda, Crystal Renee Hayslett
Release Date: April 20, 2026
Duration: ~77 minutes

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Episode Overview

This candid, laughter-filled episode gathers hosts Mandii B and WeezyWTF with their best friends (and recurring figures) Brianda and Crystal, for a raw, women-only conversation about cheating, forgiveness, relationship labels, and what it means to navigate love in non-traditional ways. With varying perspectives on monogamy, celibacy, delusion, and societal expectations, the discussion is unsparingly honest—sometimes funny, sometimes challenging, always authentic.

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Meet the Voices (05:13–14:40)

• Mandii B: 35, based in Atlanta, identifies as female, non-monogamous with “boyfriends.”
• Weezy: 35, splits time between NY/LA; “partnered and not poly, but open, non-monogamish.”
• Brianda: 33 (“Jesus year”), NYC-based, currently single and monogamous by orientation, last in love 6–7 years ago.
• Crystal Renee Hayslett: 39, Atlanta, single, describes herself as historically non-monogamous but now questioning her relationship patterns.

Memorable introduction banter includes the friends challenging each other's labels, calling out “delulu” (delusional) behaviors, and laying the groundwork for deeply personal and philosophical sharing.

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Relationship Labels: What Does “Dating” Mean? (14:41–18:25)

• Mandii’s stance: Hates dating for dating’s sake, prefers direct connection with those she already knows; defines her status as not "dating," despite multiple “boyfriends.”
• Crystal’s perspective: Admits to keeping a "pinky toe out," swiping even when seeing someone she likes, and possibly protecting herself from emotional vulnerability ([11:10–12:13]).
  • Weezy: “The second I’m obsessed with somebody, I’m like, okay, but you aren’t. What can I do? I gotta fuck another nigga.” ([11:13])
  • Crystal: “I wanna be in your skin. So in order to not do that... I need a bluffer.” ([12:10])
• Brianda: Tends to focus on one person at a time—"I don't do options if I really like something."
• Weezy: Non-monogamous, but emphasizes the emotional labor and shifting definitions within open arrangements.
• Discussion highlights the different comfort levels with exclusivity and how personal boundaries influence romantic choices.

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The Complexity of Cheating: Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater? (32:46–39:09)

• Crystal: Former serial cheater, now believes people (including herself) can change. “I would like to believe that I'm not who I was a decade ago... So I would like to not dismiss that from a man, if I feel like I'm capable of it.” ([33:06])
• Mandii: Views serial cheaters as likely non-monogamous by nature, but perhaps lacking communication skills. “To me, if you are a cheater and you could have an intimate relationship with multiple people... I do believe innately you are non-monogamous.” ([34:25])
• Weezy: Not just about non-monogamy—cheating can signal lack of fulfillment, incompatibility, and poor communication. Advocates that cheaters should leave rather than stay.
  • “I really think like not being fulfilled is a thing, but we have to leave these people. Cheaters should be out of their relationship.” ([35:25])
• Crystal: Raised concern about female blame in male cheating and stressed it’s not always the partner’s fault if someone cheats.
• The group agreed that long-term monogamy comes with high risk for infidelity, but debated inevitability:
  • Brianda: “If what you want is a 50+ year long relationship... it's going to happen, and it may not be physical.” ([37:49])
  • Weezy: “I just don’t think happy, monogamous people cheat.” ([36:31])

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Forgiving Cheaters and Setting Boundaries (39:09–44:23)

• Brianda: Would forgive a cheating partner, especially if they have kids. “I would forgive a cheater...especially if we had children.”
• Others: Mixed opinions—some draw the line at repeat offenses or emotional betrayals; Crystal challenged the logic of multiple “second chances.”
  • Brianda: “Frankly speaking, I am a very forgiving person, just in general, because I know my own flaws. I know I've cheated in the past...” ([39:40])
  • Crystal: “If he goes to the second time, it's obviously this is who he is.” ([40:17])
  • Mandii: “Mistakes are one-offs... Mistakes can cost men their whole lives.” ([73:38])

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The “Most Important Woman” Delusion (43:33–52:25)

• Discussion on women “competing” for their role in a man’s life, especially amid baby mama drama and visible celebrity relationships (Cardi B, Latto).
  • Mandii: “To me as a woman, to come into a man's life and assume the role is the most important when there's other women attached to him... that's the delusion.” ([51:35])
  • Weezy: “I think sometimes what happens is we really throw out genuinity... I don't think it’s bad for women to get excited about being everything to a man.” ([50:41])
• Crystal calls out the “delulu” (delusional) mindset, where women believe they will receive the best version of a man when historical evidence says otherwise.

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Societal Norms, Transactionality & Smart Women (47:14–49:18)

• Brief foray into whether relationships are inherently transactional, especially at the higher (celebrity) financial tier.
  • Brianda: “I choose to believe that women are smarter than we like to think. I don't know. I'm very pro women. … I call it delusion. I don't care.” ([47:50])
  • Mandii: “We cannot sit here and act like women have all the answers and women are the smartest.” ([48:07])

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Navigating Dating While Facing Illness – Crystal’s Story (56:46–62:16)

• Crystal opens up about dating during and after chemotherapy and how it impacted her confidence, connection, and disclosure dynamics.
  • Relates how men rarely realize she’s fighting cancer unless told; describes avoiding “the cancer girl” label.
  • Says now, with experience, she seeks emotional (not superficial) connection and is unwilling to settle for less.
  • “I need that emotional connection. I need them to have emotional capacity...that is something imperative for me.” ([60:23])
• The panel reflects on whether they could date someone with a known terminal illness, concluding it would make them value the present but also brings unique emotional challenges.

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Celibacy, Chemistry & Religious Dating (66:22–72:38)

• Brianda’s journey from atheist to “Bible-thumping” Christian and how that colors her dating life.
  • Discusses celibacy and how it’s practiced in modern dating—the challenges, physical chemistry, and negotiating boundaries.
  • Weezy: Left a partner not due to lack of sex per se, but his inability to be intimate in non-sexual ways.
• Debate over whether it’s fair to be physically intimate (naked, making out) if one intends to remain celibate.
  • Mandy B: “If you are a person who does not want to have sex, do not get your ass in the bed naked with another fucking human being.” ([74:01])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “When you really like a guy, you have to fuck another guy.”
  – Mandy B questioning Crystal & Weezy’s self-protection strategies ([11:27])

• “I want to live in the Lulu forever.”
  – Crystal defending hopeful (even delusional) love ([63:14])

• “If what you want is a 50+ year long relationship... it's going to happen, and it may not be physical.”
  – Brianda on cheating inevitability in long-term relationships ([37:49])

• “We cannot sit here and act like women have all the answers and women are the smartest.”
  – Mandy B confronting the “girlboss” narrative ([48:07])

• “If you are a person who does not want to have sex, do not get your ass in the bed naked with another fucking human being.”
  – Mandy B on boundaries and personal responsibility ([74:01])

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Engaging Vignettes

• On Self-Delusion and Relationships:
  Mandii, Crystal, and Weezy riff on the fantasy of being “the one” despite evidence to the contrary, especially with men who have multiple baby mamas or are legally married. This launches a nuanced debate about delusion versus genuine excitement and the societal scripts women follow.

• On Illness and Dating:
  Crystal offers an unvarnished look at being vulnerable—how she navigates dating after a cancer diagnosis, the discomfort of revealing illness to new partners, and her decision not to “lead with” victimhood.

• On Boundaries & Celibacy:
  The crew break down how religious or personal boundaries shape sexual decision-making, “soaking” in Mormon culture, and the responsibility each person has to avoid harmful temptation.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Topic | |----------------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 05:13–14:40 | Introducing the cast: ages, dating status, dynamic | | 14:41–18:25 | Redefining “dating” and non-monogamy | | 32:46–39:09 | Cheating: Can people change? Is non-monogamy innate? | | 39:09–44:23 | Forgiveness, boundaries, and when cheating ends it | | 43:33–52:25 | “Most important woman” delusion, status, and ego | | 56:46–62:16 | Navigating dating during illness: Crystal’s story | | 66:22–72:38 | Celibacy, chemistry, and Christian dating boundaries |

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Takeaway

This episode blends personal stories, humor, and hard questions about cheating, forgiveness, love, and self-delusion in modern relationships. The hosts and guests challenge both societal myths and each other, making for a uniquely honest look at what it means to love (and forgive), where our choices come from, and how much of romance is about hope—delusional or not.

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Transcript

[Lauren LaRosa]

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[Mandy B]

Do you believe in once a cheater, always a cheater? You know, I'm curious to know your thoughts. Because you're a cheater.

[Breonda]

No.

[Weezy]

Maybe you're trying to like protect yourself from liking them too much. Yes, girl, I knew that we were

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

going to relate with me.

[Weezy]

I do that too.

[Mandy B]

When you really like a guy, you have to fuck another guy. To what? I need the explanation.

[Weezy]

No, I don't want this to be the clip.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

She lives in Delulu and then projects on everyone everyone else.

[Breonda]

If you're engaging with someone who has that same ideology, it's not that wild.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

So you kind of like justify that you're talking to other people because you know where your heart is.

[Mandy B]

This is what men say. You know where my heart is. I know I slept with that other

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

woman, but I don't know that about him. So if I see him talking to her, like what?

[Breonda]

I choose to believe that women are smarter than we like to think. And I don't know. I'm very pro women. You know this. I will defend women's right to handle wrong.

[Mandy B]

That's delusional too.

[Breonda]

I call it solution. I don't care.

[Mandy B]

I love women are at the but

[Breonda]

what if you are? Are you a self hating woman?

[Weezy]

Mistakes happen.

[Breonda]

People make mistakes.

[Mandy B]

Mistakes can cost men their whole lives.

[Weezy]

Hold on, wait, wait.

[Mandy B]

What?

[Weezy]

They're not fucking animals. No, they can control themselves.

[Mandy B]

I get that. But if I'm naked, I get that

[Weezy]

right now with you. And you can't control yourself. He cost his life.

[Lauren LaRosa]

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[Weezy]

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[Weezy]

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[Mandy B]

And let's be honest, we're all due for a new one. It's been a minute. Steamy romance, addictive love stories, and the book to screen favorites you've already read twice. Because once was obviously not enough.

[Weezy]

Off campus Elle, the Love Hypothesis and more slow burns. Second chances Chemistry you could feel through

[Mandy B]

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[Mandy B]

Decisions, decisions. Hey guys. Welcome to another episode of Decisions, Decisions. It's your girl, Mandy B, AKA Peg. Thee Stallion, AKA Peg and Marco, AKA Deb.

[Weezy]

I was gonna say, I feel like people will think it's a special episode. It's really not.

[Mandy B]

We're just at Weezy's house and Weezy. La casa.

[Weezy]

That's right.

[Mandy B]

And we happen to. She only did it cause you're here. I mean, first off, I know Esmayo. I am from the two craziest spots in the world. Florida and the Bronx. 407 Chapel City. But kind of a special episode.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Where we Best yourself.

[Weezy]

I'm Weezy, everybody. And we normally don't really shoot on location unless we getting paid, but you know, that's when I'll move around. But we decided, you know, Crystal's in town, Breonda's in town. We should have our girl besties.

[Mandy B]

Yeah. And so this is a girl to girl episode because also guess what? Women are not a monolith. And ironically, we all have completely differing perspectives. So the way that you guys enjoyed us kind of debating and having the conversation about our goals, thoughts, dreams, pussies with Sarah. We're gonna do that today with our besties. So. I can't believe I have this bitch on 9 years later.

[Weezy]

I know. I was gonna say, okay, we should find our best. So Bible Stories with Breonda was a show. Actually, I met Breonda.

[Mandy B]

We went on her pod as a

[Weezy]

guest of her pod.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Oh, wow.

[Weezy]

And then I just thought she was weird.

[Breonda]

No, then I went on your pod first off.

[Mandy B]

No, we went on the pod.

[Breonda]

I went with you.

[Mandy B]

That's true.

[Breonda]

Yes.

[Mandy B]

This was before people were really gifting us drugs. And I was like, bro, I'm not fucking just drinking tea. Drugs from a girl we just met. No, I know. And this was before I was into drugs.

[Breonda]

I had one show where I was an atheist and then I had a show as a Christian. Yeah, so you were on for the atheist one and then I went on yours as a Christian.

[Mandy B]

That is right.

[Weezy]

Who are you going to be in 10 years? I don't know. I guess we'll find out.

[Mandy B]

She's just. She's going to be. You're still in New York.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Oh, she's definitely going to Be a Muslim. You know, that's nice.

[Breonda]

Rihanda.

[Weezy]

When she. When she's on the app, she's like, are you Muslim? I just think sometimes when we don't get dick for a while, we start thinking of other options we could have. You don't know.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Oh, that's the

[Weezy]

one.

[Mandy B]

She's super not gay.

[Weezy]

Wait, I didn't mean to start with you, Mandy.

[Breonda]

Ethnic backgrounds and stuff.

[Mandy B]

We're going to get there. But real quick, y'. All. We are also joined by my best friend that y' all hear me talk and share all her business for all the years.

[Weezy]

No, it's also a little too much. How much? Mandy be telling your feet.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I get them in the dm, they're like, I listen to the podcast and they tell me. I'm like, oh, did she say that?

[Weezy]

Okay, but y' all have been so friends so long. We deserve your tea as well.

[Mandy B]

They do. And I've always wanted someone on the POD more toxic than me. And so when we talk, I'm like, oh, my God, you would. You would make me look like the saint on the show. And so, guys, meet my best friend of. We just did it 16 years.

[Weezy]

Wow.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Relationship. I don't know.

[Mandy B]

I just told everyone you're my soulmate. So. Yes.

[Weezy]

Oh, yes. Yes.

[Mandy B]

This is my best friend, Crystal. And so we'll start off by kind of introducing y' all as well to the audience with a little asl.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Well, so everybody doesn't think it's sign

[Weezy]

language, but she's saying. Because we know my voice is gone.

[Mandy B]

Well, she thought it was sign language, and I was like, girl, were you not on the dating apps? So, real quick, just so that you guys know a little bit about us, we are going to start with age, sex, location, followed by your current dating status if you are monogamous or not. And the last time you left someone. Breonda. Let's start with you.

[Breonda]

Oh, Joy.

[Weezy]

Aren't you in your Jesus year?

[Breonda]

Mm, 33.

[Mandy B]

Oh, okay, 33 Jesus year.

[Breonda]

Woman, woman, woman, Age, sex, location, New York City. And then have I been in love?

[Mandy B]

No, no, no. Are. What is your current dating status?

[Breonda]

Oh, dating status, non existent.

[Weezy]

Look at you.

[Mandy B]

What you dating.

[Weezy]

Okay, can I tell them what I texted you now? Yeah, fine, go ahead. Okay, so Rihanna matched with somebody where she got to LA and it's going really well. And she wrote me and my man in a group chat and said, I'm wrong. Help. And I say, just be the Brianda you were last week. Yeah.

[Mandy B]

How are you sprung already?

[Breonda]

Oh, My God. I don't know either. It just, like, makes sense.

[Mandy B]

I don't know.

[Weezy]

That's how you sound when you start.

[Mandy B]

You know what I'm saying?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

No, I don't.

[Mandy B]

I don't know what that means. Are you monogamous or not?

[Breonda]

Of course.

[Mandy B]

Yes, of course.

[Weezy]

And nothing else.

[Mandy B]

And what. When was the last time you loved someone?

[Breonda]

Oh, my gosh. Like, years ago? Six years ago? Seven years ago?

[Mandy B]

Six. Seven years ago. Oh, wow. Okay.

[Weezy]

Wow. That's a long time.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

All right.

[Mandy B]

Crystal, Age, sex location?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Crystal. 39, Atlanta.

[Mandy B]

Ooh. Dating status.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Single. Like, dollar bill single. You look monogamous or not monogamous.

[Breonda]

Okay.

[Weezy]

It doesn't even cheat.

[Mandy B]

See, I have.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

But I've changed.

[Mandy B]

What? I said we changed.

[Breonda]

How often we changed.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Why Amy not corner.

[Weezy]

Mandy's never said it was you. She'd be telling a story, be like, my friend be cheating, and. And she be acting like she don't want to cheat, Then she be cheating.

[Mandy B]

I'm like, this gotta be okay, so. No, no, no, no, no.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

That's not. I haven't cheated in a long time

[Mandy B]

because she hasn't really been in a

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

relationship like a dick. However.

[Mandy B]

However, I tell her all the time that I don't believe that she is monogamous because she can juggle and she never fully feels. Maybe it's commitment issues, but she'll be, like, nine toes in, but the pinky toe out. So she'll still, like. She'll be dating someone and really like them, but still be swiping. And I'm like, it's because you're not monogamous.

[Weezy]

No. Maybe you're trying to, like, protect yourself from liking them too much.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Yes, girl. I knew you were gonna relate with me.

[Weezy]

I do that, too, bro. The second I'm obsessed with somebody, I'm like, okay, but you aren't.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

What can I do to.

[Weezy]

I got fuck another nigga. Weren't, like, going to date. You gotta get it out, you gotta get it off.

[Mandy B]

When you really like a guy, you have to fuck another guy. To what? I need the explanation.

[Weezy]

No, I don't want this to be the clue.

[Mandy B]

No, it will be. I need you to explain this.

[Weezy]

Okay, maybe not that, but.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

But you need a bluff.

[Weezy]

You need a bluffer.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

This is something to, like, calm you down.

[Weezy]

When I went on a first date with my boyfriend, yes, I liked him so much that the next day, I immediately was like, I have to go on another date. Because I know when I'm into someone, I'm gonna get a little coconut shout. Out to my girl Sarah. And when I start getting coconut, you know what I'm saying, Then I push them away. So now I gotta balance it out. I gotta be busy. I gotta add shit to the calendar. Bitch, I don't care how many businesses I run. If I'm into you, I just wanna be with you.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I wanna be in your skin. So in order to not do that,

[Weezy]

so I need to do that.

[Mandy B]

That sounds crazy, guys.

[Weezy]

Then when you commit to me, then everybody's gone.

[Mandy B]

No, this is when what you do is you just be honest. You my boyfriend. And so is you. And so is he.

[Weezy]

On the first date. Do you know how I act on the first date? I start looking at them and I'm like, I think I'm going to do a short wedding dress. I think I'm going to do lace.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Oh, no.

[Weezy]

Crazy.

[Mandy B]

Do you do this Brianna. Like when you date, do you immediately start picturing.

[Breonda]

Yeah, like her mother's full name, the surname is. And I'll look them up. Why not?

[Weezy]

She's going to be my mother in law. Wait, you ask for the mother's name? Yeah, you do that.

[Breonda]

I did it two days ago. Yeah, but just. That was.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

You're crazy.

[Mandy B]

They don't.

[Weezy]

I don't care.

[Mandy B]

They probably.

[Breonda]

I'm Latino, half. They already know what it is. Like, they. Yeah, but I don't do. I'm not. I'm actually a pretty chill person. But what I will say is I did match with another person in L. A and I had a date for Monday, but I was really into the guy on Sunday, so I canceled the one on Monday. Like, I don't do options if I really like something. Why, like, why do it? It's like really stressful. I don't want to meet new people.

[Mandy B]

Okay, but does he like you as much as you like him?

[Weezy]

He likes her more. I think I saw it at the party.

[Mandy B]

This is how women think. Okay, real quick, Wendy, just for anyone watching this for the first time. Your age, sex location, current dating status, we clearly know you're not monogamous. And the last time you love someone.

[Weezy]

Damn bitch. Because I upset it my sister. Righty.

[Mandy B]

Go ahead. Sorry.

[Weezy]

Maybe I'm monogamous. I'm trying to do the Kodak. Oh, what do you think? Monogamy?

[Mandy B]

He did not.

[Weezy]

Wait, no.

[Mandy B]

Really?

[Weezy]

The Kodak Black?

[Mandy B]

You lied?

[Weezy]

I hope so.

[Mandy B]

I hope so.

[Weezy]

So I am 35 years old as of three days ago. I live between New York and Los Angeles. I'm partnered and not poly, but open, non monogamish. This week. Sometimes non monogamous, but non monogamous means you fuck people together. So that's what we're on right now. Maybe when you get back to New York, non monogamous again. But my real saddest, it's always open as like a, you know, blanket, and then underneath it changes.

[Mandy B]

Okay. And you're clearly currently in love. Um, okay, for me, I am 35, clearly woman. Location, ATL. Um, dating status. I have boyfriends, so I'm not dating. And it's because I am Queen Donna. We both do the same thing at the same time. What am I dating?

[Weezy]

What does this mean in this fight?

[Mandy B]

Like, okay, so for me. So for me. So for me, I think that going on dates is one of the worst things. Hobby things to do to waste my time. Like, when I'm free, the last thing I want to do is fucking ask a guy their favorite color and what the fuck they do for a living. I hate it. I don't care. And so, unfortunately, I dip and dabble. There's many men who have liked my Instagram pictures over the years that I talked to that I've engaged with. So I go to them and we bunker her down, you know, Or I double back to dick that I know is good. And there we have it. So as of right now, I am not dating. Don't slide in my dick. Wait, but don't picture.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

But you have. You cannot say I'm not dating and then say I have three boyfriends. That's because that means. So what do your boyfriends do?

[Mandy B]

We. We don't. We date.

[Weezy]

But wait, I dated some. I'm.

[Breonda]

Yeah, we're together.

[Mandy B]

So I told y' all the D word.

[Weezy]

I don't like Mandy. What bullshit you got on here?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Cuz she lives in Dulu and then projects on everyone else.

[Mandy B]

Here's the thing. I don't like the word dating. I know who I'm engaged with. We have our boundaries. We have sex. We talk on the phone. It's good morning, it's good night, it's. How is work? It's those things and I'm just locked in with those.

[Weezy]

People forget words.

[Breonda]

What are words? But like, what do you. What do you want though? You're engaging.

[Weezy]

Don't start dating. Oh, wait, I'm serious.

[Mandy B]

I am so content. I like my friends and we do not have sex. I need y' all to know that she is so not gay. But I like spending time with my friends. I like putting my energy into work and I like my alone time. So the People that are in my life. Art in my life. For us to create memories together and have a lovely time. And then when we're not together, we're not together.

[Breonda]

How crazy would it be if you found yourself meeting someone who was so ultra compatible with that?

[Mandy B]

I have three people ultra compatible with that right now.

[Weezy]

Three.

[Breonda]

All three of them.

[Mandy B]

I would say two and a half, actually.

[Weezy]

Wait, all three know about each other? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Mandy B]

Do they not know about each other?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I want to hear the questions.

[Breonda]

All three.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

What?

[Breonda]

All three.

[Weezy]

Don't want children. Don't want married.

[Breonda]

Yeah, that's what I mean.

[Weezy]

That's what I.

[Mandy B]

That's two of them. Correct.

[Weezy]

Don't want kids. Don't want marriage.

[Mandy B]

Already has one. Already has kids. One doesn't have kids. The other is a throwaway. He's going to probably want all that and not. We are not going to see a future together.

[Breonda]

Okay, you're just enjoying it for right now.

[Mandy B]

Yeah, but the other two. Yeah, we're in a place where they don't want any more kids. One of them. The other one doesn't have kids.

[Breonda]

With your schedule, doesn't it get ever, like, a little overwhelming watering both plants?

[Mandy B]

Not really. She asked me, like, one time, both of them came to town in the same week and I couldn't see.

[Weezy]

You couldn't walk.

[Mandy B]

I decided who I was.

[Breonda]

At the same time.

[Mandy B]

No, I decided who I was.

[Breonda]

Why don't you.

[Mandy B]

I would like to. That actually is a fantasy. That would be great.

[Breonda]

Wait.

[Weezy]

Okay.

[Mandy B]

All right, enough about me. We are getting into the house.

[Breonda]

That was a very interesting topic.

[Mandy B]

I am non monogamous. Last time I was in love, y' all saw me spend two years being heartbroken. So five years ago.

[Weezy]

Oh, love is awful.

[Mandy B]

I mean, love is hard.

[Weezy]

You know, we got into a conversation the other day where we were irritated by something the other one did, like flirting with someone else. And he was like, bruh, this love shit sucks. Like, we can't. He's like, it's hard.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

It's tough.

[Weezy]

Like, being in love, like, when it gets deeper and deeper. Now I gotta check you about shit. You checking me about shit you ain't

[Mandy B]

give a fuck about. What the fuck? Let's go back to that itty bitty.

[Weezy]

No, when it's deep.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Oh, that's out the window. Stay where you like.

[Mandy B]

You know the craziest part for me is, like, when you have feelings for someone and you get mad at them for doing the same thing you're doing, that's what I Always tell her, like,

[Weezy]

how did I know that was coming to me?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I'm guilty.

[Mandy B]

Like, because as women, like, here's the better. Here's the thing, right? Like, especially if you identify as monogamous, you don't want your partner talking to anyone else. Right. But as women, there's a lot of times where we talk to men, and heaven forbid they're talking to someone else, while also, girl, you're talking to someone else, too. So that's kind of the conversation I have with a lot of my friends.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

But I think when you talk to other people, you know that, like, I'm not really into that person. I'm just doing it to do it. So you kind of, like, justify that you're talking to other people because you know where your heart is and you know that you're really not into that. You're into your main person. Yeah.

[Mandy B]

You know, seriously, you know where my heart is. I know I slept with that other

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

woman, but I don't know that about him. So if I see him talking to her, like, well, you know where this all comes from.

[Weezy]

We've all been so tainted by being into somebody that had so many other options. I'm actually curious for you because I feel like we all have more of a liberal attitude towards talking to multiple people at the same time. Because you just said, like, I don't see anybody else. How do you then tell someone

[Breonda]

not

[Weezy]

when you're in a committed stage, but, like, how do you communicate in the beginning stages of the relationship? Like, I don't want you to pursue other people?

[Mandy B]

I don't know.

[Breonda]

I don't really have enough opportunities to do it often. But if I am going to approach that now, I don't know. I think that it would. Just the person that I talk to about it hopefully feels the same way. But I would just say this is what I feel comfortable with. Like, where are you at with this? Like, if. Especially if we're intimate or something, like, I. I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing that that's shared with someone else. It would make me feel really insecure. And if I'm insecure, I'm automatically not loving you.

[Mandy B]

Like, honestly, you just met a guy this week, and we said we talked about him.

[Weezy]

Let's talk about this.

[Mandy B]

Let's talk about this question. Because you canceled a date with someone else because you're interested in him, would you expect that from him right now, even though it wasn't a conversation?

[Breonda]

No, no, no. I think it's. I don't think it's reasonable I think it's really soon, but.

[Mandy B]

So at what point, though, would you say, I want to make sure you're not talking to other women?

[Breonda]

Honestly, I would hope that he would bring it up first. Honestly, I like a man taking the lead on a lot of things. Like, in general, I want to be led. So I hope it would be a conversation that maybe he starts and then I'll enthusiastically, like, tee it up. Like, okay, I've been thinking about it too, but I would want him to. I would probably like, when we talk about, like, long distance stuff, he. Damn it.

[Mandy B]

I can't say too much, but I mean, it's.

[Weezy]

So here's the other interesting thing about that. You want to tell someone. I don't want you seeing other people. Yeah, I won't see other people. At that point, we together, aren't we?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

That's what I said. So I just started talking.

[Weezy]

Well, we don't.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Whatever. There's a person that I was talking to and he was like, you know, there's like seven stages of dating. He was like, there's seven stages of dating. You meet and he was like, you meet and you guys are doing your own thing, and then you meet and then you agree to exclusively date on.

[Mandy B]

On the new couch. It's crazy.

[Weezy]

It's just water.

[Breonda]

It's a new couch.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

And then you agree to exclusively date and, you know, relationship, engagement, whatever, so forth. But I'm like, those are a lot of extra fluff steps because I don't understand. If we're exclusively dating, nigga, we go together. That means you not talking to other people. I'm not talking to other people. I don't understand what that stage looks like.

[Breonda]

Like, I agree, but that's also like compatibility, though, because if you're engaging with someone who has that same ideology, it's not that wild. Whereas if you're dating someone who is a little bit more like, requires more freedom, requires a longer leash. Any conversation like that is immediately territorial, a turn off, an ick. But when you're talking, when you're actually compatible with someone, you're speaking the same language.

[Weezy]

I actually agree with that.

[Breonda]

It's not something that's like, wow, he would actually be also enthusiastic about closing his own.

[Weezy]

You know, it's interesting. We keep bringing it to the Sarah episode. We haven't sat with someone with different opinions in so long. She didn't, to me, sound as crazy as I know she may have looked to others that fuck with us. Because I know that she's talking about dating someone or being Married to someone. I said dating because it was only six days. But being with someone that thinks the exact same way. So of course you're looking at me.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Yeah.

[Weezy]

Like me saying me and my man want to fuck other people is crazy.

[Mandy B]

Of course y' all are looking at me like, what do you mean?

[Breonda]

Afterwards?

[Mandy B]

Yes, they, they know about each other. Like, I like to, I like to believe that I find people that understand me. And I mean, I. Y' all know last year I dated actor BAE who was. Didn't understand really non monogamy at all, wanted kids and we. Our relationship didn't end up working. But he was even someone that was willing to try to understand me. Do I think it would have lasted long term? Probably not. But we were also 10 years apart. Right. But for me, the people in my life get it.

[Breonda]

Yeah.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Because I didn't get it. So when he asked me like, can we talk exclusively? And I like, I liked him. Let me put that out there. I was like, ooh, I felt backed in the corner. And I was like, no, I need

[Breonda]

at least 30 days.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

So I didn't agree. I said, I need at least 30 days. Like, I'm not just going to say I'm cutting everyone in my life off.

[Breonda]

30 days.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Exactly.

[Weezy]

You know what I want to ask you, okay. Because you're the closest person to Mindy. What's it like to be around her boyfriends?

[Mandy B]

She like, really?

[Weezy]

Are you able to clock when you meet them?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

It's funny because she's an entirely different person.

[Mandy B]

Oh, we are not going to do this.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Like, she is like, very nurturing, very catering. You could tell.

[Mandy B]

She, she not too much effort.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

She puts in effort to make sure her feminine comes out. Like, yeah, girl. I was like, I knew it was all an act. I had no idea.

[Weezy]

You know what's crazy? I'm doing this, but I'm not shocked.

[Breonda]

Close your mouth. I know that.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

You know, when I seen it, I was like, look at this shit.

[Weezy]

You know what's crazy? What kind of stuff is she doing? Baby, Baby, do you need anything? Do you want to play?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Is it cute?

[Breonda]

Yeah.

[Weezy]

Oh, Crystal come every week.

[Mandy B]

I don't like this. Anyways, let's have some fun. We're gonna do girl to girl. So I saw these on the Internet and I want to know your absolute thoughts today. So girl to girl, be honest. If you could stay home, raise babies and run a cozy homemaker life, would you, and would that be fulfilling?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I would do it. I. I don't see. I've done it before. You have without kids. Neither one of us had kids and it wasn't very fulfilling. I wanted to, so I would do it, but I would also still want to, like, own a business, have some sort of independence.

[Mandy B]

Nope, that wasn't a little bit. Can I get to it? Okay.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I don't want to just be home.

[Mandy B]

What about you, Brenda?

[Breonda]

No, I wouldn't. But I know that in the past I've maybe indicated, like, yeah, I'm a little bitch.

[Weezy]

We own a business together. I'm looking at you like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Breonda]

I definitely. I don't even think I can. I'm going to have the wherewithal to just like not do anything.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

So.

[Breonda]

No. But I do think that I'm. I've been thinking about this. I like the idea of having a stay at home parent that doesn't necessarily have to be me. Like, I really wouldn't mind, like, but the man works from home. Like, like, you know, but he's just

[Mandy B]

a stay at home dad.

[Breonda]

No, I don't. That's all. No, no, no, no. I'd be open to it. I like a reminder.

[Mandy B]

Yeah.

[Breonda]

I like the idea of if we're having children, or in my case, I just want one child. But, like, I like the idea of having a parent. That's okay.

[Weezy]

I feel like I'm in that relationship now. Yeah, that actually is a plus for me. So, like, I realized with my current partner, why I'm able to spend so much time with him is because he only generates income from. I mean, he has multiple. But one type of business. He's in real estate. So sometimes he has to be in person. But most of his money is on the phone or a zoom call. Whereas me, I have to show up, I have to be there, I have to do different shit in person. And like, he doesn't. And he built his life that way. He wasn't always like that. And so I think, because.

[Breonda]

Oh yeah, I have to say. Cause it's in my tone of my head because we were raised very differently. And being in Weezy's home for the last couple of days, I've seen a lot. Like, I was raised in a home that like, was kind of like devoid of traditional love. Like the parents that like, showed each other love. And I'm seeing photos all around Weezy's house with Jewel, like her mom, their wedding photos. And like, they're being loving. And then they were pregnant with the hands and everything. And I'm telling you, if you were raised with a parent who stayed with the child at home and was in a family where dynamic was a little bit more, in my case, traditional. The outcome of that is an adult who is so eager to love and so generous and like, just overall looks to be more hopeful. Whereas I will say, like the opposite. With me, I. I tend to lean a little darker. I'm a little more pessimistic and a little more, like, disillusioned by love and things like that. I view it almost like unattainable where you were raised by it. So you're like, well, what?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Everything is love, you know?

[Breonda]

And I. I would love to not to say that one is better than the other because I'm special, you're special. But it would be great for me to perhaps raise something more of the loving kin, you know, on that side. So like, that. If in my head I'm like, if that's what Jewel had to be. Jewel was a stay at home mom. You know what I mean? Then I kind of like the idea of a parent being at home because it raised someone like you.

[Weezy]

I think also too, that's a really, really good compliment. I'm trying not to cry. You thought you were going to cry. But I think like, the romantic love. Both of my parents were married to other people that they weren't super in love with. And so I think, like, my dad and his son have a tumultuous relationship because my dad wanted to show up, but his son was angry. So it's like, it's stuff like that, you know what I mean? Like, knowing you were both in love. That's why I really don't fuck with baby mama shit. Like, that's why I push marriage so much. It's not because I'm desperate to fucking have a ring. It's because I want children. And I really do believe marriage can have healthier, like, you know, a child upbringing.

[Breonda]

Yeah.

[Weezy]

But just in short, when I asked my boyfriend, what if I want to go on tour pregnant? What if I want to?

[Mandy B]

Like, you ain't asked me that.

[Weezy]

I gotta, I just gotta start A and B.

[Mandy B]

Okay.

[Weezy]

But basically he was like, what does ASAP Rocky do? Like, I'm gonna work at home with the baby. And so that did make me feel a lot safer. He's like, we don't. Oh, oh, bitch, we don't need a nanny conversation. Oh, that gotta change. He's like, no, no, the baby's gonna go to dinner with us.

[Mandy B]

I have a friend right now with a nanny and a night nurse.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Wow.

[Mandy B]

So during the day they have the babysitter at night. There's a whole night nurse.

[Breonda]

Opulence and abundance for that. What a privilege.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

That's privilege.

[Mandy B]

You know, if you. If you got the money, I talk.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I don't think there's a right way to do it.

[Weezy]

You said you talking about not having a nanny.

[Mandy B]

Yeah. Oh, God. You have a wild. You need a nanny. No, she wants a nanny. He's like, no nanny.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

No, he wild.

[Mandy B]

Yeah, he don't learn right when the.

[Breonda]

Wait, how many kids do you have?

[Mandy B]

2.

[Breonda]

And how many nannies? Okay.

[Weezy]

Yeah, they need date.

[Breonda]

Okay.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

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[Care for the Culture Spokesperson]

Yes, it's me again.

[Mandy B]

We prepped.

[Care for the Culture Spokesperson]

Time for empowerment and I've got a message for you. To all you lovers out there. Ain't no judgment. This is is your cue.

[Mandy B]

Guess who. Guess who's better.

[Care for the Culture Spokesperson]

It's time to talk about pre special prophylaxis, a part of HIV prevention.

[Weezy]

Oh, so you're proud.

[Care for the Culture Spokesperson]

Talk to a healthcare provider and visit

[Weezy]

carefortheculture.com to learn more this summer. Find your next obsession on prime.

[Mandy B]

And let's be honest, we're all due for a new one. It's been a minute. Steamy romance, addictive love stories and the book to scream favorites you've already read twice because once was obviously not enough.

[Weezy]

Off campus Elle, the love hypothesis and more. Slow burn second chances chemistry you could

[Mandy B]

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[Mandy B]

okay, next question. Girl to girl. Be brutally honest. Do you believe in what's a cheater? Always a cheater. This is curious, you know. I'm curious to know your thoughts because you're a cheater.

[Breonda]

How dare you.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I mean I've been, you know, I

[Mandy B]

never know her not to be.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I don't know because then that would insinuate that I don't believe people could change. And I would like to believe, yes, I have been a cheater for quite some time. But I do believe that I'm a changed person. I do believe that I'm not who I was a decade ago. So I would like to believe that if I was to be in love and in a relationship today that I understand the impact cheating has and not engaged, I think I could do that. I believe I could do that. So then I don't want to dismiss that from a man. I don't want to say a man is not capable of it if I feel like I'm capable of it.

[Mandy B]

Okay. I mean for me, for me, if you're a cheater, I just. Especially a serial one. I believe that you're non monogamous and I just feel like you don't know how to communicate. That's not true to me. To me, if you are a cheater and you could have an intimate relationship with multiple people, whether you are betraying, whether you are a liar. Now I believe a lot of people lie but if you are a serial cheater because you genuinely like and that's the thing, if you are Able to commit emotionally, intimately to multiple people. I do believe innately you are non monogamous. And maybe because of your upbringing or traditions or religion, values or society, don't

[Weezy]

know how to communicate cheating with multiple women. Right. Like let's talk about the bulk of America. They're fucking a co worker they're going out to.

[Mandy B]

It doesn't have to be multiple. Just one is a cheater.

[Weezy]

And I don't believe that's not monogamy.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I believe either you're saying you're not fulfilled in your relationship.

[Weezy]

I think you're not. Oh, I wasn't what I was gonna say. You're not communicating what you want in your relationship. You're not able to like properly like fix any issues.

[Mandy B]

We have had people email us that have said, I've communicated, this is what I want. My partner says it's a hard no, but I want it. And so there's only so many times too your partner who one person can't be fully fulfilled.

[Weezy]

Also incompatibility.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Right.

[Weezy]

So like people stay in relationship. When I cheated, we can read the old chapter. Old chapter of no holds barred. Why did you say what was when you know, you stayed too long? I started cheating on him because I wasn't getting good dick. And then I thought he was whatever, but it was Covid and I was like, I really want to leave because I don't feel like being alone right now.

[Mandy B]

Covid.

[Weezy]

But also I need to get some good day. And then I was cheating. So I really think like not being fulfilled is a thing, but we have to leave these people.

[Mandy B]

That's.

[Weezy]

Cheaters should be out of their relationship.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Right.

[Weezy]

That's ultimately what cheating is. Unless you have a Vegas somebody was hot fling. Most cheating is emotional.

[Mandy B]

First you feel like most people cheat because they're not fulfilled.

[Weezy]

I'm more emotionally. I believe that.

[Breonda]

I think so. It's just stupid.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Also, I think you're women and I don't even think.

[Mandy B]

I think you're.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I don't know, maybe men too. I believe a lot of the married men that we've had these conversations. A lot of married men, their wife hasn't had sex with them in whatever, however long.

[Mandy B]

But there's also a lot of married men that will say, I'm not leaving my wife. I love my wife, but I'm dating you.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Yes.

[Mandy B]

Like so. Yes. So I don't want to also say because unfortunately when we start talking about cheaters, especially men cheating, we start leaning into when we get to the unfulfilled, the blame is on the woman for doing something wrong. When I genuinely don't think that that's the case. I think that there are cheaters that are cheaters because they, they can genuinely be with multiple people and they're happy

[Weezy]

with being with multiple. Fulfillment is a true thing. Like, I don't know, it's not always sexual to things ship isn't working. Like. Yeah, I just don't think happy monogamous people cheat.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Oh, is it that.

[Mandy B]

I think, I think that cheating is

[Breonda]

going to be inevitable if what you want is like a long 50 plus year long relationship, honestly. And I'm almost like, why are you so stupid? How'd you get caught? Like, like why'd you get caught?

[Mandy B]

You idiots.

[Breonda]

You dumb, dumb idiot. And I hope you wrapped up and protected, you know, or whatever. But like, I don't know. I think you're.

[Mandy B]

What you're saying then is she's expected

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

in a long term relationship, in a

[Mandy B]

long term relationship for a partner to cheat.

[Breonda]

Just. So let me find out what would

[Mandy B]

be the factor then. And it's not upfront, is it just that they change? Because I say that too. Like if you're saying having a baby

[Breonda]

on me is something that would be like, really?

[Mandy B]

But if you're with a person, how long would you say a person you're with before you.

[Breonda]

I think around 5 year mark is where things starting to get like little.

[Mandy B]

Okay.

[Breonda]

Differences in behavior. But I would, I think that exists without cheating. People change. So like you're. If I, for example, I want to get married and I want to be married for the long haul, they're going to be changing the person you married

[Weezy]

one year is not going to be

[Breonda]

the same person in 10 years.

[Mandy B]

Yep.

[Breonda]

So I'm just, I'm. God, I hope my future husband isn't listening to this. Don't cheat. But like realistically it's going to happen and it may not be physical.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Do you think you said it's inevitably gonna happen.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

From your side as well.

[Mandy B]

Never.

[Breonda]

Definitely not physical, I don't think. But maybe like I'm very flirty or like, you know what I mean? And I would never be disrespectful. Actually, I don't know. Maybe I would be disrespectful, but it would be unintentional. I'm just not. I'm not a perfect person, period.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

None of us are.

[Breonda]

I'm a sinner. I'm attorney sinner.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Wait, you're the curse in the sweet.

[Breonda]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Weezy]

Sarah told us she would never leave her husband. Unless he hit her, he'd be dead. Unless he hit her.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Oh, yeah.

[Mandy B]

Yeah.

[Weezy]

That's what.

[Breonda]

Yeah, that's a big one for me. I think the only way I would really leave is physical abuse.

[Weezy]

But how?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

See, I can't train myself to believe that.

[Weezy]

So you're gonna really say, so that's where the clip came out that you saw about me being like, I'm not scared to lose a nigga. It doesn't mean that I don't want to lose my manners. Like, want something to go wrong. It just means, like, I'll fucking let you go. But I also know he feels that way about me too. It's like constant conversation, like, making sure that we're keeping each other, like, first so that we don't catch a lot of. When I say, I'm not scared of losing niggas because I will fucking let you go. If you hurt me, they're gonna hurt you. Honey, I'm not in a relationship. But if you are getting to the point where I'm expecting you to cheat, and that's where I'd ask you, could you ever divorce a man?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Yeah.

[Breonda]

For, like, maybe having a baby on me, abusing me or someone close to me or things like that, or bad financial decision, like, he stole from me. Some things like that where it's kind of like, damn, how am I gonna recover from this cheating?

[Weezy]

You're telling me no.

[Breonda]

Yeah. I would forgive a cheater, especially if you had kids. Or I would. Sorry, I don't like the word cheater either. Someone who had cheated, I would forgive. Absolutely. And if we had children. Yeah.

[Weezy]

How much? Like, at what point?

[Breonda]

Twice.

[Mandy B]

You give it a two seconds.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

All right, now, I think.

[Breonda]

I think I'm just figuring out you're

[Mandy B]

giving him twice histor.

[Breonda]

Frankly speaking, I am a very forgiving person, just in general, because I know my own flaws. I know I've cheated in the past, and I know I'm not a shitty person. I wish that was a shitty decision, but that's not who I am. So it's like, I have that.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

But how do you even get yourself to believe? Okay, well, he's. He did it once, but it was a mistake. And then he did it twice, and. But the three is on the line. Like, how do you know as far as accepting it? Because you're like, okay, you did it once.

[Breonda]

It's okay. I'll take it to me.

[Weezy]

If you could forgive me, you might as well be.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Let's let him do it. Exactly.

[Breonda]

That's where I'm at, well, what am I forgiving then?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

If he goes to the second time, it's obviously this is who he is.

[Mandy B]

It's not a deal breaker. He could still keep you and do what he wants on the side.

[Weezy]

And to me, you can forgive it because, you know, you're more important.

[Breonda]

I feel like the person that I end up being with would understand what I mean when I accept it and try.

[Mandy B]

And it's also interesting that you said, you know, you're more important. So I wanted to have this conversation. Cause Hot Topic, we've been talking about cardi b all year with choosing to be baby mama number six or seven or finity. I don't know what number she was, but basically she gave birth to a child within the year that four other babies were born with the same man. We are also seeing the Internet kind of be ablaze with the announcement of Latto, who just announced her first child. She is baby mama number three and is having a child with a man who is still legally married.

[Weezy]

But is 21 Savage really married?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

No one else thinks, but. But there is photos and the white

[Weezy]

to the picture of. I think to me, maybe there's something tied up in business. They don't want to leave each other. Maybe it's legal status. We all found out he was, oh, immigration. He wasn't born in the States, he was born in the uk.

[Breonda]

Like, maybe they're trying to fulfill crazy

[Mandy B]

to me when we talk about marriage then being this loosely and oh, but maybe they're married for a reason. How do we put so much emphasis on the importance of marriage in any other conversation?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Well, because that's not. That's not organic. That's like a. That's a business. So I would have married plenty of my foreigners in the last 10 years just based off of, you know, I fudge with you. You need citizenship. Me too. I.

[Mandy B]

So you want.

[Weezy]

You want marriage money?

[Mandy B]

You want marriage? Are you starting a family with a man who is legally married?

[Breonda]

No, of course not. That's ridiculous.

[Mandy B]

And so now it's ridiculous. Like talking about lotto here. No, we're talking about in general. I'm saying in general. If you're saying you would be the one who would marry a man for legal status, cool. But if you were the woman that wanted a family and wanted to be married, would you be going into this relationship with a married man, would you

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

know the only way that I would do that, and I say this because, you know, I fuck with foreigners, so I know it's not that easy to just divorce. And especially when your status, your citizenship, your freedom, your livelihood, all on the line. On the line. So I understand how important that is. So if it was understood that, okay, I cannot leave this marriage for the next whatever, because we're still in the interview process or whatever the case may be, and you can show me that it's not a true marriage, but you know what? I would be okay.

[Mandy B]

That's why I'm like, what are we talking about?

[Weezy]

I don't know.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

You'd be surprised.

[Weezy]

Is he not. I feel like they got citizens for seven, eight years.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I know so many people that have gone through their citizenship process. She's Canadian. I mean, we're not even talking about my guys, the Africans, the Jamaicans.

[Mandy B]

You said something earlier, which is what triggered me to even this conversation, because you said, well, you know, you're the most important to him. And I think what's crazy is when we talk about when women are dating, when you sign up to be baby mama number three and four, and this man hasn't shown up to be a good father for his other kids, but you think he's. You're so important and different. And I think that that's what we saw with Cardi Love Cardi down. But she wanted a certain status as the baby mama that she didn't think the other baby mamas deserved it. When they all showed up to the super bowl, it became an issue. And so I think, like, yes. And so when we talk about. Also as women, there's delusion in thinking that we're gonna be the one to get the best version of this man, and he's gonna be amazing, and we're gonna be the baby mama that gets the best version.

[Weezy]

But we are talking about we're gonna

[Mandy B]

be the wife, but even going to marriage.

[Weezy]

But wait, wait.

[Mandy B]

If you are a woman that wants marriage, it's true, though.

[Weezy]

If a. You're okay with the baby if he marries one person. If a woman marries one person the day I get married, I am saying you're more important than everybody else, or I would have married them niggas. You know how many boyfriends I've had?

[Mandy B]

A lot. So if you get married right now and your husband goes and creates a family with someone else, this idea of importance comes where I agree with you that.

[Weezy]

That I wouldn't be with the nigga. But what I'm saying is there is something that women are allowed to feel and men are allowed to feel too. Like. So back to that conversation we had a few weeks ago on Decision, decisions. And you said, or I didn't ask me. How would it make me feel? I think it's okay to say it feels good to be chosen. That's why we're all celebrating and we show up and we spend our money in flights and gift you. Because two people said you have this forever, or three or four.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

But I do think there's a. There's a level of delusion in that. Like the conversation we just had on the way before we got here, and she was like, oh, but I know the mistress that he lives with and purchased the house and lives in there. I know she don't do what I do, and I know I'll have his heart.

[Weezy]

But do you?

[Mandy B]

I was just talking to her. I was just talking to a friend. She's been with a man for 10 years and just found out he's a homeowner and has been living with another woman for the last two years.

[Breonda]

How would she live in a different city now?

[Mandy B]

They lived together here and in a different city. He had a whole home that she didn't know about and was living there with another woman.

[Breonda]

Deceptive, right? Right.

[Mandy B]

But

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

there was a delusion that shows me we've been together.

[Mandy B]

I know that this woman.

[Weezy]

Why is it the delusion if someone

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

don't think it's the.

[Weezy]

If Brianda told me right now, tomorrow we're gonna go to Universal Studios. We're gonna have so much fun. We're gonna have the best day ever. And she didn't show up. I feel I'm. Oh, no, we're going. Like, that's who she is. Like, that's my girl. I know she wouldn't lie to me. Of course we're doing that today. I'm gonna wear the clothes till the end of the night, assuming she'll show up for me. Because she told me that. Like, I really do believe.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

But we can't ask someone, at what point do you grow based off of their asses, not their words. Nobody else does for you. Why would you one jeopardize this to not just have a fling, but create a life with another woman?

[Weezy]

I agree with y' all on this. I'm just saying it's hard to call the person that was initially in that relationship delusional.

[Breonda]

To me.

[Mandy B]

It just sucks to me that, well, we have these conversations about men because you don't. Yeah, but the idea that a woman sits and is like, but ain't no other woman is me. I'm the most special. I'm the most important in this life. In what way do we get to sit here and determine that when that nigga is making you look like Boo Boo the fool? Well, he embarrassed publicly, for example.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I agree.

[Weezy]

The women that are wives of men that have maybe publicly been out with other women. Right. If that's what makes them feel solace and they think that there's other benefits from their marriage. For example, I'm not marrying for money or loneliness because I can have another. Right. Like I'm marrying because I'm in love. So to me, if I was marrying for money or to be a housewife like you said earlier, or for whatever case, that would probably help me sleep at night.

[Mandy B]

So good to know that wives are prostitutes marrying for money. Like even. Even if you're getting a security. I mean the security bullshit. So that's what I'm saying.

[Breonda]

So I don't know these women, you know, and I like. Sorry.

[Weezy]

I do think this is more like Internet culture.

[Mandy B]

Like. No.

[Breonda]

Yeah. And to the prostitution comment you made, the Internet would have you believe that. Yes, relationships appear to be a bit more transactional and in a sense maybe they are. But Cardi B, let's go out to the Cardi B which was the first.

[Mandy B]

Well, there's also another woman that didn't marry the fiance and father of two children because she refused to sign a prenup right before his $180 million contract.

[Breonda]

She refused to sign it.

[Mandy B]

Yeah. That's why they called off the wedding because she didn't want to sign up for her.

[Breonda]

Yeah. I don't know these women. I don't know those decisions. But like I choose to believe that women are smarter than we like to think. And I don't know. I'm very pro women. You know this. I will defend women's rights.

[Mandy B]

That's delusional.

[Breonda]

I call it delusion. I don't care.

[Mandy B]

I love women are the.

[Breonda]

But you are. Are you a self hating woman?

[Mandy B]

Let's be very clear. I am a realist and I am friends with a lot of women who I've been friends with for 10 years. Plus I speak to a lot of women. We get letters from women all the time. We cannot sit here and act like women have all the answers and women are the smartest I know because women are not. I'd have to go back to the

[Breonda]

Cardi thing though, just, just as a. She's a high earning, high achieving woman who's done so well for someone we don't know if that baby, let's just say was. It wasn't planned. But she didn't want to lose it. She had the means to take to go follow through with it. Also, not to mention Siobhan's a very wealthy rich man. She wouldn't have a baby with anyone less. Hello. It's like a class thing. I don't there's so there's more nuance to the conversation and I think when you like give in to like the low hanging fruit Internet conversations like this, it minimizes like a conversation that requires way more.

[Mandy B]

To me, I actually didn't consider this as low hanging fruit because not everyone who listens to this podcast has $100 million and neither does the men.

[Weezy]

No, no, no sleeping with. She's going to comment.

[Mandy B]

No. Well, to me it's the, the women that are listening to this pod. It's funny because when I hear people talk about lotto, I know more women that deal with married men who are having babies three months into knowing a man like Cardi. The women that are actually in my ecosystem are behaving just like these women with $100 million bank account.

[Weezy]

So it's also secure to me they're

[Mandy B]

not as different cool, they have the security of the money, but they are acting the same as the normal women in my life. They are purposely dating men that they know are off the market. They are having babies with men that it was just fun but they're not using condoms and a baby is coming three months later. This is the reality of actual women today. This isn't just Internet fluff or celebrity gossip. This is what has actually happened with women. So I don't even wanna like just dismiss the conversation because these are my friends, these are my peers, these are the conversations I'm having. And unfortunately we are also seeing the celebrities that you would think could make better decisions or have.

[Breonda]

What are you saying about them than your friends and the people that watch

[Mandy B]

this that they aren't very smart and

[Breonda]

so we can't keep that they are not very smart.

[Mandy B]

Women are making calling them dumb their life and then guess what they're not doing. Being held accountable because they're making the excuses that men ain't. That men did this to them, that men manipulated them. You knew the man that you were laying with or in different ways. Because love is love, love overcomes all. And once a man gives you attention, oh, I'm the most important woman in his life. And there's a delusion there.

[Weezy]

But wait, wait, wait. So like for example, the I'm the most important, right? When Breonda said I would date somebody that we choose each other or whatever, we're not seeing other people. If she feels a high from that moment, is it delusion? If someone like.

[Breonda]

I don't know.

[Weezy]

I think sometimes what happens when we get into these conversations is we really throw out genuinity. Yes. Like you really do. Like, I don't think it's bad for women to get excited about being everything to a man. Or even for men to get excited about that too.

[Breonda]

Like, or to believe a promise because I.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

To go to the cardi. I do believe she genuinely. Yes, she. I think the baby was a mistake, all that. She even said she admitted to partying too hard, whatever. But I do think that she genuinely liked Tess.

[Mandy B]

But here's my thing.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

When they were dating, she genuinely thought that he was gonna show up different for her.

[Mandy B]

Breonda. I believe you date a guy and he is single with no children, no ex wife, no current wife. No. And you and him are an exclusive relationship and you choose each other. Yes, I believe that can be genuine. But as a woman, to start dating someone who may have a baby mama or two or three. Oh, we're all in this fight. But that's what I'm saying.

[Breonda]

Do I know about it?

[Mandy B]

You're going to know if he has children. So yes, there's other women in his life. To just assume the role is the most important is where I believe the delusion comes from. And it's not that if you're exclusive with a man and you're only dating each other and you're monogamous, of course you're important to him. But to me as a woman, to come into a man's life and assume the role is the most important when there's other women attached to him, either through children or through marriage or other things. That's the delusion in women where then it becomes a competition of your place in this man's heart because of the other woman in his life. And that's where I think it gets tricky with women. You don't get to come in, start dating this man. Three months y' all been together, six months y' all been together. But you're the most important. As if there hasn't been a woman in his life for 10 years who they were together for three, but then

[Breonda]

had a child together.

[Mandy B]

And even if they're not together, you just assuming the role of the most important.

[Breonda]

Well, I don't know. I only date like God fearing men and I'm not. Not to bring that up, but it has played the factor. So I really don't personally know anecdotally because no, the men that I'm imagining in your hypothetical situation would make me.

[Mandy B]

Okay,

[Lauren LaRosa]

Okay, so quick, behind the scenes moment about my business because people always ask me, like, how do I actually run everything? So Shopify is literally the platform. I turned this tiny idea into a business. Before this, I was really just like popping up at any in person event, any vending opportunity I could, which I still do. But I wasn't really as focused online. I was like, you know, the websites are going to be too much to build out. I'm not like a super techy person, even though I can make things cute. And I didn't want to put up a website that would run my customers away. I wanted it to be efficient, to be easy. And Shopify helped me build brown girlgrinding.com out. Once I switched to Shopify, it finally clicked like, okay, I can actually do this. It's not about it being tough. It's about using the right platform to make it easy. Shopify takes all of the guesswork out. I build my own store, I manage my community, own my own customer relationships. Plus, this is my favorite thing. Shopify gets my products everywhere. I'm able to link stuff through Google, YouTube, TikTok, Shop the Shop app, even ChatGPT and Instagram, which is very important for me. And Shopify's AI co founder, sidekick, game changer, let me tell y'. All. Right? So it's helped me not only optimize my site, it helps me look at my sales trends, it updates my product skills, all the stuff I'm absolutely not an expert in, but it's like having a genius business partner that never sleeps. And right now, the Brongard Grinding storefront and the Black Effect storefront is busy and Shopify is handling all of the heavy lifting. I love that for us. I am pumped, like so pumped that Shopify is going to show up at the Black Effect Podcast Festival this year in a big way. And I will be there preaching this platform to all of the small black owned businesses that partner with us. So if you've been sitting on an idea or if you're ready to scale, which you've already started, this is your sign. Go to shopify.com Ben, if I can do it, you can do it too.

[Care for the Culture Spokesperson]

Yes, it's me again.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

We prepped.

[Care for the Culture Spokesperson]

It's the time for empowerment and I've got a message for you.

[Mandy B]

Guess who. Guess who gets who's back.

[Care for the Culture Spokesperson]

You gotta think about sexual health no matter what, where, with who. Yeah, yeah. To all you lovers out there, ain't no judgment. This is your cue.

[Mandy B]

Guess who. Guess who's better.

[Care for the Culture Spokesperson]

It's time to talk about pre special prophylaxis, a part of HIV prevention.

[Weezy]

Oh, so you're proud.

[Care for the Culture Spokesperson]

Talk to a healthcare provider and visit

[Weezy]

carefortheculture.com to learn more this summer. Find your next obsession on Prime.

[Mandy B]

And let's be honest, we're all due for a new one. It's been a minute. Steamy romance, addictive love stories and the book to scream favorites you've already read twice because once was obviously not enough.

[Weezy]

Off campus Elle, the Love Hypothesis and more slow burns. Second chances chemistry you could feel through

[Mandy B]

the screen the tension. I was set. Binge worthy series. Can't miss the movies. This is the kind of content you start to just check out and suddenly

[Weezy]

it's 1am ask me how I know.

[Mandy B]

Obsession is officially in session only on prime video.

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[Mandy B]

want to make this really hypothetical and fun then. Okay, so real quick, introducing my friend, y', all, five year breast cancer survivor and was on dating websites during chemo.

[Weezy]

And so I mean, chemo can be expensive, right?

[Mandy B]

Not only that, I mean, not only can it be expensive, but there's so many women who go through things with their physicality, whether it be you can go as minimal as considering weight gain and acne, all the way to dealing with actual diseases where your confidence is completely lost amongst you. This bitch was bald with scars. Like, girl, I got a date tonight and another one tomorrow.

[Weezy]

Did you keep it bald and you threw a wig off?

[Mandy B]

No, she kept it.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I bought wigs and I had them in the closet. And then I was like, what the fuck am I putting a wig on for? Like I'm fighting for my life. Like I don't and I never wore them. Not one time. Never.

[Weezy]

Can I make it a bear joke?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Yeah.

[Weezy]

Did you play up the chemo for more cash?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

No, because I felt like in all honesty, it was like very scary for men. So I never led with It. To be honest, most people, they would even joke about my head. They. Because I date older guys, so a lot of them are bald. And they'll be like, oh, girl, who's your barber? Like, because I would dress kind of, like, edgy, kind of sort of. So they thought it was my look. And because I'm still keeping up with my nails and I'm. My makeup's done, they have no idea what I'm going through. So they're thinking I'm being trendy. So depending on how they would say it, I'd be like, and I'll show my scar. And I'd be like, no, I'm actually fighting for can't.

[Weezy]

And they'll be like, I'm going to

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

be honest with you.

[Breonda]

Something. Not seeking arrangements. Like an actual. Like another dating app.

[Mandy B]

Oh, she did all. Yeah, all of them. But I.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

But I also felt like then when they would find out, it would. Like, they would tiptoe. Like, it was a lot for them to tell them. I tried to push office as far as I could.

[Weezy]

Like, weeks.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it'll be weeks out. It'll.

[Mandy B]

I don't.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

But yeah, but even now. So I just got diagnosed last week again. It's bad. And I'm still going to date very fucking clear.

[Mandy B]

I made her.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

But I don't want to lead with that. Like, I don't now I have hair, so they definitely not going to know. I don't want. Like. Like, guys are tricky. They don't like to be emotional beings they don't like. So I don't want that to be all they see when they look at me.

[Weezy]

I totally got what I want because I remember watching. I don't know what movie or TV show, maybe it'll come to everybody in the room, but it's like, oh, it's Sex in the City. And just like that. And he was like, don't tell people I have cancer because then I'm be the cancer guy.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Yes.

[Weezy]

And then everybody's like, yeah, how do I not.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

And then you got this right here.

[Weezy]

So it's like, when do you know

[Breonda]

when it's appropriate to disclose that or share that?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Just. I'll feel it. I'm like, okay, that's. You're hiding something, like, really big. You should probably share it with that person. But once I feel comfortable enough that they have got to see me and not, you know what the image of a cancer patient now it's like, okay, so when I tell them, their mouth is going to drop because they're going to. It's going to just throw them off. So once I get to that point where they see my personality and they don't have to fear me just being, like, this frail person in front of them, eating and, like, then I'll just feel.

[Weezy]

Cause it doesn't feel big. C. It gives.

[Breonda]

What are some of the differences right now? No, that looks nice. What are some of the differences? You look really good, girl. Like, I need. This is great. It's a great view. What are the differences that you find from connecting with men before their diagnosis versus now? Like, making connections now. Must feel a little different.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

So harder. It's so much harder. Yeah. Because I don't care about the fluff now. Now, like, I mean, I need that emotional connection. I need that. I need them to have emotional capacity. And I. And that is.

[Weezy]

So what's your ideal situation? Would you want married someone? I was gonna say that you can talk about it freely with. Or would you prefer to just.

[Mandy B]

Would you date another cancer patient? Oh, God.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

We gonna die together?

[Mandy B]

I mean.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I mean, I would. I would.

[Mandy B]

As long as she is not like, her marriage. She wants to die old with her husband, too.

[Breonda]

My cheating husband.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Yes.

[Weezy]

Do you have a minute?

[Mandy B]

Look, the script.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Okay.

[Mandy B]

How would we all react if we go on a date with a guy

[Breonda]

and he's sick, who is sick, and.

[Mandy B]

And he tells us, just so you know, I'm. I have cancer. And I'm like, what. What would be your response?

[Breonda]

That happens. And imagine when you're already in the relationship and then someone gets sick.

[Weezy]

You know our good friend Marquita? She's doctor.

[Breonda]

Oh, yeah.

[Weezy]

The sound bath with us. I. I went for a bike ride with her after we met at, like, some game night. And I was like, so you dating? Like, do you want to be in love? Just having girls talking. She's like, oh, I have been best love. And she was telling me about him and how amazing they were. Showed me pictures, and she was like, yep. And I was with him till the end. And she literally was so fulfilled. And, like, basically was just like, whatever, I can fuck some niggas down. But, like, not the face.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I don't think I'm strong enough for that. Which is crazy coming from a whole cancer. I don't. If I know something that they have in this moment before we fall in love is terminal. And maybe that's why I project, and maybe that's why I don't lead with that. I wouldn't. You want me to fall in love with you and then you die? At least unexpectedly die. I don't want to go in, like, okay, no, no.

[Weezy]

Like, motorcycle accident.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Yeah. Like, let it just be a surprise. Like, I don't want to count you down on the calendar.

[Mandy B]

That's. Baby, in a relationship, would you not go into it knowing the exact day it was going to end? Like, imagine they're going to last forever. So if you got into a relationship and you knew that it would last exactly five and a half years, what is. What is the problem with knowing the expiration date of a relationship?

[Weezy]

My parents are lasting forever.

[Mandy B]

No, but forever is not an actual word. It doesn't exist in us. We are. Wait, as human beings, we do not last forever. So my question is, if you were in a relationship with someone, even if they were, there was an illness, but you knew you would get to enjoy them for X amount of time, would you, having that date? Why do we want to be in the illusion of a forever?

[Breonda]

In fact, actually forever.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I want to live in the Lulu forever.

[Weezy]

Now, I'm not saying this because Crystal's here, but. Yeah, because at the end of the day, not to be all Jesus girlies, because you guys are here, but she's. You have.

[Mandy B]

She's a Jesus girl.

[Breonda]

Yeah.

[Weezy]

That's what, like, makes me show up to everything.

[Mandy B]

Totally.

[Weezy]

Why do I wake up in the morning that I don't want to get dressed for? I have faith that I'm. Have a good time.

[Breonda]

Like, literally, life is so dark. Like, why wouldn't I choose to view it a little, like 10%?

[Mandy B]

If you knew you could have the best time of experiencing a love with somebody for five and a half years, I would take. You wouldn't take that. I would. That's what I'm saying.

[Weezy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Breonda]

I absolutely would. And actually, it's. I funny enough, like, I'm thinking there kind of is dark, like, a blessing in perhaps being with someone with, let's just say a terminal illness. Stick with me. Stick with me.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Okay, okay.

[Weezy]

I'm here.

[Breonda]

And I know there's a privilege. I don't have it. I don't. I'm not in that predicament. But I'm just thinking, like, wow, every day would be a gift. I would want to wake up every freaking morning and, like, do this, do this. I want to stay in shape for my man. Like, I wouldn't even. Just, like, I would want to make the most out of everything. And there's kind of a dark and twisted blessing to that.

[Mandy B]

Even, like, I'm going to be honest with my capacity too. I have the capacity to deal with an illness or someone fighting something. I do not have the capacity to deal with a behavioral diagnosis.

[Breonda]

Interesting.

[Weezy]

I would leave with.

[Mandy B]

I cannot deal with bipolar disorder. I cannot deal with a partner being someone different every morning that we wake up not knowing who they are the next day. So a mental illness, I've dealt with that with family. I would deal with a physical ailment over a mental illness.

[Breonda]

You deal with a terminal.

[Mandy B]

I would deal with a terminal physical illness over a mental illness all day, every day. So because to me, I don't feel like I would be able to experience the happiness of joy of a person because I wouldn't know who that person is going to be.

[Weezy]

Western society, the only Kanye doesn't want to take his meds, bro.

[Mandy B]

No, that's not true.

[Weezy]

Like, to me, no, I'm saying only, like, Kanye doesn't want to take his meds.

[Mandy B]

If someone didn't want to hear themselves, well, guess what? And then you get on your meds and you become a different person on those meds.

[Weezy]

So who is the person?

[Mandy B]

That's what I wouldn't.

[Breonda]

That's not really true.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I. I have families that have had been on meds and they. They themselves don't even like to be on it because they turned. Men feel like good people.

[Mandy B]

And so for me, like, I couldn't. I couldn't deal with that in a. In a romantic partnership. I mean, honestly, I can't deal deal with it with family members. So for me, I know my capacity. So I'm think that's good though too,

[Breonda]

you know that I can't. Also. Those people shouldn't be with someone like you because it's almost like you don't want to resent the person that you're loving or like, if you can, if you have the wherewithal to know that you, You. You can't even anticipate that. That's good. And you should.

[Mandy B]

Which is why I would hope that gonna date her has the capacity to support her during her journey.

[Breonda]

Like a foster parent. Like, you don't want these children going into a home where some. Where they're. The shitty foster parents are not shitty, but you know what I mean? Like, they're not patient. They're not whatever. Like, you would want to. You. If you do, and I do, like, have a mental illness, I would never want to be with someone who doesn't have that. Absolutely.

[Weezy]

Oh, my God.

[Mandy B]

I know I did one. Before we get out of here, I wanted to flip it on you. You are a Bible thumping, former atheist.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

He's like, wait, what year is it?

[Mandy B]

But you date. You've talked about being celibate on time. Weezy left a guy who chose to be celibate because she needs dick.

[Weezy]

So let us never forget. That sounds crazy.

[Mandy B]

So I'm curious as to how you bring about your celibacy while dating.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Weezy]

I didn't leave him because I needed dick. I left him because he couldn't understand other forms of intimacy. I didn't care about him.

[Mandy B]

You can't be celibate and give oral sex.

[Breonda]

That's not even.

[Weezy]

He couldn't even be naked or touch me. Like, he couldn't handle, like, just.

[Mandy B]

I'm not gonna lie. Good for him. You not. You not gonna be a celibate motherfucker laying next to me naked.

[Weezy]

I was good. What are we talking about?

[Mandy B]

I was good without the sex. Cause I'm gonna.

[Weezy]

I just felt he was so in his head about anything. I just feel like you own your celibacy a lot. I don't think he understood his. He was doing it for a movie and a goal. And I think he just didn't know

[Mandy B]

how to live in it.

[Weezy]

And he felt very awkward and comfortable.

[Mandy B]

What does it look like to live in your celibacy?

[Breonda]

Oh, my God. That's such a loaded question. What does it look like? Every day's different.

[Mandy B]

You know what I mean? Well, especially while dated with intention, it's harder.

[Breonda]

Especially when you're really. When there's a lot of chemistry with someone, physical chemistry. So then you're kind of motivated by what the body wants almost, in a way. Because you know how sometimes even with. We all have, like, this reptilian response with different things. Like with a baby, they latch onto a boob. It automatically knows what to do. I feel like when you have chemistry with someone, it automatically wants to do the thing. So that's why, like, if you're coupling your practice with, like, reading the Word and whatever, like, you kind of control that inner animal and you. You know the reptilian response to one.

[Weezy]

Like, does masturbation make it worse?

[Breonda]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it makes it worse.

[Mandy B]

Guy shaking his head, too. Let me find out. You celibate over there.

[Weezy]

Because I'm thinking, like, sometimes if I'm horny and I masturbate, I'm like, now I really.

[Breonda]

No, But I'm such a sinner. Because it's like, I try to get creative with it. So it's like, oh, no. But it's not real. It's kind of what Mormons do when they soak. Like, you try and find different ways to like, cheat the system. And God is like, let's define soaking

[Weezy]

for everyone that doesn't know.

[Mandy B]

Because I don't know.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

In my mind I'm like,

[Mandy B]

so can

[Weezy]

we talk about it?

[Mandy B]

Good. You know, in the Mormon community, there's

[Breonda]

like, just like colloquially, like young Mormons would penetrate a penis, would penetrate a vagina, and they stay there. Like they dock there and that.

[Mandy B]

I thought you called that hot dogging or something.

[Breonda]

No, no, they don't, they don't thrust. But wait, but then there's another thing in the community where like you jump on the bed. Someone like, someone jumps on the bed and so like you're not actually having sex or fornicating. Like you're girl, I'm not Mormon.

[Weezy]

It's the Jewish women wearing a wig. If you not supposed to have hair out, what's the wig for?

[Breonda]

Oh, and it's the same shit.

[Mandy B]

Okay, so then let me ask you guys a question and we'll wrap here. First off, I'd love to know how men respond to you when you say that. And then I'd love to know if we're on a date date three or four. And he says, just so you know, I'm celibate. How, how, how we would respond to that as women. If a man showed up the way we're showing up, how do they normally respond to you?

[Breonda]

I can tell you multiple. Like I, like I said, I deliberately only date God fearing men who practice and it's not. They don't mind it for the most part. But most recently they have wanted to be physical. And that makes it a little hard because I'm also a very like, physical. Like, I do like being physical, so it makes it difficult. But they're, they're twofold. Some men are really into it and want to be very. Like, we can't even kiss. And that I don't think I can do. And I guess I'm not Christian enough, which is a horrible thing to say. But I'm not enough for them. And I swear and I cuss and I'm like, you know, off the rails a little bit, but then with the other guy, like the more like, I don't know my kind of my side of modern Christian. Sure. A modern, modern Jezebel woman, you know, like on my side, like, there are men who kind of would, would be physical, but to a certain degree, not to the point where we're fornicating or anything, which is fun too. And I can be intimate in different ways. Like, I love just being with someone naked sometimes. Maybe not naked.

[Mandy B]

And, like, would you. Would you date someone celibate right now?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

So I. The guy that I was talking to doesn't want to, you know, penetrate. Doesn't want to. Penetration is where he, you know, he is very religious. He's in that world.

[Breonda]

Wait, is it oral as well?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

That's the conversation. That's. That's open. And I just. To me, it's just all game.

[Breonda]

What about masturbating together in the same.

[Mandy B]

I'll hold you up, Amanda.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

In the same room in the same bed as you. Why are we just not doing it?

[Breonda]

It's very hot. No, it's good. It's. It's nice.

[Weezy]

I like beautiful washer music, high schoolers.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

But in place of Mandy, did you

[Breonda]

just shame at me on your sex show?

[Mandy B]

I mean, no shame. But here's the thing. As adults, I think it becomes completely irresponsible if there is one party that is looking to remain celibate or not have intercourse, and the other party has to just sit there and be miserable or succumb to that.

[Breonda]

They're not miserable to me.

[Mandy B]

You should not. If you are. Are someone who wants to be celibate. Someone who does not want to have sex.

[Breonda]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

I do not think that you need to lay in the bed with someone. I do not think that you need to be naked around somebody. You are a. A what? What's the. What's the word? You are. You are like a demon that is now ruining. Yes, because that's what I'm saying. To me, it's.

[Weezy]

It's.

[Breonda]

To me, it's almost.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

It's a tease. And that's why I told him. I was like, I'll try, but she's being outlier.

[Breonda]

Where.

[Weezy]

Where is the. Sorry, I can't. I want to yell. Where is the point where the celibacy ends? That's all I.

[Breonda]

No, no, I'm. No, no, no. I'm. I'm not even sub. Like, these things that I just described

[Weezy]

are celibacy for you. But I have been point of. Like, we're in love, we're committed, et cetera. Right.

[Breonda]

Yes.

[Weezy]

When we all first met.

[Breonda]

Until marriage.

[Weezy]

At one point, you said until marriage, and then you were like, committed relationship.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Yeah.

[Weezy]

Which I understand. So to me, like, as long as someone tells me their line on when, that I'm cool with too.

[Breonda]

But I also really do want to disclose that you are being reasonable, though. Like, she's not wrong if you are celibate. You are not to engage in any sexual activity.

[Mandy B]

I had a girl lay in my bed all the way naked and ain't want to until I took her to the movies. I said, well put on clothes. Why are you laying in my bed naked? Like that's like some. We're adults don't do that. And I think it's for as women we shouldn't be in a place either where we want to be celibate. We don't want to have sex, but we lay next to a man. Or I agree them not to violate us or make us uncomfortable because why are you putting another person in the situation?

[Breonda]

Can I bring it down to a more secular like let's remove the religious connotation to the word whatever. Like have you ever made a mistake or something? Have you ever decided something like okay, tonight I'm not gonna fuck tonight. My, my pussy isn't even waxed. I'm not going to do anything. And then you do like things like the body. These mistakes happen. People make mistakes, I get that. But they're still celibate.

[Mandy B]

You ready? But mistakes, mistakes are one offs. But no, not only that, mistakes can cost men their whole lives.

[Weezy]

Hold on, wait, wait.

[Breonda]

What?

[Weezy]

Better not fucking animals. No, they can control themselves.

[Mandy B]

I get that.

[Weezy]

But wait, let's revise this.

[Mandy B]

No, if I'm naked, I get that

[Weezy]

right now with you. And you can't control yourself. And I make a he cost his

[Mandy B]

life, not my makeup. I get that. But again too where as a sex positive platform, as a woman, if you do not want to have sex with a man, I don't believe you should put yourself in a bed with them. A kid and then true. Or you're uncomfortable and now it's assault. So to me, as adults, if you do not want to have sex, I'm just saying point blank without getting all technical, then if you are a person who does not want to have sex, do not get your ass in the bed naked with another fucking human being.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I agree.

[Breonda]

And on that note, thank you so much.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I told him that I was like, this is if you don't want to have sex. I was like, I'll play along. I don't know how long it's going to last. I'll play along. But you're going to. Every time we make out and every time you touch me, I'm going to get worked up. So I don't know how long or how far we can go, but I'll be, I'll try. Hey, forever.

[Mandy B]

I'm not trying.

[Breonda]

No, but it can be fine.

[Mandy B]

I'll read you.

[Weezy]

I've got experience with celibacy and I do enjoy just the energy of like. Like my boyfriend tells me maybe I'm actually one of those people. He's like, you like to live in like sex brain doing weird, intimate without penetration. Like, I. I could go a week without it if we do other.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

See. Nah, man.

[Weezy]

I don't need to be like.

[Mandy B]

Like, maybe it's because I had a.

[Weezy]

I was a lesbian so long like

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

that genuinely that could play a part.

[Breonda]

You are bisexual.

[Weezy]

I know, but I'm saying like when I was with her. Yeah, but penetration was. I was not missing dick.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I could. I can see that. That's actually a lot of sense still buy. Because me making up.

[Weezy]

No, I mean, but at one point

[Mandy B]

I was getting nose.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Yeah.

[Weezy]

And it was totally fine. But if you want to hear us talk about dick and not selling the sea, head on over to patreon.com horrible decisions where we talk all about.

[Mandy B]

And if you haven't yet, make sure you purchase our book, no holds barred. You'll be able to see why we think the way we do. And hopefully y' all enjoyed our besties joining us on the pod. Okay, it wasn't that bad. We weren't that bad.

[Weezy]

Where do we send people to you, you Bible.

[Mandy B]

Brianna.

[Weezy]

They're just going to Trap House. That's it.

[Breonda]

All you Trap house. Trap house. Fit.com.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

yeah, just IG.

[Mandy B]

I don't even know. That's red.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

That's red too.

[Mandy B]

Florida.

[Weezy]

That's IGDS right now.

[Breonda]

I need to lay off. I'm not on social.

[Weezy]

She's such a TikTok.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

That's so good.

[Mandy B]

Well, if you don't go to her Instagram, you can catch her on Hinge Riot. Tinder Seeking Arrangement. I don't know what other dating apps there are. If she's on there, where's the passport? Where's the region?

[Breonda]

Is it Miami, Florida?

[Mandy B]

Atlanta.

[Breonda]

Atlanta. Atlanta. Do you live in Atlanta?

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Unfortunately.

[Mandy B]

She travels. She lets you know when she's in your city.

[Weezy]

So are you one of those that do the little like.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

No, but I will change my location before I like. My thing is set up for LA right now.

[Weezy]

That's.

[Breonda]

That sound real?

[Weezy]

It works.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

My husband.

[Weezy]

Okay, bye.

[Mandy B]

Oh, my God. Well, guys, thank you all for tuning in. Hope you enjoyed this little different special edition of Decisions Decisions.

[Weezy]

Don't like it too much because we had to get the bag up to do this. Yeah, this is expensive.

[Mandy B]

Real expensive. Bye, guys.

[Breonda]

Bye.

[Weezy]

This is wheezy. WTF from Decisions, decisions, ladies. Let's talk about taking control of our sexual health. That's grown woman energy. You may think HIV affects someone else somewhere else, but the truth is it's impacting our community. And some of us are being hit harder than others. Black women make up just 13% of the women in the US yet account for nearly half of new HIV diagnoses amongst women. Taking care of ourselves is community care. Know your options, ask questions, and protect your peace and your body. That's using your power. Sponsored by Care for the Culture from Gilead Science.

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[Weezy]

Wasn't that delicious? So good. Your bill, ladies.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I got it. No, I got it.

[Mandy B]

Seriously, I insist.

[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

I assisted first. Don't be silly.

[Mandy B]

You don't be silly.

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[Crystal Renee Hayslett]

Okay.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Rock, paper, scissors for it.

[Mandy B]

Rock, paper, scissors.

[Weezy]

Shoot.

[Breonda]

No.

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The Wells Fargo Active Cash credit card. Visit Wells Fargo. Com ActiveCash.

[Weezy]

Terms Applied this is an iHeart podcast.

[Lauren LaRosa]

Guaranteed human.