EP 471: Men Don’t Want To Be Friends (feat. Azar)

Summary

Decisions, Decisions – EP 471: Men Don’t Want To Be Friends (feat. Azar)

Date: May 4, 2026
Hosts: Mandii B & WeezyWTF
Guest: Azar

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Main Theme & Purpose

This candid episode of "Decisions, Decisions" centers on the persistent question: Can men and women truly have platonic friendships—or does sex always get in the way? With their hallmark blend of humor, raw honesty, and vulnerability, hosts Mandii B, WeezyWTF, and guest Azar dissect personal experiences, societal expectations, and evolving relationship norms. Along the way, they confront "manosphere" rhetoric, challenge patriarchal ideas of value and worth, and open up about hopes, betrayals, sexuality, and unlearning harmful narratives around love, friendship, and gender.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Possessiveness, Jealousy & Trust in Relationships

• Segment Start: [04:00]
  • Weezy: Discusses how some friends and even her partner view her lack of jealousy during flirty interactions as a lack of love, but she rebuffs that perspective, emphasizing trust and open communication.

    “What’s he gonna do, fuck the bitch with me and my mama right here? …We’re flirty. We’re freaky.” – Weezy [05:36]

  • Azar: Owns her possessiveness as a “toxic trait,” though she’s trying to “release” it for healthier connections.
  • Mandii: Argues for mutual freedom: if she gets to have male friends and go out, so should her partner.

    “We should allow people to live their own lives.” – Mandii [07:24]

2. Can Men & Women Actually Be Friends?

• Segment Start: [08:00]
  • Azar: Asserts from her experience that all her male friends have eventually tried to cross the line sexually.

    “Every homeboy I’ve ever had had to have a conversation about his feelings with me… I’ve never, ever had a homeboy who did not try something with me once or twice.” – Azar [09:03]

  • Mandii & Weezy: Push back with stories of non-romantic, platonic friendships—Mandii, even with high-profile male friends.
  • Discussion: The panel explores whether wealth/power dynamics, “normie” versus celebrity status, and context matter (“musician/athlete friends” more likely to try).
  • Notable Quote:

    “To oversexualize me and act like I can’t be out without wanting to suck a dick is insane to me.” – Weezy [08:13]

  • Azar’s worldview: She believes if given any opening, most men would act on sexual opportunity.

3. Friendship Boundaries & Gender Norms

• Segment Start: [14:00]
  • Women, too, sometimes cross lines—sending lingerie pics, flirting with male friends in relationships.
  • The panel agrees blurred boundaries go both ways, but Mandii and Weezy continue to believe platonic cross-gender friendships are possible if boundaries are clearly communicated.

4. Wasting Time in Relationships—Who’s Accountable?

• Segment Start: [25:45]
  • Prompt: Are failed relationships a waste of time?
  • Azar’s Revelation: The real waste is staying after recognizing it’s not working; fear of being alone leads to “retaking the class.”

    “If you don’t pass the test, you have to retake it.” – Azar [29:35]

  • Weezy: The real epiphany is realizing whether the person you’re with actually matches your ideal—most women “waste their own time” hoping for change.

5. Who Sells the Dream? Men, Women, or Both?

• Segment Start: [32:33]
  • Azar: Men sometimes misrepresent intentions, but women’s real misstep is staying after discovering misalignment.
  • Mandii: Points out that expectations must align with action; women must communicate and act on red flags, not hope for change.

    “After they see he doesn’t step up, they decide to still stay, and that’s where you now are fucking up. And it’s on you, period.” – Azar [34:25]

6. Showing Up: Love Languages & Emotional Labor

• Segment Start: [36:28]
  • The hosts discuss whether expecting your partner to show up as you do is fair. Mandii urges clear articulation of needs instead of expectation or comparison.
  • Weezy: If a man’s not showing up for you during hard times, he’s probably not truly into you—no need to read confusing signs.

7. Accountability, Gender Healing & Dating Culture

• Segment Start: [40:34]
  • Azar: Men know more than they let on about relationship needs and emotional labor, yet often underperform unless truly invested.
  • Mandii: Observes women are often as “toxic” or unhealed as the men they criticize.

8. Hoe Friends, Male-Centered Women & Evolving Priorities

• Segment Start: [56:51]
  • Azar: Admits she has no “hoe friends”—her circle is more focused on business and growth than active dating.
  • Hosts: Reflect hilariously on their own “hoe” friend experiences, noting that for some, chasing men dominates the agenda.
  • Definition Debates: Differentiating between “male-centered,” “hoe behaviors,” and simply going after what you want.

9. Success, Attraction, & The Manosphere Rhetoric

• Segment Start: [62:46]
  • The hosts play a “manosphere” audio clip suggesting successful women “shrink their pool” and will have to “share high-value men.”
  • Azar: Calls out the overfocus on money as value, emphasizing instead emotional security and maturity.

    “We put so much…on financial, and we forget that security and safety is far more than financial.” – Azar [64:54]

10. Does Wealth Make It Harder for Men or Women to Find Love?

• Segment Start: [65:41]
  • Mandii: Suggests that men’s sense of self is so tied to being a provider that they may struggle emotionally/sexually when “out-earned,” often resulting in insecurity.
  • Weezy: Counters with examples of “blue collar” men dating “high-powered” women and showing up emotionally/through acts of service outside finances.

11. Black Love, Interracial Dating, & Cultural Baggage

• Segment Start: [70:16]
  • Azar: Shares her fatigue with fighting to “prove” the value of Black women in the face of public Black male denigration; she’d now date outside her race freely.

    “I don’t have to prove that no more…if I find someone outside Black, I don’t care.” – Azar [72:04]

  • Weezy: Observes similar shifts with women, but parses the motivation and the reality that struggle shouldn't be proof of love.

12. Childhood Trauma, Absentee Fathers & Relationship Patterns

• Segment Start: [73:43]
  • Weezy: Offers theory that women with absent or toxic fathers disproportionately struggle in relationships, and so do many men.
  • Azar: Notes even “two parent” households aren’t a guarantee for well-adjusted love lives; personal trauma/therapy requirements discussed.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “To oversexualize me and act like I can’t be out without wanting to suck a dick is insane to me.” – Weezy [08:13]
• “Every man I’ve ever been around…has tried something with me once or twice.” – Azar [09:03]
• “We put so much…on financial, and we forget that security and safety is far more than financial.” – Azar [64:54]
• “I get with men…they’re always like, I want to spend every moment with you…But then I realized, that don’t mean nothing.” – Azar [33:08]
• “The Thief of Joy is comparing people.” – Mandii [39:33]
• “If I find someone outside Black, I don’t care.” – Azar [72:04]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Start Time | Key Points Highlighted | |----------------------------------------------------|------------|------------------------------------------------------------| | Possessiveness & Trust in Relationships | 04:00 | Host/guest styles re: jealousy, freedom, and double standards | | Can Men & Women Be Platonic Friends? | 08:00 | Azar’s experience, Mandii/Weezy’s pushback | | Crossed Friendship Boundaries | 14:00 | Women crossing lines, mutual accountability discussion | | Are Breakups Time Wasted? | 25:45 | Relationship “waste,” personal accountability | | Who’s Accountable for “Selling a Dream”? | 32:33 | Timelines for acting on red flags, self-blame | | Love Languages & Showing Up | 36:28 | When presence or absence is actually about commitment | | Men Knowing But Not Showing Up | 40:34 | Performative affection, expected emotional labor | | Hoe Friends, Male Centeredness, Changing Agendas | 56:51 | Defining “hoe,” generational change in friend circles | | Manosphere Rhetoric & “High-Value Men” | 62:46 | Reaction to manosphere ideas about success and dating pools | | Wealth & Dating Power Dynamics | 65:41 | Men’s insecurities, women’s “dating down,” emotional security| | Black Love/Interracial Dating | 70:16 | Affirmation, fatigue, loyalty, and openness to dating outside race| | Father Figures & Adult Patterns | 73:43 | How family origins influence love lessons |

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Closing Thoughts

This episode pushes listeners to reflect on gendered scripts, emotional wounds, and the sometimes humorous, sometimes painful contradictions of modern love. Mandii, Weezy, and Azar model both vulnerability and accountability—challenging the idea that men and women must be adversaries, and reminding us that self-awareness and open dialogue are crucial for change.

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For more raw and unfiltered takes, catch the Patreon “part two” for deeper sex talk and Azar’s “cult” backstory!

Transcript

[A]

I think when we get into, like, these conversations around red pill combo and what women want and what men want, it's like, what the are we talking about? Like, we're two human beings. Can we not treat each other like we actually care about each other?

[B]

We all know what it's like when A likes you.

[C]

I hate, first of all, high value, man. High value. I hate that. Yeah. And for me, it's like I hate that concept because for me, what we. We put so much. We put so, so much. Women put so much on financial. And we forget that security and safety is far more than financial. A man who is rich can give you money, but if he can't give me emotional safety and emotional security, if he can't be there for me in the other ways that a woman actually needs a man to show up, then what are we even doing?

[D]

This is an I heart podcast.

[C]

Guaranteed human.

[D]

Okay, so quick, behind the scenes moment about my business because people always ask me, how am I actually able to run everything? We got brown girl grinding on social media for the stories, but brown girlgrinding.com is Shopify in the merch. Shopify is literally the platform where I turn this tiny idea into a real business. And right now, my storefront, browngirlgrinding.com and the black Effect storefront are booked and busy, and Shopify is handling all of the heavy lifting, y'. All. I'm so excited about the fact that Shopify is going to show up at the Black Black Effect Podcast festival this year in a really big way. Go to shopify.com Ben if I can do it, trust me, y' all can do it too.

[B]

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[A]

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[E]

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[B]

Decisions, decisions.

[A]

Hey guys. Welcome to another episode of Decisions, Decisions. It's your girl Mandy V, AKA Peg the Stallion, AKA Megan Marco, AKA that's Beach.

[B]

I'm Wheezy. Sorry if I get a little crackly. I'm still dealing with birthday festivity.

[C]

Throat Birthday fest. If you throw to school.

[A]

It's just that they're gonna hear that for five episodes now. Jesus.

[B]

I'm trying, bitch. I went over the steam with a towel today.

[A]

I was like, I have to talk about sucking dick.

[B]

Mom out. But we have a guest in the building and I'm actually really excited because now we get to be on some girl shit. Yes. And the last clip, I was tagged in. Ooh, Azar, not Paul. I'm sitting there with my baby daddy. He's like, she don't really love him. I'm like, oh boy. There you go.

[A]

Wait, what are we talking about?

[C]

Paul said that? What are we talking about?

[B]

We'll get into it.

[C]

Yeah, I remember what he said. Cuz basically Mandy on the show was saying that. I mean, not Mandy or Mandy Wheezy on the show was like, oh, I will date. Like, I mean, I don't care if my man goes one on one with women and dinners and this and that. And Dr. Sarah was like, oh, well, I will cook dinner at my house or whatever. And so Paul's response was like, she don't really love him.

[A]

Not y' all reacting to our videos on your podcast, y'.

[C]

All. We are honey. Period.

[B]

It's too much.

[C]

It's relevant. So Paul was like, he can't really? She don't really love him. For real if she's like, not tripping off of that.

[B]

Do you believe that?

[C]

No, I don't think that's true.

[B]

Really? I don't care if you do.

[C]

No, I don't think that's true. I think that you lack the possessiveness that a lot of women have in the teenageness.

[A]

She is possessive.

[B]

No, you know what? Someone else said that to me on my birthday.

[C]

Because you can't be that possessive.

[B]

You know, we're both hosting people in our home, right? And at one point there was a girl, like, touching his chest or something. Like, I love this.

[A]

Da, da, da, da.

[B]

And this girl's like, wow, you really must not be possessed. And I'm like, what's he gonna do? Fuck the bitch with me and my mama right here? Like, I. We have the same tattoo. I'm sure. Like, he's gonna be like, yes, Angila has it. Whatever it is. That's just who we are. We're flirty, we're freaky.

[C]

I can't see. I have a toxic trait and it's being possessive in territory.

[B]

You are. Uh huh.

[C]

I'm.

[A]

You're really bad.

[C]

I'm bad, I'm bad.

[B]

Oh, wait, did you see it in action? Mandy?

[A]

That's also not healthy though.

[C]

No, it's not. I said toxic trait.

[B]

I said it's a toxic trait.

[C]

It's very unhealthy and it's something that I'm trying to release from. Like when I hear y' all say that. No, for real. Cause when I hear you guys say like, oh, I don't care, or this or that or even Mandy, I don't know.

[A]

But it's not like, and here's the thing, I don't like. Like. Cause that I don't care. Like, term gets thrown around a lot as a human being, I care. But I want the same treatment or I'm going to give the same treatment to my partner that I would want in return. I am going to be out with my male friends. I have business partners who are men. I have long term friends that are men. And if we go out, we're gonna go out and I don't need you. It's not a date. Like, it's so disgusting to me. I'm not even going to lie. Like, this episode is going to be us dismantling a little bit of the manosphere while also admitting that the woman sphere is very similar to the manosphere. Like, I have videos that I'm going to play this episode And I really think that when we listen to them, I don't even know if I want to tell you who it is saying it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But when you hear it, you might agree.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

And then when I tell you the name, you're going to be like, oh, my God, I agree with that nigga. Like, so I think when we get into like these conversations around red pill combo and what women want and what men want, it's like, what the fuck are we talking about? Like, we're two human beings. Can we not treat each other like we actually care about each other? And if we care about each other, we should allow people to have their own life.

[B]

I don't like with friendships.

[C]

I want. No, I don't care about friendships.

[B]

That was the context. It was friendship.

[C]

Yeah, with the friends. No, wait, you're see, so then hold

[B]

on, you're saying I reacted to.

[C]

No, no, no. You're saying your man's friends or are you saying your actual homes?

[B]

You don't.

[C]

Girls or homes.

[B]

I'm totally honest with y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

My man really doesn't have homegirls like that. He's Nigerian, so everybody in his life is pretty much family. Most of the women are women he's probably fucked.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But as far as me, I'm the one with all the male friends. And so he knows there's gonna be at night, I want to go to the bar with my homeboy when I'm, you know, in another city and catch up. But that's also my life. To over sexualize me and act like I'm a fucking animal and can't be out without wanting to suck a dick is insane to me.

[A]

Yeah, I agree.

[C]

Well, I think that it's different for a man. I think that men are typically, if their homegirl will bend over in front of them and pull down their pants, they will fuck em.

[A]

So I think that that is an awful viewpoint of men.

[C]

It's how I view men.

[A]

Yeah, but the idea just being honest

[C]

is 100% how I view that.

[A]

The idea, even as women that we're dating men or engaging with men that have zero sexual control is crazy because men do have actual sexual.

[C]

I've never met one. I agree. I've never been around a man in my life that says, hey, I'm sorry, I have a girlfriend. I cannot engage in any activity. I have never heard a man, never in my life say that ever in my life.

[A]

What?

[C]

Are you kidding?

[A]

Shut the fuck up.

[C]

No, no, no, no.

[B]

Wait, wait, hold on, hold on.

[A]

Azar, shut up.

[C]

I Swear to God.

[B]

Who are these niggas?

[A]

Who where the niggas?

[C]

Y' all know the niggas I be around. At the end of the day, every man I've ever been around and every homeboy I've ever had had to have a conversation about his feelings with me. All of a sudden, I've never, ever, ever had a homeboy who did not try something with me once or twice. And not because I'm overly sexual, just because that's how they are. And I have to really shut it down and be like, I know you fucking lying.

[B]

Am I not that hot?

[A]

I was about to say I've had friends fly me out and not do anything or try me.

[C]

Nah, I've never.

[A]

Like, I have actual platonic friendships with men, but maybe. Do you have a lot of platonic male friends?

[C]

I don't have platonic male friends, because every male friend I.

[A]

But that's what I'm saying. That's probably why. Can I ask you, do you have

[B]

any, like, normie friends? And when I say that.

[C]

Yes, yes, yes.

[B]

Because I think, like, a few of my homegirls have had the same experience. You worked in the music industry, like, when they're rich. Because, you know, it's almost like a power trip.

[C]

Entitlement and power. Right?

[B]

But most of my normie friends have never. But I will say, my wealthy or back in the day, athlete friends, I had the same experience as you.

[A]

I am, bro. We gotta even stop doing the celebrity versus normies. I am friends with, like, I'm friends with a hall of famer, multimillionaire. Hundred millions. We done went on trips together, we done hung out, I done met his family, and when I tell you, not one time.

[B]

Well, has he ever another bitches on the trip?

[A]

Not all the time, but.

[B]

Okay, so maybe you really are the road dog. But, like, so he.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. But there's women.

[B]

But I'm saying, does that prove Azar's point to.

[A]

No, because it doesn't prove the point. I am friends with him, have been friends with him for years, and there has never been one line crossed where he's tried me. So we're talking about friendships. I don't give a fuck of what. What other bitches he's fucking. That's not the friendship. Yeah, like, I'm talking about my friendship with guys.

[C]

I'm just telling you my experiences. I've never had that. And I've been friends with people. Like, I'm cool. I'm cool. I could be Like a homie type vibe. Talk to you about your relationship, chop it up, give you advice, really have your best interest at heart, and then, boom, man. Like, the way you speak to me, the way you. You know, a woman never really sees me the way you see me. Oh, da, da, da, da. Bout to get a.

[A]

But even that.

[B]

But.

[A]

But if a man opens up with you about that, does that necessarily mean, now I want to put my dick inside of you? Like a man expressing that he feels safe with you.

[C]

Wanted to bro.

[A]

A man expressing that he feels safe with you and that you. He. You.

[B]

You know, I mean, I think.

[A]

Doesn't mean that he wants to, but

[B]

if she felt the energy that he wanted, it was. I believe that girl.

[C]

This is. This is what I'm saying is happening.

[B]

Is.

[C]

It could. They could say all that, but it also is followed by.

[B]

So then you really do believe that men and women can't be.

[C]

Oh, no, I don't. I know that every man that used to. Oh, this is my best friend. We've been best friends for this many years. Have y' all ever had sex twice? One time this time when it was never happened again. We're cool now. We're cool. I have a homegirl that y' all know that's been on the show. She got married. Church. She was married to a nigga that's her best friend for two years. Now they're married. Oh, yeah. Okay. Like, stop playing in my face. If a woman is giving you any. I have friends right now that are male. If I ever showed them any type of anything, I guarantee they will have sex with me. You cannot tell me you don't. You have a male friend that if you were like, I want to fuck you right now, he would be like, no, I do.

[B]

I do, too.

[A]

And I have male friends that are even attractive that if they threw, they

[C]

did it to you.

[B]

So now I want to tell y' all about a conversation one of my homeboys had with me at my birthday party. And this is how I know it's real. He's attractive, tall, well, to do. And I'm like, did you invite so and so? Like, I was trying to have some little baddies at my party. That's why you invited. I'm just playing. So I'm like, yo, I want some, like, fun girls.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So I'm like, what happened to so and so? And he's like, bro, the other night, me and this bitch was out, and, like, she started touching on me and shit. I'm like, what the fuck? He's like, yo, she's so fucking toxic. Like a nickel breakup with her. We kicking it. We known each other for years. Now she suddenly trying to touch my dick. Cuz, you fucking hurt over, nigga. He's like, bitch, like, be cool and didn't invite her. To me, that's a denial. And the bitch was somebody that was bad Azar to the point where I don't even know her and was like, bring her finance.

[C]

So let me meet him. I've never met a man that is like this. So y' all introduce me, like. Cause I've never seen that. I've never seen it. And I've never been out and about with a man. Matter of fact, one time recently, someone was filming a show, and it was. He was a producer. And I remember he was saying this in front of a whole bunch of, like, basketball players. And he was like, yeah, my girl, they asked him, like. He was like, no. I was sitting with my girl's homegirl, and they were like, of course. Toxic. Is she fine? Was she fine?

[B]

Da, da, da, da.

[C]

Because I guess one of his homeboy, one of her homegirls texted her and was like, your man is here sitting with the girl. And so they were like, was he fine? She was like, she's an attractive girl, but, like, I love my girlfriend this. And I literally stopped and was like, I have never heard a man say. I remember this day. And this, because I'm like, I never heard a man say this.

[B]

I mean, I actually really believe your experience, because my boyfriend has the same with his homegirls.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

He's like, all of my homegirls cross a boundary with simple things. One of the things he told me specifically, that I was like, wow. He said one of his homegirls, he would, like, tell her what to do because she was trying to bag this nigga. And she would send him pictures of herself. Like, should I send this? And he was like, yo, her and lingerie. Like, what do you think of this? And he's like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, this is not friendship anymore. He's like, Cause now I'm looking at her pussy hanging out the penny. Like, thank you.

[C]

That's disrespectful. Do you know what happened? Chelsea Handler was really close with my homegirl's husband, and they worked together for years, and she started sending him naked pictures. Like, should I send this to the next? Like, is this cute? Should I send this to somebody insane?

[B]

Like, so then you wanted the shit

[C]

that women and men do. That's why? I'm not just blaming the man. It's both parties. I just don't believe that we can do it, like. But y' all have different spirits.

[A]

Wait, what do you mean? Bitches is sending nude pictures. Talking about, is this nice? Should I send it to my niggas?

[C]

Yeah, it's the way that a man. And mind you, he's married. And you work with this man for years and see his wife. And the wife was someone that I know. These are white people. And I used to work with her, and, like, she was pissed. And this is like, your career. He works on the production of her show.

[B]

Oh, my God. So now you're putting me in a predictive way.

[C]

I'm like, I gotta be like, yeah,

[B]

it's a good one.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, you know what's crazy? Sorry. She's just someone I never want to see in lingerie. Now you got me thinking about her.

[C]

That too.

[A]

I don't even know if we should bleep her name out. But no. Why not? Let's go ahead and share.

[B]

But you know, real quick, before I'm thinking about it. I think the other layer to women crossing a line is when they realize their homeboy is kind of a good.

[C]

A good guy.

[B]

Because I think it semi happened to my man with one of his homegirls when he started dating me because my nigga was a hoe. I was like, hello, birds of a feather. And so I think when you start to do things, he brings me flowers every week.

[C]

That's sweet.

[B]

So I'm sure if he's on the phone or saying something like this, you're just like, ooh, damn.

[C]

How long have y' all been together?

[B]

It's about to be three years in jail.

[C]

Okay, okay, Sorry. Go ahead.

[B]

So I think it turns into something like, oh, now I'm seeing a softer side of you that I don't get to experience. Cause we're friends.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And so then you kind of romanticize a little bit because you feel like you have a deeper connection with somebody. That alone will get a woman to turn. Cause even when I was single, Mandy remembers. And that's when we taken to the grave, bitch. I was like, you know, maybe it should work with me as so and so. Because it's like your brain starts to go there. I think it's very natural. Did I ever cross it? No. But I think that moments like that can happen, and it can happen and that.

[A]

Sorry, I just got off.

[B]

Fuck off. Anyway, do your outline.

[C]

That's real. Because I feel like too a Lot of women. It's an ego thing, too. It's like, why doesn't he want me then? So then you start to wanna play that game of, like, well, let me see. Like, does he want me? Like. Cause a lot of women are like, men are the center of their world. So it's like, now I have to prove to myself, even if I don't want him, that I can have him. Like, why are you so friendly? You never try to cross that line. Let me now, see, a lot of women are like that, and we go for safety.

[B]

So if a homeboy make you feel cool, then suddenly your brain start being like, well, well, what brains?

[A]

I really think I'm an alien, bro.

[C]

I don't have that. Cause I don't have male friends. You.

[A]

What brains do bitches have?

[C]

What do you have, a bird brain?

[B]

I mean, listen. Oh, my God.

[C]

I have.

[A]

You're actually hurting my brain, Azar. And I hate this because I hate that. Like, even when we talk about male centeredness, if you enjoy men so much, why is the only way you view them from a romantic lens? And why can it not be a platonic lens?

[C]

It's not my. It's not me being her experience, though. I view men as friends. There's so many men where I'm like, I don't like that.

[A]

I also just don't believe that, bro.

[C]

I do. I view men as friends. I will chop with a man. I will be like, boom. Give me advice. A male perspective. I'll give you advice. And then it switches and I get pissed, and then I cut them off.

[A]

You've experienced this for how long?

[C]

My whole life. I've never, never, not experienced this.

[D]

I'm almost.

[A]

So when you were like me, approaching £300, 250, whatever, all your male friends at that same time also wanted to fuck you?

[C]

Yeah,

[B]

it did.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I swear to God, when I was in a relationship at the time.

[A]

Not that. Because to me, like, there's men who like big women, there's men who like small women. The men who liked me when I was bigger aren't gonna be the men that like me now. Like, there's men that like big women, there's men that don't like big women at all. And so for me, for your experience to be that every man that has been a friend platonically wanted you no matter what size you were. Because men have types, too.

[C]

No, I agree with that. But to me, that's the weird thing. I was in a relationship when I was big for five years. I Got big and got skinny in that rela. Or got small in that relationship. So at the time.

[A]

So you had no display.

[C]

I wasn't like just a whole bunch of male friends. No, but the males, yes. Matter of fact, one of my. The boyfriend that I was with, one of his homeboys became my friend and we started chopping. And then he tried me as my homeboy's friend, as a big girl, by the way.

[A]

And y' all know I've shared about my weight loss. I just say that because I had a friend who was big. Didn't look at him anyway until he lost weight and then he. So I wanna be honest. I don't like Big Daddy. No, no, no. But he was. He was someone that I that, like, he was cool. He was. He was in the NFL. He ended up becoming a sugar daddy. Like, I used to call him Laptop. He's the one who bought me my first MacBook. And literally, like, oh, the one that

[B]

came to our show.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He was always cute, but he was big.

[A]

He's.

[B]

His face, though.

[A]

But he was big.

[B]

And Vibe is vibe.

[A]

But I didn't want to suck his dick when he was big. And then he lost, like 65, 70 pounds.

[B]

And then he started sucking.

[A]

I was like, God damn, man. I sucked it. I sucked it. But after he lost the 70 pounds.

[C]

But this is the thing.

[A]

Back then, I didn't even look at him in, like, a sex way until I was like. Like, we had slept in the bed at the same time and didn't fuck.

[B]

Oh, he wanted to.

[C]

This is the thing, though. He wanted to. And this is the thing, too. Yes. I was small my whole life, like. Or curvy. We had a big butt, small stomach. All this. The same man that wanted me when I was that side is not the same man that wanted me big. Some are. Some are. You know what I mean?

[A]

There are some.

[C]

But then also when I got snatched again, there was different type of man again. So I get that. But I'm telling you the truth. All the man friends I've ever had tried me. Whether it was my. Like, men cannot seem to just. And it's not me. Like, I had to ask myself, like, what is it? The same thing has happened with some of my homegirls, but it's just like. It's one of those things where I'm like, what's going on here? Like, I don't. I want to have male friends. I want a male perspective. And there's some people I get to have at. I have a nephew that I Talk to a brother in law so I get to have that perspective. But when I try to be close with a guy, it's over. It's over for that. And I love to friend zone a man. All my male friends are men. Men that I friend zoned. Like, seriously.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

It is interesting. I hate this for you.

[B]

Me too.

[D]

Okay, so quick behind the scenes moment about my business because people always ask me like, how do I actually run everything? So Shopify is literally the platform where I turned this tiny idea into a business. Before this, I was really just like popping up at any in person event, any vending opportunity I could, which I still do. But I wasn't really as focused online. I, I was like, you know, the websites are going to be too much to build out. I'm not like a super techie person, even though I can make things cute. And I didn't want to put up a website that would run my customers away. I wanted it to be efficient, to be easy. And Shopify helped me build brown girlgrinding.com out. Once I switched to Shopify, it finally clicked like, okay, I can actually do this. It's not about it being tough. It's about using the right platform to make it easy. Shopify takes all of the guesswork out. I build my own store, I manage my community, own my own customer relationships. Plus this is my favorite thing. Shopify gets my products everywhere. I'm able to link stuff through Google, YouTube, TikTok, Shop the Shop app, even ChatGPT and Instagram, which is very important for me. And Shopify's AI co founder sidekick, game changer, let me tell y'. All. Right, so it's helped me not only optimize my site, it helps me look at my sales trends, it updates my product skills, all the stuff I'm absolutely not an expert in. But it's like having a genius business partner that never sleeps. And right now, the brown girl grinding storefront in the Black Effects storefront is busy and Shopify is handling all of the heavy lifting. I love that for us. I am pumped, like so pumped that Shopify is going to show up at the Black Effect Podcast festival this year in a big way. And I will be there preaching this platform to all of the small black owned businesses that partner with us. So if you've been sitting on an idea or if you're ready to scale, which you've already started, this is your sign. Go to shopify.com Ben if I can do it, you can do it too.

[F]

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[B]

We Prepped.

[F]

Got a message for you. You gotta think about sexual health no matter what. Where, with who.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[F]

To all you lovers out there, ain't no judgment. This is your cue.

[A]

Guess who. Guess who's back.

[F]

Yeah. It's time to talk about pre special prophylaxis, a part of HIV prevention. Talk to a healthcare provider and visit carefortheculture.com to learn more.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[A]

all right, so I wanted to get into this conversation and this is just a random question that I wanted to ask. And it has to do Wasting time.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Quote unquote. So I did want to know if you view dating situations or relationships as though you wasted your time with that person when it ends. And I asked that because I actually came across an article that in China they have breakup fees. So when. When you. Let me read this real quick because it's kind of crazy.

[B]

Chowma. Is it based on.

[A]

So some men in China pay breakup fees to ex girlfriends after a relationship ends. The money is described as compensation for time, emotional investment and opportunities lost during the relationship. These payments or breakup fees are typically voluntary agreements made between former partners. But essentially, I know if y' all don't know, Mariah Carey got engaged to a man and sued him for wasting her time.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Now if a relationship just doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. I don't ever view someone as wasting my time. But I want to Know to you ladies, what constitutes a relationship or a man actually wasting your time?

[C]

This is a really good question. No, it's great because I actually had a revelation recently.

[A]

Come on. Revelation?

[C]

I have.

[A]

You know, do you want a revelation?

[C]

Right, right, right. I have, though, because, look, I want to have a child, and I want to have a family, and I think that stems from, you know, like, coming up in, like, a house that lacked love, maybe. And, like, I've always wanted to recreate that for myself. Like, I love the idea of a simple life, of, like, having a house, still having fun, you know, and living my life. But, like, coming home, having a kid, having a husband, having a family or whatever the case is. Right? A husband or a wife. Who knows these days?

[A]

But, like, so, girl, you is not gay.

[C]

Girl, you don't know that.

[A]

Seriously, you don't know what I.

[C]

Okay, so anyways, let me get back to the topic.

[B]

You was, would it be like a Jozzy or would it be like a.

[C]

I love that you say Jazzy is supposed to be. I know, I know.

[B]

Jozzy said this. Look, like, we together, we both be like, hold on.

[C]

But. So, yeah, I've had. I've been with the girl before. You know what I'm saying? So it was more of, like. It was like soft stem vibes, like, you know what I'm saying? Is that a word? It was just more like, I don't want, like a. Like, I don't like that type of stud. It's too much, and it's like, you're not a man. When I was younger, I liked a real gangster stud type vibe. Now, as an older woman, you want

[B]

them to be a little better outfit today.

[C]

That doesn't give, like, stud.

[A]

This doesn't give stuff. Bitch, just because you want a leather dress ho.

[C]

Right? That doesn't give stuff.

[B]

This gives cash.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

This is our short hair.

[C]

No, this gets feminine to me. I feel like. I mean, like, a girl that's like, can dress tomboy, but might still have, like, not, like a shaved buzz cut, like, long hair or dress tomboy, or, like, the girl I was with had long hair, dress tomboy.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

You know that type of vibe. She was like, Latina or whatever.

[A]

Well, okay, girl, you adhd get back to the thing. Yep.

[B]

How.

[A]

How can.

[B]

So.

[A]

And I want to know, how can someone waste your time? Y' all are so gay.

[B]

I was like, in the.

[C]

You know what I'm saying? So, like, okay, let me. Let me get back into this. I had a revelation, and I was like, you know I want to have that family. And I'm this. And I was like, why am I 35, about to be 35 with no kid, no family, no nothing. Right. And I had to think about it. Real talk. And I said, it's like, wow. I stayed in relationships way past the expiration date. Because what the thing is, is you're afraid to be alone and start over. But what you don't realize is the longer you stay, it's inevitable. And now you're gonna be older, doing it. So for me, it's like I. It's like in a class, if you don't pass the test, you have to retake it. So I'm relearning lessons that I've already should have learned. So now I'm putting myself back through situations where you know better than this. You know what it's learned, this lesson?

[A]

Insanity.

[C]

Yeah. Because you keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result is.

[B]

I think it's just like hope.

[C]

Yeah, you have hope, but at the same time, it's like after two years, a lot of women after the first year, after the second year already know, like, this ain't it. This relationship isn't giving me one. It's not in alignment with the things I want for my future. And I realize that I'm staying. And I'm staying because this false hope of maybe, even though it's a delusion really, because you know that you're not going to get what you want out of this.

[A]

What I like, though, is that you. You're putting the accountability on the woman.

[C]

No, it's on me. Because I had the opportunity to walk away after the first year when I knew it wasn't shit. But I stayed for five. And then I looked up and I'm 30 years old now. I got in this relationship with 25, now I'm 30.

[B]

This chapter in no holds barred was called when you know you've stayed too long. And I don't know if I ever put this in the book, but I thought about it recently when thinking about my relationship, because most of my friends respond to my partner in a way they never did before, just saying how much they enjoy him or they enjoy this for me or whatever. So I said to myself, like, how was I not able to clock that the last person wasn't it for me? And this is the question that I realized was a yes, that I don't know if had ever been a yes except for my ex girlfriend. If I had to build the person for me, would it look like the Man, I'm with. And it's like, 100%. 100%, yes. Down to the way he talks, his temperament, everything. Like, all of it. How he treats me, the things he buys me, everything. I don't even need to be materialistic. How he treats my mother, how he treats his mother, people around us, how he treats situations when we're angry, if we're in public, how he acts, how he has decorum. This is what I would have built every other relationship. If you asked me that, I'd say no. But I just stayed. Cause I thought in my head, this is what I chose. They won't always be perfect, but, like, that's not true, actually, when you're happy. Like, my friendships are kind of perfect. Like, I get in arguments with my homegirls or whatever, but, like, they're perfect for me.

[C]

It's perfect for you.

[B]

It really is. Like, the flaws in them. Like, I wouldn't change the people I love, but I would change some of the characteristics of the exes I was with. So why the fuck was I there? And I genuinely believe it's because I'm like, well, I'm putting too much pressure, or I think the Internet really fed the idea of your standards are too high.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? And that's not true. Like, it just. When it clicks, it'll click.

[A]

So do y' all believe women waste their own time? Men don't waste their time?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Women.

[C]

We waste their own time.

[B]

Well, men waste it a little bit. How?

[A]

I want to know, where's the blame on the men here?

[C]

Let me tell you how.

[A]

Let me tell you how I like what y' all said.

[B]

First.

[C]

Let me tell you how. Let me tell you how. Let me tell you how. Men are afraid to be honest with women for reasons why. I understand. Because a lot of the time, if you're honest, you'll probably lose her. Right? So there is a period in time in which you meet a man and he sells you a dream that you truly believe because you love him and you see that he's so. You know, one thing I used to get caught up with a lot is, like, I get with men, and they're always like, I want to spend every moment with you. I take you everywhere I go. I'm with you 24 7. And I used to be like, yeah, that's true. You do love me. But then I realized that don't mean nothing. Everybody I've ever been around wants to be around me 24 7. I'm a motherfucking vibe. Like, what are you talking about? No, seriously, I've never been with anybody who didn't want to do that until they didn't want to do that. Right? So I used to take that as, oh, my God. Yeah, you're right. You do love me. You're doing all of this. You're with me every day. You want to be around me. You're taking me everywhere. You're coming around my friends, I'm coming around your friends. That's a sign of you do want to build a life with me.

[D]

But it's not.

[C]

But that's what a lot of. But that's what women get confused by a lot of times.

[A]

But that's bare minimum.

[C]

I get it. Nobody know that.

[A]

So then the selling of dreams, if you know what you want, what is the expiration date on how long their words have to align with the action?

[C]

Yeah, so. So that's what I'm saying. So like, a man could be like, I want to build a life with you. I want to.

[B]

You're going to.

[C]

I'm going to marry you. We're going to do this. We're going to do this. And then you come in at a crossroad where maybe some real shit happened. And a man has to step into that. And he doesn't. And a lot of women, after they see he doesn't, they decide to still stay. And that's where you now are fucking up. And it's on you, period. Because I've had a man sell me a dream that I believed, you know? Cause other things were living up to it. And then when that crossroad comes and they don't step up, I've stayed.

[A]

Why?

[C]

Because I felt the other stuff added up. Oh, well, I made excuses for him. It's my fault. Maybe I'm afraid to be alone. Maybe I have an attachment. Maybe my own trauma is anxious. So when someone leaves me, I don't want them to abandon me. So I try giving them more of what they clearly don't even want. And so those are the things that I've struggled with in my past. Every single time I knew that it was time for me to walk away, I did not. And I let the relationship play out until I had either no choice to walk away, or it has gotten really, really fucking bad.

[B]

That's the best answer, I think, for someone that has like that point of, where do I go to say some real shit will happen and you don't step up? Because I always attribute it to. I remember my dad got really sick, like My dad used to live at home with my family. Now he's in a nursing home. But the day it happened, I was with my ex, and I was in Hawaii alone, because he pissed me off. But I was like, I'm one of those. I'm not afraid to be alone. As you know, I'd be like, I'm getting on a flight. And then when I got the call by my dad, I flew there, and we were on the phone and, you know, whatever, reconciling. And I thought, why isn't he here? Like that crossed my mind. We've been together for over a year. We were living together during COVID like, away from everybody. Got rid of our apartments. I'm like, I would have jumped on a plane for his mom. It's just New York to Orlando. How the fuck could you know? I got a plane from Hawaii to Orlando. Left the beach in my flip flops, thinking it was dire. And you weren't there first. That was a moment that I always think about because I'm like, is it cause we fought?

[C]

Like, you make excuses for it when you don't have to.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

And it's like, if. If you fought with him and that happened to him, you would be there still, you know? And I think that one thing that I see with, like, a lot of men and women is, like, women will be down for a man in a lot of situations, and then when it's time for him to be down for her, he won't be there, and she'll make a lot of an excuse, a lot of excuses. And we're. We make.

[A]

But do we not have conversations about that? Like, to me, the way I show up for my friends, I don't think they would all necessarily show up the same, but that's not who they are. Yeah, like, there's. We talk about love languages all the time. We talk like we are all different.

[B]

There's no mean by that.

[A]

Like.

[B]

Like, doing what?

[A]

Like, there's no way. Like, if. I mean, even when it comes to say.

[B]

Cause you can't say monetarily.

[A]

You can't say monetarily. Like, you could say that even if I would go in on the drop of a dime, book a flight to go be with my friend, but they don't have the resources to do that. I can't expect them to do the things I would do.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Men are the same way. Men don't. And financially, that's the thing. There's some women that can move differently than their man can. So to Me. It's just unfair, even emotionally, the way you also have to know your partner. There are some men that don't know how to coddle you, that don't know how to deal with grief. So the way that you would show up. I know. Like me and. Me and my homegirl just had that conversation. She was a date. She was dating a guy. He got sick all week. She went and brought him soup. Was at his house. Like he got. I was calling him, checking on him. Da, da da da. The following week, she had to go to the doctor. He wasn't calling, wasn't asking about the results. Didn't. And it just wasn't the same input. But maybe that's not how he shows up.

[B]

I actually have to disagree. I think that he's just not that into her.

[A]

No, but either. Or that.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

But there's love languages regardless.

[B]

Well, you're talking about when you're in a relationship, right?

[A]

They weren't in a relationship. They were just dating.

[B]

There's no way someone's into you when you're experiencing something or going to a doctor and sick and they'll show up for you. No way. No way in hell. There's none. You're not gonna tell me a man is very into a woman, and that's no disrespect to her and isn't what. We all know what it's like when a nigga likes you. We know the feeling of it. You're just not at that into her. And we don't recognize it. We think it's like he's taking his time. Blah, blah, blah, blah. No, he's not that into you. The more that we can tell ourselves that, the less stressed we'll be. Think about how many calls we've had to a homeboy. If he does this, does it mean this? Da da da. It's not that fucking hard. It's not that fucking hard.

[A]

I get that. But the way that one man shows up is not gonna be the way the next man shows up.

[B]

A man that's into you will show up.

[A]

But the way that a man is into you also looks different. It is, bro. Like, I have a man that will literally. I have a man that will fly in just to take me to dinner.

[B]

You're talking about monetary right now.

[A]

No, I'm not. Okay, well, I'm talking about being there. Sorry. I talk to people that don't live in my city the way that people show up for me. I don't expect the next man to behave the way Another man does.

[B]

Yeah. Do you?

[C]

I agree with. I see what you're saying. Right. But I will have to say that everyone shows up differently. But you need to show up.

[A]

But you have to, as a woman, need to express how you expect a man to show up for you.

[C]

I agree.

[A]

And men, oftentimes, you will see if he can or not.

[C]

So that's what you will see if

[A]

he can or not. But as women, we can't just expect a man to be as emotional as we are.

[C]

I agree.

[A]

Especially not as emotionally intelligent as we are to just show up and know what we want in moments and times if we haven't communicated it. I also think that the Thief of Joy is comparing people. So I don't compare the way one nigga showed up for me compared to the next. And I think that women do that often. Like, if you have a man that, you know, really, really likes you or really showed up this way, like, I can't expect every man after that to show up the same way. Yeah, it's unrealistic.

[C]

The key of what you said is that he really, really likes you and he showed up this way.

[A]

Yeah, but that's. And that's. But that's how he also. That's what I'm saying. But that's how he showed up because that's how he knew how to.

[B]

But you're saying how. Showing up, period.

[A]

I can't, I can't expect, though, every man to show up the way this one man.

[C]

No, I agree exactly what you're saying, because just no one is going to show up the same. Right. Everyone shows up differently. But when I say it's. It's a moment where you have a hard decision and you have to decide, it is those conversations, it is the opportunity for you to show up. It is the opportunity for me to say, hey, I'm going through something and I need you to be here. And if he's not showing up.

[A]

Oh yeah, if he's not there, then

[B]

he's not showing up.

[C]

So that's what I'm saying. Like when I say that, it gets to a point where there are decisions and things that happen to where a man knows better. And I think too, men see the same videos we see online, they get the same information we get. They know way more than we give them credit to. A man will always have the excuse of, oh, I'm a man, so I didn't know. I didn't do this. We are having a. We're in a world of information.

[B]

We are ex girlfriends.

[C]

These Niggas had men. No. You know how many the same thing you're telling this man Guarantee five other women told him that. Men be knowing. They like to play the game of oh well, I don't show. I show up differently because I'm.

[B]

I'm not as emotional.

[C]

Like, they play that game. But it's like they don't see that same man show up for another woman. I remember when I was with my ex, he bought me a chain that said my name right. And he had exes. One of happened to be one of my sister's homegirls. And when me and him were dating. He's cheap. He never buys anyone gifts. He's never took me anywhere. That man took me here trips. This the same man that will show up this way will show up another way for a woman. I still agree with that.

[B]

But it's also so happy you said this.

[A]

A woman will.

[B]

You know how many times I have been on the other end of it? I agree with you and I know that right now I'm not. But I'm sure it's the same experience. You are not fucking lying. Like, literally. I have broke up with a nigga and watched wow. Posting the next bitch or D D. Where was I? Yep. And my man told me two years ago that a girl he was dating around the same time as me. Like when we first met, I think I posted him rubbing my feet or something. And he was like, oh, I wanted you to know. So and so hit me and like, needed like a closure conversation or whatever. And I was like, how'd it go? What'd she say to you? And he was like, I think she was kind of fucked up about seeing me. Like, I'd be like, don't fucking post my. Don't do shit I don't want. You know? And in the reverse to watch it happen with someone else. It makes you feel like you weren't enough. But that's not true. She's beautiful. I don't. That's all I know about her.

[C]

Right.

[B]

I'm sure she's a nice woman, but it just means that wasn't it. And that's the reality of when someone's not into us, we really take it on like it's us. It's absolutely not your worthiness. It's compatibility. You're not the person for him. Do you know how many amazing women I meet all the time? It's a hundred times more than men. I'm sure we can all say that all the time. But what? What now? I'm eating way more amazing women than I am amazing men.

[A]

I thought I was. The more I talk to these bitches. I ain't gonna hold you.

[B]

The more.

[A]

Bro, we like to say that, but women are out here.

[B]

No, I don't like to say it either.

[A]

I know you don't like to say it, but I like, women are just as toxic. Women are not as healed. Women are not as.

[C]

I agree with you.

[A]

They're not in a place, like. Because also, like I said, maybe because I have, like, pissed you off today. It's a lot of. So I just. I think I've just been talking more to just different ones. Especially, like, being in Atlanta. Like, I'm going out. I'm talking to just more people. And the Atlanta bitches, maybe.

[B]

Are they unbecoming, even?

[A]

Like, the idea that you just go out to a date and expect, like, a nigga to pay your bills on the first date. Like, bitch, who are you?

[C]

I agree with that, too.

[A]

I hate, like, there's bitches that are, like. And they really don't have much to offer.

[C]

I hate that.

[A]

And then the more that I'm with my homeboys who have a lot of homegirls around, these bitches be boring. It's like talking to paint dry. Like, they're just. They're beautiful, sure. But they're just.

[B]

What I was gonna say to you about hofa.

[A]

That's why I like being with you. Like, because, like, you actually. I actually don't come across a lot of women that are that interesting.

[C]

Do you think that those type of women make it harder for, like, women who are actually cool?

[A]

No, because. No, because actually, men don't. We become a lot for men.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Women with personalities like us is a lot.

[C]

Right, Right.

[A]

But they're not used to it.

[C]

Right? Right.

[A]

Like, we just were talking to Kiki Palmer. She was like, man, but she's funny. So she's like, am I too funny? Like, what is it?

[B]

Their conversation was like, tell me what y' all see in me that may scare the niggas away. And I brought up this particular moment a long time ago where she flirted, told me, look at him. Blah, blah, blah. Went and flirted with him. But she was so funny and so Kiki. Cause that's just Keke. Right? And I remember thinking, even in that moment. So when she brought this up, I thought about it. I was like, oh, that nigga don't even realize it because she's so fun. Yeah. He doesn't even think this is a flirt. He thinks she came over to be social. But that was her wanting to give her energy to that person. N don't know what to do when you're cool. That's why they want to fuck us. Our. But.

[C]

Cause I'm not cool?

[B]

No. Cause you are cool.

[A]

But when we were talking about I got male friends. So I don't know about that.

[C]

I don't know what that is with you, Mandy. Cause like, you're pretty. I know they probably want you, but I just. I don't know why.

[A]

I really cold stop in the front. Like, it's not happening. You know what?

[B]

Maybe you be telling too much tea. All of my homeboys that know my tea be like, I could never be with this bitch.

[A]

Well, no, to be fair, I do have male friends that know the things I'm into sexually. And no, they couldn't live up. Like, I have one guy right now. Oh my God, girl. He back on my line right now. But I like him. I liked him for. Since he was in the league. He not in the league no more. But he's like so fucking fine. So we. We fucked in New York, I don't know, last year or whatever. And he hopped back in my DMs recently. Cause of the shaved head. He liked that shit he said. And I. But he don't even talk. He's like, you know, I don't talk like this. And I was like, man. And he was like, man, I ain't even gonna hold you. That was like the best like I've had. And I was like, well, n. You don't act like it. You, like ran off. He was like, you scared me. Like, he couldn't keep up with that. I think. I think maybe I was too nasty. I was a little drunk, so maybe I shouldn't have, like went down and lick his balls on the face.

[B]

Wait, wait.

[A]

But he got scared. He literally was like. It was a lot. And I felt like I was gonna like you a little bit too much. But he was like. Like it was too much. Like, I couldn't keep up. Like. So I even told him, I said, well, we again, you gotta have two rounds.

[D]

Okay. So quick, behind the scenes moment about my business. Because people always ask me, like, how do I actually run everything? So Shopify is literally the platform where I turned this tiny idea into a business. Before this, I was really just like popping up at any in person event, any vending opportunity I could, which I still do. But I wasn't really as focused online. I was like, you know, the websites are going to be too much to build out. I'm not like a super techie person, even though I can make things cute. And I didn't want to put up a website that would run my customers away. I wanted it to be efficient, to be easy. And Shopify helped me build brown girlgrinding.com out. Once I switched to Shopify, it finally clicked like, okay, I can actually do this. It's not about it being tough. It's about using the right platform to make it easy. Shopify takes all of the guesswork out. I build my own store, I manage my community, own my own customer relationships. Plus, this is my favorite thing. Shopify gets my products everywhere. I'm able to link stuff through Google, YouTube, TikTok, Shop the Shop app, even Chat, GPT and Instagram, which is very important for me. And Shopify's AI co founder, sidekick, game changer, let me tell y'.

[A]

All.

[D]

Right, so it's helped me not only optimize my site, it helps me look at my sales trends, it updates my product skills, all the stuff I'm absolutely not an expert in. But it's like having a genius business partner that never sleeps. And right now the bronco grinding storefront and the Black Effect storefront is busy and Shopify is handling all of the heavy lifting. I love that for us. I am pumped, like so pumped that Shopify is going to show up at the Black Effect Podcast festival this year in a big way. And I will be there pre reaching this platform to all of the small black owned businesses that partner with us. So if you've been sitting on an idea or if you're ready to scale, which you've already started, this is your sign. Go to shopify.com Ben if I can do it, you can do it too.

[F]

Yes, it's me again.

[D]

We prepped.

[F]

It's the time for empowerment. And I've got a message for you. You gotta think about sexual health no matter what, when, when, or with who.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[F]

To all your lovers out there, ain't no judgment. This is your cue.

[A]

Guess who, Guess who's.

[F]

It's time to talk about pre special prophylaxis, a part of HIV prevention. Talk to a health care provider and visit carefortheculture.com to learn more.

[B]

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[A]

And let's be honest, we're all due for a new one.

[B]

It's been a minute.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[G]

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[C]

do you think that men. Someone just told me this recently. That's a homegirl we all have. She just was like, women are way more freakier than men. Do you believe that? Like, women are.

[B]

We.

[C]

We like women want sex more and are more freaker than men.

[B]

I need to tell y' all what my homegirl just said. And I was, let me think on that. So she asked a dude his fantasy and said, bro, when I tell you, me and my N was sitting there like he wanted, Reggie, what is this right?

[A]

You over there watching YouTube while you working?

[C]

I was making sure it turned down.

[B]

Oh, Cheryl docume. She was like, I asked him his fantasy and he said it would be an orgy. And I'm like, I can't fucking keep up with this. How the fuck am I gonna keep up with a nigga that wants an orgy? And I'm like, girl, that's every man's fantasy. They just wanna fuck a bunch of people.

[A]

Literally. That is what a quarter zip said.

[B]

You know what her man's fantasy was, though?

[A]

You just want. I think he said three or five bitches. And I was like, that doesn't even sound like that.

[B]

So this was hers. And this is why I think you're right about freakier than men. I said, what was yours? Since you think his was the problem. She was like, I wanna be in like a twilight. Like blood all over. Like, like and like biting and just like really carnal. Just like. And putting everywhere blood and spit and all this. And I'm like, bitch, and you thinking orgy?

[A]

That's not freaky. That's disgusting.

[C]

That's.

[A]

That's like not even something. Like, she just wants to be. Yeah, covered in blood.

[B]

But. Bitch. Bitch.

[A]

Go on. Fear Factor.

[B]

That is freaky.

[A]

That is not. That is. That's not freaky. Nothing about that involves sex. Like, you just want blood all over you.

[B]

It is freaky. Bitch.

[A]

That's nasty.

[B]

You can't. Yeah, we can't.

[C]

That's out of control.

[A]

That's not freaky. That is nasty.

[B]

That is.

[C]

That's.

[A]

What are you talking about? I want to be, like, carnal with blood all over.

[B]

And I'm watching, listening like this. But to that point, I think we could fantasize about dirtier and freakier things.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Where men could be more simple and, like, I just want 10 bitches.

[D]

What.

[A]

What is the nastiest thing you want to do?

[C]

Don't. I really don't have any, like, crazy, freaky, nasty things I want to do. I'm really simple. I really am. Like, I just, like, regular. I like. Like, spit in the mouth, like, type stuff. Like, smoke. Like, choke a little bit. I like to be called a good girl. Like, that type of stuff. But I don't have.

[A]

You're vanilla.

[B]

You have to look up ddlg.

[C]

DDLG okay.

[B]

It's Daddy Dom, little girl. Now, don't worry. It's not like that, but it's basically the good girl thing of being, like, talked to. Like, ooh, baby, you're this, you're that, like, the Craze King.

[C]

I have a phrase.

[A]

What is it? When it's a mama, mama, little boy or something. What's the other one? Because I be telling. Cause I need mama, mama, little, mama, mama, little boy.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

But I be telling my good boy.

[B]

No, you don't.

[A]

Who don't, man?

[C]

I believe. I believe it.

[B]

Type in good boy.

[A]

No, I do.

[C]

So many men like that. I bet you so. I bet you so much.

[A]

Oh, I do it to girl. Girl. They like that.

[C]

I be like.

[A]

I'll be like, good boy.

[B]

Or they love it. I don't have.

[A]

You've never called a good boy?

[B]

No.

[A]

You never said good boy.

[B]

That's why.

[C]

Yeah, for me, mama, mama good, but

[A]

mama, mama, little boy.

[C]

I like to be dominated and not the dominator. So, like, for me, I'm very submissive in the bedroom. Like, I don't. I'm not. I don't know how to be more of, like, sit down and, like, I'm not like that. So, like, for me, I'm, like, shy a little bit, and then I want to get, you know, freak. But I'm one of those people, like, I'm willing to do anything. I've never had like anal though. But I'll do it. I just never did it. You know what I mean?

[A]

So you'll do anything though?

[C]

Mostly. But not. Not the one thing I'm not doing is a whole bunch of women involved. And men. I would never do no other. You watching me with another man? Two men.

[B]

What if you get to be. I don't know, you're a celebrity crush. But I always like to play that one because I'm like, I don't have no one.

[A]

You don't even have a celebrity, right? Get her off Aar. Shut the up.

[C]

No, I don't, I don't, I don't

[B]

come back and you name it.

[C]

Okay, so maybe like, let's think. Maybe like. I don't know, I don't have a specific one. Maybe like a. It would probably be like a woman. Maybe if I had a celebrity crush.

[B]

Girl, y' all know about this.

[A]

All right, all right, all right.

[C]

I don't have a man, so. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't. Because the thing is, is you see most of these people and they not given that shit.

[B]

I'mma be honest with you.

[A]

Lies.

[B]

I've heard, bitch. First of all, I can name three

[A]

right now who look better in person.

[C]

Who's your celebrity crush?

[B]

Okay. Lenny Kravitz also. And Shaboozi in person. What the fuck?

[A]

Big as fuck. What the fuck?

[B]

And I think the third fine would be. You know what?

[C]

Oh, go, go, go. No, I know someone who's really attractive that people like. I wouldn't say my celebrity crush, but everyone is saying that he's a super attractive.

[B]

Oh, Trevonte Rhodes is my third step. Oh, yeah. But you know what I'm scared of? Everybody talks about how short he is.

[C]

Oh, he's short.

[A]

Wait, he's a short king. No, don't ruin it for me.

[B]

He's got to be big.

[A]

Cause you see how you walk around. No, that just means he's got a face to face.

[B]

So yeah, for me it's Lenny.

[A]

Great sex feet.

[C]

Lenny seems like someone you would be with.

[A]

Yes. Cause I'm Lenny's tiny.

[C]

Oh, he is, is he? Lenny seems like you're. That's what I'm saying.

[B]

He was so hot that I was like.

[C]

Lenny has this video where he's jamming and dancing. Post that every. I post that shit once a month.

[A]

He's celibate. This is what I did.

[B]

I brought it up for it. Okay, okay, so you wouldn't do another man. But if that nigga walked in a room and your dude was like, yo, you can suck his dick. I'm gonna fuck you. Da, da, da, da.

[C]

I'm cool on that. Cause it's giving. Believe you, it's giving. I don't wanna see two men at once. I don't like men enough to, like, deal with two men at once. I'm serious.

[B]

I'm dead as gay.

[A]

No.

[B]

Maybe we need a third co host. I just did not. No, because I did wanna talk about hoe friends with y'.

[C]

All.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

Before we started the pod, something about hoe friends came up. Cause Azar said she had none, and I. You and I both do. And I would say the one.

[A]

You have no hoe friends.

[C]

No, I wish I did. Cause they seem fun, but I just don't.

[B]

They were at the party. You should have made some.

[C]

I don't like. You know, I think about all my friends. Married, wants to be in a relationship. Love or girl sad. Like, we don't. It's not.

[A]

Hoes want those same things.

[C]

No, but they're not, though. They're not hoes, though, unfortunately.

[A]

How do you identify a hoe?

[C]

Oh, I know a hoe.

[A]

What does a hoe to you?

[C]

A hoe to me, like selling pussy. You mean that? I think selling pussy is a hoe, too. But I think also, just like you fuck a lot of men, you want to get loose, you don't give a damn. First night, what's up? Second night, another man. Third night, another man. Fourth night, three men.

[A]

You know what? Then right now, I don't have hope for.

[C]

Right. Like how I don't think a hoe.

[B]

You know, how many friends to sell pussy?

[C]

I don't think a hoe is right

[A]

now, I have something that should. Cause they're fucking broke. They should. Mandy throwing that puss in.

[B]

The only problem I have with my whole friend is they are so on the prowl all the time that we can't connect. Like, when my hoe friends. Let's just say they visit me in a while.

[A]

What's the difference between hoe and male censored?

[B]

Well, I'm gonna tell you. They're, like, out to get a nigga a lot. Like, let's just say we go eat. They're like. Instead of looking at a dude because he's hot, and they be like, oh, he got this. Da, da, da. Oh, we ain't paying for this. And I'd be like, damn, bitch, I don't feel like chatting up a nigga for 30 minutes for a cocktail. Like, sometimes they're too thin.

[C]

Like, yeah, you. But then you said a real thing. How is that? Is that male centered or is that.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Or for example, they're conversations like this. Or like, when we go out.

[A]

Like last night I went out and I said, I'm not paying for a drink, right? And bitch had a conversation with one guy. Went to one table, went to.

[C]

But that's not necessarily a hole. That's not how I didn't want to

[A]

pay for drinks last night.

[B]

That's not a hobble I have of, like, I took a friend to an industry party, and the way that she would have conversation was so about money that I was starting to get embarrassed because she really is a hoe. So like, we talking to one nigga and he's like, y' all ain't never been to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. How you never eat in this place? And she was like, I mean, unless you paying for it and taking us. Unless you paying for this. And then like, ooh, big money. And it's like, yo, like, to me,

[A]

that's just a woman with no decorum.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But like, she just don't know how to.

[B]

But it was a lot of, like, whole conversations. And then another friend of mine talked about how she played with a nigga in the DMs to get some cash and was like, truth or dare? And like, if I'm right, you gotta send me $500 like some rapper. And he did. And then when we saw him out, it was like the same money, money, money, money. I'm like, yo, it's kind of making me look a little bad, bitch. Like, I can't be walking around out here, like, asking for these niggas business as a client and also like, like, hanging with your hoe ass. Like, I need the whole friends to sell pussy on the side.

[C]

Yeah, you know they do.

[B]

I need a side. Don't make it your name, bitch. Have a normal job. Get your Fashion Nova deals. Just sell pussy in private. Bitch, do you need to do it

[A]

at the fucking Gold Party Shit.

[C]

Right, right.

[B]

That's what I mean.

[C]

Yeah, I see. I don't have no hoe friends. Unfortunately, my friends are foreign. Y' all bitches need to step it up. Cause I'm. They're just boring. Like, they don't do shit. And that's what I realized. Like, all my friends are dry. Like, we don't even do nothing except just work and, you know, talk about what we want. To grow and be into in our businesses. Like, that's kind of my vibe right now.

[B]

I hate this age. Bring me back.

[A]

I think that that's what it is.

[C]

It's the age.

[A]

Because like there was this video that I saw too. You had Sheryl Lee Ralph, you had Cheryl Underwood, Nia Long, and even Keke Palmer. So it was this thread of women talking about how they don't wanna live with they.

[B]

Man, I've seen this.

[A]

They just wanna. They just wanna focus on their businesses. They like peace, they like their time alone. And it's so crazy because we're at a place where when we get on the Internet, we talk about, sure, these male centered women, but at the same time, I think majority of women right now are finding so much happiness in so many other things that maybe that's why I'm starting to think like, actually, no, I don't think there's.

[C]

Yeah, you see what I'm saying?

[A]

I don't think like my friends aren't as driven anymore. But also I'm not friends with many male censored.

[B]

They're not driven as to date.

[A]

You mean like I have a friend right now who may not be my friend much longer because I realize how male censored she is and she loses herself.

[C]

Yeah, that's the thing.

[A]

She loses everything. Like over a man. Yeah, over a man. One man after the next step to the next.

[B]

It's not almost like you want to give them up. Like, I feel like I'm constantly picking up pieces from some of them. I had a heart to heart on my birthday with one of my homegirls who invited a. And I was like, damn, bitch. Like, you couldn't have just mingled with people? Like now you in the corner the whole time with a. What the fuck?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, damn, you can't take hours. Like, bro, my mom is here. When's the last time you see my mom? There's 85 people here and you had to call a nigga over here because there wasn't one for you.

[C]

Yeah, I don't like that at all.

[A]

Like, me neither.

[C]

It's just too much like, girl, I feel like I used to be more male centered, like when I was younger and not in the sense of like, man, it's just like I'm in a relationship. I'm losing myself in the relationship. I'm so in love. I stopped talking to my friends. I'm so. And I realized how damaging that is because you break up. And when you break up now you feel so empty because you make Understand your world. I saw that clip. That shit is crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, you gotta find out.

[A]

That's what they do. That's what they do.

[C]

They do.

[A]

That's what they do. Now I wanna play a clip.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I wanna see if y' all agree with anything this person says.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

How would we not know their voice?

[A]

You might know their voice.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But I wanna know if you agree with what he says.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

Okay. Here's.

[H]

Here's an uncomfortable reality.

[C]

I don't know this.

[H]

Women will share a man if he's high value enough. Girls would rather share a guy that's a winner than have a loser all to themselves. And with feminism coming in where women earn more money than ever before, they're more educated than ever before, they have higher status than ever before, there's a dwindling amount of men that are able to compete for their attraction. So what ends up happening? Women become victims of their own success. They go up the totem pole, doors close. Men, you go up the totem pole, doors open given. So women, whether they want to accept it or not, are sharing the same small percentage of men. So what I'm saying is that. I get what you're saying. I agree with that. I think that's the backbone of the United States. But we're quickly going into a society where most men are not going to qualify for most women.

[C]

Yeah.

[H]

And most girls would rather stay single than settle down with a guy that's below them in their eyes.

[B]

That's the self hating light skin to get from fresh and fit.

[A]

I mean, it wasn't to guess who it was. I just wanted to know if you agreed with what he said.

[C]

I don't even know who it is. But I'm gonna say this. If I'm filthy rich and I have success in money, I'm gonna be honest. Like, I'm cool, you know, I'm good. It's not like I'm poor. Nothing we know. I have like, you know, I'm straight, I'm good, I have money, but I'm not like filthy rich. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Right.

[C]

But like if I'm. That what he's talking about and I'm that successful and he's saying that it closes the doors for men or women, whoever you wanna be with. I feel like it doesn't. It, it opens the doors now because for me, you. I'm not looking for money, honey. I don't need you to support me financially. I don't need you to give me a house. I don't need you to do this. Matter of fact, I'm looking for somebody who's emotionally mature. I'm looking for someone that can be in tune with who I am as a woman. And I My emotions because I feel like people put so much. I hate. First of all, high value man highway. I hate that y' all use.

[A]

First off, I don't ever say that.

[C]

I don't ever.

[A]

The way y' all say every clip I see I high value something, but

[C]

I know I don't.

[A]

Or losing value. You don't. But that's a constant conversation. I hate that, though, on Truth After Dark.

[C]

Yeah. And for me, it's like. I hate that concept because for me, what we. We put so much. We put so much. Women put so much on financial, and we forget that security and safety is far more than financial. A man who is rich can give you money, but if he can't give me emotional safety and emotional security, if he can't be there for me in the other ways that a woman actually needs to show up, then what are we even doing? And I see so many women who are in relationships with rich men who are lonely, depressed, and probably gonna end up cheating and getting somebody on the side to fulfill the actual needs that you have.

[A]

You know what's crazy? So I just watched Inside the Manosphere, but I also have been watching the Blue. Blue therapy or something. No, it's a.

[C]

It's our nap breaks. Yeah.

[A]

So it's interesting because unfortunately, what you would want from a man, and I

[C]

don't think men are capable of giving

[A]

that if they don't have money. I think. I think that a man becomes extremely insecure and does not know how to show up in a relationship if he isn't the provider. I don't think he knows how to make you feel safe. Let me finish. Let me get my shit off. Because this is literally what's being had on the blue therapy. A lot of men don't feel like they are men.

[C]

I know what you're saying.

[A]

If they are not able to make money, if they cannot provide, and if they're with a woman who has more than them, a lot of times there is envy of that woman.

[C]

I agree.

[A]

So there's. On blue therapy, there's a man right now who literally lied about losing his job and literally talked about how insecure he felt because she drove an Audi truck.

[C]

I saw this. I saw this. And he drove a Nissan.

[A]

And he drove a Nissan. So without a job, without anything, this man went to buy an Audi to make himself feel even better just because his woman made him feel less than. Even though she's like, I was with

[C]

you, I'm doing this.

[A]

He pays 70% of the bills. I do this. And literally just because as a man, like I know men that will literally not date until they get their shit taken care of.

[C]

Yeah, for sure, for sure.

[A]

Like this is the thing. And so unfortunately, we ingrain men to be the providers, to be the protectors.

[C]

I agree with you.

[A]

And so if they can't be that, I don't think that they can show up as the emotionally.

[C]

I get what you're saying, mature man.

[A]

To show up for you in all the ways that you'll need because they're gonna feel invalidated and insecure.

[C]

I agree with that.

[A]

And so it's interesting watching these therapy sessions that are now out and watching inside the manosphere. Because having money means so much to a man in not only society, but how women approach them, how women view them. And there's more men that are fine with women using them for the money that they have than them showing up in society having no money at all.

[C]

And that's the same. So I feel like men having money is the same how women want beauty and they'll go on the beauty table, they'll get bbls, multiple nail jobs, they'll do this, they'll do everything. It's the same. Because in society, if you're not a beautiful woman, you're not valuable. If you're in the man in society, you don't have money. But. But I will say that men who chase financial or have a lot of money, it's still hard for them to show up emotionally because they don't now. They don't feel like they have to.

[A]

They don't have to.

[C]

So we gotta lose lose kind of

[A]

situation it is, unfortunately. But that's how they're raised. And so their validation, their worth, their value in society and with women is often attached to their pockets.

[C]

Yeah, I agree with that. Weezy, what were you gonna say? Cause you were like, I don't agree with this.

[B]

It was the comment about showing up emotionally.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So like I have two homegirls right now, one's a singer and she's popular and one is just a wealthy like C suite. And both of their partners that they're dating, one's blue collar, like full on mechanic, but the other works like nine to five.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I think in both of their experiences, why they're working well is because they're not expecting these men to show up. Like, they're showing up for themselves privately. And so I think they live separately, right. They're dating right now, but they're having really good dating experiences with these men. And it's kind of changed my thinking a little bit because the one that's dating the mechanic, dude, she's like, it's so clear that he knows. Like, she's got a big ass house, like in Jersey somewhere. She's like, it's so clear. He knows there's a difference. She's like, he's cooking for me more than I've ever had a man cook for me. Like, he's doing a lot of things I've never had a man do work around my house. Like showing up in that way and just being more giving of his time. And so I think men that are dating high powered women, because we're seeing it so frequently now, black women are like eclipsing men as far as, like degrees and money and all of that, right? Men are kind of learning, like, where these women are lacking in their lives and they know they can show up. Like, do you know how many homegirls I've had that have dated an athlete and wound up marrying someone else? Because. Because they got love somewhere else. So I think these men know where their value lies. They're also super attractive, so maybe that helps.

[C]

Was he black? The mechanic? Yeah.

[B]

Both of these are black women, okay?

[C]

And the men are black.

[B]

The other guy's Latino.

[C]

The one that has a. Yeah.

[A]

Cause I saw you don't believe in black love no more. Is that what you said?

[C]

I said that why the hell you

[A]

don't believe in black love no more?

[C]

Let me tell you what it is.

[A]

Cause I. Yeah, I saw that and

[C]

I was like, let me tell you what it is. Because let me tell you what it is, is I have been going so hard for black love.

[A]

And real quick, real quick, you're. You people may not know in this audience because people that are new to us come in and be mad. We say, nigga, like, we're not black. Go ahead and let the audience know you're very black.

[C]

I'm very black, okay? Because they always get mad at me. I'm black. Yeah.

[A]

People don't know that you're black.

[C]

Yeah. So I'm very black. But the thing about it is, is this. I have been fighting to be like, black love, black love, Close the gap between this gender war, black man and black woman. That has been my agenda, right? For.

[A]

She said she throwing the agenda out, bitch.

[C]

But this is why? It's not that I don't believe in black love. That's not what I was saying. What I'm saying is, if we are constantly seeing black men on the Internet saying that they find other races better than us, I don't want to keep trying to. We're not. We don't need to prove our worth to these men no more. Go. Go. Let them be with this other race.

[A]

But that's okay to me. There's people on the Internet, though.

[C]

But what I'm saying is it's not

[A]

the majority, but I'm.

[C]

What I realize with black men is when they get with other races, they always have to say, I'm with this race because black women are this. When white men, Latino men, and all these other races get with someone outside of their race, they're not sitting there saying, I'm with this person outside my race because I don't like Latino women. And they're this and they're that. They're not doing that. And I think I'm just exhausted with black men always saying, get you out of country passport, bros. Get you this, get you that. Go. Bye. I'm not going to sit here and fight to prove to you that I'm a worthy black woman. And I know thousands of worthy black women. And we are. Are loyal and we are great, and we are successful and we are smart. I don't have to prove that no more. And if I find someone that was outside of black, I don't care.

[A]

Have you dated anyone outside black?

[C]

Yeah, I have. I've. Latina, Latino, Latina.

[B]

You know what? I have to agree with you. And I think women are doing.

[C]

That's the only time, once in my

[A]

entire life, I've never dated anyone else.

[C]

Once in my entire life, I've only dated women.

[A]

But I was gonna say women are doing the same exact thing. When a nigga don't act right or you sad, literally, they'll be like, well, girl, go get you a white man. Yeah, women are doing the same thing.

[C]

And that's not the answer, but too.

[B]

And the white men are the same shit.

[C]

But what I'm trying to say, too, that I realize is, like, I think a lot of black men make women struggle for love a lot. And I think it's because as black people in general, we have a lot of generational trauma, a lot of pain, a lot of hurt. So we get in these relationships, and we have to struggle for the love to prove that we love you. And then a lot of these times when they get Successful, they leave you for another race. And that's what I'm seeing a lot. And it's like, I don't feel like we should have to struggle to love. We don't. We don't have to be traumatized to prove that we love you because of all of your issues and the abandonment and the this and that. We shouldn't have to keep doing that as women. And I feel like a lot of the reasons why women act the way they do right now is because of men. I don't care. Men have to take accountability. To say women never take accountability. And they don't. They don't. But I'm gonna also say that's fine. I get that women need to take accountability for their part in it too. And I always talk about that. I'm always on the side of the man and, like, how women need to do this. But I also want to be very clear that men have traumatized a lot of women.

[B]

I completely agree with you. This wall up from their mom.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And they're so hurt and they're so messed up that now they're like, okay, well, I'mma just use you, because when I was in, you thought I was anyways, so fuck off.

[B]

I hate to validate the terrible father aspect of it, but my homegirls, really.

[A]

The absent fathers.

[B]

The absent fathers, the homegirls that I have that struggle the most or the most pain, have a horrible relationship with their dad. And I know it's like the first example. And sometimes I've asked myself, and I don't mean to shit on anybody, especially I know we're sitting next to each other that have had bad experiences with their dad. But my boyfriend and I had a conversation recently about both of our parents still being married. And he was like, I think this has a big effect on how we see love in life in ways that, like, we probably didn't experience with other people. He's like. Cause how many people do you meet where you're dating someone that's parents are married?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. He's like, you just kind of don't. It's not normal in the world anymore. 50% of marriages end up in divorce.

[C]

Right.

[B]

A lot of our mutual friends, our family friends, whatever, like, had a fucking terrible parent.

[C]

One of them.

[B]

Not even just the men. Women, too. So when you have your relationship with the first man in your life disappointing you, how do you prepare for life or even love with another man when you didn't fucking receive good enough love with the main one in your life? All of them. So your dad's a piece of shit. Let's just say you have a boyfriend at 16 and he cheats on you. Boom. Now you're becoming adult. 18, 20 date again and something else happens. You'll never see men like they can be an equal to you or give you love. You will always be angry about it. The only reason I've been able to push forward is because. And genuinely I've had awful boyfriends. They were okay people. But awful boyfriends is because of my parents. I say all the time like, nah, my dad is a good man. I'll end up having a good man because my dad is good man. I've seen it before. What if you never get to fucking see it?

[C]

Yeah, you never have that experience.

[B]

Like it's really difficult.

[C]

But I do know a lot of people who have. I was just gonna say I. I know a lot of people who don't have fathers. Like some of my friends and cuz I have this debate a lot. I have two parents, they're married. But like I have seen women without fathers or haven't had that experience that are really good women too in my opinion. Not saying that. You're saying they're not. But I feel like I've seen.

[B]

Oh no, no, no, not by any means.

[C]

No, I don't think you're saying that. But I've seen these women that can show up in ways that maybe I can't even show up. And you know what I'm saying, like because I have. I have a F2. Listen, I'mma say this. And this is all about me. I have two parents that are married. And as much as I can say, like I might operate differently or in a better capacity than someone who hasn't had a father. I have had so many fucked up relationships. I have abandonment issues, I have trauma. I'm anxious, attached. Like I'm been so messed up in all a lot of. I've done a lot of work to be where I am right now and I still fucked up. You still fucked up and I still got to do a whole bunch of more work.

[B]

Do you think it's. I know we don't have a lot of time. Do you think it's the men you choose?

[C]

Probably, yeah.

[B]

Why do you choose the menu?

[C]

I probably choose the men I choose because. Or the people I choose because I have been. I let men choose me a lot. For a lot of my life. I didn't do the choosing. I was, oh, you want me? You're choosing me? Okay then I'll shoot. I want you too.

[A]

That's probably why your friends was trying to hit on you.

[B]

Because of what they was gonna let you.

[A]

It was like, oh, you just let these choose you. Yeah, I want it too. Yeah, give it to me too.

[B]

I think I've done that as well.

[A]

Especially if you've admitted that to them. If all it took was a man to choose you and you were like,

[C]

and now, let's be real. It's not every man. A lot of men want me or whatever. But I will say, like. Like the right man saying like, oh, what's up? And I'm like, okay. He's showing effort.

[A]

He's this.

[C]

And I've been with a lot of men where originally I'm like, this is not my type. I don't really want him. He's not my vibe. And then I'll end up being with them. Like, I be getting deboed into the like, you're my girl. We're in a rel. Like, that has happened to me all the time. So for me, it's like, that happens to me too. Yeah. And it.

[A]

It.

[C]

I mean, I recently. It's not like that, but like a lot of my life it was like that. And it was like, okay, yeah, I'm doing that. But I've done a lot of work. I was in therapy today at 11. Like, I do work. I work on myself a lot. But, you know, I have a lot of deep rooted issues. I was in a cult at 15, you know, from till 17. I was in.

[A]

We should have talked about that.

[B]

Damn, bitch.

[A]

We should have talked about being in a culture.

[C]

Do I have another something?

[A]

Yeah, you want to stay for Patreon?

[B]

Yeah, I'll stay if you want me.

[A]

We'll do.

[B]

And you're gonna get this episode two days later the part two head on over to patreon.com horrible decisions where you get a part two with us and Azar and if you get all the sex talk on Horrible.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So we're gonna have to get sex.

[A]

Oh, no, we're talking sex. I have a whole outline. Like fun sex shit.

[B]

Okay, we're cult, though. Thanks y' all for watching and we'll see you next week.

[C]

Love,

[B]

This is Wheezy. WTF from Decisions Decisions, ladies. So let's talk about taking control of our sexual health. That's grown woman energy. You may think HIV affects someone else somewhere else, but the truth is it's impacting our community. And some of us are being hit harder than others. Black women make up just 13% of the women in the US yet account for nearly half of new HIV diagnoses amongst women. Taking care of ourselves is community care. Know your options, ask questions and protect your people, peace and your body. That's using your power. Sponsored by Care for the Culture from Gilead Sciences.

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So good.

[A]

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[C]

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No, I got it. Seriously, I insist.

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I insisted first.

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[A]

You don't be silly.

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Okay.

[D]

Rock, paper, scissors for it.

[A]

Rock, paper, scissors.

[C]

Shoot. No.

[I]

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