Selective Ignorance | Are We Racing Against Our Own Biological Clock feat. Lex P, KikiSaidSo & KillahBee

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: Decisions, Decisions
Episode: Selective Ignorance | Are We Racing Against Our Own Biological Clock feat. Lex P, Kiki Said So & KillahBee
Host: Mandy B
Guests: Kiki Said So (Cocktails: Dirty Discussions), Lex P (Poor Minds, Love Lex P, Travel Queens), KillahBee (High Maintenance, Honeycomb)
Date: November 18, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of Selective Ignorance, a segment within the Decisions, Decisions podcast, features Mandy B diving into the myths and realities of turning 30 and navigating womanhood in one’s 30s and beyond. Mandy is joined by three women in their mid-30s, each bringing their own nontraditional take on relationships, career, fertility, aging, and societal pressures. The discussion is candid, often humorous, and unflinchingly honest, challenging listeners to deconstruct patriarchal and cultural narratives around aging women.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Busting Myths About Women Turning 30

• Common Societal Myths (05:32)

  • The “shriveled up hag” myth (decline of desirability after 30)
  • The “end of youth” myth (expectations for maturity, appropriate appearance)
  • Pressures to be settled: housewife, married, kids, or C-suite exec by 30
  • The idea of “geriatric” pregnancy and loss of fertility after 35
  • Instant adulting: by 30, you should have life figured out and be out of your hoe phase

• Panel's Position: All panelists disagree with these restrictive narratives and share how they’ve internalized and then let go of these expectations.

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2. Introducing the Panel – Life Status Check-in

• Ages & Relationship Status (08:29–11:48)

  • Kiki Said So: 36, dog mom, single (“I’ll be single till I’m married... I like to skip everything in between.” – 10:05)
  • Mandy B: 34, cat mom, in a relationship but doesn’t want marriage or children.
  • Lex P: 35, no kids but open (“Do I want children? Maybe. Going with the flow.” – 11:19), in an “understanding” relationship, wants marriage.
  • KillahBee: Mid-30s, no kids (nor wants any), single.

• Societal Judgement: Even as successful, happy women, society perceives them as “old, withered, and unwed” (12:06).

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3. Fear and Acceptance of Turning 30

• Initial Apprehensions (12:51–14:44)

  • Kiki’s confession: “I was scared about turning 30. When I turned 30, I wasn’t where I wanted to be, so I just said I was 30 forever.” (09:05)
  • Social and family pressure causes fear—comparison to peers with traditional lives.
  • The traditional "American Dream" life model (“Everyone is a teacher, married a banker, with two kids and a house where all 20 of them look just alike" – 14:17, KillahBee).

• Finding Confidence Later:

  • “I was so scared leading up to 30, but once I got there, I had an epiphany. Bitch, what the fuck are you scared of? Life is going good.” – Kiki (14:44)
  • Rejection of the idea that being a certain age dictates ending the “hoe phase” or needing to act a certain way.
  • Lex P: “Aging is beautiful. Do it gracefully, because it’s coming.” (12:51)

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4. Can You Age Out of the "Hoe Phase"?

• Panel Consensus:
  • No such thing as too old to explore or enjoy sex, as long as you’re safer and more discerning with age.
  • “As you get older, you should get wiser and be a safer hoe.” – Kiki (17:14)
  • “Discernment!” – Lex P & Kiki (17:20)
  • “Society would be better if we all realized everybody doesn’t want the same thing.” – Lex P (17:47)

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5. Family & Cultural Pressures: Kids, Marriage, and "Legacy"

• Family Conversations (19:01–21:49)
  • Family reactions are changing; older women in the family often now encourage focusing on self first.
  • “When you’re 30, you haven’t even lived half your life.” – Lex P’s aunt (19:24)
  • Anecdotes about families caring more about seeing grandkids than supporting marriage.
  • The disconnect between being referred to as a “special friend” at family events and being pressured to have children without any commitment.

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6. Fertility, Aging, and Women’s Health Myths

• Fertility & "High-Risk" Pregnancy (Geriatric Childbirth) (27:41–33:16)

  • Mandy references data: More babies are now being born to women 40+ than to teens.
  • Myths about fertility drop-off and “geriatric” labeling after 35.
  • Advances in options: IVF, artificial insemination, etc.
  • The lack of education/hospital support for women’s health issues, like fibroids—Lex P shares a personal story about undiagnosed fibroids and the medical system brushing off symptoms (29:44).

• Black Women’s Health Disparity (29:44–32:33)

  • “Fibroids are so serious, especially in black women.” – Lex P (29:34)
  • Healthcare professionals often ignore Black women’s complaints of pain.

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7. Societal Shifts: Modern Womanhood, Relationships & Partnership

• Changing Standards (38:59–47:16)

  • Modern women are increasingly childfree and unmarried by choice, and many men are also questioning traditional roles.
  • “Thirty isn’t a death wish. You don’t have to write your wills and be like, ‘Oh, I’m finna croak and die.’” – Lex P (38:59)
  • The rise of successful, visible older women: Nia Long, Halle Berry, Angela Bassett, JLo.

• Dating Younger & The Double Standard (40:44–44:01)

  • Discussion on Tracee Ellis Ross dating younger men and women's preferences for younger vs older men.
  • “A lot of men my age are steeped in toxic masculinity… I’ve long past the age where I feel like it’s my job to teach or grow them up.” – Mandy read from Tracee Ellis Ross (39:34)
  • The “grooming” debate is explored; the consensus is that, for adults, agency matters more than the age gap.

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8. Power Dynamics, Money & Partnership

• Women Out-Earning Men (45:01–47:16)
  • Women earn degrees and income at higher rates; this leads to new insecurities and dynamics in dating.
  • “We have to date men who are ambitious and go-getters as we are. But honestly, it’s hard because most of the time, they are intimidated by it.” – Lex P (47:06)

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9. Partnership vs. Traditional Provider Roles

• Table Stakes for Relationships (54:01–56:09)
  • The group wants partnership, not providers—willing to share financial responsibility but not at the cost of losing independence or picking up a dependent.
  • “I want a partnership. I don’t necessarily want a provider, I just want partnership.” – Lex P (54:35)
  • Lex and Kiki push back on the “legacy” logic for having kids, arguing that impact is not defined by offspring.

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10. Marriage, Prenups, and Future Planning

• Marriage as Legal/Social Security (56:12–60:56)

  • Most support prenups for mutual protection (56:36–57:16).
  • Cautionary tales of unmarried long-term partners being left with no rights—marriage offers legal protections, especially when it comes to health and decision-making.

• Historical Context (60:48–61:00)

  • Women’s financial independence is a recent thing. Anecdotes about grandmothers unable to access bank accounts independently as recently as the 1970s.

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11. The Realities—And Joys—of Aging

• Fear of Aging vs. Embracement (61:00–68:02)

  • Most panelists admit fearing “aging out” in career/life, but acknowledge that their 30s have brought more confidence, money, wisdom, and fulfillment.
  • “You can’t age out if you’re authentically who you are. How can I age out of being me?” – Lex P (61:42)
  • Discussion of “Auntie” status, embracing becoming mentors and role models. (65:15)
  • “We have to learn how to embrace the inevitable… getting older is beautiful.” – Lex P (64:43)

• Letting Go of the Past (68:41–70:01)

  • Mourning the freedom of your 20s vs. celebrating new responsibilities and achievements ("That part of you is kind of over... you’re not gonna be traveling around, that’s not your life no more." – KillahBee, 70:01)

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12. Final Reflections: Advice to Younger Selves & Listeners

• Advice to Younger Selves (70:18–75:44)

  • Save and understand money/retirement early.
  • Cultivate confidence and focus on your dreams, rather than waiting for external validation.
  • The importance of networking and maintaining relationships.
  • Going to therapy earlier (“I should have gotten therapy much earlier to forgive my younger self and the decisions that were being made.” – Mandy B, 74:22)

• Question to Audience: (76:03)

  • Do you feel pressured for your life to be at a certain level by your 30s? Are you comfortable with aging and its unpredictability?

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “[Aging] is beautiful. Do it gracefully, because it’s coming… I love being 35. Some people don’t make it to 35.” – Lex P (12:51)
• “There’s no age on being a hoe. If you want to have sex, if you want to explore, do it. There’s no age on that.” – Kiki Said So (17:23)
• “Y’all can see my legacy: it’s on Bet Her, Travel Queens. My legacy is on YouTube. Y’all can see it.” – Lex P & Killer Ben B (34:10)
• “Your legacy is what you do on this earth; how you make people feel, how you treat people, the work that you do. It’s not the kids you make.” – Killer Ben B (35:06)
• “Thirty isn’t a death wish. ...I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been in my entire life at 35 years old.” – Lex P (38:59)
• “We have to date men who are ambitious and go-getters as we are. But honestly, it’s hard because most of the time, they are intimidated by it.” – Lex P (47:06)
• “You can’t age out if you’re authentically who you are.” – Lex P (61:42)
• “Stop waiting on everybody else to give you a chance. If you believe in yourself and think you can do it, just do it.” – Kiki Said So (73:35)
• “I should have gotten into therapy much earlier to forgive my younger self and the decisions that were being made.” – Mandy B (74:22)
• “There’s enough space, money, and audience for us all. And as y’all keep aging, so do our audience.” – Mandy B (81:23)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Intro to Today’s Topic & Myths about Women Turning 30: 05:32–08:29
• Panel Introductions: 08:29–11:48
• Societal/Familial Pressures & the Reality of Aging: 12:06–16:24
• The Hoe Phase Conversation: 16:59–17:47
• Fertility and Women’s Health: 27:41–33:16
• Modern Relationships, Money, and Power Dynamics: 45:01–47:16
• Marriage, Prenups, and Security: 56:09–61:00
• Aging: Fear vs. Embracing It: 61:00–68:02
• Advice to Younger Selves: 70:18–75:44

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Memorable Moments

• Kiki hilariously revealing her “daughter” is her dog and how she uses ChatGPT as a “homegirl” (09:27).
• Confessionals about skipping saying their real age or lying about being 30 for years (09:05, 13:46).
• Lex’s story about a “fibroid the size of a melon” going undiagnosed for years (29:44).
• The group riffing on “legacy” logic and dragging the myth that having a child guarantees carrying on a personal legacy, even referencing Michael Jordan and Oprah (34:35–36:56).
• The concept that aging fear is often “ignorance is bliss” and resisting the loss of carefree times, but celebrating becoming mentors (“auntie”) for future generations (62:16–65:30).

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Closing Thoughts

This episode powerfully dismantles the urgency and shame society places on women to fit a certain mold by 30, instead championing self-definition, community, and continual growth. The panel uses wit, shared experience, and vulnerability to challenge outdated narratives while uplifting the power of agency, sisterhood, and self-acceptance at any age.

Call to Action:
Listeners are encouraged to reflect: Are you living by others’ timelines, or embracing the unpredictability and fulfillment of aging on your own terms?

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Find the guests and their shows:

• Kiki Said So: Cocktails: Dirty Discussions; upcoming Exo Man podcast
• Lex P: Poor Minds, Love Lex P, Travel Queens on BET Her
• Killer Ben B: High Maintenance (YouTube), upcoming Honeycomb

Host:

• Mandy B – Decisions, Decisions podcast and the book No Holes Barred

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Transcript

[Kiki Said]

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[Lex P]

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[Mandy B]

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[Kiki Said]

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[Lex P]

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[Mandy B]

See mintmobile.com you are now tapped into the Selective Ignorance Podcast hosted by me, your girl Mandy B. 1/2 of the Decisions Decisions podcast. Did you know I had another show? Well, on this show, this is where we purposely don't try to know it all, but we absolutely try to understand why everything feels so loud, so urgent and so damn dramatic Online. Here we break down the chaos of politics, pop culture and the non stop public outrage machine. Not from a perfect expert lens, but from a real flawed, curious human being just trying to make sense of it all. On this podcast, you're getting a front row seat to a deeper side of my mind. If you weren't curious how it worked already, the unfiltered questions, the contradictions, the jokes I probably shouldn't say out loud, and the connections between headlines and that most people scroll right past. So get comfortable, lock in and welcome to a full episode of Selective Ignorance with me, your girl Mandy B. And if you enjoy this episode, make sure you subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Welcome to Another episode of Selective Ignorance. I'm your host, Mandy B. And this week I am joined by some really lovely guests to talk about the sex. Several myths surrounding turning 30 for women often being portrayed as a point of decline or a time when certain opportunities close, y'.

[Lex P]

All.

[Mandy B]

There is the shriveled up hag myth that talks about the attractiveness or less desirability of women as they exit their 20s. There's the end of youth myth where you should be a little bit more mature, your nails should be a certain color, your makeup should be a little bit more demure, you shouldn't be as youthful anymore. Then of course, there is the conversations around parenting or your career. Where should you be in your 30s, should you be a housewife, should you be married, should you be wed, or should you be a C suite level exec? I think that there's so many conversations around what happens as we turn 30, as we navigate our 30s. And of course we get into, well, where society deems that we should all be as women, as mothers, as wives. And so there's also the loss of fertility that has become the conversation in us being high risk and I forgot the goddamn word but geriatric. There we go, the geriatric women. Also, there's instant adulting at 30. As a woman, you should have everything figured out and you should absolutely be out of your whole face. That's what they say. I disagree with all of these takes and it sounds like my guests do too. Y', all, I want you to welcome as we are going to have a daring conversation with maybe some of the same opinions, but also I think we will have opposite ones. Looking at the faces in this room, y', all, I'll start to my left, we are joined by Kiki Said, so one half of Cocktails Dirty Discussions podcast. And also we'll get into her new show that she has coming out as well. To my right, I am joined by the Lex P. Now, hold on, let me give you her motherfucking resume. She is one half of the Poor Minds podcast. She is the host of Love Lex P. And she is also one half of travel queens that y' all could tune into now on Bet Her. And then last but not least, someone who I got to meet last night but also have adored online and someone who I think might actually sound crazier than me. I'm so glad I found someone who could join me on a mic. We have killer Ben b. Who was 1/2 of the High Maintenance pod, now the host and creator and founder of Honeycomb. So Baby, we getting into it now. Normally you're not supposed to ask a woman her age, but I do. You could say you in your early, mid or late. Because we're talking about navigating our 30s. And so I want to kind of ASL the top of this, okay? Instead of age, sex, location, I would like to know where you are in your 30s, if you have kids, and if you are single, taken, married, or complicated.

[Kiki Said]

Don't look at me like that.

[Mandy B]

Kiki, we'll start with you.

[Kiki Said]

All right. Okay. My age. I'm in the thick of it. In the thick of it. I was about to pull out my calculator. Okay, honestly, I think I'm 36. I was born September 13, 1988. I think I did my math right. I lied for so goddamn long, I be forgetting. And then I said I was 37 the other day. Cause somebody said I was 37. I was like, I guess they're right. It was a joke. But then a little kid had corrected me. I was shamed. I said I need to stop lying. Okay, so that's my age. What was the other one?

[Mandy B]

Wait, do you. You lie to be younger or older?

[Kiki Said]

I just be like. It's a social construct. You're only as old as you feel, period. Honestly. And we'll talk about it later. But I was scared about turning 30. When I turned 30, I wasn't where I wanted to be. So I wanted to be younger. And I just said I was 30 forever. A long time. Long time. What else?

[Mandy B]

Do you have kids? Because that is a conversation.

[Kiki Said]

And then.

[Mandy B]

Are you wed?

[Kiki Said]

I am a mother. I have a little girl. Her name is Whitley Beyonce Gilbert. She is a beautiful, beautiful child. I don't know if you wanna throw a graphic on the screen, but I asked my homegirl Cece to send me some new pictures of my baby girl. And she did. Okay. Cece is chat GPT. I named her cuz I tell her all my damn business.

[Mandy B]

And.

[Kiki Said]

And my baby girl Whitley is a dog. And so you are a dog mom. Okay, I have to pay for a sitter. She goes to doctor's.

[Mandy B]

Okay, so you a dog mama. I'm a real very modern day woman of you. Very modern day woman of you.

[Kiki Said]

Now my relationship status. I am single and I'll be single until I'm married. I personally like to skip everything in between. We talked about that last. I. I'll get engaged. I want to skip everything in between and remain single until I got a ring on my finger that did not come from Fashion Nova.

[Lex P]

Like the rest of my jewelry, period.

[Mandy B]

Y' all already know me. I am 34 years old. I am a cat mom, and I am in a relationship right now, but do not want marriage. Oh, yeah. I got a boyfriend and I'm really happy with him, but do not want to be married and do not want children, so. And we'll talk about that as well.

[Audiobook Club Host]

Lex.

[Lex P]

What's up, y'?

[Kiki Said]

All?

[Lex P]

It's your girl xp. I am 35 years old. Um, I don't have any children besides the ones I sent up to heaven.

[Killer Ben B]

Um, shit happens.

[Lex P]

I mean, shit shit happens.

[Kiki Said]

You know?

[Lex P]

And my relationship status, I would say. I wanna say it's complicated, but it's not.

[Mandy B]

Okay.

[Lex P]

I think we have an understanding. We went through a. I was in a relationship for a year. We went through a rough patch, but I think we're obviously through the rough patch. Um, so I think it's just. It's cool, you know?

[Mandy B]

Very modern day woman of you.

[Kiki Said]

Yeah.

[Killer Ben B]

You know what I'm saying?

[Lex P]

And I absolutely do want to get married one day. And do I want children maybe? I think I'm just kind of going with the flow of whatever God blesses me with.

[Kiki Said]

Okay.

[Mandy B]

And Killa.

[Killer Ben B]

I am in the thick of it as she is. I'm old. I'm old.

[Mandy B]

Wait, and we'll get into it mid-30s. Okay.

[Killer Ben B]

Yes. So anyway, I don't have any kids and I don't want any.

[Mandy B]

Okay.

[Killer Ben B]

And I'm single.

[Mandy B]

Okay. So what I find interesting is based on even just us introducing ourselves, there is probably a large majority of the population that will deem us as probably old, withered, and. Damn, these bitches not withered, baby. Well, we.

[Lex P]

We never gave back.

[Mandy B]

But I'm saying in terms of society, we are unwed and do not have children.

[Killer Ben B]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

And so y' all can drop in the comments. I know there's been so many views specifically from men that put those expectations on us, but also our peers is other women. So based on what I said, based on the myths I talked about you kind of having it all figured out by the time you're 30. And we'll maybe start with you because you led into that the ending of your youth. To me, the excuse of your whole phase being shriveled up being a myth. And we'll talk about that with current events later too. But was there fear amongst all of y' all about reaching your 30s? And are you fine with where you're at right now?

[Lex P]

Um, it's crazy, you know, because you can look at poor mine's Episodes when I was like 28, 29, about to turn 30. And this is something my mother instilled in me. Aging is beautiful. Do it gracefully because it's coming. And when people look at those old episodes, they said, I love that Lex never shied away from aging. And I always tell my age. Cause baby, I'm getting better, I'm looking better, I'm healthier, I'm making more money, I'm more aware of who I am as a person. I love being 35. It's a beautiful thing. Some people don't make it to 35.

[Killer Ben B]

But as she said, and then sometimes.

[Lex P]

People who are my age, they don't have anything figured out. So I'm happy to be this age.

[Killer Ben B]

I'm beautiful.

[Mandy B]

You're happy to be this age. So then I want to ask you, what made you fear your 30s and what made you also lie? One you once you got in your 30s, you just kept saying 30, like.

[Kiki Said]

What used to saying 30. But I was just so fearful. It was the societal pressures, the family pressures. Everybody had these ideas about life, how life was supposed to be then I'm looking at people who I was still friends with from college and high school and looking at how their lives are going and met. Most of the people in my life at that point had a more traditional everybody, right?

[Mandy B]

I hate going on Facebook. I like my friends on Instagram.

[Kiki Said]

Baby.

[Killer Ben B]

Scares me though. That ain't the life I want. Everybody is a teacher, working at the bank, they man is a banker, they got two kids, they got a house where all 20 of them on the street look just alike.

[Lex P]

Yes, they got toilet and it's no shade. It's no shade. That's not what you want.

[Killer Ben B]

So it really scares that life scares me so that that life scares you. That particular life model, I think that.

[Mandy B]

Which is the traditional model, like I.

[Kiki Said]

Didn'T even want that for myself. But it was still scary cuz I, I think I maybe when after I turned 30, I was so scared of turning 30 leading up to it, I was lying before then I just wouldn't say how old I was, right? And so then I turned 30 and I started to get more comfortable. It was just almost like having an epiphany. And I was like, bitch, what the fuck are you scared of? What is the problem? Like life is going good for you. It's going okay. It wasn't great, but it was going good. And I think that eventually I just had to be more comfortable in my own skin and tune out the other noise. I will Say that doing cocktails helped, that I cut off a lot of friends while I was doing the show from the beginning up until probably 2019. Well, 2020, I'll say. A lot of people. As the show started to grow at that point and more people were seeing it and I. When I started the show, I could have a catalog of stuff that wasn't currently happening, but that had happened, that I could talk about on the show. All my Hoeface shit. Right? And I was still in my Hoeface.

[Mandy B]

I'm mad.

[Kiki Said]

I shared all that shit, you know? Yeah. Sometimes I look back like, oh, damn, bitch, did you not have a friend to call?

[Killer Ben B]

Listen?

[Kiki Said]

And sometimes I didn't.

[Killer Ben B]

We did high maintenance. And on the third episode, I think my co host told a story about her picking up a couple. Like some random couple.

[Lex P]

Uh huh.

[Mandy B]

Oh, I did that in my 30s.

[Killer Ben B]

This was like on the third. No, she was in her 30s too. Yeah, but I'm saying she told the story like on the third episode. And when the story and when the episode was over, she was like, I feel like you leaving me out on my own. You a hoe too. Why you gonna tell your story? And I was like, boo, you on the third episode. You don't even know these people yet. I mean, 30 something.

[Mandy B]

I did a whole missing condom my first episode with a nigga that I fucked on a one night stand. So that's that.

[Killer Ben B]

But you see, now you're like, damn, I wish I wouldn't have seen that.

[Lex P]

I don't regret it. I love the fact that people can see my growth. I think it's inspiring. I think it shows the maturity. I think it's summer.

[Killer Ben B]

Oh, I'm summer.

[Kiki Said]

I mean, the whole path is a great path to see. Right?

[Mandy B]

Wait, wait, wait. The whole path? Whole, whole. I was about to say that.

[Lex P]

But even the whole path, I think it's because you know what it shows women that we lived a life that was not modern or traditional and it worked out for her.

[Mandy B]

Can I ask all of you? Because I know there's men listening, there's women listening. Is there an age that you should cut off from your whole face? I don't think, like, is. Can you be too old to be doing ho.

[Killer Ben B]

No, no, no. Okay.

[Kiki Said]

I don't think so. I do think that as you get older, you should also get wiser and be a safer hoe.

[Killer Ben B]

Yes.

[Lex P]

Okay. Discernment. Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Okay.

[Kiki Said]

Discernment.

[Mandy B]

Which definitely comes with a safety.

[Kiki Said]

Condoms. Tests get tested more regularly. I did not always use a condom. I should Have. And there were some scares there, and I always came out okay, but everybody doesn't. So it's like, get older and make better choices if you don't do it. But I don't think there's anything wrong with it. If you want to have sex, if you want to explore, do it. There's no age on that.

[Lex P]

I think society would be better if we all realize that everybody doesn't want the same thing. Stop trying to judge somebody or make somebody feel bad. Because just like Killa said, she doesn't want to be a teacher or marry a banker and have a house. But that is somebody's dream life. That is somebody's dream.

[Mandy B]

What do you.

[Lex P]

I'm not gonna condemn you for that.

[Mandy B]

What are yalls conversations with your parents as. As all of us are. No, no. Oh, the dad, too?

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Killer Ben B]

Both of them.

[Mandy B]

Well, I do want to know.

[Lex P]

Rip.

[Mandy B]

I hate. Oh, my God. Stop it. In terms. In terms of. Then family members, we talk about Thanksgivings where people ask, where the man when you having a baby? How are those responses with your family members? That might also be more traditional. Your aunties, your uncles, your cousins. A lot more people live in more traditionals. I'll say. I don't. I think I'm privileged to not have the pressures of it because I've been in New York for the last 13 years. But coming back to the south, you being from Texas. Texas. Texas. Goddamn y', all, bitch. But y' all being from the South, I think there's. Or even being now in the Bible belt, being in Atlanta, there's more of a push for us to live more traditionally in New York. That's not really the case.

[Lex P]

I'm gonna be honest with you. I think times have just changed so much, because now the older women in my family, they say, baby, you're doing it.

[Mandy B]

Really? Okay.

[Kiki Said]

I like it.

[Lex P]

My aunt. We were just talking about this. My auntie Lane, love her to death. She was in a relationship since she was, like, 14. Got married very young. Oh, wow. And now she's like, baby, you're doing what you're supposed. You're focusing on yourself, because when you're 30, you haven't even lived half of your life.

[Mandy B]

Not even half, y'.

[Kiki Said]

All.

[Lex P]

You're not even halfway there. I am very much on track to still getting the. Everything that I want. If it's marriage and kids, I'm doing it right. I'm making sure I'm set up financially to be prepared for anything. I'm focused.

[Mandy B]

Right now at 35, is there anything that society does pressure you?

[Lex P]

They look at us like, oh, y' all doing all this, but you're not married and you don't have kids, you.

[Kiki Said]

Ain'T got no man, blah, blah, blah. As if that is the stamp of success.

[Lex P]

Having a man. Yes, that's a man. Do y' all see Yalls bank account? Do y' all see y'?

[Pharmaceutical Ad Host]

All?

[Kiki Said]

Do y' all see these niggas? Not.

[Mandy B]

Do y' all see y'?

[Lex P]

All?

[Kiki Said]

Do you see them little babies on Facebook? Okay, I've seen them. I seen em.

[Lex P]

And I'm not missing out on that.

[Killer Ben B]

That's one thing, though, that my family never pressured me for its kids. Yeah, my grandma. So my grandmother got married. She was 16, had mama when she was 17. Mama had me at two months after she turned 18. So they always, like, get you some money so you could tell a to kiss your ass. And my grandma told me, I will be okay if I never meet your kids, tell them about me. I would rather you be in a position to take care of yourself and them than to say, I want to see your kids. No, I don't. You can show my pictures like I show you my mama pictures, and you're just fine. You can tell them about me. So that's the thing that never really happened in my family. But these n families, yeah.

[Kiki Said]

The boys to take care of him because they like a man child, because they don't want to take care of him no more. And they just hoping that they can find a good woman to help him out.

[Lex P]

Mo.

[Killer Ben B]

But they keep asking you about kids.

[Lex P]

And I want you to talk about how we talked about the conversation where the person you were dating, it was like, I don't want to get tell too much, but how it was always, when are you having his child versus when are you gonna marry my son? When are y'?

[Mandy B]

All.

[Lex P]

She would never bring a marriage.

[Killer Ben B]

The first time I met his mom, the very first conversation kids and every.

[Mandy B]

Conversation after before he showed up as. You don't even protect her.

[Lex P]

She never asked about, oh, you know, are y' all talking about marriage? The commitment she never brought back.

[Mandy B]

It was just kids.

[Killer Ben B]

At Christmas day this past Christmas, when Beyonce was finna perform, she started that shit. I said, listen, now, with all due respect, you have never asked this boy when he's gonna marry me. And the nigga just introduced me to somebody as a special friend. That's the word.

[Lex P]

I'm not a special friend.

[Kiki Said]

Ain't nothing wrong with a special friend. But that was wrong. That was wrong. I like a special friend, but that was wrong.

[Mandy B]

Yeah, because that's what you call who.

[Killer Ben B]

The hell having a baby with a special friend.

[Kiki Said]

Do not.

[Lex P]

I'm sorry. If we having roast turkey Mac and cheese. It is a special occasion. Do not introduce me as no special friend.

[Kiki Said]

No, I'm saying that is wrong. I'm just saying you can.

[Mandy B]

Hey, you want to know me in my twenties? You introduced me as your special friend. I'm fucking your teammate, and I did. Oh, we just friends, nigga. That means your teammates is angry.

[Killer Ben B]

And it's funny because he thought I didn't hear him.

[Mandy B]

Oh, special friend is crazy.

[Killer Ben B]

I was, like, in the kitchen making my plate, and so.

[Kiki Said]

But this is your boyfriend?

[Killer Ben B]

Well, he wasn't my official boyfriend at the time, but we were already dating for, like, nine months. Eight months. But I was in the kitchen making my plate, and one of the aunties was like, you know, who is that? Oh, that's my special friend. He didn't think I heard him, but when I confronted the mom, everybody in the room could hear me. So then everybody knew that I did hear him. I said, he just introduced me as his special friend. So who's having a baby?

[Kiki Said]

That is so ass backwards to me. Ask him about that. Y' all are officially together. He introducing the aunties as your special.

[Mandy B]

Friend, but also the mom wants you to have kids.

[Big Lone]

What's up, y'?

[Killer Ben B]

All?

[Big Lone]

This is Big Lone from It's Up There podcast. In this powerful episode, we're breaking down the danger of silence and how way too many of us are taught to protect the vibe instead of protecting ourselves. We spend more time researching cars, microphones, sneakers than we will researching on how to protect our bodies and our partners. If you have an honest conversation, one uncomfortable minute can save you a lifetime of regret. The CDC says nearly one in five people carry an sti and most don't even know it. Real intimate isn't built in the dark. It's built in the disclosure. Condoms testing transparency. Those aren't passion killers. They're peace builders. It's too much risk in our silence. Speak up. You can listen to this special episode of It's Up There podcast with Lone, brought to you by Healthy Sexual from Gilead sciences on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcast.

[Commercial Announcer]

What a matchup we got, y'.

[Lex P]

All.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Kiki Said]

Hey, Ryan Reynolds here wishing you a.

[Lex P]

Very happy half off holiday because right.

[Kiki Said]

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[Mandy B]

Gift of 50% off unlimited.

[Kiki Said]

To be clear, that's half half price.

[Lex P]

Not half the service. Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price.

[Mandy B]

So that means a half day.

[Kiki Said]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment of $45 for three month plan equivalent.

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[Audiobook Club Host]

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[Lex P]

Hey, audiobook lovers. This week on the podcast I'm sitting down with musician, producer and walking encyclopedia Questlove. We're talking about Mark Ronson's memoir Night how to be a DJ in 90s New York City. All right, like we talked about before.

[Mandy B]

Mark Ronson found sanctuary in the DJ booth.

[Lex P]

What's a tool or piece of equipment.

[Mandy B]

In the studio or on stage that.

[Lex P]

Gives you the most control?

[Killer Ben B]

So I have two microphones on stage.

[Big Lone]

We have the microphone that you hear as the audience.

[Killer Ben B]

Then we have a second microphone in which we communicate with each other I feel like that second microphone kind of.

[Big Lone]

Saved all of our friendships.

[Killer Ben B]

No band likes each other after 20.

[Big Lone]

Years or 25 years.

[Killer Ben B]

The Beatles broke up in seven and a half years and we're going on 35.

[Lex P]

Listen to Irsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or.

[Mandy B]

Wherever you get your podcasts. I do also wanna say where we're at, all of us in our mid-30s, deeper. You said mid too though, right? Yeah, me, y'. All. I wanted to bring up an article because where you're both of your aunt. Your family had kids in marriage before they was 21 years old.

[Kiki Said]

My mama had me at 20, my mom had me at 21 to pressure me. I think that maybe they was trying to put me off on somebody to take care of me. But eventually they figured out I'm gonna be fine. Nobody does it anymore. I think my grandmother and my grandfather, I low key think they holding on to see if I'm gonna have a baby or something. Cause they would like to meet him. I'm the first grandchild. But luckily I also have a ton of siblings. My sister has three kids and a.

[Mandy B]

That's enough for all.

[Kiki Said]

She knocked it out the park. So just go over there. And the kids came out cute. So bam.

[Lex P]

So they.

[Mandy B]

I brought up geriatric pregnancies early on. And the fact is we are normally told that after 35 it becomes extremely difficult for us to conceive. However, there have been more babies born to women, 40 plus than there has to teenage pregnancies which we are seeing. And it could be because we're making more money, we're healthier, bitch. We all go into the park, we doing pilates, we're caring more about ourselves. And the youth is eating Tide Pods, so. And vaping and vaping and all the things. So I think it's interesting that we are reaching an era where not only can we choose later, but with robots and everything else. We have AI, we have artificial insemination, we have unfortunately a lot more ability to. And I don't want to say unfortunately, but because it costs so much and we're unfamiliar with it, we're uneducated with more of our fertility than any other thing. It's crazy that society believes that we should bear children and that's our purpose for walking life. Yet when you go into the hospital, they know very little about fucking fibroids, about what's happening with the cancers that we're seeing. They don't know shit about our goddamn bodies. But yet we're supposed to be our children. Make it make sense.

[Kiki Said]

They just want us to be little baby cows putting them out.

[Lex P]

But also, fibroids is so serious, especially in black women. And I'm glad that you said that. It was a lot of education that I learned later. I'm not even being funny right now, y'.

[Kiki Said]

All.

[Lex P]

I went to. This happened around the pandemic time. I was getting very severe headaches. It was to the point to where I couldn't get out of bed. I was literally popping ibuprofens all day long. I went to about three or four different doctors. I got a ct. They could not find what was wrong with me. And, I mean, it was to the point to where I was like, do I have a tumor? Like, what's going on? Do y' all know? I. And then as it went on, I just got used to it. Cause I started taking ibuprofen so much. So then at the time, I was like, okay, I'm ready to get some plastic surgery. Cause time it went on, I got used to it. I had to go when I was out the country. Cause y' all be, like, talking crazy in the comments. But anyways, I went out the country to get my surgery. And the doctor outside of the country found a fibroid the size of a melon. He said, this is. This is why you're getting headaches.

[Mandy B]

No way.

[Lex P]

You have no. Your. What is it? Your hemo level is so low, I don't even know how you're standing up right now. My body had just adjusted to it, but I had went to so many doctors, and they didn't even just think. Just to check my reproductive system and what's going on down there?

[Mandy B]

Because you said you was having headaches.

[Lex P]

I was having headaches because my hemo level was so. My iron was so low. He said, I don't know how you're standing up right now because your iron is so low.

[Kiki Said]

Oh, wow.

[Mandy B]

So, again, the US don't even try.

[Lex P]

Y' all didn't even try to listen to us. They don't listen.

[Kiki Said]

Complain about things.

[Lex P]

Right?

[Kiki Said]

We say that this is hurting. Oh, it doesn't hurt that bad. What's your pain level on a scale of 1 to 10? You tell them a 7. They think you fucking lie. I am not hooked on the drugs, but I need something right now because I am literally in pain. And I also want you to figure it out.

[Mandy B]

I will say I think that's the difference between where we're at today and it could be social media. It could just be sisterhood is developing. I think we have more conversations now about the pressures we. We talk more about our health, we talk more about our sex life and we talk more about our relationships with each other than I think they did.

[Killer Ben B]

I don't think so. I think the fact that we don't have no kids and no husbands so we have more time to talk.

[Mandy B]

Oh really?

[Lex P]

That is true.

[Killer Ben B]

Think about it.

[Kiki Said]

That is true.

[Lex P]

But I think it also helps us.

[Kiki Said]

It does.

[Mandy B]

Because you said we got time to have conversations.

[Killer Ben B]

You had to wake at. At 5, get your kids up, da da da da. You might talk to your homegirl for a few minutes.

[Kiki Said]

Yeah, I was talking to my mom about that. I was like, sometimes I feel like when I come to visit, you kind of feel away. When I'm hanging out with friends and doing all this stuff and I'm seeing family, I'm seeing friends. What was your life like at my age then? I remember bitch at 36, I was 16.

[Mandy B]

Oh shit.

[Kiki Said]

And so I remember what her life was like. She had her book club and she would see them once a month, the last Sunday of the month. And that was her social club.

[Mandy B]

Probably sell America.

[Kiki Said]

She was always taking care of us. She did sell Mary Kay for a minute. That didn't quite work out.

[Mandy B]

I'm glad that we're not in the tropes of the, of the. What is the pyramid scheme?

[Killer Ben B]

We brunch, we had happy hour and what are we doing? Girl, I had a fibroid.

[Lex P]

Yeah, girl, I gotta go get this fibroid taken out child so I can.

[Kiki Said]

Get my other surgery.

[Lex P]

Right. I do want to go back to the point that you made though, because I know this sounds crazy because it's apple and orange is what I'm about to compare. But you said, you know, when you hit 35, it's extremely difficult to have children and it's more dangerous. But like you said, we have so much access to different things now. And honestly, extremely difficult. Never scared me. It's extremely difficult for a black woman to run a six figure business in America. That didn't stop me from doing that.

[Killer Ben B]

It's also extremely difficult to be 20 with a kid. Exactly.

[Lex P]

If I extremely broke, a lot of things are extremely difficult. But I would rather take my time because I talked about this on Love Lexp the other day. I think it's worse to like bring children. I'm not saying that everybody needs to get abortions or things like that. I just think that we need to be supportive. I think we need More bringing children into the world because you want to check because he got money or bringing a child into the world because you think that's going to keep him around. We aren't really a lot of the Nowadays, they're not making children because they're married. And this is a loving. I want a family or I want a legacy or whatever. People say y' all are having kids to prove a point to another girl.

[Kiki Said]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lex P]

Y' all are having kids.

[Killer Ben B]

I'm so sick of the legacy.

[Lex P]

I mean, but you know what I'm saying.

[Mandy B]

Well, then let me ask you even saying that because. Because that's my stance on my legacy when I say I don't want children. That's almost the number one question. Well, what are you leaving your leg? Like, what will your maybe.

[Killer Ben B]

Don't worry about that.

[Lex P]

My legacy is on Bet her travel Queens.

[Killer Ben B]

My Legacy is on YouTube.

[Lex P]

Y' all can see it.

[Mandy B]

That's what I say.

[Killer Ben B]

Your last name is Johnson. You have a Xbox. You have student loan debts. You don't have a legacy, boo. You're not Michael J.

[Kiki Said]

People be talking about, ooh, oh, we will have kids.

[Lex P]

Talking about these men.

[Kiki Said]

I'm talking about the men, but even the women, too.

[Mandy B]

What about the women?

[Killer Ben B]

Same thing.

[Mandy B]

Yeah, you said you got same thing.

[Killer Ben B]

You got three wigs, an apartment. You don't have a legacy.

[Kiki Said]

Have a little hellion that don't even with your ass. That's emancipated.

[Mandy B]

Wait, wait a second. So. So is this idea of leaving something left your kids carrying on your legacy, you think that that's a crock of shit?

[Killer Ben B]

Yes. For that to be your number one reason to want to have kids. It's a crock of malarkey.

[Mandy B]

Oh, wait, what is your legacy?

[Killer Ben B]

Your legacy is you. What you do on this earth. How you make people feel, how you treat people. The work that you do. Yes. The impact that you make.

[Mandy B]

It's not the kids you make.

[Killer Ben B]

It's not your kids. God forbid, if Beyonce dies right now. Oh, nobody gonna be like, ooh, hold.

[Lex P]

On, bitch, you done took the same wood.

[Mandy B]

You said it's not like playing. She said that Beyonce's leg is not left with blue Rumi and sir, it's not.

[Kiki Said]

They can try.

[Lex P]

Not to the world, not to the.

[Killer Ben B]

World, not to the world.

[Lex P]

This is a perfect example. Cause I talk about this a lot. Perfect example is Oprah. Oprah doesn't have any kids, but the impact what Oprah has done for the media and black women. Media, just media in general. It's Always gonna be Oprah Winfrey textbooks. Literally when I was in college and my journalism book. She's in there. She is in there. You know what I'm saying?

[Killer Ben B]

This woman has a network. Like if she had a kid it.

[Mandy B]

And I'm not going to lie to y', all. I, and I don't know, I, I might have said this on. I think I said this when I was sitting across from Mel. But for a lot of men who believe letting their their name live on is their legacy and that their legacy.

[Killer Ben B]

Johnson don't live on.

[Mandy B]

Well, you know what I wanted to bring up fellas. This is the greatest example. Y' all do not like Marcus Jordan. And y' all allow Michael Jordan to carry on his legacy without attaching his kids.

[Killer Ben B]

That didn't Johnson. Magic Johnson.

[Mandy B]

Cuz the son is gay.

[Killer Ben B]

But he has two sons. He has an older son. Older son. What do he be doing?

[Kiki Said]

I didn't even know that either.

[Lex P]

And the other son is fabulous. He's a legend already.

[Mandy B]

Yes, but, but in terms of how men do attach and think there are exceptions even within pop culture where they haven't attached the son to.

[Killer Ben B]

Here's what men need to ask themselves a serious question. Here's what people need to ask themselves. Do you really want your kids kids to carry on what you're doing right now?

[Kiki Said]

Ooh, yes.

[Lex P]

That's a good question.

[Mandy B]

You not doing is no. Yeah, but I always say too the fact that you put your entire legacy in the hands of a whole another adult and human being. I say it all the time. What if I give birth to a serial killer? That is not my legacy.

[Lex P]

He want to be Ted Bundy.

[Killer Ben B]

And I'm talking about you can't know my name.

[Mandy B]

You know what I mean?

[Kiki Said]

No, you need a new name because what the are you doing? How you feeling?

[Mandy B]

Every day you have a son. I, I, I think that that's something that men carry more than women but are. Yeah.

[Killer Ben B]

Because they don't have to do shit to have a baby. But nuts.

[Mandy B]

Oh, that's not. They don't have to do shit and leave.

[Killer Ben B]

They don't have to do nothing.

[Mandy B]

But not.

[Killer Ben B]

You are sitting there for nine months with your whole orbit changing. Like I don't think we realize because people do it so much what being pregnant means and what it does to you.

[Kiki Said]

And then giving birth because you gotta make it. Well, you don't have to make it to the end. But if you do choose that route.

[Lex P]

You can't make it to the end.

[Killer Ben B]

If you choose to car and did it? I mean, even with an abortion, look at what that put you through. You know what I'm saying?

[Mandy B]

So, yeah, it was a.it was a what?

[Killer Ben B]

A diet. But you get what I'm saying? So of course, these niggas are like, oh, let's do it for a lady.

[Kiki Said]

They're not thinking about that. If you had to carry a baby.

[Lex P]

In your baby, it'll be a lot less.

[Kiki Said]

Swell up. And now you gotta waddle around like Mr. Penguin. Y' all wouldn't be a lot less.

[Mandy B]

I don't think within our lifetime we see racism leave. Do you think within our lifetime we see people accept women like us, women in their 30s, not wanting to be married, not wanting to have children, and all the things in which generations prior to us, I think so instilled into women. You think that we'll reach a place within our lifetime?

[Killer Ben B]

Because I'm slowly starting to see men say that they don't want children either. Slowly. They're still a very small population, but I'm starting to see a lot more men.

[Mandy B]

Well, yeah, they just don't show up.

[Lex P]

But I honestly think that we are changing as a society. Because I do agree with her. Because I feel like people are starting to realize the value in understanding. It's okay. 30 isn't a death wish. You don't have to write your wills out and be like, oh, I'm finna croak and die, right? We are learning. Like, oh, my gosh. Like I said, I'm the healthiest I have ever been in my entire life at 35 years old. I'm the best I've ever looked at 35 years old.

[Mandy B]

Same.

[Lex P]

So I just feel like. Like we are all learning. Men are learning that too.

[Mandy B]

They're like, look at method Men.

[Lex P]

That's what I'm saying.

[Killer Ben B]

They're like, what?

[Mandy B]

I mean, I think. I think even being able to see women, right, we have the Neil Longs, we have the Halle Berries, we have the even Angela Bassetts. We have like all of these beautiful JLo. God damn. Like the women in their 50s. When we look back and see that even Ariana was only 22 when she came out. Like, we viewed age so drastically different that it's just like. Like, wait one moment. And so with this, I do want to get into a hot topic because based on what you saying, Lex, it's giving AJ Nothing but a number show. So Tracee Ellis Ross recently talked about dating younger men. She said, a lot of men my age are steeped in a toxic masculinity and have been raised in a culture where there is a particular way that a relationship looks. I think to be fair, we talked about either even traditional relationships and what it looks like, anything that starts to smell of that. For me, I did enough of it where I was controlled and felt like I was a possession or a prize. I just have no interest in it and I will not do it again. I have long been past the age where I feel like it's my job to teach somebody or grow them up. Like the man child you was talking about that I'm not interested in. I also want to be very clear. There was really comprehension skills are like lost amongst us. She did not say she wants a 19 year old at all. She is in her 50s which means a younger man could be a millennial in his 30s or 40s. That's what it can mean. So the narratives that where they've been comparing her to the and we'll talk the Draya and the Jalens or they've been comparing it to Trick Daddy who recently said at his big age of 51 that he dates women between the age of 22.

[Lex P]

If you're 22 and you're dating trick daddy if you're 22 go to betterhelp.com poor mind P O U R M I N D S yes.

[Kiki Said]

Well, just period. Not if you're 22.

[Killer Ben B]

I mean if it was 50 something I would. I don't today. I try not. We just had this conversation on the way over. I'm trying to judge women a lot less, but I couldn't see myself being 50 something dating.

[Mandy B]

Can I ask you then what is the difference and is there one between women saying they like younger men and men saying they like younger women? Because oftentimes with men the word attached to it is green Grooming. Do you feel like Tracy Ellis Ross may be dating younger men because she doesn't want to be held accountable and she's grooming them? Or do you think that it could be something different?

[Killer Ben B]

I'm not going to say she's grooming them and I wouldn't say a 50 year old man is grooming a 35 year old woman either. But I would say for me it's a little weird.

[Lex P]

Okay, what.

[Mandy B]

What is the age, what is the age difference that you find it to be weird? Cuz you said 50 and 35. I agree. Is there a certain age then?

[Killer Ben B]

I think that if she was dating like a 40 year old maybe and, and that may sound like what's the difference between 35 and 40. But think about yourself from 30 to 35.

[Mandy B]

It's a totally.

[Kiki Said]

I think that it's not 28 to 34.

[Killer Ben B]

Right.

[Kiki Said]

And I think too it's like people aren't listening to her. She wasn't saying because she wants to change their minds about something or she literally says she ain't teaching nobody shit.

[Lex P]

Right.

[Kiki Said]

I think that younger men closer to our age and possibly older, I don't know, but younger than her, her around our age, they have more open minds.

[Lex P]

Right.

[Kiki Said]

And I think that's what she's interested in and not trying to control somebody, not trying to teach somebody or mold them into a man.

[Killer Ben B]

Now I agree with her because when 50 year old niggas, I mean men try to talk to me, I'll be.

[Mandy B]

Like, oh, I'm not gonna lie, My ex was 17 years my senior. My current boyfriend now is 8 years younger than me. And oh Lord don't see what I mean. Look at the judge.

[Kiki Said]

Is he mature?

[Mandy B]

Yes, he's British.

[Lex P]

So how old is he?

[Mandy B]

He's British. He's 27.

[Kiki Said]

They grow up fast over there.

[Mandy B]

Yeah, I'm just saying the reason.

[Lex P]

No, the reason I was saying that because to me, I just had this conversation.

[Mandy B]

Okay, let's talk about.

[Lex P]

People like to talk about like the Dreas or the Aisha, you know she was sleeping with Anthony Edwards.

[Mandy B]

Anthony Edwards.

[Lex P]

I say this to me, once you hit like 35, 40, age gaps don't really matter. Like you are who you are. Like you don't really change to me personality wise.

[Mandy B]

I agree.

[Lex P]

But once you're like like dating people that's 30 and under, I'm kind of like eight years. To me that's not that big of a difference. Cause you're not in your 40s or 50s, so I'm just looking at you sideways because I don't know what a 26 year old could do for your ass.

[Mandy B]

That's crazy. But so, and I guess though that as modern day women who have our own money, who don't seek like having babies, to me, I'm in a position now where, where I'm not looking for the security of a man. I'm not looking for the protection of a man. Nigga, I got the ring camera on my front door. Like to me, I'm looking for a genuine connection with just a person I like. And when I was in my 20s, a lot of it was how much money does n make? What can he do for me? Ah, ah, ah. As a woman who has her own now I'm. I. I feel like I'm privileged to be able to enter into relationships with men that I genuinely just like.

[Killer Ben B]

Yes, I agree with you to a certain extent.

[Mandy B]

Okay, talk to me. To me.

[Killer Ben B]

But the money is still important.

[Mandy B]

He got his own money. He got his own house, car. He got his own.

[Lex P]

Gotta have his own thing. That's not the make or break thing like it is now.

[Killer Ben B]

For me it is. I'm not gonna lie. It is now. We need to be.

[Kiki Said]

What's the line?

[Killer Ben B]

We need to be equally yolked.

[Lex P]

I can agree with that.

[Killer Ben B]

Because one of the last arguments I had in my last relationship, he was like, you don't need a vacation every year. I need a vacation every quarter.

[Mandy B]

Every quarter, Every quarter.

[Killer Ben B]

And anybody who knows me, that's some wild shit to say to me. Me, I. And I was like, yes, you do.

[Mandy B]

Okay. Do you feel like there's an insecurity right now with. Because women are getting degrees at a higher rate, which means they're making more money than men our age, that the insecurity is that they're not equally yoked anymore. They're not being able to.

[Lex P]

That's why I'm not.

[Mandy B]

They're not.

[Killer Ben B]

And they are surprised that you like them. Why do you like me? I don't like me.

[Lex P]

I hate.

[Mandy B]

I would never talk to a guy.

[Lex P]

But I think that it's important, like, to find a man that really supports you and claps for you. Because you'll notice if a man is not clapping for you when you get that job promotion or you get a new podcast or whatever you're trying to do, and he's not clapping for you, it's gonna get worse because these.

[Kiki Said]

Jealousy's a big deal.

[Mandy B]

I know. We're talking about insecurity and jealousy. Do you guys believe then that as the modern day woman, we are literally intimidating men?

[Killer Ben B]

Yes.

[Lex P]

Oh, absolutely.

[Kiki Said]

I think so. And I don't think it's anything that would outright right, say or do directly to them. They just feel it. They. They look at your Instagram, they see what you have going on. If you have a conversation, you're not saying anything to them to put them down, but they start feeling less than because they realize they ain't really been doing shit but playing the goddamn game and going to a job they hate.

[Killer Ben B]

My friend broke it down to me like this. She said, I wouldn't want to date you either.

[Kiki Said]

Why?

[Killer Ben B]

And I was like, damn. And she was like, because you are annoying like you. You are going to go get. You gonna look up, you gonna make some more money. You gonna look up, you gonna have a podcast. You gonna look up, you gonna get a house. You gonna look up, you gonna get another car. You look up, you. I went to Europe last year for my birthday for a month and none.

[Mandy B]

Of that is you gonna look up and have a man.

[Killer Ben B]

Well, no, she said as the man, it's annoying because I gotta keep lever like it's. She was like, as your friend, I'm annoyed because I'm trying to, you know, I'm trying to keep up with you.

[Lex P]

We have to date men who are ambitious and just as hard as go getters as we are. But honestly, it's hard because most of the time they are intimidated by it.

[Big Lone]

What's up y'? All? This is big Lone from it's up there podcast. In this powerful episode, we're breaking down the danger of silence and how way too many of us are taught to protect the vibe instead of protecting ourselves. We spend more time researching cars, microphones, sneakers. Then we will researching on how to protect our bodies, bodies and our partners. If you have an honest conversation, one uncomfortable minute can save you a lifetime of regret. The CDC says nearly one in five people carry an STI and most don't even know it. Real intimate isn't built in the dark, is built in the disclosure. Condoms testing transparency. Those aren't passion killers, they're peace builders. It's too much risk in ourselves. Silence. Speak up. You can listen to this special episode of It's Up There podcast with Lone brought to you by Healthy Sexual from Gilead sciences on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcast.

[Commercial Announcer]

What a matchup we got y'.

[Killer Ben B]

All.

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[Commercial Announcer]

Hey everyone. Ed Helms here.

[Lex P]

And hi, I'm Kal Penn and we're the hosts of Earsol, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club.

[Commercial Announcer]

This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Jenny Garth, host of the iHeart podcast.

[Killer Ben B]

I choose me to discuss the new.

[Commercial Announcer]

Audible adaptation of the timeless Jane Austen classic Pride and Prejudice. This is not a trick question.

[Lex P]

There's no wrong answer.

[Commercial Announcer]

What role would I play?

[Commercial Voice]

You know what?

[Audiobook Club Host]

I can see you as Mr. Darcy.

[Commercial Voice]

You got a little Colin Firth.

[Killer Ben B]

Okay, that's really sweet. I appreciate that.

[Commercial Announcer]

But are you sure I'm not the dad?

[Lex P]

I'm not Mr. Bennett.

[Kiki Said]

Here.

[Commercial Announcer]

Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts. You ever feel that deep pull to.

[Killer Ben B]

The land to know it?

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[Mandy B]

Okay, so I have a hot take here.

[Lex P]

Oh, here she goes.

[Mandy B]

Because we are all around the same age.

[Lex P]

Yes.

[Mandy B]

What's crazy is I will only be interested in dating the generation under me or the generation before me. That's a big guy. Well, hear me out. I think millennial men grew up in the worst era. They are the most stunted emotionally. They are all either crack babies or undiagnosed with tisms that were not diagnosed because we did not believe in mental health care in the 90s they were raised by the hip hop of misogyny. And in terms of where we were, in terms of comedy and television, everything was like at the guise of them. They were these powerful beings. And women were all. All just possessions to them. They were all toys. They were all just for sex and to make them look better. And unfortunately, in the era right now that we're in of the red pill pods as well, they're doing nothing but reiterating those same skewed notions that they refuse to unlearn. And so for me, I have not been. I do feel like they're the laziest of the generations. And so for me, I have not been interested, nor have I, I would say, in the last 10 years, dating anybody my age.

[Lex P]

Wow.

[Killer Ben B]

I agree with some of the hot.

[Kiki Said]

Take you read, but I don't know.

[Killer Ben B]

That older men are any better. It's a. It's quieter and they are providers, but the misogyny is very loud because that's what Tracy.

[Mandy B]

The. The misogyny is loud. I do believe they believe in gender roles, however, in the.

[Lex P]

In.

[Mandy B]

In the terms of where millennial women are. We are looking for the. Those providers and take care of the household. Th. Those are the tricks. Those are the. The. That they feel like they are men when they provide. That's the older generation. That's not the millennials. And these young. And I will say too, but like.

[Killer Ben B]

You said, you're not looking for anybody to provide, though, so. No, no, no.

[Mandy B]

But I'm saying a lot of women still, though, are okay. Oh, we lean into the patriarchy still very much as millennial women, and we believe that a man going to pay for the date. We not splitting 50.

[Kiki Said]

50. We saying.

[Mandy B]

And the younger generation patriarchy.

[Killer Ben B]

Because it's just like, if you want a job, you gotta send your resume.

[Kiki Said]

I think that's if you want a.

[Killer Ben B]

Job, you gotta come to the interview.

[Lex P]

I'm not gonna lie when it comes to rela. Like little stuff like that. I don't even talk about that. Like, oh, who's paying for the day?

[Mandy B]

No, no, no, no. I don't care about that.

[Lex P]

I'm not gonna lie when it comes to, like, marriage and buying houses, doing businesses together and creating like, you know, a net worth and doing this. I want a partnership. I'm not gonna just sit at home and be like, oh, he's taking care of every. You know how many times we see women get divorced and they be like, I don't know how. They don't want anything. They don't have access to anything. I want a partnership. So I don't mind being like a 50 50. Cause just as much I want my man to be a millionaire, I'm gonna be a millionaire too.

[Mandy B]

Period.

[Lex P]

You know what I'm saying? So I am all about partnership. I don't necessarily want a provider. Cause I feel like I just want partnership. But I do feel like the. Cause I date my age, so don't say it like that. No, no, no, Judgy. What I'm saying is though, the millennial men that I have found that I have been dating, they like that. I know I intimidate a lot of men, but I feel like the men that I've encountered in the past few years have been like, okay, I like.

[Killer Ben B]

That about me because they got their own thing going on. A lot of that what she was talking about, I agree with a lot of it. But it's like you said, they wake up one day and they realize, oh shit, I'm 40 and I haven't done anything. And then I have all these. And unfortunately for them, they have a dating pool of just amazing women. How many amazing women do we have? But it's like, damn, like my friend said, I'm tired of dating you hoe every time I look up, I gotta get a new job. I wanna work my same job, make my same. They are very. I'm noticing they're very creatures of habit. Yeah, they do the same shit, go to the same place and talk to the same. It's no growth.

[Kiki Said]

And I think for me, when I'm looking for somebody, I do want a partnership. I want you to have that in you, that you do want to provide. Because I do need you to understand you gotta work, you gotta bring some income in. You don't necessarily have to clock in and out, but you do need to provide. But in a long term relationship, I am looking at it more of a partnership. I have no problem contributing. But I also don't want you to think that because I go out here and get it, then I'm taking care of your ass. You know, it's not gonna go that way.

[Mandy B]

You wanna be married? You wanna be married? Do you wanna be married?

[Killer Ben B]

Absolutely. I told you I wanna be married eight times.

[Mandy B]

Are y' all initiating or signing prenups to protect yourself?

[Kiki Said]

Yeah, okay. And if he has more crazy, I'll sign that shit. I think it's makes it so much easier. And I think that people go into prenups thinking that a prenup means when you. When or if you get Divorced, you will leave with nothing. No, that is not what it is.

[Lex P]

Prenup is saying, hey, it's just what.

[Kiki Said]

It'S going to be.

[Mandy B]

Yeah.

[Killer Ben B]

Hey, I'mma give you $10,000 a month when we divorce. Or, hey, I'm going give you prenup.

[Lex P]

Say, but.

[Mandy B]

Okay.

[Killer Ben B]

But you can make them say whatever you want. Say whatever you can say as a woman. You can say, I'm going to protect all my assets, and we ain't protecting yours. Literally. You can say that if. If you want to.

[Kiki Said]

Yeah. It's up to you.

[Lex P]

Because the prenup worked in Nick Lachey's favor with Jessica Simpson. It didn't work in her favor, you know what I'm saying? So it doesn't. I think a lot of times people are scared because they're like, oh, they're going to leave with everything. A lot of times they have cheating clauses in there. So when these men are taken up, they're like, oh, this is why you don't get married. It was a cheating clause in there. So if he could have just stayed faithful, he wouldn't have had to give up no money. You know what I'm saying?

[Killer Ben B]

And I don't know why you would put a cheating clause in your baby. You know you going to cheat.

[Lex P]

That's why I got to give it up to OO Cinco. Because. Did y' all watch. Wait, wait. Because when him and Sherrell were still together.

[Mandy B]

That was fake.

[Lex P]

I know it was, but it was funny. But it was just funny because they were like, oh, it's a cheating clause in there. He said, oh, I'm definitely not signing that.

[Kiki Said]

Well, you gotta know yourself.

[Mandy B]

I mean, allegedly, a cheating clause was in the. There was a prenup between Teanna and Iman.

[Killer Ben B]

Oh.

[Mandy B]

And I was surprised that.

[Killer Ben B]

But according to them, they left with mostly everything that they came with. Besides, that's all I want.

[Kiki Said]

Didn't she get some extra support on what I got? She got a little bit of support.

[Killer Ben B]

But she liked the houses and Stu, that's what her mama.

[Mandy B]

So if there's a prenup, if you are a woman with your own. And I know I had this conversation with Allison, but then what. What is the reason for marriage?

[Killer Ben B]

So that I can leave with my shit that I worked hard?

[Mandy B]

No, that's for the prenup. If. If everything that he has is his and everything that you have is yours.

[Killer Ben B]

Before we got here. So you may say, hey, so, for example, we. If we all get married at 40, we're going to. We already Pre. Pretty successful, right? So all my retirement accounts that I've built up before I even knew you. All my money is. Before I knew you is mine now. If we get things together, if we buy a house together, then we.

[Mandy B]

Were you just joking when you said you wanted eight husbands?

[Killer Ben B]

No, I wasn't.

[Mandy B]

You want. You want eight husbands?

[Killer Ben B]

Yeah, I want to be like Elizabeth Taylor.

[Mandy B]

Let me say that all at the same time. Or does she have eight marriages?

[Kiki Said]

Lots of rings marriages.

[Lex P]

But if y' all don't get married, y' all gonna be at that man funeral you spent 30 years with. Getting introduced as a special friend. That part you ain't gonna get no benefits.

[Kiki Said]

Or somebody else in his family is gonna make the decisions for him when he is in the hospital. Even though you have been right there beside me.

[Killer Ben B]

I had a friend who had a guy that were together for years and years and years, had two kids together, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He falls into a coma out of nowhere, y'.

[Mandy B]

All.

[Killer Ben B]

He got pneumonia, went to coma, blah, blah, blah. His mama came there the next day and said, I'm pulling the plug.

[Lex P]

I don't care what nothing she can do to me. Marriage is still important, if that's what you want. But we have to look beyond the. Oh, the partnership and the love. It's serious shit like that that happens. And marriage is very important.

[Killer Ben B]

I mean, you got paper. There's a song, an old song. I'm really about to tell y' all who I am for real. But there's a song called She's Got Papers On Me. And the point of the song is the man is singing to another woman and he's telling his side, bitch. Hey, I really wanna leave Ma. My wife, but she got papers on me, so we could do this, but I gotta stay married. And I always think about that song because a gonna think twice when you got that paperwork.

[Mandy B]

But he still had a side chick, so did he really think twice?

[Killer Ben B]

But yeah, because he didn't leave, he said. And at that time, you know, it's an old song. So at that time, women needed their husbands to be there to pay the.

[Kiki Said]

We couldn't open a bank account, we couldn't buy a home. We could do a lot of things relatively recent in the past hundred years.

[Killer Ben B]

You know, my girlfriend grandmother divorced my biological grandfather in like, 78 because they got into a fight at a nightclub and he left her. They live in Seattle.

[Mandy B]

They was at the nightclub in this. When they was in their 70s.

[Killer Ben B]

It was in 78.

[Mandy B]

Oh, the year was 78.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Killer Ben B]

78. Oh, but yes, they still be the club. But this the year was. The year was 78. And they had a argument and he left her at a nightclub in Seattle. She had on a mini skirt and pantyhose and she didn't have a nickel to use to pay for and she had to walk home and feet to snow. And she divorced him after that. I was like, why you ain't have a nickel? She was like, cuz at that time.

[Mandy B]

Your man had the money.

[Lex P]

Had the money.

[Mandy B]

Oh wow.

[Killer Ben B]

That was in 78. She didn't have a bank account, her own bank account in 1978.

[Mandy B]

Well, yeah, we weren't allowed to even get them until I think 1974 somewhere.

[Killer Ben B]

Yeah. So it's like, oh, my husband had all the money.

[Mandy B]

So then with everything and you not. Is there no fear of getting old? We're in our 30s and I know a lot of people feared getting to the third.

[Killer Ben B]

That's fear for me.

[Mandy B]

Is there a fear of aging or aging out? And what do you feel like you would age out of?

[Killer Ben B]

Not aging out. Aging out of. Yeah, aging out.

[Lex P]

But like the reason I say that is because like I said, I look at poor minds in the beginning and wind down Wednesday. And as I get older, I get wiser and I just change. But my audience changes with me and they love it and they embrace. I don't pay attention to the people to the in sales and the people. I pay attention to people who are. Understand me, you can't age out if you are authentically who you are. How can I age out of being me?

[Mandy B]

So why do you fear getting older than even hearing your best friend say that?

[Killer Ben B]

Probably because foolishly I fear so much change. Like again, I was talking to my friend the other day. So much change. I was talking to my friend the other day and she was like, I miss my old life. When we was 20 something, I could just show up at my little rinky dink job and I could do whatever I wanted to do. And I'm like, girl, I don't miss that shit. But then she brought out a good point. She said, I do. Cause now I, I gotta like help my parents, you know, with their lives. And I'm talking about taxes and inheriting their properties and you know what it actually is, it's.

[Mandy B]

And leaning into the name of this show, it's ignorance being bliss.

[Killer Ben B]

Right?

[Mandy B]

There's a lot in being able to just exist and party when you're not fearing the things that come with real life.

[Killer Ben B]

Yeah, now she's real we talk about is money and investments. And I'm tired of this shit. I just wanna.

[Lex P]

But honestly, like she said, it's ignorance. Because honestly, the thing thing is we are not educated on stuff that we should be educated on. I had a conversation with Medina because I'm trying to move and I was telling her what I pay in rent now and what I'm probably gonna have to be paying. She said, girl, you need to buy a house.

[Mandy B]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

She said, and don't be scared.

[Mandy B]

Mortgage.

[Kiki Said]

Yeah.

[Lex P]

She was like, don't be afraid. But we don't educate ourselves. Why is it?

[Mandy B]

Not only that, do you know how many of my friends are having to downsize or change their thing because they all owe six figures in taxes because they chose not to pay taxes for the last three to five years? Five years. So many of my. Oh, taxes is not something that we're taught about. And the problem is too, a lot of us grew up with white collar, blue collar parents. So now that we're all entrepreneurs.

[Lex P]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

With 1099, there's so many people that don't know how to deal with taxes or how to pay or what to put aside or how to pay quarterly. And so I'm seeing so many of my peers in their 30s not only be in debt from college because we were all told that college was what.

[Killer Ben B]

We had to do.

[Kiki Said]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

I'm seeing everyone having to change in their mid-30s to late to early-40s because now they owe so much goddamn money in taxes.

[Lex P]

But these aren't bad or scary conversations. I think we have to turn.

[Killer Ben B]

But I, I agree with her in the fact that that's kind of all we talk about.

[Lex P]

I don't think it's a bad thing.

[Mandy B]

We mature, we. Sorry. It's so funny because we went to the farmer's market the other day, Me and my, Me and my best friend, we went to the farmer's market and it was cold, so we couldn't shop because we was uncomfortable.

[Killer Ben B]

Right.

[Mandy B]

So then we drive. Driving. So are we driving? And she said, oh, girl, gas 267 over here. Let me. And I mean, I was like, oh. I said, I said, oh, my God, we sound like our panties.

[Killer Ben B]

Yeah.

[Kiki Said]

Talking about the goddamn weather, gas prices.

[Lex P]

Enjoy it.

[Kiki Said]

I am looking for y' all not.

[Mandy B]

Go into restaurants and be like, it's just too loud.

[Kiki Said]

Can y' all turn that music? I can't stand all that bumpy bump in a restaurant. It is too goddamn loud. Turn the TV down. I don't know what these kids is rapping. About. It's disturbing my cousin.

[Mandy B]

The mumble rap is killing me.

[Killer Ben B]

I don't know any of the rappers.

[Lex P]

But this is what I was saying earlier. We have to learn how to embrace the inevitable. I know.

[Killer Ben B]

I got Peter Pan syndrome.

[Lex P]

No, when we were talking about. We were talking about aging and how Keke was like, oh, I was lying. Or how even till I'm just noticing y', all, y' all are still saying mid-30s. Who gives a damn? We have to age.

[Kiki Said]

Do all are all of y' all great at math. So I didn't want to mess with the number. Now that I'm in my era of telling the truth. I had a double check. I'm 36, but I'm happy with it now. I just wasn't.

[Mandy B]

Are y' all always being called auntie?

[Killer Ben B]

No, I'm not.

[Lex P]

I am okay.

[Kiki Said]

I wasn't at first, but, yes, I am.

[Mandy B]

You're okay. Lex is okay.

[Kiki Said]

As long as they not saying it to be shady.

[Lex P]

They are. Bitch, I'm not auntie. Well, no, people in the poor crew call me auntie. And I enjoy it because I think.

[Killer Ben B]

You started calling yourself that. Right?

[Kiki Said]

Yeah, I meant.

[Lex P]

But this is the thing, though. I wish I had a Lex P to look up to when I was in my 20s. So I always say lex P went through that, so you ain't got to go through that period. You know what I'm saying? So, like, getting back to what I was saying, embrace the inevitable. Now, I'm talking about these taxes I'm talking about. Because that's something we have to do.

[Mandy B]

We have to do.

[Lex P]

It's inevitable.

[Mandy B]

And look, she mad. She gotta grow up. I am.

[Lex P]

It's beautiful. I love it.

[Mandy B]

I love it.

[Kiki Said]

I don't like the stressful parts of growing up, but I am very much looking forward to being. I cannot wait to have a home with a porch and a mountain. Not with a porch. I want to sit lemonade sometimes with some vodka in it, sometimes not. I want to be talking to the kids. I want them to come over to Ms. Kiki's house and ask me for a cup of sugar or something.

[Lex P]

I think it's because the older I get, the more beautiful life gets, man. I mean, the thing.

[Mandy B]

I mean, that's a blessing I've been.

[Lex P]

Able to experience in life. And, like, I honestly think maybe I'm a little biased because the. Every year, every month, my dreams are coming more and more true. Like, we just had the premiere of Travel Queens last night. You know what I'm saying? Saying so I think maybe I am a little biased on this, but I always tell people like whatever it is that you want to do, if it is marrying a banker or being a teacher, do everything that you want to do and get everything you can out of the.

[Mandy B]

I would say you, you, the bar is aging. Doesn't bother you when you're excelling in life?

[Kiki Said]

Absolutely.

[Killer Ben B]

When you were to say that cuz I'm excelling but I'm.

[Mandy B]

You said you.

[Killer Ben B]

Like my friend said I kind of of miss. So like in the pandemic, right? I moved to Barbados. Just moved there and I had 2s be living life. Exactly. So my younger self would just pick up my and go right. And so for the last five years, that's kind of what I did. I left Barbados, I came and moved here, started high maintenance and I just was doing whatever I wanted to do. I would go live somewhere for a month and go do all this. But now my life has kind of changed and I had to give me a house. I, I have had a car since 2018 because I was always right. So the other day I went and I reluctantly I went to Mercedes and was like, oh no, she had to.

[Kiki Said]

Buy a Mercedes Benz.

[Killer Ben B]

You know.

[Lex P]

There are going to be.

[Mandy B]

People listening to this like these.

[Kiki Said]

Shut up. No, but really, why your friend said you annoying because you annoyed.

[Mandy B]

You really.

[Killer Ben B]

I got the car, I put it in the garage, never looked at it again. Everybody like, you happy? I'm like, no, because this means I'm going to don't.

[Kiki Said]

For real.

[Killer Ben B]

I'm not gonna be just traveling. It's freeing not having y'.

[Lex P]

All.

[Killer Ben B]

For real.

[Mandy B]

It is. I, I, I Do you know what's crazy? When I moved to New York, I say some of my best nights in life came when I was rainbow jacket, cold as eating a dollar pizza, trying to figure out, okay, am I gonna spend my money on toilet paper or ramen because I gotta eat, but I gotta wipe my ass.

[Killer Ben B]

And now you're like all my taxes in the form.

[Lex P]

I had a grand old time in my 20s, but no, I'm having a way better time. I don't want to go back. I do not. I had a grand time, but like I said, I'm just embracing this life that I'm. You just brought a Mercedes period off the. Please be for real.

[Killer Ben B]

My point is it symbolized to me that one part of myself was essentially dying and I had to embrace that. Bitch, you are this, you are that. Like, you know, I've embraced that. I'm kind of important in the work that I do, I done accidentally got important. I'm like, wait a minute. Y' all really need me?

[Kiki Said]

Not.

[Mandy B]

I accidentally got responsibility with my career.

[Killer Ben B]

Y' all really like, hold on. Y' all really need me? Like my friend said, we used to just be at a showtime, rinky dink job, clock in and kind of coast for the day and go home.

[Lex P]

But we also like to. This is just like a relationship when you can have the most horrible boyfriend. Then y' all break up and be like, oh, but this was so sweet. This was so. You don't remember how you were stressed because the rent was due, bills was due.

[Killer Ben B]

That's true.

[Lex P]

Shit wasn't peachy. It's just looking like back on it. It's like, it looks good now because of what you're doing now.

[Killer Ben B]

I think this is hard now, right?

[Mandy B]

So now eggs is $36. We just in a different economy.

[Lex P]

Life was hard. When I moved to Atlanta and I talking about I had $3, I would never go back to that. I'm sorry. Yes. I didn't have responsibility, but I still got my same le said whoever said.

[Mandy B]

Money didn't buy happiness is cash.

[Lex P]

Y' all see this wig?

[Kiki Said]

It might not buy happiness, but it showed on by stress.

[Mandy B]

Listen, I know that's funny.

[Killer Ben B]

There's a quote that says money don't buy happiness, but poverty doesn't buy anything. Now, I never said I didn't want the money. Come on now. I never said I didn't want the money.

[Mandy B]

Okay?

[Killer Ben B]

I'm not mad at that. I'm being challenged a lot more now in the work that I do and in my life. Like my friend said, figuring out taxes and I really had to mourn that. That part of you is kind of over. You're not gonna be traveling around and going to stay in Atlanta. Cause you feel like it or going, that's not your life no more.

[Mandy B]

If you could leave. And I guess I'm will wrap with this. If you could tell your teenager, 20 something year old self something that wasn't told to you, what would it be?

[Killer Ben B]

I don't know about that wasn't told to me because it was very much told to me. I told you.

[Mandy B]

You just listen.

[Killer Ben B]

Yeah, yeah. My, my. The women in my family been telling me for a long time, get you some money.

[Lex P]

Okay.

[Killer Ben B]

Get you some. Get your own money. Money will open doors. Like we just said that a lot of stuff cannot open. And when I was younger, I just, I wanted money. And I knew I wanted money and all that, but I wasn't really actively doing the things I needed to do to go get it and to understand it. My retirement. I'm late in the retirement game. Like, I know people that have been saving 401k since their very first job at 16. That wasn't me, baby. I need all that. Take them 401k deductions off the. So I wish I would have did stuff like that, you know, kind of set myself up more because now I kind of feel like I'm playing and I'm doing well, but I still, I feel like I'm kind of trying to play catch up to my peers, some of my peers. So it's not a good feeling. So I wish I would have took certain things a little more serious.

[Mandy B]

You wish you would have said get you some money. What about you, Lex?

[Lex P]

Kind of the same thing. But I wish I would have had more confidence and been more focused. Cause I feel like now, as crazy as it sounds, I've been doing Poor moms for so long, but I was so scared to start Love Lex P. And it's crazy because I've only been doing Love Lex P for about three months now. And I've had so many opportunities come in that I'm working on and things coming up. If I would have had the confidence to just start a podcast or something when I was like 25 and been focused and, you know, where would I be now? 10 years in the game. But I'm always grateful because it's supposed to happen. I have the best co host and fucking business partner that anybody could ever ask for. It's amazing. So I'm not mad at it, but I'm like, damn, Draya, if we would have met and we would have been focused, imagine where we would be now. But that's probably what I would say. But I'm still happy where I'm at and I feel like it's a lesson in everything.

[Kiki Said]

So yeah, I do wish I had more confidence in myself and not always feeling like I need to do something with somebody else. I need somebody to help me. But at the same time, I do wish that I understood networking more and I did things like buy the book as you're supposed to. You go to college, you get your degree, you do your internships, you do all these things and it should lead you to the path that you want for your career. But what I would wasn't doing was making sure that not only did I meet people, but maintain those connections. And I wish I would have done a better job at that. I think it would have helped me and then just having more confidence to do things on my own and not always waiting for somebody else. Even before I started Cocktails, I wanted to do a podcast. When I found out about podcasts, the Read was the first podcast shout out.

[Lex P]

To Krystal and Fury.

[Kiki Said]

My friend Candace was like, I think you would like this show. It's a podcast. And I was like, what's a podcast? And she tells me, sends me the link. I'm listening to it. I loved it. It got me through a job I hate because at that point, I had a couple of years to catch up on. But I tried different names. I tried a ton of different people. Even when I started Cocktails, I had three co hosts. Y' all probably even know that it was two niggas and another girl. And it's just like Destiny's Child. People was rotating in and out.

[Mandy B]

But that's funny.

[Kiki Said]

I wish that I would have stuck to my own guns with my initial thought for the show and how I wanted it to go. And I wish that I wouldn't have waited so long to even start it. I wish that I wasn't waiting on other people to give me opportunities. And I try to tell people, people that stop waiting on everybody else to give you a chance. If you believe in yourself and you think you can do it, just do it. If the opportunity is not there, make it. It's so much easier to do things now with the Internet than it was before. So I just wish, you know, all of that and I should have been saving some money. I still need to work on that. I ain't learned that yet.

[Mandy B]

What about you for me? Because I said this probably in year one of horrible decisions, and it was one of the most ignorant things I said based on how far I've come in the last four years.

[Kiki Said]

The most.

[Mandy B]

Yes, one of the most. I would say, because I'm a millennial, like these niggas I won't date, that I should have gotten to therapy much earlier to forgive my younger self and the decisions that were being made. I like to forget her. And when I say her, my teenage self, the woman in my 20s. And so I'm learning to love that person. For I'm here where I'm at because of her. And so. So navigating my twenties with the baggage of trauma, with the regret, with my family issues and all those things, I think I could have been more confident back to what y' all said and more sure of who I was instead of seeking so much validation from men and People that shouldn't have gotten to smell my ass to be very clear. And so. So for me in your 20s there, I would just recommend therapy. Yes, I agree. We don't have ads here yet, so.

[Lex P]

Go to better, betterhelp, betterhelp.com period.

[Mandy B]

But, but to me, I think that we're getting into therapy a little late.

[Killer Ben B]

I think so too. Because now we unpacking too.

[Mandy B]

We unpacking decades.

[Kiki Said]

If we had packed earlier, we wouldn't have to be unpacking so much.

[Mandy B]

There would have been, I think it would have been a little bit easier to guide me into where I' now and I would have been able to know myself way better had I gone earlier. So that would be my advice to myself. I want to ask the audience, do you feel pressured for your life to be at a certain level, whether professionally or personally, by your 30s? Or are you comfortable with aging and the unpredictability it brings? I'm still, I still don't know where I'm at with that. I'm battling. I'll be 35 this year. And I'm like, oh, my mama called me 35 on the phone and I said, bitch, I'm 34.

[Killer Ben B]

I'm with some respect on my 34.

[Mandy B]

I said, put some respect on my 34. Anyways, before we get out of here, I want everyone to be able to drop where my audience can listen to you more and your opinions, your views, your thoughts, your concerns on all things.

[Kiki Said]

Okay, you can listen to me on cocktails, dirty discussions. And then I have a new podcast that will be launching sometime in May. I don't know, just follow me on Instagram to find out. Ikea, he said so. But it is called the Exo man podcast and I am exclusively interviewing black men. I don't know how they put it together. I've been learning a lot about them. They're very interesting creatures, but I'm talking to them about different aspects of black masculinity from their point of view instead of us telling them, as a man, you should. Because I can't stand when somebody tells me maybe. So I'm talking to them and they need therapy too, so they need to go to betterhelp.com Anyway, those episodes will be dropping audios on Tuesday, Wednesday it will be the video. It comes out sometime spring summer. Spring summer. It's not just my show. So I am the only host though. But you gotta wait.

[Mandy B]

I love it. Alright Lex, go ahead and your roller dance.

[Lex P]

Yeah, so Monday, love Lexp drops every morning 10am Then on Wednesdays, we have travel Queens. That is on bet her. Yes. And then Fridays, Poor Minds drops every morning. Audio 10am visuals at 7pm and make sure my co host, Drea, she has a YouTube channel, so y' all go follow her. Drea Nicole with three Es. I'm also wearing her lip line. Muse Beauty. So y' all go check that out. Muse beautycollection.com period.

[Killer Ben B]

Okay?

[Mandy B]

Period.

[Killer Ben B]

Boo.

[Mandy B]

And come on, Kelly Killer.

[Killer Ben B]

Well, go to high main point. Keep watching them videos on YouTube. Keep running it up my old podcast. And then I have my new project coming out, which is kind of gonna be like a lifestyle. Think Martha Stewart meets Wendy Williams.

[Mandy B]

I love it.

[Killer Ben B]

It's gonna be called Honeycomb. Yeah. So I'll be doing, like, cooking. I always do dinner parties at my house and stuff. So be documenting all that. It'll be. And then, of course, it'll be some potting on there. So Honeycomb coming soon.

[Mandy B]

I love, love. And as y' all know, you can catch me every Monday. Decisions, decisions. Make sure you get my book, no Holes Barred, available for pre order now. We are also going on tour, so if you haven't yet, go to nhbtour.com for that book. And again, if you want to see the video of selective ignorance, make sure you join us on Patreon. We're also beginning our live town halls this month, so y' all get to join me in being fucking ignorant. I love it. Y' all also can talk to me daily on the Discord if you are a patron. So make sure y' all go. Go on over to patreon.com SelectiveIgnorance I hope that y' all didn't miss Jason and Aking too much this episode, but.

[Lex P]

We ain't wanna hear from you niggas.

[Mandy B]

There was enough women to keep up with our topic.

[Lex P]

Can I say something real quick? I just had a full circle moment. And I know I give y' all yalls flowers so much. Kiki and Mandy. Cause when I first got in this game, I remember coming to a horrible decision. Keke, you and Medina had opened up, and I was just like, oh, my God, I hope I can do that one day. And it is honestly, y' all showing up. Keke, you moderated the travel queens. You did amazing. Mandy, you showed up for me. So I really just wanted to say thank y' all so, so much. Cause I really, if I'm being honest, me and Dre wouldn't even be in this space if y' all didn't welcome us with open arms. So I really just wanted to say thank y' all and I appreciate it.

[Killer Ben B]

Why you want to be like me? Because I was definitely about to say, Mandy, thank you for letting me get on this mic.

[Kiki Said]

Yes.

[Mandy B]

First off, I. I find you to be fucking hilarious. And much like Lex, who I've always seen the talent from her tweets before we knew what a goddamn podcast was. I love seeing women just be unapologetically themselves and navigate life in a way to where I've been able to see you Transcend from your 20s to working at goddamn Massage Envy to now being a multimillionaire. Same shit. Go get y' all one waxes.

[Killer Ben B]

Need a little wax. So now having to now saying watch my show on BET from having only $3 you with your book. Don't, don't. I'm not going to talk something about this book, cuz that's crazy to me. And I could go down your res. All y' all resumes, y' all need sold out tours. Now you got a new pod coming out. You did that. Moderation. Like, I'm just. I'm just happy to be here with you.

[Mandy B]

I'm so proud to be sharing mics and sharing space with all of you.

[Kiki Said]

I think that's so important and that's something that I love about you guys, like not being gatekeepers. Always helping. I think it's very important to show up for people. If I can make it, I'm coming. I will be in the audience and I'm rooting people on. And I hate that there's this idea that women can't support each other, especially women in the same space. And I am so against that. I think that we have to support each other.

[Mandy B]

There's enough space, money, and audience for us all. And as y' all keep aging, so do our audience. Okay, anyways, y', all, you can hate it or could love it. Either way. Are you choosing to be selectively ignorant or are you choosing to be educated? See you guys next week.

[Kiki Said]

Bye.

[Killer Ben B]

Thanks, Mandy.

[Mandy B]

Bye.

[Lex P]

Thanks for tuning in. The Selective ignorance of Mandy B. Selective Ignorance is executive produced by Mandy B. And it's a full Court Media Studio production with lead producers Jason Rodriguez. That's me. And Aaron A. King Howard. Now do us a favor and rate, subscribe, comment and share wherever you get your favorite, favorite podcast. And be sure to follow Selective Ignorance on Instagram at selective underscore ignorant. And of course, if you're not following our host, Mandy B. Make sure you're following her at Fullcourt Pumps. Now, if you want the Full video experience of Selective Ignorance. Make sure you subscribe to the Patreon it's patreon.com backslash selective ignorance.

[Mandy B]

It's your girl, Mandy B. And you just checked out my new podcast, Selective Ignorance. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure you head on over and hit that subscribe button. And check out Selective Ignorance every Tuesday and every Friday, wherever you listen to your favorite podcast.

[Commercial Announcer]

What a matchup we got, y'.

[Lex P]

All.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Mandy B]

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[Audiobook Club Host]

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[Mandy B]

Ah, greetings from my bath, festive friends.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Lex P]

Most most of my money getting 5% cash back when I pay in 4. No fees, no interest.

[Mandy B]

I used it to get this portable spa with jets.

[Commercial Announcer]

Now the bubbles can cling to my sculpted but pruny body.

[Lex P]

Make the most of your money this holiday with PayPal. Save the offer in the app ends.

[Mandy B]

12:31 see paypal.com promoter points can be redeemed for cash and more.

[Lex P]

Paying for subject to terms and approval.

[Mandy B]

PayPal Inc. And MLS 910457.

[Lex P]

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[Mandy B]

Is not diamonds her lawyers from executive.

[Commercial Announcer]

Producer Ryan Murphy comes a fiery new legal drama.

[Lex P]

It's our own boutique women representing women you can't afford to miss.

[Commercial Voice]

Make it rain Showtime, ladies.

[Kiki Said]

Stand up straight and breeze into that.

[Mandy B]

Room like a storm no one saw coming.

[Commercial Announcer]

Hulu Original Series All's Fair now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers.

[Lex P]

Terms apply.

[Kiki Said]

This is an I Heart podcast.