Podcast Summary

Podcast: Decisions, Decisions
Episode: Selective Ignorance | Are We Racing Against Our Own Biological Clock feat. Lex P, Kiki Said So & KillahBee
Host: Mandy B
Guests: Kiki Said So (Cocktails: Dirty Discussions), Lex P (Poor Minds, Love Lex P, Travel Queens), KillahBee (High Maintenance, Honeycomb)
Date: November 18, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of Selective Ignorance, a segment within the Decisions, Decisions podcast, features Mandy B diving into the myths and realities of turning 30 and navigating womanhood in one’s 30s and beyond. Mandy is joined by three women in their mid-30s, each bringing their own nontraditional take on relationships, career, fertility, aging, and societal pressures. The discussion is candid, often humorous, and unflinchingly honest, challenging listeners to deconstruct patriarchal and cultural narratives around aging women.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Busting Myths About Women Turning 30

• Common Societal Myths (05:32)

  • The “shriveled up hag” myth (decline of desirability after 30)
  • The “end of youth” myth (expectations for maturity, appropriate appearance)
  • Pressures to be settled: housewife, married, kids, or C-suite exec by 30
  • The idea of “geriatric” pregnancy and loss of fertility after 35
  • Instant adulting: by 30, you should have life figured out and be out of your hoe phase

• Panel's Position: All panelists disagree with these restrictive narratives and share how they’ve internalized and then let go of these expectations.

2. Introducing the Panel – Life Status Check-in

• Ages & Relationship Status (08:29–11:48)

  • Kiki Said So: 36, dog mom, single (“I’ll be single till I’m married... I like to skip everything in between.” – 10:05)
  • Mandy B: 34, cat mom, in a relationship but doesn’t want marriage or children.
  • Lex P: 35, no kids but open (“Do I want children? Maybe. Going with the flow.” – 11:19), in an “understanding” relationship, wants marriage.
  • KillahBee: Mid-30s, no kids (nor wants any), single.

• Societal Judgement: Even as successful, happy women, society perceives them as “old, withered, and unwed” (12:06).

3. Fear and Acceptance of Turning 30

• Initial Apprehensions (12:51–14:44)

  • Kiki’s confession: “I was scared about turning 30. When I turned 30, I wasn’t where I wanted to be, so I just said I was 30 forever.” (09:05)
  • Social and family pressure causes fear—comparison to peers with traditional lives.
  • The traditional "American Dream" life model (“Everyone is a teacher, married a banker, with two kids and a house where all 20 of them look just alike" – 14:17, KillahBee).

• Finding Confidence Later:

  • “I was so scared leading up to 30, but once I got there, I had an epiphany. Bitch, what the fuck are you scared of? Life is going good.” – Kiki (14:44)
  • Rejection of the idea that being a certain age dictates ending the “hoe phase” or needing to act a certain way.
  • Lex P: “Aging is beautiful. Do it gracefully, because it’s coming.” (12:51)

4. Can You Age Out of the "Hoe Phase"?

• Panel Consensus:
  • No such thing as too old to explore or enjoy sex, as long as you’re safer and more discerning with age.
  • “As you get older, you should get wiser and be a safer hoe.” – Kiki (17:14)
  • “Discernment!” – Lex P & Kiki (17:20)
  • “Society would be better if we all realized everybody doesn’t want the same thing.” – Lex P (17:47)

5. Family & Cultural Pressures: Kids, Marriage, and "Legacy"

• Family Conversations (19:01–21:49)
  • Family reactions are changing; older women in the family often now encourage focusing on self first.
  • “When you’re 30, you haven’t even lived half your life.” – Lex P’s aunt (19:24)
  • Anecdotes about families caring more about seeing grandkids than supporting marriage.
  • The disconnect between being referred to as a “special friend” at family events and being pressured to have children without any commitment.

6. Fertility, Aging, and Women’s Health Myths

• Fertility & "High-Risk" Pregnancy (Geriatric Childbirth) (27:41–33:16)

  • Mandy references data: More babies are now being born to women 40+ than to teens.
  • Myths about fertility drop-off and “geriatric” labeling after 35.
  • Advances in options: IVF, artificial insemination, etc.
  • The lack of education/hospital support for women’s health issues, like fibroids—Lex P shares a personal story about undiagnosed fibroids and the medical system brushing off symptoms (29:44).

• Black Women’s Health Disparity (29:44–32:33)

  • “Fibroids are so serious, especially in black women.” – Lex P (29:34)
  • Healthcare professionals often ignore Black women’s complaints of pain.

7. Societal Shifts: Modern Womanhood, Relationships & Partnership

• Changing Standards (38:59–47:16)

  • Modern women are increasingly childfree and unmarried by choice, and many men are also questioning traditional roles.
  • “Thirty isn’t a death wish. You don’t have to write your wills and be like, ‘Oh, I’m finna croak and die.’” – Lex P (38:59)
  • The rise of successful, visible older women: Nia Long, Halle Berry, Angela Bassett, JLo.

• Dating Younger & The Double Standard (40:44–44:01)

  • Discussion on Tracee Ellis Ross dating younger men and women's preferences for younger vs older men.
  • “A lot of men my age are steeped in toxic masculinity… I’ve long past the age where I feel like it’s my job to teach or grow them up.” – Mandy read from Tracee Ellis Ross (39:34)
  • The “grooming” debate is explored; the consensus is that, for adults, agency matters more than the age gap.

8. Power Dynamics, Money & Partnership

• Women Out-Earning Men (45:01–47:16)
  • Women earn degrees and income at higher rates; this leads to new insecurities and dynamics in dating.
  • “We have to date men who are ambitious and go-getters as we are. But honestly, it’s hard because most of the time, they are intimidated by it.” – Lex P (47:06)

9. Partnership vs. Traditional Provider Roles

• Table Stakes for Relationships (54:01–56:09)
  • The group wants partnership, not providers—willing to share financial responsibility but not at the cost of losing independence or picking up a dependent.
  • “I want a partnership. I don’t necessarily want a provider, I just want partnership.” – Lex P (54:35)
  • Lex and Kiki push back on the “legacy” logic for having kids, arguing that impact is not defined by offspring.

10. Marriage, Prenups, and Future Planning

• Marriage as Legal/Social Security (56:12–60:56)

  • Most support prenups for mutual protection (56:36–57:16).
  • Cautionary tales of unmarried long-term partners being left with no rights—marriage offers legal protections, especially when it comes to health and decision-making.

• Historical Context (60:48–61:00)

  • Women’s financial independence is a recent thing. Anecdotes about grandmothers unable to access bank accounts independently as recently as the 1970s.

11. The Realities—And Joys—of Aging

• Fear of Aging vs. Embracement (61:00–68:02)

  • Most panelists admit fearing “aging out” in career/life, but acknowledge that their 30s have brought more confidence, money, wisdom, and fulfillment.
  • “You can’t age out if you’re authentically who you are. How can I age out of being me?” – Lex P (61:42)
  • Discussion of “Auntie” status, embracing becoming mentors and role models. (65:15)
  • “We have to learn how to embrace the inevitable… getting older is beautiful.” – Lex P (64:43)

• Letting Go of the Past (68:41–70:01)

  • Mourning the freedom of your 20s vs. celebrating new responsibilities and achievements ("That part of you is kind of over... you’re not gonna be traveling around, that’s not your life no more." – KillahBee, 70:01)

12. Final Reflections: Advice to Younger Selves & Listeners

• Advice to Younger Selves (70:18–75:44)

  • Save and understand money/retirement early.
  • Cultivate confidence and focus on your dreams, rather than waiting for external validation.
  • The importance of networking and maintaining relationships.
  • Going to therapy earlier (“I should have gotten therapy much earlier to forgive my younger self and the decisions that were being made.” – Mandy B, 74:22)

• Question to Audience: (76:03)

  • Do you feel pressured for your life to be at a certain level by your 30s? Are you comfortable with aging and its unpredictability?

Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “[Aging] is beautiful. Do it gracefully, because it’s coming… I love being 35. Some people don’t make it to 35.” – Lex P (12:51)
• “There’s no age on being a hoe. If you want to have sex, if you want to explore, do it. There’s no age on that.” – Kiki Said So (17:23)
• “Y’all can see my legacy: it’s on Bet Her, Travel Queens. My legacy is on YouTube. Y’all can see it.” – Lex P & Killer Ben B (34:10)
• “Your legacy is what you do on this earth; how you make people feel, how you treat people, the work that you do. It’s not the kids you make.” – Killer Ben B (35:06)
• “Thirty isn’t a death wish. ...I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been in my entire life at 35 years old.” – Lex P (38:59)
• “We have to date men who are ambitious and go-getters as we are. But honestly, it’s hard because most of the time, they are intimidated by it.” – Lex P (47:06)
• “You can’t age out if you’re authentically who you are.” – Lex P (61:42)
• “Stop waiting on everybody else to give you a chance. If you believe in yourself and think you can do it, just do it.” – Kiki Said So (73:35)
• “I should have gotten into therapy much earlier to forgive my younger self and the decisions that were being made.” – Mandy B (74:22)
• “There’s enough space, money, and audience for us all. And as y’all keep aging, so do our audience.” – Mandy B (81:23)

Important Segment Timestamps

• Intro to Today’s Topic & Myths about Women Turning 30: 05:32–08:29
• Panel Introductions: 08:29–11:48
• Societal/Familial Pressures & the Reality of Aging: 12:06–16:24
• The Hoe Phase Conversation: 16:59–17:47
• Fertility and Women’s Health: 27:41–33:16
• Modern Relationships, Money, and Power Dynamics: 45:01–47:16
• Marriage, Prenups, and Security: 56:09–61:00
• Aging: Fear vs. Embracing It: 61:00–68:02
• Advice to Younger Selves: 70:18–75:44

Memorable Moments

• Kiki hilariously revealing her “daughter” is her dog and how she uses ChatGPT as a “homegirl” (09:27).
• Confessionals about skipping saying their real age or lying about being 30 for years (09:05, 13:46).
• Lex’s story about a “fibroid the size of a melon” going undiagnosed for years (29:44).
• The group riffing on “legacy” logic and dragging the myth that having a child guarantees carrying on a personal legacy, even referencing Michael Jordan and Oprah (34:35–36:56).
• The concept that aging fear is often “ignorance is bliss” and resisting the loss of carefree times, but celebrating becoming mentors (“auntie”) for future generations (62:16–65:30).

Closing Thoughts

This episode powerfully dismantles the urgency and shame society places on women to fit a certain mold by 30, instead championing self-definition, community, and continual growth. The panel uses wit, shared experience, and vulnerability to challenge outdated narratives while uplifting the power of agency, sisterhood, and self-acceptance at any age.

Call to Action:
Listeners are encouraged to reflect: Are you living by others’ timelines, or embracing the unpredictability and fulfillment of aging on your own terms?

Find the guests and their shows:

• Kiki Said So: Cocktails: Dirty Discussions; upcoming Exo Man podcast
• Lex P: Poor Minds, Love Lex P, Travel Queens on BET Her
• Killer Ben B: High Maintenance (YouTube), upcoming Honeycomb

Host:

• Mandy B – Decisions, Decisions podcast and the book No Holes Barred