You've Got Decisions: Am I A Bad Friend?

Summary

Decisions, Decisions: Episode Summary – "Am I A Bad Friend?"

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Podcast Information:

• Title: Decisions, Decisions
• Hosts: Mandii B and WeezyWTF
• Produced by: The Black Effect and iHeartPodcasts
• Release Date: April 16, 2025
• Episode Title: You've Got Decisions: Am I A Bad Friend?

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Introduction

In this compelling episode of Decisions, Decisions, hosts Mandii B and WeezyWTF delve into the complexities of maintaining friendships amidst life's evolving circumstances. Titled "Am I A Bad Friend?", the episode addresses a heartfelt listener query that resonates with many navigating the challenges of sustaining meaningful connections in adulthood.

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Listener's Dilemma: Feeling Abandoned in Friendships ([03:56])

The episode centers around a poignant question submitted by a listener grappling with feelings of abandonment from her close friends. The listener, recently divorced and about to graduate with her master's degree, expresses concern that her friends—now married and with children in different states—have not made significant efforts to maintain their relationships. She wonders:

• Am I asking too much?
• Am I a bad friend?
• Should they do more?

Quote:

Weezy: "I think you have to show up for a friend, you know, through the best and the worst times."
[06:24]

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Analyzing the Situation

Mandii and Weezy explore the listener's feelings, emphasizing the importance of communication and understanding in friendships. They acknowledge the listener's legitimate desire for more meaningful interactions and validate her feelings of loneliness and neglect.

Key Points:

1. Expressing Feelings Without Blame ([08:12]):

   • Mandii suggests initiating an open conversation where the listener can share her feelings without accusing her friends. This approach fosters understanding rather than defensiveness.

   Quote:

   Mandii B: "It's about expressing how someone's actions make me feel, not demeaning them."
   [08:24]

2. Understanding Life Changes ([10:05]):

   • Weezy highlights that friends may be preoccupied with their own responsibilities, such as raising children or managing partnerships, which can inadvertently lead to less attention towards other friendships.

   Quote:

   Weezy: "Their own problems that they're trying to settle first before thinking about anybody else."
   [09:59]

3. Seeking New Connections ([11:31]):

   • The hosts encourage the listener to seek out new friendships that align more closely with her current lifestyle, especially since her friends' lives have diverged significantly.

   Quote:

   Weezy: "Find a new community to hang out with."
   [11:31]

4. Maintaining Existing Relationships ([12:46]):

   • Mandii shares her personal experience of maintaining multiple long-distance friendships, illustrating that with effort, it's possible to keep bonds strong despite geographical separations.

   Quote:

   Mandii B: "We FaceTime, War, we speak more on the phone. That's another way to maintain relationships without seeing people."
   [12:46]

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Hosts' Insights and Advice

Mandii and Weezy provide a compassionate roadmap for listeners facing similar struggles:

• Initiate Honest Conversations: Don't shy away from expressing your feelings. Let your friends know how their lack of effort impacts you emotionally.

• Empathy for Friends' Circumstances: Recognize that life transitions—like marriage, parenthood, and career changes—can strain friendships. Understanding their perspectives can lead to more effective communication.

• Expand Your Social Circle: Actively seek new friendships that resonate with your current life stage and interests. This doesn't diminish existing relationships but rather enriches your social support system.

Quote:

Mandii B: "As adults, we're allowed to find new friends. We don't have to shun our old friends because our lives start to look different."
[11:14]

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Personal Reflections and Community Building ([12:27] – [17:29])

The hosts share their own strategies for maintaining a broad network of friends, even across various states and life phases. They emphasize the value of cherishing long-standing friendships while also being open to forming new connections that meet their evolving needs.

Quote:

Weezy: "Hold dearly to your friends and make sure you do the approach right. It's not confrontational."
[15:47]

Mandii discusses her ability to balance multiple friendships through regular communication, such as phone calls and virtual meet-ups, underscoring that physical distance doesn't have to equate to emotional distance.

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Conclusion

In this episode of Decisions, Decisions, Mandii B and WeezyWTF offer thoughtful and actionable advice for individuals feeling sidelined in their friendships. By encouraging open dialogue, empathy, and the pursuit of new relationships, they provide a holistic approach to navigating the intricate landscape of adult friendships. Listeners are left with a sense of empowerment to address their own relational challenges with honesty and compassion.

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Key Takeaways:

• Communication is Crucial: Express your feelings openly to foster understanding.
• Empathize with Friends' Changes: Life transitions can impact how friendships are maintained.
• Seek Balance: Maintain cherished long-term friendships while building new connections that align with your current life.
• Proactive Efforts: Take initiative in organizing meet-ups or virtual hangouts to strengthen bonds.

By addressing these facets, Decisions, Decisions helps listeners navigate the delicate balance of sustaining meaningful friendships in a constantly changing world.

Transcript

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[Charlamagne Tha God]

Peace to the planet. I go by the name of Charlamagne Tha God. And guess what? I can't wait to see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right. We're coming Back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April 26th at Pullman Yards. And it's hosted by none other than Decisions Decisions, Mandy B. And Weezy. Okay, we got the R and B Money podcast with Tank and J. Valentine. We got the Woman of All podcast with Sarah Jake Roberts.

[Mandy B]

We got.

[Charlamagne Tha God]

We got Good Moms, Bad Choices, Carrie Champion will be there with her Neck in Sports podcast and the Trap Nerds podcast with more to be announced. And of course, it's bigger than podcast. We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with black owned businesses, plus the food truck court to keep you fed while you visit us. All right, listen, you don't want to miss this, tap in and grab your Tickets [e-mail] podcast festival.

[Mandy B]

If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible thruffle, guess what? You've got decisions. It's another. You got decisions. And it's your girl Mandy V. And I'm joined this week with Eden. That boy. What happened to that boy? Sorry. I can't even do the sorry. You know, I was just. I just saw Birdman at Dreamville. You already know. I was like, although I love juvenile more than anything. Oh, my goodness.

[Weezy]

Oh, yeah. That makes more sense to me.

[Mandy B]

Honestly, like, juvie had this aura that made me just like, got the aura. Girl, I ain't gonna hold you. I was. And I was a little high, but I saw juvie up there on that stage and I was like, I just know he was getting pussy between Slow motion rodeo and bat that ass up. Yeah, I don't even. He had Wilt Chamberlain numbers. I'm convinced, like, his aura right now. And he ain't got like, no, I already know them bitches in the 90s was throwing it, throwing that thing at juvie.

[Weezy]

Absolutely.

[Mandy B]

Like, oh my God. By the way, shout out to everyone, all the whorehive members that attended Dreamville Fest, fifth and final. Even though they coming back now, they tried to do the horrible decisions, rebrand. Like, I know it's the final, but nope, we're coming back. Of course, you know, we're out here, you know, giving people ideas, setting trends. Setting trends. Before we start this week's you've Got Decisions, wanna let you know that we have our pre order book available. Our book available for pre order. There we go. No holds barred. Available wherever you get your books. Make sure you pre order on Amazon, Barnes and Nobles or any of your local bookstores. Help us become New York Times bestsellers. And I wanted to do just this little thing this month where maybe we didn't lean fully into sex all the time.

[Weezy]

Sure.

[Mandy B]

And I love that you guys continue to send us all of these questions. You guys have seen us grow here on this pod. So I love that we're getting these types of questions. If you have a question that you want us to answer on, you got decisions make, make sure you send it ON over to decisionspodmail.com that's decisionspodmail.com now, this one is a cool one. Figured you could sit in and help me answer this one.

[Eden]

Let's do it.

[Mandy B]

The subject matter is, am I a bad friend?

[Eden]

Oof.

[Mandy B]

Now probably don't do that.

[Weezy]

If you got it right in, then.

[Mandy B]

Yeah, don't do that.

[Weezy]

I'm judging.

[Mandy B]

Out the gate.

[Weezy]

Yes.

[Mandy B]

Okay. Let's see if you still hold that when we get to reading it. Okay. Hey, Weezy and Mandy and Eden, My question is, am I asking too much? Am I a bad friend or should they do more? I'm divorced for a few years now and team fuck them. Kids like Mandy. I have two friends that I consider my best friends. They both live in different states and are married, partnered with children.

[Weezy]

Okay.

[Mandy B]

In the last few years, they have not made any effort to see me or show up for me. The times I have seen them, I've either gone to their city or they happen to be in my city for other reasons. Their wedding anniversary or to visit family. And I feel like seeing me was a matter of convenience slash afterthought, not.

[Weezy]

The coffee sip after that.

[Mandy B]

Am I being a bad friend for pulling away? For feeling like they don't make an effort to show up for me? I understand partners and kids are a priority, but not Once have they even said, like, hey, why don't you come visit and I'll make time to spend this weekend with you? I'm also graduating with my master's degree in a few months. Congratulations. And neither of them have mentioned doing anything to celebrate this yet. Of course, I have men in my DMs who are asking. Who are asking me what we can plan to celebrate.

[Weezy]

Girl, of course you are.

[Mandy B]

Girl, don't be bringing up these niggas. I always hear how you guys talk about the love you give friends and how it is reciprocated, but I feel that is lacking in my situation. Am I expecting too much? Am I a bad friend? Or should they do more from a friendless hoe?

[Weezy]

Oh, stop. See, now, that's an interesting. I mean, all right, maybe a disagreement. That's how she signed it.

[Mandy B]

That's how she signed it.

[Weezy]

Those are three great questions, though.

[Mandy B]

Okay, so let's start with, is she asking for too much? And the asking of too much is for her friends to seemingly at least show up and make her some sort of priority.

[Weezy]

Show more. Yeah, exactly. Help her feel more of a priority and help her celebrate, you know, good wishes, right? I don't think so. I don't think she's asking for too much.

[Mandy B]

Me neither.

[Weezy]

I don't think she's asking for too much. I think you have to show up for a friend, you know, through the best and the worst times. It's all. It's just there's a gauge and a spectrum for something like this.

[Mandy B]

Well, here's the thing, too. She mentioned that both of them live in different states.

[Weezy]

That's one.

[Mandy B]

So not only do they live in different states, they have partners and they have children.

[Weezy]

Oh, yeah.

[Mandy B]

So if we talk about the economy, Economy again. The terrorists, the terrorists, the terrorists. We just gotta bring up terrorists. You know, it could be a lot for someone to fit that into their budget. For one, with you not having children or a partner, you do have more leeway to kind of get up and go. And so I would start off first, because me and my friends talk to each other a lot. I would start off first with having the conversation with them.

[Weezy]

Exactly.

[Mandy B]

Like, girl, you wrote into. You got decisions as you should, but have you spoken to each of them and been like, yo, like, since my divorce, you know, it's been two years. I really feel like you haven't made an effort to link with me, to show up. We haven't made plans on a, you know, to take a trip also.

[Weezy]

I wouldn't go that Approach.

[Mandy B]

Personally, you wouldn't do that approach.

[Weezy]

I'd be like, hey, I would love to see y'all more like, in general, you know, ease it into, like that. Do you. Do you feel like you have to go in and be like, you guys aren't doing your part?

[Mandy B]

No, no, no.

[Weezy]

And y'all got two kids.

[Mandy B]

Hear me out, Hear me out. This is. This is where. This is. This is where listening skills helps. And hopefully your friends have comprehension skills. Okay. It's not that you're. You're demeaning them or telling them they're wrong. You're first starting with your feelings.

[Eden]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

And boy, have I been working in therapy with, trying to find ways. Because unfortunately, I too, feel like when I share how my feelings are or how someone's actions make me feel, they immediately get into defense, bruh.

[Weezy]

That's.

[Mandy B]

That's so fucking immature.

[Weezy]

You don't know what kind of nerve you just struck right now with me, because I'd be feeling the same way.

[Mandy B]

And so it actually becomes difficult. So to me, her expressing. She's writing us feeling like she's friendless.

[Eden]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

You have two friends.

[Eden]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

You're not friendless. Right. So I think to come and say, hey, a part of me feels abandoned in this relationship. It hurts me. I feel lonely. Like coming and expressing her feelings is not saying, you a fucked up ass, bitch, ass hoe. No, hey, I really look at you as my close friend since my divorce. I feel as though we haven't got to see each other. And it really hurts me because I miss you. Like, I miss you as a woman. Like, we. I think that that's received. It's received easier to come out of front in that way than it is sometimes men. I can agree, so to say, I really miss you. I want to see you. But also, dang, bitch, you ain't coming seeing me. Like, how can we make that happen? Let's plan a trip. So you could always lead with your emotions about how lonely abandon. And even if you're angry or mad about it, you can express those things. Tell your friend, and then see what their response is. Because the response may be like, bitch, I haven't really told you, but I got, you know, we not doing well financially, so that's something that I can't do. Or, girl, my kid is being bad as fuck and I gotta do this. Or, you know, they might have their.

[Weezy]

Own problems that they're trying to settle first before thinking about anybody else, you know, and that's just the reality. Right?

[Mandy B]

I mean, the reality Two kids. Well, bruh, the reality of it is too. And I'm experiencing it right now where I'm 34. Majority now of my friends are partnered and or with kids. Majority of them single moms. Yeah. I am actually also feeling like, damn, I don't relate the same to all my friends as they're now getting where their children are older and they're having to go to more things. I'm realizing in myself, I don't care to see their stories as much anymore because their lives are so different. And so the fact that you're also team Fuck them kids and they have kids. I would suggest that you still maintain those friendships, but maybe you start seeking out friends that align more with you. You don't have a friend, you don't have kids.

[Weezy]

At the same time.

[Eden]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

As adults, we're allowed to find new friends.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

And we're not. We don't have to shun our old friends because our lives start to look different.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

So I don't think you need to look at yourself as a bad friend. But I think you need to do the inner work to realize, okay, I don't have a partner, I don't have kids. These girls live in a different state. Let me think of what type of. What type of circle or people I want around me.

[Weezy]

Find a new community to hang out with.

[Mandy B]

Find your community.

[Weezy]

That's it.

[Mandy B]

Find your community.

[Weezy]

What were the three questions she asked? Cause I did like how she broke it down like that. It was, is she a bad friend?

[Mandy B]

Is she asking for too much? Is she a bad friend? Or should they do more?

[Weezy]

Okay, so should they do more as an interesting piece as well. Right. Because of. Again, I'm gonna keep going back to the whole child thing. I think they should do more at the same time. Because if you're feeling kind of abandoned like that, at the same time, it's also them being transparent, like, hey, I don't have the time for this stuff. I can't make that happen again. You mentioned the whole fact that they're in two different states. You gotta accept the reality that you both now live different lifestyles and that you gotta go find new friends. That's it.

[Mandy B]

And I know that when we get older, like, it seems like it's so difficult to make new friends, and it's really not like I know a lot of people that.

[Weezy]

Well, everybody ain't you, girl?

[Mandy B]

I was about to say. I was about to say, I got 11 best friends. My boyfriend is like, I do not understand how you juggle so Many best friends. And all of my best friends live in different states. I mean, now that I'm back in Atlanta, like, I. I'm surrounded more by, like, three to four of my core, core best friends, which I love.

[Weezy]

That's actually really dope.

[Mandy B]

I love being. Oh, me and my best friend, we go to the belt line all the time. But, like, there have been years where we lived so far from each other. Like, she lived with a partner in Europe, and I saw her only during the summer while she was in that relationship. And we just. We FaceTimed war. We spoke more on the phone. Like, that's another thing. There's ways to maintain and be fulfilled in relationships without seeing people.

[Eden]

True.

[Mandy B]

You know what I mean? You feel me?

[Weezy]

Also, it's interesting that she mentioned the whole her getting her master's degree was, again, congratulations. It's like, does that stuff come up in conversation? What are we waiting for to make that convo happen? You know what I'm saying? But also, are they supposed to know that off rip?

[Mandy B]

Well, I'm sure that they know that she's in a master's program. If these are her best friends, they know that she's in school. Right. However, I agree with you.

[Weezy]

Like, what are the expectations?

[Mandy B]

What are the expectations of what does a celebration look like? Is it because they're in different states? Because you want to know what's crazy? My. My really, really, really good friend, she got. I mean, in terms of celebration, I would say she got a master's. I. I could talk about the last few things. Baby showers, gender reveals, graduating from nursing school.

[Weezy]

Nice.

[Mandy B]

There's been a few things. And you know what a celebration looked like for them, Me being in attendance.

[Weezy]

Yeah. So that's really. I mean. I mean, I'm not gonna lie. And then to the shorty's point, that's really what she wants.

[Mandy B]

But no, she's like, n is in my DMs asking how we celebrate.

[Weezy]

That's different. They trying to fuck.

[Mandy B]

But that's what I'm saying. I like what you said. Are what. What do your expectations in your mind look like of a celebration? Like, are they saying they're not even gonna attend your graduation? Or are they saying they're not taking you on a trip or buying you a gift or taking you out to the club to pop bottles? What does celebrating you in this moment look like? Because for a lot of my friends, it was me just showing up and being present that they felt celebrated.

[Weezy]

So also, are they in neighboring states? Are they coast to coast Those are big elements. You know what I'm saying?

[Mandy B]

It is.

[Weezy]

Because what if I'm in New York City?

[Mandy B]

Is the flight $200 or $600?

[Weezy]

Exactly. That's where I'm like. And plus it ain't just the $200 plus, let's say it's every kid plus mom.

[Mandy B]

No, no, no. Hopefully if they got good partners, they can lead the kids at home or get. But then that's the thing. There's babysitters, there's childcare. There's just so many things that I do think, if anyone's listening to this, including the reader, I do think that now that you are divorced with no kids, you, because you have more time, you may not be considering. You're literally not considering the livelihoods or lifestyles and what your friends are dealing with on a day to day in their lives.

[Eden]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Because now you a little bit more free.

[Weezy]

Yeah, girl. Go find new friends.

[Mandy B]

Go find new friends.

[Weezy]

Hold dearly to your friends.

[Mandy B]

Hold dearly to these friends. Thank you.

[Weezy]

And also make sure you do the approach not well. It's confrontational, quote unquote. Right. Go talk to them. Tell them how you're feeling, because that matters. And I bet you it would matter to them too. I bet you they didn't even know that that's how I, I feel like that happens often.

[Mandy B]

That's why I said my first thing was to have a conversation.

[Weezy]

Yeah. Have that convo and then go.

[Mandy B]

I think when it comes to friendships, best friends, it's really important to share how they make you feel in certain instances on whether either their actions of doing something or their actions of not doing something. And in this instance, it's clearly how they're not showing up. Express it. Continue writing in so we can, you know, spit a tea. We're your friends now, you know. But I would say definitely it's important to have those conversations. And the older we get, the. I think the more important it is to cherish these long standing friendships. Absolutely.

[Weezy]

Do you not have friends that you haven't spoken to in a long time, but they, like you, hold them dear to your heart still?

[Mandy B]

Yeah, but it's weird too. I don't know how I navigate keeping up with my 11 best friends. And to be fair, some of them, 11 is sick. Sometimes we. Some of them. Sometimes we only talk like once a month.

[Weezy]

Yeah, see, but that's what I'm saying. Right.

[Mandy B]

And sometimes I'm able to see one more than the other. But no, like a lot of my friendships, 10 plus years.

[Eden]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

Easy, easy. And we respect each other, we love each other, and we know that life be lifein'we. Know that life literally be lifein'so. Hopefully we were able to help you a little bit on that. Hopefully anyone else out there struggling with maintaining friendships, you know who's a new.

[Weezy]

Friend that she can get, no holds barred.

[Mandy B]

Here we go. Here we go. No holes. Fired to be your friend.

[Weezy]

There you go.

[Mandy B]

Pre order our book, no Holds Fired. Or if you want new friends, if you listen to this show and you not a patron, get your ass over there on the Patreon. Patreon.com Horrible decisions. Because if y'all are listening to this, Horrible Decisions did not go anywhere. We are just over on Patreon so you can get all the sex, all the kink, all the things over on the Patreon, as well as a fucking community, our Discord Channel. You can meet new friends over there, and it's really, really, really, really, really, really a dope community that we built. So shout out to the Whore Hive per usual. And again, make sure you pre order your book. Make sure you stay tuned in every week here to Decisions, Decisions every Monday, and you've got decisions every Wednesday. Anyways, guys, thank you all for tuning in. If you have a question, make sure you send it over to decisionspotmail.com and we are, um.