You've Got Decisions: Are We ENM Because I’m More Experienced ?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Decisions, Decisions

Episode: You've Got Decisions: Are We ENM Because I’m More Experienced?
Hosts: Mandii B & WeezyWTF
Network: The Black Effect Podcast Network & iHeartPodcasts
Date: April 1, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Mandii B and WeezyWTF tackle the nuances of ethical non-monogamy (ENM), focusing on the challenges that arise when partners have different levels of sexual experience. Using a listener's email as the central case study, the hosts unpack relationship dynamics, healing from past trauma, sexual boundaries, and what constitutes real expertise in non-traditional relationship models. With humor, candor, and sharp insight, they challenge assumptions and offer advice for listeners navigating similar situations.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener Letter Introduction & Background (06:30 - 10:09)

• The Backstory:
  • A listener describes being cheated on by a former fiancé, who also body-shamed her.
  • In her healing process, she chose sexual exploration—sleeping with multiple partners and later meeting her now boyfriend (recently divorced, with little sexual experience).
  • When they met, he was only on his third sexual partner, while she had been involved with a married lesbian couple as their unicorn.

Notable Quote:
"Girl, you are not ugly at all. You're getting all this ass." —Mandii B (08:21)

2. Transition to ENM & Anxiety about Experience Gaps (10:09 - 11:59)

• After becoming officially monogamous, her boyfriend expresses interest in opening the relationship for sexual exploration.
• She worries that his drive to open their relationship is motivated by his lack of experience compared to hers, and it sometimes feels like a competition.
• She wonders whether her experience actually grants her expertise in ENM and seeks the hosts' advice.

Notable Quote:
"Sometimes it feels like we are in a competition. And honestly, I don't care for it because I know I taught him everything. And regardless, I'm still the better partner sexually..."
—Listener’s Email (09:50)

3. Hosts’ Critique: Real Experience vs. Perceived Experience in ENM (10:10 - 12:56)

• Weezy’s Take: The listener may be under a mistaken impression of her "expertise" in ENM, having mostly been a unicorn (a third for other couples) rather than structuring boundaries with a primary partner.
• Mandii’s Take: Being a unicorn is not the same as having to do the emotional labor of negotiating boundaries, safety, and security within your own primary relationship.

Notable Quote:
"You’ve never technically had to engage and create boundaries and feel safe in a relationship where you’re ethically non-monogamous with one other person..."
—Weezy (11:25)

4. Trauma, Insecurity, and Emotional Safety (11:59 - 13:01)

• The hosts point out that unresolved trauma from past cheating could be influencing the listener’s need for safety and control in her new relationship.
• They highlight the crucial role of open, vulnerable communication around sexual health, boundaries, and feelings of inadequacy or insecurity.

5. Reflection on Healing, Self-Worth, and Motivation (18:56 - 21:49)

• Healing Through Sex?: The hosts debate whether engaging with many partners as a response to heartbreak actually aids healing. Weezy suggests it feels good in the moment (validation), while Mandii questions if it really resolves deep-seated self-worth issues.
• They caution against using relationships only as a way to recover from feelings of inadequacy, emphasizing the need for personal healing before entering complex dynamics like ENM.

Notable Quotes:
"Single is a superpower more than it is a death... This is actually lame, and being in a relationship that doesn't make me happy just so I'm not alone is not it." —Mandii B (20:20)

"Because you've had all these sexual partners... you feel like you know how to have an ethically non-monogamous relationship. And I believe you do not." —Weezy (21:03)

6. Advice: Building Real ENM Foundations (16:01 - 22:35)

• Don’t assume a high partner count equals preparedness for ENM with a primary partner.
• Clearly discuss boundaries, safety, and what would make both partners feel secure.
• Recognize when open relationships are being used to “catch up” or fulfill personal insecurity, as opposed to genuine mutual pleasure and consent.
• Mandii underlines that successful open relationships are about the shared joy of pleasure—not just the opportunity for more sexual partners. Otherwise, the relationship risks becoming transactional or unsafe.

Notable Quote:
"You have got to make sure this is an exchange of pleasure... This is so much more layered than threesomes and fun." —Mandii B (21:49)

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Memorable Moments & Quotes (with Timestamps)

• Mandii on Having "Experience":
  "It can make someone feel experienced, but it isn’t your own dynamic. So you really don’t know how this goes." (11:59)
• Wheezy’s Reality Check:
  "You’re in a realm where you’re still trying to find what makes you feel safe in the bedroom and how you can bring what more you want to a partner and be able to communicate that to me."
  (18:56)
• Mandii on Self-Worth & Singleness:'
  "Single is a superpower more than it is a death... you get to win. You get to have somebody. It’s a real thing. But the older you get…the more you sit with yourself, it’s kind of just like, ‘this is actually lame.’"
  (20:20)

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Key Takeaways

• Experience in unicorn roles doesn't equate to ENM expertise in primary partnerships.
• Open communication and healing from past traumas are fundamental before venturing into ENM.
• Boundaries and mutual pleasure—not competition or insecurity—should be at the core of any open relationship.
• Both hosts challenge gendered and patriarchal narratives, advocating for agency, honesty, and self-worth.

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Important Segments

• Listener Letter Read & Set-Up: 06:30 – 10:09
• ENM Expertise Critique: 10:10 – 12:56
• Healing, Boundaries, and Advice: 16:01 – 22:35

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This episode of "Decisions, Decisions" offered an honest, layered discussion on sex, relationships, healing, and the true meaning of ethical non-monogamy. Mandii and Weezy bring personal insight, humor, and tough love—making it essential listening for anyone considering ENM, or simply seeking healthier love and sex lives.

Transcript

[Podcast Host]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.

[Mandy B]

If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible thruffle, guess what?

[Wheezy]

You've got decisions. You got decisions. Yes, you do. No. Should we go out and come back in? I give up.

[Mandy B]

Can someone just make us a jingle? Do we need to do it on fiverr? Do we go on fiverr and be

[Wheezy]

like, I don't know, I did so

[Mandy B]

good, since that's what everybody else does.

[Wheezy]

Oh, wait, you. You paying the 20amonth for the chat GPT?

[Mandy B]

No, you can. I just typed in the website.

[Wheezy]

Not you got the basic. Girl, it ain't gonna do what you need to do. You gotta pay, you gotta pay.

[Mandy B]

Wait, can you create

[Wheezy]

a J? No. It's not just gonna jingle like, it might give you words for a podcast

[Mandy B]

about questions about sucking dirt, sex and

[Wheezy]

dating called you got Decisions. Wait, you gotta put the title.

[Mandy B]

Okay. Oh, I didn't, but these are good. Got a crush. Got a question. Situationship, confusion, late night text and mixed signals. Butterflies and bad decisions.

[Wheezy]

Oh, not.

[Mandy B]

They knew the name. Hold on. Wait. Can you create a jingle about sex?

[Wheezy]

Bro, this is so bad. You gotta know, bro. You gotta know how to prompt it though, too. Well, I don't use this.

[Mandy B]

I don't know. Okay, three day rule. Friends with benefits, feelings catching. Who's still matching What? Swipe right. Stay the night. Is it love or is it the vibe? Hot take heartbreak. Are we dating? Are we hanging?

[Wheezy]

You got decisions. Yeah, I don't like. I don't like that. I use mine because you know, me

[Mandy B]

and him go way back, 15 second radio style. You really gotta train these niggas.

[Wheezy]

No, that's what I'm saying. I'm gonna figure it out, y'. All Weezy doing love, lust and real life questions.

[Mandy B]

No shame, just real confessions.

[Wheezy]

I like that.

[Mandy B]

I like that too.

[Wheezy]

But I like that we might get with it. All right, y'.

[Mandy B]

All. With you, M. Dizzle.

[Wheezy]

What's the what? This ain't for that. If y' all want the update for me, take y' all asses over to the Pat Rion. Patreon.com. horrible decisions. That's where you going to get the tea, hun. That's where we keep it up to date, cuz.

[Mandy B]

You got a friend update or something? Cuz, I do. You remember my friend whose man got Ed? Okay, so if anybody's been dealing with dating somebody with Ed, I talked on a recent episode that we had with Serif doctor Basically to know shorter ought to know shorter. Okay? So when Sarah was on Dr. Sarah was on. Mandy posed the question about Ed. And basically what I was saying was, okay, you married your man after six. Six days and no sex. What about if he had ded? So Mandy brought it up because my friend is experiencing that. So she hits him up, and she's like, hey, I think we need to have a conversation. Because if we think to our sex life, is it really the ultimate pleasure that we both can receive? Let's have a chat about how we can make it better. I was like, okay, that's good. He writes back, what do you mean? And I said, oh, bitch, you playing? You've had a gummy dick for the three months we've been dating, and we gonna pretend it's hard. So they get on the phone, and she said. He started dancing around this shit and was like, oh, well, I think I'm having a whiskey dick situation. You know, most men get that. She says, no, most don't. Most do not. You do, but most do not. And so she said, I want you to get on something. He's like, oh, I've tried the Amazon, honey pack. She's like, no more Amazon. I want you to go to a doctor. So she said she has dates in her phone where her calendar is going to say to her, remind him. And then she has a final one that is in 12 days that's break up with him. And it's not if it gets hard or not. It's if he made the course correction.

[Wheezy]

It's if he. I'm not mad at that.

[Mandy B]

I'm not mad at that either. She's like, girl, the way that he spoke to me is if, like, she

[Wheezy]

was delusional, that she was that. So he might not even be in the phase of admitting that he has erectile dysfunction.

[Mandy B]

And she said that she got really upset in an argument they had or a conversation they had because he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, don't worry. It's me. It's you. And she was like, I know it's not me. He's like, well, I want to make sure you know it's not you. And she said I was. She's like, you know how many times I had to think of what to say so that you could come to the conclusion that is you and literally tell me what you gonna do to fix it. Like, stop trying to make me feel like I called you insecure, wondering if it's me. She's like, I know what this issue is, and you do, too. And we did A lot of little Googles together, her and I kind of just figuring out the percentage of men that suffer with this, what they should do. And she's like, worst fucking thing I've ever had to tell somebody. Worst thing ever. And I said, imagine on the flip side, if a man had to tell a woman about her ph,

[Wheezy]

which, I mean, we've actually had people write in and asking that. I mean, unfortunately, because our sexual health isn't something that we often talk about when something is wrong or not acting right or operating the way it should or smelling the way it should or, you know, it does become a little touchy sensitive of a topic, I think, for a lot of people, because we're not given the tools on how to have these conversations either. And it's embarrassing for some people. You know,

[Mandy B]

it is like. But that's the thing as adults, like, being able to come forth and talk about your issues together is so important because if you smell it, if you know, it ain't getting up. The other person, you fucking up.

[Wheezy]

The other person knows. The other person knows. Well, good luck to her. We might need that update in 12 days on what's happening.

[Mandy B]

We're on about day seven.

[Wheezy]

Listen, anyways, if you want us to help you with your dilemmas, send your email over to decisionspodmail.com wheezy and I, as unofficial experts to all of this shit, will give you our thoughts. And hopefully it helps you. Okay, now this one is interesting. The title is Are We Ethically Ethically Non Monogamous? Because I'm More Experienced. Let's get into it. Hey, Weezy and Mandy. My boyfriend and I have been dating for roughly a year. Here's the backstory. I was cheated on in October of 2024 by the person I thought I was going to marry. That man told me I was fat and unattractive instead of telling me he cheated. That was traumatic for me. Instead of telling me he cheated. I don't know. We'll see. Okay, whatever.

[Mandy B]

Wait. I'm like, wait, wait.

[Wheezy]

Headband told me I was fat and. And unattractive. Maybe that's why he said he cheated on her. But yeah, it was traumatic for her. So to recover, I decided I was going to sleep with whoever I wanted whenever. During this healing, girl, I don't know if that's the way to heal, but okay.

[Mandy B]

During this healing, crazy sister.

[Wheezy]

You know, during this healing, I met my now boyfriend. When I met him, bad and unattractive. When I met him, he was getting a divorce from his high school sweetheart and mother. Of his child. When he met me, I was the third person he ever slept with. He is in his mid-30s and I am in my late 20s. When we first started talking and casually fucking, I was sleeping with a married lesbian couple also.

[Mandy B]

Oh, bitch, you are not ugly at all. You getting all this ass.

[Wheezy]

He was down for it, but was a little upset because he couldn't join. He and I are rather kinky and love to play together. Once I ended things with the couple, we became officially monogamous. Roughly eight months pass and he decides he wants the ability to see other people but still loves me. He only wants them sexually or wanted me to have threesomes with him, but he just didn't make me feel safe in doing that. Like he would choose me over the other person no matter what is what he said. But.

[Mandy B]

Oh, sorry, I heard that wrong for a second.

[Wheezy]

Yeah, we broke up approximately three months where we were still seeing each other sexually and also seeing other people. Here is where I became a unicorn for two other couples during this time. As my boyfriend at the time my ex were still maintaining a good friendship and leading with open and honest conversations. We decided that we wanted to be together, but. But this time ethically non monogamous. For me, I never cared. I can be with a bunch of people or just one. As long as I'm happy and feel seen, it doesn't matter to me. For him, I knew it was harder because he just didn't have the experience. So now I'm worried that because of my sexual experience, he wants to try to get on the same level as me with that, with what I've done and who I've. Who I've had sexually and the amount of partners. I know he loves me and cares for me, but sometimes it feels like we are in a competition. And honestly, I don't care for it because I know I taught him everything. And regardless, I'm still the better partner sexually. I would love your thoughts on this. Now, ma'.

[Mandy B]

Am.

[Wheezy]

I feel like you're fucking delusional. Here's why.

[Mandy B]

This is the second time you said it this month.

[Wheezy]

I know, because hold the mirror up. It's crazy because there's a part in this where you were dealing with a lesbian couple and he literally. And he could not join. Yeah, she says he couldn't join. He was down, but was a little upset because he couldn't join. Then you brought up how y' all are kiki together. Then you said there's other people. He wants to be with you sexually and to have threesomes with, but he doesn't make you feel safe in doing that. There's a level of insecurity there. And I wonder if it's your trauma coming back from being previously cheated on by your last partner. It's not that you're more experienced here with ethical non monogamy. Yes, you have more sexual partners, but it doesn't mean that you're more knowledgeable or experienced in maintaining an ethically non monogamous relationship with someone else. Mind you, it's also very interesting for me. You said that you were the third person that not only he's ever slept with, but when y' all met, you were sleeping with a lesbian couple. And during your three month breakup, you were the unicorn for two couples. Ma', am. You've never technically had to engage and create boundaries and feel safe in a relationship where you're ethically non monogamous with one other person because you're joining in as a third to a couple that is ethically non monogamous, you're joining them as a unicorn where also you may not have the same responsibility.

[Mandy B]

I think it can make someone feel experienced, but it isn't your own dynamic. So you really don't know how this goes. Right, because your feelings don't necessarily have to be being a unicorn, though. I mean, I don't know if it was a throuple situation maybe, but it's

[Wheezy]

not given that, the fact that it wasn't given that because also she was able to start dating this guy while she was being a third for the lesbians. Then when they broke up for the three months, she said she was a lesbian for two other couples. So it's not even giving that. It's a throuple union. It's giving your unicorn, which is fine, which is to me not the same as drawing the boundaries of your own relationship. And so when you say that he wanted to have threesomes with you, but he didn't make you feel safe, it gives me that you actually aren't past the trauma or healed from being cheated on with your last partner.

[Mandy B]

To me,

[Wheezy]

Let me get this straight. You're in Italy, child pretended to be the white Italian man's fiance.

[Podcast Host]

Hard to believe. This is Michael, my nephew.

[Wheezy]

Then you ended up catching feelings for the black Italian Cousin Brothers. On April 10, she came for the pasta and got lost in the sauce. Please just tell me that you support me, girl.

[Mandy B]

No.

[Wheezy]

Is he fine though?

[Mandy B]

Come on, baby, you can eat, pray

[Wheezy]

and love me Baby, you be in Tuscany. Radio PG.13 only in theaters April 10th may be inappropriate for children under 13. Hey guys, it's Mandy B from the Decisions Decisions Podcast to tell you a little bit about something you should incorporate into your 2026 beauty routine. Now I have been a blonde haired girly and recently the blonde betrayed me. But I also realized it's because I probably wasn't giving my scalp and hair the treatment and oils deserved. I recently went bald and said you know what, I need to start from scratch. I was just put on to Bask and Lather. Now Bask and Lather is black owned and family operated which I love because I don't know if y' all know a lot of our products that were once black owned are no longer and they are changing the ingredients up on us. Now the thing that I love the most from this hair care line is the stimulating Scalp and Hair Bomb but nourishes and hydrates from the inside out with 100% natural ingredients, which I know is going to be important while I'm growing back out my hair. Now I am only a couple weeks in so I will have to let you know how that goes, but users have seen results in about three months. They also have the Hydrating Hair Mist that keeps any hair type soft, shiny and hydrated. And I've also been using their shampoo and conditioner that smells so good. Explore viral bestsellers and products of healthier hair of all types from Basque and lather. Go to baskandlatherco.com and use code decisions for 20% off. That's 20% [e-mail], code decisions.

[Podcast Host]

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[Mandy B]

I think that we have a large issue here with. Isn't he recently divorced?

[Wheezy]

He is.

[Mandy B]

This is not the relationship you want if he's recently divorced and has only slept with three people. If that's the truth. Oh, this man needs this open relationship so that he can actually be single and explore.

[Wheezy]

Okay.

[Mandy B]

Problem with understanding open relationships, right? Like, it's interesting. Sometimes I've had disagreements with my partner about certain things we want or want to do. And the number one thing he says to me is like, you're not getting it. I don't care about being open. I care about us honoring this boundary. Like, not getting it. I don't care about fucking bitches. Like, this is not. I'm not. I'm not an animal. I don't need to fuck all the time. Like, this could stay or go. I want to make sure this is fixed first. Right? And it does feel a lot different than when I had with Old Bay in the realm of Sometimes I would feel like when I was with old bae, if you've been listening to the show that long or read no hold Bard, that when he would say we were in an open relationship, that's really what was in his brain. I was other hoes. Whereas currently in my open relationship because both of us maybe are just emotionally more mature. It's like, hey, I'm in this open relationship because you and I both get to experience pleasure, and I'm cool with that. That fact of it alone would have led him to sit, not want to join or understand and let you know that, hey, the selfishness of sexuality doesn't exist. And that's what you really want to know. Because imagine how many women are. Are in open relationships just so their nigga could fuck another bitch and make them feel like they're just getting them all hyped up and being like, oh, yeah, I want a threesome with you, baby. They just want some other pussy. They have experience. That's unfair.

[Wheezy]

I think what's also unfair is because you've had more sexual partners. You're making it seem like you're this pro at essentially a relationship dynamic you've never had with one man, if that makes sense. Like, and so for me, I think you need to sit with, what would your boundaries look like? And what could he do to make you feel safe? Because the fact that you were dealing with these lesbian women but didn't even want him to join, what would your boundaries look like, how can you have a mature and expert. Because you're the expert, right? How could you have that conversation with him to where you can lead him to where you guys can have a safe, open, or ethically non monogamous relationship? I also found it very interesting that this is someone that you broke up with. You mentioned that y' all broke up for three months and within that breakup, you were still fucking him, then y' all got back together. And so what does that look like, realistically? Because if you could be broken up with him, quote unquote, but still fuck him while both of y' all are other people, maybe realistically, this isn't a person to be with and maybe you're genuinely not healed. Maybe you are in a. In a realm where you're still trying to find what makes you feel safe in the bedroom and how you can bring what more you want to a partner and be able to communicate that to me.

[Mandy B]

This too, that you just said that I thought about with, like, not healed yet, someone telling you you're fat and unattractive, which I don't believe is the lowest they can go to try to hurt your feelings in the way you're, like, healing and hoeing. Like, here's the thing. We had a clip that came out on the Kami Crawford podcast where I was like, nah. Like, I fucked his homeboy and I felt better. And Mandy's like, no, hoeing doesn't make you feel better. And I was like, yes, it does.

[Wheezy]

No, revenge, fucking, Revenge, fucking and hoeing are two different things.

[Mandy B]

My bad. Revenge.

[Wheezy]

But revenge fucking is tricky to me.

[Mandy B]

This is a bit nuanced, right? I think personal insults like that making you question your self worth. There's got to be something that makes you feel good in saying this person was your boyfriend, like, getting chose. Listen, I don't care what woman. I'm not that person today. But we've all been there. Being chose can feel good. Being. It's like winning. You get to win. You get to. Yep. Have somebody. It's a real thing. Right? But the older you get and the more you sit with yourself, it's kind of just like, oh, this is actually lame. And it's actually the reason why being single the last five years, because I just was so much more confident didn't bother me. Like, the last five years of my single, I was just like, oh, I let a foot nigga go, or I'm not in a relationship that doesn't make me happy. Like, you start to realize single is a superpower more than it is a death. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. I mean, everybody makes it feel. And I think because someone made you feel so low, the relationship or knowing you could have one makes you feel higher.

[Wheezy]

I'm not mad at that thought process. Like I said, I think that because you've had all these sexual partners and maybe had threesomes, and because he's less sexually experienced than you, you feel like you know how to have an ethically non monogamous relationship. And I believe you do not.

[Mandy B]

I agree.

[Wheezy]

Um, I don't believe you're healed. And I think that you need to find what would make you feel safe with this man and if he has the capacity to do so before even introducing ethical non monogamy. Because trying to get to learn someone and feeling safe with them while also adding other people to the bedroom is a recipe for disaster.

[Mandy B]

I will say this. I don't. I'm in an ethically non monogamous relationship and been dating this way for a long time. And I can tell you this. When people would try to tell me monogamy was safer, it was like, everything is right. Yep. The one thing that's really bullshit is open relationships because niggas want other pussy. You have got to make sure that this is an exchange of pleasure comparison. You've never heard the word. It's the joy of someone else receiving pleasure. And I'm telling y' all open relationships just so someone can do them. Sometimes it's not a real relationship. It's just not. This is so much more layered than threesomes and fun.

[Wheezy]

It is, it is. Well, would love to know where you end up in this relationship or not. And I do bid you adieu in your journey of healing, bitch. Listen, good luck, okay? If you want to send your letter to us to help you with the dilemma that you have or the problem so that you can have a solution, hit us up. Send your email to decisionspotmail.com and if you want to watch this full episode, make sure you head on over to Patreon and join us on the video tier. That's patreon.com backslash decisions. Thank you guys so much. See y' all next week. By.

[Podcast Host]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.