Mandy B (1:37)

No, definitely mall sexy for work.

Crystal (1:39)

But I went to Even Fuse. I would say it's like, chill, but they're like tv, they're streaming, they're digital, they're all this other shit. So, like, when I pop in there, I don't dress up too much for meetings. I will say, but any other place, if they have maybe 50 to 100 employees, they look like shit. Now the only time I think you can look like shit is if you work in tech. Here's why. Because I really do think some of these tech offices, they're forcing these people to come in that were like semi remote. They're working at the desk eight to ten hours a day. They're not really front facing they're just there, whatever. Like, you're slamming the shit back. But some of these, how you making 250 and you wearing sweatpants?

Mandy B (2:21)

I mean, that's how, like, super rich people dress. I just think that there's a. A loss in professionalism across the board. Like, it's funny because me and Crystal were just talking about this because in real estate, like, you're selling houses, you're meeting people, but you still have to go into the office and do your cold calls and stuff.

Crystal (2:37)

The agents I got to talk about.

Mandy B (2:38)

And she was like. She was like, bro, I don't get it. Like, there's a clear distinction between people who clearly take this serious and people who just think this is, like a hobby. And she's like, one of, like, the mentors had. Had a group meeting, and I guess made one of the girls cry because she's like, what the fuck do you think you're gonna sell dressing like this? And looked at one girl and was like, she looks like she's gonna be able to sell a house. You. You probably won't be in this very long. You need to fix your hair. You need to do this. And apparently just how honest she was about how the two, like, girls. Did she say one of them cried? I don't know. But Krystal talks shit about what the people have on because, again, like, Crystal's gonna be 40 next year. Well, not only that, there's just a weight. Dress when you go to work.

Crystal (3:25)

No, I mean, they're just stuff that she's supposed to.

Mandy B (3:27)

I mean, but that's when we're outside. I'm talking about.

Crystal (3:30)

I'm talking about, like.

Mandy B (3:31)

I'm talking about going to work.

Crystal (3:32)

She does dress, but you have to.

Mandy B (3:34)

Well, she's never on camera. That's where she's like. She does, like, the voiceover stuff. We were just talking like, girl, you need.

Crystal (3:40)

No, but see, that's. That's what. That's what I'm saying. With the tech that is front facing, she needs to meet with clients. I'm not gonna hold you. Some people, even. I remember back in the day, remember in the real estate agent's car, when I could hear the car, I'd be like, now I just looked at houses with my mom to speak to the real estate experience, because my mother brought it up. I didn't. We saw four open houses. So I finally decided, like, renting two apartments is dumb. I am here for seven days a week, a month, however, I'm just like, what if I just got a Bigger spot, not an apartment. Because I feel like once we start running into each other in the bathroom, maybe it won't work. So house or townhome? Like, let's have some separation. So we look, we go to a house that is. I'm not saying I can afford this. I just want every. Don't come rob me. I like to go to any open house. As y' all know. That's my manifestation thing. I'm like, I want you to see how much houses cost. Mom, this is 1.8 and it's in Silver Lake. Then we're going to go look at something that's 900,000. I just want you to know what you can get. So if you don't like the stuff that's cheaper, you can understand why. 1.8 million. We meet the girl, white girl that's hosting it. Cutesy, button down top, the jeans, but the jeans are pressed out. Nice shoe. The way that she's talking, everything perfect. Next house, $900,000. My mom joked that it went downhill there. Another white girl. These are all white women. Kind of chill outfit. Like little flowery dress, but sweet. Cute, but not as professional. She wasn't saying things like, well, hey, this is going to pay for itself back. You need to understand that, you know, there's no flooding insurance that's high here because you're a little bit lower, blah, blah. You don't have to worry about the fires because da da da. Next girl's like, ah, yeah, better than renting an apartment, right? We saw a house that was 650. This had coffee dripping down the shirt. And he goes, oh, I'm so sorry. That's my wife. She looked amiss. I was thinking, did she know she was coming? And I was like, yo, it kind of also speaks to who you're selling to.

Mandy B (5:45)

It does.

Crystal (5:46)

Because for 1.8 they need to be making some money. Like, right, you're putting down 200,000 to $300,000 for a home like that. Like, you've got to have that capital like you making bread. If you got that, then, oh, bitch, once you got this 650. I said, this is still expensive, by the way. This is still expensive. It's Los Angeles. But yeah. And my mom got in the car with me and she says, there's no experience anymore. I used to talk about you wearing sweatpants in first class. I'll never say it again. She's like, I understand. This is a new world. I thought we were meeting someone to sue. I did my makeup, I did my Hair just to know that we're buying a home. I was excited about the process. She said that they took me out of it. She said, if I'm about to do this big, have this big moment in my life with my daughter, and you look like that, what is this?

Mandy B (6:34)

I mean, it's tricky because I know the markets are expensive, but also, as a real estate agent, if you're someone selling over $1 million homes and someone selling less than, you know, $700,000 homes, even your commission is different. So the money you make is different. I mean, I think we see it. You're gonna dress differently if you work. If you make 250 at a executive company or you're in a mall selling clothes. I mean, I just think it is. I don't know, you don't need a.

Crystal (7:01)

Lot of money to. And that also. And we all know this to be true, you can go on Shein, and get you a nice fit, bitch.

Mandy B (7:09)

Yeah, she could.

Crystal (7:10)

They could step it up. But I think it's really how much care you put into these things. And it's maybe also with these agents, the seriousness of the client.

Mandy B (7:18)

I just think overall, though, that's why I said, overall, there's no professionalism that exists anymore. And I do. I mean, we could blame the pandemic quite a bit. I mean, with everyone having to be at home, with people not having to go into the office, I think Gen Z has made things a lot more lackadaisical. Like, professionalism just ain't. Ain't what it used to be. Like, even from how you show up on interviews, like, showing your shoulders and things that were just never acceptable are now like, okay. I know. I mean, it's crazy. It's crazy. When.

Crystal (7:54)

When I went to work the first day in Aud at Audible, I wore a blazer dress. And the first thing one of the colleagues I had at the time said is, girl, what nigga you think is in here? And I'm like. Cause I got on a blazer dress. Like, really?

Mandy B (8:12)

This is.

Crystal (8:13)

But at the end of the day, we all fought for casual Fridays, and now look who we talking about. Oh, where's the suit? Like, nobody ever wanted to do that anyway. So I feel like.

Mandy B (8:24)

And even that when I had casual Fridays in corporate, it was just that you could wear jeans. Jeans. That's it. And you couldn't have rips in the jeans. You couldn't have tears in the jeans. They still. They had to be jeans. And then you still have to wear, like, a blouse or a button up. Or, you know, a polo can be professional, but denim. But, well, it's. Denim can be. Especially if they don't have rips and tears. Like, that was even like, bro, you can't come in here with no rips in your jeans, bitch. You just got a little taste of the Horrible Decisions Patreon. But why stop there? Tap in for the full, uncut and way nastier episodes over on patreon. Go to patreon.com horrible decisions and and unlock all the messy tea, wild stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else. And now here's you've Got Decision.

Crystal (9:13)

If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible thruffle, guess what?

Mandy B (9:22)

You've got decisions. You got decisions. Hey, hey, hey, Whorehive. It's your girl, Mandy B. One half of the Decisions Decisions podcast here to answer your question. Now, if you want to submit anything regarding your relationship, your situationship, your friendship, your workshop, your partnership, go ahead and send it on over to decisionspodmail.com before we get to this week's, which is an update which makes me so excited. Again, make sure if you haven't yet, go and purchase no holds barred, a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power, available now wherever you get books. Also, make sure you get that audible version as well and leave a review that continues to help us push the messaging of this book. Now, y', all, I was supposed to record this on it yesterday, but y', all, the government shutdown had your girl in a disarray at the airport. If you follow me on social media, I ended up being drunk as hell, was put through the mattress, and was like, I'm just gonna throw on this turkey costume and go through the airport. No one's gonna notice me. No one's gonna see me, bitch. Also, I dealt with three flight cancellations and it took 13 hours for me to get from New York City LaGuardia Airport to goddamn Atlanta, Georgia. Okay, finally, I am done from being stressed out over all that shit and really excited because this week we have an update from the letter. Is my boyfriend gay? Boy, do I love an update. So let's just get into all of these things. And girl, I am not going to read your name, by the way, when you submit a letter, just know that it will be anonymous. We will not give any details. That'll let the folks know you are going through it again. If you want to send your letter in, make sure you send it on over to decisionspodmail. Com. Let's get into it, hon. By the way, I'm doing this by myself because Weezy is still in Brazil. Okay? She is still in Brazil. Okay. Anyways, don't know what accent that is, but suck my dick from the back. All right, this is an update. Is my boyfriend gay? Hey, thanks for answering my email. I just listened to the episode and I'm writing back to provide more details. Transparently, I ended it before writing that email, but I was still ruminating on it so I decided to write in. We broke up back in July. I'm definitely okay with a man being bisexual and honestly find it attractive. My issue was that I felt he had zero attraction to me as a woman and seemed to be attracted to men. He claimed that he was a boob guy. I'm a size 40G so you would think he would love that. When it came to intimacy, he seemed mortified at the sight of my breasts. My boobs are nice. After the breakup, I hooked up with an old friend from college and he thoroughly enjoyed my boobs. So I felt comfortable saying that my breasts weren't the issue here. When I tried to have conversations with him about sex and sexuality, it was an uncomfortable topic for him and he would get defensive. He said in his last relationship sex was an issue as well. At one point I thought he might just have Ed. But as I continued to ask questions, the combination of his answers and his behavior around gay men and his lack of sexual interest in me made me feel like he is gay. His family is on a cult girl. His words. All right. Now I don't think you added the cult port last time, so I imagine they would disown him if they found out he was gay. So I believe that is why he sought out a relationship with a woman. Now girl, I don't think cults have any connection to homophobia. Like real for real outside of the church. But okay, back to the topic of conversations around sex and ed. I asked him if he watches porn and if he is able to ejaculate when watching porn and he said yes. I asked what type of porn does he like and he refused to answer. Oh bitch. He said that previous exes against him in his past and said things like I bet if I was this you'd want to have sex. He didn't explain what this was but I'm going to like. My mind automatically filled the word with man. I still tried to stay open minded and think of the possibilities and also consider that he may be asexual but the way he lustfully looked at Men. It was hard to believe that he might be asexual. The other part that made me feel like his roommate was his boyfriend is because for the nine years he was living with him, they also had only a one bedroom apartment. He lived in Oklahoma, which is extremely affordable. The man works in aerospace, so he is financially able to get a two apartment. The city that I'm in is la, so it is definitely more expensive, but he can still financially afford a two bedroom there as well. What led me to break up with him is that I couldn't get over that feeling. And anytime I tried to discuss sexuality, he blew up and got defensive. Ever since his roommate moved out here, he's made excuses as to why I couldn't come over. The combination of that and the fact that he went one week without seeing me, even though he only lives 10 minutes away from that, led to the breakup. While texting, I did tell him that I don't think he's straight. Oh God. And he vaguely confessed that he isn't straight. Going to attach a snapshot of that text as I'm curious on your thoughts about it. Ooh girl, not the tea. The situation where I felt like he was flirting with a guy, only engaging in conversation with him and not not his friend. I guess when they were out and anytime the guy would try to speak to me, he would interrupt. I felt that he was competing with me for that guy's attention. Also, the fact that he was about him and wondering about him right after we had sex was also odd. I know I could be wrong, but there were too many red flags. The roommate situation really took it over the top for me because that's when everything changed and he became less available. Also, the fact that he's living or been living with this man for nine years in a one bedroom apartment explains why he didn't want to talk on the phone much and preferred text and voice notes. Also, they're black and in their late 30s. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks for taking the time to read all of this. I was more so seeking confirmation. If you all believe that he is likely gay and that I was tripping. He made me feel like I was the one tripping. And anytime I brought up the discussion. All right, few things. So he admitted that he's not fully straight. But you said he likes titties but also flirts with men. It's giving that porn that he likes might actually be trans women. This is just my guess because that too is the porn that I like to watch as well. Um, and it may also be the reason why he identifies as straight. Um, personally, I have dealt with quite a few men or have even engaged in conversation with men who identify as heterosexual. Straight men, however they have engaged with or are turned by or at least fantasize about trans women. Um, and it's trans women with the dicks with the tits. So that could be also an explanation as to why he still identifies as straight. Or even when he decided to open up to you that he wasn't straight. His confusion came from still identifying those women as women. So in his mind, even though there is a dick there, he still believes that he is attracted to women. Specifically titted on women.

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Mandy B (18:11)

Let's get into the text message. She sent a text message saying, no, not at all. I'm an open person. But I asked you about your sexuality and you lied. This seemed to be a text message that he didn't respond to, so she re quoted it and said so you're not going to respond to this? Lol. Okay. His response? Sexuality is a spectrum. You know this. You're not even 100% straight yourself. I'm not gay. I don't prefer men. I prefer women. But I'm just saying I don't think Anybody today is 100% straight. All of my relationships have been with women and that's where I want to stay. I have no interest in men. I was not flirting with that dude at that play. Lol. I believe I have to say that I just thought he was cool. And since I'm new to the area, I'm gathering context of cool peeps and as potential friends. Is that a problem? You say things as absolutes, as if you've come to these conclusions without even confirming them. Ooh, girl, he read you just a little bit. You agree that sexuality is on a spectrum? We talk about it all the time. If you're new here, check out the Kinsey Scale. This response leds me to believe. And even the way you kind of attacked him. I asked you about your sexuality and you lied. I find it interesting coming from someone who says that bisexuality would be something that you would be open to being with. You also seem to not care about the sexuality as much as you cared about the lie, which in this text message you also brought up the lie. However, you can't get honesty out of a person when you come at them on the attack because all they're going to know how to do is defend themselves. And so I guess I'm glad to see that you guys broke up because this clearly wasn't working for either of you. But in the same, in the same sense, I do think that you should wholeheartedly sit with what it is that you want. You did this long distance relationship, you're now even admitting that you didn't speak to him very often. You didn't spend with him very often. Um, if I recall from the last letter, you had been together for like a year. He made it official, but it was long distance and you didn't see him often. So to read even in this email that you also were only able to really text him because you weren't much of a phone conversation because he was living with a roommate which you now believe to be his boyfriend for the last nine years. It's all very tricky. And what I want to express to the listeners to the Whore Hive, baby, if he wanted to, he would. And this is one of those things that are like, oh my God, what does that mean? Or I hear it all the time and da da, da, da. It's one of those where I promise you, you do not have to force a man to show up for you. You don't. If he likes you, he will let it be known. If he wants to show up, he will. They know how to ladies, they. Here's the other problem. We be thinking we gotta, we gotta like not raise these men, but that we gotta show them how to treat us. Bro, these niggas know how to treat a bitch. They like they do, I promise you. And if he's not showing up in a way that makes you feel special or seen, he's just not that into you. If you're going days without texting, he's just not that into you. If he's not showing up for certain holidays and your birthdays, he's just not that into you. If he makes excuses as to why he don't show, he girl, he's just not that into you. And that's okay. It's okay. Thank you for the letter. By the way. She signed a beard for the boy. I do agree. I do believe that you were none other than a beard for this, this gentleman. But yeah, any who's I'm gonna get into this letter for this week and I love that we could start with a quick A quick update. If you have sent a letter, you heard our advice and you want to follow back up, please again, send that on over within the same thread. Send it on over to decisionspodmail.com all right, there's a good one this week y'.

Crystal (23:03)

All.

Mandy B (23:04)

Dating while broke is the subject hey ladies, I have been in a relationship for about five years now. I'm a black woman, he's a white man, and he is also about 17 years older than me. Ooh girl, I've had that age difference before as well. I have a teenage child from a previous relationship that I am the primary parent of and it's the exact same situation with him. Just to paint the picture for you, recently I've been questioning if I want to continue with the relationship, one of my main reasons being his finances. It seems like he's always complaining about being broken or not having enough money to do certain things. At first he would only say it once in a while, but now it feels like he says it all the time. He still makes a way to plan simple dates or treat me to certain things, but days later he will complain about his money not being right or how he's tired of being broke. I try not to pocket watch but he makes more than me. Not a significant amount, but it's considerable and splits the rent and bills with his mother. His child had been living with her for about seven or eight years now. I know things are expensive and he has personal bills outside of the bills that he shares with his mother as well. But he also has a gambling habit. Girl, that's bitch. He ain't broke, he just irresponsible. I just feel like he should get a better control of his budget to afford his wants and needs. Also, what's crazy is just talked about this on selective ignorance. This is purely him being selectively ignorant not budgeting correctly. Bro, you live with your moms, you raising a whole kid under your mama roof and you gambling. Outside of me being a single parent and working full time, I also recently completed my master's degree program which I hope will bring me a more lucrative employment. I'm not struggling, but there's nothing wrong with striving for better. I know that's right. With it only being me and my daughter, I pay all the bills and maintain the household. Her completely out of the picture. So I received no support from him or his family. Now don't get me wrong, I am far from perfect and fall short from time to time as well. It just seems like he is always in a financial bind. Despite the fact that he makes more and splits bills with someone. And because of his openness about money issues, the very few times I needed help, I avoided asking him. Hell, when I questioned if I should be entertaining anyone if I'm not where I want to be financially, I just have a feeling he doesn't have the same moments of reflection, bitch. And don't. That's why he been living with his mama for seven or eight years. The most recent incident was a trip that I wanted to take. Ooh, girl, not you wanted a trip in this economy with a broke nigga living with his mama with gambling issues. And yes, I am that girl that only flies on certain airlines and likes to stay at certain hotels. You know, because his money was short and he couldn't convince me to take a cheaper flight or stay at a cheaper hotel, I went with my best friend instead, Period. To celebrate me getting my master's. I want to take a trip out of the I already have a feeling that he's not going to be able to, and I'll just go by myself with no, it's not. When a woman says something is fine, it's not. About two years into the relationship, he brought up moving in together, and my response was an immediate no. Not only am I uncomfortable compromising me and my daughter's space, but I don't want to live with a man with money problems and bad credit. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I simply just gave the reasoning of I'm not ready. I'm sure he didn't like the response, and I can see me not wanting to live with him being the reason he breaks up with me in the future. How would you approach this situation? Have y' all ever experienced dating a man that was financially irresponsible? Also, as a woman, have you ever felt you shouldn't be dating because of your finances? Love y' all and looking forward to your responses. Oh, shit, my bad. Y' all done dropped my sign because I done. I done had on this one. All right, how would I approach this situation? I would love to know if you're in thera. Because knowing that this relationship is five years old, knowing that he's been living with his mom for seven or eight years now, knowing that two years ago he asked you to move in. I'm confused as to how y' all even got here. You. You said you have a teenage daughter, so even at the bare minimum, you had her early. You're in your early 30s. I don't know what you're waiting for. As to why you're not moving forward from this relationship, it doesn't seem like. I guess my question is, and only because you didn't put it in here, what are you getting from this? What is he providing you that you feel so stuck in this relationship that you don't deserve more? He can't even go on trips with you. He can't celebrate a moment that means a lot to you. You don't feel like you can count on him when you're in a bind. What. What is keeping you in this relationship? What's keeping you here? And why? And why have I ever experienced dating a man that was financially irresponsible? No, not one that I considered having a long romantic partnership with. I think if I think of someone who was financially irresponsible and maybe it wasn't financial irresponsibility as much as it was the irresponsibility of the decisions he made that led him to not be able to get a job. If you listen to a couple years ago, shit, maybe actually six, seven years ago now. I met this guy on Tinder. He went by Felon Bay. At the time, thought he was just, oh my God, I was just giddy about him. But he couldn't find certain employment because of his felony record. And so for me, that was a huge part of why I didn't consider taking him serious. Although, like, we had a blast and he was fun and he lived right around the corner and it was a great thing, um, to me, long term, I didn't see how it made if he was still figuring out how to get on his feet. And for me, you made this decision five years ago as a woman with a child, as a single parent with a child to get into a romantic partnership with a man living with his mom who is 17 years older than you. I'm just going to do the math. Say you 30. That mean when you met him? No, no, no, let's say you 35. Let's go my age because now we go get. Let's say you met him at 30, bitch. When you met him, you met a 47 year old man with a child living with his mother. I want to know how your pussy got. That's what I want. I want to know how he done made it five years. I want to know how he made it past the first date. I think at some point we have to stop dating people and considering their potential. And I don't know what potential you saw in a man who got you 17 years your senior and couldn't move out his mama crib. I don't know what potential you saw. Tell me now. The other and the last question you asked is, as a woman, have you ever felt like you shouldn't be dating because of your finances? Boy, read the goddamn book. For me, there was a sense of self worth in how I would show up as a partner, as a woman who wasn't financially secure. So in my 20s, I actually felt like I wasn't ready to be anyone's girlfriend because I was such a dire and to show up financially for me. And so the idea that I only wanted a man who could come in and pay my bills or take me on trips, I knew that those wouldn't be real. They wouldn't be based on the premise that I like this man, that I'm in love with this man, that he's everything. I wanted more. I knew that it was based on survival instincts of this man can provide. And so for a lot of my relationships, they were transactional because of that. I absolutely wanted a sense of and wanted to feel like I liked a man because I liked him, not because of what he could do for me. And so again, for me, I think two years into this relationship, him even asking and wanting that to happen two years into the relationship, I think two years is also enough time to see if Amanda together. And maybe you're five years in deep. And it don't seem like nothing changed in a gambling. A gambling problem is not something fixed with a pill. It's not something fixed just overnight. That is a hard addiction that should be treated as crack cocaine. You know, like, baby, it's hard to wean yourself out of. Of the addiction of gambling. But also whatever debt has incurred from it, and there's a lot of embarrassment that stems from that. He clearly maybe not, is not even too prideful for the simple fact that he did ask to move in, for the simple fact that he'd been living with his mama for seven or eight years. And so my advice to you would be to sit with yourself. And I want you to, to ask yourself if you believe you deserve better, do you deserve better? Do you believe that there is any person out there that has the ability to show up in the ways that you would like a partner to show up? And if the answer is yes to those, my advice to you is to break up and end this relationship. Um, it's not serving you. And again, even if he's making you feel butterflies, bitch, think about how you feel about not being Able to celebrate your master's degree completion with your partner because he too poor to fucking get on a flight and. And book the hotel and enjoy the pleasantries of life that you want to travel. Don't let this reli. This relationship rob you from your happiness. Don't let it happen. Don't do it, girl. Don't do it. Don't do it. Um, also love that you misled me with the title here. Dating while broke. Um, you are in a relationship with a broke nigga. You not dating while broke. You are in a relationship with a fiscally irresponsible fuck boy. And I'm gonna call him a fuck boy because, bruh, he at least in his 40s, at least living with his mama and been living with her for seven or eight years, and he might not even be paying as much or splitting the bills as much as you think he is with his mama. Cause he might be a mama's boy. So I'd say go ahead and. Go ahead and break up with him. In the good words of Crystal and Fury from the Reed, break up with him. Hopefully. I spoke to some of you listening to this as well, because, baby, we are rounding up the year 2026 is around the corner, and, baby, January 1st is not the time to. And start feeling good about yourself and wanting more for your life. Fuck the turkey, the Christmas gifts. Don't sit here and wait and squander through these. These holidays knowing that you're with somebody that just ain't foot in the bill, that just ain't cutting it. I'm telling y', all, this is where you start making your New Year's resolutions, stepping into what you're welcoming into the New Year. You start doing that right now. Right now. So for this listener, I would absolutely advise you to break up with him and really sit with yourself and put out into the universe the type of partner that you feel like you deserve. And I'm telling you, I know we be talking about dating is the ghetto girl. I'll be finding some good ones. I got good ones right now. I got two and a half great ones that are making me, like, just show me, like, you know, so, yeah, do that. And for anyone wanting to submit their listener letter, go ahead, send us your letter to decisionspodmail.com because, bitch, you got decision. See y' all next Wednesday. This is an I heart podcast.