You've Got Decisions: Decade Long Stagnant Relationship

Summary

Decisions, Decisions – Episode Summary Episode Title: You've Got Decisions: Decade Long Stagnant Relationship
Release Date: July 1, 2026
Hosts: Mandii B (with guest host Edin, filling in for WeezyWTF)
Podcast Network: The Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartPodcasts

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Overview

In this episode of "Decisions, Decisions," Mandii B welcomes guest host Edin to tackle a listener’s heartfelt question about dealing with a friend stuck in a decade-long, on-again/off-again stagnant relationship. The hosts explore the emotional toll such dynamics can take on both the person in the relationship and the people who care about them. Through their signature blend of candid conversation and humor, Mandii and Edin offer practical, compassionate advice on setting boundaries and prioritizing personal peace while still showing up as supportive friends.

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Key Discussion Points

1. The Listener’s Dilemma: Supporting a Friend Who’s “Stuck”

[04:45–05:09]

• Listener writes in about her lifelong friend who’s always dreamed of having a family but remains in an unfulfilling relationship for over a decade.
• The friend repeatedly vents about the stagnation, but resists advice or change.
• The listener feels exhausted and wonders: Should I keep offering advice, let it go, or take a break for my own peace?

2. Universality of the Issue

[05:09–05:23]

• Mandii: "There's always one of those friends in every single friend group... There's always one friend that's just like that."
• Edin agrees, noting this is a common dynamic in both male and female friendships.

3. Limitations of Advice and the Reality of Change

[05:23–06:29]

• “You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.” (Mandii quoting the adage)
• Mandii reflects on personal growth and how people may not have resolved childhood traumas: “You can't want for someone more than what they want for themselves.”
• She also speculates there may be deeper issues at play (e.g., infertility, unmet expectations).

4. Relationship Choices and Friendship Boundaries

[06:56–07:38]

• Mandii encourages separating friendship value from judgment about a friend’s relationship choices.
• “I choose my friends because of who they are to me and my friendship, not who they lay in bed with.”

5. The Exhaustion Cycle and When to Step Back

[07:57–09:15]

• Edin acknowledges being “the friend that gives that advice a thousand times and just lets it rock.”
• Edin: If the situation harms you, “at that point you need to give yourself some space... Still my friend, but need to move back a little bit.”

6. Devil's Advocate: Maybe What She Wants Has Changed

[09:37–11:50]

• Mandii plays devil’s advocate, suggesting the friend may not want advice from people whose lives she doesn't admire.
• “I don’t want to take advice from someone who also is in an unhealthy dynamic, who might be miserable, who I look at and I don’t envy.” [09:38]
• Economic or fertility concerns could be contributors; maybe the friend’s goals have shifted privately.

7. On Self-Abandonment and Love

[11:50–13:33]

• Discussion about giving up long-held dreams for a partner: Is it self-abandonment? Is she really abandoning herself for him?
• Mandii: “I would never give up what I want for a man... but I wonder if that's something she's willingly giving up right now because of her love for this partner.” [12:46]

8. “If He Wanted To, He Would”

[12:59–13:30]

• Edin asserts: “I’m a strong believer of if you wanted to, you would. That is straight up facts.” [12:59]
• Both suggest her partner isn’t giving her what she wants — by choice.

9. When Is It Time to Detach or Set Firm Limits?

[14:09–19:51]

• Mandii (Direct advice): “You need to mind your own business.”
• Both discuss when it’s justifiable to step back: “The only way I’ve stepped away from a friend because of their relationship decisions has been if they were in an abusive relationship.” [15:50]
• Edin: Recommends a “little break” if repeatedly hearing about the same relationship takes too much of an emotional toll.

10. Final Advice to the Listener

[17:54–19:51]

• Mandii recommends setting a conversational boundary: “You can still show up and be supportive in every other part of their life and just say, hey, you’re starting to sound like a broken record, and I can’t want more for you than you want for yourself. So I’d appreciate you no longer bringing your relationship problems to me.”
• “A woman will not leave a situation until she is ready to leave it. So just tell your friend, bitch, I’m sick of hearing you complain about this nigga. And if you not going to leave, please vent to someone else because it’s affecting my mental health and I can’t take it anymore.” [19:19]

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Memorable Quotes & Notable Moments

• “There’s always one of those friends in every single friend group... there's always one friend that's just like that.” — Mandii [05:09]
• “You can't want for someone more than what they want for themselves.” — Mandii [05:36]
• “I choose my friends because of who they are to me and my friendship, not who they lay in bed with.” — Mandii [06:56]
• “If you wanted to, you would. That is straight up facts.” — Edin [12:59]
• “A woman will not leave a situation until she is ready to leave it.” — Mandii [19:19]

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• [04:45] Listener’s Letter & Main Dilemma Introduced
• [05:09] Identifying the ‘Stagnant Relationship’ Friend Archetype
• [06:29] Mandii on Deep Rooted Issues and Infertility
• [09:38] “Devil’s Advocate” – Why Some Don’t Take Advice
• [12:59] Edin’s “If He Wanted To, He Would” Theory
• [15:50] When It’s Time to Step Away (for Your Own Health)
• [17:54] Setting Boundaries with Friends Who Vent About Relationships
• [19:19] “A Woman Will Not Leave...” – Accepting Friend’s Limits

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Tone & Style

• The conversation is candid, empathetic, and at times humorously blunt, consistent with the show’s approach to tough relationship topics.
• Both Mandii and Edin model vulnerability and honesty, sharing their personal boundaries and past experiences in similar dynamics.

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Summary Takeaways

• Every friend group has someone stuck in a relationship rut — it’s normal, but can be draining for those watching from the sidelines.
• Ultimately, you can’t make someone else change or want happiness more for them than they want it themselves.
• The healthiest option is to set clear conversational boundaries and, if needed, temporarily step back to protect your own peace.
• Value friendships for the unique connection you share, not based on their romantic partners or choices.
• Direct communication about your emotional limits is not only fair, but often necessary.

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For those navigating similar friendships: Set your limits, express them directly, and remember—supporting your friend does not mean sacrificing your own mental health.

Transcript

[A]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[B]

Guaranteed human.

[A]

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[B]

If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible thruffle, guess what? You've got decisions. You've got decision. Pussy. Asshole. Hey, guys, welcome to another. You got decisions. Weezy is in Europe, and so I am joined by Edine, who is also apparently Mondami's personal DJ in New York City.

[A]

I've just had the pleasure of DJing for him twice this year. That's it.

[B]

That's all.

[A]

That's twice? Yeah, two times in a row.

[B]

Is he as cool as he looks online?

[A]

He's mad chill. He's mad chill. I was just talking about it on Twitter, how he asked me for. I don't even know if you know the song, but there's a song called what I Got To Be Toosberry. It's like, no, no, no.

[B]

When you. When you typed it, I said, what the fuck song is that?

[A]

Yeah, it's a Dominican classic is what that is. New York City knows what that's all about. So when he asked me that, I was afraid because I'm like, I don't know what he's about to ask me. And that's. If not knowing what the mayor wants as a song request is by far one of the scariest things.

[B]

But say the. Say the title again.

[A]

Guata gata Pitus Berry. Why they got the B2's berry? Why they got the B2's berry, what does that mean? God, if I know, there's no real legitimate meaning to that.

[B]

It's okay. I want you guys to know what the Beato got this. Barry. See, I don't know what language that is, but I was yelling Arabic last week. I was in first. Hello. Hello. I am now a rooter from Morocco. I got tickets to my first. That was my first football game, and

[A]

it was a World cup game. That's crazy.

[B]

World cup game.

[A]

Oh, my God. That's crazy.

[B]

And now I'm actually being invited to another World cup game.

[A]

Oh, girl, you better go to these. That's.

[B]

No, it's a. Oh, this is cool.

[A]

Was the last time, I think the last time the World cup was in the States was in the 90s, like

[B]

90s or something like that, I think.

[A]

Yeah. So like this is like a very, like lifetime event.

[B]

It's kind of cool because I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. Anyways, we're gonna get into Yalls questions. If you have a question, a pressing matter, you want to talk shit about a friend. If you have troubles in your relationships, if you want to just also ask me and Weezy anything that's been drilling your brain, send it to decisionspodmail.com now. Brought Eden on to help me with this question for this week and I love it. It's giving. This girl has a question about her friend. So. And there's, there's layers to this, Ed. And so here we go. The subject line is, he ain't shit. Oh, the situation. Let's get into it. Here's the situation. And then she has a question. So the situation. I have a lifelong friend who has always deeply desired a family. Growing up, I always viewed her as one of the wisest people I knew. But watching her navigate love in her 30s has been frustrating. She is stuck in a decade long, on again, off again stagnant relationship with a partner whose words and actions show he doesn't see her as a wife or mother. This has been her sole goal dream for her life since she was a kid and still is today. It hurts to watch her watch everyone else get what she wants, but the constant relationship problems, venting loop have become exhausting. Our friend group has given her every piece of advice possible, but she never takes action. It breaks my heart because it feels less like a setback and more like this is her abandoning her own dreams for a man, only to bemoan it every month at book club. I love her, but it's hard to watch someone I used to respect so much abandon herself. The question. I want to be supportive, but should I keep offering the same ignored advice? Let it go, wait it out, or take some space to protect my peace. Thanks.

[A]

Ooh, that's a really good question. I just want to say there's always one of those friends in every single friend group I hear about. It could be male, female, they, them, it all matter. There's always one friend that's just like that.

[B]

I agree. This is tough because what is it? You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink it.

[A]

Yeah, you can't, man. I thought he was about to fumble that. I'm not gonna lie

[B]

I'm wide awake. I have my coffee this morning. You can't want for someone more than what they want for themselves. Those are all very true. And I think for where I've gotten, especially as a woman in her 30s, you have to realize, like, there's a lot of people that haven't worked past their childhood traumas. A lot of people don't know what a healthy relationship looks like. Um, I'd also be curious to know you didn't share it here. You said that she still wants to be a mother, but if she's been with this person on and off again for a decade or however long they've been together. I'm also curious if maybe one of them has some sort of infertility struggle. I think it's interesting for someone to be on and off again with someone for that long and there not be a child conceived within that time.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You asked, you asked, you said you want to be supportive, but should I keep offering the same ignored advice? Let it go or wait it out? I'll be honest with you. The best way to be supportive to me as a friend is for you to enjoy this friendship for what it is. So what do you get out of this friendship with this. With this girl? To me, when you become a part

[A]

of what they looked up to as well, that's the crazier part.

[B]

Yeah. But I say that to say when you're a woman in your 30s, when you're a man in your 30s, you can't allow someone's romantic partnerships or selections or relationship to kind of infiltrate and make you think differently of who your friend is. I think it's why, like, for me, I would not be with damn near any of the n that my friends have slept with or procreated with or chose to get married to. And it's fine because I choose my friends because of who they are to me and my friendship, not to who they lay in bed with.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I think Edinburgh, you said every friend group has this Eden.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

What do you do? Have you been in a position where all of your friends have not liked a partner selected by someone else? And how do you navigate that, even as a guy?

[A]

I've seen that internally and externally, as in, I've seen other friend groups where they're like, oh, this person is still with whoever name this is. And it has gone on for over, like, five to seven to 10 years. And it's like, why don't y' all do anything now? I don't think there's an expectation for your friends to like, have to do something, I think the only thing you can do at one point is keep giving the same advice. If at one point you do feel like that this is kind of harming you, though, I think at that point you do need to give yourself some space because it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to detach from that friend, but it does mean that you need to, like, give it some thought and realize, you know what? This is still my friend. Just to your point, this is still my friend. Like who they're with doesn't define our relationship, but it's taking a bit of a toll and I'm going to need to move back a little bit. I think that's super fair. Now when it comes to, you know, let's say more internally on my end, I've just. I'm usually the friend that I feel like gives that advice a thousand times and that's my boy and I just let it rock. And it's those damn. It's those damn situationships. It's those damn situationships them on and off and off again. It's just rebranded as a situationship and everybody's just accepting it. Cause what that means in all her 20s.

[B]

Yeah. That's what it's given.

[A]

No matter what, she's going back to that place that hurts you.

[B]

She is in a decade long, on again, off again stagnant relationship. Here's. Here's the thing I will say, and this is playing devil's advocate here.

[A]

Okay. Love it.

[B]

You're saying that the friends around her are getting married and having kids. However, it doesn't mean those relationships and those friends have the type of relationship that she desires to have. Hear me out. I have friends who will give me advice or try to give me advice unsolicited as fuck about what I'm doing and bitch, the last thing I want to do is take advice from them because what did Jordan would say? I wouldn't want their situation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I don't want to take advice from someone who also is in an unhealthy dynamic, who might be miserable, who I look at and I don't envy. So like the way that you're saying she's always wanted to be a wife, she's always wanted to be a mother. You did say she does want that now. But I wonder if you've had the conversation with what her and this guy have talked about. Like maybe it's something that's not conducive to her right now in her 30s. They probably are fertility struggles. And look at this economy bitch who wants to bring a kid into this world right now.

[A]

Yeah, that's the toughest part. I wonder. I wonder on what his. And what his objective is too, because it's like you would like to. Okay, look, you're gonna always hope for the best for your friend no matter what it is, right? It's like, even if they're in a situationship, even if they're just in a fling, at the end of the day, everybody might have two different objectives.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

He might. His objective might be maybe I just have her whenever I can, and her objective might switch to now. Maybe we could have kids. Maybe this could be real. And trying to tell your friend that and try to, like, drill that in their brain is top five toughest things in the world. It is, no matter what. Just like how she's been saying to her, maybe a little past five years now, hey, maybe he ain't shit. Maybe you need to find somebody else. It's not gonna work. There's a defensive barrier every time of like, no, but he's fine. No, but he'll change. No, but she's cool. Nope.

[B]

And that's the thing. She said she always viewed this friend as one of the wisest people she knew. But someone who's wise in books or in academia or in. Or in their professional life doesn't mean they're always the wisest with choosing with their heart. And so I'm also curious because you say that this partner who has been around for the last 10 years, their words and actions don't show that he sees her as a wife or mother. And I'd be curious to know if he actually said those things or if maybe she's dealing with a man that, like myself, doesn't want kids and doesn't want marriage for whatever reason. And she's obliging by that because she loves this partner. And I think that there are some people like, you know, I would hope that in now I would never give up what I want for a man. Like, I'm never gonna have a kid because my partner wants a kid, because that's not what I want. But I wonder if that's something she's willingly giving up right now because of her love for this part.

[A]

Yeah. You know, I'll say this to you truly and honestly, as a person who has had these feelings internally before, I'm a strong believer of if you wanted to, you would. That is straight up facts. I think no matter what the. What the situation is, it could be like he'll pick you up from somewhere and he'll buy you X, Y and Z. He'll make sure he'll, he's taking care. He'll call. If he wanted to, he would. And if you talking about 10 years.

[B]

Ten years, that's what I'm saying. But maybe he doesn't, maybe he doesn't want to.

[A]

He might not.

[B]

And maybe he knows that he doesn't want to.

[A]

And she, she definitely knows.

[B]

Maybe a kid in marriage aren't things that he wants for himself and all with her. He's one of those things. She wanted those things since she was a kid. She may have reached a point where maybe she doesn't, I don't know. I mean, I feel like I'm maybe giving him too much bail. I will say for your peace of mind, I think you should just simply remove yourself from caring about what, what she gets romantically in life.

[A]

That's tough though. That's tough.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

Imagine, imagine your bestest friend, your mentor like you, you like I feel like that you're going to care about their. Well, I mean I think it's just they're caring about their well being is one other thing.

[B]

As long as he not laying hands. And he did, she didn't say he was abusive.

[A]

Could be mental.

[B]

As long as he's not laying hands drowning her bank account like mental is. That's why I said she might have some self work that she has to do. But if he's not whooping her ass, then who's to say that you know what's best for her?

[A]

I think ultimately you do need to put space in between you two if you feel like it's hurting you. If it's, it's, if it's especially hurting your relationship.

[B]

Wait, you think she should walk away from the friendship?

[A]

Not completely completely, but you think she

[B]

should step back from like.

[A]

Yeah, I've done that. I've stepped, I've taken a step back from friendships before like proper contact.

[B]

But you, you think she should step back from this friendship just because she doesn't agree with her romantic partner more so as she's choosing to stay with him.

[A]

Exactly. Because at that point it's just like if you're going to just constantly feed girl, if you are writing in to horrible decisions to let them know that you cannot deal with your own friend that you used to look up to. It might be that you need like a couple days, maybe a month away from this friend to reevaluate.

[B]

No, I think you need to mind your business, you need to mind your own.

[A]

Both. Both.

[B]

You need to mind your own business. I'm not going to. Like I said, the only way I've stepped away from a friend because of their relationship decisions has been if they were in an abusive relationship, let me know. This man is abusing you and you decide to go back. And that's only because I don't want any parts in the decision that you make to be around someone who's abusive. And if he can abuse you, I don't want to be caught in the crossfire. I feel like that becomes just a real sticky predicament, and I can't be there while you make the decision to get beat on. But if the next challenge.

[A]

What you've definitely. I'm sure you've been in situations where you have a friend who's with a man. They. Them, other, whoever. I don't care. I'm just saying, man, in this case, they've been with a man or are with a man you definitely don't like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How have you handled that situation?

[B]

I've let friends know that I don't want to be around you and your partner at the same time. So I've asked them to not invite them to group outings. If it's just me and you hanging out, let's just me and you hang out. If you're around your partner and I call, maybe I'll let you go until he's not around. Like, to me, the friendships that I. That I have, I feel like I was your friend before this man, and nine times out of ten, I'll be here after this man. Like, if it's some. Someone that's going to be temporary. Right. And so if I don't like your partner, that's another thing. When you say I don't like, there's a lot of men that I don't find attractive that I don't think are good partners.

[A]

You don't like for them.

[B]

That I don't like for them. That's different than me genuinely not liking this person because I think they're abusing you. But, yeah, when it becomes abusive and I just can't condone or want to be around someone that I know is hurting you, I just. I basically just ask for our friendship to be outside of your. That. That romantic partnership.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So. And I think that's possible. So I don't think. But I do think that if you're getting to a place where this is affecting your piece, you. You can still show up and be Supportive to your friend in every other part of their life and just say, hey, listen, you're starting to sound like a broken record, and I can't want more for you than you want for yourself. So I'd appreciate you no longer bringing your relationship problems to me. And I've done that. I've done. Now, if you sound like bitch, I don't want to hear about a nigger,

[A]

but that's what I'm saying.

[B]

Up on you.

[A]

Call somebody else if you sound like a broken record for the last 10 years. And it's. I'm not going to lie. And it's bothering you. Take that week break. I don't care. Take that week break. Separate yourself. It doesn't mean it doesn't have to be forever. Sometimes you want a little alone time. Mandy can't even be in the same place on vacation for three days.

[B]

And you can't say, sir, don't be bringing up me and the way that I operate. This is her and her friend. And I just think you need to tell your friend, hey, sis, it's been 10 years. I want you to do better for yourself, but you not gonna leave until a woman's fed up.

[A]

But how many times has she got? You know how many.

[B]

It ain't nothing you can do about it.

[A]

How many times do you think she

[B]

told her that running out of love? I mean, not that I want to quote R. Kelly here, but literally, a woman will not leave a situation until she is ready to leave it. So just tell your friend, bitch, I'm sick of hearing you complain about this nigga. And if you not going to leave, please vent to this about this man to someone else because it's affecting my mental health and I can't take it anymore.

[A]

I like that approach. It's very. It's very straightforward. And if that don't work, you take that weak break.

[B]

Oh, my God. Anyways, guys, if you want us to answer your questions, send it on over to decisionspodmail.com Edin, do you have any 4th of July plans?

[A]

I'll be DJing somewhere in Brooklyn, so just catch me out somewhere. Just find me at thank you wedding on my ig and you'll see everything that I'm doing. I got you.

[B]

I know that's right. And if you are in New Orleans for ESSENCE Fest, please DM me. I will be out there doing man on the street content and partying with you bitches. So DM me, if you're around. I'd love to grab a drink with some members of the Whore Hive and maybe even get you on my microphone again. I will be out there this weekend in New Orleans, baby. Anyways, thank you guys so much. This is you Got Decisions again. Send your questions to decisionspotmail.com and we'll see you motherfuckers next week. Bye.

[A]

This is an I heart podcast.

[B]

Guaranteed human.