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You've Got Decisions: ENM Update + WLW Does This Count as Cheating?

Decisions, Decisions

Thu May 07 2026

Summary

Podcast Summary: "You've Got Decisions: ENM Update + WLW Does This Count as Cheating?"

Podcast: Decisions, Decisions
Hosts: Mandii B & WeezyWTF
Date: May 7, 2026
Theme: This episode explores the complexities of non-monogamous relationships and the nuances of emotional and sexual boundaries, focusing on honest listener dilemmas: an ENM relationship breakdown and whether watching porn counts as "cheating" in a lesbian relationship.

Episode Overview

Mandii and Weezy bring their trademark humor and realness to candid discussions about boundaries, trust, and self-worth in modern relationships. They revisit a listener's previous update about difficulties in an ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy) relationship, then dive deep into a listener letter from a queer woman grappling with her partner's views on porn and intimacy droughts.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. ENM Update – An Ethical Non-Monogamy Relationship on the Rocks

[03:25–08:02]

Listener Update Recap ([03:44]):
- Original dilemma (April 1 episode): Couple attempted ENM after a breakup, established boundaries.
- Update: The partner broke explicit rules (sex with another without communicating, hiding encounters).
- Listener ended the relationship but struggles with the idea of staying friends.
Mandii and Weezy's Reactions:
- Honesty and Friendship ([05:57], [06:40]):
  - "How can you have a friend who doesn’t honor the basic need for honesty and respect?" – Weezy ([05:53])
  - Mandii: Difficult to remain friends. Emotional routines are hard to break, but healing requires space.
  - Trauma-bonded relationships often lead to repeated hurt if one tries to maintain a friendship post-breakup.
- Memorable Quote:
  - "Girl, daddy nigga ain't your friend either." – Weezy ([06:03])

Advice Highlights

Breakups are challenging due to lost familiarity, not love alone.
Trauma bonds need to be broken for true healing.
Remaining friends with an ex, especially after dishonesty, is not recommended.

2. Listener Letter: Does Watching Porn Count as Cheating in a Stagnant Lesbian Relationship?

[08:03–27:41]

The Dilemma:
- A lesbian couple, together since their teens, now in their mid-to-late 20s, is facing a “stagnant and slow” sex life.
- The "masculine partner" writes in: She frequently initiates but is often rejected. Occasionally withholds sex as payback. Turns to porn and masturbation for relief, but her partner sees porn as "cheating."
- Emotional distress: Cries over the lack of intimacy, wonders if it's her fault, feels unloved and undesired.

Mandii & Weezy’s Analysis

Weaponizing Sex is Fatal for Relationships ([19:12]):
- Mandii: Using sex as a tool or for “payback” erodes intimacy:
  - "I actually don't think relationships work once they get to that point."
- Payback tactics (“When she finally wants it, I deny her so she knows how I feel”) signify underlying resentment—a death knell.
Intimacy ≠ Sex and The ‘Ick Factor’ ([21:12], [23:14]):
- Relationships need to maintain non-sexual intimacy (cuddling, touch).
- "If intimacy and physical touch is only being shown in the bedroom...you start to feel less desired." – Weezy ([21:14])
- When routine or personality quirks (e.g., baby voice) become annoying after arguments, it's a sign deeper issues exist.
Love Languages Evolve ([22:45]):
- Mandii suggests a candid conversation about love languages—as people change over time, needs and ways of expressing love shift.
On Masturbation & Porn: Is It Cheating? ([24:21–26:47]):
- Both hosts agree watching porn is NOT cheating.
- Partners feeling hurt by masturbation often stems from feeling “chosen over,” but this is usually about insecurity.
- Quote:
  - "The idea of complaining about [your partner masturbating or watching porn] is insane." – Wheezy ([26:56])
- They call out personal hypocrisy (e.g., being okay with some porn but not others).
- Mandii’s Advice: If you’re questioning fidelity due to porn, examine your own feelings of inadequacy, not your partner’s behavior.

Conclusion: This Relationship May Be Over

Multiple signs—weaponized sex, unresolved intimacy needs, tit-for-tat attitude, and mutual “ick”—suggest it's time to move on if both partners aren’t willing to do the work.
- Quote:
  - "Break up with her before you cheat… And the cheating is coming." – Wheezy ([27:15])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

"How can you have a friend who doesn’t honor the basic need for honesty and respect?" – Weezy ([05:53])
"Girl, daddy nigga ain’t your friend either." – Weezy ([06:03])
"I actually don't think relationships work once they get to that point." – Mandii ([19:12])
"If intimacy and physical touch is only being shown in the bedroom... you start to feel less desired." – Wheezy ([21:14])
"The idea of complaining about [your partner masturbating or watching porn] is insane." – Wheezy ([26:56])
"Break up with her before you cheat… And the cheating is coming." – Wheezy ([27:15])

Timestamps for Important Segments

[03:44] – ENM Listener Update and Response
[06:40] – Friendship after Breakup and Trauma Bonding
[08:03] – Introduction of "Is Watching Porn Cheating?" Listener Letter
[19:12] – Weaponizing Sex and Relationship Breakdown Analysis
[21:14] – Non-Sexual Intimacy and Evolving Love Languages
[24:21] – Is Watching Porn Cheating? Personal Reflections and Advice
[27:15] – Final Verdict: Time to Break Up

Tone and Language

Conversational, frank, humorous, and unapologetically real.
Hosts challenge each other and listeners to face hard truths and break from patriarchal, restrictive norms.

Summary

This episode navigates the messy reality of modern relationships—ENM gone wrong, weaponized intimacy, and what truly constitutes cheating. Mandii and Weezy, in their signature style, offer empathy, tough love, and plenty of laughs, but ultimately, they remind listeners that honesty, evolving self-awareness, and real communication are the only ways to build—and end—healthy relationships.

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Transcript

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Mandy (0:35)

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Wheezy (8:03)

All right, well, let's get into this week. If you guys have a letter and need our advice. We are not experts, but I think we kind of know a little bit of something something. Send it over to our email decisionspodmail.com if you want to skip the line, join us on Patreon. That's patreon.com horribledecisions drop us a message in our messages and we normally dig through that first. Anyways, Weezy, let's get into this one and I love that this one comes from a man. Oh yeah, I ain't got that in a while. All right. Hey y'. All, please keep anon if shared, which we are a really big fan of both hey Mark. Hey. Actually you know it's the quantes bitches. So here is my dilemma. My partner and I don't have sex often, so I masturbate and watch porn occasionally to get some relief. She thinks it's cheating. I think it's relief. Am I really cheating? For some context, our sex life has been pretty stagnant and slow for a while now. The last couple of years I forget that. Oh I'm lying bitch. My bad. I didn't read through it all. This is a lesbian relationship, so it's given. Sarah I forget what they call that in lesbian relationships, but we've been together since we were teenagers and we're now in our mid to late 20s. I feel like I've expressed multiple times and in different ways that I would like to be intimate more frequently, even if it's only a month and planned. I've even cried to her asking if it's me, my appearance, or the act itself. Her response is that she feels like I only touch her when I want to have sex, so that doesn't get her in the mood. But that part that I think she fails to understand is that I, the masculine in the relationship, tend to initiate sex 9 to 10, 9 out of 10 of the time. So to get denied every time I try, it really hurts my feelings and ego. On the rare occasion that she actually wants to have sex, I deny her just so she can feel what I feel even though it hurts me inside because I know I want it. I don't really agree with what she says because we've been having this issue for months, if not a year, and I feel like I have listened and tried to touch her randomly without the expectation for sex. Right now we can go months without sex and if I'm being honest, it really hurts my self esteem knowing that I've expressed myself and yet my needs aren't being met in the slightest. However, when we do have sex, it seems to be enjoyable for her as she's always talking about some. This is great. I need this again. Why don't we do this more? And of course I'm love satisfied, but I know in the back of my mind I have to put on a show because who knows when I'll get it again. I feel like watching porn is the safest thing I can do and stop me from really cheating. As a reformed dog, it's really hard for me to handle these dry spells and then the annoyance of hearing watching porn is cheating. Any advice on navigating this? By the way, Mandy, I'm a huge fan. I've been a fan since 2018 when I was in junior college. I love the work you do on all your platforms. Thank you. And the ones you're gracious enough to bless between. Oh God, you're going to love this. Between you and Candace Owens. I love an outspoken black woman that ain't scared to stand on it.

Summary

Podcast Summary: "You've Got Decisions: ENM Update + WLW Does This Count as Cheating?"

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. ENM Update – An Ethical Non-Monogamy Relationship on the Rocks

[03:25–08:02]

Listener Update Recap ([03:44]):
- Original dilemma (April 1 episode): Couple attempted ENM after a breakup, established boundaries.
- Update: The partner broke explicit rules (sex with another without communicating, hiding encounters).
- Listener ended the relationship but struggles with the idea of staying friends.
Mandii and Weezy's Reactions:
- Honesty and Friendship ([05:57], [06:40]):
  - "How can you have a friend who doesn’t honor the basic need for honesty and respect?" – Weezy ([05:53])
  - Mandii: Difficult to remain friends. Emotional routines are hard to break, but healing requires space.
  - Trauma-bonded relationships often lead to repeated hurt if one tries to maintain a friendship post-breakup.
- Memorable Quote:
  - "Girl, daddy nigga ain't your friend either." – Weezy ([06:03])

Advice Highlights

Breakups are challenging due to lost familiarity, not love alone.
Trauma bonds need to be broken for true healing.
Remaining friends with an ex, especially after dishonesty, is not recommended.

2. Listener Letter: Does Watching Porn Count as Cheating in a Stagnant Lesbian Relationship?

[08:03–27:41]

The Dilemma:
- A lesbian couple, together since their teens, now in their mid-to-late 20s, is facing a “stagnant and slow” sex life.
- The "masculine partner" writes in: She frequently initiates but is often rejected. Occasionally withholds sex as payback. Turns to porn and masturbation for relief, but her partner sees porn as "cheating."
- Emotional distress: Cries over the lack of intimacy, wonders if it's her fault, feels unloved and undesired.

Mandii & Weezy’s Analysis

Weaponizing Sex is Fatal for Relationships ([19:12]):
- Mandii: Using sex as a tool or for “payback” erodes intimacy:
  - "I actually don't think relationships work once they get to that point."
- Payback tactics (“When she finally wants it, I deny her so she knows how I feel”) signify underlying resentment—a death knell.
Intimacy ≠ Sex and The ‘Ick Factor’ ([21:12], [23:14]):
- Relationships need to maintain non-sexual intimacy (cuddling, touch).
- "If intimacy and physical touch is only being shown in the bedroom...you start to feel less desired." – Weezy ([21:14])
- When routine or personality quirks (e.g., baby voice) become annoying after arguments, it's a sign deeper issues exist.
Love Languages Evolve ([22:45]):
- Mandii suggests a candid conversation about love languages—as people change over time, needs and ways of expressing love shift.
On Masturbation & Porn: Is It Cheating? ([24:21–26:47]):
- Both hosts agree watching porn is NOT cheating.
- Partners feeling hurt by masturbation often stems from feeling “chosen over,” but this is usually about insecurity.
- Quote:
  - "The idea of complaining about [your partner masturbating or watching porn] is insane." – Wheezy ([26:56])
- They call out personal hypocrisy (e.g., being okay with some porn but not others).
- Mandii’s Advice: If you’re questioning fidelity due to porn, examine your own feelings of inadequacy, not your partner’s behavior.

Conclusion: This Relationship May Be Over

Multiple signs—weaponized sex, unresolved intimacy needs, tit-for-tat attitude, and mutual “ick”—suggest it's time to move on if both partners aren’t willing to do the work.
- Quote:
  - "Break up with her before you cheat… And the cheating is coming." – Wheezy ([27:15])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

"How can you have a friend who doesn’t honor the basic need for honesty and respect?" – Weezy ([05:53])
"Girl, daddy nigga ain’t your friend either." – Weezy ([06:03])
"I actually don't think relationships work once they get to that point." – Mandii ([19:12])
"If intimacy and physical touch is only being shown in the bedroom... you start to feel less desired." – Wheezy ([21:14])
"The idea of complaining about [your partner masturbating or watching porn] is insane." – Wheezy ([26:56])
"Break up with her before you cheat… And the cheating is coming." – Wheezy ([27:15])

Timestamps for Important Segments

[03:44] – ENM Listener Update and Response
[06:40] – Friendship after Breakup and Trauma Bonding
[08:03] – Introduction of "Is Watching Porn Cheating?" Listener Letter
[19:12] – Weaponizing Sex and Relationship Breakdown Analysis
[21:14] – Non-Sexual Intimacy and Evolving Love Languages
[24:21] – Is Watching Porn Cheating? Personal Reflections and Advice
[27:15] – Final Verdict: Time to Break Up

Tone and Language

Conversational, frank, humorous, and unapologetically real.
Hosts challenge each other and listeners to face hard truths and break from patriarchal, restrictive norms.