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Mandy
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Mandy
If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend or a terrible thruffle, guess what? You've got decisions. You've got decisions. Welcome y' all to another episode of you Got Decisions. On this motherfucking hunt date, I am joined by a very special guest to help give you bitches Some advice, y'. All. I have one third of the friend zone with me and one of my very good best friends, Asante.
Asante
I'm in this motherfucker, okay?
Mandy
Period.
Asante
Period.
Mandy
Period to help me out. If you guys want to send in your questions, make sure you send them hoes on in to decisionspodmail.com before we get started with this week, as always, I'm going to read a lovely review about our book. Our New York Times bestselling book, no Holes Barred, a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power. This one comes from Lenny, who rated us 5 stars over on Amazon, pre ordered as a loyal 2017 whorehive member. I've been following Mandy and Weezy for years now. Reading their book just solidified how far these two ladies have come along in their journeys. The stories inside this book make them feel even more personable than how they already were. If you haven't joined the Patreon, I also highly recommend Bitch, Me too. They share a lot of themselves with their fans there as well. Love you guys and continue educating the people through real and raw experiences.
Asante
Yes.
Mandy
Now clearly I kidnapped Ahsante for a little bit. So if y' all want to hear me talk about my recent experience with the new nigga in my life, go on over to patreon.com horrible decisions because we're still horrible. For this very special edition of youf Got Decisions, I'm gonna blend Mandy on.
Asante
The hotline Mandy on the hotline I'm up talking nerdy to you.
Mandy
And y' all know I donet 1/4 of pretty Ricky so now kind of a hard part.
Asante
I wish I could sing for real. Sorry.
Mandy
Go ahead. Okay. And speaking of Mandy on the hotline, I'm just gonna play a voicemail from someone who loves Mandy on the Hotline. By the way, if you want to leave a voicemail, you can call 973-932-0227 and leave a voicemail like this one.
Shay
Hey Mandy on the hotline, one of your listeners. I'm actually driving on my way to work right now. I didn't really have a question head on that I could think of, but I'm a huge fan of the show. I just pre ordered the audio period. And I hope you guys keep doing what y' all doing. I enjoy selective ignorance and I enjoy everything both of you guys put out as a collective. But yeah, maybe I'll call back with some advice if I can speak on it a little later down the line. But I appreciate y' all and keep doing what y' all doing.
Mandy
We appreciate you. Now. What is that? What kind of slow, slow jam shit is that?
Asante
That was Lil Durkheim. That was vanish mode. No, because I was on Instagram and it was a song that was on my status for whatever reason. Cause I listened to it on my spot. Yeah, what's wrong with Lil Durk?
Mandy
Nothing is wrong.
Asante
We're gonna do Lil Durk.
Mandy
You know what's crazy? I didn't peg you as a little Dirk fan. I didn't peg you as a. As a little Dirk fan.
Asante
No, look, that list. The list of people you pegged. I know, it's immaculate.
Mandy
That's crazy.
Asante
Unfortunately, it's immaculate.
Mandy
But you're not.
Asante
Unfortunately, I am not list. Listen. No, it was Lil Durk. Apparently he's fine now or something. Was it Lil Durk or Gunna?
Mandy
Apparently he's fine. Is it Lil Durk in jail?
Asante
It's about Gunna.
Mandy
Gunna. It's a clone.
Asante
It's a clone.
Mandy
It's gotta be a clone.
Asante
It's so.
Mandy
Cause I used to see that nigga in his little leather shorts and half. He couldn't dress for shit.
Asante
There needs to be a conversation about that for real.
Mandy
Because the nigga is fine now.
Asante
Like, Gucci came back looking real good. Gunna been like fitness. And he just looked.
Mandy
And you missed it. I said it. Let's send everybody to jail. Then when they come out.
Asante
Baby, that's not okay.
Mandy
Okay, that's science.
Asante
No, no, no. Okay, okay, let's send some. Send somebody to jail. It's crazy.
Mandy
Okay, let's not send.
Asante
I think I know who you voted for now. I'm like, what?
Mandy
No. Okay, that came out wrong. But there is like, whatever workouts they do in jail, you know?
Asante
Now don't get me wrong, this is gonna sound terrible, but I always said.
Mandy
To myself I just sounded terrible.
Asante
Okay, well, then I always said if I got locked up, then I wouldn't have nothing to do but to work out. I'm like, you know what?
Mandy
No, you would fuck too.
Asante
Well, that's the place. I don't want to say that on here. You see that video? That dude that said he was in jail? He said he had the best time of his life. No, there's this gay man. He was.
Mandy
You talking about Tay?
Asante
I don't know his fucking name.
Mandy
Tay is the only fans go here. No, Tay is the only fans nigga who's now like you. You.
Asante
Tay is the only fan.
Mandy
Oh, see, ok. They're the only fan guy, y'.
Asante
All. No, no, no. Who Got loc now.
Mandy
He makes all this jail content bending over straight niggas in his cell.
Asante
There's something wrong with him. Cause there's been, like, things happening to him on Twitter. He's like. He looks like he's mentally. Like something might be going on with him.
Mandy
Well, he's in jail. That's a tough environment to be in.
Asante
I mean. Yes. And so imagine being. And he's trying to be a content creator behind bars too. So, like, what?
Mandy
I don't subscribe, but I watch the free stuff on Twitter. It's kind of good.
Asante
I've seen some things.
Mandy
It's kind of good.
Asante
Yes. So, all right, anyway.
Mandy
All right, let's get back to it. We have a question from Shay from Houston and Ahsante, help me with this question.
Shay
Hey, this is Shay from Houston, Texas. I just called and left a voicemail, but I'm gonna leave another one to make it a little shorter. Long story short, I have a homegirl that me and her had a threesome with somebody in my apartment for my birthday as a birthday gift. Cents that time. Like, us three have consistently hung out with each other, spent days with each other, you know, at each other's apartments, her apartment, my apartment, his apartment. We've been on separate dates and things like that. We've been on couple days. Like, everything seems to be real cool, and it's very situationship. Ish. But I kind of want to bring up the topic of us actually being in a poly relationship or being in some type of throuple, and I'm not really sure how to approach a conversation, particularly with Ken. His name is Ken. Her name is Drea. And I was just looking for advice on what you guys think I should do as far as, like, approaching that conversation. And my reason that is, Ken, is because, you know, he comes off as, like, a man's man, and I just don't want to turn him off from. From it. Like, I don't want him to think, like, oh, you know, now I gotta be something extra than what it is. I really don't want anything to change. I just wanna get those terms understood. Anyway, any advice you guys could give will be great. Thanks.
Mandy
First off, shout out to you and your homegirl.
Asante
Oh, okay. For giving congratulations to you.
Mandy
Giving each other threesomes for your birthday is like, oh, but you did that.
Asante
Yeah, I like that as a little bit.
Mandy
That's amazing. And clearly, y' all done brought some nigga in that both of y' all were pleased by, because y' all both hanging out with him together, separately. Y' all are all doing this. How do you.
Asante
You know? Well, first of all, congratulations. Some of us can't stumble into one good situationship, let alone a double. Like a. Like a full.
Mandy
A potential throuple.
Asante
A poly situationship is crazy. So I feel like everything's already there. You know what I'm saying? You're just trying to clarify or get the terms understood. You said you don't want things to change.
Mandy
They would if they're the type.
Asante
If you're having a conversation. Look, if you have the conversation, things are changing, you know?
Shay
Yeah.
Asante
If y' all just gonna keep doing what y' all doing, then, you know y' all gonna keep doing what y' all doing. But there is something to be said about wanting more and maybe trying to potentially see where that can go. So I feel like if you want to have the conversation, sit down with both of them and just be real. Like, remind everybody of all the good things that are happening and see if they want more of it.
Mandy
Now, I. If y' all listen on Patreon, I thought that I could continue being friends with Activae after we broke up.
Asante
Oh.
Mandy
And so for me, my. My initial mind goes to, how close of friends are you and this homegirl? Because once you introduce a romantic relationship into this. And when I say romantic, I'm talking about clearly the being together.
Asante
Yeah.
Mandy
Cause y' all know I fuck my friends, and it doesn't change the dynamic of it.
Asante
Right.
Mandy
But getting into a romantic relationship with someone where now you have to show up as a partner.
Asante
Right.
Mandy
Will change the dynamic of the relationship that you have with her. And so for me, I think I would sit with first. Would I be willing to lose this friendship? Because now I want more. And a lot of times where you think you can maintain friendships with someone after romantic relationships, apparently you can't.
Asante
I tried, but she seemed more concerned with the guy.
Mandy
So the reason here's my thing about the guy. She. She brings him up as, like, a manly man. And so for me, I think her concern is maybe he's a ho ass nigga. And so how she even described it, where she's like, I just don't know if he's gonna be into doing all that for me. I felt like he's not someone that maybe wants to be tied down.
Asante
I kind of took it. I took it to. Maybe she didn't know. She'd freak him out with, like. Like, maybe he thinks he a title, though.
Mandy
That's what I'm saying.
Asante
Well, a title but like, you know, maybe he likes fucking with the one girl, her. But like, it might be weird for him to be like, you want to be poly now, girl? Like, that's like, that's your friend. And like, yeah, we had threesomes. And again, I don't know, my dysfunctional feeling right here is happening.
Mandy
I mean, I mean, that's the thing too. We don't know how old she is, Right? To me, I actually kind of agree with what you're saying. We have been talking on this podcast about non monogamy and all these lifestyle ways of dating.
Asante
Because some niggas ain't in all that.
Mandy
And they not. They'd rather just cheat on you.
Asante
Right?
Mandy
They'd rather just.
Asante
When you brought that up too. Like, that's a good point. Like, you're right, bitch. I ain't trying to be no threesome. I'm gonna just keep doing this shit over here because it's freaky. But, like, I'm not trying to be in a three way relationship. So it could go either way of him not wanting to be in it. But what I would say is have a conversation with him because I feel like she want to talk to him about it first. If you feel secure in your friendship with your homegirl and that y' all could like forego that for a poly relationship, then cool, kudos to you. But if you're trying to figure out how you're gonna approach the topic of being in a poly relationship with him, really see where he's at with the relationship with you first and how he would feel about integrating another person into that or what his true feelings are about your friendship and what that would mean as far as y' all being more than friends now and like, how like. And even for you and your friend, y' all would need to have a conversation about that.
Mandy
Like, so I agree with that. I think you had to have separate conversations with them individually before bringing it.
Asante
Like, separate conversations about where you're at with them, where they're at with themselves and how they feel about everything that's been going on together.
Mandy
Because also, this just rooted from a goddamn threesome.
Asante
Yeah.
Mandy
Are they dating other people?
Asante
Right?
Mandy
What are, what are their interactions sexually and romantically outside of this little trio?
Asante
Right. Cause it might be like, we're having the threesome, that's fun. But then like, oh, now it's Wednesday and I'm on a date with a nigga and I'mma fuck him tonight instead. But I'm gonna see these bitches on Friday, Saturday, so I have the threesome I'm looking forward to. But if they're spending time together and maybe accidentally grocery shopping all three of them now, and it's like but we might as well split the bills three.
Mandy
Ways because it looked like they got three apartments. If y' all all just want to save some money, Honey, in this economy, eggs is $36 okay?
Asante
I might need a bill split too. I got in this piece.
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Mandy
I agree with, with, with where you're at though. I think you should talk to them individually, see where they're at, especially outside of each other. Outside of you.
Asante
Right.
Mandy
And then consider with your friend if you, you'd be willing to, you know, potentially ruin that friendship because you wanted something more.
Asante
Because they are, they actually have already crossed the line. They having these, they're in like a poly situationship. So now she's just trying to figure.
Mandy
Out, well like so that's the other dynamic. First off, you're not in a poly relationship if you just hanging out in.
Asante
Fucking poly situation shit.
Mandy
I think that that's the thing too. I think when we start attaching poly to things, poly is an umbrella term and there's so many ways.
Asante
Yeah, there's a lot of formation to have that dynamic.
Mandy
And so you guys have to talk about if it's gonna be closed, if it's gonna be open. Like even before you bring are we.
Asante
In a relationship but I get to date other people or like are we dating them?
Mandy
To do we get to all fuck other people and date other people, I would want you to do a deep dive on all of the different ways poly can be experienced. And then if you're coming with them with this idea, you need to know your boundaries and what really you're comfortable with. You know what I mean?
Asante
Yep.
Mandy
So to me it looks like it looks like that.
Asante
Yeah.
Mandy
Looks like that.
Asante
Yeah.
Mandy
For me I would want you to sit with realistically, your own feelings, your own boundaries. And before you be like, let's be in a poly relationship, you need to go down all the different poly relationships and figure out what would even truly work for you.
Asante
Right. And Honestly, reflect some deep reflection. Are you ready for a relationship with two people? Like, if you're thinking about, like, could this be more? But you say you want to keep things where they're at. If you want to keep things where they're at, then you might not want to say anything, period. But if you want more from it, so really have that conversation with yourself before you step into how you're going to have it with both of them, you know, either separate or together. Cause you could just, you know, keep them together and just be like, so what are we all doing? How are we all feeling? Cause some people like to do it like that, but I'm the type, I want to see what we doing separately. You know, figuring out where you're at to see if I can align the hearts and heads together.
Mandy
I think that's the thing too. When you talk about wanting to be in a relationship as an adult, especially a poly one, especially including two or more people, what other things do they have going on? Yeah, are they co parents?
Asante
Like, somebody wants to know. Like somebody has to know how the formula is being put together. Yeah, sometimes there's the two that come in for the one, but sometimes there's the one bringing the two or three or whatever together. But you have to. Somebody has to have the knowledge of how these.
Mandy
Well, that's the thing I just brought up. Do any of them co parent? Because, baby, now both of y' all gotta deal with. Oh, Lord, both of y' all gotta deal with the parent.
Asante
What if somebody wants kids and somebody.
Mandy
Don'T look now we going down the rabbit hole. But yes, all of that, all of those things you actually have to consider before getting into a relationship. And so if the sex is fun and y' all just like hanging out, the pressure of a relationship doesn't have to be there.
Asante
Yes, Ashley.
Mandy
Um, but yeah, as it gets a little difficult when you start adding in all of these different scenarios and ways in which you have to show up. Um, and for me, I love that we're thinking of these non traditional ways of having relationships, but also the dick, the pussy. The threesome could have just been that five, that now you also think you want to be in a relationship with these people, but really when you unpeel the layers, these might not be people that make a good partner. And I think that that's the last part I want to end on is that a lot of times we have sex with people and when that oxytocin and hormones and all the science happens, we get delusional. And we start seeing these people as something more than just the great time that we had in the bedroom.
Asante
Can I admit, I am a very delusional person. But here's the thing. I love my delusions because I know how to separate them.
Mandy
How do you separate your delusion if you delusion?
Asante
Well, because I already know that the world sucks, period. So, like, I know that when I'm having a delusion, it's like. Like, this is amazing. Not because it's actually amazing.
Mandy
Ok?
Asante
Making it amazing. So when I'm thinking about, like, oh, this is so much fun, I might want to be with this nigga, I'm thinking to myself, I want to be with this nigga in this moment. But this nigga is broke or they're not doing anything what they like. I mean, I can have fun with a broke nigga. I want to have a lie.
Mandy
First off, let's be very clear. If y' all go back to horrible decisions, maybe this was. What was this? Probably pre pandemic. So maybe like 2018, 2019, I was fucking this nigga and he was fucking me so good. And we would, like, smoke blunts, listen to Young Thug, all the shit. He the one who put me on the Young Thug. Anyway, it was so good. I considered what things could look like with us. Hold on, you ready? And he had nine kids. Not only did he have nine kids, I fucked him and one of his baby mamas. This is how. But I considered.
Asante
So that. Look, it was really that good. It was really good.
Mandy
Listen, I fucked him and the baby mama, and so.
Asante
Oh, my God, bruh.
Mandy
And I literally was like, oh, I could be with a nigga with nine kids. What was I. But that. So I use that as the example of when it's good. You really start thinking of all these things it could be. And it's like, bitch, wake up.
Asante
Yep. Mm. Mm.
Mandy
And so this might be a bitch wake up moment.
Asante
Yep. Like, yeah, it was cute.
Mandy
It was fun.
Asante
Yep. It could. Yes.
Mandy
But, bitch, wake up.
Asante
Yes. All right, you hit another point, but a very important one. It could definitely be a bitch wake up moment.
Mandy
It could be just a bitch wake up. I'm glad you came, sis. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Asante
Glad the coochie tape said that was so much fun. That we are not supposed to be doing that on a regular basis or. That's so much fun. We don't need to marry that type of shit.
Mandy
This should be for, like, holidays and birthdays.
Asante
I was like, this is so much fun. We only need it on Labor Day after all the bitches done put the white like this is when we're gonna have this. We don't need to marry this.
Mandy
We don't.
Asante
We don't need to take this home to Mom. That's not what's happening period. We don't need to take two people home to mom.
Mandy
So our advice to you, Shay from Houston is Bitch, wake up. Cause you might be asleep.
Asante
There was a lot of advice in there, but Bitch wake up is the greatest place to land.
Mandy
Yes, if you want more advice from us on you got decisions Again, email us decisionspodmail.com or if you want to leave a voicemail and be a part of Mandy on the hotline over on the Patreon. It's 973-93-2022 Sale beach and that's all. See you guys next week by.
Shay
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Weezy
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Mandy
This is an iHeart podcast.
Podcast Summary: Decisions, Decisions – "You've Got Decisions: From A Threesome To A Throuple (Ft. Asante)"
Podcast Information:
In this insightful episode, hosts Mandii B and Asante navigate the intricate transition from casual threesomes to more committed throuple relationships. Through a listener's heartfelt query, they dissect the challenges and considerations inherent in polyamorous dynamics, offering practical advice grounded in personal experience and authenticity.
Listener Profile:
Shay's Concerns:
Notable Quote:
Mandii B and Asante delve into Shay's situation, offering a multifaceted approach to handling the shift from a casual threesome to a more structured throuple relationship.
Key Recommendations:
Individual Conversations:
Mandii's Insight:
Assessing Relationship Dynamics:
Asante's Perspective:
Defining the Structure:
Mandii's Advice:
Self-Reflection:
Asante's Reflection:
Practical Considerations:
Mandii's Note:
Notable Quotes:
Mandii B shares a candid story from her past, illustrating the pitfalls of mistaking casual hookups for deeper connections:
Notable Exchange:
Mandii and Asante wrap up the episode by reiterating the complexity of Shay's situation and the importance of self-awareness and honest communication in transitioning to a polyamorous relationship. They emphasize that while non-traditional relationships can offer freedom and authenticity, they also require careful navigation to ensure all parties feel respected and valued.
Final Advice:
Final Notable Quote:
Conclusion: In this episode of "Decisions, Decisions," Mandii B and Asante offer a nuanced exploration of moving from casual hookups to polyamorous relationships. Through Shay's heartfelt inquiry and the hosts' seasoned advice, listeners gain valuable insights into the importance of communication, self-awareness, and boundary-setting in fostering authentic and respectful connections in today's evolving relationship landscape.