You've Got Decisions: I'm Desperate and She Won't Sleep With Me!!!!

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Decisions, Decisions" Episode - You've Got Decisions: I'm Desperate and She Won't Sleep With Me!!!!

Podcast Information:

• Title: Decisions, Decisions
• Hosts/Authors: Mandii B and WeezyWTF
• Description: Decisions, Decisions is a candid and boundary-pushing podcast that delves into the complexities of non-traditional relationships. Hosted by Mandii B and WeezyWTF, the show explores taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love with humor, vulnerability, and authenticity. Each episode invites listeners to unlearn outdated patriarchal narratives and embrace modern relationship dynamics through personal stories, diverse guest interviews, and thought-provoking discussions.

Episode Details:

• Title: You've Got Decisions: I'm Desperate and She Won't Sleep With Me!!!!
• Release Date: April 2, 2025

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Introduction to the Episode

The episode kicks off with Mandii B and WeezyWTF addressing a listener's heartfelt yet complicated question. The discussion revolves around the challenges of navigating a budding bisexual relationship where one partner is hesitant to engage sexually, leading to feelings of desperation and confusion.

Listener’s Dilemma: Navigating Bisexual Relationships

Listener’s Question Overview: A 25-year-old Black bisexual woman shares her experience of dating another woman for several months. Despite strong chemistry and emotional connection, she struggles with her partner’s reluctance to engage in sexual activities beyond make-out sessions. This hesitation is causing her to question the future of the relationship and contemplate moving on.

Key Points Discussed:

1. Understanding Bisexual Identities and Sexual Desires

   • WeezyWTF emphasizes the complexity of bisexuality, noting that identification doesn’t always equate to uniform sexual desires or behaviors.
   • Quote [04:59]:

     WeezyWTF: "She may identify as bi, not that gay. I don't want to use that with us. I feel."

2. Sexual Initiation and Communication Gaps

   • The hosts delve into the importance of open communication regarding sexual needs and boundaries within bisexual relationships.
   • Quote [06:39]:

     Mandy B: "It’s not just fingers. That's not what lesbian sex is all about."

3. Defining Sexual Acts and Boundaries

   • A nuanced discussion on what constitutes sexual activity within lesbian relationships, challenging traditional definitions and highlighting personal preferences.
   • Quote [10:58]:

     WeezyWTF: "She says sex with women is oral making out and fingering. I'm saying if I'm having sex with a woman, I don't want them to do anything to me. Which this is what's happening here."

4. Addressing Feelings of Rejection and Self-Blame

   • Mandy B shares personal experiences and empathizes with the listener’s feelings of rejection, encouraging self-reflection and open dialogue.
   • Quote [15:25]:

     Mandy B: "We've got to stop thinking that at certain points the rejection is really about us because why would people spend this much time with you if there was a true rejection there?"

5. Encouraging Direct Communication

   • The hosts advocate for directly addressing sexual expectations and desires to mitigate misunderstandings and emotional distress.
   • Quote [13:41]:

     WeezyWTF: "Have you had the conversation about what her relationships with women look like."

Insights and Conclusions

Mandii B and WeezyWTF conclude that the listener's feelings of desperation stem from a lack of clear communication about sexual needs and boundaries. They recommend initiating an open and honest conversation with the partner to understand her perspectives and negotiate mutual satisfaction within the relationship. The hosts highlight that understanding and respecting each other's sexual boundaries is crucial for the health and longevity of any relationship, especially within the diverse spectrum of bisexual partnerships.

Final Thoughts and Advice

The episode wraps up with empowering advice to listeners facing similar challenges:

• WeezyWTF: Encourages listeners to embrace their sexual identities without self-imposed limitations.
• Mandy B: Reminds listeners that feeling rejected often reflects more on personal interactions than on individual worth.

Quote [17:36]:

WeezyWTF: "In order for you to get out of your own head and blame yourself about it and feel that level of rejection, you literally just need to maybe ask the questions and open the room to communicate with her about you having these sexual needs and desires."

Conclusion

This episode of Decisions, Decisions offers a deep dive into the intricacies of bisexual relationships, emphasizing the importance of communication, self-awareness, and mutual respect. Mandii B and WeezyWTF provide valuable perspectives and actionable advice for listeners navigating similar relational challenges, fostering a space for authentic connections and personal growth.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• WeezyWTF [04:59]: "She may identify as bi, not that gay. I don't want to use that with us. I feel."
• Mandy B [06:39]: "It’s not just fingers. That's not what lesbian sex is all about."
• WeezyWTF [10:58]: "She says sex with women is oral making out and fingering. I'm saying if I'm having sex with a woman, I don't want them to do anything to me. Which this is what's happening here."
• Mandy B [15:25]: "We've got to stop thinking that at certain points the rejection is really about us because why would people spend this much time with you if there was a true rejection there?"
• WeezyWTF [17:36]: "In order for you to get out of your own head and blame yourself about it and feel that level of rejection, you literally just need to maybe ask the questions and open the room to communicate with her about you having these sexual needs and desires."

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Additional Resources:

• Listener Engagement: Listeners are encouraged to submit their questions to decisionspodmail.com for future episodes.
• Patreon: Access full videos and bonus content at patreon.com/HorribleDecisions.
• Book Promotion: Hosts promote their book, No Holds Barred, a Dual Manifesto on Sexual Exploration and Power, available for pre-order.

Join the Conversation: Tune into Decisions, Decisions every Monday for more candid discussions on love, sex, and modern relationships. Subscribe and become part of a community dedicated to reshaping our understanding of connection and intimacy.

Transcript

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[Charlamagne Tha God]

I go by the name of Charlamagne Tha God and guess what? I can't wait to see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right, we're coming Back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April 26th at Pullman Yards. And it's hosted by none other than Decisions Decisions, Mandy B and Weezy. Okay, we got the R and B Money podcast with Tank and Jay Valentine. We got the Woman Evolved podcast with Sarah, Jake Roberts. We got Good Moms, Bad Choices. Carrie Champion will be there with Her Neck in Sports podcast and the Trap Nerds podcast with more to be announced. And of course, it's bigger than podcast. We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with black owned businesses, plus the Food Truck court to keep you fed while you visit us. All right, listen, you don't want to miss this, tap in and grab your tickets [e-mail] podcast festival.

[Mandy B]

If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible thruffle, guess what?

[Weezy]

You've got decisions. You've always got decisions. Welcome y'all to another you've got decision.

[Mandy B]

Send in your Questions to us decisionspodmail.com we want to know what the fuck is going on with you. What's the tea with your baby daddy? What's the tea with a nigga you like? What's the tea with the bitch you was fighting with at work? We're going to tell you what your decisions are going to be.

[Weezy]

That's right. And this one is really interesting because there's a lot of exclamation points in the goddamn title and she pretty much admitted that at this point she's desperate. So let's get right into this week's letter. Just that I'm desperate at this point. So first of all, I love the show. Even if I don't agree with everything you ladies say. I can honestly say I have learned so much about myself, most importantly, how to navigate this world, keep an open mind and maybe give a little head or something to feel better. All jokes aside, I really appreciate the show and staff. Okay, now that I glazed y'all up, let's get to the motherfucking tea. I'm a 25 year old black woman with locks down my back and a thick ass to match. I have been openly dating men and women for about four years now. Over the past few months, about three to four, I've been talking to this woman that's a year younger than me. She made it clear that she was bi, but I didn't mind because I consider myself bi as well, even though I've only been with like 2 to 3 guys. Lol. Anyways, she is beautiful, an educated black woman. And that ass. Whew. She's even thicker than me. My attraction to her is undeniable. We have really good chemistry, go out together, even some healthy pda. But we have not fucked. In fact, she won't fuck first. She told me she wanted to wait about a month of us talking before we get sexual, but would initiate all of our makeout sessions right before bed and might even slip a finger at me when I try to return the favor or take it to the next level. She would tell me her head hurts or just completely tell me to stop. I really like her, but I'm starting to feel bad because I want to have sex but she doesn't. Having a good amount of sex with a partner is really important to me. It's kind of making me want to move on. Am I wrong for thinking that way? Is it too soon? Please help.

[Mandy B]

I don't know how we're going to fill in the needed time for this episode because the girl's not that gay.

[Weezy]

So I disagree. I think kind of like me and maybe in terms of speaking more from a polydynamic when whether you're bisexual or not. And I think what we talked about me being bisexual, heteromantic. There's maybe something that she's looking for in a woman. Her identifying as bisexual may mean she enjoys the softness of women. She enjoys, like, being around women, she enjoys the care of a woman, the thoughtfulness that women bring. But maybe she still just wants dick. So maybe she identifies.

[Mandy B]

That's what you mean. She's not that gay.

[Weezy]

She may identify as bi, not that gay. I don't want to use that with us. I feel.

[Mandy B]

I mean, I'm being facetious. I'm making jokes.

[Weezy]

You can make the jokes. I just want to. I want to say that this woman wanting sex, this other woman, though she identifies as bisexual, may genuinely like women, but not want to have sex with them. I think the same way, like, when.

[Mandy B]

You'Re not that gay, if you don't want to fuck women but you like being around them, you are literally not that gay.

[Weezy]

But also, she fingers and makes that with her and doesn't want to be touched. There's a lot of no touch me lesbians. Doesn't make them any less lesbian because they don't want to be.

[Mandy B]

Hang out with you and finger.

[Weezy]

And fingering is happening. She doesn't want to be fingered.

[Mandy B]

She says it's time to. Time slips it.

[Weezy]

I will also say just to not and not to super serious this up, but if she's fingering you, making out with you, and stopping everything when you go to advance, I would be curious to know if you've had a deep conversation to. If there's any trauma associated with that. I know that, like, I was talking to King Noir and fingering specifically is something that he's like, not every woman likes. I think when we're young, fingering becomes something fun that if the wrong person does it, if it hurts the first time, if someone is aggressive and doing it wrong, it's not wet. I think fingering is something that a lot of women fingering is something that I think I normally actually have to ask for, even from men. So if she's stopping you from fingering her, but she's advancing that with you.

[Mandy B]

It'S not just fingers. That's not what lesbian sex is all about.

[Weezy]

No, no, no, of course it's not. But she only mentioned that they make out and they get to finger. Like, she fingers her and she allows it, but as soon as she goes to finger her, the girl stops.

[Mandy B]

I actually don't. I didn't hear that at all. I mean, if someone is slipping in a finger once or twice, it just means she's trying to keep this at bay so that the girl doesn't ask for More and maybe touch. That's not a full on. Or she. It doesn't sound like they've had sex.

[Weezy]

No, they haven't.

[Mandy B]

For lesbians, fingering is sex. So she said slip a finger in?

[Weezy]

No, she didn't say slip a finger in.

[Mandy B]

You said the girl's finger.

[Weezy]

Yes, the girl will finger.

[Mandy B]

That's what lesbian sex is. So if the girl was really going in, that's considered sex. But she's not because she's not trying to have lesbian sex. There is a.

[Weezy]

That's weird because I don't consider fingering sex.

[Mandy B]

That's what lesbians do. I mean, you want to fuck your girl and you guys are, let's just say out and it's quick and you're in a bathroom or you're in a movie theater, you can get fucked in the movie theater.

[Weezy]

That's how you consider fingering sex with men?

[Mandy B]

No, I consider dick and penetrative sex. That's how we define sex with men, right? With women it's vaginal rubbing, oral or fingering. So I mean all of my lesbian friends either that are married to women or in gay relationships, they talk about how they just fucked. It was hands actually. Kristen Arnett shout out to her her book Mostly Dead Things. Really great depiction of lesbian sex because it's a lot of hand movement, talking about wrist thrusting, bucking, someone on the edge of like or in the back of a car, like, that's lesbian sex. All lesbians listening, you know, can feel free to comment. But yes, this is how we define sex. I think alternatively, I've dated this girl. This girl likes kissing, hanging out in the woman energy like you said. However, she's not that gay, that's not bisexual. And I'm kind of tired of the trope of like I kissed a girl once, so I'm bisexual. Like fluidity is different. Enjoying sexual experience is different. Much like if a dude I know kissed a guy once but doesn't want to have sex with him, didn't like it. I wouldn't call him bisexual because he's not really pursuing anything. I think this is super fake. I think that's why you're frustrated because there's no real explanation there. And most times people that are getting into relationships with the opposite sex and call themselves bisexual consistently have this issue. This is why lesbians don't like to date bisexual women because they be playing games and this girl really sound like she's playing games. If you're not ready to go the whole way, don't even just touch Me down there, like, say that you're not ready to have sex. Instead, she uses the excuses because she's not that good. I think the other thing that sucks is when girls are interested and they have been with women that have more experience. I just. I experience this a lot. And they don't know what to do. They're very scared they're going to be bad and so they just continue to avoid it. But they only want to make out because making out is safe.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

My answer is she's not that gay. No matter how.

[Weezy]

I love that y'all get to get different answers from me because I couldn't disagree more.

[Mandy B]

I feel like you said the same.

[Weezy]

No, I didn't, but it's fine. I love that this is why people send in answers. I think we. We align in some places and disalign in others. This for me, having had during the writing process have my bisexuality questioned even in the editing process of my book. I guess I know we go by labels, but there's so many ways in which I, as someone can enjoy doing something sexual with someone else. Them not wanting them to do the same. So I say that because I don't like head. I love eating a bitch's pussy. I absolutely love it. I'm someone who don't. Who doesn't enjoy receiving oral. So I am. I would not like to be called not that gay or not that bisexual because of the way women engage in sexual. I actually don't want to receive what you have to offer me anytime. I've even mostly had threesomes with women. I do all the work for them. I don't care outside of making out. I genuinely also, because I don't like head, do not care for the woman to engage with me. It doesn't make my sexuality any less bi. That that is a sexual act that I don't enjoy.

[Mandy B]

Yeah, but you're having sex, Mandy.

[Weezy]

Nope. But that's what I'm saying. You said sex with women is oral making out and fingering. I'm saying if I'm having sex with.

[Mandy B]

A woman and vaginal rubbing. Yeah.

[Weezy]

And I don't do the scissoring. I already said that. Doesn't make sense to me at all. My point. She was fingering. The one girl didn't want it.

[Mandy B]

Read that again.

[Weezy]

Fingering is slipping a finger in someone's pussy. But she would initiate all of our makeout sessions right before bed and even slip a finger in. To me, if fingering is a part of sex, what I'm saying is. And Why I disagree with your take. Which is fine because all of the listeners can receive this information differently, which is what I love about potting. What I'm saying is it does not make me any less bisexual that when I'm inner, when I'm having sex with a woman, I don't want them to do anything to me. Which this is what's happening here. The woman's frustration is when she wants to actually give it back to the girl, she doesn't wanna receive it. I, I apologize for any woman I've had sex with who I eat her pussy out and maybe she wants to. And I'm like, no, I'm good. That has literally happened time and time again and again. I don't go on dates with women. I don't do all those things. But I identify as bisexual. I wish a bitch would come up to me and be like, you're not that gay. Okay, whatever.

[Mandy B]

What I'm saying really isn't relevant to the things that you do at all. Because no touch lesbians are having some form of a sex.

[Weezy]

I brought that up too.

[Mandy B]

The no touch lesbians, they're not no touch lesbians.

[Weezy]

This is something we don't know this girl.

[Mandy B]

No, no, I'm saying this isn't a no touch lesbian situation.

[Weezy]

We don't know they've been talking for a month. So to me, maybe that conversation hasn't been had. She feels like she's being rejected. I think it would be safe to say. Hey, so I've tried to finger you a few times now and you either tell me to stop or I feel like you're making excuses. Why do you not want to be touched? Do you not want to go that she just feels like she's rejected right now. She hasn't gotten real answers. And I feel like maybe because you feel rejected right now, I think you need to talk to her and see. Hey, so you don't want me to finger you, but can I eat your pussy? Like, I want to please you. And I feel like I haven't been able to do that. Why?

[Mandy B]

But she's also not getting more from this girl. There's no oral, like, that's why I said so ask.

[Weezy]

Hey, I'm not allowed to finger you back when you finger me, can I eat your pussy? I really want to do that. And all of these questions should be asked. So instead of you feeling rejected and writing in and saying you're desperate because you don't understand why this woman isn't going there, have you talked to her? Have you had the conversation about what her relationships with women look like.

[Talkspace Ad]

You know, when you're really stressed or not feeling so great about your life or about yourself, talking to someone who understands can really help. But who is that person? How do you find them? Where do you even start? Talkspace. Talkspace makes it easy to get the support you need. With Talkspace, you can go online, answer a few questions about your preferences, and be matched with a therapist. And because you'll meet your therapist online, you don't have to take time off work or arrange childcare. You'll meet on your schedule wherever you feel most at ease. If you're depressed, stressed, struggling with a relationship, or if you want some counseling for you and your partner or just need a little extra one on one support, Talkspace is here for you. Plus, Talkspace works with most major insurers and most insured members have a $0 copay. No insurance, no problem. Now get $80 off of your first month with promo code space80 when you go to talkspace.com match with a licensed therapist. Today at talkspace.com save $80 with code.

[Weezy]

[e-mail] I literally invite and I've shared this on the pod. I don't know how many years ago I was entertaining another bisexual woman. She came over to my house, we were watching tv, she was naked. We started cuddling. I go to rub on her and she made me stop. And I was like, well, bitch, you naked, you in my bed. I'm confused. She wanted me to take her out to the movies. She literally was like, I don't want to have sex until you take me out to the movies. And I was like, well, girl, you can put your clothes on. Because to me though, I'm bisexual. I don't want to date you. I don't want to take you out.

[Mandy B]

You understand that for like, you know, a one or two night thing. I think with the level they're at, hanging out pd yeah. Enjoying each other's company for this amount of time.

[Weezy]

Yeah.

[Mandy B]

I've been down this road a hundred times in, you know, romantic relationships with women. And this is what I've seen. I, I would say though, rejection. We have to stop thinking that at certain points the rejection is really about us because why would people spend this much time with you if there was a true rejection there? I totally get the feeling because I remember if you've been listening to the show for a while, a few years ago I met a guy at Dreamville and we would spend all this time together and sex wasn't happening. And I felt like he wasn't into me. It didn't go that long. But I. In this particular case, there is a trend with women that do this. I'm excited to hear the update. I also want to make mention too. As far as men go, I've actually heard this a lot with gay men who are dating guys that are straight and just there for, like, gay sexual pleasure. Many times they're in kind of the opposite scenario. They're with these men that only want to fudge them, be around them outside. But it's like totally different vibes and it really makes them feel rejected. So it's interesting because, like, women are more apprehensive when it comes to the sexual side where men are more apprehensive for the emotions. So, so many, you know, venting sessions or experiences with myself where you kind of see the same thing with men. Total opposite, me and this dude having great sex. Nothing is happening when we get outside of the bedroom. Whereas with women, I actually hear this exact story, like, damn, we're vibing. But is she into me? Is she gay? Does she like women? Is she scared to start? Like, you know? And lesbians for a long time too have made us all feel like, if you're bi, we don't want you. You know what I'm saying? So I totally get it. I mean, when we had Punky on with Alex English, they're both gay. We're talking about their experiences with that. Um, yeah, I would lean on your other, other friends for some advice like this. I'm sure they'll talk you off the ledge of feeling rejected. I think that's just the worst place to feel, especially with someone that's spending their time with you. It's definitely not a real rejection more than it's their own thing.

[Weezy]

And I think that in order for you to get out of your own head and blame yourself about it and feel that level of rejection, you literally just need to maybe ask the questions and open the room to communicate with her about you having these sexual needs and desires. Anyways, make sure you leave your comments under. If you want to see the full video for this, make sure you join our patreon patreon.com Horrible decisions. We have bonus episodes every week. Once a month we have a town hall. And then you've got Decisions is ad free. Full video only on Patreon. So y'all make sure you go subscribe, check that out. And again, we're here every Wednesday. So really excited to continue giving you guys advice. If you want your letter read, make sure you email us decisionspodmail.com we'll read it and also help us become New York Times bestsellers by ordering now. Your book, no Holds Barred, a dual manifesto on sexual exploration and power. Available now for pre order. We can't do it without you guys. Let's show everyone how strong the whore hive is. Thank you guys. See you next week.

[Mandy B]

Bye y'all.

[Talkspace Ad]

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