You've Got Decisions: I’m Developing a Crush on a Married man...But Hear Me Out

Summary

Podcast Summary: Decisions, Decisions – "You've Got Decisions: I’m Developing a Crush on a Married Man...But Hear Me Out"

Host: Mandii B (solo)
Date: December 24, 2025
Podcast by: The Black Effect and iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

In this candid and unfiltered solo episode, Mandii B tackles a listener’s dilemma: what to do when you catch serious feelings for a man who turns out to be married, under the pretense of a green card marriage. Mandii brings her signature humor, honesty, and life experience to unpack issues of emotional honesty, self-worth, and navigating complicated modern relationships. The episode invites listeners to challenge their own boundaries and expectations while exploring universal themes of love, intimacy, and self-respect.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener Letter: Virginity & Sugar Dating (02:52–13:30)

• Listener’s Two-Part Question:

  • At 25, still a virgin and ready to change that.
  • How to get “tricks” or experience sugar dating as Mandii did at her age.

• Mandii’s Take on Virginity (03:50–07:00):

  • There’s no “perfect” way to lose your virginity; it can be messy or awkward, and that’s fine.
  • Mandii’s advice: Prioritize consent, open communication, and emotional readiness.
  • "I would just say when you are ready, make it the most… Damn, that word intentional! Bitch, I'm about to look up a thesaurus for another word intentional." (06:20)
  • Emphasizes that the early years of sex are more about self-discovery than mind-blowing pleasure.
  • Body confidence and self-acceptance are not automatic, and insecurity is normal.

• Mandii’s Reflection on Sugar Dating & “Survival Sex” (07:00–13:30):

  • Mandii shares shame about her past exchanging sex for money, gifts, or bills—calls it a process of survival, not empowerment.
  • She recalls therapy and writing about this for her book, emphasizing growth and self-awareness.
  • "Knowing now my self-worth, my value and things like that, I am upset a bit at this letter…That's essentially what I was doing. I was involving myself in a form of sex work by using my body as a form of currency." (09:20)
  • She discourages transactional relationships for listeners who are not in survival mode and encourages choosing partners who value and care for you, not just offer material things.

2. Main Dilemma: The Married Man Crush (17:39–36:00)

Reading the Listener’s Letter (13:30–17:39):

• A long-time listener describes meeting a charming man, developing a passionate but early relationship, only to learn after sex that he is in a marriage for legal (green card) reasons. He claims they’re not intimate and both do their own thing, but he never spends the night or offers full transparency.
• The listener struggles: Should she “cut this off or play my role and compartmentalize?”

Mandii’s Analysis & Advice:

• Skepticism on Green Card Excuse (17:39–21:10):

  • Mandii checks the bona fides of the “green card marriage” via Google, humorously admits her lack of geography skills.
  • "Bahamian citizen does need a green card…you become a permanent resident with a green card through family sponsorship, employment, marriage, or certain other categories. Okay, so, bitch, listen, y’all know geography is not my strongest suit…" (21:10)

• Red Flags and Emotional Honesty (21:36–26:30):

  • Mandii questions why, if the marriage is only transactional, the man can’t spend the night—signals more secrets or emotional attachment elsewhere.
  • She urges the letter-writer to confront her own desires honestly, instead of rationalizing or minimizing them.
  • "You do not need a US Green card if you have Bahamian immigration status. Okay, interesting…" (21:36)
  • "You have expressed how you are liking him more than sex...but then…say, 'I know it won’t be anything serious.' However, leading up to what your friend said and what you’re agreeing to…it could be something serious as long as you don’t mind him legally being married." (22:20)

• Compartmentalization vs. Self-Respect (26:30–31:20):

  • Encourages listeners in complicated situations to assess their needs: “Are you really okay with just crumbs?”
  • Highlights the dangers of “dick blinded”—getting lost in physical chemistry and ignoring red flags.
  • "How well are you with wasting your time? ‘Cause if you are looking for something more…how much of your time do you care that you waste with this man?... That’s the compartmentalization of it." (27:03)

• Setting Relationship Standards (31:20–35:09):

  • Points out manipulation: Man waited until after sex to disclose marriage status—a red flag for honesty.
  • Encourages radical self-honesty: "If you can't ask a man for what you want because you fear he’ll leave, are you really safe in this relationship?"
  • Advises women not to “settle” or play roles that make them uncomfortable, referencing her own family’s experience with green card marriages as context, but reminding listeners each situation is unique.
  • "People are in the relationships they deserve, or at least the ones they believe they deserve." (34:09)
  • Suggests holidays are telling—see how and with whom the man spends his time.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Threading the Needle Between Shame and Survival:
  • “This is the topic of discussion that took Weezy and I close to a year to even agree on this book...because she felt it would be contradictory...to have shame. And I was like, no, bro, I’m in therapy and I’m realizing this is tough for me.” (08:40)
• On Emotional Compartmentalization:
  • “Are you willing to play the side chick role? Because you going to...Your immediate reaction was, what the fuck? I don't know how I feel about being a side chick. Which means you want to be a main.” (32:50)
• On Deserving More:
  • “Do you think you deserve more from this man? Do you think you deserve more from any man? ...It starts, heavily, bitch, with sitting back and thinking about what you deserve.” (33:30)
• Holiday Test for Side Relationships:
  • “He fucked you on Thanksgiving...I’m curious to know this week how he’s spending his Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas, bringing in the new year. Are you a part of that or is the wife?” (33:55)

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Timestamps For Important Segments

| Time | Segment | |---------|----------------------------------------| | 02:52 | Listener’s two-part question begins | | 03:50 | Mandii on virginity & first-time sex | | 07:00 | Mandii reflects on sugar dating | | 13:30 | Listener’s letter: Falling for married man | | 17:39 | Mandii’s take—green card fact-checking | | 21:36 | Deep dive into honesty and red flags | | 26:30 | Compartmentalizing vs. settling | | 31:20 | Setting and defending relationship standards | | 33:55 | The “holiday test” for side relationships | | 34:09 | “People are in the relationships they deserve” quote |

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Takeaways for Listeners

• Trust your instincts and don’t ignore red flags, no matter how compelling a new romance may feel.
• Emotional honesty with yourself trumps compartmentalizing or “playing a role” that feels wrong.
• If a relationship is based on secrecy, half-truths, or one-sided compromise, evaluate whether you are settling for less than you deserve.
• The way a partner acts around holidays, transparency about their life, and willingness to meet your needs are all indicators of their sincerity—and your place in their life.

Mandii wraps the episode wishing everyone a holiday filled with self-love, clarity, and authenticity, and encourages the listener to write back for an update in the new year.

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Transcript

[Andy B]

This is an iHeart podcast guaranteed human.

[Mandy]

Did you know Microsoft has officially ended Support for Windows 10? Upgrade to Windows 11 with an LG Gram laptop, voted PCMag's Reader's Choice top laptop brand for 2025. Thin and ultra lightweight, the LG Gram keeps you productive anywhere, and Windows 11 gives you access to free security updates and ongoing feature upgrades. Visit lgusa.com iheart for great seasonal savings on LG Gram laptops with Windows 11. PCMag reader's choice used with permission. All rights reserved.

[Andy B]

It's me, Andy V, from the Decisions Decisions podcast and my friends in the US Virgin Islands want you to experience the beautiful islands of St. Thomas, St. Croix and St. John. USVI is hands down one of my favorite spots. And the best part? If you're traveling from the us, you don't even need a passport. I'm all about the food, the people, the culture and those beaches. They are absolutely beautiful. Head to visitusbi.com to start planning your next vacation. That's visitusvi.com USVI naturally in rhythm Want.

[Mandy]

To score when your favorite player does well, you can't unless you download Better Picks who is giving away a free $10? Download the Better app, pick more or less on player stats, watch the games and win some cash. It's that simple. Must be 21 or older in a jurisdiction where Better Picks operates, terms and conditions apply. Better Picks Sports just got better. Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into investable index. With AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public. Public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory services by Public Advisors llc SEC Registered Advisor. Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice Complete disclosures available at public.com disclosures hey, Ryan Reynolds here wishing you a very happy half off holiday because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half price, not half the service. Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price.

[Andy B]

So that means a half day. Yeah.

[Mandy]

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[Andy B]

See mintmobile.com hey Mandy girl. Longtime listener. I have like a two parter question. So right now I am 25 and I am a virgin. I know and I wish continue to show, but I think I want to change. Have any tips now. And also because I am 25 years in M, I kind of want to know where this at. How to get tricks, how to fly out. I know that you're in a different space now of love and, and companionship and wanting to take out the trash, but how do I get that Same thing you were having when you were 25, like to fly out, the bills paid. Because right now a girl is working and I'm not really trying to get hard. All right, thank you so much. And yeah, you are horrible, y'. All. Now this is. This is crazy. By the way. It's fine that virgins listen to us. We talk a lot more than just sex. And it's entertainment. You know what I mean? Like, I watch movies, you know, where niggas is jumping out of planes and ain't never jumped out of a plane before. Like, it's fine. This is entertainment. Okay, so two part question. And I'm gonna break it into two parts because first off, I wanna talk to you about being 25 and being a virgin. You said you want to change being a virgin. That's the first part. I think the word intentional is gonna be used here as well. However, I want to just tell you and ladies listening, please let me know in the comments if I'm being too harsh. I don't think there's a right or perfect way to lose your virginity. It could be with a longtime boyfriend, but then maybe y' all break up. It could be with a long standing crush. Like my purse was my grade school crush and I was braiding his hair and then he ended up getting inside of me while my mama was at work. Crazy. Um, I don't think there's a perfect way to lose It However, I think as a woman with the choice and knowing as much as we know now with consent and all those things, I would just say when you are ready to make it the most. Damn that word intentional bitch. I'm about to look up at thesaurus for another word intentional. But I think it needs to be discussed with the person. I think that you need to make sure that they are aware that this is your first time and hopefully they're loving and caring and show you that grace that is I think oftentimes stripped from women in giving up their virginity to a man and don't feel the pressure. I mean, I know you listen to the show, I know you hear hella people having fun and sex is amazing. Girl, the first couple years of sex, I was just figuring it out. I don't know if I look back, I wasn't having great sex. So just know it is going to take you a while to learn yourself, your body, what you like, what you don't like. Being comfortable, being secure, not worrying about if you, if one titty is over here and the other is down there or how you, how, how your role may look to them. Or I, I'm not gonna lie, there's so many things that aren't discussed about giving your body and yourself to someone else in the moment that it's, it's just gonna take some time. So like I said, I would say be intentional and make sure the, this part of you too is not only deserving, but is aware that this is what this moment is and hopefully they're a partner. I don't believe you are in a relationship because the second part of this question now the second part of this question. So this was my hardest chapter to write in our book. This is the part of the podcast that I have the most shame. This is the topic of discussion that took Weezy and I close to a year to even agree on this book for because she felt that it would be contradictory to the brand of horrible decisions to have shame. And I was like, no, bro, I'm in therapy and I'm realizing this, this is tough for me. Like I was out here fucking for the five hundo, for the stack, for a pair of jeans, for the cost of a tomahawk steak, bitch. Like, and I, knowing now my self worth, my value and things like that, I, I am upset a bit at this letter asking from a virgin not only how to lose their virginity, but in the same breath how to be a prostitute. And that's essentially what this is. That's essentially What I was doing, I was involving myself in a form of sex work by using my body as a form of currency in exchange for flights, in exchange for money, in exchange for moments, and in becoming someone of a value who's busted her ass to do and be able to live how she wants to know that I have purchased a pair of jeans that is hanging in my closet that I ain't even worn yet because that money meant nothing. And to know that that was the price tag on my pussy at one point is crazy. This I've reworked. I don't think you guys realize that in this book coming up, I have a chapter on sexual assault, on abortion, on my ex, on there's a lot of deep trauma that I put into this book. And this topic brought the most tears was the very last chapter for me to write because as I would go and start writing it, I would feel shame. Like I was full of shame. I'm still crying. Currently working past what my 20s was and what sex was for me and what that relationship with men entailed. And so at 33, I'm not going to advise any woman to be out here selling coochie if they don't have to. Like, it was survival sex for me. And I definitely spoke about it on this podcast. Like, it was lavish. Like, bitch, if a I ain't dropping no bag, girl, he ain't. Ah, ah, ah. But really, bitch, I had bills to pay. And between all the jobs I was working and my fucking Sallie Mae loans and financial aid, I was making it. And I used that as a form to just fucking make it. And looking back at it now and having a different view on what money is or what that comma looks like, or the difference between a thousand and ten thousand and ten thousand and fifty thousand. And like I've made in one weekend what back in my 20s took me a year to make, working 40 hour weeks. And so like just my mind has changed on what that looks like. My mind on sex has changed. My mind on intimacy and the importance of affection and connection with a person has changed. And so this is actually where we. We have tons of sex workers come on the podcast and talk about their journey. My only advice for you would be to listen back to those episodes. I am not in a place where I condone a woman doing it just to pay bills. Everybody's blown out. Get you a man with money, who values you, who wants you to see the world. That's what I would say be intentional with maybe the caliber of men that you choose to date or who pursues you and in doing so, let them know you're seeking affection, you're seeking love, you're seeking someone who cares for you and you'd love to see the world. I think a man that loves and values you or really fucks with you wants to make you happy. So if the things you want are assistance with bills or to go go to an island you've never been to, the way to do that is to vocalize that in a healthy relationship, in a setting with a man that wants nothing to do but to put a smile on your face, you just got a little taste of the horrible decisions Patreon. But why stop there? Tap in for the full, uncut and way nastier episodes over on patreon. Go to patreon.com horribledecisions and unlock all the messy tea wild stories and bonus content. You won't hear any. And now here's you've got decision. If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible thruffle, guess what? You've got decisions. You've got decisions, baby. Hey, guys, welcome to another you got decisions on a motherfucking hump day. And actually, let me look. This is the hump day right before crema. So Merry Christmas Eve, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy holidays to the Whore Hive and everybody else tuned in. Hope that you guys are enjoying your holidays, enjoying your family and baby, enjoying your time off if you have it off. If you want to see what I'm doing, I am currently Oceanside and Curacao. Cause that's what you get when you don't got the kids. Okay, it is the end of the year and we are so grateful that you guys have rocked with us and enjoyed all of our new content. Our name change, our rebrand, our New York Times bestselling book this year. And it has been a fucking roller coaster in 2025. And so what I wanted to make sure I brought to you this week for the you got decisions is some chaos, some drama. A reminder that even though it's the end of the year, y' all are going into the new year still with some bullshit on some bullshit and not really knowing how to navigate it. I think it's funny because this is normally the time of year where you be like, new year. Next week, new me. No, girl, you can't change it that quick. No, sir. You still gonna be the fuck nigga you been in 2025. Although we hope that you guys Want better for yourselves. Now, Weezy is not doing this with me today. Cause, baby, our schedules, I was just like, let me get this out. And this one specifically, I felt like, you know, it's talking about developing a crush for a married man. And well, I've been getting dragged all week for being honest about my stint of dealing with married men. And so I was like, fuck it, let me answer this shit while these niggas in my motherfucking comments saying all the bullshit that they can about me. By the way, if you want to listen to me talk about that recently and why I will no longer deal with a married man, go check out my interview on Love and Fly Shit podcast. Anyways, really excited to get into this letter this week. Hopefully again you guys are enjoying your time off or if you're at the office, Here we go. Constantly giving you puss assholes some content now. Here we go. By the way, we received this message just last week, so this is a new dilemma. The subject line reads, I'm developing a crush on a married man, but hear me out. Longtime listener and patron living in Fo7 Choppa City. Brah, brah, brah, love y' all down. Okay, so I recently met this guy on a store run. He was super handsome, had an accent, six three and a beautiful smile. He asked me for my number and I said yes. We started talking regularly. Instantly, it was as if someone I knew for a while, even though we just met. We went on a couple of dates and on Thanksgiving night we fucked. And it was amazing. Like freaky nasty, spanking, spitting dirty talk all over my body. Kisses choked me while I was giving head a personal fave. And he ate my pussy off the bone tenderism. So after that, we run it back the next day too. But after that next day, he tells me he has something to tell me. My stomach drops and he said he's married. Like, damn, nigga, now I'm already hooked on the dick. He explained when he moved to America from the Bahamas, he got in some legal trouble. So to avoid deportation, he got married. Okay, I'm gonna have to look this up on ChatGPT, but hear me out because deported to the Bahamas, okay, I'm okay. He said they both do their quote unquote own thing and they don't have sex. However, he kind of left it at that. Now, my immediate reaction was, what the fuck? I don't know how I feel about being a side chick, but after talking to my homegirl, she was like, girl, Caribbean, N. S have green cards. Marriages all the time, especially here in Florida. Not gon lie. She rationalized it enough for me. We still fuck, but he never spends the night, which I want him to, especially after being intimate. We go out in public a lot and he's publicly affectionate towards me, but still having this nagging suspicion. He's left some pieces of this story out and now I'm starting to like this man a little bit more than just sex. I know it won't be anything serious. I've already accepted that and I don't want that either. But should I just cut this off or play my role and compartmentalize Ooh baby, we got some things to break down here. First off, I'm going to my husband, going to chat spending a couple purified water droplets on researching this. Do you need a green card if you're from the Bahamas? And can you be deported back to the Bahamas? Now? I'm only asking this because the Bahamas is I believe it's an American territory. Like you can get to the Bahamas without a a passport to my to my knowledge and so I want to check that, but Wallet looks that up.

[Mandy]

Did you know Microsoft has officially ended Support for Windows 10? Upgrade to Windows 11 with an LG Gram laptop? Voted PCMag's Reader's Choice top laptop brand for 2025. Thin and ultra light, lightweight, the LG Gram keeps you productive anywhere and Windows 11 gives you access to free security updates and ongoing feature upgrades. Visit LGUSA.com iHeart for great seasonal savings on LG Gram laptops with Windows 11 PC Mag Reader's Choice Used with permission. All rights reserved. Do you actually know Ball well? Come prove it with a free $10 from Better Picks, download the Better app, pick more or less on player stats, watch the games and win cash. It's that simple. Must be 21 or older in a jurisdiction where Better Picks operates, terms and conditions apply. Better Picks Sports just got Better Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year. You can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like ETFs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors, llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available at public.com disclosures hey audiobook lovers. This week on the podcast I'm sitting down with musician, producer and walking encyclopedia Questlove. We're talking about Mark Ronson's memoir Night how to be a DJ in 90s New York City. All right, like we talked about before, Mark Ronson found sanctuary in the DJ booth. What's a tool or piece of equipment in the studio or on stage that gives you the most control?

[Andy B]

So I have two microphones on stage. We have the microphone that you hear as the audience.

[Mandy]

Then we have a second microphone in which we communicate with each other.

[Andy B]

I feel like that second microphone kind of saved all of our friendships.

[Mandy]

No band likes each other after 20.

[Andy B]

Years or 25 years.

[Mandy]

The Beatles broke up in seven and.

[Andy B]

A half years and we're going on 35.

[Mandy]

Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Andy B]

Foreign the Decisions Decisions podcast. And let's talk about the beautiful US Virgin Islands. The US Virgin Islands is the perfect getaway to St Thomas, St Croix and St John. If you're craving delicious food, amazing beaches, or the warmest hospitality, the USVI has it all. I celebrated the culture of the US Virgin Islands, and it was everything you could ask for in a vacation. And get this, no passport is required if you're traveling from the U.S. the U.S. virgin Islands isn't just another vacation, it's an experience. St. Thomas, St. Croix and St. John all have their own vibe, and there's something special at each one. So start planning your next [e-mail] that's visitusvi.com USVI naturally in rhythm. Let's get into your other dilemma. I do feel like you're lying to yourself first off. And let's get into that. Hold on, I'm gonna ask my other check because one on my computer running slow because it's also interesting. Like nigga, you got. We'll see. Okay, so let's get into where I feel like you are lying to yourself. First off, you have expressed how you are liking him more than sex. You literally admit that to me, but then in the very next sentence, say, I know it won't be anything serious. However, leading up to what your friend said and what you're agreeing to is that it's possible that he's not really in a marriage where he is emotionally bounded to this wife. And so technically, it could be something serious as long as you don't mind him legally being married to someone else. Only for a quote unquote card. You are also saying that you don't want anything more, however you like him more than sex. Make it make sense. The math ain't mathing. And I feel like you're trying to make something like, fit in your brain to just continue seeing this person. Now here we go. And, girl, the Internet is your friend. When a nigga tell you something and you just feel like you missing some things, girl, get your ass on the Internet. Here's the thing. You ready? You do not need a US Green card if you have Bahamian immigration status. Okay, interesting. Apparently it says, hold on. Do you need a green card for the Bahamas? Oh, here we go. Can you be deported? I think I asked this question wrong. Can you live in the US As a Bahamian citizen? And can you be deported? Because this is like, if you traveling, I just want to see. Okay, okay, okay, girl. Okay, okay. He might be okay. It's true. It's true. A Bahamian citizen does need a green card. And of course, you become a permanent resident with the green card through family sponsorship, employment, marriage, or certain other categories. Okay, okay, so, bitch, listen, y' all know geography is not my strongest suit. Okay? So very true. Here's my thing. Here's my thing. And here's where you have to make it make sense. This man said that he doesn't have sex with his wife and they're also able to do their own thing. However, red flag here is that he doesn't spend the night if they are in this marriage, only for his green card. Explain to me why he doesn't have the autonomy to spend the night at your house if they're both, quote, unquote, doing their own thing. I think what you should do is inquire about that, because what I do feel like you're getting here is the short end of the stick. If you're saying that you would like him to spend the night because you would like to spend more time with him, especially after being intimate, you're accepting just the Going out in public and public affection without the private affection in terms of him actually, you know, I guess, sleeping with you after y' all fuck now, who your question is, should I cut this off or play my role and compartmentalize? And this is where in going into 2025 and going into 2026, any 2025, I truly think that you have to go into what do you want? What do you want? And what this sounds like is you would like more. You really like this person. You would like a relationship, but you've also already told yourself that you've accepted that it won't be anything more. Will you be fulfilled with what it is right now with no milestones to reach of this? Going beyond how. How well are you with wasting your time? Because if you are looking for something more, if you are looking for a family, if you are looking to be in a committed, exclusive relationship, if you're looking to potentially get married one day, how. How much of your time do you care that you waste with this man? And that's the compartmentalization of it. All right? Is this man open to you doing your own thing outside of him? Has that been a conversation? What has been the conversation around whether he could spend the night or not? I think for as much as you have been talking to him, I think it's interesting how long it took you to find out his marriage, which means there could be a lot of other things you don't know about this man. I think you could be dick blinded right now. Dick blinded is a thing. You gave me almost three lines of what he did to you in that bedroom. Bitch, you throwed. Bitch, you was throwed over the dick. And so I think you have to actually sit with yourself. And I think any woman listening to this, if you catch yourself at a crossroad with. If you need to compartmentalize your emotions and feelings and the time you get with a man to feel like you're okay with it. Are you really? And is this what you want? I think for the clip that's been going viral lately about me admitting to being a side chick in my 20s, I think I decided to sit with myself, love myself first, and decide what I would and wouldn't accept from a man. And to me, if you're wanting something that you can't get, you're settling. And is this the man you want to settle with? Because essentially you're not going to get anything more than probably what you're getting now with him, right? Would you be okay with this relationship if he starts Spending the night with you? Because then what else would you want after that? Is it only the not spending the night? Are you asking him how. How often are you talking to him about what his relationship with his wife looks like? Bitch, why you can't spend the night if y' all not together? Like, there's just so many questions that I honestly feel like you're so scared to ask because you do like him so much. And of course, as women, we fear that if we ask somebody for too much that they're gonna leave us. Is that a fear that you have in 2026? I want women in these complicated situationships to ask themselves how safe they really feel with being with this person. Cool. You safe enough for him to eat your pussy off the bone, but are you safe enough with him to question and ask for the actual things that you want in the relationship? Because if you can't, this man doesn't make you really feel safe. The fact that you're asking, should I cut him off or play my role and compartmentalize? Are you willing to play the side chick role? Because you going to. Your friend literally said. Your immediate reaction was, what the fuck? I don't know how I feel about being a side chick. Which means you want to be a main. Which means you're looking for a relationship. You don't want to just, quote, unquote, play your role. So, sis, I'm not going to tell you to play a role that I don't think you're comfortable with playing. I'm also not going to tell you to compartmentalize and put your feelings and your needs to the side in order to have a nigga in your life who also waited till after he got inside you to let you know that he was married. That's called manipulation. That's called he wasn't keeping it real with you before he put his dick inside of you because he felt like that little detail might keep him from getting what he wanted. So are you willing to make sure this nigga gets to move and get everything he want out of you and you don't get what you want out of him? Or is it just dick you want? Is it just a few dates here and there that you want? What I am going to tell you is don't sit here and put all your eggs in this basket, baby, because this ain't given. And yes, there are a ton of men, specifically in Florida, who are legally married for citizenship. I'mma tell y' all some tea. My mama married my daddy brother to keep him in The States. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah, baby. If I ever write the book about my ghetto ass life. So my mom, the only marriage that she ever has on paper was literally to keep my uncle in the States and not get sent back to Jamaica. So I get it. But there's still a lot of holes. And you said it too. You have suspicion. And there's a lot of pieces left out of this story, baby. Going into the new year, I need you to really, really, really sit back and consider what it is that you want, what it is that you deserve, and how you're gonna make sure you go about assuring that you get those things. And it starts heavily, bitch, with sitting back and thinking about what you deserve. And this goes back to my motherfucking saying that I said on the Breakfast Club that I went back and said on our episode with Sheila Marie. People are in the relationships they deserve, or at least the ones they believe they deserve. Now, of course we can all want more for everybody. We all want people to be happy. We all want people to be in healthy, loving, caring, non abusive relationships, right? Do you think that you deserve more from this man? Do you think you deserve more from any man? And I think that you have to really sit back and decide that now. He fucked you on Thanksgiving, so, you know, clearly he wasn't with his family. I'm curious to know this week how he's spending his Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas, bringing in the new year. Are you a part of that or is the wife? So for me, I think that it's this week is gonna be telling. This week into next week is gonna be really telling as to how much you could really put up with this relationship and what he's giving you, as well as you really seeing how much crumbs you can bear to take. Because a lot of women, especially around the holidays, are excited to spend time with the niggas dicking them down. And when them niggas go and spend it with elsewhere, that's when you really start chin checking your feelings at the door. Um, and so, yeah, so to me, super curious to see what happens if you're listening to this. Would love for you to write back at the top of the year and let us know where your role kind of went during the holiday season. Because clearly we talk about it often. It's very telling. And yes, even though you just met him within this last quarter, I'm curious to know to what extent you felt fulfilled or pleased by this man during the holiday season. And speaking of the holiday season, y' all already know we're not taking a break. You are getting our year end wrap up. We love y'.

[Mandy]

All.

[Andy B]

We're coming back to y' all and a lot of y' all have been wanting solo episodes. Baby baby. Join us over on the patreon patreon.com Horrible decisions. We've been giving y' all the solo episodes weekly. Hun. We've been giving you just Weezy and I with the updates. So for as little as $5 a month you can head on over to our Patreon where you get a bonus episode every week and you also get the full video to this the you got Decisions. That's right. Head on over to patreon patreon.com Horrible decisions. And we want to wish each and every one of you guys a Happy Holidays, a Happy New Year, a Merry Christmas, a Merry Kwanzaa. Happy Kwanzaa. All all the things. And if I missed out on a holiday, God damn it, what you expect from me? Florida education system, baby. Anyways, love you all. This has been another you got decisions. See you guys next week.

[Mandy]

Did you know Microsoft has officially ended Support for Windows 10? Upgrade to Windows 11 with an LG Gram laptop, voted PCMag's Reader's Choice top laptop brand for 2025. Thin and ultra lightweight, the LG Gram keeps you productive anywhere and Windows 11 gives you access to free security updates and ongoing feature upgrades. Visit lgusa.com iheart for great seasonal savings on LG Gram laptops with Windows 11. PCMag reader's choice used with permission. All rights reserved.

[Andy B]

It's me, Andy B. From the Decisions Decisions podcast and my friends in the US Virgin Islands want you to experience the beautiful islands of St. Thomas, St. Croix and St. John. USVI is hands down one of my favorite spots and the best part. If you're traveling from the the us, you don't even need a passport. I'm all about the food, the people, the culture, and those beaches. They are absolutely beautiful. Head to visit usbi.com to start planning your next vacation. That's visit usvi.com usvi naturally in rhythm.

[Mandy]

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[Andy B]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.