You've Got Decisions: Is it Because I'm Black?

Summary

Podcast Summary: "You've Got Decisions: Is it Because I'm Black?"

Podcast: Decisions, Decisions
Hosts: Mandii B & WeezyWTF
Release Date: February 11, 2026
Network: The Black Effect Podcast Network & iHeartPodcasts

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Overview

In this candid and humor-filled episode of "Decisions, Decisions," hosts Mandii B and WeezyWTF respond to a listener’s heartfelt letter, unpacking questions about sexual relationships, intimacy, and whether race is a barrier in pursuing something deeper with a long-term situationship. Set against their signature mix of vulnerability, laughter, and unfiltered conversation, the duo gives “big sis” advice on dating, self-worth, and the complexities of dating as a Black woman in a predominantly white state.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

A Tour of Unusual Kinks & Fetishes

• [00:40 – 07:00]
  • The hosts kick things off by exploring obscure “Mother Earth” themed kinks:
    • Actorasty: Sexual arousal from the rays of the sun.
      • Quote: “Therefore, someone with this fetish would love being intimate outdoors or under a large window on a sunny afternoon.” — Mandii B [01:21]
    • Aquaphilia: Sex in water (“fucking in the water”).
    • Brontophilia: Arousal by thunderstorms.
      • Memorable Moment: “When I hear that goddamn rain and thunder, my whole body shuts down and I just get horny.” — Mandii B [02:21]
    • Chasmophilia: Attraction to caves, crevices, valleys.
      • Anecdote: Mandii describes having sex in a faux cave at a Jamaican resort. [04:04]
    • Tactile Exploration: Using texture in the bedroom for sensory play (silk sheets, cool lube, temperature play).
      • Practical tip: Place lube or massage oil in the fridge for a new sensation. [07:00]

Personal Anecdotes and Light Banter

• [07:30 – 14:40]
  • Weezy shares a playful roleplay story gone awkward due to a mix-up between lube and massage oil.
  • Both hosts riff on Atlanta’s car culture, Tesla trucks (“Tesla truck gives little dick now” — Mandii B [13:16]), and their judgments around dating men with certain vehicles.
  • Short reflection on dating norms and how splitting the bill on dates is received differently across cities.

The Listener Letter: Navigating Sex, Intimacy, and Race in Maine

• [14:46 – 18:02]
  • Introduction of the main topic — a Black woman writes in from Maine, detailing a 15-year-long sexual relationship with a Hispanic man. She wonders if her race is the reason their connection has never turned romantic, especially since his other relationships have resulted in long-term bonds and children with Hispanic women.
  • The letter is raw and detailed, highlighting:
    • Feelings of isolation as a Black woman in a white state.
    • The intensity and longevity of the sexual relationship.
    • A shift to more intimate, sensual sex (less rough, more passion and eye contact).
    • The struggle of wanting more, questioning self-worth, and wondering about the impact of race.

Mandii & Weezy’s Candid Reactions

• [23:14 – 25:49]

  • Immediate responses: Both hosts doubt that race is the primary factor; attribute the dynamic more to “situationship” patterns and emotional comfort zones.
    • Quote: “My initial thoughts were not because she was black at all.” — WeezyWTF [23:14]
    • Quote: “When a nigga wants you, they want you.” — WeezyWTF [23:59]
  • Mandii raises the nuanced point that perhaps the listener feels this way because her situationship’s other partners are not Black, leading to concerns about being fetishized.

• [25:49 – 29:45]

  • They empathize with the letter writer’s evolving self-confidence and shifting expectations, noting the listener wants a different dynamic now than at the relationship’s start.
    • Quote: “You're now in a place where...you do feel like you can demand a man to treat you as more than just sex.” — Mandii B [25:49]
  • Both caution about conflating increased frequency and intimacy (“oxytocin and good dick make you think you like this guy” — Mandii B [28:22]) with a readiness for a real partnership.

• [29:45 – 32:36]

  • The value of emotional safety is stressed.
    • Quote: “Your connection with him being sex and you being at a place where you're even considering wanting to give him a baby — what are those conversations?” — Mandii B [29:45]
  • They recommend the listener initiate a real, honest conversation about relationship potential, but also question building more with someone who has openly said he’s not monogamous.
  • Weezy: If he isn’t providing emotional safety, is this really a person to “scramble your brain about”? [32:11]

Final Thoughts and Big Sis Advice

• [32:36 – End]
  • Practical advice: Date other people to avoid putting all your hopes in one person, especially one providing solely sexual fulfillment.
    • Quote: “Get on the apps. Do the surrounding states, honey... just say you’re even engaging and talking to somebody else so he’s not your only focus.” — WeezyWTF [32:36]
  • Split emotional and sexual needs: “You could date and get to know someone and find that emotional connection and just fuck this nigga.” — Mandii B [32:45]
  • Closing affirmation: “If you have any doubts about your value in this man's life because of your race, you have a lot of feelings of unsafety... so I would be wary of even wanting to not only be in a relationship, but procreate with someone that you have to ask if you're valued by them.” — Mandii B [31:22]

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Memorable Quotes

• “When I hear that goddamn rain and thunder, my whole body shuts down and I just get horny.” — Mandii B [02:21]
• “Tesla truck gives little dick now.” — Mandii B [13:16]
• “When a nigga wants you, they want you.” — WeezyWTF [23:59]
• “You're now in a place where...you do feel like you can demand a man to treat you as more than just sex.” — Mandii B [25:49]
• “Oxytocin and good dick make you think you like this guy.” — Mandii B [28:22]
• “Get on the apps. Do the surrounding states, honey...” — WeezyWTF [32:36]
• “If you have any doubts about your value in this man's life because of your race...be wary of even wanting to not only be in a relationship, but procreate with someone that you have to ask if you're valued by them.” — Mandii B [31:22]

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Important Timestamps

• 00:40 – 07:00: Kinks and fetishes segment
• 07:30 – 14:40: Host banter, dating anecdotes
• 14:46 – 18:02: Listener letter is introduced and read
• 23:14 – 29:45: Hosts' analysis and personal reflections
• 32:36 – End: Actionable closing advice, final thoughts

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Tone & Style

Warm, irreverent, honest, and laced with humor. Both Mandii B and WeezyWTF blend personal vulnerability with playful banter while offering thoughtful, experienced perspectives on modern love and sex.

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For listeners:
This episode offers a nuanced, relatable discussion about the challenges of translating long-term sexual relationships into something deeper, the intersection of race and dating, and the importance of emotional safety — all wrapped in the unfiltered, empowering style that defines "Decisions, Decisions."

Transcript

[A]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed human. Hey, guys, you need to check legends.com today. Legends is a free to play social casino and sportsbook with all of the games that you love. They have hundreds of slots, a full sports book, and even have live dealers for table games. That's L, E G E N D z dot com. The best part is you get free coins to play with every day and redemption to your bank account is instant. And new players get an exclusive welcome bonus. You join thousands of players on legends with a Z.com today. No purchase necessary. Legends International void. We're prohibited by Law 18. Terms and conditions do apply. Join thousands of players on legendswithaz.com today. All right, let's get into our kick of the week, y'. All. We are going to do the ABCs of Mother Earth. I looked up these kinks fetishes that I'm like, damn. I don't know if we've ever talked about it because what the fuck? So the first one, and I want y' all to guess what y' all think it is based on Latin roots and shit. So actorasty fetish. What do you think that means? Actorasty. And I don't know if I'm saying it right, but that's how it's spelled. A C, T I, R, A, S, T, Y. Actorasty pettish.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Y' all hoes don't know.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

So does the sexual fetish known when someone is aroused by the rays of the sun? Therefore, someone with this fetish would love being intimate outdoors or under a large window on a sunny afternoon.

[B]

What is the sun connected to acne?

[A]

I don't know. I just thought y' all might know Latin roots. I don't know this next one, though, mind you.

[B]

The other A1, I like vitamin D.

[A]

The other A1 was way too easy. Y' all would have got it. Aquaphilia.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Fucking in the water. Aqua, you know? All right, so this next one, brontophilia. And this has nothing to do with LeBron James.

[B]

Damn, I forgot.

[A]

It sounds too. It sounds too tough. Brontophilia. So that means there's some anal play going on. This. Actually, I think I'm a bronteophiliac. I don't know if that's the word, but this is me. So brontophilia is the fetish when someone gets extremely aroused by thunderstorms.

[B]

What the fuck? Yes.

[A]

Oh, I go hold you. Okay. But I do the way I rub my pussy when it's raining, I be like, oh, my God. Time to, like, go play with myself. When I hear that goddamn rain and thunder, my whole body shuts down and I just get horny. Why? Because you. Your body knows there's nothing else you can do right now, right? You can't go outside. You can't go social.

[B]

Do you know what I just said? So I went to Mexico to get this dental shit done. Long story short, one of the days it was crazy thunder. So my nigga wakes up and he's like, damn, that sucks. And I was like, bro, we're on vacation to do nothing. And now Brain is looking actually in the best place. So we come outside and it's an all inclusive reward. And you could tell they stress and they'll know what activities to do for people. They were like, sorry, you know, you guys having a good day? I'm like, we are having a fucking nigga. I had that sex blaze on my face, you know, the little dried up. Come and look a little white. It looked like I had some eczema flakes.

[A]

Just semen. I love when it rains. Give it to me. All right, and now for. See, let's see if y' all could get this. This one was strange. Chasmophilia, by the way, that's something to do with voice. It's all about mother Earth.

[B]

Uh oh.

[A]

Chasmophilia, by the way. I love that there's kinks that we still don't know that I saw. And I was like, what the fuck? I don't think we ever talked about other kinks. Close.

[B]

What'd you say?

[A]

No, I'm just saying. No, Weasley was closer.

[B]

I'm thinking of something like feeling the ground, like, grounding.

[A]

Close. Chasmophilia is an unusual and interesting fetish. What it means is that one is aroused by crevices, caverns, and valleys.

[B]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[A]

Literally, maybe a bitch want. Which, to be fair, I did fuck in a cave in. In. In Jamaica. Now I don't. I haven't been to Grand Canyon yet, so I don't know if my mind would be turned on by wanting to fuck in the canyon.

[B]

Were other people in the. Like, how big is the cave? Like, the cave is wet.

[A]

The cave is like the size of this room that we're in. And there was a waterfall, like, blocking it. So it's a really dark cave. The waterfall's coming down and we. We have bats in it. We. No, no bats. We was the only ones in it. It's like a man made one. It was at the nude pool. Oh, it was like A fake cave.

[B]

It was a clean cave, but it was giving cake. No, because, like, you know, when you go on vacation, you start walking with them pool shoes. Yeah.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Scared.

[A]

It was given a cave in a pool. A built. A built cave. All right, so for the hood of this one I found online, and I was like, never thought of it this way. This is called tactile exploration. So this is when. And this is a real vanilla tip, by the way, for y'. All. So when I read it, I was like, oh, I. I never thought about that. But, yes, this is great because I feel it when I'm in other people's bed. So tactile exploration is the introduction of varied textures in the bedroom where you would have sex. So you could either do this through bedding, you could do it through clothing or even accessories. So. So, for example, silk sheets. I go hold you. Gives a way different thing, a way different feeling when you're having sex on your body. Like, silk sheets. I had a nigga with silk sheets, and I was like, this nigga is a whore. Because it felt like I just knew. I said, oh, you have to be a slut. First of all, what nigga has silk sheets? But also, it made me feel like, why the fuck don't I have silk sheets? Because silk sheets a on your body, like, you slide a little bit more, and you don't feel like. Mind you, it. It just doesn't feel as rough. But also, it's cold.

[B]

I'm, like, wondering right now if those silk she things was recent. Right? Somebody listening to this. Like, hold on. And Mandy live in Atlanta, bruh.

[A]

Yeah, silk sheets. I was like, oh, I need to do this.

[B]

I actually thought men were whores for having silk pillowcases, because that's for that.

[A]

No, that's you. Well, unless he got dreads or hair, then it is for him if he got braids or dreads. I'm not even thinking it's for a bitch. I'm thinking, this nigga cares about his locks. I hope so. They do. Okay. Another way to incorporate this is with temperature play. So warmed or cooled objects to stimulate nerve endings. Now, this is the tip that I found so interesting because I never thought about it. Oh, that was my mom's tip. She did do that, didn't she? So a cool tip for this would be for those of you with lube now. Yes. Sometimes you just keep it in your drawer. You keep it around. Well, the tip is to actually place one of your lubes in the fridge. Place them in the fridge, and it says instead of just applying it to your genitals, this could be a fun way for you to incorporate a cold sensation all over the body.

[B]

Okay, so maybe just massage oil in the fridge?

[A]

Well, it's that astroglide liquid the fridge.

[B]

But I wonder. I accidentally massaged my with lube once instead of. Oh, cuz it's just dark and I'm.

[A]

I was about to ask you what was.

[B]

I'm just. It does get a little sick after a while. Okay. We just did this role play and it was so dumb. It was only three days ago. But basically he got out the shower. He. I think he told me he wanted to do more role play while we were at dinner. I'm like, is there anything you want? It was the part of that conversation I was saying on our last episode. Is there anything you want? And he was like, I just don't want no's. Like, I want us to do weird shit to each other's bodies. Like I want everything to feel like a yes all the time. And I'm like, okay. So I got out the shower and he was laying down on a towel. I think he was like lotioning up after his shower. And so I got out in heels and panties and I was like, sir, thank you so much for coming to the student massage class. I hope I do well. I might mess up, but I'm hoping that I can please you like the is wrong with this. So I laid him down and I put the towel over his eyes and I turned the lights down because for some reason, for me, I get nervous when the lights are bright.

[A]

Okay? I'm just like, you like to move the city, bro, you got it.

[B]

Also like, I got that one scar from when I got up, you know what I'm saying? I got green on my knee for him to bruise it. Like it's too much. So I turned the light down. Now I can't see lube or oil. And they kind of, you know, so.

[A]

And they do different things.

[B]

Once it went on his body, I knew it wasn't vitamin E. And I started to feel how thick it was. And then he got hair. So it was. But you know, I was still at it. Also, he was like really good of an actor. Too good. And it started to make me laugh.

[A]

Because what, what was he acting like?

[B]

I was like. He was like, oh, not there, not there, right? Like basically saying I wasn't doing it, but I was like, is this better? So I started to suck his dick. And he's like, my wife doesn't Let me do that.

[A]

You just got a little taste of the horrible decisions. Patreon. But why stop there? Tap in. For the full, uncut and way nastier episodes over on patreon, go to patreon.com backslash horrible decisions and unlock all the messy tea, wild stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else. And now here's yous've Got Decision.

[B]

If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible thruffle, guess what?

[A]

You've got Decisions. Welcome to another you Got Decision.

[B]

Hey, everybody, we're virgin right now. I'm in one place. She's in one place. Just call this an ldr.

[A]

What?

[B]

Long distance relationship.

[A]

We gotta work on our freestyling. Like, it just. It just doesn't really hit. Oh, my God.

[B]

Restart.

[A]

Like, no, we're not restarting, bitch. We're keeping this in. But then we might need to start, like, you know, reproducing our intros or something. I feel a little embarrassed if any of y' all are giving Quincy Miller and want to come ghostwrite us a few wild intros. Hey, hit us up in the email.

[B]

Is that the Drake ghostwriter guy?

[A]

And is bitch and is.

[B]

Go ahead.

[A]

I think it's Quentin. Quincy Miller, I think was a ballplayer. I think it's Quentin Miller. It's a cute start.

[B]

Yeah, that was by a ballplayer yesterday. And it was so shocking to me because it's been so long. And I was like, oh, you wanna. You're trying to fuck me.

[A]

Thank you so much. Was he. Was he of young age or of seasoning?

[B]

Good question. What kind of trick was he, you ask? Well, I was at the Tesla charging station.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He keying on the phone, and I guess you can kind of hear. And, you know, my speaker turned up. I was like, bitch, and what that.

[A]

Nigga was saying, oh, your speaker always turned up. You embarrassing. While they tell.

[B]

Oh, you right. Well, this particular conversation, me and my home girl was talking about how this was trying to talk to her and her homegirl. She's like, whatever, I'm going to trick on. Like, we both going to trick on that nigga. So, boom, I get out to unplug my car. He was like, y' all ruthless. So I actually don't know what he's talking about, cuz I don't realize he's. He was hearing the conversation. So I'm like, huh? And he was like, I'm just playing with you. He's like, I couldn't hear what you were saying, what kind of advice you was trying to give. He was like, but damn, women. Women crazy nowadays, huh? He was like, I ain't been out. Oh, I ain't been in the game in a while.

[A]

And I was like, so he was older. Okay, okay.

[B]

So I'm about to get in the car. He's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Where you running to? I was like, to my home.

[A]

You should have said to my man, my man, my man.

[B]

You see this hand? That's what I'm gonna do. I'm just playing, I always say. But I'm gonna start doing it till I get married. You see what I'm saying? So he immediately said when I. He said, you ain't at home. You must got a man at home. I was like, I do. And you ain't got a wife at home. And he was like, no. And all I could think is, not in this home that I'm sitting at. Not in this particular home. So as I'm about to get in the car, he's like, well, I charge my car probably every other night. So I'll see you again if you come at this time.

[A]

What? That was the. That was the pickup line.

[B]

I said, thanks so much.

[A]

Okay, that's giving overseas player. I need to know who it was, if you know the name. Cause you know I know all this.

[B]

Ours was the Tesla truck. So it just gave little dick. I need a big car.

[A]

Whoa. Tesla truck gives little dick. Now.

[B]

Word.

[A]

I'm telling Alex on you. I'm telling Alex. I'm telling Alex. You're talking shit about him on the pod.

[B]

I wasn't talking about Alex.

[A]

But he got a Tesla truck, okay?

[B]

Because I do be judging n with a Tesla truck. When you see it, don't you be like, ugh, tell me you don't do that.

[A]

I don't mind it. I think it's kind of robotic. It just makes me money. It makes me think that they're into conspiracy theories and might have a robot at home.

[B]

Lex P would like to speak, because that can't back that slab in them be struggling. I be seeing the Tesla truck go around and around and around and around trying to look for parallel parking. Hell no.

[A]

I mean, well, here in Atlanta, there's parking spaces, so. No, it is. Or here in Atlanta, you could pretty much pay 20 to $60 to valet everywhere. Like, everywhere you go and pull up to. In Atlanta got valet, but you could ballet at the mall.

[B]

You know, I tried to do a little fucking nice act. I went on a date with a nigga in Atlanta. It was very short lived right when I broke up with Obed. And I remember when we pulled up to the spot, he was like, I was like, I could take care of the valet. He looked at me like, that was cute. Oh, love a drug dealer. Tell me what I should do.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

I'm on my podcast. Okay, go.

[A]

I'm weak. All right, well, y', all, this is gonna be an interesting one today. Again, if you have a letter where you want me and Weezy who are not experts at anything probably except podcasting to give you advice, email [e-mail] this week, one of our listeners wants to know, is it because I'm black? Let's get into it. First off, I'm a huge fan. Big shout out to you sisters for always making me feel seen and validated as a multifaceted and sexually liberated black female background. I'm a black girl living in Maine, so it could feel very isolating not having girlfriends and and my folks in close proximity to be able to have these more intimate and sometimes embarrassing combos. So I am a faithful listener to the show and love being able to relate to the concerns guests share. Makes me feel like I'm not the only one in her head sometimes. And I finally felt like I needed to write in for a bit of advice.

[B]

I also wanted to say I googled the black population in the state of Maine 1.8 to 2.5%.

[A]

Oh, girl, I'm gonna just guess.

[B]

Yes, because you it's because you're black.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

So here we go. So I have been having sex with a Hispanic gentleman for over 15 years. Damn girl, this is a situationship, not.

[B]

The pingas that bueno.

[A]

Okay, so this might not be the problem we thought. It's not even a white. All right? We've never taken anything beyond the physical. However, when we got together, I was significantly overweight at the time, so my confidence didn't pursue seriously and I never really felt like it was anything to be taken serious. I was just grateful for a good time and somebody who saw the same thing in me. Oh girl, I've been there. We never dated, just met as mutual friends in the home and we were young horny kids that fell in lust. Fast fast forward he's always around, on the back burner. If I call him, he comes faithfully. Now I was married in 2012 and don't play about loyalty. So whenever relationships I've had became serious, I would be honest and cut him loose. In that marriage I had one child and when that relationship ended, I reached out to him first. Over the years I've had a few other long and serious relationships. All that have ended and him too. His child was born shortly after mine. When we reconnected after ending our relationships, he told me at least twice during intercourse I should have had his child though. I don't know if he means it or just says it to be more aroused, but he's never tried. Even with me crying out to come at me once by sheer accident. The sex is just so passionate and intense. I've never had someone satisfy me like that. His dick literally feels made for me and he always comes, no matter the location, time he responds and lets me know he wants me to talk.

[B]

Sound like they pussy good sister.

[A]

If he's out of town, he lets me know I'm a priority when he gets back. Now, when we started fucking, we were in our late teens, early 20s. So when I got married, he slept with a friend of mine. Crazy part is he told me, not her. I hit him up. When my divorce closed, he came over and let me know what happened before we fucked, which I appreciate because it allowed me to choose if I still wanted him. And years later, girl. And years later, when he was in a relationship, I messed with someone who I later found out was a friend to him. Neither of us still talked to those outside people, nor was it anything but once on each end. But here's my dilemma. Here we go. When we have sex, it's the best I've ever had. He takes good care of me and I like to think vice versa. Right now we are both not in relationships. So we fuck a few times a month. No condoms. But I trust him. I've never had him not be honest about if we should wrap up as a precaution. The last year or so, the sex has changed and became even more intimate. Oral always, but no more crazy from the back. Hair pulling. He wants me on my back, kisses me passionately, slow grinds in me, watches my face, expressions, bites me when I growl. He's focused. Sometimes I find myself dreaming of taking it to another level because it's so good. He said little things to me like he knows he can't be faithful. He likes attention and shit and I do too. But I hate reducing what we have to just fuck buddies because it does feel like more to me. I don't want to like him, but I genuinely like who he's been to me. Honest, raw and genuine. If not fucking get out. Oh, it's not fucking get out. It's nice combos, sex and the genuine connection. I am older now and no, I can't change who he is and I'm not looking for a relationship. But I'm in deep. Am I wasting myself by just enjoying him when I do have him? I don't want sex with anyone else, but I'm sure he does and I don't mind. And is it because I'm black? His baby mama is Hispanic and I've always wondered if citing a black girl is the problem. If citing a black girl is a problem. I don't know. Not a lot of options in Maine like that. But I do try to date. I just feel pointless when physically I feel like that's where I want to be. And I'm getting older and I feel like neither of us want to start again. Our children are older. But I would for him because I feel like it wouldn't be hard. But I'm also feeling weird bringing it up if it was just sexual. I only have a few years to even have this convo. So I don't want to miss the window of what could be real. But don't want to sound stupid if I'm overthinking. So please, I need big sis advice as keeping it up or am I wasting time? Thank you tremendously.

[B]

My initial thoughts were not because she was black at all.

[A]

My initial thoughts were what other conversations have been had. How what do all his other partners look look like that you're aware of that you're thinking that your blackness is the issue. So if there have been maybe comments made that you took in jest or if everyone else he slept with didn't look like you, I could see why you feel maybe fetishized to where sex is only as far as he'll go with you because he's clearly gotten into other long term relationships and have had children by other women of other colors. So I get maybe she could be in her head about it. But I'm wondering where that question came from.

[B]

Honey, I can't tell you how many situationships my homegirls have been in. My I've been in random shit has gone on confusion. And it's not because of race. Like when a nigga wants you, they want you. Now I'm not saying that you're someone that's undesirable, but this is what I do believe. If you've been fucking him for 15.

[A]

Years, that's a long time.

[B]

There is a comfort there with the sex that I don't know if he want to ruin.

[A]

However, at this point.

[B]

Oh, go go.

[A]

As a woman who has fucked on n for 10 plus years, just because they have that comfortable fuck relationship with you doesn't mean they'll want an exclusive relationship with you.

[B]

And this now is only getting better. Also, you got to remember because you know each other better, you're maybe you're having more consistent sex than you have in the past. Like you said now it's five times a month. Opposed to like y' all dropping off a little bit. Like if I'm a every single week, of course, yeah, I'm gonna get better and better and better and better. Right? So you're mistaking the increase in Intimacy for an increase in romance and love. And I think that's kind of where fuck buddies, it becomes difficult because you're like, how could this person just be a fuck buddy? Oh, well, they are. And this is the. Do you remember we had an episode with. Was this me and Mike, and we were talking about romance with casual hookup mice.

[A]

The poly. Yep.

[B]

Mike the poet. And in that thing, Mandy and I were going back and forth. I'm like, okay, but you can't do this type of stuff and not be attached. And she's like, yes, you can, because this is what I require. So, like it's, it's different because clearly you can't handle it anymore.

[A]

Yeah, you're, you're, you're having more emotions. But you also mentioned that when y' all started, you were overweight. If you guys been fucking for 15 years, especially even putting myself in this position, knowing the amount of confidence I have from at 35 than I did at 20. Like, you're now in a place where you've been married, you've had long term relationships with other men. You're at a place now where you do feel like you can demand a man to treat you as more than just sex. And so ironically, someone who met you in this low self esteem point in your life is now getting a better version of you. But unfortunately, you're now wanting to make this relationship different than what you signed up for it to be 15 years ago. And so I think you start with those questions first. See where he's at with wanting something more stable or exclusive with you. Also interesting that you're like, I know I can be monogamous, but he's already said he can't be. I think you have to really sit with the reality. If you care about this man this much, could you really be in an exclusive relationship with someone that you know is going to have other partners?

[B]

And on top of that, if you're enjoying having sex, another question you need to ask yourself is if we didn't get to have a relationship after this, could I still enjoy the sex and feel worthy? Like, because that's gonna suck if you end up in a situation where you keep on, on this. And he's like, yeah, I don't want a relationship. Are you gonna be like, oh my God, like, I have no. Like, are you gonna feel like these other women are better than you just because that doesn't work out in the way that. I mean, who knows why people end up in relationships, but unfortunately, sometimes men just put us in a Box. Just like we put them in a box.

[A]

We do. Because there's mad. I would never cuff dog for a long time. I love it. They think that they trying to make me their girlfriend. Like, nah, I'm good.

[B]

I had a. I have a buddy that I don' in this moment, but you know what I'm talking about. I've been on that for years, and there's so many.

[A]

I'm sorry, I don't know who you're talking about.

[B]

So. So I've been fucking on that nigga for years, and it's like, fuck buddy. But also, oh, we care about each other. And if. When I didn't have a boyfriend and something went wrong with my dad or my mom, who do I call? You call the club Comfort. You know what I'm saying? But that wasn't necessarily his responsibility. He just.

[A]

Oh, that's the. That's the other side of the coin here. You said you both are currently single and not in any sort of relationship, so you're fucking a lot more frequently. But what you didn't say is we're hanging out more. He's taking me on dates. I feel seen. He's. I'm. I'm opening up with him about my traumas. I'm opening up. Like, you brought up that y' all were just fucking more, which, of course, oxytocin. And when the dick is good, it makes you think you like this guy. Not even like him. Is he actually showing up and providing you more than an orgasm?

[B]

Take it from me, I'm the woman that has clearly said, broke dick is good as fuck. Now, I don't know about that nigga's money or nothing like that, but all I'm saying is when I make the broke dick joke, because it is a joke, right? I don't want to be with no bum ass nigga, but I make that joke because broke dick is a clear example of, oh, this isn't someone I want to date. But the sex is so good now, I start thinking of other shit. Holy. Well, he can do stuff around my house.

[A]

Oh, he's a good support system.

[B]

I just started saying shit because dick be that good. That's all it is. It's just a joke, right? And it really is a joke because I know when dick is good, it is a prison.

[A]

But not only that, your connection with him being sex and you being at a place where you're even considering wanting to give him a baby, what are those conversations look like? And do you want to give him a baby because you have these feelings for him and he's been around for 15 years or do you want another baby bro?

[B]

Do you know how often we have sex? I would say 75% of me and my man sex, we talk about baby. Make we talking me the second we done. Did you pee, baby? Okay, you got your birth control. Okay, like we gotta like, bruh. Oh my God. I remember we was like having some really deep serious sex about love. And like we were like just manifesting. Bitch. It was intense, right? Face to face, breathing all deep. He was like, oh, yeah. And I was like, I know you gonna get me pregnant and he gonna.

[A]

Make it past that birth control.

[B]

Why is that? It's so dumb.

[A]

I don't know. That's you, child.

[B]

I don't know. If you start talking about babies when.

[A]

It'S fucking you, they know better.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

You don't want me to ruin it because in the middle I'll be like, and I'll kill your seed, baby. But I will. Ain't no baby here. The quickest way to draw my pussy up is talking about trying to impregnate me, nigga. I'mma make sure not only do you come on my back, but you lick that shit up and your kids swim in your mouth. I ain't even going to hold you. You are talking about no baby making fantasies with me, you mean?

[B]

Well, anyway, thanks so much for writing in. Yeah, and start turning around so you can detach baby. And you know what?

[A]

And I would say if you have, as a woman with any insecurities and knowing that you're in Maine, if you have any doubts about your value in this man's life because of your race, you have a lot of feelings of unsafety with this man to be thinking about procreating a child with him. So I would be weary of even wanting to not only be in a relationship, but procreate with someone that you have to ask if you're valued by them because of your blackness, agree. That's not okay.

[B]

You know what too, babe? Your brain is going so crazy on why it's not happening. That that's why you're asking questions like that. And I'm telling you you need to start dating someone else so that he's not the only man in your.

[A]

But not only that the dick is good, but this man lacks emotional safety for you. Yeah, no, I don't think that this is someone to. To scramble your brain about. It doesn't sound like a. A man who's provided emotional safety to be thinking about locking in with him and potentially having his baby. That'll be my final say. That'll be my final say.

[B]

Get on the apps. Do the surrounding states, honey. Because I don't know what else to do, but I would just say get on the app. Just say you're even engaging and talking to somebody else. So he's not your only focus.

[A]

Agreeing. You could, mind you, you could date and get to know someone and find that emotional connection and just fuck this nigga. Fucking somebody while you're dating is great because it keeps you from slipping up and fucking someone too early. That's new. So you could do both things at the same time. Okay. Anyway, if you want us to answer your questions and give you our advice, that now becomes solicited because you asked, make sure you email us decisionspodmail.com again. Also, if you didn't know, you can watch the video of this over on the patreon. So that's patreon.com right now. Backslash. Horrible decisions. Okay, thank you guys so much for tuning in to another ygd plus the.

[B]

Ho Cus Co s Cus was funny.

[A]

Cus is crazy. Cus was fucking ass niggas.

[B]

I'm fucking at the beginning, Cus. See you.

[A]

Bye. This is an I heart podcast. Guaranteed human.