← Decisions, Decisions
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- [00:00]
Mandy
This is an Iheart podcast.
- [00:04]
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- [00:20]
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Mandy
80% water? I thought I was getting a better deal because it's so big.
- [00:29]
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- [00:36]
Mandy
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- [00:42]
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- [00:52]
Mandy
Let's go ahead and play our first voicemail and see what they have to say.
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Good morning Mandy, this is Dee. I'm from New Jersey. Big fan of you and Daisy from Harvard Distribution. I wanted to call because my question was as someone who fairly new to dating and relationships, how should I start doing that in my daily life? Most of my school career was mostly being in education, so I never really had a chance to date. I'm actually 27 and I haven't had any type of sexual experience. So that's always something I'm stressing about when it comes to starting to actually really date. So as somebody who started their own real relationship in their 30s, how should I start with me being 27, not having really any relationship experience at all, no dating experience and no sexual intimate experience as a 27 year old, how should I do that for myself? Thank you.
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Not the shade in the voicemail talking about since you, you know, didn't have your real relationship until 30, how do I date? This I actually really like this question because I think that there is.
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A.
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Misconception but a lack of knowledge around how to properly quote unquote date. Right? So just to recap, you are finally interested in dating at the age of 27, you focus mostly on your school career in your early 20s and you have not had any sex. I would be curious if it's just not pressing. If you are asexual and that's not something that is important to you, I would be like these are questions I would ask if this was live. But you having no dating experience and no sexual or intimate experience, I think doesn't necessarily have a huge impact on how to step your pinky toe into quote, unquote dating. And here's why. I feel like where we lack oftentimes as women is being able to just enjoy the company of a man. And so I think labeling things as dating makes it a lot more than sometimes what it is. So say you get yourself on dating apps. I'm not sure where you currently work, but I would actually start practicing dating by literally just hanging out with men. I think that that is very important to know how to do without feeling the nerves of what the expectations normally come with in terms of dating. Right. So find a, a friend that you either work with, go on the dating apps and say that you're just looking for friends. I know that they have that feature on Raya, I think Hinge and a lot of the, I would say off Tinder. Personally, from what I hear right now, Tinder is, is just a hookup thing. And so for me, hopping on maybe apps like Bumble Hinge in places where maybe people are just looking to hang out with other people. Right. That's how I would start it. I would go on the apps, I would maybe see if you could hang out with men, specifically outside of work. And I'm, I'm saying men because that's what I assume here. By the way, again, because you haven't had sexual, sexual intimate experience, you may be attracted to women. I'm not sure. And so for me, dating looks like going out with strangers and knowing how to break the ice, knowing how to ask questions about them and share experiences about yourself that you want them to know. Having a good time. I think that movies and dinner are fucking boring. It's probably why I don't like to date. I don't know if y' all remember 22 year old, I met him first at a bar. That was just to make sure, you know, we both got to see each other in person real quick. Went and grabbed a quick drink. The second time we went out, bitch, we went ax throwing literally. And it was really fun because we got to kind of be in competition with other groups. Groups which made it less terrifying. And then we got to literally have fun. We were competing against other people as a unit and then we got to compete against each other at the end. It left us to not have to have all of the stressful conversations like kids, long term goals, life goals, relationship goals, traumas. Like the conversations that often become like a little awkward or lean into sex early on weren't had because we were out having fun. So that would be like, my number one advice to you is just to find people to go out with. Don't pressure yourself in calling it a date. Don't be pressured in only hanging out with men or women that you are physically attracted to. Because I think you have to practice. And I think going out and seeing what you enjoy yourself is a way to weed out, like, people that will come later down the line and waste your time. So think of the things that you enjoy doing, whether it be outdoor activities, indoor activities, like I said, and practice. That's. That's the thing that I realized in terms of me not having a relationship later on, baby, I was like, really figuring it out in real time because I hadn't had those early on relationships. So for. And mind you, you're 27, I want you to know, bitch, you not old. This is the time. And 27 is such, like, a really good age because you should be, I assume, out of school now in your career. And this is where you get to have the fun with dating. Because the men your age and even a little bit older, them niggas in their 30s ain't settled yet either. You're still navigating life. You're still kind of figuring it out. You don't have kids yet, so you have the freedom to kind of like, do things on your time. And I think that's. That's great. I think that you having the fear of not having sexual experience right now doesn't even need to be an issue. I really don't think it needs to be an issue because you shouldn't be dating to fuck. You should be dating to figure out yourself what you like, what you're actually looking for in a partner in all the things. And then in terms of your sexual intimate experience, take that on your time, baby, and do it with somebody worth it. And guess what? I ain't even gonna hold you. Even when you lose that virginity, he still may not be worth it in, like, hindsight, right? You may think, ooh, I wanna give it up to him, and it still may be not the person that you wanted to give it to. Just go into it knowing that. I think we have to go into sex and dating with. With realistic lenses. And sometimes we don't because we're fucking growing up with the. The Disney dreams of someone coming in and being our knight in shining armor. So that would be my advice. I really hope that you do, and I would love for you d. Let me know how it goes. Let me know. Would love to know. When you go on your first three hangouts, call them hangouts. Go on your first three hangouts. Please, please, please send it back in and let me know how it went. Your thoughts? Maybe we could do that thing live and see if my advice ended up helping. You just got a little taste of the horrible Decisions Patreon. But why stop there? Tap in for the full, uncut and way nastier episodes over on patreon, go to patreon.com patreon backslash Horrible decisions and unlock all the messy tea, wild stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else. And now here's you've Got Decision. If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible thruffle, guess what? You've got decisions. You've got decisions. Hey whore hive. Really excited for you to check out this week's you Got Decisions, which comes as an exclusive over on the Patreon. If you didn't know, not only can you get horrible decisions episodes, but you can also get bonus episodes like this one, Mandy on the hotline, where I take your voicemails and give you the real Check it out, check it out, check it out. We are going to get now into a you got decisions slash ho mail, y'. All. If you want to send your questions in, please, please, please send your questions in to decisionspodmail.com we will read them aloud, give you our unofficial experted goddamn advice, and hopefully you take it or you take it with a grain of salt. One or the other. I don't know. Now this one is quite, quite interesting. This letter reads different type of race play. Now, before we get into this, I do want to give you guys the actual and official definition of race play. All right? Race play typically refers to sexual roleplay involving themes of racial stereotypes or power dynamics. It can involve scenarios where one person embodies a racial stereotype while the other takes on a dominant or submissive role. However, it's important to note that race play is a controversial topic due to its potential to perpetuate harmful stereotypes and reinforce historical power imbalances. Now, we know about this with black and white, but this one was interesting because it's leaning into something that's not so black and white now. Hi, I am one of your 29. I love that we went up from 27. I am one of your 29 white listeners. However, I'm mixed and also half Mexican, so it depends on the day what I am. That's crazy. Cause bitch Biracials do not operate that way. It's not how it works. So I guess you, you probably look more white because the fact that you referring to yourself as a white listener and just not really acknowledging that you Mexican until you told me in parentheses, kind of crazy. However, I am getting married to an Indian guy very soon. He is in his early 30s. He isn't super experienced sexually, but is eager to always learn or try, but can be shy, etc. Now, I am bi and I love this man, but I want to try a lot and experiment with him. The reason I mentioned race play was that there is a lot of cultural differences between us and familial expectations, etc. It feels like I want to introduce him to different things, but I'm not sure how. We've gone to sex stores, watched spicy videos together, but how do I get him to expand his curiosity? He always makes comments that it's because I'm white that I want to try something more exciting. Or mention fantasies that traditional Indian girls don't do that mention that I think he wants to have fun and experiment, but I wonder if he thinks that because I'm half white, he's attributing my sexual desires to just being able to, quote, unquote, do it. Sometimes it feels like he tries to do dirty talk and it's in regards to me being white. I know he loves me, but I also know that his friends make comments about him marrying a white girl. Again, I'm super Mexican. Please help. Thanks. By the way, she refers to herself at the end as the confused biracial, bisexual girl. You sound real confused. Okay, a few things here. Girl, if they talking about if they making fun of him marrying a white girl, you can't say you super Mexican at the end when in the very beginning you mentioned yourself as a white listener and then said you have Mexican. But it depends on the day. Girl, you white. Stop it. Stop it. I don't think you embrace or dive into your Mexican or Latina side enough at this point. Girl, you white. The fact that he's also attributing your sexual desires and fantasies to being white is very interesting. I also, I also am curious as to if this, this is the person you should marry. And here's why. I think that you both have lacked a lot of conversation that needs to be had before marriage. Um, you're leaning into your cultural differences, but I think what you need to lean into is, is your sexual differences. And this isn't just culturally him thinking that you're just Curious and wanting to be a free coat and nasty because you white. And him saying that traditional Indian girls don't talk this way, don't have these thoughts, don't have these desires. That would be a red flag to me because I wonder if he would like a traditional partner. Him comparing you to his. The, the women in his culture should be alarming out the gate. The fact that when he does do dirty talk, it's adding your whiteness to it, that should be a red flag. I, I genuinely, I, I don't.
- [16:17]
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- [16:49]
Mandy
I would say before y' all dive into the acts of sex, you need to give this man a questionnaire. I think you need to give him the BDSM questionnaire. I think you need to give him. There's. There's quite a few questionnaires online, and I, I'm gonna probably see if I can add a few for this episode specifically. But I think that what you need to do is lean more into this person as a partner, not just in marriage and not just emotionally. But, baby, this might not be a sexual match for you. I'm also curious if he's leaning into traditional Indian girls. Nothing in here expresses his thoughts on your sexuality. Is he okay with the fact that you bisexual when you say that you're super experienced sexually and eager to add more things into the bedroom? Bitch. Did you bring up that you want him to eat two coochies? Did you bring up that you want to eat coochie in front of him or without him? Like, in what elements of your bisexuality have you had this conversation with him if he's bringing up how traditional Indian girls are? Because I don't know if traditional Indian girls are just out here eating Indian coochie. I just don't know. And I think that that's what you need to goddamn ask. Outside of that, I would. I would. I would. I don't know when you're getting married. And again, this would be a question if I was able to ask you live, but there is a lot of things that seems to be missing in terms of what you truly expressed to him, what he's actually comfortable with. Um, and I think that y' all need to have that conversation around your boundaries and what that looked like because it's given. Not only are you confused, biracial, bisexual, but I think that you're heavily confused on where this, where this relationship essentially could end up without the right conversations that need to be had. And I'm gonna leave it there. I ain't gonna hold you. I'm not gonna say your name, but I would love you to write in and let me know what the conversation looked like around your sexuality with him and what his boundaries are. What are his hard nos? Because I'm wondering if his hard nose and boundaries would actually make you not want to be married to him or in a long standing relationship if in fact, it's going to limit your sexual fantasies, desires, and what you essentially see your sex life as being. You're only 29. He's in his early 30s. This is something that can change over time. But I'd, I'd be curious as to your comfortability with walking down the aisle without all of these questions answered. Again, if you want to send in your questions, send it to decisionspodmail.com send in your voicemails to 973-93202 to sell. I think we're gonna give you guys this week, maybe another bts. So you got Manny on the hotline, gonna throw some BTs on the timeline, hopefully this week for y'. All. And I'm just like, you know, really loving you guys, really excited about the content that we're gonna be giving y' all this month specifically because, you know. Anyways, guys, thank you guys for tuning in to another Mandy on the hotline. Thank you guys for sending in your questions, and hopefully I'm able to help y' all live a better, emotional, sexual, liberated laugh. All right, y'. All. Peace. Want to hear more? Head over to patreon.com backslash whe I ble decisions. See you over there.
- [21:02]
Better Picks Advertiser
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- [21:18]
Mandy
This is an Iheart podcast.