You've Got Decisions: Leave of Absence

Summary

Podcast Summary: "You've Got Decisions: Leave of Absence"

Podcast: Decisions, Decisions with Mandii B & WeezyWTF
Network: The Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartPodcasts
Air Date: April 16, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Mandii B and WeezyWTF respond to a listener letter about trust and boundaries in a long-term, non-traditional relationship. The main focus is on what happens when the core rules of an open marriage are broken and whether—and how—a couple can repair their foundation after betrayal. Through candid storytelling, personal anecdotes, and mutual accountability, the hosts unpack the complexities of jealousy, communication, and healing.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Biracial Identity & Representation ([04:00]–[09:31])

• Discussion: The hosts lightly debate recent commentary from Amber Rose about biracial people claiming "Black girl" identity.
• Personal Anecdotes: Weezy and her friend, Gabrielle Canary (a Black biracial model), joke about "who looks Blacker" and the feeling of being invalidated by monoracial Black people.
• Sociocultural Layer: Mandii brings up the "one-drop rule" and how, in white spaces, even biracial people are viewed as Black.
• Notable Quote:

  "When you are in a room of white people, you a nigga."
  — Buzz Cut Host (Mandii), [07:44]

2. Privilege in Society ([08:17]–[09:36])

• Anecdote: Mandii's mother shares a story about getting out of a ticket thanks to "nurse privilege," sparking a humorous debate about various forms of privilege vs. racial reality.
• Notable Quote:

  "Use your white nurse privilege, Ms. Tamley."
  — Wheezy, [09:31]

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3. Listener Letter: "Love, Lies, and a Very Complicated Leave of Absence" ([10:14]–[17:58])

The Story Unveiled

• Couple Dynamics:
  • Married 16 years, both age 43, open relationship for years, active in "the lifestyle" (multiple sex clubs, threesomes, partner-swapping).
  • Openness and mutual trust form the foundation.
• Turning Point:
  • Husband encourages wife to have sex with her ex (with boundaries: no emotional attachment, videotaping for husband's viewing).
  • Wife complies, but the husband struggles to find a similar connection for himself, leading to jealousy.
  • Husband breaks the trust: starts an emotional/possibly physical connection with a co-worker, lies and hides it, then is caught.
  • Aftermath: Husband takes a leave of absence from work to reflect.
  • Wife feels the safe space is lost, questioning if the relationship can survive the breach.
• Main Question:

  When boundaries are broken in a non-traditional relationship, can trust be rebuilt, and how do you move forward?

Host Reactions & Analysis

• Recognizing the Loss of Trust:
  — "You are dealing with someone who... didn't even feel like he could be honest... The safe space you had is gone."
  — Buzz Cut Host, [14:53]

• Experience & Empathy:
  Both hosts admit their own limitations advising on a 16-year marriage but draw on their experiences in ethical non-monogamy. — "We've both been in what we believe to be ethical non-monogamous relationships... where both of our partners did betray our trust."
  — Buzz Cut Host, [16:09]

• The Danger of Other People Post-Betrayal:
  — "Other people are now no longer the kink and the fun. They're the danger to your relationship."
  — Wheezy, [17:05]
  Suggestion: Temporarily eliminate all outside partners to rebuild the couple’s core trust.

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4. Reflection on Relationship Rules & Accountability ([21:44]–[28:47])

• Personal Example:
  Weezy describes closing her open relationship after a boundary misunderstanding, then reopening it with new, explicit guidelines. She emphasizes sometimes a "fresh start" is needed, not just a renegotiation. — "Maybe dub that bitch, too. Let's start out clean as a couple."
  — Wheezy, [22:16–23:08]

• Accountability for Both Partners:
  Mandii holds the letter writer accountable for proceeding with her ex despite signs of her partner's jealousy.
  — "You should have pulled away from your ex. So you dead ass wrong for knowing your partner was jealous ... and you should have taken a break."
  — Buzz Cut Host, [23:35]
  Both agree: The husband’s actions were a direct breach, but the wife ignored clear flags from her partner.

• Advice: Begin with Self-Reflection — "I would start off with a nice handwritten letter acknowledging your fault. ... Talk about what you want to get back to. Talk about how you should not have gone and peeped it."
  — Wheezy, [27:05]

• Hierarchy of Hurt:
  Mandii notes, while the husband’s cheating was a bigger betrayal, the wife’s lack of empathy played a role in the breakdown.

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5. Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Rebuilding Trust:

  "Ethical non-monogamy, opening a relationship, poly, swinging — all the words and terms you can think of — relationships in general are not easy. And unfortunately, everyone is human. They go make mistakes..."
  — Buzz Cut Host, [28:28]

• On Hope & Resilience:

  "I would love a follow-up, 'cuz I think you guys are going to pull through."
  — Wheezy, [28:47]

• Mandii’s Humor:

  "Double Back Queen is about to be my new AKA."
  — Buzz Cut Host, [28:54]

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• Biracial identity & societal perception: [04:00]–[09:31]
• Listener letter introduction & details: [10:14]–[17:58]
• Host advice & personal stories about open relationship boundaries: [21:44]–[28:47]
• Wrap-up, advice summary, call for updates from letter-writer: [28:47]–[29:58]

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Tone & Takeaways

Mandii and Weezy maintain a tone that is candid, supportive, and often irreverent, mixing humor with genuine empathy. Both take the listener’s dilemma seriously, offering not just "go to therapy" but specific, experience-based advice for repairing (or reconsidering) a broken foundation in any relationship—open or otherwise. They’re unafraid to hold both partners responsible for missed emotional cues and emphasize honest self-reflection and communication as the only path forward.

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Key Takeaways for Listeners

• Non-traditional relationships require ongoing renegotiation of boundaries and a safe space for both partners.
• Jealousy and shifting power dynamics must be addressed immediately before resentment festers.
• Accountability is needed on both sides—ignoring a partner’s discomfort is as damaging as breaking a rule.
• Sometimes, drastic steps are necessary: close the relationship, reset, and start over with new rules, not recycled ones.
• Healing is possible, but only with true mutual honesty, forgiveness, and work.

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Notable Quotes by Timestamp

• “When you are in a room of white people, you a nigga.”
  — Buzz Cut Host ([07:44])
• “You are dealing with someone who... didn’t even feel like he could be honest with you... The safe space you had is gone.”
  — Buzz Cut Host ([14:53])
• “Other people are now no longer the kink and the fun. They’re the danger to your relationship.”
  — Wheezy ([17:05])
• “You should have pulled away from your ex... you should have taken a break...”
  — Buzz Cut Host ([23:35])
• “I would start off with a nice handwritten letter acknowledging your fault...”
  — Wheezy ([27:05])
• “Ethical non-monogamy... relationships in general are not easy. And unfortunately, everyone is human. They go make mistakes...”
  — Buzz Cut Host ([28:28])
• “I would love a follow up, 'cuz I think you guys are going to pull through.”
  — Wheezy ([28:47])

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For those who haven't listened

This episode delivers a raw, honest examination of navigating betrayal within a long-standing non-traditional relationship, with the hosts modeling real accountability, humor, and vulnerability. Whether monogamous, open, or somewhere on the spectrum, listeners will hear valuable wisdom about trust, boundaries, and the work required to go the distance.

Transcript

[Lauren LaRosa]

This is an I heart podcast. Guaranteed human.

[Wheezy]

This is wheezy. WTF from Decisions decisions, ladies. Let's talk about taking control of our sexual health. That's grown woman energy. You may think HIV affects someone else somewhere else, but the truth is it's impacting our community and some of us are being hit harder than others. Black women make up just 13% of the women in the US yet account for nearly half of new HIV diagnoses amongst women. Taking care of ourselves is community care. Know your options, ask questions and protect your peace and your body. That's using your power. Sponsored by Care for the Culture from Gilead Sciences. This summer, find your next obsession on Prime.

[Buzz Cut Host]

And let's be honest, we're all due for a new one. It's been a minute. Steamy romance, addictive love stories, and the book to scream favorites you've already read twice because once was obviously not enough.

[Wheezy]

Off campus L the Love Hypothesis and more Slow burns. Second chances chemistry you could feel through

[Buzz Cut Host]

the screen the tension. I was set. Binge worthy series. Can't miss the movies. This is the kind of content you start to just check out and suddenly

[Wheezy]

it's 1am Ask me how I know

[Buzz Cut Host]

Obsession is officially in session only on Prime Video.

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[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Partner]

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[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Partner]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (Doug)]

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[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Partner]

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[Lauren LaRosa]

Hey y', all, it's Lauren LaRosa with the latest with Lauren LaRosa on Black Effect and I cannot wait to see you guys at the fourth annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. We are coming back to Atlanta, Georgia on Saturday, April 25th at Pullman Yard and it's hosted by me alongside DJ Envy and Charlamagne Tha God. We got Drink Chance with Noriega and DJ fm. We got Keep It Positive, Sweetie, with my girl Crystal Renee. Ha. We got Reality with the King with my guy, then my brother Carlos King. And y' all know he does reality commentary like nobody can. Now we also have Don't Call Me White Girl, the podcast I Love Mona, and Club 520 podcast along with the Grits and Eggs podcast. So this lineup stacked, baby. You're also going to want to check out the panels that we have lined up too, featuring Kev on Stage, Tika Sumter and John Hope Bryant, just to name a few. Of course, it's way bigger than podcast. We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with black owned businesses, plus the food truck court to keep you fed while you visit us. Okay, listen, you don't want to miss this. Tap in and grab your ticket [e-mail] podcast festival.

[Wheezy]

If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible thruffle, guess what?

[Buzz Cut Host]

You've got decisions. You got decisions.

[Wheezy]

What kind of names are you getting? You're wearing a corn T shirt. K, O R N. For those listening and not watching us on the video. Patreon.comdecisions what's tea with a buzz cut?

[Buzz Cut Host]

First off, bitch, it was from Forever 21. I don't know shit about corn. It's just a cute shirt.

[Wheezy]

No, I mean. Wait, is Forever 21 still open?

[Buzz Cut Host]

Because we don't have it in the. No, not. But it's one of these. Like, I don't. You know, like, you used to go into Forever 21 and they had fucking like Selena's and Aaliyah shirts. And I don't know how they got. I meant to say your hair in

[Wheezy]

the quarantine give rocker bitch.

[Buzz Cut Host]

Oh, you know, and that's another thing. No one wants me to go blonde. They're loving the dark hair and I'm like, can y' all suck my dick? So I know.

[Wheezy]

I hate when people start telling me they like a style on me that I wasn't about to keep, bro.

[Buzz Cut Host]

I didn't. I wasn't trying to keep this shit. I want to do the Amber Rose. I'm going to keep the buzz cut. My head. Let's not call it the Amber Rose, okay? You know what's crazy, bitch? You got to call it and maybe we'll talk about it on a Patreon. Did you see how she was just on some podcast saying that she doesn't think that biracials should refer to themselves as black girl? I got the clip. We go talk about it on the Patriot. Because I was like, I'm black, bitch. Do you know it's crazy. I wanted to talk about it on Selective Ignorance, but my producers are a black man from Atlanta, a black man from Brooklyn, and a Puerto Rican in Jersey. And I'm like, you know, I don't think the biracial conversation is going to hit with all of you monoracials, you know? You feel me? They're just monoracial. Can't have a biracial discussion.

[Wheezy]

Well, no, a black man can have this conversation, though, because, yeah, yeah, black people can have a conversation about biracials because it's all subjective. Like, I just had a conversation about this one of my homegirls, by the way, I can say her name. Her name is Gabrielle. And if you want to look her up, her name is Gabrielle Canary. She's a model. We've been friends a long time, and me and her was in this fake argument about who looked blacker. And I was like, no.

[Buzz Cut Host]

That's a very biracial argument, though.

[Wheezy]

No, no, no. But tell you why it happened. She was like something about like a lady in an Uber talking to her crazy. And she was like, that lady really didn't know I was black. I was like, gabby, you look black. She's like, no, you look blacker than me. I'm like, bitch, you look.

[Buzz Cut Host]

You look blacker than Gabby. But y' all are both. Y' all could both be past but for another race. No, no, we could.

[Wheezy]

But I was like, you look blacker than me. Just because you pale don't mean da, da, da, da. And so she was saying, like, she did a Bravo TV show called Winter House. And she was like, it was so hard to say I'm black because there was another black woman in the house. And people made her feel invalidated because she was the light one and the fair skinned one and a biracial one. She's like. And the black girl was Sierra Miller, who's all in the news right now. And she's like, bro. Like, I feel like my whole life is hard to say the words. Like, instead of saying mixed because of how other people make me feel, which is crazy because I feel like black people are sick of mixed people saying I'm biracial when we could see it.

[Buzz Cut Host]

So it's a weird like. It is, it is. I mean, I just also, I don't know, to me, I even went, of course, down the rabbit hole with reeducating myself on the one drop rule and things like that. And the thing is, even as a black person, there's not one skin tone for black, right? But when we walk into a room, the other races look at us as niggas.

[Wheezy]

So to me, that's why when we had that convo, I'm like, what you think you look like, bitch?

[Buzz Cut Host]

That's why to me, like, cool, you're lighter skin, you're fair toned. You can come off as biracial, mixed breed, mulatto, whatever the fuck y' all want to call us, biracials. But when you are in a room of white people, you a niggle.

[Wheezy]

And that's the thing.

[Buzz Cut Host]

You're not going to get a white person. You're going to get treatment invalidated by

[Wheezy]

black people because they'd be like, bitch, you know, you, you, you passing, you this, you that. I'm like, but there's no way in hell you going to tell me you've ever walked into a white space and thought you fit in.

[Buzz Cut Host]

Oh, I'm not going to lie. I was just on the phone with my mama and my mom was like, girl, I just got pulled over, child, I'll do a 75. And I think it was in like a 50s. She was like, girl, he pulled me over and he was like, girl, here, here I go, here I go. Cause she, she, she leaned in to let me know that she didn't get a ticket. And I immediately went to, oh, look at that. White privilege, bitch. I said, I know that's right. And she was like, no, it's nurse privilege. This is why I drive in my scrubs. And this is why people drive with stethoscopes in their car.

[Wheezy]

Wait, wait, is that real?

[Buzz Cut Host]

There's a respect of you working at a hospital or you being, you know, what were they called during the pandemic? Oh, an essential worker.

[Wheezy]

Essential worker. I'm like, bitch, so was Doordash.

[Buzz Cut Host]

But like, I mean, even when, when, you know, I dated my ex, he had firefighter on his license plate and he used to park in a lot of places he couldn't park, right? Just because he ain't get it. Cause they respect the fire. There's a brotherhood there, right? So even with nurses and doctors and stuff, you know, she was like, girl, it's because I Had my scrubs on and I told him where I worked and I was like, oh, she said so, girl. Girl, my mom was like, so, girl, it ain't no white privilege over here.

[Wheezy]

Use your white nurse privilege, Ms. Tamley. Use your white nurse privilege.

[Buzz Cut Host]

White nurse privilege. There you go. But yeah. Anyways, let's get into this week's you got decisions, y'. All. If you have a debacle in your life and you need our help, please email us. It's decisionspodmail.com or if you're a patron, head on over to the direct message portal and send us yours. Of course, we look to do our Patreon messages first and they get priority. Y' all know our inbox get a little full. So go ahead, send your Patreon messages or go ahead and send over an email. This week's letter is this title.

[Wheezy]

This is a good ass subject, Love,

[Buzz Cut Host]

lies, and a very complicated leave of absence. Let's get into it, baby. Let me start by saying my man and I are into the lifestyle. We are members of three sex clubs. And we swap and have threesomes.

[Wheezy]

Do you know me?

[Buzz Cut Host]

And listen, shut up. Then we come home, shower and fuck each other's brains out. But we have always done this together. In side note, he had never had a threesome before me. Now, let me tell you a bit about us. We built something people don't believe is real anymore. From the outside, it looks like a cliche. Two people deeply in love, always laughing, always choosing each other. But it's more important. But it's more than that. It's the way our kids look at us. Like we're an example. It's the way our families relax around us because they can feel the respect, the warmth. Even strangers. Thank you, girl. We gonna get there. Even strangers notice it. It's the softness, the connection, the ease. We've always been that couple. And the truth is, we worked for it. We were open, honest, and adventurous in ways most people wouldn't understand. We trusted each other deeply. Girl, do you not see that all of this is past tense? Bitch, we explored together. We trusted.

[Wheezy]

I mean, it's just a lot of.

[Buzz Cut Host]

No, a lot of it just sounds past tense. So let's get to was never about escaping our relationship. It was about adding to it. Sharing expense experiences, being turned on by each other's freedom. There was no secrecy, no betrayal. Just us choosing each other over and over again. About a year ago, that openness evolved. He encouraged me to reconnect with my ex. Just the fuck no emotional attachment at all. Oh, bitch. This is a tweet, but he has a big dick, and he asked me to videotape it for him to watch.

[Wheezy]

Wait, her man or the ex?

[Buzz Cut Host]

Yes, her man. Wanted her man, gave her permission to reconnect with an ex, said that no emotional attachment can be involved. But he also wanted to see the videotape of her ex fucking her. Oh, yeah.

[Wheezy]

Well, this is where it goes wrong.

[Buzz Cut Host]

We love watching each other get fucked up, and I wanted the same for him, for me to watch. It was something we would share, something that still felt like us. I leaned into it fully because I trusted him and I trusted what we had. I did it multiple times, always with the same understanding. This belonged to our relationship, not outside of it. But while I was able to step into that, he struggled to find someone who would do the same with him. He kept getting rejected because he was honest about being in a relationship with me. And over time, that started to affect him. He became jealous of my experiences, of my ex, of the fact that it seemed easier for me than it was for him. There was even a moment where he asked me not to go see my ex again, then changed his mind and told me that I could. I went, still thinking we were aligned, but. But instead of staying grounded in what we had built, something shifted in him. Out of that frustration, even maybe in spite, he decided to take things further on his end, but not in the way we agreed to. Instead of keeping it within our shared boundaries, he built something separate. He gave attention, time, and emotional energy to someone he worked with, blurring lines just to make it happen. She is aware he's in a relationship, but it's fine to play the background. And that's where everything broke. Because it was never about what we did. It was about what we meant to each other while doing it. To be honest, I wouldn't have cared if I just knew about it. But he hid it from me, and I caught him. Ooh. When I did, he lied. Even after promising there was no more contact. Things didn't feel right. At one point, I even questioned everything so deeply that I may have gone too far myself, trying to find the truth any way I could. There were a lot of tears. Not because of the physical side of things, but because he broke the core of what we had. It was always supposed to be a we thing, never a him thing. And now, after all of it, after the lies, the hurt, and the reality of what he almost lost, he says he doesn't want to lose us. He's taken a leave of Absence from work, trying to cut that part of his life off completely and figure himself out. So now I'm here sitting in the aftermath of something that was once so solid, so admired, so genuinely beautiful, trying to understand if I love like I can survive when the boundaries that protected it were the very thing that got broken. But I do still believe in what we had. Where do we go from here? Tricky, because at this point now, and y' all see I was. You are dealing with someone who didn't. The safe space you had is gone. You didn't even feel like he could be honest with you about this other partner. He didn't share this other partner. He lied about this other partner. Even when you confronted him about it, he lied to your face about it. And it was out of his ego because he clearly shared that he started getting jealous of you. By the way, Wheezy, she did want to add they are 43 years old and have been married for 16 years. So bitch, I mean you got to go to marriage.

[Wheezy]

I guess I kind of feel like how could I even give you advice? Because I've only been in open relationships for 10 years.

[Buzz Cut Host]

But I was about to say I ain't even been in open marriages. I ain't even been married, let alone been in a comfortable ethical.

[Wheezy]

Not just admitting we just. Disqualified. Not disqualified. What's the word?

[Buzz Cut Host]

I mean I think maybe then from. I think where we can then is in any. We've both been in what we believe to be ethical non monogamous relationships with. With what we thought were clear boundaries, clear communication and a safe space where both of our partners did betray our trust on that this shit is sad.

[Wheezy]

As though. Because I know that the reality of what everyone wants to tell you is therapy, et cetera. But the only thing.

[Buzz Cut Host]

Don't step on my advice, ho.

[Wheezy]

No, no, no. Because it's true. Like I feel like she's already thought about it. But the one thing that I would say, you don't have an open relationship anymore. Even if that's the way you guys love to fuck. Even if lifestyle was what makes you comfortable, that's removed.

[Buzz Cut Host]

What do you mean by that?

[Wheezy]

Other people are now no longer the kink and the fun. They're the danger to your relationship. So what is it that you could do to bring back the two of you? And it's literally eliminate every body.

[Buzz Cut Host]

I ain't gonna hold you either. You ain't give us the details. But instead of breaking it off with his co worker, this nigga had to take a whole leave of Absence from work? Was he fucking his boss? Like even that, was he fucking a subordinate? Was there a dynamic that they just couldn't exist at work together anymore? That he.

[Wheezy]

I mean, I was gonna say maybe, maybe he has a job that he can't leave. Maybe that like repairing their 16 year marriage. Bitch.

[Buzz Cut Host]

Yeah, but he took a leave of absence from his job.

[Wheezy]

I don't know what he does that he can't leave. But I'm saying maybe like he couldn't

[Buzz Cut Host]

quit or maybe it's just a high paying job, but shout out to that.

[Wheezy]

Maybe he couldn't quit.

[Buzz Cut Host]

Not him taking time off because he done broke a goddamn open relationship boundary. No, but.

[Care for the Culture Spokesperson]

Yes, it's me again.

[Buzz Cut Host]

Huh?

[Wheezy]

We prepped.

[Buzz Cut Host]

Prepped. Oh, wow.

[Care for the Culture Spokesperson]

Oh wow, oh wow. It's the time for empowerment. And I've got a message for you.

[Buzz Cut Host]

Guess who. Guess who. Guess who's back. Prep.

[Care for the Culture Spokesperson]

You gotta think about sexual health no matter what. When widow with who. Yeah, yeah. To all you lovers out there, ain't no judgment. This is a cue.

[Buzz Cut Host]

Guess who, guess who's back.

[Care for the Culture Spokesperson]

It's time to talk about pre special prophylaxis, a part of HIV prevention. Talk to a healthcare provider and visit care carefortheculture.com to learn more.

[Buzz Cut Host]

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[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Partner]

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[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (Doug)]

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[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Partner]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (Doug)]

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[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Partner]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (Doug)]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual, even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Partner]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (Doug)]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Partner]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (Doug)]

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[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Partner]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Wheezy]

So here's what I was saying. I've talked about this on the pod, how I open and close my relationships for family stuff mainly, or how we're feeling mentally. But I did close my open relationship last year sometime because we both got confused about a boundary. And we were like, oh, close, Right. And an interesting thing, as it opened back up, one of the questions he asked me was, can I message back so and so.

[Buzz Cut Host]

Okay?

[Wheezy]

And I'm like, yeah. In my head, I'm like, why not? And he said, well, I didn't know if we were starting completely fresh with our new rules or if we could go back to people we used to. People weren't part of an issue. And I was like, you know what? That's a great point. Maybe dub that bitch, too. Let's start out clean as a couple. And I get it, because let's just say, for example, it could be something like, one of my rules is no sleepovers. None of us, me, nor him have ever done that. But let's just say he slept over someone's house on accident. And maybe he never told that person it was that rule. That was basically what he meant. Like, do we integrate and tell people that we've already fudged with, hey, me

[Buzz Cut Host]

and my partner have a new.

[Wheezy]

Have a new rule. Or do we just start the fresh? Like the freshly so that was something we tried that was also like, you know, just kind of learning as you go, but real shit. When we closed the open relationship, it wasn't even like, let's open it back up when things get better. It was like, we could talk about opening it up on this date. And if on this date we feel good, then great. If not, another 60 days from there.

[Buzz Cut Host]

I. I want to also put some accountability on you as the person who wrote this in. As soon as you were experiencing your partner becoming jealous and not enjoying you going to see your ex anymore because they hadn't found the same partner to experience this in, you should have pulled away from your ex. So you dead ass wrong for knowing your partner was jealous, knowing your partner was feeling insecure, knowing your partner no longer was having fun with this dynamic because he didn't have his own play toy. Essentially, for this exchange, you should have taken a break and let your ex know. We're going to take a pause on this until my partner can enjoy this again because he's feeling away a part of me. Actually, even in the way you explain this in the letter, that seems like you didn't care at all about your husband's feelings, I would agree with that.

[Wheezy]

I didn't get the tone. Like, she was being considerate, your nigga. I would say one thing. Maybe she's angry writing this because he fudged around with a bitch at work, so that could be the case.

[Buzz Cut Host]

Well, there is. But even. Even when. When she said, like, there was a point in here that she mentioned when he became jealous of my experiences of my ex, of the fact that it seemed easier for me. And she did say there was a moment where he asked me not to go see my ex again. And you did it, then changed my mind and said, okay, you could go. And you went, bro, that nigga was probably just really trying to do that, to not feel like he was controlling you in a dynamic that hasn't felt like there was control because you said,

[Wheezy]

and you know what? For accountability, this is not to compare, but it's something that I, for the first time, took accountability on and got.

[Care for the Culture Spokesperson]

Whoa.

[Buzz Cut Host]

You had accountability?

[Shopify Sponsor]

Whoa.

[Wheezy]

Hell is frozen over. Last Saturday, I had an event at track. My man was helping Breonda all day because I was really sick with period cramps. And finally when we got there, one of his cousins came and he wanted to step out, but I wasn't feeling good. And so I was like, y', all. Y' all go last lap. Go to last lap. Have fun. So he looked at me. He's like, stop trying to be cool girlfriend right now. Like, you don't want me to. You don't want me to go. You don't want me to go? And I'm like, yes, I do.

[Buzz Cut Host]

I want you to go.

[Wheezy]

Because I'm like, damn, he's been running around my fucking gym all day. Like, yes, bro. Pulls me in the corner, is like, baby, if you don't want me to go because you don't feel like shit and you want to sit and watch tv, it's okay.

[Buzz Cut Host]

We go out all the time.

[Wheezy]

This nigga will be okay. I'mma be okay. And I was like, you know what? I do want to please so much sometimes that I don't even think in my head. Because sometimes when you're in open relationship, in an open dynamic, you're so used to having to say yes.

[Buzz Cut Host]

And that's what I feel like her husband did, unintentionally did. Yeah, and I'm telling you. But also, bitch, you should have been

[Wheezy]

the one to be like, baby, no, you not good.

[Buzz Cut Host]

You don't feel comfortable with this. You've expressed your jealousy, your insecurity, and how you're not able to. This isn't an exchange with this dynamic right now, so don't worry about it. I ain't got to go see my ex, bitch, he told you not to go, then said you could go. And you said, all right, I'll be back. Like, girl, at 43, sister girl.

[Wheezy]

So listen, you know what? I would start off with a nice handwritten letter acknowledging your fault.

[Buzz Cut Host]

That's a Dear John child.

[Wheezy]

I love a handwriting. A letter for.

[Buzz Cut Host]

Girl, you are such a millennial.

[Wheezy]

Talk about what you want to get back to. Talk about how you should have not have gone and peeped it.

[Buzz Cut Host]

Yeah, you need to definitely show.

[Wheezy]

Oh, well, you told me, yes. Be like, you know what I should have recognized.

[Buzz Cut Host]

And then I'll hold him accountable after,

[Wheezy]

you know, yeah, he fucked up for real. And I know you should have, I'm saying. But at least say sometimes you have to ease someone into it. Even when that's crazy, though, because, yeah,

[Buzz Cut Host]

like, there's a hierarchy of hurt, sure, the cheating, the betrayal, not telling you. I get it. But, girl, the accountability look like you was. You started it. You shouldn't have went to go see your ex. I agree. So I'm actually curious to know what type of conversations and resolution you find here with this. I think it's interesting. I do. And that's the thing, right? Ethical non monogamy, opening a relationship poly swinging all the fucking words and terms you can think of. Relationships in general are not easy. And unfortunately, everyone is human. They go make mistakes, they're not going to see something till later. And I think in this case, I don't know if you saw your misstep, but not acknowledging your partner's emotions and being kind of selfish by going to see your ex in a moment where things weren't free and honest with each other, you kind of took it. Took it there first my sister and not saying that that's why you got cheated on.

[Wheezy]

I would love a followup cuz I think you guys are going to pull through.

[Buzz Cut Host]

I would love a follow up to this.

[Wheezy]

I'm back with worse. I know y' all will pull through.

[Buzz Cut Host]

Listen, y' all know I done double backed a few times. Quadruple times. A lot of times. Double Back Queen is about to be my new AKA not the Double Back Queen. Anyways, guys, thank y' all again. If you want to tell us your problems in life, whether it's with your friends, your family, work, or your many partners, your lovers, your side nigga, we saw someone fuck their cousin a couple weeks ago, go ahead and send it to us. Third cousin removed. I'm pretty sure. I think. I can't remember. But anyways, whatever your problems are, we listen, we judge, and we will try to help you get through this. Okay? Thank you for listening to another. You got decisions. Check us out every Wednesday. Send your letters to decisionspod Gmail.com. see y' all next week. Bye.

[Lauren LaRosa]

This is an I heart podcast. Guaranteed human.