You've Got Decisions: My Husband, My Cousin, and a Secret I Can’t Undo

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Decisions, Decisions

Episode: "You've Got Decisions: My Husband, My Cousin, and a Secret I Can’t Undo"
Hosts: Mandii B (primary host), WeezyWTF (absent but discussed)
Date: March 19, 2026
Podcast Network: The Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Decisions, Decisions" features Mandii B solo as she tackles a jaw-dropping listener dilemma involving a love triangle (of sorts): a married woman finds herself entangled in a secret affair—not with a neighbor or coworker, but with her own cousin. The episode centers on Mandii’s humorous yet compassionate take on deeply taboo territory, exploring the fallout of familial betrayal, sexual discovery, and the murky path to accountability and healing. Woven with raw honesty and signature humor, Mandii breaks down the scenario, fields the listener’s major questions, and offers her frank advice.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Banter: Tattoos and Aging (03:00–08:59)

• The episode kicks off with lighthearted chit-chat between Mandii B and Weezy about tattoos that date you—think tramp stamps, cursive fonts, paw prints, and regrettable choices.
• “My shit look young, bitch. Gives 35.” — Mandii B (03:42)
• Recognizable segment of the show’s tone: irreverent, honest, playful.

Listener Dilemma: The Email (09:04–17:59)

The Situation

• A married woman (34 years old, 10-year relationship, 6 years married, 2 kids) writes in about a secret affair with her younger cousin, who stayed with the family for four months after moving to the city.
• The marriage was in a rut—emotional distance, lack of sex, husband always busy or distracted.
• A late-night wine session led to confessions, an impulsive kiss, and a secret sexual relationship for two months while the cousin lived in the house.
• “It felt intense and intoxicating and wrong all at the same time. I've never been with a woman before. I didn't even know I wanted that. But with her, I felt desired in a way I hadn't in years." — Email excerpt (12:12)
• Husband finds out via phone messages; both women confess. Cousin moves out, and family is unaware of the real story.

Core Issues Raised by the Listener

• The husband wants to reconcile but constantly brings up her infidelity, expressing emasculation and humiliation.
• The writer misses her cousin emotionally and sexually, viewing her as both lover and best friend.
• She questions whether her feelings signal suppressed bisexuality or were a result of situational loneliness and self-sabotage.
• Dread about future family gatherings and the ongoing act of pretending.

Mandii’s Candid Breakdown and Advice (09:45–22:16)

Addressing Husband’s Pain

• Mandii validates the husband's feelings:
  • “He has every right to feel emasculated and humiliated.” (10:05)
  • Suggests couples therapy and individual therapy for the writer.

Ownership & Accountability

• Mandii emphasizes the need for real self-reflection:
  • “There needs to be some level of accountability...where was your brain wired to? Where not only did you step out on your husband, you stepped out with your female cousin. Bitch!” (10:28)
• Points out the emotional cheating often at the root:
  • “Normally, women cheat emotionally first…I don’t know how your friends were showing up, but the fact that your cousin just lent an ear could have been all you needed.” (12:45)

Disentangling the Situation

• Highlights that the act broke the boundary between platonic and sexual with a family member, which requires critical soul searching.
• Unpacks the difference between starved attention and true sexual orientation questioning.

Family Fallout & Incest Taboo

• Cautions about future family gatherings: “You have to you must get away from viewing this woman as a lover because in no way, shape, form or fashion will I sit here. I don’t even know what level of incest this is…but…you skewed the lines…” (22:26)
• Mandii checks legal and cultural definitions of incest on air, emphasizing its taboo status: “This is going to take a lot to come back from.” (22:44)

Moving Forward: Questions to Consider

• Mandii challenges the listener:
  • “Do you genuinely feel like this is where you envision yourself being with, even just one year from now? Because this is going to take some time to get over.” (23:50)
  • “You have to own up to what you did…You can’t want to blame him for lack of attention.”
  • Suggests clarity and boundaries with cousin.
• Recommends open (if awkward) dialogue with husband and cousin, but underscores the need for the writer to regain control over her actions and narrative.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Is this something a marriage can realistically come back from? And how do I even begin to untangle whether I'm bisexual, bored, or just self-sabotaging?” — Listener letter (13:58)
• “Bitch. I read the goddamn title of this and was not expecting where this went. So there’s a lot of layers here.” — Mandii B (10:20)
• “You didn’t have control of your sexual desires. You didn’t have control of your emotions. You didn’t have control of your depressiveness. You didn’t have control of them coochie lips or that mouth. But in some way, in order to get past this and get through this, you need to try to have some level of control of where this shit gets to and who the fuck hears this.” — Mandii B (25:05)

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• Tattoo Banter & Show Warm-Up: 03:00–08:59
• Listener Letter Read & Setup: 09:04–12:12
• Affair Details & Family Fallout: 12:12–13:58
• Mandii’s Response: Emotional, Sexual & Ethical Dimensions: 13:59–18:13
• Therapy/Healing Recommendations: 10:05, 23:50
• Incest/Cultural Taboo Explored: 22:44–25:05
• Reflection & Next Steps: 23:50–26:10

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Conclusion & Takeaways

• This episode tackles a truly complex, taboo dilemma, with Mandii holding space for both humor and genuine support.
• Central themes include: the impact of emotional neglect, blurred boundaries under loneliness, hard questions about sexual orientation, and deep betrayals within marriage and family.
• Mandii pushes for accountability, communication with all parties, and a serious look at therapy—not only for the marriage but for the writer’s own emotional self-awareness.
• Above all, the message is: Don’t let crisis define your future—do the hard work if you want to heal.

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Listener Call to Action:
If you have your own messy, complicated dilemma, email the hosts at decisionspodmail, or join their Patreon for deeper dives and bonus content.

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Transcript

[Lauren LaRosa]

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[Andy B]

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[Lauren LaRosa]

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[Weezy]

I feel like there's timeless tattoos. Like there's certain things like if you told somebody it was live, laugh, laugh. You can make a joke and be like, hey, I got this. 10 years.

[Mindy B]

You know what's crazy? Do you know what I used to once tatted on me? Which I'm so glad I never got tatted. And it would have aged me like a bitch, bitch. I would have looked 55 right now if I had, you know, the little masks, the laughing mask and the sad mask.

[Weezy]

Oh my goodness, bitch.

[Mindy B]

I like. You know how shit used to be Yiddy Yang back then. How shit used to be bad. That shit is so. Or the paw prints. What if I got the paw prints like Eve like I wanted to, bitch.

[Weezy]

Hold on. But we all have one. Because we all have one.

[Mindy B]

What?

[Weezy]

Oh, my man told me. He was like, this tattoo you got on your arm, it tells me the age that you.

[Mindy B]

No, it doesn't. It's a Buddha, bitch.

[Weezy]

No, no, no. But the style of this tattoo does show during your day.

[Mindy B]

I look young, bitch. My booty look young, ho.

[Weezy]

It's not the color. It's the fact that we got this. You know that the new tattoos are like.

[Mindy B]

She trying to talk, bitch. My shit look young bitch gives 35.

[Weezy]

What is this?

[Mindy B]

Our tattoos gets 35, bitch.

[Weezy]

But this isn't the minimalist cool girl. Fucking Williamsburg. You know they do the tiny tats now, first off.

[Mindy B]

And look at the tiny tats, see?

[Weezy]

Cause you got.

[Mindy B]

But I'm a young bitch with the little tiny hand tats. Damn, this make us look old.

[Weezy]

Oh, wait, this does. Do we need to cover our vegan or Buddha? Huh?

[Mindy B]

No, I'm 35.

[Weezy]

The 30 year olds still have the fucking tiny, tiny.

[Mindy B]

No. And then you know what? The 39 year olds got the tramp stamps. I'm so glad I never got a tramp stamp, bitch. Sorry for all the hoes out there with the Tramp stamps. Them things.

[Weezy]

I'm so glad we made it, bruh.

[Mindy B]

I'm so. And hold on. You. The tribal ones. Them is terrible.

[Weezy]

I would have had to do laser.

[Mindy B]

Hold on. You ready? Do you know what tattoo I used to also want?

[Weezy]

What, bitch?

[Mindy B]

A cupcake on my ass cheek. I'm so glad I. Bitch, I had it drawn up. I'm so glad I didn't put a cupcake on my ass cheek.

[Weezy]

Okay, wait. I almost got the stars leading from the neck.

[Mindy B]

Not. You wanted to be Rihanna and Chris Brown. I did. You know what? That wouldn't look so bad now.

[Weezy]

Cause you can cover it.

[Mindy B]

A part of me wants a couple more little neck tats. Like, I love my little neck tat. I want a couple more.

[Weezy]

Actually. Hold on. The one on your shoulder. It's the font. The font shows you it's older.

[Mindy B]

Calm down.

[Weezy]

No.

[Mindy B]

Cause it's cursive, bitch. Cause the kids don't know how cursive. Cursive now says, I'm an old bitch. Bitch is now old times.

[Weezy]

She says, loyalty is vintage, and so it's vintage.

[Mindy B]

Loyalty is vintage. Face it. Shout out to Brooke.

[Weezy]

Wait, do you have a. What's on your back? The lines of it.

[Mindy B]

Don't do that. Yes, that's my Angelina Jolie, and I got it in Thailand. Is that O2?

[Weezy]

I don't know.

[Mindy B]

Is that an old tattoo?

[Weezy]

Y', all, I swear, we did a whole assessment of this shit. We were out one night and we went to a pool party. He's like, yo, girl, look. Look at all the tattoos. You can tell the ages.

[Mindy B]

The one on the back of my neck, and it used to be covered with my hair, bitch. It says, love me, hate me now. That is some young people shit, bro. I got it at 17, bitch.

[Weezy]

No, this is worse.

[Mindy B]

I got this at 14. No, you did. You the star of David. You had that shit on the fucking ch. You made it pink. You had girl see, on her MySpace, she used to pull her pants down to show that star. David. You know what's even funnier? When you. When we were younger. When we were younger, she used to be like. She used to talk shit about my tattoos. She used to be, like, classy bitches as small tattoos. Then we reconnected, and this bitch got the same tattoo as me.

[Weezy]

Actually, if I could get rid of any of them, it would be this, probably.

[Mindy B]

Oh, the biggest one.

[Weezy]

I like small shit now.

[Mindy B]

You liked small shit back then.

[Weezy]

I was going through a rebellious phase. I was getting arrested a lot, and I just felt Right?

[Mindy B]

Bitch, I had my whole ribs and half my back tatted by the time I graduated.

[Weezy]

Matter of fact, everybody in the Patreon comments. I want y' all to send us your fucking worst tattoo. You please.

[Mindy B]

I would love to know that.

[Weezy]

You know how I know my niggas got one that's an age tattoo. He has a lion on his hand, and he's not a Leo. I was like, yo, that was a fake.

[Mindy B]

No, that could be his spirit animal, bitch. That's the. Everybody.

[Weezy]

Niggas love getting lions. Bitches love getting snakes and butterflies, and niggas love getting lions. Like, why you got that?

[Mindy B]

Don't do me. I have butterflies on my leg, bitch. You know what else I've realized? You know what else I realized? I didn't know that I tatted a prostitute on me. I have a geisha on my back. I didn't know geishas were prostitutes. Well, I didn't know. I just thought it was the Asian culture I used to want.

[Weezy]

No Marilyn Monroes had it on me. Thank God I didn't.

[Mindy B]

That would have been terrible.

[Weezy]

I just wanted, like, the little. You remember when people were getting the mole and the lip and the eye? Do you remember that?

[Mindy B]

Back in the day, did you ever. No, you didn't. I was gonna say, have you ever tatted a man's name, initials?

[Weezy]

No, but what's funny about you saying this? I was doing the Just Us podcast with Jacob and Amber, and she got five people's names on her.

[Mindy B]

That's ridiculous. And never been taken out on a date. How do you get there, dog?

[Weezy]

And you know what made me even die more? One of them is a woman. And she was like, we was cool, but I'm not gay, dawg. Amber's fucking funny. And I was really sitting there, like, five names.

[Mindy B]

Okay. She was like, yeah, so me and my ex, I used to always. Every time we got drunk, I used to say, let's go get matching tats. But didn't want initials, didn't want. So I was like, I'll get the queen of spades and you get the king of spades.

[Weezy]

Yo, what are fucking tattoos?

[Mindy B]

Why is that, bitch? I like spades.

[Weezy]

Queen of spades is the fucking name when you're like a swapping.

[Mindy B]

Oh, apparently I wanted. I just wanted Mindy.

[Weezy]

Accidental vortex.

[Mindy B]

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[Weezy]

If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a

[Mindy B]

terrible boyfriend, or a terrible thruffle, guess what? You've got decisions. You've got decisions. Welcome, guys, to another episode of you Got decisions. It's your girl, Mindy B. Um, Weezy is not on this episode, but she is here with us in spirit because per usual, one of y' all got a complicated situation and y' all want our advice for some reason. Like, y' all know we don't got it all figured out, baby. We just. We don't. We don't. But so many of y' all have been following us for years. You've seen our growth, especially mine, that y' all know we done been through enough to where we. We kind of can probably hopefully get you on the other side of your dilemma. As always, if you want us to read your scenario, your problem, head on over to our email and drop us a line at decisionspodmail. Okay, well, this one's a little bit of a long one this week, but we gonna get into it. The subject line is crazy. My husband, my cousin, and a secret I can't undo. Bitch, what in the snap? All right, well, let's get into it. Hi, Bandy and Weezy. I've been going back and forth about writing this because it makes me look messy, but I need outside perspective. Please keep me anonymous. Y' all bitches know we keep you hoes anonymous. Come on now. We gonna put you out there like that. Anyway, let's get into it. I'm a 34 year old married woman. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for six. We have two kids under five. Ooh. This seemed like a riddle. On paper, our life looks solid. He's a good father, financially responsible, and everyone in my family loves him. Here's where it gets ugly. Oh, boy. Last year, my younger cousin, she's 27, moved to our city for a job and didn't know anyone. I offered for her to stay with us temporarily. Bitch. This is giving cousin faith. She ended up living with us for about four months. During that time, my marriage was already in a weird place. My husband and I weren't really connecting. We were co parenting roommates. I felt invisible. He works long hours and when he was home, he was on his phone or gaming. We weren't having sex much. I tried to talk to him about it. But it always turned into him saying he was stressed or tired. One night, my cousin and I were drinking wine after everyone went to bed. Whoa. This is go. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We started talking about relationships, sex, fantasies. She's very open and confident in a way that I'm not. It felt good to feel seen and interesting again. Long story short, we ended up kissing. And it didn't stop there. For about two months, we were secretly sleeping together while she was living in my house. It felt intense and intoxicating and wrong all at the same time. I've never been with a woman before. I didn't even know I wanted that. But with her, I felt desired in a way I hadn't in years. Then everything blew up. My husband found some messages on my phone. I initially tried to downplay it, but he confronted my cousin and she admitted everything. He was furious. Not just because I cheated, but because it was with my own family member under his roof. She moved out immediately. My family has no idea what really happened. They just think there was quote unquote tension and that living together didn't work out. Now here's the complicated part. Bitch, you done already gave us the complicated part. One, my husband wants to work it out, but he throws it in my face constantly. He says he feels emasculated and humiliated. Two, I still think about my cousin. Not just sexually. I miss her. I feel like I lost my best friend and my lover in one. Three, I don't know if this was just situational or if I'm suppressing part of my sexuality. And four, family gatherings are coming up and I have no idea how we're supposed to exist in the same room pretending nothing happened. Now I feel guilty. I betrayed my husband and put my cousin. And put my cousin, not Cusbin. And put my cousin in a terrible position. But I also can't ignore that I felt alive for the first time in years. Is this something a marriage can realistically come back from? And how do I even begin to untangle whether I'm bisexual, bored, or just self sabotaging? Please help me get some clarity before I blow my whole life up for real. Signed, confused and complicated. It should have been confused and complicated with my cousin. Cause, girl. Okay, let's go to your four parts. My husband wants to work it out, but he throws it in my face constantly. He says that he feels emasculated and humiliated. Girl, he has every right to feel that way. I would say if he wants to work it out, you need to not only suggest, maybe couples therapy, baby, it's time for you to go see the lady, because not only are you questioning your sexuality right now, what the fuck pushed you to hunch on your cousin? Because you weren't getting the attention from your husband, and this was a person that came in and talked to you over some glasses of wine. Like, I truly feel like there needs to be some level of accountability, and I know it's difficult with women in that work, but where was your brain wired to? Where not only did you step out on your husband, you stepped out on your husband with your female cousin. Bitch. I read the goddamn title of this and was not expecting where this went. So there's a lot of layers here. And you bring that up between the second and the third dilemma that you're having. You still think about your cousin? Well, yeah. There was a friendship there. Clearly, there was intimacy, and you didn't get to end it on your own, like, volition. Right? Your husband found the messages, and your cousin admitted to everything that was happening. So you could have answered possibly these questions or not felt like this was your best friend or your lover or questioned your sexuality if this side excursion ended due to other emotions coming out or anything else. This was your first woman. You were in a weird place with your husband. And so this is the thing, right? Ooh, y' all gonna be like, bitch, I know you didn't just say that, but according to statistics, normally women cheat emotionally first. So I don't know how the other people in your life were showing up. I don't know how many friends you have. I don't know who you can actually talk to right now. But if you're saying that your husband was too tired or too stressed to talk to you, the fact that your cousin came in and literally just lend an ear to you could have literally been all you needed. Now, I don't know about the coochie swapping, the scissoring, the la la, la. I don't know about all that, but what I do know is you expressed that you didn't feel like you could speak to your husband. Y' all weren't even having sex that much anymore. To me, it seems like you genuinely were just. You just wanted attention. And unfortunately, you got to a place where it almost didn't matter who even gave you this attention so much so to where you skewed all the lines of a platonic relationship in an intimate relationship with your cousin. Hey, y'. All.

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[Mindy B]

What the hell is this place?

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Only three letters describe they will kill you. Wtf?

[Mindy B]

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[Mindy B]

How many of you are there?

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Please remember to clean up the blood. Wow.

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[Mindy B]

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[Mindy B]

Now the fourth one says that family gatherings are coming up and you have no idea how you're supposed to exist in the same room.

[Weezy]

Bitch.

[Mindy B]

Like the family member that she is. That's it. Like the family member that she is. You have to you must get away from viewing this woman as a lover because in no way, shape, form or fashion will I sit here. I don't even know what level of incest this is. I don't even know what cousin she is. First cousin, second cousin, third cousin. Yeah, sometimes that matters. But to know that you were genuinely helping out a family member and you your your depression or lack of attention or lack of intimacy led you to fornicating with your family member. There's a lot of work that you have to do. You have to sit with not only the fact that you betrayed your husband, not only the fact that he has every right to feel humiliated and emasculated, but you have to figure out where your emotions lie with a relationship that is not only 100% taboo, but it is also 110% weird. Bitch. You a weird bitch. Just a little bit. I think that this is gonna take a lot to come back from. It's interesting because your last question was, how do I even begin to untangle whether I'm bisexual, bored, or just self sabotaging. Do you want to work this out with your husband? I think that's a question that so many of us have when we're at the crossroads of whether we stay with our partner or not. Is this where I want to be a year from now? If we can think about where we want to be in terms of our job, careers, in terms of planning, maybe international trips we want to go on. You do have to start thinking that way in your relationships because it's going to be hard work. Do you genuinely feel like this is where you envision yourself? This is who you envision yourself being with, even just one year from now? Because this is going to take some time to get over once you figure out if this is the person that you do want to stay with. There's two either want to stay with them or you don't. If you decide you want to stay with this man, you have to be willing to hold that mirror up and he is allowed to feel every way he feels about how your actions affected him and impacted him and essentially possibly detoured this relationship. You have to be able to own up to that. And you can't sit there and, and want to blame him for the lack of attention. Like, and that's the thing when, you know, like, women cheat, they might want to point out the ways in which you stop showing up. You cannot do that. You have to be willing to do the work and sit with yourself and figure out what made you cross the line to hunching on your female cousin. Ma', am, I just. This is. This is crazy. This is crazy. I also do want to look up just some things when you. So I'm looking up currently because incest, I believe, is just with, like, siblings, I think. With your cousin. What is your cousin? Okay, so it is. I'm lying. So it is. It is incest. Incest is sex between close relatives, such as a brother, sister, or parent. This typically includes any kind of sexual activity between people in Continuity, blood relations, and sometimes those related by lineage. It is condemned and considered immoral in many societies. Luckily, with this one, the two, you're both women. But this can also lead to an increased risk of genetic orders in children in case of pregnancy. Now, ironically, incest taboo is one of the most widespread of cultural taboos and is both in present and past societies. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not sure where it's accepted today. Like, I think you also might need to if she was so quick to disclose this to your husband. Bitch. You're wondering about what the next family reunion is going to be. Bitch. Who from the family did she tell? Here's the crazy thing. You say you miss your cousin, and I don't know if this is the right advice to give or not. Y', all, if you're on Patreon, drop in the comments. If I'm doing too much by saying this, I think you need to talk to your cousin. I think there needs to be some level of a why the fuck she would talk to my husband. But baby, can we. This is where you may need to ask a request of her. Can we keep this between us? Here's the crazy thing, bitch, you done did some foul shit to where you gotta hope your cousin or your husband don't tell nobody. Cause it's gonna make you look crazy to all the people. But outside of keeping your marriage, this is a mess. And you might need to have a conversation with both of them. Like separately, but also together. Y' all know I'm all here for it. Let's figure out what happened. And like, everybody might just need to talk because everybody gonna have a different story. And you need to somehow. You didn't have control of your sexual desires. You didn't have control of your emotions. You didn't have control of your depressiveness. You didn't have control of them coochie lips or that mouth. But in some way, in order to get past this and get through this, you need to try to have some level of control of where this shit gets to and who the fuck. Here's this. From what horse's mouth? This is ghetto. And though we are non kink shamers around here, baby, this is real ghetto. Real ghetto. Anyways, I wish you the best of luck. Would love an update or however this goes. Again, if you choose to be with your husband, this is a long journey ahead. A very long journey nonetheless. Again, if you want to see the video of all of our you got decisions, make sure you join us over on patreon that's patreon.com backslash horrible decisions and it would be for the $15 tier and up. Now if you want to send your question in, you can of course hit us up on our email. That's decisionspodmail.com Let us know if you're patron because of course you get yours Read priority. We thank you so much for supporting us and rocking with us. It's 2026. Make sure you also go ahead and get your copy. Your hardcover copy of no Holds Barred, a dual manifesto, sexual exploration and power. And please note baby, the soft cover drops. That's right, paperback version is coming to you this June. Stay posted for that. You can also already pre order that soft cover right now on Amazon or wherever you get books. Anyways, thank you so much for tuning in. You got decisions. Bye. Foreign.

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