You've Got Decisions: SubDom Dilemma

Summary

Podcast Summary: “You've Got Decisions: SubDom Dilemma”

Decisions, Decisions – June 24, 2026
Hosts: Mandii B & WeezyWTF (The Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartPodcasts)

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a listener’s complex dilemma within a non-monogamous lifestyle involving a DOM/submissive (D/s) dynamic. Mandii B and WeezyWTF unpack the emotional, practical, and ethical gray zones of a man whose D/s relationship is with his wife’s lifelong best friend—while trying to honor his wife’s newly expressed discomfort about public displays of kink on an upcoming trip. Through humor, candidness, and personal connection, the hosts dive into themes of boundaries, respect, and prioritization among polyamorous and kink-friendly relationships.

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Main Topics & Key Points

1. The Listener’s Letter: A “SubDom Dilemma” ([02:42–08:47])

• Context: The listener is a man who has been married for over 30 years and, for nearly 3 years, has maintained a D/s relationship with his wife’s best friend of 20 years.
• Background:
  • Both he and his wife are experienced in BDSM (both as doms).
  • The D/s relationship with his wife’s BFF began with his wife’s encouragement after noticing chemistry.
  • All three have gone on trips (notably to Hedonism II in Jamaica), with past threesomes and scenes together.
  • Wife is now uncomfortable continuing sexual and D/s activities with her BFF and wants the next trip to revert to intimacy just between husband and wife.
• Current Dilemma:
  • The wife explicitly requested that on their upcoming trip, he not engage in BDSM with her best friend at all.
  • He feels conflicted: “I am a dom and you cannot turn that on and off” ([08:00], listener’s note).
  • Wonders how to manage boundaries between honoring his marriage, relationships, and kink identity.
  • Wants advice from the hosts, noting their experience and candidness.

Notable Quote:

“I am a dom and you cannot turn that on and off. Also, she’s my sub, and her at Hedo just doing whatever the fuck ever without my permission is also ridiculous.”
— Listener letter ([08:00])

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2. Hosts’ First Reactions: Ethics and Emotional Realities ([08:47–12:18])

• Mandii:

  • Highlights that people in ethical non-monogamy are allowed to have changing feelings.
  • Emphasizes that the wife’s growing discomfort should not be ignored or invalidated.
  • Recognizes the delicate balance when “memories are created” between secondary and primary relationships.
  • Encourages a “point of understanding” and validating the wife’s status and voice ([09:30]).

• Weezy:

  • Agrees, but suggests logistics get tricky since the trip is already booked, and the destination (Hedo) is inherently kink- and sex-positive.
  • Believes all unresolved relationship issues become magnified on such trips—insisting on open dialogue pre-trip.

Notable Quotes:

“People are allowed to feel away. That’s the first off.”
— Mandii ([09:06])
“Don’t bring your relationship dramas or unsettled feelings to this trip because it’s going to magnify them.”
— Weezy ([11:18])

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3. Deep Dive: Respect, Boundaries, and Hierarchy in Non-Monogamy ([17:33–23:44])

• Mandii:
  • Argues it’s reasonable for the wife to request exclusive time with her husband—even at Hedo.
  • Draws from her own experience: boundary-setting is not an inconvenience; it’s a right.
  • Warns against partners making others feel they’re “messing up the vibe” just for stating limits.

“We can’t make the other person feel like they’re inconveniencing us when they choose to draw up a boundary or say no to something.”
— Mandii ([19:01])

• Weezy:
  • Raises the fear of secondary partners being “discarded” whenever a primary feels insecure.
  • Cites parallels: “imagine a partner allows a relationship with a trans woman or for pegging; there’s always a risk of insecurity when something is offered by another that you can’t give.”
  • Advocates not discarding secondary partners and insists boundaries must be clear and discussed by all.

“If your wife can say, we no longer can do movies, then y’all aren’t on the same page with what your boundaries are in non-monogamy.”
— Weezy ([23:44])

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4. Point–Counterpoint: Who Should Be Prioritized? ([22:30–33:24])

• Mandii:
  • Maintains the “central” (primary) relationship, especially after decades, should be prioritized, even if the secondary person feels “left out.”
  • Contextualizes non-monogamous relationships as dynamic—flexibility and change are expected.
  • Urges compassion for discomfort, which may emerge suddenly.
  • Sees the kink’s presence as secondary to respect for the marriage.

“If someone prioritized a kink over me, then who the am I? Am I even a person?”
— Mandii ([29:26])

• Weezy:
  • Pushes back, feeling it’s unfair for the secondary to have their relationship “toyed with.”
  • Brings her past “unicorn” experiences: felt disposable and unsupported as the third.
  • Worries that the focus on the wife’s discomfort erases the validity and needs of the secondary relationship.

“If I’m entering a dynamic as a secondary… I would like to feel safe with a relationship that I’m building.”
— Weezy ([31:00])

• Both Agree:
  • Open, honest, and ongoing conversations between ALL parties are non-negotiable.
  • The trip should be reconsidered or canceled if the parties cannot align before departure.
  • The wife, her husband, and the best friend/sub all need to discuss boundaries and feelings both individually and together.

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5. Resolution & Closing Thoughts ([33:24–35:07])

• Mandii:
  • Stands firmly that expressing boundaries is healthy, not “discarding” or disrespecting others.
  • Reiterates: “People need to voice out what makes them comfortable in dynamics… This is also her friend.” ([32:16])
• Weezy:
  • Emphasizes, based on her secondary/unicorn perspective, that all parties’ feelings are valid and need space.
• Unified Advice:
  • Group discussion is mandatory; individual chats between each pairing are recommended.
  • If there’s no consensus, call off the trip—otherwise, expect future fallout: “Otherwise, it’s gonna make this more complicated when you get back home.” ([34:54])

Memorable Closing:

“He ain’t gotta do nothing but not beat her ass up with a leash.”
— Mandii, with humor ([34:52])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:42–08:47] — Listener Letter and Setup
• [08:47–12:18] — Hosts’ Immediate Response & Validation of Emotions
• [17:33–23:44] — Deep Discussion: Boundaries, Priorities, and Personal Parallels
• [22:30–33:24] — Debate: Primary vs. Secondary Rights; “Discarding” and Relationship Dynamics
• [33:24–35:07] — Resolution and Final Advice

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Notable Quotes

• “People are allowed to feel away. That’s the first off.” — Mandii ([09:06])
• “Don’t bring your relationship dramas or unsettled feelings to this trip because it’s going to magnify them.” — Weezy ([11:18])
• “We can’t make the other person feel like they’re inconveniencing us when they choose to draw up a boundary or say no to something.” — Mandii ([19:01])
• “If your wife can say, we no longer can do movies, then y’all aren’t on the same page with what your boundaries are in non-monogamy.” — Weezy ([23:44])
• “If someone prioritized a kink over me, then who the am I? Am I even a person?” — Mandii ([29:26])
• “If I’m entering a dynamic as a secondary… I would like to feel safe with a relationship that I’m building.” — Weezy ([31:00])
• “He ain’t gotta do nothing but not beat her ass up with a leash.” — Mandii ([34:52])

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Tone & Takeaways

Mandii and Weezy balance honest disagreement with mutual respect and humor, illustrating the real-life messiness of open and kink relationships. The episode is deeply relatable—highlighting that boundaries, comfort, and communication must adapt as relationships evolve. The repeated message: When conflict arises in non-monogamous dynamics (especially those complicated by friendship and kink), only direct, all-parties conversation can avert resentment and disaster.

Useful For:
Anyone navigating non-traditional relationships, polyamory, kink, friendship complications—or wanting to hear authentic, humorous, and wise takes on boundaries in love and sex.

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For more advice or to submit your own dilemma, email: [e-mail].

Transcript

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[Mandy]

If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible thruffle, guess what?

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You've got decisions. You've got decision. And I do too. Okay, that was. I think that was good. I think that was a little good. When that was a little good. When it was a little good. Little snack clip pop. Welcome, y'.

[Mandy]

All.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's hump day. It's you got decisions. It's another day of y' all asking us for advice. Although we are not credentialed or degreed or expert at none of this shit. We just lived a little bit of life and can help y' all along the way of making better decisions. After your horrible decisions. If you have a letter or need some advice from us, email us decisionspodmail.com now. This week, the letter comes in from a gentleman. We' z helping a man out now. And this man sent photos, so I know exactly who the hell you are. All right, you ready? Because this is getting into bdsm, babe. Let's do it. Hey, ladies, help. I'm a dom in a DS relationship, so dom sub relationship. These days, that's not such a big deal. What is unique is that my submissive of almost 3 years is my wife's best friend of over 20 years. My wife of over 30 years. Say that one more time. Okay, he is in a dom sub relationship. But that relationship, his submissive that he's had for almost three years is his wife's best friend of over 20 years. Oh, God. So he is. He has a wife and his sub is his wife's best friend. Let's get. My wife of over 30 years and I have gradually, over the years, dabbled in bdsm. Getting serious about it. In the last five years or so, we've actually professionally performed and instructed others a few times. Thing is, though, we are both doms. Okay, now I see what's happening. It all started when we joined a rope BDSM dungeon space in Detroit. Her BFF came along, and I discovered she was submissive. And at the time we went to the space, we were just cordial. The wife suggested you two should have a scene. We were both reluctant, but decided to give it a go. Instant chemistry. After a few more trips to the space and a few more scenes, I asked the wife if she was okay with me asking her BFF to be my submissive. She said the thought had crossed her mind and she thinks it's a good idea. So I asked. She said yes. And here we are. Lots of scenes and every BDSM activity you can think of. Later, we've done fireplay. I wonder why.

[Mandy]

No, like throuple talk. Okay, but we're not at the end yet.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Nevermind fire play, water play, electro play, suction play, et cetera, et cetera. Later, we've all been to Hedo together, and the first year we all hung, played together and had a couple threesomes. They had played a couple times one on one in the past, but after the first trip, the wife said she was uncomfortable having sex with her BFF these days because she's more of a sister now. Second trip together. Last Labor Day weekend at Heedo, we had no threesomes, but a couple of extremely hot scenes with my sub, including a flogging in the grotto on the nude side with my water flogger in front of an audience. That trip, I noticed a change in my wife's attitude and total vibe.

[Mandy]

Ooh, not the performance.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Heading into this year, the wife asked me, do you have to do BDSM shit this trip? Now my sub and I have a weekly scene here in Detroit, but outside of that, all other interactions are as my wife's best friend. My wife has stated that she wants our trip this year to be like before the DS dynamic started, just me and her. She's let me play a hedo in the past, but that dynamic she feels takes away from her wife status. From my vantage point, she's the wife and her BFF is the sub.

[Mandy]

Completely different and it's been 20 years.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He said completely different relationships. No, no, no. He's only been with the sub three years. And yes, with his wife for over certain years.

[Mandy]

But no, no, no. Sorry, sorry. But the three years is a long time to allow something to start to feel away. But okay, okay,

[Ryan Reynolds]

yeah, my vantage point, she's the wife and her BFF is a sub. Completely different relationships. As much as I would love to all play together, I understand and respect the no threesome rule, but I am a dom and if you and you cannot turn that on and off. Also, she's my sub and her at Heedo, just doing what the fuck ever without my permission is also ridiculous. The trip is fast approaching and I need advice or at least yalls take. On this side note, I've been listening to horrible decisions for years and fan the fuck out. Last year when I met Mandy at Heedo with Choco Bliss.

[Mandy]

Oh, do you remember him?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I do, because I'm not going to put the other details he added in here. Thanks in advance for taking the time to read all of this.

[Mandy]

He said, you remember when I stuck that thing?

[Ryan Reynolds]

He did not. That wasn't this, but I'm not even gonna say it. But yeah, he included pics for reference, so I know exactly who he is. Okay, so his dilemma overall, he is in a DOM sub relationship for three years with his wife's best friend. The wife is no longer comfortable with joining in, but now also for this next trip to Heedo just wants it to be a him and her doesn't want bdsm and he now feels like he has to be away from his sub who is also going on this trip. What advice do we have? And all things. I guess I could start here. Um, luckily it is June. You do have two months. To me, when you're in these ethically non monogamous relationships, people are allowed to feel away. That's the first off. So you saying that you're not going to be able to give your sub permission is ridiculous and you can't believe she doesn't want her there. I think that not only do you and your wife need to sit and reach a point of understanding her feeling a way about this dynamic with the sub, I think you need to explain it. You saying from your vantage point she's the wife and your BFF is the sub. I think knowing that your wife is a dom, you also have to understand that you do now hold a relationship with another woman that has status. Yes, it's not a ring, but that woman holds a status that. That now you also want to value and respect and create memories with on a trip that y' all are shared at. I think you're also discrediting or maybe ignoring your wife being able to say that she's uncomfortable.

[Mandy]

Wait, wait, wait. Quick, real quick. On building memories on a trip because

[Ryan Reynolds]

the three of them already have their trip booked.

[Mandy]

Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Now the wife is saying she doesn't want him to do anything bdsm. She just wants it to be a husband and wife trip. But it's a. It's. He know it's a.

[Mandy]

Okay, so yeah, I agree with you with everything but that part. I do think he's kind of tossing her feelings a little bit and it's weird. I don't know if he's trying to build memories with this bitch.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's not memories. It's the fact that the three of them went like booked this trip together and now the wife is saying I don't want you to do BDSM things, which means I'm not here for you to do the Daddy Dom shit. I don't want you to be with your sub. I just want it to be wife and husband. And to me, that works if you're going to Puerto Rico. I think that's a little difficult to do on a trip that literally invites BDSM and non monogamy. I also think this baby needs to be squared away before that goddamn trip. Don't bring your relationship dramas or unsettled feelings to this trip because it's going to magnify them. This has to be a sit down with you and the wife, you and the sub, and you, the sub and the wife together. You guys need to be on the same page before this trip.

[Mandy]

Hmm.

[Ryan Reynolds]

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[Mandy]

Okay, I got some thoughts.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yep.

[Mandy]

Agree with most of what you said, except for the, hey, you can't make that hut, like. Well, I mean, you didn't really say like, that, but it's like, this is not the trip to say you want it to be just husband and wife. I actually think it can be. I have a couple that I know that just went to Hedo for the first time that are monogamous and were monogamous. They just explored their own sexuality in this sexual place. I feel like an easy way to describe that for most people who have never been to Hedo, is going to a strip club and enjoying each other's energy in a space of sexual energy. I think it's okay for her to desire that. And I think where my main issue comes, maybe because I'm having safe experiences right now where both of us say, stop when we want. So listening to this is almost triggering for me, actually. I had a lot of moments in previous relationships where men would make me feel like when I needed a break or needed time or had a boundary that I was confusing them. And they would say things to me as though like, I was kind of up the vibe instead of just prioritizing me. I can't pinpoint something because it hasn't happened this year. Maybe last year where I was like, yeah, this is a no. And maybe it was something that was going to happen. Maybe it was something in the future. And it was like, well, what do I say? And it was like, I don't give a fuck what you say, but I

[Ryan Reynolds]

don't want it to happen.

[Mandy]

And we literally never had another conversation about it after. And vice versa. With me, he is drawn a boundary with me, with interactions I have with people where he's like, I don't fucking like this. And I caught myself even being like, but xyz, that's the thing. If we're gonna do this and we're gonna all respect each other, we can't make the other person feel like they're inconveniencing us when they choose to draw up a boundary or say no to something. Your wife may not have the answers on why the BDSM makes her uncomfortable or what about her watching it or knowing about it in public makes it an intimacy thing. She's allowed to want to just experience you. And that to me as well, within what we all do within non monogamy. So I think there needs to be a little bit of checking you got to do with yourself on why you feel so owed that. It's also a close friend. She's a generous enough person to have allowed you to, you know what I mean, enter in that relationship dynamic. And I truly feel like you're doing a little too much, but I don't know how you feel about that. I also know you know him, so I don't.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't know. Let's be very clear. I don't know him like that. Seeing the picture, I remember his face. I don't know him like that. Okay, yeah, let me just clear that up. Don't know him like that. But I do think that she needs to have a conversation with her best friend. There's something about the relationship with the sub and dom that is clearly rubbing her away of some sort. Now, knowing that both of y' all are doms, I'll be honest with you. When I entered that couple last year, she, I know, had a problem seeing her dom partner sub for me as a sub. I think when you introduce bdsm, there's elements of confusion, there's elements of uncomfortable uncomfortability. And I'm going to draw a. A wild. Hear me out. This is going to be a wild parallel, but it could be very similarly. Imagine a partner. Imagine a marriage where the wife allows her partner to have a relationship with a trans woman. There's an element of, I can't please my partner the same way. And even though I'm allowing of it, over time there's an insecurity that begins to form because you're getting something from this person that I can't give you. Your wife being a dominant like me, I'm. I don't even want to be with a. With a straight Dom. I need a switch. I need a man that can sub.

[Mandy]

So you don't want me to fucking do it every single. Like, let's stop acting like as animals. And as animals, you don't need to peg every fucking week. Peg every month.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's not that.

[Mandy]

But you have to understand all the time.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's fine. Okay, so then, yeah, but it's not that he's in a relationship with this woman now. He said they do scenes every week. This is someone he's with that he can't just discard. Like, this isn't a fetish. She's in a relationship with this sub. And they've been in a relationship for three years. So imagine when you had your throuple with scissors and beard bae, if y' all had a yearly trip that one year they said, we see this hierarchical thing. We don't want you to go on this trip anymore because we just want to do it ourselves.

[Mandy]

Can I be honest? I'm not saying this because I'm in a relationship. I want you to know my own thoughts.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You paid for it already. This is. This is a paid trip. They've already.

[Mandy]

I'm sorry, but over here, you nurture your central relationship respectfully. As someone that has also dated someone in an open dynamic where I wasn't their primary primary. I know that things can happen like, are we serious here? Who is prioritizing and why do we need to prioritize the second party, as in this hurt feelings mode? If the main person that has allowed this? There also is a tight knit friendship dynamic within all of them. And this is a great debate too, because I had a conversation and I was actually going to make this. So we listen and judge. I will make it quick and try to make this 30 seconds. One of my homegirls is dating a guy that's an open relationship. And basically he told her, like, hey, my wife doesn't really with when we do, like the movies and like bars and going out to the club is cool, but she don't really like that movie hanging out. Like, that's just too much for her. And she's like, this is so ridiculous. So now I gotta go by myself. And I'm like, bro, it's his wife.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, but I. And that's where then they don't need to be a non monogamy. I think that it's completely. What I think that it's disrespectful to feel like the second party can just be discarded or removing, discarding. Let me finish. I do. It is. If you can just. If your wife can say, we no longer can do movies, then y' all aren't on the same page with what your boundaries are within non monogamy. Like, for me, I don't want my partner going on dates with someone. I'm not going to let him start taking a bitch on dates and then remove that from someone who enjoys doing that with him. If we. If we're allowed to be in the difference between poly and open, okay, Right now, separate relationships.

[Mandy]

Right?

[Ryan Reynolds]

As a man, I actually respect that. He's like, I can't just not be with my sub on this trip, who was already a part of this trip, and give my wife dictatorship over what I do with this other relationship. Like, that's why I said all of them need to come together, bro. A second person shouldn't be able to be just discarded. And that's why. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Mandy]

Never discarded.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It is a discard. If at any point the other woman can come in and tell you, you

[Mandy]

can know bugging the fuck out. If you think I'm gonna have a nigga that tells me, hey, no, not happening. I'm gonna do this with someone else. You're not my man anymore.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, but I'm not scared to lose a nigga.

[Mandy]

Not scared to lose a nigga.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's the thing that removes the maturity of a conversation that should be had in a she said.

[Mandy]

It's obedience.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You're open. I'm talking poly. Me too. But your fiance cannot just go and start another whole relationship. Wait, can your fiance have a girlfriend?

[Mandy]

Fiance? I got to put the mark for cut.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No. Why? You just admitted it last week, bro.

[Mandy]

We're on Mandy. This is the episode for this week.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, it's not. This is. I have.

[Mandy]

I'll make a solo. It's fine.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I know just the one that we

[Mandy]

put last week because I talked about fiance.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm going to have the. You got decision schedule pulled up. There's already a. There's already an episode scheduled for next week already. The team already has it. The episode we just recorded comes out on the 17th. This comes out.

[Mandy]

Go ahead, go ahead. Let's put in the cut mark. Go ahead.

[Ryan Reynolds]

There shouldn't need only. This needs to be Cut down. Like, I know I just put in a couple. It's already out. What I'm saying is, if you allow your partner to have a girlfriend and they're allowed to have a relationship, three years into the relationship, you coming and saying, yeah, I don't want you to take that bitch out on movies anymore. But they've been doing movie dates, and they do it every week now for the last couple years. Which is what he said. Hold on.

[Veronica Roth]

Wait.

[Mandy]

What is the thing that she doesn't want? She doesn't want him to do it again.

[Ryan Reynolds]

She doesn't want him to be with her at all on this trip. But she's. The trip is planned for the three of them to go together, and they went. The three of them last year together.

[Mandy]

Okay, hold on. She never said he couldn't have scenes with her. She never said he had to stop seeing her. She is a thing about a public display of them and sex at this.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Let me reread it. She literally said she does not wall on. Do you have to do. Yes. The BDSM on this trip, which is also the dynamic because he says, wow, my sub gets to do whatever the fuck they want, and I don't have any. Any say or permission. That's ridiculous. She doesn't want him to be in this dom. Sub relationship on this trip at all.

[Mandy]

That is not a crazy thing to boyfriend. Right? Your boyfriend started to push back on you about a woman you were comfortable with. Hierarchical. You are his wife. Let's just say you are your boyfriend's living partner. Whatever. We know you don't want me. Like, you know what I'm saying? Why is it that after 20 years, a woman he's been dating for three years, you suddenly make a decision, hey, no pdsm on this trip. It's making me feel away. He gotta push back on you, Mandy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And be like, no, it's not the pushback. Like I said from the beginning, you and the sub need to have a conversation. You and the wife need to have a conversation. Your wife and her best friend need a conversation. And then the three of you need a conversation together. Because at no point do I think it's fair. Whether it's right or wrong. I don't know. I don't think it's fair that someone can come in and just be like, okay, I know we are all going and spent this money already together.

[Mandy]

But now then of being a primary partner, if I can't tell you when I'm uncomfortable and you say, I'm looking

[Ryan Reynolds]

back, you're not listening. You're one.

[Mandy]

I am listening. Maybe explain it a different way.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I literally said she is allowed to have her feelings. And I think there needs to be a conversation because clearly he is uncomfortable. And I think everyone needs a conversation. Weezy.

[Mandy]

So then here's the larger thing.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm not comfortable. But I think that if it gets to a point where you are now saying this has to be taken away, this has to be taken away, then the whole. The whole relationship needs to close up and that's it.

[Mandy]

She asked for one thing also. Let me try to finish this point and why I'm pushing back on you so much in this particular scenario if we are not going to honor what makes people comfortable and uncomfortable. That to me is the most fucked up part of this. Why do I need. How dare I, in a polyamorous relationship with a central partner and a secondary partner, tell someone we used to do it all the time and now it's an issue.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Like I didn't say that.

[Mandy]

Wait, that is really truly what the pushback then means. If you're a primary partner, that's allowed your partner to have a dynamic that at any point in time you can feel uncomfortable with. She didn't say they couldn't do it. She said it for a specific scenario. At then what point do we even give a fuck? I feel like then the primary partner is discarded because the sub is so exciting and shiny and new. I actually think it's really fud up to then tell someone just to deal with it over a kink. Over a kink specific thing. She didn't say, don't speak to her. None of this shit or not. Stop fudgeing with the bitch that's my friend. It was such a kink specific thing. And like this is why we have to stop being so there's a kink forward priority that sometimes our conversations take in terms of non monogamy. For example, a trans conversation. Allowing your partner to have relationships with trans women because you know you can't give them that. Allowing them to fudge with someone that maybe will peg them if you won't at any point in time. Just because someone has a kink, it's not their identity. And we should also be respectful and loving and loyal. And I actually think that's super wrong. There's a lot of things that I haven't been down to do in prior relationships. And if someone prioritized a kink over me, then who the am I? Am I even a person? I actually think this is so much less about the sub in the third person and the discarding more than it is about respect between a central relationship. How dare you be the after 20 years to tell me I can't dictate what when I can handle or want something. Why are we even all doing this non monogamy shit? If I can't get a baseline of being able to tell you I'm uncomfortable, I'm not uncomfortable.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He literally said, I understand and respect the no threesome rule. They've agreed to no threesomes. They are going to a kink resort. So I get what you're saying.

[Mandy]

They're going to a nudity resort where people fuck. This is not a bd.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I get that. But just so you know, how he identifies and how I guess the wife does is as doms, because he is addressing here, I'm a dom and you can't turn that on and off. So if based on what you're saying, then y' all need to have a different conversation around how you prioritize kinks in this marriage, how you prioritize non monogamy and the other relationships that you guys have. And there to me, I just as someone who left feeling as though the girlfriend could throw me away whenever she wanted to, whenever her feelings felt it to me. If you're going to be left, what do you mean? I left? I addressed it. I said I left the couple because. Oh, oh, oh, the wife didn't like the relationship that I was building. I don't want to feel like at any point I can be discarded. My feelings matter too. And if I'm entering a dynamic clearly as a secondary, because there can only be one wife in the, in the Western hemisphere in the United States of America. I also would like to feel safe with a relationship that I'm building. And if she, if this one is built over three years, yeah, we all need to sit and have a goddamn conversation and we all need to be on the same page before taking this trip or call the trip off altogether. That's.

[Mandy]

I can agree with that. I just think her concern is in a discard because to me then the issue lies with us doing things we're uncomfortable with. And I'm a big believer and firm, firm, firm believer that people need to voice out what makes them comfortable in dynamics. This is also her friend.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right, which is why they need to talk too. I said there needs to be a conversation, but I don't think that, mind you, he respected the no threesome rule. They're no longer playing together.

[Mandy]

Yeah, yeah, I get it now.

[Ryan Reynolds]

This girl is coming on this trip, and as a couple and as friends, we're discarding her to just now be there.

[Mandy]

Mandy, Keep using that word literally. It's just no BDSM scenes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I would feel that way if I had a trip planned with a husband and wife. And I've been in a relationship with the husband, and two months before the trip, the wife is like, you acting

[Mandy]

like it's two days. Mandy. They still are seeing each other every week. It's just not doing it in Jamaica. Like, is it that serious? Are we that fucking horny and hungry to just. I have to be a sub in a Jamaica trip. Like, damn.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, you. You have two ways to go. I don't think we came to.

[Mandy]

This was actually a very good one because I disagree.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I think we're missing each other on what we're saying. But I've been.

[Kal Penn]

I'm getting it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I've been the second. I've been the unicorn. And so for me, if I were to start a relationship, I would hope that I'm building a relationship that doesn't just get to be toyed with by the third person that I'm respecting.

[Mandy]

I don't really think this is toyed. And then to that point, we also everybody's boundaries. You know what I'm saying? We just have to really think about how men. I don't notice nigga, and don't really care. Men take advantage of boundaries with women so frequently. You know what I'm saying? So if I'm just fucking asking for something from you in public or on a trip, just fucking figure it out. This was actually really good. I want us to make it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't know what the clip is going to be of this, but. Oh, not. Not. Sorry I clicked a Patreon thing. Anyways, hopefully. You know what, y' all in the Patreon community. Pop in the comments. Would love to hear. He hopefully is a patron and can read yalls advice on this.

[Mandy]

Oh, they bought DNM comments. Baby.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Would love for y' all to drop your advice. Weezy and I are split here. Not sure what he should do again. All I said is everyone needs to have a conversation and be on the same trip.

[Mandy]

He ain't gotta do nothing but not

[Ryan Reynolds]

beat her ass up with a leash. They all need to have conversations individually and together. And if they're not on the same page, I think the trip should be canceled. Otherwise, it's gonna make this more complicated when you get back home.

[Mandy]

Agreed.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's all I'm gonna say. Good luck. Hope that you figure it out. If you have a question, please submit it over tous decisionspod Gmail.com. thank y' all so much and we gonna holla.

[Mandy]

Bye.

[Veronica Roth]

Love y'. All.

[Jacob Goldstein]

This is Jacob Goldstein from what's yous Problem? When you buy business software from lots of vendors, the costs add up and it gets complicated and confusing. Odoo solves this. It's a single company that sells a suite of enterprise apps that handles everything from accounting to inventory to sales. Odoo is all connected on a single platform in a simple and affordable way. You can save money without missing out on the features you need. Check out Odoo at O D O o dot com. That's O D O o dot com

[Kal Penn]

hey everyone, it's Kal Penn. I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast, Hearsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Every episode, I nerd out with amazing guests and dive into the best new audiobooks available on Audible. It's the book club for your ears. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Veronica Roth]

Wasn't that delicious?

[Mandy]

So good.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Your bill, ladies.

[Mandy]

I got it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, I got it. Seriously, I insist.

[Veronica Roth]

I insisted first. Don't be silly.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You know, be silly. People with the Wells Fargo Active Cash

[Jacob Goldstein]

credit card prefer to pay because they earn unlimited 2% cash rewards on purchases.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay. Rock, paper, scissors for it. Rock, paper, scissors.

[Veronica Roth]

Shoot.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, the Wells Fargo Active Cash credit card.

[Jacob Goldstein]

Visit Wells Fargo.com ActiveCash Terms Apply Ryan

[Ryan Reynolds]

Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone. Paying Big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment. Anyway, give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront

[Veronica Roth]

payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month. Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] this is an iHeart podcast.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Guaranteed human.