You've Got Decisions: The Grind To Healthy Commitment (Ft. Brianda & Wolf)

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Decisions, Decisions"

Episode: "You've Got Decisions: The Grind To Healthy Commitment" (Ft. Brianda & Wolf)

Release Date: September 17, 2025
Hosts: Mandii B and WeezyWTF
Guests: Brianda and Wolf

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Decisions, Decisions" dives into the changing landscapes of relationships, focusing on the challenges and realities of healthy commitment. Mandii B and WeezyWTF, joined by Brianda and Wolf, candidly discuss the intricacies of timing in relationships, defining commitment, dating norms, and how to distinguish healthy relationship patterns from toxic ones. The group reflects on personal experiences, societal expectations, and gives advice for navigating commitment in today’s dating world—all with their signature vulnerability and humor.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Defining Modern Relationships & Exclusivity

• Timing to Relationship Titles:

  • Wolf suggests taking up to a year to truly get to know someone before defining a relationship.

    "I'm willing to take up to a year to get to know somebody, to determine whether or not I think we gonna mesh." — Wolf (13:10)

  • Ebony (and Mandii) find this timeline surprising, expressing that people can be their authentic selves earlier or may be waiting for something better.
  • Mandii expresses confusion about long “undefined” stages, feeling that if you’re exclusive, intimacy and time invested should warrant a title.

    "Why are we not saying we're together then?" — Mandii (17:49)

• Societal Conditioning & Honesty:

  • The group discusses the ‘mask’ people wear during initial dating and how real authenticity emerges with time.
  • Ebony stresses clarity and mutual understanding:

    "If there's confusion or ambiguity on what this is... the relationship is already done before it even started." — Ebony (18:28)

• Cultural Differences:

  • The hosts joke about European and Caribbean men moving quickly to define partnerships, with less 'situationship limbo.'

    "You know who don't either? Caribbean men. Now, they might have four girlfriends..." — Mandy (21:47)

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2. Healthy Relationships vs. Toxic Patterns

• Early Signs of Healthy Commitment:

  • Wolf emphasizes consistent communication and transparency as the backbone of a healthy beginning.

    "If you’re in a healthy relationship, you speaking... there’s no mystery to your partner." — Wolf (30:24)

  • Mandy reflects on learning to communicate directly with her partners instead of first seeking friend advice. This evolution is seen as personal growth.

    "Why am I telling everybody all this shit before I tell you?" — Mandy (31:41)

• Emotional Safety & Boundaries:

  • Both Mandy and Ebony stress the importance of selective sharing with friends, especially for those in non-traditional (e.g., open) relationships, to protect emotional safety and avoid judgment.
  • Mandy notes the unique challenges of discussing open relationships with people who may not understand or support that dynamic.

    "It is very difficult to talk about being in an open relationship, especially with someone who's not in one... that emotional safety, for real." — Mandy (34:01)

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3. Romantic Rituals & Proposals: Ceremonial vs. Casual

• Cute Gestures & The Need for Rituals:

  • Mandy shares a meaningful, elaborate proposal story (roses and handwritten note) and contrasts it with a guest’s love for unceremonious, casual proposals.

    "My boyfriend did the circle yes or no with roses on my bed. Wrote a little thing and put 'Will you be my girlfriend?'... it's ridiculous, but it's cute." — Mandy (22:21)

  • The group debates whether nonchalant or grand proposals are more meaningful, emphasizing the importance of understanding a partner’s preferences.
  • Mandy confesses she’d still be bothered if she never had a classic "man on one knee" proposal.

    "It would always make me think, why didn't I deserve it? Why didn't I get to have this Cinderella moment?" — Mandy (26:19)

• Cultural and Family Expectations:

  • Brief discussion on how families (especially immigrant or high-achieving ones) view partners, career dynamics, and non-traditional choices.

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4. Building and Sustaining Professional Partnerships

• The conversation shifts to the hosts’ own working relationship—how being business partners instead of "best friends" has contributed to their podcast’s longevity and chemistry:

  "Friends break up more than true business partners... that's why we actually sustain this." — WeezyWTF (36:28)

• Wolf notes the unique dynamic:

  "Y’all don’t like each other... but y’all love each other, though. I’ve seen it." — Wolf (37:23)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• The "Subby Boyfriend" Story (Poly Dynamics, Humor):

  "Girl, I was slapping him. It was great... I'm sitting there in between two men. Six, five plus. Both look good. And literally, one is picking up the fork and putting the food on my plate in my mouth." — Breonna (02:22–02:37)

• On 'Ghosting,' Emotional Pressure, and Threesomes:

  "The pressure I feel right now to write her back is almost so intense that I almost can't be natural." — Mandy (07:26)

• On Adapting to Relationship Norms as You Mature:

  "Making vocal what I need out of a man." — Mandy (19:22)

• On Oversharing with Friends About Relationships:

  "Why am I telling everybody all this shit before I tell you?" — Mandy (31:41) "We might share something to a person. They're not in the relationship, so they don't have the compassion or the empathy you have. So... that's another reason why we should kinda keep our mouth shut or find like one safe person..." — Wolf (33:07)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:00–02:00: Humorous retelling of a poly dinner and "subby boyfriend" dynamics (Breonna and Mandy)
• 07:11–11:00: Revisiting ghosting, group date/awkward threesome story, communication pressure
• 12:03–14:00: Main relationship question: How many dates/weeks before exclusivity
• 14:00–15:30: "Masks" in dating, authenticity, and the time needed for the "real" self to appear
• 17:14–21:00: Defining situationships vs. commitment, clarity over titles
• 21:10–23:00: European and Caribbean dating norms, cultural differences in commitment
• 25:25–26:36: Unconventional declarations of love and spontaneous proposals
• 27:05–28:32: Family dynamics, career, and being "the black sheep"
• 29:53–34:11: Hallmarks of healthy beginnings, communication evolution, emotional safety
• 36:19–38:45: Podcast partnerships vs. friendship, sustaining creative/business relationships
• 39:00–40:20: Fun behind-the-scenes studio stories, team dynamics

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Conclusion

This episode blends candid storytelling, practical advice, and critical reflections on what healthy commitment really looks like in modern relationships. Listeners are encouraged to communicate openly, honor their needs, define their relationships intentionally, and understand that there’s no one-size-fits-all timeline or style for commitment. The hosts’ lived experiences—spiced with comic relief and moments of tenderness—leave the audience with a richer, more nuanced understanding of partnership in today’s world.

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For more messy tea, wild stories, and visual episodes, the hosts invite listeners to check out their Patreon.

Transcript

[Mandy]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Breonna]

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[Mandy]

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[Breonna]

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[Breonna]

It wasn't real life. Just know that it wasn't real life.

[Mandy]

You know?

[Breonna]

Oh, my God. Okay, I'll share one thing only. I'll go ahead and share one thing to let y' all know how not real life it was. So one of my boyfriends was more subby than the other boyfriend, but there was a third nigga that ended up was more subby. Yeah, he's definitely more subby. Oh, like, girl, I was slapping him. It was great. So at one of the dinners, I sit down and I find myself somehow crafting the experience of two slaves. Hear me out. It was amazing. So I had my one boyfriend on the right of me, and then I had another nigga on the. So no, my boyfriend was on the left of me. The other nigga was on the right of me. So I'm at dinner, and as y' all know, it's like buffet style. So I go and make sure we skip the line because I wanted a lobster tail. So we go get the lobster tail. I come back, sit my plate down, and immediately, bro, I'm sitting there like a queen, and I look at my boyfriend and I'm like, can you go give me a drink? Like, I'm thirsty. Like, he knows my drink is vodka, soda, lime.

[Mandy]

So why can you go get it?

[Breonna]

Go get my drink for me, girl. Maybe the guy saw me go tell him to give him a drink immediately, bro. He picks up a fork, puts it in my plate and starts feeding me.

[Mandy]

Oh, my God.

[Breonna]

So, bitch, I'm sitting there in between two men. Six, five plus Both look good. And literally, one is picking up the fork and putting the food on my plate in my mouth. So, bitch, at this point, I'm eating, waiting for my drink. So he comes back with my drink, and I taste it, and I'm like, this ain't the right drink. Go get me another one. This doesn't taste right. I feel like it's gin, not vodka. And he was drinking gin. So he repeats my drink. So he repeats my drink. I say, yeah, that's what I told you to get. So can you go back and get it? Because this isn't the right drink. And he's like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I'm gonna. Bitch. Puts it down, goes back and gets my motherfucking drink. You ready? Comes back, is seeing the nigga feeding me. So, bitch, he takes the cup with the straw and puts the straw in my mouth to give me a motherfucking drink. Bitch, I can't make this up. So then one of the other girls shout out, Kelly. She was there. She's one of the patrons. She's sitting across from me with her beautiful self with her little light eyes, and she's sitting across from me, witnessing these two niggas feeding me. And so I'm literally just like, this can't be real. Then my little boyfriend is real friendly. So then I see him, like, talking to somebody else, and I have to call. I'd be like, I come here, bitch. I choke him at the dinner table. And I say, what I tell you about being so goddamn friendly? Sit your ass right here till I'm done eating, bitch. And when I tell you, they just both. And then I got fooled. Cause y' all know I don't eat a lot, so. But I was just like. I was like, this isn't real life.

[Mandy]

Why you ain't fuck both of them?

[Breonna]

So the other nigga, I didn't fuck at all. We didn't even make out. He was just somebody that I was talking to all weekend. He actually lives in Atlanta.

[Mandy]

Um. Damn. I would have cut him out, but.

[Breonna]

On the boat, he was talking heavily to my best friend Crystal. So I want to step on that. Even though she found a boyfriend for the weekend, too.

[Mandy]

Oh, now, the other nigga, I had.

[Breonna]

Already, bitch, we had ate breakfast. He spent the night. We was cuddling. We was. Hold on. I'mma just send you. Send you a picture if you see.

[Mandy]

Looking like you together, bro.

[Breonna]

Ok, first off, we was legit together. Ho. Anywho, that was one of the experiences I had in.

[Mandy]

He was Y', all, the look in this bitch's eyes when I see this. If it's even her eyes and not just her ass. Let's see. Oh.

[Breonna]

I mean, no. Oh, bitch. We was. We was together. Together.

[Mandy]

Okay, so currently I'm looking. I'm looking at three photos. Let's just say it's like it gives 2000s. Photo Booth. Mandy is wearing a thong bathing suit.

[Breonna]

Nope. It was lingerie, bitch.

[Mandy]

Oh, it's okay.

[Breonna]

It was so this was.

[Mandy]

Her makeup is absolutely gone. She looks like she just got fucked.

[Breonna]

No, it's giving photos. Nope, nope, nope.

[Mandy]

Wait.

[Breonna]

There was no makeup. This was a party at night, outside.

[Mandy]

That's what I'm saying.

[Breonna]

It looked like bare face.

[Mandy]

It looked like you just got fucked, bitch. And that first one, the eye, a little hazy. Let me describe what I'm looking at. He's a cutie. He's holding Mandy across the waist.

[Breonna]

They look like they look at friends.

[Mandy]

That are going a little too close in the first photo. The second photo below, he's just giving Mandy a kiss on the cheek. And she's gagging, smiling. Then the third photo, they are closing their eyes, kissing each other. She got her hands on his face, the short nails. One on his eye and the other one by his ear. Bitch, booty hole nails on this nigga. And yeah, she has a boyfriend.

[Breonna]

I have a boyfriend. Mind you.

[Mandy]

His teeth are really nice.

[Breonna]

Oh, his teeth is. He has a beautiful smile. Then the other boyfriend is now in my refrigerator because he's.

[Mandy]

This the sub.

[Breonna]

This is the sub nigga.

[Mandy]

Okay.

[Breonna]

This is the sub nigga.

[Mandy]

You said the other boyfriend's on my fridge. Is that what you just said? Yeah.

[Breonna]

Cause he took me to the Ferris wheel. Cause he came to my house and was mad he wasn't on my fridge.

[Mandy]

This isn't the one that flew in.

[Breonna]

No, this is the other one.

[Mandy]

Lord.

[Breonna]

That you. I'll share how we fucked in another episode. Cause I fucked him. He did not fuck me. But we'll get into that, bitch. I had a blast. Shout out to Chocobliss. Shout out to Frandy. Shout out to Jazz. Shout out to the 22 whorehive members that were there. Everyone who bought the book. Cause they were bringing up the book. So many people brought the book, sent signed copies to some people. And when I tell you it wasn't real life. And I was like, oh, my God. But this is how, like, Mandy said.

[Mandy]

Y' all niggas ain't even gotta pay me next year. Oh, no, no, no.

[Breonna]

I'm going next Year already going. Haven't signed the contract yet, but I'm going.

[Mandy]

So there's that. So this is a great thing that this episode is in real time because you guys just heard the episode last week about me, quote unquote, ghosting a girl, and we met up with her, okay? So shorty, that said we ghosted her, which, I'm not gonna lie, I felt very validated by this one Patreon comment. And I know everybody feels back and forth, but this one was interesting to me. And I wanted to read it out loud because I was like, okay, so I agreed. Someone on YouTube was like, you gotta double text somebody to get ghosted. Like, you gotta write back to get ghosted. This girl said on our Patreon about it. What she say? Sorry, y'. All. I'm trying to find it, but it just got my brain thinking. Okay, So I keep acting like I'm about to read this. I don't feel like Weezy ghosted that girl. I feel like ghosting is when they reached out and you don't respond. If she was interested, she could have said, hey, how are you? Anything. But she didn't once in eight months. But I'm definitely learning. And this is from a woman. A lot of women are sensitive or can't handle casual sex. So I agree communication is definitely necessary regarding expectations around the board in any situation. So here's why I semi agree with that. I don't know how both of us went that long without writing each other. But what I do know is the pressure I feel right now to write her back is almost so intense that I almost can't be natural. Like, I never ignored the girl, not one time. But now I feel like I can't let an hour go by without responding because of how bad she felt last time. Like, it's. It's a little bit much. So we start off our night. We pick her up, we go bowling. And this was the funny thing about bowling. So we go to Lucky Strike, and anyone that's ever been to any Lucky Strike, it's kind of like a sexier vibe for bowling. Got nice old leather couches, cute date night. So we're all, like, getting to know each other again. And she's like, what were you guys up to this summer? We're chatting, flirting, and then suddenly some streamer comes in with a camera crew of five and, like, 15 niggas. And we're like, what the fuck?

[Breonna]

Did you know the streamer?

[Mandy]

No. Okay. We kept trying to figure it out, but he spoke Spanish. But he must have been a big streamer because he had a security guard. So then, and this is la. I say that to say everybody wants to be somebody in la. So basically we had a moment where we were all about to kiss and then we looked to the right and she's like, ah, shit. Like, bitch. They were streaming, streaming on four different accounts. A YouTube, a TikTok, IG. It was a whole thing. So we have a few drinks, we end up going back to her place. According to my man, me and this bitch were so nervous, we couldn't shut the fuck up. We had a hike at 7am we all went on a date at 7:30. She had an early morning too, dog. It went on an hour before a kiss or anything. And she's in the middle, he's sitting behind her and he looking at me like, nigga, what the fuck? Make a move. Right? So this is how in my head I was. I didn't know what to do or how much attention to give because of the whole ordeal about ghosting. I at one point wanted to fuck my own nigga during the threesome and felt bad because I didn't want to make her feel left out. I was so fucked up about that whole thing. And just FYI, everybody, the threesome happened around episode time. So now I'm just like, I can't handle this. Like, this is too much. Now I'm in.

[Breonna]

What do you mean the threesome happened around episode time?

[Mandy]

It was before I left la. It was a day ago. A day or two ago. So the episode came out during this time.

[Breonna]

Wait, did she, did she, did she watch the episode?

[Mandy]

I don't think so. But what I can tell you is we don't follow each other. I don't know she know who I am, but she did make a mention. Like, oh, while we weren't talking, you.

[Breonna]

Just got a little taste of the horrible decisions Patreon. But why stop there? Tap in for the full, uncut and way nastier episodes over on patreon. Go to patreon.com horribledecisions and unlock all the messy tea, wild stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else. And now here's you've Got Decisions.

[Mandy]

If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible thruffle, guess what?

[Breonna]

You've got Decisions.

[Mandy]

Hey everybody, it's hump day. Welcome back for you Got Decisions today, I've got two guests. Wolf, who you've heard on the mic before, and Breonda from Bible stories with Breonda. That doesn't exist anymore, but she does.

[Wolf]

Bam.

[Mandy]

AKA more Trap House. I was gonna say AKA Rhonda from Trap House. Thank you. Which by the way, we're actually giving out Traphouse. Oh, no, our code. Code is Ebony.

[Ebony]

The code is Ebony.

[Mandy]

It'll make more sense when you listen to the episode. So I didn't get a chance to go dig through the email, but I found questions that went viral on Reddit and I really like this question because Wolf is ridiculous on this one. How many dates did you go on before it became a relationship? How many dates? How many weeks? What is the conversation like about being exclusive and in a relationship? What do people call it these days? For reference, I'm in my late 20s, early 30s, is the partner. And I've been personally very unlucky in the dating field, as people are dating so many people at once. There's a lot of situationships going on. And I used to think I could be exclusive to someone by 1 to 2 months. Using the boyfriend girlfriend title by 3 months. It doesn't seem that that's the reality today. Can everyone elaborate? Now we all live in New York City, where the options are endless. I know you said a year one time, which is.

[Wolf]

Yeah, I did.

[Ebony]

A year for what?

[Wolf]

A year to get to know somebody.

[Ebony]

It took 12 months, 365 days.

[Wolf]

No, no, no, I'm saying, like, I'm willing to take up to a year to get to know somebody, to determine whether or not I think we gonna mesh and get into a family.

[Ebony]

Oh, so you like coworkers or like people that you like or church or school or something?

[Wolf]

Coworkers?

[Ebony]

Yeah, like. Cause it would take a year of you to be engaged with someone or a friend, I guess.

[Mandy]

What do you mean being around Being around someone. Oh, you mean date? Yeah. Oh, he's talking about to give the title.

[Ebony]

Oh, my God. That's even more perplexing.

[Mandy]

She's thinking that you're saying a year to get to know, like around them. Oh, my God, no. But you don't be inside of them at the same time.

[Wolf]

I don't have to be.

[Mandy]

Okay.

[Ebony]

Shit. I mean, I don't have to be. I think that's a crazy amount of time, but I mean, I'm not judging.

[Wolf]

I think that's kind of a reflection of what's wrong with society. Like a year is not that long. You don't even know somebody in a year.

[Mandy]

You see what men do.

[Wolf]

That's. Oh, here she go. I'm a spin Artist then a reflection of what? Nah. But I really think that society doesn't. This don't even got nothing to do with the question anyway. The question is about the dates, right?

[Mandy]

Wait, wait, wait. No, but actually like without being judgmental and silly right now, why do you. What is wrong with society if we think a year is too long? I think it is.

[Wolf]

I think to get to know somebody, first of all, people are not even showing up as their true selves. You know what I mean? Because you don't want to. You want to give the best. You're curating the best of what you got. And so when I. And that's just. We sign. But it's true. You've done it, I've done it. We've all. Everybody in the room has done it. So what I'm saying is, is like I think about dating in the aspect of like marriage and family, you know what I mean? So it's like if we gonna go the big time distance, let me just make sure I know what's going on. I'm not saying it's perfect, but the intention is to be careful. That's.

[Ebony]

But why before a baby can walk, it needs to crawl.

[Wolf]

Indeed.

[Ebony]

I think that those beginning stages are not just like throwaways. I think that they're a part of the get to knowing whether it be day 10, day 30, 12 months, it's.

[Mandy]

A part of it.

[Ebony]

So you're saying that a person can be their real true selves at 12? I don't think that's necessarily true. I think you are being your true self in those beginning intro stages.

[Mandy]

Oh, I don't.

[Ebony]

It's a part of that. I think it's a part of it.

[Mandy]

And actually I think it's an important. But I actually think it takes a second to. For the mask to come off.

[Wolf]

The mask to come off, sure.

[Ebony]

But that's an experience that you shouldn't be cheated of. I think that there's. That's also a part of like courting. It's like noticing that and like really being enamored by it when it happens. It's a part of it. It's not like the secondary.

[Wolf]

Well, it depends on what comes up though, you know what I mean? You're not going to be enamored by.

[Ebony]

Something if it's or the opposite. Well, you wouldn't be in a relationship with that person. I'm only talking about someone that you would be in relation with.

[Wolf]

Yeah. I just like the idea of getting to know somebody. I'm not saying it has to be a year.

[Ebony]

I'm saying like a longer period of time.

[Wolf]

Not even that. I'm just saying, like, I don't. I'm not in a rush. That's all I'm saying. Like, if it's real. Cause it's like a tattoo, right? You thinking about getting a tattoo, why rush when as soon as you get it, it's done? You know what I mean? It's a forever thing. Like, you might have got it at 21. You're gonna have it when you're 67. Still.

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[Mandy]

Have you ever had a scenario then where you dated someone almost six to eight months and then you didn't end up with them?

[Wolf]

Probably. I can't think of anybody right now.

[Mandy]

But is that not a situationship?

[Wolf]

That's interesting. A lot of people think of it like that. I don't. I don't look at it like a situationship. Cause I think a situationship is more like. It's a little bit. It's a little bit messier. You know what I mean? Like, let's say I'm seriously dating somebody. I'm probably not dating other people. I'm probably not doing a whole lot of, like, intermingling with other people. I don't have a roster at that moment. You get what I'm saying? So I'm like, really locked in on getting to know this person.

[Mandy]

Why isn't that okay? I agree with this. This is the problem, is this really exposing how serious and scary commitment is. I was dating someone a few years back who wasn't seeing anyone else. We got into the Five or six month actor guy. But why aren't you calling me your girlfriend? You don't even want to date anyone else. You don't want intimacy with someone else. Why are we not saying we're together then?

[Wolf]

What's the difference? It's the same difference between like, if you live with somebody for four years, why don't you call them your wife? Or why aren't you calling them your husband? You know what I mean? It's like you could easily say, like, well, we're doing all the things a husband and a wife would do. But there's something different about crossing that line in the sand between. So that title has power to me.

[Ebony]

The fact that there's confusion about that six months in tells me that there is a level of dishonesty between that relationship that I would not participate in personally. If there's confusion or ambiguity on what this is or why isn't he. That that has been. The relationship is already done before it even started.

[Mandy]

Why should I have brought up that I need this by a certain way?

[Ebony]

Absolutely, yes. Why wouldn't you?

[Wolf]

And that's fair.

[Ebony]

And the fact that you didn't feel safe. A safe space enough to do that tells you enough, tells you everything you need to know.

[Mandy]

You know, I actually didn't feel like it wasn't a safe space in this scenario. I've been that girl before, but in this one I just thought it would happen. I am so used to ending up in relationships. This actually fucked me up. I realized some of my rejection shit. I feel like I've been chose a lot. So when it don't happen, I'd be like, what's going on?

[Wolf]

What's going on?

[Mandy]

We're not together. Like a little Delulu. Which started to teach me more my new relationship of requiring things. Excuse me, let me use a different word. Making vocal what I need out of.

[Wolf]

A man of as everybody should.

[Ebony]

I think it's just maturity.

[Mandy]

Yeah. But I really was like, oh, I don't understand how we not to get.

[Wolf]

Yeah, I think, yeah, I think that's fair. Like if you like if somebody was to be like, I don't got six months in me, then it's like, that's valid. You know what I mean? You can't force somebody to do nothing. We should all be doing what feels comfortable to us.

[Ebony]

And at the end of the day we really are talking like semantics here. It could be you don't have a benchmark time. It depends on the person, the scenario, your living experience. It depends on so many different elements. Six months. It could be something else.

[Wolf]

Could be two, you know?

[Mandy]

Yeah, it could. It should be three to me. Three to four.

[Wolf]

I don't know.

[Ebony]

I don't know. I don't believe in any hardened times two, three months.

[Mandy]

You don't know nobody after three to four months. If I'm not your girlfriend and we've been fucking and getting to know each other now my head is starting to be like, well, you're waiting for something else. For example, I have a friend of mine right now. You overheard that conversation. He's been dating a girl a little over a year. And he's just like, why do I have to do this thing? Why do I have to put this title on it? What the fuck? Like, I'm not really romantically pursuing other women. But to me it speaks volumes because it's like, you know, this girl's mid-30s, so are you. What the fuck is she supposed to think if it isn't happening yet? Yeah, you feel like I'm not valued. Another thing is like, I feel like you're looking for something else. And to be honest, what we uncovered by the end of the call was he kind of was. He's locked in with her in terms of like how he feels about her. There's no one else I'm gonna bring around for the holidays. But maybe I am secretly saying, is someone better.

[Ebony]

You know why I love European men? This doesn't really happen in Europe. There is no, there's no such thing as like this whole situation. I literally only had Europeans. No, but I think it's for this reason or not even Europeans just like a non American situations don't happen over.

[Wolf]

We had Europeans is crazy.

[Ebony]

I know. I hate that I said it.

[Mandy]

Out.

[Wolf]

That's nuts.

[Mandy]

I hate the Caucasian. Out. We're a black owned gym.

[Wolf]

Keep it going.

[Ebony]

Jesus. First of all, one of them was Middle Eastern.

[Wolf]

Europeans do it better.

[Ebony]

No, that's not even.

[Mandy]

Wait, that's not.

[Wolf]

I don't know. You're an American, so it's.

[Ebony]

No, I'm saying no, no, they don't do situationships over there.

[Mandy]

You know who don't either? Caribbean men. Now they might have four girlfriends.

[Ebony]

Yeah, that's all.

[Wolf]

I hear some crazy things about my Caribbean brothers.

[Ebony]

I was gonna say for them, it's like if they are having sex with you, if they're taking you out to dinner, if they're going on dates together, like you are their girlfriend, like, as far as that's concerned, like you are. It's not even something that there's a conversation around. It's very unceremonious.

[Mandy]

It's just happening.

[Ebony]

Otherwise. Yeah, otherwise they just wouldn't be taking you out on dinners or whatever. They wouldn't do it.

[Mandy]

I want the ritualistic ass.

[Wolf]

Like, I'm with that. I'm cool with that.

[Mandy]

You know, my boyfriend did the circle yes or no with roses on my bed.

[Ebony]

Like, oh, that's cute.

[Mandy]

Yeah, yeah, remember that? He wrote like a thing. He wrote a little thing and put will you be my girlfriend? And it's to me, we're in our 30s. Obviously, it's a vibe. It's ridiculous, but it's cute.

[Wolf]

It's a vibe. Yeah.

[Ebony]

You know what's crazy is that kind of stuff at this age. If I had found, like, love younger, I would have like, been like, really? Now I'm at a stage where maybe it's jadedness or maybe it's. I don't know what it is, but I'm. I'm loving the nonchalant. I saw. I witnessed a nonchalant proposal.

[Mandy]

What is that?

[Wolf]

What is that?

[Ebony]

Oh, my kids. It was delicious. This two couple, they were having dinner, like in their apartment, and he literally all he does is like. Like at the end of the dinner, he like pulls out the ring and.

[Mandy]

She was just like, what?

[Breonna]

Like, she.

[Ebony]

It was just like a little cute, intimate moment in their kitchen. And like, he proposed. It was the most unceremonious.

[Mandy]

Get the fuck.

[Breonna]

Oh, I love that.

[Ebony]

I loved it.

[Wolf]

Let me try to clarify real quick. You like that? That's different.

[Mandy]

Can I just say Rihanna's mouth.

[Wolf]

That's different.

[Mandy]

Shocked.

[Wolf]

That's very different.

[Mandy]

Let's go pull the tapes of this.

[Ebony]

No, but I.

[Wolf]

How was that one?

[Ebony]

No, no, no, no, no. But wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I need the ring to be fantastic, sensational.

[Wolf]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. What is the ethnicity of this guy?

[Mandy]

The one that.

[Wolf]

That matters. That matters. So I'm about to draw a correlation real quick.

[Mandy]

Oh, pull it, pull it, pull it out. White entitlement.

[Wolf]

I'm just saying the ethnicity of this person.

[Mandy]

What color was it? I'll show you now, bitch. You knew.

[Wolf]

Because I'm like any. I can't. I cannot imagine in the world that are here. That'd be like natural.

[Ebony]

No, no, no effort. You're talking about. In the TikTok that I saw, it was. The guy was Asian, but the girl was. Could have been white, could have been ambiguous, but the guy was Asian.

[Wolf]

All the black women that are listening to this right now, please leave A warning in the chat, if you get the fuck out of here. That would not rock. That would not rock.

[Ebony]

Well, no, no, it's not happening, actually. Actually, no, I do. I'm not saying that I want that. I'm just saying there was something really, like, delicious about it.

[Wolf]

Delicious.

[Ebony]

It's like a little miss. I like. I'm attracted to misfits. I don't know how well, I have to say it. I like what people don't do. I like what people don't like. I'm attracted to that. I like that. What's that?

[Wolf]

How is that not low effort, though?

[Mandy]

Oh, no, no, no, no.

[Wolf]

Slide.

[Ebony]

No, no, no.

[Wolf]

Tony ain't say nothing.

[Mandy]

Like, here's the thing.

[Ebony]

The person who did it wouldn't have done it if their girl wasn't into that in that moment. She was into that.

[Wolf]

Understood.

[Ebony]

So I'm assuming he knows his. He knows his partner.

[Wolf]

Fair enough. Great point.

[Mandy]

Now I will tell you something I've asked for. I don't want anybody else around.

[Ebony]

I don't like surprises.

[Mandy]

I don't give a shit.

[Wolf]

Fair enough.

[Mandy]

I want it to be a moment that's very realistic. One of my favorite moments in any relationship was the first time. I don't know if you guys remember, I used to say, the guy that left me for Jesus, Luis. He's his name. Love it. And I was peeing, and him and Vinny were in the kitchen. I was 20, 20 or 21, and me and Vinny were living together. He came in the bathroom. He goes, I gotta get it out right now. I'm really in love with you. And I was on the toilet, and he was like. And we weren't drunk or anything. He's like, I just. I gotta get it out of it. Thinking about it. I don't know how to say it. And I was like, whoa. Number one. That was one of my most memorable moments. Cause it was so unconventional, so urgent.

[Wolf]

Yeah.

[Mandy]

Yes. And I don't know if I told you. In London, my boyfriend came to me out of the bathroom. And I never told him this story. We were. And this was the day after seeing Obey in London. He came up to me. I was eating a pizza, and he was like, yo, I feel like a tear could come out right now. I just. I really gotta tell you how much I love you. I have every intention of, like, being with you forever. Like, you were the person this. That. Talking about family planning. Married my dad. It came out all at once. Damn, ho. Keep it together, bitch. I was talking about my love. You over here dying and shit. Get you a tissue. Leave it on the wire.

[Wolf]

Leave it on the wire.

[Mandy]

But I liked that. Now saying I like that may mean a surprise ring, but I would be remiss to say it would not bother me that I never had a man get down on one knee for me.

[Wolf]

Yeah.

[Mandy]

It would always be in my head and it would always make me think, why didn't I deserve it? Why didn't I get to have this Cinderella moment? And I think I'm a little too misfit already for some of the shit. It's probably why I'm so into marriage. I'm the person that has sex with other people. My boyfriend, but I want this normal married.

[Ebony]

Knows that he has to get on one knee for.

[Mandy]

Okay, block that.

[Ebony]

But actually. Oh, sorry, sorry. But he's actually. Believe it or not, I actually think he is. He would be down to not do it. But he knows that you would want that.

[Mandy]

Oh, he knows and he would do that.

[Ebony]

You know, it depends on who you're dating. I also hate surprises. Like, you like the lavish thing. You like it, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's just.

[Mandy]

I want to be alone at home though.

[Ebony]

I'm shocked by that. But I love that.

[Wolf]

That's how I see it too. I don't need like, you know how people, they invite the whole family out. I'm not at all.

[Mandy]

It's also hitting me too with how I want a courthouse wedding suddenly.

[Ebony]

Me too.

[Mandy]

I don't know where I'm gonna have one. But you know what's crazy? You know how we growing up and people go broke for marriages.

[Wolf]

Yes.

[Mandy]

Now I'm at the place where I'm dating someone where we could afford a big wedding. I'm like, yeah, now I will tell you, I do want of Africa to throw that money. Oh, that's right. He told me his brother made 25k from the wedding. I said, oh, let's take a break.

[Wolf]

Oh yes, let's run that.

[Ebony]

Let's make that he made 25.

[Mandy]

Oh, cuz.

[Ebony]

Does he come. Does your boyfriend also come from money?

[Mandy]

This ain't African, but this is not African. I don't know if it's money, but I would say very like American dream. Like everyone is successful in his family. Love it. Nigerian education, medical, most of them actually. At one point I was so overwhelmed the first time I met his family when both sister in laws were nurses and shit and the brothers was one of the anesthesiologists.

[Wolf]

I'm like, oh yeah, high achievers.

[Mandy]

I'm a podcaster. Love that. And I'm not fully black or African. What are you guys going to do here?

[Wolf]

Yes, Any old podcast.

[Ebony]

It's different.

[Mandy]

You know what?

[Ebony]

It's true.

[Mandy]

It's big.

[Ebony]

If you weren't successful, they'd probably have.

[Mandy]

A problem with it. Sometimes when I come in there and I'm the only daughter that you know. Not daughter in law yet, but you know what I'm saying. Only girlfriend to get tattoos. Deceptive and all this. Yeah, yeah, I'll be thinking of myself.

[Ebony]

Nah, but it matches him. You guys are a match though, because he's also the like black sheep.

[Mandy]

True. They've never questioned.

[Wolf]

Couldn't even judge you because it's like, will we accept him?

[Mandy]

The only judgment we ever had was with Nina. What is this? So the dog comes in the house. You pay for this? What? How much?

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[Mandy]

What does a healthy relationship look like in the beginning? This is something that's in the Reddit thread, dating advice. And people are saying they're not sure because I am so used to love bombing and getting excited. I don't know what healthiness feels like. Can we all just share before getting out of here how you knew you were in a healthy relationship, even if it ended, even if it didn't go well in the end. But what like the start of healthiness was like because when relationships end at some point it can get a little toxic or whatever. But I won't even pinpoint this one. But yeah, curious. What's yours?

[Wolf]

I would just say heavy communication like. Like I you texting every day, talking Every day. Well, okay, so like transparency, vulnerability, really getting to like the nooks and crannies of your brain and your mind and what you're thinking. A lot of times we thinking shit we not saying. So if you in a healthy relationship, you speaking, you know what I mean? So there's no mystery to your partner. I think confuse mystery with your partner outside of a sexy context is not good. You know what I mean? I should know what's going on.

[Mandy]

Oh, do you know what's crazy about you saying this? We were out with Andre in Philly. Andre Power. You guys heard me talk about him before, and I said something about an argument. I got in with my boyfriend. I'm like in front of him like this be talking about. He like, you ain't hit me in a minute about some shit. And I was like, oh, I'm gonna hit you with the aftermath. I think the same with you too. I might talk about little stuff that irritates me, but for the most part, we kind of figure it out in the moment, which feels good because I wasn't like that in the beginning of this relationship. I wanted advice from everybody before I came to him. And what I realized is that's not healthy at all. You know, like, I might need a.

[Wolf]

Little me and my ass before. So yeah.

[Mandy]

What the are we doing this for? Like, why am I telling everybody all this shit before I tell you? Yeah, like what?

[Wolf]

Talk to that. He the one who gonna.

[Ebony]

I had that conversation with you about this guy.

[Mandy]

Oh, sorry. I'm sharing your time. Yeah. Brianna told me to stop sharing with friends. Stop it.

[Ebony]

To me too. Just like in general, that's good.

[Mandy]

Stop it. Yeah.

[Ebony]

When have I ever let you astray?

[Mandy]

But I don't think you can do that Always in the beginning. And I could be wrong. That could be an unhealthy thing or an insecure thing. But I, in the beginning of a relationship, sure don't know how to. I don't know what kind of communicator I am. I don't know if I'll come off too strong. I don't know if I'll seem insecure by something. I need a lot of communication. Can it be needy? So then I try to weed out what I'm going through with the friends first.

[Wolf]

Okay, that makes sense.

[Ebony]

A lot of conversation with your friends, that's fine. In the beginning, that makes sense.

[Wolf]

You put it like that.

[Mandy]

But I've been at the point where it's unhealthy, where I'm just holding it now. I'M at dinner and I'm bringing something up.

[Ebony]

Yeah.

[Mandy]

You know what I mean? And also things that I get worried about making them look bad over partners. I know my ex girlfriend and I, she had a lot of things that I was very scared to bring up surrounding just us being out.

[Wolf]

Yeah.

[Mandy]

And when I say that, I mean coming out.

[Wolf]

Yeah.

[Mandy]

I was like, okay, if I tell my friends that maybe her mom doesn't know we're dating, are they going to be like, well, Weezy, you're the one who's saying that everybody should be X, Y, Z and your girlfriend doesn't do like, I'll just like again, back to protecting.

[Wolf]

Like I was just about to say.

[Mandy]

I think it's gonna hurt them. I ain't saying shit.

[Wolf]

Because if especially you might share something to a person. They're not in the relationship, so they don't have the compassion or the empathy you have. So then you bring em back, you continue to deal with them. And she's still mad. Ooh, she's still mad. She like, I'm still mad at the nigga for doing you like that. So that's another reason why we should kinda keep our mouth shut or find like one safe person that's a good one. Probably your person or one other person dead it. You know what I mean? Just dead. That shit.

[Mandy]

That's in no holds barred safety chapter. Breonna's in there, but I talk about how safety. At first the chapter, I thought it was gonna be like sexual safety. And I was gonna be like condoms and communication. I was like, oh no. The friends of the emotional safety. Because being a non monogamous person over a decade, I could tell you right now, I've called homegirls, cry to them on the phone to hang up and they laugh about me to another bitch.

[Wolf]

Damn.

[Mandy]

But like for real, because they're like, oh, well, she's going through this because she's in an open relationship that y' all be crying in.

[Wolf]

Monogamy, whatever. Yeah, exactly.

[Mandy]

It is very difficult to talk about being an open relationship, especially with someone who's not in one. But we don't meet a lot of people that live like this. So listen objectively that safety for real.

[Wolf]

Yeah.

[Mandy]

But you could also do too much. I've definitely dumped a little too much on friends.

[Wolf]

Me too.

[Ebony]

When you love someone and you're like my sister, it's just different. What am I gonna do?

[Mandy]

Change you?

[Ebony]

No, I'm gonna accept you and I'm gonna listen.

[Mandy]

Thanks for letting me be a love doctor.

[Wolf]

Not Share your secrets, too.

[Mandy]

What?

[Wolf]

And not share your secret?

[Ebony]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mandy]

She won't tell. Do you know what secrets are in here? Thinking about this podcast, boy. Y' all niggas have seen some shit, y'.

[Wolf]

All.

[Mandy]

Destiny, you're new.

[Wolf]

Some shit. Done heard a lot.

[Mandy]

We were in the LA studio having a moment, and, you know, Mandy and I, we're professionals. We bounce back. We figure it out. We had a new photographer in there who ain't never seen us before. That nigga was sitting there holding the camera up. Nigga was like, this is a fun fight. And I saw him slide slightly lower it. He's like, do I leave the room?

[Wolf]

That's how my first day working with y' all was, I swear to God. And I remember it very vividly.

[Breonna]

How did you guys do it?

[Wolf]

I didn't understand. You know what I mean? I didn't get it at all. I was like, are they friends? You know what I mean?

[Ebony]

They were doing it for so long, bro.

[Wolf]

But it's like. It's professionalism at one of the highest heights because, like, business come first.

[Mandy]

Yeah.

[Wolf]

And then I don't fuck with you. You know what I'm saying? Well, I mean, it is what it is. Listen to the show for how many years? Everybody know.

[Mandy]

You know what? We have such a good chemistry. That's. It's weird because people have said to me sometimes, like, great chemistry is this phony, Is this real? And I'd be like, oh, no. Like, when I'm sitting there, this is a very real energy you're feeling, like, that's why it's good.

[Wolf]

Yeah.

[Mandy]

It's not like a drag for me to pull something.

[Wolf]

Yeah.

[Mandy]

Actually, I've had maybe 2% of my episodes with Mandy that needed to be like.

[Wolf]

Yeah.

[Mandy]

That dragged on for the most part. We can't stop talking.

[Wolf]

Yeah.

[Ebony]

I think the rigidity of it has tremendous confidence, by the way, but have.

[Mandy]

You met me with Umbreonda?

[Wolf]

Tell us what that means, because I ain't never heard her.

[Ebony]

Rigidity, that tension that you feel, what we were just describing, I feel like.

[Mandy]

That I lost my rigidity.

[Wolf]

Rigidity.

[Mandy]

Go, go, go. Faisal. Is this a safe space? I mean, dictionaries.

[Ebony]

I think that rigidity is what, like, breeds that authenticity that gets people to keep watching.

[Mandy]

Oh, I know what you mean.

[Ebony]

There's very little room for, like. Again, sorry, a veneer. Like a performance. It's like, no. When you.

[Mandy]

I've learned a lot about podcasts breaking up and why. Yeah. Nothing has taught me more about, like. I just did this podcast behind the likes. Y' all go check it out. They're very popular. Shy in winter. Shout out to them. And one of the comments left was like, please don't turn into them talking about Mandy and I, because I made the comment, oh, our lack of best friend, you know, best friendship or whatever, like, has made for us to actually sustain this. I truly believe this. But it made me feel bad because I'm like, I'm not saying it's the only way. I'm just saying that friends break up more than true business partners. People have worked at a job where they don't know someone's name for 10 years. Not saying, Mandy and I like that we're intertwined. But I mean, like, oh, I'm really being serious when I said them friends be breaking up. That's what I'm saying.

[Ebony]

Canceled podcast just ended. Like, it's like, you guys have outlived so many podcasts where the coasts were friends.

[Wolf]

Yeah.

[Ebony]

So there's something to it. I'm not just.

[Wolf]

And it's really a beautiful thing because it's like an ecosystem of people that survive because of Yalls relationship. And furthermore, I think a lot of time y' all don't like each other. That's evident. But one thing I know for a fact, y' all love each other, though. I've seen it.

[Ebony]

And y' all love money.

[Wolf]

I've seen it. And y' all love each other. You know what I mean? I done see y' all, like being behind the stage crying together before you hit the stage. And everybody else is, oh, my God.

[Mandy]

Stop bringing up that one time in Dallas.

[Wolf]

I'm just saying. You know what I mean? Nah, not even Dallas. I think it was somewhere in the East Coast. So wait, really? Yeah.

[Mandy]

We some crying ass hoes.

[Wolf]

Yeah.

[Mandy]

For me to be the emo hoe.

[Wolf]

We be crying together, crying, holding hands, and y' all love each other. You know what I mean?

[Ebony]

Yeah.

[Mandy]

Of course. This part, like, absolutely. Like, we did a show with girls gotta eat where they were laughing. Like, wait, is this real? Is this a bit. They're so cute. They used to be here at wtf. Ashley and Reina. They used to hurt. And I was like, of course I love Mandy. Like, that's an easy thing for me to say. And I wouldn't. It wouldn't even be. It's, like, instantaneous out of my mouth. But I think it's also because I've known Mandy since I was 15. You know what I'm saying? Now we have family members. We don't get along with and shit like that. But, like, you're telling me that I've done all of this in my life? Like, of course.

[Ebony]

I have a sneaking suspicion that, like, the real bow at the end of this is gonna happen when y' all are in your 50s, 60s, and you guys are gonna be, like, super amicable, for real.

[Wolf]

Oh, for sure.

[Mandy]

You think we're gonna be 60?

[Ebony]

Yeah. But I don't think the podcast is.

[Mandy]

Gonna last that long. I don't think Podcast thing.

[Ebony]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mandy]

It'll be like, the golden WTF will have to be a TV production studio.

[Ebony]

Yeah. And by that point, you're gonna be a billionaire.

[Mandy]

Oh, wait, now, I will tell y' all just while we ended on some tea. The best fight in here. Breakup. This how I knew it was good, y'. All. So WTF media always has camera going. Cameras going. And we mainly actually do that for the protection of the engineers. Because there were one or two instances where, like, something went missing. I think it was in the beginning. Do you remember that? Do both y' all remember a camera went missing?

[Wolf]

It was like, yeah, a whole camera went missing.

[Mandy]

And it was like, okay, whose employees? Is it the people that were there or your? And I'm like, why the fuck would our people steal? But we never had a camera.

[Wolf]

Yeah.

[Mandy]

Very, very early on. So really, it's for us, because, like, oh, nah, y' all did this shit. Not our people.

[Wolf]

Yeah.

[Mandy]

So long story short, somebody was fighting in this bitch, and it was T or Baby Wolf in there, and they was like, oh, shit. Like, y'. All. Like, we had to quiet them down. Da, da, da. Me and Alex talking about, pull the funny. And we watching this shit like it was a robbery, Bri. Like, ooh, bitches cussing.

[Breonna]

These chicks stank.

[Mandy]

Pussy bitch. Bro, that shit team.

[Wolf]

Yeah.

[Mandy]

You remember that day the cameras were rolling when I forgot the key? Oh, yeah. Cameras got me running. Anyway, y', all, if you enjoyed this, you'll enjoy more of our YGD. And you could actually see the video on patreon.com horribledecisions. Cause it didn't go anywhere. And it's still here. And we're still hoes. Don't tell me, Andy. I said that.

[Ebony]

I am not a hoe.

[Wolf]

I was about to say I ain't no ho.

[Breonna]

I can't see it.

[Mandy]

Did you stop? Leave that motherfucker at a line. But I'm happy to be here.

[Wolf]

She just like Europeans.

[Breonna]

Witness the new season of Reasonable Doubt. Streaming on Hulu September 18th. LA's most successful attorney, Jack Stewart, defends a young actor accused of murder.

[Mandy]

Follow Emiyati Coronaldi, Morris Chestnut, Joseph Sikora and guest stars Cash Dahl and Lori Harvey as they face off in the year's most sensational trial and in the pursuit of justice, every move counts.

[Breonna]

Reasonable Doubt Season 3 is streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney September 18th. Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

[Ad]

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[Mandy]

Is an iHeart podcast.