You've Got Decisions: Update: How Should I Feel? He May Have a Baby!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Decisions, Decisions

Episode: You've Got Decisions: Update: How Should I Feel? He May Have a Baby!

Release Date: January 21, 2026
Hosts: Mandii B and WeezyWTF (The Black Effect & iHeartPodcasts)

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Episode Overview

In this emotional and candid episode of "Decisions, Decisions," Mandii B and WeezyWTF dive deep into an intense listener update that touches on betrayal, self-worth, and how to move forward after devastating relationship revelations. The hosts tackle heavy topics such as infidelity, deception, and the importance of self-accountability, all while providing heartfelt advice and sharing personal anecdotes to help listeners navigate heartbreak and rediscover their confidence.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dental Drama and Personal Upkeep

(00:44–09:54)

• The episode kicks off with a lighthearted discussion about dental work, braces, and how physical changes—braces, veneers, hair color—impact self-image.
• Mandii and Weezy swap stories about pain from dental procedures, traveling for dental work abroad, and the expenses tied to oral health in the U.S.
• Both hosts talk about the confidence that comes with changing their appearance (such as switching to blonde hair) and investing in their health and well-being.
• Reflection on the challenge of unsolicited advice and wanting to simply enjoy personal growth.
• The importance of focusing on self-care and the journey to feeling good in one’s own skin, regardless of age or past circumstances.
• Notable Quote:

  "This year, I want to have intent on really taking care of my body, my skin, my hair, and just feeling good about myself overall." – Mandii (08:33)

2. Listener Letter Recap & Shocking Update

(12:03–16:41)

• The main segment revisits a prior listener’s dilemma regarding her boyfriend potentially having a baby from a previous relationship.
• Previously, hosts advised leaning into the idea of possibly becoming a stepmom, focusing on how modern women navigate non-traditional family structures.
• The listener writes back with a shocking, distressing update:
  • After two years of a seemingly perfect relationship, her boyfriend is arrested for sexual misconduct with a minor (a 14-year-old), aiding delinquency, and drug possession.
  • She discovers he’s been unfaithful, tells lies to another girlfriend about her, and has fathered a child with the minor.
  • The letter is raw—the listener details feeling blindsided, devastated, and questions her own judgment and will to go on.
  • Notable Quote:

    "I had a stranger in my house for two entire years... This is one of the scariest things that has ever happened to me... Now I need advice on how to stay alive." – Listener Letter (13:42–16:39)

• The hosts share the gravity of the situation:

  "It turns out it doesn't matter if the kid is his." – Mandii (13:42)
  "The baby is his, y'all." – Weezy (16:39)

3. Emotional Support, Accountability, and Moving Forward

(16:41–29:58)

• Both Mandii and Weezy react with shock, sorrow, and empathy, emphasizing the importance of putting one’s own well-being first.
• They discuss how easy it is for women to blame themselves after such betrayals and the importance of not allowing anyone to make you feel worthless or responsible for someone else’s darkness.
• Mandii shares personal reflections on overcoming heartbreak, reminding listeners that being deceived doesn’t make you foolish or “less than.”
• Weezy recalls a story of a community member who took her own life over relationship heartbreak, stressing the need for better mental health support and self-compassion for women dealing with similar crises.
• Notable Quote:

  "There is no man worth your life at all." – Mandii (18:58)

• Discussion turns to the dangers of “blocking out” red flags and holding oneself responsible for missing the signs.
  • They stress the need for accountability—not as self-blame, but as growth and recognizing patterns to avoid future pain.
• They encourage the letter-writer to surround herself with supportive friends and family, to process emotions rather than rushing into a new relationship.
• Notable Quote:

  "You wanted to see the best in someone. You wanted to nurture them because you believed they could be a better person... but this is only two years of your life, sis. I promise, there is time." – Mandii (29:18)

• The topic briefly touches on how sometimes even major clues in relationships are ignored due to love or hope for change (example: low sex drive being misinterpreted).

4. Broader Reflections on Relationships and Self-Image

(29:17–29:58)

• Both hosts reflect on how women often make men the “main characters” of their own stories and the need to center themselves instead.
• Reassurance that time will heal, and that everyone makes mistakes in love.
  • "We stick with men a long time, hoping that we see change... This is only two years of your life, sis." – Mandii (29:17)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On physical transformation and unsolicited advice:

  "Let me breathe one day and enjoy. God, it's like… I hope that I don't do this to people. Maybe you do... but just, like, let me breathe." – Weezy (07:39)

• On self-accountability:

  "The accountability... that's the hard part, bro." – Weezy (22:15)

• On grief and loss in relationships:

  "It becomes this drug or something we don’t think that we can live without." – Mandii (21:00)

• Coping advice:

  "Shower yourself with friends and family and really figure out what you missed... The accountability part is so important here." – Mandii (25:25)

• Humorous distraction:
  • [29:58] A bee enters Weezy’s house, prompting a playful, relatable freak-out to end the episode on a lighter note.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Dental work & personal transformations: 00:44–09:54
• Introduction of Listener Update: 12:03
• Listener Letter Read & Reaction: 13:18–16:41
• Discussion of trauma, betrayal, and advice: 16:41–29:58
• Humorous close (the bee incident): 29:58–30:37

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Tone and Takeaways

Mandii and Weezy balance humor, vulnerability, and honest advice, creating a space where taboo relationship issues are discussed openly. This episode underscores the importance of self-care, awareness, resilience, and not letting shame or heartbreak overshadow personal growth. Their candid approach offers both empathy and tough love for listeners navigating the messiness of modern relationships.

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For listeners seeking support after betrayal or coping with heartbreak, this episode offers compassionate, real-world advice—reminding you to put yourself first, embrace accountability, and know that life (and love) goes on.

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If you have a story or tough decision you want advice on, you can send a letter to decisionspodmail.com

Transcript

[A]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.

[B]

Tired of long wash days and heat damaged hair? Same. That's why I have to tell you about Revair, the game changing hair dryer that uses reverse airflow to dry, stretch, and smooth in one step. So you spend less time styling and more time living your life with gentle airflow and multiple heat settings. Revair locks in shine, reduces frozen frizz, and respects your curl pattern, whether it's coils, kinks, braids, like me, locs, or extensions. Visit myrevair.com and use promo code decisions50 for $50 off your device or the total package. That's my revair.com. your crown deserves it.

[A]

Welcome to another episode of Horrible Decision. It's bonus bitch. Hi. My vocals, y'.

[B]

All. I don't know what to do with my teeth.

[A]

Have you sucked dick yet?

[B]

No.

[A]

I'm surprised. I thought she would have sucked dick last night.

[B]

Last night he was at one of his properties and they're like, in Connecticut. And he was like, fuck, it's two and a half hours to get home. I gotta come home tomorrow. He's so ready. I'm actually ready to make out.

[A]

Making out more than sucking dick because.

[B]

The making out is really difficult. I push through the pain with a dick suck, but I feel like I actually can't kiss. What hurt with a dick sucking with the braces, it was due to. Oh, yeah, rub on the metal. So I would have to put wax. My whole mouth would be waxed. But kissing. I feel like I'm about to go in.

[A]

Dealing with your teeth is so crazy. I remember when I had lockjaw a couple years ago, and I was so scared that I was never gonna be able to open my mouth wide enough to suck dick again. Like, I don't know if you remember when I had lockjaw and I had to put the popsicle sticks to open up my jaw. You don't remember when I had lockjaw?

[B]

So basically I remember ent stuff, but I don't remember the jaw.

[A]

So the lockjaw came. I went to the dentist to pull out one of my. Because I was. It was really, like, hurting. So I got one of my wisdom teeth removed. And when they did something back there, they ended up cutting a nerve. And, like, which I literally. I went back, I said, I can't feel my tongue. And so when I went back too, like, they did something else and I couldn't open my mouth.

[B]

This is a sign from God to me right now, Mandy. I'm not doing it. Yesterday when they came out, got my braces or got an X ray. One of my teeth goes this way.

[A]

And that's what it did. I had to remove it. So that's why, you see why my teeth were like. And it was getting more. I had to remove it because it was literally moving into where it was pushing my teeth, which is why they were getting crowded.

[B]

But the nerve thing. So this will happen my whole life. People told me, I need to get this wisdom to take it out. And I really trust this doctor that I have, obviously, but she's an orthodontist. So we're going over the X ray, and I'm like, oh, I guess since the braces are off, I'll do the wisdom tooth now. She goes, well, an oral surgeon will give you the advice, but I'm looking at this, and it's right by a nerve bruh. And I have a strong feeling you may have an issue. She goes, they can cut the front of the tooth or they can extract the whole tooth. She's like, but there's such a high chance.

[A]

Yep. That it's going to hit this nerve.

[B]

And you will feel it for life. And I was like, oh, no, I'll do it.

[A]

Luckily, it didn't go for life, but, bro, I lost sensation from my tongue. And then, like, I literally couldn't. I just couldn't feel my tongue. I could taste, but I couldn't feel my tongue. And then when they went back in there, bitch. I had lock jaw. I couldn't open my mouth, like, more than this. So I had to do a thing where I had to put popsicle sticks, like, and stack them to get my jaw to open back up. I hate dental work. I'm literally booking a flight now. So probably next month I'm going to Columbia for them to super deep clean the gums. I've had these now for four or five years.

[B]

Oh, the deep clean also.

[A]

And so I want to do not only the deep clean, but. But if there's anything cracked, if there's anything, go ahead and fix it. Because my fear was doing a super, super deep clean. My gums and everything. I didn't want to do it in the States. Like, I go and get whitenings. I go and get, like, flushes and stuff. Like. But a deep clean. I said, if they crack a tooth, I'm gonna have to go to Colombia.

[B]

Oh, not even that. I was gonna say the deep cleans are super expensive.

[A]

No. Which is why I'm on.

[B]

You remember when I went to Mexico?

[A]

Oh, you said you Went to Mexico for it. So I'm going back to Columbia. But my fear with my super deep clean is if I get a deep clean here and any of these are, you know, loosening or whatever, where it comes out, and they're not going to fix it because I got it done in another country. So I literally have a consultation with my dentist next week to figure out.

[B]

You know, like, find a backup, someone that will work on other people's work.

[A]

Well, my homegirl's fucking a dentist. So we went out, and she was like, well, he could clean it. And I was like, well, for the first one, especially, because they've been in there for five years, and I want them to.

[B]

It's been five years.

[A]

2021.

[B]

I feel like you just did this.

[A]

2021, November of 20, because my ex woke up.

[B]

I feel like, you gonna feel like that about my braces. You gonna be like, you just got those on.

[A]

Well, I feel like you only have. It was a year and a half, right?

[B]

I got it done on August 2020.

[A]

To me, it feels like you've had your braces on longer than that.

[B]

My man literally said to me the other day. So we met the summer of 2023.

[A]

He's like, you didn't have braces when y' all met.

[B]

He's like, I didn't. You didn't have braces. He's like, but I feel like the most that I know you is with braces. Cause when he was looking at me on FaceTime, he's like, I don't know who you are. He's like, but I met you without it. But your teeth were different. But now, bro, the way my face changed is crazy. My dentist, she's so, like, aesthetic. Very like. She's an Upper east side dentist. Very, like, all about facial structure. She's like.

[A]

And if you look here, barely talking.

[B]

About the teeth, your cheekbone, this jawline, how facially, it changed me.

[A]

I couldn't believe it.

[B]

Did veneers change your face?

[A]

Yeah, I think so a bit.

[B]

Because I saw.

[A]

Not really. I mean, I see. I see how it's small.

[B]

Teacher is small. Never mind.

[A]

You know what's crazy?

[B]

So.

[A]

And now that we cool, I could be considerate when I do it. So I was gonna do these hella like, before and after pictures of us. Bro, look at your.

[B]

F. You damn. Really fucking. Bro.

[A]

Faith is taste, bro. I don't even look.

[B]

Please look at me. Big bitch.

[A]

But, bro, look how different you look, dawg.

[B]

I don't even like someone to pull the Card on me, dawg.

[A]

Bro, so different. Oh, like, yeah, like your mouth. Yeah, your mouth shape and everything has changed. Your whole. Your face has changed.

[B]

Do you know why you look like that?

[A]

Look right there.

[B]

Oh, fuck off. I used to hold my mouth because I hated my smile.

[A]

So look at my face.

[B]

Damn. Crystal looks the same.

[A]

Crystal looks the same. Crystal looks the same.

[B]

Boy, are we old.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Crystal looks the same and we look different.

[A]

We look so.

[B]

I just look like I'm making money.

[A]

Because Crystal was doing the read, then she had money. That's why she kept it going. We, we, we, we found out how to use our money.

[B]

One of my homegirls in Orlando said.

[A]

Like, girl, I told you I'm doing this. You can see, you can see over the years how you've elevated. No, for sure, for sure.

[B]

I had them dookie braids.

[A]

The, the sew ins with the leave out. And you, your flat iron was.

[B]

You know what's so crazy too? I was so, I was so happy to have my real hair out for a month. When I went to my braider, I didn't even want to go that day, but I was like, fuck it, I don't want to cancel her. And now that I have a minute, I'm like, I can't wait to see my hair again. I have got. I didn't know that dyeing your hair would make you feel like you have.

[A]

A new look, ma'. Am.

[B]

That was.

[A]

I was black haired my whole life and now I'm a blonde.

[B]

Blonde for life.

[A]

I'm a blonde for life. But I was like, even I was like, Bitch, 6:13 me, baby. And I said, put a little bit in there. But you know, I can't imagine myself with dark hair again.

[B]

I don't know if I, like, had a little moment, but I was feeling so confident about my natural hair in a way that I've never felt. Just love wearing it, love wearing it, love when I go out to eat. It's a bunch of bitches. And I'm talking about that Brazil experience and how it inspired me to. Inspired me to wear my real hair and how I'm feeling really great about it. And this girl's like, yeah, you know, it's like so much treatment you have to do now with blonde deep condition. It's going to be a journey. Da na na na na. And I literally snapped her. And I was like, yo, thank you so much for the advice. I'm sitting here talking about how I never wore my hair and now you gotta sit here and walk. I Don't give a fuck, ho. And you know what? I kind of felt like that with all the comments about the retainer. Shut up. Please let me breathe one day and enjoy. God, it's like, ugh, I don't know. Like, I hope that I don't do this to people. Maybe you do, maybe. Maybe it's just natural. You say it, but just like, let me breathe, my nigga.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I know when we talked about our New Year's resolutions, even when I sat with my family, I leaned into that again in saying, like, this year, I want to be real intent, like, have intent on really taking care of my body, my skin, my hair, and just feeling good about myself overall, like, hygiene, everything. That's why I'm going to Colombia to get. I said, I just. I'm 35 now. And I was like, bitch, I want to look like this at 45 and at 50. Like. And I'm like, it's skin, but skin. And. And it's why I'm a little bit more forgiving to the YM's and the little girls with all the acne. Because when you really get into the skin procedures and the skin products. Baby. I couldn't afford that shit on a goddamn.

[B]

Look at Kiki Palmer.

[A]

Like, she had a. She said, the baby help.

[B]

But, no, my point was it's never money. Like, your body. Like, it's.

[A]

It's your.

[B]

If anyone could afford all of that, and she's had such a journey, I think that.

[A]

Well, it's hormones, too. But to me, though, it is still, like, the way that we have the PRP and, like, I'm doing the Morpheus 8 right now. What is that? So the Morpheus 8, which is the most painful thing that I've ever experienced in my entire life. But I have two more sessions, and I'm going to get through it. So, basically, what it is, is it's 24 needles, 24 needles all throughout here, all throughout here. And then it's micro needling up here.

[B]

What do the needles do when they.

[A]

So what it. What it's doing is it's. So it goes 4 millimeters, then 3 millimeters, then 2 millimeters, then 1 millimeter, then so it's four rounds. It's so deep. But what it's doing is it's reinvigorating the. The tissue and the collagen. So it's bringing all your toler. So it's pretty much a base look that doesn't require actual pulling. So by March, y' all are only getting A side profile, bitch. I can't wait. You just got a little taste of the horrible decisions Patreon. But why slept there? Tap in for the full, uncut, and way nastier episodes over on patreon. Go to patreon.com horribledecisions and unlock all the messy tea, wild stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else. And now here's you've got decisions.

[B]

If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible thruffle, guess what?

[A]

You've got decisions. You've got decisions, baby. And I do, too. But we're gonna give you advice whether you want us to.

[B]

Oh, that was good.

[A]

I just saw someone say they wanted us to get bring back.

[B]

I saw you. No, they said, mandy, you, not us. They say, you. Okay, let me try. I'm trying to, like, take it from another jingle sound. Hold on, let me think. Let's. Let me just do the. You've got decisions, baby. And no, it's not a maybe he wants to you in the butt, and.

[A]

For some reason, you're a.

[B]

But we say do it, do it, do it well.

[A]

Do it well.

[B]

Do it, do it well in the bar. Okay.

[A]

You know, I thought you were gonna go to. You said, maybe. Then I was like, but you could have a baby.

[B]

And, oh, I was running out of rhymes.

[A]

And speaking of baby, y', all, we have an update. Oh, we have an update, y'. All. We have an update from. Is it his baby? By the way, y' all came for us because we told her to just lean into being a step mama with this man. Basically, an overview of what the.

[B]

The.

[A]

The you got decision email was. Was a lady wrote us in saying that she was with a man for two years, and she ended up coming across a letter in the mail that was a paternity suit. And she was waiting on what she should do with this paternity suit and what she should do if it was his baby or if it wasn't. Now, we ended up over the holidays getting a message on Patreon for me.

[B]

Oh, that was something.

[A]

I felt bad, and it's terrible, but here we go, baby. Dallas, I'm read the update for y' all so that y' all could see the mess. All right, by the way, if you want to send your letter in, make sure you send it to decisionspodmail.com. but, of course, if you're a patron, you get priority. And this girl gave us all the tea, so she's.

[B]

And that's for context. By the way, this is from the you Got Decisions called Is it his baby?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I'm going to give you guys the original episode number while after Mandy's done.

[A]

All right, well, this young lady wrote us back to give us tea before all the tea leaves. Spelt everything out, basically. So she said, oh my God, do I have an update for y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

It turns out it doesn't matter if the kid is his. Today is Friday, January 2nd, that I'm writing this. And as my first write in, this man was seeming perfect. My best friend for two entire years. No red flags, except for small things like needing reminding to clean. We never even fought. We talked everything out. I shared every thought with him and we never even raised our voices at each other until Sunday, a normal day. We upgraded his phone on my plan and he went to work like normal, kissed goodbye like every other day, and then he never came home. Monday morning, one of his friends called, letting me know he had been arrested. I thought for a weed charge. But I looked into it and it turns out he was arrested for a charge of sexual misconduct with a minor and aiding in the delinquency of a minor and having a lot of weed and edibles and everything in his car. The minor was 14. I am so extremely blindsided by this. I really am that stupid. I didn't even know he was cheating. Another girl he was sleeping with for the past month even called me. She told me that he told her that we fought constantly and I put my hands on him and that I busted his head into the counter. He said we fought all the time and weren't serious because I don't want kids. And he does. I got an abortion for him. This is one of the scariest things that I've that has ever happened to me. I had a stranger in my house for two entire years. Girl. That's what to me. Is it? Damn. I don't know how to cope. I have been heavily medicated and considered hospitalizing myself. I thought he was my family. This exact situation has happened to me before. And the cheater gave me HSV too. We read a story just like that last week. He knew this, but I guess I just gave him ideas. It took so long for me to heal the first time, but this time was so much worse. He gave me chlamydia and I don't know how to move forward. Being alive. I guess it doesn't matter now if that kid is his or not. Now I need advice on how to stay alive. Oh, boy. By the Way continuing. She did update us just a little bit further and said that she sent us the article. First off, if you guys want to look it up. It's titled Springfield Man Arrested in Urbana on Charges involving a Minor.

[B]

I felt so bad when I read.

[A]

This because it's like she's disgusted. He genuinely had everyone, his family and friends fooled. And then she said that the results did end up coming in maybe like a week and a half after she sent this in, the results came in and the kid was in.

[B]

The baby is his, y'. All.

[A]

The baby is his.

[B]

By the way, the original letter was actually called how should I feel? He may have a baby. It's from December 10th. But when we heard that, I was like, okay. We were. Mandy and I were giving advice at this point on, hey, it was before you shit happens. Maybe you stick it out, sis.

[A]

Now, now. I'm sorry. Now, now. Of course, he's so in the article, I think he claims he thought the girl was of age. They both admitted to having sex with each other, but of course, because she was 14 years old. N grime.

[B]

I don't know how I felt about that. I think I could clock a 14, bro. Bro.

[A]

That's what I was about to say. But also you and I was in the club at 15, 16.

[B]

So he didn't he pick her up from the street? Is that.

[A]

I'm sure he offered her weed. I'm sure he knew. So that's another thing. They allegedly were doing drugs together. So it says he knew that was a little girl. Search of the car uncovered marijuana, a glass pipe, a grinder, a THC vape pen, THC gummies, and partially smoked marijuana. The juvenile later gave a written statement alleging sexual contact had occurred. Hudson admitted to providing drugs and said he has sexual contact, claiming he thought the girl was 18. So yeah, it's in the article that he thought the girl was 18.

[B]

Yeah. I don't believe that. And I'm going to tell you why. I've seen 16 year olds look long, I've seen 14 year old dress grown.

[A]

Yeah. And they don't look, I ain't gonna hold you. It's so for me, for me, there's no double thinking this at all. Not only was he cheating on you with a minor, not only does he have a baby that just proved to be his, he also was cheating on you with another woman, making it seem like Yalls relationship wasn't what it was. So there's like, there's way too much here, like. And I know the advice that you asked for was how to stay alive. And I will tell every woman listening to this right now, there is no man worth your life at all.

[B]

Like, I don't know if I talked about this on our show, but my. We'll definitely have to put a trigger warning, but there was a woman that worked in my last apartment building in the office, the one that my mom and I just moved from fucking three days ago. And so I replied to an email from her letting her know we were moving out. Hey, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Can we reserve the elevator? She doesn't reply. I'm like, I wonder what happened to her. I feel like I haven't seen her in a while. So my mom goes to the front office and say, what happened to so and so? She took her life. No, Mandy. My email to her was like, June something. The next day is when she took her life, which was even creepier with us talking about keys and kikiing. And my mom was like, why? And she said her and her boyfriend were having trouble and she threatened it. And my mom and I were like, bruh. Then my mom, you know, knows he do. But not that I don't get it from her. My mom go down to the door lady talking about how come no one told us? And the lady's like, oh, we were all fucked up over it because she was 28. And it's like, I think when you're so in love, I've never gone that far, but I've definitely felt like, how am I going to push through? Tired of long wash days and heat damaged hair? Same. That's why I have to tell you about Revair, the game changing hair dryer that uses reverse airflow to dry, stretch, and smooth in one step. So you spend less time styling and more time living your life with gentle airflow and multiple heat settings. Revair locks in shine, reduces frizz, and respects your curl pattern, whether it's coils, kinks, braids like me, locs, or extensions. Visit myrevair.com and use promo code decisions50 for $50 off your device or the total package. That's my revair.com your crown deserves it.

[A]

To me, even in the book, right in no holds barred, I talk about literally overcoming a heartbreak, essentially. And when you're. When you're questioning if the person you were with really loved you, if any of it was real, I can get the distortion of life being difficult, but reality is difficult to really, like, also take in. And so when it comes to love, I think it becomes this drug or something we don't think that we can live without. And in terms of a relationship coming to an end or a person not being who they. Who they showed you to be, to me, it's one of those, like, we gotta. We gotta get out of Delulu. Like, not all people are good people. And we know that. Right? And so, unfortunately, like, we have to be. We have to hold grace for ourselves. Now, you know, I don't like holding grace for anybody else. But sometimes. Sometimes we have to hold grace with us wanting to believe that a person was this good person that they're showing me to be and not the monster that realistically, a lot of people are out here.

[B]

So I. I agree. Like, when it comes to the accountability we want to take, and I think that's what gets you there.

[A]

You're like, that's the hard part, bro.

[B]

I should have known this nigga, like, how the fuck. And it's not even like you're doing it because of the guy. Like, my mom and I were talking about that because we were really fucked up about the lady in the office. Should I say girl? And she was like, over a man. And I'm like, but you know what? My. It's probably her in her own head being like, how the fuck did I do this to myself?

[A]

Yeah, I think. I think you got to get past the signs you overlooked. I think when we. When we see how we see relationships sometimes is based on the potential that we see in the person, not actually who the person is showing up to be right in front of our eyes. And so there's a lot of glossing over, red flags. Like, to me, I don't know how perfect a man can show up to where there were no signs that he was cheating with other women. There was no, like, because at this point, it's multiple different women. We also don't know if that baby was born before or not. It was just a paternity case.

[B]

I think she knew the age. I think she knew the age of the baby. I think she was, like, saying how it was XYZ years ago, but he's still a motherfucking lie. And that's really the hardest part of a cheat. Like, for me, when in Noel's Bar, too, with Obey, it was like, it's one thing. Like, I'm thinking I'm getting my lick back because I'm cheating, too. I'm thinking it's whatever, because I know I'm not really invested there'll be someone else, but it's just like, damn, bitch. But you know better, and you let XYZ happen. And that's the stuff when you start feeling like goof. You know, when you start feeling like I'm the girl that's giving advice to everybody to go the other way. Like, dear reader, dear listener, you know for a fact you should have left this nigga. Oh, you know when it should have happened. You, I'm thinking, saw a sign when you wrote us. I remember you talking about how everything felt normal and everything was cool, but I don't know if that's true. I do.

[A]

What do you mean by that?

[B]

All right. I just helped a friend move out, right?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

When we sit back and her and I are talking about it, and, you know, there were so many signs that she chose to ignore. There were very many signs. And all that it turned to be for her was, you know what? I'm in love with him. Things can change. This isn't a big deal. Everybody goes through shit. But there are major signs. For me, I think, when it comes to a cheater, it's how vague they can be.

[A]

Oh, absolutely.

[B]

Sometimes.

[A]

No, but. No, no, no.

[B]

Not with. Not what? Even with women. Like, for example, Obey sometimes would have a doctor's appointment that popped up. Not even him cheating. It was me learning how much about his life I didn't know. It was suddenly like. Or, oh, today, XYZ happened. Well, why don't you call me when that happened?

[A]

What the fuck?

[B]

Like, little things like that. He was able to keep so much.

[A]

Ah.

[B]

And I was like, oh. Like, I could go through my whole day talking to you and not know that XYZ was going on.

[A]

I mean, I think that this is the hardest part, too. Right. I would say it is the accountability. I mean, and it's holding up the mirror to yourself. I know, like, a part of me getting over and not being so angry with my ex was in therapy. Think. Thinking of the faults and the smoke and mirrors, I applied to the relationship myself. Whether it was a defense mechanism, whether it was because I just wanted it to be great. And I didn't want to argue, and I didn't want to, like, have a confrontation about putting him to the fire and how he would respond. Like, there was a lot of ways in which I thought within the relationship, I. I showed up in not the best way I thought I was. And so I think that, again, that's how you choose to live. First off, you put yourself first and realize that this was a class, it was a lesson, and you're not going to let it happen again. I will say the last thing that anybody needs to tell you to do right now is to get up under another nigga. We done talked about how that don't really resolve anything. And so in this moment, shower yourself with friends and family and really figure out what you missed. Like, the accountability part is so important here. I know it's a joke that women even know how to hold themselves accountable, but he can't be the only monster. You have to figure out what you did wrong in terms of wanting to gloss over or ignore. And that's only because I don't believe a person can be this loving, caring, never raised for two years. No, I mean, you had no idea he was fucking other people. You had. No. Like, you got to go back. And sometimes we like to block the memories because we don't want to believe it.

[B]

Bitch blocked them out real deep.

[A]

No, you blocked them hoes out. And it's.

[B]

Let me tell you another thing. This little too bigoty for close to the end, but close. Friend of mine, her bestie calls her while on vacation. It's her first vacation after a baby with her husband.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And says the husband told her he thinks he's gay. And so.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Girl, this is a. Listening.

[B]

We judge.

[A]

We gotta save this for the show.

[B]

Oh, I don't have all the tea yet. This was two days ago.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

No, no, no. But the thing that was really, really crazy about it. So my homegirl's on the phone. She's angry. She's like, that baby's four months, blah, blah, blah. She's just angry. And, you know, her friend is hurting and she's mad. And I was like, I know you've. I know you feeling for her right now, and I don't mean to bring up old shit, but didn't you tell me a long time ago that her and the husband never fucked? And she was like, I don't remember. I'm like, oh, bitch. I remember because you called me a year ago and were like, the girl made a joke about how she couldn't believe she got pregnant because they barely have sex. I'm like, well, sounds like we should have known then.

[A]

Well, a man that barely has sex with his partner doesn't necessarily mean they gay. That's. Well, I'm sorry.

[B]

It's a sign.

[A]

No, it ain't. That is an extreme.

[B]

Okay, it's an extreme. But I'm just saying. And I agree, it's an extreme. It's an extreme. But I'm just saying something.

[A]

Yeah, I think that we like to lean into a lot of the times. How terrible of men. We choose and make them, you know, the main characters in our stories. And we got to stop doing that. They're not the main characters.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, honestly, you made a blip. You made a mistake. You wanted to see the best in someone. You wanted to nurture them because you believed they could be a better person. Like, we stick with. We stick with men a long time, hoping that we see change. When we know that there's things for them to change, we know that we just hope our love will change it. And unfortunately, this is only two years of your life, sis. I want to say when we were reading it, you're in your 20s, even if you in your early 30s.

[B]

Bitch.

[A]

There is time to find a new nickel. They out here, they the easiest things to get. I promise. A little hard to keep them, especially when they good, but yeah. What happened?

[B]

Mandy?

[A]

There's a bee in here. And Weezy is now fighting for her life because there is a bee in her house.

[B]

You see this?

[A]

Heaven forbid, bro. You live in the mountains. You're gonna have some goddamn amnesty. You see it, bro? It looks like a fly, but it's not, bitch. Are you. Are you deathly allergic to bees?

[B]

No, but I'm still scared. Amanda.

[A]

Oh, my God. Well, love you guys. If you have a letter to send to us, make sure you send it to decisionspod Gmail.com and we'll answer it to our greatest and bestest ability. Now Weezy has to go get a bead swatter.

[B]

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[A]

This is an I heart podcast. Guaranteed human.