You've Got Decisons: Betrayed & Confused

Summary

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Decisions, Decisions – “You’ve Got Decisions: Betrayed & Confused”

Hosts: Mandii B & WeezyWTF
Date: October 1, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this candid and spirited episode, Mandii B and WeezyWTF dive into the complexities of trust, betrayal, and self-worth in modern relationships. The show opens with a wide-ranging discussion about the cultural significance of adult entertainment archives—including Black porn history and the challenges of preserving erotic art—before shifting focus to the main listener dilemma about repeated cheating in a long-distance relationship. The hosts mix personal anecdotes, frank advice, and characteristic humor while interrogating monogamy, honesty, and personal boundaries.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Value (and Vulnerability) of Sexual Archives

[00:36 - 09:52]

• Sexual Archives as Black History:
  The hosts and guest (unidentified, but knowledgeable in the field) discuss how universities including Harvard and UC Santa Barbara house porn archives for academic study, highlighting the importance of preserving Black sexual history and representation in media.
  • “It’s Black history. Period. For Black porn.” – Guest [01:03]
  • Reference to Johnny Keys (first Black man in interracial porn, received death threats) and Vanessa Del Rio, Heather Hunter as trailblazers [01:05–01:31]
• Curation and Preservation: Dapper Dan’s Role:
  • Not to be confused with the fashion icon, another Dapper Dan archived all issues of pioneering Black adult magazines (Black Tail, Portfolio, Blacklust), original video reviews, and even VHS tapes and photographs in his Brooklyn apartment [01:53–03:11].
  • Andre Uncut’s “Daddy’s Secret Stash” archive preserves rare editions of Players magazine, including historic covers (Big Daddy Kane, Pam Grier, and the only Black trans woman feature) [05:03–05:47].
• The Fragility of Digital Culture:
  • Discusses how “the Internet is not forever. Everything from before 2000 is gone,” pressing the importance of intentional, physical archiving [06:26–06:35].

2. Double Standards & Censorship in Public Sexuality

[06:39 - 09:52]

• Gendered Moderation:
  • Frustration over Instagram’s uneven censorship: “I showed a nipple, they removed it. … There’s a whole page on Instagram flaunting the male body. But women have such a hard time doing it.” – Mandii B [08:28]
• Celebrity Privilege:
  • “There is a double standard for celebrities… They can free the nipple, twerk, do all these…” – Guest [08:45]
• Banking Regulations Stifling Sex-Tech:
  • Venture capitalists and banks won’t fund adult content platforms due to federal regulations, so technological solutions for age-gated, adult-friendly social media remain elusive [09:21–09:57].

3. ChatGPT: Annoyance, Affection, and Authenticity

[10:37 - 19:32]

• Pitch Contest Frustrations:
  • WeezyWTF critiques lifeless, AI-generated podcast pitches: “People giving me the outline… through ChatGPT and the verbiage doesn’t even sound original.” [12:09]
  • Their surprise when contestants admit to AI use, and debate about shame vs. practicality.
• Divided Opinion:
  • WeezyWTF laments AI as a replacement for personal voice. Mandii B, more enthusiastic, treats ChatGPT as a supportive tool for condensing thoughts, helping with word choice, and keeping things efficient in creative work [13:47–15:27].
  • “ChatGPT is actually my husband.” – Mandii B [13:26]
  • “I’m shading ChatGPT as a replacement for your own voice.” – WeezyWTF [13:56]
• Authenticity in Communication:
  • Real moments vs. “corporate bullet-pointed” messages. Preference for misspellings and real human error over gleaming AI perfection [18:24–19:13].

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Listener Mail: "Betrayed & Confused"

[20:12 - 32:32]

Summary of Letter:
A woman nearing 29, invested two years in a long-distance relationship. After multiple discoveries of her boyfriend on dating apps (Hinge, Tinder), she wonders if the relationship is salvageable and why he keeps cheating.

Mandii B’s Take

• “Get rid of him, bitch.” [22:38]
  • Non-negotiable breach: Being on dating apps without her knowledge is a serious violation.
  • Even when cheating reports could be exaggerated or fabricated (from women on “the T app”), the energy behind such actions stems from real disrespect or deceit.
  • Believes the boyfriend’s continued activity on apps is proof of deceitfulness and a pattern unlikely to change.
• “Much worse than being on Hinge, the T app. … It’s just a lot harder. It’s a lot more effort. And I think you may be pouring into something that isn’t worth it.” [28:49]

WeezyWTF’s Perspective

• Focuses on patterns and hard boundaries:
  • The boyfriend’s “gaslighting” excuse (that he was only on apps due to discomfort about discussing long-distance) is deflection [24:10–25:56].
  • “If you stay with a cheating ass nigga, to me, you are unofficially in a non-monogamous relationship.” [25:56]
• Suggests two paths:
  1. Move closer to resolve the distance
  2. Explicitly negotiate boundaries (if staying together), but doubts either would work given the repeated trust breaches.
• Flags a key question: “Is him going on dates a hard limit for you or is that something you’re fine introducing into your relationship?” [26:16]

Debate: Monogamy vs. Nonmonogamy

• Mandii B (Skeptical):
  • “Monogamous people shouldn’t have to resort to non-monogamy to have success in their relationship. … He’s a liar. That doesn’t mean he’s poly.” [26:32–26:54]
• WeezyWTF (Blunt Reality):
  • “If you are in a monogamous long-distance relationship, you’re being cheated on. Period.” [31:54]

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “Are you dating the same guy on Facebook? In the T app, it’s like a woman really needing to search because they know you a fuck nigga.” – Mandii B [23:53]
• “If either person is not getting what they want, they cheating. Whether it’s with a friend, coworker, the bitch at the bar, someone on Hinge…” – WeezyWTF [31:54]
• “I just love that this nigga said, yeah, I did it because… imagine showing a screenshot to a nigga and him trying to convince you that the screenshot is not real.” – WeezyWTF [30:45]
• “You may be pouring into something that isn’t worth it.” – Mandii B [28:49]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:36 – 09:52: Black porn archives & preservation, gendered censorship in adult content online
• 10:37 – 19:32: ChatGPT and authenticity in creative and daily communications
• 20:12 – 32:32: Listener mail about betrayal in a long-distance relationship; deep dive into cheating, boundaries, and the limits of forgiveness

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Tone and Style

• Outspoken, direct advice with doses of vulgarity, inside jokes, and signature chemistry.
• Encouraging personal boundaries and self-respect, even as the hosts acknowledge the messiness and contradictions inherent in modern love.

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Final Takeaways

• Trust and honest communication—especially about boundaries and needs—are non-negotiable, particularly in long-distance or unconventional relationships.
• Digital life (and relationships) require ongoing reflection about authenticity, self-worth, and cultural values—from preserving marginalized histories to navigating new tech.
• Sometimes, “pouring into something that isn’t working” hurts more than letting go.

---

Transcript

[A]

This is an Iheart podcast.

[B]

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[C]

Yeah. So Harvard has a porn archive.

[D]

I did not know this.

[C]

Yeah, there are a lot of universities, like UC Santa Barbara also has a porn archive. Murray Miller Young who. What's the purpose for university professors, students, grad students, to be able to study the material and be able to write about the work, to be able to identify folks who were doing.

[D]

Who were.

[C]

Who were doing this. Who were in the business.

[D]

A part of also the movement of sexual liberation.

[C]

Yeah. It's black history.

[A]

Right?

[C]

Period for black porn. It's black history. When you look at people like, let's say Johnny Keys, who was the first black man to ever star in an interracial sex scene behind the Green Door. He received death threats. Do you know what I'm saying?

[D]

Wow.

[C]

And so Vanessa Del Rio was the first big, like, you know, like, Afro Latina star in the business. Heather Hunter was a star.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. I love hearing her interviews.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

But there's so many of us that are, you know, this is black history. And like, you mentioned King magazine. You know, there's one of the other people who I'm starting to work with, you know, in curating his collection is this guy by the name of Dapper Dan who's also a New York legend.

[D]

Come on. Dapper Dan. Not that Dapper Dan.

[C]

There's another Dapper Dan. Not the Gucci Dan.

[A]

Not the Gucci one.

[C]

Not the Gucci one. There's another Dapper Dan who was. He actually started Black Tail and Portfolio magazine and Blacklust magazine. Like, he was working for another magazine company. And they had no. And this is like in. We're talking about the 70s, right? The late 70s, early 80s. They had no black magazines. He started the magazines, these magazines, and he actually has in his apartment in Brooklyn and every magazine that these companies that they ever produced.

[D]

Shut up.

[C]

I wonder if he didn't know back.

[A]

Then, like, I'm gonna save this for one day. Or you just.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, like, you know, someone like him did, like, not only does he have the. Does he have the magazines? He also has. Because they used to do video reviews. So he has every.

[D]

What do you mean, video reviews?

[C]

Like, the companies would send them VHS tapes, DVDs to review the movies.

[D]

And they would record their review?

[C]

No, they would put it in the magazine.

[D]

Oh.

[C]

And so he has. He has chromes from the photos. He has all of the videos that were ever sent to them for, like, he has an entire archive of black porn. Like, so cool. He was the first person to put strippers, like, black. Like, black and Latina strippers in New York City in magazines.

[A]

How old is he now?

[C]

He's 80 something.

[A]

Have you ever seen a porn archive, by the way?

[D]

No.

[A]

That's what I saw. The Andy Warhol porn archive, basically.

[D]

He did porn.

[A]

No, he shot it.

[D]

So I did not know. I have Andy Warhol in my kitchen. I did not know that.

[A]

All gay.

[D]

I just have kids.

[C]

Yeah, it is.

[A]

And when you watch it, it's like, okay, porn archives is funny because I'm like. I'm trying to. Like, we're acting like this is real art, but I'm watching porn. But it is. But it is.

[D]

But it is.

[A]

So, like, you're watching these two guys in a toilet stall suck each other's dick, and one of them's eating an apple. The third guy is just on the floor eating an apple, watching them suck dick. And then he puts the apple down and starts sucking the dick.

[D]

And.

[A]

And at the first glance, you're like, this is porn. And then you're watching something in black and white with no sound, and you're like, dang, this is art.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Holy shit. Now I, like, I want to see a fucking porn archive.

[A]

There's a gay threesome he has with a woman. Or. Excuse me. Mmf. But it's bi.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And she's got a full bush.

[D]

When was this shot? Like, What. What decade?

[C]

60S, probably.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

Yeah, there's. I mean, so, like, I'm really excited to go through Big John's archive because he has trunks of photographs. He has photos in fr. Like, on his. That were on his wall. He has, like, just stacks and stacks of, like, for something like this, especially.

[D]

With him being that age. Is this something that you're requesting? He writes in his will and as a part of his estate that you have access to all this stuff.

[C]

So with Dapper Dan, he has someone who already is, like, who will run his estate.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

But I'm now, since he is still living, like, I'll be working with him to Inventory the archives, digitize everything, and then make sure and figure out where it's gonn. Like, he and I were talking about the possibility of a gallery exhibition. You know, it's like I ran into a guy.

[D]

Museum of Sex.

[C]

Museum of sex. There's a bunch of places. I met a guy on Instagram last year who has. His name is Andre Uncut. He's a young artist here in New York. He has an archive called Daddy's Secret Stash.

[A]

That's kind of sexy.

[D]

I like that name.

[C]

It's very sexy. And it's all. But he has, like, the. He has the original Players magazine with Big Daddy Kane on it. He has a copy. He has the one with Pam Grier on it. There's another one with this woman, Anita. I can't think of her last name, but she was the one and only black trans woman to be on the COVID of a cover and a layout in Players magazine. Like, he has a cover. He has that. He has images from the 20s and the 40s and, like, you know, like.

[D]

The psychology of this, I need to know, because there's so many things. Like, growing up, I was like, this is going to be worth something one day. It's gone.

[C]

It's gone.

[D]

I need to know the psychology of someone who knows to just keep shit and keep it well and store it to where it doesn't get fucked up.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Because I don't know how. I still just have a box of all my, like, letters from middle school.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

The only thing I really have that I fucking kept, my mom kept.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

But now she's like, bitch, you in your 30s. Come get your shit. You want your trophies? Get them, too. Yeah, I'm moving. I'm sick of moving on your shit.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

But for someone to. To know. To keep history like this.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And today it's so much more important because the Internet is not forever.

[A]

It's.

[C]

Well, it's not forever. Everything from before 2000 is gone.

[A]

Oh, I was gonna say, like, today, the digital aspect of it, we don't collect shit anymore because it's gone.

[C]

Yeah. And the Internet is not forever.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

That's the thing. It's not forever.

[D]

Especially not with Elon running it and with.

[C]

Yeah, it's like. I mean, Project 2025 was very, very clear that they want to get rid of porn. They want anything that is considered harmful to children, which extend outside of what we think of as porn. And it extends to sex education. It extends.

[A]

The only thing I'm okay with is getting rid of porn. Can't believe I'm gonna say this on social platforms. Now. I'll tell you why I don't want my kids to have a phone.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Right. I'm talking about family planning right now, my relationship. And I'm like, why am I like that? And it's because I think sex is so accessible and I think they're going to be desensitized too young. I'm terrified that my kids are going to be too young and seeing something super hardcore that they shouldn't be accessing. I think there really isn't anywhere that a kid couldn't go and find it. Yeah.

[D]

It's hypersexual for me, though, knowing that this is it. Knowing that. I saw your trailer on social media. Yep. The. The. The only fans, people that I actually do pay for monthly, I found them on X. So I get where we can see social media being this super accessible thing.

[A]

But you watch porn on.

[D]

I watch porn on X.

[A]

No, on Instagram, where the trailer was. That was age appropriate.

[D]

No, but I like.

[A]

But.

[D]

But you can tell you more.

[C]

You can.

[D]

Oh, there's a whole page right now. Asante sent it to me. And we right now don't know how it's not down. It's nothing but dicks. And maybe because they like to. What is it? They like to censor women's bodies.

[C]

They don't censor men's bodies.

[D]

We do not know how. It's nothing but, like, on Instagram, full pages of big dicks. Yeah. And I'm like, how is this still up my 100,000 fucking followers.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And I'm like, what's crazy is hearing all the women that we've had on here talk about, I showed a nipple. They removed it. I can't even. They removed my Full Court Souls page. And I know it's because I'm a woman. There's a whole page on Instagram flaunting the male body. Yeah. But women have such a hard time doing it. It's so crazy.

[C]

And also, there is a double standard for celebrities, you know, Lizzo Cardi. Like, they can. They can. They can, like, free the nipple. They can twerk, they can do all these.

[A]

But you know why, though? Because we are soliciting.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

The last time I got my Instagram removed was pretty recent. I think it was right before our live show.

[D]

Maybe.

[A]

I don't know. But it was some. Oh, was it before the rebrand and I went.

[D]

I don't know.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Because you cut your page off so much. I don't know when it gets removed. I just know you shut off. Like I need a mental health break. So I don't know when it's removed.

[A]

Or when you did it. My shut off is not mental health break related. I just hate living for the Internet.

[C]

I get that. So, so here's my thing about the. About the. About porn on social media right there. I think there is space for platforms to create a, you know, a 20, like an 18 and over, 21 and over access to their platforms. The problem is that the federal banking regulations do not allow any venture capitalist funding for any. Any porn related business, any adult or sex related business.

[A]

So they can't make the tech behind it.

[C]

They can't make the tech behind it to be able to create it.

[A]

That's their answer.

[C]

So they won't do it.

[D]

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[A]

If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible throuple, guess what?

[C]

You've got decisions.

[D]

You've got decisions, baby. I've got it too.

[A]

Hey, yo, if anyone's a jingle maker, hit us up. Does ChatGPT do that yet? Because then maybe I'll start to like it if it does.

[D]

I mean, of course they do jingles. We can. I mean, you still just need a beat and like, a way to do it. Like, ChatGPT is gonna write the words, but you gotta still kind of put it into a little flow to make it.

[A]

I thought that was the point. I thought you were supposed to. Okay, here's my gripe, y'.

[D]

All.

[A]

Let me tell you about this rant I had online before a meeting and the nigga called me out. Ooh. Ooh. So Alex and I, Alex from wtf? We did a picture podcast thing where we gave away free studio time to the winners. All they had to do was pitch their podcast to us in order to get a chance to come to the event live and go back to back. By the way, shout out to SK from the episode. SK and my Lin, the couple we had that were surrogates for their kids and her podcast actually won.

[D]

Ooh. I know they. I know they gonna think that they was picked on some.

[A]

I felt that too. My boyfriend was like sure.

[D]

Like you can't be giving it to guests on the pod.

[A]

That's kind of no lie, Mandy. I didn't choose the finalist, Clara. Me and Alexx did. She wasn't. They weren't my pick. I was sitting with Etienne, Maurice Okola from essence, who interviewed us, Jacob Willis from the Just Us podcast and Alex, and we all were like, hands down, it wasn't even everybody in the room. So I felt bad too because I was like, damn, now I got to pick this bitch. But whatever, they were the best. It is what it is. And as you guys can tell, because when they came on, they were so lovable and sweet.

[D]

They were great.

[A]

Well, anyway, we go through about 50 pitches and I'd say 35 of them were ChatGPT. Now this is what I mean by ChatGPT and this is what I mean by everybody needs to start using it, right? People giving me the outline of their podcast through ChatGPT and like the verbiage doesn't even sound original. Now if you're pitching a podcast, you want to kind of see and feel the personality. People are like, here are the games I would play. And then it's like a list of three bullet pointed games with the line and the spacing. And I'm like, oh dog. Like this is really crazy. So I get on a call the next day for someone that wants me to produce this show. Well, wtf to produce it. And he goes, hey Weezy, lovely to meet you. I actually follow you on Instagram where I've been called out for ChatGPT, but that's why I'm trying to hire you guys.

[D]

I was like, oh, okay.

[A]

I don't know what to say. So I'm like, was I wrong for what I said, bitch.

[D]

That email was probably used with ChatGPT.

[A]

The one he sent me.

[D]

It was uhhuh. Probably was.

[A]

I know it was now I saw it. So bitch, I went, went to go take a look. I said, so I'm wrong. Now I feel bad cuz Clara and Alex are just like with this bitch. Shut up. He's like, many people use ChatGPT in the same industry we're all in, so I don't know why there's so much shame around it. And I was like, maybe it's just the way you use it, bitch.

[D]

I was dead serious. All I know is ChatGPT is one of my many boyfriends. He, ChatGPT is actually my husband. Then I have mad boyfriends. So I mean I. And again, I think that's why we're yin and yang for a lot of things that you like, I dislike and vice versa. And ChatGPT is one of them things. I think you should love it.

[A]

Replacing your own words. I think CHAT GPT for research. I don't shade that I'm shading ChatGPT as a replacement for your own voice.

[D]

Oh, no, I get that.

[A]

That to me is really up there.

[D]

I mean, shit, I kind of use that too a little bit. Like when, like, definitely for like my. My monologues, like. And now I'm on radio, guys. Y' all can listen to me on hot 10, 7, 9, off the clock, 6 to 8 on Saturdays. But even for how I want to break down, especially because radio is like, I have like two 50 second breaks and I have to get like a summary of the topics that I'm going to talk about for my 2 minute break. It's easier to use ChatGPT to help me condense my thoughts and to say it quickly. I fucking listen. I love it because we weren't touring and I know y' all are going to hate me to say this while not touring. Bitch, I've been in class and when I'm in class, I'm doing all the. Not even ChatGPT, just all the AI tools. I think that a part of me is really upset with myself for feeling left behind by not taking on learning TikTok during the pandemic. That right now I see all of the benefits of AI and a part of me doesn't want to get left out. Like, it's able to make a lot of things I do more affordable and cheaper. It's able to give me calendars and condense my time. And y' all already know I've talked about being insecure about my inability to say certain words. So there's things that I would like to say that I just need some fine tuning on how to say it. So I love everything about it, but I do get it. Like, remove the emojis emails. Don't need all the emojis and bullet points.

[A]

Girl, that shit like crazy. Emojis.

[D]

The emojis and bullet points. The way that it phrases out your thoughts is. Is nuts. Like, y' all can change that up.

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[A]

You know I was fighting with my neighbor about a sound issue, right? Let me read you this email he wrote me.

[D]

This is did he write you or chatgpt wrote you?

[A]

Chatgpt wrote me.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Hi Gila, thank you again for all the energy and intention you've brought behind your letter to me. We're genuinely excited to see if we can make this work. As we've been finalizing things on our end, we've landed on a structure that would make the most sense moving forward. Bullet pointed headphones in class with the emoji Mandy comma removing speakers from the ceiling comma like or no, sorry dash all these other things. Please let us know your thoughts. Looking forward to hearing from you. Warmly. I replied back, hey, exclamation point. Why don't you come downstairs and let's have a conversation without the app you're using. Thank you. I'm playing with that nigga. Oh my goodness bitch, my lawyer sent him some shit to say call the police on that hoe again and you getting evicted and my landlord said yeah, absolutely. So once started sending me chatgpt oh bitch, I don't pay this whole $1,000.

[D]

An hour for you to fuck around with me.

[A]

I was pissed. Use Chat GPT to I think for me to get you the information you need and maybe learn how to use the language. Something that even iPhones ruined for me was a lot of like my spelling.

[D]

When I'm writing handwritten language, I don't have T9 so. Oh, like I've removed that from my shit because they be bruh, they just be putting words that I would never fucking say or do and they just be it just be it up. So I've never had autocorrect on my phone. Oh, so you gonna get these misspelled words. Y' all know what the I was trying to say?

[A]

I actually prefer misspelled words than like chat. Gbz. Then I know if something feels real. It's like when I get on the phone, this is how I feel about chat.

[D]

Oh no, that's in a text to me.

[A]

It's an email on your phone or you're calling the cell phone company, calling somebody. Or you call Delta and you're like, is this hello? Or even when scam likely calls you and it's like, hi.

[D]

Oh no, I don't answer them calls. If it's a scam likely, it ain't getting an answer, bitch.

[A]

It ain't getting me now, ho. They did. Now I got no scam.

[D]

No.

[A]

You know what? I feel so bad for my 90 year old dad because now, even if it don't say scam likely, he is having full on conversations with somebody in front of me. I'm like, daddy, why do you need to take the phone? They need to talk to me.

[D]

Yeah, no, I can't.

[A]

Let me.

[D]

I don't do none of that.

[A]

And them telemarketing companies, oh lord, that's.

[D]

Who they be scamming the most. They be getting all their retirement funds every single time. All right, well we gonna get into this week's you got decisions. Also, if you are watching us on Patreon, because the full video goes on Patreon, make sure you drop in the comments below. Your thoughts on ChatGPT. I'd like to know. I'd like to hear it.

[A]

That's what they said.

[D]

I'd like to hear it. All right, guys, if you also want us to answer your email, make sure you email us decisionspodmail.com where we can give y' all our very professional, very needed advice on your problems. Okay, so here we go. Hey, guys. I recently turned 29 and have found myself in a really difficult place in my relationship. I was in what I thought was a serious committed partnership. We were about to reach our two year anniversary. We initially met online during the pandemic but didn't make it official until 2023. What that nigga do Even though we live in different parts of Florida, we've been making the distance work with flights and road Trips. Back in 2024, right before our one year mark, my best friend told me her sister who is on dating apps saw him on Hinge after he liked her. I had no idea he was even on the apps. Her sister her best friend's sister matched her boyfriend on Hinge. Ooh, I had no idea he was even on the apps. He gave me a half hearted apology and though I forgave him, I never forgot. Fast forward to July of this year. I found him again on the T app where a woman claimed they had met him on Tinder in March of this year. She mentioned they had been texting, FaceTiming and had gone on a date. When I confronted him, he admitted to it but brushed it off as just conversation. His excuse was that he only did it because he wanted me closer to him and was too afraid to bring up the long distance issue without making me feel pressure that he wants me to move in with him. Despite knowing the answer deep down, I still find myself asking, is this relationship repairable? And more importantly, what drives men to become repeat offenders even when they claim to love you? It feels like a classic case of fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. As much as he is trying to convince me otherwise, I don't see myself going back. Still, this situation has taken a heavy toll on me mentally and I appreciate your advice. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[A]

Get rid of him bitch. Okay, I'm actually really heavy on the get rid of him number one, you not knowing he's on an app is a big deal, right? Like going on a dating app, actively looking for people and then being like whatever Fin. And the T app. Here's the thing with the T app, I actually really don't like it because I think it can be fake. But here's what I really think it is. So this was a conversation I was having with a homegirl of mine. Okay, Even if what they wrote is fake, which could very much well be true, it's still someone that's mad enough at that nigga that they want to do something mean. That means he's really out here misleading or lying or pissing someone off. I've dated some fuck niggas in the past, right? But my first thought isn't to take someone from the past and just start airing them out that many years later. Yeah, you probably gonna do it with someone that recently hurt you. So maybe 100% of it ain't gonna be true, but something might be true. And I think that it's just that there's that energy behind it. Like he's being deceitful with other women. That's why they're finding him and looking for him on this app and trying to get more shit. Someone's not necessarily being open. So that's what's really hurtful about. Are you dating the same guy on Facebook? In the T app, it's like a woman really needing to search because they know you a fuck nigga.

[D]

Okay, I'm mad at that, period.

[A]

The man is on Hinge.

[D]

Well, Hinge and Tinder. The girl on the tapping said that they met on Tinder. Now here is my thing. It's a few things. First off, I felt like he was completely gaslighting you by saying that he was entertaining these other women because he didn't think that you would like the pressure of him making it seem like he wanted you to move in. Right. I think you have to sit with a couple things. If this is his way to express that the distance thing and needing somebody close to him or more around him is an issue, I think that's what you sit with first. Would you consider moving to where he is? Would you be willing to make it to where you guys are closer and no longer in a long distance relationship? If you've been navigating a two year long long distance relationship, at what point do you want to be closer to this person? Because clearly the distance isn't working for him. Right? Secondly, you did take him back once after being on a dating app, so I don't believe you. I think you gonna take him back again. So I think that then you have to sit with yourself and be like, okay, as long as we're in a long distance relationship, what really are my hard lines and boundaries? Because you've already caught him on a dating app at your one year anniversary. Now it's the two year anniversary and you're getting this information again. I think it's up to you to decide to. Is him going on dates a hard limit for you or is that something that you're fine introducing into your relationship? Y' all know that this podcast leans heavily into non traditional relationships. And so to me, once you stay with a cheating ass nigga, to me, you are unofficially in a non monogamous relationship.

[A]

Not to me.

[D]

I mean, to me you are. I'm speaking for me. You shared your thoughts on it. I'm gonna give her mine. I feel like if. If you. If deep down inside, it's more of an ego thing, I get you leaving, but if you love this man or you really like him, to me, the only option right now is one of two things. Get closer to him so that he's no longer feeling the distance or talk about what is allowed. While you two may have to go time.

[A]

Okay, let me tell you why I'm not feeling that answer.

[D]

Okay?

[A]

Monogamous people shouldn't have to resort to non monogamy to have success in their relationship. I'm going to scream that, okay, monogamous people cannot do that because it's not a natural movement for them.

[D]

He's not naturally monogamous. That's the problem too.

[A]

But here's the thing though. He's a liar. That doesn't mean he's pol. That's not mean. He's.

[D]

I'm not saying he's poly, but he's definitely not non. He's definitely not monogamous.

[A]

But if.

[D]

And you only called him twice and he on two different apps, bitch. They're the only ones. You know.

[A]

You're talking about giving him the boundaries now.

[D]

Bitch, that nigga ain't gonna.

[A]

And I'mma be honest with you, sister, okay? One, you don't live in the same city. He's only gonna get closer to another bitch. Two, this is something I learned recently because it's only happened to me in two relationships. Okay? Now, anyone listening to this that has read the chapter no holds barred, know when you stayed too long. I promise you, it didn't hit me until it hit me. Your relationship is kind of getting dicey around two years, right? I always thought the puppy phase would be in the beginning. I realized in a good situation, it gets even better. I've only experienced that. Well, I almost said her name, Scissors in this relationship. Obey. And I started feeling weird around that mark too. I've been in other relationships. I'm like, it's getting dicey. When it starts getting heightened, that actually means like, all right, this is a great direction. And that's what we all want if we're dating for long term commitment, right? We want to feel an increase in that spark, passion and trust. If it's getting. If it's going backward, it's very hard to refuel and like, get it back to where it was in the beginning. It is hard to like, reverse engineer shit. Yep. It really is. That's why this bitch is learning AI right now. Like she said in the Beginning instead of saying, I'm focusing on TikTok. Cause it's like, fuck it, I'm gonna jump on the new wave after that. Sometimes going back is even.

[D]

I know. And I'm about to start my TikTok and baby, I'm like, fuck, it's so hard.

[A]

Like, I'm like seeing people do it nowadays. But anyway, I say all that to say, like, it's just a lot harder. It's a lot more effort. And I think you may be pouring into something that isn't worth it. And the reason I think it's not worth it is because he was on Hinge and much worse than being on Hinge, the T app.

[D]

I want to see too. Also, here's my thing. Let me go back to this email. Oh, here's another thing she said. We initially met online during the pandemic. I think that maybe that should have been a conversation in the beginning. That, yeah, maybe it's too late. But to know that you even met him online. I think that this is why this is even more of an issue for you to find out that he's still on these dating apps. I feel like you initially probably met him on a dating app. So to know that you could be celebrating a two year anniversary with someone you met online, I think that's also the thing that's making you feel away. You feel like maybe you could be losing this guy that you like because he's essentially meeting people the same way he met you.

[A]

Mindy said, this guy you like and you think it's your boyfriend. Girl, that shit is tough.

[D]

I mean, no, no, no. I mean, they said two year anniversary. I mean, I'll be honest with you though. It's really interesting to me. And I know you called him a liar. Hear me out.

[A]

Oh, you think she lying?

[D]

No. Every time she confronted him, he admitted to it. So what's crazy to me now? But here's. First off, we talked about the. Hold on. We talked about the white lies and how it's not lying if you just don't bring it up. The fact that both times she confronted him about this, he's like, yeah, bitch, it's a screenshot. What the fuck is he gonna do? I mean. Well, the other one was the sister was on the dating app. Like, he's. That's the thing. He's admitted to both of these times being on the dating app.

[A]

Cliesha. He admitted it.

[D]

He did admit it both times. So he's not really a liar.

[A]

I felt alcohol.

[D]

He said, yeah, I showed you the little teacup. He said, yeah.

[A]

He said, yeah, okay, girl, you know what?

[D]

Do you know how many. Okay, and maybe this is me being triggered by dating a narcissist. Do you know how many niggas could look at the screenshot? Do you not remember when I showed the nigga the timestamp of him in the hospital when he said it was that weekend and it wasn't? And he literally tried to convince me that the picture wasn't two years old? Maybe. Okay, so, y', all, maybe this is me projecting. I just love that this nigga said, yeah, I did it because. Because imagine showing a screenshot to a nigga and him trying to convince you that that screenshot is not real. Like, so to me, I'm giving the goddamn cheating ass nigga some cool points for at least admitting that he on apps. God damn it, y', all. This is.

[A]

This is where he's confronted.

[D]

This is where y'. All. The dating is in hell. Because look at me. I just like that he admitted it when she came to him. Do you know how many niggas, man, man, when a woman come to you to ask you a question, it's because she already know the answer. So I just want to give him a little bit of points for at least being like, yup, I did it, Wendy. What was he gonna do? Bitch? Lie. Because other niggas lie.

[A]

Okay, you know what?

[D]

And then they try to make you feel cr. Okay, I'm pushing you to be non monogamous in your long distance relationship because now all you long distance bitches about to get real mad at me. If you are monogamous and you are in a long distance fucking relationship, one of y' all is getting cheated on. Get the out of here. Niggas need to let off they motherfucking nuts. And bitches like attention. So if they. If either person is not getting what they want, they cheating. Whether it's with a friend, whether it's with a coworker, whether it's with the bitch at the bar, whether it's with somebody they met on motherfucking hinge. If you are in a monogamous long distance relationship, you're being cheated on. Period.

[A]

Anyway, thank you so much, everyone. You're listening in to youo've Got Decisions and we would love to take you to patreon.com orvilledecisions so you can see the video. Mandy cursing out a screen.

[D]

No, I'm cussing y' all out. Y' all see me bitch in 4k. Puss the hoe I'm talking to you. So just know you getting cheated on, bitch Lord. Anyways, make sure you send your letters in to decisionspodmail.com See you next next week.

[B]

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[A]

Is an iHeart podcast.