Podcast Summary: "You've Got Decisions: My Wife Is Holding Me Back"

Podcast: Decisions, Decisions
Hosts: Mandii B & WeezyWTF
Episode Date: August 27, 2025
Produced by: The Black Effect & iHeartPodcasts

Episode Overview

This episode of Decisions, Decisions dives into the complexities of non-traditional relationships, sexual desire shifts within marriage, and navigating boundaries as couples grow. The hosts, Mandii B and WeezyWTF, candidly respond to a listener's dilemma about waning intimacy within his marriage and his wife’s desire to explore sexually with another woman. They also reflect on their own struggles as sex-positive Black women authors facing resistance from mainstream literary spaces.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dating App Frustrations & Boundaries

• Weezy shares her experiences on dating apps, highlighting confusion over ghosting etiquette and boundary setting.
  • She describes an intense exchange with a woman who prefers clear, sustained communication even in casual connections and another who was overly rigid about pre-meeting video calls.
  • Takeaway: There’s a delicate balance between personal safety, setting boundaries, and keeping dating enjoyable, especially for non-traditional or poly connections.
• Memorable Moment:

  "There is a heavy pressure that I don't think people realize they're putting on others on these dating apps. It's still supposed to be fun."
  — Weezy [07:40]

2. Sex-Positive Black Women Authors & Industry Gatekeeping

• MandiiB talks openly about the struggle to get their book (No Holds Barred: A Dual Manifesto of Sexual Exploration Empowered) into mainstream festivals, despite its success.
  • They face repeated rejections due to the book’s overtly sexual nonfiction content, even at events that supposedly celebrate Black literature.
  • Industry Frustration:

    “People don’t want to hear women be sexually liberated. People don't want to hear us talk about our sexual experiences, and it’s so frustrating.”
    — Mandii B [16:28]

  • Call to Action: Listeners are encouraged to reach out with university or festival connections, especially for supporting Black women’s stories.

3. Listener Letter: "My Wife Is Holding Me Back"

The Dilemma

• A listener, “Icy Green,” writes in:
  • He married his wife for her sexual adventurousness but feels she’s become less enthusiastic post-marriage.
  • She expresses curiosity about having sex with another woman and wants to do it solo (or just with him watching, not joining).
  • He’s unsure how to rekindle intimacy and whether involving others will help or harm their dynamic.

Hosts’ Response & Advice

A. Address the Current Relationship First

• Mandii B cautions:

  “If you are not fully fulfilled where you're currently at in your relationship, adding just another spirit, energy, coochie, dick... just gonna complicate or highlight the real issues.”
  — Mandii B [25:50]

• Suggested Steps:
  • Focus on rebuilding your intimacy first (e.g., plan a hotel staycation, change the bedroom atmosphere, recreate the excitement outside daily routines).
  • Communicate beyond compliments—cultivate emotional reassurance, not just physical affirmation.

B. Weight Gain and Insecurity

• Bringing up a partner’s weight can reinforce insecurities, potentially impacting their libido and self-image.
  • Mandii B Side-Eyes:

    “You mentioning the weight gain, baby, make it seem like maybe she is right now currently insecure with the weight gain... which insecurity absolutely can affect your sex drive.”
    — [24:50]

C. Communication Techniques

• Courtney (Producer) adds the importance of honest, low-pressure conversations outside intimate or stressful moments (e.g., during a calm commute or watching TV).
  • It's essential to ask what's really going on (“Is it something I’m doing?”), as the issue may be internal or unrelated to the partner.

D. Shifts in Sexual Desire & Preferences

• The hosts speculate whether the wife’s increased interest in women signals a deeper exploration of her sexuality or possibly a need for non-monogamous structures.
  • Mandii B:

    "As a bisexual woman... when I want to be with a woman, I don't always want a man to be there. Like those desires come from me just wanting to be with a woman."

  • They recommend the listener:
    • Openly ask if these experiences are about curiosity or a need for a new sexual identity/context.
    • Research different relationship styles (poly, swinging, open marriage, etc.)

E. Don’t Be Thirsty to Join

• A critical point: Don’t force presence in a partner’s sexual exploration—sometimes it’s about their solo journey.
  • Mandii B:

    “Do not be thirsty to participate, to even be present... when a woman is expressing her sexual needs.”
    — [33:40]

F. Concrete Exercises

• Try listing what you both love and wish for in your sex life. Share and discuss in a supportive manner.
  • This creates space for honesty and growth, just as any other shared hobby or passion would.

G. Final Takeaway:

• Healthy sexual relationships depend on open communication, emotional safety, and mutual exploration (not just new bodies).
• Don’t use threesomes or outside partners to “fix” what’s misaligned—address core issues first.

“Sex is like hiking, like going to the park, like going bowling. It's something you like to do for fun. And the same way you get better at those things, you can do with sex as well.”
— Mandii B [36:29]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Requiring a FaceTime, not doing too much; requiring for me to put it in my Google Cal and make a lock... that's too much for a call.” — Weezy [07:20]
• “We genuinely feel like people don’t want to hear women be sexually liberated. ...It’s just frustrating.” — Mandii B [16:29]
• “Is something going on? In her case, it was a lot of like, interpersonal stuff, a lot of like religious based stuff. ...that conversation alone led to more conversations.” — Courtney [27:46]
• “When I want to be with a woman, I don’t always want a man to be there.” — Mandii B [31:10]
• “Don’t be thirsty to participate, to even be present. ...Even, like, that's where the conversation needs to be had.” — Mandii B [33:40]
• “List the things that you love most about her in the bedroom. List the things you wish she did more.” — Mandii B [36:29]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00-08:50 – Catch up and recent dating app stories (Weezy’s ghosting saga, boundary-setting debates)
• 11:54-15:46 – Book review, industry frustrations, and plea for listener help with book events
• 20:02-24:50 – Listener letter introduction (“Icy Green” shares his marital bedroom woes)
• 24:50-36:29 – In-depth advice: communication, intimacy exercises, non-traditional dynamics, and actionable steps

Conclusion

This episode spotlights the messiness and beauty of modern relationships—especially as couples change and question old norms. With signature humor and candidness, Mandii B and WeezyWTF stress the importance of emotional connection, clear communication, and thoughtful exploration of both individual and shared desires. Above all, they urge listeners to nurture their partnerships before introducing others, and to advocate for sex-positive spaces in all parts of life.

For listener submissions: Write to decisionspodmail.com
For supporting their book or inviting them to events: DM @fullcourtpumps, email decisionspodmail.com, or reach out wherever possible.

Stay tuned for next week’s “You Got Decisions”!