Loading summary
Ava
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.
Casper
Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game?
Ava
Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that.
Gloria
Fit your budget and potentially lower your bills.
Ava
Try it@progressive.com Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates Price and coverage match limited by.
Gloria
State law not available in all states.
Jay Barton Mitchell
Hey everybody. Jay Barton Mitchell here again. Like I mentioned last time, while we're taking a bit of a break, we're going to feature a few other shows that we really enjoy and admire over here. And the first one is Midnight Burger by Joe Fisher and Finlay Stevenson. The story follows a woman named Gloria who, during the pandemic, takes a job at a diner outside Phoenix called the Midnight Burger, only to find out that the building and its staff are constantly shifting through time and space. Every day the diner appears somewhere new in the cosmos. I don't want to spoil all the revelations because they really are written and laid out super well, but it has a great collection of characters and a highly imaginative, whimsical storyline that will remind you, of course, of Douglas Adams, but I think also Doctor who and everything, everywhere all at once. If you like the show, you can listen to it anywhere. You get your podcasts and you can Visit them at weopenat6.com Spell out the six. Hope you like it. And stay tuned for more shows and more news about the second half of our season. Thanks for listen.
Gloria
Um, hello? Hello?
Casper
Hello?
Gloria
Hi, I'm here for the job interview.
Casper
The what?
Gloria
Job interview. There was an ad said all applicants be here at 6. I was assuming 6pm was it am cuz that would be weird.
Casper
An ad?
Gloria
Yes. Am I. This is Midnight Burger, right?
Casper
Yes.
Gloria
Okay, you're kind of freaking me out right now.
Casper
What are you. Have a seat at the booth. I'll be right with you.
Gloria
Sure.
Casper
What the fuck?
Zebulon Mucklewain
I'm Zebulon Mucklewain, here with my wife Effie, doing our best to bring the holy to the holler.
Effie Mucklewain
Hi, y'all.
Zebulon Mucklewain
Effie, what you were saying to me this morning over coffee.
Effie Mucklewain
Well, darling, as it was with my mother and her mother, I can always sense when a change is coming.
Zebulon Mucklewain
That is right.
Effie Mucklewain
And as one might sense a storm coming up in their bad knee, one feels a pressure growing. All creation waits, but do not be afeared. Oh, no, no, no, no. Look to the psalms, y'all. For God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Zebulon Mucklewain
Where does this season of change find you all? Perhaps at a beauty salon? Considering the expression of a new life through your follicles, perhaps at the clouded graveside of a loved one, perhaps it finds you lamenting the loss of your taqueria at a lonely diner outside of Phoenix.
Gloria
What?
Ava
Hi. Hi, there. Sorry to bother you. I'm Ava. That's my booth over there.
Gloria
Oh, okay. You're a regular here?
Ava
Sure. Listen, I have an important question.
Gloria
Okay.
Ava
Do you have a cigarette?
Gloria
Oh, yeah. Do you want a bum one?
Ava
Seriously? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm going to start crying. Hang on.
Gloria
Are you having a hard time quitting?
Ava
I am having a hard time starting.
Gloria
I don't know.
Ava
Yes. Yes, please, Can I bum a cigarette?
Gloria
Yeah. Yeah. Here, take my lighter.
Ava
Thank you. Oh, my God.
Zebulon Mucklewain
Wherever this time of change may find you, here is the Chuck Wagon Gang to remind you that heaven will always be your home.
Casper
Okay. Hi.
Gloria
This place is interesting. What's the radio show? It's wild.
Casper
That's the Muckle Wayne's Hour of Power, sending out the gospel to the greater Toadsuck region.
Gloria
Where is Toadsuck?
Casper
Arkansas.
Gloria
Why is it playing here?
Casper
Hmm?
Gloria
Why is it on the radio? In Arizona?
Casper
Right, right. Because Arizona is where we are right now.
Gloria
Right now.
Casper
Anyway, this is Midnight Burger. I'm Casper. Oh, yes, that's Ava. She's always here.
Ava
Nicotine. Get in.
Gloria
Me.
Casper
And this is a diner.
Gloria
Are you sure?
Ava
Hey, we're in Arizona right now.
Casper
Yeah.
Gloria
Is she, like, a homeless person? A little nutty.
Casper
She's actually a physicist with multiple doctorates.
Gloria
Sure.
Casper
So you saw an ad telling you to come here at 6?
Gloria
Well, it said all applicants, but it looks like it's just me. Can I ask, did you make the ad? Because it seems to me that no one else works here. But you seem surprised that I showed up. Do you own this place?
Casper
Um.
Gloria
Okay, look, I don't have time for this. You obviously had no idea I was coming. And you seem to have no idea what you're doing. I. I'm broke and miserable. And for you to add your irresponsibly unprepared interview to that is the slap in the face. I don't have time.
Casper
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. You're right. I didn't know you were coming. Management never tells me these things. How about you tell me about yourself?
Gloria
Okay. My name's Gloria. I've been in the food service my whole life. I had a taqueria for a while, but the pandemic shut it down. I don't have the money to start it back up again, so Now. Now. I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I saw the ad and for some reason a diner out in the middle of nowhere sounded like a good idea.
Casper
There any family in the picture or.
Gloria
No. Mom and dad passed away. I was an only child, so it's just me.
Casper
That's great. I mean, that's. I'm sorry about that. That's my condolences. Can you tell me about the ad?
Gloria
Management doesn't really tell you anything, do they?
Casper
They don't.
Gloria
It's weird that you say management.
Casper
Is it?
Gloria
Well, it's one diner outside of Phoenix. It's not a Red Robin.
Casper
That is weird. I should stop doing that.
Gloria
Anyway, it was an ad in Craigslist. Not a lot of restaurants are hiring right now, so it stood out.
Casper
Weird. That's never happened before.
Gloria
Well, how did you end up working here?
Casper
I don't know. Just sort of walked in looking for a place to be. But that was a long time ago.
Gloria
Have you ever done a job interview before?
Casper
No. How's it going?
Gloria
Poorly.
Casper
What usually happens now.
Gloria
Now is when you pretend you're a people focused organization by telling me about yourself.
Casper
Sure, sure, sure. I'm Casper, and I pretty much do everything around here since our cook unexpectedly left a while back. We have one regular customer whom you've already met, and the clientele here can be challenging.
Gloria
Well, listen, I know the ad was for a waitress, but if your cook left, I've got tons of time in the kitchen.
Casper
That's great. Do you have any experience with dark matter?
Gloria
You mean like mole sauce?
Casper
Gloria, listen. You seem like a very nice person and I'm sure you'll do well in life, but I think you should probably leave.
Gloria
Oh, I should?
Casper
It's for the best.
Gloria
You've got to be kidding me.
Casper
I'm not. You should really go.
Gloria
What the hell is wrong with you?
Casper
Well, that's a whole other conversation.
Gloria
Let me explain something to you. This place is an embarrassment to all restaurants and you have no customers. I don't want this job, but I'm not leaving until you offer me this job so that I can turn it down.
Casper
You really need to leave before it's too late.
Ava
We've got a problem.
Casper
Shit.
Ava
Look on the horizon.
Casper
God damn it.
Gloria
What is that? Is that a sandstorm?
Ava
Nope.
Gloria
It looks like a sandstorm.
Ava
It doesn't matter what it looks like.
Gloria
What does that mean?
Casper
It's coming towards us.
Ava
Well, what do you think?
Gloria
Am I going to get stuck here?
Casper
Gloria.
Gloria
Yes.
Casper
Just remember that I told you to leave.
Effie Mucklewain
In times of change, we often weep for the life we were promised. A life we promised ourselves. A life we imagined. All those visions of our future can be swept away in the deluges and tempests of creation. And though they may be swept away, still we cling to them. We can gaze so deeply into the visions of a promised life that often the life we've been given slips past us and out of our grasp as well. Do not gaze too deeply into lives unlived, my brothers and sisters. Do not fall in love with apparitions.
Zebulon Mucklewain
And for those of you out there still missing that life you feel you're owed, here's the Norfolk Jubilee Quartet to ease your aching. Go.
Casper
Here it comes.
Gloria
Jesus Christ.
Casper
It'll be fine.
Gloria
How often does this happen?
Casper
It'll pass.
Gloria
Is my car gonna be okay?
Ava
It's probably not there anymore.
Zebulon Mucklewain
What?
Casper
This doesn't feel right.
Ava
I was just about to say that.
Gloria
Of course it doesn't feel right.
Casper
Okay, we're okay.
Ava
I'm going out there.
Gloria
My car is gone.
Ava
No, it's probably right where you left it. It's probably us that's gone.
Gloria
What does she mean? It's us that's gone?
Casper
Ava, don't go out there.
Ava
Relax. It's weird out here. It's not dusty, but I can't see past the parking lot.
Gloria
The parking lot my car is supposed to be in. What's going on right now?
Ava
I think I know what this is. Hey, Casper, go to the back door.
Casper
What am I doing?
Ava
Just go.
Casper
Okay.
Gloria
Do you see my car out there?
Ava
Your name's Gloria?
Gloria
Yes.
Ava
Gloria. I'm gonna throw a rock away from this diner, and it is going to magically hit Casper, defying all laws of physics. When that happens, tell me how concerned you are about your car.
Casper
Wait, you're gonna do what?
Leaf
Ow.
Ava
Ha ha. You hit me in the eye pocket dimension.
Gloria
What is. What is this place?
Casper
How did that curve all the way around to the back?
Ava
It didn't. We're just in a universe that's only about 6,500ft across.
Zebulon Mucklewain
Casper.
Casper
Is that Leaf?
Gloria
Who's Leaf?
Casper
He's our cook. Leaf. Oh, thank God.
Leaf
Hey, guys.
Ava
Leaf. What the fuck?
Casper
What's going on?
Leaf
Listen, we don't have a lot of time.
Gloria
Motherfucker. Everybody stop. God damn it.
Leaf
Who's this?
Casper
This is the new waitress.
Gloria
I absolutely am not the new waitress. Will someone explain to me what the fuck is happening?
Effie Mucklewain
Pardon me, Gloria. Might my husband and I have a word?
Gloria
The radio is talking to me.
Effie Mucklewain
Gloria, you have entered Into a period of wandering, of searching for meaning and needing shelter. And in that search you have found yourself in a place eternal.
Gloria
Oh my God. Have I died?
Effie Mucklewain
Not at all, my dear. Though that question does imply a finality that has no purchase within our various vernaculars.
Gloria
The radio is talking to me and I don't know what it's saying.
Casper
Okay, Gloria, we'll stick a pen in this for now.
Leaf
I've got a problem.
Casper
Leaf, where have you been?
Leaf
No time for that.
Ava
Hang on. Are we in a pocket dimension right now?
Leaf
Yes.
Ava
Nailed it.
Casper
God damn it, Leaf. Why are we in a pocket dimension?
Leaf
Because it owes me a favor. I'm hiding.
Casper
Hiding from what?
Leaf
Look, I'm sure it'll be fun.
Casper
Hiding from what? Leaf?
Leaf
A trans dimensional haboob.
Gloria
Dude.
Casper
Holy shit.
Effie Mucklewain
Gloria. How you doing darling?
Gloria
Well, how do you think I'm doing, talking radio person?
Zebulon Mucklewain
They say you can't explain fire to a fish, but I imagine if they could, that fish would feel about like how you're feeling right now.
Leaf
Wanna be clear? This is not my fault. I was in a card game in Andromeda, which we all know is a shithole. How could I have expected that the big loser at the table that night was the son of.
Gloria
What's it? Transdata. Dimensional haboob.
Leaf
It's hard to explain.
Ava
It's like a large dust storm, but instead of dust, it's antimatter. And instead of being a few miles long, it's the size of a nebula. And instead of being a weather occurrence, it's a sentient super being.
Gloria
Sure.
Casper
And Leaf has let it right here, where it's going to kill us all.
Leaf
Well, which I will apologize for many times over, I'm sure. Look, if there's any place I'm going to be able to shake this thing, it's here.
Casper
How?
Leaf
I don't know. I've been hiding in this pocket dimension, but it's going to move on any minute. And when it does, this trans dimensional super being is going to rush right at us.
Casper
What are we supposed to do when it rushes us?
Gloria
Jump out of the way. Sorry, I've decided I'm having a psychotic break, so everything's funny now.
Leaf
Wait. Actually, she's right.
Gloria
Oh good, that makes it funnier.
Ava
You want to jump out of the way?
Leaf
Time slip. If we slide backwards through a particular timeline, that could throw it off the scent. Where were you before I showed up?
Casper
Normalcy, Arizona.
Leaf
That'll work. Is my recipe book still in the kitchen?
Gloria
Wait, what? He's going to cook something to make Us go back in time. Come on. Jean Claude Van Damme is Time Cook.
Leaf
I like her. I'll be in the kitchen.
Ava
Are you having a good time over there while we're all about to die? Gloria?
Gloria
I don't know. I mean, I opened up my fridge this morning and all I had was Tapatio and a carrot. So at least this is less depressing.
Casper
Okay, let's do this. Gloria, how about you have a seat at the booth there and we'll explain everything to you. As long as we are still alive in a few minutes.
Gloria
Booth.
Ava
Okay, we're losing the pocket dimension. There it is.
Casper
Jesus, that's huge. What am I looking at, Zebulon? Hit Gloria with some narration, would you?
Zebulon Mucklewain
And lo, Gloria looked upon a sight nary a member of her race had ever seen. Suddenly, she sat in a booth in a diner, floating in the tumultuous starways, her limited knowledge of existence as her only guide.
Effie Mucklewain
The vastness of this new heavenly plane, broken only by a distant malevolence. A dark spirit who now eyed her countenance with hunger. It was the size of any sky she'd seen tenfold. And it now moved upon them like a stalking beast.
Casper
Uh, leaf. It's coming. Almost there.
Ava
It looks very angry and it's moving very fast.
Casper
Almost there.
Ava
If he kills us, I am going to kill him.
Gloria
Oh, my God. Everybody, head on to something.
Leaf
Now.
Effie Mucklewain
The earth was formless and empty. Darkness was over the surface of the deep. And the spirit of God was hovering over the water. Waters.
Casper
Everybody okay?
Leaf
Good back here?
Ava
I'm fine, Gloria.
Casper
I don't take that as a yes. Leaf. Did it work?
Leaf
I don't know.
Casper
Look outside. Okay. Well, we're back in Arizona.
Gloria
Hey, that's my car. That's me getting into my car backwards. That's me driving away backwards.
Casper
We're going backwards in the timeline. We may be here a while. Leif. It looks like it worked.
Leaf
Okay, I'm going to pick up speed. Things are going to go by pretty fast.
Casper
Gloria. Try and keep it together, okay? Just keep your eyes outside. Watch the highway in the distance. You see how it disappears? Now the road that you drove here on becomes a dirt road. Then no road at all. Keep your eye on the view outside. I'll be right back.
Leaf
I think that went very well.
Ava
I'm not going to thank you for solving a problem that you created.
Leaf
Hey.
Casper
Okay, guys, huddle up. We need to explain to Gloria what's going on.
Leaf
She seems fine.
Casper
She's looking out a window and watching Arizona go backwards in time. She's not fine. We need to explain things to her. And by we, I mean Ava.
Ava
Oh, I'm explaining it fine. Pussies.
Casper
Hey, Zebulon, could we get some, you know, explaining what the hell is going on? Music.
Zebulon Mucklewain
That's a wonderful idea, Casper. Here's the Hayden quartet with Will There Be Any Stars in My Crowd?
Gloria
What are those?
Ava
My notes.
Gloria
On what?
Ava
This place. Uh, before we start, I'm going to need another one of your cigarettes.
Gloria
Oh, Kay.
Ava
Would that the second one was just as good as the first. Am I right?
Gloria
Please start talking.
Ava
So when I was young, my mother always dreamed of me being a nightclub singer. But all I ever dreamed of was going to college. So she disowned me, and off I went to college. And then I went back to college again and again and again. I had a real knack for it. I got this big stack of doctorates, and like most people with a big stack of doctorates, I spent a lot of time in front of a great big chalkboard. I had a great one. It slid back and forth. I missed that thing. I would write big, long equations, publish, write more big, long equations, publish again, etc. When you're a scientist and you spend your time zooming out on the universe, you discover that the universe is inherently a huge bummer, because everything is dying constantly. Matter and antimatter is breaking down, forming into something else and breaking down again. Look out the window. We are going backwards in time at an alarming rate. Do you see anything staying put? Even the rocks are changing shape over time. Myself and my colleagues all accepted that. We accepted that the universe was in a constant state of decay. We had become coroners, really state studying celestial death. But I had a problem. Because on my chalkboard and my chalkboard alone, all those equations I was writing were slowly pointing towards something. There was a point somewhere deep in existence that wasn't dying. It was a constant. And the universe doesn't do constants. The universe does death. So this one strange spot in endless space and time was an anomaly. I tried to tell people about my theory, but everybody said I was crazy. Which, as a scientist, is when you know you're awesome. So what's a girl to do, be called crazy her whole life? No. I decided that I would leave my lovely chalkboard behind, go out and find this thing. I would go to the singular point in all of existence that somehow wasn't dying. Turns out it's a diner. Thanks for the cigarette.
Gloria
Whoa, hang on. Why is it a diner?
Ava
Oh, I have no idea.
Casper
Ava. Tell her the rest.
Ava
What? And everything after that is theoretical. Oh, by the way, that's my booth over there. No one touches my booth.
Casper
Okay, that was zero percent helpful, Ava. Thank you.
Gloria
No, no, that helped.
Ava
Suck it.
Gloria
Tell me the rest.
Casper
Well, I mean, Ava's right. It is all theoretical after that.
Ava
Suck it again.
Casper
Oh. The old saying is that the only constant is change. This place appears to be the exception to that rule.
Gloria
And it's outside of Phoenix.
Casper
No, there's no fixed spot. Every night at 6pm when I unlock those doors, we're somewhere else. Sometimes a different time, sometimes a different timeline, sometimes a different universe, a different dimension. And sometimes an hour and a half outside of Phoenix.
Gloria
So you just float through the universe and what, serve burgers to people?
Casper
Well, it's a little more complicated than that. In an ever changing cosmos, this place is a constant. And I think the cosmos kind of hates that. So. The cosmos quite often tries to kill us. As you just saw with the transdimensional haboob.
Gloria
Oh, good.
Casper
Today it was a giant malevolent super being chasing leaf across the galaxy. Tomorrow it'll be who knows what. What was it last week?
Ava
Four dimensional Ice harpies.
Gloria
Right.
Casper
Four dimensional Ice harpies. It could be anything. This place is like a virus, constantly under attack by antibodies.
Gloria
Okay, but let me try and approach this in a way I can understand. It's a restaurant. I used to run a restaurant. And the three things you have to ask yourself when you're opening a restaurant is why this place? Why here? Why now?
Casper
Well, today it was because of you. That's the theoretical part. The part that Ava doesn't want to talk about. What I'm convinced of is that no matter where this place sets down from day to day, when I open the doors to start the day's business, someone is going to need us. Because how could they not? Like Ava said, it's all death out there all the time. Everything's breaking down. And sometimes people need a place, even if it's for an hour or just a few minutes. They need a place to feel like they're not dying. Because it's all just too terrifying.
Leaf
Hey guys. Brought you some coffees. It's been a day.
Gloria
So what's your deal, Leif?
Leaf
Me? You know, I'm just one of those guys. I wander around a lot. Odd jobs, stuff like that. I usually end up back here though.
Gloria
You wander around the universe, I mean.
Leaf
Universe is a little reductive. You're kind of describing a sandbox in a playground in a densely populated city. When you say things like universe, are you human? Oh, yeah, sure. 10 fingers, 10 toes, facial hair, the whole deal.
Gloria
You just went into the kitchen and made us go backward in time. You're just some normal dude.
Leaf
Well, what a lot of cooks won't tell you is that it's really about the ingredients. They like to convince you they have some sort of magical powers, but it's really about getting out of the way of what you've got in your kitchen. Am I right?
Gloria
What did you have in your kitchen that made time travel happen?
Leaf
Tachyons. You guys need cream.
Gloria
I'm good.
Zebulon Mucklewain
My dear, I am getting the distinct feeling that it's our turn.
Effie Mucklewain
I'm feeling the same way, darling.
Gloria
Okay, so what's up with you guys inside the radio?
Effie Mucklewain
Well, I'm Effie Mucklewain and this is my husband, Zebulon.
Zebulon Mucklewain
And we're broadcasting to the greater toad, Sargeria. Bringing the holy to the holler.
Gloria
Okay, but really, though, Effie, I'm getting.
Zebulon Mucklewain
The distinct sense that our new friend, Gloria would like to understand the inner workings of our presence in her life.
Effie Mucklewain
It's understandable, dear. But as Job asked, can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty?
Casper
Leave.
Zebulon Mucklewain
Might I ask you to put a pause in our rush through this river of time we are currently in? We would like to show something to our new friend.
Leaf
Yeah, sure. We can't stop for long, though. Hang on. Okay, we've stopped moving forward in the timeline at normal speed.
Zebulon Mucklewain
Gloria, if you would, please direct your attention outside our windows. If I have listened to the Lord's whispers correctly, we have traveled far and to the American past. And we are currently placed on a vast and open plain in an America before history began, when it was a land of magic and enchantment, a land of peace.
Gloria
There's a village. I can see people.
Effie Mucklewain
Those are the Pima people. They inhabited your home of Arizona for generations before the arrival of the Spanish. The Pima believed in the power of names, and that to speak the name of your ancestors is to conjure them from the spirit world.
Gloria
They can see us. They're waving.
Effie Mucklewain
Feel free and wave back. There's no fear in them, no pain in unknowing. They're witnessing a mystery, and all they need do is wave. During your time with us, do embrace that feeling.
Zebulon Mucklewain
For how much of our lives are spent building spires to reach the unknown? How much time do we spend convincing ourselves that such constructs may one day be complete? And perhaps all that time we've spent demanding answers from the. The mysteries should have been spent waving at them, admiring them from afar, being thankful for their magnificent scope.
Effie Mucklewain
We can keep going. Natalie. Thank you kindly.
Leaf
Powering up.
Casper
Okay, he's gonna take us pretty fast now. There goes the village. And then here comes the.
Gloria
Oh, wow.
Casper
Ice age.
Gloria
This is amazing. Ava, you're a scientist. Are you in heaven right now? This is amazing, right?
Ava
Eh, history's boring.
Gloria
Why?
Ava
Because it already happened.
Gloria
Oh, come on.
Ava
I've seen some pretty amazing nonsense sitting at this booth. You know, time slippage is pretty kindergarten for me at this point.
Gloria
Can you humor me, please? I'm having a moment. Be amazed with me.
Ava
Give me another cigarette and I'll promise to get interested in something.
Gloria
You really like cigarettes?
Ava
This place is the most amazing place in existence. But nobody thought to put in a cigarette machine.
Gloria
Okay, fine. I'll make that deal.
Ava
Excellent. Hey, Leif.
Leaf
Yeah?
Ava
We're going to make a stop at the Devonian era.
Leaf
We can't keep doing this.
Ava
Or I could remind you that you almost got us killed today.
Leaf
Fine. Coming up on it. I'm going to stop around 415 million BC.
Ava
That'll do. Get your purse. We're going outside.
Gloria
Isn't that bad? Isn't there something where we could change the present by messing with the past? No.
Ava
The Butterfly effect is sexist.
Gloria
Oh, it's sexist.
Ava
Only a man could think himself so important that even his slightest action could influence the time stream.
Leaf
Okay, we're here.
Ava
Let's go. Welcome to the Devonian era.
Gloria
It's dark.
Ava
It was cloudy a lot.
Gloria
It's quiet.
Ava
The only animal life is in the ocean at this point.
Gloria
The trees are so weird.
Ava
That's why we're here. Those aren't trees. Those are 20 foot tall mushrooms.
Gloria
Whoa.
Ava
Trees could only grow about four feet at this point. But the prototaxites could just keep growing.
Gloria
So you like mushrooms?
Ava
The only thing even remotely as interesting as theoretical physics. This is the mushroom.
Gloria
Okay, I just want to put that tree in an omelet.
Ava
Now I see you've moved past the freakout stage.
Gloria
I'm having a cigarette in 415 million BC and I feel. Alright.
Ava
You should stay.
Gloria
Stay?
Ava
Sure. You're looking for a job, right?
Gloria
Why would I do that?
Ava
Because you're having a cigarette in 415 million BC. Do you seriously want to go back to one carrot and a bottle of Tapatio after this?
Leaf
We've got to go Muckle Waynes.
Casper
We're going to have to pick up the pace. How about some Traveling music.
Effie Mucklewain
Might I take this one, husband?
Zebulon Mucklewain
Well, of course, my dear.
Effie Mucklewain
If no one is too offended, I might play a little secular music.
Zebulon Mucklewain
Goodness me, honey, that's awfully risque.
Effie Mucklewain
Well, I wouldn't do it if you didn't love it so much. Heart of Mine.
Ava
Get a room. I really kill for some Linda Ronstadt sometimes.
Leaf
Okay, this could get weird. We're going to go full speed all the way back to the Big Bang. And that should toss us back to where we started. Hang on.
Casper
How are you feeling?
Gloria
One hell of a job interview.
Leaf
Welcome back to Arizona, everybody.
Gloria
There's my car.
Casper
See, right where you left it.
Ava
No sign of the trans dimensional haboob.
Casper
Good work everybody. Leaf, never do that again.
Leaf
Sorry.
Casper
Gloria. Listen, I can never tell when we're going to get swept off somewhere else. So now's the time to make it for your car, right?
Gloria
Right.
Casper
What's the use of waiting when you know you want to go? Why am I running my. Honey, don't you hear that fever?
Effie Mucklewain
Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger. Y'all be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness.
Zebulon Mucklewain
And if time and tide roil you too harshly or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember we're out there somewhere looking for ya.
Effie Mucklewain
We open at 6. Waiting here in V.
Casper
No, honey, I love you.
Gloria
The Fable and Folly Network where fiction producers flourish.
Casper
Hello and thanks for calling the Arena. If you know your party's extension, you can dial it at any time. If your psychiatrist has gone missing, press 3. Press 3?
Gloria
That sounds ill advised. Life is about choices, man. You and I both suffer from a very rare form of mental illness. Right?
Casper
Yep. Yep, that's us.
Gloria
I'm just saying we're probably not the best private investigators since we don't know what's real.
Casper
The waitress at the Chinese restaurant, she told me that I needed to complete three trials to find Sadler. Okay, but how long have you been out of your meds?
Ava
Three trials.
Gloria
The arena, the old factory, the inventor's basement. The inventor's basement.
Casper
Exactly.
Gloria
Mama, I met someone today. You're not gonna believe this. Half spider, half human.
Casper
You all have this disorder. We call it the Imperfection. Okay, so we just got off the train at a stop called east river between East Broadway and York street, which.
Leaf
I'm pretty sure doesn't exist.
Gloria
We are not a cop show, Charlie.
Casper
I know that, but we're friends and I need my friends.
Ava
How sure are you that these things are actually happening in real life? It seems like reality can be a little slippery.
Gloria
Charlie. Charlie.
Ava
They're on my face.
Gloria
Amber.
Casper
Amber.
Zebulon Mucklewain
Stop.
Gloria
Stop.
Zebulon Mucklewain
Stop.
Casper
Stop it. Stop it.
Gloria
These fucking spiders.
Effie Mucklewain
They are everywhere.
Zebulon Mucklewain
The Imperfection an audio drama in nine parts. Produced by Wolf at the Door Studios.
Ava
Out now.
Zebulon Mucklewain
For more information, please visit wlfdr.com.
DERELICT Presents: Midnight Burger – Episode Summary
Release Date: May 20, 2024
Overview
"DERELICT Presents: Midnight Burger" is a captivating episode that immerses listeners in a surreal narrative set within an enigmatic diner that transcends the boundaries of time and space. Produced by Night Rocket Productions and penned by Joe Fisher and Finlay Stevenson, the story follows Gloria, a woman seeking employment during the pandemic, who inadvertently becomes part of a cosmic mystery that threatens the very fabric of existence.
The episode opens with Gloria arriving at the Midnight Burger diner for a job interview. Unlike any ordinary establishment, Midnight Burger is situated "nineteen thousand feet down" in the ocean floor, encased within a massive, secretive laboratory base named FATHOM, operated by the powerful Maas-Dorian corporation. This diner is not fixed in location; instead, it shifts through various points in the cosmos daily, making each night an adventure into a different dimension or timeline.
Gloria arrives late for her interview, only to find herself in a deserted diner managed by Casper and Ava. The initial interaction is tense, highlighting Casper's unpreparedness and the diner’s eerie atmosphere.
Casper attempts to engage her in conversation, revealing the diner’s unique nature:
As Gloria navigates the interview, the diner’s radio intermittently broadcasts sermons by Zebulon and Effie Mucklewain, introducing an otherworldly element to the setting.
These broadcasts serve as both background ambiance and foreshadowing of the diner’s instability within the cosmic tapestry.
The tranquility is shattered when Ava alerts the group to an impending crisis:
A massive sandstorm-like phenomenon approaches, but Ava clarifies it's something far more sinister—a "transdimensional haboob," a sentient super being composed of antimatter.
Leaf, the diner’s cook, enters the fray, revealing his role in their predicament. He explains that Midnight Burger exists in a pocket dimension to evade cosmic threats like the haboob.
Leaf’s presence introduces a deeper layer of complexity, indicating that the diner is a nexus point battling constant annihilation from the ever-decaying universe.
Faced with imminent danger, Leaf devises a plan to transport the diner back in time to evade the haboob. This involves sliding backwards through a timeline, effectively rewinding their existence to avoid the impending catastrophe.
The group experiences disorienting time slips, witnessing Arizona’s landscape morphing from modernity to ancient eras.
As they navigate through time, the diner arrives in a prehistoric America, encountering the Pima people. This interaction underscores the diner’s role as a sanctuary amidst the chaos of creation and destruction.
This segment blends historical reverence with mystical elements, enriching the narrative with cultural depth.
After a tumultuous journey through various timelines, including the Devonian era, the group manages to return to their original position in Arizona. However, the repercussions of their time travels become evident as Gloria notices anomalies, such as her car appearing to drive away backwards.
This realization hints at the lasting impacts of their interventions in the time stream, setting the stage for future challenges.
The episode concludes with lingering questions about the diner’s existence and the protagonists' grasp on reality. The persistent threats from the cosmos and the diner’s unique ability to navigate through time suggest ongoing battles and deeper secrets yet to be unveiled.
This final exchange leaves listeners anticipating the unfolding of Midnight Burger’s saga, blending elements of science fiction, mystery, and existential contemplation.
Gloria on Her Struggles: "I'm broke and miserable." ([06:27])
Ava’s Scientific Explanation: "When you're a scientist and you spend your time zooming out on the universe, you discover that the universe is inherently a huge bummer." ([21:16])
Leaf on Turning Back Time: "Tachyons. You guys need cream." ([28:33])
Effie Mucklewain’s Wisdom: "We can gaze so deeply into the visions of a promised life that often the life we've been given slips past us." ([10:49])
Conclusion
"DERELICT Presents: Midnight Burger" masterfully blends elements of science fiction and surreal storytelling to explore themes of existentialism, the relentless march of time, and the quest for meaning amidst chaos. Through Gloria’s journey and the diner’s cosmic escapades, listeners are invited to ponder the delicate balance between order and entropy, all set against the backdrop of an ever-shifting universe.