Podcast
Dharma Lab
Hosted by Dharma Lab · EN
Modern neuroscience meets ancient contemplative wisdom, with Dr. Richard Davidson and Dr. Cortland Dahl
dharmalabco.substack.com
dharmalabco.substack.com
15episodes
Episodes
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DL Ep.30: The Dharma of Relationships with Devon + Nico Hase
3w ago00:59:55Tap to summarizeRelationships can be one of the most powerful parts of the spiritual path because they reveal the parts of ourselves we cannot easily see alone. In this episode of Dharma Lab, Cortland Dahl and Richie Davidson are joined by meditation teachers and authors Devin and Nico Hase to explore how Buddhist practice can help us navigate love, conflict, vulnerability, appreciation, and repair. Drawing on their new book, This Messy, Gorgeous Love, they reflect on why relationships are inherently challenging, how they become mirrors for growth, and how simple practices like awareness, check-ins, and appreciation can turn partnership into a path of awakening.Podcast Chapter List0:00 Relationships are rough: using partnership as a spiritual path1:11 Introducing Devin and Nico Hase and This Messy, Gorgeous Love5:36 What can a monastic tradition teach us about relationships?7:05 Devin on translating Buddhist teachings into modern lay life9:53 Nico on bringing Dharma into the gritty reality of family and partnership11:29 Richie on family, feedback, and why Dharma must matter in real life15:23 Retreat, relationship, and why we can’t hide from ourselves18:04 Partners as teachers: what relationships reveal about us19:34 Nico on monastic ideals, friction, and freedom21:29 Richie on being exposed, seen, and changed by relationship22:16 Self-knowledge, co-regulation, and the dance of partnership23:36 Writing the book together and relationship as mirror25:07 Cort on intimacy, fear, and what love uncovered28:40 Relationships are rough: the myth of smooth sailing30:04 Vulnerability, exposure, and becoming resilient together31:21 Dukkha and the “bumpy ride” of partnership34:24 Appreciation, gratitude, and learning to see the good42:42 Conflict styles: volcanoes, diplomats, and dodgers52:19 The trance of nice: kindness, emotion, and authenticity55:12 Practical takeaways: check-ins, fun, and daily connection57:43 Final reflections on relationships, friendship, and the book’s wider relevance This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalabco.substack.com/subscribe
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DL Ep.29: Daniel Goleman on Practicing Before Life's Challenges
Mar 2700:52:23Tap to summarizeDr. Richie Richard Davidson, Cortland Dahl, Dan Goleman DiscussionChapter Summary:00:05:51 — Dan Goleman returns from India and meets Richie Davidson at Harvard00:06:38 — Studying meditation in academia when the field dismissed it00:07:11 — Their careers diverge: journalism at the New York Times and neuroscience research00:08:08 — The Mind & Life Institute and first meetings with the Dalai Lama00:09:20 — Paul Ekman’s surprising transformation after meeting the Dalai Lama00:12:03 — Richie’s quiet strategy: exposing scientists to contemplative practice00:13:09 — The birth of a new generation of contemplative scientists00:14:37 — Cort Dahl discovers meditation research in graduate school00:16:10 — Jon Kabat-Zinn teaching yoga in a Harvard Square basement00:17:35 — “The after is the before for the next during” — meditation changes baseline states00:18:43 — The breakthrough 2004 meditation brain study00:20:26 — The Dalai Lama’s lifelong assignment to study and share these practices00:21:47 — Shifting psychology from pathology to human flourishing00:26:09 — Emotional intelligence as a path to well-being00:31:16 — Why practice—not theory—is what actually changes people00:32:37 — Cort Dahl’s experience with social crisis and emotional complexity00:35:31 — The Dalai Lama’s advice on skillfully working with anger00:38:28 — Two contemplative approaches to difficult emotions00:45:24 — “Feel what you are feeling” — a simple practice that changes awareness00:46:11 — Dan Goleman on Vipassana meditation00:47:10 — Scaling well-being beyond formal meditation practice00:50:04 — Mingyur Rinpoche after retreat: “the same, only more so” This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalabco.substack.com/subscribe
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Neuroscience & Practice discussion / takeaways from Nepal
Mar 2000:30:46Tap to summarizeThis is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalabco.substack.com/subscribe
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DL Ep. 28: Mingyur Rinpoche - Are You Drained Or Are You Energized?
Mar 1200:30:22Tap to summarizeWe are so honored to welcome Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche to another episode of Dharma Lab. In today’s conversation with Cort and Richie, Rinpoche shares practical ways to stay present in a busy life: a powerful metaphor (“time is like a rubber band”), an “inner sky” teaching for working with anxiety and emotional storms, and a simple micro-practice you can try in under a minute.They also explore why meditation can increase energy and effectiveness, how altruistic intention can transform stress into purpose, and what early research suggests about “flourishing” rippling outward into our families, workplaces, and communities.Podcast Chapter List:00:00 – Mingyur Rinpoche’s “32 projects” and the secret to steady energy00:27 – Why busyness pulls the mind into past/future (and out of the present)00:55 – How stress shows up in the body 01:14 – “Time is like a rubber band”: making practice fit real life03:13 – Retreat, discipline, and why highly productive people still practice deeply05:23 – The “inner sky”: storms of emotion don’t change awareness06:25 – The airplane rule: “Put your mask on first” (service without burnout)08:24 – Altruistic motivation: practicing for the benefit of others08:53 – Richie’s 2-minute post-meditation calendar practice (be more helpful today)09:56 – “Plugging into a power source”: curiosity, insight, and wisdom as fuel10:06 – The trap of endless wants/needs—and why it’s draining10:26 – Service as nourishment: turning a busy day into a meaningful day21:11 – Doomscrolling vs. creating space for wisdom and compassion24:50 – The science question: does flourishing ripple into systems and communities?25:25 – Mexico healthcare study with Atentamente (practice in the real world)26:35 – Randomized controlled trial results: wellbeing, care outcomes, productivity28:30 – 1-minute micro-practice with Mingyur Rinpoche: connect with the wish to be happy, and expanding that intention outward: love, compassion, and shared flourishingIn case you missed it, previous conversation with Rinpoche:Cort and Richie’s new book is coming out in a few weeks! Pre-order Born to Flourish and get:* 1 full year of paid access to Dharma Lab ($100 value) with weekly essays, research updates, podcasts, and member-only online events* Live access to an exclusive Born to Flourish Launch Event* Richie and Cort’s personal reading list on the art of flourishing* A daily protocol for training the mind to flourishOther posts referenced in this episode: This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalabco.substack.com/subscribe
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DL Ep. 27: Jon Kabat-Zinn
Mar 600:50:24Tap to summarizeJon Kabat-Zinn joins Richie and Cort for a wide-ranging conversation on mindfulness, science, and what it means to fully inhabit your life.From the launch of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) in a hospital basement in 1979 to more than 1,000 scientific papers a year on mindfulness today, this episode traces how a simple practice entered mainstream medicine and reshaped the way we understand stress, healing, and human potential.Along the way, the conversation moves from chronic pain and anxiety to awareness as a trainable capacity, the role of community, and why paying attention may be one of the most important skills of our time.As Jon reflects, if you are missing this moment, what makes you think you will not miss the next?This episode explores how mindfulness can extend beyond stress reduction toward living more deliberately, with clarity, compassion, and connection.Podcast Chapter List:00:00 – The Gateway: Stress, Burnout & Why We Come to Practice01:08 – Introducing Jon Kabat-Zinn & the Origins of MBSR05:12 – What Is Mindfulness? Dharma, Awareness & Human Potential09:07 – Why MBSR Started in a Hospital Basement18:39 – “They Gave You the Patients No One Could Help”19:58 – How Science and Contemplative Practice Came Together21:42 – The 2003 Randomized Controlled Trial That Changed the Field25:18 – Meeting People Where They Are: Anxiety as a Doorway26:28 – “Are You Your Diagnosis?” Identity & the Shift from Doing to Being30:11 – Why More People Meditate — But Many Still Struggle33:50 – Medicine for Humanity: Mindfulness in a Time of Crisis40:52 – Awareness as a Human Superpower45:00 – Flourishing Is Contagious (And Trainable)46:46 – Awe, Connection & Learning to Pay Attention47:59 – Not Missing Your Life: Thoreau, Walden, & Living Deliberately49:15 – A Rhapsody for MindfulnessCort and Richie’s new book is coming out in a few weeks! Pre-order Born to Flourish and get:* 1 full year of paid access to Dharma Lab ($100 value) with weekly essays, research updates, podcasts, and member-only online events* Live access to an exclusive Born to Flourish Launch Event* Richie and Cort’s personal reading list on the art of flourishing* A daily protocol for training the mind to flourish This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalabco.substack.com/subscribe
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DL Ep.26: Four Science-Backed Skills to Deal with Anxiety
Feb 2400:47:48Tap to summarizeFlourishing is multi-dimensional. In today’s episode of Dharma Lab, we apply the four dimensions of flourishing (awareness, connection, insight, and purpose), to something we all experience: anxiety.When these skills are at our fingertips, we can deploy different ones in different contexts, or bring several to bear at once. Together, they form a rich set of practices to enhance well-being in everyday life.Our discussion explores anxiety as an evolutionary feature of the human brain rather than a personal defect; how it is rooted in the brain’s tendency to predict potential threats; and how it may reflect something fundamentally wholesome: a drive to protect and care.Podcast Chapter List:00:00 – Short-Circuiting Resistance: A New Way to Relate to Anxiety01:03 – Why Anxiety Is Normal (And Even Necessary)04:29 – The Brain as a Prediction Machine06:16 – Anxiety as an Evolutionary Safety System10:05 – The Four Dimensions of Flourishing12:12 – Skill #1: Awareness and Mindfulness in Moments of Anxiety16:26 – Acceptance and the Reduction of Resistance19:05 – Meta-Awareness and What Happens in the Brain20:31 – Making Friends With Anxiety22:18 – Skill #2: Connection and Appreciation24:12 – Common Humanity and the “Just Like Me” Practice26:06 – Kindness as a Regulator of Emotion29:16 – Skill #3: Insight Into Beliefs and Expectations33:32 – Recognizing Anxious Thought Patterns in Real Time36:58 – Skill #4: Purpose as a Buffer Against Stress37:30 – Research on Teachers, Purpose, and Recovery41:17 – Turning Struggle Into Fuel for Service43:15 – Purpose and Physiological Recovery45:04 – Why These Four Skills Work Together47:17 – Applying the Four Dimensions to Everyday AnxietyOur new book is coming out next month! Pre-order Born to Flourish and get:* Live access to an exclusive Born to Flourish Launch Event* Richie and Cort’s personal reading list on the art of flourishing* A daily protocol for training the mind to flourish* 1-year paid membership to Dharma Lab with weekly essays, research updates, podcasts, and member-only online eventsFrom the archives: This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalabco.substack.com/subscribe
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DL Ep 25: Flourishing is Contagious
Feb 1700:37:18Tap to summarizeIn this episode of Dharma Lab, Cort and Richie explore one of the core ideas behind Born to Flourish: that our inner state doesn’t stay inside. It ripples outward…shaping classrooms, workplaces, families, and even measurable outcomes like student achievement.Through personal stories and groundbreaking research from public schools, they unpack how awareness, connection, insight, and purpose don’t just transform individuals, they transform systems.Podcast chapter list:00:00 – Intro: Can Flourishing Be Contagious? (Neuroscience + Real-World Impact)01:23 – The Dalai Lama at NIH: Compassion in Action06:49 – Why This Moment Changed Science Leaders Forever09:52 – Is Compassion Trainable? The Science of Human Plasticity15:30 – A Workplace Story: How Kindness Transformed a Toxic Boss19:45 – The Neuroscience of Contagion: How Emotions Spread23:50 – 850 Teachers, Randomized Trial using the Healthy Minds App26:42 – The “Holy Grail” Finding: Improved Student Test Scores28:01 – Interdependence Explained: Why We’re Not Separate30:31 – How One Teacher’s Mindset Changes an Entire Classroom31:56 – “Buy One, Get Two Free”: The Ripple Effect of Wellbeing32:17 – Practical Habit #1: Intentionally “Infect” Others with Kindness34:30 – Practical Habit #2: Curate Your Mental Inputs35:53 – Why It’s Easier Than You Think (And Why the World Needs It)Our new book is coming out next month! Pre-order Born to Flourish and get:* Live access to an exclusive Born to Flourish Launch Event* Richie and Cort’s personal reading list on the art of flourishing* A daily protocol for training the mind to flourish* 1-year paid membership to Dharma Lab with weekly essays, research updates, podcasts, and member-only online eventsFrom the archives: This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalabco.substack.com/subscribe
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DL Ep.24: Born to Flourish - The Science of Human Potential
Feb 900:36:56Tap to summarizeReminder: Join Richie & Cort tonight at 8pm ET for our monthly AMA HEREIn today’s episode of Dharma Lab, Cort and Richie explore a radical and hopeful idea from their upcoming book Born to Flourish: that we all come into the world with an innate capacity for kindness, compassion, and human flourishing. Through personal stories, recent science, and ancient Buddhist wisdom, they reveal how reconnecting with our true nature can transform not only ourselves but also our divided world.“It’s probably more important today than at any other time in my life to really affirm this statement: that we are born to flourish. And this isn’t vacuous hope—it’s hope grounded in practice and in science.” - Dr. Richard DavidsonThis Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS* Cort shares a heartwarming memory of teaching his three-year-old son about “Buddha nature” and the pure joy it sparked in him* Richie presents stunning research showing that 100% of six-month-old babies naturally prefer kindness over meanness - scientific proof we’re wired for goodness* How Buddhist psychology teaches that suffering often stems from forgetting our fundamental wholeness and getting trapped in limiting (and changing) identities* Practical tips for daily life: seeing the Buddha nature in others during interactions, practicing “just like me” reflections, and shifting from a “fixing” mindset to appreciating what’s already whole* How viewing harmful behavior as arising from confusion rather than fundamental evil can transform rage into compassion, even toward difficult public figures* A powerful reminder that flourishing isn’t just a belief system—it’s a practice of actually seeing ourselves, others, and the world differentlyOur new book is coming out next month! Pre-order Born to Flourish and get:* Live access to an exclusive Born to Flourish Launch Event* Richie and Cort’s personal reading list on the art of flourishing* A daily protocol for training the mind to flourish* 1-year paid membership to Dharma Lab with weekly essays, research updates, podcasts, and member-only online eventsFrom the archives:Podcast Chapter List00:00 – Are We Really Born to Flourish?Why this claim matters more now than ever—and why it’s grounded in science, not blind optimism.01:23 – Welcome to Dharma Lab + Introducing Born to FlourishCortland Dahl and Richard Davidson outline the science, meditation, and practical focus of the episode.02:14 – A Father–Son Meditation StoryHow meditating with a three-year-old reveals something essential about human nature.03:37 – What Is “Buddha Nature”?The idea that our true nature is fundamentally whole, good, and already present.05:16 – Why “Born to Flourish” Sounds Radical TodayAddressing skepticism in a world shaped by violence, polarization, and fear.06:26 – The Science of Kindness in InfantsHow six-month-old babies consistently choose kindness over harm.10:05 – What 100% Results Tell Us About Human NatureWhy these findings are almost unheard of in psychology research.11:00 – Buddhist Psychology and the Problem of IdentityHow misunderstanding who we are fuels stress, burnout, and suffering.12:24 – The “Blind Spot”: What We Miss About OurselvesWhy changing thoughts, roles, and emotions aren’t our deepest identity.13:33 – Awareness as the Constant Background of ExperienceWhy awareness, compassion, and wisdom may be innate rather than cultivated.14:38 – Why the Brain Fixates on the NegativeHow rarity, contrast, and media bias distort our perception of reality.16:07 – Tragedy, Memory, and What We RememberHow emotionally charged events dominate our personal narratives.17:29 – Daniel Kahneman’s Peak-End RuleWhy we remember peaks and endings—and how this shapes well-being.19:47 – Fixing Ourselves vs. Rediscovering WholenessThe difference between self-improvement and recognizing what’s already here.22:24 – The Fruitional Approach to MeditationWhy flourishing isn’t in the future—and why practice can feel easier than expected.25:11 – Everyday Practices That Reveal Our True NatureUsing meetings, meals, and daily life as opportunities for practice.27:43 – “Just Like Me”: A Practice for CompassionHow remembering our shared humanity changes relationships.33:36 – Seeing Harm Through the Lens of Confusion, Not EvilWhy this perspective naturally gives rise to compassion without excusing harm.36:10 – Why the World Needs This Perspective ShiftReconnecting with common humanity in divided times—and what’s coming next. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalabco.substack.com/subscribe
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AMA#5 Navigating Neuroplasticity, Non-Dual Awareness, and the Neuroscience of Flourishing
Feb 500:04:00Tap to summarizeThis is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit dharmalabco.substack.comReminder: Our Next Live Ask Me Anything (#6) with Richie and Cort will be on Feb 9th at 8pm ET. Please send questions in advance! (in comments, chat, or reply to this email)Why Listen to This Session?In our latest wide-ranging AMA, Richie and Cort explore:* Your brain can change at any age — but plasticity isn’t always good:to answer a popular question inspired by Huberman: yes, neuroplasticity lasts from birth to death (even near the very end of life). But here’s the twist: plasticity is neutral. Without the right conditions, it can reinforce anxiety, anger, or stress. The AMA explains how to pair plasticity with wholesome habits so change actually supports well-being* How meditation can literally rewrite emotional memories: a detailed walkthrough of memory reconsolidation, the neuroscience of why retrieved memories become editable, and a practical technique you can use at bedtime* Discover what happens in the brain during non-dual awareness: cutting-edge research on why advanced meditators show dramatic drops in prediction networks, and the crucial difference between practices that focus on experience versus practices that orient to awareness itself* Flourishing is contagious: A firsthand account of meeting a 90-year-old Tibetan master who radiates unconditional love after surviving 20 years in Chinese prison campsDetailed Chapter Guide00:00 - Opening Meditation & New Year IntentionsBrief guided meditation to open hearts and set collective aspiration for easing suffering and supporting flourishing worldwide.02:00 - New Year Reflections: Small Steps, Daily AffordancesRichie discusses why New Year’s resolutions fail and introduces the concept of “affordances”: everyday contexts that can trigger practice moments. The importance of small steps repeated consistently rather than unrealistic grand plans.06:00 - Contagious Flourishing: Meeting Garchen RinpocheCort shares a powerful experience meeting 90-year-old Garchen Rinpoche in Arizona, a living example of boundless love cultivated through decades of practice, even surviving 20 years in Chinese prison camps. A visceral reminder that flourishing spreads through presence alone.14:00 - Neuroplasticity Across the LifespanQ: Does brain plasticity continue after age 25? Richie explains that plasticity persists from birth to death, with sensitive periods (birth, ages 4-7, adolescence) showing heightened susceptibility. The critical point: plasticity is neutral and requires wholesome focus to support flourishing.20:00 - Buddhist Psychology Meets NeuroscienceCort connects neuroplasticity to the Buddhist concept of “bardo,” transitional periods when habitual patterns are disrupted. Why adversity often catalyzes the deepest growth, and the dual path of accumulating wisdom and creating supportive conditions.25:00 - Memory Reconsolidation: Editing Emotional MemoriesQ: Can we heal trauma from infancy if we don’t remember how it formed? Richie explains how retrieved memories become temporarily fluid and re-encodable, the scientific basis for therapeutic change.29:00 - Practical Memory Reconsolidation: The Bedtime ArgumentDetailed walkthrough of how to work with a difficult memory using reconsolidation principles: bringing positive associations to the same person during retrieval creates lasting change in how that memory is stored.34:00 - Different Practices, Different Reconsolidation EffectsHow loving-kindness changes associations versus how awareness practices create space for memories to dissolve. Mingyur Rinpoche’s “cow dung” teaching as a metaphor for memory malleability.37:00 - Education: Declarative vs. Procedural LearningQ: How does modern education impact neuroplasticity in children? The Western bias toward declarative (conceptual) learning versus procedural (skill-based) learning. Richie’s call for more practice-based education.40:00 - The Surprising Value of MemorizationCort’s counterintuitive defense of traditional monastic memorization practices: how deep encoding creates attentional laser-focus and transforms understanding in ways that passive learning cannot.44:00 - Giving, Receiving, and the Reward SystemQ: Is giving more rewarding than receiving at all ages? Richie confirms the data supports this across the lifespan, though strength may vary by developmental stage.45:00 - The Science of Non-Dual AwarenessQ: What happens in the brain during non-dual experiences? Cort explains non-dual consciousness as the “open sky” versus the “weather patterns” of sensory experience, orienting to awareness itself rather than its contents.50:00 - The Brain as Prediction MachineRichie’s hypothesis: non-dual awareness may involve releasing prediction entirely. Evidence shows dramatic decreases in prefrontal activation in long-term practitioners during tasks that normally activate prediction networks.54:00 - Subject-Oriented vs. Object-Oriented PracticeQ: What’s the difference between focusing on breath versus connecting with awareness itself? Cort unpacks this crucial distinction from their published research paper.56:00 - Two Paths of InsightObject-oriented practices reveal the conditioned, changing nature of experience. Subject-oriented practices reveal the unconditioned, spacious nature of awareness, leading to emptiness and non-dual realization. Different practices, radically different destinations.59:00 - Brain Connectivity Patterns in Different Practice TypesRichie explains how object-oriented practices strengthen connections between awareness regions and sensory regions, while subject-oriented practices strengthen awareness networks and salience networks differently.1:01:00 - Closing Reflections & New Year WishesFinal thoughts, gratitude for the community’s questions, and wishes for health, peace, and flourishing in the year ahead.For the technical deep-dive referenced in this session, see Davidson & Dahl’s paper: “Reconstructing and Deconstructing the Self: Cognitive Mechanisms in Meditation Practice” in Trends in Cognitive Sciences.Our new book is coming out next month! Pre-order Born to Flourish and get:* Live access to an exclusive Born to Flourish Launch Event* Richie and Cort’s personal reading list on the art of flourishing* A daily protocol for training the mind to flourish* 1-year paid membership to Dharma Lab with weekly essays, research updates, podcasts, and member-only online eventsFrom the archives:
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DL Ep. 23: David Yeager on Parenting Teens: What the Adolescent Brain Really Needs
Jan 2700:58:55Tap to summarizeParenting teens is hard. We often fall into styles that feel protective but end up making things worse. In our latest Dharma Lab episode, Dr. David Yeager, a leading researcher on adolescent motivation and author of 10 to 25, talks with Richie and Cort about why this happens and how to change it. We also explore the neuroscience of adolescent brains, and how the parenting strategies discussed can mirror how we relate to our own inner experience.Key concepts from the episode:* Most parents default to one of two styles (and not the one we need to start embracing more called the “mentor”)* Enforcer: high demands, low support (“toughen up,” “no excuses”)* Protector: high empathy, low expectations (removing challenges to avoid distress)Both come from love, and both can unintentionally shut teens down.* What teens are actually wired to needAdolescents are especially driven by pride, dignity, and respect…and deeply averse to humiliation or shame. When they feel talked down to, they stop listening.* Why this stage is uniquely hard right nowPuberty is starting earlier than ever, while the brain systems that support emotional regulation won’t fully mature until the mid-20s. This widening gap makes misfires more likely for teens and parents.* The problem with “grownsplaining”When adults assume their experience makes them the unquestioned expert, teens hear disrespect; even when advice is well-intentioned. That dynamic fuels resistance rather than growth.* The mentor mindset offers a different pathHigh standards with real support. Less lecturing, more curiosity. Asking questions instead of delivering answers. Allowing discomfort without removing expectations.* Discomfort isn’t always a sign something is wrongAnxiety, frustration, and even tears can mean a young person is stretching toward something meaningful - not failing. What matters is whether distress comes with support or shame.* Small tools that make a big difference* Do-overs: repairing moments when we miss the mark without lowering standards* Reframing stress: helping kids interpret nerves as a sign of doing something important* Letting kids resolve conflicts: building independence instead of reflexively intervening* A surprising takeaway for parentsHow we relate to our children’s struggles often mirrors how we relate to our own inner discomfort. Learning to be a mentor to ourselves matters too.Some quotes from the discussion:“I, with a smart adult brain who has survived to at least right now, I must know what I’m doing. And therefore the contents of my logic and reasoning must be accurate and trustworthy... So now I’m just going to export the contents of my thoughts into your ill-formed brain.” - Dr. Yeager affectionately summarizes the prevailing parenting logic. “What we’re seeing today is really the first time in human history where there’s this really expanded gap between the onset of puberty and the onset of neural mechanisms that facilitate the regulation of emotion, the regulation of thought.” - RichieThis Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.David’s Book 10-25Complimentary episodes from the archives:* Real change depends on context, support, and how we relate to difficulty…not sheer discipline:* What happens when the mind gets stuck, and how curiosity rather than suppression helps us regain agency:* A deeper look at reflection; not as rumination, but as a skill that helps people learn from experience:* Why insight changes us, and how it reshapes behavior more effectively than instruction:Podcast Chapter List:00:00 – Intro: Why parenting teens affects our own wellbeingWhen things aren’t going well with young people, it deeply impacts parents and caregivers.01:15 – “Grownsplaining”: why teens stop listeningHow adult certainty and lecturing can feel disrespectful — and shut kids down.03:35 – Why parents feel stuck between bad optionsControl, lecturing, or stepping back — why none of these approaches really work.05:45 – What teens are wired to need: dignity and respectWhy shame and being talked down to trigger resistance instead of growth.08:40 – The puberty–brain gap (why this stage is harder than ever)Puberty is starting earlier, while emotion-regulation circuits mature much later.11:00 – Parenting styles that backfire: enforcer vs protectorHigh demands with no support — or empathy with no expectations — and why both miss the mark.13:05 – The mentor mindset: high standards with real supportWhat effective parents, teachers, and coaches do differently.15:00 – Letting kids work through conflict (stop refereeing)Why solving problems for kids undermines independence and learning.17:00 – The NBA shooting coach example: how real learning happensWhy elite coaches don’t over-instruct — and how asking “How did that feel?” builds internal guidance.18:10 – Reframing stress: butterflies mean something mattersHelping teens reinterpret anxiety as readiness, not failure.22:30 – Why suppressing emotions backfiresWhat kids learn when adults rush to stop tears, anger, or discomfort.26:30 – Parenting teens mirrors how we treat our own discomfortHow enforcer and protector styles show up in our inner lives too.30:10 – Mindset science: how meaning shapes motivationFrom growth mindset to stress reappraisal — why interpretation matters.34:00 – Why teens remember respect (and forget lectures)How wise interventions actually stick over time.39:45 – Changing the adults, not just the kidsWhy environments and expectations matter as much as individual mindset.44:30 – Final reflections: mentorship as a lifelong practiceHelping teens grow — and learning to be mentors to ourselves. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit dharmalabco.substack.com/subscribe
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