CHELSEA HANDLER — on meeting a President while high and being scolded by Jane Fonda

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dinner’s on Me with Jesse Tyler Ferguson

Episode Title: CHELSEA HANDLER — on meeting a President while high and being scolded by Jane Fonda
Release Date: February 25, 2025
Host: Jesse Tyler Ferguson
Guest: Chelsea Handler
Location: Butcher, the Baker, and the Cappuccino Maker, West Hollywood, California

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Overview

In this captivating episode of "Dinner’s on Me," host Jesse Tyler Ferguson engages in a heartfelt and humorous conversation with Chelsea Handler. The duo dives deep into personal growth, familial relationships, and memorable experiences, all while enjoying a delightful meal at a trendy West Hollywood café. This episode offers listeners an intimate look at Chelsea’s journey, her interactions with influential figures, and her approach to honesty and vulnerability.

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1. Setting the Scene: Family and Early Interactions (00:00 - 04:57)

• Opening Banter:

  • Jesse starts by sharing a light moment making lemonade with his sons, Beckett and Sully, highlighting Beckett’s perfectionism.
  • Chelsea: "Beckett is a little bit of a perfectionist. I'm not sure where he gets that from." [00:04]

• Introduction to Chelsea Handler:

  • Jesse introduces Chelsea, referencing her iconic show "Chelsea Lately," her specials, and her new book "I'll Have What She's Having."
  • Jesse: "You know her from her iconic show Chelsea Lately, her slate of specials, and her new book. I'll have what she's having." [01:58]

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2. Building Friendship Through Talk Shows (04:57 - 15:30)

• Jesse’s Talk Show Experiences:

  • Jesse discusses his anxieties and positive experiences appearing on various talk shows, specifically praising Chelsea’s "Chelsea Lately" for their good chemistry.
  • Jesse: "One of the talk shows I was most excited and scared to go onto was Chelsea Handler's late night show, aptly called Chelsea Lately Now." [03:01]

• Chelsea’s Impact:

  • Chelsea reflects on Jesse’s sincerity and the supportive nature of their interactions on her show.
  • Chelsea: "When meeting me, especially during that time, I hope I've softened a little bit. I think I have." [09:38]

• Venue and Atmosphere:

  • They describe the Butcher, the Baker, and the Cappuccino Maker (BBCM), emphasizing its stylish ambiance and high-quality offerings.
  • Jesse: "BBCM has a cult following for a reason." [04:04]

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3. Personal Growth and Family Dynamics (15:48 - 23:26)

• Jesse’s Letter to His Family:

  • Jesse shares the story behind a heartfelt letter he wrote to his family addressing issues of entitlement and lack of respect.
  • Jesse: "I wrote that letter. So that was really fun." [20:40]

• Chelsea’s Reflection on Ownership and Therapy:

  • Chelsea appreciates Jesse’s vulnerability and discusses her own journey with therapy, highlighting the importance of setting boundaries and being honest.
  • Chelsea: "Do you mind talking about parts of your book?" [21:10]
  • Jesse: "I will always love you." [20:14]

• Jane Fonda’s Intervention:

  • Jesse recounts an impactful conversation with Jane Fonda, where she called him out for his behavior at a party, leading to significant personal insights.
  • Chelsea: "How you were pulled aside by Jane Fonda reminds me of the importance of honest feedback." [21:10]

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4. Navigating Relationships with Ex’s Children (29:37 - 35:35)

• Maternal Instincts Without Parenthood:

  • Jesse discusses his meaningful relationships with his ex-boyfriend’s daughters, highlighting his role as a supportive parent figure despite not having children of his own.
  • Jesse: "I do have influence and being a parent figure feels purposeful." [31:18]

• Chelsea’s Admiration:

  • Chelsea expresses admiration for Jesse’s dedication and the positive impact he has on the girls’ lives.
  • Chelsea: "It's so beautiful. And the fact that you still have that relationship." [35:09]

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5. Embracing Self-Improvement and Cosmetic Procedures (35:35 - 38:45)

• Jesse’s Self-Care Routine:

  • Jesse opens up about his cosmetic procedures and anti-aging regimen, emphasizing transparency and self-care.
  • Jesse: "I inject myself with like five different peptides every morning that are anti-aging." [38:08]

• Chelsea’s Humor and Support:

  • Chelsea jokes about Jesse’s procedures and supports his approach to looking and feeling his best.
  • Chelsea: "You look fabulous, by the way." [37:54]

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6. Concluding Insights and Future Plans (38:45 - End)

• Future Episodes Tease:

  • Jesse previews upcoming episodes, mentioning future guests and the continuous commitment to authentic and meaningful conversations.
  • Jesse: "Next week on Dinners on Me... Troian Bellisario." [38:53]

• Final Reflections:

  • The episode wraps up with reflections on the importance of honesty, vulnerability, and the strength found in genuine relationships.
  • Chelsea: "It's an honest way of living... It’s okay to handle constructive criticism." [24:32]

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Jesse on Talk Show Anxiety:
  "I was being asked to do press for the show, I was finding myself in the company of some of the most iconic talk show hosts of the era." [02:06]

• Chelsea on Vulnerability:
  "It feels like you’re really open and honest, and that’s something I truly admire." [24:37]

• Jesse on Personal Responsibility:
  "I am taking my responsibility in this and setting boundaries now." [20:39]

• Chelsea on Honest Relationships:
  "I want to make sure that I am the same type of woman to other women that she was to me." [21:22]

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Key Insights and Conclusions

• Importance of Honest Communication:
  Both Jesse and Chelsea emphasize the value of being truthful and open in relationships, acknowledging that avoiding conflict can lead to unresolved issues.

• Personal Growth Through Therapy:
  The episode highlights how therapy has been instrumental for both hosts in understanding and improving themselves, fostering healthier interactions with others.

• Balancing Personal and Professional Life:
  Jesse’s juggling between his personal relationships and professional commitments showcases the challenges and rewards of maintaining balance in a high-paced career.

• Supportive Friendships:
  The conversation underscores the significance of supportive friendships in personal development, with Chelsea and Jesse demonstrating mutual respect and encouragement.

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Conclusion

This episode of "Dinner’s on Me" offers a rich and engaging dialogue between Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Chelsea Handler, blending humor with deep personal insights. Listeners are treated to an authentic conversation that explores vulnerability, personal growth, and the complexities of maintaining meaningful relationships. Whether you're a fan of either host or simply seeking inspiring and honest discussions, this episode provides valuable takeaways on living authentically and fostering genuine connections.

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Produced by: Sony Music Entertainment and A Kid Named Beckett Productions
Follow Us: @sonypodcasts

Transcript

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

The other day, I was making lemonade with my sons, Beckett and Sully, and.

[Chelsea Handler]

Beckett is a little bit of a perfectionist. I'm not sure where he gets that from.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

It's me. It's definitely me. But he was getting really upset about the seeds falling into the juice, and it was turning into a bit of high drama. Now, listen, there's an easier way to do this. Who knew? Wonderful seedless lemons are a 100% naturally seedless lemon variety. They're juicy, zesty, bright, and everything you love about lemons, minus the See, that's right. No more seeds floating in your lemonade or Diet Coke or getting caught in your teeth when you take a bite of salad. Frankly, that's just a hazard. Wonderful seedless lemons are available nationwide at retailers such as Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, Walmart, Kroger, as well as select Costco outlets. Look for wonderful seedless lemons at your local retailer or visit wonderfulseedlesslemons.com to learn more.

[Unknown]

February is here, which means some of you snowbirds are packing up and heading somewhere warmer.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I've been traveling a lot myself. I'm actually scouting some spots for a.

[Unknown]

Very special upcoming episode of Dinners on Me. And let's just say Salt Lake City is looking very promising, all thanks to Airbnb. And if you're leaving town for the season, why not let your home do a little work while you're off enjoying the sunshine? With Airbnb's new local co hosting feature, you can have a trusted local take care of everything, guest messages, check ins, even keeping things stylish so you can relax knowing your home and your guests are in good hands. So go ahead, chase that warm weather and let your home do the work for you. Visit Airbnb.com host for more information. Hi, it's Jessie.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Today on the show. You know her from her iconic show Chelsea Lately, her slate of specials, and her new book. I'll have what she's having.

[Unknown]

It's Chelsea Handler.

Jane Fountainpult. Yeah, she summoned me to her house. She summoned you to basically give me a talking to about my behavior at her birthday party.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

This is Dinner's on Me, and I'm your host, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. When Modern Family was really starting to take off and I was being asked to do press for the show, I was finding myself in the company of some of the most iconic talk show hosts of the era. I'm talking about David Letterman, Jay Leno, Barbara Walters, Larry King, Oprah. I was always filled with a healthy dose of anxiety. Anytime I went onto one of these talk shows. I mean, Letterman was specifically stressful for me because I had admired him so greatly for so long. And also I could tell as a fan of his that if he wasn't feeling his guest, he could be really tough on them. So I was very grateful that we seemed to have pretty good chemistry when I was a guest on his show. One of the talk shows I was most excited and scared to go onto was Chelsea Handler's late night show, aptly.

[Chelsea Handler]

Called Chelsea Lately Now.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I had been a massive fan of Chelsea's sharp wit as an author, fearless humor as a standup, and outspoken personality as a host for years. I was also wildly intimidated by her. Like, like, really, really intimidated. Like, like she made Letterman look like a gentle lamb. When I was asked to be a guest on Chelsea Lately, I was both honored to be considered cool enough to hang out with her and scared shitless that we wouldn't vibe. Listen, I've always been really good at overthinking things and I'm nothing if not consistent. I've done enough talk show appearances that many of them fade away into my memory. But my Chelsea Lately interview plays out vividly in my memory. As I assume you've gathered, that appearance went very well and started to pave the way for friendship with Chelsea. Now Chelsea spends a lot of her time up in Canada.

[Unknown]

Now.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

She writes a lot about her decision to buy a place up north in her latest book, I'll have what She's Having, which is out this week. So I was so excited to grab her for a meal while she she was in LA preparing to host the Critics Choice Awards.

[Unknown]

Okay, okay.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Here we are.

[Chelsea Handler]

We're eating.

[Unknown]

Are we, Are we eating?

[Chelsea Handler]

We're eating. I'm gonna eat.

[Unknown]

I'm starving on audio. That's lovely.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I brought Chelsea to the Butcher, the Baker, and the Cappuccino maker, or BBCM for short, in West Hollywood. The stylish sunlit cafe, known for its European inspired brunch dishes has been a staple on Sunset since 2017. They're also known for their hand painted colorburst lattes. They made a special one just for me and Chelsea that I'll show you guys on my Instagram. If you can score one of their bright yellow booths, you could easily spend hours here just sipping on coffee and noshing on their perfect Parisian soft omelettes. Listen, it's not often that a trendy place actually lives up to its hype, but BBCM has a cult following for a reason. And I mean, I couldn't Help but bring Chelsea here. Okay, let's get to the conversation.

[Chelsea Handler]

The last time, I was actually near you, and I actually thought about reaching out to you, but then I was like, she doesn't want to see me right now. When you were, you were at the Taylor Swift concert in Vancouver.

[Unknown]

Oh, you went the next night?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes, I went the next day. Yeah. And so I was like, oh, I should reach out to Chelsea. I was like, what am I gonna do with that? She'd be like, great. You're in the same city as you.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Who cares?

[Unknown]

How was the last night? Incredible.

[Chelsea Handler]

Incredible.

[Unknown]

Yeah. I mean, for me, the most moving thing is seeing her parents every night, watching her show every night, and her brother. Like, that is really special.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, that was the other thing. Her mom came and said hello to all of us, which was really nice. And then.

[Unknown]

Oh, that's nice. She didn't come say hello to me.

[Chelsea Handler]

No. She knew that you were there, and she does not like you. She heard what you said. Totally making shit up. And so she came to say hi to us. And then when she left that little VIP area, she was flocked by fans.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

And she spent all this time just hanging out with them and singing along with them and, like, taking pictures with them.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

It was really sweet.

[Unknown]

It is really moving.

[Chelsea Handler]

Anyway, it was pretty wild. Yeah. In your book, which I love so much, Chelsea, it's so good. I mean, I've read all your books, but this is. I love this one specifically because I feel like you've gotten quite vulnerable in it, and I don't know what that's all about.

[Unknown]

Hi. Good morning. Hello. How are you?

[Justin]

I'm doing well, thank you. My name's Justin. I'll be taking care of you guys.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hi, Justin.

[Justin]

May I get some drinks started for you?

[Chelsea Handler]

I would love some coffee, please. Sure.

[Justin]

I can do cappuccino with lattes.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'll do, like, an almond milk latte. That would be nice.

[Unknown]

I would love an iced, like, oat latte.

[Chelsea Handler]

You got it.

[Unknown]

That would be good for me.

[Justin]

Yeah. Any flavors in our lattes?

[Unknown]

No flavors. What did you. What kind of flavors?

[Justin]

We have vanilla, caramel, hazelnut.

[Unknown]

What about breast milk? Do you guys have breast milk? If you don't. Oh, hi, sweetheart. That's one of. That's one of the results of my breast milk. I fed him. Look at how buff and strong he's become.

[Chelsea Handler]

Look how strong he's become.

[Unknown]

Yeah. So I'll take an iced oat milk latte. I don't think I, I, I'm hungry. But I don't want you to eat by yourself.

[Chelsea Handler]

You don't have to do anything.

[Unknown]

Okay. So I'm not.

[Chelsea Handler]

I don't feel uncomfortable eating by myself.

[Unknown]

Okay, great.

[Chelsea Handler]

Great. You know me. I'm gonna do the soft omelette. The Parisian soft omelet.

[Justin]

The Parisian soft omelet.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Everyone loves a soft omelette.

[Justin]

And then you get a choice of potatoes, fruit, or salad with that on the side.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I'll do fruit.

[Chelsea Handler]

Fruit.

[Justin]

And then would you like to add salmon roe on top?

[Chelsea Handler]

No, thank you.

[Unknown]

No, on top of his fruit. Tricky.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's good for me.

[Justin]

Okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

You don't want anything for you?

[Unknown]

Maybe some potatoes? Breakfast potatoes, I'd pick up.

[Justin]

Try to. Breakfast potatoes.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Try to bulk up.

[Justin]

Sounds good.

[Unknown]

Carb load can send those.

[Justin]

And I'll take these out of your gut.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thank you. Appreciate it. No, I love the book so much, and I'm a slow reader, so I thought I was three fourths of the way down.

[Unknown]

You're slow.

[Chelsea Handler]

You're slow in general.

[Unknown]

You're a slow adult.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

I mean, we've established this before, I think, on my podcast.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, we did. I think. Yeah. Super slow. And dense. Very dense.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Those two things go together.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Well, this is how slow I am. I thought I was three fourths of the way done with the book. Cause I texted you last night. I was like, I'm three fourths of.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

The way down, and you were one.

[Unknown]

Quarter of the way down.

[Chelsea Handler]

It hadn't fully loaded. So, like, the little arrow on the side, I was like, God, I'm powering through this. And then it, like. And then, like, I got to wi fi, and it, like, fully loaded, and I was. And, like, the arrow shot up to, like. I was like, oh, I'm about halfway done. But, I mean, I just feel like you're very vulnerable in this book in a way that you haven't been before. And I don't know if that's because of age. You're gonna turn 50 this year, right?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Cause we're the same birth year. I turned 50 this year, too.

[Unknown]

Oh, really? When's your birthday?

[Chelsea Handler]

October.

[Unknown]

Oh, okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

My birthday, February 25th.

[Unknown]

Yeah, the book comes out on my 50th birthday.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, I love that.

[Unknown]

They gave me some options for release dates. And I was like, this is all pretty close to my birthday.

[Chelsea Handler]

9 11.

[Unknown]

They're like, 9 11. Yeah, yeah. The anniversary of Roe v. Wade being overturned. Or your birthday.

[Chelsea Handler]

Or your birthday.

[Unknown]

And I was like, I think I'll, like, kind of, like, then I Could just kind of collectively make a birthday party, a book party, make it all together, you know?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah. Listen, we met when I did your show on E. Kind of probably like early Modern Family days.

[Unknown]

Uh huh. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

And I remember, I think I've told you this before. I was super excited to do your show. Also intimidated because you don't hold back. I think that. Oh, here's coffee. Thank you.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I was.

[Unknown]

Thank you. Should we announce every time we get something? Coffee.

[Chelsea Handler]

We have received the coffee.

[Unknown]

I have the iced coffee. And Jesse got a hot coffee with a beautiful. Cheers.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Cheers.

[Chelsea Handler]

Check out the photos on Instagram. I'm not taking a picture of this latte, but when I first met you, I was so excited to meet you. And I was, I was very nervous too, because I was like, what's she going to like? You know, Am I gonna be. Am I gonna be brave? Am I gonna be able to, you know, stand up? Like, not stand up against you, but, like, stand up for myself?

[Unknown]

It's like Gladiator.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, exactly. Right. But, you know, I mean, like, I think a lot of people crumble under.

[Unknown]

No, I've heard this a lot from a lot of people that. A lot of people. When meeting me, especially during that time, I mean, I hope I've softened a little bit. I think I have, but.

[Chelsea Handler]

You have.

[Unknown]

But I never really understood how I was coming across. Like, that was just my personality. So, like, people. When people always would say, you know, Cameron Diaz said, she's like, I was so scared to come on your show. I was so scared to meet you. And so would say the same thing. And I'm like, what? What are you talking about? You think I'm just gonna, like, make fun of you? Like my guests, we're on the roundtable, we're making fun of the people that we're making fun of on the news. But I wouldn't have someone come in my living room and then eviscerate them or, you know, castigate them. But, I mean, I guess I did a couple times, but I just have more tact now. I understand that all your thoughts aren't necessary to share.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right, right, right, right. You also, I mean, I thought something else that was interesting that you talked about was how you have a fear of being disingenuous, which I sometimes feel myself like, in front of someone, you will say one thing because you want to please them, but, you know, internally you don't feel that way. You mentioned it, like when you were with Bush and his daughters and you were talking about, you know, meeting him for the first time in Maine and going to the Bush compound and like having this interaction with George Bush and feeling like, okay, I'm enjoying this man's company, but I'm like at odds with.

[Unknown]

The version of myself. I'm at odds with myself. I'm at odds. First of all, I liked him because he was charming and had a dimple. And so that's how shallow I am as you, I would be a terrible juror because anyone that was cute, that was like up, you know, for any sort of crime or being trying to defend themselves against any crime, if they were good looking or if they were charming, I would probably be easily swayed in one direction or another each day.

[Chelsea Handler]

You and my mother in law are the same person. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Do you mind talking about parts of your book? Okay, great. Yeah. So you do tell this really great story. You were friends with the Bush twins who you call sissy. Both of them are sissies.

[Unknown]

Most women I call sissy just because it's easier.

[Chelsea Handler]

You called me sissy before.

[Unknown]

It's easier. That, that's for a different reason though. It's. Ooh, that looks beautiful.

[Chelsea Handler]

Gorgeous.

[Unknown]

Jesse's omelette has. His soft omelette has been delivered.

[Chelsea Handler]

And Chelsea's.

[Unknown]

I might take a little bite of that actually.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, you should.

[Unknown]

Thank you. If you don't mind, if I'd love.

[Chelsea Handler]

For you to share some of my omelette.

[Unknown]

Take a little bit of that. Yeah. So I'm friends with the Bush twins and they heard I was in Maine because I was renting a house. It was during COVID Barbara Bush started coming over every morning. Cause with her new husband and then pickleball, everyone was banging out about pickleball. This is at the advent of pickleball, which I blame Covid for.

[Chelsea Handler]

What's this?

[Unknown]

Oh, my God.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, my God. It says dinner's on me. That's hilarious. Did you get a photo?

[Unknown]

It's so pretty. That's so sweet.

[Chelsea Handler]

How did we make this?

[Unknown]

This omelette's delicious.

[Chelsea Handler]

Isn't that great?

[Unknown]

I love a soft Parisian omelette. Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

You can have more of it if you want.

[Unknown]

I'm ok. And then they wanted a pickleball tournament at the Bush compound. Jenna wasn't there. It was just Barbara. And I was like, girls, I cannot. Girls, I can't go to the Bush compound. Like, I'm not going to meet your father. Like with all of my political nonsense, I can't. All of a sudden I'm like. I'm like a turncoat. If I Go over there. She's like, Assured me. She's like, daddy will be getting a massage, I promise you. I promise you. I'm like, daddy, don't call him that.

[Chelsea Handler]

No.

[Unknown]

And then so I go. My sisters were in. My one sister was like, you are not. We are not missing this opportunity because of you and your nonsense.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm on your sister's side, by the way.

[Unknown]

And my sisters and my brother were both like, just take some drugs. Like, you know, that usually calms me down. I always take edibles. I love drugs. And they're like, just take. My brother's like, take one. My sister's like, take four. And we ended up going there to play pickleball. And I was as high as a kite. And then that's when I met the president. Cause he was. Daddy was not getting a massage. Daddy was on my tail. He wanted to meet me and talk to me and make sure that I knew he was a nice guy. And guess what? By the time I left there, I did think he was a nice guy.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

He showed me his art collection, his painting collection, his personal painting collection.

[Chelsea Handler]

Incredible.

[Unknown]

Which was ridiculous. I told him I was stoned because I refused to take my sunglasses off because my eyes were shut. And it was actually quite a lovely afternoon. And his wife Laura was there. And then they gave us a tour of their newly renovated house. It was like we couldn't get out of there. I just kept saying, like, when is this gonna be over? Like, when will this afternoon end?

[Chelsea Handler]

Was it because you wanted to stop while you were ahead? Like, you hadn't had an outburst or like.

[Unknown]

Yeah, like, I knew I was gonna happen.

[Chelsea Handler]

It was gonna happen.

[Unknown]

I'm someone who can't control, you know, like, especially if someone I disagree with, like, I would wanna make a point if he hadn't come out against Trump. And I think it was in 2020. Yeah, it was right before the election or right after. It was somewhere where he could have come out against him. You hadn't said that, and he hadn't. And so I was like, you know, I was.

[Chelsea Handler]

You had that in the canon.

[Unknown]

I'm like, I'm gonna talk to him. I'm gonna convince him to say something.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

But it was. It was a perfect example of how useless any of my outbursts or confrontational proclivities would have been in that moment. Like, what would be the point of that? You know what I mean? What would be the point of ARGU about that? He's not the president anymore. It doesn't matter. Blah. Blah, blah. And so, yeah, we left there and you know when you're stoned, like, 15 minutes, feels like 45 minutes. So the whole time I was with him, I was just like, are we sleeping over? Like, how long is this gonna go? And then finally I got out of there, and it was a pretty funny experience. I mean, everyone that came with me that day, like my friends and family that were at my house. Cause whenever I roll up to to some place, it's like with 20 with the entourage. Yeah. I always have like, family, Golden Globes. Yeah. I mean, we left there that day. My brother goes, God, Chelsea, every time we go away with you, something really ridiculous happens. He goes, and I'm down for it. I'm like, yeah, it's pretty funny.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

And now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, Chelsea talks to me about a note she sent her family that went viral and Jane Fonda calling her out for being naughty at a party. Okay, be right back.

[Unknown]

This episode of Dinners on Me is brought to you by Nissan.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

These days, it feels like the world.

[Unknown]

And our lives are moving at hyper speed. I mean, that's why I love doing this podcast. It's a chance to slow down, to truly connect with another human being and to enjoy the feeling of actually being in the present moment. On that note, I am very excited.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

That Dinners On Me is partnering with.

[Unknown]

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[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

So thanks again to Nissan for sponsoring.

[Unknown]

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[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

And we're back with more dinners on me.

[Chelsea Handler]

I do love the letter that you wrote to your family. Speaking of, like, having your family in your space so often. You know, you talk a lot about the pandemic and how you brought in your family to stay with you.

[Unknown]

I didn't bring anyone in. They descended upon my house.

[Chelsea Handler]

True.

[Unknown]

It wasn't an invitation. It was an attack. It was an invasion, if you will.

[Chelsea Handler]

But you wrote this incredible email to them. Yeah, well, it wasn't that you published in your book.

[Unknown]

Yes, I wrote an email to my family. This was after a vacation on Martha's Vineyard. So we used to grow. My parents used to have a house on the Vineyard. So that's like a very special place for our family, my brothers and sisters, of which there are six of us. And we. You spent every summer on the Vineyard. And so we try. We don't have that house anymore. So it was after a vacation in Martha's Vineyard, where my nephew. Usually the nephews are the biggest problems. Like, they're kind of. Cause they. And it's my own fault because I expose them to these, like, great vacations that most people probably don't have access to, you know, And I didn't think about that. I wasn't thoughtful enough about what I was giving them because they handled it because you just want to spoil the people that you love. You want to be like, oh, we're going to rent this crazy house on Martha's Vineyard. Everyone's going to paddleboard and get bikes, and we're all going to have fun on the beach. And, yeah, you can, you know, have fun. You guys have your own guest house, so you can get up to whatever you want. They're teenage boys, but they just became a pattern of just abuse and entitlement and expectations and also a lack of respect for the people who worked around the house. And I remember leaving one vacation, which preceded the letter in the book that you're talking about, of where I just was like, oh, I'm part of this problem. Like, I have totally overdone it. Know how to say please and thank you in proper ways. They don't know how to look people in the eye that are working at the house. And I was like, this is gross. And when I brought it up to my brothers and sisters, you know, everyone is so defensive about their own children. Everyone wants to make a million excuses about their child's behavior. And I was like, yeah, no, this is a letter to you and to your children because they are a result of you. And I am taking my responsibility in this. But I'm also setting boundaries now. Like, this is no longer how we're gonna operate. So I sent that letter, and I think I had a couple friends check it to make sure it was in the right tone. You know, it wasn't confrontational. It was like, I love you. I will always love you.

[Chelsea Handler]

And you also took ownership of yourself, which I really thought was big of you. Yeah, of course I took part in this, too.

[Unknown]

But that's post therapy talk, you know, like, if it was pre therapy, I would have been like, get the fuck out of my lungs. And it was. They were shocked when they got that letter. But the letter circulated around the industry because I sent it to my agent, I think, for feedback. And she's like, this letter is incredible. I want to actually send this to my fucking family.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's a template now.

[Unknown]

And so then she started setting it up so that the letter came back to, like, two years later. I got the letter, and someone forwarded to me going, they took off the names of it, and someone forwarded the letter to me and was like, this sounds like a great letter. You should send your family.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's incredible.

[Unknown]

And I was like, that's my letter. I wrote that letter. So that was really fun.

[Chelsea Handler]

Now it's published, so anyone could use it. But that moment where you said, okay, I'm gonna have. I'm gonna confront my family, it reminded me a lot of what happened with you and Jane Fonda, which you also talk about in the book.

[Unknown]

Oh, yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

How you were pulled aside.

[Unknown]

Jane found a pull. Yeah, she handed.

[Chelsea Handler]

And to have someone. Now that's someone who also scares me, who I've also met and love.

[Unknown]

Yeah, right.

[Chelsea Handler]

She's incredible. I find her to be incredibly intimidating.

[Unknown]

Intimidating.

[Chelsea Handler]

You guys have become friends.

[Unknown]

That's so funny. She has said the same thing to me that you said to me, that I'm intimidating to her. Can you imagine?

[Chelsea Handler]

To intimidate Jane Fonda, I'm like, what?

[Unknown]

She's like, well, maybe not intimidating. Scary. I think she once we were campaigning and in Albuquerque earlier this year, and she goes, yeah, Chelsea. She goes, you're so much Less scary than you used to be.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

I basically started off this conversation saying the same thing.

[Unknown]

Yeah, exactly. So.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

But she pulled you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Like, she invited you over for dinner.

[Unknown]

And she summoned me to her house. She summoned you to basically give me a talking to about my behavior at her birthday party one year. And I was. I had just started therapy, and I was. Thank goodness, because just by having gone a couple times, I understood that when you are defensive, you're usually wrong. Like, if you know you're right, you don't have to defend yourself. You know what I mean? If you didn't do anything or if you're not arguing about a point, it's usually because you're above it. Like, you know better. And so I knew that much, thankfully, because otherwise I would have been like, what do you mean? I didn't do that. I didn't do that or blamed something or something else, someone else, or anything else. And I didn't because I really, in that moment, understood the act of, like, sisterhood that she was bestowing upon me, that she took the time to have me come to her house, that she took the time to have that conversation with me. She could have just stopped talking to me and blown me off, you know, and never spoken to me again, but she didn't do that. She was invested in the betterment of me, in a sense, and told me that. And I remember being so mortified, like, feeling really embarrassed and shameful, but at the same time, it was like a light bulb went off about, like, this is the kind of sister I want to be to other people. Like, I want to make sure that I. A, that she never has to talk to me again, that I make the improvements and address the issue, and B, that I am the same type of woman to other women that she was to me.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, because it's scary because you don't want to, like, offend someone or, like, make them, you know, scared of you or that willingness to be open with someone and truthful to someone is so rare. I have dear, dear friends who I feel like aren't truthful with me and will tell me what I want to hear.

[Unknown]

Exactly. Absolutely.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know that they're protecting a friendship, but ultimately I'm like, it's not doing the good you think it's doing.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I think. And that is. I don't know if that's a, you know, like. I guess it's a cultural, societal thing pretty much in a lot of places, but I think specifically in Los Angeles, you know, people are so scared of conflict or confrontation or difficult conversations. And I feel quite the opposite. You know, I've always felt that that's why I always want to be so honest, is because I feel like there's a lack of that. You know, we're, like, in a deficit of honesty here. And it's kind of refreshing to be able to ask somebody, hey, do I look like an asshole? Did I act like an asshole? Am I wrong in this situation?

[Chelsea Handler]

But even you asking that, like, gives permission to be like, okay, I'm going to tell you the truth.

[Unknown]

Yeah, right.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think it's because most people won't ask that, right? They wait to be told that they're an asshole and, like, no one's going to tell them.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Do you remember, because you don't really.

[Chelsea Handler]

Specify in the book. Do you remember what you did at that party or was it just, like, a general malaise that you had?

[Unknown]

Oh, I think I was just on, whatever, drugs, you know, and I was just in a. I was in a bad. I remember I had. It was around the time, I think Trump was elected. And I was so angry, and my anger was all misplaced. I mean, of course you could be angry about that, but it was too much anger. And it was like, what I realized in therapy, it was all this, like, delayed grief and anger I had about losing my brother when I was younger, that it was just coming to the surface. So, like, all my bravado and all my steeliness was a result of me having to be tough at such a young age. And then at a certain point, you run out of that gas. Like, it doesn't start. It doesn't work for you in the same way. And that was what was happening at that time. So, yeah, who knows? I remember talking to Tom Hanks. I remember talking to Maria Shriver, who's a very close friend of mine. Still, I don't remember much. I just remember being in one of those very aggressive moods where I was probably giving people a lot of shit and it probably wasn't funny. It was just too harsh, you know? But I didn't question it either.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right. I also recently started therapy myself. The patterns that I find for me is that I'm such a people pleaser. Like, I don't want people mad at me. I think I have that gene inside me. Like, I do want to make people feel good about themselves, and I don't want to always call people out on their shit. But I am getting better at that. And I think it's because I'm standing up for myself, too. And, like, I know that I have to create a space where the people that I surround myself with are the types of people that, you know, I can trust. So I need to be that for other people as well. And sort of, like, I have to set an example for myself.

[Unknown]

Yeah. And also, it's an honest way of living. You know, I find. I find the kind of tiptoeing around or, like, being averse to conflict and all that not to be the most forthright, honest way to live. Like, it's okay. Like, if someone wants to criticize me, I'm not gonna. I don't lose anything from that. I don't become a shell of myself. Like, you should be able to handle that kind of constructive criticism or feedback or honesty. I think that's a sign of maturity, growth, and, like, evolution. Like. And isn't that the point to, like, grow up, you know?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. When I was on your podcast, I told you that I really loved your Netflix series, Chelsea Does.

[Unknown]

Oh, thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Really loved it so much. I thought it was really smart, really interesting. I just love those kind of vulnerable places you put yourself in and trying new things. But then in your book, you do talk about how that time at Netflix was, like, a period when you're just talking about when you're not feeling your best. And it's kind of what seems to have driven you toward working on yourself and seeking therapy. And to an outsider, I just thought, oh, Chelsea's in this really new, interesting place doing this totally different thing after her, you know, success on E. And, like, it was interesting reading, kind of like what was going on within you.

[Unknown]

I think there were two different parts of that. There was. I left Ian, and my first Netflix job was the Chelsea does series. And that I was. That was 2014, and that I was still in a good place. It was really right around 2016 with the election. When I started my talk show, it was the combination of, like, the destabilization of Trump being elected for the first time. The effect that that had on me, combined with this newer kind of idea of putting a nightly talk show on a streaming platform, which was the first one to do it. And it was that combination of things. So, like, when you're talking about the Chelsea Doe series, I was in a good place for that. That was like, okay. But it was. Everything kind of bubbled up around 2016 for me where. And was when I was turning 40, you know, like, you start to really. Or it must have been a couple of years after 40. But, like, they talk about midlife like, that is when you start to contemplate things and start to go, wait, what am I doing? Is this. Is this even? Does this matter? Like, do I matter? Does anybody care if I disappear? Like, you just. There's a lot of introspection that I think naturally comes up around that age. And thankfully, you know, I'm gonna be 50 this year. That I'm in so much of a healthier, better place in every respect. You know, with relationships, with alcohol, with drugs, with everything. Like, I'm so much more grounded and like, on it. You know what I mean? And more like so self secure.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And so like, I think those periods are really important to actually dive in and do the work because you come out of it and you're like, I know exactly who I am.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, Chelsea tells me about a special parental relationship she's formed with her ex boyfriend's daughters. How 2016 was not her year. And she's also not shy about her cosmetic procedures. Okay, be right back.

[Unknown]

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[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

And we're back with more dinners on me.

[Chelsea Handler]

One of my favorite chapters. I loved it so much, Chelsea. I actually got Terry reading. It was the one about. Let me get the chapter title right. It's the Oopsie.

[Unknown]

The Poopsie Poopsie, Whoopsie, Whoopsie, Oopsie, Whoopsie and Oopsie.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's yes, first of all. So you know the title chapter. I was like, okay, what's this gonna Be about. But it's this incredible account of you sort of allowing your maternal instinct to take over, and you have this incredible relationship with one of your exes, who. I'm obviously desperately trying to figure out who it is, but I just thought it was so lovely.

[Unknown]

It's just how I've kind of not adopted. Quasi. Adopted three girls or have them in my life.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right.

[Unknown]

Three girls have an ex boyfriend that I dated for about a year.

[Chelsea Handler]

And you developed a very relationship.

[Unknown]

They're still in my life. It's so funny. Now that I have a relationship with. I still have a relationship with all three of them.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's so beautiful. And the fact that you still have that relationship. I don't know. I mean, you've always been one to say, you know, I do not want kids. You have a whole ode to, like, why your life is better without kids. And yet being able to, like, recognize that there are maternal instincts within you that bubble up in strange places and you allowed yourself to, you know.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

See those through. It was. I don't know. It seems to have given you a lot.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it has. For sure. Those girls, I mean, it's so funny. I took parenting classes for these girls. You know what I mean? Which is the biggest joke of all time, the fact that Chelsea Handler's taking parenting classes. But I did it and I loved it. Like, I learned so much from the psychologist about what children need to feel safe, secure, and seeing the three S's.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So, I mean, it is. It's not that I don't have a maternal instinct. I do. I just don't want children. And so, yeah, I love having influence and being like, whether it's a big sister or like a parent figure, whatever it is, I have the bandwidth because I don't have children to spend time with so many children. I also, when I met them, I could relate so much to the way they felt. You know, that kind of neglect, that kind of teenage angst later on when they got older. Like, I related so much to all of that because I grew up in a household where I was the youngest of six. My parents were completely checked out, My brothers and sisters raised me, and I craved and wanted the parent that was gonna show up to the games and show up to the school conference nights and be at my plays, you know, at, like, the auditorium at school. My parents didn't do any of that. And so that's what I wanted to be for them.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

You know, and just be consistent and show up.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it seems that you Also, because you come at so many relationships with like a no bullshit attitude. I do feel like kids are attracted to that. I think sometimes even with my own kids, like, as a parent, I can sometimes placate them a little bit or like, you know, you want to make.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Them feel good all the time.

[Chelsea Handler]

And there's something about people who are just like, no bullshit that I think kids really like.

[Unknown]

Well, you also, when you respect children, like, you really respect them, that's. I mean, that is the definition of getting respect is by giving it right? Like when you respect children and you're interested and you're listening to them, they like that. And that's really all you need is to be consistently available, even if it's for five minutes on FaceTime. You know, I used to hate FaceTime. I had a boyfriend who made me FaceTime all the time. I was like, fuck you and FaceTime, okay? Like, I'm done with this relationship and I'm done with FaceTime. And now I FaceTime all the time with these three girls because, you know, they love it. And even if it's the middle of the night, I'm like, I turn my light on and I get on the phone with them. But yeah, it gives you. And also as a parent, you know, that you get such a sense of purpose out of it. For me, since I'm not a parent, I still find it so purposeful to have influence over them in a positive way and to go out of my way for them feels good.

[Chelsea Handler]

How does your ex feel about your relationship with them?

[Unknown]

He loves it.

[Chelsea Handler]

I love it.

[Unknown]

I mean, I don't see him very often, but every once in a while when I take them somewhere or on vacation or I see them, we'll send him pictures or whatever, and he's just like, he always just says thank you, you know, thank you for everything you've done.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's incredible.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it is really sweet. And his ex wife, the same. You know, they're both like. They like think that I'm part of their unit, parental unit. Like they confer with me or they did when the girls were younger. They'd be like, what do you think we should do about this? I'm like, oh, God, this is so weird. Why are we in a throuple? You know, I'm not even dating you anymore.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's such a great relationship. I'm sort of envious of it.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it's pretty cute.

[Chelsea Handler]

How much of the time do you spend up in Canada now?

[Unknown]

Well, this year I am just going back and forth I base myself out of there, and then I come back to la. Like, I have this book coming out. My special. My Netflix Special comes out March 25th. I have.

[Chelsea Handler]

Is a Netflix special based on the book?

[Unknown]

No, it's like, there's a couple stories that are overlapped, but no, it's my. A new special with a lot more stuff that's not in the book. And then, you know, it's my 50th birthday, so I have a lot of action happening this year, back and forth. So I base myself out of Whistler and I fly back for my work stuff, which is nice.

[Chelsea Handler]

Do you have big plans for your actual birthday?

[Unknown]

Well, I mean, my book comes out on my birthday, so that will be. That's fine with me. I'm gonna have a party in New York because that's where I'll be. I'll have a party in Whistler. I don't know if I'll have a party in LA yet, but, I mean, I'm a standup comedian who gets to perform in front of thousands of people every night. I feel like I'm not dehydrated for attention. Even though I love to celebrate other people's birthdays, I'm not. I don't feel that I need. I feel like I've had a lot of weddings, so to speak.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

Do you know what I mean?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Do you think that you would ever have your own show again, or are you happy to not have that pressure?

[Unknown]

You know, there have been times where I've wanted to contemplate it or had conversations, you know, professional conversations with my agents and networks about it, but it's never come to the point where it's become a reality or. And then I think about that schedule.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, my earrings.

[Unknown]

I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Your poor earlobes.

[Chelsea Handler]

That was like a comedy. Your earlobes are going to turn comedy sound effects.

[Unknown]

Your earlobes are gonna turn into labia. My ears. I'm gonna get my ears reduced because they're turning into one. My ears. I just realized my ears are growing. I didn't just realize. I realized a while ago. But also my lobe, they're getting hairy too. Oh, yeah. They've got big black hairs coming out of them. But the bottom of my lobe is like a little labia. And I'm like, what? And my friend goes, oh, you can tuck it. And they do the surgery where they go like this. And I'm like, oh, I'm definitely doing that. Yes. As soon as I have my next Downtime, I'll be getting my ears tucked.

[Chelsea Handler]

Just add that to the.

[Unknown]

You heard it here first.

[Chelsea Handler]

Add it to the roster.

[Unknown]

Add it to the roster of brush ups.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's hilarious. You look fabulous, by the way.

[Unknown]

Oh, thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Do you get tucks and stuff?

[Unknown]

Do I get tucks?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Oh, on my face. Yeah, yeah, I do lots of stuff. I do lots of stuff.

[Chelsea Handler]

Whoever's doing it is very, very good.

[Unknown]

Thank you. I'd like to look my age, but refreshed.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Like, I don't drink.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

But I do. You know what I mean? But yes, I get. Listen, I do so much stuff. I take peptides, I do lasers. I'm not shy about that. And I would never want anyone to think this is au naturel because it's not, you know, and that's so unfair for women to be like, looking at these women in Hollywood, like, how does everyone look so good because we have access to all the shit, you know, I inject myself with like five different peptides every morning that are anti aging. I get facials all the time. I get lasers. I rip my skin off after my ski season so that it comes back, you know, you do, you have incredible. Thank you, thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Thanks for doing this.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it was a pleasure. I was glad. I'm so excited to have a potato.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah. You know what? Your potatoes are on me.

[Unknown]

Oh, thank you.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

This episode of Dinner's On Me was recorded at the Butcher, the Baker and the Cappuccino Maker in West Hollywood, California. Next week on Dinners on Me. You know her as Spencer Hastings on Pretty Little Liars and her Amazon prime series On Call. It's Troian Bellisario. We talk about playing a teenager for seven seasons of tv, surviving a long distance relationship and her car birth story. And if you don't want to wait until next week to listen, you can download that episode right now by subscribing to Dinners on Me. Plus, as a subscriber, not only do you get access to new episodes one week early, you'll also be able to listen completely ad free. Just click try free at the top of the Dinners on Me show page on Apple Podcasts. To start your free trial today, Dinners on Me is a production of Sony Music Entertainment and a kid named Beckett Productions. It's hosted by me, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. It's executive produced by me and Jonathan Hirsch. Our showrunner is Joanna Clay. Our associate producer is Angela Vanguard. Sam Baer engineered this episode, Hans Dale. She composed our theme music. Our head of production is Sammy Allison. Special thanks to Tamika Balance Kolasny and Justin Makita. I'm Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Join me next week.