Dinner’s on Me with Jesse Tyler Ferguson

Episode: Lea DeLaria — on breaking barriers as a queer comic, and finding unexpected fame with ‘Orange Is the New Black’
Date: September 30, 2025
Location: Little Owl, West Village, NYC

Episode Overview

In this warm, hilarious, and searching episode, Jesse Tyler Ferguson sits down with his long-time friend, comedian and actor Lea DeLaria. Over breakfast at New York’s iconic Little Owl, they reminisce about nearly three decades of friendship, the early years in New York theater, and Lea’s trailblazing comedy career. The conversation spans Lea's historic coming out on national TV, the transformative impact of "Orange Is the New Black,” the art of reclaiming slurs, family stories, and unforgettable showbiz moments. DeLaria’s signature bawdy wit, candor, and vulnerability shine as she and Jesse reflect on queer history, chosen family, and loving oneself—warts and all.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Early Friendship & New York Beginnings

• First Meeting: Jesse and Lea recall meeting in 1997 while doing On the Town in Central Park—a pivotal, career-defining moment for both.
  • “I remember what your screensaver was when we met. … Lance Bass.” (04:46, B)
• Quirky Tech & Early Days: Nostalgia for “candy colored Apple Macs” and playing You Don’t Know Jack together. (05:02)
• Musical Roots: Lea talks about her jazz pianist father taking her to gigs as an eight-year-old, fostering a lifelong love of applause.
  • “He’d go, ‘Here’s my daughter,’ and out I'd come … the little eight-year-old freak. And I'd sing whatever, ‘Summertime’…” (09:44, B)

2. Family, Humor, and Identity

• Family Pranks: Hilarious story of Lea and her siblings tricking their mother with the name “Mike Hunt.”
  • “I remember specifically, she goes, ‘I can't picture Mike Hunt.’” (16:27, A)
• Inherited Wit: Lea reflects on her blend of her mother’s smart, dry humor and her father’s goofiness.
  • “I always feel like I kind of got a really good combination of both of them in my sense of humor.” (17:18, B)
• Relationships: Patterns of being drawn to “really quiet” women “who are fucking hilarious,” echoing her mother. (17:47)

3. Career Firsts & Breakthroughs

• Getting the Equity Card: Both reminisce about earning their union cards via On the Town. Lea was already a cabaret and stand-up staple, but broke new ground in theater.
  • “Here’s my boyfriend, he’s much younger than me. This is his first professional job and he’s fucking fearless.” (21:13, B)
• Game-Changing New York Times Review: Lea describes reading a rave review that changed her life, literally sitting on the curb crying.
  • “By the time I got to the third paragraph, that’s when I sat down on the curb… and actually started kind of crying… I knew my life was gonna change dramatically.” (23:33, B)

4. Breaking Barriers as a Queer Comic

• Historic TV Moment: Jesse highlights Lea as the “first openly gay comic on American television,” referencing her 1993 Arsenio Hall Show appearance (“a few years before [Jesse] met [her]”) (31:18).
• Trailblazing Visibility: Lea recounts how few queer comics were out publicly in the early 1990s (“I can do it on one hand. Really.” (32:08, B)), and the parallel rise of RuPaul and herself.
• Reclaiming Slurs: Lea and Arsenio’s pushback against network lawyers over use of “dyke," "fag," and "queer"—a major act of reclamation and representation.
  • “She’s a dyke, and if she wants to call herself a dyke, who the fuck are we to tell her she can’t call herself a dyke? So it’s going on.” (35:49, B, quoting Arsenio Hall)
  • “It’s called reclamation. It’s a political tool. … Whenever anybody says to me, ‘Lea, don’t call yourself a dyke,’ I generally respond, ‘Well, you sound like a self-loathing fag.’” (36:26, B)

5. “Orange Is the New Black” & Butch Representation

• Game-Changer: The extraordinary, global impact of Orange Is the New Black.
  • “It’s watched still by over 200 million people in over 200 countries still… It’s crazy.” (30:46, B)
• Butch Joy and Pain: Big Boo provided butch lesbians representation, visibility, and affirmation. Lea reflects on the emotional reaction from fans and the shared hardships of “butch” identity.
  • “These butches come up to me on the street and cry… It was the first time I ever saw myself in a television show… We all went through the thing where our moms are trying to make us wear a dress… We’ve all been despised by our own community…” (44:25, B)
• Changes in the Community: Shifted attitudes towards gender presentation and queerness, thanks to shows like OITNB and RuPaul’s Drag Race: “That has changed within our community. But before that, we were despised.” (44:25, B)

6. Showbiz Stories & Annoyances

• Recurring Typecasting: Lea’s early Hollywood niche was “the lesbian who inappropriately hits on straight women, PE teachers and police lieutenants.” (41:45, B)
• Naked Anecdotes: Absurd stories of being repeatedly walked in on (naked) during Broadway’s On the Town, including a mortified Betty Comden and Adolph Green.
  • “I am buck ass naked… with my big butt towards the door, inserting a tampon…” (39:14, B)

7. The “U-Haul” Joke Origin & Queer Comedy Legacy

• Origin Story: Lea explains how she invented the now-classic “What does a lesbian bring on a second date? A U-Haul.” joke.
  • “Well, if you’re like most lesbians on a second date, you’ll bring a U-Haul. And the laugh was so humongous.” (50:08, B)
  • The joke first appeared on the album Bulldyke in a China Shop.
• Legacy & Impact: The enduring universality and relatability of the joke for the queer community.

8. Love, Life, and Chosen Family

• Upcoming Marriage: Lea is marrying her fiancée Dahlia in a gothic wedding on November 22nd (JFK assassination date—“seemed appropriate for a goth wedding”). Jesse is best man; Vanessa Williams will sing. (52:51)
• Aging & Enduring Friendship: The episode ends on loving, ribald banter about friendship, getting older, and finally “marrying Lea off at the ripe age of 99.” (53:14, A)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Don’t put this butch in a box. I wanted pink and bubbly.” — Lea DeLaria (05:59)
• “My humor? Always. Always. But my family was always really, really, really funny.” – Lea, on growing up with humor in the household. (17:05)
• “You weren’t afraid of me. You were like, toe to toe… And again, a lot of people at that time were intimidated by me, you know, so it was really kind of fab to have you just be… Boom. Right, you know, right there.” — Lea (21:13)
• “That was stupid. … You said, ‘I am not hiding. I was told to stay here.’ … That 21-year-old kid just let the choreographer have it. I… fell in love with you.” — Lea (21:13)
• “By the time I got to the third paragraph, that’s when I sat down on the curb… and actually started kind of crying… I knew my life was gonna change dramatically.” — Lea, on her breakthrough NY Times review (23:33)
• “He [Arsenio] came in, he sat down with me, he was like, ‘Go out and tell your truth, be you. Blah, blah, blah, blah. You’re on this show because we know how good you are.’… And then I just went out and I kind of tore the roof off the fucker, as they say.” — Lea (35:04)
• “‘She’s a dyke, and if she wants to call herself a dyke, who the fuck are we to tell her she can’t call herself a dyke?’ So it’s going on. He fought hard for it and he won.” — Lea (35:49, quoting Arsenio Hall)
• “These butches come up to me on the street and cry… It was the first time I ever saw myself in a television show.” — Lea, on Orange Is the New Black (44:25)
• “We have our own culture, and we should celebrate that. And those of us who are here presenting it every, every day in a way that maybe you’re not comfortable doing, you should relax and let them be who they are. We’re letting you be who you are.” — Lea (44:25)
• “If you’re like most lesbians on a second date, you’ll bring a U-Haul.” — Lea (50:08)
• “I'm your best man.” “I know. I'm very excited about that, too. And Vanessa’s singing.” — Jesse & Lea on the wedding (53:06)

Important Timestamps

• 04:46–05:02 – Reminiscing about first meeting, old computers, early NYC days
• 09:44–10:45 – Lea’s childhood, dad’s jazz gigs, early love of applause
• 16:22–17:34 – The “Mike Hunt” family prank story
• 20:05–23:33 – On the Town, earning Equity card, career-changing review
• 31:18–37:17 – Arsenio Hall, queer comic visibility, reclaiming slurs
• 44:25 – Orange Is the New Black, butch pride, and queer representation
• 39:14 – Naked backstage encounters & Broadway chaos
• 50:08–51:28 – The origination and legacy of the “U-Haul” lesbian joke
• 52:51 – Lea’s wedding plans, chosen family
• 53:38 – Loving teasing on aging and their decades-long friendship

Tone & Atmosphere

The episode is loose, laughter-filled, intimate, and delightfully raucous—a blend of deep tenderness and crass humor, just as their friendship is. Both are unfiltered but affectionate. Even discussions of hardship, prejudice, and identity are laced with wit and empathy.

Conclusion

This episode is a must-listen for fans of queer history, New York theater, or anyone who cherishes chosen family. Lea DeLaria’s journey from pioneering comic to global TV icon is relived alongside Jesse Tyler Ferguson’s own growth, all underpinned by genuine respect, joy, and camaraderie.

Next Week Teaser: Kerri Preston (True Blood, The Good Wife, Elsbeth) joins Jesse for more candid, colorful conversation.