Lilly Singh — on sex, surviving late night, and taking up space

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Dinner’s on Me with Jesse Tyler Ferguson

Episode: Lilly Singh — on sex, surviving late night, and taking up space

Release Date: September 2, 2025

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Overview

In this candid, laughter-filled breakfast at Linden’s (the Arlo Soho Hotel), Jesse Tyler Ferguson welcomes comedian, YouTube star, author, and actress Lilly Singh. They dive into topics ranging from the creation of her new sex comedy film "Doing It," her tumultuous late-night TV experience, cultural barriers around sexuality, and how personal identity can easily be subsumed by career. The episode is packed with genuine vulnerability, sharp industry insights, lighter moments, and a frank discussion of the hurdles faced as a woman of color carving out space in entertainment.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meeting at Linden’s: Setting the Tone (04:08–05:14)

• Atmosphere: Jesse describes the restaurant’s secret-garden vibe, calling it “a friendly, spirited, light spot…It feels like it fits my guest Lily’s energy perfectly.”
• Matching Energy: Both connect over matching hats and commiserate about rushed mornings and New York’s chaos.

2. The Quest to Be Seen Beyond “YouTuber” (12:39–13:27)

• The Box of ‘Creator’:
  • Lilly discusses her long journey moving from YouTube stardom to being taken seriously as an actor and filmmaker.
  • "For so long, I was on the 'digital list' and I was on the creators list…I love coming from the creator space…but can we start giving people credit where credit is due a little bit, you know?" (12:47–13:27)
• Navigating Stereotypes: Both host and guest relate to industry typecasting, highlighting a fundamental lack of imagination behind the scenes in showbiz.

3. Breaking Taboo: Making a Sex Comedy as a Brown Woman (17:16–21:06)

• Cultural Barriers:
  • Lilly’s new movie "Doing It" is a raunchy sex comedy with South Asian leads.
  • She reveals, "Growing up, sex was a super taboo subject…never saw any sexual comedy or sex stuff with brown people in it…if I had this movie growing up, I would be a lot better adjusted." (17:16–17:44)
  • Pushback from industry: The film was called “too niche” due to its casting and themes, despite its universal coming-of-age story.
• Parental Experiences:
  • “[My parents] weren’t really the talk-givers. So I learned about sex from movies, music videos… literally believed for years boys could take their penises off!” (19:30–20:09)

4. Family Involvement & Cultural Authenticity (21:09–21:39)

• Mom as Cultural Consultant:
  • Lilly’s mother served as the film’s cultural consultant, ensuring authentic language and settings for scenes shot in India.

5. Hurdles, Representation & the “Too Niche” Label (17:44–18:22, 31:12–32:22)

• Lilly unpacks the deeper bias at play behind “niche” accusations and expresses pride in breaking new ground:
  • “Who invented the Kama Sutra again, right?…How many South Asians are on the planet? Clearly they have sex. Clearly we know about sex.” (18:23–18:34)
• She hopes for new industry expectations: "Doing It is actually my production company's first feature…one little peg in our first table." (32:08–32:22)

6. TED Talk Reflections (22:21–26:56)

• Topics Covered:
  • Gender equity, the evolving attitude of her grandfather, and the weaponization of gratitude against women.
• Behind the Scenes:
  • “A TED Talk is completely memorized…19 minutes, full of stats, no teleprompter, a backwards timer, in a room of geniuses…” (23:54–24:23)
  • “My favorite part of my TED Talk…Gratitude is really weaponized against women. Once a day, I get shushed into being mistreated through gratitude.” (26:05–26:51)

7. Self-Worth, Disappointment & Finding Joy Outside of Work (34:20–39:45)

• On Rejection and Self-Worth:
  • Jesse and Lilly both discuss the emotional whiplash of high expectations and disappointment.
  • Lilly reflects, "If my whole self-worth… is based on how Doing It does, that’s a very bleak existence…but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy my friends or feel like a good person." (36:07–37:06)
  • Therapy, boundaries, and resilience are discussed as survival tools.
• Industry Armor:
  • “There’s not a schedule that scares me. Post-late night, there’s not a schedule that phases me at all…I wanted to have a blast.” (38:54–39:23)

8. Nerdiness, Growth, and Always Learning (41:12–42:38)

• Student for Life:
  • Lilly’s love for learning, acting, and the joy of being a “nerd” is highlighted with anecdotes about hiring a survivalist for her friends and reveling in acquiring new skills.
  • “I think a nerd is just someone who is passionate about things...I’m a big, big nerd." (42:26–42:35)

9. NBA All-Star Game & Embracing Nerve-Wracking Experiences (42:38–44:54)

• Facing Fears: Playing in the celebrity NBA All-Star game was nerve-wracking, but Lilly is proud of embracing the challenge.

10. Jesse’s Most Embarrassing Moment and the Pressures of Representation (44:54–48:02)

• Jesse’s Dodgers Pitch:
  • Jesse shares his anxiety-fueled, comedic “cop-out” while throwing the first pitch at Dodgers Stadium, and the pressures to represent the LGBTQ+ community.
  • “You have to represent all gay people throwing this pitch…That’s also not fair to you, but that is the burden we carry.” (46:54–48:02)
• Lilly’s Reassurance: “It is impossible to please everyone. And as your new best friend… it’s not your fault...It’s not your responsibility.” (48:02–48:05)

11. Connection & Fun as Victories (48:06–48:38)

• Mutual Admiration: Both affirm how refreshing their honest conversation has been.
• A Toast to Listeners:
  • “Remember fun? ...Back to that. More of that.” (38:24–38:37)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Industry Stereotypes:
  • “We’re creative enough to make stuff, not creative enough to view people as multifaceted.” — Lilly (12:02)
• On Sex Taboo:
  • “Never ever saw any sexual comedy or sex stuff with brown people in it…if I had this movie growing up, I’d be more comfortable in my body, more confident…” — Lilly (17:16–17:44)
• On Being Labeled ‘Niche’:
  • “Who invented the Kama Sutra again, right?...Clearly they have sex. Clearly we know about sex.” — Lilly (18:23–18:34)
• On TED Talks:
  • “It was a 19 minute, completely memorized TED Talk…full of stats, full of numbers. You have to get it right—it's a high pressure situation.” — Lilly (24:17–24:23)
• On Weaponized Gratitude:
  • “Once a day, I get shushed into being mistreated through gratitude…No—I can be grateful and also be treated well.” — Lilly (26:05–26:51)
• On Work and Identity:
  • “For as long as I can remember…I’ve always been what I do. I’ve been my good grades, the good job I got—that’s all I was ever validated for.” — Lilly (37:06)
• On Rejection:
  • “Heard the news an hour later, went out with my friends, had a great time. I’m more than my ambition. I’m more than these projects.” — Lilly (38:03–38:18)
• On Facing Fear:
  • “There’s not a schedule that scares me…what I learned from late night was, if you do that and you’re not thrilled to go back the next day, that is a very bad place to be in.” — Lilly (38:54–39:23)
• On Being a Nerd:
  • “I think a nerd is just someone who is passionate about things...I’m a big, big nerd." — Lilly (42:26–42:35)
• On Fun:
  • “Remember fun? Remember when we used to just be like, I’m going to enjoy someone’s company, connect with someone…Back to that. More of that.” — Lilly & Jesse (38:26–38:37)
• On Community and Burden:
  • “When you’re in underrepresented communities…you have to carry the burden of correcting all the mishaps and being representation for all these people. And it is something I even feel like…” — Lilly (46:54–48:02)

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Key Timestamps

• 04:08 – Arrival at Linden’s, New York vs. LA banter
• 12:02 – Conversation about stereotypes, being boxed in by the industry
• 17:16 – Discussion about "Doing It," sex, cultural taboos
• 19:30 – Hilarious childhood misunderstandings about sex
• 21:09 – Mom as cultural consultant; parents seeing the trailer
• 22:21 – TED Talk, grandfathers, and gender expectations
• 23:54 – The nerve-racking reality of delivering a TED Talk
• 26:05 – Weaponizing gratitude against women
• 34:20 – Work, expectations, and redefining self-worth
• 38:54 – Lessons from surviving late night TV
• 41:12 – Lifelong learning, being a self-professed “nerd”
• 42:38 – Playing in the NBA All-Star game
• 44:54 – Jesse’s embarrassing Dodgers pitch story
• 46:54 – Burden of representation, Lilly’s reassurance
• 48:06 – Summary vibes, mutual praise, toast to listeners

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Episode Tone

Warm, candid, relatable, with plenty of laughs and genuine connection. Jesse’s self-deprecating, affable hosting style meshes with Lilly’s unfiltered honesty and wit to create a vibe that’s welcoming—like eavesdropping on a meal between new friends.

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For anyone who hasn’t listened:
This episode is an engaging exploration of ambition, vulnerability, cultural narratives about sex, surviving the entertainment industry’s boxes, and the lifelong quest for joy and authenticity. Full of laughter, wisdom, and camaraderie, it’s as nourishing for the spirit as breakfast at Linden’s might be for the stomach.

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Transcript

[A]

So I'm currently traveling abroad in London right at the moment, which is why so many of my episodes have people with British accents right now. It's amazing here. I love it. And until I need directions or restaurant recs or anything. And I've got no wi fi and sky high roaming fees, which is just. It's not cute. That's why I started using Saily. Saily is an easy to use ESIM app created by the folks behind NordVPN. It gives you instant mobile data in over 190 countries and you only have to install it once. That means I didn't have to line up at the airport for a SIM card, get scammed outside the train station, or keep hunting for public wi fi signals like it's a rare Pokemon. Seriously, I sat outside of Wagamama the other day trying to get onto their wi fi for probably 20 minutes. I just opened the app, picked a regional plan and boom. I had reliable Internet from Italy to Greece without switching a thing. Plus Saily offers private features and 24. 7 support, which makes me feel a whole lot more secure out here. Get 15% off your saly plan with the code Dinners On Me Just download the Saly app or head to saly.com dinnersonme S A-I-L-Y.com dinnersonme Stay connected and don't miss your dinner reservation. This episode of Dinners on Me is brought to you by Huggies Little Movers. So my youngest son, Sully is that very active age. He's a toddler. He doesn't walk. It's more like he launches during a routine diaper change. He wriggled out of my grip, stood up mid change and just, you know, just walked away like a tiny little boss with half his diaper still attached. Having a baby who's always on the move is. Listen, it's a lot of fun, but it's also a workout. And when you've got a little mover, you need a diaper that actually moves with them. That's why we use Huggies Little Movers. They've got up to 100% leak proof fit and I love that I can choose between the double grip strips or the new Huggy Fit360WISTB. Both options keep the diaper snug, secure and right where it should be, which is over the little bum bum. No matter how many laps around the house Sully does before breakfast, I know his diaper is going to stay put. Huggies Little Movers made with double grip strips or with new Huggy Fit360 waistbands so your mini me can keep moving like you Huggies. We gotcha, baby. Hi, it's Jesse today on the show. You know her from her bevy of rolls that she on YouTube. She's an incredible creator of characters and she's an unbelievable storyteller. She's out with a new movie called Doing It. It's Lilly Singh.

[B]

I was in the playground and I overheard some boys talking, and I swear, I swear, Jesse, I heard them say, yeah, at night I, like, take it off. And so for I kid you not, five, six years after that, until high school, I was like, boys can take their penises off. Yeah, I swear.

[A]

This is Dinner's on me. And I'm your host, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. I am very excited to meet Lily. She's someone I've heard so much about in just recent years. I started watching her when she had her late night talk show called A Little Late. She was an incredible breath of fresh air for late night television. She's out with a new film called Doing it, which I just watched, and it is absolutely hilarious. I then went back and watched a lot of her content that she started putting out on YouTube and she has just been creating such incredible characters and has such a unique voice. She's been doing this for such a long time. I can't believe I'm just sort of now discovering who this incredible person is. I'm very excited to meet her. I actually ran into Lily on her way into the restaurant. As I was walking in, she was just getting off of a very early morning flight in from Toronto. She's getting ready. She's coming down to have a quick breakfast with me. She's doing press here in New York.

[B]

Hi, thank you so much for your patience. The traffic said, no.

[A]

I'm here at Linden's. It's this cool, cozy spot tucked into the lobby of the Arlo Soho Hotel. It's got this major secret garden in the city vibes. Lots of wood tones, greenery, sunlit patches pouring in from a courtyard. It's named after the linden tree, and you can feel that earthy, seasonal vibe and everything around here. There's something about Linden's atmosphere. It's a friendly, spirited, light spot, and I don't know, it feels like it fits my guest Lily's energy perfectly. The menu is modern American, which basically means just, you know, come hungry. I've got my eye on an omelet and a cortado, but also I've heard that their seasonal butter here is kind of legendary. The Energy is warm, it's laid back, and it's perfect for a great meal and for meeting a new friend. And speaking of, here comes Lily. Let's get to the conversation.

[B]

I'm so excited to get to know you. You seem so freaking cool.

[A]

Likewise. I feel like we're gonna be great friends.

[B]

We're gonna look great. We already arrived matching with our hats. I was debating about the hat. Do you like the hat? Should I take the hat?

[A]

I do like the hat.

[B]

Are you sure?

[A]

I was also debating with mine. I mean, my hair's a bit of a mess.

[B]

You look great.

[A]

Thank you. I have a fresh spray tan. Cause I'm showing a little skin in the show and this is not my normal color. So I'm, you know, I'm fascinated by.

[B]

The spray tan as someone who's never got one.

[A]

Right. The funny thing is it's always like an 18 year old musical theater student doing it. She was like, yeah, I saw you. And you know, she's like telling me things that she saw me and it's like she's spraying my inner thigh with like tanning solution. But yeah, you know, you have to get a little vulnerable with them. And she's like, you can dress down to like whatever you feel comfortable. And I was like, I'm comfortable not being fully naked.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I'm not doing that.

[B]

Right. So you're getting your underwear. This girl's like, I loved you in so and so. Don't you love when you're in those positions?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

My worst one was a kid. You're going to think I'm making this up, but I swear to God I'm not gynecologist. Legs spread inside of me. Wait, are you the Lily Singh? I swear, I swear. Are you the Ling? I'm like in my vagina.

[A]

That is like.

[B]

That's the day I passed away. That's the day I passed away.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Pretty, pretty rough.

[A]

She was like, wait a minute. Something feels different about this. I think you might be who I think you are.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's interesting because normal, normal, normal inside. Wait, are you the.

[A]

Wait a minute. I recognize you now.

[B]

Are you the Lily? Yeah.

[A]

That's hilarious.

[B]

Yeah. So correct. How are you?

[A]

Hi.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Nice meeting you.

[B]

Jose. Jose, nice to meet you. I love your rings and your watch less. Jose, let's go.

[A]

Yes, Jose. I can recommend the summer most popular dishes in it. In a breakfast. We have the avocado toast.

[B]

That's the chef with the sour dough.

[A]

Lemon, ricotta cheese, avocado and two Eggs, sunny side up.

[B]

Okay. That's the most popular dish. Love it.

[A]

We have also the. The lamb or bacon. Okay, I know what I want.

[B]

Go first, babe.

[A]

I'm going to do the egg white omelette. Omelette and a cortado, please. I'll do oat milk, please. And an extra shot of espresso in there.

[B]

Get it.

[A]

And sparkling water, please.

[B]

Let's go. Drink horror. I'm about to do the same thing.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

All right, Jose, here's the situation. I want some things, but I don't know if they come in the current order of what I want. So what I really just want is sourdough toast with scrambled eggs and bacon. Is that a thing that can happen. So you want how many eggs? Just, like, two scrambled eggs, bacon, sourdough toast, scrambled.

[A]

And, like, how many slice of sourdough.

[B]

Two is good. Two is good.

[A]

And a side bake.

[B]

Yeah. Correct.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

And then I. If you do have mint tea, we'll have a fresh mint or mint verbena. Oh, I'll do fresh mint.

[A]

Yeah, you will?

[B]

Jesse's paying. Why not fresh mint with a side of caviar.

[A]

With gold flakes and rose petals. Maybe tiny olive.

[B]

No, that's okay. No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Perfect. Thank you.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

I appreciate it. Thank you. Thanks so much. So, wait, you're only in town for literally one day?

[B]

I'm in town not even a day. I'm here for 10 hours.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Less now.

[A]

Less now.

[B]

Like, eight hours. New York doesn't like me.

[A]

Why?

[B]

You're gonna think up. It just doesn't. Like, every time I come to New York, I'm late, My schedule gets uprooted, a flight is canceled. You know what? Speaking of which, is your flight cancelled? No, but it's delayed by two hours. Literally, as I was walking down here, it was like, by the way, your flight is delayed two hours, so. Yeah, it's just something always is going wrong. Hair and makeup cancels, there's a car accident, flights are delayed. Hotels are like. You never booked. What are you talking about? We don't have a reservation. It's just always chaos.

[A]

What's the longest amount of time you spent here?

[B]

Like a week.

[A]

Really? Yeah, I just. You give, like, New Yorker vibes.

[B]

Really? That's crazy, because I feel like there's two types of people. The people that like LA or New York. I feel like there's no person that likes both.

[A]

I think I like both.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I do.

[B]

Would you like one more? Well, you live here.

[A]

I have no. I live in la.

[B]

Why are we here? Why are we here?

[A]

I live in la. Cause I'm doing a play.

[B]

Oh, this is play.

[A]

I know, it's really fucked everything.

[B]

Jeez. Okay. Yes. I really like, I'm from Toronto originally and I feel like that kind of biases my opinion about New York because I do feel, and no offense to anyone that lives in New York, Toronto is just kind of the quieter, maybe slightly politer.

[A]

I get that. No, I just spent a few months in Toronto doing a movie.

[B]

So yeah, I get it and I love it. It's something about the energy, like the aggressive energy. I can't. I'm not made for it. It's a me problem. I'm not made for it. I remember last time I came here, all I did, I kid you not, is I walked out of a restaurant, stepped onto the sidewalk and someone walked by me and was like, get out of the way.

[A]

And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'm a nice Canadian, so.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you moved to LA for how long ago?

[B]

2015, so a decade ago.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Yeah, you're like in it now. You can possibly call yourself an Angelino.

[B]

I still like to emphasize I'm Canadian. I still operate in kilometers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I still operate in Celsius.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

I still don't know how to get anywhere. I use my GPS for everything.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So I'm like. There's a certain level of refusal to also acclimate, but I think otherwise. Yes, I'm very comfortable in la.

[A]

Okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a screener of doing it. I love it.

[B]

Did you?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You actually watched it?

[A]

I did.

[B]

Stop it. You actually watched it?

[A]

I did.

[B]

You're so nice. Of course I wasn't pretending to watch it.

[A]

I watched all the whole thing, 95 minutes of it.

[B]

Wow, that really actually means a lot to me because Truly, I've worked on that movie for seven years.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

As I'm sure you know, this stuff is not easy. It's extremely hard. It's an independently financed film, so it's murdered me. Basically all my hair is white. That's why I'm wearing a hat. Truly. But I'm so glad you watched it.

[A]

You must be so proud of it too. Cause it feels very personal. I'm interested in like knowing. Cause you said it took seven years and that kind of doesn't surprise me because I feel like I've had to for my career, do a lot of counter programming for the industry. Like they see you as one thing. They see me As a comedy person who's done a sitcom for 11 years, and I have so many more things I can do and want to do it and so many other lanes I want to be in, I want to direct, I want to write, I want to do all these other things. And it is challenging to get people to step back and, like, look at you with a fresh slate.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I'm just interested in, like, how what challenges you might have come up against. Just.

[B]

Oh, man. How much time you got here, baby? A lot of thank you for saying all that. I really appreciate that. You know, it's interesting when you were saying that, I was like, it's so weird how we work in a creative industry, but it's actually the least creative behind the scenes. It's pretty wild. People do get put into boxes. We're creative enough to make stuff. We're not creative enough to view people as multifaceted. We're so ready to just like, oh, right on time. Yes. Thank you so much.

[A]

Only has seven plates because she's already seven different things.

[B]

I'm so excited. You don't even know.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

So, yeah, I, you know, started on YouTube and the biggest hurdle was getting people to view me as anything other than a YouTuber.

[A]

Right.

[B]

For so long, I was on the digital list and I was on, like, the creators list. And I love. I love coming from the creator space. I think creators are so talented. I love that. But then I had a brief stint as a late night show host, and then I was on the COVID of magazines as the freshest face of late night. And after that show ended, those same magazines went right back to being like, and you're a creator. It was like, we cannot view you as anything besides, like, what is immediately in front of us. I've acted a ton, but still, like, it's creator, or as it used to be, a late night host. It's like, I do a lot of things. I wrote doing it, I produced doing it. I lead doing it. So I'm like, can we start giving people credit where credit is due a little bit, you know?

[A]

Now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we return, Lily tells me what it was like seeing her dad's face after he saw the trailer for her raunchy sex comedy doing it and how she handled forgetting a slide in her iconic TED Talk. Okay, be right back. Hey, everyone, it's Jonathan Van Ness. If my dogs could talk, they'd be like, excuse me, Queen. Where's my Ollie? You better make it rain, diva, because we are not going to cuddle with you or anything if you don't get us our Ollie. And honestly, I can't blame them. Listen to titles of these little foods. It sounds like it'd be on a brunch menu. Fresh beef with sweet potatoes. Fresh turkey with blueberries. My dogs are eating better than I do, and I'm obsessed with that. Here's the best part. Ollie is the only fresh dog food with unlimited health screenings. You better screen your dog. Dogs deserve the best, and that means fresh, healthy food. Head to ollie.com. better tell them all about your dog and use code better. Better to get 60% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus, they offer a happiness guarantee on the first box, so if you're not completely satisfied, you'll get your money back. That's O l l I e.com better. And enter code better to get 60% off your first box. Okay, let's be honest. Staying hydrated is the only thing keeping me from turning into a raisin these days. That's why Fiji Water is always close by. Fiji Water is from the islands of Fiji, 1600 miles from the nearest continent. It's filtered through ancient volcanic rock, naturally protected from external elements. And it picks up a unique profile of electrolytes and minerals along the way that gives it more than double the electrolytes of the other top premium bottled water brands. And that soft, smooth taste that I absolutely love. Unlike some other top premium bottled water brands, Fiji's water electrolytes are 100% naturally occurring. And Fiji's water, perfect balance, 7.7 pH. I have no idea what that means, but I like the word perfect score. Okay. And since 2022, Fiji's water's 330 and 500 milliliter bottles have been made with 100 recycled plastic. So whether I'm backstage at home with the kids or planning our podcast recording, I know I'm hydrating the earth's finest way. Fiji Water. It's Earth's finest water. All right, let's talk about something near and dear to my heart. Building the perfect sandwich. And yes, yes, I take this very seriously. Step one, you need a great bread. Fresh, crusty. Something with character. Step two, Boar's Head Oven Gold Turkey. Always. It's juicy, it's flavorful. It's the backbone of this operation. Step three, a few slices of Boar's Head Smoke Master Ham. Because I like to mix it up. It adds a slow, smoked beechwood flavor that makes your taste buds just, you know, do a little dance. Step four, Cheese, sharp cheddar if I'm feeling bold. Creamy Swiss if I'm feeling fancy. Step five, a swipe of Dijon crisp lettuce, thin sliced tomato, and maybe a pickle or two, you know, for drama. Layer it all up, cut it in half diagonally, obviously, and you got a sandwich that's perfectly crafted. Thanks to Boar's Head. Every bite tastes like it was made with care, because it was. So if you're ready to level up your sandwich game, trust me, start at the deli counter. Discover the craftsmanship behind every bite at your local Boar's Head deli counter. Boar's Head, committed to crafts since 1905. And we're back with more dinners on me.

[B]

Speaking of the hurdles, listen, it's a sex comedy, okay? Growing up, sex was a super taboo subject. I don't know if it was in your household as well.

[A]

Oh, a little bit.

[B]

I grew up Christian and so super taboo subject as it is in many, many cultures. Didn't have sex ed in school. I had one health class. It was very straight. Didn't learn anything about the spectrum, anything about sexuality. Didn't know nothing. And especially growing up, never, ever saw any sexual comedy or sex stuff with brown people in it, to be honest. And so I was like, I really wanna. This is a really scary thing to do, but I really wanna make this movie. I think if I had this movie growing up, I would be a lot better adjusted. I would be a lot more comfortable in my body, I'd be a lot more confident in a lot of facets of my life. But here's the thing. When we're trying to sell this movie. Cause it's independently financed. When we're trying to sell it, feedback I heard more than once was. And I'm gonna let you deduct why this may be. I'm in it. A woman who plays my Instagram Indian mom is in it. My best friend in the movie is Pakistani. We were told, and it's very much so in the vein of like 40 year old virgin or something like that. I was told that it was too niche.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I can't help but feel because I was the lead of it, it becomes too niche. But I'm like, who invented the Kama Sutra again, Right? How many South Asians are on the planet? Clearly they have sex. Clearly we know about sex.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that was a big bummer.

[A]

And also, the movie is told through the point of view of the culture as well. And that's what I love so much about it, is because it Felt like. It did feel like a coming of age, you know, And I put that in quotes because your character is in her 30s, but it's like, you know, she's coming of age sexually.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And hilariously put in the position of teaching a sex ed class, which is, you know, incredible that that's a position she's being put in. But. But also, you know, the relationship that your character has with sex because of her culture. And, like, I know that you were. Your parents are immigrants from India. India. Yeah. And you were raised in a Sikh household. I mean, what were those conversations like for you? I mean, there weren't any. Yeah, I was gonna say.

[B]

Yeah. I didn't really get the talk. I. Very briefly, like, my mom talked to me for, like, 10 minutes one day, and it's because she didn't get the talk properly. Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's just doing what she knows. And then school didn't do any favors either, because they were just like, yeah, we're also not gonna talk about it. So no one talked about it. So I learned about it from literally, movies, music videos, things like that. Here's a true story. What grade I was in? Maybe grade six, I was in the playground, and I overheard some boys talking. And I swear. I swear, swear, Jesse, I heard them say, yeah, at night, I, like, take it off. And so for I kid you not, five, six years after that, until high school, I was like, boys can take their penises off. Yeah. I swear.

[A]

I was like, lily, they are. You know, I might believe you.

[B]

Don't. But then when I grew up, I grew older. I was like, if that was true, the world would be a better place. So that can't be true. That can't actually be true.

[A]

I misplaced my penis. Yes.

[B]

But I did think. But that's how clueless I was. I, like, believed all types of. I believe that if I sat on a boy's lap, I could get pregnant. I believed that, like, you could get STDs through holding hands. I believed that boys could remove their penises. It was just all the stuff. I was like, no one ever educated us. And it's scary. Cause sex is a part of most people's lives.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we need to learn about our bodies.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

And why would you not want your kids to learn about their bodies? And consent and safety just makes no sense to me.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know, so it's a raunchy sex comedy. There's a lot of people that I think will resonate with it, and there's a lot of People that will probably be pretty pissed off. A lot of undies and uncles. But I think that's okay. Because if you're pissed off, you have to ask yourself why. It's just a movie that empowers women sexually. Right. So why are you mad at that?

[A]

Right. I read that you had your mom actually working on the film.

[B]

Yes, yes. She was not just a vanity title. She was actually the cultural consultant on the film.

[A]

That's incredible.

[B]

So we shoot some scenes for India, and it's mirrored off her classroom growing up. So it's like, mom, does this look like the classroom? There's a little bit of, like, Hindi and Punjabi speaking. So it's like, can you factually, like, let us know if they're saying the right things or not? Because mine is, like, not that good. I can get away speaking, but I'm not as good. So she was actually there, like, helping, going through the script, making sure the props all said the right things. She wasn't there for any of the intimate scenes. And she's also not seen the movie yet, nor has my father.

[A]

I was going to ask if they'd.

[B]

Seen I Just Flew from Toronto, where my parents live. And here's the thing about brown dads. They're not men of many words, you know? So I was really nervous because the first time I would have seen my dad since my trailer got released, and I asked my mom, I was like, what? Did he say anything? She's like, he didn't say anything. He watched it, but he didn't, like, say anything. He was just, like, went inwards. Right. But then I opened the door and he had just his way of showing love. There was three individual congratulations balloons. And he didn't. He was just, like, proud of you. He didn't say anything about it. He was just like, I bought you these three balloons and therefore Mylar. Exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. And I was like, and I accept this, and that is great. And that is his way of showing love. That's sweet, but I am nervous as hell for them to.

[A]

I can only imagine, sort of speaking on that same subject. Your TED Talk is incredible. And I love how you open it up talking about your grandfather and sort of the. It starts off. I mean, in a way, you're known to be funny and a comedian and.

[B]

Bleak as hell when it's.

[A]

I mean, it starts off very introspective. And you know how your grandfather was disappointed that you were born a girl, and his change of his perception of you as you became successful. I think it's Incredibly moving. And I mean culturally. Like, growing up, did you feel. Because you grew up in Canada, but you seem very connected to your roots. I mean, your parents kept you very connected. And I. Did you go back to Indie a lot when you were a kid?

[B]

Here and there, yeah. I go back now more than I did when I was a kid. Yeah.

[A]

What was your stress level when you're asked to do a TED Talk? Because I was asked if I wanted to do one and I immediately said no.

[B]

And you did the right thing.

[A]

No, I feel like I should have done it.

[B]

Listen, let me be real with you. So happy I did it. It is one of my proudest accomplishments. But it is very difficult. People don't understand how hard it is and not to be an asshole. But I do have to make a distinction between TEDx and a TED Talk.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They're both very wonderful to do, but one of them, I'm pre. I've never done a TEDx talk, but for a TED Talk, it's completely memorized. There is no teleprompter. I was like, oh, this is already really hard to do. Great. I'm gonna have props and I'm gonna have a slideshow that I control myself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you're in a room full of geniuses, very smart people. You're completely memorized. They have a little timer. It's not a normal timer that goes zero to wherever you need to go. Okay. No, it counts backwards. Then at one minute goes the other way. And it's like. It's like a jigsaw puzzle to figure out the timer that you're looking at.

[A]

Like, have I laughed myself? Like, right?

[B]

It is one of the most nerve wracking things I've ever done. Because you're not talking.

[A]

So you were memorized.

[B]

It was a 19 minute, completely memorized Ted Talk. Yes. And full of stats, full of numbers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That you have to get right. Because they also fact check it all and they review it and they're like, you have to say it like this for it to be accurate. You can't say it like this. So it is a high pressure situation. Now, the good news is you never see anyone mess up during a TED Talk. Why? Editing.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I did actually miss the slide and I was like. And I actually rewound myself on stage. So I made a mistake and I went, oh, I'm just gonna rewind myself. And I literally did that as a comedic, like, crutch.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And you don't see it in the TED Talk, but yeah, I'm really proud. I did it. But, man, it is. If you're, like, slammed with your schedule and don't have the bandwidth, I would not recommend. But if you're like, I have the capacity to be tormented for a second, then I would recommend.

[A]

Did you know when you were asked to do that, or did you always have the idea of what your ted. If you said. Because I have these conversations with people like, oh, that's my TED Talk. You know, it's like, sort of like, oh, that's my drag name. That's my TED Talk. Yeah, that's the name of my memoir. I mean, did you know what you wanted to talk about? Because it's a very poignant, very relevant issue about women having a seat at the table.

[B]

I knew it would be around gender because all of my charitable work. I'm a really good person. Charitable work. All my charitable work. Yes. Is around gender equity. So I knew it would be around gender. I didn't know. Exactly. And the good thing is they do help you, like, frame it, and you have a lot of meetings with them to be like, what direction do you think is good? So I knew it would be around gender, but I didn't know. I had the experience of late night to speak to. I didn't know that my whole life I would have that experience. But I do reference my. I am that person that references my TED Talk a lot. I'm like, well, if you watch my TED Talk, I do talk.

[A]

I brought it up. Just for the record. I brought it up.

[B]

But it is that thing. It's my Hoffman.

[A]

I brought up my play. I brought up my play and your TED Talk. So I got referencing all the important things.

[B]

No, but it is true. I think my favorite part of my TED Talk, if I may say the thing that once a day I'm like, it's true. I talk about how gratitude is weaponized against people, and particularly women. I feel like gratitude is really weaponized against women. You're in a situation where you're underpaid, you're not treated well, and majority of the time, someone's telling you, like, you should be really grateful to be here. You don't need to be treated well. You should be great. Once a day, I experience that complaining. Yeah. Till this day. Once a day, I get shushed into being mistreated through gratitude. And so that's something I'm trying to be more aware of. It's like, no, I can be grateful but also be treated well. These two things are not mutually exclusive. Ladies, am I right? Do a Lot of ladies listen to this, I think.

[A]

Yeah, mostly.

[B]

Mostly ladies.

[A]

I think I have a mostly female audience.

[B]

Let's go, ladies. You know what I'm talking about.

[A]

Then please get on the train. What are you fucking waiting for now? For a quick break. But don't go away. After the break, Lily shares how she's learned to bounce back from disappointment. And I confess, one of my most embarrassing moments, which involves one baseball. Okay, I'm already having PTSD thinking about this. Be right back. Hosting dinners on me means I'm often out, whether I'm grabbing sushi with a guest in Los Angeles or traveling to a cozy Italian diner somewhere in New York City. And while I love those conversations, it also means I'm away from home and away from Justin and the kids. That's why we use Simply Safe. I used to think security meant an alarm that went off after someone broke in. But that's honestly too late. Simplisafe is proactive. It helps stop a crime before it starts. Their system uses smart AI powered cameras to spot suspicious activity outside your home, then immediately alerts their professional monitoring agents. Those agents can step in instantly, talking to the person through two way audio, triggering sirens and spotlights, even requesting police dispatch before anyone gets inside. It's real security that lets me focus on my work and my guests and my own life, knowing that my home is covered. Visit SimpliSafe.com Jesse to claim 50% off a new system that's S I M P L-I S A F E.com Jesse. There's no safe like Simplisafe. You know, between recording this podcast, performing in Shakespeare in the park, and being a dad to two little ones, the days can feel very full. And when I realized the fridge is empty again, Instacart. It's a total lifesaver. With just a few taps, I can get everything from lunchbox snacks to dinner ingredients delivered in as fast as 30 minutes. Oh, and here's a dad hack for you. When I'm traveling home with my kids from vacation, or if we've been on the east coast and we're traveling back to the West Coast, I like to use my time on the airplane to get onto Instacart and order groceries. So they are waiting for us at home when we land, it's all about quality and convenience. You get your time back to focus on what matters. That's maybe learning lines or just wrangling. Two kids, a Yorkie and a Goldendoodle. Instacart brings convenience, quality and ease right to your door. So you can focus on what matters most. Download the Instacart app and use code DINNERSONME20 to get $20 off your first order of $80 or more. That's code DINNERSONME20to get $20 off your first order Of $80 or more. Offer valid for a limited time. Excludes restaurants. Additional terms apply. With two small kids and two dogs running around the house, I've realized something, and that is that furniture has a much shorter lifespan than you think. Sofas? No. Destroyed rugs. Don't even get me started. Which is why I'm very grateful for Macy's big ticket sale. The lowest prices of the season on furniture, mattresses and rugs. We're talking up to 60% off. The Radley five piece sectional is just $2,179, which is perfect for our living room. And honestly, for family movie nights that somehow turn into trampoline practice, they've also got mattresses 20 to 60% off, outdoor furniture up to 60% off, and rugs up to 65% off. Plus white glove delivery, which is key because I am not carrying a sectional sofa up the stairs. The sale runs through September 15, shopmacy's.com or in store. And if you're a parent or a pet owner like me, maybe buy an extra rug while you're at it. And we're back with more dinners on me. I mean, I. The, the metaphors you use in the ted. Not to keep talking about the TED talk, but I do. I love it so much. You know, you're talking about having a seat at the table, but then also the quality of chair. You're sitting.

[B]

Yes. Making Ikea manual reference.

[A]

Yes. Yes. And then also, you know, talking about like, we, we don't need the table size, doesn't need to necessarily. We need to rethink the table, basically. I just think it's such a.

[B]

It's true. Because my whole life I've been taught. I think there's a general delusion with a lot of people which is work so hard so you get to X. Yeah. When you get to X, you're like, this is not. It's great I got here and I'm grateful, but it's not, it's usually not what you think it is. And I felt like that late night. I felt like that the first time I booked a lead role in a show. And I'm cautious of thinking about this as well, going into doing it. Releasing. I always have this delusion that this is gonna change everything. It's Gonna change how people think of me. The industry's not gonna treat me better now. They're gonna give me roles, and now they're gonna think of me an actor. I would like to believe that is true, but there is a layer inside me that knows that's probably not. Because the table I'm working towards is not built for me. It's really not. I learned that through Late night. And I talk about in the TED Talk, which was I thought when I got the show, I thought when I got them up its role, I thought, when I made doing it, it's like, that's it. But no, there's still gonna be another exec that's like, you're a creator and you're too niche, and that's what it is. I'm like, the table sucks.

[A]

Right?

[B]

I wanna build my own table.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is why I'm proud. Because doing it is actually my production company's first feature. So that's the part I'm most proud of. That it's like my company and my. We're putting it together so I can be like, oh, this is one little peg in our first Our table that we're trying to build over here.

[A]

And I know how hard it is to just get anything made and to have it out in the world and have that success and float it out and be like, okay, this is something I've created. You know, that's in itself a huge accomplishment. And to have it also be a project that's so personal to you. I think you should feel so proud of that.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you. I am really, really proud. And we chased the strike. We shot it during a writer's strike, so we only had white pages. Couldn't make any tweaks to anything.

[A]

Oh, wow. Yeah. Talk about that.

[B]

Well, I wrote drafts 15 to 26 the week before the writers strike, and I submitted it 30 minutes before the writers strike.

[A]

Yeah, I think a lot of people know that. So I actually shot a film during the writers strike. Well, not during. Right before the writers strike. And we were allowed to keep working because we were already in production. But we could not make any changes.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

You couldn't do any rewrites.

[B]

So we were allowed to be in production, but we couldn't make a single change to any. Anything in the script, which is really tough.

[A]

It's hard because you discover so much when you're working on something that's unbelievable. I mean, also, I know obviously, the experiences that we've had in the industry inform so much about, like, what our Next projects are. You've mentioned Late Night a little bit. I know you don't talk about it too much but like I've talked about it a million times so much. I know, I know that exhaustion. But like the experience though, I mean like you said, it prepares you for like where you are now. Do you think like you have like a different set of armor that you enter like I guess, expectations for yourself even like I guess for me it's been hard to sometimes reprogram myself to not have expectations, I guess. And that as an artist I think is sometimes hard for me because I want to expect the best of my work. Like I want to believe the best of my work. And I have been put up against situations where I'm like, I'm having a hard time believing that this is going to all work out well because of my past experience.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

And part of that self preservation and protection of myself. And so I don't, you know, disappoint myself too much and become too frustrated and want to give up completely. But I. It's something I'm working at and trying to like, re. I'm trying to figure out how to reprogram myself. So I will. I do expect the most of myself every time. I just. I don't know if that resonates at all with you.

[B]

Totally. Yeah, it totally does. Thanks for sharing. Also, I really like you. You're like a deep, honest person. I really appreciate that.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

A few things you said when you were talking. I just had an epiphany right now, so thank you. Which is I've always tried to be like, how do I not have expectations about this? And I think as humans we're always going to have expectations. To have zero expectations. I don't know if that's actually possible.

[A]

No.

[B]

So I think what I.

[A]

It's also depressing.

[B]

Right? I think what I have worked on, and I just realized it when you were talking is I'm okay to have expectations about my work. And I think it's normal to have expectations about work. Like do I in my heart, my expectation for doing it is I want it to open the door for my next role. I want it to open the door for my next role, movie. I want all that stuff now. I think what I've worked on is how I value what the outcome is and I'll explain that. So I have expectations, but if they don't get met, I will no longer be devastated is the goal. If they do get met, that is great. But I think what I'M working on is not valuing myself and my entire foundation based on especially professional expectations. Because that's where it gets a little tricky. If my whole self worth and how I operate in relationships and how I think of myself in the morning is based on how doing it does, that's a very bleak existence for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But if I can say, hey, I have expectations around this movie and if they go, well, great, I'm gonna throw a party. And if they don't go, well, I'm still gonna wake up feeling like I'm a great person, I love myself, and I'm still gonna be a good sister and a good daughter and all stuff. That's a different conversation. And I think previously I wasn't in that place. My work would seep into every part of my identity where someone would ask me who I am. So, yeah, I've really just. I feel like for a lot of my life and this is like maybe with age or whatever it is. Okay, I'll tell you the real reason I'm saying this, because you're gonna either like this or not like this. Because I know it's a polarizing subject. Okay. For most of my life, I have, in my. In this industry, I've really struggled with, like, who am I if it's not my job, if it's not the role, if it's not the late night host, if it's not the YouTuber, who am I? Because if someone asks me who I am, I go, oh, I was on this show where I describe myself through accolades and accomplishments. And it's normal because we talk about them, TED talk, I get it. But that started to really mess with me because I was like, I don't think I actually know who I am outside of my job. And I don't know if anyone else listening can resonate with this. Like, if someone was to ask you about yourself, you probably would go to your job.

[A]

That's exactly right.

[B]

So in therapy, I talk. My therapist is always like, you are not what you do. Like, what you do is not your identity. And for the longest time I was like, I fundamentally do not understand what you're saying because for as long as I can remember, it's. I've always been what I do. I've been my good grades, I've been the good report card I got. I've. The good job I got. Like, that's all I was ever validated for. And I know I've gotten better at it because just two days ago I was up for this role that I really, really wanted. When all the. You know, for anyone that's listening to this, there's many stages to get a role. I did the tape, the callback, the chemistry, the networks. I did all. I was like, down to the wire. Just found out. I was like, you didn't get it two years ago. I would have been devastated for a week. I would have been like, I'm worthless. I don't want to hang with my friends. Heard the news an hour later, went out with my friends, had a great time. I was like, that's. I really want a role, and I'll get a role, but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to enjoy this moment with my friends, because they think I'm a great friend. They don't even care about this role. They don't even know about this world. So I think it's just, like, doing the mental work of being like, I'm more than my ambition. I'm more than these projects. And that's why I'm excited to do the press tour for doing it. But I'm excited to have a really good time to be like, I'm proud of this movie, but this movie is not my whole identity.

[A]

Yeah. And it should feel like a victory lap, if nothing else. Like, we should have fun.

[B]

Remember fun?

[A]

Remember that, listeners Remember fun.

[B]

Remember when we used to just be like, I'm gonna have fun, and I'm gonna enjoy someone's company, and I'm just gonna, like, connect with someone. Back to that.

[A]

Back to that. More of that.

[B]

Yes. Fun. Connection. Joy. I'm here for that. And going back to your question, because I. I realized I took you on a tangent again. That is what I learned from late night. So I'm grateful for late night because you asked me what armor I think I have post that I believe. And I say this before I can say this with my full chest. There's not a schedule that scares me.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Post late night, there's not a schedule that phases me at all. I can do any schedule scheduled, for better or for worse.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But what I did learn from late night is I think I spent some days on set, like, 14, 15 hours a day on set, and I would go home and be exhausted. And if you do that and you go home and you're not thrilled to go back the next day, that is a very bad place to be in. So I've just learned that, like, there is a selectiveness that I have earned in my life, which is a privilege, I will admit, to be like, if I'm gonna do that. I want to have a blast.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I did that. The next thing I did after Late Night was I was on the Muppets Mayhem for a season. My co stars were Muppets. And when I tell you I worked 14, 15 hours a day and went home and I was like, I cannot wait to go back. That's a much different scenario to be in. And so that's what I'm chasing. Just the things that make little Lily happy. I think I've earned that. And I want to operate from that space now.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

[B]

I think we really need to go back. And again, I'm speaking, understanding this is a privilege, but I do pick some days in my life where I'm like, every decision I make today is gonna come from a place of not fear, not obligation. It's gonna come from a place of what do I want to do? And what brings me joy.

[A]

What do you want to do next?

[B]

I love acting. Like, I love acting. I love writing, hate producing. Could do without that.

[A]

Okay, so you tried that, I tried that.

[B]

I'll do it. It's not my favorite. For people that listening. Do you know how expensive a song is to use in a movie? It's like, it's tragic.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Every part of producing a movie is absolutely tragic. Licensing music rights.

[A]

I mean, you wrote one of your own songs. The. One of the songs in the movie is acc.

[B]

I had to. Let me. Let me say this without saying it. I had to write a credit.

[A]

Did you have another song that you wrote Another Day?

[B]

I had another song. Let's just say the movie's called Doing It. We had another song that did not get cleared. That did not get cleared. I was forced to write. I wrote that credit song in one day.

[A]

It's a great song.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I mean, I think these.

[B]

That's why it's honestly not technically mastered properly. It probably sounds that way, but yeah. So I love acting. I love telling stories and I love writing. Really want to act. I spent a lot of my life doing short form content where I was with certain sketches for like a day or two. I love sitting with a character for longer because I learned so much about myself. I selfishly just love this industry and acting because I learn about myself. I think it's the greatest thing you can do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My most recent tattoo is student. I believe in being a student for life. I think acting is a great way to learn about yourself. Yeah, I really do. Every. Every role I've ever played, I'm like, oh, wow. I've discovered a layer of myself. So selfishly, I'm just on a mission in my entire life to master myself, honestly.

[A]

Yeah. Have you worked on material that is not something that you have been super closely knit to?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, the Muppets, you know, was completely. And I love that. I love all facets of acting. I love acting the things I've written, but I really love executing someone else's vision too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cuz again, it's just me learning a different part of myself. Because they're probably writing something that I didn't have the capacity to write. Right. So I love all of it. I love being on set. I love being part of a team. I love being challenged. I like learning new things. Like, I'm obsessed with learning. I'm a huge nerd. People think I'm cool. It's not true. I'm a huge nerd.

[A]

You are.

[B]

I mean, I invited people over to my house two weeks ago because I wanted to hire an expert in something.

[A]

I saw this. Wait, wait, I just saw Survivalist.

[B]

Yes. I hired a survivalist just for funsies. Like, this is my idea of a casual weekend. I was like, I'm gonna hire a survivalist because if me and all my friends get together and we learn something brand new that none of us know, we'll bond and we'll not buy little notebooks and we took little notes. That's me. I'm just a nerd. And I love learning.

[A]

I hired someone to teach me and my friends how to make pizza. I got a pizza oven and I was like, I don't know what to do with this.

[B]

So we just learned you're a nerd too. I love meeting a fellow nerd. I really do. It's my favorite thing. I. I think a nerd is just something who are passionate about things and I just. I'm a big, big nerd.

[A]

Yeah. I love that you hired a survivalist. That's incredible.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I do want to ask about the NBA All Star Game. Did you end up doing that?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because I feel like I found a clip of you on the Jennifer Hudson show saying that you wanted to do that.

[B]

But I only played for like six minutes. No, I did do it.

[A]

Oh, you ended up doing it.

[B]

It's right up there with TED Talk of one of the most, possibly even more than the TED Talk.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I was so nervous to play this game.

[A]

Who was on your team?

[B]

Jennifer Watson was on the.

[A]

And I also remember my other question, but I'm gonna remember now. Okay.

[B]

Who was on my team. Well, 50 Cent was my coach.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then I had some. I had an amazing country singer. I don't remember. This is my website. I don't remember any of their names, but there was cool people on my team, but it was so nerve wracking.

[A]

But you guys won, right?

[B]

My team did win, but I will tell you that I thought it was. I thought it was. I'm gonna keep this 100. I don't have a filter, so if you're listening, hopefully you know that by now. I was like, this would be fun. I'm gonna go there. I was gonna have fun. They'd be nice. The dudes that play this game, the embassy for the dudes that play it, this is like their Met Gala. They're like, I'm gonna prove everything about my athletic ability that tracks for me. They take it very seriously. So for me and Jennifer Hudson and, like, the two other women, I think the two other women were, like, WNBA players. They're like, body checking. They're like, get out of our face. We're here to prove that we can play basketball. So it's not as chill as I thought it was gonna be.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I'm really proud I did it. I have the jersey framed in my house, and it's very cool. And my nephew said I. It was very cool. And so that's awesome. And so I. But it was very scary.

[A]

Yeah, I can imagine. I was asked to throw a pitch at the first game for the Dodgers, if it was for LGBTQ night, And I was asked to throw out the first pitch, and I was terrified to do it, and I said yes. And I went with Eric Stonestreet, who plays my husband on Modern Family. And he's very athletic. Yeah, I mean, he's way more athletic than I am and certainly knows how to, like, toss a ball. I had basically a dad moment with Eric Stonestreet on the field, like, where he was teaching me how to throw a pitch, and I was doing really good. And I was like, okay, I got this. I got this. And as it started to get closer and closer to the time where I needed to do it, my nerves started coming in. And I can handle my nerves as an actor. I grew up very unathletic and kind of traumatized by that too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I started to have, like, a panic attack, and I. The ball was, like, going off in weird directions, and I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I was like, I'm gonna go out there and I'm gonna Like, really botch this. And so in the moment I get on the mound, there's like, I'm at Dodgers Stadium, there's thousands of people. It's like my worst nightmare actually coming true.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And I'm like, right back as like a kid in grade school, like, being picked last for the team, and I have a baseball in my hand. All these people are waiting for me to throw the first pitch, this big game. And so I go into preservation mode and I think, okay, I'm a comedian, I'm funny. So I jog the ball up to the mound or from the pitcher's mound to the batter, and I just drop the ball into the catcher's mitt. And people laughed and then a lot of people booed. And I felt in that moment, it's like, fuck, I should have just thrown the ball. And even if I had, like fucked it up, it would have been better than this because it felt like I was leaning on, you know, a joke. It was a fight or flight moment. And I chose to this. I chose this path to do this joke instead. And I still, like, if anyone's listening is like, I get to choose who throws out the first pitches of these games. I would love to do a do over and I would love to actually.

[B]

Do it right now. You should absolutely do.

[A]

I want to do it again. And I actually want to throw the ball and I'm gonna do incredible. So when I saw that you played in the NBA All Star game, I was like, I just was. I was so fascinated by. And it takes a lot of bravery.

[B]

It's really scary. Well, first of all, thank you for sharing that for me. That was really vulnerable for you to share. And I feel like that's the one thing about criticism and the Internet in general. It doesn't care about nuance at all.

[A]

And there's no conversation there. It's a one sided conversation.

[B]

And I think that's one of the. Just. Just to let you know that I see you in this way. I think one of the hardest parts about being part of any community that is not treated equally or that is underrepresented, whether it's the gay community, whether it's like the South Asian community, whether it's girls and women, we have to carry the burden of now correcting all the mishaps and being the representation for all these people. And so then you don't get to be the person who's just nervous to throw a pitch. No, you have to represent all gay people throwing this pitch. And that's Also not fair to. But that is the burden we carry. And it is something I even feel like. And again, going back to doing it, I made it said as a joke. But I mean it sincerely when I say some people will really resonate with it. Just like the people who saw your pitch and were like, oh, my God, I get it. He's probably nervous. I would be nervous to do the pitch. And I still see myself in him. And there'll be people like that person that wrote the article that just tear it apart. And the hard part is, is that behind the scenes, those people don't realize how much we do to try to carry these communities forward. It's just. It's impossible to please everyone. It really is impossible to please everyone. And so, as your new best friend, let me give you the permission to say, it's not your fault. It's not your responsibility to have the date.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you. I'm glad I got that off my chest.

[B]

Yeah, no, totally.

[A]

This has been so incredible.

[B]

You're so incredible. I really like you.

[A]

I like you, too.

[B]

Yeah. Thanks, everyone, for listening as well.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel like if your listeners or anything like you, they're very lovely and sweet. So I love them.

[A]

They seem to be. Yeah, yeah, they seem to be. And they're lovely, and they like this podcast.

[B]

And I can confirm for you, having just met Jesse, that he is also lovely. So if you're listening and you're like, I don't know, he could be an asshole, I'm confirming for you that he's actually very lovely.

[A]

And just for that. And as you've mentioned, breakfast is on me. Yeah.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

You're not paying attention.

[B]

Could you imagine?

[A]

Can you imagine?

[B]

You like, cut. And that's on you.

[A]

Louise, actually, can you go halfsies? What's your Venmo? This episode of Dinners on Me was recorded at Linden's at the arlo Hotel in SoHo, New York City. Next week on Dinners On Me, you know him as Ted Mosby from the acclaimed sitcom How I Met yout Mother. And from the newly launched recap podcast, How We Made youe Mother, it's writer, actor, director, and musician Josh Radner. We'll dive into his new chapter as a married man. Unpack his How I Met yout Mother, rewatch Journey and untether Josh from Ted. And if you don't want to wait until next week to listen, you can download that episode right now by subscribing to Dinners On Me. Plus, as a subscriber, not only do you get access to new episodes one week early. You'll also be able to listen completely ad free. Just click try free at the top of the Dinners on Me show page on Apple Podcasts to start your free trial today. Dinners on Me is a production of Sony Music Entertainment and a kid named Beckett Productions. It's hosted by me, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. It's executive produced by me and Jonathan Hirsch. Our showrunner is Joanna Clay. Our associate producer is Alyssa Midcalf. Sam Baer engineered this episode. Hans Dale, she composed our theme music. Our head of production is Sammy Allison. Alex Schuman assisted in the production of this episode. Special thanks to Tameka Balance Kolasny and Justin Makita. I'm Jesse Tyler Ferks and join me next week. All right, let's talk about something near and dear to my heart, building the perfect sandwich. And yes, yes, I take this very seriously. Step one, you need a great bread. Fresh, crusty, something with character. Step two, Boar's Head Oven Gold Turkey. Always. It's juicy, it's flavorful. It's the backbone of this operation. Step three, a few slices of Boar's Head Smoke Master Ham because I like to mix it up. It adds a slow, smoked beechwood flavor that makes your taste buds just, you know, do a little dance. Step four, cheese sharp cheddar if I'm feeling bold. Creamy Swiss if I'm feeling fancy. Step five, a swipe of Dijon crisp lettuce, thin sliced tomato, and maybe a pickle or two, you know, for drama. Layer it all up, cut it in half diagonally, obviously, and you got a sandwich that's perfectly crafted. Thanks to Boar's Head. Every bite tastes like it was made with care. Because it was. So if you're ready to level up your sandwich game, trust me, start at the deli counter. Discover the craftsmanship behind every bite at your local Boar's Head Deli Counter. Boar's Head, committed to crafts since 1905.