Side Dish: More Heather Graham

Summary

Dinner’s on Me with Jesse Tyler Ferguson
Episode: Side Dish: More Heather Graham
Release Date: April 9, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this candid "Side Dish" installment, Jesse Tyler Ferguson sits down with actress/director Heather Graham for a lively conversation over dinner at LA Pavilion in Manhattan. The pair dive into formative films and TV from their youth, their culinary journeys, the art of comedy, starstruck moments, Heather's SNL hosting experience, and the hilarious, unglamorous story of Jesse’s engagement proposal. Their easy rapport brings out stories about learning to embrace comedy, the joys and anxieties of celebrity run-ins, and the magic of shared meals.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Childhood Film & TV Influences (04:05–06:06)

• Heather: Grew up loving classics like "The Wizard of Oz," "Sound of Music," "Tootsie," and "Godfather." "Somewhere in Time" and especially "Harold and Maude" influenced her personality.
  • Quote: “I feel like [Harold and Maude]... inspired my personality. Just the way [Ruth Gordon] loves life and tries to appreciate every moment.” — Heather (04:40)
• Jesse: Grew up on sitcoms like "Cheers," "Family Ties," "Silver Spoons." Moving to New York expanded access to new films, music, and foods.
• Heather: Wasn’t allowed to watch PG-13 movies. Independence at 18 brought her freedom to explore media and cuisine.
  • Quote: “Once I made that money, I could get my own place and then I could watch R-rated movies.” — Heather (06:00)

2. Food Journeys & Culinary Adventures (06:06–09:01)

• Both Jesse and Heather only discovered foods like sushi and hummus in adulthood.
  • Quote: "I hadn't tried sushi. I didn't know what hummus was, you know?" — Heather (06:22)
• Discussion on being more open to diverse cuisines now, versus the limited palettes of childhood.
• Jesse reveals that if he hadn't become an actor, he would've pursued culinary school and expresses deep respect for chefs.
  • Quote: "If I hadn't been an actor, I would have gone to culinary school." — Jesse (07:25)
• Heather’s obsession with planning meals ahead and savoring food with friends.
  • Quote: "Whenever I'm having lunch, I'm, like, asking, well, what are we gonna have for dinner?" — Heather (08:41)

3. The Joys and Nerves of "Saturday Night Live" & Comedy (12:43–17:18)

• Heather recalls befriending Molly Shannon, their shared love of therapy and analyzing people, and Molly encouraging her to write a book.
• Heather describes her “terrifying and fun” experience hosting SNL:
  • Quote: "It was a mixture of fun and a state of complete terror. I mean, I think I would be better now." — Heather (15:02)
• Initially drawn to drama and “serious” films, Heather’s appreciation for comedy grew over time, especially as female stand-ups became more visible.
  • Quote: “How do you make life funny and not, like, sad and depressing?... I just admire and respect comedy more than anything else.” — Heather (16:16)
• Jesse jokes about being ready to host SNL himself, if only they'd ask.

4. Reflections on Watching Their Own Work (17:20–19:12)

• Both guests discuss their complicated relationships with watching themselves on screen:
  • Heather: Finds it sometimes awkward or self-conscious.
  • Jesse: Was comfortable watching "Modern Family" but now avoids watching performances or even listening to himself ("I don't want to hear myself talking. I don't want to see my face."). (17:41)

5. First Meeting in Tulum & Jesse’s Engagement Story (20:33–26:13)

• Heather: Remembers a “vivid” encounter with Jesse in Tulum, years ago, before it became a celebrity hotspot.
• Jesse: Realizes that was the trip when he proposed to his now-husband Justin. Rather than a ring, he gave Justin a cherished Rolex watch engraved with "spend all your time with me."
  • Quote: "Had diamonds on the side, and on the back it said, ‘spend all your time with me.’" — Jesse (22:16)
• Describes unsuccessfully looking for the perfect moment, comical mishaps (sand crabs interrupting a beach proposal), and ultimately proposing in a less-than-romantic but heartfelt way on their balcony.
  • Quote: "...I basically got down on one knee. I was like, here's the watch—marry me. I was just wanting to unload the watch." — Jesse (25:00)

6. The Awkwardness (and Magic) of Celebrity Run-Ins (26:13–29:58)

• Conversation about shyness and the nervousness around greeting fellow celebrities in public.
  • Quote: "Do they want to be bothered? …I don't always think of myself that way. …But I was like, oh my God, I want to say hi to [Cardi B]." — Heather (27:12)
• Jesse reflects on awkward and wonderful celebrity party moments—sometimes star encounters flop, sometimes they blossom into real friendship (e.g., meeting Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys).
  • Quote: “We were just…we couldn’t, in that circumstance, have a real moment because it was just, like, too much going on.” — Jesse (29:36)
• Encourages Heather that she "should have said hello in Tulum"—they bond over their mutual shyness and resolve to be more outgoing.

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Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes

• “It kind of inspired my personality… just the way she loves life.” — Heather, on Ruth Gordon’s character in “Harold and Maude” (04:40)
• “If I hadn’t been an actor, I would have gone to culinary school.” — Jesse (07:25)
• “Whenever I'm having lunch, I'm, like, asking, well, what are we gonna have for dinner?” — Heather (08:41)
• “It was a mixture of fun and a state of complete terror.” — Heather, on hosting SNL (15:02)
• “How do you make life funny and not, like, sad and depressing?... I just admire and respect comedy more than anything else.” — Heather (16:16)
• "I basically got down on one knee… I was like, here's the watch—marry me." — Jesse, on his engagement (25:00)
• “Do they want to be bothered? …I was kind of obsessed with Cardi B.” — Heather (27:12)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Formative Film & TV Influences: 04:05–06:06
• Culinary Journeys & James Beard Awards: 06:06–09:01
• Heather on Comedy, SNL, & Molly Shannon: 12:43–17:18
• On Watching Their Own Work: 17:20–19:12
• Their First Meeting & Jesse's Proposal Story: 20:33–26:13
• Celebrity Awkwardness & Friendship: 26:13–29:58

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Episode Tone

The episode is warm, humorous, and honest—full of friendly teasing, nostalgia, and authentic discussion about the joys (and quirks) of food, showbiz, and unexpected connections.

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For more deep dives and candid stories, listen to the full episode of Dinner’s on Me!

Transcript

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Spring break planning at our house is it's definitely an adventure. Our kids have very strong opinions and they're always on different sides of the spectrum. Beckett has very strong opinions about the ocean. It has to be a certain temperature and the wind has to be blowing a certain way if he's gonna get anywhere near it. He doesn't want sand on his feet. Sully, on the other hand, he will roll around in the sand and doesn't care about the water temperature. And he, you know, he could be just sitting amongst seagulls and he's happy. Justin and I, we just want to air conditioning and wifi. Honestly, juggling all the details of a trip can be very stressful. And while I'm thinking about our plans, I also start thinking about our house while we're away. And it hits me. Maybe we could list our place on Airbnb while we're gone. It always sounds great, but I don't know if I can manage all the details myself. That's where Airbnb's co host network comes in. You can hire a vetted local co host to handle all the behind the scenes details, managing reservations, guest communications, and even providing on site. So hosting feels manageable even with everything else going on. So if you're traveling this spring, it might be the perfect time to list your space on Airbnb and maybe earn a little extra cash while you're gone to put toward that extra future travel someplace with air conditioning and Wi fi. If you're ready to host but could use a little extra help, find a co [e-mail] host so right now I'm in New York City. I am doing a play about Truman Capote and It's basically a one man show, just me for 90 minutes. I am basically eating, breathing, sleeping Truman Capote and this play. And I have very little time for myself, let alone time to cook for myself. That's why Home Chef has been a total lifesaver at this point in my life. They deliver fresh pre portioned ingredients straight to my door. And the recipes are so easy to follow. Whatever kind of day you're having, Home Chef has you covered. From classic recipes with fresh ingredients and home 30 minute meals to oven ready trays and quick microwavable lunches. There's even a dedicated family menu for easy four to six serving dinners. And this is the most important part. They all taste amazing. Like restaurant quality amazing. Home Chef has worked with chefs like Gordon Ramsay and now Giada De Laurentiis bringing chef inspired recipes right to your kitchen. Plus, it's affordable. Home Chef customers save an average of $86 per month on groceries for a limited time. Home Chef is offering my listener 50% off and free shipping for your first box. Plus free dessert for life. Go to homechef.com dom that's homechef.com dom for 50% off your first box and free dessert for life. Must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. Hey, it's Jesse Tyler Ferguson. This is a little side dish from this week's episode of Dinners on Me. This week's guest is Heather Graham and I know and love her from Bogina, one of my all time favorite movies. Also, Austin Powers, the Spy who Shagged Me. It was also just announced that she's gonna be on the new season of White Lotus, which I'm super excited about. I had no idea about that when we sat down for this conversation. She had to keep that top secret, I guess. She's had an absolutely incredible career that spanned indie classics, cult favorites. She's even directed some of her own projects. We met up at LA Pavilion in Manhattan. Over steak and scallops. Heather and I talked about our shared love for cooking. And we recall our first time crossing paths in Tulum, Mexico, right before I got engaged. To get back into our conversation, you're pulling up a chair just as we share some of our all time favorite TV shows. When you were, when you were young, like, what were you drawn to? It's like, were you watching interesting films? Were you finding things like that?

[Heather Graham]

Well, when I was really young, of course I always watch. I watch wizard of Oz. I felt like that was like a seminal moment. Like, I love that movie. And like Sound of Music and Tootsie. That was like, I love Tootsie. I mean, I watched the Godfather. I watched Sophie's Joy. Yeah. I love the movie Somewhere in Time with like Jane Seymour, who I recently became friends with. I'm like, she's amazing. Yeah. And then Harold and Maude. That was when I was older, like 20. I remember watching that movie and being like, I love Ruth Gordon's character. Like I filmed. So inspired by her.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yeah.

[Heather Graham]

I feel like that movie, watching it, it kind of inspired, like my personality. Just the way she, like, loves life and like tries to appreciate every moment and it's just kind of joyful. I just thought she was incredible.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Right. Yeah. Did you.

[Heather Graham]

What about you? Like, what was your like?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yeah, I mean, I saw you talking

[Heather Graham]

to Ted Danson, so I know that's one of the inspirations.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I love sitcoms.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I love Cheers so much. Yeah, Sitcoms were big for me. I love, like, Family Ties. I loved Silver Spoons. I loved alf.

[Heather Graham]

I had a big crush on Michael J. Fox.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yes, me too. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. But like, Back to the Future and all those films I love. I mean, and then when I came to New York and like, I was sort of excited, Exposed to more. Not even. Like, I. It's funny because, like, when I came to New York, like, I. I was exposed to so much more music and, and film and like, all this stuff was accessible to me in Albuquerque, but I just wasn't looking for it because I wasn't.

[Heather Graham]

I wasn't really allowed to watch it, actually.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

You weren't? Okay.

[Heather Graham]

I wasn't allowed to watch PG 13 movies and stuff. So when I kind of moved out, it was really exciting. I suddenly got to watch all the. This stuff, which is so fun.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Did you move out young?

[Heather Graham]

I moved out when I was 18 because once I made that money, I could get my own place and then I could watch R rated movies.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Right, right, right, right. Yeah, No, I guess that's. I mean, that's when I moved to New York. I mean, not that my parents were keeping me from watching that stuff, but I just felt like I had more access to it. And same with food, too. Like, it's the first time I tried sushi and Indian food and all these things that, like, I just never tried in Albuquerque.

[Heather Graham]

Me too. I hadn't tried sushi. I didn't know what hummus was, you know?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yeah, couscous. All these exotic things. That's so funny. Yeah.

[Heather Graham]

No, I feel like when I was a kid, no one ate sushi.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

No, no, I remember it's in, specifically in Albuquerque. I remember there's a Japanese restaurant that we'd always go to for special occasions, but we'd always get like the teriyaki. It was like places. But it's kind of like Benihana where they cook on your table.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

But my uncle would always get sushi. And I remember, like, me and my cousin were like, oh, that's so gross. Like, we'd watch him eat the sushi, but he's eating raw fish.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

That's like my favorite meal.

[Heather Graham]

But yeah, people were slightly more judgmental about, like, exotic cuisine, you know? Now I feel like everyone's like, oh, yeah, let's try it.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Or maybe it's just we got more sophisticated and we surrounded ourself with more sophisticated.

[Heather Graham]

I love that you're foodie. I'm so it seems so fun that you. You know, all those sh. That you. What was it like hosting the James Beard Awards? I mean, that must have been so fun to meet all those people.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I definitely do.

[Heather Graham]

They all just invite you to their restaurants, and, like, I mean, that does happen.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

It's very. I have such deep respect for the culinary world. I think, like, if I hadn't been an actor, I would have gone to culinary school. I would have loved it.

[Heather Graham]

Are you a good cook?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I think so.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I find it very meditative.

[Heather Graham]

Wow. And, like, what do you make?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I love to just try new things. I'm such a cookbook collector, so I love to just, like, crack open a cookbook and try new things. I.

[Heather Graham]

That's amazing.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

It's. Yeah. I find it very peaceful to be able to do that. But when I was asked to host the James Beard Award, I just. I have such deep respect for that community. I wanted to.

[Heather Graham]

And that's hard. It's so hard. It must be, like, having a restaurant seems like one of the hardest.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. But I just. I wanted. You know, that's such a special night for them. It's their Oscars, as they probably hate that we call it. But, like, it's such a big night for. For them, and I wanted it to be as special as possible, so I took it very seriously. Like, I mean, I really went all out for them, and. Yeah, and it was great because I got to meet all these, like, heroes of mine, these chefs that I just absolutely love. Yeah. And it's definitely, you know, it ingratiated me to the culinary world in a way that I am very happy to be ingratiated, for sure. Yeah.

[Heather Graham]

My friends are always teasing me because, like, whenever I'm having lunch, I'm, like, asking, well, what are we gonna have for dinner? You know what I mean? Or, like, what are we gonna eat for breakfast? Like, I'm always like, I'm eating something. It's so good. And then, like, okay, what are we gonna eat for, like, next, you know?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I love that. I love that. It's so good.

[Heather Graham]

So fun.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yeah.

[Heather Graham]

I mean, what else is there in life, really? Right? Like, food, the people that you love.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

And, like, I mean, it's the whole emphasis of this podcast. It's like, I want to have great conversations with. With people over a meal, and, like, I know just be able to share the experience of eating with someone, you know?

[Heather Graham]

Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I feel very lucky. I get to do it. Are you sure you don't want to try this?

[Heather Graham]

No, you have it?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I think I'm going to save it.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah. Okay.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I don't want to get too full,

[Heather Graham]

but this bread was insane. Like, there's like onion and like parmesan cheese crusted on it.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

That was pretty incredible.

[Heather Graham]

It was incredible.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Love, love. Now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, Heather talks about going to yoga retreats with Molly Shannon. She reflects on her time hosting on snl. Okay, be right back.

[Molly Sims]

Hey, guys. This is Molly Sims, host of Lipstick on the Rim. So I have a little bit of a pet peeve that I think you're going to relate to this. I'll be having a great day, feeling good, and someone will say to me, you look tired. And I'm like, I promise you I'm not really tired. But here's what I've learned. My eyelids, they do sit a little low. And once my doctor explained that to me, it actually kind of made a lot of sense. She prescribed me Upnique, the first and only FDA approved prescription item drop for adults with low lying eyelids. One drop per eye. In the morning, and I notice my eyes look more open awake within minutes. It's like just one simple step. That's it. And the results? Guess what? They last up to eight hours. Learn more about upnique.com that's u p n e e q.com or talk to your doctor. Just a little quick safety note about Upneek. Oxymetazoline hydrochloride ophthalmic solution 0.1%. Tell your doctor your symptoms and medical history, including blood pressure, blood flow issues, and heart, brain or eye disease. Drooping eyelids can be caused by other more serious conditions, such as a stroke. Do not touch the tip of the Upne vial to your eye or any other surface. This is not a complete list of risks.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

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[Heather Graham]

Well, I kept running into her. I think I met her in like 2000, maybe.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Okay.

[Heather Graham]

Wow. Yeah. I mean, I was on Saturday Night Live at one point.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Did you host?

[Heather Graham]

I did host, yes.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

How was that?

[Heather Graham]

A long time ago. I mean, it was terrifying and fun and. Yeah. So I met Molly and. And then I kept running into her. Like, I'd be at the grocery store in Beechwood Canyon and I'd run into her. And we're both like, very into psychology and therapy and talking about analyzing people.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Okay. I love that.

[Heather Graham]

Reading books and just. I don't know. She's an amazing person. Like, she's an incredible. I mean, her. Did you read her book? It's so good. Yeah, it's so good.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yeah. I really like her. I've met her a few times. She's.

[Heather Graham]

She's amazing. I know. She's trying to convince me to write a book, which I'm kind of.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

You should.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah. Would it be about just my life? I guess. Kind of like hers. But her book was incredible. Like, I loved it so much. How do you know her?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Just from being a fan and seeing her around and, like, I kind of forced myself on her. I've always heard she's very nice. I was like, I'm going to go say hello. And I introduced myself, and she's lovely. Wait, we're not going to let you. I'm not letting you get off the hook about talking about Saturday, Saturday Live, because you're talking about being scared to perform in front of an audience. And that's literally you're not. Only you're performing in front of a live audience, but then they're Recording it for, like, the world.

[Heather Graham]

I know. That's what I'm saying. It was.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

So let's talk about that. That's like doing theater times 500.

[Heather Graham]

I know, I know. I was deeply terrified.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I imagine I feel like I admire

[Heather Graham]

people that do that so much.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I think I would excel on snl.

[Heather Graham]

I. Why don't you do it?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Because no one's asked me.

[Heather Graham]

Maybe you should tell them you want to do it.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I think they know. Okay. So do you remember a lot about

[Heather Graham]

you would be really good in that.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I went to see Sofia Vergara do it when she. She's the only cast member from Modern Family, did it. And I hung out with her, like, backstage before.

[Heather Graham]

Wow.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

And she was so terrified, but so grave. And just being in the environment of like, you know, that energy before the show, I was like, I want to be a part of this. This looks so fun. Did you have fun that week? Were you just in a state of complete terror?

[Heather Graham]

A mixture of fun and a state of complete terror. I mean, I think I would be better now. I think at this point, I think when I was younger, I was more like, I want to be in movies about the Holocaust and, you know, really serious actor. I think now I'm like, I like comedy. You know, I'm like, life's hard enough.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

What were you doing at that point that, like. Because usually it's like you're doing something. Was it the Hangover?

[Heather Graham]

No. I don't know. It was probably just post. Austin Powers just got asked, you know, I can't remember if it was a specific movie, but it was probably just after Austin Powers, like a year or two after.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

That was very comedy.

[Heather Graham]

Yes. But I think that. I think now I love comedy. Okay. When I was younger, I was like, I don't know comedy, you know, I want to do drama. I really wanted to do serious drama. I wanted to be doing things about important subjects.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

You were watching Sophie's Choice.

[Heather Graham]

Do you know what I mean? Or like people dying or something. Now I'm just like, oh, my God, I want humor. I want comedy. Like, I just admire. I love watching female standups because, yeah, when I was growing up, there were no female stand ups. It was all men just talking about how much they hate their wives. Right?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yeah.

[Heather Graham]

So it's so good to watch like an Ali Long or an Amy Schumer or somebody go, okay, what is. That's the female side of the story. So as I've gotten older, I just love comedy. So now I think I'd be better than Then. Then I was. I was terrified.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

It's so funny that you're saying this because you're.

[Heather Graham]

And I'm better at laughing at myself.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Oh. I mean, it's.

[Heather Graham]

You.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

You have this iconic comedic movie career between Austin Powers and the Hangover. I mean, these are a huge.

[Heather Graham]

Thank you.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Iconic comedy films. It's funny to me that you're like, now I'm into comedy.

[Heather Graham]

I mean, I always, like, had a

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

funny moment for it, though.

[Heather Graham]

I like comedy, but now I absolutely love comedy. I think I liked it. You know, I'm talking about myself as an audience member, I guess. Like, I love being in those movies and I. And I love doing comedy. But I would say, like, as an audience member now, I admire and respect comedy more than anything else. You know, Like, I just think it's the most amazing, highest art form. Like, how do you make life funny and not, like, sad and depressing? You know, Meanwhile, is that amazing?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

This is so good.

[Heather Graham]

I know.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Do you. Are you one of those people that can watch your own work and enjoy it somewhat?

[Heather Graham]

I mean, sometimes it's. Sometimes it's hard. I mean, like, either you, you know, get kind of self conscious or you're weird, you can't really see, watch yourself. Or you start, like, looking at how you look, and I don't know, how are you? Like, do you ever.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I think I used to be really good at it.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I know it's happened in the last few years, but I cannot. I don't want to hear myself talking. I don't want to see my face. I don't want. I don't want to know about it.

[Heather Graham]

You decided to do a podcast where you film yourself.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I have a hard time with it.

[Heather Graham]

But you used to not.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I used to be. Okay. It's been. I mean, I watched every episode of Modern Family. Part of it was because I was a fan of the show. Like, I genuinely love.

[Heather Graham]

So good. Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

The people on the show. And I was like, if I wasn't a part of the show, I'd want to watch it. Like, I really. And because it was such a big ensemble, like, so much of the show didn't involve me. I mean, there's, you know, if you took out my part of the show, sometimes it would only be like six or seven minutes of the 22 minutes episode. So, like, there was so much more that didn't involve me that I got to watch other people's work. You know who I love so much?

[Heather Graham]

Yeah. Everyone was so great.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

And so I watched every episode and then I don't know what happened, but, like, I had. I've been having a really hard time, like, stepping back and, like, looking at myself in a way that I enjoy.

[Heather Graham]

Some actors don't watch themselves at all.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I know.

[Heather Graham]

I think someone told me, like, Christopher Walken, like, he never watches himself. Some really good actors are just like, no, I'm not doing it.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yeah. Jesse Eisenberg did an episode of our show, and he was so excited because he loves the show and he refused to watch his scenes, so he asked for an episode. He asked for a copy of our. Of the episode he was in with his scenes cut out.

[Heather Graham]

Are you kidding? Oh, my God.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

All the scenes were with me.

[Heather Graham]

That is hilarious. Wait, I haven't seen that episode. What does he play?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

He plays my neighbor who's, like, this, like, really annoying, like, environmentalist.

[Heather Graham]

Oh, really? Oh, my God.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

He's like, I run my sprinklers a little too long, and he, like, comes over and, like, says something. He's perfect.

[Heather Graham]

Wait, These Brussels sprouts are insane. I know.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

They're really good.

[Heather Graham]

Oh, my God.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yeah, Brussels sprouts can be hard.

[Heather Graham]

Mm.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

They could get spongy. This is great. Now for a quick break, but don't go away. When we come back, Heather and I recall our first run in with each other, and I tell the story of how I proposed to my husband, Justin. Okay, be right back. This episode is brought to you by Fandango. People say fans are too distracted these days, but the truth is, when a great movie hits the screen, you show up, you stay glued, invested, part of the story. And without fans like you, there'd be no cinema magic, no shared moments. So head to fandango.com to get tickets, stream or rent or buy top movies and series. Fandango loves fans. And we're back with more dinners on me. Wait, so you were saying that you. You feel like you first met me in Tulum.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah. Well, I was in Tulum, which is, like, my favorite place, which, by the. That is an amazing foodie place, too.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

It is.

[Heather Graham]

It is incredible. Yeah. No, I walk by you on the beach. Of course. I'm a huge fan, and I. I was nerding out by recognizing you and seeing you there. And. Yeah, you were with. I guess you were on a date with your husband.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

If it's the when. Yeah, you say it was 15 years ago. It's the. It's the trip. I proposed to my husband.

[Heather Graham]

Oh, my God. How did you propose to him?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I'm kind of curious, so I. I Didn't get him a ring. I got him a. So I had been gifted from Modern Family a Rolex watch. It's like, it was a gift, like, for, you know, we got picked up for like, a third season or something, or maybe it's the second season, and they gave us a Rolex. And I was like, this is, like, very fantastic. I mean, there used to be a time on TV where, like, fancy. I remember, like, the cast of Friends, I think, got like, cars. And there was a time when, like.

[Heather Graham]

And they used to have, like, if you went to the Academy Awards or something, they give you a basket and have, like, crazy things in it, like a computer or something.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I mean, I never went to the Oscars, but I do know that, like, there was, like, for the Emmys, they

[Heather Graham]

used to give crazy gifts. Now they don't.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Now they don't.

[Heather Graham]

No, they don't.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

No, no. It's like a gift certificate for, like, 20% off.

[Heather Graham]

Yes, totally.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Lynn's crafters.

[Heather Graham]

Exactly.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

But so they had given me a Rolex and my husband Justin, my now husband.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

He would always borrow the Rolex and wear it.

[Heather Graham]

And how many years had you been together? How long?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

This was two years.

[Heather Graham]

Okay.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

And so I thought, okay, what am I gonna get him? I don't want to get him a ring. I don't want to get him an engagement ring. So I got.

[Heather Graham]

I don't really like rings, actually. They're like. I don't either. Yeah, Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I don't either. So I. I got him. Instead of an engagement ring, I got him a Rolex watch.

[Heather Graham]

Oh, wow.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

And I was like. Had diamonds on this around the side, and on the back it said, spend all your time with me.

[Heather Graham]

That's really romantic.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

The problem with a Rolex watch is, like, you can't just, like, slip it into your pocket. It's like. It's chunky.

[Heather Graham]

Do you ever, like, worry, like, when you have something like that fancy and expensive, like, someone's gonna, like, attack you and steal it?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yes.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

And also I was traveling.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

And we, you know, I. I didn't know if I should check it in my bag or if I should carry it on.

[Heather Graham]

And, like, I was nervous.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Carried it on. Like, you would see it, though, because we were sharing a carry on bag.

[Heather Graham]

Okay.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I think I did carry it on.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah, you should.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

But when we got into the hotel room, I was like, where do I hide this? Because I couldn't put it in the safe.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Because, like, he was using it.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

And so I was like, I remember one Point. It was like inside, like the tube of the toilet paper. I was like, look, that sounds like

[Heather Graham]

a crazy accident waiting to happen. I know.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

True. Moving it around. And like, he's like, also a lawyer and so he's like, really perceptive. So if I was like opening up a drawer, he's like, what is. What's over there? And like, I'd be like, I could not hide it from him. So I kept. Kept in my pocket most of the time.

[Heather Graham]

Wow.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

And so.

[Heather Graham]

And what, like, you were waiting for the right moment?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I was waiting for the right moment, yeah. And so there was a few nights and like in Tulum, as you know, like you.

[Heather Graham]

And were you carrying it with you? Just like waiting for the moment.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

So every night. Yeah, not at all times, but like every time we go out to dinner at night, I would. I'd put it in my pocket and I would be like, okay, tonight, like, maybe I'll do it if there's a nice moment at dinner.

[Heather Graham]

There's great restaurants there.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Great restaurants. There's this place I remember in Tulum that we went that you go, and it's like they basically just set out tables on the beach and they sit down with you. I don't remember.

[Heather Graham]

Okay.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

It's actually an Italian place.

[Heather Graham]

They serve like a. I know which one you're talking about. Yeah, I've been there. Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

And they sit down with you and they sort of tell you what the

[Heather Graham]

catch of the day is this a margarita or something?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

It is.

[Heather Graham]

No, I've been there and it's amazing.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

It's where we went, like every night.

[Heather Graham]

Yes.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

So romantic. So great. And. Yeah. Why not?

[Heather Graham]

Yeah. Here, you want to try it? It's really good.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

This is more than 2 ounces sour. So I. I had my. I had the watch with me at that restaurant. And as we're walking back on the beach, I was like, okay, this is. This is the moment. And so I was like, literally about to like, get down on my knee and like propose. And the moonlight was hitting the beach. It was so beautiful. And then all you could see in the moonlight were like these little sand crabs hopping around.

[Heather Graham]

And that you're like, that is not romance. Freaked out.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

He's like, started screaming and, like running away. I was like, oh, my God. This is like night three when it's like, I gotta get. I gotta unload this. Watch.

[Heather Graham]

Oh, my God. How many nights had you.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

It was like five nights.

[Heather Graham]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I think by like night four, I was like, if it's not tonight, like, it's I don't know what to do. I'm too stressed out. I gotta get rid of this watch. And so I think. What happened? Well, I know what happened, because one morning he was having coffee out on our little balcony, and I basically, like, got down on one knee. I was like, here's the wine. Like, I threw it at him. I was like, marry me. And I was like, just wanting to unload the watch. And that's how it happened.

[Heather Graham]

Really? And what was his reaction?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

He was sort of. Because I was so, like, crazy about how I was asking him. Thank you so much.

[Heather Graham]

Because you were, like, stressed.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I was stressed out. It wasn't like. It wasn't like I had a speech or anything prepared. Like, I. You know, like, normally there's something that precedes this.

[Heather Graham]

Is that the mint tea or. Okay, cool. I wasn't sure if that's something you ordered.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

No, that's for you.

[Heather Graham]

Okay.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I think he was sort of taken aback. It's like, for the full day. We were both, like, in. In shock because it was.

[Heather Graham]

So, what did he say? He said yes.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

He obviously said yes.

[Heather Graham]

So was he expecting it or. It was a surprise.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

No. Oh, it was a surprise.

[Heather Graham]

Okay. Wow.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

And then.

[Heather Graham]

And you guys talked about marriage. Like, was he.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

And he basically said, like, when you're ready, I'm. I'm ready. I'm 10 years old.

[Heather Graham]

You knew he would say yes?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I did know he would say yes. I wasn't worried about that part.

[Heather Graham]

Okay. And then you guys joke about it

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

now, like, yeah, we're like, that was crazy. Like, how? It just was. There was zero romance involved in the proposal.

[Heather Graham]

That's funny. That's funny. But maybe that's good, you know? It's like, you have a real relationship, and it's like, you're really in love and you don't have to have a romantic moment.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yeah.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

So that's all to say when you saw me in Tulum, I was either just about to get engaged or I had just gotten engaged.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah. That's incredible. No, it was like the sun was setting. It was like, all milk. You know that time in Tulum where it's, like, all, like, dreamy and, like. And, like. Yeah. You were walking down the beach with a guy and I'm like, oh, my God, he's a great actor. It's just funny when you're, like. You think you're in the middle of nowhere and then you see, like, this actor.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I can't believe. And I. We didn't talk.

[Heather Graham]

Well, I didn't say Anything. Because I'm kind of shy, but. Yeah, but I saw you.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yeah, I didn't see you. I really. I would have. I would have recognized you. I would have. Because I've been a fan.

[Heather Graham]

No, it was a vivid. It was a vivid memory. Because I'm like, oh, my God. Because it was before Tulum had become so popular. I feel like now like, you're like, of course everyone's in Tulum, but it was at a moment before everyone was going there, right?

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I had been there, like, five years before when it was even more rustic.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

That's so funny. No, I would have been so excited if you had said hi.

[Heather Graham]

I know. I should have said hi.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

You really should.

[Heather Graham]

I'm trying to be more outgoing and confident about that stuff. Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

It's interesting that you say that because I. I'm the same way as you. Like, I really have a hard time saying hi to people.

[Heather Graham]

Well, sometimes too. If they're like a celebrity or they're you, like, you like their work. You're like, okay. Do they want to be bothered? Like, okay, I was just doing the Today celebrity. Yeah, but I don't always think of myself that way. I don't go like, I'm a celebrity. I was just doing the Today show and, like, Cardi B. Was up after me and I'm kind of like, lightly obsessed with Cardi B. But I didn't get to say hi to her, but I was like, oh, my God, I want to say hi to her.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I was on. I was on an late night talk show once. Janet Jackson was the person before me.

[Heather Graham]

That's fun.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

And I was like, I gotta be Janet Jackson. Like, I mean, come on.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

And she was very kind. And this is. I have to remind myself, like, because this happens to me sometimes when people say hello to me. Like, I. I truly love hearing that people love what I do or that, like, my work has meant something to them.

[Heather Graham]

But a lot of people are like that. But maybe some people are not as, like, I don't know. You don't want to find out someone you really admire is.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Is.

[Heather Graham]

Is a jerk or doesn't like, like you, you know, maybe. Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Has that happened to you where you've, like, been brave and said hello to someone and it hasn't gone well?

[Heather Graham]

I mean, I'm sure I can't, like, think of anything right now, but sometimes people are just like, oh, yeah, you know, Like, I don't know.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

They're not.

[Heather Graham]

Whatever.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I. Yeah, I've had A few.

[Heather Graham]

Most people are nice, but occasionally you're like, oh, that person's not, like, what I was hoping they.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Exactly.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yeah. You don't want to ruin the. The illusion. I totally. It's. You know, I'm sure you've been to some of the parties, like, you know, after, like, the Emmys or the, you know, the SAG Awards, and there's these, like, you know, parties that are just, like. It's so chock full of, like, celebrities from every world, Musicians and movie stars and TV stars, and it's overwhelming. And there were. There. That's where there's one specific party, the InStyle party after the saga wars where I've met a few people where I. It's just not gone well.

[Heather Graham]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

But then there's other people. Like, we were talking about Keri Russell and Matthew Reese, who, like, I love them so much, and they're. I consider them very good friends now.

[Heather Graham]

You should go to sofra with them. I'm telling you. I told him about that restaurant, and now I think he's become obsessed.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

I will. Yeah, that's a great place to go with him. But I remember the first time I met them was at a party after the SAG Awards, and Ty Burrell, who's on Modern Fan with me, was good friends with. With them and introduced us. And, like, I still talk about this with Carrie. Like, it was. It was the most awkward interaction. Like, none of us were, like, talking to one another because we were all so overstimulated by the room. And she's like, yeah, I get really nervous in those situations. And I was like. I told her. I was like, God, I was so excited to meet you and Matthew. And she goes, that's so exciting, because I was excited. I was.

[Heather Graham]

I was so excited to meet you and just.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yeah, but, like, we were just. We couldn't in that circumstance, like, have a real moment because it was just, like, too much going on. So I don't know. I'm trying to get better about, like.

[Heather Graham]

But you can have really cool. Cause I was at a party for this movie called Children of Men, and I met Moby there, and then we became friends. So sometimes those moments can turn into, like. And then we became friends, you know, which is cool.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

All I'm saying is you should have said hello in Tulum.

[Heather Graham]

Okay, well, now I wish I should

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

have been friends for the past 15 years.

[Heather Graham]

I know. Well, we can be friends now if you want.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

Yes, we can. That was more from my conversation with Heather Graham. If you haven't heard our full conversation yet, make sure to check it out on Dinners On Me. This episode of Dinners On Me was recorded at LA Pavilion in Midtown Manhattan. Next week on Dinners On Me. You know him from roles like Blaine Anderson on Glee and from his Emmy winning and Golden Globe Award winning turn as Andrew Cunanan in the Assassination of Gianni Versace. It's Darren Criss. We'll get into his journey from theater kid to award winning performer. He's a Tony Award winner for maybe Happy Ending on Broadway and how he reflects on a career that just keeps hitting new highs. Dinners On Me is a production of Sony Music Entertainment and a kid named Beckett Productions. It's hosted by me, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. It's executive produced by me and Jonathan Hirsch. Our showrunner is Joanna Clay. Our associate producer is Alyssa Midcalf. Sam Baer engineered this episode Hansdale. She composed our theme music. Our head of production is Sammy Allison. Special thanks to Tamika Balance Kolasny and Justin Makita. I'm Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Join me next week.

[Heather Graham]

This surprised me. The most useful advice I get now

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

doesn't come from experts.

[Heather Graham]

It comes from regular people on TikTok.

[Jesse Tyler Ferguson]

What works, what doesn't. No filters. Download TikTok and see for yourself.