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Mike Mitchell
This is a Headgun podcast. Want to watch this episode? Check it out on our YouTube channel by going to YouTube.com doughboysmedia this episode
Nick Weiger
is brought to you by booking.com booking.com offers a wide array of hotels and vacation rentals across the US So you can find exactly what you're booking for.
Mike Mitchell
There's something for everyone, Wygs. Even those who are impossible to please. Whether you're booking for yourself, your partner, your picky teens and your sleep light. Rise early.
Nick Weiger
Mom.
Mike Mitchell
I know that. Or your high maintenance group chat. I know that as well. It's called the Doughboys group chat. You can find exactly what you're booking for.
Nick Weiger
Mitch, you and I travel a lot together.
Mike Mitchell
It's true touring.
Nick Weiger
And we found that we have some particular needs for ourselves and for our staff who makes the show possible.
Mike Mitchell
That's right.
Nick Weiger
W what we're always looking for is a big kitchen. We're always looking for places where you can prepare food at the place. We always want nice bathrooms.
Mike Mitchell
We want big old bathrooms.
Nick Weiger
And we want a nice TV so we can watch evening movies. And if we can find our Perfect stay on booking.com, anyone can.
Mike Mitchell
That's right. Wise find exactly what you're booking for. Booking.com booking. Yeah. Book today on the site or in the app. Do it. What's up everybody? It's your boy, the spoon man. I want to tell you about a hilarious podcast from Canada, eh North of the border. It's called Evil Men, hosted by comedians Chris Locke, James Hartnett and Michael Balazzo. And every episode, these three idiots pick an evil man from history, pop culture or fiction and try to figure out what made them so damn bad, all while cracking each other the hell up. Along the way, you'll hear genuinely fascinating stories and bizarre historical details explained by three guys who. Who absolutely should not be considered experts. Sounds familiar. Sounds a little like the Doughboys. We're not experts. We are horrible at knowing anything about fast food, even after 10 years. So these guys are right up my alley. Then at the end of the episode, they summon the evil meter to score their subject from 0 to 10 on the world renowned Urkel to Hitler scale, which is such a great scale. Urkel being the absolute good, Hitler being the absolute bad. I wonder where the devil himself ranks in there. Or say, Dr. Evil. Maybe they've ranked Dr. Evil. I haven't listened to that episode yet, but if they did, I'm listening. So if you like comedy, dark tales and hearing three Canadian maniacs spiral into stupidity while discussing dictators, cult leaders, and creeps. Check out Evil Men. New episodes are released every Thursday on the Sonar Network and wherever you get your podcasts. Do it.
Nick Weiger
For 50 years, the west coast chain In N Out Burger was fixed in its home territory of Southern California. But in 1992, the family owned burger shop finally branched out of state with its first location in Las Vegas, Nevada. And its LA to Vegas expansion would prove impactful for the culinary culture of a third city, the Midwest metropolis of Chicago. For it was a visit to the Vegas In N Out that inspired Wieners Circle founders Barry Nemero and Jeff Greenfield to enter the Burger Circle as the new year turned over to 2005. Chicago was still reeling from the events of August 8, 2004, When the Dave Matthews Band's bus dumped liquid human waste onto a boat full of unwitting passengers on a Chicago architecture tour, drenching them with Carter Beaufort's urine and Boyd Tinsley's turds. The incident stained the band's reputation, the city's character and the victim's clothing. Thankfully for scarred Chicagoans eager to turn the page on this civic tragedy later in 2005, Nemero and Greenfield open a new restaurant featuring a throwback depression dog, followed by an In N Out inspired Double Double clone. Today, a plaque commemorates the infamous DMB BM incident, colloquially known as Poop Gate. And the Wieners Circle spinoff has become a new Chicago institution with four locations. As Red Hot in popularity as its name implies, this this week on Doughboys, Red Hot Ranch.
Mike Mitchell
Go with the Dodo boys.
Nick Weiger
What's up chicago? Wow. I'm Tiger Weiger.
Gabrius
How you doing tonight?
Nick Weiger
We got a great show. But first let me introduce my co host, Da Stairs. The spoon man, Mike Mitchell.
Mike Mitchell
What's up? What's up chicago? Stuff. Stairs.
Nick Weiger
Pretty good fun.
Mike Mitchell
That was pretty good. That was good. What's up Chicago? My kind of town. Wigs.
Nick Weiger
Welcome to Chicago.
Mike Mitchell
Looking for slobs like me.
Nick Weiger
Looking forward to seeing you at the show Thursday night. Barnaloid. Is Barnaloid here? What's up, Baroid?
Mike Mitchell
Oh, I love it. Good job.
Nick Weiger
Well played. Roasted. Perfect dot com. Mitch, we have stairs in our Airbnb.
Mike Mitchell
The person you're with, I don't know if it's significant or they're so proudly pointing down at you. Wait, what are you saying?
Nick Weiger
We have stairs in our Airbnb.
Mike Mitchell
We got a lot of stairs.
Nick Weiger
A little taste of home. I fell down the stairs last night.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, my God.
Gabrius
What happened?
Nick Weiger
You witnessed it and you laughed.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, yeah. It was good. It was. I thought you meant Like, I thought you meant you had a full tumble.
Nick Weiger
No, just a couple of stairs.
Mike Mitchell
We. We turned off the lights. We watched Minority Report last.
Nick Weiger
Watched it in full. What a. What a picture.
Mike Mitchell
What a great movie.
Nick Weiger
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
Amelia had never seen it before.
Nick Weiger
Yeah, that was fun.
Mike Mitchell
And we turned off the lights, and I was. Like, I said before. You did. I said, he's definitely going to fall at some point.
Nick Weiger
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
And then you came back with, like, two glasses of wine in your hand, and you didn't even miss the last stair. You missed the last two stairs.
Nick Weiger
I did.
Gabrius
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
And you almost went down hard. And then I think that they were like, all right, we got it. We have a. We have a fix to this. And Amelia put the game board. Sorry. At the bottom of the stairs, which I don't think was. I think that was just gonna. I don't think that was gonna be helpful.
Nick Weiger
Like, it was intended as a visual cue of, like, this is where your landing point is, because it was very dark with a TV viewing, you know, lighting, and so, like, it was just hard to see how many stairs were even there. Yeah, I know.
Mike Mitchell
Everyone else got it anyway.
Nick Weiger
I'm fine.
Mike Mitchell
The stairs are helpful for the cockroaches. We got some cockroaches.
Nick Weiger
We did get some. We did do it with some cockroaches and.
Mike Mitchell
And other bugs.
Nick Weiger
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
We got to bring in some spiders tonight. I was going to remind you.
Nick Weiger
Yeah. The spiders will take out the roaches.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah, that would be helpful.
Nick Weiger
Then we'll bring in some rats to take out the spiders, some raccoons to take out the rats. It's going to be fine.
Mike Mitchell
How you doing, Wygs?
Nick Weiger
I'm hanging in there.
Mike Mitchell
We're getting into the single digis.
Nick Weiger
We're getting into the single diggies. It would be better show if we waited to do this. So we got into Red Hot Ranch, but these things are decaying by the minute. We have some surplus fish sandwiches from Red Hot Ranch, courtesy of Matt Burko. We have four of them. So there's a quartet of people who really want them. Amelia's gonna hand them out. Who wants a fish sandwich?
Mike Mitchell
Who wants a fish sandwich?
Nick Weiger
See right there in the front row? See back there?
Mike Mitchell
This guy right here? First to see his hand up. All right, this guy and his significant other pointing at him, too, that he wants one. If you hadn't had the fish sandwich. All right, I see it. I see it. There's.
Nick Weiger
The first hand I saw was right there in the center.
Mike Mitchell
I see this lady here raising her hand. Where the hell Are you going right here in the middle?
Nick Weiger
Raise your hand one more time in the middle. Okay. All right. Sorry. Oh, well.
Mike Mitchell
Sorry you got fucked. Amelia fucked you. You promised one. How the. How did that happen?
Nick Weiger
When did this transaction take place?
Mike Mitchell
Well, who would have thunk that? More hands up than we thought. The Doughboys live show. I didn't want to fish 100 hands. I am Spartacus. Moment. Our.
Nick Weiger
But our buddy Matt Burko. Burko. Popcorn. Brought his popcorn here. Chicago original. And also brought some fish sandwiches, which was very nice.
Mike Mitchell
Yes. Yeah.
Nick Weiger
Evan and Amelia got to try one.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Matt. That was very sweet of you. Where the hell are you? There he is.
Nick Weiger
Thank you. Thanks, buddy.
Mike Mitchell
The cockroaches are cold. It's so cold out there. Wise. They got to come inside.
Nick Weiger
It really is.
Mike Mitchell
We shouldn't tell. These never went to our house. So they were not near the cockroaches. Just to be clear. How you feeling? I feel very sick.
Nick Weiger
I feel. Yeah. You know, this is, I guess, night three for us in Chicago. Night two of shows. Who was here last night. Okay. Thank you for coming back.
Mike Mitchell
All right.
Nick Weiger
Sorry.
Mike Mitchell
A lot of. I took a. I took a Pepto Bismol on the. I went over. I had some stomach issues when I. When we.
Nick Weiger
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
Coming out here. And I took Pepto Bismol on the plane. And then I revealed to you today that I haven't had a movement since then.
Nick Weiger
Yes.
Mike Mitchell
And you were like, that's not good.
Nick Weiger
Like a composer with writer's block.
Mike Mitchell
And then you told me, I have faith in you. You said this. You're like, I did. You said, I have faith in you that it's gonna happen today. And it did. Wygs. And I told you it looked like a Brookie.
Nick Weiger
It looked like a Brookie. Which I think we settled was like, maybe about a 3 on the Bristol stool scale.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah. We were trying to figure it out.
Nick Weiger
We were trying to figure it out. What's the math, Brookie? To deterred it was.
Mike Mitchell
It didn't look good. Also, by the way, speaking of to get into turds a little bit. Yeah.
Nick Weiger
You should be. Let's get into it.
Mike Mitchell
You should be so happy that you have Dave Matthews. I just have to say you should embrace that more than any. Now he's a part of your city. It's a cool thing to have happen. What do you. Kanye West. Who else do you guys have? Who are the other Chicago people? I mean, there's. I know there's many others besides Kanye west, but you should embrace Dave Matthews, he's a good man. For crying out loud. They just let the shit out on a bridge. Who cares? It got tourists. You hate tourists, don't you hate tourists?
Nick Weiger
The only person who was found responsible. The only person who was found responsible was the driver. So the DMV was cleared of the incident.
Mike Mitchell
They were clear to the incident. And I told you that. Look, there's some more stuff. It's kind of. I get a little conspiracy theory about it. I heard it's the warm up band. I'm not gonna get into it.
Nick Weiger
You heard there was a second. You know, speaking of Pratt Falls, when we were in Chicago for the first time. God, when was that? 2017. Was anyone here? At our very first Chicago show,
Mike Mitchell
We
Nick Weiger
did Portillo's and we did Lou Malnati's, I Believe on that swing.
Mike Mitchell
Yes.
Nick Weiger
Yeah, we did two shows in one night. After the second show, Christine Nangle and someone who's gonna be out here very soon were our guests. And I was walking off stage. I had my laptop, I was holding it in front of me and fell down the stairs there. And fully face planted. And an audience member who saw it. Cause people were trickling out. But some people saw it. An audience member who saw it was so like, you know, scarred by it that he DMed me to make sure it was okay, which was nice. I was fine.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah, we don't have you move as much now in shows. We get you in your seat and you're good to go.
Nick Weiger
A listener remote diagnosed me in the comments with hypermobility spectrum disorder, which I didn't know was a thing, but. Ok. Okay, I'll take it.
Mike Mitchell
You're getting diagnosed from the audience.
Nick Weiger
Someone knows someone in the comments, our patreon said. I said, why? It sounds like why. You're as. Hypermobility spectrum disorder. I haven't heard of it. Emma told me about it as well.
Mike Mitchell
Congratulations.
Nick Weiger
Yeah, thanks. It's honestly kind of a compliment. Sounds pretty good.
Mike Mitchell
I've been waking up every day. I'm actually. This is something you're probably used to, but yeah, I've been waking up to the sound of children screaming every morning.
Nick Weiger
Okay,
Mike Mitchell
we're next to a school.
Nick Weiger
We're next to a school.
Mike Mitchell
So I woke up and I told you this morning there was a Weiger or Mitch type kid that I woke up to this kid going, get the fuck off me. Made me laugh quite a bit.
Nick Weiger
Future podcasters of America.
Mike Mitchell
We should. We should grab. We should. Well, we shouldn't go and grab the kid. Come here. You're gonna Be a good podcaster. Grab him and take him away. We told this story the other night, but we saved a dog. It's been a lot of interesting stuff that's been going on.
Nick Weiger
A lot of interesting stuff that's been going on.
Mike Mitchell
We saved a dog named Murphy. No big deal. We saved the dog.
Nick Weiger
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
We should get our guest out here, right?
Nick Weiger
Yeah, but you have a thing. You do.
Mike Mitchell
I do the drop before he comes out.
Nick Weiger
You do? You've always.
Gabrius
Pretty good.
Mike Mitchell
That's an interesting choice. Are you okay?
Gabrius
Emma?
Mike Mitchell
Hit him with a drop.
Nick Weiger
Take me out to the ball game
Mike Mitchell
Take me out to the doughboys Take me out to the day oh, boy Buy me some popcorn and MMs I
Nick Weiger
don't care if I never get thin Let me drop, drop, drop for the
Mike Mitchell
dough boys if they don't come and
Nick Weiger
make a shame for 1, 2, 3, 4. You're out of the platinum plate.
Mike Mitchell
Wow. We at Ducks. We do got to go to Chicago. Not in the winter time, but.
Nick Weiger
That's
Mike Mitchell
why. Didn't we? We should have listened to that drop before we came. Do we? Did we? Well, you know what? We can find out right now. Hello, Mitch, Tiger Weger, Emma, Amelia and dk. Welcome to Chicago. We're sorry about the weather and for the Bears loss on Sunday night. Oh, Jesus. The vibes are off. Well, they're even more off now we're here. Is this is us coming worse than the Bears loss?
Gabrius
I can't tell.
Mike Mitchell
This drop includes vocals from me, Chicago Leah. Wow.
Nick Weiger
Wow.
Mike Mitchell
Dose Cord members Lieutenant Tickles in BW and Sheila Carty from Nighttime Foam Corner.
Nick Weiger
Wow.
Mike Mitchell
Please come back this summer and we'll take you out to a real ball game. What do you think of that, Wise?
Nick Weiger
How fun is that? I'd love to go to one of the Chicago sports arenas, one of the famed venues here.
Mike Mitchell
Sounds like you're very excited for it.
Gabrius
I would.
Nick Weiger
Wrigley Field, wherever the White Sox play. Soldier Field. And of course, your Chicago Bulls. Where do they play? What's their stadium now?
Mike Mitchell
Is it the United Center? I think it might be.
Nick Weiger
Is it the United Center?
Mike Mitchell
Leah. AKA Chicago Leah and the Dose Gordon. Chicago Leah is here. Thank you, Chicago Leah.
Nick Weiger
Thanks, Chicago leah.
Mike Mitchell
Good job.
Nick Weiger
Dropshirdfuck.com our guest. Are y' all ready for him?
Mike Mitchell
You're gonna laugh.
Nick Weiger
We sure are. From action, boys. And staying alive, our good friend John Gab.
Gabrius
And I'm cruising through Black Island Sound. I haven't seen you since this morning, Mitch. When I rolled over and said, get the fuck off of me.
Nick Weiger
We do you Had a little bit of an audio incident of your own while you were sleeping.
Gabrius
Oh, my God. Yeah. At like 6 in the morning, I heard what sounded like someone dragging something through the house that we're staying in. And then I thought, oh, maybe that's the sound of someone scraping the ice off their car. And then I'm like. Or Mitch is like up lumbering around, scratching his back on like the house foundation or something like that. And then I swear to God, I hear Mitch's voice go. Oh, and Mitch. I hear Mitch doing a voice saying,
Mike Mitchell
I gotta get shumped.
Gabrius
And sweet. I swear to God. I swear on my dad's shallow grave.
Mike Mitchell
Why is it shallow?
Gabrius
Cause he's calming back.
Mike Mitchell
Look, I will say this, that when you had food orders, all I did say was, can we get honey?
Nick Weiger
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
And I haven't touched the honey yet, but it is very bear like. But I did not. I did not wake up. I did not try to get some. I didn't try to get anything sweet from the house. I woke up at about 4am but here's the issue. I can't. I have a CPAP mask. Yeah. Strapped to my face. So I couldn't have been the.
Gabrius
It's green with like a big yellow hat and you dance to the rumba beat.
Nick Weiger
Does it fully cover your. Like your mouth or is it just one of those ones that goes over your nose?
Mike Mitchell
Come in. Take a peek tonight.
Gabrius
All right.
Mike Mitchell
Peeking aloud.
Gabrius
Me and Nick go in there and look. And it looks like Darth Vader with the mask off. Completely bald, gray ET.
Mike Mitchell
So I can't. I did wake up at.
Nick Weiger
Around.
Mike Mitchell
I did not have my. I fell asleep in my bed and without my CPAP mask until about 4am and then I woke up at. Put it on.
Gabrius
Maybe you were saying, let me get some sweet air.
Nick Weiger
Oh, could have been that.
Gabrius
I'm so tired of having multiple death episodes throughout the evening.
Mike Mitchell
I turned on the. I turned on the tv. I. So maybe it was something on the tv. I don't have no idea.
Gabrius
I have no idea.
Nick Weiger
Could have been that. I mean, you don't talk in your sleep. You were saying?
Mike Mitchell
I. I don't.
Nick Weiger
I will sometimes talk in my sleep.
Mike Mitchell
So Nick, his room is connected to Gabri's.
Nick Weiger
That's right. I'm a partner.
Gabrius
As requested. We wanted a way to be able to just get into each other's rooms without anyone else seeing where we're going. And Weiker talks in his sleep to us more than he talks to us throughout the day. Hi. I've Never connected more with Nick while he's asleep and I'm just answering his questions. Ah, that's interesting, buddy.
Mike Mitchell
When we left the house just a moment ago, Gabris and I were in the Uber, and I said to Gabrius, I said, hey, did you bring the fridge?
Gabrius
And I, like, felt like I was like, what am I in charge of here?
Mike Mitchell
I meant the keys. Confused. Keys for fridge.
Gabrius
Even the Uber driver who's like, English was like his third language was like. I was like, I know. It's only night two of four. We'll be fine.
Nick Weiger
How did your brain get there?
Mike Mitchell
I don't know, Nick. It's a crazy town. We're in here, we're eating a lot of heavy food.
Gabrius
I think it's the only cold experience, you know, is also being in front of the fridge. Or what if we were like, did you bring the fridge? And William Refrigerator Perry leaned forward and said, yeah, I'm here, man.
Mike Mitchell
Man, what a fucking guest spot that would be. Is he dead? Oh, very scary. Oh, no, he's alive. All right. Hell, yeah.
Gabrius
You guys decide amongst yourselves. This audience is always so authoritarian. If you're like, we had this burger place. They're like, you fucking chose wrong, you assholes. Then you're like, is this person from your city alive or dead? Everyone's like, ugh, I'm only really loud when it's opinion based on when I can't get fact checked.
Nick Weiger
Last night, we watched Minority Report in full, as we mentioned.
Mike Mitchell
Yes.
Nick Weiger
Great movie. I really love it.
Gabrius
If you say in full. You mean fully nude?
Nick Weiger
Fully nude.
Gabrius
We had Emma and Amelia fill up the bathtub with goo for the three of us to lay. Murder.
Mike Mitchell
Fish sandwich.
Nick Weiger
I like that there's goo. I think it's good that the goo.
Mike Mitchell
I like the goo. In the movie, there's people in the audience nodding. The goo is good.
Gabrius
I'm a bit of a goo guy.
Nick Weiger
Hey, Amelia, come out of here real, real quick. Our associate producer is Amelia right now. Amelia, this was your first time watching Minority Report. What did you think?
Mike Mitchell
Four stars.
Nick Weiger
Okay.
Gabrius
Do you mean four generations in their letter bomb?
Mike Mitchell
It is letterbomb.
Gabrius
Letterboxd stars. 4.
Mike Mitchell
It was really good. Our TV was really tiny, though, so I could bear.
Nick Weiger
I was asking them questions the entire time. I had no idea what was going on, but it was great.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah. The questions that would be answered within the next sentence. Yeah.
Nick Weiger
I would say, make an observation.
Mike Mitchell
I'm like, what's going on here? And they're like, just. Just wait.
Nick Weiger
Just wait.
Mike Mitchell
And then within, like, Two seconds it was answered already.
Nick Weiger
It was like you hadn't watched a movie.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah, yeah.
Nick Weiger
They're setting something up, but I don't quite know what's going on. Yeah, there's something of a mystery in this movie.
Mike Mitchell
Let me just say that when the. When that wooden ball showed up and it was Tom Cruise's name on it, your jaw fucking hit the floor.
Nick Weiger
It hit the fucking floor.
Mike Mitchell
Also, it should be five stars. Get the fuck off stage.
Nick Weiger
Thanks, Amelia.
Gabrius
We made the joke yesterday that when you watch a movie with someone and you want them to like it, you kind of watch it through their eyes and stare at them. And yesterday, I could tell how frustrated Mitch was getting with Emilia's confusion, where she's like, wait a minute. So what they're doing is pretty much gonna lead them directly to the crime. And you're like, that's the premise of the movie. And then poor Amelia's watching this movie with three older, three uncles, and Mitch just keeps going, did you hear that? You hear that?
Mike Mitchell
That's good information to hear. I was trying to make sure she heard it.
Gabrius
At one point, Amelia was on her phone doing work for doughboys, and we were all like, get off your fucking phone.
Mike Mitchell
I told her, I said, give me your phone. I was like, I can't do that. I can't make Amelia give me her phone.
Gabrius
What's your password?
Mike Mitchell
And then when. When Tom Cruise goes into the. Into. Into the bedroom where the. Where his son is, there's pictures of his.
Nick Weiger
Yeah, that son.
Mike Mitchell
I looked over her at Amelia and we fist bumped, and she went, let's fucking go.
Nick Weiger
Colin Farrell's like an orgy of evidence. There's a very similar beat to something that happens in LA Confidential in that, in terms of.
Mike Mitchell
Guess what? We're watching LA Confidential tonight.
Nick Weiger
That's right.
Gabrius
Well, we're watching Amelia watch LA Confidential tonight.
Nick Weiger
In a remarkable coincidence, we're watching Minority Report. We were planning to watch Minority Report. And I'm up in the attic, where I'm staying, sleeping on a couch.
Mike Mitchell
That's true.
Gabrius
Well, it's a complicated setup, but Weger put himself in the attic, which is a living room and has no attached bathroom. Mitch and I are on the next floor, each with our own attached bath. Mitch has used my toilet and shower three times. He has a shower and toilet attached to his room. He keeps coming in and trying to shit in my bathroom.
Mike Mitchell
I haven't.
Gabrius
I'm giving shit. And I was like, but you were in here. Isn't that enough?
Mike Mitchell
He's got a bidet I like it.
Gabrius
You made such a big show of giving me the primary bedroom. You're like, you're our guest. You should have this. And I'm like, all I want is a private bathroom space. I don't care about anything else. And you were like, you should have this. You're the guest. Hey, are you still showering in there?
Mike Mitchell
I walked in on you taking a piss your first time in the bathroom.
Gabrius
Well, because I didn't think I had to shut my bathroom door in my en suite bathroom. I didn't expect one of the other residents of the house to walk in going, oh, hey, hey, you're pissing.
Mike Mitchell
It's got a cool shower that has like an elephant wash. You know, the things that shoot from the wall and it's fun. You're in there, you know, you're getting. You're getting an elephant wash from each side.
Gabrius
Yeah. I get down on the ground and get into a Belgian oyster where you get both ankles behind your head and I kind of just fucking go around like a little clam shell.
Mike Mitchell
You help. You came in and you washed me off of the broom when I was in there. Why?
Gabrius
I put a whole fish in your mouth and rubbed your neck.
Mike Mitchell
Why? You have no real bathroom. You're upstairs in the attic like you said. Yeah. What you did, you chose the attic.
Nick Weiger
Yeah, it's fine.
Gabrius
Well, this is why we have the linked bedrooms. So he can snake his huge hog in through the and I can run it into the bathroom, like filling up an above ground pool. Oh, pools are things that you could swim in when the weather is normal.
Mike Mitchell
I like that you're up there in the attic, but is there a reason that you wear the phantom mask while you're up there?
Nick Weiger
I'm up there in the attic. We're just about to watch Minority Report. I look over, glance over at, like, the. Some of the books that are there. What do I see but Tom Cruise. All the world's a stage.
Gabrius
That's right. Tom Cruise's biography. Autobiography.
Nick Weiger
No, it's a biography by Ian Johnstone. But yeah, I was like, how about that? A Tom Cruise book.
Mike Mitchell
When I left you last night, the movie was over. It was 2am very late for y was just on the couch looking at that book.
Nick Weiger
I was looking for passages on Minority Report, and unfortunately, there's nothing particularly illuminating.
Gabrius
He read it like Johnny 5 from Short Circuit.
Nick Weiger
But I thought this Airbnb tome might have a new home here at the Den.
Mike Mitchell
You can't do that. We need to get that back.
Gabrius
It specifically says in The Airbnb instructions that you have to wash the floors before you leave and make sure all the Tom Cruise books are placed packed where they want.
Mike Mitchell
I'm being a nerd.
Gabrius
No, this is the Airbnb people.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, God.
Gabrius
Cause they're fucking strict as fuck over at. What if I said the address?
Nick Weiger
Don't do it.
Mike Mitchell
You. Someone would show up, you sick fucks.
Gabrius
Em.
Mike Mitchell
And Amelia will protect us.
Gabrius
We make Amelia sleep in front of the front door, so if someone breaks in, it'll wake her up. She has a little dog bed. We fly with it.
Nick Weiger
For audio listeners, this is the second night of the Den Theater, which has been a lovely venue. Everyone's been given to us. What a great spot. But there are these bookshelves full of volumes and knickknacks that are to either side of us on stage.
Gabrius
It's to give that juxtaposition of highbrow and whatever the fuck. This podcast is the opposite of books. We eat garbage and then talk about it.
Nick Weiger
That leads me to my next question. Hot dogs versus hamburgers. Cause I really thought this was going to be more of a hot dog experience, but it's just as much, if anything, a hamburger.
Mike Mitchell
We've been burged out this entire trip. So far. We've had. I mean, we've had a couple dogs, but it's burger heavy so far.
Gabrius
Yeah, we rescued a few dogs.
Mike Mitchell
We did.
Gabrius
We've eaten a few. They're rescuing the dogs. They're eating the dogs and the bergs.
Nick Weiger
Where I, like, I look, I'm the Burger boy. I love hamburgers. But I also love myself a hot dog. Mitch.
Mike Mitchell
Where, like, Weger didn't save the dog, by the way. He wasn't there.
Nick Weiger
I wasn't there.
Mike Mitchell
No.
Gabrius
I had to find text that said, leave it.
Nick Weiger
I, like, I live in Southern California my entire life. I'm not prepared for cold weather. I criminally underpacked, so I had to go to, like, the fucking Burton and try to get some cold weather gear. I got some gloves and some socks. I'm doing a little bit better.
Gabrius
Sent a text the day before our flight and going like, is everyone bringing jackets? Or something like that? Something, you know, when your smartest friend, you start to go like, wait a minute, has he been tricking me for all these years? And then Emma's like, yeah, dude, it's like one degree there right now. And Weger's like, for real. I was like, it's January, dog. And I'm like, I'm reading these texts and I'm at Home panicked. Cause I'm wearing my one sweater. I own one pair of pants. And I'm like, fuck, what am I gonna pack? And I'm like, all right. I'll be doing much better than fucking tiger Y, girl.
Mike Mitchell
We asked you what you were bringing. You said a sweatshirt and genital mittens.
Nick Weiger
Where do you stand on a hot dog versus hamburger?
Mike Mitchell
Hmm? Okay.
Gabrius
Marry, kill, hot dog, hamburger Me.
Mike Mitchell
I'm marrying you or I'm fucking you. Well, I'm killing you. Hold on.
Gabrius
I think if you fuck me, I'll die. Cause I'll kill myself. Cause I'll be at the highest point I could ever be in having just fucked my second favorite, doughboy.
Mike Mitchell
Knick's number one.
Gabrius
I was counting myself. Bergs versus dogs? Answer the fucking question. Rolo Tomasti.
Mike Mitchell
Fuck yeah, dog. It's from LA Confidential. We're gonna look at each other and look at Amelia when it's said tonight.
Gabrius
Amelia, wake up. You missed it. Wake up.
Mike Mitchell
I'm looking for something sweet. I did not say that. I turned on the T. I turned on the. I turned on Fox news at about 4:30am heard about J.D. vance's new son on the way.
Gabrius
Please name him Michael.
Mike Mitchell
And I had the TV on for 30 minutes. So there maybe was an ad where some guy was looking for something sweet. I have no idea. But I did not go. I was not near your room saying, I need something sweet.
Nick Weiger
You were. You were eating something sweet, though, while we were watching that movie Shit.
Mike Mitchell
I had. I had those Sour Patch strawberries and I was going to fucking town on those.
Gabrius
Yes. Yeah. It was a real fun juxtaposition as weger ate actual strawberries, going, these strawberries are delicious. And me and Mitch are like, so are these.
Mike Mitchell
That's not. That is very true.
Gabrius
And we took a bag of Mambos to the dome.
Mike Mitchell
Mambas Mamas. Whoa.
Gabrius
Holy. How off I was.
Nick Weiger
No, think, think. Kobe, not Lu bega.
Mike Mitchell
He's right.
Gabrius
That's what I do when I'm trying not to come. She's Kobe, not lubega. Kobe, not. L got a little bit of Monica on my mind. So hamburgers versus hot dogs. See, I could be Weiger and Mitch.
Mike Mitchell
I'm enjoying. I'm having a good time watching you. I. I gotta go. I gotta go. Burgers wise. I'm a bur. I'm sorry.
Nick Weiger
That's fine. You don't even apologize anymore.
Gabrius
The biggest shit ever is, hey, tell us your opinion the second you say a harmless thing. I'm sorry. If you want me to Eat a hot dog. I promise I will.
Mike Mitchell
It's a dog town here. It is, right?
Nick Weiger
It is. But I think. I mean, I think they. People love a hamburger here. People eat a damn cheeseburger.
Gabrius
We might be in Chicago, but Chicago is in America,
Mike Mitchell
the first. One of the first big burgers. I think that they might be. People don't like them anymore. I think Kuma's Corner is where I went when I first.
Nick Weiger
What happened?
Mike Mitchell
What happened? What do they do? The quality went down.
Nick Weiger
Quality went down. What's that tail as old as time?
Mike Mitchell
Canceled.
Nick Weiger
It got canceled. Oh, bad owner.
Mike Mitchell
Okay. Owner's maga.
Gabrius
Hey, separate the art from the artist. Woody Allen makes a hell of a carbonara, By the way. A recurring theme we hear from the audience and from people in general is like, oh, that place sucks. The quality went down.
Nick Weiger
Yes.
Gabrius
I think we can say quality in general has gone down. It's not specific to just Kumas or small Cheval. It's society.
Nick Weiger
It's everything.
Mike Mitchell
No, wait. The owner that has a burger called Goblincock, he's a little problematic. Fucking edgelord. Anyways. And you know what? I never really liked Kuma's Corner. I didn't think it was that good.
Nick Weiger
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Mike Mitchell
Look, I like his politics.
Gabrius
You're like Tony hawk pulling this 180.
Mike Mitchell
I'm saying the first, like, famous burger place I went to was Kuma's Corner
Nick Weiger
and something called the Goblin Cock.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah, there was a Goblin Cock burger. Yeah. Yeah.
Gabrius
Okay. And is it still canceled? Cause me gusta los cox de goblinos. Is it G, O, B, B, L, I, N, apostrophe, like it's the gerund of goblin cocks. Or is it like the little Orc kind creature? Goblin. Like a. I think it is.
Mike Mitchell
I think it's a goblin. Cause it's all named after bands, right? Isn't that. Isn't that. There's a band called Goblin Cock.
Nick Weiger
Oh, okay.
Gabrius
There's a band called Goblin Cock.
Mike Mitchell
I think so.
Gabrius
I gotta see these guys. Two tickets for Goblincock. Brother, I don't think you know what you just ordered.
Mike Mitchell
I always thought it was a little overrated, but I will say we had Small Cheval last night. I liked Small Cheval.
Nick Weiger
I like small.
Mike Mitchell
Shall I.
Nick Weiger
It's a fun time.
Mike Mitchell
You. God damn it. I'm not gonna. I already got into this last night. You're being too mean to Small Shaval. It's good.
Gabrius
I think everything small is good, right? Just a. Small works.
Mike Mitchell
Small works.
Gabrius
Well, mine doesn't work either.
Nick Weiger
Okay, I got the Kuma. The Kuma menu here open. I thought that they were all gonna be like, you know, whatever, like the Piss Dragon. They were all gonna be kin to the Goblin guy. No, most of these are pretty innocuous. They got an Iron Maiden, a Led Zeppelin. They got a Metallica Mastodon. These are just like. I think you kind of buried the lead here. They're named after bands. They're not named after, like, disgusting, foul things.
Gabrius
Goblin Cock, Pig Destroyer.
Nick Weiger
Yeah, I don't see the Goblin Cock even on that. Might have been a seasonal.
Mike Mitchell
It's only at Christmas. Yeah.
Gabrius
Do you guys like this show? Hold on. Let us look up the menu for another restaurant based on one of Mitch's, like, half pandering memories. You know what place I really liked? Kevin Spacey's Spaghetti Factory.
Mike Mitchell
Kids eat free. It was an easy joke. I was not supposed to say it.
Gabrius
Swish fucking swoosh, bro. Like Pippin, my favorite bull.
Nick Weiger
Oh, I love Scotty Pippen.
Gabrius
Love Scotty Pippen.
Nick Weiger
He's so cool.
Mike Mitchell
What's going on?
Gabrius
If he played for a different team, he would be an absolute legend.
Mike Mitchell
Junior, did Pippin's son marry who's who? What happened here? Is it Pippin's ex is married to Jordan son?
Nick Weiger
I believe it's the yes. Yeah. Yeah. Larissa Pippen was dating one of Michael Jordan's sons for a time. I don't know if they're still together. Oh, they're not. Okay. Yeah.
Gabrius
Well, I guess I gotta get a new airbrushed crew neck sweatshirt. Whenever I think of the Chicago Bulls, I think of really dumb crewneck sweatshirts. Cause my grandma was like, dumb and poor and every Christmas she'd be like,
Mike Mitchell
be nice to her, for God's sake.
Gabrius
If you met this woman, you'd agree wholeheartedly, but wonderful lady. But she would get us Chicago Bulls sweats. My whole family is Knicks fans. We all live in New York. She never lived anywhere but Long Island. And it must have just been like they were $3 at the outlets. And I would have these like 5XL crew neck. No one at school, like, I couldn't wear bowls, like, and had like a drawing of Michael Jordan's like, in a big head way on it and shit. And I'm like, what the fuck is this? And my dad and mom would be like, as we opened it, they'd be behind my grandma going, don't you got, like, you act grateful? And we're all like, oh, sick. And we're like holding up this fucking long ass shirt and shit.
Mike Mitchell
I'm Glad she's so happy she gave you that gift so she could be mocked in her death at a live food podcast.
Gabrius
She's here. She left Long island for the first time.
Mike Mitchell
The lights are flickering.
Gabrius
Welcome back. Welcome back, Grandma Dee.
Mike Mitchell
She's not in hell.
Gabrius
Yeah, I don't believe in either, but I don't think she's loving where she's at. So burgers versus dogs.
Nick Weiger
Yes. Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
I'm a burger. I am also a burger boy.
Nick Weiger
Yeah. I mean, I'll take a burger over, but here's the thing.
Gabrius
I love how burger they. Them. I'm not gonna say. I'm not gonna gender myself in this situation. I'm a freak for burgers.
Mike Mitchell
That's fair. I, I, I, I, I mean, pizza wins out for me overall.
Nick Weiger
Of course. Yeah. But here's if we're talking this binary, I, I mean, like, like, like what I like about a heated dog is that, like, you have a burger, you're kind of probably gonna stop at one, you know, Unless you're really going to gorge hot dogs. You get two or three.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Nick Weiger
I'm saying in general, I mean.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah. You know, that's. Yeah. Classic.
Gabrius
Hey, Siri, what is stopping at one? Seek help.
Nick Weiger
Okay, look, I went to McDonald's this year and got a Quarter Pounder with cheese and a side sandwich, double cheeseburger. So, like, I'm. I know the game of getting more than one burger, but I'm the burger boy. But I think hot dogs, it's more like the normal number of hot dogs I feel like, is two hot dogs.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, two.
Nick Weiger
I'll have more than two hot dogs.
Gabrius
No one ever gets one. No one gets one hot dog.
Nick Weiger
Like, I'm good.
Gabrius
Yeah. Like, unless it's like Obama pretending like he's normal.
Nick Weiger
Yeah.
Gabrius
I'll have Dijon. Get the fuck out of here.
Mike Mitchell
Why is he the only president you go after?
Gabrius
Didn't he. Didn't he famously put gray Poupon on a hot dog?
Mike Mitchell
Did he really?
Nick Weiger
For it?
Mike Mitchell
Oh, my God.
Gabrius
Oh, yeah. Chicago doesn't know about that either. But God forbid you say small cheval
Nick Weiger
what we're talking about.
Mike Mitchell
I wish I could take back my vote for him.
Nick Weiger
While we're talking politics, just one, Right in. In 2020. Remember, remember when Mitt Romney said, my favorite meat is hot dog?
Mike Mitchell
How did he not win?
Nick Weiger
He should have won most human thing he ever said. God bless him.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah. God bless Mitt and Robin.
Nick Weiger
God bless him.
Gabrius
We didn't know how good we had it.
Nick Weiger
What about your ideal fries? Cause this is this place the fries are something we're gonna talk about.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, we're talking. Oh, we're talking about the fries.
Gabrius
Yeah, I think you're gonna like us talking about the fries.
Mike Mitchell
Guess what? Someone on the. On the panel doesn't like them.
Gabrius
Ooh.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah. I didn't say who.
Nick Weiger
What is your. Like, what is your ideal fry construction?
Mike Mitchell
McDonald's.
Nick Weiger
No, I know, but I'm just saying,
Gabrius
like, what do you like better, pizza, burgers or hot dogs? Pizza. What's your idea? McDonald's. Okay.
Nick Weiger
Do you have a form factor? Do you have a girth? You like. Do you have a salt level? Do you like, season?
Gabrius
This is also what I heard from Nick. Sleep talking. Do you have a girth that you like?
Mike Mitchell
Do I have a curve I like with fries? I'll tell you I like.
Nick Weiger
The word I used was girth, not curve.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, girth.
Nick Weiger
Like. Like a thickness.
Gabrius
You know what girth is? You've heard it in reference to other people. The curse that we're so girthy around our stomachs and chest is very frustrating.
Mike Mitchell
Look, I like. I like. I know I said this already, but I like a McDonald's girth fry. Okay? So I like a thin, not.
Nick Weiger
Not quite a shoestring, but not a string, but like a normal.
Mike Mitchell
What people like, straight. I like. I like a. Don't give me any. I don't want a cur. You know, I don't want any of that curvature. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nick Weiger
You don't want like a potato wedge.
Gabrius
Slight bend so it hits the right spot in your mouth. Cuz you got to kind of go up and in with the fry.
Mike Mitchell
Jesus.
Gabrius
To hit the fry spot so that you could be satisfied.
Nick Weiger
Hell yeah.
Mike Mitchell
He thought he made up satisfry last night. Wer thought he made up status fry. And I was like, that's a Burger King.
Nick Weiger
I think I made it up.
Gabrius
He thought he made that up. What a funny thing to say.
Mike Mitchell
You thought you made it up.
Gabrius
He thought he made up this word. And I called it out. It was actually from a commercial from 20 years ago. Got him.
Mike Mitchell
I can't. I can't drink Pepto Bismol. My stomach hurts so much. I haven't drank any water. So it's part of this.
Nick Weiger
That's the big problem. You drank water today. Gabriel said, is that the first glass of water you've had on this trip? And you said, I think so.
Mike Mitchell
And then immediately went to the bathroom.
Nick Weiger
Yeah. Hydrate.
Gabrius
That's. I think that that's key.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah, yeah, that's got the smart water
Nick Weiger
in front of you. Crack that bad boy open.
Gabrius
You.
Mike Mitchell
I might have rabies. I do have a very huge aversion to water. I don't know what the deal is.
Gabrius
You have hydrophobia.
Mike Mitchell
Hydrophobia.
Gabrius
Like Ben the chimp.
Nick Weiger
You're like that primate.
Mike Mitchell
Primate. We're talking primate.
Gabrius
Yeah, we're going to make Amelia watch that shit, too. For my fries. I'm kind of in the same camp as Mitch, but I do love a waffle and a crinkle. Nathan. Lot of fun kids sent me down a path of crinkle that I never thought I would stick to, you know? But I, I miss a crinkle.
Nick Weiger
Love a crinkle.
Mike Mitchell
I like all fries. I like all fries.
Nick Weiger
I like all fries. But I'm saying, like, if it, like, like, I, I do like steak fries, but I have to admit that I would like a thinner fry in general. I do like string fries, but I'd like, I'd like them to be, like, a little thicker. You know what I mean? Like, I kind of like, like, wanted thick fries.
Gabrius
Save lives, baby.
Mike Mitchell
I, I. Steak fry, to me, if it's, if it's crispy enough, I think is great, but they always get a bad version of. Look, I, I think that we'll get into. We'll get into the fries.
Gabrius
We're getting into the fries, right?
Mike Mitchell
We're talking about the restaurant already.
Gabrius
We're talking about fries.
Mike Mitchell
I'll get into it.
Nick Weiger
Also, we're talking about the restaurant already. We're 40 minutes into the show. No, it's a timer right there.
Mike Mitchell
I'm having so much fun.
Nick Weiger
Okay.
Mike Mitchell
Hola, mi Amos. Spoon man. You know, I don't know another language. It's true. And if I learn one, I'd want it to be Spanish, because I might go to Spain in the next year or two. It's always been on my bucket list. I want to visit Spain, and I've been south of the border, and I loved it. I went to Mexico City, but I didn't know the language, and it was a little tricky traveling around. So if you're traveling this summer, here's a real travel hack. Don't wait until you land to start learning the language. Instead, try babbel. Even just 10 minutes a day with Babbel can help you start having real conversations. In as little as three weeks. Instead of memorizing random vocab, you're learning phrases you'd use ordering dinner, asking for directions, or talking with locals. You know, Weiger uses Babel. John Gabris uses Babel. I know a ton of people who use Babel. If I'm going to Spain, I'm breaking out the Babel. I'm learning Spanish before I go, or at least enough to navigate around and not look like an ugly American. You know, I don't want to look like one of those ugly Americans. And I feel like I'm going to go over there. I'm going to be an ugly American. Now what Wigs and Gabris and everyone I know who uses Babel loves about it is that it's built for real life. Not vocabularists, not verb charts, but real conversation. Practice lessons are quick, practical, and built by more than 200 language experts. They have interactive dialogue, personalized reviews, and even podcasts, all designed to get you speaking quickly and confidently. And unlike cramming before a trip, Babbel fits into your actual schedule. Your coffee breaks, your commute, or a few minutes before bed. I love that. Get a little. Get a little learning in before bed. Isn't that nice? We don't do enough learning before bed anymore. Babel's award winning app has sold over 25 million. Subscriptions is backed by 1414 day money back guarantee. If you've got summer travel coming up, now's the time to start so you can actually use what you learn on the trip. Right now, Babel is offering listeners up to 60% off. Go to babbel.com doughboys that's Babel B A B B E L.com SL doughboys for up to 60% off.
Gabrius
Wow.
Mike Mitchell
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Nick Weiger
got off at the. We were at the airport. We went from the airport to Red Hot Ranch.
Mike Mitchell
Yes.
Nick Weiger
And.
Mike Mitchell
And I. And I googled the menu forever to look at. And I just have to say this. And I kind of. I did. This is not a slam on Red Hot Ranch. But there's a picture of the grill on their website. And the grill is dirty.
Nick Weiger
Yes.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Gabrius
On the landing page of Red Hot Ranch's website is a visibly dirty grill.
Mike Mitchell
And all of you are like, dad, it's the best restaurant in Chicago. And I. It might. I mean, I'm not saying. I'm not. It doesn't have anything to say on the time we had there, but it is a dirty.
Gabrius
And I go into a place underneath a train with zero seats and not thinking the grill might have a little dirt on it, but on the website,
Mike Mitchell
you guys, they couldn't have cleaned it up just a little bit on the website?
Nick Weiger
I think it's kind of endearing.
Gabrius
There's something about hot dogs in general, that they're like bane. They're like, made in the filth. You know, like a hot dog rises from the scum. It's pig and horse, lips and dicks and tits pressed into a fucking phallus and then cooked on fucking slime.
Mike Mitchell
I want to go straight to the source on that. You don't need to combine them all. I'll say this. The grill was dirty. Then we got into the restaurant and Amelia was like, the website looks so much better.
Nick Weiger
Wow. Yeah.
Gabrius
Yeah. I think Amelia said she went. She bent down to tie her shoe and noticed how dirty the floor was. But luckily we were gonna stand and eat our first meal in Chicago.
Nick Weiger
Look, this place. And I like a sort of trashier, cash only place, which I say, you know, with love about this place, with affection. I mean, that reminds me of like a Tommy's Burger in LA, which is like an older concept versus this place, I think is, you know, about 20 years old. Tommy has been around for decades. Well, two is a number of decades. I understand. Let's not be pedantic. Let's not be pedantic here. You know what I mean?
Gabrius
Robots with sniper rifles just stood up.
Nick Weiger
If someone said decades and it's 20 years, you'd be a little bit like, all right, I guess you're technically right. So get off my back. Anyway.
Mike Mitchell
Jesus. It's been over 20 years.
Nick Weiger
Yeah, like 2005. It opened originally.
Mike Mitchell
It seems way older than that.
Nick Weiger
That's what I was gonna say. It reminds me of a place like Tommy's that's been around since, like, the 50s and is, like, has the layer of grime to it, but that's part of the charm. And you go in there, you guys
Mike Mitchell
grimed it up fast.
Gabrius
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
Put five or six decades worth of grime in a decade or two in Chicago restaurants.
Nick Weiger
Age like president,
Gabrius
Old as. But won't die for some reason.
Nick Weiger
Yeah. Parody.
Gabrius
Parody, satire.
Nick Weiger
Fair use.
Mike Mitchell
I think you can hope for someone to die.
Gabrius
Oh, yeah.
Mike Mitchell
But I would never do that.
Nick Weiger
You know?
Mike Mitchell
You know what I mean?
Gabrius
Like, I feel like.
Nick Weiger
I feel like there's so many towns in America that have a place akin to this, but. Yes, you're right, Mitch. It's usually a place that's been around since, like, the 50s or 60s.
Mike Mitchell
Yes. Yeah. It's very grimy. You know what? Kalpakis told me this. And we didn't experience this there, but. And I like this factory, especially because it was, whatever, 13 degrees when we were there, but so cold. But it's by the train. And if you sit outside, they give you earplugs to. To. So you can sit under the train and eat.
Nick Weiger
How fun is that?
Gabrius
That's really exciting.
Nick Weiger
Very cool.
Mike Mitchell
I thought it was fun, Mitch.
Nick Weiger
That is fun.
Gabrius
That is fun. I lived by the gym.
Mike Mitchell
I saw you take some and then just put them in. We got to the house.
Gabrius
Yeah, I took, like. I ate three. Like, they were pills. I didn't know what.
Mike Mitchell
I thought.
Gabrius
The guy was giving me molly, but now I need him. So I don't have to hear you creeping around, eating starburst and mumbuz in the middle of the night.
Mike Mitchell
What did I say? I want something sweet.
Gabrius
Yeah, I gotta go for something sweet. Something like that. And it was, like, in an Adam Sandler type voice, so I really thought it was.
Mike Mitchell
You didn't see anything, but I was.
Gabrius
I was visualized. And then I laid deadly still listening for, like, 10 minutes. Because I was like, someone's coming for me or something like that.
Mike Mitchell
He is. He's looking over your bed.
Nick Weiger
I'm not looking over your bed. Hold on.
Gabrius
This is my friend, the Slender Man, Nick. My sleep paralysis demon is Nick Weiger.
Nick Weiger
It's.
Gabrius
Good morning, buddy.
Mike Mitchell
Slenderman's put on some pounds.
Nick Weiger
It's an odd setup where the, like, attic has a slash. Living area up there has some windows that open where it can look down into the master bedroom for some reason. It's very strange.
Gabrius
I think we know the reason. Some people, like, they want their cuck chair to have a bird's eye view. So Weiger watches me and Mitch fuck in the kingdom. He's got a rear window to our rear windows. Emma and I went out to smoke a joint at the. At Red Hot Tavern. And we were outside, and we're like, oh, over here is perfect. And then the l came and it scared us so much, but neither of us moved or anything because we didn't know what to do. So we both. We were just in the middle of smoking. We both went and we froze like this for the duration of the train. And I'm like. I was like, why'd we both do that? Emma's like, did we think something was gonna fall on us or something? We both did not react in a good way. But we both.
Mike Mitchell
We told her, no weed on this trip. She's going to sleep in the dog bed tonight.
Gabrius
Tried to stop me too, man, but if you're going to make me eat fucking garbage for four days, I need a little performance enhancement.
Mike Mitchell
Well, we should say also. Well, we also. All right, well, there's a couple of things going on. We made a revisit to Red Hot Ranch. It wasn't our only trip.
Nick Weiger
We'll talk about it. Red Hot Ranch was by far the highest vote getter in our Chicago listener poll. It seems to use both red hot as one word and red hot as two words, which is fine. That's fine. It's cash only, which I like. And there's no seating at the Bucktown location. We went to, though, when we returned to this. We went to. We returned to Red Hot Ranch at the Skokie location today. There was seating. I've been trying to get clarity on whether or not they cook their fries in beef tallow, and I can't find a source. Some people are saying it, some people aren't. You're saying, what's that? Do you know? Someone said something and then is not. Look, what's going on? What happened?
Mike Mitchell
Someone Said beef towel.
Nick Weiger
Does anyone know what oil they're cooked in? It's not beef towel.
Gabrius
Okay, okay. We don't have like anything on what the oil is. We just know what it isn't. That. Yeah, okay, got it.
Mike Mitchell
You guys could tell by taste? Is that what you're saying?
Gabrius
It's a war on protein.
Nick Weiger
Anyway, we get in there, it's cold as. I got a basketball game playing on my phone. It's standing room only. It's. It's pretty hopping. Like people were coming in and out.
Mike Mitchell
Coming in there for what, a Tuesday night?
Nick Weiger
Yeah, for Tuesday night for sure.
Mike Mitchell
Pretty late. Because we're like, yeah.
Gabrius
11:00pm oh, two young people were so stoned.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Gabrius
And I heard one of them say, a burger, no tomato. Which is like, Mike. Cause I don't like tomatoes on sandwiches. It's for sauce only. And when I said, I'm like, I'm a no tomato burger guy too, like. Cause I'm high and I'm trying to connect and this like little green haired kid is like. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm bugging this fucking person out. I totally forget that. I am like, I have like undercover cop face. I'm like Serp. Fat Serpico. Maybe his name would be Syripaco.
Nick Weiger
Pretty good.
Gabrius
But I saw it. I was like. And then I was like, don't worry, kid, I'm higher than you are. And then they were like, I doubled down in a way. They like rushed out of the restaurant.
Mike Mitchell
He was spooked because they called his name and he just was staring dead ahead.
Gabrius
That's how I knew he was high with like no tomato. And I'm like, that might be me. And that kid is just like frozen.
Mike Mitchell
You really got to him. You spooked the hell out of him.
Nick Weiger
So we get in there and we go up to make our order. I believe it was Jason who helped us out, who was very friendly.
Gabrius
My brother.
Mike Mitchell
He was very friendly. It was funny because he. It was like. It was like, do you want us to all do it at once? He was like, yeah, we were going
Nick Weiger
to do the thing of like, hey, like Mitch goes up there and is like, hey, these are all together and we're just gonna put our individual order. But he was like, no, you got. You should all figure out your order and then bring it to me as
Mike Mitchell
well as the fuck off.
Nick Weiger
Okay. All right.
Mike Mitchell
We were gonna do it like one at a time. But yeah, this was probably better. We got the together.
Nick Weiger
Yeah. So we got together, we got a game plan and we all put together what we were gonna.
Mike Mitchell
We're gonna order.
Nick Weiger
We got two of the RHR cheeseburgers. There was a one RHR just burger. Amelia got it without the cheese. Two RHR double cheeseburgers. These all come with fries for people who haven't like it. Like you order the thing and it just has and fries as an, as a default. And we also got three of the hot dogs and fries. Now the hot dogs, they are not like a classic Chicago style dog as people maybe know them. They are, I guess what's called a depression dog, which is a little bit streamlined. Mustard, relish, onion, sport peppers, and fresh cut fries which they, they top just on top. They put just on top of that bad boy. We also got a polish and fries and the piece de resistance, one pound of fried shrimp. Mitch, you were trying to talk me down to a half pound.
Mike Mitchell
I was like, are you sure we don't just need a half pound? He was like, nah, we're getting a pound shrimp.
Gabrius
Shrimp were the hit.
Nick Weiger
The shrimp were so good.
Gabrius
We were jamming it down. Pass me the cocktail sauce, which tastes
Mike Mitchell
like barbecue sauce, kind of a barbecuey
Nick Weiger
cocktail sauce was interesting.
Gabrius
I came around to it. I liked it. I ended up liking because with the, because I, I'm not always a fried shrimp in cocktail sauce person. It does feel more like a shrimp cocktail kind of vibe.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Gabrius
But with the fry on it. Having that little bit of barbecue really hit like in the. Gets you into like a seafood shellfish tender territory.
Mike Mitchell
Yes. That was jazz right there. Right?
Nick Weiger
These, these some bitches come in a, in a paper bag. They're plump as hell and they are.
Mike Mitchell
I didn't think that you would want a pound of fried shrimp at 11pm
Gabrius
we had a party. We had a party of five.
Mike Mitchell
I know, I know you two, you took out a good half pound of that bad boy.
Nick Weiger
I took care of a lot of shrimp.
Mike Mitchell
You did.
Nick Weiger
But also, I know Amelia always rolls the dice on, on fish, so. And I, I don't, I don't know. I figured like I'd heard they were good and you know what, they absolutely delivered. But like they're big as hell and then they are like I. At least the way are the execution that we got was, was fried pretty well done. Like they had a deep like a really like, you know, on an eyeballing,
Gabrius
I was a little let down.
Nick Weiger
Right, right, right.
Gabrius
It was, but then it really worked.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Gabrius
When it's that fried too, you can like eat shell and tail and it doesn't really hurt. You know. Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
Was there shell and tail on it?
Gabrius
I have no idea that my stomach
Mike Mitchell
is hurting so bad.
Gabrius
Shrimp tails are good for you.
Nick Weiger
I love those. Let's talk about the burgers. Wow.
Gabrius
Oh, kick it off there. I'm thinking this, this restaurant. I'm going to keep using the word restaurant for some reason. It has a picture of a hot dog on the outside. It's got hot dog everything. And then I go and I get this. I'm like, oh, I'll get this rhr burger, no tomato. The fucking thing impressed the hell out of me.
Mike Mitchell
It was good.
Gabrius
I'm thinking I'm getting a hot dog place. And then I'm like, well, I might, because the burger at Nathan's, which is in my mind the like first hot dog place I ever went to. Like, the burger out there is pretty solid. But not. This burger is like, you know, elevated burger chain level. You know, like we have like a dozen of them in la. Not to be a coastal elite, but I am. And so this burger, like, can hang with any of the fucking big boys.
Nick Weiger
No, for sure. And look, I've crushed dozens, if not hundreds. It's gotta be hundreds of in n out burgers over the course of my life.
Mike Mitchell
What the fuck are you talking about?
Nick Weiger
I'm just trying to do the math.
Mike Mitchell
Is your favorite restaurant dozens?
Nick Weiger
It's gotta be hundreds. It's gotta be hundreds.
Gabrius
We know how he feels. Cause hundreds, it can't just mean 200.
Nick Weiger
Right?
Gabrius
Right.
Nick Weiger
Right. I've eaten a lot of in n out burgers. I. I've been eating in and out burger back when it was a reward for a good report card for a
Mike Mitchell
fat little neck with two years.
Nick Weiger
Yeah.
Gabrius
And now you eat it for every week where you don't use the noose. All right, Double, double.
Nick Weiger
This is clearly derived from that by their, by their, the owner's admission like that. They're. They're trying to do an in inspired roadside burger. And let me tell you, special sauce, lettuce, tomatoes and onion. There's a little bit of horseradish in the special sauce, which I really like. That was kicking there.
Gabrius
That was like the conversation for maybe the first 25 minutes of our meal was all of us, because we got to the burger at different times, and everyone was like, is there a horseradish? And then someone be like, I think there's horseradish. It was the most amount of times I've said horseradish in my life.
Mike Mitchell
And I think the guy behind the car was like, yeah, there is. Shut the up.
Nick Weiger
But to your point, this could absolutely hang with an In N Out cheeseburger any day of the week. I mean, I loved it. That was delicious.
Mike Mitchell
Oh my God. And you've had those dozens of times. Why you should show. Show a picture of the two. There's a picture of. Of the two owners here that you said looks like. It just looks like. Here you go. Show the crowd here.
Nick Weiger
I don't know. This will be on the iPad screen.
Mike Mitchell
And why's it said this. This just looks like aged up me and him.
Nick Weiger
Yeah,
Mike Mitchell
it does look like we came to close their loop. But I have a feeling that we don't have to close the loop when
Nick Weiger
we're not speaking anymore and doing the Doughboys 50th anniversary tour for money.
Gabrius
Cause yeah, when you're doing. You're doing it at the sphere in 2060.
Mike Mitchell
Jesus. We should no other choice. Those guys and take over Red Hot Ranch.
Gabrius
Spoiler.
Mike Mitchell
They don't know you haven't seen it.
Nick Weiger
It's kind of the premise.
Mike Mitchell
But they were inspired by. In an outburger. That's what they say on the sign.
Gabrius
That's what Nick said. Did you listen to me for one second? That's what Nick did. Just said. Have some fucking water and don't forget the fridge.
Mike Mitchell
They look like good guys.
Nick Weiger
They look like good guys.
Mike Mitchell
We like them.
Gabrius
They have.
Nick Weiger
I guess with a wiener circle. They seem to have decent politics. I don't know. As restaurant owners go, maybe sort of like kind of mainstream liberal politics.
Mike Mitchell
They own the Wiener Circle as well.
Nick Weiger
Yes. Yeah. Wiener circle was the original. Original.
Gabrius
I'm in the wiener circle. So I feel bad that I walked in. I said, who's this loser behind the cash register? Nice haircut, Jason. And everyone. You're like, it's not this place, dude. I was like came in ready to rumble.
Mike Mitchell
I've never been a wiener circle. It's a sad. I know. Should we go?
Gabrius
I wonder what they would say to us.
Mike Mitchell
Go tonight.
Gabrius
No. That's how we get assassinated by you. Go tonight. And she said screwing a silencer on a pistol.
Mike Mitchell
She can't come to these shows anymore. She's sick of her boyfriend coming here.
Nick Weiger
We were getting a big order and. But I do regret not having gotten the double cheeseburger because I feel like that's kind of. It feels like they're the default burger here. How. How was the double?
Mike Mitchell
So much better.
Gabrius
I didn't have the single for comparison. But the double. The double was lit it.
Mike Mitchell
The double whistle.
Nick Weiger
Yeah.
Gabrius
It was a little embarrassing when everyone ordered a Single burger. And then you. You go to me. Are you doing a double?
Mike Mitchell
And I was like, I changed my order. I had a single in. I changed it to a double.
Gabrius
We like Thelma and Louise did, but with our cardiovascular system. He's like, held hands were like, yep, we ride a dog.
Nick Weiger
Let's talk. Let's talk dogs.
Gabrius
I like.
Nick Weiger
I like the dogs. That they were good. No, I thought.
Mike Mitchell
I like.
Nick Weiger
I was like, I get the friend the fries on top. And I'm like, I don't really know what to do with it. It's a little cumbersome. So I'm like, I'm taking a few handfuls off of this thing. Cause I'm like, oh, is that just how the fries are presented? No, it's meant to be eaten with the dog.
Mike Mitchell
But is it supposed to be eaten with the dog? Or are you supposed to pull them off and just eat them as is? What are you.
Nick Weiger
Both are valid. Okay?
Gabrius
Both are valid. And that's really funny. Cause I was standing next to Mitch, and he was, like, trying to eat his hot dog. And French fries are falling off, and he's, like, picking them back up and putting them on. He's like, it's really hard to eat with. And I'm like. And he's like, I don't know if I like all these fries. I'm like, take some off. And you were like, oh, yeah. Okay. Wow. Much easier.
Mike Mitchell
I want them. If they could feed it to me, I'd pay for that. I don't want any level of. I would.
Gabrius
Must be nice if I could. Jason, why don't you come over here with that snow shovel and pour these fries down my throat?
Mike Mitchell
I don't. I didn't know what you were. I didn't know if it was supposed to be on the rise there, but. But there was. It was. There's too much.
Nick Weiger
I share your anxiety. I'm trying. I want to eat this the correct way, so I know what.
Mike Mitchell
You're scared. At the end of the day, we're scared.
Gabrius
I know, exactly. Sometimes at a restaurant, I'll ask, like, the server when they drop something at the table, I'm like, and so we just eat this, like. And they're always like, yeah, like, the fucking. It's food. You put it in your mouth. And I'm like, well, I don't know, do we? Because sometimes they're like, you're gonna want to stir that whole thing up and
Nick Weiger
just smash it all together, crack the yolk.
Gabrius
And, you know, I need all that because I Want to do it as the chef wants me to do it.
Mike Mitchell
That's how I feel, too.
Gabrius
So that's why we were all eating and looking at Jason like, are we doing it right, Daddy?
Mike Mitchell
He ended up liking us. All right. Jason liked us. All right.
Nick Weiger
Jason came around.
Gabrius
We win everybody over.
Mike Mitchell
That we do. Yeah.
Gabrius
Well, we tip big and we are giant, charming freaks.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah, it's true.
Gabrius
We talked to every single person that came into the room.
Nick Weiger
We did talk to everybody.
Gabrius
Some of them wanted it.
Nick Weiger
We'll get into it.
Mike Mitchell
Why is I going to say this about the dog, a little spicy dog?
Nick Weiger
Oh, well, the sport peppers were coming through and I appreciate that because, you know, I'm a bit of a heat seeker and. But no, it had some real pop to it, some real punch. I thought it was great.
Gabrius
I thought that the. I never heard the phrase sport peppers until now. I like it.
Nick Weiger
How is that possible?
Mike Mitchell
Yeah, I don't get that either.
Gabrius
Personally, I've heard the word sport maybe, and I've also heard the word peppers, but I've never heard the sport as a modifier for pepper. What is that? What is that signaling? What is that telling me about the pepper?
Mike Mitchell
They. They. It's a well known Chicago. It's a very well known Chicago.
Gabrius
You don't have an. No one has an answer up here. Just condescension only. Okay. Yeah, so I see. Thank you.
Mike Mitchell
It's a very common Chicago. It's a little thin pepper. It's a little.
Gabrius
But what about it?
Mike Mitchell
It's just not a lot of girth. I don't know.
Nick Weiger
Yeah, I don't know the etymology of it.
Mike Mitchell
Is it Serrano?
Gabrius
What?
Mike Mitchell
It's pickled Serrano pepper.
Nick Weiger
It's a pickled Serrano pepper.
Gabrius
There's the fucking answer I'm looking for. Thank you. Thank you.
Nick Weiger
Thank you very.
Gabrius
How sporty.
Mike Mitchell
But it's a big Chicago. It's a very huge. It's big in Chicago.
Gabrius
Yes.
Mike Mitchell
Pope Leo's giving him.
Gabrius
That's what I say when I take my dick out. This is actually big in Chicago.
Mike Mitchell
Do you say that when you're not in Chicago?
Gabrius
You would love this thing in Chicago.
Mike Mitchell
Pope Leo serves him at the Vatican now. Instead of communion, he gets sport. You get a sport pepper.
Gabrius
Yeah. Body. Christ, the body.
Nick Weiger
What did you think of the dog itself, though, Mitch?
Mike Mitchell
What the. What did you think?
Gabrius
Startled me.
Mike Mitchell
That was insane.
Gabrius
That was.
Mike Mitchell
There was so much hearts racing.
Nick Weiger
Was that too intense?
Gabrius
I didn't know if he was gonna kiss me or kill me.
Mike Mitchell
I could feel my fingers and toes. My Heart raced that much.
Gabrius
There was arguably so much menace and or riz on that sentence, I can't determine.
Mike Mitchell
You might get an attic surprise from me tonight, sucking you off while you're hanging from a noose.
Gabrius
The legend continues. For the dog. I thought the Sport Pepper. I'm so happy to use this phrase now that I know what it means. I love that it was. Added the spice. A little spicy for my gringo palate, but I fucking loved the snap. It added an extra crisp.
Nick Weiger
Oh, delightful.
Gabrius
Yeah. And the dog was snappy, which is important. You want a snappy wing.
Mike Mitchell
Some lady yelled, thank you, Sport Pepper's fine,
Gabrius
tears in her eyes. Gabriel's jersey on. Thank you, sir. But I enjoyed the dog. Yeah, yeah. And I'm a dog skeptic.
Mike Mitchell
A dog skeptic.
Gabrius
I just wanted to say something bold. I don't believe they exist.
Mike Mitchell
What do you think of the polish?
Nick Weiger
Well, here's the thing.
Mike Mitchell
I don't like them as a people personally, but I like the poll. Oh, I forgot there's a lot of you here.
Gabrius
Let's see how many. Can someone help us change this light bulb. In the year of the Lord? 2026? We got Polish light bulb joke. I think I learned it from one of the most effective offensive books I was ever gifted. At the age of two, I got a book. This is. You want to hear John Gabriel's origin story? I got a book that was called Tasteless Jokes at a used bookstore in, like, 1993, when I was like, 11,
Mike Mitchell
this guy's going up.
Gabrius
And it was chapter. It was chapter by chapter on ethnicity, religion, race. It was like, here's Italian jokes. And I would, like, bust him out with my parent here. I'll tell you one Italian joke that stuck in my head that I said to my family, we are Italian, so I'm allowed to say this. I said. I said, dad, what's it like to go down on an Italian woman? And he was like, what, Johnny? And I was like, it's. It's like eating sushi off the barber shop floor.
Nick Weiger
How old were you?
Gabrius
I was like, oh, 11.
Mike Mitchell
Do you remember that one?
Gabrius
Yes, yes.
Nick Weiger
You shout out the author Blanch Knotts right there. How about that?
Gabrius
Holy shit.
Nick Weiger
You also had this volume multiple. You had more than one?
Gabrius
Yeah, it was truly. I got that at like 11. And it was like getting a Bible for me
Nick Weiger
also. Sitting at your table. I don't know if y' all are together. You're. You're T shirt is the first level of Donkey Kong.
Mike Mitchell
We got a kill Scream got rules shirt. That's a horrifying joke.
Gabrius
I. I meant. I. I know way more. I'm not going to say any other one.
Mike Mitchell
Stick to the Italian chapter.
Nick Weiger
I told this. This is reminding me of a. Like when I was in seventh grade, I. It was a hot day, and I said to my friend who was a Jehovah's Witness, it's hot as snatch today. The next day at school, she comes up to me and she said, I got in trouble because I told my mom it was hot as snatch today. She didn't know what it meant, just thought it was an expression.
Mike Mitchell
By the way, was this the same year you were talking in a different voice?
Nick Weiger
No, that was eighth grade.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, eighth grade. Because it's horrifying. It's hard to snatch today. Whatever the fuck voice you talked in for a full year of your life.
Nick Weiger
I.
Mike Mitchell
My psycho co host.
Nick Weiger
As much as I like the hot dog, I thought the polish was even better. The polish more really like that polish. That was delicious.
Gabrius
It, like, forced a better ratio because it just by being a little bit meatier, a little girthy.
Nick Weiger
Girthier.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, ding, ding, ding.
Gabrius
We won a prize. A little girthier. Works with the sport peppers and all the other ingredients.
Nick Weiger
Ingredients.
Gabrius
I thought it hit even harder on that.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah, I really. The polish, I really. I really loved. I. I was having a. I had a great time overall. We were having a game on an
Gabrius
inflatable dartboard, which was helpful.
Mike Mitchell
It's from the book.
Gabrius
That was the one that offended people. Okay, that's the one that was too far. Inflatable dartboard.
Nick Weiger
No, I'm piecing it together. The Polish joke.
Gabrius
Yes.
Mike Mitchell
He was telling him. He was telling. The night you probably weren't listening, he started going on a Polish joke riff.
Gabrius
Did I. I'll stand by it if I actually did it, but I don't.
Mike Mitchell
You did. You talked about screen doors in a submarine.
Gabrius
I just think it's such a funny thing where all. Everybody's dumb.
Mike Mitchell
Ah, yeah.
Gabrius
I got your back too, brother. Thank you.
Mike Mitchell
There.
Nick Weiger
That was the consensus, though, right? I don't think that's a heretical opinion to say that we like the polish more than.
Mike Mitchell
I really enjoyed it, but I thought both were great.
Nick Weiger
But here's the thing. I go into Red Hot Ranch and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna get. I'm in this hot dog place, as you mentioned, Mitch, the hot dog signage. Hot dogs at the forefront. This place is founded around hot dogs. This is. It's the wiener circle, guys. I Was like, we're getting like, this is a hot dog restaurant. This is the focus of this eatery and. No, this is a hamburger restaurant. Their burger is so good that, that, like the, the, the hot dog, it gets second billing as far as I'm concerned.
Gabrius
Yeah, I'm gonna start calling Red Hot Ranch my favorite burger and shrimp spot.
Nick Weiger
Honestly, a delightful combo.
Mike Mitchell
Who knew?
Gabrius
I don't get the dog there. I'm a shrimp guy. You're like, what's this talking about?
Mike Mitchell
And then you show them Red Hots are a name for hot dogs, correct?
Nick Weiger
Yes.
Mike Mitchell
And it's a Red hot. But the Red Hot Ranch burger. And then they call, they don't call the hot dogs Red hots on the menu.
Nick Weiger
They call them hot dogs.
Mike Mitchell
They call them hot dogs. What the fuck's going on there?
Nick Weiger
Hot dog. Also one word, hot dog. That's how it is on the menu.
Mike Mitchell
So why don't they call them Red Hot if it's Red Hot Ranch? Why, whatever. That doesn't matter. And also, there wasn't enough ranch there for my, I want.
Nick Weiger
Well, it's not like it's like ranch in terms of like a ranch. It's not saying we have ranch dressing.
Gabrius
I used to spent some time at the Red Hot Ranch in the Nevada Valley. Two nights in a row.
Mike Mitchell
Brothel joke, bro.
Nick Weiger
And so they, they had a Pepsi fountain. And oh my God, that's the highlight of the.
Gabrius
We walk in, he goes, all right, Pepsi.
Mike Mitchell
And we were like.
Gabrius
Which is about the most boring thing you can say.
Mike Mitchell
The three, everyone behind, like, El the cook looked over. They're like, what? We got this guy excited about Pepsi.
Gabrius
And then also today we were talking about cold water versus room temperature water. And Weger goes, I like room temperature water. Probably surprises no one.
Mike Mitchell
I'll tell you. They had a crisp ass, orange slice.
Nick Weiger
I followed your lead and got the orange slice. It was fucking or was Orange Crush.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, it was Orange Crush.
Nick Weiger
I got the Orange Crush. And I thought it was, was delightful.
Mike Mitchell
It was damn good.
Gabrius
I went with the dp. I got a. You know, I visited the doctor, which was, which was a real treat. I knew I was gonna need a doctor. I didn't know it was gonna be on day one, but we'll see him
Mike Mitchell
after the trip too. Yeah, I, I, Everything was really is hitting now. I'll say this. I'm the one who wasn't, wasn't as big on the French fries.
Nick Weiger
Well, let's, yeah, let's talk about the fries.
Mike Mitchell
They're a little sweet. There's something going on there. There's a little holy. What?
Gabrius
These are people ready to fight in your army. They are sweet. Where do you want us roll out?
Mike Mitchell
They're a little sweet, right? There's a little bit of sweetness to them. And I don't hate them. I thought they were just.
Nick Weiger
Okay, I'm not pandering here. We had some good fries at Small Cheval, and I did like them. I like these fries better. These are my favorite fries I had so far on this trip.
Mike Mitchell
I'm not pandering. Bullshit.
Nick Weiger
I know. I'm not pandering at all. I like. I just thought they were like. Again, this is. This is like what I want from a fry ranch. Me. This place, you know, Columbia Burger, which I used to go to in, you know about Dominguez Hills, California, with my dad when I was a kid. Or like Pete's Burgers and Long beach, like, these places, they just have like, this kind of. This very specific kind of fry, you know what I mean? I know these have some skin on them, I believe, and. But they're well salted. They're really, really well fried. I thought the execution we got on our second trip was even better, but it was the ones we got night
Mike Mitchell
one, so we should say that. Well, first of all, we were at the restaurant and a buddy came in of yours. Joe.
Nick Weiger
Yeah. So here's what happened. We're at the restaurant.
Mike Mitchell
Joe, are you here?
Nick Weiger
Joe Chap is not here, okay?
Mike Mitchell
Wait, Joe is here. Joe Chap is here.
Nick Weiger
I'm not Joe.
Gabrius
Oh,
Nick Weiger
the fuck are you.
Mike Mitchell
What are you doing? Why'd you do that?
Gabrius
Do you know Joe Chap at least? No, just a little giddy for the name. All right, got it. Well, I'm glad he's not here. Let's light this fucker up.
Nick Weiger
So Joe Chap comes in, is like, nick, it's Joe Chap. I was like, oh, hey, buddy. And I'm like, hey, Mitch, it's Joe Chapp. He's like, oh, okay.
Mike Mitchell
And I was like, oh, Weger's friend is here, I guess, which just confused me because I think I am Weiger's friend.
Nick Weiger
We'd met Joe Chap before.
Mike Mitchell
Had we met Joe Chap before?
Nick Weiger
I think so.
Mike Mitchell
Anyway, we're not sure if we've met Joe Chap before.
Gabrius
He certainly acted like you had.
Nick Weiger
Like, we'd spent some time together.
Mike Mitchell
We maybe talked to Joe Chapp before.
Nick Weiger
Anyway, great guy. Was. Was lovely. Told us we have to get the fish sandwich.
Mike Mitchell
Well, first of all, he told us. He was like, I thought you guys might be in town. I drove by three other Red Hot Ranches.
Nick Weiger
Yes.
Gabrius
He said he drove by this red hot ranch, saw us, and pulled over, and he said it was the one closest to his place. But then I think we created the thing that he went to three.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah. I. I swear to God, I think he drove by multiple places.
Gabrius
Fine.
Mike Mitchell
Look, I like Joe Chap, too.
Gabrius
I love the guy. I'm glad we were able to disarm him and get his gun away from him and we're able to just have, like, a normal combo with him.
Mike Mitchell
There was an Action Boys listener in the restaurant.
Nick Weiger
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
After Joe Chap left, the Action Boys listener was like, what the fuck was up with that guy?
Nick Weiger
There's an Action Boys listener, Jose, who only cared about Gabris, could not give a fuck about Mitch and I.
Gabrius
You gotta understand the ego that hit that the fucking endorphin hit when a guy goes, oh, shit, Gabrius, I love your podcast. And I'm standing next to these guys. I'm in town for four nights of their podcast at a restaurant that the audience wants to eat at, and I get recognized.
Mike Mitchell
And I was like, he's the third doughboy. We know it. Sorry, Susser. He's the third doughboy.
Gabrius
Oh, I agree. Except for the exception apology to Susser.
Mike Mitchell
I don't know.
Gabrius
I don't sign that.
Nick Weiger
But yeah, he roasted Joe Chap after
Mike Mitchell
he left, the guy roasted Joe Chap. Joe Chap was like, you need to try the fish sandwich.
Nick Weiger
He was. He was saying, we need to try this.
Gabrius
To give Joe credit, we're now using his first and last name.
Nick Weiger
Should we bleep it?
Mike Mitchell
Joe Bleep. Emma, just replace bleep it out. It will be fine.
Gabrius
So Joe goes, I will drive to another location and get you guys the fish sandwich to try it. It's only 10 minutes away. And then we were just wrapping up.
Nick Weiger
We're almost done with our meal, and
Gabrius
no one wants to say yes or no to this guy. For some reason, I'm like, I'm not standing at Red hot ranch for 20 minutes after I eat. And for a guy to bring me a cold fish sandwich and then have him watch me eat it and like Amelia watching a fucking Minority Report. But he did.
Mike Mitchell
We weren't sure if he was your friend. We weren't. We didn't know what was.
Gabrius
It was until he left that we were like, oh, your friend was kind of nice to us. And Wagner's like, I don't think I know him.
Mike Mitchell
I look, Joe, we love you. We love you.
Nick Weiger
We love you, Joe. I say this with respect. Sometimes you have an interaction with someone who listens to the podcast and it's like one of many interactions you have that night and then you see that person again. And from our perspective, we don't remember it. And they do do. That's the thing that that happens. It's not an insult to anybody. It's just because, like, this was one of dozens of conversations we had, one of dozens of face the faces and names that we encountered that same night. So this felt like that situation. But I was also worried, like, did I work with Joe Chap at some point? And I forgot about it. If that's the case, I'm an asshole. So. But I didn't remember Joe specifically.
Mike Mitchell
We found Wer's wedding photo online and Joe Chap was. He was one of the groomsmen.
Gabrius
Holding a Red Hot Ranch fish sandwich.
Nick Weiger
I have Joe Chap's kidney.
Gabrius
I talked to a lot of people that day. I got my kidney transplant.
Mike Mitchell
Joe Chap didn't give him the kidney, by the way. Weiger got it by force.
Gabrius
Non consensual organ transfer. But he did give us a mission is what he gave us.
Nick Weiger
He did. It was a call to adventure.
Gabrius
And you know what?
Mike Mitchell
Thank you, Joe Chap.
Nick Weiger
Thank you, Joe Chap. We owe you this much because.
Mike Mitchell
Thank you, Joe Chap.
Gabrius
Thank you, Joe Chaps friend.
Nick Weiger
Because of your time, we'll see you.
Mike Mitchell
Driving by our Airbnb tonight, I'm sure.
Gabrius
I do think he said he had tickets to Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, but not tonight.
Mike Mitchell
You didn't know. He's the star of the show.
Nick Weiger
So today we went to. We went out to Skokie to eat at tomorrow's chain. And coincidentally, it was within walking distance of this from the Skokie Red Hot Ranch. So we went in there. After I called and confirmed they had the fish sandwich, we went in there. The Alaskan.
Gabrius
Imagine you work at Red Hot Ranch. Your phone rings, you pick it up and someone just goes, do you have a fish sandwich? Yeah. Thank you.
Nick Weiger
That was. That was verbatim the conversation.
Mike Mitchell
It was so fast. We were at PETA in Wags, is what you meant to say, right? We were at.
Nick Weiger
No, I said. I was just. I was a little coy and people know we're gonna.
Mike Mitchell
We're going to Peter in tomorrow. They know we're eating.
Nick Weiger
I know, but I was just saying we was tomorrow's change. Just.
Mike Mitchell
What?
Nick Weiger
It's fine.
Mike Mitchell
It's fine.
Gabrius
Yeah, everything seems fine.
Mike Mitchell
You were on the phone for, like, less than five seconds. You got the confirmation. We had the. The. I'm sure they went into lockdown mode after they talked to you. And we went over, we walked over.
Nick Weiger
We walk over there in the freezing hole cold. We get.
Gabrius
There's a fucking car. The first of maybe seven car accidents we saw today. Starting to think we're like, final destination near poor city. Drive safe. It was, like, a car accident. And people who are trying to, like, make a right onto the street are, like, leaning on their horn, like, come on, motherfucker. And there's, like, an ambulance, three cop cars, and, like, two cars, like, facing the wrong direction.
Mike Mitchell
What's wrong with this? God, what's wrong with you guys?
Gabrius
I got to get the doughboys. You got to pretend to be Joe.
Mike Mitchell
You don't honk at an ambulance, for God's sake.
Gabrius
I was like, do they not see there's literally three cop cars, a, like, destroyed Beamer on, like, the gas station? And like that. And then people are like, what the is happening here?
Mike Mitchell
And I'm like, in Chicago, you can order a ambulance for an Uber.
Gabrius
That's how you. That's how you and I get home from the restaurant. I'll take this lay down. Uber.
Nick Weiger
We got the Alaskan codfish sandwich and fries. We shared it. And also let us try round two of the fries, as I mentioned. So this sandwich is, you know, just the. The cod filet. It's got the. It's a. A generous helping of. Of tartar sauce. And then it's a little ranchy.
Mike Mitchell
That sounds. I liked it.
Nick Weiger
A little ranchy.
Gabrius
And then.
Nick Weiger
And then he. Mitch.
Mike Mitchell
Red hot ranch. Holy shit.
Nick Weiger
And then a little slice of American cheese.
Gabrius
Slice of cheese. And some pickles, right?
Nick Weiger
Some pickles.
Gabrius
Yeah. It really fucking hit.
Nick Weiger
I thought it was great. I was like, fucking awesome. Joe Chap was right.
Gabrius
I will say he was vindicated in that moment. I was like, all right. That freak was correct.
Nick Weiger
This was.
Mike Mitchell
I'll let him kill me. What? How? The people who we gave this fish sandwich to say, how was it Still Okay.
Gabrius
All right.
Nick Weiger
Okay.
Mike Mitchell
All right.
Gabrius
We asked the nonverbal guy. Yeah. Considering the circumstance that you had to eat it. I speak for him. Don't you worry.
Mike Mitchell
It was okay.
Gabrius
I. I assume it was better.
Mike Mitchell
Went fresh, but yes. Okay, all right.
Nick Weiger
There was a safe assumption it was great fresh.
Mike Mitchell
Anyone who disliked it in the audience, who got it. Okay, all right, fair enough.
Nick Weiger
I thought it's great. I don't know why it's only at certain locations. I mean, but. But I. I Think if it's worth trying. If you, if you haven't.
Mike Mitchell
I, I want to say this. Attached to Red Hot Ranch was Oberweiss ice cream and dairy store.
Nick Weiger
That's right.
Mike Mitchell
Wait, what the.
Gabrius
I fucking called this. I go, I can't wait till Mitch mentions this place.
Mike Mitchell
He's bad too. I got the Goblin Cock Milk. He's. Oh, he's a Trump guy. God damn it. The ice cream fucking rules.
Gabrius
But he's a piece of.
Nick Weiger
Okay, all right, copy that.
Gabrius
That's sort of a blanket statement for most major corporations. Guys, we gotta leave ourselves a little bit of t joy. Okay?
Nick Weiger
No, see how much Coca Cola donates to the RNC.
Mike Mitchell
I gave a 50% political tip. I had no idea whatever that meant. I, I, I was, I was very excited when we went to Ober Weiss. You saw, you saw him. I was like, I was very excited.
Gabrius
You were, like, legitimately, like, over. You were like, oh, and overw. We can get stuff at overweiss. And I was like, oh, Mitch, do you know this place? Is it popular in Chicago? You're like, I'd never heard of it. Like, why are you so fucking giddy about it? And then we're like, we should get ice cream for the house.
Mike Mitchell
Right?
Gabrius
We should get ice cream for the house. Emma wants whole milk. Emma said she wanted whole milk. I'm like, I thought we called this guy Rain Man.
Mike Mitchell
And I was like, look, they got pretzels and they got coffee cake. This was exactly what was happening.
Nick Weiger
You're very excited by the coffee cake, you're telling me.
Gabrius
And I'm thinking, you've been here before. You're like, and they got pretzels. And I was like, oh, are the pretzels good? You're like, never had them on. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? So we decide to get a few pints of ice cream to go. And Mitch is like, and should we get the coffee cake? And wear. Just finally goes, you brought it up a few times. Just get the coffee cake.
Mike Mitchell
We got a coffee cake. We got three different pints of ice cream. We got, we got the, the. We got the new milk. We got milk and, and we got cookie dough ice cream. We got cookies and cream ice cream. And we got mint chocolate chip ice cream.
Nick Weiger
That's right.
Gabrius
And we bought tank tops that said Donald Trump 2028.
Mike Mitchell
There's holes for your. For milk. You can get milked out of them.
Gabrius
Yeah. We had to buy the cow's tank sized tank tops. Six nipple holes in it.
Nick Weiger
We also Met Amy and Elizabeth, who drove up from St. Louis. Amy and Elizabeth here. All right. Nice to meet you. What's your. What's your. Shout out your fork? Score for red Hot Ranch, 3.5. 3.5.
Mike Mitchell
Whoa.
Nick Weiger
Wow.
Mike Mitchell
They're nice. We like them.
Nick Weiger
Take it easy. Take it easy.
Gabrius
You can boo us. Don't boo each other, Please. Keep in mind she's one of you.
Nick Weiger
Okay.
Mike Mitchell
Actually, she's from Indiana. Not to out you. I'm sorry.
Gabrius
St. Louis.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, sorry, Mitch.
Nick Weiger
I said, if you were listening to
Mike Mitchell
me, listen to you sometimes.
Gabrius
Sometimes.
Nick Weiger
I said they drove up from St. Louis.
Mike Mitchell
The chocolate milk looked good, too, in Oberweis.
Gabrius
Was that.
Mike Mitchell
Was.
Nick Weiger
Was that the consensus? Where did. I think you're both behind a poll. From my perspective. I apologize. What's that?
Mike Mitchell
Were you.
Nick Weiger
Did you. Were you.
Mike Mitchell
Two nights in a row? The people we've met have been behind the poll.
Nick Weiger
Did you agree that. Were you both at three and a half?
Mike Mitchell
Three.
Nick Weiger
Three. Three and a half.
Mike Mitchell
Wow. Those St. Louis sons of bitches.
Gabrius
Sorry, we just said don't boo them, and you're. You're fucking down.
Nick Weiger
You're brave to be honest with this crowd. I admire your candor.
Gabrius
Someone needs to tell the truth. And that's why I'm voting for Donald. Truth, social media.
Nick Weiger
And we should get to work.
Mike Mitchell
Can we quickly ask them what they got? And also, did you get anything at Oprah's?
Gabrius
They got the burger St. Louis. It's great.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, yeah. You have it in St. Louis. And what did you. You guys got burgers, you said. Okay. All right.
Nick Weiger
Okay. Hey, buddy, you want to hear about my latest obsession? I'm talking about Mars Men. No, I don't mean space aliens. I'm talking about something very different. Did you hit a wall in your mid-30s? You're doing the same workouts, eating the same diet, but you feel like you're moving through mud. Nobody tells you about this stuff. One day you're crushing it, next day you're wondering why everything feels twice as hard. Because here's the thing. Most men start losing testosterone around age 30, about 1% every year after that.
Mike Mitchell
Wow.
Nick Weiger
That's why we love Mars Men. Here's what I learned. Your body makes testosterone, but a lot of it gets locked up and can't be used. There's this protein called SHBG that basically handcuffs your testosterone. Even if your body's making testosterone, SHBG locks it up so you can't access it. It's like having money in the bank, but your debit card doesn't work. Mars Men is designed to help free lock testosterone so your body can actually use it. No synthetics, no needles, just real ingredients that help optimize energy, focus and strength. We're talking about stronger physical performance and hey, helping out your recovery in gym. And as you know, you get older, that recovery gets harder and harder. But going to the gym gets more and more essential, more consistent natural energy. Another thing that dips with age, your energy like your testosterone help that out with Mars Man. It's not like drinking a cup of coffee. It's a steadier sense of drive throughout the day. Supports healthy T levels, energy and stamina. 8 natural clinically dosed ingredients Tongkat Ali Shilajit, Vitamin D, Zinc boron and more. Made in the USA and third party tested 90 day money back guarantee so there's no risk. Worst case, you don't absolutely love it and you get your money back. But over 91% of users report higher energy levels. Thousands of guys are feeling incredible results. Just check out the reviews on the website to see for yourself. For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off for life plus free shipping and three free gifts@ Mengotomars.com that's Mengotomars.com for 50% off and three free gifts when you check out. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them
Mike Mitchell
doughboys sent you Wygs Sleep is so important. A good night's rest sets you up for a great day. And that's why we love Helix mattresses. That's right, I love Helix Wags. I've had a Helix mattress for, gosh, almost seven or eight years now. That's right. I've been sleeping on my moonlight luxe for close to eight years. It's been a while. I love it, Wags. It's like sleeping on a cloud. Everyone who's ever slept on that bed loves it.
Nick Weiger
Mitch, how has your sleep improved since you switched to Helix?
Mike Mitchell
It's like night and day. It is like night and day. I'm getting better. More restful sleep. I'm feeling good. I got my CPAP mask on. I'm getting, I'm laying down. I'm falling asleep in seconds.
Nick Weiger
It's interesting that you say it's like night and day because sleep usually transitions from night into day.
Mike Mitchell
It's true, wives.
Nick Weiger
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Mike Mitchell
Plus Helix delivers your mattress right to your door with free shipping in the US Rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges thanks to the Happy with Helix guarantee. Try it out with 120 night sleep trial and limited lifetime warranty.
Nick Weiger
Wow. Go to helixsleep.com doughboys for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com doughboys For 20 off site wide.
Mike Mitchell
Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you helixsleep.com doughboys and wags. Pretty soon you're going to be going, Hi, I'm Beck Bennett.
Gabrius
I thought I was Beck Bennett.
Mike Mitchell
No, no, no, no.
Gabrius
Kyle Mooney. Yeah, sorry about that.
Mike Mitchell
Exactly. No, all good.
Nick Weiger
All good. Thanks, buddy.
Gabrius
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
And we host the show what's our
Gabrius
podcast here on Headgum.
Nick Weiger
This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.
Gabrius
Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kick ass person online. Like you're skateboarding through the Internet or
Mike Mitchell
you're like you're surfing through the web.
Gabrius
Squarespace gives you everything you need to
Nick Weiger
claim your domain, showcase your offerings with
Gabrius
a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place.
Mike Mitchell
I like that. It's all in one place.
Gabrius
I know. I like that I don't have to go around, you know, like different stores or something. It's just all, it's like, oh, do I need to go to like, do I need another type of website to like find the right pictures or to
Nick Weiger
like another type of website to upload?
Gabrius
You know, it's all in one place. The video or audio or like. No, I want it makes it easy. Make it easy on me, please. Yes. And you can do all those things. Photos, videos, changing fonts, you know, I mean, the designs are amazing. They're catering to all your different needs. Their SEO tools, which. I know what those are. And their custom domains. Oh, let's come up with a domain right now.
Mike Mitchell
Let's see.
Gabrius
I wonder if it exists. Www.friendsmeetingfriends friendsmeetingfriends.com that's an original thing that we came up with. Friends meeting friends. Anyway, so check out squarespace.com edgar for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HEADGUM. Save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell, sounds easy. Anybody could do it.
Nick Weiger
What? What? Hey, did we like it? Where do we, where do we rank it on the forks?
Mike Mitchell
Good question.
Nick Weiger
This is a good question here. And I'M going to start.
Mike Mitchell
You're going to start?
Nick Weiger
Yeah, I'm going to start.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah. I'll go last.
Nick Weiger
I'm going to set a baseline.
Gabrius
Let's practice. Listening to Nick,
Nick Weiger
I was the highest on this place, I think, of the three of us. And I think especially because of my ringing endorsement of the fries and my enthusiasm for the shrimp, which paid off like I like for me, I felt like this was. For whatever reason, this place was connecting with me a little bit more than the two of you. I could be wrong, but I. Last night we reviewed Small Cheval and this is definitely aiming for a different tier. Even though it's like, you know, not much older than Small Cheval, it does feel like more of a working class establishment versus Small Shifale, which. Which is not elitist, but feels like a little bit more gastro pubby. You know what I mean? I like that vibe a lot. I like this place that has standing room only. I like the feel of the Skokie location. That was like a little, you know, the Skokie was a little hokey, but that was fun. That was part of. That's part of the fun.
Mike Mitchell
We almost went to the Home Alone House, but then we didn't.
Nick Weiger
Yeah, it was a good end,
Gabrius
but
Nick Weiger
I gave small cheval 4. 4. And I said at the show that I was going. I knew, having already had Red Hot Ranch, that it was going to not be the same score as Small Cheval and I was going to leave a little room both below and above. And where I land with Red Hot ranch is above.4 and a half forks.
Gabrius
Holy shit.
Nick Weiger
What am I doing?
Mike Mitchell
What's to give? A score of four and a half.
Nick Weiger
What am I doing? That shrimp was so good. 5. 4.
Mike Mitchell
I was gonna say. What the fuck is he talking about? You said you. You connected with it. You don't connect with anything or anyone. You connected with that place. You did. We saw it.
Gabrius
What the fuck is this show? Four and a half. Huge pop fuck in five. That means even more to us.
Mike Mitchell
The shrimp. It was the shrimp.
Gabrius
What else is there to live for? 2 more nights of shows.
Nick Weiger
Red Hot Ranch to me is what AWA is to Pandorans. I feel like I have a bond with it immediately.
Gabrius
So it's both your God and your place of living and your source of. Of nutrients and maybe Wi fi.
Nick Weiger
And I think I it too.
Gabrius
You it. And I think it's. It helps you, your animal that you ride. Right.
Nick Weiger
But you can also talk to your dead grandpa. Yeah, it's great. It's an all in one, Gabris. What do you think?
Gabrius
Oh, well, I'm glad you got that huge pop already. I. I, too, am not going to give this place the same. I. Let me say this. I wasn't gonna give it the same score I gave Small Cheval. I knew. I thought it came in a little lower than Small Cheval for me. But I will say, and I, like, owe my entire life to Nick's friend Joe. And I went in. I went. I left Red Hot Ranch on Tuesday night saying, guaranteed four forkers. But then today, I had that fish sandwich. Shrimp is to Nick as fish is to Gabris.
Nick Weiger
Wow.
Gabrius
And that popped me up. Not to a full five, you know, but I'm gonna be sitting it pretty with a four and a half fork score.
Nick Weiger
Wow.
Gabrius
Tied with Small Cheval for me.
Nick Weiger
Spoon man, it falls to you. Your fork score will determine whether or not it enters the hallowed halls of the Golden Plate Club, the Chicago institution.
Mike Mitchell
I'm hard to take it out of the Golden Plate Club, don't I?
Nick Weiger
You certainly do.
Mike Mitchell
And me and the St. Louis ladies will run away
Gabrius
all the way Back to Indiana.
Mike Mitchell
St. Louis.
Gabrius
Indiana, where Notre Dame played.
Mike Mitchell
All right, Wygs, we got in there. I had had what some doctors would describe as diarrhea on the plane,
Nick Weiger
right?
Gabrius
Nine out of 10 doctors agree that's diarrhea. One doctor's fucking nuts.
Mike Mitchell
One doctor's like, it's good.
Nick Weiger
It's normal.
Mike Mitchell
I. Okay. Despite having horrible stomach issues going into it. Wykes, I was so damn happy at the Red Hot Ranch. We were all standing and eating and just making noises that you make when you were. We eat burgers silently with each other.
Nick Weiger
And how fun is that?
Gabrius
A lot of moaning and. Oh, fuck. Sport pepper. These are popular here in Chicago.
Mike Mitchell
And I was a little down on the fries. Now, is the fries gonna take me down to, you know, 3.9 forks or something? Whoa, hold on now.
Nick Weiger
Hold on.
Mike Mitchell
Wow. Joe Chap.
Gabrius
Five fork guy.
Mike Mitchell
A five fork.
Nick Weiger
Five fork man.
Mike Mitchell
My friend Joe Chap.
Nick Weiger
Our friend. Our friend Joe Chap.
Gabrius
I am Joe Chap.
Mike Mitchell
The Doughboys. That is the Doughboy spot. You all are Joe Chap.
Nick Weiger
We all are Joe Chop.
Gabrius
It's like Fight Club.
Nick Weiger
His name was Joe Chap.
Gabrius
His name was Joe Chap. Except we're Fight Club with two meatloaves and Tyler Durden. Holy. Hey. Okay.
Nick Weiger
All right.
Mike Mitchell
And our dick. Our dick works less
Nick Weiger
more like Jared Leto after he gets his ass kicked.
Mike Mitchell
Joe.
Nick Weiger
Joe Chap. More like Dough Chap. Sorry.
Mike Mitchell
Keep going. God bless. Joe Chap.
Nick Weiger
God bless Joe Chap for sending us
Mike Mitchell
to the Skokie, Illinois Red Hot Ranch where the fries were better. Still not my favorite fries. And the fish sandwich was amazing. And it was attached to Oberfield. What the fuck is it called? Oberweis. Oberweiss Ice cream. Spot wise, I was in hog heaven. I think it's my favorite. It's my favorite meal of the entire trip. Five forks. Wow. Holy Gabris. They're booing.
Gabrius
Your opinion means literally nothing to me.
Mike Mitchell
No, they're saying spoon. They're saying spoon.
Gabrius
They're saying boo earned.
Nick Weiger
That was our review of Red Hot Ranch. Welcome to the Golden Plate Club. We loved it.
Gabrius
How fun.
Mike Mitchell
Close. Close to the Platinum Plate Club.
Nick Weiger
We are. It's insane how against the clock we are now. We've been. It's almost nine.
Mike Mitchell
Holy shit.
Nick Weiger
Yeah, I know.
Gabrius
But you gotta be in bed by 9:30 to watch me and Mitch wrestle.
Nick Weiger
So it's time for a segment. We've got some mystery crumbs. And Mitch and Gabrius have to guess what they are. Under the watchful eye of the greatest bread detective in the world.
Gabrius
Sherlock Crumbs.
Mike Mitchell
No, don't cheer me.
Gabrius
My Watson is bringing out the crumbs. What is this show? I guess I gotta listen to some more episodes.
Mike Mitchell
Sherlock Crumbs is new and it's fucking very stupid.
Nick Weiger
I think it's fun. I think that people like Sherlock Crumbs.
Mike Mitchell
No, you don't. He doesn't even sound English. Don't.
Nick Weiger
Why?
Mike Mitchell
You don't have to be. You don't have to pretend to be Sherlock Crumbs. You're not. You're not. Who is Sherlock Crumb?
Gabrius
He's just a guy.
Nick Weiger
He's just a carrot. I don't know if I can't, why I can't do a character for once.
Mike Mitchell
Just be yourself, for God's sake.
Nick Weiger
I am myself all the time. Like, I'm just like.
Gabrius
I'm.
Nick Weiger
I don't know. I thought it was like a fun thing to do that people seem to like.
Gabrius
But
Nick Weiger
it's fine. Shut up.
Mike Mitchell
No, be Nick Weger.
Nick Weiger
I am Nick Weiger. And I'm also Sherlock Crumbs. No, no Crumbs.
Gabrius
Nick.
Mike Mitchell
Be Nick Weiger. Be nick weger. Be nicholas weiger. You idiot. Stop chanting for crumbs.
Gabrius
Read the room.
Nick Weiger
No, no, I mean mitch. You are right.
Mike Mitchell
No, no. You guys get Sherlock Crumbs now.
Gabrius
You like Sherlock. No.
Mike Mitchell
You wanted it. You get fucking. Oh, you do want it. All right.
Nick Weiger
Do we hold off on the other bit. Do Sherlock Crumbs instead.
Mike Mitchell
You don't want crumbs.
Nick Weiger
No, you.
Gabrius
No. You don't have to let them choose what we do. If I'm honest, they paid to watch us. We can do whatever the fuck we want.
Nick Weiger
If I'm perfectly honest with myself, Sherlock Crumbs is a mask.
Gabrius
Well, then, who are you?
Mike Mitchell
Yeah, who are you?
Nick Weiger
My full legal name is Nicholas Frank Weiger. And sometimes I go by Frank. Which means it's time for this week in Hot Dog News and another edition of Let Me Be Frank. Hit it, Emma. Hot dog simmering the city great on
Mike Mitchell
my grill getting greasy and gritty.
Nick Weiger
Toast bone, donut look pretty.
Mike Mitchell
Sucking on a dog, sucking on a titty.
Nick Weiger
Pork and beef, something just season long. Bread rolling on a roll of grill.
Gabrius
Holiday
Nick Weiger
fortified, it's a different world.
Mike Mitchell
Swapped off lights with a girl.
Nick Weiger
Munch on, munch on and chomp all night despite the farts, it'll be all right. That taste. When the casing has snapped, later that day, you'll for sure have to nap
Mike Mitchell
as it simmers in the city like
Nick Weiger
you're sucking on a titty. You ain't nothing but a hot dog. Crying all the time.
Mike Mitchell
You ain't nothing but a hot dog.
Nick Weiger
Frying all the time. You ain't never been a burger and you ain't no lunch of mine. They said you a sandwich, well that
Mike Mitchell
was just a lie.
Nick Weiger
They said you a sandwich, well that was just a lie. You're just a bond around the wiener, so you should so qualified.
Mike Mitchell
He wakes up in the morning, eats a Frank, takes a shit and he's rolling, but the toilet won't flush and he needs it off his bus. It stinks. August 8, 2004. Dave Matthews and his band are on tour and their septic tank is full. And so the bus driver pulls the lever.
Gabrius
Eat the East Frank bird,
Mike Mitchell
turn them into shit. And then you find a nice bridge and dump them on Chicago Inn.
Nick Weiger
All right, listen up, ladies and gentlemen. Our fugitive has been on a bun for 90 minutes, average foot long over uneven grill temperature, bar and kitchen fires. Isn't reality. Only about 10.5 inches after cooking. That gives us a count of 1100 calories. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard target search of every diner, drive in, dive roadhouse, steakhouse, chop house, waffle house, Old spaghetti house and dog House. That last one stays the same in the area. Checkpoints go up at dinner time. Your fugitive's name is Dr. Frank Furter. Go eat him. All right, so this is Let Me be frank. Let's take a look at some hot dogs news stories, Mitch. Maybe we'll just do one a piece and get to some questions. Mitch will use Google and I'll use my preferred search engine, Microsoft. Bing.
Mike Mitchell
I'm gonna search Hot Dog Chicago News. Oh, good call.
Gabrius
Oh, smart. Frankfurter is the doctor's name. That's like all you need out of Nick is that kind of fake cackle into the mic.
Nick Weiger
I liked it.
Gabrius
I know, I know.
Nick Weiger
It's never fake with you, buddy.
Gabrius
He never fakes it with me. A little harder for a guy to do.
Mike Mitchell
But you know, while this is news just recently, this is sad news. I mean, because it brings up the Chicago Bears. We're sorry, but the Wiener Circle giving away free hot dogs Tuesday after Bears coach Ben Johnson goes shirtless. Did any of you take advantage of that? Did any of you get a free hot dog from Wiener Circle?
Gabrius
Did you ask them? Did anyone take advantage of the shirtless coach? I forgot.
Mike Mitchell
This is the worst part of this bit.
Gabrius
Here's one in the theme of like downshifting so hard from beautiful performances to looking at your phones. Cause you know, pre googling hot dog news is impossible. A team of five people here.
Nick Weiger
Okay, here's one from Yahoo. The Chicago style hot dog variation that deserves more credit. Among these, one standout twist on tradition has been getting some attention. The char dog. A flame kissed variation of the beloved Chicago style hot dog. So what makes a char dog different from a classic Chicago style dog? Although they both share the same ingredients, the difference all comes down to how the frankfurter is cooked. While a traditional Chicago style dog is usually steamed or simmered, the char dog is flame grilled, typically over crumbs.
Gabrius
Crumbs? Crumbs.
Mike Mitchell
If you're coming tomorrow night, we'll do crumbs.
Gabrius
Scalped. Tickets are going for $1,000. I hope Nick puts the pipe in his mouth again.
Nick Weiger
Mitch, you got one or two more?
Gabrius
Mitch, you got a thing here. Mitch is what the fuck, Raya? It does look like you're look because of how fucking browsers are now. It looks like you're looking at Ed because there's like 40 popping up.
Mike Mitchell
There's a thing about someone using saying the Pope as a joke. There's not. There's not a ton of hot dog news right now. Maybe it's the wintertime.
Gabrius
I wonder if there's other things to talk about in America. The news hasn't got to hot dogs yet.
Mike Mitchell
Oh man.
Gabrius
We're dealing with an occupying force in American city.
Mike Mitchell
Nathan's. Famous hot dog sold for 450 million.
Gabrius
Someone outbid me again.
Nick Weiger
Here's one from msn.com I tried the Chicago hot dog deep dish pizza, and I'm genuinely shocked.
Mike Mitchell
Is that the end of it?
Gabrius
Genuinely?
Nick Weiger
What if you combined both foods into one Chicago superfood? Then you would get the Bortillo's, Lou Malnati's crosstown pizza, AKA the Chicago Hot dog Deep dish pizza. No. Wow. I visited Lou Malnati's to try. The concoction was blown away by how good it tasted. I took one bite of the beets and said out loud, oh, my God, hot dog. It might sound silly, but imagine if
Gabrius
you're sitting with someone and they bite pizza and then go, oh, my God, hot dog.
Mike Mitchell
I like that. The crowd turned up. They went, boo. And then they're like. They actually liked it. And they're like, oh,
Gabrius
honey, change the Uber. We're going cross town tonight.
Mike Mitchell
I got to say, this mother. My mother, yes. For Christmas this year, she gifted me two deep dish pizzas from Lou Malnati.
Nick Weiger
Oh, that's nice.
Mike Mitchell
And it was the Italian beef deep dish pizzas that they do. And I ate them at home with my mom, and we had a. They were fantastic.
Gabrius
That's like buying an alcoholic a bottle of Crystal palace or some shit like that.
Nick Weiger
Can I shout out that Amelia and Emma put together this Tommy Lee Jones US Marshals jacket on the fly? This is a star that they got from a military surplus store. And then this says US Mar. And it looks like it ends with my sleeve here, but actually I'm committing stolen valor because it is a folded under patch that says U.S. marine.
Gabrius
We should also say that this jacket that Amelia and Emma got for Weger to wear for this bit is the exact thickness of the jacket he brought to wear in Chicago.
Nick Weiger
That's true.
Gabrius
I swear to God. He has, like, a windbreaker with him. He's like, I gotta buy gloves.
Nick Weiger
Yeah, I just gave him my jacket, and they put the badges on.
Gabrius
Oh, this is your jacket?
Nick Weiger
This is my jacket? Yeah.
Gabrius
This is the jacket. This is what he wore to Chicago. Even I busted out my Neo on the Nebuchadnezzar sweater for this US Mar.
Mike Mitchell
It worked. US Mar did work. Stolen valor and all. I served in the tomorrow war as well, and I'm offended.
Nick Weiger
You got one more, Mitch. We should do the best.
Gabrius
Thank you for your service. You spent a lot of time with Chris Pratt, so
Mike Mitchell
move over, Chicago. This European nation is serving up some seriously scrumptious hot dogs. Norway wow.
Nick Weiger
How about that?
Mike Mitchell
Norway's coming for the hot dog crown.
Gabrius
We're invading Norway next. We're getting there, aren't we? The Delta Force will get their hot dogs.
Nick Weiger
I thought the Midwest had a sizable Scandinavian population, but is it not Norwegian? Is it more Swedish? Is it more. I'm not sure.
Gabrius
Sounds Swedish. More Polish. Sorry. Lesson learned.
Nick Weiger
Whoa.
Gabrius
Because. Because I can't find any relatives with my last name besides, like, my grandpa's brother. We believe it was shortened at Ellis island. And we may be, like, a gay Bruski or a gate.
Nick Weiger
Whoa.
Gabrius
So I might even be Polish.
Mike Mitchell
I'm reading about these Norway dogs. They sound delicious. But I think that's about all we have time we have for your wives.
Nick Weiger
Yeah, that was all we have time
Gabrius
for is for me to silently read. I'm sorry, folks.
Mike Mitchell
That look good.
Nick Weiger
Just like your restaurant value, your feedback. Let's open the feedback. All right, we're taking a few audience questions. Amelia's coming out here. Big hand for Amelia. Emma, step out here for a second too. Big ad for Emma Erdbrink, who pulls this whole thing together. All right, Amelia, who are we bringing up?
Mike Mitchell
All right, could we please get. Just to the side of the stage over here. Could we please get Jen N, Brian B.
Nick Weiger
And Kevin S. All right, if you heard your name, snake your way over to where Amelia is at stage left here. Or just leave. That's an option.
Mike Mitchell
Don't open that up yet. People are gonna run. So many significant others are getting out of here.
Gabrius
We're going to get that deep dish hot dog, pizza. Get in the fucking car.
Nick Weiger
Hi. What's your name? What's your question? Hi, I'm Jenn N. I'm actually Jen from the DO Score.
Gabrius
Wow.
Nick Weiger
Hi, Jen. Hi.
Gabrius
Hi, all.
Nick Weiger
Jen. Hi, all DO Skarters. Jen, do you know Joe Chapter? No, I don't know him at all. Okay. It's a really cool sweater you got there. Yeah, it's a goose that says, Wow. I love it. Wow. Wow. That's cool as hell. Thank you. So there was that Campbell's soup ad where a snowman melts into a little
Mike Mitchell
boy as he's eating Campbell's soup. What would you eat to melt you
Nick Weiger
back in this cold? So the conceit is you are now a little boy.
Gabrius
Yeah.
Nick Weiger
And you're tired of that. You're tired of being flesh and bone. You want to return to being snow. He was a snowman, and then his mom serves him Campbell's soup and he turns into a little boy. Okay, so you guys are Snowmen. And what would you do? Okay, I added a layer of complication to it. You're not saying. You're not saying they've already turned from a snowman into a boy and they want to go back to being a snowman. You're just saying we're the snowman and we're going to turn into us. What is the food that we would eat that would warm our hearts so
Mike Mitchell
that we are no longer returning back to snowmen?
Nick Weiger
No, no, no, no.
Gabrius
That's what I.
Nick Weiger
That's what I thought was that. I thought the premise was. I was wrong. We are snowmen, and we're turning into.
Gabrius
What would you eat to turn into soup?
Mike Mitchell
Oh, so something that we would eat that to turn us into little boys.
Gabrius
Yeah, we would be.
Nick Weiger
We're snowmen, and we're gonna turn into little boy versions of ourselves.
Mike Mitchell
I don't trust that you're gonna eat yours. I'm gonna eat mine. Be a little boy with you.
Nick Weiger
Hey, I'm a snowman.
Gabrius
Hang out.
Nick Weiger
You guys can turn back into men. Turn us back into men. Okay. We're not turning into little boys.
Mike Mitchell
I don't want to leave these sweet pubes of mine.
Gabrius
They are. Get myself a little something sweet.
Nick Weiger
I have an answer for you. It is something that is an icy treat, but also with a little bit of heat. A hot fudge sundae. I feel like if I had a brownie hot fudge sundae with, like, a warm brownie and some warm hot fudge.
Mike Mitchell
I feel like you're gonna be half snowman, half boy.
Gabrius
No, I think I would.
Nick Weiger
I think it would be like, like, like, oh, it's kind of cold, so it's easing me into it. Like, I'm, like, flicking my hand into the shower nozzle. You know what I mean? I'm just, like, testing the temperature a little bit and be like, oh, oh, yeah, it's warm. Warm is okay. And then once I'm accustomed to it, then I melt into my man form.
Mike Mitchell
You melt into your man form?
Gabrius
Yeah. That's the premise of the question.
Nick Weiger
How do we turn from snowman to man?
Gabrius
We clearly have the question sorted out.
Mike Mitchell
I've decided I want to be a little boy when I melt.
Nick Weiger
I don't if I have the answer, if that's the option. I'd rather be a little boy, too, because it would give me more life.
Mike Mitchell
That's true. Can we. Can we be little boys?
Nick Weiger
Can I fix the mistakes that I made in the past?
Gabrius
Sure.
Nick Weiger
You can be little boys if you want.
Mike Mitchell
Thank you.
Nick Weiger
Okay.
Gabrius
Oh, that changes my answer. Cause I was gonna say I would eat pussy
Nick Weiger
to turn into a little boy.
Mike Mitchell
What a surprise for that lady. Yeah.
Gabrius
Was to turn into a man. Well, first of all, this lady brought a snowman home. I'm assuming I'm in her house. We could be in her car. And I'm going down on her. And she sees. And I'm melting my carrot nose. My top hat falls off.
Mike Mitchell
Then you got a little spitty hat. You're a boy.
Gabrius
No, I'm a man. The original conceit was we become men. And so as my son.
Mike Mitchell
You're sick. This is a sick question. I refuse to answer it. You know what? I'd eat a sport pepper, baby.
Nick Weiger
Wow. Good pander, Mitch.
Gabrius
Thank you, Jen.
Nick Weiger
Thank you, Jen. Great question. All right, who's next? Wow. With the Cubs hat and the Buc ee's T shirt. Hi, what's your name? Brian. Hi, Brian. What's your question?
Mike Mitchell
Are you guys familiar with the difference between regular deep dish and stuffed Chicago style pizza?
Nick Weiger
Please explain stuffed Chicago style.
Mike Mitchell
I grew up thinking that stuffed was deep dish. And first time I had Lumali Malnati. Sorry. I was very disappointed because it was mostly bread.
Nick Weiger
We're at Giordano's Stuffed Pizza.
Mike Mitchell
We cut them off. Or even better, Chicago's. And that's the name of the restaurant.
Gabrius
Open till 4 o' clock in the
Mike Mitchell
5, I think actually 4 or 5 o' clock in the fucking morning, which is excellent. They make a pizza that's stuffed with cheese and sausage and the ingredients. So it's kind of like a real pie where the crust is just thin around the edges. Oh, wow.
Gabrius
And the pizza is like a cake
Nick Weiger
of meat and cheese. So that's like not what you'd get. Like a Lumal Naughty or a Pequods. That's like a deep dishwats.
Mike Mitchell
I had to do very good. Yeah, but Chicago is like, why did you so much? But do you live in Chicago? I live in Plano, Texas. Holy.
Gabrius
Wait, why would you.
Mike Mitchell
I'm a die hard. I'm more than a Democrat.
Gabrius
I'm liberal as.
Mike Mitchell
Give me a break. Donald Trump. No parody noise.
Gabrius
Separate the art from the artist. So.
Mike Mitchell
But you guys released this show first. And I grew up here and I was like, I'm going to Chicago to watch the Doughboys. And then two weeks later, you. You don't get mad at us. You should have waited two weeks.
Nick Weiger
What the.
Gabrius
You have to go on tour.
Mike Mitchell
He doesn't. We went crazy.
Nick Weiger
You got to see Chicago. How nice is that?
Gabrius
Wonderful.
Nick Weiger
Great town.
Mike Mitchell
I went to Mr. Beef Pequots and I went to Red Hot Ranch because I'm a stalker today.
Nick Weiger
What's the consensus among Chicagoans? Do we, like, applaud for deep dish over stuffed? Applaud for stuffed over deep dish.
Mike Mitchell
Okay.
Gabrius
Wow. Okay.
Nick Weiger
So that's the thing.
Mike Mitchell
I've never.
Gabrius
A lot of people, much like America, didn't vote at all, and that's why we're here.
Mike Mitchell
I never. I've never had stuffed pizza. I guess it's very good.
Gabrius
I would like it.
Mike Mitchell
I gotta try it.
Nick Weiger
I've.
Mike Mitchell
I mean, you can't have a lot of it, obviously.
Gabrius
We had, like, a smaller version of that on Long island growing up. Like a stromboli pizza.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, that sounds fun.
Gabrius
It's like. I know it's not the same thing. My job is to say stuff.
Nick Weiger
No, it's not the.
Gabrius
I know it's not deep dish. It's not Chicago, but it was fucking awesome. It was only, like. So the idea of an even thicker meat pie with sauce that works for Uncle Gabris. I gotta try that.
Mike Mitchell
It's much better. I don't like Luke Maldadi.
Nick Weiger
Sorry. I know.
Mike Mitchell
I'm. I think that's. I think that's a tourist trap.
Nick Weiger
Really?
Gabrius
And a shout out.
Mike Mitchell
I'm from Homewood, so a shout out to Aurelios. Yeah.
Nick Weiger
Wow.
Mike Mitchell
I can't tell if they hate you or like you, but you should leave with the St. Louis Indiana girls. Emo's pizza, if you remember that, that's St. Louis pizza.
Gabrius
That's. They told us about it today.
Nick Weiger
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
You're just now saying restaurants also, which is a big part of our podcast.
Gabrius
You can't, after seven minutes say also.
Mike Mitchell
They're filming a movie in river north and the signs say fugitive, so it looks like they're rebooting the Fugitive, which is hilarious.
Gabrius
It is a TV series.
Mike Mitchell
Wait, really?
Gabrius
Yeah. It's the origin story of the One Armed Man. We're going to learn how he's not acting actually evil. It was circumstantial. And Cruella de Vil, she didn't want to kill a hundred dogs. Sorry. So, short answer. No. We don't know the difference.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Nick Weiger
Thanks, Brian.
Mike Mitchell
I like PIs. I used to like Paisano's. Do people still like Paisano's Pizza here in Chicago? Is their owner Maga, too?
Nick Weiger
We have one more question. You got the McDonald's also.
Mike Mitchell
That's on you guys. Every restaurant. Restaurant where you bring up has a MAGA owner. It's like, well, there might be something wrong with Chicago, maybe.
Gabrius
Might be something wrong with the small business owners of America is what it is.
Nick Weiger
Hi. What's your name? What's your question? My name is Kevin. My question is, is Santa more famous than Mike Ditka?
Mike Mitchell
Oh, my God.
Nick Weiger
Is Santa more famous than. Wait, what's the other one?
Gabrius
Now? Is this. This is calling back to the Griffin Newman episode.
Nick Weiger
Is this Chicago specific? Or do you mean global within Chicago? Is Ditka more. I mean, this is like a. This is like a thing. The super fans would debate this.
Mike Mitchell
The super fans would debate this.
Nick Weiger
Is Ditka more famous than Santa? Here's the thing. Ditka also had a little bit of a MAGA turn, right? Didn't he turn.
Gabrius
No one brought that up. When we said his name, everyone's like, don't eat dairy.
Mike Mitchell
He's the fucking.
Gabrius
He's like, what about the dick? Well, you know,
Mike Mitchell
Santa voted Trump only in the first election, so he's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah.
Gabrius
They elected.
Mike Mitchell
Excuse me. Santa.
Nick Weiger
What?
Mike Mitchell
Oh, concussion. Santa's gotten too many concussions.
Nick Weiger
Oh, yeah, that makes sense. He's sliding down a lot of champions.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah, yeah. He's. Yeah. I'm gonna go. Santa's more famous.
Nick Weiger
More famous than Ditka? I think so.
Mike Mitchell
Get the out of here.
Nick Weiger
That's our show. John Gabri, Emma Herdrake, Amelia Marino, Mike
Gabrius
Mitchell, Nick Wider than Adelyn Tristan Halle.
Nick Weiger
Never the dead theater. Until next time, this movement of Mitchell Tiger Warrior. I've eaten. Thank you.
Mike Mitchell
Thank you, Chicago. You guys are awesome. Thank you. See you tomorrow. And oh,
Gabrius
Bad boys are bad and you know they can never be whack the fat boys are bad we like to do sad boys.
Nick Weiger
Hi, I am Mandy Moore.
Mike Mitchell
Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast that Was Us now on Headgum.
Nick Weiger
Each episod, we're gonna go into a deep dive from our show. This is us.
Mike Mitchell
That's right.
Nick Weiger
We're gonna go episode by episode. We're also gonna pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.
Mike Mitchell
Are we gonna cry? Yes.
Nick Weiger
A little bit.
Mike Mitchell
Are we gonna laugh a lot. A lot.
Nick Weiger
A whole lot.
Mike Mitchell
That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to.
Gabrius
That. Was us on your favorite podcast app.
Mike Mitchell
Or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.
Nick Weiger
Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville.
Gabrius
And I'm Jeff Tremaine.
Nick Weiger
Welcome to Jackass, the podcast, A new show coming to, coming to.
Gabrius
That's what it is. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and I'm Jeff Tremaine.
Nick Weiger
Welcome to Jackass the Podcast, a new show now on Headgum. Woo hoo. Woo.
Gabrius
I've learned a Jackass movie has to be really 90 minutes. Every minute over is a minute to go.
Nick Weiger
Apparently there's only so much butthole you can take. We're gonna take you behind the scenes of our entire history. All the best bits, bad behavior and even worse decisions. All of it. Sometimes we don't make the right decisions. Jeff.
Gabrius
I noticed that every every so often
Nick Weiger
with guests like Spike Jones.
Gabrius
I think let's commit to Jackass the podcast. What was it gonna be called? The Jackass Podcast. Jackass Podcast. Without you, the IQ drop up significantly.
Nick Weiger
Steve O. There's a strong chance that were it not for Jackass, that I would be in clown makeup right this minute. Chris Ponus.
Gabrius
That shot of your butt just cruising up, I'm like, yeah, I got that on tv. God bless us.
Nick Weiger
Dave England.
Gabrius
Yeah, when you come in and you're
Mike Mitchell
being really nice, I'm like, damn it, something bad's going to happen to me.
Nick Weiger
We man.
Gabrius
Jeff grabbed me from the back of the head head and threw a punch. The whole bar just stopped and wanted
Mike Mitchell
to kill me like.
Nick Weiger
And some of the crew that's been with us from the beginning.
Gabrius
I had to share a room with this guy and I left a nice surprise in the toilet for him every time.
Nick Weiger
Apparently he hates to flush. Subscribe to Jackass the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocket Cast, or wherever the hell you get podcasts.
Gabrius
Our new episodes drop on Ghost June 18th. Look out for new episodes in your feed every Thursday.
Nick Weiger
Watch video episodes on YouTube and follow along with us on Instagram and tick tock@jackassthepodcast. What were we just talking about? Probably buttholes.
Mike Mitchell
You're listening to this podcast, so I know you've got a curious mind. Here's a helpful fact you might not know. Drivers who switch and save with Progressive save over $900 on average. Pop over to progressive.com, answer some questions and you'll get a quick quote with discounts that are easy to come by. In fact, 99% of their auto customers earn at least one discount. Visit progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little cash back. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. National average 12 month savings of $946 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2024 and May 2025. Potential savings will vary. That was a Headgum podcast.
Released: July 2, 2026 | Hosts: Mike "Spoonman" Mitchell & Nick Wiger | Guest: Jon Gabrus | Venue: The Den Theater, Chicago
Theme:
The Doughboys (Mike Mitchell and Nick Wiger), joined by recurring guest Jon Gabrus, travel to Chicago to review iconic local “chain” Red Hot Ranch. The live show blends fast food talk with personal anecdotes, riffs on Chicago culture, and spirited audience interaction. While ostensibly about hot dogs, the episode dives deep into the burger-shrimp-hot dog hierarchy, with characteristic Doughboys tangents and their famously chaotic banter.
The team’s stay in Chicago is replete with classic travel woes: subpar Airbnb, falling down stairs, cockroaches, and adjusting to winter weather.
Movie Night Comradeship:
Chicago’s infamous “Dave Matthews poop bus” incident is referenced for local color.
Ambience: They describe RHR as “grimy,” “cash-only,” and standing-room only at certain locations.
Location Notes: Two locations are visited:
Menu Highlights:
General Consensus:
Burger Specific Notes:
Burgers vs. Other Chicago Classics:
Dog Style: Depression-dog — mustard, relish, onions, sport peppers, topped with fries.
Eating Logistics:
Sport Peppers:
Polish: Gets higher praise.
Pepsi Fountain & Regional Sodas:
Oberweis Ice Cream:
On Hot Dog Construction:
On Chicago’s Love for Burgers:
On Ambience:
On Fried Shrimp:
On Sport Peppers:
On Audience Participation:
On Chicago Chain Ownership:
All three panelists deliver enthusiastic scores:
Conclusion:
Red Hot Ranch enters the hallowed Golden Plate Club.
Memorable verdicts cite the burgers, shrimp, fish sandwich, and old-school Chicago charm.
[123:03] Campbell’s Soup/Snowman Ad:
[127:10] Deep Dish vs. Stuffed Pizza:
[131:21] Mike Ditka vs. Santa - Who is More Famous?:
Red Hot Ranch — despite its “grimy” appearance, confusing hot dog nomenclature, and low-key ambiance — is declared a Chicago essential by the Doughboys and Jon Gabrus, especially for its spectacular roadside-style burger, crispy fries, fried shrimp, and surprisingly excellent fish sandwich.
The live show captures the unique beauty of the Doughboys: passionate, ridiculous, community-driven, and reliably off-the-cuff.
Recommended Segments:
“Red Hot Ranch to me is what AWA is to Pandorans. I feel like I have a bond with it immediately.”
— Nick Weiger [103:23]