What if the very thing we use to motivate kids is actually making them less motivated?

New research from Harvard University reveals something surprising: when children play just for fun, they naturally seek challenge, take risks, and stretch themselves further. But the moment rewards, prizes, or competition enter the picture, kids start choosing the easiest possible path.

In this fascinating Doctor’s Desk episode, Justin and Kylie unpack what this means for parenting, learning, sport, motivation, and raising resilient kids who actually enjoy hard things.

If you’ve ever relied on sticker charts, rewards, bribery, or competition to encourage your child — this conversation may completely change the way you think about motivation.

KEY POINTS

Harvard researchers found kids seek harder challenges when rewards are removed
Competition and prizes often reduce creativity, risk-taking, and persistence
Children are naturally wired for growth and exploration
“Hard fun” is often more rewarding than easy success
Motivation increases when kids feel ownership and autonomy
External rewards can shift focus away from learning and onto “getting the prize”
Parents can encourage resilience by focusing less on outcomes and more on challenge

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“The more you remove rewards and say, ‘Let’s just do this because it’s fun,’ the more kids seek challenge.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn
Research published in Developmental Psychology

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

Reduce reliance on rewards, bribes, and sticker charts
Let kids experiment, explore, and challenge themselves without pressure
Focus on effort, curiosity, and growth rather than winning
Create opportunities for “hard fun” through play, sport, and learning
Help children set personal goals instead of competing against others
Ask: “What challenge feels exciting to you?” instead of “How can you win?”

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.