5 Things to Keep in Mind Being a Good Friend

Summary

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Podcast Summary: 5 Things to Keep in Mind Being a Good Friend

The Dr. Laura Podcast
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: June 30, 2026

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Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger discusses the qualities and behaviors that make someone a truly good friend. Drawing on her decades of experience as a therapist and radio host, Dr. Laura offers practical, heartfelt guidance on the five essential ingredients to meaningful, lasting friendships. She illustrates her points with personal anecdotes, common listener themes, and actionable steps for listeners hoping to deepen their own bonds.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Active, Constructive, Kind Responding

(Main segment: 01:29 – 04:43)

• Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of genuinely celebrating your friend’s good news, achievements, and happiness—free of jealousy or competition.
  • “To be a good friend is the way you get to have a good friend. The being a good friend comes first.” – Dr. Laura (01:32)
  • “Enthusiastically validate and celebrate your friend's good news, without being jealous, envious, petty, competitive…you can be all those things, but just swallow that part.” – Dr. Laura (01:53)
• She acknowledges it’s normal for your own struggles to color your response but insists true friendship requires putting those feelings aside.
  • Personal anecdote: Dr. Laura shares about struggling with infertility while her friend had multiple pregnancies, yet she chose kindness and withheld resentment.
    • “Did it make me happy? I was sort of happy for her, but not going to make me happy…But what in retrospect made me happy is that I was nice about it.” – Dr. Laura (04:44)

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2. Express Gratitude Regularly

(05:03 – 06:18)

• Freely offer sincere compliments and acknowledge your friend’s gestures.
  • “Tell them how much you appreciate things they do for you…reinforcing the good things your friend does makes your friend do more good things, and it also makes you feel closer.” – Dr. Laura (05:05)
• Making your appreciation known strengthens the relationship and encourages both parties to keep putting in effort.

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3. Practice Listening—with Your Mouth Shut

(08:43 – 10:52)

• Dr. Laura warns against making conversations about yourself or immediately jumping in with advice.
  • Examples:
    • “Somebody’s talking to you, your friend is talking to you… and you either immediately barely finish talking and you immediately offer unsolicited advice or you start, 'Yeah, well, when I went through that…' You change it to yourself.” – Dr. Laura (08:47)
  • She reflects on her own experience with a friend who would always redirect the conversation back to himself.
    • “I had an intensely good friend who would do that. And finally I said, 'Are you going to always put it back into your world?' And he went, 'Oh, sorry.'” – Dr. Laura (09:40)
• True listening is validating and gives your friend the spotlight they need.

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4. Consistent Check-Ins and Prioritizing Time Together

(10:53 – 12:10)

• Maintaining regular communication is essential in fostering closeness.
  • “Consistent check-ins maintain regular communication. Put a priority on time to actually spend together. Because the effort of showing up even with a pathetically meager quick text or short phone call, makes friends feel valued.” – Dr. Laura (11:11)
• Even just a brief message or call can make a big difference.
  • Dr. Laura highlights her ongoing connection with a dentist friend in Boston despite not seeing each other in person for 20 years: regular calls keep them close.

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5. Sharing Your Inner World: Vulnerability and Openness

(12:11 – 12:55)

• A good friendship involves opening up about your own thoughts, feelings, and doubts, not just listening to your friend’s concerns.
  • “When you share your own thoughts, your feelings and concerns, not just about them, but about the world, you let them in to your deepest parts, maybe fears, questions about your own. Did I do the right thing? Whatever. These are the things that make you a good friend.” – Dr. Laura (12:15)
• Vulnerability deepens intimacy and cements trust.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “To be a good friend is the way you get to have a good friend. The being a good friend comes first.”
  (Dr. Laura, 01:32)
• “Intimacy and trust and feeling comfortable with each other requires you to be happy for their joy.”
  (Dr. Laura, 03:15)
• “Your body needs support to function properly, including your vaginal health…[but] simplicity is how good habits stick.” (note: brief tangent, but returns quickly to the subject)
• “Are you going to always put it back into your world?”
  (Dr. Laura, recalling her conversation, 09:40)
• “…even with a pathetically meager quick text or short phone call, makes friends feel valued.”
  (Dr. Laura, 11:20)
• “If you're a good friend, you will have friends.”
  (Dr. Laura, 12:35)

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Segment Timestamps

| Topic | Timestamp | |---------------------------------------------------------------|--------------| | Intro (ads, sponsorship) | 00:00-01:29 | | 1. Active, Constructive, Kind Responding | 01:29-04:43 | | 2. Express Gratitude Regularly | 05:03-06:18 | | 3. Practice Listening (Mouth Shut) | 08:43-10:52 | | 4. Consistent Check-Ins and Prioritizing Time Together | 10:53-12:10 | | 5. Sharing Your Inner World | 12:11-12:55 |

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Tone and Style

Dr. Laura’s delivery is direct, compassionate, and peppered with relatable real-life examples. She balances no-nonsense advice with clear empathy for the emotional complexities people experience with friends.

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Summary Takeaways

• Putting Others First: Genuinely celebrate your friends’ victories, even when it stings personally.
• Verbalize Appreciation: Don't assume your friends know—they need to hear your gratitude.
• Be Present to Listen: Resist the urge to shift focus to yourself or give unsolicited advice.
• Stay in Touch: Consistency—even in small ways—maintains and strengthens bonds.
• Let Others In: Vulnerability and openness are foundations for true friendship.

Dr. Laura underscores that being a good friend is an active, ongoing choice, and essential for strong, reciprocal relationships.

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Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you for listening to my morning monologue brought to you by Golden Crest Metals, helping everyday investors protect what they've worked so hard to build by adding gold and silver to retirement portfolios. Learn [e-mail] Protect. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] you don't have to be on your own when you're willing and able to be a good friend. To be a good friend is the way you get to have a good friend. The being a good friend comes first. And there are five things for you to keep in mind. Five things to keep in mind to be a good friend. Number one Active, Constructive, kind. Responding. That's a lot of words. What does it mean for you to enthusiastically validate and celebrate your friend's good news. Without being jealous, envious, petty, competitive? I mean, you can be all those things, but just swallow that part

[Pacific Life Representative]

so

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

that you can say that's fabulous without finding a way to dismiss it. Well, you don't know exactly yet if that's what's going to happen. You don't know how it's going to turn. Well yeah, that's nice. There are a lot of people who cannot be a good friend because they cannot celebrate other people having some good luck, some success, some happiness at something that doesn't involve them. So intimacy and trust and feeling comfortable with each other requires you to be happy for their joy. That includes they're pregnant and you had a miscarriage. That call comes up a lot, I'm sad to say. You have to be able to do that. I remember I had a friend and I had had a tubal surgery and all of that, and I was still very sad. And this woman would get pregnant every time she blinked her eyelids. Whoa, we're having another baby now. Perfect. Emotional. Did it make me happy? I was sort of happy for her, but not going to make me happy.

[Capital One Representative]

Right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But what in retrospect made me happy is that I was nice about it. Didn't take it out on her that I had lost a baby.

[Livy Dunn]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Trust number two, expressing gratitude regularly. Tell them how much you appreciate things they do for you. Offer genuine compliments to reinforce your friends positive qualities. Yeah, we do that for each other. I just thought it was wonderful when you went out of your way to give the cookies to whoever. I mean, reinforcing the good things your friend does makes your friend do more good things, and it also makes you feel closer. Here's some common sense advice. Your body needs support to function properly, including your vaginal health, and that includes maintaining a healthy pH balance. New Azo Vaginal Probiotic Mini Chews helps keep that healthy bacterial balance, and that helps keep yeast and odor in check. It's great tasting, easy to take, and no pill means no water. That makes it simple to add to your daily routine. And simplicity is how good habits stick. Visit azoproducts.com for product details, usage, installation instructions and safety information.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Number 3. Practice listening with your mouth shut. There are a couple of things people do that destroys a friendship. Somebody's talking to you, your friend is talking to you about things they think, things they've done, whatever. And you either immediately barely finish talking and you immediately offer unsolicited advice or you start, yeah, well, when I went through that, you change it to yourself. God, I know people who do that, decent people who do that. I had an intensely good friend who would do that. And finally I said, are you going to always put it back into your world? And he went, oh, sorry. Now a lot of you think throwing these things in makes closeness only when the other person's in pain. I broke my knee. Yes, I remember when I broke my knee and this is what I did and this is how it got better. That sort of thing. Ah, Yes, I want to make this better. If you know something, tell me. But other than that, something you think and feel or that happened, you know you're trying to deal with your pain, your concern, your feelings. It's awful when your so called friend just makes it about them. 4 and this is one of the most important things. I crack up when I get your letters. Oh, this was very sad. Somebody died six weeks ago and this person is important to me and my family didn't tell me till yesterday. And my answer to that is, you mean you haven't talked to them in six weeks? Why they're that important to you? Consistent check ins maintain regular communication. Put a priority on time to actually spend together. Because the effort of showing up even with a pathetically meager quick text or short phone call, makes friends feel valued. And you don't call about anything. As I always tell you about my dentist friend back in Boston, we just call, see how everybody's doing, what you need. Anybody feeling morose? We cheer them up. Constant. We haven't physically seen each other in 20 years. We are so close though, and there are significant reasons for the lack of travel. Last but not least, in a friendship, when you share your own thoughts, your feelings and concerns, not just about them, but about the world, you let them in to your deepest parts, maybe fears, questions about your own. Did I do the right thing? Whatever. These are the things that make you a good friend. And if you're a good friend, you will have friends. My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform,

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Walmart Telehealth Host]

Inspiration.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Capital One Representative]

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[Walmart Telehealth Host]

Welcome back to Should I See a Doctor? Contestant. You're camping. When a rash appears on your leg, do you a ignore it, B frantically search the Internet or C use Telehealth through Walmart? Telehealth through Walmart. Who knew?

[Capital One Representative]

Oh, I'm gonna say C Walmart.

[Walmart Telehealth Host]

Correct. Walmart can connect you with 24. 7 virtual medical care. You genius, you.

[Capital One Representative]

Well, I can fold a fitted sheet.

[Walmart Telehealth Host]

Walmart. Who knew? Telehealth services offered by third party providers. Restrictions and fees may apply.