7 Parenting Behaviors Leading to Remarkable Outcomes

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode: 7 Parenting Behaviors Leading to Remarkable Outcomes
Date: January 26, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger reviews and critiques a widely-cited research study on parenting published by Inc.com, which identifies seven key parenting behaviors associated with fostering "remarkable outcomes" in children. Drawing on her decades of experience and her direct, no-nonsense style, Dr. Laura both summarizes the research findings and provides her own, often pointed, commentary on each behavior—challenging common misconceptions and emphasizing the real goals of parenting: raising children who are fulfilled, independent, and confident.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Focus of the Research

• Based on 80 years of data (five generations, 70,000 parent-child pairs), the study aimed to discover why some kids thrive while others don’t, and what specific parental behaviors are influential.
• Dr. Laura objects to the study’s stated goal to raise "happy" kids:

  “You don’t raise your kids to be happy. That’s a byproduct of being fulfilled and independent and confident.” (01:17)

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The Seven Parenting Behaviors (with Dr. Laura’s Commentary)

1. Talking to and Listening to Your Kids

   • Dr. Laura’s edit: “Talking with, not to, your kids; and listening with your mouth shut.”
   • Critique of “lecturing vs. conversing”:

     “Talking to sounds like you’re lecturing. How about this: talking with your kids and listening with your mouth shut sometimes.” (02:05)

2. Responding Warmly to Them

   • Concern that too many interactions focus on criticism or demands.

   • “If you’re interacting with your kid, it’s to criticize or demand something or to punish them that they didn’t clean their rooms.” (02:31)

3. Sharing Your Ambitions for Their Future

   • Strong objection to having “ambitions” for kids beyond fostering their own ambitions.

   • “You should not have ambitions for your kid unless it’s to—my ambition for you is that you enjoy the process of fulfilling your ambitions.” (03:09)

   • Dr. Laura’s principle: Set expectations for functional adulthood, not specific careers.

4. Teaching Them Numbers and Letters

   • Emphasizes early basic education isn’t “silly”—it sets the stage for all learning.

5. Taking Them on Visits and Trips

   • Exposure to broader world doesn’t need to be grand—local museums or outings suffice.

   • “You can go 10 blocks away and look at a museum, but visit places, do things, introduce them to the world.” (06:57)

6. Reading to Them

   • The heart of developing literacy and curiosity; distinct from reading strictly for school.
   • Influence of early positive reading experiences:

     “The first book that was read to me at school, which set me on a path that I had to read all the time, was Charlotte’s Web... I was enthralled.” (07:18)

   • Advocates reading for pleasure to avoid ignorance.

7. Establishing and Sticking to a Regular Bedtime

   • Cites research on the critical importance of sleep for brain development and behavioral regulation.

   • “Children who go to bed at different times are more likely to have behavioral problems. When they switch to a regular bedtime, many show behavioral improvements.” (08:26)

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Research Highlights & Notable Insights

• Books in the Home:

  • Study of 160,000 adults across 31 countries: more books at home correlates with better proficiency in literacy, math, and technology.

  • “Eighty books resulted in average levels, with proficiencies increasing up to about 350 books, at which point it plateaus. So 351 books is just not going to do it. I love that.” (08:54)

• Socioeconomic Caveat:

  • Quality parenting halves—but doesn’t erase—the effects of poverty/disadvantage.

  • “Good parenting reduces the educational gap between affluent and poor children by only about 50%... Where you start matters. Good parenting matters, no matter what the circumstances.” (09:41)

• Ambitions Revisited:

  • Differentiates between expecting functional adulthood and imposing specific career ambitions.

  • “Expectations that you will work hard at whatever the hell it is you want... I expect you to either go to college or figure out a trade. These kinds of ambitions that you have, expectations that they will be a functional human being, a functional adult. That ambition I support—a specific job or career, no.” (10:03)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Objective of Parenting:

  “You don’t raise your kids to be happy. That’s a byproduct of being fulfilled and independent and confident.” (01:17)

• On Sharing Ambitions:

  “Who wrote this? You should not have ambitions for your kid unless it’s to... enjoy the process of fulfilling your ambitions.” (03:10)

• Personal Memory about Reading:

  “The first book that was read to me at school... was Charlotte’s Web ... There’s no way I wanted to be late for school.” (07:16)

• On Bedtime Routines:

  “Irregular bedtimes disrupt natural body rhythms and cause sleep deprivation, undermining brain maturation and the ability to regulate certain behaviors.” (08:39)

• On Socioeconomic Barriers:

  “Unfortunately, where you start matters. Good parenting also matters, no matter what the circumstances.” (09:41)

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:01] — Introduction to the study and critical overview
• [02:05] — Talking with, not to, your child
• [03:09] — Critique on parental ambitions
• [06:57] — Visiting the world and local outings
• [07:18] — Reading and Dr. Laura’s “Charlotte’s Web” anecdote
• [08:26] — The neuroscience and behavior link of bedtime
• [08:54] — Importance of books in the home
• [09:41] — The limits and power of parenting amidst disadvantage
• [10:03] — Redrawing the line between ambition and expectation

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Tone & Takeaways

Dr. Laura maintains her characteristically direct, irreverent, yet deeply caring style, weaving practical advice with critiques of “mainstream” parenting tips. She urges parents to focus on raising capable, functional adults—rather than chasing happiness or projecting ambitions—while never minimizing the real challenges of socioeconomic disadvantage or the genuinely transformative impact of warm, attentive parenting.

Recommended for all parents seeking grounded, research-backed, and candid parenting guidance.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you for listening to my morning monologue brought to you by Golden Crest Metals. Helping everyday investors protect what they've worked so hard to build by adding gold and silver to retirement portfolios. Learn [e-mail] Protect Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] I want to talk about. See, this was published in inc.com www.inc.com the longest running study of child development says just seven parenting behaviors lead to remarkable outcomes. Research shows helping your kids grow up to be happy and fulfilled and independent. Relatively straightforward. I'm already having a problem with this article. You don't raise your kids to be happy. That's a byproduct of being fulfilled and independent and confident. So I already have a problem, but okay, we'll move along. Five generations of this study 70,000 sets of parents and children followed throughout their lives, generating data on education, employment, cognitive abilities, physical health, mental health, family and parenting. The goal? To determine why some kids thrive and and others don't, and how parents may play an important aspect in the overall successes. That's 80 years of studying this stuff. Here are the seven, and then I'll talk a little bit more about it. But here are the seven. Number one Talking to and listening to your kids with your mouth shut. I added that I'm going to be annotating as I go along because that's my nature. Talking to your kids. Not lecturing, talking. I don't think it should say talking to. I should say it should say talking with. Talking with your kids talking to. Sounds like you're lecturing. How about this? Talking with your kids and listening with your mouth shut sometimes here. Okay. Number two, responding warmly to them. I fear that too many of you bypass that one because if you're interacting with your kid it's to criticize or demand something or to punish them that they didn't clean their rooms. Hmm. Number three, sharing your ambitions for their future. What the hell is that? I'm having so many problems with this article now. You're not supposed to have ambitions for them. Who wrote this? You should not have ambitions for your kid unless it's to. My ambition for you is that you enjoy the process of fulfilling your ambitions. Really glad I'm going through this with you to make these changes.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Number four. Teaching them numbers and letters. That may seem silly. We'll talk about that a little later. But it's not. Take them on visits and trips. In other words, see the world a little bit. Doesn't mean you have to go to Asia. You know, you can go 10 blocks away and look at a museum, but visit places, do things, introduce them to the world, read to them. Read, read, read, read, read, read, read. The crap they have to read in school is not for any pleasure, but it's for information. You don't want your kids to be ignorant, so you got to teach them to read for pleasure. The first book that was read to me at school, which set me on a path that I had to read all the time, was Charlotte's Web, about the pig, Wilbur and Charlotte. What was Charlotte? Yeah, a little creepy crawly thing and she had a web and a zillion children. Charlotte's web teacher read a little bit of that every day. I was enthralled. You couldn't keep me. There's no way I wanted to be late for school. I don't know. Second grade, third grade. I don't know. Very early on. Yeah. Number seven, establishing and sticking to a regular bedtime. That's largely because sleep is important for brain development and for your ability to use the brain when you're awake. Okay. A study of over 160,000 adults in 31 countries published in Social Science Research found that the more books were present in these kids homes, the more proficient they became as adults in literacy, math, and technology to both communicate, gather and analyze information. Eighty books resulted in average levels with proficiencies increasing up to about 350 books, at which point it plateaus. So 351 books is just not going to do it. I love that. Let me talk to bedtime. Children who go to bed at different times are more likely to have behavioral problems when they switch to a regular bedtime. Many show behavioral improvements. Irregular bedtimes disrupt natural body rhythms and cause sleep deprivation, undermining brain maturation and the ability to regulate certain behaviors. There's a caveat to all the findings. Children born into poverty or disadvantage tend to be less likely to thrive. And while good parenting can sometimes help them overcome early disadvantages and beat the odds, the study shows that good parenting reduces the educational gap between affluent and poor children by only about 50%. Unfortunately, where you start matters. Good parenting also matters, no matter what the circumstances. Let's see what they say. At the ambition part. Yeah, they don't discuss that because I'm totally against having ambitions for your kids now. Expectations that you will work hard at whatever the hell it is you want. That at certain time you're going to have a job and you're going to be paying for this, that and the other thing. I expect you to either go to college or figure out a trade. These kinds of ambitions that you have, expectations that they will be a functional human being, a functional adult. That ambition I support a specific job or career. No. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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