A Broken Family Agreement

Summary

Podcast Summary: “A Broken Family Agreement”

The Dr. Laura Podcast with Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: May 9, 2026
Episode Theme:
This episode centers on the emotional and practical challenges of long-term, non-marital relationships, specifically when intimate and relational expectations are no longer met. Dr. Laura speaks with Maria, a woman grappling with the end of sexual intimacy in her 18-year relationship, exploring commitment, self-worth, and the choices available when relationship agreements break down.

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Main Discussion Points

1. Challenging the “Fiancé” Narrative

• [02:24] Dr. Laura disrupts Maria’s description:
  Maria refers to her partner of 18 years as her “fiancé.”
  • Dr. Laura:
    • “There is no such thing as a fiancé for 18 years. Fiance's are for 2 years, year and a half, something like that… 18 years is a phony connection between two people that has no true profound meaning in the universe. They just are neurotically attached to each other.”
• Tone: Direct, somewhat provocative.

2. The Problem: End of Sexual Intimacy

• [02:57] Maria shares:
  • Her partner stopped having sex with her 3 years ago.
• Dr. Laura responds:
  • She clarifies there’s no obligation for her partner to provide sex in this informal connection.

3. Options and Honest Appraisal

• [03:50] Dr. Laura bluntly advises:
  • “Get a vibrator, find a new boyfriend.”
  • She suggests that, absent marriage or a deeper commitment, a partner not satisfying your needs is cause to leave.

4. Dr. Laura on Real Commitment vs Prolonging the Inevitable

• [04:08] Dr. Laura discusses:
  • The difference between being legally, emotionally bound (marriage) and coasting in a casual, indefinite partnership:
    • “When people love each other and are committed in a beautiful relationship… one or the other has any kind of physical or emotional problems, there’s no thought of pouting… But when you're just hanging, it's annoying when they don't give you everything you want.”
  • Implication: Without vows, frustrations take on a different meaning.

5. Maria’s Perspective and the Issue of Physical Health

• [07:41] Maria’s expectation:
  • She hoped her partner would “come around”–was disappointed he wouldn’t even try to please her.
• [08:19] Dr. Laura raises sexual health candidly:
  • Asks if he has erectile dysfunction, whether he’d see a doctor.
• [08:29] Maria confirms:
  • Yes, and he refuses to seek medical help due to embarrassment.
• [08:38] Dr. Laura quips:
  • “Well, you got to get yourself a guy like in his 30s or 40s, clearly, right?”

6. The Moral Boundaries in Non-Marriage

• [08:59] Maria wonders:
  • “I asked him if he would be okay with me going to have sex with somebody else, and he said no.”
• [09:05] Dr. Laura:
  • “Well, it doesn’t matter if he would like it. You have no vows with him. You can do whatever you’d like.”

7. The Real Issue: Taking Action or Staying Stuck

• [09:22] Dr. Laura reframes:
  • “He is not going to do anything about his impotency. So you have to enjoy living with him without intercourse or…come up with some other plan…People who don’t want to come up with another plan don’t really want to change anything in their lives…So they stay and complain, hoping that a miracle will happen.”
• Advice: Make a decision–stay as is, get a vibrator, or leave.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [02:24] Dr. Laura:
  • “There is no such thing as a fiancé for 18 years…just say I've been in a relationship with this guy for 18 years pretending I'm getting married.”
• [03:50] Dr. Laura (on Maria’s options):
  • “Get a vibrator, Find a new boyfriend.”
• [04:08] Dr. Laura:
  • “When people love each other…there is only how can I help?… But when you're just hanging, it's annoying when they don't give you everything you want.”
• [09:05] Dr. Laura:
  • “It doesn’t matter if he would like it. You have no vows with him. You can do whatever you’d like.”
• [11:02] Dr. Laura, correcting Maria on ‘worth’:
  • “Oh, it has nothing to do with what you're worth. Don't. Don't slop that around. This has nothing to do with your worth.”
• [11:18] Dr. Laura’s “Plan B” proposal:
  • “So I suggest before you make up your mind, get a vibrator… Spend a month with your toys and see if that's enough that you don't want to lose him.”

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Key Timestamps

• [02:01] – Maria, the caller, introduces her situation.
• [02:24] – Dr. Laura challenges the “fiancé” title; reframes Maria’s situation.
• [02:57] – Maria explains intimacy loss; Dr. Laura clarifies relationship context.
• [03:50] – Dr. Laura: “Get a vibrator, find a new boyfriend.”
• [04:08] – Dr. Laura elaborates on differences between marriage and casual relationships.
• [08:19–08:44] – Discussion about erectile dysfunction, doctor's visit, and embarrassment.
• [08:59] – Maria asks about open relationship; Dr. Laura asserts Maria’s freedom due to lack of vows.
• [09:22] – Dr. Laura’s major insight: Take responsibility, don’t wait for miracles.
• [11:02] – Dr. Laura: “Don't slop that around. This has nothing to do with your worth.”
• [11:18–12:03] – “Experiment with a vibrator” advice, Maria considers her next steps.

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Tone & Takeaway

Tone:
Frank, direct, and no-nonsense, characteristic of Dr. Laura. She is unsentimental about relationship inertia and bluntly separates the issues of commitment, sexual fulfillment, and self-worth.

Takeaway:
Long-term stagnant relationships without formal commitment may leave partners powerless to negotiate for their needs. Dr. Laura underscores the importance of making clear choices: accept the status quo, leave, or find an alternative for physical fulfillment—but cautions against wallowing in indecision.

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Summary for Non-Listeners

This episode’s call is emblematic of Dr. Laura’s approach: She cuts through years of relational ambiguity for Maria, urging action over passivity. The enduring “fiancé” status is called out as avoidance, not romance. Dr. Laura emphasizes that, absent a marital vow, either party is free to recalculate when needs aren’t met. Maria is faced with a choice: find satisfaction elsewhere (be it a new man or a vibrator), accept her partner’s limitations, or continue hoping for an unlikely change. Dr. Laura’s message? Take agency; don’t wait for miracles.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

As people age, it's normal to ask what more they could be doing to take care of their health. It's important to be proactive, especially when it comes to your brain health. Don't wait for something to feel off before taking action. Make your next checkup count. Ask your doctor about your risk factors for dementia and a cognitive assessment. Visit brainhealthmatters.com for more information and resources provided by Lilly if you listen to my program, you know I'm a firm believer in watching movies that tell stories that matter. So when I found a streaming service centered on that very idea, I had to tell you about it. Angel is a streaming platform built around values like courage, faith, family. They offer a strong range of options like Solo Mio with Kevin James, a fun choice for date night. David, beautifully animated musical that families can enjoy. And Cabrini, the riveting story of Mother Cabrini and the triumph she overcame in establishing orphanages in New York. Great story. What makes angel different is their members help decide what gets released. No gatekeepers, just people supporting the stories they want to see. Right now, angel is having a Mother's day sale with 40% off their premium membership. As an angel premium member, you can go ad free and even get two tickets to every upcoming release in theaters. Join angel today. Go to angel.comdrlaura that's angel.comdrlaura for 40% off Mother's Day sale. Thanks for listening to my call of the day brought to you by my new sponsor, Chapter. Chapter compares every Medicare plan nationwide. Helps you find the one that fits. Get your answer with one free call to Chapter. Go to AskChapter.org today to get the clarity you deserve. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24, [e-mail] Maria, welcome to the program.

[Caller Maria]

Hello, how are you? Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Let me check. Pretty good, thank you. How can I help you?

[Caller Maria]

Well, thank you for taking my call today. I was calling in regarding a fault problem that I'm having. Well, it's actually sort of big. But my fiance of 18 years.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, you need to stop right there. There is no such thing as a fiance for 18 years. Fiance's are for 2 years, year and a half, something like that. Because the wedding is planned. 18 years is a phony connection between two people that has no true profound meaning in the universe. They just are neurotically attached to each other. Oh, she used the bad word. So just say I've been in a relationship with this guy for 18 years pretending I'm getting married.

[Caller Maria]

Okay, so I've been in a relationship with this guy for 18 years pretending we're going to get married. We never have. About three years ago, he stopped having sex with me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, how old are you both now? He's not required to have sex with you. It's not a requirement. You're just the girlfriend. Geez. How old are you? And how old is. How old are you both?

[Caller Maria]

54 and he's 62.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, so you started doing this ridiculous thing when you were 36. Okay, it doesn't matter if he doesn't want to have sex. He doesn't want to have sex. Accept it.

[Caller Maria]

So what do I do?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't know. Get a vibrator, Find a new boyfriend.

[Caller Maria]

Find a new boyfriend. Right, Right. Because why should I. Why should I stay there

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

if you're not getting any? Absolutely.

[Caller Maria]

I'm not getting it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

If you're not getting any, get out of D. Absolutely. Because after all, that's all it was worth. See, now when people love each other and are committed in a beautiful relationship, marriage, commitment with sacred vows, and one or the other has any kind of physical or emotional problems, there's no thought of pouting. There is only how can I help? And all the ways we have been to each other for all these years that this is a small thing to miss. For all the beauty we've developed with family and friends and experiences and highs and lows. But when you're just hanging, it's annoying when they don't give you everything you want. I get that. So what's your plan? As people age, it's normal to ask what more they could be doing to take care of their health. It's important to be proactive, especially when it comes to your brain health. Don't wait for something to feel off before taking action. Make your next checkup count. Ask your doctor about your risk factors for dementia and a cognitive assessment. Visit brainhealthmatters.com for more information and resources provided by Lilly. Life doesn't have to be so complicated. Walmart helps you simplify. They're your one stop shop for daily essentials like groceries, snacks, school supplies and thanks to Walmart Pharmacy. You can count on them for your prescription needs too. Use the Walmart app to easily manage your family's medications and save time while by getting prescriptions delivered right to your door. Switch your prescriptions to Walmart Pharmacy delivery not available for all prescriptions and exclusions apply. This episode of the Dr. Laura podcast is brought to you by Alloy Health. Use the promo code DRLAURA for $20 off your first order at myalloy.com Many marriages hit the rocks when a woman's hormones start getting out of whack. Brain fog, sleep issues, changes in hair, skin and sex drive are all connected to your Hormones. Join the 95% of women who feel better in just two weeks. Go to myalloi.com, use the code DrLora.

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[Caller Maria]

My plant. Well, I thought that he would come around and at least please his significant other just because he doesn't feel like doing that, but he won't even do that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So what's your plan?

[Caller Maria]

My plan is. I don't know yet. I've been dealing with it now for three years.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, what are the options that you have considered?

[Caller Maria]

I've. I've asked him to leave and he says I'm. I'm so faithful, why do you want to get rid of me? He's faithful or whatever it is.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Does he have a problem getting it up and keeping it up? Ma'? Am. This is hilarious conversation, by the way. Does he have a problem giving getting it up or keeping it up? Have you noticed that was happening?

[Caller Maria]

Yes. Yes. And I asked him if he would go to the doctor and he said he's too embarrassed to go to the doctor. And I said it happens with men over 60, from what I've been reading.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, you got to get yourself a guy like in his 30s or 40s, clearly, right?

[Caller Maria]

Well, he's embarrassed to go to the doctor. I said it's more embarrassing for you to sit here and tell me that you can't get it up and you're embarrassed to go the doctor.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, that's his choice. So what's your choice?

[Caller Maria]

I don't. I asked him if he would be okay with me going to have sex with somebody else, and he said no.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, it doesn't matter if he would like it. You have no vows with him. You can do whatever you'd like.

[Caller Maria]

Right. And I'm not ready to give up having intercourse.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

[Caller Maria]

So I need to make a plan. Huh?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I think you've made it plain, but the ball is in your court. He is not going to do anything about his impotency. And so you have to enjoy living with him without intercourse or without any kind of sensuality, since he doesn't want to do that either. You either live like this or you come up with some other plan. Now, people who don't want to come up with another plan don't really want to change anything in their lives. They're not invested enough in their own lives to make something be different. So they stay and complain, hoping that a miracle will happen. A miracle will happen. I had somebody say that to me yesterday, and I said, don't, don't, don't. Don't give me this miracle crap. Well, then this is your life if you leave everything else as it is. So you have to decide if there are enough wonderful things about him that you're willing to put up with no intercourse and get yourself a vibrator.

[Caller Maria]

Thank you very much for your time. And I'm going to make my decision.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

[Caller Maria]

I think I'll. I'm gonna have to wait. I'm gonna have to think on that a minute. Can I call you back and let you know my answer?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What is it you're thinking about? Just let me know what you're thinking about.

[Caller Maria]

Well, do I want. Do I want to try out the vibrator option and see if there is that many good things about him that I want to say and just use a vibrator, or am I. Am I worth more than what I'm getting now?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, it has nothing to do with what you're worth. Don't. Don't slop that around. This has nothing to do with your worth.

[Caller Maria]

Well, I mean, he's not really. Okay, that was the wrong choice of words, but totally.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

He's not interested anymore in sex he doesn't want to get fixed. That's out. If there are other things about him that draw you to keep there between now and dead, then get a vibrator. So I suggest before you make up your mind, get a vibrator Go on Amazon. Get something pretty, some color you like. They have basic vibrators and kinky things. Yeah. So you can invest in that. Spend a month with your toys and see if that's enough that you don't want to lose him.

[Caller Maria]

Yes. Thank you for that. Thank you for your time today and you're very welcome. I'm going to take your advice.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Excellent. My number, 1, 800-3dan, wants me to offer a prompt for you to call by saying, are you stuck between using a vibrator or losing your man? Call me. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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