A Handful of Ways to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: "A Handful of Ways to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship"

Date: March 6, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger

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Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger breaks down the subtle and not-so-subtle ways people unknowingly sabotage their friendships and relationships. Drawing from personal experience, listener stories, and her practical, no-nonsense style, Dr. Laura offers actionable advice on maintaining healthy connections and calls out common pitfalls to avoid. Whether it’s ignoring a friend’s needs, failing to apologize, or being overly possessive, each behavior is dissected for its impact on the fabric of human connection.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Disrespecting Others’ Time

• Tardiness & Flakiness:
  • Being consistently late or canceling plans at the last minute signals unreliability.
    • Quote: “It’s inconsiderate and it shows. You’re unreliable. And who wants to be friends with that?” (01:15)
  • Dr. Laura underscores the importance of respecting other people’s time as foundational to trust in any relationship.

2. Failing to Show Up When Needed

• Physical Presence vs. Emotional Support:
  • Recognizes that sometimes it’s not possible to be there in person; however, small gestures (texts, calls, emails, thoughtful gifts) go a long way.
  • Memorable Moment: Dr. Laura shares her way of sending a “virtual hug” to a grieving friend.
    • Quote: “I’m hugging you right now. You’re taller than me, so I’m standing on something. Hug. Hug.” (02:15)
  • The act of reaching out, even if only virtually, helps reinforce bonds.

3. Self-Absorption in Conversation

• Listening vs. Talking:
  • Conversations easily become self-centered, especially when someone really needs to be heard.
  • Dr. Laura advocates for staying “buttoned up” and listening actively when friends are expressing themselves.
    • Quote: “Make it a point to be buttoned up during most of a conversation, listening instead of talking when they clearly need to express themselves.” (03:00)

4. Lack of Gratitude

• Thankfulness Matters:
  • Always thank friends for what they do; taking people for granted is corrosive.
    • Quote: “Be sure to take a moment and thank them. Express gratitude for their support and how they have made your life better. Other words, the friendship is not going to last.” (03:36)

5. Difficulty Apologizing / Ego Issues

• The Simplicity (and Power) of an Apology:
  • Dr. Laura expresses bemusement at advice columns insisting apologies are difficult.
  • She stresses that taking responsibility and apologizing is not only easy but also liberating.
    • Quote: “Quite frankly, I always have thought apologizing is so easy. Honestly, it’s so easy you get grumpy for a moment, you say sorry, da da da.” (04:08)
  • Proper Apology Example:
    • “Once you just say I’m sorry that I tore the toilet paper. I don’t care what it is, just say what it is that you’re apologizing for. No excuses.” (08:40)
    • A real apology is not: “I’m sorry if you’re upset.” That shifts blame and shows arrogance.

6. Poor Communication / Letting Relationships Languish

• Staying in Touch:
  • Friendships require upkeep—even if it’s just a text or call now and then.
  • Dr. Laura shares that even friends she sees rarely still connect, and it’s the intention that counts.
    • Quote: “You got work, you got relationships, you got family. So it can be difficult to stay on top of a relationship... But yeah, there’s no reason good friends should lack communication for long periods of time.” (09:35)

7. Withholding Celebration of Others’ Milestones

• Celebrating Successes:
  • Neglecting to celebrate a friend’s achievements, no matter how small, can stem from envy and breeds resentment.
    • Quote: “If you’re a friend, you celebrate the other person’s milestones. Large or teeny.” (11:05)

8. Betraying Trust / Sharing Secrets

• Gossip as Relationship Poison:
  • Sharing a friend’s confidences for gossip is an easy way to lose trust and the friendship.

9. Clinginess, Neediness, and Possessiveness

• Healthy Boundaries:
  • Being overly needy or jealous of other friends is toxic.
    • Quote: “There shall be no friends before me... But it’s not the Ten Commandments of friendship.” (12:10)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Virtual Comfort:
  • “I said, I’m hugging you right now. You’re taller than me, so I’m standing on something. Hug. Hug.” (02:15)
• On Apologizing:
  • “Once you just say I’m sorry that I tore the toilet paper... No excuses.” (08:40)
  • “A real apology is not: 'I’m sorry if you’re upset that I tore up the toilet paper.' It’s not an apology, it’s arrogance.” (08:48)
• On Celebrating Friends:
  • “If you want to lose a friend and be a crappy friend, you can tell secrets of a friend to other people.” (11:19)
• On Possessiveness:
  • “There shall be no friends before me. If you have any other friends, they can’t be before me. That’s part of the Ten Commandments. But it’s not a Ten Commandments of friendship. Okay, that’s to do with God. Yeah. Not the same thing.” (12:10)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Getting to the core list of relationship “ruiners” – 00:45
• Respecting time & reliability – 01:10
• Being emotionally present for others – 02:00
• Listening vs. dominating conversation – 03:00
• Thankfulness & appreciation – 03:36
• On apologizing & ego – 04:08
• Real apology vs. fake apology – 08:40
• Staying in touch / remote friendships – 09:35
• Celebrating milestones / Envy – 11:05
• Betrayal: Sharing secrets – 11:19
• Clinginess, neediness, possessiveness – 12:10

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Conclusion

Dr. Laura’s energetic, candid approach delivers a clear message: Friendships and relationships require respect, communication, gratitude, and healthy boundaries. The “handful of ways” she outlines serve as both warnings and invitations to reflect on our own roles as friends and partners. Each insight—and the personal stories she weaves in—offer listeners practical steps to safeguard their most valued connections.

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Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

thank you for listening to my morning monologue brought to you by Golden Crest Medals, Helping everyday investors protect what they've worked so hard to build by adding gold and silver to retirement portfolios. Learn [e-mail] Protect Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] I'm going to teach you how you can ruin a perfectly good relationship. And then you will be good at it. What is that? Reverse psychology? Okay, going to give you a handful of ways you can ruin a perfectly good friendship. 1. Disrespect their time late all the time, or flaking on plans at the last minute. Yeah, that happens more than one time. You're toast. You should be toast. My theory is you should be toast. It's inconsiderate and it shows. You're unreliable. And who wants to be friends with that? Failing to show up when somebody needs you. Now, you can't always show up in person. I get that. I have that problem too. My Sometimes I have one friend 3,000 miles away. I can't show up. But I can text. I can call, I can email. I can send a gift. I can do something that shows when they need me, I'm there. It's not always physically practical to show up for physical hugs and comfort, although I think that's the number one way to show up. But you can't always do that. Person I care about a lot just lost her husband. I did talk to her the day after at great length. This just happened this week. And last night I left an email hug, not a emoji thingy. I said, I'm hugging you right now. You're taller than me, so I'm standing on something. Hug. Hug. Because when somebody's suffering through something, they are suffering through something can't change that path, but you can sorta give them hugs and tell them you're thinking of them and you're concerned. Do it. You don't do it. You're not a friend. The hell who needs you then? Generally, people like to talk about themselves and conversations can quickly turn selfish when they really just need to be listened to. So make it a point to be buttoned up during most of a conversation, listening instead of talking when they clearly need to express themselves. Words of encouragement now and then, but listen, don't take it over. Another way to ruin a perfectly good relationship with a good person is when they do something for you. You don't thank them. No matter what your friend has done for you. Be sure to take a moment and thank them. Express gratitude for their support and how they have made your life better. Other words, the friendship is not going to last. You have to show appreciation for the efforts they've made to be a good friend. A lot of times when you read essays about apologizing, they always start with Apologizing isn't easy and I've never understood that. Quite frankly, I always have thought apologizing is so easy. Honestly, it's so easy you get grumpy for a moment, you say sorry, da da da. You say sorry. I don't understand why people have a hard time with that ego gratification. You always have to be superior on top or correct. Give that a break. I don't think it should take great strength to admit your mistakes or being incorrect or doing something not so great. Life doesn't have to be so complicated. Walmart helps you simplify. They're your one stop shop for daily essentials like groceries, snacks, school supplies and thanks to Walmart Pharmacy. You can count on them for your prescription needs too. Use the Walmart app to easily manage your family's medications and save time by getting prescriptions delivered right to your door. Switch your prescriptions to Walmart Pharmacy delivery not available for all prescriptions and exclusions apply.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Once you just say I'm sorry that I tore the toilet paper. I don't care what it is, just say what it is that you're apologizing for. No excuses. Just I'm sorry I tore up your toilet paper. That's a real apology. I'm sorry if you're upset that I tore up the toilet paper. It's not an apology, it's arrogance. If you're upset about something like that, okay, then I'll say I'm sorry. But really, you're an ass for being upset about me tearing up your toilet paper. So that's it. I don't want to discuss this. I just find saying sorry relatively relieving if you can say, I'm sorry, it's a relief attached to the person saying it, you're taking responsibility. And then everybody's likely going to let it go as opposed to growing. So own up to your errors. Small, medium or large. Not communicating. A true bond between people continues to flourish when you make calls, visit, send texts, even when face to face communication is impossible. Everybody gets busy. You got work, you got relationships, you got family. So it can be difficult to stay on top of a relationship. But yeah, there's no reason good friends should lack communication for long periods of time. As I've said, I have a dear friend who lives in Boston. We haven't physically seen each other in 15 years. Could be more. She's better at remembering specifics. I'm not. I really suck at that. It's not one of my best characteristics. I can't remember a time in the old days when I would permit interviews from magazines and stuff like that. They would say, well, in what year did you do this? In what year did you do that? And I go, I have no idea. I got people who keep records. I don't spend any time remembering that sort of stuff. It's not how my brain works. And we will call each other. Sorry I haven't called before. It doesn't matter. You're calling now. We go back and forth with that. I had fun doing something for her. I said, so send me a picture of you and your lady friend. So she texts me a picture of her and her lady friend, and I blow it up and get this incredibly gorgeous frame, wrap it up, send it back to her. That's what friends do for each other. It's not rocket science. One of the small ways to ruin a friendship. I don't think it's a small way. I hate that I said that. Large way people hurt a relationship is they don't celebrate milestones and the other person's success. Maybe there's envy. I think most of it is probably envy. They finish a course in something they got a little part time. Whatever, whatever it is, they're considering it a success in their lives and some kind of milestone. No matter how teeny it may seem to you, if you're a friend, you celebrate the other person's milestones. If you want to lose a friend and be a crappy friend, you can tell secrets of a friend to other people. That's another good one, to lose a friend. You told them about such and such. Oh, God. You know, people love to have gossip. It makes them superior and important and the focal point of attention. Last but not least, good way to lose a friendship is to be clingy, overly needy and clingy and possessive. There shall be no friends before me. If you have any other friends, they can't be before me. That's part of the Ten Commandments. But it's not a Ten Commandments of friendship. Okay, that's to do with God. Yeah. Not the same thing. All right, so that was a good quick lesson on how to lose a friendship. My number 1-800-375-2872 if you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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Catch the red eye or take the

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

6am Make a new hire or promote

[USAA/Chase Business Advertiser]

internal Celebrate a win with the toast at the gate or unwind at the lounge.

[Lowe's Advertiser]

Big props to this team.

[USAA/Chase Business Advertiser]

Some decisions are a win win, like earning eight times points on Chase Travel. Chase Sapphire Reserved for business the business card that gives back all you put in. Visit chase.com ReserveBusiness to learn more. Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase bank any member of the IC subject to credit approval terms apply.