A Mother's Concern

Summary

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The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: A Mother's Concern (July 20, 2026)

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Main Callers: Renee (mother) & Rhonda (daughter, 31)

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a deeply personal call from a mother (Renee) and her adult daughter (Rhonda), who is living with diagnosed mental health conditions. The primary issue: Rhonda, despite recent risky behavior and ongoing struggles, wants to relocate across the country to be with a man she met online—someone also coping with addiction issues. Renee seeks advice on respecting her daughter’s autonomy while protecting her from potential harm. Dr. Laura guides them through a candid, tough-love discussion about self-worth, independence, and making wise decisions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller Context: Dual Perspectives on a Risky Move

• [02:15] Renee, the mother, expresses her concern: Rhonda has attempted a cross-country move previously, returning home after realizing she was unprepared. Rhonda now wants to repeat this with someone she met online who is currently completing a sober-living program.
• [02:36] Rhonda shares her side: While waiting for a disability hearing, she admits her desire to be with her online partner but acknowledges her vulnerabilities.

Renee [02:36]: “We love her and want to respect her independence, but we are deeply concerned that she's vulnerable to exploitation and may not appreciate the risk she's taking.”

2. Rhonda’s Mental Health and Life Situation

• [03:57] Rhonda lists her conditions: Tourette’s, bipolar disorder, ADHD, learning disabilities, and dissociative identity disorder (DID).
• [04:39] She credits her educational achievements (graduating community college) to strong parental and tutor support.
• [05:07] Rhonda describes the challenges of her conditions, particularly how Tourette’s impacts her energy and ability to work.

Rhonda [05:07]: “With the Tourette's, it makes me really tired... I fall asleep all the time, so I can't really hold down a job.”

3. Dr. Laura’s Approach: Encouraging Realism and Self-Respect

• [04:54, 05:54] Dr. Laura probes Rhonda’s emotional perspective, emphasizing the resilience required to manage multiple diagnoses.
• [06:12] She highlights the problematic dynamic of forming bonds with people who have their own severe issues, such as substance abuse.

Dr. Laura [06:14]: “You have worked so damn hard. Don't freaking waste it... A guy who can help you through all this is not a guy who has his own drinking or drug problem.”

4. Parental Dilemma: Balancing Guidance with Autonomy

• [09:24] Dr. Laura addresses the difficulty parents face watching their adult children make risky choices, especially when previous support has been extensive.
• [10:10] She advises Rhonda to trust her parents' wisdom and motives, as they have continually supported her.

Dr. Laura [10:10]: “Relying on them when they have been there helping you for 31 years, they know you better than anybody... grasp how they're trying to protect you as though you were a little kid. I know it's awful.”

5. Drawing a Distinction Between Victimhood and Agency

• [11:09] Dr. Laura distinguishes between life circumstances outside Rhonda’s control (her disabilities) and willful poor choices (the partner’s addiction and risky behavior).
• [12:23] She reassures Rhonda of her intelligence and agency, affirming that succumbing to a bad decision isn’t an outcome of her illnesses but a disengagement from her own hard-won self-respect.

Dr. Laura [12:23]: “Guy who behaves like him is not one you're going to be able to count on for the rest of your life. And all those problems you have don't make you stupid. You hear me?”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Self-Respect and Vigilance

• Dr. Laura [06:14]: “You have worked so damn hard. Don't freaking waste it...”
• Dr. Laura [09:24]: “It's like kicking yourself in the ass after you've done all of this. Don't throw it away.”

On Parental Support and Protection

• Dr. Laura [10:10]: “They love you more than anybody else does, and they're wise... grasp how they're trying to protect you as though you were a little kid. I know it's awful.”

On the Nature of Supportive Relationships

• Dr. Laura [06:43]: “A guy who can help you... is not a guy who has his own drinking or drug problem.”

On Distinguishing Circumstance from Choice

• Dr. Laura [11:19]: “Anybody who uses drugs or drinks or... who likes you to drive across the country to meet them... these are bad things they're doing on purpose. What you're struggling with, you didn't ask for...”

On Rhonda’s Perceptions

• Dr. Laura [12:23]: “All those problems you have don't make you stupid... If you're going to do something stupid, it isn't because of your illnesses. It's because you're letting yourself go from all the hard work and respect that you gave yourself.”

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Important Timestamps

• [02:07] Call begins: Introductions and mothers' concern
• [03:54] Rhonda lists her diagnoses
• [04:16 – 04:39] Rhonda details her educational background and parental support
• [05:07] Rhonda describes day-to-day impact of her conditions
• [06:12] Dr. Laura challenges the wisdom of the proposed relationship
• [09:15 – 10:10] Dr. Laura talks parental burden and reliance
• [11:09] Dr. Laura differentiates life circumstances from willful behavior
• [12:23] Emphasis on self-respect and decision-making

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Conclusion

In this heartfelt episode, Dr. Laura offers straight talk on the boundaries between supporting adult children and respecting their independence, especially when mental health complicates decision-making. Through the lens of Renee and Rhonda’s situation, she underscores the significance of self-respect, the value of parental wisdom, and the dangers of seeking fulfillment in risky, codependent relationships. Listeners come away with a poignant reminder: Real love sometimes means saying “don’t do it,” and self-respect means preserving one’s hard-won progress—not jeopardizing it for unhealthy attachments.

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Transcript

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The mom is Renee. Rhonda's the daughter. Daughter's 31. How can I help you folks and welcome to the program.

[Rhonda]

Great. Thank you. We both have a question. Kind of similar question, but one from my perspective and one from Rhonda's perspective. So can we both ask our question and your answer should probably help? Sure.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi Rhonda.

[Rhonda]

Hi. I'm going to go first. So my adult daughter has been diagnosed with some mental health conditions that affect her judgment and decision making. Six months ago she left our home without telling us, traveled across the country to meet someone she knew only online. She had no money, she didn't have any housing and eventually returned home with our help to complete her disability application. Despite these experiences, she now wants to repeat the same move as soon as her friend completes a sober living program. We love her and want to respect her independence, but we are deeply concerned that she's vulnerable to exploitation and may not appreciate the risk she's taking. How do we, as her parents, protect our. Our daughter and respect her autonomy? So I'm going to let Kelly ask. That's not my name. Rhonda. From her. You don't know your own kid's name? Go ahead. All right, Dr. Laura. I'm living with my parents and I'm currently waiting for my disability hearing next month. Six months ago.

[Dr. Laura]

What is this disability?

[Rhonda]

So I have Tourette's, bipolar, adhd, and did.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm sorry, what's the last one?

[Rhonda]

There's some learning disabilities. There's some learning disabilities.

[Renee]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Did you finish high school?

[Rhonda]

Yes, I did.

[Dr. Laura]

Did you go to college?

[Rhonda]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Did you graduate college?

[Rhonda]

I graduated community college. Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

How does one do that if you can't learn?

[Rhonda]

With a lot of support. A lot of support from my parents and my tutors.

[Dr. Laura]

Got it. So it's like rehab. You break your leg and you're a runner, so you get rehab. So you learn how to use your leg again. So you're working on making sure you use your mind as best as possible.

[Rhonda]

Right, right, right.

[Dr. Laura]

What does it feel like, ma'?

[Renee]

Am?

[Dr. Laura]

What does it feel like to have all those diagnoses? What's that like?

[Rhonda]

It's kind of a struggle because with the Tourette's, it makes me really tired. After. After I have a tic and I fall asleep at. I fall asleep all the time, so I can't really hold down a job. So that's a problem.

[Dr. Laura]

You're not having any treatment in particular for the Tourette's?

[Rhonda]

I did. I just finished CBIT training.

[Dr. Laura]

And still you have these problems?

[Rhonda]

The ticks have died down a little bit, but they still come and go.

[Dr. Laura]

But my question was different. You gave me a list of like 8,200 things that are wrong with you. What's that? Like, how does that make you feel about yourself?

[Rhonda]

I work through it. I don't really have any, like self esteem issues with that. It just makes me feel like I have to work harder.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. And picking up with some guy who has his own problems, does that sound smart?

[Rhonda]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. You have worked so damn hard.

Don't freaking waste it. I understand. A woman in your position, it's not

going to be easy to find a

guy who understands all this and can contend with it. I grant you that's not easy, but that's not an excuse for making a decision about that's not a good idea. Because a guy who can help you through all this is not a guy who has his own drinking or drug

problem or school problem or work problem.

That's not the kind of guy who can help you.

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[Rhonda]

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[Dr. Laura]

Courage.

[Rhonda]

I learned it from my adoptive mom.

[Renee]

Hold my hand. You hold my hand. Learn about adopting a teen from foster [e-mail] you can't imagine the reward brought to you by Adopt Us Kids, the U.S. department of Health and Human Services, and the Ag Council.

[Dr. Laura]

So you've worked so hard. I hate to see you throw it away for this romantic fantasy.

[Rhonda]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

It's like kicking yourself in the ass after you've done all of this. Don't throw it away. And your parents are here in the awful position of they realize you're an adult and you need to make all these decisions. And on the other hand, when they see you looking down the barrel of a shotgun, they want to alarm you. So they're in an awful position, which could make you be very annoyed with them from time to time. But actually, they're a good source of. Mom, dad, am I doing something stupid? Because I emotionally want it to be. And they'll say, yeah. So relying on them when they have been there helping you for 31 years, they know you better than anybody. They love you more than anybody else does, and they're wise. So if you're of the mindset that you don't want to waste everything you've done, Grasp how they're trying to protect you as though you were a little kid. I know it's awful. But guys with all these problems are not going to make you happy in the long run because they can't be there for you.

[Rhonda]

Okay? Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

One more thing. Your problems happened to you. Anybody who uses drugs or drinks or goes to prison or this or that or the other thing, or who likes

you to drive across the country to

meet them, these are bad things they're doing on purpose. What you're struggling with, you didn't ask for and you're not making it worse.

[Rhonda]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

They are doing all those things on purpose.

[Rhonda]

And Dr. Laura, I just want to ask one more thing for her benefit. She thinks she's in love. And this person has now proposed to her and is telling her they're engaged. So this is part of the problem of why she wants to.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, Mom, Mom, Mom. This is what I was talking about to Rhonda. Rhonda, Am I just another annoying person who's keeping you from your fantasy love? Say yes if you think so.

[Rhonda]

I don't know.

[Dr. Laura]

Guy who behaves like him is not one you're going to be able to count on for the rest of your life. And all those problems you have don't make you stupid. You hear me?

[Rhonda]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

If you're going to do something stupid, it isn't because of your illnesses. It's because you're letting yourself go from all the hard work and respect that you gave yourself. Anyway, I hope you will make the right decisions keeping in mind you are not stupid. 1-800-375-2872 if you like this podcast, be

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[Dr. Laura]

Courage.

[Rhonda]

I learned it from my adoptive mom.

[Renee]

Hold my hand. You hold my hand. Learn about adopting a team from foster [e-mail] you can't imagine the reward brought to you by Adopt Us Kids, the U.S. department of Health and Human Services and the Ad Council.