Am I With the Right Person?

Summary

---

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: "Am I With the Right Person?"
Date: August 6, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest Caller: Madison

---

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura tackles the question: “Am I With the Right Person?” through an in-depth conversation with a caller, Madison. The discussion centers on identifying red flags in relationships, the seriousness of marriage, emotional compatibility, and the importance of making thoughtful decisions—especially when considering a lifetime commitment and future family. Dr. Laura provides her characteristically direct, no-nonsense advice, emphasizing personal standards, stability, and the well-being of future children.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Madison’s Relationship Concerns

• Background: Madison has been with her boyfriend for nearly two years. She takes marriage seriously, does not cohabit before engagement, and wants a lifetime commitment due to her parents' divorce.
• Main Issues:
  1. Social Differences
     • Madison is outgoing; her partner is more socially “awkward.”
     • Dr. Laura notes this is not a decisive issue unless Madison would resent or criticize him for it.
  2. Emotional Withdrawing
     • Madison describes her boyfriend shutting down and canceling plans when in a bad mood (e.g., texting, “I need to be alone”).
     • Dr. Laura immediately highlights this as a critical red flag—emotional instability and withdrawal are problematic for long-term relationships and parenting.

---

Dr. Laura’s Advice and Reasoning

On Social Compatibility

• [03:49] Dr. Laura:

  “That’s not a reason to—or not to—marry. Go on to something that’s significant. He has a different—he’s not as social as you are. So what?”

• The only concern would be if Madison is unable to accept the difference and would become resentful.

On Emotional Withdrawal

• [04:57] Dr. Laura:

  “You’re right. You shouldn’t get engaged. A man who cannot control his emotions and is not a man you can count on for the long haul. You’re absolutely right.”

• Emotional reactivity and shutting out a partner are unacceptable, especially as a foundation for marriage or parenthood.

The “Don’t Count On Change” Warning

• [09:47] Dr. Laura:

  “The answer is yes, part two, don’t count on it, because that’s what you female types do. I’m going to hold out hope here that he will go into the counseling and he will change.”

• Hope for change through therapy should not be the basis of commitment. Only consider engagement if actual, sustained change is observed after a significant period (Dr. Laura recommends a year).

Importance of Protecting Future Children

• [08:52] Dr. Laura:

  “So if you want to be with a man who is not in control of his feelings, get your tubes tied. So no kids are drawn into it. I’m okay with women marrying into whatever the hell they want to marry into. I don’t care. I don’t lose sleep. I lose sleep when it affects children.”

• Dr. Laura returns repeatedly to the well-being of potential children as the ultimate consideration.

Explicit Timetable for Change

• [10:15] Dr. Laura:

  “Take another year. If a year from now, today, he doesn’t do this anymore, take the ring. A year.”

• This advice comes with the recognition that another year of waiting is a small price for lifelong happiness and stability.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura’s tough-love advice:

  “A man who cannot control his emotions and is not a man you can count on for the long haul.” [04:57]

• On waiting for real change:

  “Take another year. If a year from now, today, he doesn’t do this anymore, take the ring.” [10:15]

• On age and perspective:

  • Madison expresses concern about being 32 and feeling “old.”
  • Dr. Laura quips:

    “And you’re talking to somebody who’s 79, so don’t give me old. Okay.” [10:29]

• Prioritizing future children:

  “Think of the kids. Absolutely. Good for you.” [11:03]

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:43] Madison’s Relationship Background and Concerns
• [03:49] Social Compatibility Discussion
• [04:57] Emotional Withdrawal: Dr. Laura’s Immediate Red Flag
• [05:16] On Therapy and Possibility of Change
• [08:52] Dr. Laura’s Warning: Emotional Instability & Having Children
• [09:47] Don’t Count On Change (But Take a Year If You Must)
• [10:15] The One-Year Test
• [10:29] Perspective on Age
• [11:03] Protecting Future Children

---

Summary & Takeaways

Dr. Laura’s firm guidance boils down to this: Do not get engaged or married to someone who displays ongoing emotional withdrawal or instability. While therapy may help, one should only commit after seeing consistent, long-term change, not on the hope it’ll “get better.” Madison is advised to take a year to observe any real transformation before moving forward, and above all, to prioritize the stability and emotional health of any future children.

Listeners are reminded:
Marriage is a lifetime commitment, not just a romantic milestone. Emotional maturity and reliability are non-negotiables, especially when considering raising a family.

---

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

If you're always trying to figure out what to do for date night, angel has you covered. Not just for one night, but for the rest of the year. It starts with the Brink of War coming to theaters August 14th. Starring Jeff Daniels, Jared Harris and J.K. simmons. I love him. This gripping political thriller takes you inside one of the most dangerous moments of the Cold War, when the world stood on the brink of nuclear conflict. Here's the smart part. Becoming a premium Angel Guild member. You'll receive two free tickets to see the Brink of War, access to Angel's entire streaming library, and free tickets to every future angel theatrical release. And if you choose an annual premium membership, use the promo code DATENIGHT. One word and you'll get four months free. Visit angel.com drlaura Use the promo code Date Night and let angel take care of Date Night. Not just your next one, but everyone after that. I've always found it difficult to find a great pair of sunglasses that protect my eyes and look good. And some of my friends struggle finding prescription glasses that they love and fit their face. That's why I love Warby Parker. They've made the entire process so much easier. Their virtual try on is a game changer. You can see how tons of frames look on your face in real time. And with prescription glasses Starting at just $95, you can get stylish quality frames and an affordable price. Warby Parker has everything you need for happier glasses, contacts, online eye exams, sunglasses. Plus over 300 stores across the U.S. if you want to shop in person. I also love their Buy a pair, give a pair program for every pair they sell. They'll also give a pair to someone in need. So right now, buy one pair of glasses. Get 20% off additional [e-mail] DrLaura that's W A R B yparker.com DrLora thanks for listening to my Call of the day brought to you by my sponsor, Native Hydrate. It helps replenish key electrolytes and support muscle recovery, strength and Overall Wellness. Visit nativehydrate.com DrLora Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] Madison welcome to the program.

[Madison]

Hi Dr. Laura. First off, I just want to say you're awesome. I've been listening to you for years. Thank you for having me today.

[Dr. Laura]

You're very welcome. What's going on?

[Madison]

I'm just kind of questioning. I've been questioning my relationship. I've been with this man for close to two years. And he is a wonderful man. I want to point out by saying that. And I take marriage very seriously. We don't live together, not until I have a ring on my finger. And he, he is planning on proposing. We have picked a ring and there's just certain things that, like my parents got divorced. Like I don't, I don't want to get divorced. I want this to be a long term thing. And I do take the, you know, the sacrament of marriage seriously. But there are things that concern me about our relationship and give me a

[Dr. Laura]

list of what those are, please.

[Madison]

So socially, sometimes he, he. I'm trying to put it socially, sometimes he can be awkward. Right. And I am pretty good socially. And I know he likes.

[Dr. Laura]

That's not a reason to. Or not to marry. Go on to something that's significant. He has a different. He's not as social as you are. So what? As long as you're not going to resent that he's less social, if you're going to be bitchy about it and constantly criticize and force him into situations, then you're right, you shouldn't marry him. Other than that, most people are different in that regard. So. Number two.

[Madison]

Number two. Number two, when he had, when he's in a mood or a funk or something, he closes off meaning, like shuts me out as well. And I know that that's something like

[Dr. Laura]

what is shut you out? Actually look like, if I saw it happening, what would I see?

[Madison]

So, for example, we don't live together right now.

[Dr. Laura]

I know that part. Just tell me how it lands if I were to see it.

[Madison]

We have plans to hang out tonight, for example, and I'm anticipating it. We hadn't seen each other all week. I'm excited. And he sends me a text like, I'm not in the red head. I'm not in the right headspace, like I need to be alone.

[Dr. Laura]

You're right, you shouldn't get engaged. You're right, you shouldn't get engaged. A man who cannot control his emotions and is not a man you can count on for the long haul. You're absolutely right.

[Madison]

Okay. He has said that he's going to go to therapy.

[Dr. Laura]

That's very nice that he's going to go to therapy. Okay. I don't care about if he's going into therapy, if he actually will, if he'll stay in the therapy, if he'll get a good therapist, if he'll actually make changes. But right now he is not as a man ought to be in control of his emotions. Having them is one thing. Taking them out on somebody you love is another thing. Yeah, so do not get engaged to a guy who cannot control his emotions, please. Or if you decide you're going to do it anyway, have your tubes tied. Because then I worry about bringing kids in and then in a situation you go, you know, he doesn't talk to me for three, three weeks. He's not talking to the kids. And I'll say we had this conversation a lot of years ago.

[Madison]

Yeah,

[Dr. Laura]

Life doesn't have to be so complicated. Walmart helps you simplify. They're your one stop shop for daily essentials like groceries, snacks, school supplies, and thanks to Walmart Pharmacy, you can count on them for your prescription needs too. Use the Walmart app to easily manage your family's medications and save time by getting prescriptions delivered right to your door. Switch your prescriptions to Walmart Pharmacy Delivery not available for all prescriptions and exclusions apply.

[Range Rover Sport Announcer]

There are moments that define who you are and who you're becoming. And when those moments arrive, what you drive should rise to meet them. The Range Rover Sport commands attention from the very first glance. Every line, every detail engineered for impact. Inside refinement takes over with sculpted 22 way heated seating with available massage and a 13.1 inch touchscreen that puts everything within easy reach. But the Range Rover Sport isn't just about luxury. It's about uncompromised performance, too. Delivering a powerful, agile drive that feels as confident as it looks. And with nearly endless ways to personalize, from interior finishes to wheels to unique colors and accessories, your Range Rover Sport becomes unmistakably yours. For those who expect more from every moment, there's a vehicle designed to meet it. The Range Rover Sport. Exclusive offers available now. Explore further@range rover.com those precious, magical moments

[Dr. Laura]

you'll always cherish at Disney Cruise Line, we cherish them too. Make them magic memories that never leave you. Disney Cruise Line where magic meets the

[SoFi Announcer]

sea this episode is brought to you by SoFi, the all in one finance app to bank, borrow and invest. Say goodbye to account fees and give your bank balance a glow up with a SOFI High Yield Savings account. Get over 8 times the national average savings rate and an epic welcome bonus when you sign up with eligible direct deposit. Sign up at sofi.comsxm Sign SoFi checking and savings offer through SoFi Bank NA member FDIC terms apply with the Discover Cash Back card.

[Discover Card Announcer]

It's payback time when you earn cash back on everyday purchases. Activate and earn 5% cash back at different categories each quarter on up to $1,500 in purchases. That's 5% cash back at different places each quarter. Like grocery stores, on gas and at restaurants, it pays to discover terms apply. See discover.com 5 for details.

[Dr. Laura]

So if you want to be with a man who is not in control of his feelings, get your tubes tied. So no kids are drawn into it. I'm okay with women marrying into whatever the hell they want to marry into. I don't care. I don't lose sleep. I lose sleep when it affects children.

[Madison]

I agree. That was one of my major concerns, is I do want to be a mom and my children's health and safety and.

[SoFi Announcer]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

You can't have a man who can't control his emotions. No. Cancels things because he's in a mood. No. That sounds like when you and I were high school and we had our period.

[Madison]

Yeah. Do you. Can I. Can I ask you, do you think this is something that he could work on that would ever change?

[Dr. Laura]

Don't count on it.

[Madison]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

The answer is yes, part two. Don't count on it, because that's what you female types do. I'm going to hold out hope here that he will go into the counseling and he will change. Take another year. If a year from now, today, he doesn't do this anymore, take the ring. A year.

[Madison]

A year. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

That's a very small investment for the rest of your life, don't you think?

[Madison]

I. I completely agree. I mean, I feel like I'm 32 and I'm old, but I also know that this is the rest of my life, so it's. That's right.

[Dr. Laura]

And you're talking to somebody who's 79, so don't give me old. Okay.

[Madison]

Okay. Yeah, no, I get it. Okay. Well, that. I mean, I think you're completely right. I don't. I don't want to invest in something for the rest of my life if it's not going to be right.

[Dr. Laura]

And very smart of you, dear. Very smart. That's it.

[Madison]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Right. Think of the kids. Absolutely. Good for you. Thank you, Madison. Okay. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform,

[Sirius XM Triumph Announcer]

Sirius xm. Triumph is Life presenting you with challenges? Get real answers with Dr. Laurel. Call 1-800- Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura]

No nonsense advice about relationships, marriage, kids, tough love. It happened is not a phrase anybody uses when they take responsibility.

[Sirius XM Triumph Announcer]

Inspiration.

[Dr. Laura]

Every time you go to bed with a negative thought, you have to match it up with a positive one.

[Sirius XM Triumph Announcer]

That's your new rule, Dr. Laura. Weekdays at 2pm east on Sirius XM Triumph 123 and on the Sirius XM app.

[Stephen Dubner]

Hey there, it's Stephen Dubner, host of Freakonomics Radio. And we have just made a new show, a TV talk show. It's called Better in Person. We have the kind of guests you don't see on every other show and we have the kind of conversations you don't hear anywhere.

[Madison]

Frank. I'm like, yes, chef. Be one with the pork.

[Dr. Laura]

You have the opportunity to make this

[Discover Card Announcer]

little corner of the world into your ideal world, your dream world.

[Stephen Dubner]

You can watch Better In Person on the Freakonomics YouTube channel. You'll find a new episode there every week.

[Sirius XM Triumph Announcer]

This is how a conversation works.

[Chase Sapphire Preferred Announcer]

This year's girls trip to Telluride was the best. We one upped ourselves with my Sapphire Preferred card. And with 5 times points on Chase Travel, plus 3 times points on vacation homes with top brands, we got this incredible cabin.

[SoFi Announcer]

It was a mansion.

[Chase Sapphire Preferred Announcer]

And with three times the points on dining, we ordered a wagyu steak dinner

[SoFi Announcer]

and that pistachio gelato was too good.

[Chase Sapphire Preferred Announcer]

So where should we go next year?

[SoFi Announcer]

I've got ideas.

[Chase Sapphire Preferred Announcer]

Chase, Sapphire Preferred the card that's preferred for a reason. Cards issued by JP Morgan, Chase bank and a member fdic, subject to credit approval terms apply.