Are All the Good Guys Taken?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Episode Title: Are All the Good Guys Taken?
Release Date: July 28, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Are All the Good Guys Taken?" Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a heartfelt and emotional call from a listener named Lara. The episode delves into themes of infidelity, personal responsibility, and the complexities of maintaining a relationship amidst personal and societal challenges.

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Listener's Dilemma

Caller Introduction:
At [00:41], Lara reaches out to Dr. Laura, expressing her distress over discovering her husband's involvement in online cheating websites. At 35 years old, with no children and aspirations of motherhood, Lara finds her life unraveling due to her husband's actions. She reveals that her husband has endured a traumatic childhood marked by emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.

Key Quote:
Dr. Laura responds at [01:31], emphasizing Lara's strength:
"Great choice in a husband. You don't marry out of pity. You marry out of knowing someone who's gonna handle life well."

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Exploring the Relationship Dynamics

Desire for Motherhood vs. Reality:
Lara grapples with the tragic irony of not being pregnant, juxtaposed with her husband's infidelity. She expresses a yearning for motherhood, highlighting the deep personal loss she feels amidst the marital crisis.

Key Quote:
At [01:53], Dr. Laura supports Lara’s predicament:
"I'm glad you didn't get pregnant. Aren't you?"

Decision-Making Under Duress:
Lara contemplates separating from her husband for eight months to assess progress through therapy. Dr. Laura critiques this timeframe, suggesting it’s insufficient to address deep-seated traumas.

Key Quote:
Dr. Laura asserts at [03:07]:
"I think eight months is a ridiculous amount of time to think a person is going to change and deal with all the traumas and problems that they have."

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Self-Reflection and Accountability

Marrying with Awareness:
Dr. Laura challenges Lara on her decision to marry someone with significant "baggage." This prompts Lara to reflect on her initial attraction and the illusion of connection she felt.

Key Quote:
At [03:24], Dr. Laura probes:
"Why did you Marry a guy with so much, quote, baggage."

Realization of Overlooked Issues:
Lara admits to ignoring red flags and acknowledges that her husband displayed concerning behaviors throughout their relationship.

Key Quote:
Dr. Laura confronts her at [04:07]:
"You want to tell me that in all the years of dating you want... there was never any untoward behavior, Never a problem based on his history."

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Understanding the Root Causes

Seeking Connection:
Lara shares that she felt genuinely connected and seen by her husband, which was previously absent in her dating life. This deep connection, however, masked underlying issues that eventually led to betrayal.

Key Quote:
At [05:56], Lara explains:
"What I really want to be is happily married and a mother. That's all I've ever wanted to be."

Dr. Laura's Insight:
She differentiates between who Lara is and who she could be, suggesting that Lara may have lost sight of her own aspirations in the relationship.

Key Quote:
Dr. Laura at [10:50]:
"Who I am and who I could be are two different things, don't you think?"

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Advice and Action Steps

Considering Separation:
Dr. Laura advises Lara to consider tying her tubes if she chooses to stay, to prevent the uncertainty that comes with potential pregnancy amidst marital instability.

Key Quote:
At [13:47], Dr. Laura recommends:
"If you want to give him another chance, tie your tubes. No kids."

Relocating for Better Prospects:
Addressing Lara's concern about finding suitable partners, Dr. Laura suggests moving to a more conservative area to meet like-minded individuals, highlighting that geographic change can significantly impact relationship opportunities.

Key Quote:
Dr. Laura advises at [14:41]:
"It sounds like you need to move. Seriously, there are lovely areas of the country where you can meet people who have thoughts like you."

Taking Practical Steps:
Encouraging Lara to take immediate action, Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of planning for her well-being, including legal and emotional support.

Key Quote:
At [17:05], Dr. Laura concludes:
"So meanwhile, get your purse, get your belongings, get your medicines, get your underwear and go home to your parents and get yourself squared away legally and start making plans."

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Conclusion and Encouragement

Lara expresses gratitude for Dr. Laura's straightforward advice, acknowledging that she needs to make difficult but necessary decisions for her future. Dr. Laura reinforces her support, reminding Lara that mistakes are part of the human experience and that recovery is possible with the right steps.

Key Quote:
At [17:42], Dr. Laura offers reassurance:
"Good. Call me. Anything. Call me anytime. Lara, you're gonna be fine. You already took the steps to be fine."

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Final Thoughts

The episode "Are All the Good Guys Taken?" serves as a candid exploration of personal responsibility in relationships, the impact of past traumas, and the courage required to make life-altering decisions. Dr. Laura's no-nonsense approach provides listeners with practical advice grounded in accountability and self-reflection.

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Connect with Dr. Laura:
For more insights and support, visit DrLaura.com or follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

To my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Lara, welcome to the program.

[Lara]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call. I'm calling Operation. Really appreciate you. I am going through kind of a crisis and I thought I've been listening to you forever and I just needed to call you. So thank you. Okay, so I'm 35 years old. I just found out on Sunday that my husband has been on online cheating websites. I don't have any children and we've been trying to have a baby and I. My life has just blown up and my husband comes from a really traumatic childhood. He was abused as a child emotionally, physically and sexually.

[Dr. Laura]

Great choice in a husband. You don't marry out of pity. You marry out of knowing someone who's gonna handle life well.

[Lara]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm glad you didn't get pregnant. Aren't you?

[Lara]

It feels tragic because I've always just wanted to be a mother, but you're right. Okay. So I just need to move on because he wants to get help and I just wanted to get help and I want to have a life together. But I guess what I want and what reality is not the same thing.

[Dr. Laura]

I'd support you hanging in there while you got help as long as you had your tubes tied and could not get pregnant because you'd be throwing the dice.

[Lara]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

And I don't like when people throw the dice and involve a another little human being into it.

[Lara]

You're right.

[Dr. Laura]

So if you want to stay with him and see how this works out, have your tubes tied.

[Lara]

Do you think that it is outrageous to say we separate for eight months and I see. If you make progress and you go to therapy.

[Dr. Laura]

I think eight months is a ridiculous amount of time to think a person is going to change and deal with all the traumas and problems that they have.

[Lara]

Okay. Eight months isn't. It's not nowhere long enough.

[Dr. Laura]

Eight years.

[Lara]

Okay. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Why did you Marry a guy with so much, quote, baggage.

[Lara]

Why?

[Dr. Laura]

Sympathy?

[Lara]

Why? Okay, I don't want to say I don't know because I know you don't like that. I'm thinking, why?

[Dr. Laura]

Well, who does like that?

[Lara]

I felt very connected to him. I felt very loved. I know he had problems, but we've had a good life together. It just has exploded. It hasn't been.

[Dr. Laura]

You want to tell me that in all the years of dating you want. Okay, so you're presenting this as in all the years of dating and all the years of being married, there was never any untoward behavior, Never a problem based on his history. Never any attitudes, emotions, behaviors, nothing.

[Lara]

You're right. You're right. I'm lying to myself. You're right. There have been. You're right. That's why I called you, because I knew you would just tell me what I know, but I needed to hear it.

[Dr. Laura]

How long have you been married to him? Didn't your parents try to talk you out of it?

[Lara]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

What did you think they were stupid?

[Lara]

I. I felt loved by him. And.

[Dr. Laura]

So that you ignored everything else?

[Lara]

I guess I did.

[Dr. Laura]

Do you come from a very unloving family? I mean, why would you turn your IQ off because he made you feel good?

[Lara]

I guess I just, you know, before I met him, I just was dating people and trying to meet someone and I just didn't feel like I met anyone that I connected with. And then when I met him, I just felt like we understood each other. And.

[Dr. Laura]

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[Narrator]

In store and online journalist Lo Blackluck thinks she's getting the comeback of a lifetime when she's invited to cover the opening of a luxury hotel in the Swiss Alps. The reality is a deadly game of lies, secrets and survival in a life or death chase across Europe. Read the woman in Sweat 11 by Ruth Ware. Today.

[Lara]

I did feel loved and I did feel cared for.

[Dr. Laura]

What did he understand about you?

[Lara]

Okay. Okay. What did he.

[Dr. Laura]

Finally, somebody understood this about you. What's the this?

[Lara]

What is the this? Because I just felt like, seen by him. I felt. I just really felt.

[Dr. Laura]

What was he accepting that you didn't think would ever be accepted by any other man? What was he accepting about you?

[Lara]

I guess. Dr. Laura, I'm just really struggling with that. I don't know why I did that. What was he accepting?

[Dr. Laura]

You're avoiding my question. You're avoiding my question.

[Lara]

Lara, I'm really trying not to. I promise you. I'm really working hard.

[Dr. Laura]

What did he accept about you that you thought nobody would ever accept?

[Lara]

Okay. I feel like I'm a strong. I'm kind of outspoken and I speak my mind and I. And he likes that about me. And he. He praised me for it. And we could. We talked about things we had in common and that we liked. And. And I just felt very seen and. And I just felt like I had really put a lot of effort into dating and I was going on dates and meeting people and talking, and I just didn't feel seen. And what was it that he saw about me? Felt appreciated. For who I. Who. For just for who I am. Who I could be.

[Dr. Laura]

Who I am and who I could be are two different things, don't you think?

[Lara]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Who could you be?

[Lara]

What I really want to be is happily married and a mother. That's all I've ever wanted to be. And that's what I want to be. I guess this is why I just can't be with him. Someone who loves you wouldn't do this to you.

[Dr. Laura]

That's true.

[Lara]

I guess I just felt like there are so many men out there who have porn addictions, already have children from previous marriages. I'm conservative. I prefer to be with Someone who's conservative. And it's just there aren't that many men out there. And so when I met him, I just felt like, okay, finally. And I felt like he can't control that he was abused as a child, but that I shouldn't have tried to fix him.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, I can understand you had a lot of disappointments and you figured, well, maybe this is a fixer upper, and then it'll all be good.

[Lara]

I think I fooled myself into thinking that, oh, hell, you're human.

[Dr. Laura]

It happens.

[Lara]

And you're absolutely right that there have been signs. And I'm not trying to defend him because I know what he did was horrible to me, but he has been loving to me also. And I just think that I let myself just. It's hard to find someone. And right now he's saying to me, I love you the most, and I want to get help. And I know that that's not smart, but that's what my heart wants to do. And I need to do the smart thing.

[Dr. Laura]

If you want to give him another chance, tie your tubes. No kids.

[Lara]

That's not what I want. I've only ever wanted to be a wife and a mother.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay.

[Lara]

I was a really good wife, Dr. Laura. I was a really good wife.

[Dr. Laura]

You know, Lara, it's not easy for anyone to find somebody these days. The world is very different.

[Lara]

It's really hard. So everybody is. I know I'm catastrophizing, but I've met so many men who. You get to know them and then, you know, everybody's watching porn. Everybody's. I live in a very liberal area. Most men are liberal. I just have girlfriends my age who have given up.

[Dr. Laura]

It sounds like you need to move. Seriously, there are lovely areas of the country where you can meet people who have thoughts like you.

[Lara]

Okay, okay. I'm near my family here, but I hear what you're saying. I hear what you're saying. I just really, really royally screwed this up for myself.

[Dr. Laura]

Ah, don't be that hard on yourself. We all make mistakes sometime or other. Come on. What do you have to plan on? Out is what's plan B. And plan B might be to move to a more conservative area where you have people with, like, thinking.

[Lara]

I agree with you. I'm overwhelmed with the thought of having to go deep and weep through all of that. And I feel like many of the good men are taken by good women already.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, there's got to be a few guys listening to you right now going jam. I would like her, but you've got to go where they. If I wanted to start dating right now, first thing I would do is move out of the town I live in. Hardly anybody thinks conservatively here. So that would. That would be a first move. Okay, so I'd be in the same boat. Not kidding. But I'm not interested. 78. I'm good. I'm happy the way I am. All right? That's the truth. So I'm just saying to you, you're not in the right lake.

[Lara]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

So meanwhile, get your purse, get your belongings, get your medicines, get your underwear and go home to your parents and get yourself squared away legally and start making plans. If you don't start making plans, you're just going to go into a ferocious depression would be my guess.

[Lara]

Okay. I've already been over with my. I've been with my mother and.

[Dr. Laura]

Good.

[Lara]

We do have an appointment with a lawyer. I'm just.

[Dr. Laura]

Good.

[Lara]

I'm just.

[Dr. Laura]

And your mother is being supportive. She's not doing the I told you so nonsense, right?

[Lara]

No, no, she's fine.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. Call me. Anything. Call me anytime. Lara, you're gonna be fine. You already took the steps to be fine. But don't punish yourself. Everybody screws up.

[Lara]

Thank you for telling me what I needed to hear.

[Dr. Laura]

My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

[Narrator]

Journalist Lo Glakluck thinks she's getting the comeback of a lifetime when she's invited to cover the opening of a luxury hotel in the Swiss Alps. The reality is a deadly game of lies, secrets and survival in a life or death chase across Europe. Read the Woman in Sweet eleven by Ruth Ware today.