Avoid These Parenting Mistakes

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Avoid These Parenting Mistakes
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: July 12, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger dives into mistakes parents often make, providing no-nonsense advice on how to avoid them and raise healthy, resilient children. Drawing from her decades of clinical experience and personal anecdotes, Dr. Laura addresses foundational needs for children, exposes misguided parenting trends, reads listener emails, and answers questions about establishing responsibility and resilience in kids. The tone is frank, insightful, and laced with Dr. Laura’s characteristic blend of tough love and humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Foundation of Good Parenting

[02:01 – 06:53]

• Commitment Before Parenthood:

  • Dr. Laura emphasizes the need to provide children with the stability of a married, committed, two-parent household.
  • “Don’t make a baby if you’re not in a committed covenantal marriage… Babies need a mommy and a daddy. Secure, married, stable. That’s the first thing.” (Dr. Laura, 02:10)
  • She challenges listeners: “Can you provide what a child needs?”
  • Uses a vivid analogy: “That’s like saying, ah, if I give you a bullet to the head and you survive it, then a bullet to the head is not so bad.” (02:56)
  • Acknowledges exceptions but insists: Resilience is admirable but not an excuse for risky parenting.
  • Blunt critique of casual or “fantasy land” family planning: “You’re either stupid, lazy, selfish, irresponsible, sloppy in fantasy land, arrogant, whatever, but that’s not in the best interest of a child.” (03:29)

• Parents Must Be the Actual Parents:

  • Warns against making a baby and then outsourcing childcare to nannies or daycare: “To me, that’s cruelty and abandonment.” (04:15)
  • Draws a pointed comparison: Outraged about kids separated at the border, yet “you voluntarily dump your kids in daycare. How’s that for being separated?” (04:20)
  • Advocates for the “loving, attentive, nurturing mommy.”

• Children’s Needs Do Not Change:

  • Argues that core needs for security and nurturing are timeless: “The needs that children have do not change with any era. Since we turned human…the needs never changed.” (05:29)

2. Snowflake Generation and Overprotection

[06:53 – 09:35]

• Caller Email (Sherry, Licensed Clinical Social Worker):

  • “So many parents [are] protecting children from the natural consequences of their behaviors. I also witness parents living out their childhood dreams through their children.” (Read by Dr. Laura, paraphrased 06:53)
  • Dr. Laura endorses this critique: Kids should experience real consequences for their actions to foster resilience.

• Caller Email (Joanie):

  • Joanie, in her 50s, reflects on being an “early snowflake” due to a mother who fixed everything for her.
  • “I loved it as a child…the comfort and security…but this continued into adulthood…in hindsight, this was detrimental to me.” (Joanie’s email, read at 09:39)
  • Now works to avoid overfixing for her son, Derek, letting him struggle and experience consequences.

• The Value of Bumps and Embarrassment:

  • Dr. Laura: “Let them struggle, let them make mistakes, let them even get hurt. You’re constantly guarding, guiding, correcting playtime. Give it a rest.” (11:34)
  • Shares a humorous, memorable story:
    • “Elevator incident” – Derek announces, “Mommy, this makes my penis tickle.” (12:22)
    • Dr. Laura’s response: “I said nothing because he hadn’t done anything wrong…What was I going to say? Next time…don’t say anything? That would have been a stupid thing for me to do.” (12:56)

3. Taking Responsibility and Setting Boundaries

[13:13 – 15:59]

• Never Blame Your Child for Your Emotions:

  • “You don’t say to your kids, why do you make me yell at you? …Can an idiotic move by a little kid really ruin your whole day? Really? …Then you are a snowflake parent.” (Dr. Laura, 13:28)

• Be the Parent—Not the Friend:

  • “Never end a statement to your kid with, okay?...Gives them the impression they get a vote. They don’t get a vote.” (Dr. Laura, 14:17)
  • Parents set the rules. “They have to follow till they’re 18, up and out…then they can make their own rules.” (14:20)

• Teach Accountability:

  • “Another mistake is you tell your child it’s not his or her fault, even when it really is.” (Dr. Laura, 14:44)
  • “What would you like to do to make this better?”—encourages solutions-oriented thinking and accountability. (Dr. Laura, 15:22)
  • Early responsibility is key: “Take responsibility and make it better. That’d be a wonderful thing for kids to learn at an early age.” (15:47)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On foundational parenting:

  • “Let me repeat that. Can you provide what a child needs?” (Dr. Laura, 02:21)

• On daycare vs. family separation at borders:

  • “If you, like me, was upset about children at the border…yet you voluntarily dump your kids in daycare…That hypocrisy just giggles me.” (Dr. Laura, 04:22)

• On embarrassment and parenthood:

  • “[Derek:] ‘Mommy, this makes my penis tickle.’ …There was just giggles throughout the elevator…I didn’t giggle. I was really embarrassed. But I said nothing because he hadn’t done anything wrong.” (12:22 – 13:04)

• On “snowflake” parenting:

  • “Can an idiotic move by a little kid really ruin your whole day? Really? God. Then you are a snowflake parent.” (13:29)

• On rules and boundaries:

  • “Never end a statement to your kid with, okay? …Gives them the impression they get a vote. They don’t get a vote.” (14:17)

• On accountability:

  • “What are you going to do to make this better? That’d be a wonderful thing for kids to learn at an early age.” (15:22–15:47)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment | |------------|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:01–06:53 | The foundation: marriage, stability, and nurturing in parenting | | 06:53–09:35 | Email from a clinical social worker and the “snowflake” problem | | 09:35–13:10 | Email on overprotection, story about embarrassment and letting kids be kids | | 13:13–15:59 | Taking responsibility, avoiding blame, rule-setting, and teaching accountability |

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Summary Takeaways

• Start parenting with a healthy, stable, married partnership.
• Be present and loving—don’t outsource the work of parenting.
• Let children experience consequences, setbacks, and even embarrassment.
• Do not blame children for your emotions and do not ask for their buy-in on basic rules.
• Encourage children to take responsibility for their actions and to repair harm where possible.
• Parenting trends may shift, but children’s emotional needs for security, love, and structure are unchanging.

Dr. Laura’s episode is a candid roadmap for raising resilient, responsible children—and a pointed reminder to modern parents to stop overprotecting, blaming, or outsourcing.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

[e-mail] we're going to talk about parenting mistakes. Oh, you'll see all sorts of lists everywhere. Breastfeeding, not breastfeeding, this, that, the other thing. I just have some basic things to tell you. Like the first one. Don't make a baby if you're not in a committed covenantal marriage. Mom and dad don't be making babies because babies need a mommy and a daddy. Secure, married, stable. That's the first thing. First thing you have to think about when you want to be a parent. Can you provide what a child needs? Needs? Let me repeat that. Can you provide what a child needs? Now saying well, you know, parents die. Sometimes you get knocked up out of wedlock, whatever, you know, kids can turn out okay. That's like saying, ah, if I give you a bullet to the head and you survive it, then a bullet to the head is not so bad.

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To me.

[Dr. Laura]

It's a stupid comment. Many human beings are amazingly resilient, but there's always a price to pay for not having a stable family with a mommy and a daddy married. That's the ultimate best thing for a kid. So one of the parenting mistakes many of you do is to bypass that. Because you're either stupid, lazy, selfish, irresponsible, sloppy in fantasy land, arrogant, whatever, but that's not in the best interest of a child. And yes, some children can survive anything. I remember reading a story of a girl who was homeless. Homeless and made it to Harvard. That's the exception, not the rule. Another mistake in parenting is decide to make a baby but not be a parent. Make a baby and get a nanny, a babysitter, or daycare where the kid is not loved by a mommy all day. To me that's cruelty and abandonment. And as I said before, I'm sure to some people's ire, if you, like me, was upset about children at the border where their parents dragged them across illegally and then have to be arrested. They therefore separated from their kids by their own actions. What can I tell you? Still, I don't like kids being separated from their mommies and daddies. A lot of you went bonkers over that, as I did. Yet you voluntarily dump your kids in daycare. How's that for being separated? Somehow you justify that. That's okay. You gotta be kidding. That hypocrisy just giggles me. It. It just giggles me. So if you're actually not going to raise your kid, don't have one. Because kids need a loving, attentive, nurturing mommy. So we're just talking about what kids need and the needs that children have do not change with any era. Since we turned human, became human homo sapiens, the needs never changed. Okay, moving right along from there, which I think sets the basics. And the third is do your best to choose wisely, treat very kindly so the marriage does not explode and destroy your kid's family. And today I got an email from Sherry, who has a license and something I refer many of you frequently. I'm a licensed clinical social worker. I was listening to callers respond to your question. What did your parents do that contributed to you being a snowflake? I am seeing, she writes, and this is a licensed clinical social worker I am seeing. So many parents protecting children from the natural consequences of their behaviors. I also witness parents living out their childhood dreams through their children.

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[Dr. Laura]

Two More Things not to Do Joanie writes Heard your comment regarding snowflakes and how they melted out of it. I am in my 50s and think that I was absolutely an early on snowflake before it was a known thing. I was an only child. Absolutely loved my childhood. My mom was at home Dr. Laura listening mom type. My dad worked hard to support the family, but where the snowflake part comes in, I realize now was my mom's unfortunate habit of always fixing anything that I needed. I loved it as a child the comfort and security that this provided, but this continued into adulthood. And now as I'm an avid listener of your program and podcast in marriage, of course marriage101.com I see in hindsight how this was detrimental to me. I am now working very hard on fixing the same things in my parenting I use your voice in my head, replaying certain podcasts of yours that hit home and have found a therapist I occasionally see when I feel like I'm going in the wrong direction. Luckily, I call her my local doctor Laura as she follows you too and helps me make better parenting choices. It was a very hard transition. It took time and a lot of beating me over the head by your words, but they did get through. So anything else? Yes, bumps, bruises, scrapes, broken arms. No problem. Let them struggle, Let them make mistakes. Let them even get hurt. You're constantly guarding, guiding, correcting playtime. Give it a rest. My intention with Derek was always if it didn't look like it was going to kill him or somebody else, I let him do it. They learn quickly. Don't go ballistic when you're in public and your kid does something and you're embarrassed. My worst memory, no, my best memory of an embarrassing moment was when I was in a crowded elevator and Derek was about 4 and the elevator was a long trip up or down, I don't remember which way we were going, but the whole elevator was vibrating. So all of a sudden you hear this little voice about 12 adults. This little voice go Mommy, this makes my penis tickle. Not ever having had a penis myself, I didn't know that a vibrating elevator could be a stimulant. But there you are. Well, I was incredibly embarrassed and do you know what I did? Nothing. It's a sweet kid. Just telling the truth. It's not something he did on a daily basis to annoy anybody. And there was just giggles throughout the elevator. Giggles? I didn't giggle. I was really embarrassed. But I said nothing because he hadn't done anything wrong. What was I going to say? Next time you're in elevator and it makes your penis tickle, don't say anything. I mean, really, that would have been a stupid thing for me to do.

[Warby Parker Spokesperson]

Another thing you shouldn't do is blame your kid.

[Dr. Laura]

This happens in marriages, too. Like when a man is violent against his wife. You made me get angry. You made me hit you. What the hell are you talking about?

[Warby Parker Spokesperson]

That's blaming somebody else for your actions.

[Dr. Laura]

You don't want your kids to think that, so you don't say to your kids, why do you make me yell at you? We were having a great day until you acted up. Give it a rest. Is a 2, 3, 4 year old really responsible for you making the choice to get unglued? Come on. Can an idiotic move by a little kid really ruin your whole day? Really? God. Then you are a snowflake parent. Never end a statement to your kid with, okay, so many of you call, but my son, my daughter doesn't agree. I'm sorry. They don't have to agree. They have to follow till they're 18, up and out, earning their own money, taking care of themselves, and then they can make their own rules. Until then, you get to make the rules. Just don't make a lot of stupid rules. But you get to make the rules. You have five more minutes to play. Do not say you have five more minutes to play. Okay? Gives them the impression they get a vote. They don't get a vote. Another mistake you make is you tell your child it's not his or her fault, even when it really is. It was an accident. You see your kid push some other kid. Kid starts crying, you go to your kid and say, it's okay, it's not your fault. What the hell is that? She has to learn the honor. She or he has to learn the honor, the feelings of the person they impacted. So it's a good question. He or she is hurt. They're upset. What would you like to do to make this better? How's that for a good question? They can come up with the answer. Maybe say, I'm sorry. Maybe make a present, whatever. What can you do to make this better? They're sad. They're upset you caused this. What are you going to do to make it better? That be a wonderful thing for kids to learn at an early age. Take responsibility and make it better. The rest of this stuff is a little trivial and you already know it. I just decided to point out the things I thought were essentials. My number 1-800-375-2872.

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